Encounter:

COMMON MISTAKES THAT

SINGLES MAKE
By: Mary S. Whelchel
Who is a Single?

- a person (man or woman)who is not married;

- whether in a relationship or not in relationship;
- who old enough to understand what boyfriend
and girlfriend relationship is.
Common Mistakes
in Our Attitudes Toward Marriage
We think marriage is the only normal lifestyle
and that it will solve our problems.
- Single people frequently view their single status as big
waiting room, waiting for Mr. & Mrs. Right to come and
rescue them from a fate more than death – being single.
- There reasons for this common attitude,
“our society is built for twos”
Marriage is..
- presented by God as an illustration of our relationship
as the redeemed church with Christ. It helps is
understand the incredible oneness a believer has with
Jesus, and it gives as model of the intimacy we can have
with our Lord.

- to propagate the race by bearing children;

marriage produces families, which are the
most intimate of support groups.
The key thing we need to understand is that
God has not advocated one lifestyle – marriage
– as the number 1, normal way to live, and the
other lifestyle – singleness – as second-best for
those who missed the marriage boat for some
reason or another.
Common Mistakes
in Our Attitudes Toward Marriage
We become consumed with our desire to be
married.
- When we think marriage as an essential, we start to
make an idol out of it. It becomes more important to us
than anything else.
- Any desire, even a legitimate one, can
become an idol.
Seeking God first means he is the number one in your
thinking, in your planning, in your priorities, in your
desires. If you seek the kingdom of God, you will not be
consumed with the desire to be married – or any other
desire, for that matter.

“I did not say you would lose the desire to

be married, but rather that you would no
longer be consumed by it.”
Solution!
Regular, consistent time = Desire under control
with God of God’s Spirit

Lack of consistent communion = Desire consume us

And fellowship with God
The happy medium here is to recognize these
normal desires (desire for companionship),
accept them, and understand them, BUT NOT
ALLOW them to control you. Be willing to
allow God to direct your life in either
direction – married or single. That’s turning
the controls over to God without an agenda.
Common Mistakes
in Relating to the Opposite Gender
We misinterpret the attentions of the opposite
gender.
- Many singles overreact to any attention from someone
of the opposite gender, especially if that someone is
attractive to them

“Both are on the guard,

worried about SIGNALS”
Make a slight change, “When in doubt,
don’t” and tell yourself, “When in doubt,
forget it.”

The key is stop thinking about it. Don’t

discuss your interpretations of his or her
attentions with your friends; don’t allow your
mind to dwell on them. Control your reaction
at the thought level.
Common Mistake
in Relating to the Opposite Gender
We put up with too much in a relationship and
hang on too long.

- Admit you have an emotional dependency you’re

calling love – or even admit that you really love the
person if you think you do – but acknowledge that it’s a
wrong relationship and get out.
 “Something is wrong with
your relationship with Jesus
Christ if you feel powerless
to break another relationship
that you know should be
broken.”
Common Mistakes
in Relating to the Opposite Gender
We’re not always very good at reading danger
signals in a relationship

- Emotions and feelings have zero IQ. You cannot trust

your emotions. Those juices get flowing, those romantic
notions start whirling around in your head, and you can
lose perspective in an instant.
 Common Mistakes
in Relating to the Opposite Gender

We get physically involved much too soon and go

too far.
- It is not uncommon for two Christian singles to find
themselves overcome by their physical desires and
going too far.

“It takes discipline to go the extra

mile in keeping the physical
contact down to a minimum. You
cannot trust the chemistry of
your body.”
Watch where you
put your hands!!!
Common Mistakes
in Relating to the Opposite Gender

We think anything is better than being alone.

- While it is true that we have basic needs for

companionship, it’s not true that aloneness is the worst
condition in the wholeworld.

“Loneliness is an attitude,
aloneness is a circumstance”
Common Mistakes
Women Make in Relationships with Men

We panic over the scarcity of Christian

men.
- Here’s a verse that every single woman wishes were
her life verse:
“Be merciful to me, O God, for men
hotly pursue me; all day long they
press their attack.” Ps. 56:1
- However, the single’s version would read” “Be merciful
to me, O God, and let men hotly pursue me!”
There’s no question that we have this
urge to find a life-long relationship.
It’s born in us. But here’s a verse we
single women should memorize:

“Many a man claims to have unfailing

love, but a faithful man who can
find?” Prov. 20:6
Common Mistakes
Women Make in Relationships with Men

We think and talk too much about

men.
- The first and frequently only topic of conversation
seems to be men. We women perpetuate this type of
attitude because we allow ourselves to think about men
too much and we talk with each other about them too
much.
- Obsessiveness that is altogether too evident in our “girl
talk” – and of course, in our “girl thinking” as well.
Start listening to your female conversations a
little more carefully. Try to steer them away
from the topic of men. Not only will you find
it refreshing to talk about something else,
but you’ll also be changing your thinking.
Common Mistakes
Women Make in Relationships with Men

We run on our emotions too often.

- It is part of woman’s nature to be nurturing, tender
hearted caring, and – yes – emotional. As a result, we
women feel things more deeply and make decisions and
choices quite regularly based on how we feel. We find
difficulty separating our feeling from our rational
thought pattern.
“Pray that God will give you
open eyes and open ears and
that you will not be deluded
by your feelings. Carefully
guard yourself against poor
choices based on feelings”
Common Mistakes
Men Make in Relationships with Women

Men are too visually oriented.

- It seems to be a physiological fact that men respond to
visual stimuli much more than women do, and women
respond to verbal stimuli more that men do.
 “It might be a good idea to
check out the motivations
behind your desire for the girl
who meets your visual
requirements. They could be
quite sinful and/or
inappropriate”
Common Mistakes
Men Make in Relationships with Women

Men are frightened of a lifetime commitment.

- Many men are reluctant and fearful of the idea of
making a lifetime decision about a relationship.
Reasons:
1. Fear of failure;
2. Fear of the responsibilities
of marriage;
3. Men want to keep their
options open.
Common Mistakes
In Dating
Defined:
- Ideally, dating would be a way for two people to
discover of they are compatible, what they have in
common, to enjoy activities together, and to develop a
deeper friendship that could lead to commitment.
- This social practice began to evolve,
we’ve seen it go from an opportunity
to be alone with each other, to
opportunities for heavy petting, and
now by many it is understood to be an
open door for sexual relationship.
Common Mistakes
In Dating

We start dating too early.

- There is no question that teen years are rife with
change, emotions, hormones, insecurity – all kinds of
difficult things. An din these years we become
vulnerable to other’s opinions, to rejection, to peer
pressure, etc.
“A wise person should consider
WAITING to even consider
one-on-one relationships”
Common Mistakes
In Dating

Dating becomes a game to be played.

- To many people approach dating as a game; a
conquest. A conquest to show your attractiveness to the
opposite gender, to make you feel better about yourself.
Common Mistakes
In Dating

Dating is often an easy opening to physical

familiarity.
- Many people date to satisfy their lustful desire or drive
with no thought of the consequences.
 Have a new attitude
toward dating!

Don’t put yourself in situations where you can be

tempted for intimate physical relations. You are not in
control of your hormones at this point. Don’t trust
them.

Seriously consider your attitude toward dating, and

make changes as God directs you to.
- The End -