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again, in some way at some time. And it’s not a matter of if. It’s a matter
of when.
The Bible tells us clearly: “Do not let the sun go down on your anger”
(Ephesians 4:26). In other words, don’t go to bed angry. Get rid of your
anger before you fall asleep.
The importance of getting a good night’s rest cannot be
overemphasized. And one of the keys to making sure you get the best
sleep possible is guarding your heart and mind from potentially harmful
or distracting messages that your brain will process through the night.
The portions of the brain that govern your body’s involuntary muscles
and systems continue working to keep your lungs breathing and your
heart beating while you sleep. Your brain keeps the body functioning,
coordinates the replenishment, repair, and nourishment of cells and
tissues, utilizes the nutrients you have consumed during the day, and
infuses you with energy and strength to face the day ahead.
A similar thing happens in your cognitive and emotional realms.
What you feed your mind is processed all night long in a way that either
contributes to or detracts from your well-being.
If you fall asleep with your last thoughts being ones of joy and
thanksgiving, peace in your relationship with God, and enthusiasm for
what the coming day holds, then you are likely to sleep well through
the night and awaken refreshed, energetic, and ready to take on the
challenges ahead. You may very well awaken with creative ideas that
you didn’t have yesterday. They could include answers and solutions to
questions and problems that were confusing or puzzling to you the day
before.
On the other hand, if your last thoughts before falling asleep are ones
marked by bitterness, revenge, hatred, and anger, you are most likely
going to have a fitful night’s sleep. You can count on waking up feeling
worn out, lethargic, and with very little motivating energy to do your
work or contribute your best to the responsibilities that lie ahead.
For years I have encouraged people to pray and read the Bible—
especially the Psalms and other books that are especially comforting
and encouraging—as the last two things they do before going to bed at
night. Reading the Scriptures and talking to God are the two best sleep
aids I know.
Reading the Bible fills us with positive and eternal truth. It makes
us aware of the fact that God is, has been, and always will be in control
of every aspect of our lives. When that knowledge becomes part of our
thinking night after night, it creates a very deep sense of confidence.
Life’s minor problems don’t have much impact, and the major ones can
be taken in stride. We will see every challenge and opportunity in the
context of God’s eternal will, plan, and purpose for our lives—and each
situation and circumstance can be seen in the context of the heavenly
Father’s abiding love and awesome grace.
Having a conversation with God just before going to sleep fills your
heart and mind with the awareness and assurance that you have a
personal relationship with the One who is all-wise, all-powerful, and
all-loving. In those final moments of the day, I encourage you to get on
your knees and thank Him for what He enabled you to accomplish. Ask
God to guide your thinking and your work tomorrow, and thank Him
for His constant presence in your life. Ask the Lord to forgive any sin
in your life and to help you forgive the sin of others. Pray for Him to
make any necessary changes in your life so you can become the person
He intends and created you to be. Such a conversation will leave you
feeling cleansed, renewed, and at peace with God. In the Bible, every
day was thought to begin at sundown. When the sun set on Monday
night, it was actually the start of Tuesday. In Genesis, we learn from
the creation story that “There was evening and there was morning, one
day” (Genesis 1:5, 8, 13, 19, 23, 31).
Adam and Eve walked with God “in the cool of the evening”—which
is the time just after the sun sets and before the sky is completely dark.
They began their next day with God by discussing the previous day with
Him. Each of Adam and Eve’s days began with rest, accomplishment,
and peace between them and God.
For thousands of years, Jewish men have gathered together between
sundown and bedtime to read and study the Torah and the Talmud.
They allowed their minds to be filled with the Word of God, so that all
night the Lord could work to sink His truth into their minds, renew
their desire to obey His commands, and apply His law to their lives.
Compare that to how many people in our modern world spend their
late-evening hours. In the last few hours before they go to bed, most
men and women eat some kind of junk food or sugary snack that sends
their digestive and nervous systems into overdrive. They watch a news
program that very often presents images of war or criminal activity. Or
they turn on a television program filled with violence, sexual innuendo,
or inappropriate language. Some read a novel filled with those same
things. Then they turn off the lights and wonder why they can’t seem
to relax.
Their bodies are trying to digest and absorb what they have eaten,
while their minds are reeling in an attempt to make sense of all the
negative images they have seen and heard. Any peace they hope to have
gives way to agitation, frustration, and worry—all of which intensify
the longer they stay awake. It is a vicious cycle and, too often, a nightly
ritual.
I can guarantee you this: if you go to bed angry, you will wake up
angry.
