4 Types of Communication Styles

There are 4 types of communication and every person has a unique

communication style used in their daily lives.

There are four basic communication styles: passive, aggressive, passive-

aggressive and assertive.

Let's break these styles for us to understand each one of the better.

Passive

Passive Communication is a style in which individuals have developed a pattern

of

avoiding expressing their opinions or feelings, protecting their rights, and

identifying and

meeting their needs. Individuals who use the passive communication style often
act

indifferently, yielding to others. They either keep their opinions to themselves or try
to make it seem as if they support every piece of input in the discussion.

When speaking, passive communicators will display insecure nonverbal

communication cues by not making eye contact, slouching their shoulders, or
shrugging when people ask them for some input.

A passive communicator will say, believe, or behave like:

• “I’m unable to stand up for my rights.”

• “They aren't listening. I feel lost and weak.”

• “I always get denied by people."

• “I’m weak and I can't stand for myself.”

• “People barely consider my feelings”

• “It really doesn’t matter that much”

Aggressive

Aggressive communication is on the completely opposite end of the spectrum.

It’s often

apparent when someone communicates in an aggressive manner. You’ll hear it.

You’ll see

it. You may even feel it. individuals express their feelings and opinions and
advocate for

their needs in a way that violates the rights of others. Thus, aggressive
communicators are

verbally and/or physically abusive. Aggressive communicators openly express

their

opinions without hesitation, often in a loud and controlling voice.

While voicing feelings and opinions makes for effective communication, this is not
the

case for aggressive communication. This particular style includes expressing

viewpoints

and opinions in an abusive way that violates the rights of others.

Aggressive communicators will often:

• try to dominate others

• use humiliation to control others

• criticize, blame, or attack others

• be very impulsive

• have low frustration tolerance

• speak in a loud, demanding

Examples of phrases that an aggressive communicator would use include:

• “I’m right and you’re wrong.”

• “I’ll get my way no matter what.”

• “It’s all your fault.”

• “You own me”

• “I own you”

Passive-aggressive

The passive-aggressive communication style brings both of those styles together

for

another form of ineffective communication. This style is used when people speak
as if

they don’t care about something (passive), but in a way that is indirectly angry

(aggressive). People who develop a pattern of passive-aggressive

communication usually

feel powerless, stuck, and resentful – in other words, they feel incapable of dealing

directly with the object of their resentments.

Passive-aggressive communicators will sometimes mutter comments to
themselves while

in the presence of other people as if they didn’t want others to hear it. A lot of
passiveaggressive communicators will also refuse to confront others about
something that is

bothering them. When people are using this style, they might give someone the
silent

treatment or talk about the issue with someone who isn’t apart of it to avoid the
situation

altogether.

Passive-Aggressive communicators will often:

• mutter to themselves rather than confront the person or issue

• have difficulty acknowledging their anger

• use facial expressions that don't match how they feel - i.e., smiling when angry

• use sarcasm

• deny there is a problem

The passive-aggressive communicator will say, believe, or behave like:

• “I’m weak and resentful, so I sabotage, frustrate, and disrupt.”

• “I’m powerless to deal with you head on so I must use guerilla warfare.”

• “I will appear cooperative but I’m not.”

• “That’s fine with me, but don’t be surprised if someone else gets mad.”

• “Sure, we can do things your way” (then mutters to self that “your way” is
stupid).”
3

Assertive

Of all the communication styles, the assertive version is thought to be the most
effective.

Assertive communicators express their thoughts in a polite manner that is

considerate of

other people’s opinions. They respect all values, thoughts, and ideas, and speak
in a calm

voice while making non-threatening eye contact. Assertive communicators can

express

their own needs, desires, ideas and feelings, while also considering the needs of
others.

Assertive communicators aim for both sides to win in a situation, balancing one’s
rights

with the rights of others.

One of the keys to assertive communication is using “I” statements, such as “I feel

frustrated when you are late for a meeting,” or, “I don’t like having to explain this
over

and over.” It indicates ownership of feelings and behaviors without blaming the
other

person.

Assertive communicators will:

• state needs and wants clearly, appropriately, and respectfully

• express feelings clearly, appropriately, and respectfully

• use “I” statements

• communicate respect for others

• listen well without interrupting

The assertive communicator will say, believe, or behave in a way that says:

• “We are equally entitled to express ourselves respectfully to one another.”

• “I am confident about who I am.”

• “I realize I have choices in my life and I consider my options.”

• “I speak clearly, honestly, and to the point.”

• “I can’t control others but I can control myself.”