THE MAN

IN THE WHITE SUIT

THE STIG, LE MANS, THE FAST LANE AND ME
BEN COLLINS
Dad, thank you for every opportunity that life brouht throuh your uidan!e" Mu#, your #oral !o#pa$$ i$ a
$hinin liht% thank you for puttin up &ith #e"
All #en drea#, but not e'ually" Tho$e &ho drea# by niht in the du$ty re!e$$e$ of their #ind$, &ake in the
day to find that it &a$ vanity( but the drea#er$ of the day are danerou$ #en, for they #ay a!t on their
drea#$ &ith open eye$, to #ake the# po$$ible"T" E" LA)*EN+E
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Epiraph
+hapter , - Audition
+hapter . - Need for Speed
+hapter / - )innin
+hapter 0 - Snake$ 1 Ladder$
+hapter 2 - Le Man$ .0
+hapter 3 - Daytona Enduran!e
+hapter 4 - The Ne& Sti
+hapter 5 - Green Fatiue
+hapter 6 - Live at Earl7$ +ourt
+hapter ,8 - *o!kinha#
+hapter ,, - Hard *outine
+hapter ,. - Tortoi$e or the Hare
+hapter ,/ - +hin Strap
+hapter ,0 - +o&ell7$ ot Talent
+hapter ,2 - A )alk in the 9ark
9hotoraphi! In$ert
+hapter ,3 - 9a$$ or Fail
+hapter ,4 - Happy Landin$
+hapter ,5 - Star$ in *ea$onably 9ri!ed +ar$
+hapter ,6 - Drivin :lind
+hapter .8 - Takin the *ouh &ith the S#ooth
+hapter ., - If It7$ Got )heel$
+hapter .. - :itten by the :u
+hapter ./ - Tra!k *e!ord
9hotoraphi! In$ert
+hapter .0 - Mat!h of the Day
+hapter .2 - S#oke and Mirror$
+hapter .3 - ;et Man
+hapter .4 - Street Fihtin
+hapter .5 - London +allin
+hapter .6 - 9edal on the *iht
+hapter /8 - The S!ud
+hapter /, - <nta#ed( Ha#p$hire Hei$t
+hapter /. - :u$ *a!in
+hapter // - Loo$e +annon
+hapter /0 - The )hite :ubble
+hapter /2 - )ho i$ the Sti=
+hapter /3 - Give My *eard$ to Dun$fold
Epiloue
A!kno&lede#ent$
Inde>
+opyriht
About the 9ubli$her
+hapter ,
Audition
Inter#ittent $haft$ of $unliht $li!ed a!ro$$ the da#p !arriae&ay throuh the !anopy of tree$"
Leave$ $pattered a&ay fro# the $pinnin &heel$" I $till had plenty of ti#e, but thi$ ?ourney &a$ &orth
en?oyin, $o I kept pullin ear$ and !ranked the $tereo"
The $u$pen$ion $huddered a$ I braked hard on the &orn tar#a! and rounded a lon hairpin" The !ar
&a$ bu$y but #y #ind, a$ u$ual, &a$ el$e&here" )a$ thi$ a ood idea= )ho &a$ thi$ uy I &a$ #eetin=
)here the hell &a$ thi$ pla!e=
I lan!ed do&n at #y !o#ple> route dire!tion$, then reali$ed #y turnin &a$ about to appear on a
blind bend" I $lo&ed to !he!k for on!o#in traffi! before veerin off do&n a tra!k &ith no di$!ernible
#arkin$"
My left thu#b !li!ked at the handbrake button a$ I toyed &ith the idea of a $harp about-fa!e" I topped
a entle !re$t and the vie& &idened" ;u$t pa$t a field of ra@in $heep lay a $e!urity entran!e" Three feet
and t&o in!he$ to the riht of the #iddle of no&here"
The $e!urity uard $pilt hi$ tea and leapt to hi$ feet a$ I pulled up at the ate" He e#ered fro# hi$
!abin and approa!hed #y &indo&" ADo you kno& &here you7re oin=7
ABe$,7 I lied"
A)ho are you here &ith=7
That &a$ a tri!kier one, but I dealt &ith it"
A Ch, CD, ?u$t follo& the one-&ay $y$te# around"7
I drove into a va$t e>pan$e of !lear $kie$, ra$$, !on!rete and airfield" The path ahead led to an old
D+/ pa$$ener plane" I follo&ed the broken !on!rete tra!k to the riht" An offi!e buildin $tood a#on$t a
hapha@ard !olle!tion of lare reen #etal &arehou$e$" I dropped do&n a ra#p into a $tain area in front of
a #u!h larer hanar" At the far end of it, on the ede of the airfield, lay a very dilapidated !abin &ith
A9rodu!tion7 daubed on it$ $ide" A Harrier ;u#p ;et &a$ parked in the #iddle di$tan!e"
It $ee#ed I7d arrived at the AStudio7" )ith a little ti#e in hand, I &alked the $ite"
The airfield &a$ a$ flat a$ a billiard table, &ith neat reen field$ $urroundin the tar#a! landin
$trip$" I !ouldn7t #ake out any kind of !ir!uit in the $ea of rey #i$t" A tired $ilver tree-line $eparated the
earth fro# the !lear blue $ky"
The pla!e #u$t have had a real bu@@ in it$ lory day$, fir$t durin the Se!ond )orld )ar and then
a$ a Harrier provin round" Cn thi$ $till #ornin I !ould al#o$t hear the banter of air!re& $!ra#blin to their
air!raft"
No& it felt like the Land that Ti#e Forot" *u$ted !ontrol panel$ littered the area" +ra!ked !on!rete
billet$ ?o$tled &ith di$u$ed hanar$ and pebble-da$hed Seventie$ #on$tro$itie$"
I paid an obliatory pre-#at!h vi$it to the nearby loo$" T&o fre$h pie!e$ of raffiti read( AFu!k ;ere#y
+lark$on7 and A*i!hard Ha##ond i$ a7" Sadly, Ha##ond7$ euloy had never been !o#pleted" My lauhter
e!hoed do&n the de$erted !orridor" I felt like a #ad#an"
I returned to the produ!tion hut and ave it the on!e over" A !ardboard !ut-out of a poli!e#an $tood
uard at the &indo& be$ide a larer !ut-out $till of ;ohn 9re$!ott, an ironin board, a #oth-eaten #ini-$ofa
and a !lu$ter of to>i! !offee !up$ and :i! biro$"
)hat the hell did they do here=
A &orn !hair overlooked a rubby telephone &hi!h $at, inert, on a filthy &ood veneer table" A printed
li$t of Akey !onta!t$7 &a$ pinned to the &all, belyin the !abin7$ ab$en!e of di$!ernible fun!tion"
*oo# . &a$ #arinally better appointed, &ith a $#all TE $et $urrounded by EHS tape$ but no
player" A fe& photo$ of rando# !elebritie$ de!orated the fli#$y, !ob&ebbed &all$"
*oo# / !ontained a lare hanin rail fro# &hi!h hun a old $e'uin ?a!ket, a flo&er po&er $hirt
and an enor#ou$ pair of ?ean$" A !rate of *ed :ull lurked in the !orner" The pla!e $tank of fa$, #ilde& and
Eau de Man"
)ith an un!ertain re!olle!tion of #y la$t tetanu$ ?ab, I opted to &ait in$ide #y !ar and nod off to
$o#e filthy hard hou$e tune$"
I &oke to the $ound of ru$hin ravel a$ a $#all hat!hba!k pulled up in front of #e" I ue$$ed thi$
&a$ #y #an by hi$ $ilver hair and #edia i$$ue deni# ?a!ket" I !li#bed out to reet hi#"
He hit!hed up hi$ trou$er$ and $huffled to&ard$ #e like a lu# but fa#iliar un!le on a rare vi$it
ho#e" It &a$ only 6"/8, but hi$ five o7!lo!k $hado& $ue$ted he had already had a lon day" He !la$ped a
bur$tin folder of paper$ under one ar#"
He looked in every dire!tion but #ine" I #oved to $hake hi$ hand" )ith $o#e relu!tan!e he
eventually re!ipro!ated"
A*iht F7
AGreat to #eet you, Andy"7
ADid you tell anyone you &ere !o#in=7 he a$ked"
ANo,7 I $aid"
ACD, ood"7
Andy e>plained that the tra!k &ould open up for $o#e fa$t lap$ at ten" I had no idea of &hat the tra!k
even looked like, &hat !ar I &ould be drivin or &hat te$t lay ahead, $o it &a$n7t ea$y to prepare for &hat
!a#e ne>t"
Andy unlo!ked a blue Ford Fo!u$ in the !ar park and it da&ned on #e that thi$ underpo&ered front-
&heel-drive affair &ould be hi$ #ea$urin $ti!k of #y perfor#an!e" Bear$ of ra!in e>perien!e in For#ula ,
$tyle #a!hine$ &ent out the &indo&% it &a$ ti#e to rely on a fe& bad habit$"
Andy hun!hed over the &heel and drove u$ $erenely around the tra!k" :ut for the o!!a$ional $teely-
eyed lare at a !orner, hi$ eye$ $parkled a$ if he &a$ en?oyin $o#e private ?oke"
The $ilver fo> indi!ated the area$ I &a$ Anot allo&ed to drive a!ro$$7, $u!h a$ the &hite line$ on the
e>it of the fir$t !orner, !o#in out of the $e!ond !orner, and e$pe!ially tho$e #arkin the AHa##erhead7
!hi!ane" I nodded re$pe!tfully, a$ you do on the head#a$ter7$ tour of the $!hool round$"
The tra!k looked $traihtfor&ard enouh, and there &ere $o#e ball$y fa$t !orner$ in the #iddle that
!ould be hairy in a proper !ar"
AThi$ one $ort$ the #en out fro# the boy$,7 Andy $aid &ith $o#ethin approa!hin reli$h"
A riot of $kid #ark$ and fre$hly !arved-up ra$$ around the final !orner$ did indeed $ue$t that the
la$t t&o turn$ #iht be trea!herou$"
Andy7$ e>pre$$ion darkened aain a$ he parked on the $tart line and he !o#pre$$ed hi$ lip$" ABou
$tart ea!h lap here, yeah, and I7ll be ti#in you" Go a!ro$$ the line and then I7ll re$et $o you !an o aain"7
ASo it7$ not flyin lap$ then=7
ANo" Standin $tart every ti#e"7
AHo& #any do I et=7 I a$ked"
A<# F &e7ll do a fe&" CD"7
Andy di$e#barked" I ?u#ped into the driver7$ $eat and !lunk-!li!ked" The foa# $eat didn7t ive #u!h,
it felt upriht and too !lo$e to the &heel" I $huffled it ba!k for $o#e le-roo#, ad?u$ted the $teerin hiher
and re#oved the valet paper fro# the foot-&ell" I ave the !ontrol$ a 'ui!k on!e-over" A five-$peed #anual
bo> and a fairly $olid brake pedal"
I $ear!hed the da$hboard for the tra!tion !ontrol button and turned it off for the !lo$e$t it$ ,"3 litre$
!ould et to #a>i#u#, unbridled a!!eleration" I envi$aed #akin a fe& re!onnai$$an!e lap$ to learn the
tra!k, then po$tin a balli$ti! ti#e"
A$ I looked up Andy &a$ e$ti!ulatin &ith hi$ riht hand and brandi$hin a $top&at!h &ith hi$ left"
AShit, han on F7
I rabbed the ear-$ti!k and ?a##ed it into fir$t ear, $i#ultaneou$ly unnin the enine to a
re$pe!table 0,888rp#" Andy7$ ar# dropped and I didn7t $ti!k around to a$k 'ue$tion$" Du#pin the !lut!h, I
lur!hed off the line, &heel$ $pinnin and !la&in at the tra!k"
Less revs next time F
The !ar felt tiny on the broad e>pan$e of run&ay" I approa!hed the fir$t !orner by po$itionin #y$elf
to the far riht, then $&un a!ro$$ to the left, leavin #y brakin till the la$t po$$ible #o#ent"
I heaved on the #iddle pedal and the A:S !ut in i##ediately, redu!in it to a vibratin &affle" The
front tyre$ of the Fo!u$ &ere in prote$t all the &ay" I #i$$ed the #iddle point of the !orner by a !ountry #ile,
&hi!h !o$t #e $peed on to the $hort $traiht that follo&ed" I planted the a!!elerator any&ay"
The tyre$ ho&led &ith di$!o#fort and &aft$ of burnin rubber filled the !abin, repla!in the $&eet
$ili!one $#ell of the ne& fabri!$"
I pulled out of the utter and lined up for a $i#ple left-hand kink #arked only by a &hite line a$ the
$ure of tor'ue ran throuh the Ford7$ enine" There &a$ no need to relea$e the throttle a$ &e $ped to&ard$
the ne>t !orner, #arked by a &all of tyre$, that Andy had !alled A+hi!ao7"
I hit the brake$ &ith a little #ore $en$itivity and the front tyre$ re$ponded by turnin #ore ra!efully
in the riht dire!tion" I $lapped the $ti!k a!ro$$ to $e!ond and radually $oaked up the bitin point of the
!lut!h to let the tor'ue of the enine-brakin do it$ ?ob" I $nat!hed a tiny bit of the throttle #id-!orner to keep
up the $peed before buryin it aain"
I pro!eeded do&n the #iddle of a ianti! run&ay and reali$ed I had no idea &here to o ne>t" After
a &hile, the $traiht bean to run out" I noti!ed $o#e unfriendly lookin fen!in in the $!rub beyond for
nettin runa&ay air!raft" I didn7t fan!y tanlin &ith it, but I didn7t &ant to lo$e ti#e bein !autiou$ either"
To #y riht &a$ a brakin #arker, &ith $o#e $'uily &hite line$ ad?a!ent" The notoriou$
Ha##erhead !hi!ane"
I &hipped a!ro$$ to the riht-hand $ide and dived on the brake$" The A:S thouht it &a$ havin an
a!!ident, then $o did I a$ the rear end lo$t rip"
I fli!ked the $teerin left and riht a$ the ba!k $&un around like a :eyon!G bootie $hake" I
a!!elerated to reain !ontrol and the po&erin front &heel$ draed the $'uir#in !ha$$i$ into line, a trait
uni'ue to front-&heel-drive !ar$"
Messy, Ill get it right next time
I $ped do&n the $traiht to&ard$ the fa$t AFollo& Throuh7 $e!tion" )ithout kno&in ho& #any lap$ I
had to prove #y$elf, I opted to try the !orner flat out and $ee &hat ave"
I turned in to&ard$ the red-painted !hevron$ on the tar#a! and felt the Ford7$ body lean heavily on
to it$ &heel ar!he$ a$ the &eiht $&un a!ro$$ the $u$pen$ion" The &in #irror$ &ere $!rapin the floor a$ I
ran out &ide to&ard$ the ra$$" Her a$$ &iled a$ $he dipped in and out of a $#all ully and I breathed
aain a$ &e re?oined the tar#a!"
I approa!hed the +hi!ao tyre &all for the $e!ond ti#e, re#e#berin to hold it flat for the left, rather
than brakin to turn riht" The level hori@on #ade it hard to read the round !o#in fa$t throuh the
da$hboard but I !ould $ee a $ea# &here the ta>i&ay ?oined the #ain run&ay" I ai#ed for the anular ?oin,
!lobbered a $tor# drain and fle& out the other $ide" A flurry of $pray $'uirted out of the bri##ed &ind$!reen
&a$her re$ervoir a$ the i#pa!t &eakened it$ bladder" The !itru$ ta$te in #y #outh #ade #e $&allo& for the
fir$t ti#e $in!e I $tarted the lap"
The bi !hallene lay in the final t&o !orner$, &hi!h I !ouldn7t even $ee be!au$e the run&ay &a$ $o
&ide and $tret!hed $o far into the di$tan!e"
I &ould be approa!hin A:a!hara!h7 at the !ar7$ ter#inal velo!ity" After #y Ha##erhead e>perien!e,
I opted for a $en$ible approa!h and $!oured the run&ay for $in$ of a !orner" Suddenly, ,88 feet to #y left,
an openin in the ra$$ appeared"
The brake$ roaned" The !ar pointed !lu#$ily in the !orre!t dire!tion and travelled the breadth of the
run&ay to finally ?oin the !orner, &hi!h abruptly tihtened" The road 'ui!kly ran out and I dropped t&o &heel$
on the turf" No& I kne& &hy thi$ &a$ $kid #ark !entral"
There &a$ a $hort $hoot to the final !orner and I &ondered if I !ould take it &ithout brakin" I dabbed
the pedal any&ay and &a$ lad for it a$ the front broke a&ay and the ra$$ vere to the out$ide loo#ed into
vie&, &ith Andy $tandin on it"
Hi$ trou$er$ &ere bun!hin at the ankle aain a$ he bent and fi>ed #e &ith hi$ $tony a@e" He
$napped do&n hard on hi$ $top&at!h a$ I !ro$$ed the line"
I pulled up alon$ide hi# and rolled do&n the &indo&"
A)hat do you think=7 he a$ked"
AI think I kno& &hi!h &ay the tra!k oe$ no&" )hat a# I tryin to beat=7
A)e don7t tell you the ti#e$"7
A)hat= Not even my ti#e$=7
ANope" The old Sti7$ pretty fa$t round here thouh" He kne& thi$ pla!e like the ba!k of hi$ love"
+an you o any 'ui!ker=7
AAb$olutely" That7$ ?u$t #y fir$t o"7
A puff of $#oke appeared fro# behind the &in #irror" A $niff in it$ dire!tion !onfir#ed the proble#"
AE>!u$e #e, I think the brake$ are !at!hin fire" I7ll be ba!k in a #inute"7
I $et off do&n the air$trip to !ool the pin$ and a$$e$$ the $ituation" Thi$ &a$ unlike any 'ualifyin
$e$$ion I7d done before" The rule$ $ee#ed to be !hanin by the #inute"
)ithout a ti#e to beat I had to fo!u$ on #a>i#i$in #y per$onal perfor#an!e" If I !ould put a lap
toether that I &ould $trule to repeat, I7d bet it &ould beat &hatever ben!h#ark ti#e Andy had for thi$ !ar"
The tra!k &a$ $i#ple enouh, if a little hard to #ake out, but #y peripheral vi$ion &a$ dialled in" No& I ?u$t
needed to #a$ter the rhyth#" ;u$t one, perfe!t, lap"
I lined up at the $tart and &arned Andy to $tand further ba!k thi$ ti#e"
My $e!ond lap &a$ #u!h !leaner" I puni$hed the front tyre$ le$$ by brakin lihter and earlier to
!arry #ore $peed into every !orner" I $la##ed a!ro$$ the fini$h line, ran a little &ide and !auht a li#p$e of
Andy poun!in on hi$ $top&at!h"
I rolled the &indo& do&n and he leant aain$t the door"
AHo& &a$ that=7 he a$ked"
AI don7t kno&,7 I rinned" ABou tell #eH7
ABou7re not far off"7
That &a$ &hen the adrenalin $tarted" The early lap$ &ere ?u$t kitten play" To eke out the tiny
fra!tion$ of $peed in every !orner, I needed one e>!eptional run" My #outh dried a$ blood $ured around #y
body and I felt the elation of i#pendin e>!ellen!e" I &a$ be!o#in 'ui!ker, $troner and #ore e>plo$ive
&ith every heartbeat" I &a$ a heartbeat a&ay fro# bur$tin out of #y $hirt and turnin reen"
I #ade a perfe!t $tart" The $hort hair$ pri!kled on the ba!k of #y ne!k" At the far end of the tunnel
lay the fir$t !orner" I ab$orbed the vie&" A$ I !lo$ed in, I allo&ed #y vi$ion to loo$en, blur and &iden into the
periphery" Cne all-$eein eye"
I braked late, $ki##in the ravel on the in$ide and loadin the front tyre$ ?u$t enouh to prevent the
A:S fro# ate-!ra$hin" I $'uee@ed the throttle" The !ar re#ained $teady, borin even" 9erfe!t"
The pro!e$$ &a$ repeated throuh +hi!ao and then Ha##erhead, $tayin ?u$t &ithin the toleran!e
of the front tyre$, !ontrollin every #ove#ent, $tealin every oun!e of throttle, every in!h of tar#a!"
I u$ed a$ little $teerin a$ po$$ible throuh the fa$t riht, then the left, keepin the fri!tion of the
rubber to the bare #ini#u# &ith the a$ pedal &elded to the floor" The tyre$ e#itted a uttural ho&l a$ all
four &heel$ $kated at ,88#ph" Cnly t&o turn$ to o"
The $peed ra#ped up a$ I $hifted into top ear" The #arker$ appeared on #y riht $ide, &ith the
,88 fir$t" I $!anned left and found the !orner" Not yet" 9a$t the 28" Not yet" The final #arker, an arro& board,
&a$ !o#in up fa$t"
I braked, the !ar du in, then I i##ediately had to relea$e the pre$$ure to et the front &heel$ to
turn" It &a$ an i#po$$ible $peed and the rear $kidded a&ay" I ?a##ed the throttle open" The front &heel$
$pun in third ear and I flipped a !oin in #y head( $ti!k or $pin" Stick, you astard"
The !ar laun!hed into the !orner at an a!ute anle, !uttin a!ro$$ the ra$$ at it$ ape> and boun!in
over the !on!rete kerbin" I &a$ out of !ontrol, but !opin"
I $lid a!ro$$ the narro& $e!tion of tar#a! and dropped three &heel$ on the ra$$ on the e>it" I barely
had ti#e to et ba!k on the bla!k $tuff to blat the brake and !hu!k it left for the la$t ti#e"
I pit!hed her in a bit too 'ui!k, $&iped the ape>, $lid &ide and hit the #ark &here Andy had been
$tandin" The vere pro?e!ted the !ar $ide&ay$ into the air but it no loner #attered to #e" It !ould flip on to
it$ roof and e>plode be!au$e &e7d $till !ro$$ the fini$h line ?u$t .2 feet a&ay"
I !ra$hed landed on the other $ide of the ra$$, the #etal &heel ri#$ plouhin fir$t into the !on!rete
then !run!hin throuh the ravel bed linin the ede" *o!k$ $pe&ed in all dire!tion$"
AThat one felt ood,7 I $aid"
Andy &a$ $!ribblin note$ in hi$ little pad"
ABeah" That one &a$ fa$ter"7
I thouht to #y$elf, !es, Ive loody got this" but #ade no out&ard $in, $in!e he hadn7t either"
Hi$ bro& furro&ed" ADo you think you !an et any #ore out of it=7
AMore=7 That had #e &orried" I didn7t think it had any, but it &a$ &orth a try"
I baned in another lap that &a$ nearly a$ fa$t a$ #y be$t, then !on!eded that I !ouldn7t o any
'ui!ker"
AAll riht" )ell, if you think that7$ it, &e7ll !all it a day"7
Andy put hi$ $top&at!h ba!k into hi$ po!ket" It $ee#ed that our bu$ine$$ had been !on!luded" He
thanked #e and $aid he &ould !all #e $o#eti#e"
I &aited &eek$ for any $ue$tion that #y perfor#an!e &a$ up to $!rat!h, or that there &a$ any
&ork &ith the$e people that #iht pay the rent" Andy !alled and a$ked #e to $end hi# a !o##er!ial I7d done
for Eau>hall &hi!h featured lot$ of pre!i$ion $lidin !lo$e to !a#era on $no& and i!e, ?u$t the kind of
trade!raft he needed" A+an you $end the ru$he$ too=7
ASure, no proble#,7 I told hi#, not kno&in &hat on earth he &a$ talkin about"
*u$he$, I learnt, &ere the ra& footae" :y $iftin throuh the#, Andy !ould deter#ine &hether the
dire!tor had had to edit around #y drivin or if I &a$ !on$i$tently ettin it riht on the fir$t take" Hi$ attention
to detail kne& no bound$" Cnly ti#e &ould tell if I had a future &ith To# $ear"
+hapter .
Need for Speed
I fle& alon the tar#a!, enine $!rea#in" The rain la$hed do&n fro# the $&irlin #a$$ of !loud
above" )ith the ne>t !orner approa!hin I !he!ked the #irror$ for the !o#petition% they &ere no&here in
$iht" My oal &a$ ulti#ate $peed and perfe!tion, at any !o$t" Leanin on the brake$ at the la$t po$$ible
#o#ent and #at!hin the rev$ &ith ea!h do&n-!hane, I !ould feel the !ha$$i$ $'uir#in loo$ely a$ it
$truled to find enouh rip to !ope &ith the brakin for!e$"
A!!elerated #ove#ent $harpened the $en$e$, dulled reality, heihtened per!eption, 'ui!kened the
#ind, $lo&ed ti#e, purified travel, tran$ported #y bein into another &orld I the pla!e &here I &anted to live"
Do&n into third ear &ith ?u$t enouh ti#e to #ake the !re$t of the riht-hander, the brake$ relea$ed
and &e laun!hed throuh the air, $pearin $ide&ay$ on the landin" It took every oun!e of $trenth to $hove
the $teerin into full oppo$ite lo!k until it baned on to the end of the ra!k $top" The $lide !ontinued, !lo$er
and !lo$er to the fen!e line" I !a#e off everythin, relea$ed the throttle and hoped for the be$t" The li#ited
fri!tion of the $odden $urfa!e finally took a fe& !ru!ial #ph off #y $peed, a$ the $lide balan!ed and the tra!k
pluned $teeply" I ad?u$ted the $teerin and !ra!ked the throttle aain" I felt unbeatable"
The botto# !orner !ut a!ro$$ a $teep hill, !reatin a hefty a#ount of adver$e !a#ber" A !hallene
on a ood day, the &et $urfa!e $eriou$ly redu!ed the rip and brakin po&er available to #ake it throuh"
A$ I $tret!hed #y over$i@ed rubber boot to&ard$ the brake, the tip of the toe !auht on the body&ork
and $tu!k for a nano$e!ond too lon, !au$in the rear &heel$ to lo!k" Front and rear bean to $lide in a
perfe!t but totally un!ontrollable drift to&ard$ the &ood$"
I $tarted to $ee $trand after $trand of barbed &ire intert&ined bet&een the tree$" The !on$e'uen!e$
of de$troyin the #a!hine &eihed heavily" Fifty #ile$ per hour a!ro$$ &et ra$$ into blade$ and bark
be!a#e #y i##ediate reality" *a& adrenalin $ured around #y $y$te#" Ti#e $lo&ed"
I #ade a $plit-$e!ond de!i$ion to $ave #y o&n $kin" I thre& #y$elf off and hit the de!k hard" +lad in
no le$$ than three :arbour ?a!ket$ and #y #other7$ Hunter )ellinton$, I $!rabbled at !lu#p$ of ra$$ to
divert #y $peedin body to&ard$ a friendly lookin pine"
Mean&hile, the far#7$ one and only All Terrain +y!le thundered into a $i@eable bir!h on fa$t for&ard,
the barbed &ire rippin the body&ork apart like a !hee$e-$li!er"
My body !art&heeled a!ro$$ the $li!k ra$$ and I !a#e to re$t in a bed of $tinin nettle$ aain$t
the pine tree" I lay flat on #y ba!k &ith tree root$ e#bedded in #y $houlder$, &hee@in to et the &ind ba!k
into #y lun$" I lan!ed do&n to $ee #y three pair$ of $o!k$ danlin fro# #y toe$" They had been the only
&ay to fit #y ten-year-old feet rea$onably $nuly into the &ellie$" The boot$ the#$elve$, !o&ard$, &ere
no&here to be $een"
The elation of $urvival and the ab$urdity of #y $ituation $ank in" I &a$ alone, !ra$hed out at the
botto# of a re#ote field in the !orner of a tiny i$land on a planet the $i@e of a $pe!k of du$t in the li#itle$$
univer$e" I bur$t out lauhin"
I &iped the #ud fro# #y eye$ and hobbled over to #ake a !ur$ory in$pe!tion of the three-&heeled
!y!le" The body&ork &a$ $#a$hed around the &heel ar!he$, the pla$ti! $peedo#eter &a$ !ra!ked and the
foa# $eat, &here I had been $ittin ?u$t #o#ent$ earlier, &a$ $la$hed to pie!e$ by the barbed &ire" It looked
really !ool" Dad &a$ oin to kill #e" :ut #y addi!tion to $peed &a$ all hi$ fault in the fir$t pla!e"
My father &a$ #ore into !ar$ than anyone I have ever kno&n" He &ould &at!h For#ula , on the TE
reliiou$ly, $norin hi$ &ay throuh the final lap$ on a Sunday afternoon" It &a$ #y !ue to find $o#ethin
#ore intere$tin than &at!hin a bun!h of !ar$ drone around a $tret!h of tar#a!" And that $o#ethin
nor#ally took the $hape of a Lotu$ F,-$tyled pedal kart" It took #e eihteen year$ to reali$e the !onne!tion"
The thrill of drivin and ri$k takin had been in$tilled in #e fro# an early ae" No t&o ?ourney$ in #y
dad7$ !ar &ere ever the $a#e, but they enerally bean &ith $o#e kind of $tunt and al&ay$ broke the $peed
li#it"
)hen I &a$ four, Dad &a$ a #anaer for a tran$port !o#pany and hi$ $tar &a$ ri$in" Hi$ ift &a$
hi$ ability to eye up a bu$ine$$ and $harply turn it around" )e all !li#bed aboard hi$ *over SD, and headed
over to hi$ bo$$7$ pla!e for lun!h" It &a$ a !ool hat!hba!k, $haped like a &ede of !hee$e &ith a hint of
Ferrari Daytona around the ki$$er" +ooler $till, I had the #at!hbo> ver$ion in it$ ra!in livery"
Dad &a$ de!ked out in a tan $uit &ith ludi!rou$ lapel$ that &ere trJ$ voue in the Seventie$" Hi$
!olour blindne$$ al&ay$ uaranteed $o#ethin $pe!ial and today &a$ no di$appoint#ent( a p$y!hedeli!
pai$ley tie and a briht yello& $hirt, drippin &ith Cld Spi!e"
He !a#e fro# a &orkin-!la$$ ba!kround and &a$ rai$ed the hard &ay" )hen he earned a $lot at
the lo!al ra##ar $!hool, hi$ #other had to di deep to afford the unifor#" Nan didn7t take any !rap" )hen it
!a#e to partin &ith her hard-earned, $he bouht the unifor#$ $he liked #o$t rather than the one for the
in$titution #y dad &a$ a!tually attendin" Sportin the !ap fro# one $!hool and a bla@er and tie fro# t&o
other$, hi$ fir$t day$ at !ollee &ere inevitably bloody, but he never lo$t hi$ uni'ue $artorial $tyle"
My #other had $&ept her hair ba!k in a !hinon and boa$ted pearl earrin$, eleant old ne!kla!e
and frilly blou$e" Fabulou$, darlin" I $at in the ba!k &ith #y hair like a puddin ba$in, lookin $harp in blue
!ord$ and #at!hin ?u#per" :utter &ouldn7t #elt"
Seein u$ all in our Sunday finery triered $o#ethin in #y old #an" He $hot #e a kno&in $#ile
in the rear-vie& #irror"
AHold on, :en"7
I kne& &hat that #eant"
The lane to the hou$e I re& up in &a$ ?u$t over a 'uarter of a #ile lon and #et the #ain road at a
T-?un!tion" The perfe!t dra-$trip"
Dad dropped the !lut!h and tore a&ay, layin a !ouple of thi!k bla!k line$ of bubblin rubber a!ro$$
our drive&ay" Cn!e the G-for!e$ had $ub$ided, I leant for&ard to et a rin$ide vie&" The revvin enine and
the $'uealin tyre$ all but dro&ned out #y #other7$ ob?e!tion$" She $&atted hi# &ith her handba, but there
&a$ no $toppin hi#"
The hedero&$ @oo#ed pa$t" I !heered every ear !hane until the T-?un!tion $pran into vie&"
Everythin &ent 'uiet"
I didn7t need to be a drivin e>pert for #y four-year-old brain to rei$ter there &a$ no &ay the !ar
&ould $top in ti#e for the !orner u$in !onventional #ean$" Mu# fiured that too" She ave up &ith the
handba and e#itted a hih pit!hed AFuuuuuuuuuu!k F7
It took a lot to rattle Mu#" )hen $he &a$ four year$ old $he lived in Sutton, &hi!h lay alon the
Ger#an bo#bin run durin the Se!ond )orld )ar" Three of the hou$e$ $he lived in &ere !o#pletely
de$troyed" :y pure lu!k, her fa#ily had been out on ea!h o!!a$ion" Cne $u##er7$ day $he &a$ playin in
the arden &hen her #other $!rea#ed for her to !o#e in$ide" :efore $he !ould #ove an in!h, bullet$ fro# a
lo&-flyin air!raft $trafed the arden &all$ and plant pot$ e>ploded either $ide of her" Mu# &ent on to &ork in
hot $pot$ a!ro$$ the Middle Ea$t and around the lobe a$ a *oyal Navy nur$e" She al&ay$ held her nerve,
but Dad7$ drivin freaked her out every ti#e"
Dad kept hi$ foot on the a$ until the very la$t #o#ent" The dit!h on the far $ide of the ?un!tion &a$
only #etre$ a&ay" )e &ere thro&n for&ard a$ Dad yanked hard on the handbrake and $pun the *over
$ide&ay$, $kiddin a!ro$$ the tar#a!"
The !ar drifted to the ede of the vere borderin the dit!h and #y $to#a!h flipped &ith the e>!itin
pro$pe!t of !ra$hin into it"
:y !areful ?ude#ent, or a $troke of lu!k, &e ?u$t !are$$ed the vere and $traihtened up" Di$a$ter
&a$ averted" Mu# re!overed her ne!kla!e fro# bet&een her $houlder-blade$ and &e drove a&ay ilin"
I7d never heard #y #other $&ear before, $o I treated thi$ ne& &ord Afuuuuuuuuu!k7 &ith reat
reveren!e" After a t&enty-five-#inute ?ourney &e arrived at our de$tination" Mu# ad?u$ted #y $hirt and tie a$
&e approa!hed the front door" )e &ere reeted by the bo$$, hi$ &ife and finally hi$ dauhter"
A:en, thi$ i$ Stephanie"7
AFuuuuuuuuuu!k Stephanie,7 I replied"
Bou !ould have heard a #ou$e fart" After a little $#ooth talkin, #y parent$ du the#$elve$ out of it
and I &a$ allo&ed in for !hipolata$ and !ake"
Dad kept hi$ ?ob &ith the !o#pany in $pite of hi$ feral off$prin and &e &ere invited ba!k for a
rander fun!tion a year later" The !o#pany &a$ !hanin it$ vehi!le fleet and ne& !ar$ &ere di$hed out" I
kne& ho& di$appointed he &a$ not to be in line for a ne& ;auar K;S, like the one the bo$$ had ordered for
hi#$elf"
)e piled into the *over to the a!!o#pani#ent of Dad7$ favourite drivin $oundtra!k, the ?anlin
uitar riff$ fro# The $ood, the %ad and the &gly"
I &a$ thorouhly briefed to avoid the $&earin i$$ue, but Dad &a$ ki!kin off aain about the ;auar
$ituation" Mu# told hi# to put a $o!k in it"
I didn7t talk #u!h a$ a kid and they probably thouht I &a$n7t li$tenin" I felt deta!hed fro# the
ab$urdity of the everyday" I $tared blankly at the blurred $trea# of reen and yello& out$ide the &indo& and
drea#t of flyin thi$ lo& in a fihter ?et" Se!retly, I &a$ in trainin"
)e duly arrived at the party and #ade it pa$t the introdu!tion$ &ithout a $inle thirteen-letter &ord"
The do &a$ &ell under &ay, &ith $!ore$ of bu$ine$$ type$ #inlin, net&orkin and $lurpin their &ay up the
!orporate food !hain" My old #an &a$ holdin forth a$ ever, entertainin a roup of youn #anaer$ &ith a
#i>ture of ?oke$ and forthriht di$!u$$ion$, inter$per$ed by plenty of viorou$ e$ture$ and rau!ou$ lauhter"
Dad7$ lauh &a$ infe!tiou$" Hi$ eye$ !rea$ed and hi$ broad #outh $pread into the en!hantin rin that
epito#i$ed hi$ ?oie de vivre"
I &a$ loiterin around the food table like a ti#e bo#b &aitin to e>plode" I &a$ already prora##ed
&ith the vie& that the &orld &a$ populated by ood uy$ and bad uy$, and in thi$ roo# full of $#all talk and
ro&n-up$ I de!ided to break free of #y $hyne$$ and a!t on a ?ude#ent !all"
The bo$$ &a$ bree@in pa$t &hen I !auht hi$ eye" He felt he had to $top and fein $o#e intere$t"
AHo& i$ $!hool then F uh F :en=7 he a$ked"
A)hy !an7t #y daddy have a ;auar=7 I replied"
He #ade $o#e #ore talkin noi$e$ that failed to #ake an i#pre$$ion on #e, $o I ki!ked hi#
$'uarely in the te$ti!le$"
A $#all boy &a$ ideally pla!ed for $u!h an atta!k" )hat I la!ked in firepo&er &a$ #ore than #ade
up for by the a!!ura!y ained fro# bein at eye level &ith the taret"
;udin by the &ay the bo$$7$ le$ bu!kled a$ he doubled over, I7d properly run the bell on hi$ Hih
Striker" The $e!ond pain-&ave $&ept a!ro$$ hi#, tear$ &elled in hi$ eye$ and he dropped to hi$ knee$,
$trainin to et hi$ breath ba!k" So#ethin about the bell-botto#$ draped fro# hi$ parted le$ on the
Criental ru #ade hi# look entirely ridi!ulou$" The &hole party erupted &ith lauhter" The bo$$ &a$ a$
popular in the offi!e a$ David :rent"
The i#portan!e of bein truthful and $tandin up for #y$elf had been in$tilled in #e by #y parent$% I
?u$t added #y o&n interpretation" Dad de$erved that !ar and the bo$$ &a$ a troll under the bride for
$ue$tin other&i$e" ATruth Tourette7$7 ha$ $tu!k &ith #e ever $in!e" I !an7t $ay that it7$ #ade life ea$y, but
I7ve en?oyed bu$tin a fe& ball$"
Dad didn7t et the ;auar that ti#e but he #ade up for it in later life" He !haned !ar$ a$ often a$ he
e#ptied the a$htray" He #u$t have o&ned about forty of the thin$" A$ $oon a$ he !ould afford one, he
bouht it"
In $pite of the love of !ar$ that pervaded our fa#ily, #y $ole a#bition &a$ to be a fihter pilot" I
&anted $uper$oni! $peed and the $uperhu#an refle>e$ to o &ith it" I read endle$$ a!!ount$ of ;u#p ;et$
&innin in !o#bat $i#ulation$ aain$t $!ore$ of fa$ter but le$$ ni#ble A#eri!an F-,0 To#!at$" My bedroo#
&a$ littered &ith po$ter$ of fihter plane$ and book$ detailin every !on!eivable &eapon$ $y$te# and their
theatre of operation" I #e#ori$ed payload$, thru$t-to-&eiht ratio$ and the #inutiae of fliht" Cne hundred
per !ent nerd alert"
*epeated hih $!ore$ on the Star )ar$ Ar!ade a#e proved to #e that #y a!!eptan!e into the
*AF &a$ a #ere for#ality" A)aive the vettin pro!e$$, fella$, $end thi$ one $traiht up to $pla$h Mi$"7
Mu# re!o##ended I o for an eye te$t ?u$t to be $ure"
I per!hed on a leather $tool and after !on$iderable &indin it &a$ hih enouh for #e to vie& the
te$tin $!reen" I $tared at a $e'uen!e of lo&in $hape$ in$ide a hooded !o#puter, li$tenin to the opti!ian7$
breathin a$ he tapped hi$ keyboard" Hi$ $&ivel !hair !lattered a!ro$$ the floor and he &hi$pered a $trin of
i#patient in$tru!tion$"
The te$t &a$ over after a fe& #inute$" My $to#a!h tihtened &ith a flu$h of e>!ite#ent" I had taken
the fir$t $tep on a reater path"
AHo& did I do=7
The opti!ian lan!ed briefly in #y dire!tion" AThey &ouldn7t even let you load the bo#b$, $on, let
alone fly one"7
If he had only kno&n ho& !lo$e hi$ !ro&n ?e&el$ &ere to e>tin!tion, he #iht have $ho&n $o#e
re$pe!t" In Han Solo7$ verna!ular, I had ?u#ped out of &arp $peed $traiht into an a$teroid belt" My hope$
and drea#$ evaporated" I &a$ rounded"
I hated bein told &hat I !ouldn7t do, but it &a$ a po&erful toni!" The harder they pu$h you do&n, the
harder you !o#e ba!k up, over!o#e and over&hel#" Mind you, there &a$ no over!o#in #y eye$iht"
Mu# tried to !on$ole #e by $ue$tin other po$$ible !areer$ I the fore$try !o##i$$ion perhap$= I
$at in #y roo# for hour$ $urrounded by pi!ture$ of #a!hine$ that I &ould never fly"
My !o#petitive in$tin!t di$!overed another outlet for #y e#otion$" My introdu!tion to $&i##in &a$
not e>a!tly of #y o&n volition, but it &a$ the be$t thin that !ould have happened"
The +ollin$ fa#ily #oved to +alifornia &hen I &a$ five% #y father had been hired to turn around a
haulae fir#" My parent$ took #e to the lo!al $&i##in !lub" The !oa!h &a$ a tanned $urfer dude &ith $un-
blea!hed lo!k$ and a ripped tor$o" I $hivered at the $ide of the pool, looked at the other kid$ poundin
lenth$, and de!ided aain$t it"
Dad had a te#per that &a$ even 'ui!ker than hi$ &it and I &ent to reat lenth$ to avoid it"
A:en, et in"7 He didn7t look plea$ed"
ANo,7 I replied an>iou$ly"
He &ent for the rab and I dived for !over" I #anaed to hook #y ar# throuh a $un-louner, &hi!h
!a#e &ith #e a$ Dad la$$oed #y ki!kin le$ and pulled the# to&ard$ hi#" I kne& I &a$ $afe a$ lon a$ I
!ould hold on to that louner" Dad upped the ante" He pi!ked up the louner &ith #e atta!hed and thre& the
?ob lot into the pool" I &a$ in at the deep end and it &a$ a !a$e of $ink or $&i# or !o#e up &ith an alternative
!li!hG"
I &a$ furiou$ and puny and re& anrier $till a$ Dad looked do&n at #e, failin to re$train hi$
lauhter" I $et off at a rate of knot$ to the other end of the pool" *elu!tantly, I di$!overed I &a$ 'uite a fa$t
$&i##er"
After #y turbulent initiation, I en?oyed trainin &ith the !lub and bean !o#petin" The &hole fa#ily
turned out for #y fir$t appearan!e at a reional ala and #y rand#a &i$hed #e ood lu!k" AGo and &in all
your ra!e$,7 $he told #e" To #y a$toni$h#ent, I did" )innin felt ood% it ave #e a $en$e of purpo$e"
The C?ai Ealley $&i# tea# pun!hed &ell above it$ reional &eiht and I &a$ $oon !o#petin at
;unior Cly#pi! $tandard" Cur !oa!h &rote trainin e>er!i$e$ on a bla!kboard durin our daily $e$$ion$ and I
learnt never to read too far do&n" If the top read A388#7, that &a$ all that #attered, even if the ne>t line read
A,,888# throuh !ro!odile infe$ted $&a#p7" Fo!u$in on anythin but the pre$ent only #ade life harder"
The te!hni'ue$ &ere !hallenin, $lidin your ar#$ in a !ontrolled ar! around your body to propel
your$elf throuh the &ater" Ma$tery over breathin &a$ e$$ential and it developed the !ardio-va$!ular
$y$te#" The !ontrolled intake and relea$e of air &a$ !al#in and a vital ele#ent for keepin the body
platfor# $table and fa$t"
I &a$ ood but I tended to et !arried a&ay tryin to o too fa$t, $pinnin #y ar#$ throuh the &ater
like a &ind#ill"
The e>plo$ive nature of the ra!e$ &a$ all-!on$u#in"
The &ord A!an7t7 &a$ banned by our !oa!h, but reardle$$ ho& hard I trained &ith hi# or ho& #u!h I
atta!ked the &ater, I felt unable to produ!e true e>!ellen!e" )ithout that oal, $&i##in be!a#e a hobby
rather than #y $port" :ut it re#ained an invaluable introdu!tion to the art of #ental and phy$i!al !onditionin
that &ould prove e$$ential in ra!in, and beyond"
+hapter /
)innin
I &anted to be in$pired by $o#ethin I !ould e>!el at, !on$u#ed &ith a pa$$ion to $u!!eed" I !auht
the fir$t li#p$e of the path I &anted to !hoo$e on #y eihteenth birthday"
My father7$ e>!eptional ift &a$ a trial in a $inle-$eat ra!in !ar at the Silver$tone Grand 9ri> !ir!uit"
I had only been drivin for a fe& #onth$ I around the !ountry lane$ in #y #other7$ L-plated 0>0, &ith her
ridin $hotun" Mu# hit #e $o often &ith her handba that $he broke the handle" Apparently I Aleft no #arin
for error7"
Dad had been ravin about hi$ e>perien!e$ of ra!in% he7d ?u$t $tarted !o#petin hi#$elf" After a
tooth-?arrin trip a!ro$$ the $nakin $tret!he$ of the +ot$&old$ &ith hi# &orkin the &heel, &e arrived at the
!ir!uit ate$"
The #o#ent &e pulled off the road, the tar#a! in$ide be!a#e #ore enerou$" Grand$tand$ re&
$ky&ard$ in preparation for a bi event and the unu$ual barrier &all$ &ere painted in blue and &hite blo!k$" I
!auht li#p$e$ of the tra!k fro# behind the ra$$ bank$" The bare breadth of bitu#en &ith no road
#arkin$ &a$ unlike anythin I had ever $een"
I !li#bed into one of #y old #an7$ ra!in $uit$ and tied on &hat looked like blue ballet $hoe$" A #an
ave a briefin to a roup of u$ that involved plenty of !ra$hin and potential death" )e &ere u$in the hih-
$peed Grand 9ri> !ir!uit and had to $ho& it due !on$ideration"
The ra!in !ar &a$ nothin #u!h to look at" It la!ked For#ula , &in$ and hardly #ade a $ound a$
the #e!hani!$ fired it up, but every !o#ponent had an e$$ential purpo$e" :u$ine$$-like &heel$ !arryin
A$li!k7 tyre$ &ith no tread on the# &ere atta!hed to bony $teel $u$pen$ion ar#$ bolted to a $lender $teel
fra#e tub, at the front of &hi!h $at the no$e, honed like the tip of a ro!ket" The body&ork &a$ tri# and
!rafted purely for $peed"
Standin off to one $ide, I rai$ed #y riht le over a $idepod !ontainin the !oolin $y$te#, and into
the !o!kpit" I re$ted one ar# on the hihe$t point of the !ar, ?u$t /8 in!he$ fro# the round, then pulled in
the other le" Standin on the #oulded $eat, I ripped the $ide$ and $lid #y feet for&ard$"
The rev !ounter, $peedo, oil and &ater te#perature aue$ &ere hidden behind the $#all bla!k
$teerin &heel, alon &ith nu#erou$ #y$teriou$ button$" The $tainle$$ $teel ear $ti!k to the riht &a$ the
$i@e of a enerou$ thu#b" It $hifted &ith a deli!ate Athunk7 fro# one ear to the ne>t"
My feet tou!hed the pedal$ ?a##ed !lo$ely toether ahead of #e" The brake &a$ $olid a$ a bri!k,
the throttle $tiff until you applied pre$$ure, &hen it re$ponded pre!i$ely to tiny #ove#ent$" The $teerin felt
heavy &ith no po&er a$$i$tan!e, only the $trenth I applied to it tran$ferrin enery to the front &heel$ &hi!h
I !ould $ee turnin ahead of #e"
I tihtened the belt$ and they ?a##ed #e into the $eat, !onne!tin #e to the !ar" The hard $eat
rated at the bone$ in #y $houlder$" Everythin &a$ $o alien, yet I kne& it then" I &a$ ho#e"
The in$tru!tor deftly turned a red lever a 'uarter turn !lo!k&i$e, fli!ked a pair of $&it!he$ and an
orane liht lo&ed% the !ar &a$ alive" A9ut your riht foot do&n a 'uarter of an in!h"7
I re$ponded"
He pre$$ed a bla!k button and a hih-pit!hed $'ueal &a$ follo&ed by the rhyth#i! !hurn of the
enine" It $parked into life and beat an eaer pa!e, ru#blin fa$ter than any !ar I had ever heard" The $ound
alone &a$ enouh to $pla$h adrenalin throuh #y vein$" I &a$ at the ede of the unkno&n" The re$pon$ive
throttle, the dire!t $teerin, the beatin enine, the $li!k earbo> F All &ere built &ith a $inle purpo$e(
$peed"
My fir$t lap$ &ere $honky% I #i$$ed ear$ and ad?u$ted to the pre!i$ion of the !ontrol$" Cn!e I built
up $o#e $peed the $teerin be!a#e inten$e and darty" )hen I ran over a bu#p the floor a!tually hit #y
ba!k$ide, I &a$ $ittin that !lo$e to the round" The $en$e of $peed in a $traiht &a$ pale by !o#pari$on to
the !orner$"
The belt$ du into #y $houlder$ a$ I $ped throuh the turn$ like a !rui$e #i$$ile, albeit a larely
unuided one" I pu$hed the envelope a little further &ith every lap"
I over!ooked it $everal ti#e$ and $pun at +op$e, the fa$te$t !orner" The &all &a$ !lo$e to the tra!k
and I $en$ed daner until the !ar #ira!ulou$ly pointed it$elf in the riht dire!tion" I pu$hed on"
The $e$$ion ended in a fla$h, a #illion year$ too early" I relu!tantly pulled into the pit$ and $potted
Dad in the di$tan!e ne>t to one of the *ay :an-totin in$tru!tor$" In $pite of nu#erou$ No S#okin $in$, he
had a Marlboro ,88 lued to hi$ botto# lip and &a$ !lappin hi$ four-finered hand" He7d lo$t the little diit
re$!uin a hor$e"
My ti#e$ e'ualled the tra!k re!ord for the !ar" *ay :an #an &a$ tellin #y dad he $hould really et
#e into a ra!e" The old #an &a$ !learly $old on thi$ plan all alon" )e had to !onvin!e #y #other, but I
fiured another trip around the !ountry lane$ $hould do the tri!k"
Fro# that #o#ent on, #y $ole a#bition, #y ob$e$$ion &a$ to ra!e" The life I lo$t a$ a pilot &a$
rein!arnated a$ a ra!in driver" Every day fro# then until thi$ #ornin #y eye$ opened to the $a#e livin
drea#" I &anted to be a For#ula , !ha#pion" Nothin el$e #attered"
The traditional route to For#ula ,, or to any top !ateory in #otor $port, &a$ to !o#pete in o-kart$
fro# the third tri#e$ter" I7d ro&n up !o#petin in pretty #u!h every other &ay, a$ a $&i##er, on $ki$ and
ettin out of $!rape$ at $!hool" I had the killer in$tin!t to &in, but no e>perien!e of #otor ra!in, and it &a$
a #a?or di$advantae" Not that I $a& it that &ay"
I duly obtained a ra!in li!en!e at Silver$tone and found #y$elf lookin do&n at are$$ive $hort
people" Dartin, &ith it$ perfor#an!e $o !lo$ely linked to &eiht, had &eeded out the bi one$"
I ?oined the botto# run of the ra!in ladder( For#ula Fir$t" It &a$ derided a$ a !ha#pion$hip for
nutter$ and the $!ene of too #any !ra$he$" It &a$ the !heape$t for# of $inle-$eater ra!in and the be$t
&ay to o about &innin #y &ay to For#ula ," 9ie!e of !ake"
The other driver$ &ore !olourful hel#et de$in$ and i#portant lookin ra!in overall$ pla$tered &ith
$pon$or$" Dad $ue$ted I $tart out &ith $o#ethin $i#ple ba$ed on the <nion ;a!k" In the end I opted for
an all-bla!k ra!e $uit, bla!k love$, bla!k boot$ and a bla!k Si#p$on :andit hel#et &ith a bla!k-tinted vi$or
F
