Create Strong Verbs (3)

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1
Original
If the weight of the fuselage unable to lighten more than 10%,
that will influence the installs the ammunition and endurance
of the fighter plane. The inability to adopt the traditional
material to solve the problem that the plane fuselage is
reduced weight, because unable to find a kind of light and
strong material to reach this demand at present.
Revised
Failing to lighten the fuselage weight by more than
10adversely impacts installation of the ammunition and
endurance of a fighter plane. The inability to adopt
conventionally adopted materials to reduce plane fuselage
weight makes it impossible to identify a light and enduring
material.
2
Original
There are several combinations of transport modes for connection
between Pudong international airport and Hongqiao airport; since
the public transport systems are widely promoted by Chinese
government for the environmental concerns, this research will
evaluate the atmospheric CO2 emission of the urban public
transport system, by assessing the CO2 emission from bus system
and metro system, and rental cars which travel between the two
airports.
Revised
Several combinations of transportation modes link Pudong
International Airport and Hongqiao Domestic Airport. As the Chinese
government has widely promoted public transportation systems for
environmental concerns, this work evaluates the atmospheric CO2
emissions of the Shanghai public transportation system, including
bus and metro subway systems, as well as rental cars traveling
between the two airports.
3
Original
We must export the data from the read-made software to do
the reports those are require from other department and
urgent event. So we must put extra man power to finish the
work and will delay other work or we must need our people
work overtime to finish the work.
Revised
The customized software incorporates data into reports, as
accumulated from other departments and urgent
circumstances. Additional personnel must therefore be
allotted to complete a specific task, subsequently delaying
other tasks or forcing employees to work overtime.
4
Original
In the LCD industry, design houses are focus on producing
fine pitch ICs. Fine pitch ICs will be the challenge to package
and panel manufacturers, especially in the bumping process.
Bumping houses need to overcome the residue issue in
bumps and the process window limiting such as photo,
etching, and inspection.
Revised
Design houses in the LCD sector manufacture fine pitch ICs,
posing a major challenge to IC packaging and display panel
manufacturers, especially in the bumping process. Bumping
manufactories must overcome the residue in bumps and
process window limitations such as in photo degradation,
etching and inspection.
5
Original
The requirement of quakeproof design in the contracts is that truss
structures shall stand the seismic force of 0.7g along horizontal and
vertical directions, respectively. The requirement much emphasizes
the strength of truss structure. The requirement of aseismic design
is not really clear. Furthermore, no regulations about the safety
factor of aseismic design are found in Chinese National Standards.
Besides, we have not experience on related aseismic design before.
Revised
Quakeproof design in related contracts requires that truss structures
withstand a seismic force of 0.7g in horizontal and vertical directions,
i.e. a requirement that heavily emphasizes truss structural strength.
The inability to standardize aseismic design requirements explains
the lack of both regulations governing the safety factors of aseismic
design in Chinese National Standards and experience island wide
with aseismic design.
6
Original
LCD driver devices are very sensitive, any polluted
material around bumps will incur the shortage issue.
Thus, the yield will be required a lot to make the
quality by IC design houses.
Revised
Given the extreme sensitivity of LCD driver devices,
polluted material around the bumps incurs defective
product and subsequent shortage, necessitating a
significant yield to ensure quality in IC design
houses.
7
Original
8 inch fab is foundry factor and the benefit from customers
order amount. Solving customers problem is important
segment. Based on the above, customers will request
integrate to supply method to improve product low yield. But
customers dont understand fab process clearly, it almost
waste a lot of time to cumulate each other.
Revised
8 inch wafer fab foundries heavily focus on increasing
customer orders by complying with their requirements as
much as possible. Despite customer requests to integrate
supply methods to increase product yield, their lack of
understanding of the wafer fab process leads to much time
spent in consulting with them and complying with their
requests.
8
Original
Consider that a wafer product has yield < 90%. To keep yield
at high level integrate have to provide electric, inline data and
doubtful tool, further bring up solving method and complete
schedule. If customers question not be solved or request not
be satisfied, they will throw order amount to other factory, it
will decrease customers income.
Revised
For instance, a wafer product with a yield lower than 90%
requires a high level of integration to provide electricity, inline
data and potentially faulty tool inspection in order to avoid
schedule delays. The inability to resolve customer concerns
or comply with their requests satisfactorily jeopardizes their
loyalty and ultimately lowers their profits.
Further details can be found at
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