Mpu 3322 - 02

• Choosing a life partner MPU 3322
• The marriage FAMILY INSTITUTION

• Marital roles
• Creating a long lasting
marriage
• Good parenting strategies
CHAPTER 2
• The dissolution of marriage
CHOOSING A LIFE PARTNER
FAMILY PREPARED BY:
INSTITUTION AZURA MD NOR

Center for General Studies
2015
CHAPTER 2: Choosing a Life Partner
Course Contents
TOPIC
TABLE OF CONTENTS
1.0 Introduction
2.1 Selection of a life partner
2.2 Arranged marriages and love marriages
2.3 Marriage restrictions according to Islamic and universal perspectives and
values
2.4 Issues
 Problems in choosing a life partner
 Same sex marriage: their demands for rights. (Gay/lesbian-
LGBT)
 Sexual involvement before marriage
 Pregnancy before marriage Establishing paternity of the child
born out of wedlock
 Cross culture marriage
Slide 2 of 31
Learning Outcomes
TOPIC
In the end of the chapter, students should be able to:

 To identify the different between arranged marriages and
love marriages
 Explain the restriction based on Islamic and universal and
perspectives and values
 Identify the characteristics of life partner
 Apply the filtering theory of mate selection
Slide 3 of 31
BACK
2.0 Introduction
TOPIC
INTRODUCTION
The process of choosing the person that you are married to from a
group of people , usually according to a
system/religion/belief/custom – social status , economic
SIXTY YEARS AGO if you were of marrying age, you’d most likely
select someone based on
 how your parents felt about it,
 how healthy the person appeared to be,
 how good/moral their Character appeared to be and
 how stable their economic resources appeared to be.
Slide 4 of 31
BACK
2.0 Introduction
TOPIC
INTRODUCTION
TODAY we search for soul mates.

Look around you in the classroom.
How many potential mates are sitting there?
In other words, how many single females or males are there in the
same classroom?
How many would you be attracted to as a date
How many Can you tell just by watching them that you’d probably never
date?
These are the types of questions and answers we consider when we
study dating and mate selection.
Slide 5 of 31
BACK
TOPIC
Selection of a life partner
In theory we have the freedom of choice as to who we choose as our partner.

In reality, our choices are limited by;
Where we live
The people we know
Socio-economic background
Other influences that may not be as obvious.
Slide 6 of 31
BACK
TOPIC
2.1.1 Theory of Mate Selection
Most of the marriages today are

based on their own choice 1 Social Homogamy
Sociologist THEORY OF
MATE SELECTION
Normally, the individual choose a Heterogomy/Complimentary
2 Needs Theory
partner because of the feeling of
love.
3 Ideal Mate Theory
However the selection of partner

before marriage are influenced by 4 Social Exchange Theory
many factors
5 Propinquity Theory
Sociologists explain many
relationships based on theories.
6 Kufu / Equality Theory
Slide 7 of 31
BACK
TOPIC
1 SOCIAL HOMOGAMY
SOCIAL HOMOGAMY :
Homogamy from a sociologist's standpoint is marriage and mating with a person

of a similar attraction, background, interests, and needs, iifestyles,
socioeconomic status, ethnicity, race, age, education level, and/or religion
Homogamy in a relationship can be indirectly supportive of a long-term

‐
relationship quality because it facilitates less disagreements and
disconnections of routines in the daily life of a couple.
Slide 8 of 31
BACK
TOPIC
2 HETEROGOMY / COMPLIMENTARY
NEEDS THEORY
COMPLIMENTARY NEEDS THEORY : is the dating or pairing of

individuals with differences in traits.
theory states that people choose a partner who compliments (or

completes) and meets their own personal needs
Each person’s strength’s help balance the traits of the other.
For example, a shy person may be attracted to an outgoing person.
Considered to be a “Balancing motive”.
Slide 9 of 31
BACK
TOPIC
3 IDEAL MATE THEORY
IDEAL MATE THEORY: most people have a preconceived image of what

their ideal partner should be like.
The image is based on;