Fro# the fir$t day I bean te$tin the !ar, every &akin thouht revolved around a $inle $ub?e!t(
drivin fa$t" )ith no prior ra!in e>perien!e, I learnt the trade by &ord of #outh, fro# book$ about reat
driver$ like Ayrton Senna and Gille$ Eilleneuve, #aa@ine arti!le$ and televi$ion" Mo$tly, I learned the hard
&ay by ?u$t doin it" And $hit happened"
Cne bit of trainin $aved #y life #any ti#e$ over" I attended a $kid !ontrol !our$e, &hi!h had
nothin to do &ith bro&n underpant$" The in$tru!tor, :rian Sven$on, &a$ a for#er &re$tler kno&n a$ AThe
Nature :oy7" He had no ne!k but ave plenty of it a$ he talked #e throuh hi$ Ford Mondeo, fitted &ith a ri
that !ould lift the front or rear &heel$ off the round to #ake the# $lide"
Every ti#e I turned the $teerin, the rear &ould $pin $ide&ay$ a$ if it &a$ on i!e" My hand$ flayed at
the &heel like a !hi#pan@ee &orkin the till at M!Donald7$" Finernail$ &ent flyin, the horn &a$ beepin,
and before I kne& &hat had happened &e &ere $ailin ba!k&ard$"
:rian pre$$ed a button on the !ontrol panel in hi$ lap and !al#ly pulled the handbrake" The !ar
!a#e to a re$t in a !loud of burnt rubber and I rela>ed"
ACver$teer, rightH7 he barked"
ACD" )hat doe$ that #ean=7
A)ell in that !a$e it #ean$ the fookin !ar $pun around, yeah" Bou lo$t the ba!k end, $o it feel$ like
the !ar i$ turnin too #u!h" Cver" Steer"7 Hi$ &ord$ $ank in"
A)hen it 7appen$, feed the $teerin7 into the $lide a$ fa$t a$ you !an" None o7 that DSA $hufflin
bollo!k$" Bou7ve 'ui!k rea!tion$, ?u$t $pin that &heel a!ro$$ a bit further"7
ACD, :rian"7
Cff &e &ent aain" My p$y!hoti! in$tru!tor pre$$ed #ore button$ a$ &e approa!hed a tunnel of
orane !one$ &ith an inflatable ob$ta!le at the far end" I turned the $teerin left to dode the ob$ta!le and
nothin happened, $o I turned #ore"
AStop turnin,7 ordered Nature :oy"
ASod that"7 I turned #ore" Nothin"
'hum#()
AShit"7
ABou !an $ay that aain"7
A)hat happened then, :rian=7
A&ndersteer, riht" )hen you turn nothin7 happen$" The !ar oe$ $traiht on, yeah=7
A)hat $hould I do=7
ANot #u!h you !an do, but turnin #ore only #ake$ it &or$e" ;u$t et the $peed off then the rip
!o#e$ ba!k"7
)e upped the $peed to 38" After $everal ut-&ren!hin /38-deree $pin$, Nature :oy tauht #e to
fli!k #y head around like a ballerina to $ee &here I &a$ oin and !ontrol it" It &a$ in!redible" )e &ould
enter a !orner at pa!e and the !ar &ould $tart rotatin" )herever I looked, #y hand$ &ould follo& and the
!ar pointed ba!k in the riht dire!tion"
I $tarted to !o#plete lap after lap of the !ir!uit, driftin fro# one ate throuh to the ne>t" I forot I
&a$ even !arryin a pa$$ener until the $ound of Nature :oy !lappin brouht #e ba!k to #y $en$e$" I
reali$ed that :rian !ould no loner un$eat #e"
AE>!ellent" Bou7ve ot it" )hen7$ your fir$t ra!e=7
ANe>t &eek, at :rand$ Hat!h"7
A)hat you drivin=7
AFor#ula Fir$t, at the Fe$tival"7
ACh +hri$t,7 he $aid, bitin hi$ top lip" A$ood luck) ;u$t try and re#e#ber &hat I7ve tauht ya" If you
!an tell your #e!hani! &hat the !ar7$ really doin, you7ll o far"7
For#ula Fir$t &a$ a $erie$ for Abeinner$7" The rid for #y fir$t event boa$ted a kartin &orld
!ha#pion, t&o national !ha#pion$ and ra!e &inner$ fro# the previou$ $ea$on" Mo$t had been ra!in kart$
$in!e they $&apped nappie$ for No#e>" After $everal day$ of learnin to drive the !ar at labyrinthine !ir!uit$
like Culton 9ark, I arrived at :rand$ for #y fir$t #otor ra!e"
:rand$ Hat!h bein a for#er Grand 9ri> !ir!uit, even I had heard of thi$ pla!e" For#ula Fir$t &a$
$upportin the For#ula Ford Fe$tival that &a$ ho$t to over a hundred of the be$t a$pirin driver$ in the
&orld"
I approa!hed #y fir$t 'ualifyin $e$$ion &ith the intention of re-ena!tin #y be$t drivin at every
!orner" A$ an ine>perien!ed driver, ?u$t re-!reatin a &ay of drivin throuh a !orner ti#e after ti#e &a$ a
bi !hallene" It &a$ key to po$tin !on$i$tent lap ti#e$" To the $urpri$e of everyone in the !ha#pion$hip, I
'ualified third on the rid"
After a $hort lun!h break it &a$ ti#e for the ra!e" I $tu#bled out of the Dentaon *e$taurant &ith a
bellyful of nerve$ and beef !a$$erole" I &a$ i##ediately a!!o$ted by a ra!e offi!ial &ith a breathaly$er"
I breathed inerly into the #a!hine" ADo you a!tually !at!h anyone drunk on ra!e day=7
AFive $o far"7
I didn7t even drink, but I &a$ apprehen$ive"
ABou7re all !lear"7
I hurried to the pit$ and !li#bed into the !ar" My youn #e!hani! $traddled the top !over and heaved
do&n on the $houlder $trap$ &ith all hi$ &eiht, $tra&berry-fa!ed &ith the e>ertion"
After !onfir#in that I !ould $till breathe, he $hot #e a kno&in $#ile that $aid, ACne la#b, ready for
$lauhter"7
AGood lu!k,7 he $aid"
I ave hi# a ob$#a!ked thu#b$ up" My heart rate &a$ off the *i!hter $!ale" )ave upon &ave of
adrenalin hardened #y vein$" The ba!k of #y throat $&elled, #y #outh dried and the left $ide of #y fa!e
tinled" 'hat the hell am I doing* I &a$ $o tired" I hadn7t $lept the niht before and &ould rather have
riddled #y te$ti!le$ on the e>hau$t than drive at that parti!ular #o#ent"
Get a rip, I thouht, I7# here to et to F," 9roble# &a$, $o &ere the other lad$"
S&eat on the pad of #y left foot #ade #y toe$ $lip in$ide #y boot$ a$ I depre$$ed the !lut!h and
nuded the ear-$ti!k left and for&ard" Every #ove#ent I #ade felt $trained and heavy"
Movin into the pit lane, I ?oined the t&o lon !olu#n$ of the du##y rid" After &hat felt like an
eternity Lno #ore than five #inute$M &e &ere &aved out of the pit lane under a reen fla" More adrenalin,
and no& I needed to pi$$"
The !opiou$ advi!e I7d been iven $&irled around in #y head" ALay $o#e rubber on the $tart line for
e>tra tra!tion7, A)ar# the tyre$ up7, AAnti!ipate the $tart liht$7, AGo &hen the red oe$ out, don7t &ait for the
reen7, ADon7t look in your #irror$7" After one $hort lap &e for#ed up on the rid" I $ear!hed the $tart line
antry for the liht$"
A &hite board &ith Afive $e!ond$7 &ritten on it $uddenly appeared fro# behind the antry" A!id
flooded #y $to#a!h"
Three $e!ond$ later the red liht$ $parked up" I kne& that $o#eti#e bet&een three and eiht
$e!ond$ after that they &ould $&it!h to reen"
The enine$ in front of #e bean revvin" The driver alon$ide $tarted !ha$in the throttle I on, off,
on, off, louder and louder" Adrenalin du#ped painfully into #y !he$t and #y heart $lo&ed into a hard, rain
thu#p" The for!e of the beat$ &a$ $o $tron I had to drop #y !hin and open #y #outh to !at!h a breath" I
&in!ed% #y eye$ la@ed over" G*EEN"
I bolted off the $tart line, then the &heel$ $pun &ildly" Another !ar in$tantly appeared to #y riht,
then t&o other$ po&ered up to #y left a$ &e approa!hed the fir$t !orner" I &a$ ?a##ed riht in the #iddle"
My thu#pin heart $lo&ed, !ra$hin aain$t #y rib$ &ith the &eiht of a $ledeha##er" For a
#o#ent I thouht the da#n thin #iht a!tually $top"
I $&allo&ed hard, ulped for air and eded into the fa$t $&eepin riht-hander at 9addo!k Hill" I &a$
at the !entre of a $&ar# of ?o$tlin #a!hine$, $o !lo$e you !ould have !overed ten of u$ &ith a blanket"
So#eho& #y body !arried on the bu$ine$$ of drivin and breathin"
The pa!k $!rea#ed throuh the dip at the botto# of the hill" The !ar in front botto#ed out in the
!o#pre$$ion, $hootin a $ho&er of $park$ at #y hel#et" I follo&ed the four leader$ into the tiht riht at
Druid$, narro&ly avoidin the one i##ediately in front a$ he ?a##ed on hi$ brake$ earlier than I e>pe!ted"
Gear$ !haned on auto-pilot, iron-!len!hed fi$t$ draed the $teerin fro# one dire!tion to another"
)e bla$ted throuh the fa$t Graha# Hill left-hander line a$tern, like a roller!oa$ter &ithout rail$"
)heel to &heel, no$e to tail, &e ha##ered alon the $hort $traiht at nearly ,88#ph" A$ &e $ped
into the Surtee$ E$$e$ I &a$ $o !lo$e to the uy in front I !ouldn7t $ee the rai$ed kerb pa$t hi$ rear &heel$"
My ?a& !la#ped $hut"
I $o#eho& braked for the final !orner, the riht !alled +lear&ay$" I &ent in too fa$t and lo$t !ontrol of
the front &heel$" I kne& I7d lo$e a po$ition if I !ouldn7t a!!elerate on to the $traiht" I for!ed the throttle to try
and drive out of the #i$take" The !ar &a$ already pa$t the li#it and the rear $napped $ide&ay$" Already off
line for the !orner, I $lid off the ede of the tra!k into the ravel trap and to&ard$ the &el!o#in tyre barrier"
A$ the &all approa!hed I pu$hed harder on the a!!elerator, pepperin onlooker$ &ith $tone$ fro#
#y $pinnin &heel$ but #aintainin enouh $peed to et ba!k on to the !ir!uit" Havin lo$t ?u$t one po$ition,
I re?oined the pa!k and &e bu@@ed do&n the pit $traiht to !o#plete the fir$t lap" I &a$ e>hau$ted"
Durin the eleven lap$ that follo&ed $pe!tator$ &ere aoni$ed and baffled by the $iht of #e drivin
defiantly on the ra!in line a$ #y !o#petitor$ drove for the in$ide, ti#e and aain, in a bid to overtake #e"
My father !hoked hi$ &ay throuh t&o pa!ket$ of Marlboro in the $pa!e of t&enty #inute$, lihtin
ea!h fre$h fa fro# the la$t" Every ti#e I !a#e round he &a$ $houtin at the top of hi$ voi!e, ADefend,
defend, DEFEND BC<* LIIIINEHHH7
I heard nothin over the din of the enine" I &a$ bu$y drivin a$ fa$t a$ I !ould" Movin off line to
defend #eant drivin $lo&er and that didn7t !o#pute" I $tayed per$i$tently &ide, braked a$ late a$ I dared
and ai#ed at the ape> of the !orner$ like a #i$$ile"
I &a$ obliviou$ to #o$t of #y near #i$$e$, but Dad had a bird7$ eye vie& a$ the other vulture$
pe!ked at #y heel$" Cur &heel$ &ere interlo!kin at over ,88#ph and a $inle tou!h &ould have ea$ily
!atapulted #e into the air"
:y $o#e #ira!le, I fini$hed un$!athed havin !on!eded a handful of po$ition$" Cne of the $pe!tator$
&a$ a ?ournali$t !alled +harle$ :radley, &ho had ob$erved #y anti!$ fro# +lear&ay$ !orner" A $hard of
flyin ravel had !ut hi$ !heek, but he $till ave #e #y fir$t #ention in Motor+s#ort ,e-s( A:en i$
frihteninly fa$t F7
I &a$ into>i!ated" I7d lived #ore in t&enty #inute$ than in the re$t of #y life put toether" The ti#e
that pa$$ed bet&een ra!e$ &a$ ?u$t that, ti#e pa$$in" I drea#t ra!in, day and niht" All #y a$piration$
no& !entred on be!o#in the be$t driver in the &orld" After a !ouple #ore ra!e$, I #anaed to lead one, but
&a$ harpooned out of !ontention by the $e!ond-pla!ed !ar I yet aain I7d failed to defend the !orner" :ut the
ta$te of potential vi!tory &a$ fir#ly entren!hed" I de!ided I $hould &in every ti#e fro# then on" In blinkered
pur$uit of that oal, I di$!overed ever #ore inventive &ay$ to have enor#ou$ a!!ident$, fro# $illy $hunt$ to
full-blo&n ho$pitali$ation"
Cn the :rand$ G9 loop, I tried to out#anoeuvre t&o driver$ by $peedin around the out$ide of both
into the $uper-fa$t Ha&thorn riht-hander" The uy on the in$ide $'uee@ed the one to hi$ left &ho did
like&i$e and $hoved #e on to the ra$$ at ,.8"
I hit the Ar#!o &ith $u!h for!e that #y head &ould have hit #y knee$ had the da$hboard not
intervened" )e never found the front left &heel, but the &hole front riht !orner &ent into orbit and landed on
the $traiht in front of #y tea#-#ate" Cn the $e!ond boun!e it took the $idepod !lean off another !ar, then
bounded into the tree$"
I finally !a#e to re$t a fe& hundred #etre$ do&n the tra!k, reained !on$!iou$ne$$ and $lo&ly
opened #y eye$" I &a$ !oated &ith briht reen alae that inhabited the ravel trap" Like :ill Murray in
$hostusters, I7d been $li#ed" The !ar no& re$e#bled a bathtub, a bare !ha$$i$ &ith a $inle &heel loo$ely
atta!hed by $o#e brake !able" My den$e !raniu# had even broken the $teerin &heel"
Cver ti#e, I broke every !o#ponent of the !ar fro# the drive $haft$ to the $u$pen$ion, earbo>,
enine, !ha$$i$, everythin" I on!e tried to find a little e>tra po&er in a dra ra!e to the !he'uered fla" I
pu$hed harder on the a!!elerator, &hi!h broke the $olid !a$t #etal throttle $top and ripped the throttle !able
out of the !arburettor"
After I &rote off #y third !ha$$i$, it &a$ !lear that the Aball$ out7 $tratey needed fine-tunin" Durin
'ualifyin at Lydden Hill I &a$ on the li#it throuh a fa$t riht &hen I had to lift off to avoid a $pinnin !ar"
Se!ond$ later, I &a$ $pirallin throuh the air and $ittin in a bathtub aain"
Dad $printed to #y $ide, ab$olutely livid" Not only &a$ he fundin thi$ enterpri$e, but it &ould have
been hi$ ne!k on the blo!k if I7d been !onverted into a li#ble$$ !orp$e" I !ouldn7t #ake the ra!e, $o I !li#bed
into hi$ !ar for a very lon, $ilent drive ho#e"
I kne& he &a$ pi$$ed fro# the &ay he &a$ t&iddlin hi$ $ideburn$" After half an hour he $aid, A)hat
the fu!k &ere you doin &avin your ar#$ around like that any&ay= Bou !ould have lo$t an ar#"7
AI &a$ ?u$t du!kin F7
He $hot #e an in!redulou$ look"
AI7ve ?u$t had to buy that !ar you tra$hed" If they !an7t bend it $traiht, your $ea$on7$ over"7
It &a$ #y #u!h needed &ake-up !all" It $ee#ed I had an an$&er for every !ata$trophe, but no
$en$e to avoid one" I had to pre$erve the !ar, only ri$kin it in #ea$ured bur$t$ &hen ab$olutely ne!e$$ary"
A part-ti#e ?ob in a &arehou$e pa!kin !heddar !hee$e$ the $i@e of bree@e-blo!k$ provided plenty
of opportunity to analy$e pa$t event$" I $pent the re$t of #y ti#e hanin out &ith #y ne&ly a!'uired
irlfriend and pra!ti$in e$$ential drivin $kill$ in her Ford Fie$ta" Georie &a$ a bit $pe!ial in #ore &ay$
than one" She !ould do a handbrake turn and $pin the &heel$ at the $a#e ti#e" It &a$ love at fir$t $iht"
I fiured out that even if I &a$ the be$t driver on a iven day, I &ould never &in every ra!e be!au$e
there &ere too #any !ir!u#$tan!e$ beyond #y !ontrol" My proble# &a$, I7d been for!in it" Every ra!e had
a natural order, a $tru!ture I had to re$pe!t and learn to predi!t" Cn!e I a!!epted that, the fre'uen!y of #y
vi$it$ to the podiu# e>!eeded tho$e to the infir#ary"
I &a$ totally fo!u$ed on learnin the !raft" My body bean rea!tin like an alar# !lo!k, Aoin off7
&eek$ in advan!e of a bi ra!e" I prepared #y loi$ti!$ ahead of ti#e, drove the tra!k a #illion ti#e$ in #y
head"
My naNve !on!ept of $port$#an$hip took a ha##erin at +a$tle +o#be" I learnt the rope$ the hard
&ay fro# #y Atea#-#ate7, a For#ula Fir$t veteran &ho led the !ha#pion$hip" He had a no$e like a beak that
found it$ &ay into #y $ide of the arae &henever anythin &orth&hile &a$ oin on" Then it &a$ all $#ile$,
&hi!h front rollbar &a$ I runnin, &hat tyre pre$$ure &orked be$t and $o plea$ed to #eet you, Mr 9otential
Spon$or, here7$ #y !ard"
Later the $a#e day I &a$ leadin hi# throuh a very fa$t !orner on the la$t lap" He poked hi$ no$e
up #y in$ide but I held $tron on the out$ide" He !ouldn7t et throuh, and it felt like he $teered into #e and
punted #e off"
I $lid a!ro$$ the ra$$ like a de#ented la&n#o&er and re?oined to fini$h fifth, ?u$t behind hi#" A
!ri#$on ha@e de$!ended over #e, but I #anaed to re$i$t the te#ptation to T-bone hi# on the &ay into the
pit lane, dra hi# fro# the !ar and u$e #y hel#et on hi# a$ a ba$eball bat"
The ne>t ra!e &a$ at +ad&ell 9ark, the be$t tra!k in :ritain, &ith #ore pit!h and fall in it$ !urve$
than 9a#ela Ander$on" I had ter#inal under$teer in 'ualifyin and ended up runnin behind #y A#ate7 in
third pla!e, but I had #y evil eye on hi#" I drove the &heel$ off #y #a!hine and di$!overed the po&er of
!ontrolled are$$ion" The !ar bent to #y &ill and unlea$hed a furiou$ pa!e" The !lo$er I ot to #y old pal,
the #ore #i$take$ he #ade" )e approa!hed a $e!tion !alled AThe Mountain7 &here an S bend !li#bed a
$teep ore and before I had the plea$ure of di$pat!hin hi$ a$$ per$onally, he $pun off the !ir!uit" Good
kar#a"
Motor $port &a$ do eat do, &hi!h &ent aain$t the rain after five year$ #akin friend$ for life in
the pro!e$$ of $urvivin boardin $!hool" 9opularity in ra!in la$ted a$ lon a$ you &ere !o#petitive, and
people &ere prepared to o to any lenth$ to re#ain $o" I found one driver $tealin #y enine one niht%
another tea# $abotaed #y $u$pen$ion" :ut there &ere al&ay$ a fe& ray$ of $un$hine"
The final ra!e of the year &a$ at Snetterton in Norfolk, &hi!h had been a Flyin Fortre$$ ba$e in the
Se!ond )orld )ar" T&o iant $traiht$ !onne!ted t&o lurid hih-$peed !orner$ and a !ouple of $lo& one$" I
#anaed to et the tea#7$ $enior #e!hani! on to #y !ar" +olin &a$ a rey-haired Lan!a$trian &ho7d &on
the !ha#pion$hip &ith #y tea#-#ate" He had eye$ like Ma$ter Boda and talked #e throuh &hat to do if
and &hen I &a$ in a po$ition to a!tually &in"
AAround thi$ tra!k the last thin you &ant to do i$ lead the final lap" )hoever i$ in $e!ond &ill draft
pa$t the leader on the ba!k $traiht unle$$ you $lo& do&n, $o don7t et $tu!k out in front or F .ee/us
ChriistH7
+olin7$ a@e $uddenly di$appeared $o#e &ay over #y $houlder" ALook at 7er, $he7$ gorgeousH7
Still rapplin &ith hi$ advi!e, I looked to up to $ee the blonde bo#b-$hell $&inin do&n the pit
lane" Gli#p$e$ of her perfe!tly $!ulpted fiure appeared fro# beneath a leather bo#ber ?a!ket a$ $he
$&i$hed ba!k her hair and bea#ed in our dire!tion"
AThat7$ #y irlfriend, Georie"7
ABou #u$t be 0okinH7
He had a point" I !ouldn7t 'uite believe it #y$elf"
I7d #et her &hen &e &ere $eventeen and $he took #y breath a&ay" I fell in love &ith her on Day Cne
I $he ha$ one of tho$e $#ile$ that #ake you feel like the $i> #illion dollar #an" My #ate$ and I &ere all
horrid little oik$ &ho $pent our &hole ti#e playin ruby and pourin bu!ket$ of &ater on to irl$7 head$ a$
they &alked beneath our &indo&$, $o I didn7t ive #u!h for #y !han!e$" :ut a fe& #onth$ ao I7d $o#eho&
$u##oned the ball$ to invite her to a ra!in dinner I a very la#orou$ affair LnotM at :rand$ Hat!h7$ on$ite
hotel I &here $he &on a tyre trolley in the raffle" She $ee#ed to en?oy &at!hin #y !ar !o#e ba!k &ith
fe&er &heel$ &ith ea!h $u!!e$$ive !onte$t" I !an7t think &hy% $he &a$ far too attra!tive and kind to be &ith
#e" )hen $he entered a roo# #y #outh filled &ith tar, redu!in #y vo!ab to Neanderthal runtin" Bet here
$he &a$ lookin lovely and lookin at #e, but F
A)hat do you #ean I $lo& do&n to &in=7
A*ule nu#ber one( to fini$h fir$t, you #u$t fir$t fini$h, riht= )ith the$e !ar$ you $it t&o !ar lenth$
behind the one$ in front to !at!h their $lip$trea# and draft pa$t 7e# on the $traiht$" If you et one on yer tail,
ba!k off into the !orner $o he !an7t et a run on ya"7
I $hared #y ne&ly a!'uired &i$do# &ith Georie over lun!h" She &a$ riveted" ASo doe$ that #ean
you &on7t !ra$h in thi$ one=7
AI hope $o,7 I $ihed"
The ra!e that follo&ed &a$ a draftin #a$ter!la$$" I be!a#e e#broiled in a four-&ay $!rap for
$e!ond pla!e &hil$t the leader ran a&ay" Aain$t every in$tin!t, I ba!ked off throuh a flat-out bend to put
$o#e $pa!e bet&een #e and the three !ar$ in front" I braked $lihtly early for the ne>t !orner, Sear, then
$#a$hed the a!!elerator"
I hauled up behind the uy in front a$ he @ied left to overtake the other t&o runnin line a$tern" I
$tayed put and felt the $u!tion of the t&o-!ar draft propellin #e do&n the $traiht"
)hil$t the relative $peed$ of the other three !ar$ hardly !haned, #ine doubled" I pelted pa$t all
three in one #ove" I &a$ fully !lear a$ I approa!hed the E$$e$ !orner and &a$ $o e>!ited I nearly forot to
brake"
The leader &a$ too far ahead to !at!h but I $u##oned the fury I found at +ad&ell and $trained
every bit of $peed out of #y bla!k bullet" I !lo$ed in on the final lap but not enouh to pa$$, until he #ade a
#i$take at the final bend" I po&ered out of the !hi!ane and &e ra!ed to the line" I &on it by one tenth of a
$e!ond"
+ro$$in the line fir$t #eant the -orld to #e" And I7d learnt $o#e key truth$ about the $port" Had I
for!ed #y overtakin #ove$ early on, I &ould have !ra$hed" Had I not driven flat out throuh every !orner of
every lap, I &ould have lo$t the !ru!ial tenth of a $e!ond needed to &in" It &a$ a deli!ate balan!e, kno&in
&hen to ri$k everythin and &hen to hold ba!k" Lu!k had been a fa!tor, but at lea$t I had $tarted #akin #y
o&n"
+hapter 0
Snake$ 1 Ladder$
My $e!ond $ea$on produ!ed a ,88 per !ent fini$hin re!ord" A $trin of podiu#$ and ra!e &in$ put
#e into the lead of the Eau>hall ;unior +ha#pion$hip, battlin &ith talented pilot$ like Mar! Hyne$ and ;u$tin
)il$on, t&o of the #o$t enuine bloke$ in the $port" Mar! &a$ $pon$ored by Ne$tlG I!e +rea#$ and looked a
bit like one hi#$elf( a tall teenae vanilla $pe!kled &ith hundred$ and thou$and$" ;u$tin &a$ on hi$ #eteori!
ri$e to For#ula ,, $o#eho& $'uee@in $i> foot four of northern $ine& into a $oapbo> ra!er every &eekend to
po$t $tupendou$ly fa$t lap ti#e$"
I dropped !hee$e pa!kin in favour of $tudyin for a la& deree, &hi!h ab$orbed nearly all #y ti#e
&hen I &a$n7t ra!in" Turnin into a very fo!u$ed, $elf-!entred daredevil #eant #y relation$hip &ith Georie
$uffered" She ently boun!ed #e into tou!h, and I &a$ $o hell bent on #y !areer that I refu$ed to
a!kno&lede that #y heart &a$, in fa!t, irretrievably broken"
My lu!k on tra!k dried up around that ti#e and I lo$t the !ha#pion$hip to Mr Hyne$, fini$hin
alon$ide )il$on" :ut it &a$ enouh to et #e noti!ed by the !ra!k outfit run by 9aul Ste&art, Sir ;a!kie
Ste&art7$ $on" 9aul Ste&art *a!in &a$ kno&n for one thin in every !ateory they !o#peted in( &innin"
9S* ran a tea# in the ne>t run up the ra!in ladder !alled For#ula Eau>hall Lotu$" The !ar$ ran
on fat $li!k tyre$ &ith For#ula , $tyle &in$ that $hoved the rubber into the tar#a! and a .-litre enine that
propelled the !ar throuh !orner$ at over ,02#ph" Se>y pie!e of kit"
The fir$t te$t &a$ at Doninton 9ark, a rey !ir!uit in the Midland$" It$ $e'uen!e of fa$t, flo&in turn$
&a$ #ade fa#ou$ by Ayrton Senna7$ ut$y overtakin #ove$ on the openin lap of the ,66/ Grand 9ri>" I
&at!hed it #ore ti#e$ than I !an !ount"
I $!anned the !olourful arti!ulated tru!k$ linin the old bri!k pit lane and found the poli$hed blue and
&hite of 9S* at their head" The tea# &ere al&ay$ de!ked out in #at!hin blue !lothin and had a
$y$te#ati! approa!h to everythin they did" The #e!hani!$ &ere like youn do!tor$, and their &ork area
looked like a $potle$$ $urery" I prayed no dirt fell fro# #y $hoe$ a$ they !la!ked a!ro$$ the pri$tine pla$ti!
floorin"
Graha#, or AGT7, the tea# #anaer, &a$ a youn uy &ith an endearin $#ile that belied hi$
ruthle$$ inner a#bition" <nderneath the ro$y-!heeked veneer &a$ a head $hrinker &ho probed the depth$ of
a driver7$ every perfor#an!e via the onboard data loin $y$te# and by a$kin diffi!ult 'ue$tion$"
ADid you noti!e &e put another hole of front &in on, and you ran a heavier fuel load= Ho& #any
lap$ do you think the$e tyre$ have done= Do you think a $tiffer rear rollbar &ould help you throuh the fa$t
!orner$ if &e drop the ride heiht and ad?u$t the !a#ber for the lo& $peed= )hy did you !hane your line
into Turn Cne after lun!h=7
Graha# u$ed onboard !o#puter$ that loed the !ar7$ infor#ation and driver input$" They &ere
re!orded $o a!!urately that you !ould analy$e every #ove#ent of the $teerin, brake$ and throttle to
develop the perfe!t $tyle, &hi!h further deepened the #ental di#en$ion"
The Lotu$ a!!elerated fro# 8 to 38#ph in three $e!ond$ and took #e by $urpri$e at fir$t" The
$!enery &ent flyin by and the enine &a$ bu#pin off the rev li#iter, de#andin the ne>t ear" So#ethin
!li!ked in #y brain that day, be!au$e I never $en$ed $peed the $a#e &ay after that" Cn!e I ot u$ed to it,
nothin ever (elt fa$t aain"
The blind !re$t$ of Doninton7$ +raner +urve$ &ere not for the faint-hearted a$ the $harp de$!ent
doubled your a!!eleration throuh a lon left" In a #a!hine like the Lotu$ &ith #ore relative runt than rip,
you hun your ball$ over the &in #irror$ to take +raner$ flat, then &re$tled the !ha$$i$ a!ro$$ to the left in
ti#e to put your affair$ in order for the e'ually hairy off-!a#ber riht kno&n a$ ACld Hairpin7" )ith tyre$
$tret!hed to the li#it, a tiny error of ti#in &a$ puni$hed by a rapid departure fro# the bla!k $tuff"
I prepared for a ne& tyre run to $ee &hat ti#e I !ould $et" GT $'uatted ne>t to #e and re$ted hi$ ar#
on the $idepod" If I !ould ?u$t i#pre$$ hi# enouh, ;a!kie Ste&art7$ $tair!a$e of talent !ould lead #e all the
&ay to F," After a $ilen!e, GT ave #e a &ar# $#ile" At la$t I &a$ &innin hi# over" Then he !a$ually $aid,
A)e7ve ?u$t been &at!hin )il$on at the Cld Hairpin" He7$ flyin, head and $houlder$ braver than anyone
el$e there"7
The &ord$ !ut #e to the bone" I7d have preferred hi# to have !alled #e a rain poof"
The &inter air &a$ !ri$p, ripe for the enine to produ!e it$ be$t po&er" After a #ea run out of the
fir$t !orner I took +raner$ flat out &ith a $'ueak of under$teer fro# the ne& tyre$, &ithout !o#pro#i$in #y
line for the Cld Hairpin"
The enine boun!ed off the li#iter in top ear, I dabbed the brake and uided #y #i$$ile riht,
!arryin an e>tra 2 #ph" It &ent in $o fa$t the front &heel floated over a blurred ape> kerb" I held on, ran
&ide and #ullered the bi e>it kerbin" Du$t $pe&ed up and I kne& the lap &a$ already #ile$ fa$ter than
anythin the other$ had #anaed" I &anted to #on$ter their ti#e$"
I left #y brakin $uper late into the ne>t !orner, a fa$t !re$tin riht, at ?u$t over ,08" The brake
pedal hit the floor" I pu#ped aain" Nothin" I &a$ travellin 38#ph too fa$t to #ake it" I &a$ leavin the
!ir!uit" :y the third tou!h of the brake$ I &a$ $kippin a!ro$$ the ra$$, $pinnin $ide&ay$ throuh the ravel
trap, then airborne for the re#ainder of #y ?ourney" I $tonked into the barrier$ &ith the rear left &heel fir$t" It
ripped off the $u$pen$ion, $hattered the earbo> !a$in and &hipped the no$e into the &all, $hatterin the
front &in" )hat a rideH
My body took the i#pa!t &ell" I &ithdre& #y hand$ fro# the &heel before it $pun violently throuh
,58 deree$, &hi!h &ould have broken #y &ri$t$ had I !lun on"
I e>plained &hat happened to Graha#, &ho never looked up fro# hi$ !o#puter &hen I &alked ba!k
in" ADid you kerb it at the Cld Hairpin=7 he a$ked #atter-of-fa!tly a$ he fro&ned at #y $peed raph$"
A:i ti#e"7
ASound$ like pad kno!k-off then"7
A)hat7$ that=7
The #e!hani!$ tutted behind #e a$ they unbolted tanled re#ain$ of body&ork fro# the !ha$$i$
and half the ravel trap unloaded on to their operatin theatre"
ASo#eti#e$ &hen you hit the kerb$, it kno!k$ the pad$ a&ay fro# the di$!$" Bou have to pu#p the
brake pedal ba!k up to et the# &orkin aain"7 He &aved a hand up and do&n for e#pha$i$"
)ell, &a$n7t I the #oron= That kind of eneral kno&lede &ould have been #ore u$eful at the $tart
of the day, but that &a$ ho& it &orked &ith ra!in" Bou either fiured it out, or ot $pat out"
Graha# $u!ked hi$ teeth &ith intere$t a$ he !al!ulated #y $plit ti#e, a!kno&ledin it &ould have
put #e fa$te$t by a !on$iderable #arin" Then he looked #e in the eye to a$k if #y ne!k &a$ CD" See#ed
he &a$ &ar#in to #e after all"
The $tru!ture of the )inter Serie$ !on$i$ted of t&o heat$ that 'ualified the driver$ for the final at
Doninton I A&inner take$ all7"
Graha# tauht #e that there &ere no friend$ in a ra!e and to Akill the !ar7 in the &ar#-up lap" The
differen!e thi$ #ade to the te#perature and perfor#an!e of the tyre$ and brake$ over the fir$t lap &a$
$inifi!ant and helped laun!h #e into the lead of the 'ualifyin heat"
I found #y$elf battlin &ith a ;apane$e reular fro# the $erie$ &ho &a$ pre$$urin #e &ith every
tri!k in the book" He &a$ tappin #y rear &heel to un$ettle #y !ar into the !orner$, then drivin into the ba!k
of #e in the $traiht$" The rev !ounter bu@@ed hiher a$ the rear &heel$ left the round" The love$ !a#e
off"
I &aited until he &a$ riht up #y !huff and ?a##ed on the brake$ $o hard hi$ front &in &ent under
#y earbo> and lifted #e into the air" All our $henanian$ &ere !lo$in the field up behind u$"
He ot a run on #e do&n the pit $traiht, pulled alon$ide and &e baned &heel$ a$ &e ran ne!k
and ne!k to&ard$ the fir$t !orner" The third-ear riht re'uired a $evere brake to avoid the $ea of $andy
ravel beyond" He $tayed on the out$ide, ball$y to $ay the lea$t"
I &ould $ooner have driven off a !liff than be outbraked" I &a$n7t ba!kin do&n" Neither &a$ he, $o
our future$ #ered" Hi$ front &heel !auht #y rear and I fle& over hi$ $idepod" )e rotated around one
another in Matrix-$tyle $lo& #otion, and ave the pur$uin pa!k no&here to o but $traiht into u$" I &a$ T-
boned and a$ the $pinnin !ar fle& overhead it$ rear &heel !auht #y hel#et"
A$ the du$t $ettled in the ravel trap I thouht to #y$elf, ,ot again" I never felt any fear &hen I
ra!ed, $o I had to fiure out a #ethod for avoidin du#b a!!ident$ &ith people" I 'ui!kly rubbed the tyre
#ark$ off #y hel#et I other&i$e the #ar$hal$ &ould have in$i$ted I bouht another one I and truded out of
the ravel"
Graha# &a$ not a#u$ed, !allin #e a ro!k ape" The !o#bined 'ualifyin re$ult$ put #e in t&elfth
for the final ra!e on Sunday" Cvertakin opportunitie$ in do&n-for!e !ar$ &ere notoriou$ly fe&, $o #y
!han!e$ of &innin &ere $li#"
Cn the day of the final I arrived at the !ir!uit early, deter#ined on a po$itive re$ult" Sir ;a!kie had
already in$pe!ted the tea# ahead of hi$ $pon$or$ and ue$t$, &hi!h in!luded #e#ber$ of fro# the *oyal
Fa#ily" 9ande#oniu# reined and there &ere red fa!e$ every&here" The ra!e tru!k &a$ bein lifted into the
air on $tilt$ in order to rotate the &heel$ until their Goodyear loo$ all fa!ed t&elve o7!lo!k" The floor &a$
bein &a$hed and a earbo> #oved"
*oland, the nu#ber one #e!hani!, &a$ puttin the fini$hin tou!he$ to #y !ar7$ ne& undertray" I
brouht hi# $o#e tea and he $urpri$ed #e &ith a $#ile"
ABou uy$ #u$t hate #e,7 I $aid"
ANah, #ate" Bou7re out there to &in" )e don7t !are ho& #any ti#e$ you $#a$h it to bit$ I &e7ll
rebuild it"7
It #ade all the differen!e havin hi# on$ide" *oland in!rea$ed the anle of atta!k of the dive plane
on the front &in by rai$in it and $!re&in the bolt into it$ ne& hole" AAddin a hole of &in7 #eant I !ould
$teer better behind the ?et &a$h of the other ra!er$" He a$ked &hat I thouht of our !han!e$" I told hi# I
thouht &e !ould &in"
The tea#7$ 9* lady $u##oned #e to the !orporate ho$pitality unit &ith #y tea#-#ate, reinin Iri$h
For#ula Ford +ha#pion Ti# Mullen" )e arrived on the tea#7$ olf buy at a #ar'uee the $i@e of a football
pit!h for ;a!kie to introdu!e u$ to the $pon$or$"
Three hundred pair$ of eye$ turned in our dire!tion fro# a!ro$$ the $ilver $ervi!e" Ti#7$ ru$ty red
$uit had $een five innin$ too #any, and #y $!run!hed bla!k nu#ber &a$ #ore bin #an than :at#an" Then
Sir ;a!kie appeared, the triple For#ula , )orld +ha#pion, for#er Cly#pi! !lay pieon &i@ard and one of
the #o$t #eti!ulou$ and $u!!e$$ful driver$ of all ti#e"
De!ked out in i##a!ulate tartan trou$er$ &ith !rea$e$ that !ould $li!e roa$t beef, a beautifully !ut
t&eed ?a!ket and a bonnie !ap, ;a!kie had the pre$en!e of a laird" He ave u$ both the on!e over and hi$
beady eye$ fell on #e like a ha&k" I $en$ed there #iht be &ar#th behind the# if you &ere in rea!h of the
podiu#"
The 9* told hi# our $tartin po$ition$" ATi# i$ $eventh and :en i$ t&elfth after a $hunt in the $e!ond
heat"7 I &i$hed $he hadn7t"
ALook$ like you have $o#e &ork to do today, lad$"7
C!h aye, that &e did"
;a!kie pi!ked up the #i!rophone and delivered a perfe!tly #ani!ured talk about the tea# and the
for#at of the day" )e &ere e>!u$ed"
I kne& I had to i#pre$$ hi# if I &anted to $tay &ith 9S*, and that #eant really deliverin in the final"
I had the overtakin opportunitie$ #apped out in #y #ind, the perfe!t $tart and the fa$te$t lap$" S!ript$
rarely $urvived fir$t !onta!t &ith the ene#y, but preparin for $u!!e$$ i#proved your odd$"
I $trapped in and $at on the rid &ith nothin left to !on$ider e>!ept(Apatien!e, #ea$ured bur$t$7"
;a!kie #ade hi$ e>tended &alk do&n the rid, !hatted &ith Graha# for a bit before turnin to #e" A;u$t
re#e#ber, lad, it7$ &hat you have up here Opointin to #y headP, not do&n thereOpointin to #y ball$P that
&in$ ra!e$" The differen!e bet&een the e>!eptionally brave and the plain $tupid i$ a fine line"7
I li$tened !arefully to the reat #an7$ advi!e, but $o#ethin told #e that I &ould definitely need #y
ball$ for thi$ one"
The per$onnel !leared the rid I bar *oland, &ho held the ?u#p battery" Bou fell in love &ith that la$t
#an the &ay a patient love$ hi$ nur$e" :efore oin $olo into the unkno&n, he &a$ your final !onta!t &ith the
&orld" He $inalled a thu#b$ up and !ut the u#bili!al"
I $tared at the pa!k of ra!er$ ahead" The reen fla $ent u$ off for the &ar#-up lap" +ar$ &ove fro#
$ide to $ide% one or t&o a!!elerated pa$t their !lo$e$t !o#petitor$ and nearly !ollided" Everyone had eaten
their Shredded )heat that #ornin% no pri$oner$ &ould be taken in the #ain event"
The for#ation !lo$ed up at the final !hi!ane" I ?u#ped on and off the throttle and brake$ to en$ure
they &ere hot a$ hell" I found #y pair of $olitary bla!k line$ on the rid" !ou guys are going do-n
Fir$t ear, rev$ to 2,088, the !lut!h bit"
The briht yello& five-$e!ond board ro$e over the antry" Enine$ bean pul$in" I !rept for&ard an
in!h"
*ed liht$ !a#e on, then $traiht off% relea$e, I &a$ one"
Everyone el$e fro@e, I po&ered off the line, in$tantly pa$$in t&o !ra&ler$ and $lidin pa$t a third a$
I #ade the dreaded ear-!hane throuh the dole fro# fir$t to $e!ond that !ould put you into a fal$e
neutral, &ith the ra!e pa$$in you by"
The driver$ !ri$$-!ro$$ed, $ear!hin for tra!k po$ition on the da$h to the fir$t !orner" A 'ueue
$ta!ked up on the in$ide, $o I luned for the out$ide to pa$$ t&o on the brake$, hanin on a$ &e $'uee@ed
over the ?aed e>it kerb$" I e#ered &heel to &heel &ith another driver a$ &e a!!elerated to&ard$ +raner$"
I had the in$ide line but on !old tyre$ the odd$ &ere even" He lifted fir$t and I $ured pa$t" Si>th pla!e
already and !lo$in on fifth"
)e $naked throuh the ba!k $e!tion of Doninton and to&ard$ the !hi!ane behind the pit$ &here
;a!kie &a$ ho$tin hi$ EI9$" I &a$n7t lined up !lo$e enouh to have a pop at the uy in front until he
he$itated and braked early" I a!!epted the invitation and @apped pa$t" I rode the in$ide kerb$ and $lithered
$ide&ay$ on to the $traiht, ad?u$tin #y $iht$ to the vie& of ?u$t four !ar$ ahead"
My ;apane$e friend in hi$ $ilver bullet &a$ pu$hin hard behind the lead roup" I ave hi# a fe&
!lo$e-up$ in hi$ #irror$ to let hi# kno& he &a$ ne>t on #y #enu but it &a$ hard follo&in throuh the fa$t
turn$% you lo$t the air over the front &in and under$teered &ide" *unnin &ide !o#pounded the lo$$ of rip
be!au$e you ended up on the dirty $e!tion of tra!k that &a$ rarely driven on, typi!ally !overed in A#arble$7 I
!hunk$ of rubber of variou$ $i@e$ that had the $a#e effe!t a$ $teppin on a banana $kin"
After a trou$er-rippin ,/8#ph #o#ent on the #arble$, I re#e#bered F #atience" The opponent7$
turn in &a$ heavy-handed and &ould lead to a #i$take if I &aited" )e no$ed over the ri$e on to the ba!k
$traiht at +oppi!e, I !ut the ape>, kept the front &in in !lean air and ot a run on hi#"
)e dra-ra!ed to the !hi!ane" I pulled alon$ide, in!he$ apart, and for!ed hi$ hand" He braked
de$perately late, !o#pro#i$ed hi$ entry line and $truled to a!!elerate a&ay" I $ailed pa$t into the ne>t
!orner, the very pla!e &here &e7d built $and!a$tle$ a day earlier" That left nine lap$ to pa$$ t&o #ore and
!at!h the leader"
)ith the ra!e at full pelt, overtakin be!a#e harder, a$ driver$ pi!ked their opti#u# line$ and du in,
but I held an advantae under brakin" The front roup &ere ra!in hard for po$ition, tryin to for!e a &ay
pa$t" It &a$ &inner take$ all"
I lined up on ;u$tin )il$on in third pla!e" I ot a run on hi# at Cld Hairpin and ave hi# enouh
trouble throuh M!Lean$ to pa$$ hi# on the &ay out"
I !ha$ed do&n $e!ond into *edate and found that #y tihter line into the !orner &a$ yieldin a
!ouple of tenth$ a lap" The !ornerin #antra &a$ al&ay$ A$lo& in, fa$t out7% takin a &ider entry #a>i#i$ed
your $peed do&n the $traiht" :ut &hen the !ar allo&ed it, you !ould drive Afa$t in, fa$t out7" It baed #e
$e!ond pla!e"
I $a& Mar! Hyne$ in the di$tan!e" Mr )hippy had #anaed to $teer !lear of the !arnae I !au$ed in
the heat and &a$ !ha$in do&n another !ha#pion$hip" I &a$ fa$ter, but !at!hin hi# &ith only a handful of
lap$ to o &a$ a tall order"
I $et fa$te$t lap after fa$te$t lap until I finally ot to $it on hi$ earbo>" He &a$ $lui$h throuh Cld
Hairpin" I a!ed it" I po&ered up hi$ riht $ide, around the flat-out kink to&ard$ M!Lean$" )ith ti#e runnin
out, Mar! put #e on the ra$$"
I needed tar#a! to round the kink at ,.8" A$ I &ent $ide&ay$ #y life $hould have fla$hed before #e,
but I &a$ treated to a !lo$e-up of hi$ Ne$tlG I!e +rea#$ livery in$tead" I kept enouh throttle tri##in the
la&n to lo$e only five !ar lenth$" He had to defend at the !hi!ane" I !ould ta$te vi!tory a$ &e ru$hed to
!o#plete the penulti#ate lap"
A$ I prepared to knobble Mar! &ith the $!i$$or $huffle, &e &ere red flaed" A bi a!!ident behind
u$ #eant the ra!e &a$ bein $topped" The ?a##y doder took another title &in ahead of #e in $e!ond and
;u$tin in third"
GT appeared, po$itively bea#in" AIf you !an drive like that every ti#e you7ll pi$$ it ne>t $ea$on"
In!redible ra!e% ;a!kie thouht it &a$ fanta$ti!"7
A drea# ti!ket &a$ at the tip$ of #y finer$" )ith the benefit of their va$t e>perien!e I &ould have a
!lear $hot at &innin the #ain title F
:ut it &a$ not to be" The feedba!k I via GT I &a$ that I &a$ Atoo old7" 9S* &anted to take on ;u$tin"
Half&ay thouh the ne>t $ea$on I #ade the ?u#p to For#ula / National Serie$ in$tead"
* * *
The For#ula / !ar &a$ #ade of beautiful !arbon fibre" Everythin fro# the $teerin &heel to the
ear lever &ere proper bit$ of kit" It had $ophi$ti!ated pu$h rod $u$pen$ion like a For#ula , !ar, &ith four-
&ay ad?u$table da#per$ and a rane of !riti!al $ettin$ for tunin the#"
It rea!ted to infinite$i#al input$ fro# the driver" Ei$uali$in a perfe!t lap in your #ind7$ eye &a$ the
only &ay to #ake the tiny ad?u$t#ent$ needed to $have off the thou$andth$ of a $e!ond on every !orner that
!on$tituted the differen!e bet&een pole and the re$t"
Everythin ran on a knife ede in For#ula /" It &a$ the birthin pool for F, talent$, fro# Man$ell to
S!hu#a!her and the reat Ayrton Senna"
I &on #o$t of the re#ainin ra!e$ fro# pole po$ition, &ith fa$te$t lap$ and a !ouple of lap re!ord$" It
&a$ ti#e to #ove up to the International For#ula / $erie$ and duke it out &ith the bi boy$"
In ,664 I took the $eat va!ated by ;uan 9ablo Montoya at Forte!" They &ere runnin Mit$ubi$hi
enine$ &hi!h had #on$tered the field in 763" The tea# #anaer re!koned that &ith #e and :rian S#ith Lan
ArentinianHM &e $hould &in the !ha#pion$hip hand$ do&n"
<nfortunately the ne& $pe! Mit$ubi$hi &a$ a dud" :rian, Darren Turner, )arren Huhe$ L&ho ran
Mit$ubi$hiM and I only $!ored a handful of podiu#$ bet&een u$"
It &a$ ti#e to prepare for the :riti$h Grand 9ri> $upport ra!e at Silver$tone" A$ al&ay$ #y old #an
&a$ on hand, Marlboro in one hand and $top&at!h in the other" He #arked #y $plit ti#e$ throuh the
different $e!tor$ and told #e &here I needed to i#prove"
He &a$ $o !har#in and reariou$, but he $et the bar pretty hih" I loved hi# to bit$, but there &ere
ti#e$ &hen it &a$n7t that ea$y bein hi$ only $on I or one of hi$ &ork#ate$" They dubbed hi# A:ioni! :ill7
be!au$e hi$ idea of do&nti#e &a$ to $top &orkin bet&een #idniht and five in the #ornin"
Havin a poor enine #eant that drivin ball$-out throuh the !orner$ be!a#e de rigueur" I drove
ba!k to the pit$ after the kind of lap I !ould only repeat t&i!e &ithout !ra$hin and $at do&n &ith David
Hayle, #y enineer, aka AMole7" S&eat dripped off #y finer a$ &e #oved the !ur$or alon the analy$i$
$!reen" For#ula / &a$ all about perfe!tioni$# and ab$olute fo!u$ on one thin" Cn!e that attitude be!a#e
inrained, it never left"
Mole lo&ered hi$ $pe!$ and ave #e a penetratin look" ADo you need a fe& #inute$ to ather your
thouht$, #ate=7
I $hook #y head" ALet7$ et it $orted before the ne>t $e$$ion"7
I re!oni$ed Dad7$ !ouh a #ile a&ay" AMark )ebber7$ eatin you alive !o#in out of Luffield F7
I &a$ $till lued to the #onitor" A)e kno&"7 I ritted #y teeth, A)e7ve ot po&er under$teer in $lo&
!orner$"7
A)hy haven7t you done $o#ethin about it then= Bou look do $lo&"7
My heart pounded and I leapt to #y feet" A)ell o and $#oke your fa$ at Maot$ then"7 )e &ere
$tandin eye to eye" AI7# #issing on )ebber throuh there"7
,o one talked to hi# that &ay" Hi$ blood &a$ boilin% #y te#ple$ &ere pul$in" Silen!e" Dad
t&eaked hi$ $ideburn bet&een finer and thu#b" )e &ould never !o#e !lo$e to blo&$, but #y #oney &ould
have been on hi# if &e had"
AGive it the bean$ at the &eekend, $on"7 And &ith that, he left"
A !ouple of day$ later I did $o#e #edia &ork &ith <ri Geller" It turned out that he &a$ a !ar nut, a
ha@ardou$ hobby for $o#eone that &arped #etal ?u$t by tou!hin it" I #et hi# at hi$ #an$ion on the
Tha#e$" He had a ,643 +adilla! that &a$ !overed in 2,888 bent $poon$" He &a$ a lovely uy and #ade
ab$olutely $uperb !offee"
<ri didn7t ?u$t bend $poon$% he $o#eho& #anaed to dra& a $hape that I had only pi!tured in #y
#ind7$ eye( a broken arro& &ith a !ro$$ in it$ tail" He &a$ full of !o##on $en$e about $port p$y!holoy and
&a$ fa$!inated by #y $pon$or-findin !hallene$ and #y $ear!h for a !o#petitive ride to propel #e to F,"
He !on?ured up an i#ae I7ve re!alled #any ti#e$ $in!e, &henever I7ve felt fru$trated( AEa!h of u$ re$ide$
in$ide a bottle that i$ bein !arried by the !urrent of a po&erful river( fate" The $hore i$ too far a&ay to rea!h,
but &e !an ro!k the bottle by runnin at the $ide$ and thouh our effort$ are $#all by !o#pari$on to the
