Being a coach that listens

Steve Elzinga
Since coaching is client-centered a coach must
listen if any coaching is going to take place
When you pray who is doing most of the
talking? Is God giving you a constant stream
of advice and telling you what to do, or is he
mostly listening? God is great listener.
Listening communicates that you care

True listening comes from caring about what

another person says.
Listening communicates that you believe
in the person
Listening is one of the most powerful,
compelling ways to say “You are a great
person – I have confidence in you.”
Listening for possible deep wells

The coach hones in on the most interesting,

unusual or significant thing the client shares.
This is called intuitive listening. Asks the client
to go deeper at that point.
Listening for …

1. Emotion
Voice, body language (joy, sadness, depression,
guilt, fear), words
2. State of being words
“I feel unmotivated, tired, worn out, incapable of
getting things done, angry, fearful, stressed.”
Listening for …
3. Statements that are out of the ordinary
“I just didn’t get to what I wanted to do
last week because my oldest son came
home for a few days.”
4. Statements that are interesting
“Sometimes I wish I could just start a new
career.”
– Note: Look for statements that have the
word “interesting” in it.
Listening for …
5. Statements that require more information
“I feel like I am wasting my time.”
“I would like to do something that is
important.”
“I think I need to spend more time with my
wife.”
“All I do is work.”
“My wife and I don’t seem to be getting along
very well.”
Basic listening questions
• “Could you say more about that?”
• “I am not sure I know what you mean.
Could you explain more about that?
• The statement ________ is very
interesting. Could you elaborate more on
that?
Basic listening questions
• “Why ….?”
• “How ....?”
• “Where ...?”
• “When ....?”
• “What ...?”
The first goal of listening is

To keep the client talking!

The second goal of listening is to
help the client …
go deeper into his/her needs and or wants.
The third goal of listening is to
help the client …
1. Decide on a course of action.
2. Make a plan to carry out a course of
action.
3. Make progress carrying out a plan of a
course of action.