Physical appearance
Personality characteristics or other traits.
It may also be based on characteristics of one’s own parents ( a
woman may look for a man who is like her father)
This image may also develop over dating experiences, “I know
what I don’t want!”
Slide 10 of 31
BACK
TOPIC
4 SOCIAL EXCHANGE
THEORY
SOCIAL EXCHANGE THEORY: People may consider the qualities they

want in a partner and what they have to offer in return. ( exchange of costs
and benefits) -BERNARD MURSTEIN (1980)
These qualities may be personal, material, appearance,
intelligence, or services.
A partner is selected as someone who brings the best of these
qualities at the smallest cost.
For example, a successful business man may look for a wife who will
be attractive and keep a successful home and meet social
requirements as he progresses through his career.
Slide 11 of 31
BACK
TOPIC
5 PROPINQUITY THEORY
PROPINQUITY THEORY: is the geographic closeness experienced by potential

dates and mates.
It’s the proximity you might experience by living in the same dorms or apartment
buildings; going to the same university or college; working in the same place of
employment; or belonging to the same religious group
Proximity means that you both breathe the same air in the same place at about
the same time.
Proximity is crucial because the more you see one another or interact directly or
indirectly with one another, the more likely you see each other as mates.
Long-distance relationships are costly and difficult to keep going, although with
global travel and the Internet more accessible now, these relationships are
becoming easier to establish and sustain.
According to ROWLAND MILLER'S Intimate Relationships text, the propinquity
effect can be defined as: "the more we see and interact with a person, the
more likely he or she is to become our friend or sexual partner."
Slide 12 of 31
BACK
TOPIC
6 KAFA’AH / SOCIAL
EQUALITY THEORY
KAFA'AH OR KAFAAH: is an Arabic term, (Arabic: ‫ ;ا لكفاءة‬al-kafā'aḥ) is a term used in

the field of Islamic jurisprudence with regard to marriage in Islam, which in Arabic,
literally means, equality or equivalence.
It is thus defined as the compatibility or equivalence between a prospective
husband and his prospective wife which should be adhered to.
The main goal of Kafa'ah is to make a peaceful and lasting marriage
6 elements are listed as relevant for comparison between the man and the women;
1) Lineage/decent family
2) Religion
3) Freedom
4) Property
5) Piety
6) profession
Slide 13 of 31
BACK
TOPIC
2.1.2 The Criteria For Selecting A Life Partner
MATE SELECTION BASED The criteria for

ON ISLAMIC VIEW selecting a life
partner based on
1 Islamic
BEAUTY
• Beauty is to be considered as it could influence the happiness between spouses. perspective
• Beauty comes in two forms; inside and outside beauty. One must remember that
outside (physical) beauty is temporary, but inside (personality) beauty lasts longer, if
not a lifetime. .
• If one is to find a partner who’s not only beautiful inside and out, but also spiritual and
pious would be an added advantage!
2 4
WEALTH PIOUSNESS
• There have been many cases of domestic troubles due to financial • A good wife will safeguard her
problems. husband’s dignity and
• Thus, it is recommended that stability and security are prioritised criteria in possessions as a sign of
a partner. submissiveness.
• This will create mutual trust,
3
LINE OF DESCENT/KINSHIP respect and happiness
• Encouraged to propose or to accept the proposal by first finding out between husband and wife.
about the person’s lineage (genealogy)
• Good families reflect good upbringing (manners/faith/education/etc.)
• Also plays a role in procreation of a society that is healthy, educated,
well-mannered, faithful, etc.
Slide 14 of 31
BACK
TOPIC
2.1.2 The Criteria For Selecting A Life Partner
Slide 15 of 31
BACK
TOPIC
2.2.1 Categories of Marriage
CATEGORIES OF
1 FORCED MARRIAGES
MARRIAGE
2 ARRANGED MARRIAGES
3 LOVE MARRIAGES
Slide 16 of 31
BACK
TOPIC
1 FORCED MARRIAGES
A forced marriage is a marriage in which one or both of the parties

is married against their will.
Forced marriages continue to be practiced in parts of the world,
especially in South Asia and Africa.
The customs of bride price and dowry that exist in parts of the world,
can lead to buying and selling people into marriage.
In rural areas of India, child marriage is practiced, with parents often
arranging the wedding, sometimes even before the child is born. This
practice was made illegal under the Child Marriage Restraint Act of
1929.
Slide 17 of 31
BACK
TOPIC
1 FORCED MARRIAGES
There are numerous factors which can lead to a culture which accepts and
encourages forced marriages. Reasons for performing forced marriages include:
1) Strengthening extended family links;
2) Controlling unwanted behavior and sexuality;
3) Preventing 'unsuitable' relationships;
4) Protecting and abiding by perceived cultural or religious norms;
5) Keeping the wealth in the extended family;
6) Dealing with the consequences of pregnancy out of wedlock;
7) Considering the contracting of a marriage as the duty of the parents;
8) Obtaining a guarantee against poverty;
9) Aiding immigration
Slide 18 of 31
BACK
TOPIC
ARRANGED MARRIAGES were very common throughout the world until the
18th century. Typically, marriages were arranged by parents, grandparents or
other relatives.
In China, arranged marriages - sometimes called blind marriages –were the
norm before the mid 20th century. A marriage was a negotiation and decision
between parents and other older members of two families. The boy and girl, were
typically told to get married, without a right to consent, even if they had never met
each other until the wedding
Until the first half of the 20th century, arranged marriages were common in
migrant families in the United States. They were sometimes called picture-bride
marriages among Japanese because the bride and groom knew each other only
through the exchange of photographs before the day of their marriage.
Slide 19 of 31
BACK
TOPIC
3) LATE MARRIAGE, particularly
past the age of 30, reduces the
Reasons for performing of arranged pool of available bachelors for
marriage autonomous marriages.
1) CHILD MARRIAGE, particularly those Introductions and arranged
below the age of 12, does not prepare or marriages become a productive
provide the individual much opportunity option
to make an informed, free choice about 4) LIMITED CHOICES
matrimony. 5) PHYSICAL DISABILITIES
6) TRADITION/CUSTOM
2) POVERTY : Arranging a marriage of a 7) POLITICS
daughter is a means to reduce this 8) WEALTH AND INHERITANCE
burden. ISSUES
9) RELIGION
Slide 20 of 31
BACK
TOPIC
3 LOVE MARRIAGES
There is no clear definition of love marriage. It is generally used to describe a marriage