!urrent &e !an influen!e our dire!tion( per$everan!e"7
I believed in rea!hin the $hore"
I ran Mu# ahead of the ra!e" After &itne$$in #y fir$t $ea$on $he never attended in per$on"
AHey, Mu#, I #et <ri Geller today"7
ABou7ve up$et hi#, you kno&=7
ABou #ean Dad= I kno&" All he doe$ i$ !riti!i$e F7
AHe7$ very proud" He probably didn7t tell you, but he $aid he &at!hed you all day at $o#e fa$t !orner
!alled Maie% $aid that you &ere the brave$t F7
I $&allo&ed hard" I &a$ $u!h an ar$ehole"
A)e need #ore than bravery &ith thi$ bu!ket" Maybe <ri !an bend the pi$ton$" I$ Dad !o#in to the
ra!e=7
AI $houldn7t think $o" He7$ !ro$$"7 She $ihed" ABou7re both tooalike"7
<ri arrived in the Grand 9ri> paddo!k a$ &e &ere !elebratin #y tea#-#ate7$ birthday a fe& hour$
before the $tart of the ra!e" :rian7$ dad a$ked hi# to bend the knife &e u$ed to !ut the !ake, then rubbed it
on the e>po$ed part of the ra!e !ar7$ e>hau$t $y$te# for lu!k" <ri left for the rand$tand, $ettin off a !horu$
of !ar alar#$ in hi$ &ake"
The ra!e ot under &ay" :rian and I did our be$t to i#pre$$ the For#ula , tea#$ in attendan!e, but
he $tarted to lo$e po&er and li#ped ba!k to the pit$" ;oe :re#ner, hi$ nu#ber one #e!hani!, &a$ fir$t on
the $!ene"
A)hat the bloody hell7$ one on here=7
The e>hau$t had neither bent nor !ra!ked% it had !o#pletely di$interated I but only &here <ri7$
knife had tou!hed it" I don7t buy into ho!u$-po!u$, but none of the #e!hani!$ had ever $een anythin like it
before"
)e didn7t $ee the fabled forkbender aain after that"
I $pent a !ouple of year$ boun!in around A#eri!a and Europe, #aturin #y $kill$ alon$ide $o#e
truly reat driver$ like S!ott Di>on and Taku#a Sato" S!ott &ent on to be!o#e the kin of Indy!ar *a!in"
)hen I partnered hi# in Indy Liht$ he &a$ one &ild Di&i &ho partied hi#$elf hori@ontal" He !ould al$o turn
on the $teely-eyed re$olve in a heartbeat &hen it !ounted"
I al$o partnered Honda7$ For#ula , protGG Taku#a Sato, a &ily, &iry, utterly fearle$$ ;apane$e"
)e &on ra!e$ in International F/ and I !a#e $e!ond in the Marlboro Ma$ter$ )orld Serie$ round at
Qandvoort" Taku out'ualified #e in the dry, but in te$tin at Spa in :eliu# I &a$ !o#fortably fa$ter in the
&et" My !ar &a$ $o ood that I &a$ the only driver takin the infa#ou$ Eau *oue !orner flat out" A$ the
ra!e it$elf ot under &ay, the &aterloed tra!k &a$ 'ui!kly ob$!ured by a den$e #i$t of $pray" Taku pulled
into the lead and &a$ fir$t to !o#e &ithin $iht of the tea#$ a$ he blatted do&n the pit $traiht, to&ard$ Eau
*oue F
:oyyo, Taku7$ $ubli#e ra!e enineer, &a$ per!hed on the pit &all" He dropped hi$ lap !hart, ha$tily
ra$ped hi$ radio and &hi#pered ANo Taku, don7t F7
The rain &a$ #u!h heavier than it had been durin the te$t" Taku #ade it pa$t the fir$t painted kerb
&ith hi$ foot &elded to the floor, ran into a pool of &ater, a'uaplaned and $pun ,58 deree$, $traiht into the
tyre &all" It &a$ pure .0-!arat ball$, and I ab$olutely loved hi# for that"
My perfor#an!e$ &ere enouh to ain $o#e intere$t fro# a !ouple of For#ula , tea#$ and I
inve$tiated an opportunity to be!o#e the te$t driver for Arro&$" Thi$ &a$ the break I7d been lonin for
$in!e Day Cne" I didn7t have a #anaer, $o Dad !a#e to the #eetin to i#part $o#e !o##on bu$ine$$
$en$e to the di$!u$$ion"
)e had a !hat &ith a !ouple of ni!e !hap$ fro# their !o##er!ial tea#" )e u@@led tea and bi$!uit$
in the boardroo# until it &a$ ti#e to brin out the bra$$ ta!k$" The te$t drive &a$ #ine for a very rea$onable
R,"2 #illion"
I tried not to !hoke on #y tea and &ondered &hat they !hared per ulp" I &a$ appalled at #y $heer
inoran!e of the indu$try and the level of finan!e $hapin the$e de!i$ion$" The $pon$or$ &ho had $upported
#e $o far &ould turn tail and head for the hill$"
:ut I had a ba!k-up plan" It &orked for Mi!hael S!hu#a!her% #aybe it &ould &ork for #e"
+hapter 2
Le Man$ .0
T&o #illion road$ide $pe!tator$ &at!hed the ,68/ ra!e fro# 9ari$ to :ordeau>" T&o hundred and
$eventy-five driver$ $la##ed their !u#ber$o#e ride$ of #etal and &ood up and do&n dale for the lory of a
fa!e full of du$t, in &hat &a$ dubbed the Ara!e of death7 after nu#erou$ fatalitie$ alon it$ /2,-#ile $tret!h"
*oad ra!in &a$ $hut do&n, but their #i$$ion to #ea$ure the advan!e#ent of de$in throuh
!o#petition $urvived"
The Auto#obile +lub de l7Cue$t re$ponded by !reatin a !lo$ed Grand 9ri> !ir!uit at Le Man$ in
,683, and the t&enty-four hour !our$e alon the #ain road$ to Mul$anne and ba!k via Arnae in ,6./"
The route fro# Arnae &a$ later altered to take in the fear$o#e 9or$!he !urve$, a $e'uen!e of fa$t
en!ounter$ &here the out!o#e of ea!h bend deter#ined the fate of the one follo&in" A la$t-dit!h heave on
the brake$ at the Ford !hi!ane$ led onto the pit $traiht for a lan!in #o#ent at the pit board before
enain on a lap &here 52 per !ent of the ?ourney &ould be $pent on full throttle or brakin be!au$e your
life depended on it"
I travelled to Le Man$ in ,664, to pre-'ualify a 388bhp turbo-!hared 9or$!he GT. for the 32th
outin of the enduran!e !la$$i!" :y lun!hti#e the !ar &a$ ready and I &a$ bla$tin over the kerb$ of Dunlop
!hi!ane, under the bride and do&n to the E$$e$ &here you !ornered at a $ee#inly i#po$$ible $peed,
veered left, then $hi##ied riht over a blind ri$e"
Tertre *oue &a$ no #ere dallian!e" The an!ient flo&in riht had to be taken ball$ to the &all in
fourth ear to v-#a> the #otor on the 0-#ile Mul$anne $traiht" The 9or$!he 023$ of the Eihtie$ $tret!hed
their le$ to .2/#ph here before the !hi!ane$ &ere put in" I $ettled for a hu#ble ,60, di$pat!hin the
!hi!ane$ &ith a t&itter fro# the ab$, hurlin in and !ha$in a&ay aain, hanin on to the boun!in tail" I
&a$ $till learnin the pla!e a$ I &ent% at 5"2 #ile$ per lap it took over ten #inute$ ?u$t to run three lap$" Then
I noti!ed bla!k $#oke billo&in over the treetop$"
I kept on it a$ far a$ Mul$anne !orner, the $lo&e$t point on the !ir!uit, &ith a !urved brakin point
that &el!o#ed the brave and the ood to over!ook it and &ind up at a roundabout full of lo!al$ takin photo$
and na&in Fren!h $ti!k$" :een there, done that, &orn the onion$"
The 9or$!he bu!ked fro# the hard lip of the blue and yello& ape> kerb and $topped ?u$t in ti#e to
keep #e on the bla!k" Fro# a virtual $tand$till I nuked the a$, $pooled up the turbo and bean the lon
!hare to a top $peed of .8. on the approa!h to Indianapoli$, the fa$te$t road ra!e !orner in the &orld" :ut
that $#oke &a$ too #u!h to be a ::S" My heart &a$n7t in it any #ore" I !oa$ted and turned riht at Arnae
to&ard$ the 9or$!he +urve$"
There &a$ $#oke every&here, #o$tly fro# the tree$ &here a rain ball of fire &a$ bein ta!kled by
the #ar$hal$" A fe& bit$ of torn body-&ork lay on the ra$$ alon &ith $o#ethin that didn7t belon there and
I &i$hed I hadn7t $een I the $ho!kin re#ain$ of a hel#et belonin to a youn Fren!h kniht !alled
Seba$tian En?olra$, &ho had been killed at hih $peed #o#ent$ earlier"
Cur entry &a$ &ithdra&n before the ra!e and it &ould be four year$ before I !ould return to !ontinue
the ?ourney"
There &a$ never a $traiht line in #y !areer" I &a$ iven a drive at Doninton in an aein Le Man$
prototype, the hihe$t !ateory above GT" The !ar I &anted to be in &a$ the A$!ari piloted by South Afri!an
)erner Lupberer, a $ilver arro& &ith vent$ like $hark ill$, a ra@or-$harp no$e and plenty of $pon$or$ on the
livery" It &a$ reliable, fa$t and $e>y" My #a!hine &a$ daylo orane dotted &ith bla!k re!tanle$ that neatly
!a#ouf laed the tank tape holdin toether the body&ork"
)erner &a$ on pole" A$ he led the field in thi$ round of the FIA )orld Sport$!ar +ha#pion$hip, hi$
enine !ut out" My #i$firin heap &a$ barely #obile at the ti#e and pro#ptly died at the $a#e !orner, $o I
&alked ba!k to the pit$ &ith hi#"
)erner &a$ a$ bro&n a$ a berry, &ith hair like a hedeho and a thi!k Afrikaner a!!ent" He looked
e>!eptionally fit" In the !our$e of !onver$ation he #entioned that A$!ari &a$ runnin a $erie$ of $hoot-out
te$t$ to find hi# a tea#-#ate" He $ue$ted I o for it"
The tea# &a$ o&ned by Dlaa$ Q&art, a Dut!h enineerin eniu$ &ho #ade a billion fro# the oil
indu$try" Dlaa$ &a$ bald and tanned and never $at $till"
AThere7$ t&enty uy$ on the phone riht no&, F, driver$ $o#e of the#, and none of the# !an #at!h
)erner7$ pa!e in the A$!ari" Tell #e &hy I &ant you in #y tea# F7
I told hi# I &ould &in ra!e$, that I &a$ the #an to pu$h )erner, that no one el$e &ould &ork harder"
Dlaa$ took #e at #y &ord and arraned an evaluation te$t" Ne>t $top, :ar!elona"
Even at 4a# the heat &a$ #akin it$ pre$en!e felt" A$!ari7$ nu#ber one #e!hani!, Spen!er, looked
#e over &ith un$#ilin eye$" Hi$ &ork area &a$ $potle$$, every $panner, every !o#ponent ?u$t $o" )e
#ade a fitted foa# $eat and I a$ked about ad?u$tin the pedal$"
AThat7$ ho& )erner drive$ it" Should be ood enouh for you"7
The +ir!uit de +atalunya had $o#e brutally fa$t !orner$ that &ent on for ever" The other turn$ flo&ed
fro# one to the ne>t, ivin little re$pite" I &at!hed )erner e>it the fa$t !orner on to the pit $traiht at
,/8#ph" )ithin /88 #etre$ of hi# $ta#pin hi$ foot to the floor, it &a$ li!kin alon at ,58 and eneratin
nearly 0G in the !orner$" He brouht it into the pit$ and the belt$ over hi$ !he$t ro$e and fell a$ he dre&
breath" He $tripped to the &ai$t, revealin #u$!le$ a$ $hredded a$ *o!ky :alboa7$, then !he&ed into hi$
drink$ bottle like a but!her7$ do"
I !li#bed aboard, tihtened the $trap$ until I !ould barely #ove and $!anned the array of $&it!he$
and LED liht$ that lined the da$hboard" I bean firin the enine and heard the #o$t beautiful bark of E,8
po&er" The A$!ari LM97$ ;udd F, enine !hurned out 328bhp on a Lola !ha$$i$" )ith no po&er $teerin it
de#anded hand-to-hand !o#bat"
)erner !hilled out and en?oyed the $ho& a$ I $pent #y fir$t lap$ hittin the rev li#iter" The A$!ari
a!!elerated $o fa$t that you had to pull throuh the ear$ on the $e'uential bo> a$ fa$t a$ your ar# !ould
$nat!h the lever" The po&er &ould $pin the &heel$ in fourth ear on a dry tra!k, $o you didn7t $&it!h off for a
$e!ond" The &ind at ,58 bla$ted throuh the open !o!kpit and tried to rip your head off"
:rakin fro# hih $peed u$in the iant F,-$tyle !arbon di$! brake$ involved $tandin on the pedal"
I applied t&i!e #y body &eiht in pu$hin for!e to a!tivate the do&n-for!e rip" After t&enty lap$ I lo$t all
feelin in #y riht foot"
The fa$ter I dived into the !orner$, the #ore the &in$ ripped and the heavier it $teered" It &a$ like
oin ten round$ in the bo>in rin and I &a$ hanin off the rope$" My ar#$ &ere ?a!ked full of la!ti! a!id
and the te#ptation to ea$e up on the &heel &a$ i##en$e, but that #eant $lo&in do&n or endin up in the
&all" I loved thi$ bea$t"
)hen I returned to the pit$, our ra!e enineer appeared and $tepped !a$ually in front of the !ar &ith
hi$ !lipboard" :rian &a$ &iry and had a #ou$ta!he like Di!k Da$tardly" AHo& &a$ that, then=7
There &a$ no di$ui$in the effort I7d put in" My !he$t &a$ heavin and I &a$ $&eatin bullet$" AThi$
!ar F i$ a&e$o#e F the be$t thin I7ve ever driven"7
)erner a$ked #e ho& I found the $teerin by !o#pari$on to For#ula /"
AF/ &a$ a pie!e of pi$$"7
ABe$$u$, #an,7 he rinned" A)ait till you try it on ne& tyre$% that #ake$ it even heavier"7
At the end of the day :rian ave hi$ verdi!t on #y perfor#an!e" )erner7$ ti#e !hart$ &ere
#etrono#i!, #ine &eren7t, but I &a$ the fir$t driver they7d te$ted &ho !ould #at!h hi$ pa!e on old tyre$" The
$eat &a$ #ine" I &a$ $ined by a &ork$ tea#"
To #a> the $peed of a Le Man$ !ar for four hour$ at a ti#e re'uired a $upre#e level of $trenth and
enduran!e" It #eant $tartin a !o#pletely ne& phy$i!al trainin rei#e"
I $pent four hour$ a day in the y#, pu$hin tonne$ of &eiht$ in a variety of unplea$ant &ay$ I
atta!hin the# to #y head, runnin &ith the# and pu$hin repetition$ until I !ould barely lift a pen!il" Then
I7d run or $&i# for hour$ to build $ta#ina"
:a!k in the day$ of leather hel#et$ and ole$, an enduran!e ra!e &a$ a different kettle of fi$h"
)hen Dun!an Ha#ilton &on Le Man$ in ,62/, he &a$ $o drunk that the tea# offered hi# !offee durin the
pit $top$ to keep hi# oin" He refu$ed, a!!eptin only brandy"
The$e day$ Le Man$ &a$ a t&enty-four-hour $print" The !ar$ &ith$tood thou$and$ of ear-$hift$,
#illion$ of pi$ton revolution$ and !on$tant for!e$ on every !o#ponent" Bou !ouldn7t afford to break the#, but
you !ouldn7t afford to $lo& do&n either" Bou took turn$ &ith your tea#-#ate$ to thra$h the livin hell out of it"
)e drove every lap like a 'ualifier" The phy$i!al and #ental !o##it#ent to #aintainin that perfor#an!e
&a$ ab$olute, #akin it the pure$t all-round !hallene in #otor ra!in"
The e!le!ti! #i> of e>perien!ed a#ateur$ and profe$$ional$ ra!ed an e'ually diver$e rane of
#a!hinery, fro# bra&ny Ferrari and 9or$!he GT$ that re$e#bled road !ar$ to the 488 hor$epo&er flyin
$au!er$ loo$ely !alled Aprototype$7 I ba$i!ally For#ula , !ar$ &earin pretty dre$$e$"
Audi7$ prototype &a$ the one to beat" Their #e!hani!al reliability &a$ #at!hed by outriht pa!e" A
earbo> !hane u$ed to take a !ouple of hour$ in the old day$" No& &hen Audi ble& one, they bolted on
another, !o#plete &ith $u$pen$ion ?oint$, in ?u$t four #inute$"
In .88, the rain &a$ torrential for nineteen hour$ of the t&enty-four, and the $&ar# of !ar$ $kated
alon the $traiht$ like $kippin $tone$"
Fro# #idniht until four in the #ornin I ha##ered around an eiht-#ile tra!k, avoidin an a!!ident
every ti#e I put the po&er do&n"
Cn #y fir$t vi$it to Le Man$ I &a$ lu!ky to even #ake the raveyard $hift, follo&in a di$a$trou$ run
in the dayti#e" The !re& had &hipped off the &heel$ and baned a fre$h $et of tyre$ on to the red-hot di$!$
&hil$t I $tayed in the !ar" A$ the fuel ho$e $la##ed ho#e and $tarted pu#pin, I felt !old li'uid fill the $eat
of #y pant$"
I thu#bed the radio button" AI think I7ve ot fuel runnin do&n #y ne!k"7
A look at the fuel ri revealed nothin out of the ordinary, but #y ba!k$ide &a$ $&i##in in i!y
li'uid"
There &a$ no ti#e for debate" :e$ide$, I !ouldn7t believe it #y$elf" I drove a&ay and #y $kin bean
to tinle at fir$t, then $tarted burnin" Thi$ &a$n7t i#ainary" I &a$ for!ed to pit aain" )erner &a$ in the
!re& bu$ attendin to the bli$ter$ on hi$ hand$ and !auht the fir$t li#p$e of #y burnin butto!k$"
AEok, you all riht, #an= That7$ one hot botty"7
Hour$ later it &a$ #y turn to drive aain" *aindrop$ the $i@e of olf ball$ !reated eruption$ in the
$tandin &ater" A ?ournali$t $a& #e &aitin #y turn in the arae and $aid, ABou #u$t be ab$olutely
dreadin thi$" It7$ your fir$t ti#e here, i$n7t it=7
AI !an7t &ait to et out there,7 I $aid, ?oin on the $pot" AThi$ i$ &hat it7$ all about"7
He probably &rote #e off a$ !annon fodder"
The tea# #anaer &a$ Ian Da&$on, &ho !ut hi$ teeth at Lotu$ For#ula , tea# ba!k in the day$ of
+olin +hap#an" He $till had the retro #ou$ta!he to prove it" Ian appeared at #y $ide, lifted one of hi$ radio
!an$ and yelled into the front of #y hel#et" AIt7$ ab$olutely torrential out there" Harri7$ ?u$t done three
!o#plete /38 $pin$ do&n the $traiht at ,38 #ile$ an hour" He7$ !o#in in thi$ lap" )e7re bloody lu!ky to $till
have a !ar" )e7re runnin $eventeenth" There7$ plenty of ti#e" ;u$t take it ea$y"7
The inten$ity in hi$ voi!e $poke volu#e$" I &a$ holdin the baby"
An e#pty $pa!e in front of the arae &a$ $urrounded by the A$!ari boy$" Fireproof #a$k$ !overed
their fa!e$, but I !ould $ee Don the #ad Di&i it!hin hi$ no$e &ith the &heel un, bi Dave on the fuel ho$e
fli!kin hi$ ankle to loo$en off, Spen!er &ith the other un boun!in on hi$ 'uad$ to &ar# up"
At any #o#ent the $pa!e &ould be filled and I &ould have t&enty $e!ond$ to !li#b in, $trap up and
$&it!h on"
Every one of the boy$ had a !riti!al ?ob to do and they $hared the pre$$ure of the #o#ent" The fuel
#an had to ra# the ho$e ho#e in a $inle !lean #ove#ent" It $ounded ea$y, but it &a$n7t" If he ot it &ron
he !ould barbe!ue every #e#ber of the tea#"
The #e!hani!$ on the pneu#ati! un$ had pra!ti$ed the drill over and over aain, $o they !ould et
!lear a$ fa$t a$ po$$ible &ithout !ro$$-threadin a &heel nut" If any one of u$ #ade the $lihte$t !o!k-up, it
&ould !o$t $e!ond$ of hard-fouht tra!k po$ition"
The !ar appeared, larer than life and $heddin a heap of &ater" Harri Toivonen fouht the belt$ off
and leapt out" I bared pa$t hi# and took hi$ pla!e" The $eat felt &et and &ar# a$ #y $uit ab$orbed the
&ater"
Harri lifted hi$ vi$or and helped #e &ith #y belt$" Hi$ fa!e &a$ red, eye$ bulin, !he$t heavin" I
pulled up both thu#b$ to let hi# kno& I &a$ in CD and !ould fini$h the ?ob #y$elf"
The A$!ari dropped on to the de!k% the $inal &a$ iven" My hand$ &ere poi$ed over the inition
and $tart button$ and I !ranked the #otor" It &a$ already in fir$t ear" A tou!h on the throttle provoked a
lihtnin ho&l" The Draken &a$ fully a&ake" I $lipped the !lut!h and pulled a&ay into the niht"
I &a$ $oaked to the $kin &ithin $e!ond$" Goblet$ of &ater fell out of the $ky, &hirrin to&ard$ #e at
&arp $peed" A$ I $lid under the Dunlop bride #y vi$or pi!ked up the blurred liht$ of the Ferri$ &heel and
inter#ittent bur$t$ of fla$h photoraphy" Cnly die-hard fan$ $tayed out in thi$"
I $ped on, #y headla#p$ !arvin a 28-#etre tunnel throuh the darkne$$" I a!!elerated a&ay fro#
Tertre *oue in third ear and ha##ered do&n the Mul$anne $traiht, $!annin for other !ar$, $ear!hin for
puddle$" The li$tenin $urfa!e ahead ave nothin a&ay"
I had no idea &here Harri had run into trouble" If I #ade the $a#e #i$take I #iht not be $o lu!ky" I
approa!hed the fir$t !hi!ane, $!annin $ide&ay$ alon the Ar#!o barrier$ for $o#ethin to referen!e( the
#ar$hal7$ po$t, the tree, the ap in the &all, anythin that &ouldn7t #ove, for u$e a$ a brakin point"
I turned riht a little for the !hi!ane, then reretted it and $traihtened aain a$ the !ar a'uaplaned"
My $to#a!h tihtened a$ the &heel$ lo$t !onta!t &ith the road% I re$i$ted the te#ptation to over-!orre!t the
$teerin or brake harder and &aited for the !ar to Aland7" The enine note returned, tellin #e the &or$t &a$
over"
I a!!elerated !autiou$ly out the other $ide and ba!k on to the $traiht, $hort-$hifted into fifth ear and
everythin &ent deathly 'uiet"
The !ar hit a river of &ater on the left $ide of the tra!k at a $peed of ,28#ph" All four &heel$ lo$t
!onta!t &ith the tar#a! and I travelled ,88 #etre$ in freefall" The rear of the A$!ari ya&ed to the riht,
verin on a fatal hih-$peed $pin, !ro$$ed to the riht $ide of the tra!k and ran fa$t to&ard$ the ra$$" Cn!e
there I had another four #etre$ before enain &ith the Ar#!o barrier" The odd$ favoured a hit #ore than a
$ki#" :roken $u$pen$ion at the very lea$t"
Dra$ti! a!tion &a$ re'uired"
I $topped !orre!tin the $lide and !entred the $teerin in a $upre#e effort to keep off the ra$$" A$
the &heel$ bru$hed the &hite line borderin the !ir!uit the puddle$ retreated and the !ar $traihtened up"
The Mul$anne $traiht had t&o !hi!ane$ to prevent $peed$ e>!eedin .28#ph" The *ain God had
be'ueathed it a third but I no& kne& &here it &a$ I and ho& to drive it"
I #otored on, $avourin the uilty plea$ure of a !lo$e $have" No need to tell the tea# about that one"
Si>th ear &a$ redundant be!au$e you !ouldn7t hold the throttle do&n lon enouh in a $traiht line to
enae it, unle$$ I !ould lo!ate the re$t of the puddle$" I !huntered alon in fifth ear and !ounted the
$e!ond$ bet&een the bi puddle$, for#in a #ental #ap of the $e!tion$ of tra!k &here it &a$ $afe to o
fa$ter ne>t ti#e round"
The fir$t lap !onfir#ed that Mul$anne &a$ the &or$t affe!ted $traiht and I bean ad?u$tin #y line$
a!!ordinly" I re#ained !autiou$, but the !ar &a$ revellin in the !ondition$" It &a$ ivin $o #u!h feedba!k
throuh the tyre$"
The tea# &ere 'uiet on the radio and there &a$ no !han!e of $eein the pit board" I &a$ alone, but
!ontentedly bu$y in the #ad &orld of Le Man$ at niht in a #on$oon" I developed a rhyth# and took #y
!han!e$, pa$$in one !ar after another, $trainin every rod in #y retina$ a$ I $ear!hed for a hint of tail-liht
or a fa#iliar $ilhouette in the !loud$ of $pray that !loaked every one of the#"
The ra!er ahead #iht be a prototype a$ fa$t a$ the one I &a$ drivin or a GT !ar travellin at
,88#ph" The driver #iht be on the pa!e and in the @one, or half a$leep, or ently urinatin hi#$elf in
re$pon$e to the !ondition$"
The fir$t he &ould kno& of #y e>i$ten!e &ould be &hen hi$ !o!kpit ro!ked fro# the bla$t of #y
?et&a$h a$ I pa$$ed hi$ front &heel$" *i$kier $till &a$ tra!kin do&n another prototype !auht behind one or
even t&o of the $lo&er GT$"
Every $en$ible bone in #y body ured !aution" :ut too #u!h !aution and I !ould be !auht in their
&eb for eternity" It &a$ be$t to take a ri$k, $pla$h pa$t the# and #ove on" I #oved to overtake one uy ?u$t
a$ he $u##oned the !ourae to hu#p the !ar ahead of hi#, &hi!h I !ouldn7t $ee" He $&un to&ard$ #e and
elbo&ed #e on to the ra$$ at the e>it of the !urve$" I athered it up and outbraked hi# at the follo&in
!hi!ane a$ t&o GT$ !ollided &ith ea!h other" It &a$ !arnae"
I took #y !han!e$, like everyone el$e" The lap$ fle& by, an additional puddle for#ed on Mul$anne
and I fiured a !ute route throuh it &ithout liftin" :efore I reali$ed it, an hour had pa$$ed" The lo& fuel liht
on the da$h plinked on" I fli!ked a tole to enae the re$erve tank for the trip ba!k to the pit$"
I drove the in lap hard, not forettin the pit lane #iht be flooded too" Earlier in the day I7d &at!hed
another driver $kiddin a da#aed GT into the ravel pit at the pit entran!e" He7d tried to pu$h it out, but &a$
for!ed to abandon it by the #ar$hal$, only #etre$ a&ay fro# hi$ pit !re& &ho &ere po&erle$$ to help hi#"
I $naked throuh the barrier$, $lo&ed and enaed the $peed li#iter" The A$!ari7$ enine poppin
and banin like a #a!hineun, I found our pit a#id$t the ?unle of ho$e$, board$ and !re&$ of other tea#$"
AI don7t need tyre$" The$e one$ feel reat% !an &e ?u$t !he!k the#=7 Spen!er dived under the &heel
ar!he$ &ith hi$ tor!h and ave a thu#b$ up $e!ond$ later" )ith a perfe!tioni$t like Spen!er you never had to
$e!ond-ue$$ the verdi!t"
The at#o$phere vibrated &ith ten$ion" Ian looked even #ore $tre$$ed than u$ual" 9erhap$ I needed
to $tart pu$hin harder out there"
AHo& are &e doin= I$ everythin CD=7
:efore Ian !ould an$&er, Dlaa$ leaned over the !o!kpit" ASlo- the hell do-n" Bou7re the fa$te$t
bloody !ar on the !ir!uit" Take it ea$y out there, for Chrissake"7
:rian e#ered fro# hi$ &arren of !o#puter$ and !al#ly announ!ed over the radio( ABou7re in fourth
pla!e" Bou7ve unlapped the leader$, $o you7re no& on the lead lap"7
&nla##ed the leaders" )e &ere in the bi leaue" No ti#e to !onte#plate" A hi$$ and a thud
dropped #e to the de!k% another roar and I &a$ one" Tea# A$!ari7$ Le Man$ hope$ re$ted $olely on +ar
.8"
I &anted to et ba!k into the thi!k of it, !he!k the puddle$ &ere $till &here I re#e#bered and pi!k up
the rhyth#"
After about forty #inute$ a yello& lo& $tarted pul$in in the loo# at the ede of the !ir!uit" Bou
never took the &arnin bea!on$ lihtly at Le Man$" I !lo$ed up on another ra!er and rode $hotun until &e
!auht the $afety !ar"
)e ?oined the roup bun!hed behind it, brakin hard to avoid a !on!ertina" I ?u$t hoped the uy$
!o#in up behind #e &ould do the $a#e" So#e people $&erved around to keep their tyre$ &ar# I pretty
pointle$$ on &et$, &or$e if you $pun on a puddle at /8#ph"
I &anted to et pa$t the pa!k 'ui!kly at the re-$tart and e$!ape their #uddle" It beat hanin around
to be &iped out by another ban@ai ra!er !o#in fro# behind"
A$ &e pa$$ed the floodliht$ I re!oni$ed for#er F, driver Mark :lun-dell in an MG prototype ?u$t
ahead" He #iht help !lear a path"
I li$tened !arefully for the all !lear" ASafety !ar i$ in, reen, reen, go, go, go F7
)e $lithered on to the pit $traiht, pa$t a near $tationary 9or$!he GT" I had really ood drive and
$tayed &elded to :lundell7$ tail-liht$, hopin to $ee &here the hell he &a$ oin in the $pray" I pulled out of
the ?et&a$h, fle& pa$t :lundell and outbraked t&o #ore GT$ into the fir$t !orner"
:a!k into the roove" The rain kept $tair-roddin do&n" The puddle$ $&elled and then &ithdre&"
Every lap &a$ different" I kept updatin #y #ental #ap, $lidin throuh #ayhe# and livin the drea#" )e
&ere !lo$in in on the leadin Audi$"
The A$!ari filled #e &ith !onfiden!e in the rain, but the uy$ on board the :entley !oupG, &ith it$
en!lo$ed roof, &eren7t feelin the love" Their &ind$!reen &a$ $o foed up that &hen Guy S#ith &a$ drivin
he !ouldn7t $ee throuh it" The rain for!ed eleven retire#ent$ and a &hole lot of &alkin &ounded"
At 0a# it ea$ed up a bit" After four hour$ in the hot $eat I &a$ nearin the end of #y $tint, runnin
the A$!ari hard alon Mul$anne, &hen $o#ethin kno!ked the &ind out of it" The enine #i$fired% the bea$t
lo$t $peed" I fli!ked on the re$erve tank" No !hane" The enine &a$ dyin"
I &a$ a lon &ay fro# the pit$" The A$!ari #anaed a fe& #ore fit$ and $tart$, finally !uttin all drive
at Indianapoli$" I pulled up at the Ar#!o, radioed the tea# and ot to &ork" If I !ould ?u$t re#e#ber &hat
Spen!er had tauht #e and )erner durin our invaluable enineerin indu!tion, I &a$ $aved" I rea!hed for
the e#eren!y toolkit &ith Spen!er7$ &ord$ rinin in #y ear$" AIf you end up u$in thi$ toolkit you7re
probably fu!ked" ;u$t do yer be$t"7
I tore off the ele!tri!al tape, pi!ked up the #ini fla$hliht and !he!ked all the fu$e$ &ere pu$hed in"
They &ere" I $&it!hed E+<$, the enine7$ brain, plued the ne& one into the #other board and fli!ked the
inition ba!k on to reboot" No di!e" I ot ba!k on the radio" AThe ne& E+< i$n7t &orkin" Any idea$=7
A)ait a #inute"7 Then, after a lon pau$e, A)e7re !o#in out to you" Stay right there"7
)here &a$ I #eant to o F=
There #u$t be $o#ethin I !ould do" I looked a!ro$$ to the iant pla$#a $!reen on the other $ide of
the tra!k and $a& a $#all ;apane$e driver havin $i#ilar proble#$" He &a$ $tarin do&n at hi$ !ar &ith hi$
hel#et on and $peakin to hi$ tea# on a tiny #obile phone" After a #inute he $tarted e$ti!ulatin &ildly,
hurled the phone into the tar#a! and $ta#ped on it t&enty ti#e$ &ith both feet" :ad re!eption !an really et
you do&n"
Men in orane $uit$ &anted #e out of the !ar, but if I &alked too far a&ay it &ould be !la$$ed a$
Aabandon#ent7 and !ould eli#inate u$ fro# the ra!e" Ian and Spen!er turned up but !ouldn7t find the fault"
A$ a la$t-dit!h effort I put the !ar in fir$t ear and bunny-hopped it .8#etre$ u$in the ki!k fro# the
$tarter #otor" Thi$ really up$et the Fren!h #ar$hal$, &ho !ha$ed after #e $hakin their fi$t$ until the battery
ran out of ?ui!e" Cur ra!e &a$ over"
It &a$ ut-&ren!hin" )e !a#e ba!k to a &ar# re!eption in the pit$"
They had done an in!redible ?ob, e$pe!ially :rian" Hi$ beady eye$ had di$appeared into hi$ $kull"
Guy$ like hi# never $lept and he &a$ $till revie&in tele#etry $!reen$ lon after everyone el$e had !leared
off" He draed #e into hi$ data den" ACne of your lap ti#e$ &a$ ten $e!ond$ fa$ter than anybody el$e on
the !ir!uit" TENH :loody brilliant" Look$ like the $oddin fuel pu#p pa!ked in" So#e to$$in little &ire that
burned out, a fifty pen!e !o#ponent, I bet"7
Hearin that &e had pa!ed fa$ter than anyone for nearly four hour$ nu#bed $o#e of the
di$appoint#ent, but nothin !o#pared to a!tually fini$hin the ra!e"
The Audi$ !ontinued their faultle$$ run to vi!tory the follo&in day" Cur !re& fell a$leep around the
pit" Sleep &a$ hard to !o#e by" )hen #y eyelid$ eventually !lo$ed, the dotted &hite line$ of Mul$anne &ere
$till &hippin throuh #y retina$ at .88#ph"
+hapter 3
Daytona Enduran!e
After the du$t $ettled fro# Le Man$, I $tarted talkin to $o#e of the lare #anufa!turer tea#$ about
drivin opportunitie$ for the follo&in year" I &a$ duly infor#ed by one repre$entative that they &ere Atalkin
to bi na#e$ fro# For#ula ,7" :en &a$ only a three-letter &ord, $o $he had #e there"
Fortunately A$!ari kept #e for the follo&in $ea$on for a prora##e that in!luded t&o of the #o$t
pre$tiiou$ $port$!ar ra!e$ in the &orld( the *ole> .0 Hour$ of Daytona follo&ed by the ,. Hour$ of Sebrin"
I de!ided it &a$ ti#e to take the plune and leave #y day ?ob" In bet&een ra!e$, I had been &orkin
a$ a brand #anaer for S!ale>tri!, &hi!h in!luded a !o$y five-hour daily !o##ute on top of trainin" It &a$
fun !o#in up &ith idea$ for toy$" I broke ne& round by !reatin the fir$t :art Si#p$on S!ale>tri! $et,
althouh I ot into a little trouble for developin $uper-$ti!ky #anet$ that #ade the #odel !ar$ travel fa$ter
than liht" My friend$ loved it too, dubbin #e the A$#alle$t ra!in driver in the &orld7 and referrin to #y
ba!k$ide a$ a hollo& e>tru$ion"
)ell, thi$ toy ra!er &a$ off to Daytona, the birthpla!e of NAS+A*" In the ,628$ #oon$hine runner$
flo!ked fro# the $outhern !ountie$ to ra!e the lon flat$ of Daytona :ea!h% the be$t driver$ of the 9rohibition
era had honed their $kill$ outrunnin the poli!e on !ountry road$" Here they belted alon the bea!hfront
avenue and bla$ted $and into the fa!e$ of $pe!tator$" 9eople liked that, $o in ,624 ra!e pro#oter :ill Fran!e
built the bie$t, fa$te$t Speed&ay the &orld had ever $een"
The ."2-#ile tri oval &ith it$ /,-deree bankin &a$ !olo$$al" Even ri@@ly ra!er$ &ere $ho!ked by
the $!ale of the A:i D7 and the $pra&lin edifi!e of it$ $urroundin rand$tand$" AThere &a$n7t a #an there
&ho &a$n7t $!ared to death of the pla!e,7 Lee 9etty on!e $aid" The &hite&a$hed &all that en!a$ed the
Speed&ay &a$ ever ready to puni$h the over-@ealou$"
An infield road !our$e had been !on$tru!ted in$ide the oval for $port-$!ar ra!in, and that7$ &here
&e !a#e in" My prototype rattled $o 'ui!kly throuh the bankin at Turn Cne that for the fir$t fe& lap$ #y
eyeball$ !ouldn7t keep up &ith the $&eepin $heet of a$phalt" It &a$ di@@yinly fa$t% a ,58#ph turn, tihter
than a ?et fihter !ould pull"
*a!in a prototype in Europe throuh a pa!ked field of GT !ar$ had tauht #e plenty of !ut and
thru$t" The differen!e at Daytona &a$ the $heer volu#e of $lo&er traffi! in the tiht infield $e!tion" I no&
reali$ed ho& :at#an felt drivin the $treet$ of Gotha# after initin the after-burner$ on a Monday #ornin"
If you ave any 'uarter, the !ar$ you &anted to #u$!le pa$t $en$ed he$itation and only #ade it harder to et
by"
Gettin pa$t a prototype of e'ual pa!e &a$ #ore !hallenin" I !lo$ed on one at ,48" I !ouldn7t
re!oni$e hi$ hel#et but hi$ !ar7$ body lanuae looked edy" The bankin a#plified the $u$pen$ion
!o#pre$$ion fro# ton$ of do&n-for!e and the bellie$ of both our #a!hine$ $la##ed the de!k at every bu#p"
My aero &ent liht in hi$ dead air and I hun on to the $teerin pretty tiht &hile the &hole &orld &obbled
around #e"
)e &ere bearin do&n on a pair of GT$ runnin line a$tern" I had a ood $lin$hot fro# their
$lip$trea#, #oved one lane hiher to&ard$ the &all and overtook" The prototype didn7t $ee #e !o#in and
$&un out &ith #e alon$ide"
The bankin &a$ beinnin to flatten out for the $traiht, $o thi$ &a$ not a ood ti#e to !hane
dire!tion" The only $pa!e left for #e on the tra!k &a$ the hih $ide, &hi!h &a$ !overed in $and and #arble$,
$o that7$ &here I &ent" The $teerin in$tantly &ent liht a$ the $li!k tyre$ lo$t !onta!t &ith a$phalt, $!rabbled
&ith the dirt and pointed #e at the &all" A #i!ro$e!ond later, the rear lo$t tra!tion" A$ the !a#ber fell a&ay I
had to et out of the throttle and tap $o#e brake to nude the front a&ay fro# the &all"
I pa$$ed the prototype &ith a front &heel lo!ked, pit!hed $ide&ay$ $o !lo$e to the &all I thouht it
&ould $have the rear &in endplate" It #ay have looked uly but I #ade it $ti!k"
I !rui$ed the pit lane later to find the uy I overtook and #aybe $hare a lauh" There he &a$, overall$
tied at the &ai$t, &earin a ba$eball !ap &ith bi aviator $hade$ droopin off the end of hi$ no$e" Hi$ ne!k
&a$ frail for a ra!in driver, but not for a 44-year-old" Hi$ voi!e $ounded fa#iliar a$ he !hatted to hi$
#e!hani!, then :ut!h +a$$idy7$ !lear blue eye$ $a& #e !o#in" I fro@e" 9aul Ne&#an, $tar of the $ilver
$!reen for #ore than half a !entury, ra!er of old and !haritable anel &ho para!huted #illion$ of dollar$ into
&orthy !au$e$, &a$ the !oole$t dude I ever $a&" And that7$ e>a!tly ho& I left hi#" He had enouh people
botherin hi# for a pie!e of hi$ ti#e"
)erner &a$ on $pe!ta!ular for# and $tu!k the A$!ari ;udd on pole po$ition" He $pent the afternoon
fle>in hi$ #u$!le$ under the Florida $un$hine and !ookin the Abrai7 $o that Anone of you Enlee$h burn #y
#eat7"
My duty at Daytona &a$ to develop an e>peri#ental turbo-!hared enine in the $i$ter A$!ari" The
&ord$ Ae>peri#ental7 and Aenduran!e7 #ade poor bedfello&$" Not only &a$ the enine utle$$ and
e>pen$ive, but part$ of the rear &in kept fallin off"
Durin the ra!e I had to &at!h #y #irror$ to keep an eye on thin$" After the third pit $top to repair
the &in &e reali$ed that the entire &in po$t &a$ bein $haken loo$e by the deafenin har#oni!$ of the
enine" It &a$ dee#ed too danerou$ to !ontinue, $o that &a$ the end of that" Maybe one day &e &ould
fini$h an enduro event"
The t&elve-hour ra!e at Sebrin &a$ half the duration of Daytona .0 but t&i!e a$ e>hau$tin" Mar$
had a #ore te#perate !li#ate than Florida in Mar!h" And the Martian$ the#$elve$ &ere pretty !on$ervative
by !o#pari$on to the ,28,888 fan$ &ho !a#ped at the tra!k durin A#eri!a7$ $prin break" The u$ual
petrolhead$ &ere ?oined by ten$ of thou$and$ of !ollee kid$ &ho partied hard" The poli!e brouht an
ar#oured tank to keep the# under !ontrol"
S&ar#$ of the# de$!ended fro# the nearby bea!he$ for a look at $o#e fa$t noi$y thin$" Tanned
babe$ in $!ant bikini$ totin dollar fifty pla$ti! ne!kla!e$ e>!haned the# at every opportunity for bodily
fluid$ or a fla$h of fle$h" The ra!e fan$ built their o&n bar$, !onverted $!hool bu$e$ into #ulti-$torey vie&in
allerie$ and invented #y favourite adet of all ti#e" A .88 hor$epo&er enine beneath the !u$hion$
enabled the devoted fan to ad#ire the ra!in fro# the !o#fort of hi$ o&n #otori$ed $ofa fro# a variety of
vantae point$ around the infield"
The heat built up to 68 deree$ &ith ,88 per !ent hu#idity" All the effort of phy$i!al trainin &a$
&orth every bead of $&eat &hen you $et about the tra!k" It &a$ a$ rouh a$ hell" The $urfa!e &a$ a bu#py
pat!h&ork of different #aterial$ and there &ere $o#e fa$t, !hallenin !orner$ &ith #ini#al run-off" Bou had
to !ha$e the heavy $teerin for every $e!ond a$ the rip !a#e and &ent" The !on$tant ?arrin &reaked
havo! on the vehi!le7$ drive train, and the tyre$ $hredded fro# all the &heel$pin and hard brakin" )e ran
the harde$t !o#pound tyre Dunlop !ould $upply u$"
Avoidin dehydration &a$ a !on$tant battle" The vital fluid$ in the !ar7$ drink $y$te# tended to boil by
the ti#e it rea!hed your #outh and $!ald your lip$" Bou thouht you &ere &ar# &hil$t drivin, but &hen you
pulled up at the end of a $tint the ru$h of air &ould $top and you found your$elf in the a$phy>iation !ha#ber"
I $printed fro# the !ar, pulled up #y fireproof lein$ and $tood in a bu!ket of i!e &ater, lookin like ;ohn
+lee$e in hi$ Monty Python day$"
Cne of our tru!kie$ &a$ datin a lo!al hu$$y &ith an altoether $!ientifi! approa!h to $urvivin the
&eather" *ed leathery $kin and rea$y bro&n hair &a$ her defen!e aain$t the $un, and $he arrived every
#ornin &ith an i!y $lab of :ud&ei$er beer" Fro# then until du$k, &hen $he e#ptied the la$t !an, not a
$inle drop of &ater pa$$ed her hir$ute lip$, and her vo!abulary &a$, like, &hatever" ASee ya7ll in the #ornin7,
boy$, aaaaaaar#"7 A real $outhern belle"
I &a$ partnered &ith ;u$tin )il$on, &ho had ?u$t &on the For#ula /888 +ha#pion$hip" It &a$ reat
havin hi# on board, in no $#all part be!au$e he &a$ happy &ith #y only $tandin order( ANo pi$$in in the
$eat"7 Thi$ feral habit &a$ pioneered by #any notable driver$ in!ludin Nel$on 9i'uet, &ho apparently u$ed
to &et hi$ pant$ at the end of a For#ula , ra!e and leave the ift for hi$ #e!hani!$"
A$ tea# leader in #y !ar I dre& the lu!ky $tra& to run double $tint$ &hen our third driver &a$ in?ured
in the pit lane" That #eant runnin flat out for ?u$t over t&o hour$ bet&een fuellin and driver !hane$" The
!o#bination of the !ontinuou$ hih G for!e$ and the &ay the !ar &a$ al&ay$ t&it!hin te$ted driver and
#a!hine to the brink of failure, #akin Sebrin a rite of pa$$ae" Even the tra!k $tarted #eltin part &ay
throuh the ra!e, $o &e had to run behind a $afety !ar &hil$t e#eren!y repair$ &ere #ade"
9erfor#an!e-&i$e &e &ere riht on the pa!e, havin dit!hed the Turbo for the #anifi!ent ;udd" The
Audi$ &ere runnin a&ay on their rippy Mi!helin tyre$, &hi!h at the ti#e ave the# $everal $e!ond$ a lap
over our Dunlop$" Cur hard !o#pound !a#e to life &hen it #i>ed &ith the $ofter rubber on the tra!k, &hi!h
#eant our pa!e 'ui!kened a$ the ra!e &ent on" )e bean !at!hin the leader$" ;u$tin and I took turn$
puttin the ha##er do&n, !o#petin &ith ea!h other until &e !ro$$ed the line in fifth pla!e" At la$t, &e had a
fini$hH
)erner pla!ed behind u$ in the $i$ter !ar% beatin hi# #eant &e had done $o#ethin riht" He had
atta!ked Sebrin &ith hi$ !u$to#ary u$to and kept u$ pri#ed throuhout the &eekend &ith enery drink$"
At one point )erner7$ !o-driver #ade an i#pro#ptu pit $top in the niht and !auht everyone off
uard" Afrika-:o &a$ $norin a&ay in the !oa!h &hen Ian Da&$on bur$t in and draed hi# to hi$ feet"
)erner rabbed hi$ hel#et, leapt into the !ar and drove off" Hi$ hel#et &a$ $till fitted &ith a fully tinted
dayti#e vi$or, $o he !ouldn7t $ee a thin" )ithout floodliht$, hi$ ta$k &a$ a$ danerou$ a$ a bu$h baby
a$kin a hyena for a $houlder rub" He $o#eho& #anaed to drive an hour-lon $tint &ithin three tenth$ of
our pa!e"
)e pa!ked our ba$ for Europe and eared up for Le Man$" I $et about an e>ten$ive tyre-te$tin
prora##e &ith Dunlop, and Dlaa$ thre& every re$our!e at the pro?e!t to ive u$ a !redible $hot at &innin
the .0-hour !la$$i! thi$ ti#e round"
The ne& A$!ari DQ, $uper!ar &a$ on di$play to the !ro&d$ after year$ of develop#ent% thi$ &a$ the
road !ar our ra!in pro?e!t $et out to pro#ote" )ith all the le$$on$ learnt fro# the previou$ year, everyone
&a$ !onfident of a re$ult"
I partnered )erner and he $tarted the ra!e" The 38 !ar$ filed on to the $tartTfini$h $traiht, and &hen
they dropped the ha##er #y hair $tood on end" The at#o$phere &a$ bu@@in, doubly $o be!au$e the .88.
)orld +up &a$ oin on and the Enli$h fan$ oppo$ite our pit &ere updatin u$ on the Enland v$ Den#ark
a#e u$in their o&n $!oreboard" They &ent ber$erk a$ ea!h of Enland7$ three oal$ hit the ba!k of the
net"
)erner &a$ &hippin throuh the fore$t to&ard$ Indianapoli$ !orner at ..8#ph" He lifted to turn
riht and the rear $u$pen$ion !ollap$ed" The rear hit the floor, lo$t aero rip and $ent hi# into a horrifi! $pin"
He fle& a!ro$$ the ravel, ba!k on to the tra!k and !ra!ked into the &all at over ,88 ti#e$ the for!e of
ravity"
Spen!er &a$ the fir$t of our !re& on the $!ene" ALu!kily )erner7$ head took #o$t of the i#pa!t,7 he
$aid later" AAnd there &a$ nuffink in there to da#ae"7
The !ar &a$ toa$t but )erner $pent $everal #inute$ tryin to et the enine oin in $pite of plea$
fro# the offi!ial$" He only ave up &hen Spen!er a$$ured hi# the !ar &a$ a!tually in t&o pie!e$"
*eardle$$ of ho& the $u$pen$ion fault o!!urred, #y ut feelin &a$ that the A$!ari pro?e!t &a$ at
an end" It !ouldn7t !arry on &ithout a #a?or $pon$or" )e7d needed that Le Man$ re$ult" +o#e ;uly, I &a$
lookin for a ?ob"
I phoned every tea# in the book for a drive, in every $erie$ fro# Le Man$ to For#ula , to NAS+A*"
Cne !all paid off in Septe#ber ?u$t a fe& day$ before the inauural Indy!ar ra!e in the <D" I7d been buin
the life out of the orani$er$ for a drive, and at the la$t #inute the Serie$ Dire!tor ran and a$ked &hat I &a$
doin that &eekend"
A+o#in to *o!kinha# to &at!h the +ha#p +ar ra!e"7
A)ell, brin your hel#et and overall$, there7$ a drive for you in the $upport ra!e"7
*o!kinha#7$ ne&ly for#ed prora##e &a$ ba$ed on NAS+A*, A#eri!a7$ #o$t popular ra!in
$erie$" Cne in three A#eri!an$ &a$ a fan% vie&in audien!e$ &ere enor#ou$ and the $pon$or$hip and
adverti$in revenue$ ran into billion$ of dollar$" The $tadiu#$, !ar$ and fan ba$e &ere all va$t"
The for#ula for $u!!e$$ &a$ $i#ple( they ra!ed $to!k !ar$ ba$ed on A#eri!a7$ three #o$t popular
$edan$ that &ere virtually identi!al in perfor#an!e and available to anyone" The$e ari!ultural #a!hine$
&ere built of tube $teel, &ith !lunkin #etal ear-$hifter$ $traiht off a Ma$$ey Feru$on and $narlin E5
#otor$" The !ir!uit$ &ere #o$tly oval$ &here you only $teered left" The !ar$ &ere $et up &ith #o$t of their
&heel$ pointin that &ay I $o #u!h $o that you had to $teer riht ?u$t to drive one in a $traiht line"
Mu!h to the a#u$e#ent of the A#eri!an$, the <D $erie$ &a$ !alled AA$!ar7, pro#ptin the endurin
'ue$tion( ABou ra!e A$$-+ar=7 The pa!ked rid boa$ted top :riti$h driver$ like )orld *ally +ha#pion +olin
M!*ae, Tourin +ar +ha#pion ;a$on 9lato, $o#e F, te$ter$ and !o#petitor$ fro# the <SA"
They ra!ed &heel to &heel at *o!kinha#7$ ,"2-#ile Speed&ay at !ontinuou$ $peed$ of up to
,58#ph" *o!kinha# &a$ purpo$e built in an indu$trial ba!k&ater near +orby, Northant$, a to&n fa#ou$ for
F not very #u!h" The $tadiu# ro$e out of the round like a #odern +olo$$eu# a#id$t a $ea of tar#a!
