GOALS OF COUNSELING

THE COUNSELOR’S
PERSONALITY AND
TECHNIQUE
 1. SELF-UNDERSTANDING

To understand oneself is often a

first step in healing. Many problems
are self-imposed but the one being
helped may fail to recognize that he
or she has biased perspectives,
harmful attitudes or self-destructive
behavior.
 2. COMMUNICATION

People are unable or unwilling to

communicate. The counselee must learn
how to communicate feelings, thoughts, and
attitudes both accurately and effectively.
Such communication involves the
expression of oneself, and the ability to
receive accurate messages from others.
3. LEARNING AND BEHAVIOR
CHANGE.

Most, if not all, of our behavior is

learned. Counseling, therefore, involves
helping counselees unlearn ineffective
behavior and learn more efficient ways
of acting.
 4. SELF-ACTUALIZATION.
“Self-actualization” is proposed by some
counselors as the goal of all human beings
whether or not they are in counseling.

To the Christian, a term like “Christ-

actualization” might be substituted to indicate
that the goal in life is to be complete in Christ,
developing our greatest potential through the
power of the Holy Spirit who brings us to
spiritual maturity
 5. SUPPORT.
Often people are able to meet each of the
above goals and to function effectively,
except for temporary periods of unusual
stress or crisis.

Such persons can benefit from a period of

support, encouragement, and “burden
bearing” until they are able to remobilize
their personal and spiritual resources to
effectively meet the problems of living.
 6. SPIRITUAL WHOLENESS.

At the heart of pastoral care and

counseling is helping people deal with
their spiritual needs and find spiritual
wholeness
 The Characteristics of Effective
Counselors
1. Warmth. This word implies caring, respecting, or
possessing a sincere, non-smothering concern for the
counselee—regardless of his or her actions or attitudes.
2. Genuineness. The genuine counselor is “for real”— an
open, sincere person who avoids phoniness or the
playing of some superior role.
3. Empathy. What does a counselee think? How does he or
she really feel inside? What are the counselee’s values,
beliefs, inner conflicts and hurts? The good counselor is
continually sensitive to these issues, able to understand
them, and effective in communicating this understanding
(by words or gestures) to the counselee.
 The Techniques of Counseling
Counseling is primarily a relationship in
which one person, the helper, seeks to
assist another human being with the
problems of living.
Unlike casual discussions between
friends, the helping relationship, at least
for professionals, is characterized by a
clear purpose— that of helping the
counselee.
BASIC TECHNIQUES USED IN ANY
HELPING SITUATION.
1. Attending. The counselor must try to give
undivided attention to the counselee. This is
done through
(a) eye contact - looking without staring as a way to
convey concern and understanding;
(b) posture, which should be relaxed rather than
tense, and generally involves leaning toward the
counselee and;
(c) gestures that are natural but not excessive or
distracting.
 The Techniques of Counseling
2. Listening. This involves more than a passive reception of word.
it is an active process.
Effective listening involves:
a) —having sufficient awareness and resolution of one’s own
conflicts to avoid reacting in a way that interferes with the
counselee’s free expression of thoughts and feelings;
b) —avoiding subtle verbal or nonverbal expressions of disdain
or judgment toward the content of the counselee’s story,
even when that content offends the counselor’s sensibilities;
c) —waiting patiently through periods of silence or tears as the
counselee summons up courage to delve into painful material
or pauses to collect his or her thoughts or to regain
composure;
(d) —hearing not only what the counselee says but what
he or she is trying to say and what is left unsaid;
(e)—using both ears and eyes to detect messages which
come from tone of voice, posture, and other nonverbal
clues;
(f) —scanning one’s own reactions to the counselee;
(g) —avoiding looking away from the counselee as he or
she speaks;
(h)—sitting still;
(i) —limiting the number of mental excursions into one’s
own fantasies;
(j)—controlling those feelings toward the counselee that
interfere with an accepting, sympathetic, nonjudgmental
attitude;
3. Responding. It should not be assumed, however, that the counselor does nothing but
listen.

Leading is a skill by which the counselor slightly anticipates

the counselee’s direction of thought and responds in a way
that redirects the conversation. “
Reflecting is a way of letting counselees know that we are
“with them” and can understand their feelings or thinking.
“You must feel.. .,” “I bet that was frustrating,”
Questioning, if done skillfully, can bring forth a great deal of
useful information. The best questions are those which
require at least a sentence or two from the counselee (e.g.,
“Tell me about your marriage”) rather than those which can
be answered in one word
Informing involves giving facts to people
in need of information. This is different
from a counselor sharing opinions or
giving advice.

Interpretation involves explaining to the

counselee what his or her behavior or
other events mean.

