Lying

Katherine Blackburn
Most parent become upset when their children
lie because they place a high value on honesty.
Parent may be unsure how to handle lying,
vacillating between lecturing and demanding
confessions and ignoring it altogether in the
hope that it won’t happen again.

Neither of these approaches will solve the

problem. First, you need to look at why lying
occurs and then you must learn effective ways to
deal with it.
Why Does Lying Occur?
At first, they may tell exploratory lies in order to test
the limits of what they can get away with and to
see what will happen if they break rules. In a sense
this is one of their first steps toward independence.
Another lie is a deliberate attempt to conceal
something they did wrong in order to avoid
punishment. 3rd type is bragging or exaggeration.
The fantasy lie when children use their imagination.
EX: imaginary friend broke the vase.
Preschoolers more likely to exaggerate, deny, or
exhibit wishful thinking. School-age more likely to
tell a deliberate lie.
What to Do
Don’t panic: respond calmly to lies.
Avoid trying to scare or force them to
confess. Don’t ask if you know they
broke the plate. This invites lying.
Instead state matter-of-factly, “I see
you broke the plate. What should we
do about that?” Avoid lectures,
moralizing, and criticism.
Confront your Child in a Positive Way

If you have a preschooler who tells a story

something that isn’t true, calmly respond that
you know it is make-believe.

EX “A ghost came in and messed up my

room.” “That’s an interesting make-believe
story. Now tell me what the true story is.” The
idea is to point out the truth in a way that
doesn't make the child feel defensive. Never
call your child a liar, reduces self-esteem.
Try to Understand The reason for the Lie

Access why your child feels the need to

lie. If lies are to avoid punishment,then
you need to make sure your discipline
is not fearful or painful. Consequences
are designed to teach, not to inflict
pain.
Follow Through with Discipline Where Appropriate
When a school age child lies, they
should be held accountable for lying
and the misdeed. This may result in
double punishment or loss of 2
privileges. Using this approach will help
your children to understand that the
next time they do something wrong,
they’ll receive less punishment for
telling the truth.

Please don’t do this.

Honesty
Model Honesty
White lies are a no. You need to establish
the same standards of honesty for yourself
that you set for your children.

Misplaced Honesty
Saying truthful things that are better left
unsaid. As your children grow old enough to
understand, you should explain that
although saying such things is honest, its
nonetheless better not to say them.
Praise and Reward Honesty
When possible, praise your child for being
honest about their mistakes and difficulties.
Remind them of the boy who cried wolf.

If one of your children has a problem with

frequent lying, it is helpful to set up a
reinforcement program where they get
sticker or a token for each day without lying.
These tokens can then be traded for
privileges such as games, treats, and
special time with you.