parkin for thou$and$ of $pe!tator$" It &a$ A#eri!an-$tyle :IG, &ith pa!ked rand$tand$ ?u$t #etre$ ba!k
fro# the a!tion" The tra!k &a$ &ide enouh to fit $i> !ar$ $ide by $ide &ith entle bankin to a$$i$t the flo&
of $peed throuh the four !orner$"
European$ larely rearded oval ra!in a$ borin, havin only $een it on televi$ion" )hen you
attended a live ra!e, you reali$ed the dronin pa!k of !ar$ &ere larely out of !ontrol" It &a$ a thrillin hih-
$peed $pe!ta!le" The 'ue$tion &a$n7t &hether they &ould !ra$h, but &hen and ho& hard"
My !ar &a$ o&ned by Mark 9ro!tor, a Goliath of a Bork$hire#an &ho al$o !o#peted in the $erie$" It
&a$ hi$ $pare, and looked like #any of it$ vital !o#ponent$ had been !annibali$ed" I $at in$ide it$ $pa!iou$
!abin behind a $teerin &heel bi enouh for a bu$ and rearraned $o#e ele!tri!al &irin that danled fro#
the roof" I re$olved not to ?ude a book by it$ !over" The old irl #iht have it &here it !ount$"
She didn7t"
After #i$$in the te$t $e$$ion &ith an enine proble#, I ot to rip$ &ith #y fir$t $to!k !ar in the
open 'ualifyin $e$$ion and di$!overed &hy NAS+A* ra!er$ de$!ribed under$teer a$ Apu$h7" )henever I
&ent hard into a !orner, the ape> repelled the !ar a$ if it &ere the like pole of another #anet" I 'ualified t&o
pla!e$ fro# la$t and !onte#plated hanin #y$elf fro# the &irin that had !o#e loo$e aain"
In the par! fer#G before the ra!e, a $port$ aent $a& #e leanin over #y !ar at the tail end of the
pre-for#ed rid" I tried hidin but he !auht #e"
AI $ee you7re oin &ell thenH7
I $#iled throuh !len!hed teeth" AI &on7t be here lon"7
At the rollin $tart, the !ar$ $ped into the fir$t !orner in $ide-by-$ide for#ation and $lithered into the
turn a$ they lo$t do&n-for!e in the hole they !ut throuh the air" The volu#e of air bein pu$hed in all
dire!tion$ &a$ enouh to bare neihbourin !ar$ a$ide and affe!t their handlin"
I felt the !hanin air pre$$ure$ i##ediately in #y inner ear" :y no$in in$ide the !ar in front you
!ould u$e the air buffetin fro# your bonnet to ki!k out hi$ tail% by runnin out$ide you !ould $u!k a&ay hi$
air and #ake hi# Apu$h7" To e>a!erbate your opponent7$ handlin proble#$, you $at in the $a#e po$ition for
a fe& lap$ until hi$ tyre$ burnt out"
My do of a !ar floated like a butterfly in the &ake of dirty air behind the other ra!er$ and $tu!k to the
tra!k like a $'ua$hed toad" In A!lean air7 it &a$ rubbi$h, $o I had to leapfro fro# one vi!ti# to the ne>t
&ithout delay" The driver$ #ade it hard" )hen people #oved over on #e I $tu!k #y no$e into their $ide and
pu$hed ba!k% they !alled it Arubbin7" I had a fe& !lo$e en!ounter$ &ith the &all, and at ,38#ph it pu!kered
up your a$$ !heek$ tihter than a lob$ter7$ en route to the boilin pot"
Thi$ $tyle of phy$i!al ra!in really $uited #e and before I kne& it the ra!e &a$ over" Havin $tarted
eihteenth, I fini$hed on the podiu# in third"
If I &a$ lu!ky, #y perfor#an!e #iht $e!ure a drive for the follo&in $ea$on" The pri@e for &innin
the +ha#pion$hip &a$ a te$t in A#eri!an NAS+A*"
I $till $pent hour$, day$, #onth$ on the phone !allin tea#$ and lookin for $pon$or$" Nothin" I
offered adverti$in aen!ie$ the #arketin opportunity of a lifeti#e to ba!k the fir$t :riti$h NAS+A*
+ha#pion" I hit the Bello& 9ae$ and talked the hind le off al!ohol fir#$, fa!torie$ and pi@@a !hain$" Even
a$ I did it #y ob?e!tive$ felt in!rea$inly $hallo& &hen I !on$idered the ho$t of !au$e$ around the lobe that
#oney !ould be #ore fruitfully $pent on"
After another day of havin the phone $la##ed do&n on #e, the #anaer of a lo!al auto#otive
!o#pany ave #e $o#e air-ti#e"
AThe la$t ra!in driver &ho a$ked #e for $pon$or$hip &a$ Da#on Hill,7 he $aid" He &a$ nibblin the
bait% ti#e to reel hi# in"
ACf !our$e,7 I enthu$ed" AAnd he &ent on to &in the )orld +ha#pion$hip"7
ABeah,7 he !hu!kled" AThe an$&er7$ the $a#e no& a$ it &a$ then" ,o"7
9erhap$ publi!ity &ould help attra!t $pon$or$hip" I thu#bed the *olode> and $poke to every #en7$
#aa@ine editor in the ala>y, then the TE e>e!utive$" I did a $!reen te$t &ith +hannel 0, had an intervie&
&ith 1i(th $ear and drove a Ford Fo!u$ for $o#e bloke at Dun$fold" Nothin had !o#e of it"
I #aintained a puni$hin phy$i!al trainin rei#e in the e>pe!tation that everythin &ould &ork out
for the be$t" It &a$ like floin a dead hor$e" I &ondered ho& lon I !ould hold out in hope of a drive &ithout
a ?ob to $upport #e" After $even #onth$ of !li#bin the &all$, I kne& the an$&er"
:y Mar!h .88/ all the $eriou$ !ha#pion$hip drive$ &ere one, and in #otor ra!in you &ere 'ui!kly
forotten" I had dedi!ated #y life to ra!in, $ub?uated everythin el$e that #attered and proved that I had
the riht $tuff, but it didn7t #atter"
)ithout a $en$e of purpo$e I had no @e$t for life and felt I hardly re!oni$ed #y refle!tion in the
#irror" I !ouldn7t bear $ittin around &at!hin life pa$$ #e by" It &a$ ti#e for a ne& dire!tion"
I u$ed to read about the live$ of :riti$h $oldier$ like General de la :illiJre, Sir *anulph Fienne$ and
Andy M!Nab, and I dre& in$piration fro# their darin adventure$" Even the title$ of their book$ $tru!k a
!hord( Looking (or Troule,Living 2angerously and Immediate 3ction" The #ore I read, the #ore I
under$tood that #ilitary $ervi!e had #ore to do &ith prote!tin life than takin it"
After $!hool I7d pa$$ed the *eular +o##i$$ion$ :oard to attend Sandhur$t and be!o#e an ar#y
offi!er" I took part in an e>er!i$e that $i#ulated &arfare in built-up area$, &ith the *oyal Iri$h *ei#ent and
Marine +o##ando$ bein atta!ked by 9aratrooper$"
In the #id$t of the $#oke, unfire and !a#ouflae paint, $o#eone #i$took #e for a $ervin offi!er
and handed #e an a$$ault rifle, $o I #ade #y$elf u$eful" There &ere bout$ of furiou$ a!tivity and are$$ion,
divin throuh &indo&$, !ra$hin do&n $tair!a$e$ and !on$tantly !o#in under fire a$ the ene#y !a#e at
u$ fro# all $ide$" A#id$t the !onfu$ion, #y fello& $oldier$ looked after one another like brother$" +overed in
ri#e and $&eat, they re#ained alert, orderly and intellient" I ad#ired their $elf-di$!ipline and $harp
hu#our, but above all the lea# in their eye$"
I ran the re!ruitin offi!e of an elite Ar#y *e$erve *ei#ent, an Airborne <nit that re!ruited
!ivilian$, and left a #e$$ae that I &anted to ?oin" <nlike #o$t of the !all$ I #ade that #onth, the$e uy$
a!tually ran ba!k"
+hapter 4
The Ne& Sti
Finally I heard ba!k fro# Andy )il#an" It $ee#ed that I did have a future &ith To# $ear, but I &a$ to
$peak to no one about it" My fir$t ta$kin &a$ $o#ethin !alled a Apo&erte$t7" I pa!ked #y ear and #ade #y
&ay to the airfield"
I pulled up a fe& hundred #etre$ $hort of the $e!urity ate and ran a #ental !he!kli$t( No na#e$, no
per$onal info F No unne!e$$ary introdu!tion$ F Look the part, a!t the part"
I pulled a bla!k bala!lava over #y #elon and ad#ired the vie& in the head #irror" !e#, you look like
a terrorist)
The $e!urity uard approa!hed #e #ore !autiou$ly thi$ ti#e, notin the rei$tration plate$ in !a$e
the$e &ere hi$ final $tep$ on #other earth" I &ound do&n the &indo& and hailed hi#"
AMornin" I7# &ith To# $ear"7
He broke into a relieved $#ile, &aved #e throuh and returned to hi$ !hee$e and pi!kle"
I drove on to the !on!rete $tain area" Tripod$ and !a#era$ and bla!k travel bo>e$ full of kit &ere
$tre&n every&here, and the pla!e &a$ $eethin &ith !a#era !re&" I had no idea &hat any of the# &ere
doin, but they $ee#ed very bu$y doin it"
Several had noti!ed the $ui!ide bo#ber &ho had ?u$t dra&n up be$ide the#" I &a$ brinin
unne!e$$ary attention to #y$elf, $o I !li#bed out and #ade #y &ay a$ anony#ou$ly a$ po$$ible to&ard$
the to>i! !abin"
I loitered near the !ardboard !ut-out of ;ohn 9re$!ott, &aitin for $o#e $in of Andy )il#an" <nder
hi$ leader$hip, To# $ear had been throuh a $u!!e$$ful reva#p follo&in it$ de#i$e in the Ninetie$, but it
re#ained e$$entially a !ar revie& prora##e" A$ I ?oined in the $e!ond year of the ne& for#at, it &a$ a$
popular a$ ever, &ith over t&o #illion vie&er$" Bou7d think they !ould have $pent a fe& 'uid doin up the
pla!e" It &a$ the pit$"
After five #inute$ there &ere $in$ of #ove#ent do&n the di# !orridor" A youn uy &ith a Tintin
hairdo and Elvi$ $unla$$e$ appeared, !hattin to a $kinny nerd in an Adida$ $hell $uit" They &alked $traiht
pa$t"
AHi,7 I $aid"
A'hooooooaaa,7 Tintin $hrieked, leapin throuh the air a$ if $o#eone had ?u$t plued hi# into the
National Grid"
:a!k on the round, he $tarted to lauh"
ABou #u$t be :en"7 He &aved a hand" AI7# ;i# )i$e#an" Bou $!ared the livin $hit out of #e" Ni!e
bala!lava, thouh" :et it !o#e$ in handy on a !old day robbin bank$"7
AEery" Should I ?u$t &ait here=7
ABeah, I think that7$ be$t for no&" )e7ll find you a roo# later" It7$ reat to have you on board,
&el!o#e to the A tea#H7
AThank$" A# I a!tually on board=7
ABou7re kiddin, riht= Ha$n7t Andy told you=7
ANo, other than turn up today and not tell anyone" I $ent hi# the ru$he$ he &anted and hoped I did
$o#e ood ti#e$ the other day"7
AThat7$ $o typi!al" I think you e'ualled 9erry7$ be$t ti#e on your $e!ond lap, and your be$t lap &a$
over a $e!ond fa$ter" )il#an &a$ $traiht on the phone to the offi!e and &a$ like, U:oy$, &e7ve ot a ne&
Sti FV7
The Sti &a$ the $ho&7$ fa!ele$$ ra!in driver &ho te$ted everythin fro# e>oti! $uper!ar$ to fa#ily
$aloon$ around To# $ear$ tra!k, $ettin fa$t lap ti#e$ to aue their perfor#an!e" Dre$$ed in bla!k and
hidden behind a bla!kout hel#et, he looked like Darth Eader7$ ra!in t&in"
The vital !o#ponent of The Sti7$ aura &a$ anony#ity" No one ever $a& hi$ fa!e, kne& hi$ na#e or
heard hi# $peak" )hen 9erry M!+arthy, the !hattie$t ra!in driver on the planet, revealed that he &a$ the
driver behind the #a$k after Serie$ ., hi$ day$ &ere nu#bered" Shortly after I took over, I ob$erved the fate
a&aitin #e if I ever broke that rule"
:la!k Sti, or rather $o#eone dre$$ed like hi#, &a$ fil#ed bein $trapped into a ;auar K;S to
atte#pt a $peed re!ord aboard the air!raft-!arrier HMS Invincile" A du##y Sti &a$ then $ent $!rea#in
do&n the laun!h pad, aided by the pre$$uri$ed $tea# !atapult u$ed for laun!hin Sea Harrier$"
Sti A#i$$ed hi$ brakin point7" +ar and driver !ra$hed into the North Sea, never to be $een aain F
)ith hi# out of the &ay, it &a$ #y turn in the $andpit" :ut I kne& that a !hara!ter born of the #edia
&ould inevitably die by it% that a $inle $lip-up &ould lead to the !atapult" :la!k Sti la$ted a year on the
$ho&% #aybe I !ould hold out for t&o" +arpe Die#" If it only la$ted a day, I &a$ deter#ined to #ake it a ood
one"
I vo&ed to take The Sti in the )hite Suit to a ne& level of $e!re!y and hold out for a$ lon a$
po$$ible" I #ade #y o&n rule$( never park in the $a#e pla!e t&i!e, never talk to anyone out$ide the A!ir!le7
and keep a bala!lava on until I &a$ eiht #ile$ !lear of the lo!ation, and !ertain that no one &a$ follo&in"
My olden rule &a$ never to appear in the &hite $uit &ithout #y hel#et on" +on?e!ture &a$ nothin
&ithout proof, and nothin $hort of photoraphi!, tanible eviden!e !ould prove &ho I &a$" I $terili$ed #y
ear, left every tra!e of :en +ollin$ I #y phone, #y &allet and $o on I lo!ked in the !ar, then hid the key$"
)hen the Sunday Times raided #y !hanin roo# and $ifted throuh #y ear, the only infor#ation they
leaned &a$ that The Sti &ore $i@e ,8 $hoe$"
At &ork I hid behind a #a$k" At ho#e I lied to everyone, in!ludin #y friend$ and fa#ily, about &hat
I &a$ doin"
To #e, The Sti epito#i$ed the ulti#ate 'ue$t( no !hallene too reat, no $peed too fa$t" He had to
look !ool and have attitude, $o I dit!hed the !rappy ra!in overall$ the ::+ ave #e and a!'uired $o#e
Alpine$tar$ ear and a Si#p$on hel#et"
Apart fro# unparalleled $kill behind the &heel, The Sti &a$ ru#oured to have paranor#al abilitie$
and &ebbed butto!k$, to urinate petrol and be top of the +IA7$ Mo$t )anted li$t" There &a$ only one
po$$ible hit!h( I had never been a ta#e ra!in driver"
* * *
After forty #inute$ the bala!lava bean to it!h like hell" The only pla!e to ive #y head a break &a$
the #othballed roo# ;i# )i$e#an had $ho&n #e &here the te$t pilot$ u$ed to !hane for pre-fliht" It &a$
#ore like a ?ail !ell"
9aint flaked off the da#p, yello&-$tained &all$% the red-painted !on!rete floor had $urvived an
earth'uake and the &indo&$ &ere too hih to $ee out of" It &a$ furni$hed #ini#ally I &ith a ru#p-nu#bin,
$tandard lo!ker-roo# i$$ue &ooden ben!h" My only !o#pany &a$ a plu#p beetle that I na#ed *e" He
u$ually #ade an appearan!e #id-#ornin and $!ra#bled a!ro$$ the po!k-#arked floor"
I &aited there for hour$ on end, to be $u##oned to o balli$ti! on the tra!k in &hatever vehi!le &a$
lined up for fil#in" Food &a$ brouht to #e and eaten in $olitary !onfine#ent" In bet&een eatin and
drivin, t&o of #y favourite pur$uit$, I bu$ied #y$elf readin book$ or doin pre$$-up$" I pe$tered ra!in
tea#$ on the phone and drifted off into the re!e$$e$ of #y brain" It &a$ like The Sha-shank 4edem#tion,
#inu$ the $ho&er $!ene"
Cnly Andy )il#an, )i$e#an and a !ouple of the produ!er$ kne& &ho I &a$" I &a$ ?u$t a voi!e
behind a #a$k" Even the pre$enter$ &ere in the dark" )hen I !oa!hed the !elebrity ue$t$, none of the#
kne& #y na#e" They never $a& #y fa!e" My hel#et al&ay$ $tayed on &ith the vi$or $hut"
It didn7t take lon to $lip into #y ne& routine"
It &ould bein &ith a kno!k at the door" The &orld turned 9olaroid a$ I pulled on #y hel#et" The
fa#iliar $!ent of it$ re$in bond filled #y no$tril$ and the &addin pre$$ed aain$t #y !heek$" I pa!ed do&n
the hall and on to the airfield to re!eive in$tru!tion$ fro# the dire!tor" 9eople $topped in their tra!k$ and
$tared at #e like I &a$ E"T"
The dire!tor $&ept hi$ !urly lo!k$ behind hi$ ear$ and e>tended hi$ hand$, fra#in a $'uare &ith hi$
thu#b$ and forefiner$ a$ he breathle$$ly vi$uali$ed the $!ene he &a$ lookin for"
A)hat &e &ould like you to do, if you !an, Sti, i$ pull a&ay really fa$t" And s#in the &heel$" +an you
do that=7
The !a#era#an, a North Fa!e advo!ate &ith &hite blond hair, !rou!hed like a rabbit $i> in!he$ fro#
a 9or$!he 6,,7$ rear &heel, evidently fo!u$ed on the hub" AHi, I7# :en ;oiner,7 he $aid" AA# I all riht here=7
I nodded" I &a$ hardly bein a$ked to $ki# the barrier$ at Daytona"
I red-lined the 9orker, flipped the !lut!h and vani$hed in a ha@e of $#oke"
The radio !ra!kled" A+ut, !ut, !ut F )onderful" Let7$ do that aain, but thi$ ti#e look at the !a#era
fir$t and then oH7
)e did it aain" And aain" And aain" Fil#in took F ti#e"
I bean to et #y head around the !o#pro#i$e bet&een fa$t drivin and $pe!ta!ular drivin for TE"
So#eti#e$ it overlapped I a fa$t lap !ould be a$ e>!itin to behold on the $!reen a$ on the $top&at!h, but
that &a$ rare"
I $tudied the edit in$ide a #inivan &ith ;a#e$, a dour youn :ru##ie &ho re!eived the footae hot
fro# the tra!k, tapped a &hirl&ind of input$ on to hi$ hierolyphi! keyboard, and deftly di$$e!ted it into a
#eaninful $e'uen!e for broad!a$t"
To enhan!e the vie&in e>perien!e I and to keep #y ne& friend ;a#e$ at bay I I thre& in $o#e
&heel$pin$ and la$hin$ of lurid !ornerin to !o#ple#ent the #ore $edate lookin but fa$ter drivin $hot$"
The 9or$!he &a$ do&n to $et a ti#e, but it &a$ pi$$in &ith rain and the tra!k &a$ floodin in the
$traiht$" ;u$t !o#pletin a ,08#ph lap &ithout $pinnin on to the turf had been an a!!o#pli$h#ent"
Andy )il#an &andered do&n and !ollared #e" A+an7t you do $o#ethin=7
A)hat did you have in #ind= A ood ti#e i$ out of the 'ue$tion" The !ar a'uaplane$ fro# $e!ond
riht up to fifth on the $traiht$"7
AThe old :la!k Sti &a$ a dab hand round thi$ pla!e, y7kno&" 3ma/ing !ar !ontrol in the &et" ;u$t do
$o#ethin" So#ethin F intere$tin"7
Andy !ould already pu$h #y button$ like a ?ukebo>"
A$ if by #ai!, the eiht-year-old in #y brain had a reat idea" The Follo& Throuh !orner &a$
na#ed &hen Andy de$ined the layout of the To# $ear tra!k &ith Lotu$ te$t driver Gavan Der$ha& fro#
Naaaar&i!h L&hi!h $o#e people kno& a$ Nor&i!hM" AThe !ar$ &ill be oin bloody fa$t throuh thi$ bit,7
Gavan e>plained" ABou &ouldn7t &ant to o off, that7$ for $ure"7
Andy i$ ru#oured to have ot 'uite e>!ited at that point" ABou #ean if you &ent off you7d $hit your$elf
and follo& throuh=7
I a$ked ;i# )i$e#an to repo$ition the Follo& Throuh !a#era#an" I7d de!ided not to $hare #y plan
&ith hi#" If thin$ &ent &ron, I !ould al&ay$ bla#e the &eather"
I pounded the 9orker around the lap a$ per nor#al" A$ I e>ited the Ha##erhead !hi!ane the
adrenalin bean boo$tin" A$ every ear-!hane propelled #e !lo$er to the #oney $hot, I $tarted to &onder
if thi$ &a$ $u!h a ood idea"
The rain $la$hed a!ro$$ the &ind$!reen, I turned riht into the Follo& Throuh and buried the
throttle" The 9orker fired $everal &arnin $inal$ but I &a$ able to $traihten up and point it to&ard$ the ap
bet&een the tyre &all and the vere" The pool$ of &ater &ere $o den$e they &ere pi!kin the &hole !ar up
and ai#in it in a load of different dire!tion$" For #y plan to &ork, that &a$ pre!i$ely &hat I needed"
Forty feet to o"
I pa$$ed #y previou$ brakin point and kept it lit, $teered $traiht, leant left and handed over !ontrol
to the *ain God"
The &ater lifted all four tyre$ off the tar#a! and the $teerin &ent ho$tly liht" I pa$$ed throuh the
tyre &all at a rude anle at ?u$t under ,.8#ph" There &a$n7t a $ound a$ the !ar pined into it$ fir$t /38-
deree $pin"
I $tayed on #y oriinal line of travel, &hi!h &a$ ood ne&$" It ave #e /88 feet of run&ay to $ort
thin$ out before I ran into the landin liht$" To !ap thi$ #anoeuvre in $tyle I needed to end up fa!in in the
riht dire!tion"
Cn!e I &a$ oin fully ba!k&ard$ on the $e!ond yration, I $traihtened the $teerin, then turned it
ently riht to $&in the front around" I &a$ $till $hippin at around ,88, $o I had to #anhandle out of the
#anoeuvre &ith $o#e hard oppo$ite lo!k to !at!h the rear for the la$t ti#e"
$otcha"
I $kirted the utter borderin the run&ay and peddled round the final !orner$ to !ro$$ the fini$h"
I pulled alon$ide ;i# for a debrief"
A1ucking hell" Are you all riht=7
ASure" Ho& did it look=7
;i# rolled hi$ eye$" AI don7t kno& if it7$ better or &or$e that you did that intentionally F7 He !onta!ted
the #ain !a#era unit on hi$ radio" A:iff, did you et that=7
A<uh F Ch F Beah F )e ot it"7 AIain, &hat about you=7
ABBBAAAAAAAAA9 Lenor#ou$ burpM" Got it"7
A)hat7ve you ot, ;i#=7 Andy 'ui@@ed"
AThe #other of all $pin$" Stiy7$ !hanin hi$ underpant$ a$ &e $peak" So a# I, for that #atter"7
AGood &ork" Get ready for the !eleb, he7ll be here in fifteen"7
)ith that, a bla!k van &a$ di$pat!hed to !olle!t the !a#era tape$ and run the# a!ro$$ to ;a#e$" I
&ent off to et $o#e lun!h"
The To# $ear !aterin unit !on$i$ted of a double-de!ker bu$ and #obile trailer" )hen the $!hedule
&a$ tiht I rabbed #y o&n $!off" Ea!h !hef reeted #e &ith the $a#e $tartled look a$ I bo&led up like a
&hite-$uited Cliver T&i$t" They !he!ked #y &ri$tband periodi!ally to en$ure I had a #eal ti!ket" +an7t be too
!areful"
AHo& do you eat it=7 the !hef a$ked"
AI $nort it throuh a $tra&" )hat7$ for puddin=7
ASo#ethin $'uidy"7
Dependin on the ue$t, I #iht et a briefin beforehand" )ith #y li#ited kno&lede of TE
per$onalitie$ I needed all the help I !ould et"
)il#an took #e under hi$ &in and talked #e throuh it" A*iht, Stiy" Today &e7ve ot Martin
De#p drivin the rea$onably pri!ed !ar"7
ACD"7
ADo you &at!h EastEnders=7
AI7ve $een it, ye$" I$ he the bald one=7
Andy $hot a be#u$ed look to&ard$ the heaven$" ANo" He7$ the baddie" Everyone hate$ hi#% &ell, not
the publi! but in the $ho&" He u$ed to be in Spandau :allet" +an you tea!h hi# $o#e ood #ove$ out there
$o he $et$ a fa$t ti#e=7
AAb$olutely, a$$u#in it drie$"7
It didn7t" The tra!k $tayed a$ $li!k a$ De#p7$ hairdo and he $pun $o far off the tra!k durin pra!ti!e
that he nearly !olle!ted a W3# heli!opter"
I handed Martin over to the pre$enter$, &ho &ent about fil#in their pie!e$ &ith hi# in front of the
$tudio audien!e" My ?ob &a$ done, yet the niht &a$ $till youn" I never hun around after $tudio day$ for a
beer or a !hat" It &a$ de!idedly anti$o!ial of #e, but I really did have $o#e&here el$e to be"
+hapter 5
Green Fatiue
We athered around the Dire!tin Staff In$tru!tor, a de!orated N+C &ho bore the anry $!ar of a
$hrapnel &ound in hi$ ne!k, a lea!y of the :alkan$ !onfli!t" 9li$$ken &a$ a $to!ky northerner &ho$e boyi$h
look$ belied hi$ frontline e>perien!e, and he $poke on rapid fire"
The rea$on$ for u$ bein there &ere #any, thouh none ood enouh at thi$ $tae to #erit #ore
than veiled !onte#pt fro# the real Men in Green" The Ar#y *e$erve$ #ay have been part ti#e, but the
Airborne etho$ &a$ all-!on$u#in"
In #odern ti#e$ :riti$h airborne for!e$ have be!o#e reno&ned for rapid in$ertion into theatre$ of
operation around the lobe, after fifty year$ of $u!!e$$ful deploy#ent in everythin fro# ?unle &arfare and
!ounter terrori$# to the de$ert$ of the Middle Ea$t" A free-thinkin for!e &ith a &ill to over!o#e any
ob$tru!tion"
*e!ruit$ had to develop the #ental and phy$i!al re$ilien!e to !ope &ith the #o$t !hallenin
$!enario$" :y the ti#e &e &ere A&a$tin7 9li$$ken7$ o>yen, $&inein phy$i!al te$t$ had halved our
nu#ber" The !our$e it$elf took pla!e #ainly in )ale$ and involved arduou$ uphill &ork in the :re!on
:ea!on$, a $tunnin rane of heather-!lad peak$ notoriou$ for their in!le#ent and unpredi!table &eather" A$
pri#arily &eekend &arrior$, it took the be$t part of a year before &e &ere dee#ed &orthy of further trainin"
9a$$in re'uired a hih level of naviational $kill and phy$i!al $ta#ina" The !han!e$ of #akin it
throuh &ere one in t&enty, &hi!h !heered #e no end" They &ere !on$iderably #ore favourable than the
odd$ of be!o#in an F, driver, and no one a$ked you to hand over R,"2 #illion for the privilee"
Sli!k &eapon handlin drill$ &ere !riti!al to $tayin on the !our$e" )e di$a$$e#bled, re-a$$e#bled,
loaded, #ade ready and !on$tantly karate !hopped the $lidin bolt a!tion of the SA58 a$$ault rifle, aka the
Apie!e of $hite7" Safe handlin and !on$u##ate kno&lede of every !o#ponent of the &eapon $y$te# &a$
vital" )ith our &oollen hat$ pulled do&n over our eye$, &e learnt to $trip it blindfolded"
A)e7re not here to fail you lad$" )e7re here to tea!h you to $urvive" I don7t ive t&o $hit$ &hether any
of you #ake it or not" Suite hone$tly &e don7t need a $inle fu!kin one of you" If you &ant to be here, that7$
do&n to you"7 9li$$ken pau$ed to let hi$ #e$$ae $ink in" A;one$, &here7$ your head !over=7
AI left it in the blo!k, Staff"7
AFu!kin $pa$ti!" <$e #y one"7
A!ou"7 A boot thu#ped #y o&n" A)hat $i@e ra do you u$e to !lean thi$ &eapon=7
AForty-five by forty-five, Staff,7 I an$&ered"
A+orre!t" Forty (ucking five by forty (ucking five, and if any of you di!k-head$ try and $hove anythin
el$e do&n the barrel you7ll be payin for it &ith the ar#ourer"7
Hi$ foot$tep$ re!eded" I $lipped the bolt !arrier a$$e#bly ba!k in$ide #y rifle and fu#bled for the
re!oil rod" A t&anin $prin $ue$ted a fello& re!ruit had ?u$t ot that part badly &ron"
ALord ;e$u$ +hri$t, &hat 7ave you done=7 9li$$ken #oaned"
ASorry, Staff F7
ABou &ill be, $on" Start &ith fifty pre$$-up$, the lot of ya"7
Men had died on the )el$h #ountain$ &hile undertakin arduou$ re!ruit trainin" Trainin &a$
relentle$$, pun!tuated by inter#ittent, brutal e>er!i$e !alled Afi@@7 I $print here, !arry a #an there I redu!in
u$ to a$pin &ret!he$ &ithin $e!ond$" Le$$on$ &ere never repeated" Bou learnt the# or you failed"
:et&een &ork !o##it#ent$ I e>er!i$ed every day in every &ay" Every e$!alator be!a#e a $tep
#a!hine, every run a bea$tin" I $&a#, $urfed, !y!led and !li#bed at ten tenth$"
I &a$ trainin in Sno&donia &hen #y phone ran" It &a$ the be$t kind of bla$t fro# the pa$t" I told
Georie I &a$ livin in London but !urrently trainin in Sno&donia" Be$, I7d love to $ee her" Ne>t &eek &ould
be fanta$ti! F I had oo$e bu#p$, and for on!e they had nothin to do &ith the har$h &eather" I pra!ti!ally
$printed a!ro$$ the hill$ide"
The ne>t fe& day$ took year$" I &ondered ho& #u!h $he7d have !haned, and ho& #u!h I had" It
had been ten year$"
)e #et in a di#ly lit re$taurant in to&n, and after the #ola$$e$ had #elted in #y #outh it &a$ ?u$t
like old ti#e$" Her $#ile &a$ a$ into>i!atin a$ ever and for t&o hour$ nothin el$e in the &orld #attered"
The differen!e thi$ ti#e round &a$ I reali$ed ho& #u!h #ore intere$ted I &a$ in her life, her !hoi!e$, her
hope$" She had travelled the &orld, e>!elled in every kind of &ater $port and re#ained pa$$ionate about art"
)ork !a#e $e!ond" And #e= I $uddenly reali$ed I7d developed a potentially ter#inal !a$e of tunnel vi$ion I
but, thankfully, $he &a$ $till patient, and the &ine &a$ $tron"
+hapter 6
Live at Earl7$ +ourt
I arrived at the i#po$in ate$ of Earl7$ +ourt e>hibition !entre in London" :y no& I &a$ &ar#in to
the !on!ept of ?u$t turnin up at pla!e$ &ith no idea &hat to e>pe!t" I pulled out #y kitba and &andered into
the buildin" A rau!ou$ ho&l reverberated throuh the &all$, follo&ed by the $hriek of tortured rubber" My
kind of #u$i!"
My eye$ ad?u$ted to the darkne$$" :la!kout !urtain$ $eparated the hive of no!turnal ba!k$tae
a!tivity fro# the briht kaleido$!opi! liht$ on $tae" *o& upon ro& of pri!ele$$ $uper!ar$, ne& and vintae,
&ere lined up $o !lo$e it #ade you &in!e ?u$t lookin at the#"
So#eone appeared at #y $ide and eyed #y !arry-all" ABou 7ere to drive that ;a, then=7
I eyeballed hi# $ilently"
AIt7$ all riht, I kno& you7re &orkin for Andy" I7# 9aul, the $tae #anaer"7
AAh, thank$ F7
A)e7re in the #iddle of rehear$al$ at the #o#ent" The fir$t $ho&7$ toniht" Go and 7ave a look if you
like"7 He pointed to&ard$ the $tae"
A line of Le Man$ !ar$ &aited their turn in the $potliht, e$!orted by $o#e fe#ale ra!in driver$" The
!urtain &hipped ba!k a$ a fa#iliar voi!e boo#ed throuh the 9A $y$te#( AF and you $ee that7$ &hat &e love
about Le Man$( it7$ ba$i!ally men tryin to kill the#$elve$ at .88#ph" :ut no& it7$ even better" There7$ girls
F7 The voi!e &a$ ro&in hoar$e"
There &a$ no #i$takin thi$ uy" Cne hand held the #i!, the other &afted around in the air a$ he
$trode ba!k and forth, pointin o!!a$ionally and !o!kin hi$ head in e>aerated thouht" The abundan!e of
pubi! !url$ atherin $no& at the $u##it of thi$ #on$ter !onfir#ed it &a$ none other than ;ere#y +lark$on,
a$ #u!h a hou$ehold na#e to #e a$ Maie That!her, Hein@ :aked :ean$ and +olonel Gaddafi"
*a!er Girl Nu#ber , duly introdu!ed her$elf, treatin the e#pty auditoriu# to a $i@eable $li!e of her
life hi$tory, thankin her &onderful $pon$or$, the a#a@in tea#, her dyna#ite enine and &a$ in full $tride
untilX
A,o, no, no Get off" $ET 511" )e don7t &ant to hear all that bloody non$en$e"7 *a!er Girl7$
+olate $#ile evaporated" AThe people !o#in here toniht haven7t paid thirty 'uid to li$ten to a $oddin
!o##er!ialH Cff you o"7
The !ar$ #oved $heepi$hly off$tae" Mobile phone$ bu@@ed, aent$ &ere bleated to" A)ho doe$ he
think he i$, talkin to #e like that=7
Thi$ &a$ the rehear$al for the M9H Sho&, no& billed a$ To# $ear Live, a heady #i>ture of
$uper!ar$, #ea-$tunt$ and talkin head$ in front of an audien!e of 0,888 petrolhead$" Andy had ?u$t told
#e he &anted $o#e Apre!i$ion drivin, real !lo$e $have $tuff7"
9aul e>plained that I &ould be drivin head to head aain$t Tiff Need-ell for a ti#ed run around a
Afiure 5 !our$e7 in a $uper!hared 388 hor$epo&er ;auar KD*" Tiff &a$ a for#er To# $ear pre$enter &ho
#oved on to ho$t a rival prora##e !alled 1i(th $ear" Dno&n a$ A$tiff needle7 to the lady fan$, he &a$ the
$nake-hipped kin of burnin rubber and had thra$hed #ore $uper!ar$ than I !ould drea# of" He7d driven in
For#ula , ba!k in the Eihtie$ and fa#ou$ly biffed Niel Man$ell into the &all durin a Tourin +ar ra!e"
I only had one $hot at pra!ti!e before the $ho& &ent live, $o I $uited up and &aited behind the
!urtain$" )ith the vi$or do&n I !ould barely $ee #y o&n feet in the di##ed $tae lihtin and !ould hear
little better" Tiff peered at #e throuh hi$ pair of $'uint$, kno!ked on the hel#et and $houted, AI$ that 9erry in
there=7
I $hook #y head"
Tiff hopped in the ;a and drifted $en$ationally $ide&ay$ around the fiure 5, one-handed, &hil$t
ivin a runnin !o##entary in a voi!e that re$e#bled a parrot on a#pheta#ine$"
The talkin head$ on $tae blabbed a&ay" 9aul appeared at #y $ide and, at $o#e unkno&n !ue,
tapped #y $houlder and hi$$ed, ASTIG F $o"
I a#bled out into the arena and felt a ru$h of nerve$" There $uddenly $ee#ed to be a lot of people
&at!hin" I had ra!ed in front of ,88,888 people, but thi$ &a$ far #ore per$onal" I felt like Ha#let" I &alked
the lon &alk to the ;a, $ank into it and $ear!hed in pit!h darkne$$ for the inition key" :y the ti#e I ot the
enine runnin the $ilen!e on $tae &a$ deafenin"
ABe$, !o#e on you, go" +lark$on ured helpfully"
I dropped the ha##er and the barbari! $uper!hared #otor belted #e for&ard" Di# lihtin $hone
over t&o !ir!ular platfor#$ that #arked out the fiure 5 !our$e" I !ould only ue$$ at the di$tan!e to the bla!k
!urtain$ !on!ealin the !on!rete peri#eter"
I u$ed a $hort oval te!hni'ue, braked on the diaonal and &aited for the front tyre$ to $top $kiddin
a!ro$$ the $li!k #etal panel$" Then I turned hard and a!!elerated" The auto#ati! bo> $pun the &heel$ into a
hih ear to&ard$ the ne>t platfor#"
I &a$ playin blindfold ba$eball in a !hina $hop, !onvin!ed I &ould $la# into $o#ethin at any
#o#ent and look a !o#plete nu#pty" I only $a& the platfor#$ #o#ent$ before #i$$in the#" )ith reat
relief I !o#pleted the fiure 5 &ithout hittin anythin and e>ited the arena" A$ $oon a$ I parked I analy$ed
the run and &orked out ho& to drive it fa$ter"
)il#an arrived and dire!ted #e to&ard$ a nearby #otor ho#e" I $nu!k in$ide to et !haned, then
$at do&n to read a #aa@ine" The door $&un open" A !urly #op bru$hed the !eilin, $&iftly pur$ued by a
pair of ianti! eyebro&$" ;udin by ;ere#y7$ $urpri$e, I7d tre$pa$$ed on hi$ $ofa"
Andy appeared fro# behind hi# and introdu!ed u$" )e !hatted for a #o#ent, then ;ere#y #ade to
o" Never $hy of havin the la$t &ord, he turned on the thre$hold and $aid, A)hen you do the ;a ne>t ti#e,
!an you try not to drive it like a ho#o$e>ual=7
Do I pun!h hi# or ?u$t ive hi# a $lap= I thouht" ADon7t behave like your father F7 Mu#7$ &ord$
?anled in$ide #y head for a fe& !ru!ial $e!ond$ and ;ere#y vani$hed"
A fe& hour$ later it &a$ $ho& ti#e" +lark$on7$ !o##ent had repla!ed #y fir$t-niht nerve$ &ith a
petulant !oli!" Tiff took the hel# and delivered a $tunnin di$play" The rear of the ;a $le&ed $ide&ay$ and
$&ept up the !urtain$ !overin the barrier$, $o !lo$e &a$ he to $trikin the &all"
Tiff !o#pleted hi$ perfor#an!e and $o#eone $houted, AGoH7 I a$$u#ed that #eant #e"
I $trode a!ro$$ the arena, !lo!kin Tiff7$ ti#e on the iant diital readout( /0"2" I $lid under the
$teerin &heel and !ranked the key" My body $huddered a$ the E5 !a#e to life"
The vie& ahead &a$ &or$e than before" The !a#era fla$he$ fro# the audien!e flared a!ro$$ #y
vi$or and blurred the platfor#$ I had to naviate around"
The only &ay out &a$ throuh" I de!ked the throttle and follo&ed #y earlier line &ith a $erie$ of
?erky, un!ertain #ove#ent$, keepin #y foot do&n for a$ lon a$ po$$ible, &ith no $en$e of the far &all and
too anry to !are" I !auht $iht of the platfor# a bit late and braked, $kidded on to the dirty outer floor and
nearly ran $traiht into the &all" So#e rip !a#e ba!k to the front, and $he ?u$t turned"
To $!ore the be$t lap ti#e I had to repeat the pro!e$$ on the other half of the 5 by brakin a$ late a$
po$$ible" I &anted to beat Tiff7$ ti#e $o #u!h that #y !he$t &a$ heavin"
I &ove bet&een the platfor#$ and lo$t #y$elf in a $udden $haft of liht" I in$tin!tively added $teerin
to !o#pen$ate" My vi$ion !leared" Iceerg dead ahead I $&erved and braked to avoid it" :a!k on the
a$, I $lid the ;a around and fini$hed the lap"
Eye$ bulin, no$tril$ flarin, I de#anded the ti#e"
;ere#y uffa&ed to the !ro&d" AThe Sti7$ lap I it7$ not very $pe!ta!ular F but it7$ 13STE4 I a
/0",H7
!es) Sti!k that in your pipe, bi boy"
I &a$ beinnin to under$tand ;ere#y7$ )orld" :ehind hi$ bru$'ue faYade &a$ a #an &orkin
tirele$$ly and fa$tidiou$ly to put on a ood $ho&, a #an &ho &anted everyone pullin in the $a#e dire!tion"
There &a$ loi! behind hi$ #adne$$, an unpa$teuri$ed hone$ty, and people either loved hi# or hated hi#
for it" It &a$ thi$ politi!ally in!orre!t fre$h air that had attra!ted #e to To# $ear in the fir$t pla!e, not an
ob$e$$ion &ith !ar$" I &a$ lad I hadn7t $#a!ked hi#"
+hapter ,8
*o!kinha#
So#eone repre$entin the Mini$try of Defen!e left a #e$$ae $ayin I had a drive I the Ar#y
AStealth !ar7 I in the European A$!ar Serie$, $tartin that &eekend" Maybe #y fortune$ &ere on the up"
I arrived at *o!kinha# for the fir$t ra!e a$ the #ornin $un fouht it$ &ay over the rand$tand$"
The pink $kyline blo$$o#ed and the $un poured into the !on!rete bo&l of the #odern-day +olo$$eu#" The
&arped refle!tion$ of thirty ra!e !ar$ linted on the #irrored la$$ of the ho$pitality $uite$ above the pit
$traiht a$ the !re&$ readied their #a!hine$" A .88-foot ti#in to&er rea!hed for the $ky, ready to di$play
the !o#petitor$7 rankin"
The !a#ouflae $ti!ker$ &ere $till bein applied to +ar 50, but #y na#e &a$ over the door and that
&a$ a ood $in" The tea#, *ay Mallo!k Enineerin L*MLM, &ere proven &inner$ in everythin they did"
Their attention to detail left nothin to !han!e"
I !li#bed aboard and !onne!ted the &indo& net" At the !entre of the bi &heel &a$ a leather pad
like a hue $lab of li'uori!e, in !a$e you &rapped your teeth around it durin a head-on $hunt" The ?oint$ of
the !ha$$i$ tube$ &ere &ell $oldered and you !ould eat your breakfa$t off the fre$hly painted interior" Even
the oil $#elt fre$h"
I radually built up $peed on tra!k" NAS+A*$ ran on the ede the &hole ti#e, and one $lip on a
pat!h of oil !ould depo$it you ba!k&ard$ into the !on!rete fen!e" Turn Cne, &ith it$ entle banked radiu$,
&a$ at the end of the pit $traiht after the #ain rand$tand$ and taken al#o$t flat out" T&o &a$ tri!kier a$
the tra!k dropped and veered $harply a&ay, hidin the ape> until you had already !o##itted your $oul at the
entry" It &a$ flat out for the brave" Three &a$ ea$y flat, and Four re'uired $o#e brake, $o#e &heel
&ranlin, then a heavy riht foot to plea$e the !ro&d" The !ar &a$ $uperbly balan!ed and $teered
beautifully throuh the turn$" I &a$ fifth fa$te$t in pra!ti!e &ith plenty in re$erve"
The field lined up to $et t&o f lyin lap$, one at a ti#e, for 'ualifyin" The to&er di$played ea!h ti#e
to the !ro&d, !rankin up the dra#a"
I &ent out third and $tayed in the !ar &hil$t Ein!e, #y &iry #e!hani!, $tood on the pit &all to ob$erve
ho& the fir$t t&o ot on" He $uddenly du!ked, a$ thouh a $hot had been fired at hi#"
He !a#e over $u!kin air throuh hi$ teeth" AThat looked e>pen$ive" He7$ one in hard at T&o"7
I didn7t &ant to hear that" In #y #ind7$ eye, I7d already taken T&o !o#pletely flat" :ut if $o#eone
&a$ in the &all there it #eant the !orner &a$ already a bit!h, and no& there &a$ debri$ F
After a delay, the ne>t vi!ti# &ent out" Ein!e rotated hi$ inde> finer to $inal A$tart enine7" I &ould
be ?oinin the tra!k a$ $oon a$ the other !ar re!orded it$ ti#e" My heart thu#ped a$ I li$tened to the roar of
the E5 flyin pa$t" A$ it rea!hed peak rev$ on the pit $traiht, the !ri$p note of the #otor boun!ed ba!k off
the rand$tand$" It didn7t !o#e round a $e!ond ti#e"
ATurn T&o aain" Na$ty,7 Ein!e $aid"
Thi$ &a$ ettin ridi!ulou$" 9hil :arker, the tea# #anaer, de!ided to have a &ord" 9hil &a$ a
ra!in $tal&art &ho tuned hi$ tea# to run a$ effi!iently a$ a S&i$$ &at!h" He $a& #e !o#in a #ile a&ay"
9hil !a#e to the front of #y !ar and brouht hi$ radio #i! round to hi$ perfe!tly planed $ilver
#ou$ta!he"
AT&o !ar$ in the &all at T&o, :en" Doe$n7t take a ro!ket $!ienti$t to reali$e there7$ $o#ethin &ron
do&n there" *e#e#ber, thi$ i$ the fir$t &eekend and there7$ t&o ra!e$ to#orro&" If you $#a$h the !ar up,
you7ve only ot your$elf to bla#e" All riht=7
A<nder$tood" Thank$, 9hil"7
My fir$t lap out of the pit$ $ho&ed #e there &a$ nothin to fear on the tra!k but fear it$elf" I felt the
tyre$ !o#e in and $ti!k like lue" Here &a$ an opportunity to a$$ert do#inan!e over the re$t of the
!o#petition riht fro# the $tart"
I ba!ked off early for Four, then ?a##ed the a!!elerator to the floor" I kept a $tiff hold of the $teerin
a$ the front end !rept to&ard$ the &all" It ran to &ithin an in!h of tou!hin and I kept it there do&n the lenth
of the $traiht to benefit fro# the lo& air pre$$ure, pi!kin up a tiny a#ount of additional $peed" )ith the
throttle &ide open, I !ranked the $teerin &heel into Cne a$ late a$ po$$ible, trailin off the throttle all the
&ay do&n to the &hite line of the ape>, &ith #y left foot hoverin over the brake" A$ $oon a$ the tyre$
hooked up, I $'uee@ed the a$ ba!k on to&ard$ T&o"
Bou !ould tell your$elf a !orner &a$ flat out all day lon until you a!tually !a#e to do it" Even the
$lihte$t lift affe!ted your $peed and there &a$ never any oin ba!k" Turn in too early and the !ar &ould e>it
early into the &all" Turn too late and it &ouldn7t turn enouh and I7d have to ba!k off" Cn ne& tyre$ you had to
believe the rip &a$ there" Dno&in that t&o !ar$ had ?u$t rea$ed the#$elve$ on the &all #ade the throttle
pedal &eih a ton, but no ut$, no lory" Make it have it)
I took a late line but turned $harply to #ake up for it" The fre$h rubber $oaked up the $train% it
$peared in, flat out" I !ut the in$ide &hite line and ho&led up to the &all &ithout ki$$in" Three &a$ ea$y flat
by !o#pari$on, a entle float but you had to han on" The e>tra $peed fro# T&o !arried #e all the &ay to
the la$t !orner" The enine bu#ped off the rev li#iter a$ it rea!hed top $peed" That &a$ ne&"
I $'uee@ed the brake &ith #y left foot for Four and a!!elerated at the $a#e ti#e I you never
relea$ed the throttle !o#pletely on a fa$t oval be!au$e the a>le &a$ anled I then bla$ted a!ro$$ the fini$h
line" My nu#ber &ent to the top of the to&er and &e $et a ne& tra!k re!ord" After the other .0 !ar$
!o#pleted their lap$, it !onfir#ed &e had pole po$ition"
Fro# pole I led the ra!e until the pit-$top &indo&, &hi!h happened to fall on a $afety !ar for another
!ra$h" )e7d planned to !o#e in at the end of the three-lap &indo&, but you u$ually pitted on a $afety !ar
be!au$e it $aved tra!k ti#e"
)ell, &e opted to $tay out and a$ I led the field pa$t the pit entran!e, I looked in #y rear-vie& #irror
and $a& every #an-?a!k filin into the pit$" I !o#pleted a lonely lap behind the $afety !ar a$ it da&ned on
#e, the tea#, the !ro&d and the !o##entator$ that the ra!e leader had ?u$t !o##itted $ui!ide"
I finally dived into the pit$" The !re& leapt over the &all, dre$$ed head to toe in Ar#y D9M !lothin"
Ein!e $la##ed hi$ hydrauli! un into the front left like a de#ented D&ik-Fit Fitter and $park$ fro# the &heel
nut$ ri!o!heted off hi$ ole$" Hi$ hand &a$ rai$ed fir$t, I red-lined, $e!ond$ later the ?a!k #an du#ped #e
onto the round and I a$$ed it a&ay" I e#ered fro# the pit$ dead la$t"
)ith le$$ than half the ra!e left to run there &a$ hardly ti#e to overtake t&enty-four !ar$" :ut rather
than fo!u$ on &hat I !ouldn7t do, I had to ad?u$t to the $ituation" The &in &a$ one" I had to laun!h a !lear-
headed !ounter-atta!k"
My $potter, bi Dou, &a$ up in the !loud$, at the hihe$t point in the rand$tand$" He talked to #e
all the ti#e, a!tin like radar to po$ition #e around other !ar$" A ood $potter &a$ &orth hi$ &eiht in old,
&hi!h #ade Dou #ore valuable than the national trea$ury"
ASorry about the $!re&-up, :en" The boy$ are utted"7
ADon7t &orry" Let7$ $ee ho& #any &e !an take do&n before the end"7
I &a$ it!hin for the reen fla to drop" )ith ?u$t over t&enty lap$ to run, the $inal &a$ iven"
I &a$ $till !ornerin at the tail end of the $nake &hen the leader$ pa$$ed the $tart antry on the pit
$traiht" I flat-footed the throttle in $e!ond ear, the E5 $'uir#ed a$ the po&er raed throuh the rear tyre$
and I !lunked the enor#ou$ $hift a!ro$$ to third, in$tantly pullin alon$ide #y fir$t vi!ti#" )e dra-ra!ed to
the fir$t !orner% I took that flat and ra!ed the ne>t uy into Three" I &a$ !o#in throuh no #atter &hat"
I kept the pre$$ure on and &ent in$ide, out$ide and underneath one !ar after another, lovin the
$tability of #y #a!hine #ore &ith every pa$$" Dou &a$ on overdrive" A+ar in$ide, !ar out$ide, he7$ on your
rear 'uarter, hold your line, you7re !lear, he7$ havin a look, !-!-!lear"7
+o#in up on a pa!k &a$ like runnin throuh a !ro&ded $treet% their #ove#ent$ &ere
unpredi!table and you had to read their body lanuae" The$e !ar$ &ere $o un$table at hih $peed$ that a
$liht kno!k !ould put everyone in the &all, $o it &a$ a deli!ate e>er!i$e of po$itionin, $lip-$trea#in and
!uttin throuh" In the end &e pla!ed fourth"
I $tarted the $e!ond ra!e in fourth po$ition, took the lead and lo$t it aain in the pit$" For $o#e
rea$on &e lo$t eiht pla!e$ durin the tyre !hane" I !ouldn7t !at!h the leader and fini$hed $e!ond, &hi!h
&a$ enouh to leave the fir$t &eekend a$ the !ha#pion$hip leader" In $pite of the perfor#an!e, ra!in
e!ono#i!$ reared their uly head" I &a$ told there &a$n7t enouh fundin to !ontinue the $ea$on" ;u$t a$
&ell I had a full-ti#e part-ti#e o!!upation"
+hapter ,,
Hard *outine
A$ &e #oved off the #uddy tra!k it bean rainin" )ith an hour of liht left, &e #ade !a#p under
our pon!ho$ in a $teep !op$e on the out$kirt$ of the ba$e" Cne of our !o#rade$ &a$ $trulin to undo the
top flap of hi$ beren" )hen he $u!!eeded, food, !o#pa$$, dry kit and no end of other ?unk fle& out a!ro$$
the &et round" I tried to help orani$e the poor buer before anyone $a&"
ADon7t &a$te your ti#e on that &a$te of $pa!e,7 $o#eone ro&led fro# over #y $houlder"
A)hat do you #ean=7
AThe uy7$ hopele$$" Bou7re really better off leavin hi# to it" Bou7ll have enouh to &orry about"7 The
&rinkle$ in hi$ forehead !rea$ed a$ he $#iled"
Geoff had been a reular $oldier in the Eihtie$ and $erved in the *ei#ent for $everal year$" No&
he &a$ oin throuh the $y$te# a $e!ond ti#e" My :oy S!out in$tin!t to help other$ at all ti#e$ &a$ too
fir#ly entren!hed to follo& hi$ !old advi!e" I fini$hed $ortin the uy out and returned to #y pon!ho, &hi!h
had $prun a leak in #y ab$en!e"
The oil$kin !oat $pread out to for# a $i#ple $helter" Geoff deftly inverted the hood, bent it ba!k on
it$elf, hooked the para-!ord around the ne!k and tied it off to the neare$t tree, in$tantly #akin it taut and
&aterproof" I thanked hi# and he retreated to hi$ $pot" )e both &at!hed the !ontinuin diffi!ulty #y haple$$
!o#rade &a$ havin &ith hi$ &a$h kit"
Geoff didn7t really $trike #e a$ a $ea$oned $oldier" He &a$ tall and lean, but $ee#ed #ore like a
eoraphy tea!her" He had floppy dark hair, a refined po$ture and $poke thouhtfully" He a!!epted hi$
$urroundin$ and they a!!epted hi#" The !ontra$t &ith #e !ouldn7t have been reater" I pi!tured a Drill
Sereant behind every bu$h, poi$ed to leap out and hold a knife to #y throat for havin $hit ad#in"
There &ere over a hundred of u$ out there that niht, and I doubt anyone $lept too &ell in hi$ &ank
!hariot, a$ the $leepin ba$ &ere kno&n" )e had no idea &hat to e>pe!t or &hen to e>pe!t it"
*eveille &a$ at 80/8, &ith breakfa$t in bed follo&ed by A9T7" I $uri!ally re#oved the root$ of a tree
fro# #y ba!k and broke into a !arton of ar#y i$$ue !o#po ration$ to &hi$tle up $o#e !ulinary deliht$ over
a he>a#ine $tove" After a lenthy !ookin pro!e$$, I $u!!eeded in turnin #y alu#iniu# pan bla!k and a
ba of Lan!a$hire hotpot luke&ar#" I eyed Geoff7$ roarin #ini a$ $tove enviou$ly and he handed #e $o#e
boiled dre$ for #y bre&" So#e people #ade pi$ of the#$elve$ and ored on food, &hi!h $ee#ed $hort-
$ihted" I hurriedly $to&ed #y kit into the li#ited $pa!e in$ide #y beren and reported for parade"
)e for#ed up on the tra!k and &ere notified of the !our$e7$ fir$t !a$ualty" The re!ruit &a$ led a&ay
to re!eive $tit!he$ to hi$ hand follo&in a vi!iou$ atta!k by a tin of #y$tery #eat" A fe& uy$ $tarted &ar#in
up, for &hat I had no idea" My $to#a!h !hurned" The ten$ion &a$ too #u!h for one boy, &ho doubled over
and $pe&ed hi$ breakfa$t a!ro$$ the Land *over tra!k$, pro#ptin a !horu$ of ?eer$"
AFu!kin !rap hat,7 $pat one, an in$ult that !overed the &hole of the ar#ed for!e$ bar the 9ara$"
The DS bree@ed pa$t the $tea#in puke and handed out t&o $et$ of $!ale$ for &eihin our pa!k$"
Ea!h beren had to &eih e>a!tly 08 pound$" )e opened our &ater bottle$ to prove they &ere full" A
nonde$!ript #an in plain !lothe$ appeared be$ide #e"
AHave you been on the !our$e before=7
ANo $ir, thi$ i$ #y fir$t ti#e"7
A)hat i$ your profe$$ion=7
AI7# in #arketin"7
AHo& old are you=7
AT&enty-eiht"7
He nodded and &alked a&ay"
The DS barked, AThree rank$"7
)e lined up a!!ordinly"
A)hen &e et to !a#p &e7ll #ar!h throuh in for#ation, not like &e7re on $o#e !ountry$ide bi#ble"
Deep your trap$ $hut and your $hit in order" Let7$ $ee if you ladie$ !an at lea$t look like $oldier$"7
)e $lo&ed throuh !a#p and #ar!hed alon the fro$ty tar#a! road in an orderly fa$hion" A$ &e
rea!hed the e>it ate a youn irl ?oed up to a$k in a thi!k )el$h a!!ent &ho &e &ere and &here &e &ere
oin" God kno&$ &hat on earth $he &a$ doin hanin around an ar#y barra!k$ at five o7!lo!k in the
#ornin"
So#eone #uttered $o#ethin about orienteerin"
A)ell, &at!h out there, lad$,7 $he !hirruped" A7+o$ the# boy$ at the front aren7t fro# thi$ ba$e and
they7re 7ard a$ fu!k"7
The DS #ar!hed u$ bri$kly out of the ate then ba!k into double ti#e"
The hundred or $o trainee$ !a#e fro# different $tation$ fro# around the !ountry" Mine &a$ fro#
London and boa$ted an e!le!ti! #i> of tinker$, tailor$, for#er $oldier$ and $ailor$ a$ &ell a$ a fe& banker$
and other for#$ of Arank !ivvie7 like #e" Mo$t had $o#e for#er #ilitary e>perien!e" A fe& had failed the
!our$e on!e already and &ere takin it aain"
Cne !hap boa$ted that he had been a #e#ber of 9ortuue$e Spe!ial For!e$, another the Forein
Leion" The e>perien!ed uy$ &ere the lea$t intere$ted in the re$t of the Aanfu!k7, a$ one re!ruit !alled
:ernie referred to our !olle!tive" :ernie had dark hair, le$ like tree trunk$ and a borin day ?ob ?udin by
the &ay he tore off hi$ $uit before every trainin niht"
The $hared fru$tration$, fatiue and pain of 9T #ade it an are$$ive for# of roup therapy" It
in$tilled a $elfi$h kind of !a#araderie" Thi$ pha$e &a$ pri#arily about $urvival" A$ #u!h a$ you !oa>ed your
!o#rade$ alon, you !ould only help tho$e that helped the#$elve$ or you ri$ked $harin their fate"
A$ the run &ore on, $&eat poured do&n #y fa!e and ba!k" My $hirt bun!hed beneath #y beren
and rubbed the $kin off #y $pine" The bli$ter$ for#in on the heel of #y riht foot &ere a &el!o#e
di$tra!tion"
The for#ation broke rank$ a$ &e darted up a dirt tra!k leadin on to a rane" The DS rounded on u$
and $!rea#ed, ASprint up that fu!kin7 hill, every one of you"7
)e $!ra#bled a!ro$$ deep ullie$ &here heavy rainfall had &a$hed a&ay the $oil" Many fell ba!k
and $o#e !lo$ed to the front" I opted for the latter, fallin over, pu#pin burnin thih$ until the lead in the#
prevented any #ore bravado"
)e endured another forty #inute$ of ha!kin, runtin and #oanin" )e7d been runnin for nearly
one and a half hour$ &ith no $in of loopin ba!k to &here &e had $tarted" The DS turned u$ on to another
tar#a! road" A line of reen tru!k$ appeared to hover in the di$tan!e"
A fe& uy$ pulled out their &ater bottle$ a$ &e rea!hed the ede of the parkin area" :ut the DS
didn7t $top" He &ent $traiht up another hill" It &a$ a $i!kener, a te$t of !hara!ter to $ee &ho &ould 'uit and
&ho &ould keep runnin on e#pty"
The bulk of the roup !arried on oin before finally bein ordered to $top and ?o ba!k to the
tran$port$" The one$ that $topped $hort &ere never $een aain"
Cne of the $upport $taff bobbed up to #e" A+ollin$, you need to $ee the C+ ne>t &eek about your
#edi!al" Look$ like you failed your hearin te$t ye$terday"7
That &a$ ad ne-s" I &ould have to !o#e up &ith a plan" In the #eanti#e, &e all had ?ob$ to et
ba!k to" )e loaded our ear on to the &aon$ and bra!ed our$elve$, our battered knee$ bent at 68 deree$,
for the five-hour ?ourney ba!k to London"
After a $u!!e$$ful raid on :urer Din &e $tarted lookin for&ard to the &eek ahead" Fla$h#an, one
of the fe& offi!er re!ruit$, &a$ plannin a $peed-datin e>travaan@a &ith forty Ahand-pi!ked honey$7 in a
Soho niht!lub" Hi$ !hi$elled ?a&, naturally #ani!ured eyebro&$, bro&n hair and blue eye$ #ade hi# 'uite
the Ar#y pin-up"
I de!lined Fla$h7$ opportunity of a lifeti#e be!au$e I already had plan$, $tartin &ith a date &ith
Georie that niht" I $pru!ed up for the o!!a$ion, far#ed the harve$t of !rud out of #y ear$ and then &e hit
the to&n" Naturally I took the lu!ky lady out for dinner, &ent ba!k to her$ and I $o $he !lai#$ I kept her up
all niht"
Apparently I pa$$ed out a$ $oon a$ #y head hit the pillo&, $nored like a !one$ted rhino and played
out every $tep of a re!urrin niht#are that #y le$ &ould $ei@e up on the hill$" +a$anova, eat your heart
out"
+hapter ,.
