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Questions
Mindfulness Activity
Observe
Lesson 11

Balancing Options and Intensity of

Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills
(DeCano & Cook, 2015)
 Summary of the Previous Lesson

• There are 3 Interpersonal Effectiveness skills for helping

us with relationships

• Objective Effectiveness – DEAR MAN

• Relationship Effectiveness – GIVE

• Self-Respect Effectiveness - FAST

• Determining what Interpersonal skill to use – rank

priorities of what you want
 Learning Objectives

 After completing this lesson, you will be able to:

 More effectively decide when and how strongly to use each

of the interpersonal effectiveness skills

 Understand the factors that increase or decrease the

likelihood of your interpersonal effectiveness skill working
as you hope
 Lesson 11: Glossary Terms

Balancing Options and Intensity for Interpersonal Effectiveness

Whether it is appropriate to ask for something or to
Options say “no” to something right now.

How strongly to ask for something or say “no” to an

interpersonal situation right now.
Intensity
 Participation Week 11

• What do you think you can do to increase

the likelihood someone will do a DEAR
MAN?
 Interpersonal Effectiveness Skill Review

Skill DEAR MAN GIVE FAST

Purpose Objectives Relationship Self-Respect
Effectiveness Effectiveness Effectiveness
Steps D – Describe G – be Gentle F – be Fair
E – Express I – act Interested A – no Apologies
A – Assert V – Validate S – Stick to values
R – Reinforce E – Easy manner T – be Truthful

M – Mindfully
A – Appear
confident
N – Negotiate
 Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills:
 Lesson 29: Evaluating
Evaluating Options
your & Determining Intensity
Options

Options Intensity
How strongly to use the skill?

2 basic components before using DEAR

MAN, GIVE, & FAST

1. Deciding whether or not it is appropriate to ask

for something or to say “no” to something right
now

2. Deciding on the intensity of how strongly to ask

for or say “no” in the interpersonal situation
right now.
10 Factors to consider in making a request
 10 Factors to consider in making a request

Do not reproduce or distribute without written permission from James J. Mazza © Mazza Consulting, 2018
10 Factors to consider in making a request
 Summary of this Lesson
• Discussed the components that are part of the IE skills
• Talked about the need to prioritize the IE goal and that
options of timing and who you are asking are important
• Intensity is the component of how strongly to ask or to
say ”no”
• There are 10 criteria to go through to help us assess the
level of intensity to use. Keep in mind that its not a
perfect formula – thus we make a wise minded
adjustment of plus/minus 1.
• Keep in mind – using your best IE skills does not
guarantee you that you will get what you want or
accomplish your goal – it does increase your chances
 Participation Week 11

• What are you going to change about how

you ask people for things after this week
and last week’s lessons?
Mindfulness Activity

Observe:
Mindful Walking
Practice Considering the Factors
Group Discussion

 Now that you’ve practiced considering the factors when making a

request, discuss the following questions:

 Does this change how you would go about your request?

 Which of these factors did you consider before this lesson? Which
ones had you not thought of?

 How will knowing about these factors change how you go about
asking for things in the future?
 Role Play
Interpersonal Effectiveness
1. Brainstorm different types of arguments or conflicts you might have
with a friend, family member, or significant other
• Remember - Identify your primary objective in the argument

2. Share scenarios and each group member picks one

3. Role play the scenarios (each person gets a turn)

4. Come back together as a group and share

• What was your primary objective?
• Did you use other interpersonal effectiveness skills? Why or why not?
• Which parts of the skills felt natural? Which parts felt harder?
• What factors would increase or decrease the likelihood of your IE skill
working?