If you go to bed angry with someone, you will still feel anger toward
that person the next day—and your anger is likely to be greater and
more intense.
If you go to bed angry with yourself, you will wake up angry at
yourself—and feel like a victim to your own emotions. You are likely to
develop a sense of personal failure and low self-worth. You will have less
optimism, less enthusiasm, and less of a desire to pursue good goals.
If you go to bed angry with God, you will awaken feeling a loss of
hope, joy, and peace. You will not have the faith to conquer what lies
ahead.
off task to what they could have or should have said or done to the
subject of their anger.
An ancient Jewish proverb reads: “Anger deprives a sage of his
wisdom, a prophet of his vision.” I have no doubt as to the truth of that
statement. Anger produces a double mind. A person’s concentration can
linger on her anger and the incidents that gave rise to it, even as she
attempts to focus on the work and responsibilities of any given day. Very
little mental energy is left for creativity, innovation, or for processing
information in the light of God’s Word. Anger weakens our ability to
have a clear, inspired vision and make new plans.
began to argue with members of the opposing team, and then the
fans got involved. A full-scale riot ensued and for reasons that aren’t
fully clear, the wooden stands of the stadium caught fire. Before the
fire was extinguished, 107 buildings in Baltimore were burned beyond
restoration.
Outbursts of anger cause everyone within range to feel some degree
of emotional pain, whether it’s intended or not. That’s one reason people
seek to distance themselves from an angry person. And we often see
anger as a sign that someone is distancing himself or herself from a
group or individual. Feelings of isolation, alienation, and rejection are
common in angry people.
A salesman admitted to erupting in anger frequently. “But never in
public,” he declared. Yet he saw absolutely no connection between the
anger he vented at home and the fact that his wife had been admitted to
a mental hospital. Her psychiatrists saw the situation in a different light
and suggested that the angry husband seek counseling. “What for?” the
man asked. “I’m not the one with depression.” A nurse standing nearby
muttered to herself, “But you are the depressor.”
Anger not only rises from criticism and accusations, it also generates
criticism and accusations. Anger in any environment creates unrest,
tension, and frustration. All aspects of productivity, quality, and morale
are affected negatively.
The sad truth is that this environment exists even if the angry person
didn’t intend to create it.
A few months ago I heard about a woman who had spent more than
twenty years married to a very angry man. He wasn’t angry with his
wife, but rather, with the people at work. He maintained a pleasant
outward demeanor toward his supervisors and fellow employees. But
once he arrived at home, he vented all his anger in profane tirades that
sometimes lasted two to three hours.
His wife shriveled on the inside at his outbursts. She knew he wasn’t
angry with her. But still, his words and tone deeply disturbed her inner
peace. She wondered what might happen if she ever disappointed him
the way his coworkers seemed to. She began to seek ways of escaping
emotionally and closing off parts of her heart from him so that she would
not feel wounded.
So when the time came for them to go to bed at night, the last thing
this woman wanted was for her husband to be intimate with her. She
pulled away from him both emotionally and physically.
Her pulling away, of course, did make him angry over time. Although
this man never struck his wife or shouted at her, he created a state of
constant turmoil through his inability to control his anger or maintain a
loving atmosphere in his relationship with his wife. He turned to alcohol
to help him calm his anger, and before long he wasn’t just angry—he
was an angry alcoholic. This spiral downward picked up speed over the
years, and their marriage eventually ended in a bitter, ugly divorce.
In most cases, anger is cyclical. Let me assure you that time—on
its own—does not heal it. If not dealt with properly, anger grows ever
greater and does not diminish on its own.
Children and parents can become angry with one another. And that
too can be a cycle that escalates over time. More and more instances of
neglect, hurt, abuse, criticism, or lying become folded in to the decaying
relationship, and the result is a growing pool of anger. If that anger results
in estrangement or tragedy of some type, the anger doesn’t dissipate—it
takes new forms associated with guilt, blame, recrimination, vengeance,
and further criticism and pain.
Not long ago, a lady told me what happened after her mother died.
All the children and grandchildren started wrangling over the dead
woman’s estate. Money was the primary issue and seemed to be the only
thing that mattered. They were all angry at one another and fighting
over who was going to get this and who was going to have that. But
one of the things they were most angry about was who would get the
woman’s Bible!
Now I understand that perhaps the notes this devoted Christian
woman had made in the margins of her Bible may have been the greatest
legacy she left her children. But to fight over a copy of God’s Word is
totally unacceptable.
2. How have the consequences helped resolve the root issue that
leads to anger?
4. Now write down precisely what you can and will do to address
your anger.