Tortoi$e or the Hare
My ne>t a$$in#ent &ith To# $ear involved turnin #y ba!k on Le Man$ in favour of &hat &a$
probably the $lo&e$t #otor ra!e in the &orld I the +itroZn .+E .0-hour ra!e at Snetterton"
Thirty hor$epo&er ently en!ouraed the vehi!le to a &hoppin top $peed of 32#ph, at &hi!h I
drove for the entire lap" If you &anted to $top you po$ted a letter to the brake$ and a$ked, politely, if they
didn7t #ind $lo&in the !ar do&n" I only lifted off the a!!elerator on!e, briefly, for the tiht !hi!ane on to the
pit $traiht" Neotiatin !orner$ re'uired a level of driver re$pon$e you e>pe!ted fro# a le#ur durin &inter
hibernation"
Thi$ unlikely event &a$ billed a$ The Sti7$ debut appearan!e in a #otor ra!e in ;une .88/" :y the
ti#e I rea!hed the !ir!uit, the plan had !haned" I had to #u$ter another $et of ra!in overall$ to !o#pete a$
:en +ollin$"
I &alked into the arae to find that AThe Sti7 &a$ e#bla@oned in vinyl on the $ide panel of the Deu>
+hevau> alon$ide the na#e$ of #y tea#-#ate$" The fir$t of the$e &a$ Anthony, a A*a!in *everend7, &ho
had earned hi$ $tripe$ by &innin the ATo# $ear !hallene for the Fa$te$t Faith7" The other !o-driver &a$ a
To# $ear pre$enter !alled *i!hard"
A)ho are you then=7 the tea# #anaer a$ked #e"
AI7# :en,7 I $aid" Then, before the penny dropped all the &ay, AI7# repla!in The Sti" He !an7t #ake
it"7
)hil$t the pea!e of the Loire valley &a$ bein broken by the !ra!k and throb of E,8$ and E5$ for Le
Man$ 'ualifyin, I dro&ned #y $orro&$ &ith a !up of tea" A fello& tea addi!t approa!hed bri$kly in #y
dire!tion, rubbin hi$ hand$ toether in e>pe!tation"
AAh, teaH7 he e>!lai#ed"
A9G7$ fine$t"7 I pa$$ed hi# a poly$tyrene !up"
I ue$$ed thi$ &a$ the pre$enter" He looked fa#iliar, had a !onfident !hirp and a !lut!h of hippie
bra!elet$" So#e abra$ion$ on hi$ other&i$e perfe!tly for#ed hand$ $ue$ted a rued life$tyle" He &a$
bubblin about hi$ tea but &a$ !learly even #ore e>!ited about the ra!e"
)e $hook hand$ and *i!hard nodded like a $ta offerin it$ horn$ before lo!kin" Hi$ hair &a$ $hort
ba!k then, before the day$ of the $hay-do bouffant that &ould $nap the kni!ker-ela$ti! of fe#ale
audien!e$ a!ro$$ the <D"
AHave you done any ra!in before=7 I a$ked"
ANo, never" )ell, I did an hi$tori! ra!e in a *over on!e"7
I rinned" A)ell it all help$ F7
I talked *i!hard throuh the ba$i!$, $ho&ed hi# the tra!k and &here he #iht e>pe!t to ?o$tle &ith
other !o#petitor$" I e>plained ho& he !ould $lip$trea# other !ar$ and dive do&n the in$ide to pa$$ the#" He
a$$ured #e that he had no intere$t in overtakin but appre!iated the advi!e" He &a$ A?u$t here to have a
ood ti#e and $oak up the e>perien!e7"
)ithin a fe& lap$ of hi$ openin $tint, *i!hard Ha##ond &a$ di!in four abrea$t do&n the pit
$traiht" He &a$ !la#ped to thi$ pa!k of ra!er$ like a ?unkyard do for forty #inute$ until he $topped for a
driver !hane" He e#ered red-fa!ed, bea#in fro# ear to ear"
I rai$ed an ironi! eyebro&" ANot intere$ted in ra!in &ith anyone then, *i!hard= ;u$t here for the
!rai!, $lo& and $en$ible=7
A)ell, $ort of, you kno& F7 he $aid a trifle $heepi$hly" AThat uy in the reen !ar !ut #e up, I had to
do $o#ethinH7
ACf !our$e" That #u$t be &hy you $!ythed pa$t three of the# into the fir$t !orner and nearly ran into
the turnip field"7
A$ for the *everend, hi$ +hri$tian drivin nearly re$ulted in a pun!h-up" A ?u#ped-up, pu#ped-up
little #an &ith $'uare $houlder$ appeared out$ide our arae and bean re#on$tratin &ith hi#"
The *ev held out hi$ pal#$ a$ if he &ere deliverin the Sunday $er#on and politely e>plained that
he7d only been tryin to let hi# pa$t, then apoloi$ed profu$ely if he had a!!identally !ro$$ed hi#"
Mr Anry7$ abu$e !ontinued unabated" I found #y$elf driftin a!ro$$ the arae alon &ith a fe&
kindred $pirit$, in!ludin Ha##ond"
A fe& !urt in$ult$ &ere e>!haned and I #ay have $ue$ted the other driver try !ornerin on hi$
roof $o#eti#e, &hil$t Ha##ond7$ $tare be!a#e in!rea$inly fi>ed and dilated" He looked like he &a$ about
to audition for a Geore *o#ero #ovie" ABou really $hould leave,7 he ra$ped" A 4ight no-"7
I liked Ha##ond% he &a$ nauhty"
Mr Anry $!uttled off and I felt $tranely proud to be in!luded in hi$ partin $alvo, ATo# $ear &anker$
F7
I had $o far en!ountered t&o of the $ho&7$ pre$enter$" The one &ith #ad hair &ould have to &ait" I
had $o#e pre$$in !on!ern$ of #y o&n to deal &ith"
Bou kno& that your hearin te$t i$n7t oin &ell &hen you have to a$k the do!tor if it7$ $tarted yet" He
looked up at #e fro# hi$ panel of button$ and $&it!he$ and then thre& in a fe& loud beep$ a$ if to $ay, A+an
you hear tho$e, nu#bnut$=7
So#e &eek$ later, I &a$ fa!in the re$ult$ &ith the offi!er in !o##and of trainin"
The C+ !al#ly laid do&n the la&" ABou failed the te$t 'uite !on$iderably" I ather it7$ $o#ethin to do
&ith your #otor ra!in" The re#ainder of the !our$e &ill be $pent on the hill$ and &e !an7t have you bein
run over by a Land *over be!au$e you didn7t hear it !o#in up behind you" Bou need to be $ined off &ith a
!lean bill of health in order to !ontinue"7
Drivin noi$y ra!in !ar$ had da#aed the hearin in #y riht ear at !ertain fre'uen!ie$" There &a$
no &ay I !ould pa$$ the hearin te$t &ithout !heatin and I deter#ined not to et binned unle$$ I7d broken
#y ne!k" A hearin aid $ee#ed like the be$t $olution"
I pro!ured a +I+ L!o#pletely in !analM earpie!e fro# a fir# that $upplied CA9$" It $lipped deep
in$ide #y ear and avoided vi$ible dete!tion" The only tra!e &a$ a tiny fle$h-!oloured $te# that fa!ilitated
re#oval"
The dra&ba!k of the +I+ #odel &a$ that on!e the battery &a$ enaed, it tended to e#it a loud,
hih-pit!hed $'ua&k a$ you in$erted it into the ear" The kind of noi$e an Ar#y do!tor #iht noti!e"
I pra!ti$ed li!kin and 'ui!kly &edin it in &ith the battery door open $o that I !ould keep #y ear
e#pty for in$pe!tion until the very la$t #o#ent" I &ent for a #edi!al at another, le$$ $u$pe!tin rei#ent and
duly pa$$ed"
The #o#ent !a#e to unveil #y re$ult$ before the offi!ial #edi!al $taff" I &aited in line for #y fate to
be de!ided" I !lun nervou$ly to the hearin aid in !a$e I &a$ te$ted aain, #akin $ure not to drop the tiny
battery" I a!!identally !lo$ed the hat!h"
A:)CCEEEE997"
A fe& head$ turned a$ I rea!hed for the thih po!ket of #y D9M trou$er$ and pretended to ad?u$t a
prohibited #obile phone" +old $&eat $pread a!ro$$ #y fa!e" I &a$ re$!ued by a pair of double door$
$la##in open to our left and a red-eyed, red-fa!ed, red-haired re!ruit bur$tin into vie&"
Muno &a$ one of the $trone$t uy$ on the !our$e and had ?u$t been $a!ked for $o#e bull$hit
ano#aly &ith hi$ eye$iht" Hi$ outrae &a$ evident" Su!h &a$ the deli!ate balan!e &e all hun on by"
A youn #edi!al offi!er hopped alon the line" A+ollin$, you7re here for a hearin te$t, riht=7
AI pa$$ed it la$t &eek, $ir" Here F7 I handed hi# #y hooky paper$" He lan!ed at the# and #oved
on"
After an aoni$in &ait, a !lerk !a#e out of another door and ordered #e into a roo# to be te$ted"
My heart $ank and #y !la##y finer$ !radled the earpie!e" A$ I $tepped for&ard the youn do!tor
reappeared" AHe7$ fine, he7$ already pa$$ed"7
He turned to &alk a&ay, then $topped and added, AEven if you fu!kin bluffed it"7
It &a$ better than a lottery &in" I $tared blankly ahead and pretended $i#ply to take thi$ ne&$ in #y
$tride" My re&ard &a$ the Fan Dan!e"
+hapter ,/
+hin Strap
It pay$ to be a &inner today, lad$,7 the !orporal $#irked"
<p until thi$ point our trainin had !on$i$ted of tabbin lon di$tan!e$ a!ro$$ the )el$h #ountain$
&ithin a de$inated ti#efra#e" For one of the loner, harder route$, involvin a double traver$e of a killer
peak, !andidate$ &ere re'uired to double their $peed a!ro$$ the hill$ in a te$t of &illpo&er, are$$ion and
bloody-#indedne$$" It &a$ pa$$ or fail" The #ar!h &a$ led by the $taff, $o a$$u#in they didn7t et lo$t, all
you had to do &a$ run"
:ernie &a$ reli$hin the bleak fore!a$t he7d $een on TE" AGonna be fu!kin epi!" )eather &arnin
$ay$ there7$ a for!e 5 ale thi$ &eekend"7
)e en?oyed the rare plea$ure of a niht in a bed in$ide :arra!k$" It &a$ a &el!o#e indulen!e, even
thouh #y pillo& $#elled like a roup of pi$$-head$ had &iped their a$$e$ &ith it" Even better, the follo&in
#ornin &e had a !ooked breakfa$t follo&ed by the briefin"
AThi$ i$ a ba$i! te$t to $ee &hether you have the phy$i!al $ta#ina to pa$$ thi$ !our$e" Anyone
&earin a &ri$t&at!h &ill be $a!ked% you &on7t kno& the #ai! !ut-off ti#e, $o you fu!kin pu$h it all the
&ay" If you noti!e that your le$ are $pinnin and your beren ha$ overtaken you, that #ean$ you are fallin
over" Try not to let your beren pa$$ your body &hen you7re runnin do&nhill" No doubt there &ill be a #a$$
urination, $o et your kit $'uared a&ay and be ready to #ove at 8688"7
)e $tripped do&n to the bare ba$i!$( D9M trou$er$ and Helly Han$en T-$hirt under a Gore-Te>
outer liner" Stayin &ar# &ouldn7t be a proble#"
Do?ak &a$ a bald reular Ar#y veteran &ith a #y$teriou$ pa$t, &ho #et every !hallene by rippin
it$ fa!e off" He had opted for a bla!k knee-bra!e !ontraption that &a$ fre$h out of Mad Max" He dropped hi$
trou$er$ in front of everyone to reveal hi$ retro B-front $kivvie$ before divin in &ith a fi$tful of Ea$eline" He
$&allo&ed $o#e $uper-$i@ed Ibuprofen$, !lapped hi$ hand$ toether and yelled, A+o#e on then, ladie$, let7$
fu!kin7 do thi$"7
)e &ere i$$ued #ini flare$ and lined up alphabeti!ally, &hi!h #eant I $tarted near the front"
The trainin C+ &a$ a iner &hippet and led off like $o#eone had ?u$t $et off the hare fro# the
$tartin ate" He #u$t have been forty-odd, but &a$ a #o$'uito on the hill$" Dir!k, the uber-keen South
Afri!an, &a$ lued to hi$ $houlder, a$ al&ay$, but the furiou$ pa!e &a$ too #u!h for #e" My !he$t &a$
&hee@in and rattlin Alike a &hale ivin birth to triplet$7 a!!ordin to Nin?a, our re$ident #artial art$ uru, a$
he $auntered pa$t #e" Ne>t to overtake &a$ Fla$h &ho puffed, ASti!k &ith the pa!k"7
I !ouldn7t, and $ank further ba!k"
A DS &ith an unu$ually lare head $a& I needed $o#e en!ourae#ent" A:loody hell, #ate, thi$ i$
?u$t the $tart" In throuh yer no$e, out throuh yer #outh" Not e>a!tly #at!h fit, are yer=7
I7d al&ay$ $truled runnin uphill" It &a$ utterly de#orali$in bein unable to $u##on the enery to
keep up" The Lord of )ar, a uy I di$liked inten$ely, &a$ the ne>t to !at!h #e up" He thouht he &a$ $o#e
kind of #ilitary eniu$, had a rade one hair!ut, fro&ned on tho$e out$ide the !lub and ble& hi$ no$e
repeatedly into hi$ $leeve"
Cur $peed$ &ere #at!hed the &ay tru!k$ are &hen they blo!k #otor-&ay$ by overtakin ea!h other
&ith an infinite$i#ally $#all $peed differential"
I &ent to pa$$ hi# on hi$ riht and he blo!ked #e" I u$hered hi# a$ide &ith #y rifle and &e traded a
fe& blo&$, $&appin pla!e$ another five ti#e$ on the &ay up the #ountain" A bit of veno# &ent a lon &ay
to helpin u$ et &ithin 08 #etre$ of the lead roup a$ fo de$!ended on to the open round"
The &ind ki!ked up, drivin the !old rain hard and $ide&ay$" Fo !laed in like pea $oup, enulfin
the leader$ and the #a$$ of bloke$ behind, &hi!h #eant &e had no !lue &here &e &ere oin" The Lord of
)ar turned riht to follo& the fen!e-line" I &ent $traiht over"
I !he!ked #y #ap on the run and fell throuh a bo riht up to #y tit$" :ernie !a#e to #y re$!ue
and draed #e out" )e e>!haned the $a#e look" It $aid, A)here the hell are &e=7 The DS at the la$t
!he!kpoint had $aid to follo& the fen!e-line, but &e7d !ro$$ed t&o of the ba$tard$ $in!e and lo$t $in of the
footprint$ in the lon ra$$"
)e ran off in &hat turned out to be the riht dire!tion" Not everyone &ould be $o lu!ky"
My beanie hat had $&ollen to the $i@e of a turban, $o I dit!hed it and ?oed after :ernie, $tuffin
fro@en !ho!olate into #y #outh" The &eather pounded in, the rain $la$hin $o hard you had to #ake $lit$ of
your eye$ to peer throuh" At the top of the hill &e found a tent"
Lauhin +orporal popped out &ith hi$ ar#$ out$tret!hed like the #e$$iah" AAll riht there, lad$, ive
u$ your nu#ber$ F !ra!k on, boy$, there7$ a bre& at the botto#, et your $kate$ on"7
)e boun!ed off ro!k$, tripped over !lu#p$ of ra$$ and $hi##ied in the &ind under the &eiht of a
boun!in beren, ?oltin belt kit, tired le$ $trulin to !ontrol our tra?e!tory" I $lipped on the &et ra$$, #y
head $napped ba!k aain$t the top of #y pa!k and I found #y$elf $lidin like an upended tortoi$e .2 #etre$
do&n the hill"
)e !auht one of the DS$, an offi!er, and follo&ed hi# do&n a $teep $lope to the top of a &aterfall,
&hereupon he produ!ed a #ap F Not a ood $in" The turnaround !he!kpoint &a$ ?u$t .88 #etre$ belo&
u$" I !ould $ee it" :ut it &a$ five ti#e$ the di$tan!e on the !onventional trail" The ede of the &aterfall &a$n7t
'uite verti!al and the tree$ either $ide looked like a po$$ible route do&n F
ADon7t even think about it,7 :ernie ra$ped"
AAre you $ure=7
AFu!kin !ertain" )e7ll o ba!k up the tra!k"7
A rey-haired !ouple #ade their &ay pa$t u$, &alkin their do" AGood #ornin, boy$"7
AGood #ornin,7 &e replied in !hoirboy uni$on"
Follo&in Indiana ;one$ had !o$t u$ ten #inute$ &e didn7t have" )e rea!hed the botto# and
!hared alon the tar#a! road to&ard$ the At&at &aon7 parked in the layby, arrivin in the ni!k of ti#e" I
ne!ked #y #ilk$hake and u$ed the hot tea to help #e obble !lu#p$ of !on!rete !ho!olate" Four $&i$ later
it &a$ ti#e to $addle up for the return le"
)e headed $traiht ba!k up the #inin $lope &e had ?u$t !o#e do&n, before !urlin round the
#ountain, ba!k into the &eather" Bou !ould lean 02 deree$ into the &ind &ithout fallin over" A$ the $lope
neared the verti!al I draed #y$elf up by pullin on a barbed &ire fen!e, leanin on #y &eapon, hand$ and
knee$, !hin $trap" I &a$ flat dead" At lon la$t the de$!ent bean, and I $tarted to !at!h people aain" I ran
pa$t 9li$$ken7$ ba$ha" He fli!ked the a$h off a !iarette and $houted, AStraiht do&n the hill, $on" Deep it up"7
For the fir$t ti#e, I felt I &a$ oin to #ake it" It #ade the ba!k of #y head tinle" )e $printed the
la$t kilo#etre" My boot lo$t tra!tion for one final $pe!ta!ular fa!e plant into the #uddy tra!k"
The fini$h &a$ in $iht and the lead roup &ere !heerin u$ in, &ith Do?ak &hippin up pro!eedin$
into a dra ra!e &ith a uy &ho $uddenly appeared behind #e"
A6es catchin ya) Cmon, lads, hes catchin yaH7
I &a$ the $eventh #an in"
The DS $tared at #e over hi$ !lipboard, unable to identify the bo #an $tandin before hi#"
AIt7$ +ollin$, Staff"7
Hi$ pen!il ti!ked #e off" A little over half our nu#ber #ade the !utoff point" Lauhin +orporal
de$!ribed the !ull a$ A!arnae7"
)e $huffled to&ard$ our tran$port$ like a an of rubbery-leed ;ohn )ayne$" The pain in our
bodie$ &a$ far #ore bearable than the anui$h of the uy$ &ho didn7t #ake it% $o#e &ere lo$t in the fo for
hour$, in!ludin #y old !hu# and naviational eniu$ the Lord of )ar"
I #elted into #y $eat and turned on #y #obile" A te>t fro# one of the To# $ear produ!tion
a$$i$tant$ read, ANauhty nauhty #r $ti, heard you &ere tellin people &ho you &ere in a re$taurant la$t
niht F7
A'hat=7 I $aid aloud" I #u$t have #i$$ed the $e!tion of the Naafi&ith &hite table!loth$"
I anrily te>ted #y reply" ANo I didn7t, no I &a$n7t" Mu$t be $o#eone el$e"7
A !ouple of beep$ heralded the reply" A)at!h out" re#e#ber &hat happened to the la$t $ti F7
The brutality of the #ar!h had redu!ed our roup to a #ore #anaeable nu#ber" The $urvivor$
in!luded a fe& $urpri$e$ like ;ohnny, the $ilent but apparently deadly $!hooltea!her, Milo the IT te!hni!ian
and one born-aain ra!in driver"
* * *
The *ML tea# put their faith in #e and kept #y !ar on the tra!k for the re#ainder of the A$!ar
$ea$on, in $pite of the finan!ial burden" It &a$ a #ai!al year" )e led every ra!e, &innin #o$t of the#, &ith
the help of $oldier$ fro# all rei#ent$, $o#e of the# &orkin on the pit &all" +olonel )hite, &ho &a$ runnin
the e>er!i$e, re!koned it &a$ the #o$t effe!tive re!ruitin drive they7d ever e#ployed"
)e had a ood lead oin into the la$t ra!e &eekend of the $ea$on" The !ha#pion$hip title &a$
&ithin our ra$p, $o it &a$ ti#e for a pep talk &ith 9hil, the tea# #anaer"
ANo&, I7# $ure you7re a&are of thi$ Te>a!o Trophy they7ve thro&n into the #i> for thi$ &eekend F7
I !ertainly &a$" It &a$ a $pe!ial a&ard for the driver &ho $!ored the #o$t point$ over the final
&eekend"
A)ell, you !an foret all about that bollo!k$" Bou7re here to be!o#e a !ha#pion and that7$ all you
need to fo!u$ on" All you need to do i$ fini$h tenth in both ra!e$ to &in it"7
He &a$ ab$olutely riht" Settle for tenth" No brainer"
I took the TA !ar on to the tra!k for pra!ti$e and reali$ed &e had a ift" I7d been drivin the &heel$
off it all $ea$on, runnin on the ede to be fa$ter than the other driver$" Thi$ ti#e, &e held the advantae"
And &ith 9hil7$ ne&, fa$ter &heel-!hane un$ it #eant &e !ould keep the lead durin our pit $top$"
I parked the !ar on pole po$ition, &hi!h rai$ed one of 9hil7$ eyebro&$"
)e ab$olutely ro#ped both ra!e$" I kne& that I &a$ $afer out of rea!h than $tu!k in the pa!k" The
only ti#e the other$ !a#e !lo$e &a$ durin a $afety !ar &ith a fe& of the really fa$t boy$ on #y tail"
The one dire!tly behind !o##uni!ated via our $potter$ in the rand$tand$ that $in!e I needed to
fini$h thi$ ra!e to &in the !ha#pion$hip, I7d better let hi# pa$t, Aor el$e7"
It &a$ a phy$i!al for# of ra!in, $o thi$ didn7t leave a lot to #y i#aination" I politely a$ked Dou to
tell hi# to eff off" )hen the fla dropped I drove the fa$te$t, #o$t perfe!t lap$ I !ould" I pulled !lear and
$ealed the !ha#pion$hip by pa$$in the !he'uered fla in fir$t pla!e"
I !ouldn7t &ait to et ba!k to the pit$ and $ee the boy$" I flun off the belt$, !la#bered out of the !ar
and bear-hued every one of the#" They7d run a faultle$$ operation all $ea$on &ithout a $inle #e!hani!al
failure"
9hil had iven birth to kitten$ on the pit &all but did &ell to !on!eal it behind hi$ Cakley$" He had one
#ore ra!e to run" ADo &hatever you like no&, #ate,7 he bea#ed"
)e7d $aved #y be$t tyre$ for the $e!ond half of the final ra!e, &hi!h #eant I $truled to hold the
lead in the fir$t half on the old !heddar$" )hen the ne& rubber boot$ &ent on I had a liht fuel load and
nothin to lo$e, $o I !ould really pu$h the envelope" I &ent flat out throuh all of the fir$t three !orner$, $o
fa$t that the enine &a$ hittin the li#iter ?u$t after Nu#ber Three" I7d al&ay$ braked for Four but it felt $o
ood I ?u$t lifted off the throttle and &ent in" It pu$hed #e a little &ide, but I !ured it &ith $o#e throttle and
!ro$$ed the line &ith a ne& tra!k re!ord" I drove that &ay for four lap$" It &a$ total freedo#"
)e took a !lean $&eep( a #a>i#u# point$ $!ore fro# t&o pole po$ition$, t&o fa$te$t lap$ and t&o
ra!e &in$ to !lai# the Te>a!o Trophy and the European A$!ar title"
Even Mu# had felt it &a$ $afe to attend, and $o#e du$t fro# the pit lane #u$t have blo&n into her
eye &hen I $a& her after&ard$" Dad had $e!reted #ultiple !a$e$ of !ha#pane in$ide the tea#7$ ho$pitality
unit, &hi!h he di$tributed liberally a$ he $et about e#bra!in the !re&" In $pite of hi$ !on$iderable
e>perien!e of drinkin the $tuff he $ank the fir$t bottle a bit too 'ui!kly and it &a$ fi@@in out of hi$ ear$"
The a&ard$ !ere#ony took pla!e a &eek later at the loriou$ Hilton hotel in Lei!e$ter" I dre$$ed up
like a penuin and laid off the boo@e bein 'uaffed liberally by the re$t of the tea#" The !urtain $lid ba!k and
&e &at!hed the $ea$on hihliht$ &ith all the !ra$he$, ba$he$ and a!tion" It &a$ a proud #o#ent re!eivin
#y a&ard, but it &a$ ettin late and I &a$ it!hin to hit the road"
I &a$ beatin a ha$ty e>it &hen a hand !lapped #e on the ba!k"
ANot $o fa$t"7
+olonel )hite fro# the TA had be!o#e in!rea$inly avun!ular durin the !our$e of the $ea$on" He
bea#ed at #e" A:loody #arvellou$ thi$ year, lad" I7# $o $orry &e &on7t be ?oinin you ne>t $ea$on% our ne&
!ivvie #arketin &i@ard ?u$t doe$n7t et #otor $port" *e#e#ber #y offer, thouh% you7re $till youn enouh
to enli$t"7
* * *
I beat it a&ay fro# the Hilton in the #iddle of the niht and follo&ed the no& fa#iliar route to&ard$
the )el$h 'ua#ire" My headliht$ eventually pi!ked out one of the DS$ &ith a bre& on the o" A$ I parked
up, he fli!ked on a head tor!h and &andered over"
AHo&7d you et on then=7
AGood, Staff" I &on"7
ALet7$ 7ave a look then"7
I handed hi# the !ry$tal !ha#pion$hip trophy and &a$ re&arded &ith an appre!iative e>pletive"
Then, A)ell F better et !haned and ?oin the re$t of the lad$" Here7$ your &eapon"7
The rain $tarted !hu!kin it do&n" I truded throuh the #ud and $!raped #y &ay into the $helter of
the pine tree$" An a!rid $ten!h bean to $trip the #e#brane$ off #y no$tril$ a$ I !urled up for the niht on a
bed of $heep droppin$" Their er$t&hile o&ner$ &ere !learly in dire need of #edi!al attention" I heard a
ru$tlin $ound nearby" Cne of the boy$ &a$ #ovin off for a pi$$, hopefully not on the fa!e of the la$t #an in"
+hapter ,0
+o&ell7$ Got Talent
I #ade #y &ay to Dun$fold a !ouple of day$ later and !li#bed ratefully into #y $ilky &hite $uit"
Lieutenant Ni!k Arkle fro# the *oyal Navy !li#bed into hi$ olive reen one" )e &ere about to $ee if a flyboy
drivin a Harrier ;u#p ;et !ould beat The Sti in a Saab 6-2 Aero"
;a#e$ May &a$ lookin eaerly a!ro$$ the air$trip fro# the $helter of the produ!tion offi!e &ith a
!offee in one hand and a $!run!hed yello& $!ript in the other" I found ;a#e$ to be a thouhtful !hara!ter,
&ho looked like a #otorin ver$ion of Do!tor )ho &ith hi$ floppy hair and $tripy ?u#per$" A$ I reeted hi# he
turned and $aluted" AGood #ornin, $ir" Ho& do you fan!y your !han!e$=7
ANot reat" :ut if he doe$n7t &in he7ll probably $hoot #e"7
He ave #e an indulent $#ile" ADid you ever $ee the flyin bed$tead !ontraption they u$ed to
develop the Harrier ba!k in the Fiftie$=7
AI think $o" The one that looked like an in$e!t=7
AM##" Marvellou$ te!hnoloy, e$pe!ially &hen you think that ?et$ had only been around for a fe&
year$ ba!k then" :rave #en tinkerin &ith the e>tre#itie$ of phy$i!$"7
I kne& a bit about Harrier pilot$ fro# ro&in up in A#eri!a durin the Falkland$ !onfl i!t" I had a
po$ter detailin the fleet of $hip$ that !arried our troop$ and air!raft thou$and$ of #ile$ a!ro$$ the o!ean to
fa!e an unlikely but deter#ined ene#y" A$ a kid in a forein !ountry I felt proud to be :riti$h, &at!hin TE
!lip$ of 9ara$ and Marine$ tabbin a!ro$$ the de$olate, #i$ty terrain, into the unkno&n" A!e pilot$ like Fliht
Lieutenant David Moran be!a#e heroe$ to #e a$ they fle& danerou$ #i$$ion$ to defend the fleet"
I never i#ained that t&enty year$ on I7d be ra!in aain$t a Harrier pilot at the very airfield it &a$
fir$t flo&n and developed"
The Harrier &eihed in &ith .,,888 pound$ of ?et thru$t ver$u$ the Saab7$ /-litre blan!#ane" I
a$ked Ni!k ho& !lo$e to the round he &anted to fly, ?u$t in !a$e I needed to du!k"
AShouldn7t be hanin around lon, Sti" Cn!e I et a fe& knot$ under #y belt I7ll be pullin anel$"7
Sli!k and $elf-a$$ured, Ni!k really looked the part" I !ould i#aine hi# at the bar poppin out line$
fro# To# $un to a #eltin audien!e" The fa!t that he &a$ a ood bloke only #ade it &or$e"
)e7d $tart alon$ide one another on the run&ay and bla$t off toether" The Harrier &ould et in the
air and follo& the !our$e of the lap I i$h I &hil$t I blatted round the tar#a!"
The Harrier $tarted to et noi$y even thouh the dire!tor $till !ouldn7t #ake up hi$ #ind &hether Ni!k
$hould $tart the ra!e in the air or on the round"
I looked a!ro$$ the Saab7$ #ode$t felt interior and &at!hed the Sea Harrier pull alon$ide #e" It &a$
a hot day and &ith no air !onditionin the $&eat &a$ tri!klin fro# #y hel#et linin and $tinin #y eye$"
The radio !ra!kled" The dire!tor $houted in$tru!tion$, one &ord at a ti#e, over the $!rea#in ?et enine$"
A*IGHT F STIIIG F THE F HA**IE* F IS F GCING F TC F HCEE* F CEE* F THE F TC9 F CF
F THE F +A* F AND F )E F MIGHT F STA*T F THE F *A+E F CD=7
ACD"7 )ith @ero !han!e of bein heard, I added a thu#b$ up"
A fe& #o#ent$ later Ni!k !ranked hi$ enine$ and ro$e verti!ally $o#e 08 feet" The noi$e in$ide the
Saab &a$ deafenin"
The Harrier #oved in #y dire!tion" The ,,888#ph, 088[+ e>hau$t announ!ed it$ pre$en!e loud and
!lear" The riht-hand $ide of the !ar lifted a little and &obbled" The dire!tor had hi$ eye$ !lo$ed and hi$ hih-
vi$ibility ?a!ket around hi$ ear$" The !re& $hielded their eye$ a$ pla$ti! ba$ and other debri$ !areered
to&ard$ the#, but kept their !a#era$ pointed in our eneral dire!tion"
I !ould hear nothin above the $ound of the ?et bla$t, $o I &ould #i$$ the $tart unle$$ $o#eone
&aved" Then Ni!k #u$t have done $o#ethin, be!au$e the pre$$ure $ee#ed to double and the Saab $ank
into it$ $u$pen$ion until the tyre$ topped out on the &heel ar!he$" The &obblin $topped% there &a$ a
#o#ent of pea!e, and then, all of a $udden, one $ide of the !ar fli!ked up"
There &a$ no ti#e to phone a friend for an e>pert opinion on the !on$e'uen!e$ of !lo$e-rane
thru$t, but #y ba!k$ide told #e that &e &ere about to be inverted"
ATELL THE HA**IE* TC GET LCST, NC)H7 I $hrieked, #akin the !ut-throat $inal &ith #y hand
for ood #ea$ure"
Ni!k landed alon$ide for a re$tart" The Harrier held all the a!e$ but I fiured I !ould at lea$t et one
up on hi# off the line"
The dire!tor !ounted u$ do&n, u$in a hih-te!h $tartin $y$te# involvin three finer$"
Ni!k &ent on AGo7, ?u$t after I left on ACne7"
The Saab held the lead for about ,8 #etre$ until Ni!k ave it the berrie$" In #o#ent$ he &a$
airborne and one"
The old Saab lolled around in the !orner$ and &a$ in no hurry do&n the $traiht$" To it$ !redit, the
puddin-like $u$pen$ion #ade it entertainin to drive% the rear rolled and $lid &hen I ?a##ed it into the
!orner$" I ran out of $teerin lo!k to $top it fro# $pinnin at the penulti#ate !orner, and by the ti#e I
athered it up and approa!hed the fini$h line, I !ould already $ee a $#u lookin fihter ?o!k hoverin above
it"
I !ro$$ed the line in , #inute /4"6 $e!ond$" It had taken Ni!k ?u$t /,". $e!ond$ to $et the outriht
tra!k re!ord"
I ave it #y be$t $hot, but he refu$ed to hand #e the key$ F
)ith a fe& epi$ode$ under #y belt I &a$ ettin u$ed to To# $ear7$ uerrilla fil#in and they &ere
ettin u$ed to #y unorthodo> #ethod of trainin the !elebritie$" My oal &a$ to beat ;odie Didd7$ !eleb
re!ord of , #inute 05"8, and that #eant pu$hin people hard" I ?u$t needed a !eleb &ho &a$ &illin to han it
out there"
Cn the #ornin of #y fifth epi$ode I &a$ !o#pletin a vital e>peri#ent &ith a bald #an in a toupG"
He $at in the pa$$ener $eat &hil$t I ha##ered three !ar$ up and do&n the run&ay to $ee &hi!h one &a$
be$t at keepin hi$ &i on" The $yrup $tood fir# at ,08#ph in a Mer!ede$ SL, $o &e had a &inner"
;i# )i$e#an &a$ $tandin by the lu>uriou$ Su@uki Liana, a&aitin the !elebrity ue$t" He !he!ked
the footae !o#in throuh the !la#$hell re!order for the Su@uki7$ #ini!a#$" Cne &a$ po$itioned riht in the
eye line of the driver, to pi!k up their rea!tion$ or pie!e$-to-!a#era"
Denni$, our #ini!a# perfe!tioni$t, double-!he!ked the e>po$ure" There &a$ no rain in $iht but he
&a$ dre$$ed in hi$ all-in-one &aterproof anorak, prepared a$ ever for the &or$t"
AGood pi!ture, Denni$" Are the$e $e!ure=7 He nuded the !la#p$ that held the !a#era$ to the roll
!ae"
A)hen have I ever let you lot do&n=7 Denni$ #oaned"
Si#on +o&ell $trolled do&n the airfield to&ard$ u$" He looked #o#entarily be#u$ed by the !artoon
$!ene of #e dre$$ed like a $tor# trooper alon$ide Tintin and Mutley, $tandin by a !heap rental !ar"
Hi$ $#ile broadened aain a$ he rolled up hi$ bla!k $hirt$leeve$ to $hake hand$ &ith everyone,
in$tantly $&eepin hi$ TE7$ Mr Na$ty per$ona to one $ide" Po# Idol &a$ already a hue hit, and every TE
for#at and pop a!t he tou!hed &a$ turnin to old"
)e fitted Si#on out &ith a $eriou$ly unflatterin hel#et, an Ae7 a$ he !alled it, and !li#bed aboard
the Liana"
I e>plained that the be$t &ay to drive the lap &a$ &ith hi$ hand$ fir#ly at Aa 'uarter to three7 and hi$
thu#b$ ?u$t over the $teerin &heel7$ T-bar" Mo$t people thread the ri# throuh their rip a$ they turn" )hy=
:e!au$e that &a$ the rubbi$h &e &ere all tauht to pa$$ our drivin te$t$" I ured Si#on to fi> hi$, and !ro$$
the# all the &ay over" He7d kno& i##ediately &hen he7d one into a !orner too fa$t" )hen your ar#$ run
out of lo!k, the tyre$ have lon $in!e run out of rip"
)e7d leave brakin until the la$t po$$ible #o#ent, I $aid, and in $o#e !orner$ it &ould feel like
#akin an e#eren!y $top" Si#on re#ained e>pre$$ionle$$, noddin o!!a$ionally and !o!kin hi$ head to
one $ide a$ he thouht about it"
I drove a $lo& lap to pinpoint the !orner$" It &a$ $urpri$inly ea$y to et lo$t in the featurele$$
land$!ape"
AThi$ ti#e round I7ll o flat out, $o you !an $ee it &on7t tip over"7
The $peed didn7t fa@e Si#on &hat$oever% he !ould have been $inin another re!ord deal in the
Sony boardroo#" I kne& I !ould really pu$h hi#"
He ot into the driver7$ $eat and &iled the ear$ti!k, &hi!h !run!hed in anti!ipation"
ABou really have to hand it to ;ere#y,7 he $aid" A)hat a pie!e of $hit"7
I told hi# to rev it to three and a half thou$and and ?u$t du#p the !lut!h" ADon7t $lip it like you &ould
in Sain$bury7$ !ar park"7 A$ if Si#on hun out at Sain$bury7$"
)e $ped off" After a $inle $ihtin lap, he bean #arryin every $ue$tion I #ade &ith $#all
ad?u$t#ent$ to hi$ rather ba$i! $tyle"
Si#on drove like #y #u#, &ith an upriht po$ture and a $tiff upper lip" He did $huffle the &heel
throuh hi$ hand$ to take the !orner$% the habit &a$ !learly too inrained for #e to !hane it in the $hort ti#e
&e had toether" I fo!u$ed hi$ attention in$tead on takin a &ide approa!h to the !orner$ and auin hi$
$peed by lookin ahead"
)hat $et hi# apart, #ade hi# truly $ubli#e, &a$ hi$ ability to feel the level of rip the !ar &a$
produ!in and to #at!h that &ith pre!i$ely the riht $peed for ea!h !orner" He &a$ a real natural"
)hen he !o!ked up, he &ould lauh or !all hi#$elf a &anker" )hen the Liana pirouetted at &arp 6
throuh !loud$ of du$t and ra$$, he re#ained a$ !al# a$ a Hindu !o& and a$ked, A)hat happened that
ti#e=7 in a tone that &a$ drier than Ghandi7$ flip-flop"
I e>plained the tiny ad?u$t#ent$ he needed to #ake to hi$ line into the !orner$, turnin in later to
ive the tyre$ le$$ &ork to do on a !ontinuou$ ar!, &here to brake le$$ and !arry e>tra $peed"
Hi$ i#prove#ent i#pre$$ed hi#" After a fe& lap$ he $aid, ABou7re really ood" )ho are you=7
+o#in fro# a talent $!out &ith the &orld at hi$ feet to $o#eone lookin for a &ay ahead in it, there
&a$ only one loi!al an$&er" :ut I didn7t ive it" After nine lap$ of #y ba!k$eat drivin, I $tayed $ilent for a
lap and he didn7t #ake a $inle error" Si#on &a$ ready to o $olo"
Denni$ rolled the in-!ar !a#era$ and ;i# politely a$ked Si#on for Aplenty of !hat7" I $ue$ted he put
in a banker lap fir$t ti#e round, nothin too !ra@y"
Every lap bean fro# a $tandin $tart, &hi!h enabled u$ to !hat to Si#on and #ove !a#era$ durin
the re-$et" He $et off to the $hrill $ound of $pinnin tyre$ and I follo&ed hi$ prore$$ fro# the ede of the
tra!k"
;i# and I &at!hed tran$fi>ed a$ the Liana !ro$$ed the line" ;i# !arefully anled hi$ $top&at!h in #y
dire!tion in !a$e any of Si#on7$ people &ere peekin" It &a$ &ithin a $e!ond of the lap re!ord"
Si#on pulled up, hi$ elbo& on the &indo& lede, and a$ked &hat ear he &a$ $uppo$ed to u$e in
the $e!ond !orner"
ASe!ond"7
I a$ked hi# to brake later at the penulti#ate turn" The ne>t lap &a$ audibly fa$ter% &e !ould $ee hi#
&re$tle the $teerin" I ot hi# to brake later, !orner by !orner, and he &ent fa$ter every lap"
Si#on took a !iarette and &ater break and a$ked ho& he &a$ doin, but &e !ouldn7t let hi# kno&
before hi$ intervie&"
Hi$ eyebro&$ di$appeared beneath hi$ i##a!ulately $!ulpted hair-line" ADo you $eriou$ly e>pe!t #e
to believe that=7
Be$ &e did"
)e bolted hi# ba!k into the five-point harne$$" I al&ay$ found that the #o$t un!o#fortable part of
#y ?ob% I never 'uite ot u$ed to rea!hin bet&een a !elebrity !rot!h and yankin a $trap a!ro$$ their ball$ or
brea$t$"
A$ Si#on put in $o#e #ore fabulou$ lap$, )il#an turned up to !he!k on thin$" ;i# $ho&ed hi# hi$
notepad"
A:loody Nora"7 )il#an ave a $oft-$hoe $huffle" A2ont tell hi#"7
Si#on $hared our enthu$ia$#, $o &e kept pu$hin hi# until he rea!hed a plateau on around lap ten"
I told hi# it &a$ an e>!ellent ti#e that he probably &ouldn7t beat"
Andy then offered hi# a pa$$ener ride in the Noble M,. $uper!ar, $o I &heeled it out"
The M,. &a$ liht a$ a feather" It$ E3 #otor &a$ po&ered by t&in turbo!harer$ that took ti#e to
$pool up before bel!hin the #a!hine for&ard &ith ianti! thru$t" :y $ele!tin the riht ear$ and keepin
the turbo7$ pre$$ure peakin, I !ould $lide the !ar all the &ay up to 58#ph" I &a$ keen to rei$ter a rea!tion
fro# Si#on, $o I ave it #y be$t $hot"
He re#ained a$ !ool a$ a !u!u#ber, ar#$ folded and a $erene $#ile on hi$ fa!e" 9erhap$ he kne&
$o#ethin I didn7t" I fired the !ar a!ro$$ the bu#p at the tyre &all !orner at ,/2#ph and, &hen hi$ panel
?ude !o#po$ure didn7t flin!h, I drove ba!k to the pit$ to drop hi# off"
)il#an reappeared" A+ould you ?u$t ive Si#on a o no&=7
Niht#are" Had I kno&n that he7d be drivin, I7d never have $ho&n hi# the #a!hine7$ full potential"
He &a$ too ood a #i#i!"
I kept #y belt$ loo$e $o that I !ould rea!h the $teerin &heel fro# the pa$$ener $eat if I had to"
Si#on du#ped the !lut!h, ?u$t like I7d tauht hi# in the utle$$ Su@uki" The t&in turbo$ &ent A&hoooo$hhhhh7
and the !ar &a$ tearin do&n the tra!k at ,88#ph eiht $e!ond$ later"
He $tarted tryin to !opy the fa$t po&er $lide$ I7d been doin" )e &ere $o !lo$e to lo$in it that I
didn7t dare di$tra!t hi# by $peakin" )e approa!hed the $uper-fa$t tyre &all !orner" I told hi# to ba!k off
&here I hadn7t"
Si#on took an apo!alypti! a#ount of $peed in and I kne& &e &ere oin off bi ti#e"
The !ar $pun at ,.8#ph and I leapt a!ro$$ to flin the $teerin hard over into oppo$ite lo!k" That
$ent u$ do&n the tar#a!, bouht a little ti#e and $hed $o#e $peed"
I &a$ keen to avoid the ra$$ be!au$e the !ar #iht roll" Cn!e &e $tarted oin ba!k&ard$ I yanked
the handbrake and hollered at hi# to $tand on the an!hor$" +o&ell hit the pin$ and rinned" I think it #eant
&e &ere even"
)e7d !o#e to a re$t on the ra$$ after narro&ly #i$$in t&o landin liht$ that !ould have ripped the
bloody door$ off"
ANo&, really, &hat happened there=7 Si#on !a!kled &ith lauhter" ABou &ent in too fa$t i$ &hat
happened" 9lea$e, let7$ o ba!k in $o I !an !olle!t #y 902"7
)e bu#bled ba!k on to the tra!k and returned the !ar to it$ o&ner" Si#on had really en?oyed
hi#$elf, &hi!h #eant the !re& did too" I7d never $een $o#eone &ith no e>perien!e adapt $o 'ui!kly to a
$uper!ar and &rin it$ ne!k"
;i# pulled in hi$ footae and I &ent to the Cut$ide :road!a$t tru!k" :rian Dlein, the Studio Dire!tor,
&a$ $ittin in front of a raft of TE $!reen$ and &avin hi$ hairy ar#$ about" He &a$ &earin a typi!ally ari$h
outfit that !o#pri$ed a verti!ally $triped T-$hirt, knee-lenth &hite trou$er$ and leather $hoe$"
:rian !ontrolled the !ro&d via hi$ produ!tion a$$i$tant$" They $!urried around the floor, #ovin any
arantuan #en out of the &ay of !a#era and brinin for&ard the pretty irl$, &hil$t ?ulin the three
pre$enter$ to #ake $ure they &ere $ayin the riht thin$ at the riht ti#e, !uein the pre-re!orded footae
and keepin an eye on the unedited $tuff $trea#in in hot fro# the tra!k" All the$e input$ &ere perfor#ed
live to the a$$e#bled audien!e &hil$t bein ti#e !oded for pa!kain into a one-hour $ho& for broad!a$t
four day$ later"
After a &ell-e>e!uted intervie& in &hi!h ;ere#y opined that bu$ lane$ $hould be banned and traffi!
