• Choosing a life partner MPU 3322

• The marriage FAMILY INSTITUTION

• Marital roles
• Creating a long lasting
marriage
• Good parenting strategies
CHAPTER 6
• The dissolution of marriage
CREATING A LONG LASTING MARRIAGE

FAMILY PREPARED BY:

INSTITUTION AZURA MD NOR

Center for General Studies
2015
CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
Course Contents
TOPIC

TABLE OF CONTENTS

6.0 Introduction
6.1 Building Intimacy throughout marriage
6.2 Creating and sustaining passion in marriage
6.3 Be open to compromise
6.4 Managing Challenges
 Polygamy
 Scandal / affair
 Building trust
 Spending quality time
 Cyber world – having cyber affairs
 Sexual problems

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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
Learning Outcomes
TOPIC

In the end of the chapter, students should be able to:

 
 To identify the process of building intimacy throughout
marriage
 Explain the concept of passion in marriage
 Explain the guideline to create a long lasting marriage

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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
6.0 Introduction
TOPIC

INTRODUCTION

Falling in love is easy.

Staying in love—that’s the challenge!
How can you keep your relationship fresh
and growing amid the demands, conflicts,
and just plain boredom of everyday life?
Love is something you do for someone
else, not something you do for yourself

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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
6.1 Building Intimacy throughout marriage
TOPIC

6.1 BUILDING INTIMACY

THROUGHOUT MARRIAGE

THROUGHOUT MARRIAGE
WORD OF AFFIRMATION 1

BUILDING INTIMACY
QUALITY TIME 2

RECEIVING GIFTS 3

ACT OF SERVICE 4

PHYSICAL TOUCH 5

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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
6.1 Building Intimacy throughout marriage
TOPIC

6.1 BUILDING INTIMACY

THROUGHOUT MARRIAGE
Example:
You look great in that
suit”.
1 WORD OF AFFIRMATION “You must be the best
baker in the world!
One way to express love emotionally is :
to use words that build up. Sometimes all a person
“The tongue has the power of life and needs to hear to feel
death.” loved. Another way to
Many couples have never learned the communication through
tremendous power of verbally affirming words affirmation is to
each other offer encouragement
Verbal compliments, or words of
appreciation, one of the medium to
communicate love

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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
6.1 Building Intimacy throughout marriage
TOPIC

6.1 BUILDING INTIMACY

THROUGHOUT MARRIAGE

2 QUALITY TIME

QUALITY TIME is more than just proximity. It’s about focusing all your energy on
your spouse. A husband watching sports while talking to his wife is not spending
quality time with her. Unless all of your attention is focused on your spouse end with
no quality time is spent

QUALITY CONVERSATION is very important to a healthy relationship. It involves

sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted
context.

QUALITY ACTIVITIES are also a very important part of quality time. Many spouse
feel most love when they spend physical time together, doing activities they love to
do

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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
6.1 Building Intimacy throughout marriage
TOPIC

6.1 BUILDING INTIMACY

THROUGHOUT MARRIAGE

3 RECEIVING GIFTS

Some individuals respond well to visual symbols of love. If you speak this love
language, you are more likely to treasure any gift as an expression of love and
devotion. People who speak this love language often feel that a lack of gifts
represents a lack of love from their spouse. luckily, this love is one of the easiest
to learn.

These gift don’t have to give every day or even every week. They don’t even need
to cost a lot of money. Free, frequent, expensive, or rare, if your spouse relates to
the language of receiving gifts, any visible sign of your love will leave your spouse
feeling happy and secure in your relationship

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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
6.1 Building Intimacy throughout marriage
TOPIC

6.1 BUILDING INTIMACY

THROUGHOUT MARRIAGE

4 ACT OF SERVICE

Sometimes doing simple chores around the house

can be an undeniable expression of love. Even
simple things like laundry and taking out the trash
require some form of planning, time, effort, and
energy.

Even when couples help each other around the

house, hey may still fight because they are
unknowingly communicating with each other in two
different dialects. It is important to learn your
spouse’s dialect and to work hard to understand
what acts of service will show your love

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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
6.1 Building Intimacy throughout marriage
TOPIC

6.1 BUILDING INTIMACY

THROUGHOUT MARRIAGE

5 PHYSICAL TOUCH

Many spouse feel the most love when they receive physical contact from their
partner. For a who speaks this love language loudly, physical touch can make or
break the relationship.

