Professional Documents
Culture Documents
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1. Definition of interpersonal conflict
Occurs when people are interdependent
Mutually aware of incompatible goals
See each other as interfering with achieving
goals
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2. Myths about interpersonal conflict
Conflict is best avoided
Conflict is a sign of a troubled relationship
Conflict damages a relationship
Conflict is destructive because it reveals our bad
sides
In conflict, there has to be a winner and a loser
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3. Interpersonal conflict issues
Intimacy
Power
Personal flaws
Personal distance
Social
Distrust
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1. Conflict is inevitable
2. Conflict can have negative and positive
effects
Negative effects
Leads to bad feelings
You close yourself off
Increases costs
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2. Negative and positive effects (cont.)
Positive effects
Resolves problems
Improves relationships
Demonstrates commitment to relationship
3. Conflict can focus on content and/or
relationship issues
Relationship conflicts – equity and power
Relationship conflicts hide as content conflicts
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4. Conflict styles have consequences
Competing – I win, you lose
Avoiding – I lose, you lose
Accommodating – I lose, you win
Collaborating – I win, you win
Compromising – I win and lose; you win and
lose
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5. Conflict is influenced by culture
Topics
High context cultures fight about violations of group
norms
Low context cultures fight about violations of personal
norms
Nature of conflict
Conflict strategies
Organizational norms
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1. Set the stage
Fight in private
Be sure you both are ready to fight
Know what you’re fighting about
Fight about things that can be solved
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2. Define the conflict
Define both content and relationship issues
Define the problem in specific terms
Focus on the present; avoid gunnysacking
Empathize
Avoid mind reading
3. Examine possible solutions
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4. Test the solution
5. Evaluate the solution
Fact hat
Feeling hat
Negative argument hat
Positive benefit hat
Creative new idea hat
Control of thinking hat
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6. Accept or reject the solution
7. Wrap it up
Learn from the process
Don’t let the conflict overtake your relationship
Increase cherishing behaviors
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1. Factors that influence your choice of
strategy
Goals
Emotional state
Cognitive assessment of what’s fair and who
caused the conflict
Personality and communication competence
Family history
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2. Win-lose and win-win strategies
3. Avoidance of conflict and active fight
strategies
Avoidance
Physical
Emotional or cognitive
Demand withdrawal
Non-negotiation
Silencers
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4. Force and talk strategies
Force
Physically force your position on the other
Emotionally force your position on the other
Talk strategies
Act the role of listener
Express support and empathy
State thoughts and feelings
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5. Face-attacking and face-enhancing
strategies: Politeness in conflict
Face-attacking – criticizing someone or making
demands
Face-enhancing – support or confirm someone
Destructive behaviors
Beltlining
Blaming
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6. Verbal aggressiveness and
argumentativeness strategies
Aggressiveness
Unproductive
Trying to win at the other’s expense
disconfirming
Argumentativeness
Should be cultivated
Argue your point of view
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6. Argumentativeness strategies (cont.)
Cultivating argumentativeness
Be objective
Avoid attacking the other person
Reaffirm the other’s competence
Avoid interrupting
Stress equality
Express interest in the other’s viewpoint
Avoid being overly emotional
Allow the other to save face