Supporting and encouraging

4. Teaching. All of these techniques are really
specialized forms of psychological education
The counselor is an educator, teaching by instruction,
by example, and by guiding the counselee as he or she
learns to cope with the problems of life.
As with other less personal forms of education,
counseling is most effective when the discussions are
specific rather than vague, and focus on concrete
situations (“How can I control my temper when I am
criticized by my wife?”) rather than on nebulous goals (“I
want to be happier”) .
One of the most powerful learning tools is what
psychologists call immediacy responses. This involves the
ability of the counselor and counselee to discuss directly
and openly what is happening in the here-and-now of their
relationship.
 The Process of Counseling
Counseling is not a step-by-step process such
as baking a cake, or changing a tire, or even
preparing a sermon. Each counselee is unique
— with problems, attitudes, values, expectations
and experiences that are unlike any other.
The counselor (whose own problems, attitudes,
values, expectations and experiences are also
brought to the counseling situations) must
approach each individual a little differently and
will discover that the course of counseling will
vary from person to person.
These steps involve;
• building and maintaining a relationship
between counselor and counselee;
• exploring problems to clarify issues and
determine how the problems can be handled;
• deciding on a course of action;
• stimulating the counselee to act;
• evaluating progress and deciding on
subsequent actions; and
• terminating the counseling relationship by
encouraging and guiding the counselee to
launch out without the counselor’s continuing
help
Regardless of how effective the counseling
hour might be, its influence can be undermined
if the counselee leaves the session and forgets
or ignores what has been learned.

To meet this problem, many counselors give

homework assignments—projects which are
designed to strengthen, expand and extend the
process of counseling beyond the counselee’s
time with the counselor.
 Homework in Counseling
Each person has a special way of learning.
Some people learn best through hearing—
listening to the words of others.

Some learn best through seeing—reading

books, watching movies, and looking at
diagrams. Then there are people who learn
best through doing—completing projects, doing
role plays, or acting out their feelings.
Homework assignments enable
people to extend their learning
beyond the counseling sessions and
permit seeing and doing in addition to
hearing.
Five types of homework task agreements
have been used most often:
Testing.
This includes questionnaires, sentence
completion forms, standardized tests, and
writing assignments (such as preparing a
brief biography, listing life goals, making a list
of what one likes and dislikes about a job,
and so on). These written responses are then
taken back to the counselor where they are
discussed.
2. Discussion and Study Guides.
These sometimes appear in the appendixes of
books but entire volumes have been devoted to
guiding home study or small group discussion.
Sometimes this study takes place
independently of any counseling. Sometimes the
study is a task agreement to be completed
between counseling sessions and discussed
subsequently in counseling.
3. Behavior Assignments.
Counselees sometimes are encouraged to
change their actions in some small but
important ways between counseling sessions.
Saying “thank you,” giving periodic
compliments, not complaining about some
annoying practice of one’s mate, getting to
work on time, reading the Bible for ten minutes
daily—these are the kinds of behavior change
suggestions which counselors give and then
discuss with counselees.
4. Reading.
Books and articles often contain helpful information
which can supplement the counseling sessions. There
is always the danger that counselees will misinterpret
what has been written or that something will be pulled
out of context.
Few counselors have time to screen all potentially
relevant books and it will be difficult to find written
materials with which the counselor agrees totally. In
spite of these limitations, articles and books can be a
helpful adjunct to counseling, especially if the reading
is discussed subsequently with the counselee.
5. Recordings.
Music therapy—the use of music to help
people with their problems—is at least as
old as the soothing melodies that David
played to calm the troubled King Saul.
Many people today relax by turning on the
stereo after a busy day of work.
 The Counselor and Counseling
The Counselor’s Motivation.
Why do you want to counsel?

A sincere desire to help people grow is a

valid reason for becoming a counselor, but
there are other reasons which motivate
counselors and which interfere with their
counseling effectiveness.
COUNSELOR’S MOTIVATION
1. Curiosity— The Need for Information
2. The Need for Relationships
3. The Need for Power
4. The Need to Rescue.
THE COUNSELORS EFFECTIVENESS

Is it possible for every Christian to be

an effective counselor or is
counseling a gift which is reserved
for selected members in the body of
Christ?
 THE COUNSELOR’S ROLE
Counseling,
especially pastoral counseling, sometimes
becomes ineffective because the
counselor does not have a clear picture of
his or her role and responsibilities
 THE COUNSELOR’S ROLE
1. Visiting Instead of Counseling
2. Being Hasty Instead of Deliberate
3. Being Disrespectful Instead of Sympathetic.
4. Being Judgmental Instead of Unbiased
5. Overloading the Session Instead of Pacing the
Counseling
6. Being Directive Instead of Interpretive
7. Being Emotionally Involved Instead of Remaining
Objective
8. Being Defensive Instead of Empath
 THE COUNSELOR’S
VULNERABILITY
There are at least two major ways in
which people frustrate the counselor
and increase his or her vulnerability.
1. Manipulation
2. Resistance.
THE COUNSELOR'S SEXUALITY
1. Spiritual Protection - Meditation on the Word
of God, prayer (including the intercession of
others) and reliance on the Holy Spirit to
protect us are all crucially important
2. Awareness of Danger Signal
3. Limit Setting.
4. Examining Attitudes.
(a)Social Consequences.
(b)Professional Image.
(c)Theological Truth.
THE COUNSELOR'S SEXUALITY

5. Support Group Protection.