Writing Concise Sentences

• Directions: Rewrite the following sentences in the text-areas

provided. When you are finished with each sentence (or, if you
wish, wait until you've done them all), click on Grammar's
Version, which will reveal how we might have rewritten the
sentence to achieve a more concise statement. If you try to
cheat by looking at Grammar's version first, your computer will
blow up and your name will be published in a list of ne'er-do-
wells on the front page of the New York Times. There is,
however, no single right answer to these rewrites, and if you
come up with a clearly improved version, please write us email
(using the ASK GRAMMAR form on the main page of this
Guide).
• 1. At this point in time we can't
ascertain the reason as to why the
screen door was left open.
 Grammar’s Version

• We don't know why the screen

door was left open.
• 2. My sister, who is employed as a
nutritionist at the University of
Michigan, recommends the daily
intake of megadoses of Vitamin C.
• My sister, a nutritionist at the
University of Michigan,
recommends daily megadoses of
Vitamin C.
• 3. Basically, in light of the fact that
Congressman Fuenches was totally
exhausted by his last campaign, there was an
expectation on the part of the voters that he
would not reduplicate his effort to achieve
office in government again.
• Because Congressman Fuenches was
exhausted by his last campaign, voters
expected he would not seek re-election.
***OR*** Voters thought that Congressman
Fuenches was so exhausted by his last
campaign that he wouldn't seek re-election.
• 4. It is to be hoped that we
discover a means to create an
absolutely proper and fitting
tribute to Professor Espinoza.
• 5. There is a desire on the part of
many of us to maintain a spring
recess for the purpose of getting
away from the demands of our
studies.
• 6. Joe was an honest and hard
working man. Basically, he never gave
much consideration to sitting idly
about, doing nothing
constructive. (Rewrite as one
sentence.)
• 7. What is your basic
understanding of predestination?
• 8. At what point in time will a
downturn in the stock market have
a really serious effect on the
social life of people as a whole?
• 9. I would call your attention to the
fact that our President, who was
formerly the Governor of
Arkansas, is basically a
Southerner.
• 10. There are millions of fans who
desperately want the Hartford
Whalers to stay in the city.
• 11. Bothered by allergies, a condition
that made them sneeze, some of the
preschool children had sinus troubles
that caused them to miss several days
in nursery school this spring.
Sentence #12 is taken from The Little, Brown Handbook by H. Ramsay Fowler, Jane E. Aaron,
& Kay Limburg. 5th ed. HarperCollins: New York. 1992.

• 12. The nursery school teacher

education training sessions involve
active interfacing with preschool
children of the appropriate age as well
as intensive peer interaction in the
form of role playing
• Source:
• http://
grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/quizzes/wordy_quiz.
htm