Sexual intercourse makes many spouse feel secured and loved in marriage.
However, it is only one dialect of physical touch. It is important to learn how your
mate speaks the physical touch language.
Take time to learn the love, gesture your spouse likes. They can be big acts, such
as back massages or love-making, or little acts such as touches on the cheek or a
hand on the shoulder. It’s important to learn how your mate responds to touch. That
is how you will make the most of this love language

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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
6.2 Creating and sustaining passion in marriage
TOPIC

6.2 CREATING AND SUSTAINING

PASSION IN MARRIAGE

CREATING AND SUSTAINING

1 GIVING COMPLIMENTS

PASSION IN MARRIAGE
NOT SPEAKING UP : WEAKNESS OF
2 COUPLES

3 KEEP APPEARANCE GOOD ALL TIME

4 CLEANLINESS

ENCOURAGE YOURSELF TO START

5 FIRST

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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
6.2 Creating and sustaining passion in marriage
TOPIC

6.2 CREATING AND SUSTAINING

PASSION IN MARRIAGE

1 GIVING COMPLIMENTS
MEMBERI PUJIAN
Always give credit to your partner. No
matter whether you are a husband or
wife. Start first.
Giving compliment is the way you
show you appreciate your spouse's
presence in your life and it can bring
joy to him.
Sentiasa beri pujian kepada
pasangan anda. Tak kira
samada anda seorang
suami mahupun isteri.
Mulakan dulu.
Memberi pujian merupakan
cara anda menunjukkan
anda menghargai
kehadiran pasangan anda
dalam hidup anda serta ia
boleh menggembirakan hati
dia.

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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
6.2 Creating and sustaining passion in marriage
TOPIC

6.2 CREATING AND SUSTAINING

PASSION IN MARRIAGE

2 NOT SPEAKING UP : WEAKNESS OF COUPLES

Avoid to speak of the weakness your partner.

This is a sensitive matter in which, in the future may contribute
to the fighting of the conflict in the household. Especially if it
involves the weakness in the terms of sex.
It is better to discuss with your partner if you have any problem

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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
6.2 Creating and sustaining passion in marriage
TOPIC

6.2 CREATING AND SUSTAINING

PASSION IN MARRIAGE

3 KEEP APPEARANCE GOOD ALL TIME

As a wife, this is your responsibility.

Always look neat and attractive in the eyes of your husband.
This situation can give a good mood to your husband so that he
will love you more.
Husband also had to take care of their appearance keep your
appearance neat and smart

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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
6.2 Creating and sustaining passion in marriage
TOPIC

6.2 CREATING AND SUSTAINING

PASSION IN MARRIAGE

4 CLEANLINESS

Your bedroom is the most important place for husband and

wife. This is where the realization of between spouse.
Make sure your bedroom clean and tidy.
Do not leave dirty clothes lying on the floor.
It is also advisable that you wash sheets, blankets and
pillowcases every week.
Spray perfume that can awaken the passion for both..

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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
6.2 Creating and sustaining passion in marriage
TOPIC

6.2 CREATING AND SUSTAINING

PASSION IN MARRIAGE

5 ENCOURAGE YOURSELF TO START

FIRST

As a wife, you do not have to be surrendered first and wait for

your husband to start having sex.
Once in a while, wife can start first.
The relationship will be active between husband and wife. Thus,
love will increased

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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
6.3 Compromise
TOPIC

6.3 COMPROMISE

Compromise means to give up some

demands and agree on something
less than what was originally wanted

An ​agreement in an ​argument in
which the people involved reduce
their ​demands or change their opinion
in order to ​agree

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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
6.3 Compromise
TOPIC

6.3 COMPROMISE
BE OPEN TO COMPROMISE

1 DON’T ASSUME ANYTHING

ASK QUESTIONS & LISTEN

2 CAREFULLY

3 SPEAK UP

4 COMPROMISE

5 COLLABORATE

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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
6.3 Compromise

6.3
TOPIC

COMPROMISE

1 DON’T ASSUME ANYTHING

It doesn't matter how long you have been together, there will always
be things you don't know about one another.

More than this, all of us grow and change over time. What may
have been your spouse's favorite way of doing something 5
years ago may now have become something else.

Don't assume that things are static and always ideal. Always have
a space to grow and change and your partner will do the same for
you.

