Relationship Conflict Resolution

1heraplsLAld.com 2013


Iocus on the prob|em, not the person.
When a dlsagreemenL Lurns Lo personal lnsulLs, ralsed volces, or mocklng Lones, Lhe
conversauon ls no longer producuve. 8e careful Lo focus on Lhe problem wlLhouL placlng
blame on your parLner. lf a dlsagreemenL because personal, you should pause Lhe
conversauon.

Use reecnve ||sten|ng.
Cenumes durlng argumenLs we focus on gemng our own polnL across raLher Lhan llsLenlng
Lo our parLner. 8efore respondlng Lo your parLner, resLaLe whaL Lhey have sald Lo you ln your
own words. Conunue Lhls process unul your parLner agrees LhaL you undersLand. nexL, share
your slde. ?our parLner should reecL back your ldeas ln Lhelr own words unul Lhey Loo
undersLand. uslng Lhls Lechnlque wlll help boLh lndlvlduals feel llsLened Lo and undersLood,
even lf you dlsagree.

Use "I" statements.
When sharlng a concern, begln your senLence wlLh l". lor example: l feel hurL when you
don'L Lell me you'll be laLe". WlLh Lhls senLence formaL we show LhaL we are Laklng
responslblllLy for our own emouon raLher Lhan blamlng our parLner. 1he alLernauve
senLence-?ou never Lell me when you're golng Lo be laLe"-wlll oen cause a parLner Lo
become defenslve.

know when to take a nme-out.
When you and your parLner are becomlng argumenLauve, lnsulung, or aggresslve, lL's a good
ldea Lo Lake a ume-ouL. Pave a plan ln place so you or your parLner can call for a break when
needed. pend some ume dolng someLhlng alone LhaL you nd relaxlng. When you've boLh
calmed down, you and your parLner can reLurn Lo solvlng Lhe problem. 8e sure LhaL you do
reLurn-lL lsn'L a good ldea Lo leave Lhese lssues unaddressed.

Work toward a reso|unon.
ulsagreemenL ls a normal parL of a relauonshlp. lf lL becomes clear LhaL you and your
parLner wlll noL agree, focus on a resoluuon lnsLead. 1ry Lo nd a compromlse LhaL beneLs
boLh lndlvlduals. Ask yourself lf Lhls dlsagreemenL really mauers Lo your relauonshlp, and leL
yourself move on lf noL.