which was the sole decision of the couple
The idea that love is blind and is the decisive factor in mate selection is not the universal
norm of society
According to historian Stephanie Coontz, marriages for love and personal reasons
began to appear in the 14th century. It began to become popular in the early 17th
century
"Love" is not the raw emotion that Western representations make it out to be, but a cultural
construction shaped by the social and economic conditions of modern industrial
society.
In India, the term love marriage is used to describe a marriage which is decided upon by
the couple, without consulting their parents or families. These marriages may break
caste, community and religion barriers. However, these marriages are considered socially
unacceptable.
Slide 21 of 31
BACK
2.3 Marriage restrictions according to Islamic and universal
TOPIC
Marriage restrictions
Marriage is an institution that is historically filled with restrictions.

From age, to race, to social status, to consanguinity, to
gender, restrictions are placed on marriage by society for reasons of
benefiting the children
Passing on healthy genes,
Maintaining cultural values
Because of prejudice
Fear.
Almost all cultures that recognize marriage also recognize adultery as a
violation of the terms of marriage
.
Slide 22 of 31
BACK
TOPIC
AGE
Most jurisdictions set a minimum age for marriage, that is, a person must attain a
certain age to be legally allowed to marry.
This age may depend on circumstances, for instance exceptions from the general
rule may be permitted if the parents of a young person express their consent
and/or if a court decides that said marriage is in the best interest of the young
person (often this applies in cases where a girl is pregnant).
Although most age restrictions are in place in order to prevent children from
being forced into marriages, especially to much older partners – marriages
which can have negative education and health related consequences, and lead to
child sexual abuse and other forms of violence – such child marriage remain
common in parts of the world.
According to the UN, child marriages are most common in rural sub-Saharan
African and South Asia. The ten countries with the highest rates of child
marriage are: Niger (75%), Chad, Central African Republic, Bangladesh, Guinea,
Mozambique, Mali, Burkina Faso, South Sudan, and Malawi.
.
Slide 23 of 31
BACK
TOPIC
What are the marriage requirements in Malaysia?

If you are below twenty-one (21) but above eighteen (18) years of age, you must have
the consent of your parents or guardian in Form JPN.KC01B (Written Consent To The
Marriage For One Who Has Not Completed 21 Years Of Age)
If such consent is not or cannot be given, you can apply to the High Court for the
consent of the Court
No such consent is required if you have been previously married
If you are a female sixteen (16) years of age and above but under eighteen (18) years of
age, you can marry if you are able to obtain a special marriage license granted by the
Chief Minister in Form JPN.KC01D (Application For A Marriage License For Female Below
18 Years Of Age But Having Completed 16 Years)
If you marry without a special marriage license, your marriage is void
To qualify for a special marriage license, there must be no lawful impediment to the
proposed marriage and you must have the consent of your parents or guardian.
Slide 24 of 31
BACK
TOPIC
Marriage restrictions based

on Islamic
Relations Prohibited for Marriage
PERMENANT PROHIBITIONS TEMPORARY PROHIBITIONS
1. Marriage with married woman

1. Consanguinity (Blood 2. Marriage during Iddah
Relations) 3. Marriage to Idolatress
Direct Relations 4. Woman repudiated thrice
Indirect Relations 5. Marriage to a woman during
2. Affinity – (Marital Ihram
Relations) 6. To combine two sisters or Aunt
3. Fosterage (Breast and niece in marriage
Feeding) 7. Fifth wife in presence of four
4. Re-marriage with a woman wives
separated by Li'an
Slide 25 of 31
BACK
2.4 Issues
TOPIC
Issues
1 PROBLEMS IN CHOOSING
A LIFE PARTNER
Issues
Factors lead to the problems in choosing a life partner
Effects
Slide 26 of 31
BACK
2.4 Issues
TOPIC
Issues
2 SAME SEX MARRIAGE: DEMANDS FOR RIGHTS.