&arden$ e>iled, they ran Si#on7$ lap" They $tit!hed on $o#e loony drivin fro# hi$ early run$, but the
fini$hin ti#e &a$ &hat !ounted( ,"04",, nearly a $e!ond fa$ter than the tra!k re!ord" Si#on double pun!hed
the air and :rian $#iled at #e, rai$in the little bla!k !arpet$ above hi$ eye$ before he $ettled ba!k to hi$
!ontrol panel"
)ith +o&ell at the top of the leaderboard, only one other #arker needed $ettin $traiht" :la!k Sti
held the To# $ear tra!k re!ord on a ,"./"4 po&er lap, !ourte$y of the #ihty La#bo Mur!ielao" To beat
that, I needed $o#e $eriou$ kit"
9or$!he kindly delivered an appropriate &eapon &ith their +arrera GT, a 'uantu# leap in de$in
and perfor#an!e fro# their $tandard line of #idlife !ri$i$ !ure$" The GT &a$ panned by li#p-&ri$ted !riti!$
be!au$e the !era#i! !lut!h &a$ too are$$ive for pullin a&ay at traffi! liht$, #akin it prone to $tallin"
Driven riht, it laun!hed like a $!alded !at"
It had a beltin 2"4-litre E,8 lu#p in it$ !ore, fat tyre$ and enouh front rip to $trip the $urfa!e off
the tar#a!" The $hrill E,8 $trafed the ear$ like a Le Man$ter" It drove like one too" The GT &a$ liht on
aerodyna#i! rip, #akin it deli!ate and edy in the !orner$ but $o re&ardin on!e you learnt to apply le$$
$teerin than nor#al" That kno&lede !a#e the hard &ay" I $pun at lea$t three ti#e$ durin pra!ti!e" )hen
you drove it on the li#it the throttle re$pon$e &a$ $o pre!i$e that if your foot #oved $lihtly over a bu#p it
&ould $pin"
The interior &a$n7t Ferrari fan!y but &a$ no le$$ beautiful, &ith !arbon &eave and $ubtle leather tri#
around a $eat that !a#e $traiht fro# the Star$hipEnter#rise" The iant olfball ear knob &a$ a la@y drop
fro# the &heel, #akin it vitally a!!e$$ible durin ob-$toppin bout$ at the hel# &hen the enine ran into
the rev li#iter #id-$lide and a rapid up$hift &a$ re'uired"
;i# )i$e#an ave #e $o#e ti#e to &ar# up the GT" I took it do&n the run&ay and killed the tyre$,
&eavin left and riht on full oppo$ite lo!k, $#a$hin the throttle and brakin to a $top to red up the !arbon
brake$"
It &a$ only ever #e ver$u$ the tra!k for a po&er lap" I treated it the $a#e &ay a$ a 'ualifyin
$e$$ion and $u##oned the reat driver$ I had ra!ed &ith over the year$, uy$ like )ebber and Sato, &ho
&ould fiht #e tooth and nail for every hundredth of a $e!ond" They #ay not have been at the tra!k that day,
but a$ Darth Eader aptly put it, I felt their pre$en!e"
There &ere $o#e funny look$ fro# the !a#era#en, and the deep voi!e of e>perien!e boo#ed over
the radio( ANot to be !ontentiou$ I but are &e a!tually onna have a !ar left to fil#=7
AIt7$ CD, +a$per,7 ;i# replied" ASti7$ ?u$t &ar#in up the tyre$% $tand by to $hoot in a #inute"7
;i# let #e drop the ha##er &ithout delay" I $a&ed at the &heel throuhout a fren@ied lap and the
GT popped the re!ord by ?u$t over a $e!ond, ivin #e plenty to fold #y ar#$ about"
+a$per and :en &orked their #ai! behind the !a#era$, &ith Iain May $hootin fro# an elevated
#obile platfor#, or A!herry pi!ker7, &hi!h boa$ted a #a>i#u# $peed of 0#ph" Iain7$ thinnin blond hair and
hooded eye$ ave hi# a di$tin!tly #ature look, but durin the lon pau$e$ bet&een take$ he $hifted it$
po$ition &ith all the enthu$ia$# of a five-year-old on a Tonka Toy"
ADon7t park it there yet, Iain,7 +a$per hi$$ed" AI7# on a bi &ide a$ he !o#e$ throuh the tyre$ $o
you7ll be in fra#e" Let #e et one #ore $hot, then I7# oin tiht"7
+a#era-talk &a$ $lo&ly $inkin in" If +a$per &a$ $hootin a A&ide7 profile it #eant I needed to keep
it fully lit for a !on$iderably loner di$tan!e than if it &a$ a Atiht7 !lo$e-up #o#ent in one !orner" It &a$
fa$!inatin to &at!h the fil# !re& &ork toether and to be ivin the# the !onfiden!e to !reep nearer the
a!tion" A$ the tru$t re& on both $ide$, the !re& e#ployed their $uperb $kill$ to define the &hipla$h-'ui!k
$hootin $tyle that To# $ear be!a#e kno&n for"
Iain ended up lyin in the utter le$$ than a foot fro# the tra!k a$ I ho&led pa$t hi$ $houlder at #a>
$peed" Mo$t !a#era#en &ould pre$$ re!ord and &alk a&ay" To# $ear !re&$ put their ne!k$ on the line and
operated #anually in order to pull fo!u$ and pan &ith the !ar"
The lairy !ornerin $hot$ &ere a!hieved in #u!h the $a#e &ay" ;ere#y and I &ould fly $ide&ay$
into the !orner &ith the !re& rotatin throuh different po$ition$, a hair7$ breadth fro# our intended line of
travel" The boy$ !overed every anle &ithin #inute$" Havin the# $o !lo$e to the lidin !ar$ fo!u$ed the
#ind a$ #u!h a$ any #otor ra!e, and &e never took our eye$ off the#"
)e &ere e>pe!ted to et it riht fir$t ti#e, $o I $topped a$kin for pra!ti!e" AFine to pra!ti$e, Stiy,7
be!a#e the refrain, Abut &e7ll ?u$t roll !a#era$ any&ay"7
The Spani$h Beti, Dan the !a#era#an, lein it a!ro$$ the tra!k &ith a Steadi!a# $tabili$ed #ount
atta!hed to hi$ tor$o, &a$ the #o$t unnervin $iht of all" He $printed to and fro, !apturin tiht ritty $&eep$
of the a!tion, &ith hi$ !urly bla!k #ane flo&in in hi$ &ake"
The end of #y fir$t $erie$ !a#e up fa$t and I &ondered if I7d be a$ked ba!k for another" My hope$
&ere buoyed &hen a !ontra!t arrived in the po$t, but it &a$ retro$pe!tive and &a$ follo&ed by a pay !he'ue
#ade out to AThe Sti Cnly7" I &a$ $ure the bank had already heard the one about Donald Du!k, and unlike
:at#an I needed the #oney, $o I $traihtened that one out $harpi$h &ith A!!ount$"
)ith no !ertainty if or &hen To# $ear &ould need #e aain, I pre$$ed on &ith the Ar#y"
+hapter ,2
A )alk in the 9ark
The round fro@e overniht, and a$ the $un !a#e up it !a$t a #ai! liht a!ro$$ the fro$t-du$ted
valley" My round #at had to be $napped and folded like !ardboard" I $tarted &ar#in up #y $houlder$ to
prevent the $hootin pain$ a!ro$$ #y ba!k and ne!k !au$ed by the five-hour #ar!he$" The $trap$ on #y
an!ient beren had lo$t their paddin and !ut into #y $houlder$ like !hee$e &ire" I pre$$ed the $tore-#an to
e>!hane it for a ne&er one, but the SC: refu$ed" The +hief In$tru!tor ?u$t lauhed"
)e for#ed up for the #ornin brief in the #iddle of a !uttin !overed in loo$e $hinle and $tone$
fro# the 'uarry" The $enior N+C e#ered fro# hi$ At&at &aon7, an uly bo>-$haped Land *over" He &a$ in
?ovial #ood"
AMornin7, entle#en" Little $urpri$e for you all today( o&in to the fa!t that it7$ +hri$t#a$ there7$ no
#ar!h today, $o you !an all o ba!k and et your 7ead$ do&n F7
Silen!e" )e7d all been here before"
ANo taker$= CD then, $uit your$elve$"7
I &a$ !alled a!ro$$ to the &aon to re!eive #y fir$t rende@vou$ point" I read the rid and found *E,
&ith the tip of #y !o#pa$$ F on the farthe$t $ide of the #ap, bloody #ile$ a&ay" I looked at the in$tru!tor in
di$belief"
AHavin trouble #otivatin your$elf thi$ #ornin=7
ANo, Staff,7 I $aid, and ?oed a&ay"
Typi!ally, the route$ &ere no loner than .2 kilo#etre$ a$ the !ro& flie$, &ith a$!ent$ in the reion
of one to t&o thou$and feet" Thi$ #on$ter tab looked at lea$t 2k loner, and takin the &ron route !ould add
an hour and re$ult in a fail" I opted to o $traiht up the $ide of a $heer &aterfall, redu!in #e to a $not-fa!ed
#op of $&eat &ithin #etre$ of the $tart line"
I #anaed to $!ale the &all of the ravine and #ake it on to open round, but thin$ didn7t et any
ea$ier" Every !on!eivable phy$i!al ob$ta!le $tood in #y path" The !orre!t pro!edure for river !ro$$in$ &a$
to $trip naked, $uit up &ith Gore-Te> and &ade a!ro$$, fa!in up$trea#" That $ee#ed over the top for the
$tret!h of &ater that no& !onfronted #e" It &a$ ,2 feet at #o$t fro# bank to bank" I !ould !lear half that in
one bound"
I #i$?uded the depth, $ub#ered and di$appeared do&n$trea#, $aturatin every bit of #y kit and
$orely &eihin #y$elf do&n" I !ur$ed #y $tupidity, but thank$ to an earlier ru$hed barbed &ire fen!e
!ro$$in that had nearly ripped off #y fa#ily ?e&el$, #y !rot!hle$$ trou$er$ vented 'ui!kly"
I plodded throuh endle$$ field$ of Ababie$7 head$7 I !lu#p$ of ankle-hih bo-ra$$ that rendered
for&ard #ove#ent al#o$t i#po$$ible I and bra!ed #y$elf for !ro$$in Death Ealley, $o na#ed for it$
double-dip profile and the fa!t that $o #any re!ruit$ had voluntarily &ithdra&n fro# the !our$e after !li#bin
it"
The in!line &a$ $heer at ti#e$, #akin the !li#b truly bibli!al( you had to di in &ith your finernail$"
It &a$ three $tep$ for&ard and four ba!k, kno&in all the &hile that every aony &ould be repeated on the
$e!ond peak"
After Death Ealley I put in a $hort !ut throuh a rane of felled tree$" The layer$ of broken bran!he$
$naed every #ove#ent or ave &ay to $hred the front of #y $hin"
An hour later the fo de$!ended aain and a fe& !airn$ appeared ahead that I !ouldn7t pla!e on the
#ap" I had a Adead $top7 if I &alked too far, be!au$e there &ere !liff$ behind the *E I &a$ lookin for" A
$en$ation of &eihtle$$ne$$ &ould ive #e the fir$t hint I7d &alked too far" :ut &here &ere the bloody !liff$=
Eventually I $a& one of the lad$ to #y riht a#id$t the $ea of fo"
AHey, do you kno& &here the *E i$=7
He &a$ too enro$$ed in hi$ #ap to reply" I !he!ked #ine and $houted aain" After a &hile I reali$ed
I &a$ $houtin at a $#all tree" I finally #ade it to the la$t !he!kpoint and li#ped over to the &ood$ &e &ere
u$in a$ a holdin area to $ti!k up #y ba$ha and et #y head do&n"
An hour later I &a$ &oken by a five foot five po!ket ro!ket &ith a voi!e like +art#an fro# South
Park" A)ell, that &a$ fu!kin e#otional,7 he puffed" Hi$ little le$ had to $pin like !art&heel$ to keep pa!e
over the hill$" I peeled ba!k an eyelid a$ +art#an7$ beren !ra$hed into the de!k"
AThat &a$, like, thirty fu!kin D or $o#ethin" And ;e$u$ +hri$t, there &a$ $o#e fu!kin head!a$e
on #y route" I &a$ up the $ide of Fan B $o#ethin or other and there7$ thi$ uy !ra$hin throuh, like, a
#illion babie$7 head$ and barbed &ire fen!e$ belo& #e" I &a$ lookin and thinkin, #ate, &hat the fu!k are
you doin=
AHe et$ to the fu!kin river, take$ off hi$ beren and !hu!k$ hi$ &ebbin a!ro$$ to the other $ide,
put$ hi$ beren ba!k on and, like, ?u#p$ in"7
Thi$ $tory &a$ beinnin to $ound a&fully fa#iliar"
AThen he di$appear$ fro# $iht and reappear$ about t&enty #etre$ do&n-$trea#" I $eriou$ly thouht
he &a$ fu!kin dead"7
AMe too,7 I $aid throuh the openin of #y $leepin ba"
A+ollin$, #an, &here the fu!k did you !o#e fro#=H7 :ernie &a$ hanin on +art#an7$ every &ord,
hi$ ra!in $poon fro@en over a $tea#in ba of $au$ae and bean$"
AI kne& I &a$ in trouble &hen #y feet didn7t tou!h the river bed" My beren &eihed a bloody ton
after that"7
He $hook hi$ head in be#u$e#ent" AMy ?ob7$ fu!kin borin% that7$ &hy I7# doin thi$" :ut you,
+ollin$, you7re ?u$t a !o#plete nutter"7
Do?ak toked on hi$ !iarette" AI ?u$t love the 9hy$" It7$ the be$t bit of the !our$e"7 He really &a$ #ad"
The banter !ontinued, &ith everyone $&appin route$, #i$take$, #edi!ation$ and per$onal aonie$"
The !our$e &a$ thinnin do&n to a hard !ore of uy$ &ho &ere &illin to touh it out to the end" A$ the
#ar!he$ be!a#e loner, harder and hiher &e du deeper and our bodie$ adapted" S#all !ourte$ie$ like
$harin ration$ and helpin ea!h other &ith ad#in &ere no& !o##on" :ut &hen it !a#e to $urvival you &ere
on your o&n" No one !ould !arry you"
Cur trainin !our$e had been &hittled do&n fro# over ,88 !andidate$ to ?u$t ./ that no& fa!ed the
final hurdle" The final &eek !on$i$ted of $even day$ of hell, runnin the #arathon of #arathon$"
In the evenin briefin the Cffi!er +o##andin laid out the ti#in$" He &a$ !areful to leave u$ in no
doubt that $o#e of u$ &ere hanin on by our finernail$"
I ate like a pi in preparation for that &eek, but the volu#e of $tode !on$u#ed at !a#p &a$ on a
ne& level, even by #y $tandard$" Speed &a$ of the e$$en!e in order to $pend #ore ti#e $ortin kit or
$leepin, $o I ate de$$ert &hil$t 'ueuin for the #ain #eal" Later, a$ &e &ere havin our beren$ &eihed at
the $tartin point in Qulu Ealley, &e &ere ordered to line up and di$play our !on$u#able$" S!ale$ varied, $o it
paid to pa!k heavy" If you !a#e in under&eiht by $o #u!h a$ a bi$!uit, the penalty &a$ $evere"
A)here7$ your food for the day=7 a$ked a !oar$e S!otti$h N+C &ith an Al$atian at hi$ heel"
I produ!ed the #ul!hed banana #ilk$hake$ I &a$ !arryin in a pair of Nalene bottle$ and took the
top$ off"
A)here7$ your proper food for the tab=7
AThi$ i$ it, Staff" It7$ !ru$hed banana$, nut$ and !arbohydrate$"7
A)hat are you,7 he $aid in di$belief, A$o#e $ort of fu!kin fruit!ake=7
He di$pat!hed u$ one at a ti#e into the $oppin valley" The rane &e &ere runnin throuh &a$
notably #ore boy than the :la!k Mountain$ and #y boot $tratey $tank" Lo&a boot$ &ere taller than #y
u$ual Skarpa$, &hi!h #eant they $hould keep #ore &ater out" Cn!e &ater ot in, ho&ever, you !arried the
e>tra &eiht on your feet and the &eiht &a$ #ultiplied by the leverae of your liftin le$" A &et boot al$o
a!ted a$ a reenhou$e to a bli$ter" I doubled up &ith knee-hih aiter$"
)ithin $iht of the $tart line I #anaed to find a bo and $lurped into it a$ far a$ #y ar#pit$" The
Lo&a$ a!ted like a $pone and 'uadrupled the &eiht of #y feet for the re$t of the tab"
Ea!h day &a$ a$ relentle$$ly kna!kerin a$ the ne>t" Eatin, drinkin, $leepin, pi$$in, tabbin" :ut
a$ &earin a$ the &hole pro!e$$ be!a#e, you had to ad#ire the $!ale of the natural beauty in the National
9ark" )e ran alon the bla!k, peat-like $oil tra!k$ throuh the &ild heather, dra&in in u$tin bur$t$ of fre$h
air, then up and around the hor$e$hoe $!arp$ of Fan y :i, &ith it$ $traiht drop into the reen ba$in belo&"
The layered $and$tone ride$ looked fre$hly !arved by the hand of a iant"
9hotoraphi! In$ert
:a!k at barra!k$ ne&$ broke that the final lenthy #ar!h of the &eek &a$ bein brouht for&ard,
redu!in our re!overy ti#e fro# the previou$ run" A little e>tra te$t of !hara!ter &a$ needed to thin out the
re!ruit$ to a #ore #anaeable nu#ber"
)here previou$ A&alk$7 had taken five or $i> hour$, the final #ar!h took over eihteen" And &e
!arried nearly 58 pound$, all in" Heavier, harder, loner"
Everyone &a$ #entally and phy$i!ally $hattered" ;u$t &alkin to the $ho&er blo!k #ade your thih$
burn"
A$ darkne$$ fell, the orane $treet lihtin !rept throuh Seventie$ !urtain$ into the partly va!ated
dor#itory" I lay on top of #y $leepin ba pretendin to $leep, but runnin a !he!kli$t of all #y e'uip#ent,
&orryin about $pare $hoela!e$, food and the little I re#e#bered of the route" A blue fla$h $inalled a te>t
#e$$ae fro# a #ate in London" AHappy birthday bi boy"7 I7d forotten about that" I &a$ t&enty-nine"
Qin! o>ide tape &a$ all that &a$ holdin the &elt$ a!ro$$ #y ba!k toether, $o I left it on and
$trapped a ne& bat!h around #y ankle$ and feet" )e for#ed up to re!eive our final #ar!hin brief in an
at#o$phere of apprehen$ion" 9eople $tu#bled around u$in head tor!he$ and $#all po!ket liht$ to $eat
the#$elve$ on their beren$ in front of the four-tonner$"
The DS opened pro!eedin$ &ith a total ban on head tor!he$ and &alkin in pair$ or roup$" AIf &e
!at!h any of you &alkin hand in hand like Mary fu!kin 9oppin$, you7re binned"7
There &a$ li#ited o$$ip en route to the $tart point e>!ept for +art-#an, &ho &a$ bu@@in on a
po&erful !o!ktail of brufen, !odeine and !ouh #edi!ine" There &a$ no $toppin hi# no&"
)e arrived in the dark and $!aled our e'uip#ent" I knelt by the headliht$ of the four-tonner,
pounded $o#e painkiller$ and tihtened #y $hoela!e$ for the bi off, &ith the barrel of #y &eapon on #y
foot and the butt on the round"
A)ho$e (ucking at i$ that on the floor= )ho i$ that &ith their fu!kin &eapon on the floor=H7
My heart $ank" It &a$ no ti#e to arue the to$$" A+ollin$, $ir"7
AGo and et a Fu!kin :i *o!k and brin it here"7
I rabbed an F:*, had it authenti!ated &ith a nu#ber $o that it !ould be !he!ked at any one of the
!he!kpoint$ alon the entire #ar!h, and added thi$ vital pie!e of e'uip#ent to #y beren"
)ithin #inute$ of $tartin I &a$ $!alin a $lippery, #uddy $lope in total darkne$$" I drank all #y
&ater &ithin the fir$t half-hour" I had nothin left I patheti!" The enor#ity of the ta$k $uddenly over&hel#ed
#e" It $ee#ed I had found #y breakin point" I $topped"
:reathe" I i#ained hearin +art#an and Fla$h talkin rubbi$h, $inin the $tupid !hart-toppin
#ilk$hake $on, tellin #e to et the fu!k up" I #ade out a tiny pat!h of liht on #y i##ediate hori@on( the
peak of the fir$t hill" I broke the !re$t and felt a little better"
The fir$t !he!kpoint lay at the botto# of a $#all valley ne>t to a re$ervoir" It &a$ littered &ith uy$
$ittin on their beren$" I reali$ed the roup had ?a!ked it in"
Ne>t !a#e a oat tra!k that $naked it$ &ay up and around t&o iant #ountain$" There &a$ plenty of
trippin over loo$e $tone$ in the bla!kne$$ of the niht, but at lea$t ea!h trip &a$ a $tep in the riht dire!tion"
At the hihe$t point the tra!k &a$ bordered by a $heer drop" A fe& uy$ ahead pined on their head tor!he$
to $peed their prore$$ and I follo&ed $uit"
After a fe& #inute$ I looked behind #e" For over a kilo#etre, $i>ty or $o head tor!he$ bobbed the
lenth of the path" It &a$ a #anifi!ent $iht, like the fiery bea!on$ alon Hadrian7$ )all"
The uilty plea$ure of the head tor!h &a$ $hort-lived" Cn the &ay ba!k do&n the hill I #ade up $o#e
ood ti#e by runnin, but the further do&n the #ountain &e &ent, the #ore open the round be!a#e" It felt
e>po$ed"
I !a$hed in #y !hip$, $&it!hed off #y liht and $lo&ed to a fa$t &alk, on!e aain at the #er!y of the
broken round and babie$7 head$" So#e uy$ ahead !ra!ked on, liht$ abla@e"
I be!a#e a&are of $o#ethin #ovin fro# !over to #y left" There &a$ a ru$tlin $ound a$ bla!k
$hape$ $ped a!ro$$ the lon dry ra$$, follo&ed by $everal thud$ and the fa#iliar $ound of beren$
$la##in into the de!k" The liht$ &ent out" I never kne& &hat happened to the uy$ &earin the#"
Da&n !a#e and &ent" Le$ pu#ped endle$$ly throuh the day" The peak$ of the :ea!on$ National
9ark &ere &itherin" Dayliht brouht a fre$h per$pe!tive and e>tra enery" I ran alon the flat$ and !auht
up &ith Nin?a at a 'ueue for an *E point" So#e boy$ lay polea>ed on one $ide &hil$t fluid$ &ere pu#ped
intravenou$ly into their ar#$" A #ore hopeful lad $'uee@ed the $aline ba and ?oed on the $pot to $peed
the pro!e$$"
Nin?a &a$ hollo&-eyed, $hakin and !onfu$ed, borderin on hypother#i!" He &a$ tryin to et hi$
Gore-Te> on but !ouldn7t even pull the @ip, $o I $'uared hi# a&ay and &e plodded on"
Le$ pu#ped endle$$ly throuh the day" 9en B Fan, aain, &a$ &itherin" A$ du$k approa!hed
on!e #ore &e &alked do&n a tra!tor tra!k a!ro$$ an open field" I &a$ a @o#bie, rifle flailin at &ai$t heiht,
le$ on autopilot" There &a$ a ap in the hedero& ahead" A$ #y riht foot #ade !onta!t &ith the $olid
in!line of a tar#a! road #y fa!e turned left to&ard$ the hill, then I heard a $harp #etalli! th&a!k"
My beren pi!ked #e up and $pun #e throuh ,58 deree$ into the hede" I looked up to $ee the
ba!k of a $'uare-fra#ed $teel trailer, laden &ith !anoe$, &inin pa$t at a rate of knot$" The front of the
trailer #u$t have !auht the outer pou!h of #y beren"
I kept #onin alon, re#e#berin 9li$$ken7$ final &ord$( ABou don7t need to be $uperhu#an, lad$"
Bou7ll all #ake #i$take$, but you pu$h it to the end"7
)e had to !over ,8k# in four hour$ to #ake the !ut-off" More than enouh ti#e to !over the
di$tan!e in nor#al !ir!u#$tan!e$, but I kne& I &a$ lo$in the plot" Sto#a!h !ra#p$ ripped #e every /8
$e!ond$" My head &a$ poundin and #y le$ &ere $o $&ollen that every $tep #ade #y eye$ &ater" I
!ouldn7t eat anythin e>!ept ;elly :abie$, &hi!h &ere runnin out fa$t" Cne naviational error in the dark and
&e &ere done for"
A+o#e on, :enny, &e7ve got to do thi$,7 Nin?a ured"
To be $ure of rea!hin the end, it &a$ ti#e to $tart runnin" I !lo$ed #y eye$, deta!hed #y$elf fro#
reality and pounded up the in!line" I heard a voi!e in$ide a$ every $y$te# in #y body $poke &ith unani#ou$
!ertainty( ABou are oin to die"7
All the pain !ould o a&ay in a #illi$e!ond% all I had to do &a$ $top, rap, thro& a&ay the beren and
$leep" I &a$ boun!in off the li#it of #y phy$i!al enduran!e"
A lyri! by The Diller$ popped into #y head and offered t&i$ted $ola!e( AS#ile like you #ean it"7 I
$houted the &ord$ like a lunati! &ith ea!h breath" )e finally !re$ted a ri$e, !ontoured a &ood and
de$!ended the ankle-$#a$hin $hinle of a dried riverbed" It &a$ the harde$t hour and a half of #y life"
Moonliht boun!ed off the &ater of a re$ervoir ahead" The end &a$ nih and !arried it$ o&n
de#on$" *eali$in &e &ould #ake it, #y brain $inalled it$ helpful endorphin$ to $&it!h off" A$ far a$ the
rey #atter &a$ !on!erned, the $erotonin and dopa#ine had done their ?ob" My le$ returned to pillar$ of
fire, the pit of #y $to#a!h tihtened and ravity doubled"
I told Nin?a to et lo$t" )e !ouldn7t fini$h a$ a pair any&ay, and I didn7t &ant to hold hi# up" I
$taered the re$t of the &ay, $toppin for every third $to#a!h !ra#p and dry ret!hin the other$ on the
#ove"
A olden head tor!h fli!kered in the di$tan!e" Eoi!e$ F An unforet-table $en$e of euphoria re&
in$ide #e and #ade the pain irrelevant"
It &a$ a!utely per$onal" No !ar had !arried #e to thi$ pla!e, nor had lu!k" The trainin offi!er took
#y na#e and nu#ber at the final !he!kpoint" No one a$ked to !he!k #y Fu!kin :i *o!k"
I $lu#ped on #y beren in a $hit $tate" Cne of the DS$ handed #e a bre& &ith $o#e Aairborne
$#artie$7 to kill the pain" It &a$ the be$t tea I had ever ta$ted, follo&ed later by the be$t $ho&er in the &orld
and the kind of $leep that #oney !an7t buy" I never felt $o alive"
)e lo$t $o#e $tron uy$ durin the final e>er!i$e" Cne had even fallen off a !liff, but #anaed to
$taer into the ne>t !he!kpoint, &here he &a$ &ithdra&n by the DS" Havin pa$$ed one of the touhe$t
#ilitary re!ruit#ent trainin !our$e$ in the &orld, the re$t of u$ #iht have been foriven for e>pe!tin $o#e
re$pite oin into the !ontinuation pha$e of our trainin, the $kill$-at-ar#$ for $oldierin in $#all tiht-knit
patrol$"
Cur ne& trainin $taff introdu!ed u$ to a )el$h !ybor by the na#e of ;one$, a #ultiple Iron Man
!ha#pion and uber-athlete" He had $unken eye$ and the phy$i'ue of a half-$tarved !ae fihter" Alon$ide
hi# &a$ a $ta!ked Geordie of an Afri!an per$ua$ion on $e!ond#ent fro# the *eular Ar#y, there to i#part
the &i$do# ained throuh hi$ e>ten$ive and di$tinui$hed $ervi!e" Geordie had en!y!lopaedi! tattoo$
$!ra&led a!ro$$ hi$ $i@eable bi!ep$ and a penetratin lare that I tried hard to avoid"
Cur ne& &ebbin, or fihtin order, &a$ far #ore advan!ed than the old belt kit$, !ontainin
nu#erou$ pou!he$ for !arryin a##unition and $urvival e'uip#ent, but the tru$ty beren lived on" )hen &e
&ere ordered to drop beren$ and prepare to #ove I thouht &e7d arrived at :utlin$"
ABou haven7t #et Den yet, have you=7 en'uired a bi +anadian bear &ho had ?oined our !our$e"
ANo, &ho7$ Den=7
A+an you hear that noi$e=7 a$ked :ear" ANo"7
AExactly" He ha$n7t arrived yet" Bou7ll kno& it &hen he doe$"7
A*iht, $top yappin7,7 ;one$ #u#bled" Then he ran off up a #etalli! road"
;one$ ran the le$ off u$, le$ that $till re#e#bered bein redu!ed to ?elly on that lon final #ar!h
a!ro$$ the hill$" Then the DS dined out on our la!k of perfor#an!e, our un&orthine$$ and $o on" A raft of
ne& and unplea$ant phy$i!al e>er!i$e$ &ould !ure our ill$" About t&enty-five of u$ #oved into a field and
bean doin fire#an7$ lift$, $it-up$, ?u#p$, #onkey !ra&l$, endle$$ pre$$-up$, burpee$, run, do&n, up, run,
do&n, up"
A danerou$ lookin #an appeared throuh a turn$tile and $trode to&ard$ u$ &ith !len!hed fi$t$ like
he &anted to ki!k $o#eone7$ head in" He &a$ hairle$$, in hi$ #id fortie$, &earin the di$!o ?unle pattern
unifor# popular &ith 9aratrooper$" At thi$ point I &a$ !linin on to Fla$h7$ le$ &hil$t he pedalled hi$ ar#$
a!ro$$ the round for the final le of a &heelbarro& ra!e" )e !ollap$ed in an undinified heap a fe& #etre$
$hort, then !ro$$ed the line fir$t and heaved in the o>yen"
AFa!kin7 li$ten in, fella$,7 the 9ara bean"
So#eone !hoked on their puke and 9ara7$ ne!k $tret!hed like a #eerkat in $ear!h of the !ulprit"
AFa!kin7 pa!k it in &hen I7# talkin, yeah= Bou lot better $tart (ackin s#arking, riht" So#e of you are
treadin &ater" )ell, your fa!kin7 fa!e$ don7t fit F7 and $o forth"
Thi$, I pre$u#ed, &a$ Den" )e #oved alon to an inno!ent lookin ba$in &ith a $hort $harp ri$e to a
tree-lined hedero&" At the foot &a$ a pile of $andba$ that needed $huttle $printin to the top" After the
third one, it &a$ hard to look like you &ere tryin &hen the ra$$ &a$ ro&in fa$ter than you &ere #ovin"
:y the $i>th, you &ere utterly bollo!k$ed" ;ohnny fell out &ith !he$t pain$" That #ade hi# a #arked #an in
Den7$ book"
Eventually our bodie$ !ould take no #ore" )e &ere told &e had a lon &ay to o to be fit enouh to
handle the rane$% firin and #anoeuvrin at pa!e in tiht for#ation$, firin live round$" Bou7ve ue$$ed it( if
&e !ouldn7t handle it, &e &ere out"
There &a$ $o #u!h infor#ation to take in( #edi!al trainin, ta!ti!$ and, above all, !onta!t drill$ for
killin the ene#y" )e learned patrollin $kill$ and $pent all niht puttin the# into pra!ti!e" Then !a#e the
a$$ault !our$e"
ASpeed, are$$ion and $afety7 &a$ Den7$ by&ord, thouh he never !on!erned hi#$elf #u!h &ith
the third ite# e>!ept on the rane$" )e &alked part$ of the !our$e and learnt the be$t &ay to handle the
ob$ta!le$, before bein taken to a $e!tion &e hadn7t yet $een" I re$ined #y$elf to the fa!t that #y body no
loner beloned to #e and &ar#ed up &ith the boy$ behind a $hed" ;one$ took u$ to the $tartin point one
at a ti#e"
I turned the !orner, put on #y reen hel#et and lined up /8 #etre$ a&ay fro# a &all &ith a &indo&
four feet above the round" The little in!line before the &indo& prevented any indi!ation of &hat lay beyond"
Den &a$ eaerly lookin on" ANo& don7t fa!k about, +olin"7
;one$ leered at #e and tapped #y $houlder" AGo"7
I $printed at the &indo& and dived throuh head fir$t" There &a$ a $i@eable drop, a rattle of body
part$ and a for&ard roll" Ne>t !a#e the !aro net" Another leap !leared the fir$t eiht feet of it a$ I pun!hed
#y ar# throuh and hooked in at the $houlder, !li#bed up and flipped over the top" Thi$ plea$ed Den, &ho
?oed alon$ide"
The ne>t $print &a$ le$$ fluid" Thi$ up$et Den"
More !li#bin, ?u#pin, $&inin and runnin led to a bri!k &all" A+olin, et up that fa!kin7 &all"7
I ran in, du #y foot into the #ortar line and hopped up, ettin a hand on to the top" A bi pull, then
the other ar#, and over to the fini$h"
The ne>t !our$e &a$ a tea# event and un$ihted" I hooked up &ith the :ear, ;ohnny and a lad fro#
another !o#pany" )e atta!ked the !our$e and it$ fe$terin &ater ob$ta!le$ before approa!hin the #onkey
bar$, &here Geordie &a$ lurkin &ith a #i$!hievou$ $#irk" It &a$n7t lon before &e found out &hy" )hen &e
&ere half&ay a!ro$$ the bar$, he &hipped out a hih-pre$$ure ho$e and artfully $&it!hed hi$ fire bet&een
our eye$, ball$ and finertip$"
)e had a proble# &ith our heavy :ear, &ho $pent #ore ti#e $&i##in the laoon than on the bar$
overhead" I &ent ba!k for hi# &ith ;ohnny and &e $hoved hi# on top of the bar$, &here Geordie !ouldn7t
$'uirt hi# off"
AAh, that7$ 'ui!k thinkin7 there, fella$"7
)e $printed to the final ob$ta!le" I vaulted up the hih &all &ith ;ohnny, but &e $truled to dra
:ear over, $o I !li#bed ba!k do&n and $hoved hi# over the top &ith hi$ boot in #y #outh" I &a$ &ren!hed
over a$ the la$t #an, fallin in a heap on the other $ide, &here everybody el$e &a$ already &aitin"
I lifted #y $aturated hel#et fro# over #y eye$, ot to #y feet and !ollided &ith the trainin offi!er"
AS&it!h on, +ollin$" Bou need to &ork on your phy$"7
3n 5((icer and a $entleman it &a$n7t F
I loved the Ar#y" It had be!o#e the only !on$tant in #y !areer" :a!k at A&ork7 I had to try and
!apitali$e on #y !ha#pion$hip title and et a NAS+A* drive" )hen I &a$n7t trainin &ith the boy$ in reen, I
&a$ ba!k on the phone $ellin #y $oul to the #arketin and adverti$in enii of Madi$on and Eine" I al$o
had to earn $o#e #oney and pit!hed endle$$ idea$ to To# $ear)
)innin the Te>a!o Trophy had opened the door &ith their <D #arketin aent" Given that Te>a!o
al$o $pon$ored a !ar in NAS+A*7$ top !ateory, it &a$ a link &orth forin" I $tru!k a deal to drive for the#
in the <D, &ith the provi$o that I &ould !o#pete in a NAS+A* $upport ra!e at +harlotte at the end of the
$ea$on"
I ?oined a ne& tea# &ith a tiny operatin budet" A$ returnin !ha#pion I had it all to lo$e" :ut I $till
had a lot to learn about NAS+A* ra!in, $o I fiured it &a$ a ri$k &orth takin"
The tea# !olle!ted our !ar fro# a pool of $pare$ held by the $erie$ orani$ation and put it toether"
Then &e $et about te$tin, and #y fir$t lap$ in it !onfir#ed #y &or$t fear$" The ba!k end $hook around a$
a&k&ardly a$ a ;ohn Sereant #a#bo on Strictly Come 2ancing" I !ouldn7t et any&here near #y o&n pa!e
fro# the previou$ $ea$on and &e ran out of ad?u$t#ent on the !ar tryin to fi> it"
The fir$t &eekend &a$ an e>er!i$e in #edio!rity" )e !ro$$ed the line in fifth and $i>th po$ition$" I
#et &ith one of the $erie$ orani$er$ in hi$ ivory to&er at *o!kinha# and pleaded our !a$e" Cur !ar &a$
in!apable of &innin% &e needed to e>!hane it"
ABou are the last per$on &e &ould &ant &innin the $erie$ aain,7 he e>plained a$ he ro!ked ba!k
on hi$ leather !hair" AThat7$ half the proble# &ith For#ula , the$e day$, riht, it7$ bloody borin &at!hin the
$a#e per$on &innin aain and aain"7
I kne& it" Thi$ &a$ all S!hu#a!her7$ fault"
A)ell, I a$$u#e that you &ant Te>a!o to $tay in the $erie$=7 I bluffed" A:a$i!ally if &e !an7t have
another !ar, I7# pullin out" And $o &ill they"7
I had no authority to $ay that, but it paid off" )e &ere ranted a ne& !ar for the ne>t ra!e a fe&
#onth$ later, one that !ould a!tually turn left" In the #eanti#e the $oldierin bu$ine$$ be!a#e a full-ti#e
preo!!upation"
After #onth$ of inten$ive trainin our a$$ault rifle$ be!a#e e>ten$ion$ of our bodie$" +onta!t drill$,
our i##ediate re$pon$e to ene#y fire, &ere honed fro# hundred$ of rehear$al$ of !horeoraphed #ove$
de$ined to infli!t #a>i#u# da#ae on the ene#y"
)e !rept a!ro$$ the va$t open plain$ of the firin rane on the tip$ of our toe$, rifle in the $houlder"
Every $en$e &a$ ?a!ked% &e !ould al#o$t $#ell the taret$ before they appeared" The river to our left offered
potential !over, a$ did the ri$in valley to the riht"
The li##er of a taret I the &eapon fired and the taret dropped"
AContact (ront)
Cur tiny roup dealt out a #urderou$ rate of fire" Live round$ pier!ed the air a$ &e &ove pa$t one
other, takin !ontrol of the round" Fire and #anoeuvre, all under the &at!hful eye$ of our in$tru!tor$, &ho
&ere ?udin our perfor#an!e$"
A:a$eline, break left,7 Nin?a $houted"
I lobbed a $#oke renade and &e hurtled into the !onfine$ of the river one by one, pepper-pottin
alon it, firin all the &ay" Sprint, do&n, fire, up, $print, do&n, fire% lead turned into bra$$"
:urnin le$ pu#ped throuh the river to&ard$ #y buddie$ a$ &e broke a&ay fro# !onta!t" )e
&ere $o !lo$e &e &ere firin pa$t ea!h other7$ $houlder$" I noti!ed a fla$h and heard an unu$ual noi$e, the
hi$$ of a !lo$e round" Tread !arefully"
Maa@ine !hane$ be!a#e a bodily fun!tion" Bou felt the &eapon lihten, anti!ipatin the !li!k at
the end of the #aa@ine, divin into !over, auto#ati!ally $lappin ho#e the ne>t #aa@ine, relea$in the
&orkin part$, re-enain I %ang" )e &ere totally tuned in"
My round$ ri!o!heted off another taret .88 #etre$ a&ay, but it $till &ouldn7t fall" Den poun!ed on
#y $houlder" AFa!k7$ $ake, hit that fa!kin7 taretH7
I rounded on hi#" AIt7$ fu!kin broken, StaffH7
I $&it!hed to another and blatted it do&n"
All #ornin &e leapt over ob$ta!le$, rolled throuh firin po$ition$ and $printed fro# one ob?e!tive to
the ne>t" )e bo#bed up for the ne>t a$$ault, e$tabli$hed $e!urity and analy$ed the $ituation" S&eat poured
and hand$ $hook fro# the adrenalin and the hih la!tate !on!entration$ in our #u$!le$" Den &a$ lookin for
the $#alle$t error"
AFa!kin7 $&it!h on" Thi$ i$ &hen &e7re lookin at you, &hen you7re (acked" *iht" Fa!kin7 !lo$e in,
lad$"7
)e huddled around Den" Cur $tea#in breath ro$e fro# the !ir!le like a halo" He $tared intently at
ea!h of u$, one by one" I took a $lu fro# #y &ater bottle and ha!ked at the phle# in #y throat"
Den &a$ the devil to #o$t of u$ but I ad#ired hi$ perfe!tioni$#, and not ?u$t the ability to $&ear
$everal ti#e$ in every $enten!e" Hi$ relentle$$ abu$e &a$ ti#ele$$, &hether it &a$ lun!hti#e and $o#eone
&a$n7t loadin round$ into a #aa@ine fa$t enouh, or /a# and $o#eone &a$n7t in e>a!tly the $pot &here
they &ere $uppo$ed to be for an a#bu$h" He !ared, I $u$pe!ted, be!au$e he had &itne$$ed the
!on$e'uen!e$ of ettin it &ron"
AThe ne>t ob?e!tive i$ in that fa!kin7 &ood up there" Bou fiht throuh that po$ition, yeah" Fa!kin7
&hatever it take$, lad$" In 9ara *e, riht, &e fi> fa!kin7 bayonet$"7
)e advan!ed to !onta!t in $e!tion$, lo$in $iht of the far riht flank behind the tree line a$ &e
!leared the open round"
There &a$ a !re$!endo of loud ban$"
A+CNTA+T F*CNT F7
ABou, you, you and BC< I you7re fa!kin7 DEAD"7
<nlike the real thin, bein Akilled7 on the rane &a$n7t all bad" I !he!ked #y $afety and hit the de!k"
;ohnny and :ernie $tarted haulin #e to&ard$ !over" The effort &a$ !arved a!ro$$ their fa!e$"
ABou t&o, pi!k up hi$ fa!kin7 beren"7
ABou7re ?okin,7 :ernie #oaned, addin the drain &eiht of #y pa!k to #y !ar!a$$" Cut of $iht of
the DS I ki!ked #y le$ a$ #u!h a$ I !ould to help propel #y &eiht"
They dropped #e and laid do&n #ore fire" 9eople &ere openin up at the tree line fro# all $ide$" I
leaned over to #y riht to et a better vie& of the advan!e a$ the roup neare$t #e $&it!hed fire and the
flankin $e!tion took the po$ition" A $earin hot pain entered #y ar#pit, then &riled 'ui!kly do&n #y
rib!ae to the $#all of #y ba!k"
:ein a hypo!hondria!, I thru$t #y hand in$ide #y body ar#our to !he!k for blood and 'ui!kly
reali$ed I hadn7t been $hot" After plenty of diin, I re#oved a pair of hot, fle$h-$tained $hell !a$e$ that had
fallen fro# :ernie7$ rifle" I looked ba!k up to $ee Geordie and ;one$ lauhin their a$$e$ off at #e"
ASTC9"7
Geordie athered u$ round"
ASo &hat have &e learnt fro# thi$ e>er!i$e, lad$=7
AShould7ve ?oined the Air +orp$,7 +art#an $aid, !at!hin hi$ breath"
ADon7t et $hot, $i#ple a$ that" Cther&i$e you7re all fookared" *iht, !olle!t the bra$$, pa!k up and
Fo>trot C$!ar"7
)e ab$orbed volu#e$ of infor#ation on a$$ault te!hni'ue$, $ituational a&arene$$, ob$ervation
$kill$, re!onnai$$an!e, patrollin, $inal$, !lo$e-'uarter !o#bat, field!raft, routine$, tea#&ork" It paid to
li$ten and learn" Bou !ould be put on the $pot at any #o#ent"
A+ollin$, ;ohnny, you7re &ith #e in the un roup" The re$t of you lad$, et fa!kin7 bo#bed up for the
a$$ault"7
I took the General 9urpo$e Ma!hineun, ;ohnny took the Mini#i" I !arried enouh belt$ of
a##unition around #y ne!k to fil# the entire 4amo $erie$" )e #ade a ta!ti!al approa!h to the fire $upport
po$ition overlookin the area &here our brother$ &ould be a$$aultin a rane of bunker$ and taret$"
ATa!ti!al7 #eant the hard &ay, the $teep &ay, avoidin open round and #aintainin !over, drain
our$elve$ and our kit a!ro$$ ro!k$ and fallen tree$" Den &alked alon$ide and di$hed out hi$ u$ual brand of
en!ourae#ent"
The Gi#py !ould di$h out up to a thou$and 4"3.-!alibre round$ every #inute, and Den &anted
Ar#aeddon" That #eant $&it!hin barrel$ reularly to prevent the# overheatin and I ran the drill in #y
head" So#eti#e$ the barrel &ould et $o hot that it lo&ed red and the pa$$in round$ &ere vi$ible fro# the
out$ide"
Lyin flat on #y belly in the firin po$ition, I $et out #y $tall &ith $pare barrel, oil and a##o" )ith the
butt of the un pre$$ed into #y $houlder, I flipped open the top !over and $pla$hed oil over the &orkin part$
like a drunk pi$$in over hi$ $hoe$" I loaded a $erpentine belt of live round$ #i>ed &ith ball and tra!er,
$lapped do&n the !over, ra!ked the !o!kin handle to #ake ready, !li!ked on the $afety and $ihted for 088
#etre$"
In $e!ond$, the boy$ &ould $&eep into vie& fro# the left of #y ar! of fire" My ?ob &a$ to $uppre$$ a$
#any taret$ ahead of the# a$ po$$ible" 9oli!in the e>er!i$e &a$ ?u$t a$ inten$e for Den a$ for u$ on the
trier$"
I $tared do&n the iron $iht$ &ith both eye$ open to take in the periphery, $!annin for a taret,
&at!hin for the a$$ault roup" A ?a##ed round or a belt !hane had to be dealt &ith a$ fa$t a$ po$$ible to
#aintain the rate of fire and $upport the atta!k" Everythin &a$ prepared" Shit" Apart fro# #y earplu$ F
Movement, an oscured -hite o0ect that -asnt there e(ore F
AStaff, taret at 088 #etre$, !entre of ar! behind the bu$h, !an I enae=7
A+ra!k on"7
I fli!ked off the $afety and ave a $hort bur$t to aue the fall of the round$" ;ohnny follo&ed $uit"
The !ra!kle of fire $la$hed at &hat &a$ left of #y eardru#$" The bu$h e>ploded a$ the tra!er thudded into
the bank ?u$t $hort of the taret" I rai$ed the barrel a hair, $'uee@ed and the ne>t bur$t tore throuh the
taret"
Firin in bur$t$ didn7t look a$ !ool a$ the *a#bo #ethod( $tripped to the &ai$t and fre$hly lubed,
le$ apart, un under one ar#, ho$in an infinite belt of round$ a!ro$$ the entire battlefield" The up$ide of
$trokin the trier &a$ the a!!ura!y, &hi!h the A$pray and pray7 #ethod rarely a!hieved"
S#oke drifted a!ro$$ the area, $inallin the arrival of the rifle roup" AGet the fa!kin7 round$ do&nH7
Den !hanted"
)e poured fire into the for&ard po$ition$ at an in!rea$in te#po a$ they #oved to&ard$ the#" I
!ould #ake out :ernie and Fla$h da$hin for&ard and droppin, $inallin and firin"
Cur fire inten$ified, de!i#atin the po$ition" The boy$ !lo$ed in, #etre$ a&ay fro# the fallin $hot$,
then ?u$t feet" If I ai#ed a 'uarter in!h to the left the fire &ould $plit :ernie7$ head open like a !antaloupe" I
ripped the &eapon &ith all #y $trenth, a$ if $o#e i#ainary for!e #iht dra& the barrel to&ard$ hi#"
Den left it to the la$t #o#ent" AG<N G*C<9, $&it!h fire to the riht I bunker, 028 #etre$, rapid
1I4E"7
I $&ivelled the Gi#py on it$ tripod until the $iht #et the taret" :LA9, :LA9, !li!k"
Den &a$ on #e" A+lear that $toppaeH7
I !ra!ked the top !over and ra!ked the &orkin part$, &hi!h ?a##ed in prote$t" I pulled on the lever
&ith all #y $trenth" ,ot no-, you astard,o#en F
The bolt &hipped ba!k, I peeled off the belt and !leared the $#oulderin link ob$tru!tin the feed,
$lapped on a fre$h belt F ra!k, enae F
The un !he&ed throuh the belt like !onfetti% taret$ ro$e and fell" I #u$t have one throuh at
lea$t /28 round$"
A:A**EL +HANGE,7 I $houted, puttin ;ohnny on noti!e to hold the fort" I fired throuh the belt and
$prun into a!tion, di$loded the $#okin barrel, atta!hed the fre$h one and !arried on" The rifle roup
!lo$ed in aain" Grenadier$ took out the bunker a$ &e &ent !y!li! on the un$ and ble& it to $#ithereen$"
The boy$ !leared throuh the final po$ition and took off up a re-entrant, a $#all !uttin that !overed
their #ove#ent" It &a$ our turn to run"
Cur !harred finer$ athered up all the bit$ and bob$" Den ru$hed u$ alon, pilin on the pre$$ure"
$un over the shoulder, start running) The burnin fir$t a$p$ of air ru$hed throuh the ba!k$ of our throat$"
:y the ti#e &e rea!hed the bloke$, ;ohnny &a$ &addlin like a prenant du!k" In bet&een bur$t$ of fire at
an i#ainary ene#y, I !radled the Gi#py like a ne&born baby, &ith ar#$ ?a!ked too full of la!ti! a!id for #y
hand$ to hold it"
Geordie bea$ted u$ throuh fire po$ition$ all the &ay up the re-entrant" Everyone &a$ ball-baed" It
felt like havin ben!h pre$$ed one too #any and not even bein able to et the bar ba!k into the ra!k" Do
you !ry for help, or ?u$t $lo& do&n a little=
AI7# onna $tart FA+DIN7 9<N+HING +<NTS" Fa!kin7 M5557E,7 Den $!ree!hed"
A nat7$ fart !ould have blo&n #e over"
AStop"7
I 'uietly puked $o#e baked bean$"
A)ell done, lad$,7 Geordie $aid" ASo#eti#e$ a breaka&ay like that oe$ on for hour$" Bou $top
pu$hin7 and you die, it7$ that $i#ple" Have a ten-#inute break, $ort yer $hit out, everyone ready to leave in
five #inute$"7
)e tabbed into the niht and returned to our ba$e in the &ood$" AStain on7 &a$ never a popular
part of field routine and involved fihtin to $tay !on$!iou$ durin the $#all hour$ to provide $e!urity for the
patrol, &hil$t every fibre of your bein beed for $leep" Sleep deprivation, the $tre$$ of !on$tant evaluation,
!old, huner and arduou$ e>er!i$e #ade your eye$ &elt"
My head barely had ti#e to $ink into #y onk ba before I &a$ thu#ped in the rib$ by the $entry I
&a$ repla!in" )ild hor$e$ &ouldn7t dra #e out of bed at ho#e &hen I &a$ feelin thi$ tired"
My fa!e $!re&ed up like a &alnut" I double-!he!ked there &a$ a round in #y &eapon, peeled off the
&ar# ba and re-atta!hed #y &ebbin" I $lipped on #y !old &et boot$ and $tood like an old #an" My $#o!k
&a$ ne>t to o on% the $&eat fro# the day had had ?u$t enouh ti#e to free@e" I #oved 'uietly and !arefully
throuh the ?unle of para !ord, !a#p paraphernalia and prone bodie$"
I found Nin?a drooped over hi$ rifle, barely a&ake" I had to #ake $ure &e both re#ained alert until he
&a$ relieved" )e $!anned !on$tantly for the Aene#y7, but the only real fiht on offer &a$ &ith our eyelid$"
The only &ay to $tay a&ake &a$ to have deep and #eaninful !onver$ation$ that &ould in$pire
enouh !erebral a!tivity to $tay !on$!iou$"
A;elly baby,7 Nin?a runted"
AI7# out,7 I replied"
I pu$hed a rubby hand into #y $#o!k po!ket and !arefully e>tra!ted a paper pa!ket" I tipped half
the !offee po&der on to #y tonue before pa$$in the re$t to hi#"
The $tillne$$ of niht &ent unbroken for t&enty #inute$" Nothin pul$ed in the reen lo& of our
ther#al i#aer" Skeletal bran!he$ broke up the lo& #oonlit $ky like !ra!k$ in a pane of la$$"
So#ethin !auht #y attention to our riht" Cne, then t&o dark fiure$ loo#ed into vie& .88 #etre$
a&ay, at the ede of our line of $iht"
I ki!ked Nin?a and $inalled that &e had !o#pany" A$ they !a#e !lo$er &e !ould $ee #ore #en
trudin in line, fifteen at lea$t" It &a$ probably be$t to let the# &alk by, but &hat if it &a$ a te$t by the DS to
$ee if &e &ere a&ake= The leadin #en pined on their head tor!he$ and that !lin!hed it"
I took up a firin po$ition and, a$ the leader rea!hed u$, Nin?a nodded and !hallened the#" AHalt"
Advan!e one and be re!oni$ed"7
I took a $tep for&ard fro# the tree$ and ai#ed at the point #an7$ fa!e" He fro@e a$ hi$ tor!h bea#
told hi# the ood ne&$" It took a fe& $e!ond$ for hi# to !lo!k the 08## renade laun!her $lun underneath
the barrel of a forein rifle" <nlike hi$ SA58, our$ &ere not fitted &ith adapter$ for firin blank$"
AIdentify your$elfH7
9oint #an7$ feet left the round a$ he perfor#ed a ?u#pin ?a!k, thru$tin hi$ ar#$ into the !ru!ifi>
po$ition, le$ aki#bo" ,ot the DS then"
He didn7t kno& our pa$$&ord and bean de$perately pleadin for $o#eone !alled Stu to help hi#" In
a real battle, the$e &ould have been hi$ la$t &ord$" Lieutenant Stu duly appeared and &e de!ided to let hi$
platoon of *oyal Marine$ o thi$ ti#e"
+hapter ,3
9a$$ or Fail
The Ar#y had a &ay of #akin you feel invin!ible" So I de!ided to run the London Marathon"
The !heerin !ro&d and the folk$ &earin the daft hat$ &ith pointed ear$ for the )hi@@ Did@ !harity I
&a$ runnin for #ade the &hole e>perien!e unforettable" )ith 2 kilo#etre$ to o, I &a$ handed a Lu!o@ade
by a bi hero of #ine, ;onny )ilkin$on" <nder different !ir!u#$tan!e$ &e #iht have had #ore than t&o
&ord$ to $ay to ea!h other, but it &a$ an honour ?u$t bein alon$ide the )orld +up ruby leend"
The lia#ent in #y knee &a$ le$$ i#pre$$ed &ith the &hole perfor#an!e" :a!k on the #ilitary
rane$ I had to $print &ith a li#p" Cn the &eekend before the la$t hurdle of battle !a#p, the referred $train
finally tore #y A!hille$ tendon" The Ar#y #edi! thouht it #iht rupture and &a$ threatenin to &ithdra& #e
fro# the !our$e &hen Geordie &aded into the t&at &aon" ALet7$ not be too ha$ty &ith the pronooo$i$,
do!ta"7 They areed to keep an eye on #e, but if thin$ ot &or$e, it &a$ a#e over"
There &a$ better ne&$ at To# $ear( I &a$ brouht ba!k for a $e!ond $erie$" The $e!ond ue$t &a$
9aul M!Denna, the !elebrity hypnoti$t and #ind-bendin &i@ard"
9aul7$ $#ooth baritone voi!e radiated the !al# and !ontrol of a refle!tive #ind" Hi$ eyebro&$
!onvered around hi$ no$e like a ha&k a$ he li$tened to #e e>plainin the la&$ of $peed" I i#ained that
9aul, bein a lobally reno&ned e>pert in #ind #anae#ent, &ould ?u$t hypnoti$e the !ar into runnin
$#oothly around the !ir!uit" He took a rather different approa!h"
Fro# the #o#ent &e $&apped $eat$ and M!Denna put hi$ foot do&n, it &a$ like &at!hin Mr Hyde
$tranlin !har#in Dr ;ekyll" M!Denna7$ fa!ial e>pre$$ion$ behind the &heel !ould in$pire eneration$ of
9i!a$$o i#pre$$ioni$t$"
Fi$t$ of iron !len!hed the &heel &ith $u!h for!e that the blood drained fro# hi$ knu!kle$" Every ear
!hane &a$ like a death-blo&" The fa$ter he !ornered the #ore hi$ fa!e !ontorted &ith rae" )hen hi$
#outh aped open and hi$ tonue $tarted la$hin hi$ ivorie$, I bean &onderin if I had #i$$ed the iant
S!orpion at Ha##erhead" 9aul &a$ in a dark pla!e"
I felt thorouhly unprofe$$ional &hen he !auht #e lauhin, but I e>plained that he needed to rela>
to drive fa$t" I !oa>ed 9aul to&ard$ takin a entler handle on the !ontrol$ and he po$ted a very re$pe!table
ti#e"
He later hypnoti$ed Ha##ond into believin he &a$ a baked potato that had forotten ho& to drive,
$o I fiured hi$ #ind #ai! #iht e>tend to fi>in #y A!hille$" He kindly re!o##ended a healer in North
London" I7d #a>ed out on !onventional #edi!ine and therapeuti! ultra$ound, $o happily $teered #y$elf in the
dire!tion of the &it!h do!tor"
Apart fro# the o!!a$ional bla$t &ithT$, #y &hole life had be!o#e !entred on pa$$in the Ar#y
!our$e, &hatever it took" I prepared all #y e'uip#ent for the final e>er!i$e and $trea#lined #y &ebbin &ith
fre$h bunee !ord that #ade it lihter, tihter and very Gu!!i darlin" I loaded e$$ential !ondi#ent$ $u!h a$
Taba$!o and olive oil to tran$for# #y Arat pa!k$7 into the kind of pukka ta$te $en$ation$ that &ould #ake
;a#ie Cliver drool"
La$tly, Dr +ollin$7$ $urery &a$ $to!ked &ith eiht pa!k$ of $yntheti! i!e to $oothe #y !reakin
A!hille$ tendon bet&een bea$tin$, enouh o>ide tape to #u##ify a iraffe, and elephantine do$e$ of anti-
infla##atorie$" For all the bravado, I &a$ !rappin #y$elf about the pro$pe!t of failure" It &ould only take
one #i$pla!ed $tep on a !old #ornin to put #e out of a!tion"
* * *
)ith #y kit $'uared a&ay I &a$ ready for &ar, but before that I had to o and !o#pete at
*o!kinha#" I $&it!hed #y head into ra!in #ode" The tea# had been &orkin around the !lo!k to put the
ne& !ar toether" A$ I !li#bed in for the fir$t ti#e, Graha#, the tea# #anaer, $tood in front &ith hi$
head!an$ on, ar#$ folded" Graha# &a$ a rafter" Hi$ nor#ally entle fa!e &a$ taut and un$#ilin"
A*adio !he!k"7
AGood, yeah,7 Graha# replied"
ADon7t &orry, if it drive$ half a$ ood a$ it look$ they &on7t $tand a !han!e"7
I ot the i#pre$$ion he didn7t ne!e$$arily aree"
I took her out for a $pin and felt the rip hook the !ha$$i$ into the tra!k aain" )e &ere ba!k in
bu$ine$$"
I 'ualified on pole and &e blit@ed the fir$t ra!e of the day" Graha# per$onally &orked one of the
pneu#ati! &heel un$ to uarantee a lihtnin pit $top% the $park$ fle& off the $pinnin #etal and he kept
#e in front of the pa!k until &e !ro$$ed the line" He &a$ $o e!$tati! &hen I !a#e into the pit$ that he thre&
hi$ radio on the floor and pi!ked #e up off the round and rinned the &inner7$ $#ile" It put u$ on pole for
the $e!ond round later that afternoon and I planned on repeatin the re$ult"
I led the field into the rollin $tart and &ove and $la##ed the throttle to et a$ #u!h heat into the
tyre$ a$ po$$ible" A$ &e approa!hed the ba!k $traiht I lined up to $&eep throuh the final !orner and
allo&ed the other !ar$ to for# around #e" +olin )hite7$ briht reen #a!hine pulled $o !lo$e &e nearly
!ollided" A e$ture of intent"
I $ped up and found #y enine7$ $&eet $pot in $e!ond ear a$ &e approa!hed the $tart, and the
in$tant the fla t&it!hed I buried the lon throttle pedal" A$ &e hurtled to&ard$ Turn Cne I narro&ly held the
advantae, !o##itted #y entry $peed and opened a tiny ap" +olin held !lo$e in$ide"
I kept enouh #arin to be able to take a ra!in line throuh T&o, &ith +olin dartin in$ide in a futile
hara$$in #ove, but #y tyre$ ?u$t &eren7t rippin enouh to $hake hi# loo$e" The la$t thin I &anted &a$
to !on!ede the lead and et e#broiled in a dofiht"
I for!ed the throttle &ide open throuh Three and $kidded to&ard$ the e>it &all" +olin had a run on
#e" The ba!k $traiht &a$ four lane$ &ide and I &a$ in lane four on the riht-hand $ide" To have the lead
oin into the final !orner, I had to et left a!ro$$ the tra!k into lane one" So did +olin"
A$ I !overed a!ro$$ the tra!k the reen !ar &ent &ith #e, then he pulled to&ard$ #y in$ide"
A!!ordin to the rule$ I !ould blo!k hi$ #ove on!e, and only &hen he &a$ fully behind" :y the ti#e I rea!hed
lane t&o, the reen !ar &a$ alon$ide #y rear bu#per in lane one" I had ra!ed hi# hard% no& I had to be fair
and ive hi# roo#" I $topped !overin and let hi# pull alon$ide a$ &e &ound up to ,42#ph"
An al#ihty for!e ro!ked throuh the !abin a$ I &a$ flun around into a $pin" I in$tin!tively ?a##ed
the brake$, took in a half breath and &aited" A$ the !ar $ped ba!k&ard$ it felt like I &a$ fallin" I $tared
throuh the &ind$!reen at the pa!k of pur$uer$ $lo&ly blurrin around #e" S#oke blo$$o#ed fro# #y tyre$
a$ the top$ide #elted a&ay and the !anva$ $hredded and pun!tured" The &all ru$hed up behind #e"
There &a$ a #o#ent of pea!e, then the !on!rete intervened" I $houted the air fro# #y lun$ on
i#pa!t" My head ri!o!heted off the re$traint$ and #y knee$ &alloped the $teerin !olu#n, then the !ha$$i$
fra#e"
9ain flooded #y body and briht $pot$ of liht burnt into #y retina$, but I kne& I &a$ all riht" In fa!t,
I &a$ livid" I &anted to $ee the fil# footae of &hat had happened"
The !ar &a$ toa$t" It had pu##elled the &all $o hard that !on!rete du$t enveloped the &hole
Te>a!o livery" The $played &heel anle$ $ue$ted the !ha$$i$ &a$ #u$eu# #aterial"
I &a$ $ent to the #edi!al fa!ility for a on!e-over, but all I &anted to do &a$ $ee Graha# and
apoloi$e for killin hi$ !ar" Thin$ &ere hottin up out$ide the #edi!al area" The oppo$ition had prote$ted to
the offi!ial$ about my drivin and I &a$ bein $u##oned to the ra!e $te&ard$ F
I $tared, tran$fi>ed, at the footae" The !a#era had a bird7$-eye vie& of #e leadin +olin throuh
Three" )e &ere helli$h !lo$e" I ave hi# roo#% he pulled alon$ide #y rear &heel and then F !onta!t" To
#y eye$, he $teered $o hard into #e that I never had a !han!e of $avin it before I hit the &all" It &a$ a total
&a$te of a fine #a!hine"
The #ain $te&ard eyed #e nervou$ly throuh hi$ $'uare la$$e$ and hi$ hand$ &ere tre#blin a$
he turned off the video" Not a ood $in" Cbviou$ly, I $aid, he7d $een the other driver $pin #e off" No"
In their vie&, #y defen$ive line &a$ danerou$ drivin" They &ere do!kin all #y $erie$ point$ fro#
the &eekend, &hi!h #ade it i#po$$ible for #e to &in the !ha#pion$hip"
The ra!in &a$ over for the day and #y #ind had already $hifted on to the rane$, &ith Den on #y
$houlder" :ut fir$t I dire!ted a volley of profanity at the $te&ard$ that &ould have #ade hi# fa!kin7 proud"
*eal-i$in I &a$n7t i#provin #atter$, I headed for the land of the brave" In $pite of the !ala#ity, I &a$
bu@@in fro# the &in"
:y the ti#e I rea!hed the Ar#y trainin area at one in the #ornin the tiredne$$ that follo&$ a he!ti!
