holidays!” Gargoule presents RECIPES FOR DISASTER “I's just like my dad always. says! better to be safe than 1. Combine all ingredients, ‘ simmer on low heat for about) 9 months 2. Wearing non-sterile oven mitts, increase heat, stir occasionally “Do too many cooks spoil th broth ina state of emergency?"Masthead co-editorsin-ehiet Isabel mackay-clackot& lye mykytyn Le opinion nis starrunner arts & culture seiryilmankaye science Greetings, ‘emma pas Seasons or otherwise! We hope your days have been avant-garg ‘characterized by suficint joy, mieth and frankin- sastian fv conse comics We here at the Gangosle are well aware ofthe trials illevans & penelope evans and tribulations ofthat rime ofthe year! That's why ‘we made tis issue multi-purpose copy-editor 2) you an ight it on fie to serve as a shining beacon mma fox te Univers fete, rng yo eve for production manager 2) you can wrap yourselfin itas a make-shif blanket sophia spin {towntm your ied bones as yor sleep lyin whatever nap hovel is avilable (we recommend the stat CR or Con Hal. alyssa kuhner haley park susan yan Love, alexandra testa 1 Dlsektoques Co-Bditorin-chiet ck "the tits dean staffemeritus “ohn cherkas Totleea carla mesa guz20 ‘sara paterson matthew vonginas front cover guy marchant ack cover aracelsus skill contributors helena naj swety bite lisa davoodi suntie arora lavender Jew magnus melvin semi double dee ‘maxima silerot About us tion. We strive to produce an open forum for discussion on any top. We haveno political agenda ‘except for freedom of speech, press and expression, We hold in contempt ignorance, censorship and bad wating. Join us forthe greatest of trths are dressed inthe gadis of es whereas our ages are tastefully designed. ‘The Gargoyle dungeon/ofie is loated in Fo, accessed by the F door inthe UC quad 416.946.0941 ‘uegargovleegmal.com ‘wwezargyleca ISSN: 0338-0107Sexquisite Unfortunately haven't been able to respond to allof the questions Iwas given inthe pact wee as there hasbeen an overwhelming amount of them, so Iwill answer few that ight what think ‘are the "most pressing sues eday semually ative commu. Twill alo respond Personally to questions that do not make’ ts publiation Dear Wetty Bite 1am a someshat adventurous person and have always wanted to have sex in snow fort. Any tip? Thanks, Hankey Panky Inesponce, Hen veal Fin, create your lve shack inthe day, but mae Care you can maa a good ee ot the downtime before dark, bese people set abandoned forts a homes sometimes Boi a the dark, wear ft of eos,» blanket ote Spare undies, and spare condoms ad ibe I you are having” trouble petting ert it the Uistering olds 1"sggest warner something to at you raring to fo, and eat toy jst ese! You never know atl ou ta yeu know? Sar wth all pblieoutdoor sex, itis NOT your Stoanhourbleachalthard surfaces mote, 50 ‘lean up your mest ave # plastic bag ey choanopany cvdeael Where the World Ends starrunner scems lke in the inevitable end, we must look to the beginning for answers on the current sate ‘of things So let's startin the beginning, humans Aliscovered they were cognitively’ higher functioning then’ their co-inhabitents (esersthing not human). The mide of our story othumans isto ereate the belief they ae higher functioning then other humans, The end will be the silencing of humanity, and the restoration of the unknown, before knowledge’ the voi at where the word, af we know i ends, Bat ime ty and Fei our end ook ito current Inivundertanding of baying happiness cannot Issel through salable objet alone) and fur strug to outdo one anotr, then we can Sra ae ae ope vad tecseary eae Craton o new began coe where we can rapet lhe fo The tnngsings an Tong they the same meso he we eet cape tnd imperial values: We anal the 1% {Tohae the RICH you must erate the POOR ‘There are way to get OU of poverty ad Becomes rich, and vice vera, but one wil ever fxn without the other. To have SMART you Imus crete STUPID. People all have diferent Shils Sd able, jst because someone cat yo Dear Wetty Bite Tm having constant pain during. and a imercourse. Is this normal, oF should The concerned and boycott vaginally” penetrate Dracties with my partner indefinitely Hennyetts Deates Please do ot think that all penetration will hurt you forever. It may not be ays more t may be a condition tht eases reg pn, and ie treatable, and. not jst with ‘morphine ~ there are cates and solutions, Orit ould be an STI. Basically, hold of on putting things up there fr now, and consult your fy. PS: Get'a gyno! Ifyou ate uncomfortable with terrifing | prom me! They donot have to be Dear Wetty Bite, {need to eat ealthy dessert atleast once a day to be satisfied, but have trouble approaching persons with vaginas, How can Igo about Falancing'my diet in a heathy and atetious ‘Yours, Hungry Heathelif Hey Heaths, Relationships aside, » healthy appetite cam be pricey. Trying alternatives such as tinder, sex labs, crags, or bingo halls cam all be alternatives to jst asking random women ot Street if they need to be taken eae of in such a vay: One day you may find someone who needs fn orgasm a day, and you may be able to eat forever PS: make sure to keep a dental dam handy in ease the delicacy is unknown to you!” WH SUPERCALIFRAGULISTICEXPIALADOCEOIO. US doesn't mean they're beneath you, maybe they ean cook for themselves, and you only tnderstand three of your microwave’ buttons ON, DEFROST, START. Get over ours Fi get over myst Same thinking applies to animals; people are saying well they are not ‘cognitive For example, ‘ows. Tim pretty sure the cow knows jou'e af hole; you just don't speak cove dings, Hf you ‘cow itil get pissed. Bu since teant write dear diary, today Mr-farmer hit me again with switch, T'don't know how much more ofthis can take.. it has no ability to say yes oF m0? Pretty sure if cow runs the fick away fromm you Tbecause every time you come near it you hit thats cognitive, in my opinion, So instead of perpetuating the eye find out for yourself what truths you intend to believe, and ‘reatea life that won't end in despair. Create one that ends greed and try to bulk and maintain tunity in your community