.
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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
6.3 Compromise

6.3
TOPIC

COMPROMISE

2 ASK QUESTIONS & LISTEN CAREFULLY

If you have gotten into the habit of telling your spouse what to do, it is
time to stop in your tracks and start asking instead.
And do not be put off by initial responses such as "Oh I don't know,
whatever you suggest is fine by me." That is the sign of someone to
just agreeing for the sake of peace or getting things done. Keep
probing gently and asking what your spouse really wants.
When they tell you, listen. It might be all too easy to think you already
know the answer but in 99% of the time, you won't.
So listen and respond to what you hear, not what you want to
hear.

.
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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
6.3 Compromise

6.3
TOPIC

COMPROMISE

3 SPEAK UP

On the other hand, if you have become the stagnant

in your marriage, it is time to start saying how you
feel, offering your opinions and giving your take on
how you would like to do certain things.

You might have to take time to develop the courage

to do this but do it in baby steps, you will start to
change your approach by just accepting things as
they have always seemed to be.

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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
6.3 Compromise

6.3
TOPIC

COMPROMISE

4 COMPROMISE

Whether you have been the leader organizer or the follower, learning
to compromise is the key to a happy relationship.
Learn how to make suggestions that take into account for both parties.

Consider such possibilities as:

Agreeing to do an activity that your spouse wants to do this time provided your
spouse does an activity of yours next time and set a date
Agreeing to do some of the activity that your spouse wants to do but adding in your
ideas as well, so that the whole activity is a true combination of both your
perspectives and wants

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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
6.3 Compromise

6.3
TOPIC

COMPROMISE

5 COLLABORATE

Compromise is a situation in which some things are lost and some are won. It is
a balancing exercise of competing interests and it is a good tool to grow
cooperation.
Activities, pursuits, shared living arrangements etc. that both of you perform
together become a result of collaboration where both of your input is equal,
considerate of the other, builds on all the positive aspects of your contributions
.Instead, choices are made by each individual with love, respect and care for
the other uppermost in their decisions. This can take years to perfect and it's a
wonderful journey

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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
6.4 Issues

6.5 ISSUES
TOPIC

1 POLYGAMY

Issues
Ploygamy : the custom of having more than one wife at the same
time
Factors lead to the polygamy
To get fertile descendants of a husband and wife was barren.
To keep the family intact without divorcing his wife, even the wife can not
perform its function as a wife, or he got a disability or incurable illness.
To rescue the husband from the hypersexual of adultery and other moral
crisis.
To save the women of moral crisis living in the State / community of the
number of women far more than men

Effects

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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
6.4 Issues

6.5 ISSUES
TOPIC

2 SCANDAL / AFFAIR

Issues
Scandal : behaviour or an event that people think is morally or legally
wrong and causes public feelings of shock or anger
Factors lead to the scandal / affair
Effects

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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
6.5
6.4 Issues

6.5 ISSUES
TOPIC

3 SPENDING QUALITY TIME

Issues
Spending quality time : if people spend quality time together, they
spend a period of time relaxing or doing things that they both
enjoy, and not worrying about work or other responsibilities
 
The importance of family spending quality time together

Effects

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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
6.4 Issues

6.5 ISSUES
TOPIC

CYBER WORLD – HAVING CYBER

4 AFFAIRS

Issues
Factors lead to the cyber world – having cyber affairs
Effects

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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
6.4 Issues

6.5 ISSUES
TOPIC

5 SEXUAL PROBLEM

Issues
Factors lead to the sexual problem
Effects

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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
Activity
TOPIC
Test Your Knowledge

Answer the question.

1 B

a T

b
T

c T

D T

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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
Activity
TOPIC
Test Your Knowledge

Answer the question.

2 A

A R

B
F

C T

D
T

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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
Activity
TOPIC
Test Your Knowledge

Answer the question.

3 Group discussion

B
A C

Describe FOUR (4) Explain the

objective of xxx? consequences of the
Define THREE (3) xxxx and how to solve
the problem.

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CHAPTER 6 : Creating A Long Lasting Marriage
Preview Next Session
TOPIC

Chapter 7
Introduction
GOOD PARENTING Becoming good parents
Showing care and love
STRATEGIES Communicating with your child
Being good role models
Assign a child responsibilities
Know when to say “no”
Rewarding positive behaviour/ discouraging negative
behavior
Issues
Quality time with children
The problem child – disabilities, retardation
Negative role models, eg parents’ alcoholism
Children’s behavior problems
Figure 46

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