ra!e &eekend &a$ ki!kin in, alon &ith a hanover fro# #y !on!u$$ion" Geordie $y#patheti!ally fed #e a
bre& before leadin #e do&n throuh an abandoned !a#p of bo>-like !on!rete buildin$" He ave #e a
bearin to&ard$ #y ne& di$"
)ithin a fe& hundred #etre$ a $'uadron of #o$'uitoe$ &a$ orin on #y blood" The bearin led
#e to their hu#id HS, a $&a#py &ood" I $'uided throuh the dank underro&th"
;ohnny &a$ on $ta" AGood ra!e=7
A)on one and !ra$hed one"7
A)el!o#e to Shanri-la" If the DS don7t et you the #o@@ie$ &ill" Get $o#e repellent on you a$ap"7
I $et #y alar# for 82/8 and pa$$ed out"
I &oke early and u$ed the ti#e to prepare for the +o#bat Fitne$$ Te$t" I du #y finer$ deep into
#y bloated tendon to et it #obili$ed, feelin the fibrou$ ti$$ue $!rape aain$t it$ outer $heath" I &ar#ed up
#y !alf, $tret!hed and !loaked #y ankle &ith the @in! o>ide tape" I added a Neoprene layer of $yntheti!
rubber for ood #ea$ure"
I breakfa$ted &ith dru$ and hot !ho!olate and &alked do&n to the a$$e#bly area &ith the boy$ in
full !o#bat ear, beren$ and all" It felt like #ar!hin to the allo&$, but I &a$ ready to run on a $tu#p if I
had to"
The DS$ di$appeared in their vehi!le$ to line the route, and ;one$ !raned hi$ head around for a final
look at hi$ prey before #ovin off"
A9repare to double F DC<:LEH7
The openin $tret!h &a$ do&nhill, on tar#a!" I kept #ove#ent in #y riht le to a #ini#u# by
$&inin it like a olf !lub" )e !ro$$ed a $tone bride over a brook and bean to !li#b"
The $&eat $tarted to &ork it$ &ay throuh our !lothin, and by the ti#e &e rea!hed the fir$t peak our
tihtly pa!ked unit &a$ a $tea#-pu#pin lo!o#otive in the #ornin air" Earlier in the !our$e you #iht have
reli$hed another re!ruit bitin the du$t, but not no&" Everyone had been throuh hell to et thi$ far" Tunnel
vi$ion had !au$ed uy$ to break up &ith their irlfriend$ or lo$e their ?ob$" All that #attered &a$ ettin to the
end"
My A!hille$ $tarted to burn and I $truled &ith the pa!e" I fo!u$ed on the other$, the rhyth# of the
#ar!h, the di$tan!e to the uy in front, and du deep to keep up"
)e !ra$hed alon a dirt tra!k and up a $teep field" A fe& $tray ro!k$ te$ted our balan!e but not
;one$, &ho$e roboti! le$ !hurned it up at the front" Hi$ head and $houlder$ barely #oved"
)e took a road that led a!ro$$ an infinite pat!h&ork of field$ and I dre& deep breath$, but $tarted to
$lip ba!k"
A+7#on, :enny,7 Nin?a puffed" A+7#on, #ate"7 Everyone &a$ hanin out of their ar$e$"
The road kinked and !urved and I pi!tured the ideal ra!in line to !arry $peed and po&er up the hill"
It &a$ a #on$ter !li#b, !lobberin the roup do&n to a fa$t, thru$tin &alk"
In a lay-by up ahead a DS !li#bed fro# hi$ Land *over" The pre$$ure &a$ on" Foret tea and
bi$!uit$ I it &a$ Den" He $potted #y $orry !ar!a$$ a #ile a&ay and $tarted li!kin hi$ lip$"
I, du#b bea$t of burden% he, #a$ter"
AIt hurt$, yeah= !E36*7 he $houted"
A!es, Sta(("7
ABou ain7t ot all fa!kin7 dayH7 He ?oed alon$ide" A*iht, you7re onna fa!kin7 $print and !at!h that
roup in front" NC) I $5"1ackin move, you cunt"7
:ollo!k$ to #y le I anythin to et hi# off #y ba!k" After a utbu$tin .28-#etre $print I !auht the
tail end of the #ain po$$e, but I !ouldn7t live &ith the#" I fouht a lonely battle to !o#plete the #ar!h &ithout
!ripplin #y$elf in the pro!e$$"
A de!ade or $o later a radiant $iht appeared on the hori@on, #ore beautiful than &hat #iht lie at
the end of any rainbo&( a &aon"
Den breathed, AFa!kin7 ood #aan,7 a$ I hobbled pa$t" I $&ear he #iht even have $#iled"
I &a$ totally ball-baed and al#o$t the la$t #an in, but !ru!ially &ithin the !ut-off ti#e"
)e $till had to !o#plete a #inefield of te$t$ and a!'uire $kill$ that &ere interal to the <nit to prove
our$elve$ &orthy of bein !ounted a#on the#" Si#ulation$ of life at the front I and behind the line$ I &ere
a$ hard!ore a$ the DS$ !ould #ake the#" Cn!e they had $een enouh, &e $ettled into the final $tae$ of the
e>er!i$e"
After&ard$, &e $at on a #uddy ra$$ bank and re-a$$e#bled the utter $ha#ble$ of our kit" My
trou$er$ &ere torn throuh the knee$, #y boot$ had been !ut off, #y bi toe had a $e!tion #i$$in and
$o#ethin reen &a$ ro&in out of #y hand$" Cur o&n #other$ &ouldn7t have re!oni$ed u$ for the fur
and ri#e on our fa!e$" My beren $tank of $hit" It &a$ the be$t of ti#e$"
A)ell done, fella$,7 $aid the trainin offi!er" ATran$port &ill be here to !olle!t you in forty-five #inute$"
Get $o#e pa!ked lun!he$ over by the &aon$"7
Then he to$$ed our beret$ at u$ like Fri$bee$" It &a$ the proude$t #o#ent of #y life"
A fe& #inute$ later #y nele!ted #obile phone !onne!ted #e to the &orld &ith a #i>ed ba of
#e$$ae$" Durin #y ab$en!e the ra!e oran-i$er$ had banned #e fro# the ne>t ra!e #eetin, then
redu!ed #y A$u$pended $enten!e7 to $tartin the ne>t event fro# the ba!k of the rid"
+hapter ,4
Happy Landin$
In $pite of #y e>oti! nihtlife, I hadn7t #i$$ed a $inle epi$ode of To# $ear and they had reen-lit
one of #y #ad idea$" A friend of #ine &a$ a $hit-hot free$tyle para!huti$t &ho re!koned he !ould land in a
!ar if I held it $teady at 28#ph" )e all athered in one of tho$e la$$ #eetin roo#$ at the ::+" I #ade
!ave#an dra&in$ on a flip !hart to $toryboard the $e'uen!e &e had in #ind"
Andy, not unrea$onably, &anted to kno& that &e !ould a!tually pull thi$ off before $hellin out for a
!re& to !apture footae of a #an fallin to hi$ death, then bein run over and killed all over aain" He a$ked
if &e had been pra!ti$in"
ABe$"7
It &a$ only a &hite lie" Ti# had thou$and$ of drop$ under hi$ belt, and I !ould drive in a $traiht line
at 28#ph, no proble#o"
A)e ran throuh it la$t &eek" )e didn7t a!tually land Ti# in the !ar, but &e #at!hed $peed$ &ith hi#
alon$ide it" )e kno& it &ill &ork"7
Ti# $tared at the !arpet, deter#ined not to !at!h #y eye"
To# $ear $our!ed a !onvertible Mer!ede$ +LD22" It had reat a!!eleration and all the &indo&$
folded flat, #akin it ideal for the ?ob of droppin a #an into the ba!k $eat fro# 0,888 feet" :a!k in tho$e
day$ there &a$ no $pe!ulation about #e bein The Sti, $o it $ee#ed loi!al to do the $tunt a$ :en +ollin$" I
&ould be hidin in plain $iht"
The lo!ation &a$ *AF :ent&ater$ in Suffolk, ho#e to the *AF7$ :o#ber +o##and durin the
Se!ond )orld )ar, then u$ed by the A#eri!an Air For!e for keepin an eye on the *u$$ian$" The !on!rete
run&ay$ &ere a little an!ient but $#ooth enouh to drive on"
I neotiated a day for rehear$al$, follo&ed by a day for fil#in" That &ay &e !ould fiure out if thi$
thin &a$ re#otely po$$ible before hu#iliatin our$elve$ on national televi$ion"
)ithin half an hour of arrivin at :ent&ater$, #y eyeball$ &ere dryin in their $o!ket$ fro# the
!ontinuou$ !ro$$&ind, and Ti#7$ e>pre$$ion &a$ even darker than u$ual"
Hi$ para!hute &a$ a AS&oop7 !anopy &hi!h !ould $oar like a paralider" A$ he approa!hed the
round he &ould dive to build up $peed, turn and $lin$hot for&ard$" It &ould be a bit like fallin out of a
$&in I e>!ept he7d be travellin at ,/8#ph ?u$t a fe& feet fro# the de!k"
A)hat about thi$ &ind=7 I a$ked" A+an you ?u#p in thi$=7 AIf the plane !an take off, I !an ?u#p" Landin
!ould be tri!ky, but &e &on7t kno& until &e try"7
Fordy the !a#era#an, Ti#7$ partner in the $ky, re#inded #e of +aptain S!arlet, riht do&n to the
di#pled !hin" He !he&ed u# and $#iled at u$ a$ if he &a$ e$!ortin a pair of loonie$ on a day out fro# the
+u!koo7$ Ne$t"
)e pined a $e!tion of airfield &here the #ain run&ay &a$ #et by another &e u$ed for parkin the
e#eren!y vehi!le$" It ave #e a &ider run-up and the !onverin $trip$ #arked a !lear K that provided a
vi$ible referen!e at hih altitude"
In theory, the ra$$ on either $ide of it &ould offer a #arinally $ofter boun!e if thin$ &ent &ron,
but reali$ti!ally, $plattin the ra$$ at ,/8#ph &ouldn7t !hane the te>ture of the hu#an ?a# Ti# &ould be
$preadin"
)e loaded hi# up &ith hi$ harne$$ and padded hi$ ar#$ and knee$" I $oftened the landin @one
&ith thi!k blanket$ and foa# and &ound the pa$$ener $eat fully for&ard to ive hi# $pa!e" For #y o&n
prote!tion, I donned the obliatory *ay :an$"
Ti# and Fordy ?o$hed around a$ they !li#bed into the +e$$na" I !ranked up the air !on a$ they took
off and ba!ked the !ar into po$ition" After a fe& #inute$ I $potted the ruffled profile of a yello& para!hute" It
&a$ the fir$t ti#e I7d $een one of the$e !hute$ deployin, and for a horrible #o#ent it looked like it #iht not
open" Time to s-itch on" The !ountdo&n bean" Ti# ta!ked ba!k and forth until he hit 588 feet" He7d rotate
at that point and head for the round like a Da#ika@e pilot on hi$ la$t hurrah, then $&oop alon$ide the !ar
for a !ouple of hundred feet before tou!hin do&n"
At lea$t, that &a$ the plan"
)ithout &arnin, Ti# $piralled into a turn in front of #e" I planted the throttle a$ he roared overhead
at an in!redible rate of knot$" Hi$ $peed dropped off &ithin $e!ond$ and he landed a$ I drove pa$t hi#"
A)e7ll have to do better than that, :enny boy,7 he lauhed"
I de!ided I7d have to $tart in front of hi#% there &a$ no other &ay I !ould #at!h hi$ $peed"
Ti# $to&ed hi$ !hute" ALet7$ try the ne>t one for real% &e #iht a$ &ell et a feel for it"7
I !raned #y ne!k around the headre$t a$ Ti# dived into hi$ turn and fle& to&ard$ #e in a blur of
$peed" A$ our path$ !ollided I fouht the ure to veer out of hi$ &ay"
AGotta keep it $traiht, :en,7 he $aid &hen he7d ki$$ed the !on!rete"
AI kno&,7 I $aid $heepi$hly" AIt ?u$t feel$ like I7# tryin to kill you"7
ASod it, that7$ #y proble#" ;u$t $ti!k the &aon under #e &hatever"7
)e #anaed three #ore ?u#p$ and $orted the po$itionin of the Mer! relative to Ti#7$ $&oop" The
bi proble# &a$ the !ro$$&ind" It$ $trenth and dire!tion &ere !hanin !on$tantly, &hi!h played havo! &ith
hi$ landin di$tan!e and $peed"
The !lo$e$t &e ot &a$ &hen a u$t ble& hi# $ide&ay$ and hi$ feet nearly !auht the in$ide of the
&ind$!reen"
I !alled )i$e#an before the !lo$e of play to !all off the $hoot"
ADon7t &orry" If you !an7t do it, you !an7t do it" The !re&7$ already left" )e #iht a$ &ell fil# &hatever
you uy$ et up to to#orro&"7
Another #ate of our$ arrived to take $o#e photo$ and found the &hole $!enario hihly entertainin"
After a fe& beer$ &e !on$oled our$elve$ that at lea$t Ti#7$ death &ould be !elebrated on lobal TE" Hi$
pri#ary !on!ern, a$ &e rolled out our $leepin ba$ under the $tar$, &a$ that he7d forotten to brin hi$
$pon$or7$ branded T-$hirt"
+o#e the day, the dire!tor arrived &ith the !re&" )e fil#ed the Mer! doin $o#e $porty !ornerin to
!ut in &ith the $tunt it$elf" Then the #ini !a#era$ &ere ried to the !ar and Ti#7$ head"
)e had open-#i! radio$ to keep in !on$tant !onta!t, $o Ti# didn7t need to pre$$ a button to talk
durin hi$ de$!ent" He7d ive #e a !ue &hen to hit the a$ a!!ordin to hi$ air$peed"
The dire!tor &a$ bri!kin hi$ brit!he$" )e &ere talkin !ro$$&ind$, hih-$peed $&oop$ and tryin
not to flip Ti# &ith the &ind$!reen" For $o#e rea$on he &a$n7t happy about addin a $nuff #ovie to hi$
$ho&reel"
Ti# and Fordy &ent up for the fir$t run of the day" I vi$uali$ed and rehear$ed the $!enario$ in #y
head" If I !ould et under hi# early enouh and #at!h hi$ top $peed, he !ould drop into the !ar, then I7d
have to de!elerate hard be!au$e hi$ !hute &ould $till be drain throuh the air" All thi$ had to happen
durin a franti! three to five-$e!ond &indo& at be$t"
Ti# dropped fro# the $ky, I thundered for&ard and our path$ !onvered to&ard$ the end of hi$
$&oop" Ti# lobbed a!ro$$ the bo& and plopped do&n on the tar#a!"
;i# )i$e#an thouht it looked Aa&e$o#e7, &hi!h &a$ en!ourain ne&$" ;a#e$ May, a #an
ob$e$$ed &ith anythin that flie$, arrived to pre$ent the $tunt" He &a$ al&ay$ a very &ar#, enuine fello&
&ho put a $prin in everyone7$ $tep &hen he &a$ on $et" Hi$ eye$ li$tened &ith e>!ite#ent a$ he #et the
pilot and our drop @one !o-ordinator and !he!ked out Ti#7$ ri" ;a#e$ under$tood the !o#ple>itie$ of &hat
&e &ere tryin to a!hieve" He boun!ed fro# one le to the other a$ the boy$ $parked up the +e$$na% I
!ouldn7t be $ure &hether that &a$ be!au$e of the !old, or fro# $heer, unbridled anti!ipation"
Cn the $e!ond ?u#p Ti# lined up dire!tly behind the !ar fro# the out$et" He &a$ lo&er earlier and
#anaed to boun!e hi$ feet off the boot"
The ne>t $&oop &a$ $lihtly hiher but a u$t of &ind !auht hi# and ble& hi# for&ard$" I had to
$&erve to avoid hi# $ta!kin it into the &ind$!reen and a$ he tued artfully at the !anopy tole$ to $teer
hi#$elf throuh the air" It felt like threadin the eye of a needle on a bu!kin bron!o"
)ith only enouh ti#e and fuel left for t&o #ore ?u#p$, the pre$$ure &a$ on" Ti# !a#e in very fa$t
and bloody lo&" So lo& that he $ki##ed the roof of the a#bulan!e parked in the $tain area" Hi$ approa!h
&a$ $o &ild that even the #ain !a#era #i$$ed the a!tion I and I !an !ount the o!!a$ion$ that happened on
one finer" <n$urpri$inly, he didn7t !ue #e on that run"
Cn the final atte#pt I hit the a$ and Ti# !a#e in hot" He plonked do&n a$ lare a$ life into the rear
$eat" ;u$t a$ &e rehear$ed, I $houted at hi# to A+ut a&ay, !ut a&ay,7 until he !a#e ba!k &ith A+lear, I7#
!lear"7 That #eant he7d deta!hed hi$ !anopy and !ould no loner be &ren!hed out of the !ar by it" It &a$ a
perfe!t run"
The Mer! &a$ an auto, $o I fli!ked it riht then left and buried the throttle to do a $#okin douhnut"
Ti# boun!ed around in the ba!k and ;a#e$ &hooped &ith deliht" None of u$ !ould 'uite believe it had
&orked" It &a$ a hue a!hieve#ent on Ti#7$ part and hi$ habitual fro&n &a$ repla!ed by an under$tated but
$ati$fied $#ile"
The $tunt al$o entren!hed a ro&in $en$e of !onfiden!e I &a$ leanin fro# the Ar#y" The
di$!ipline and riour$ of #ilitary life had broken do&n #y #ental barrier$ by all but killin #e and developed
an inner re$erve of $trenth that I never kne& e>i$ted" It &a$ life-!hanin" After that, there &a$ no fatiue,
huner or #ental lo& that !ould not be beaten"
)orkin &ith people &ho $hared that A!an do7 attitude #ade the i#po$$ible po$$ible and it &a$
liberatin to vie& every ob$ta!le a$ an opportunity"
Ti# !a#e alon to be fil#ed &ith #e and ;ere#y in the $tudio, &here the bu$ine$$ of hidin in plain
$iht felt #ihty un!o#fortable" I !ouldn7t &ait to et out of there a$ ;e@@a !onratulated u$ in front of the live
audien!e" I ran off to et !haned into #y &hite $uit, $traiht pa$t Sir *anulph Fienne$, &ho I &a$ !oa!hin
fifteen #inute$ later"
I !ouldn7t &ait to #eet the polar e>plorer &ho had $a&n off the end$ of hi$ o&n fro$tbitten finer$
rather than &ait for $urery% the #an &ho !heated on SAS Sele!tion by hit!hin a lift in a ta>i bet&een
!he!kpoint$, and &a$ $ub$e'uently booted out of the *ei#ent for blo&in up a fil# $et"
No& thi$ #an, &ho at fir$t appeared #ore like a retired Georaphy tea!her, &a$ $ittin ne>t to #e
&ith a de#oni! e>pre$$ion on hi$ fa!e"
I belted *anulph into the driver7$ $eat and da$hed around to the pa$$ener $ide &hen I heard hi#
revvin the enine and diin around for a ear" He $et off like he &a$ $tartin a Grand 9ri> before I had
even fa$tened #y belt$"
Hi$ a!ute a@e &a$ fi>ed ,,888 yard$ do&n the road" Hi$ hand$ !ru$hed the Liana7$ $teerin &heel
and he tore throuh the earbo>"
*an &a$ only di#ly a&are of #e $houtin in the ba!kround"
84anul#h, ack o(( a it F7
A*AN=7
No re$pon$e"
844333,,,, F
I &a$ a pa$$ener in every !on!eivable $en$e"
I don7t kno& &hat he &ould have done ne>t &ithout #y intervention, but I didn7t &ant to find out" It
&a$ ti#e to et a rip" I rapped hard on the $ide of hi$ hel#et &ith #y knu!kle$ and yelled, A*AN<L9H,
LCCD F AT F ME F7
Suddenly I &a$ ba!k in the roo#"
I &a$ deter#ined to keep hi$ attention" I $u##oned a$ #u!h authority a$ I !ould #anae and
ordered the leend around the !ir!uit"
Hi$ &eathered feature$ told #e &e !ould have been any&here I up the $ide of Evere$t or runnin
a!ro$$ the Gobi de$ert" No 'uarter &a$ a$ked for or iven &ith the !ontrol$ of that little !ar" He &ran it$
ne!k and ki!ked it$ ut$"
*an7$ $pirit &a$ !ontaiou$, and I $pent !ountle$$ additional lap$ &ith hi# in an effort to et hi# the
re$ult he $o de$erved"
It &a$ $heer bloody-#indedne$$ that drove hi#" Thirty year$ of &re$tlin polar bear$ #eant he
!ouldn7t 'uite a!'uire the fine$$e to !are$$ the !ar to&ard$ the ulti#ate lap ti#e"
I !li#bed out for hi$ $olo run$ and &at!hed in a&e" S#oke billo&ed off all four &heel$ a$ he
$!ree!hed throuh the final !orner$ like no ue$t &e had ever $een" He &a$ every bit the adventurer I had
read about, a &ell-$poken bullfihter, &ith ball$ of $teel"
A$ #y $e!ond $erie$ &ith T$ !a#e to a !lo$e, I &a$ beinnin to feel I had #ore of a role to play,
and on $urer foundation$" Thin$ brihtened up el$e&here a$ &ell" Georie #oved in and tran$for#ed #y
pi$ty into a lo&in ho#e"
A)hat do you do &ith all the$e bo>e$=7
AIt7$ &here I keep #y F $tuff"7
AStorage"7
)ith that, #y entire !olle!tion of F thin$ F &a$ one" It turned out #y pla!e even had &ooden
floorboard$" Havin Georie ba!k #ade #y heart &hole aain" After all of life7$ t&i$t$ and turn$, &e had
found ea!h other aain" I !ouldn7t 'uite believe #y lu!k"
+hapter ,5
Star$ in *ea$onably 9ri!ed +ar$
Durin eiht year$ of To# $ear I &a$ privileed to hit!h a ride &ith $o#e of the #o$t reno&ned
per$onalitie$ fro# the &orld$ of #ovie$, TE, #u$i! and $port$, fro# touh uy$ like +hri$tian Slater, Mark
)ahlber and E&an M!Greor to the oreou$ Sienna Miller and Deni$e Ean Cuten" Their oal( to be!o#e
the fa$te$t A$tar in a rea$onably pri!ed !ar7"
The front-&heel-drive Su@uki Liana !atapulted the# all fro# A-li$t $plendour to Q-li$t e!ono#y travel"
Mo$t had never driven a !ar fa$t, let alone ball$-out around a ra!in tra!k" Fa#e i$ no ally for over!o#in
fear of the unkno&n, and there &a$ only $o #u!h &e !ould a!hieve in one and a half hour$, but it &a$ #y ?ob
to tap undi$!overed re$erve$ of hih-o!tane talent F
The fir$t t&o !orner$ &ere trial$ of patien!e, &aitin for front rip in the lon radual turn$"
Ha##erhead te$ted the di$!ipline to &ait for the &hite$ of the !a#era#en7$ eye$ before brakin and not
!heat by !uttin the !orner" The Follo& Throuh &a$ all about faith, keepin your foot to the floor" Bou had to
be a bit !ra@y in the final t&o bend$" For a ood ti#e, all four &heel$ needed to be driftin at nearly a ton
&hil$t !uttin a $e!tion of broken tar#a!, nearly $pinnin over the reen bit and then runnin a!ro$$ the
fini$h $o fa$t that the !ar hit a ra$$ knoll and fle& throuh the air"
)hen their in$tin!t$ told the# to ba!k off, I ured the# to floor it" )hen the !ar ran &ide on to the
ra$$ and they pulled at the $teerin to reain the tar#a!, I told the# to $traihten up" I $a& #ore !len!hed
teeth and !old $&eat in the drivin $eat than a Harley Street denti$t"
;ordan, aka la#our #odel Datie 9ri!e, turned up in a tinted li#o" I &a$ e>pe!tin an afternoon of
!ryin over broken finernail$" My day hadn7t $tarted &ell" It &a$ beltin hot and I7d forotten to &hip #y
Alpine$tar$ $uit out of the tu#ble drier that #ornin" The offi!e $pare, a #anky old !heddar, &a$ three $i@e$
too $#all, $o everythin &a$ !reakin a$ I li#ped over and reeted her" ;ordan &a$ dre$$ed top-to-toe in
pink, and &a$ ood enouh not to noti!e the !a#el toe arrane#ent bet&een #y le$, $o I didn7t breathe a
&ord about the &hite bit$ under her ar#$ &here the $pray tan had #i$$ed it$ taret"
My fir$t ta$k &a$ Her!ulean( to $trap on her $houlder belt$" They ran out of lenth over the top of her
e#bonpoint$, and looked danerou$ly un!o#fortable oin round the $ide" The $afe$t $olution &a$ to u$e
the $tandard $eat belt $lun underneath, $in!e airba$ &ere already in!luded"
;ordan didn7t a$k too #any 'ue$tion$" I took that a$ a ood $in" After a fe& pra!ti!e lap$ I let her
drive $olo"
I kept a fir# eye on the $tar$ a$ they &re$tled their &ay around the !ir!uit and !ould pretty #u!h
predi!t their ti#e before they !ro$$ed the line" A$ ;ordan turned throuh the flat-out riht-hander, a !on!rete
hut blo!ked #y line of $iht" She $hould have reappeared le$$ than a $e!ond later, but $he didn7t" In$tead
there &a$ a $hriek of rubber"
She7d $pun at the fa$te$t $e!tion and &a$ ba!kin to&ard$ the buildin" I felt #y $to#a!h lur!h" She
re#e#bered to #a$h the brake pedal in an e#eren!y and $topped ?u$t in ti#e" )i$e#an &a$ bitin hi$
finernail$"
AIt7$ all riht,7 +a$per !alled fro# hi$ !a#era po$ition" AShe7$ headin ba!k to you no&"7
ACD,7 ;i# an$&ered" ATell #e you ot that=7
ABeah,7 +a$per replied" A$ if it &a$ ever in doubt"
;ordan7$ $#ile hadn7t $lipped an in!h% $he &a$ !o#pletely unfa@ed" )e a$ked if $he &a$ CD"
ABeah" I $pun out at that !orner" )hy &a$ that then=7
AI think you turned the $teerin too fa$t,7 I $aid" A;u$t re#e#ber to be a$ $#ooth a$ po$$ible, like
you7re liftin a !up of tea"7
I didn7t &ant her $pinnin there aain, it &a$ too danerou$, $o I ?u#ped ba!k in the Liana to #ake
$ure $he took the riht line"
She i##ediately produ!ed her fa$te$t ti#e of the day, a ritty effort follo&in a ,88#ph near #i$$"
)e al$o ho$ted for#er Spi!e Girl Geri Halli&ell" She &a$ a nervou$ &re!k &hen $he arrived, &ith an
entourae that in!luded her o&n fil# !re& and a private ra!in !oa!h"
I kne& it &a$n7t ea$y" Mo$t of the# arrived at Dun$fold kno&in only that their 9* people had
booked the# on to $o#e !ar prora##e to have a !hat and do a bit of drivin" Cne #inute they &ere
$ippin !appu!!ino$ and ba$kin in the lo& of their be$t$ellin book or hit #ovie, the ne>t they &ere on a
!old, &ind$&ept airfield ettin inti#ate &ith a $pa!e#an in a &hite $uit"
Geri put enor#ou$ pre$$ure on her$elf fro# the out$et to o nu#ber one on the board" A$ al&ay$, I
&anted to !onvert her enthu$ia$# into perfor#an!e"
The daner$ of tra!k drivin only da&ned on Geri on!e &e $tarted lappin" She hun on #y every
&ord, her bi eye$ lookin up at #e fro# in$ide a hel#et that enulfed her" Geri7$ heart &a$ in the riht
pla!e, but $he &a$ $o inten$e that $he over-anti!ipated everythin and kept ettin into a #uddle" In the
!our$e of our !onver$ation I di$!overed that $he had been in a nu#ber of !ar a!!ident$ in a $hort $pa!e of
ti#e"
The da#p tra!k &a$ puni$hin the $#alle$t #i$take$ and I had to #ake $ure $he $tayed on the
bla!k $tuff" )e &ere on a fa$t lap% Geri &a$ hittin ninety to&ard$ the ap bet&een the tyre barrier$ at the
Follo& Throuh" )ith a hundred feet to o, I $aid, A;u$t $teer left a bit" I don7t &ant you to !lip the tyre$"7
Eihty feet out $he replied, AIf I hit the tyre$, &ill I hit #y fa!e=7
Si>ty F
ABou #iht butX7
Forty F
AI !an7t hit #y fa!e"7
T&enty F
AFine" ;u$t $teer left" ,5'"7
I pu$hed the &heel an e>tra in!h and &e &obbled throuh" A $lave to the $!hedule, there &a$ only
$o #u!h e>tra uidan!e I !ould ive Geri" Durin the final $afety briefin, her hand$ &ere $hakin" She &a$
$o over-p$y!hed that $he $et 'uite an averae lap ti#e, but $he did #anae an unu$ual pirouette pa$t the
!ro&d on the $tart line" I kne& $he &a$ de$perate for $o#e $in that $he7d done CD"
ABou did really &ell,7 I $aid" AE$pe!ially in the 'ui!k !orner$% you &ere very F brave"7 There7$ a li#it
to &hat a !hap !an do fro# behind a heavily tinted vi$or"
My &ord$ $ee#ed to fall like daer$" She fouht ba!k the tear$, thanked u$ and di$appeared off
into her #otor ho#e"
ABou heartle$$ ba$tard,7 )i$e#an &hi$pered"
I often forot that bein #y pa$$ener !ould et 'uite e>tre#e" Eddie I@@ard, the tran$ve$tite
!o#edian, arrived durin a #on$oon" He &a$ a $tellar bloke% definitely one of the boy$"
I took hi# round the lap and a'uaplaned on a puddle" Eddie $houted $o loud I thouht he &a$
havin a heart atta!k" ACh #y God, oh my $52 F Coooooohhhh, fuuuuuuuuuu!k F7 It &a$ an un!anny
i#pre$$ion of #y #other"
)e rattled throuh a 68-deree $lide for about .88 #etre$, then I athered it up and !arried on" It
&a$ no biy, but it brouht on Eddie7$ #otion $i!kne$$" He had to !li#b out of the !ar after ea!h run to $top
hi#$elf thro&in up, but he never $topped $#ilin and never ave up" He #iht dre$$ up in &o#en7$ !lothe$,
but he &a$ hard a$ nail$"
So#e !o#edian$ &ere plain $!ary" ;i##y +arr arrived by <FC and fluttered do&n fro# Cuter
Spa!e, ready to unlea$h Ar#aeddon on #ankind" Lovely bloke% !o#plete nutter" Don7t be fooled by the
baby fa!e" Cn!e you looked !lo$er into tho$e !ounter-$unk !he$tnut eye$ you $a& the bea$t &ithin"
It &a$ ;i##y7$ $e!ond vi$it to To# $ear and he had beaten Si#on +o&ell to top of the leader board
on hi$ fir$t, $o &e &ere e>pe!tin reat thin$"
He kept ?u#pin on the a!!elerator too early in the !orner, a !ardinal $in in #y book, and it #ade the
front &heel$ $kid" He &ound fifty turn$ of $teerin to !o#pen$ate and eventually I7d had enouh" I yanked
the )and of 9lenty and $pun hi# off the tra!k"
;i##y7$ eye$ &idened" A)hoaa, &hat happened then=7
H##" Hu#an after all"
;i##y drove the hell out of the !ar and &a$ &ildly in!on$i$tent, either $uper fa$t or you needed a
!alendar"
)e lo$t !ount of the nu#ber of ti#e$ he $pun" )hen &e played ba!k hi$ in-!ar footae he looked
totally i#pa$$ive, even &hen the thin &a$ flyin ba!k&ard$ off the !ir!uit at ,88#ph" And he never braked
&hen he did that% he totally la!ked any $en$e of $elf-pre$ervation"
Ea!h ti#e he pulled up to the line for another a$$ault I did #y be$t to et a rip on the $ituation"
AAre you lookin for the brakin #arker$ I $ho&ed you into that !orner on the ba!k $traiht= Bou
haven7t #ade it round there on!e yet F7
ABe$, ye$" I think $o"7 He pau$ed, eye$ lintin" AH##" )hi!h one$=7
A:rake at the fifty but don7t $teer left until you rea!h the arro& board" If you !an do that, you $hould
$top $pinnin on to the ra$$" +an you ive it a o=7
AI don7t $ee &hy not"7
I ured the !re& to $tand &ell ba!k"
;i##y #ade $everal #ore &ild pa$$e$" <nfortunately for hi#, the rule$ for that parti!ular epi$ode
&ere that &e only !ounted the ti#e re!orded on the $i>th lap, rather than the be$t lap-ti#e overall" ;i##y7$
$i>th in!luded a /88-#etre detour a!ro$$ the ra$$, $o hi$ ti#e &a$ over t&o #inute$" Hi$ be$t ti#e &ould
have put hi# fa$te$t"
A$ he &alked ba!k to hi$ <FC, the #ud-!aked Liana ave a $ih of relief" A plu#e of $#oke ro$e
fro# it$ blo&n a$ket" 9ieon$ fell dead fro# the $ky and flo&er$ &ilted a$ he a#bled by" ;i##y &a$ reat
$port"
The proble# &ith !o#edian$ &a$ you never kne& &hen to take the# $eriou$ly" )ithin #inute$ of
#eetin #e, $traiht-fa!ed ;a!k Dee $aid he &anted to o ho#e"
He &a$ noti!eably re$erved &hen &e $hook hand$, $o I didn7t $hoot off &ith $!ree!hin tyre$" I
$ho&ed hi# &here the tra!k &ent at a entle pa!e" After a fe& hundred #etre$ I turned into the fir$t !orner"
)e &ere doin no #ore than 08#ph"
AStop the !ar, $top" I7ve otta et out of here"7
Good old ;a!k, I thouht" He7$ takin the pi$$" :ut he &a$n7t" He &a$ deadly $eriou$"
I had a feelin that if I let hi# et out it &ould be i#po$$ible to et hi# ba!k in it" I didn7t fan!y
e>plainin to the produ!er &hy &e had no footae of ;a!k7$ lap for hi$ intervie& &ith ;ere#y" And I &a$
fooli$h enouh to think I !ould help hi#"
I $lo&ed do&n to about ,2#ph, ?u$t too fa$t for hi# to open the door and ?u#p out &ithout breakin
hi$ le$"
AIt7$ CD, ;a!k, I7# $lo&in do&n" )hat7$ &ron=7
AI !an7t do thi$"7 He &a$ turnin reen riht in front of #e" AI7# ettin fla$hba!k$ fro# an a!!ident I
had &hen I &a$ eihteen"7
It &a$ ti#e for Sti#und Freud to look into ;a!k7$ p$y!he and redi$-!over hi$ lo$t driver" I a$ked hi#
&hat had happened, &hether he7d hit another vehi!le" It turned out he &a$ a pa$$ener &hen hi$ friend lo$t
!ontrol and flipped hi$ !ar over"
I peppered hi# &ith 'ue$tion$% I needed to under$tand hi$ phobia, and I needed to keep hi# talkin"
:y the ti#e &e !o#pleted the fir$t lap I had it $u$$ed" Hi$ friend had lo$t the ba!k end throuh a tihtenin
!orner, over-!orre!ted and the en$uin tank-$lapper, &here the !ar ro!k$ violently fro# one $ide of the
$u$pen$ion to the other, &a$ enouh to barrel-roll the# into the hede" Not ni!e"
I e>plained ho& he !ould !ontrol that $ituation by $teerin ently into the $lide or $i#ply by $teerin
$traiht, rather than fihtin the &heel and #akin thin$ &or$e"
After a fe& #ore lap$ ;a!k had $ettled do&n and turned a $lihtly #ore entle $hade of yello&" It
$ee#ed $afe to $top and $&ap $eat$ &ithout hi# runnin for the hill$"
He built up $peed and !onfiden!e &ith ea!h lap" Even at the Follo& Throuh, &here he nearly
fainted &hen I drove it at 28#ph, he ended up beltin throuh at 42"
:y the ti#e he fini$hed I &a$ #ore than a little proud of hi#" He over!a#e hi$ fear" ;a!k looked a$
di$runtled a$ u$ual, &hen he !li#bed out and )i$e#an a$ked hi#, ADid you en?oy that=7
ANo, not at all"7
I think he &a$ happy to be headin for the relative !o#fort of ;ere#y7$ leather $ofa"
David )allia#$ &a$ another kettle of fi$h" A$ a Little %ritain fan I thouht, &ronly, that I kne& all
about hi#" Fir$t off, he i$ a bi lad" ;u$t ettin a hel#et to fit and !urlin hi# into the Liana &a$n7t ea$y"
)e didn7t really $ee# to hit it off" Maybe he &a$ nervou$, or I &a$n7t ettin the #e$$ae a!ro$$
very &ell" Cr perhap$ he &a$ $ufferin the after-effe!t$ of a bad vindaloo" :ut I didn7t ive up on hi#"
)allia#$ put the ha##er do&n, but &herea$ ;i##y +arr &ould di$appear off the !ir!uit &ithout a
prayer of #akin the !orner, thi$ lad &ould nearly #ake it, then ?u$t lo$e it at the la$t #o#ent" It &a$
aoni$in to &at!h% he &a$ $o !lo$e to ettin it riht, but hi$ e>!ur$ion$ &ere dentin hi$ !onfiden!e"
I tried to help hi# fiht fire &ith fire by re!o##endin that he brake even later for the !orner$ &here
he &a$ $pinnin% I thouht it &ould for!e hi# to brake harder and therefore #ake the !orner"
The !a#era !re& &ere $et up ten #etre$ to one $ide to !apture hi# oin a!ro$$ the line" I $tood
bet&een the# and the final !orner"
)allia#$ piled into the $e!ond to la$t bend, braked late and $kidded $ide&ay$ and on to the vere,
ki!kin up a plu#e of du$t a$ he reained the tra!k" :eautiful" I dared to think that #y plan had &orked"
Then he !o#pletely #i$$ed the turnin-in point for the final !orner" He &a$ oin &ay too fa$t and
headin $traiht a!ro$$ the ra$$ to&ard u$"
He ?u$t needed to lift off the a!!elerator" I ?oed ba!k&ard$ a$ he !lo$ed in and tried e>plainin thi$
&ith hand $inal$"
The brain !an only pro!e$$ $o #u!h ne& infor#ation" Cn!e it rea!he$ overload in a !ri$i$ $ituation,
loi! leave$ the buildin" In thi$ $!enario, )allia#$ &anted to brake and avoid killin u$, but hi$ body &a$
too $!ared to #ove it$ o&n foot" In fa!t, all the ti#e he &a$ thinkin about brakin, hi$ foot &a$ pu$hin
harder on the a!!elerator, a !o##on !au$e of a!!ident$ on the road"
)ithin $e!ond$ the Liana had !he&ed up the ra$$ run-off and &e &ere out of ti#e"
)ith a &ire fen!e behind u$ and a &ide-eyed )allia#$ inbound, I turned to )i$e#an and $houted
A4&,7" ;i# rabbed the $ound#an, I yanked the !a#era operator and &e darted for !over"
The Liana lur!hed over the ra$$ ri$e, all four &heel$ left the round, and it landed rouhly &here I7d
been $tandin" The tyre #ark$ &ere ?u$t an in!h &ide of the tripod"
)i$e#an bur$t out lauhin, apparently entertained by #y &ildly inventive $in lanuae"
The !ar !a#e to a re$t 08 #etre$ pa$t u$" I !auht #y breath and opened hi$ door" AIt7$ CD I
everyone7$ CD" Are you all riht, David=7
Hi$ belt$ &ere already off and he !li#bed out of the !ar lookin deeply $ho!ked" It &a$ hi$ final lap
any&ay $o &e ai#ed David in the dire!tion of the tea urn and !alled it a day"
* * *
The !ar$ took a royal poundin over the year$" They &ere invariably laun!hed into the air over the
vere at the final !orner, landed on the &heel ri#$ and then boun!ed throuh the ravel ully" If you &eren7t
u$in the ully you &eren7t tryin hard enouh" )e had to keep a &at!hful eye on the hub$ and the
$u$pen$ion"
)hen Lionel *i!hie &a$ in the drivin $eat &e heard a $trane !lankin noi$e at the fir$t !orner" I
!ould ?u$t #ake out hi$ !ar veerin on to the ra$$" A$ he hit the brake$, the front &heel fell off, $tayed
upriht and then overtook hi#" The Liana $lu#ped on to it$ brake di$!, lo$t all front rip and $!raped alon
the tar#a! in a $ho&er of $park$"
There &a$ #ild pani! at our HS" The 9op God &ho had fronted over ,88 #illion re!ord$ appeared to
be bent on ivin u$ the To# $ear ver$ion of ADan!in on the +eilin7"
;i# and I hurtled into the a#bulan!e &ith the re$!ue !re&, &ith vi$ion$ of Lionel7$ Apeople7 $uin u$
into oblivion if hi$ Fren!h ti!kler #ou$ta!he &a$ even fra!tionally out of $hape"
The reat #an &a$ $tandin in the #iddle of the field he had $o re!ently plouhed, hi$ leather ?a!ket
$till i##a!ulate, $tarin, #y$tified, at a !ar he !ould buy &ith hi$ loo$e !hane" To our relief, he $tarted to
lauh" AThe da#n &heel fell offH7 )e $&apped hi# into the $pare Liana and he $'uee@ed out a reat ti#e I
iven that he only u$ed third ear" He had $eriou$ i$$ue$ ad?u$tin to the A$ti!k $hift7"
Lionel #ay only have driven auto#ati!$ but he had a #a?or advantae over one ue$t" ;ohnny
Eea$ had yet to pa$$ hi$ drivin te$t" After a fe& lap$ I noti!ed that he &a$ #akin a $ilky $#ooth tran$ition
fro# the brake$ to the po&er, $o I had a look in the foot&ell"
I told hi# that he &a$ left-foot brakin, a te!hni'ue u$ed by rally and For#ula , driver$% rather an
advan!ed $tyle for a beinner"
AI7# doin7 &haat= Sorry, #aaate F7 He had no idea &hat he &a$ doin"
I handed the hu$ky-voi!ed northerner ba!k to hi$ :SM drivin in$tru!tor and thouht, ood lu!k
#ate" Hi$ te$t &a$ booked the follo&in #onth"
After five $ea$on$ &e had a li$t of $eriou$ly fa$t ti#e$ $et by the boy$ fro# the :i S!reen" It fell on
one $lip of a irl to put the# all in their pla!e"
Ellen Ma!Arthur li$tened intently to every in$tru!tion, nodded !al#ly and $aid, A*iht7, or ACD7" She
&a$n7t a talker% $he ?u$t did it" Her e>pre$$ion at breakne!k $peed &a$ a$ $erene a$ it #u$t have been &hen
$he &a$ &aterin plant$"
It &a$ hard to i#aine thi$ tiny, ro$e-!heeked beauty a$ a re!ord-breakin loon, !ir!u#naviatin
the lobe $inle-handed on a boat the $i@e of Lionel *i!hie7$ li#o"
I a$ked if $he had ever been afraid" She re!alled a niht in the Southern C!ean &hen her little
tri#aran &a$ $ki##in do&n &ave$ the $i@e of Alpine valley$ at /8 knot$, and $he had to ?u$t rely on the
$urene$$ of her tou!h to prevent it fro# !ap$i@in" A flat $tret!h of tar#a! !ouldn7t po$e #u!h daner after
an e>perien!e of that #anitude"
Ellen7$ innate bravery &a$ !o#pounded by the fa!t that $he &eihed $o little, &hi!h a$$i$ted the
Liana7$ $peed in a $traiht line" She $hot to the top of the board, ?u$t $even tenth$ of a $e!ond $lo&er than
the :la!k Sti7$ ben!h#ark of ,"03"8" )hi!h #ay have pro#pted Grant )ardrop7$ ne>t 'ue$tion, po$ed to
#e fro# behind hi$ #irrored aviator$" AAny&ay, &hat ti#e have you done in the Liana=
He &a$ ne& to the T$ produ!tion tea#, but he had a point" I7d never $et one"
)e7d already ho$ted t&o For#ula , driver$" Da#on Hill !a#e alon for a lauh, and Au$$ie $tar
Mark )ebber $et a $en$ational ti#e in the rain" Mark re!oni$ed #e i##ediately fro# our For#ula / day$,
apparently fro# the &ay I &alked, $o I #ade hi# $&ear not to tell anyone"
Cur ne>t ue$t &a$ )orld +ha#pion Niel Man$ell"
A$ he #ade hi$ &ay do&n the tar#a! to ?oin u$, he re& in!rea$inly aitated" :y the ti#e he
rea!hed the !ar, the produ!er $ee#ed to have hi$ hand$ full" I &alked a&ay to relieve $o#e of the pre$$ure"
Niel &a$n7t happy" AI don7t kno& about thi$" No one told #e I7d be drivin thi$ thin for a lap ti#e F
Coh no, no, no F7 He pro&led around the Liana, ki!kin it$ tyre$"
No one dared $ay it, but &hy el$e &a$ he !arryin hi$ per$onal ra!in hel#et=
9rodu!er( A*iht" )ell F u# F you don7t have to drive it, obviou$ly F but &e &ere really hopin you
!ould F do a fe& lap$ before the intervie& F7
<n!o#fortable $ilen!e"
I de!ided it &a$ ti#e to break the i!e"
AHi, Niel, it7$ really reat to #eet you" Thi$ !ar i$ $hit F7
Niel( ABou7re tellin #e"7
AF but it7$ 'uite fun to drive F7
No !o##ent"
Me( AHave you been bu$y=7
Niel( ABeah, I7ve been ra!in in the ne& Grand 9ri> Ma$ter$ $erie$" I &on the la$t ra!e at Dyala#i,
a!tually"7 He leant !lo$er" AIn one of the fa$t !orner$ I &a$ ,0kph fa$ter than ;an La##er$"7
Me( AA&e$o#e"7
So#e of the ten$ion di$$ipated, but &e &eren7t out of the &ood$" Cur Nie #ade a final in$pe!tion of
the $hitbo>, then #u#bled $o#ethin that $ounded vauely !on!iliatory and put on hi$ fa#iliar <nion ;a!k
ra!in hel#et" )e &ere on"
I &a$ a bi fan of Man$ell in F, #ode" Even Senna and S!hu#a!her had no an$&er to hi$ atta!kin
$tyle &hen he &a$ on one, like &hen he overtook Gerhard :erer around the out$ide of the $&eepin la$t
!orner at the ,668 Me>i!o Grand 9ri>"
Man$ell7$ phy$i!al $trenth &a$ apparent in $houlder$ that e>tended fro# hi$ ear lobe$" Durin the
a!tive $u$pen$ion era of F, he &a$ the only driver phy$i!ally !apable of !opin &ith the G-for!e$" It &a$
ru#oured that he !len!hed hi$ teeth $o hard durin one 'ualifyin $e$$ion that it $hattered a #olar" In the
Liana, &ith no rip to #anhandle, I re!koned that approa!h #iht $lo& hi# do&n"
Niel didn7t &ant to be driven, $o I hopped in the pa$$ener $eat and dire!ted hi# around a lap of
the tra!k to $ho& hi# the line$" He $parked up on the $e!ond lap% I &a$ i#pre$$ed by ho& 'ui!kly he7d
adapted to the !ar" He &a$ !o##itted every in!h of the &ay"
I left Niel and ?oined a iddy ;i# )i$e#an"
AHo& &a$ he=7
AHe7$ bloody ood, obviou$ly" Thi$ !ould be intere$tin% he7$ takin it $eriou$ly"7
Niel du#ped the !lut!h and &heel$pun a&ay" The !ar $!ree!hed and roaned fro# one turn to the
ne>t" He !o#pleted the lap by neatly $li!in the final !orner, the rear ki!kin $lihtly &ide and droppin a
&heel into the ravel" It looked pre!i$e, tidy and anry" It &a$ al$o a ne& re!ord" A hih ,"02 on hi$ openin
lap"
;i# ran over" Niel7$ eye$ &ere round and unblinkin, hi$ no$tril$ flared" It &a$ a look I kne& very
&ell" The &indo& $lid do&n and the voi!e of ;i#7$ boyhood hero $poke to hi# fro# behind the hel#et he had
follo&ed for fifteen year$ on TE" A)hat7$ #e ti#e on that one=7
;i# looked apoloeti!" A)e !an7t tell you the ti#e$ until the intervie&"7
A:ollo!k$ to that, #ate,7 Nie $aid" ATell #e #y bloody ti#e"7
A<# F I !an tell you if your ti#e$ are ettin fa$ter or $lo&er, but not the a!tual ti#e" Sorry F7
The &indo& &ound up aain"
Niel drove the Liana, t&it!hin &ith !o#plaint, to the ede of it$ phy$i!al boundarie$ and then
beyond" :ut the !ar looked $lo& in the $traiht$" ;i# let #e $&ap it for the $pare"
I inerly $ue$ted that Niel braked a bit later at the penulti#ate turn" Tellin a )orld +ha#pion to
brake later &a$ F un!o#fortable" He duly did and hooked the !ar in &ith bulli$h u$to, $endin up the
fa#iliar du$t !loud$ on the ape> and e>it of the !orner" It &a$ hi$ fa$te$t lap of all I ,"00"3"
Niel laun!hed $everal e'ually deter#ined atte#pt$, then &ound do&n the &indo&" AThat7$ it,7 he
$aid" AI7ve ot no #ore"7
)hat an operator" He put everyone around hi# on tiptoe, delivered a #ea perfor#an!e and &ore
hi$ heart on hi$ $leeve" He &a$ the #o$t !o#petitive per$on I7d ever #et" Bou !ould hear it in hi$ voi!e, even
&hen he &a$ ?u$t talkin about hi$ olf handi!ap"
AIl Leone7, a$ the Ferrari fan$ !alled hi#, had taken a #a?or bite out of the tra!k re!ord to #ark the
retire#ent of the faithful Su@uki Liana" She &a$ kna!kered" The front &heel had been ?etti$oned three ti#e$,
&ith Lionel *i!hie, footballer Ian )riht and a!tor Trevor Eve" )e ble& innu#erable !lut!he$ Lt&i!e in one
day &ith David SoulM, !ra!ked the earbo> !a$in, $napped the ear $ele!tor, broke the $u$pen$ion and
dented the panel$"
I hoped for a #ore durable repla!e#ent to ki!k off Serie$ 5" In$tead I &a$ handed the key$ to a
,,6bhp +hevrolet La!etti" It had the &or$t ear-bo> #oney !ould buy and the paint&ork #at!hed the Liana7$
drab reyTblue"
;ere#y invited $even #ad !eleb$ to !o#e alon on the $a#e day and $et $o#e ti#e$" He de!ided it
&ould be a reat idea to ho$t a pi!ni! durin lappin, on the vere at the la$t !orner" There &a$ no point
aruin% I had #y &ork !ut out"
;a#e$ He&itt, the love rat, arrived fir$t and !anoodled a ti#e, then Alan Davie$ urned a lap" Trevor
Eve, &ith hi$ !ru$hin hand$hake, #anaed to de$troy a !lut!h before lun!hti#e, but he &a$ fa$te$t" *i!k
)ake#an !li#bed aboard and !a$ually re#arked that he had $uffered $everal heart atta!k$ in the pa$t"
AAre you $ure you $hould be doin thi$=7
A)hat do you think, Sti=7
AI think you7re #ad, but it7$ your !all"7
Cff &e &ent"
;ere#y and Ha##o &ere ettin $tu!k into ?a# tart$ and tea &hil$t I did #y be$t to ather up ;i##y
+arr" *o!k Star ;u$tin Ha&kin$ ?oined the #\lGe and flat-footed it every&here &ith a per#a-rin" After that
he ?oined +lark$on in $on, &ith )ake#an tappin out a tune on an ele!tri! keyboard" I $pent the &hole
afternoon behind the #a$k, &onderin &hy no one el$e found the $ituation utterly $urreal"
Le$ Ferdinand arrived la$t" He &a$ a pro footballer, $o he7d probably $een a fe& $iht$ in hi$ ti#e"
He $potted the pi!ni! and $topped 28 #etre$ $hort of it, lookin lo$t" Then he t&ied that he &a$ in the riht
pla!e but it &a$ too late to turn around" Hi$ fa!e &a$ a pi!ture" Le$ narro&ly lo$t out to Trevor Eve and
leed it a$ $oon a$ ;ere#y had read out hi$ ti#e"
+oa!hin the !eleb$ &a$ a hoot" I !ried &ith lauhter bein driven by Stavro$, aka Harry Enfield, and
&ill never foret hearin ;oanna Lu#ley $&ear" I behaved #y$elf F #o$t of the ti#e"
The follo&in &eek I &a$ lookin for&ard to $o#e one-on-one &ith Gordon *a#$ay &hen, &ithout
&arnin, the Su@uki Liana &a$ &heeled out and I &a$ invited to $et a ti#e"
The Sti &a$ hardly oin to refu$e the !hallene" A$ for #e, althouh both !ar and tra!k &ere
fa#iliar, there &a$ a di$tin!t $en$e of pre$$ure" Bear$ of tellin other people to drive fa$ter and brake later
&ould !o#e ba!k to haunt #e if, for any rea$on, I failed to beat Niel Man$ell7$ rather fa$t ti#e"
)il#an had a #i$!hievou$ look in hi$ eye that #ornin" He &a$ lovin #y #o#ent in the do!k% it
re#inded #e of the fir$t day I drove for hi#" ;i# and Grant &ere &rinin their hand$ &ith deliht and I kne&
that fa!tor$ like &eiht differential, hot &eather and tyre &ear &ouldn7t &a$h" It &a$ put up or $hut up"
The Liana &a$ dreadful to drive be!au$e it &a$ $o roly-poly and utle$$" The in!e$$ant under$teer
#ade it hard to $ho& any flair or ball$" 9re$$in the brake$ &a$ like $tandin on a dead fi$h" After drivin a
$uper!ar it &a$ a$ e>!itin a$ filin a ta> return"
I !li#bed aboard the old irl and draed her to the $tart line"
A*iht then, Stiy,7 ;i# $aid, ANo pre$$ure" %ut F it &ould be reat telly if you beat Man$ell"7
AThank$, ;i#"7
I had been a pa$$ener in the Liana for $o lon that I7d al#o$t forotten ho& to drive it" My fir$t lap
&a$ averae% I kne& it, and ;i#7$ e>pre$$ion !onfir#ed it" He looked enuinely &orried for #e" Not a ood
$in"
I pu$hed harder and re#e#bered ho& #u!h you had to thro& a front-&heel-driven roller pi into the
!orner$" At the end of the $traiht into :a!hara!h I barely ki$$ed the brake$" The tail lur!hed $ide&ay$ and I
put do&n ,88 per !ent throttle lon before the !orner"
I !ut a hefty !hunk off the in$ide of the bend, dropped t&o &heel$ on to the ra$$ on the &ay out and
!arried a $hedload of $peed to&ard$ the final turn" I dabbed the brake in third and hurled it in, $lid &ide,
laun!hed into the air over the vere and !ra$hed on to the &heel ri#$ a$ I landed"
;i# &ouldn7t !onfir# the ti#e, but I kne& I had to find #ore"
A+an &e $&it!h !ar$= I think thi$ one i$ a do"7
ACD, $ure" <h, no a!tually, &e7ve only ot one today"7
I $tared at hi# for a #o#ent, tryin not to $ho& #y fru$tration" Grant &a$ talkin into the radio"
)il#an had $o#e &ord$ of en!ourae#ent for #e, $o Grant pointed the $peaker in #y dire!tion" ATell hi# to
think of Da#on Hill7$ 'uali lap fro# the 764 :udape$t G9,7 $aid )il#an" ACne #ihty lap at the eleventh hour
i$ all it take$"7 Eery en!ourain"
ANo &orrie$" Let #e ?u$t !ool the enine and ive it another o"7
I !ould really ta$te the adrenalin no&% it had taken it$ $&eet ti#e !o#in" I &aited on the line and
pi!tured the lap in #y #ind, &ithout $'ua$hin the tyre$ under brakin, lettin it flo&" I opened #y eye$ and
relea$ed fro# the $tart line &ith no &heel$pin" I braked late for the fir$t !orner and relea$ed the# early" I
turned and took the tihter, Afa$t in, fa$t out7 ra!in line" The front barely !arried the e>tra $peed"
I $traiht-lined the Follo& Throuh &ith #ini#al $teerin to $!rub a$ little $peed a$ po$$ible" I nearly
lo$t it into :a!hara!h but it !a#e ood, ho&led throuh there, turned into the final !orner and fle& a!ro$$ the
line &ith both &heel$ in the ully" I had no #ore"
;i# &a$ noddin a$ I drove by and hi$ lip$ read, ABeah, baby"7 Stiy $till had it" A fe& hour$ later I
$at on the $ofa to have ;ere#y deliver #y lap ti#e" He u$ually tortured hi$ ue$t$ by readin it one nu#ber
at a ti#e" The Sti didn7t $tand for that kind of non$en$e and &ould never have &aited for applau$e" A$
;ere#y $tarted tellin the audien!e #y ti#e, I ?u$t ot up and &alked out"
For on!e I7d !auht ;ere#y off uard, but he rather liked that" I7d beaten Man$ell7$ ti#e by t&o tenth$
of a $e!ond"
+hapter ,6
Drivin :lind
Gordon *a#$ay &a$ a&e$o#e, even #ore inten$e and fa$ter talkin than on TE, $o I had to $hift up
a ear to keep &ith hi#" He &a$ ?u$t a bi kid really, and one of the fe& &ho $&ore less &hen he &a$
drivin" Cnly five ti#e$ a lap"
He bit hi$ lip and $tu!k in an are$$ive but flo&in !ir!uit that put hi# at the top of the board" The
ball$-out approa!h doe$n7t u$ually &ork on the rea$onably pri!ed !ar, but he &a$ a natural" He &a$ $o
e>!ited that he let #e blat hi$ Ferrari around the tra!k &ith hi$ $ou$-!hef ridin alon$ide" He $ub$e'uently
!lai#ed that I Afu!ked hi$ !lut!h7, but you kno& &hat, Gordon= I fu!kin didn7t"
Tra!k !ondition$ for the ue$t$ varied fro# hot to not-$o-hot, fro# &et to #ildly #oi$t, and that &a$
?u$t the $tate of the tar#a!" )hen ;a#ie Cliver !a#e do&n, :rian the Studio Dire!tor took #e to one $ide"
AHe really &ant$ to do &ell" He7$ a lovely boy% #ake $ure he doe$ a ood ti#e, &on7t you=7
Meetin the Naked Cne &a$ like !at!hin up &ith an old #ate fro# $!hool I no air$ or ra!e$, ?u$t
an ea$y-oin dude" He &a$ enuinely plea$ed to #eet u$ all" Then he $a& the tra!k"
A:ollo!k$, &hat do you !all thi$, then=7
The &hole airfield &a$ !overed by three in!he$ of $no&" That #ornin I7d done a po&er lap in the
ne& ;auar KD* that &a$ ten $e!ond$ $lo&er than nor#al" At one point it &a$ $o thi!k that &hen I drove
a!ro$$ it at $peed, the !ar &a$ pi!ked up and f lun ten #etre$ in the other dire!tion"
Gordon *a#$ay had !ooked up 'uite a #a$terpie!e% nothin $hort of a !lear dry run &ould beat hi$
,"03"/5" :ut it didn7t $top ;a#ie tryin, and a$ the $no& #elted he #anaed to put in a #ea ti#e, ?u$t a
$e!ond $lo&er than hi$ ar!h-rival" A$ &et lap$ o it &a$ the be$t and $#oothe$t I ever $a&"
Bou7d e>pe!t elite $port$#en to be ood around the tra!k, and that &a$ larely the !a$e, but the
La!etti &a$n7t the !hariot of !hoi!e for bi unit$ like La&ren!e Dallalio and <$ain :olt"
*uby leend Dallalio &eihed in at ?u$t under ,,.k, and <$ain &a$ about 62, nearly a tenth of
the !ar7$ kerb &eiht and al#o$t t&o Le&i$ Ha#ilton$"
Dallalio looked ridi!ulou$ in the La!etti" Hi$ head &a$ ?a##ed on to the !eilin, hi$ tree-trunk le$
filled the entire foot&ell and hi$ iant hand$ &rapped around the $teerin &heel like he &a$ holdin a
pepper#int"
He $till #anaed a lap that &a$ &ithin a $e!ond of the fa$te$t ti#e, a $tor#in effort iven the &eiht
handi!ap" I had a o at ta!klin La&ren!e after&ard$% it &ent badly" He lifted #e off the round by #y hel#et
and nearly $napped #y ne!k"
Sprinter <$ain :olt arrived at Dun$fold havin $et a ne& &orld re!ord for the .88 #etre$ in Fran!e
the niht before" After the pre$$ !onferen!e$ he7d one to bed at /a#, &oken up a !ouple of hour$ later and
ot $traiht on a plane"
<$ain i$ $i> foot five" Bou ot a $tiff ne!k ?u$t lookin up at hi#" :ut hi$ liltin ;a#ai!an a!!ent #ade
you &ant to put your feet up, #i> a :a!ardi and fall a$leep" He $ee#ed to be &alt@in throuh life"
He pi!ked up the #e!hani!$ of ra!in in no ti#e and &a$ $oon flyin $olo" He #ade #akin an effort
$ee# effortle$$" He pulled in after $ettin a bli$terin ti#e, &ound do&n the &indo& and ave #e a $leepy
$#ile" AMan, thi$ i$ $o#e $!ary $tuff riht here" It7$ $tre$$ful out there"7
ABou don7t look #a$$ively $tre$$ed,7 I $aid" ABou7re doin really &ell"7
)e pulled hi# out of the !ar for a &ater break and I noti!ed hi$ $hoela!e &a$ undone" Later on they
played a !lip of hi# &innin a old #edal in the ,88 #etre$ and hi$ la!e$ &ere undone then a$ &ell" Talk
about laid ba!k"
I #ade $ure he tied it $e!urely and &e $ent hi# out" Bou only have to et your la!e$ &rapped around
the throttle pedal on!e to reali$e it7$ not a ood idea"
<$ain pulled every oun!e of $peed out of the !ar and fini$hed off &ith hi$ $inature po$e, pointin
$ky&ard$ &ith hi$ hand$ like he &a$ firin an arro&" Had it not been for hi$ &eiht I7# $ure he &ould have
eded Gordon *a#$ay out of fir$t pla!e" That honour &a$ !lai#ed by Si#on +o&ell on hi$ $e!ond vi$it" He
$urpri$ed hi#$elf by toppin the ti#e$ and ave +lark$on a ba$hin in the intervie& a$ they took turn$ in
ribbin one another"
)hen it !a#e to pure pa$$ion, no one !ould tou!h the $pa!e !o&boy kno&n a$ ;a#iro'uai" A;ay7
&a$ al$o a &alkin $uper!ar en!y!lopaedia" He7d $et the fa$te$t ti#e in the Su@uki on hi$ previou$ vi$it,
under the uidan!e of the :la!k Sti" I7d al&ay$ felt a bit $#u about tearin a $e!ond off ;ay7$ ti#e &ith four
of A#y7 !eleb$"
)herever ;ay &ent after that, people ribbed hi# about hi$ ti#e bein beaten, and no& he &anted to
put thin$ riht" The pre$$ure &a$ on, but he &a$ $till !arryin a !heeky rin" He arrived &earin $o#e nifty
Alpine$tar$ ra!in boot$" I !ould tell fro# hi$ hand$hake that he &a$ pu#ped"
A<p for it today=7 I rinned beneath #y hel#et"
AAre you kiddin= Thi$ i$ )A*, #anH7
I kne& ;ay &a$ &ild fro# a !o##er!ial I did &ith hi# for an EA Sport$ a#e !alled ,eed (or S#eed"
I &a$ dre$$ed a$ a State Trooper and thra$hin an Eihtie$ +hevy poli!e !rui$er, a bi #a#a, around a
tra!k" ;ay $lipped into the role of #ad, A!at!h #e if you !an7, teara&ay $peed ?unkie &ith re#arkable ea$e"
He pulled alon$ide #y !ar at ,.8#ph in a pi#ped-out Ni$$an GT*, $hot #e the $tiff finer, $houted AFu!k
you, 9i,7 and roared off !a!klin &ith lauhter"
A$ &e $at in the +hevy La!etti, I built ;ay up fro# $!rat!h like he7d never $een the tra!k or driven the
!ar before" I &anted to ive hi# hi$ very be$t $hot" Hi$ line$ &ere ood, he kept it loo$e and he pedalled
fa$ter lap by lap"
AHo&7$ he oin=7 )il#an a$ked"
AHe7$ on it" He7$ ?u$t four tenth$ of a $e!ond $hort of Si#on +o&ell" He !an probably beat it if &e
$ti!k &ith hi#"7
ACD" Deep #e po$ted% I &ant fire&ork$ out there"7
;ay &a$ $uper-!on$i$tent" I tried everythin to pull the e>tra ti#e out of hi# and it #u$t have pi$$ed
hi# off bi ti#e to be $o !lo$e, but not 'uite !lo$e enouh"
ADeep pu$hin% you7ve ot to find #ore in the penulti#ate !orner"7
AI a#, #an" I7# brakin a$ fu!kin late a$ I !an in thi$ HEEEA9 CF SHIIIIIT" A# I there yet, have I
beaten the ti#e, !an you ?u$t tell #e=7
I $hook #y head" AAll I !an $ay i$ you haven7t done your be$t ti#e yet" :ut you &ill"7
ACM5," Bou7re fu!kin kiddin" $rrrrrrrr F7 He baned hi$ head on the $teerin &heel a fe& ti#e$
and ble& out a lunful of air" He &a$ &orkin hi#$elf up to a perfor#an!e"
AIf you really &ant thi$, the #oney i$ all in that !orner over there" :rake $o late that you think you7re
havin an a!!ident, let o, the ba!k end $tart$ $lidin, then bury the throttle"7
The produ!er rai$ed an eyebro&" AH##, I &onder &hat &ill happen no& F7
Sure enouh, ;ay &ent flyin into the &eed$" I de!ided it &a$ ti#e to brin out the $pare" It &ould
ive the boy a !han!e to dra& breath and ather hi#$elf #entally"
;ay &ent out for t&o #ore lap$" )e re#ained $tony-fa!ed" Grant told hi# that he !ould do $o#e
#ore lap$ if he &anted but that he7d rea!hed a plateau" It &a$ ti#e for the ordeal of the leather $ofa" He
tapped hi$ foot like a ?a!kha##er throuhout the intervie&, then &ent $till a$ ;ere#y $tarted to read out the
ti#e"
A$ u$ual, he e>tra!ted every la$t oun!e of ten$ion fro# the announ!e#ent"
ACne #inute F
AForty F
AFive F
A9oint F
AEihtH7
;ay had pipped +o&ell by a tenth of a $e!ond" He leapt off the leather $ofa and dan!ed an e#phati!