(GAY/LESBIAN-LGBT)
Issues
Factors lead to the same sex marriage: demands for rights. (gay/lesbian-
LGBT)
Effects
Slide 27 of 31
BACK
2.4 Issues
TOPIC
Issues
3 PRE MARITAL MARRIAGE
Issues
Factors lead to the pre marital marriage
Effects
Slide 28 of 31
BACK
2.4 Issues
TOPIC
Issues
4 PREGNANCY BEFORE MARRIAGE ESTABLISHING

PATERNITY OF THE CHILD BORN OUT OF WEDLOCK
Issues
Factors lead to pregnancy before marriage
Effects
Slide 29 of 31
BACK
2.4 Issues
TOPIC
Issues
5 CROSS CULTURE MARRIAGE
Issues
Factors lead to the cross culture marriage
Effects
Slide 30 of 31
BACK
Activity
TOPIC
Test Your Knowledge
Answer the question.

“ a shy person may be attracted to an outgoing person”
1 The statement above refers to the theory of

A
Propinquity
B
Homogamy
C
Heterogamy
D
Ideal mate
Slide 31 of 31
BACK
Activity
TOPIC
Test Your Knowledge
Which statement below is true about The criteria for selecting a life
2
partner based on Islamic perspective
A Beauty, wealth, lineage, piety
B
Religion, lineage, wealth, beauty
C Piety, beauty, lineage, wealth
D
Lineage, wealth beauty, religion
Slide 32 of 31
BACK
Activity
TOPIC
Test Your Knowledge
3 Group discussion
B
A C
List down FOUR (4)

Reasons for
Define FOUR (4) performing of Elaborate the
criteria of selection of arranged marriage problems in choosing
a life partner a life partner.
Slide 33 of 31
BACK
Preview Next Session
TOPIC
Chapter 3
Introduction
Compulsion versus freedom in marriage
Exogamy
Incest boundaries
Religion and exogamy
Issues
Against from parents
Insufficient of knowledge
Figure 46
Slide 34 of 31
BACK

Mpu 3322 - 02

Uploaded by

Document Information

Original Description:

Original Title

Copyright

Available Formats

Share this document

Share or Embed Document

Sharing Options

Did you find this document useful?

Is this content inappropriate?

Copyright:

Available Formats

Mpu 3322 - 02

Uploaded by

Copyright:

Available Formats

• Choosing a life partner MPU 3322

• The marriage FAMILY INSTITUTION

FAMILY PREPARED BY:

INSTITUTION AZURA MD NOR

In the end of the chapter, students should be able to:

TODAY we search for soul mates.

Selection of a life partner

In theory we have the freedom of choice as to who we choose as our partner.

Most of the marriages today are

However the selection of partner

Homogamy from a sociologist's standpoint is marriage and mating with a person

Homogamy in a relationship can be indirectly supportive of a long-­term

COMPLIMENTARY NEEDS THEORY : is the dating or pairing of

theory states that people choose a partner who compliments (or

3 IDEAL MATE THEORY

IDEAL MATE THEORY: most people have a preconceived image of what

The image is based on;

SOCIAL EXCHANGE THEORY: People may consider the qualities they

PROPINQUITY THEORY: is the geographic closeness experienced by potential

KAFA'AH OR KAFAAH: is an Arabic term, (Arabic: ‫ ;ا لكفاءة‬al-kafā'aḥ) is a term used in

MATE SELECTION BASED The criteria for

A forced marriage is a marriage in which one or both of the parties

There is no clear definition of love marriage. It is generally used to describe a marriage

Marriage is an institution that is historically filled with restrictions.

What are the marriage requirements in Malaysia?

Marriage restrictions based

Relations Prohibited for Marriage

PERMENANT PROHIBITIONS TEMPORARY PROHIBITIONS

1. Marriage with married woman

2 SAME SEX MARRIAGE: DEMANDS FOR RIGHTS.

3 PRE MARITAL MARRIAGE

4 PREGNANCY BEFORE MARRIAGE ESTABLISHING

5 CROSS CULTURE MARRIAGE

Answer the question.

Answer the question.

A Beauty, wealth, lineage, piety

C Piety, beauty, lineage, wealth

Answer the question.

List down FOUR (4)

You might also like

Homogamy in a relationship can be indirectly supportive of a long-term