Styles of Communication

Styles of Communication
There are four basic styles of Communication:
i. Passive
ii. Aggressive
iii. Passive-Aggressive
iv. Assertive
 Passive Communication
• Passive communication puts the respect for the
rights and needs of others above your own.
• Passive communication means that you tend to
keep your thoughts and opinions to yourself.
• You may not say anything when something
bothers you.
• You may have difficulty identifying and saying
what you need or want.
What Passive Communicator does?
Passive communicators will often:
1. Fail to assert for themselves.
2. Allow others to deliberately or inadvertently
infringe on their rights.
3. Fail to express their feelings, needs, or opinions.
4. Tend to speak softly or apologetically.
5. Exhibit poor eye contact and slumped body
posture.
 Impact of Passive Communication
The impact of a pattern of passive
communication is that these individuals:
1. Often feel anxious because life seems out of their control.
2. Often feel depressed because they feel stuck and
hopeless.
3. Often feel resentful (but are unaware of it) because their
needs are not being met.
4. Often feel confused because they ignore their own
feelings.
5. Are unable to mature because real issues are never
addressed.
What Passive Communicator Says or Thinks?

A passive communicator will say, believe, or

behave like:
1. “I’m unable to stand up for my rights.”
2. “I don’t know what my rights are.”
3. “I get stepped on by everyone.“
4. “I’m weak and unable to take care of myself.”
5. “People never consider my feelings.”
 Aggressive Communication
• At the other extreme is aggressive
communication.
• Aggressive communication
puts your rights above those of the listener.
• It means you tend to focus on “getting your
way” or “having your say” rather than
respecting the concerns of the other person or
helping them to understand your concerns.
What an Aggressive Communicator does?

Aggressive communicators will often:

1. try to dominate others
2. use humiliation to control others
3. criticize, blame, or attack others
4. be very impulsive
5. have low frustration tolerance
6. speak in a loud, demanding, and overbearing voice
7. act threateningly and rudely
8. not listen well
9. interrupt frequently
10.use “you” statements
11.have an overbearing or intimidating posture
 Impact of Aggressive Communication

The impact of a pattern of aggressive

communication is that these individuals:
1. become alienated from others
2. alienate others
3. generate fear and hatred in others
4. always blame others instead of owning their
issues, and thus are unable to mature
 What an Aggressive Communicator Says or
Thinks
The aggressive communicator will say, believe, or behave like:
1. “I’m superior and right and you’re inferior and wrong.”
2. “I’m loud, bossy and pushy.”
3. “I can dominate and intimidate you.”
4. “I can violate your rights.”
5. “I’ll get my way no matter what.”
6. “You’re not worth anything.”
7. “It’s all your fault.”
8. “I react instantly.”
9. “I’m entitled.”
10.“You owe me.”
11.“I own you.”
Passive-aggressive Communication 
• Passive-aggressive communication is sometimes used when
a person is angry and wants to be aggressive but also
wants to avoid direct confrontation.
• This means you do something that will cause irritation in
the other person, but in a way that leaves a plausible
(reasonable) excuse.
• Common examples are being late and making people wait, not
following through on things you promise to do, and so on.
• This type of communication can be particularly destructive
because it aggravates the other person, while also shutting down
the avenues towards resolution.
• Neither your needs nor the needs of the other party are
respected when communicating in a passive-aggressive manner.
 What Passive-aggressive Communicator
does?
1. mutter to themselves rather than confront the
person or issue.
2. have difficulty acknowledging their anger.
3. use facial expressions that don't match how they feel
- i.e., smiling when angry
4. use sarcasm
5. deny there is a problem
6. appear cooperative while purposely doing things to
annoy and disrupt
7. use subtle sabotage (A deliberate act of destruction)
to get even
Impact of Passive-aggressive Communication

The impact of a pattern of passive-aggressive

communication is that these individuals:
1. become alienated from those around them.
2. remain stuck in a position of powerlessness
(like POWs)
3. discharge resentment while real issues are
never addressed so they can't mature
What Passive-aggressive Communicator Says
and Thinks?
The passive-aggressive communicator will say,
believe, or behave like:
1. “I’m weak and resentful, so I sabotage,
frustrate, and disrupt.”
2. “I’m powerless to deal with you head on so I
must use guerilla warfare.”
3. “I will appear cooperative but I’m not.”
 Assertive Communication
• A more balanced and adaptive way of
communicating involves being assertive.
• Assertive communication balances respect for
both yourself and the listener, and considers both
your needs and the needs of the other person.
• Assertive communication allows you to express
your needs or wants, but acknowledges that the
other person’s needs or wants may be different.
 What Assertive Communicators does?
Assertive communicators will:
1. state needs and wants clearly, appropriately, and respectfully
2. express feelings clearly, appropriately, and respectfully
3. use “I” statements
4. communicate respect for others
5. listen well without interrupting
6. feel in control of self
7. have good eye contact
8. speak in a calm and clear tone of voice
9. have a relaxed body posture
10. feel connected to others
11.feel competent and in control
12.not allow others to abuse or manipulate them
13.stand up for their rights
 Impact of Assertive Communication
The impact of a pattern of assertive
communication is that these individuals:
1. feel connected to others
2. feel in control of their lives
3. are able to mature because they address issues
and problems as they arise
4. create a respectful environment for others to
grow and mature
 What an Assertive Communicator Says or
Thinks?
The assertive communicator will say, believe, or behave in a way that
says:
1. “We are equally entitled to express ourselves respectfully to one
another.”
2. “I am confident about who I am.”
3. “I realize I have choices in my life and I consider my options.”
4. “I speak clearly, honestly, and to the point.”
5. “I can’t control others but I can control myself.”
6. “I place a high priority on having my rights respected.”
7. “I am responsible for getting my needs met in a respectful
manner.”
8. “I respect the rights of others.”
9. “Nobody owes me anything unless they’ve agreed to give it to
Books Referred
• The Stress and Mood Management Program
for Individuals with Multiple Sclerosis
David C. Mohr

• Life Coach Handbook

Kevin William Grant