ANGER MANAGEMENT

Why are we here?

Understand the roots of anger

Receive support, ideas and feedback from each other

Learn skills to deal with/manage anger

Therefore improving interpersonal relationships

Understanding Anger
What anger is:
Anger is ________________ ?
There are lots of words to describe anger.
What are some of the words you use to express the
range of your angry feelings?
“Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry
with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time,
for the right purpose and in the right way – that is not
easy.”

Aristotle (384-322 BC)

ABC’s of Anger
A : Antecedent or Anger Trigger
What stimulated the anger response
B : Behavior
Reaction provoked by anger
C : Consequence
What happened as a result of controlling or not controlling
one’s anger.
 Triggers of Anger
External
Specific person (Classmate, Friends, co-workers or
supervisor)
Event (traffic jam, canceled concert or flight, talking
trash about your family, etc)

Internal
Worrying about personal problems
Memories of traumatic events
Myths About Anger

1. Anger is Inherited
2. Anger automatically leads to aggression
3. People must be aggressive to get what they want
4. Suppressing anger is always desirable
 Anger
Anger

fear Unappreciated Frustration

Rejection Hurt Disappointment

Humiliation Embarrassment
 Hidden Heart Activity :-

• Small Balloon is your heart.

• On a paper write your pain, hurt.
• Put that small balloon in to big balloon.
• blow up the large balloon and tie it shut.
• write on the outside of the balloon how you present yourself to others on the
outside
Discussion Prompts
1.  How are you affected by the feelings and emotions that you
keep inside of you?

2.  What things inside of you makes you feel angry?

3.  How can your life change if you get rid of the negative things
and leave only the positive in your heart?

4.  How can you get rid of the negative things in your life?

5.  Do you trust anyone with your heart? Why or why not?

6.  How can it help you to find someone to trust with your
feelings and emotions?
Physiological and Biological Changes

“Fight or flight” reaction (a natural, adaptive response to threat):

Increase in blood pressure and heart rate
Increase in energy hormones
 Identifying Anger Cues
How anger feels:

 Muscles tension
 Accelerated heartbeat
 “Knot” in the stomach or throat
 Changes in breathing
 Trembling or shaking
 Goose bumps
 Flushed face
 Changes in facial expression (eye brows, frowning, nostrils, etc)
Anger is natural
Anger occurs naturally and cannot be avoided.
Find control techniques rather than anger
elimination.
Anger Becomes a Problem When:
Felt too intensely
Felt too frequently
Expressed inappropriately
Words, gestures, contact.
Results in negative consequences
Assault, arrest, losing loved ones, termination from
college/work.
Results in negative self confidence
Guilt, shame, regret.
Differences between Anger & Aggression

Anger = Feeling
Aggression = Action
Anger is an emotion. It is ok to be angry.
Aggression is acting out inappropriately and is not ok.

 Learn to check your aggression and express your anger

appropriately.
Session 4
Anger Management Worksheets
Questions About Your Anger
1. How do you know when you are angry?
2. Where in your body do you feel anger? List your
physical signs of being angry.
3. What is the first sign of anger you notice? List your
early warning signs that tell you when you are starting
to become angry.
4. What makes you angry? List all the things you can
think of... all the way from small annoyances to big
problems.
Anger Management Worksheets
How You Handle Anger
1. How do you usually react when you feel angry?
2. Think about the last time you reacted in an
unhealthy or negative way to anger. What happened
right before you got angry?
3. How did you react?
4. How did you feel after you reacted?
5. What could you have done instead?
6. What would happen if you were to react in a more
positive way?
Exercise

List three things you might reasonably want to do but

can’t.
List three things you don’t want to do but have to do
anyway.
Dealing With My Anger

Express it
Suppress it
Clam yourself
 ANGER MANAGEMENT
A systematic method of cognitively recognizing anger and
managing its effects

Anger management does not involve getting rid of all

anger, but using anger to enhance your life.

We can look at the purposes of anger in both positive

and negative light.
 ANGER MANAGEMENT
The positive aspects of anger are that you have increased
energy, are able to communicate your feelings, able to
problem solve and can take charge of the situation.

The negative aspects of anger are that you can have

disruption of your thinking, unnecessarily defend
yourself, become aggressive and become known as an
angry person.
 ANGER MANAGEMENT

Anger management would be seen then as increasing

the positive aspects or functions of anger and
decreasing the negative functions of anger.
Steps to Anger Management
Identify personal signals of anger
Identify self-talk techniques
Learn problem-solving skills
Learn relaxation skills
Anger Management
Anger Intensifying • Cooling Off Habits
 Yelling
– Abdominal Breathing
 Sulking
– Count to Ten
 Pouting
– Non-Competitive Exercise
 Hitting
– Distraction
 Other Violence
– Humor
 Competitive Games – Empathy for Other Person
 Accusations
 Arguing
 Techniques to Avoid
Raising your voice
Yelling
Saying “I’m the boss”
Insisting on have the last
word
Using tense body
language
Making comparisons
Using degrading, insulting,
humiliating put downs
Using Sarcasm
Bringing up unrelated
events
Holding a grudge
Nagging
ANGER MANAGEMENT
HOW DO I DO IT?
ANGER MANAGEMENT
 Skills needed in dealing with your anger:

1. Identify a range of feelings including anger

2. Identify aggressive acts by self and others
3. Identify the potential consequences to self and others from
these aggressive acts
4. Identify self-destructive behavior
5. Identify thoughts prior to aggressive acts
6. Identify internal cues to feelings of anger
7. Develop coping mechanisms for dealing with anger
8. Express anger without loss of control
ANGER MANAGEMENT
Identify a range of Embarrassment
Excitement
feelings including
Disappointment
anger: Jealousy
Fear
Helpless
Sadness
Left-out
 ANGER
MANAGEMENT
 I am in charge of my own feelings:

1. I own my feelings.
2. It is okay to feel angry.
3. Anger is part of being human.
4. I learn how to express my anger
in helpful ways.
ANGER MANAGEMENT
Identify aggressive Throw something
Kick someone or something
acts shown by self Get in someone’s face
and others: Shoving, grabbing, hitting
Break something
Call someone names
Give someone a dirty look
Silent treatment
Get others to “gang up”
Spread rumors
 ANGER
MANAGEMENT
I choose to feel good about myself
through expressing my feelings.

1. I express angry feelings in ways that are

fair to others and me.
2. I use fair words…e.g.
“I feel when you”
ANGER
MANAGEMENT
The more I learn to take care of
my anger the more powerful I
become.

1. I need to control what I do with

my anger.
2. I control how I let my anger out.
3. I practice cooling off.
4. I watch my thoughts.
ANGER MANAGEMENT
Identify potential Physical harm to someone or
self
consequences of Destruction of property
your anger to others Loss of family/friends
and yourself…what Loss of job
can that mean for Loss of social privileges
you? Going to jail
Getting a bad reputation
ANGER MANAGEMENT
Identify self- Negative self-talk
destructive Blaming everyone else
Taking everything
behavior…How personally
does that help or Assuming
hurt you? Overeating, drinking
Driving recklessly
Taking drugs
Looking for fights
 ANGER
MANAGEMENT
 I stop blaming
others and myself.
1. Blaming only keeps
people upset.
2. Blaming is a way of not
respecting people.
3. I express my feelings and
then try to work things
out.
ANGER MANAGEMENT
Identify thoughts prior You did that on purpose…
to aggressive acts: You wanted to hurt me…
You deserve this…
You never even asked me…
You’re being unreasonable…
You think you’re so good…
I’ll show you…
You started it…
ANGER MANAGEMENT
Identify internal Stomach gets tight/upset
Heart is beating faster
cues to feelings of
Clenching fists
anger: Feel myself getting flushed
Sweaty palms
Clenched jaw
 ANGER
MANAGEMENT
 I don’t have to hold on to my
anger.
1. I find ways to let it go
2. I talk about hurt and angry
feelings.
3. I look for someone to discuss my
anger.
4. I discuss my words and actions
that hurt others.
 ANGER
MANAGEMENT
 I take power.
1. I stand up for myself and
others being hurt.
2. I learn to defeat negative
self-talk.
3. I feel good about learning
about myself.
4. I am strong when I use fair
and firm words instead of
fists.
 ANGER
MANAGEMENT
 I remember that
people are precious.
1. I watch my thoughts, words,
and actions.
2. I stop hurting people with my
words and actions.
3. I take ownership of the
hurtful things I do and say.
4. “Bullying” hurts everyone.
Practical Tools
The Anger Meter
* Explosion * Loss of Control
10.
* Violence *Negative Consequences
* Aggression * YOU LOSE!
9.
8.
7.
6.
5.
4. • You have a choice
3.
2.
1.
• Anger Control Plan to Avoid “10”
Anger Management Plan
Event: What happened, Degree on Meter
Cues: Ways it effected me
Strategies: What can I do?
Anger Management & Developing a Plan

Talk with a supportive friend

Time out (involves others – “contracts”)
Exercise
Explore feelings beneath the anger
Relaxation Breathing
 Ways to Keep Cool:

1. Get exercise every day.

2. Eat right.
3. Get enough sleep.
4. Learn to relax.
5. Know your feelings.
6. Write about those feelings.
7. Find a quiet place.
8. Take a time out.
9. Find fun distractions.
10. Make good decisions about what you see and hear.
11. Choose friends who make you feel good.
12. Learn to forgive and forget.
 Some Other Tips
Don’t take yourself to seriously. Not every disappointment is a
tragedy.
Change your environment.
Timing is important.
Avoid anger triggers.
Find alternatives to anger-provoking events
ANGER MANAGEMENT- SUMMARY

 Calm down
 Show mutual respect
 Name the problem
 Find solutions
 Choose the best solution
 Congratulate yourself
 Review the solution that was
picked