?i" Hi$ pa$$ion &a$ utterly infe!tiou$"
He e>pre$$ed hi$ ratitude in the be$t &ay he kne& ho& I by $!arin the !rap out of #e and hi$ t&o
#ate$ in a +3/ Mer!" He $haved the &all at Ha##erhead, driftin the !ar &ide throuh the !orner, and I
!ouldn7t &ait to et #y o&n ba!k" )e $&apped $eat$ and I returned the favour" He !hanted A:a$tard,
ba$tard, ba$tard F7 throuhout the pro!e$$" I took it a$ a !o#pli#ent"
* * *
Durin eiht year$ of ra!in around the To# $ear !ir!uit, #y litterin array of !elebrity driver$ had
to put up &ith #uffled rantin$ fro# behind the hel#et of their &hite-!lad pa$$ener" There &a$ the odd
e>!eption, ho&ever, &ho needed to hear #y every &ord"
I &a$ in plain !lothe$ &hen I #et )il#an in the C: tru!k, but he $till hailed #e a$ per nor#al"
ASti F )e &ant to do a lap &ith a blind uy" Do you re!kon he !an do it=7
I took a deep breath" A<# F I don7t $ee &hy not, if he !an hear &hat I7# $ayin" +an I $it ne>t to
hi#=7
ACf !our$e" :ut &e don7t ?u$t &ant hi# to !ra&l around out there" It need$ to be a proper lap" I #ean
&e &ant hi# to do a ti#e, like !lo$e to *i!hard )hiteley or $o#ethin"7 My #o$t !hallenin pupil yet &a$
the kind of entle $oul &ho #iht run a lo!al toy $tore" He had a reular, $ihted drivin partner &ith &ho#
he7d developed hi$ o&n ar!ane !o##uni!ation$ $y$te#" At fir$t, they didn7t even &ant #e in the !ar &ith
the#" Li$tenin to the# di$!u$$in the tra!k and ho& they7d indi!ate the re'uired $peed$ and dire!tion$
#ade #e feel like an a#ateur" It &a$ $o pre!i$ely !oded that I !ouldn7t &ait to $ee the# in a!tion"
I in$i$ted on at lea$t de#on$tratin &hi!h &ay the tra!k &ent, $o that the $ihted #an !ould take in
the layout of the !ir!uit and the blind driver !ould li$ten in" I pro#i$ed to $hut up the re$t of the ti#e and ?u$t
ob$erve"
So far, $o ood F
After a !ouple of lap$ I baned in a fa$t one, fa$t enouh for the# to aree I $hould $tay in and keep
talkin" )e $&apped $eat$" The blind #an $lid behind the &heel &ith #e alon$ide and hi$ partner in the
ba!k"
At that #o#ent Dun$fold looked a lot #ore t&i$ty than u$ual and the old Su@uki Liana felt fa$ter too"
There &ere tyre &all$, tree$ and !on!rete outbuildin$ that had never !on!erned #e before" I took a reality
!he!k" If thin$ &ent $eriou$ly &ron, there &a$ only $o #u!h I !ould do fro# the pa$$ener $eat by
rabbin the &heel and yankin the handbrake to $pin u$ to a $top, but even that &a$ not a$ ea$y a$ it
$ounded" Drivin fa$t #ade $o#e people nervou$, and I i#ained blind people &ould be no e>!eption" I7d
in$tru!ted 68-year-old ladie$ &ho, &hen I #ade the $lihte$t !orre!tion to the $teerin, re$i$ted &ith the
$trenth of S!h&ar@eneer rippin the pin out of another renade"
To $tart u$ off I indi!ated $peed and di$tan!e alon a 'uarter-#ile $traiht" I told the# I7d indi!ate
dire!tion !hane$, rai$e #y voi!e to $ue$t an in!rea$e in the rate of turn, follo& any ad?u$t#ent &ith
A+o#e $traiht"7 ASTC9H7 #eant ?u$t that( $la# the brake$ and put the !lut!h in" That &a$ really i#portant"
)e pulled a&ay in fir$t ear and veered off to the left" Neither #y dire!tional in$tru!tion$ nor the
#y$ti!al $#oke $inal$ !o#in fro# hi$ partner in the ba!k $eat !ould keep u$ off the la&n" I rolled &ith it for
a &hile, but after t&enty $e!ond$ of #o&in I7d had enouh and !alled for a re-$et"
Cff &e &ent aain" Thi$ ti#e &hen &e veered left, $houtin A*IGHT7 loudly had a li#ited effe!t" )e
pinballed alon the vere for a bit, then triu#phantly approa!hed the fir$t !orner" The painted line$ that
defined the tra!k $ee#ed $uperfluou$, but I tried to keep hi# &ithin the#" )e flo&ed off !our$e, ba!k on to
the ra$$" The driver $en$ed the rouh and bean pantin a$ I ured hi# to ea$e off the a$" He braked
in$tead and &e $pun"
Tryin to e>plain ho& to naviate the turn$ of a fluid ra!e tra!k to a blind #an &a$ #ind-bolin" I
never felt !onfident of even rea!hin a !orner, let alone drivin throuh one" Addin $peed only !o#pounded
the proble# of dire!tion, be!au$e a duff $teer for #ore than a $e!ond put u$ $traiht into the underro&th"
A $inle !orner re'uired at lea$t t&enty in$tru!tion$ on the $teerin alone" Sudden !orre!tion$ of the
&heel ro!ked the $u$pen$ion and #ade the front &heel$ $kid% the driver pani!ked and hit the brake$" )e
never &ent fa$ter than .8#ph" After a fe& hour$ I $en$ed the driver &a$ over&hel#ed, $o I thre& in the
to&el"
A)hat &a$ he like=7 )il#an a$ked"
AI7# not $ure,7 I $aid" AI feel a&ful $ayin thi$, but I7ve ot the i#pre$$ion he &a$n7t #u!h of a driver
e(ore he lo$t hi$ $iht F7
The produ!tion tea#, al&ay$ one $tep ahead of the a#e, had found not ?u$t one #ad blind ra!in
pilot for thi$ #i$$ion, but t&o"
The ne>t !onte$tant &a$ a &onderful #an !alled :illy :a>ter"
I $potted hi# $tandin in the !ar park" He &a$ lookin into the di$tan!e, like he &a$ &aitin for a
train announ!e#ent" Hi$ head #et hi$ body at the $houlder$ &ith the robu$tne$$ of a front-ro& for&ard" He
&a$ a $tout fello&"
:illy had $erved the :riti$h Ar#y a$ a #e#ber of the *oyal Hor$e Artillery" He lo$t hi$ $iht to a rare
di$ea$e durin the :o$nian !onfli!t, a$ a re$ult of !learin up the #a$$ rave$"
Hi$ eye$ ai#ed off a$ I approa!hed hi#" He !ouldn7t $ee #e but he &a$ !learly at pea!e &ith hi$
$urroundin$"
AHi, :illy, I7# The Sti"7
AHello, Sti"7 He held out a fir# hand" A9lea$ed to #eet you"7
Hi$ &eathered !heek$ !rea$ed into a broad rin" +ro&7$ feet around hi$ eye$ $ue$ted he lauhed
a lot" He had the hu$ky voi!e of a $#oker and an untra!eable a!!ent( part )e$t +ountry, part London
!o!kney"
:illy had a drivin partner too, but he di$pat!hed hi# a$ $oon a$ I offered to take hi# around the
tra!k #y$elf" He li$tened intently a$ I talked hi# throuh ea!h !orner, e>plainin the $peed$ I &ould be
doin, to li$ten to the !hanin &ind ru$h a$ &e a!!elerated" I put in a lap ab$olutely flat out and tauht hi#
to $en$e the G-for!e$ a$ I turned"
:illy took the driver7$ $eat and I read hi# the riot a!t" ADo e>a!tly &hat I $ay &hen I $ay it"7
ANo proble#"7
)e $et off and :illy pointed the !ar $traiht ahead" )e hit third ear and a!hieved #ore in our fir$t
#inute toether than I had durin the &hole of the previou$ day" A$ &e headed to&ard$ the kink before the
fir$t !orner, thin$ &ent $lihtly pear-$haped% :illy ot a tad overe>!ited and I had to &re$tle the &heel ba!k
fro# hi# before &e !ollided &ith the !on!rete hut"
:illy follo&ed #y dire!tion$ pre!i$ely and &ithout delay" He had $uperb feel for brake pre$$ure and
raduated hi$ a!!eleration"
The Liana &a$ ro!k $olid, but the oin &a$ $till painfully $lo&" The fir$t lap took u$ nearly ten
#inute$" *i!hard )hiteley7$ ti#e &a$ t&o #inute$ and $i> $e!ond$"
)e bean travellin #u!h fa$ter, &hi!h #eant that &hen :illy &ent the &ron &ay it &a$ #ore
$pe!ta!ular" )e pulled &ide at the $e!ond !orner, &ith #e $houtin to lift off the a$, tank-$lapped, $pun and
$topped" :illy fouht the $teerin all the &ay, hi$ inno!ent e>pre$$ion un!haned a$ he $tared into the void"
He &a$ the $alt of the earth"
A:ollo!k$,7 he hi$$ed, then ro!ked hi$ $houlder$ like the Muttley !hara!ter fro# 'acky 4aces"
The bie$t fru$tration for both of u$ &a$ &hen :illy took a !orner really &ell on one lap and then
!o#pletely $!re&ed it up on the ne>t" )ithout $iht he had no &ay of Alearnin7 the tra!k in the &ay I &a$
u$ed to" It had to be e#bedded throuh a developin $en$e of ti#in, in !on?un!tion &ith the fa#iliar tone$ of
#y voi!e, in a #ap in$ide hi$ #ind"
:y the end of the $e$$ion &e7d #ade hue prore$$, but I &a$ $till $teerin #u!h of the lap for hi#
and &e &ere no&here near a fa$t ti#e" I really liked :illy and I believed in hi#" I a$ked hi# &hat hi$ a#bition
&a$"
A)ell, Sti, I &ant to beat *i!hard )hiteley7$ ti#e, and of !our$e I7d ive anythin to o even fa$ter"
If I ot any&here near Terry )oan O."0P, that &ould be a#a@in"7
I !li!ked a $top&at!h and talked hi# throuh a perfe!t lap on a di!ta-phone" I !lo$ed #y eye$ and
rattled throuh the $e'uen!e of thouht$ and #anoeuvre$ that :illy had pra!ti$ed that day( bu#p$, heavy
$teer$, ear$, !ountin ti#e in the $traiht$" I !ro$$ed the i#ainary fini$h line in t&o #inute$ and ,8
$e!ond$"
AIt7$ a $tart,7 I told hi#"
I reported our prore$$ to the bo$$, and heard #y$elf pro#i$e that :illy &ould be able to do a ti#e
on hi$ o&n, in $pite of the fa!t that he !ouldn7t yet hold the $teerin &heel by hi#$elf" In )il#an7$ &orld, that
put #y &ord on the line"
The ne>t ti#e I $a& :illy &a$ to fil# hi$ perfor#an!e" I !ould only keep hi# in the !ar for a #a>i#u#
of an hour and a half, be!au$e anythin #ore brouht hi# to the brink of #ental e>hau$tion"
:illy &a$ $u!h a enial !hara!ter, but hi$ de$ire to a!hieve a ood ti#e &a$ &ritten in every bullet of
$&eat that dripped off hi$ no$e &hen he drove" I had to up the ante"
A:illy, I #iht be 'uite fier!e &ith you thi$ $e$$ion" My lanuae #iht o fro# 9G to ,5"7
He $#iled and $aid, ADon7t you &orry, Sti, you !an thro& a fe& fu!k$ and $hit$ into #eH I7ve been
li$tenin to your tape every day" I7# ready"7
Cur prore$$ $e!ond ti#e round &a$ pheno#enal" :illy naturally &anted to ea$e off the a!!elerator
in the $traiht$, but I di$hed out $o #u!h verbal abu$e that it !onvin!ed hi# to keep hi$ foot do&n until &e
pa$$ed 58#ph" Bear$ of #ilitary trainin ki!ked in and :illy kept the throttle buried" A A!li!k riht7 #eant a
$#all ?ab of the &heel and ba!k to $traiht, &hi!h &a$ handy for #akin $#all ad?u$t#ent$"
I $et hi# &ith the !orre!t a#ount of $teerin for the !orner$, but a$ &e &ent fa$ter the front &heel$
bean to $kid" That #eant he had to turn #ore to !o#pen$ate, but it only &orked if he drove at the $a#e
$peed every lap"
:illy ave everythin a$ the $peed piled on the pre$$ure" )e #ade plenty of e$$ential $#oke
break$, but I &a$ runnin out of ti#e &ith hi#" He !ould drive the &hole lap by hi#$elf, oin throuh all the
ear$, brakin and $teerin throuh every !orner &ith the e>!eption of one, the fa$te$t !orner of the tra!k,
the Follo& Throuh"
I pla!ed a $inle finer at the ba$e of the $teerin &heel and told hi#, AIT7S LC+DED"7 It &a$ too
danerou$ for :illy to drive that $e!tion unaided" The tyre barrier left ?u$t enouh roo# for t&o !ar$7 breadth$,
and at ,88#ph it !ould o &ron too 'ui!kly for hi# to re!over it" The $y$te# &orked $o &ell, and hi$ drivin
&a$ $o $#ooth, that I had to take a look at hi# to re#ind #y$elf he really !ouldn7t $ee"
)e took our final break and I e>plained ho& !lo$e &e &ere" Foret *i!hard )hiteley, &e &ere only
one $e!ond a&ay fro# )oan" :illy $parked up another roll-up" Hi$ hand$ &ere $hakin" I felt a ru$h of
ad#iration and affe!tion for hi#" He had $a!rifi!ed $o #u!h for hi$ !ountry, and $till had the ball$ to be
televi$ed in pur$uit of a per$onal #ile$tone"
:a!k in the !ar I did a final talk-throuh, hihlihtin area$ he !ould i#prove" I ot hi# to paint a
#ental pi!ture of the perfe!t lap and run a !o##entary" Then a $ilent thu#b$ up to the !a#era and one
$i#ple &ord to :illy( A$o"7
:illy lit up the tyre$ and after a fe& A$#all left$7 and A$#all riht$7 &e #ade it to the fir$t !orner" Cur
approa!h &a$ a bit &ide, but I ri$ked $ti!kin &ith it and !alled for a late brake and $houted AT<*N NC)"7 I
didn7t have to tell hi# t&i!e" The !ar $!ythed throuh the !orner, the front &heel$ pleadin for #er!y" Click
le(t, le(t, straighten)
ADeep it flat, :illy" Don7t lift, kink left, #ore left and :*ADE"7
)e ?u$t #i$$ed the tyre &all at +hi!ao a$ the A:S brakin !la&ed at the tar#a!" :illy applied
heap$ of riht lo!k and &e e>ited the !orner a little too far to the riht"
I bello&ed at hi# to keep hi$ foot hard do&n alon the fa$t ba!k $traiht" The hair on the ba!k of #y
ne!k bean to tinle a$ it often did on a ood run in 'ualifyin" It &a$ $till a lon &ay to the fini$h"
:illy $kidded throuh Ha##erhead !hi!ane &ithout !heatin by !uttin the !orner, and po&ered
throuh the ear$ to the $uper-fa$t Follo& Throuh"
A*eally ood, :illy I dead $traiht, $traiht, $traiht no&, don7t blo& it, don7t lift, don7t lift AND T<*N
F7
:illy flat-footed it throuh the riht-hander, a !orner that a third of $ihted driver$ never took flat"
)e approa!hed the perilou$ ,88#ph left"
AA little left, o $traiht, little left, hold that, CD, it7$ LC+DED F7
My thu#b hovered over the ba$e of the $teerin &heel a$ &e $!rea#ed throuh the !orner" :illy
never lifted" :oth of u$ kne& thi$ lap &a$ the one"
)e #ade a $en$ible approa!h under brakin for the penulti#ate !orner but :illy turned too #u!h"
)e !ut all the &ay a!ro$$ the ra$$ and by $o#e #ira!le the !ar didn7t $pin"
Cne la$t ?ab of the brake$ at Ga#bon !orner, AT<*N,7 and nothin !ould o &ron any #ore"
:illy !ro$$ed the line and I told hi# to $top"
I !radled the $top&at!h for a #o#ent in #y hand"
AThat &a$ a ood one, it felt like a ood one" Ho& fa$t &a$ it, Sti=7 :illy had be!o#e the fo!u$ of #y
thouht$, and for the pa$t &eek hi$ oal, hi$ drea#, had be!o#e al#o$t a$ #u!h #ine a$ hi$" He had $et
out to drive a ra!in lap a$ &ell a$ a $ihted #an" :ut he had a!hieved far, far #ore"
A)ell, the fir$t thin you need to kno& i$ that I never tou!hed the $teerin &heel on that lap, even at
the Follo& Throuh"7
I let that han for a #o#ent a$ hi$ !hin bu!kled and another bullet of $&eat dropped fro# hi$
eyebro&" The ravity of hi$ a!hieve#ent &a$hed throuh hi#"
AAnd you didn7t ?u$t beat )oan" Bou7re under the t&o-#inute barrier" Bour ti#e &a$ one #inute and
25 $e!ond$"7
It &a$ all too #u!h for :illy, but even &ar heroe$ are allo&ed to $hed a tear no& and aain" I hued
hi# and thanked hi# for bein $u!h a top #an"
In the ba!kround I !ould $ee the lon $hado& of the &orld7$ talle$t TE pre$enter approa!hin and
de!ided to #ake a 'ui!k e>it before #y e#otion$ ot the better of #e" I handed :illy over to +lark$on"
;e@@a ar#ed hi#$elf &ith a fifteen-$e!ond briefin fro# #e on the ter#inoloy re'uired to help :illy
naviate the !ir!uit, introdu!ed hi#$elf to :illy and !li#bed into the !ar" A$ I &alked off, :illy @i-@aed
do&n the $traiht before pilin off on to the ra$$" AGood lu!k, ;e@@a"7
I ripped #y fi$t in !elebration of :illy7$ $u!!e$$" Hi$ ti#e &a$ fa$ter than five $ihted !elebritie$" It
#eant #ore to #e than any lap I !ould have driven"
+hapter .8
Takin the *ouh &ith the S#ooth
The rea$on To# $ear felt $o e>!itin and per$onal to #e &a$ be!au$e the !a#era !re&$ ave their
all to !apturin every #o#ent"
It re'uired $o#ethin $pe!ial not to tear your$elf a&ay fro# the #ono!le a$ $o#e lunati! headed
to&ard$ your knee!ap$ at ra##in $peed" Mo$t #ortal$ &ould be runnin for !over or a$kin the dire!tor to
leave the ri un#anned" T$ !re&$ $tayed put, be!au$e they !ould pull the i#ae into !ri$per fo!u$ I and the
re$ult$ &ere there for all to $ee" )e built up a hih level of tru$t and I never felt !o#pla!ent about the ri$k$
they took to et the perfe!t $hot"
Cn Serie$ 3 of T$ the pre$enter$ $pla$hed out on three dreadful !oupG$ for le$$ than R,288 a
thro&" I &ent to the alpine handlin tra!k at Millbrook to te$t their $u$pen$ion and handlin fla&$" The Hill
*oute &a$ $oakin &et, and en!o#pa$$ed every kind of trea!herou$ bend" The fa$te$t #a!hine around a
!lo$ed loop &ould be dee#ed the &inner"
The three #u$keteer$ duly arrived &ith three old heap$" ;ere#y had a Mit$ubi$hi Starion, ;a#e$ a
;auar K;S and *i!hard a :M) 3/2" I #ade a !ur$ory in$pe!tion of the# all" ;udin by the a#ount of ru$t
and affer tape not 'uite holdin the# toether, I re!koned I had a one in $i> !han!e of $pearin off" I
pa$$ed thi$ on to the !re&( AIf it $ound$ or look$ &ron, $tart runnin"7
;a#e$7$ K;S &a$ an utter $hed" It &a$ all I !ould do to hold it in a ear and !ount the #inute$ a$ $he
$truled to #ake it up the hill" Gravity kindly uided it do&n the other $ide"
+lark$on7$ !lapped-out ball of #etal &a$ the fa$te$t and boa$ted a vaue $e#blan!e of handlin"
Ha##ond7$ :M) &a$ a #ean old do that $till liked to bite" It &a$ the #o$t po&erful of the three, but /88k
heavier and de$ined ba!k in the day$ before A:S brakin $y$te#$" Ti#e had not been kind to it in other
&ay$% $he &a$ in!lined to turn riht even &hen you $pun the $teerin left"
Millbrook boa$ted a fa#ou$ ?u#p &here you &ent airborne and landed at a $harp left-hander" )e
had a !a#era lo!ated dire!tly ahead, tu!ked behind the barrier$" The #an operatin it nor#ally &orked at
Dun$fold, $o a lo!ation $hoot &a$ ne& territory" He &a$ al$o pu$hin $eventeen $tone"
)ith the pre$enter$ in eaer anti!ipation I &iped the !onden$ation fro# in$ide #y vi$or, took the !ue
to o over the radio and $ped up the hill" The :M had the $&eet !o!ktail $!ent of old air fre$hener$ and
&allo&ed like a +ro$$-+hannel ferry" The enine7$ rattle $ue$ted the inition ti#in &a$ !ountin it do&n
to oblivion" I arrived at the pre$enter$7 vie&point, hit the brake$ and nearly ?oined the# &hen the :M &obbled
into it$ $u$pen$ion and lo!ked a rear &heel" +lark$on yelled, A*un for your live$H7
I turned do&n the hill and nailed the throttle" A$ I po&ered up the ?u#p the :M lur!hed into the air
and $tarted to turn riht before I7d even landed" The $u$pen$ion #ade a loud roan a$ it$ roy part$
$tret!hed out of their $o!ket$" :efore the !ar !leared the !re$t, our $to!ky !a#era#an had hi$ Nike$ on and
&a$ pein it into the tree$ fa$ter than Linford +hri$tie, knee$ pu#pin at !he$t heiht" I !ouldn7t e?e!t, I $till
had to land thi$ di$a$ter"
The :M $le&ed to 02 deree$ in the air and pulled further riht a$ $he !annoned into the tar#a!"
+opiou$ oppo$ite lo!k !ountered the $lide but the $heer &eiht of the #a!hine pulled it do&n the $lope at
in!rea$in $peed to&ard$ the re!ently va!ated Ar#!o barrier" I broke the rule$ of !ar !ontrol and hit the
brake pedal to redu!e $peed #id-$lide" The front &heel$ lo!ked abruptly and the enine $purted oil a!ro$$
the tyre$" I &a$n7t !onfident of brakin any ti#e $oon"
I7d lo$t !ount of the $teerin revolution$, but &ith plenty of left-hand lo!k $till on, the :M #ade a
bruti$h $&erve and !li#bed the left-hander" I &a$ in $o deep that I re$ined #y$elf to $&ipin the barrier" I
&aited F and it ?u$t #i$$ed" The tank-$lapper !a#e to an end $o#e 28 #etre$ further on"
+lark$on7$ Starion &on the !onte$t !o#fortably"
The ne>t three-&ay $hoot &a$ on the I$le of Man and involved three brand-ne& $peed$ter$( A$ton
Martin7$ 5 Eantae, :M)7$ M3 and 9or$!he7$ +arrera S" Bou have to take the rouh &ith the $#ooth"
The $tark land$!ape re#inded #e of the )el$h #ountain$, &ith broodin !liff fa!e$ hihlihted by
$ilver-lined !loud$" The lo!al$ $ee#ed obliviou$ to the $!eni! beauty% in$tead of potterin around on foot,
they en?oyed the fa$ter pa!e per#itted by the i$land7$ rela>ed attitude to $peed li#it$" There &eren7t any"
To# $ear arrived in for!e at thi$ driver7$ paradi$e, and naturally The Sti !a#e too" I arrived on the
baae !onveyor belt at the airport"
I &hetted #y appetite for the Eantae by bla$tin it alon the $e!tion of #ountain road out of
Doula$ Harbour" Sittin in the A$ton &a$ like takin a pe& in a niht!lub, &ith red $tit!hin on $hinin bla!k
leather and a lea#in #etal tri#" The $un &a$ $hi##erin a!ro$$ the inky $ea, and for a fe& #inute$ the
barren $inle !arriae&ay beloned only to #e" I filled the $lopin land$!ape of boulder$ and lon ra$$ &ith
the ra$pin valve $on of the E5, $#a!kin it around it$ rev li#iter in every ear and toppin out at ,02#ph"
There &a$ pro#i$e of po&er aplenty in the e>hau$t note, and I puni$hed the enine for under-
deliverin on it by nailin the pedal to the #etal and $!rabblin throuh the open !orner$ on the ede of
adhe$ion" The Eantae rolled #ore than the D:6, $'uattin into the rear tyre$ and $hootin #e plenty of
&arnin $inal$" Fun, but a hairdre$$er7$ !ar"
I arrived at the top of the i$land all too 'ui!kly and hooked up &ith the !re&" )e kno!ked out a $erie$
of in-!ar !a#era $hot$, in!ludin a lively one of the head$-up di$play in the :M) readin ,0,#ph a!ro$$ a
!attle rid"
The M3 had all kind$ of $tability !ontrol$ and tra!tion $y$te#$" Cn!e you turned that lot off, pun!hed
in the po&er elevation button and e>pre$$ed the paddle $hift, the E,8 #otor $et about tearin flake$ out of
the bla!k $tuff to the &anton ho&l of 28, hor$epo&er" It &a$ too try-hard-te!hy for #e" )hen you bent it out
of $hape the fly-by-&ire throttle reported you to the nanny A:S $y$te#, &hi!h !ut out the brake$ &hen you
tried to $lo& do&n"
)e ba$ed our$elve$ out of ;ere#y7$ hou$e to $hoot the other pie!e$" He lived at a &onderful $pot
on the $hore &here you !ould plu!k a !rab or a fi$h riht out of the $ea, !learly de#on$trated by the
nu#erou$ photo$ of hi$ !hildren doin ?u$t that" All the #ore fru$tratin &hen the lob$ter pot that ;ere#y7$
&ife Fran!ie lent #e !a#e ba!k e#pty after t&o day$" AA fir$t,7 $he told #e, !learly uni#pre$$ed"
To deter#ine &hi!h &a$ the fa$te$t $port$ !oupG, 9rodu!tion lo!ked off a $e!tion of the pre$tiiou$
TT bike ra!in !our$e fro# *a#$ey to the rail !ro$$in, $o that &e !ould re!ord a flat-out ti#e in ea!h one"
Ti#in bea!on$ &ould #onitor #y $peed and ti#e pre!i$ely"
I $tudied $o#e in-!ar footae and noted that the road$ &ere bordered by drop$ of 28 feet into ro!ky
heather" Even &ith a hel#et, if I &ent off in a $tandard road !ar &ithout ra!in belt$, that &ould hurt"
:a!k at ;ere#y7$ I $ipped beer$ &ith the boy$ and !hatted throuh the fil#in $!hedule &ith the
dire!tor" I &a$ al$o &aitin to hear #ore ne&$ about a NAS+A* opportunity in the <S" It looked like #y $hip
&a$ !o#in in" After #onth$ of di$!u$$ion, #y tea# ra!in overall$ &ere on order"
I &ent out$ide into the &eather to et $o#e re!eption and di$!overed that the finan!ial ba!kin for
the ne& tea# had fallen apart"
I &ent ba!k in$ide and Ha##ond a$ked &hat &a$ up, $o I told hi#" He badered )il#an all niht
about findin a &ay to help #e out, &hi!h &a$ a kind e$ture, but I fe$tered in$ide until the follo&in
#ornin, &hen I lined up for bla$t-off"
Minute$ before I &a$ $ent up the hill in the :M) the heaven$ opened and the fo $&ooped in" )ith
t&o $lo& re!!e run$ under #y belt I !ould have done &ith a bit of vi$ion, but to hell &ith it" Fuelled &ith aner
and fru$tration, I di$!onne!ted brain and ki!ked the M3 in the ut$" The da@@lin fo liht$ &ere u$ele$$ in
the &hite-out" I ?u$t barrelled up at the !orner$ and rea!ted on arrival &ith a $tab of the brake and in" The M3
relied on $tiff $u$pen$ion for $upport, &hi!h !o$t it dearly in tra!tion and rip in the &et" I for!ed the throttle
open and dared it to fly off the road"
The $ilver 9or$!he 6,, &ent throuh ne>t" It$ po&erful brake$ and !ha$$i$ developed over
eneration$ of ra!in at in!le#ent venue$ like Le Man$ $a& it revel in the &et !ondition$, #ullerin the ti#e
$et by the M3 by $i> $e!ond$ at an averae $peed of 50#ph" Doe$n7t $ound #u!h, but &hen I tipped into the
fa$t left at A:la!k Hut7 and ran &ide to&ard$ the vere it felt plenty 'ui!k" I !ould have had an e>!ellent !ra$h
there" 9art of #e &anted to"
I rounded off &ith the A$ton and #a>ed it to an identi!al ti#e to the :M)" )il#an, the &ily fo>, eyed
ea!h ti#ed run !arefully and refu$ed to let #e do any #ore" I ot !haned and ?oined the pre$enter$" They
&ere borderline hypother#i! by that point, ea!h of the# 'uiverin like a do !rappin a pea!h $tone" They
!arried on fil#in all day and niht &ith the lone$t di$!u$$ion of !ar$ I had ever &itne$$ed" The !re& &ere
on their !hin $trap$ by the end"
I &a$ ettin into T$" The !a#era$ felt le$$ intru$ive and #ore like a prote!tive bubble" I think the
$ho& &a$ ettin #e too% #y dire!t approa!h &orked for the produ!er$" Mo$t of the ti#e"
Bou !an &alk throuh any $e!urity !ordon and enter any buildin in the &orld if you7re !arryin a
bu!ket of &ater" It #ake$ you look purpo$eful, like you7re there to put out a fire or &ater flo&er$" The )hite
Suit did all thi$ and #ore" It #ade #e virtually bullet-proof, even &hen tanlin &ith the La&"
The uy$ &anted to build a +aterha# kit !ar in le$$ ti#e than it took The Sti to drive a prefab
+aterha# fro# Dent to Dno!khill ra!in !ir!uit in S!otland" If I arrived before they fini$hed, I &on" The
di$tan!e bet&een the t&o &a$ 032 #ile$"
The +aterha# &a$ one of the be$t tra!k !ar$ on the #arket, e$pe!ially the *288" Bou !ould drive
endle$$ flat-out lap$ &ithout killin the brake$ or blo&in the enine, or $pend a day drivin $ide&ay$ &ithout
the rear differential e>plodin" Douhnut$ and po&er$lide$ &ere tea &ith t&o $uar$ for thi$ bad boy" Drivin
it on the road &a$ #ore !hallenin I unle$$ you hated your &ife% you &ouldn7t hear a thin $he $aid over
the enine and &ind noi$e"
I baned alon the #otor&ay north out of London behind a *ane *over full of TE !re&" :en ;oiner
&a$ fil#in #e fro# in$ide the tailate" Hi$ Mad Max !y!lin #a$k helped hi# !ope &ith the fu#e$"
9a$$ener$ in pa$$in !ar$ o!!a$ionally !lo!ked the $tor# trooper in the #iddle lane and &aved"
The +aterha#7$ pla$ti! door had refu$ed to !lo$e properly $in!e &e left Dent" A$ I blatted up behind
the *ane *over for another $hot, the &hole thin fle& off, $pun /8 feet into the air and landed on the hard
$houlder"
ANiel, #y door ?u$t ble& off" No& the roof7$ ot the $hake$"7
ASorry, Stiy, you7re ?u$t oin to have to hold on" )e7re a bit under the &hip F7
Niel Si#pki$$ &a$ the oriinal dire!tor and one of the !reator$ of To# $ear7$ look and feel" He had
a rare talent for fra#in !ar$ aain$t land$!ape, &hi!h #ade hi$ fil#$ &onderfully fre$h" I loved Niel7$
$hoot$ be!au$e they never la!ked pa!e, and beneath hi$ fo!u$ lay a deep fa$!ination &ith everyone and
everythin around hi#" :ut it paid not to foret that a fli!ker of hi$ ha@el eye$ !ould $end a Din +obra
$!uttlin ho#e to Mu##y &hen hi$ te#per &a$ frayin"
A #inute later I dete!ted a blue liht in #y &in #irror"
ANiel, &e7ve ot !o#pany F7
A9ull over" )e7ll fil# thi$"7
)ith #e $and&i!hed bet&een the *ane *over and the La&, &e pulled in to the hard $houlder" The
!re& &ere out &ith the !a#era in a fla$h, ready to ho#e in on the a!tion"
T&o !opper$ &alked up alon$ide the +aterha#"
I $tayed put"
AI$ that your door that ?u$t fell off=7
ABe$, it i$" Sorry about that"7
AI$ thi$ your !ar=7
ANo"7
9au$e"
AHave you ot your li!en!e on you=7
ANo"7
Another pau$e"
A)hat7$ your na#e=7
I thouht about it for a #o#ent, then leant a!ro$$ to really $pell it out for the#"
ATHE STIG"7
That broke the i!e" They very kindly returned #y door" The pre$$ure of :en7$ !a#era len$ bearin
do&n on the# pre!ipitated their rapid &ithdra&al, and Niel thanked the# for their under$tandin"
* * *
)e on!e fil#ed one of ;ere#y7$ DED$ in the de$ert a #ile fro# Ed&ard$ Air For!e :a$e, the ultra-
$en$itive lo!ation of the <S #ilitary7$ e>peri#ental air!raft fa!ility" Thi$ &a$ &here they developed and
operated the Stealth Fihter, the ne& F-.. *aptor and other Deep :la!k &eapon$ $y$te#$ no one ha$ yet
$een"
The !ru$ty $urfa!e of *oer$ Lake &a$ !ra!ked into plate$ of dried #ud a$ far a$ the eye !ould $ee"
It &a$ like the $urfa!e of another planet" The $ettin &a$ too $tunnin to re$i$t, de$pite the fa!t that &e &ere
&ithin a re$tri!ted area"
AGuy$, &e really $houldn7t be here,7 pleaded our A#eri!an fi>er" AThe #ilitary don7t have a $en$e of
hu#our about thi$ kinda thin F7 He &a$ a entle #an, #id-fortie$, &ith a !areer in $oap opera$ and a
!lo$et full of Ha&aiian $hirt$" Hi$ prote$t$ fell on deaf ear$"
I $lipped into !hara!ter and #ar!hed out on to the very lakebed &here, a!!ordin to re$pe!ted
a$tronaut Gordon +ooper of NASA7$ Mer!ury 9rora#, an alien <FC had been fil#ed landin by a #ilitary
re$ear!h tea# under hi$ !o##and in ,624" The footae he revie&ed fro# their !inetheodolite !a#era$
depi!ted a $ilent $au!er-$haped !raft &hi!h, &hen approa!hed, Atook off at a reat rate of $peed7"
I $lid #y radio into #y po!ket and &alked /88 #etre$, a $ati$fyin !run!h of #ud flake$ underfoot,
then turned and headed ba!k throuh the heat ha@e to&ard$ the !a#era" It &a$ our ho#ae to leendary
te$t pilot +hu!k Beaer, &ho fir$t broke the $ound barrier at Ed&ard$ aboard the K-," There &ere no little
reen #en runnin around, but I !ouldn7t 'uite $hake off the eerie feelin that &e &ere bein &at!hed"
A$ I rea!hed our !re&, a !lu$ter of bi 0>0$ &ith bla!ked-out &indo&$ $&un to a halt alon$ide u$"
The uy$ ?u#pin out &eren7t lo!al rent-a!op$ &ith la@y hip hol$ter$ and beer ut$" The$e dude$ &ere
&earin a$$ault ve$t$ and bla!k beret$, $houlderin M0 !arbine$ I &ith round$ in the !ha#ber, ?udin by
the &ay one of the# &a$ !he!kin the bree!h"
To a !a$ual ob$erver the $oldier$ $pilled rando#ly fro# their vehi!le$" In fa!t their patrol $ereant, a
bla!k brui$er &ith $harp $ideburn$ and &rap-around $hade$, !overed u$ vehi!le by vehi!le" T&o e#phati!
finer$ $ent t&o #en runnin to&ard$ our lead Ford Gala>y% another t&o !ut off the rear"
I &alked a$ !a$ually a$ po$$ible off the lakebed and ?oined the roup &here our A#eri!an fi>er &a$
tryin to pi!k up the pie!e$" There &a$ plenty of Aye$ $ir, no $ir, three ba$ full7" It &a$ hard to hear #u!h
in$ide the hel#et, but ?udin by the body lanuae it $ee#ed be$t that everyone did e>a!tly &hat they &ere
told" I took a $eat on the tailate of our Suburban and #arvelled at the pro!e$$ &hereby thi$ 'ui!k rea!tion
for!e a$$e$$ed the $ituation" There &a$ no To# $ear on <S TE at thi$ point, $o it took a little loner to
e>plain that the uy in the $pa!e$uit and hel#et &a$n7t a Dorean fihter pilot tryin to $teal one of their late$t
air!raft"
Iain May leaned over and &hi$pered, ALook$ like you #iht be $pendin the niht &ith the$e uy$"
)anna borro& $o#e $oap=7
ANo, thank$% I kno& &here you keep it"7
The $ereant nodded, !ir!led a loved finer in the air and hi$ #en $addled up" )e &ere e$!orted
five #ile$ a&ay fro# the ba$e, then relea$ed and iven ba!k our identity !ard$"
Iain rinned" AShall &e nip ba!k=7
The fi>er buried hi$ fa!e in hi$ hand$" If &e &ent ba!k he &ouldn7t !o#e &ith u$, and &e A&ouldn7t be
$o lu!ky ne>t ti#e7"
I $pent #o$t ti#e around the pre$enter$ in the !our$e of fil#in their e$!apade$ fro# variou$
tra!kin vehi!le$" Bou probably never heard the one about the la#our #odel, the d&arf, the Spaniard and
the three $tooe$" The$e $i> !hara!ter$ &ere the $tar$ of the +la$$i! *ally of Mallor!a .886"
I $pent a day doin a re!!e of the route &ith the other tra!kin driver$ to aue ti#e and traffi! flo&,
and to re!oni$e key route #arker$" The pre$enter$ had been paired &ith !o-driver$ that in $o#e &ay
parodied their per$ona"
For $o#e rea$on Ha##ond &a$ hooked up &ith the d&arf, and May Lthe bea$tHM ot the la#our
#odel" +lark$on &a$ iven the Spaniard &ho !ouldn7t $peak Enli$h, &hi!h #ade t&o of the# &ho &ere
in!apable of li$tenin" The !o-driver$ &ere re$pon$ible for naviatin the pre$enter$ around the peril$ of the
Mallor!an rally $tae$"
The $uper!hared *ane *over &a$ the ulti#ate tra!kin &eapon" It provided a #ovin platfor# for
the !a#era !re&$ to fil# &hatever the pre$enter$ ot up to in their !ar$" It &a$ bi, ridi!ulou$ly fa$t and had
a tailate, allo&in a !a#era#an to $hoot fro# the ba!k &ithout fallin out"
At $i> the follo&in #ornin, the !re& &ere bu$y riin at the $tart line in 9al#a, $urrounded by
pal# tree$ $&ayin in the #ornin bree@e under a !lear blue $ky" +o#ple#entin the Titani! ya!ht$ in the
harbour &ere nu#erou$ 9or$!he$ and #u$!le !ar$, any of &hi!h boa$ted #ore po&er in their headliht$
than the bhp of our three entrie$ put toether"
I &a$ !hared &ith fil#in ;a#e$ May &ith :arbie doll Madi$on )el!h aboard their ,648 +itroZn
A#i 5" It &ould take #ore than !lever tra!kin to #ake that little bi$!uit tin look dyna#i!" ;a#e$ played on
hi$ +aptain Slo& !hara!ter and ha##ed up hi$ e!!entri!, #ad profe$$or i#ae, but hi$ real per$onality &a$
never far fro# the a!t"
:efore the !a#era$ $tarted rollin, he &a$ tryin to look in every dire!tion other than the bulin
9ae / brea$t$ bobbin ne>t to hi#" )hen Madi$on a$ked for $o#e help to tihten the $houlder harne$$e$
that !li!ked into her &ai$t belt$, the $et !a#e to a $tand$till" Cur $ound operator &a$ fir$t to drop hi$ ba!on
roll and dive in throuh the pa$$ener &indo& to a$$i$t her" )hil$t he !raned hi$ head around in our
dire!tion to have hi$ pi!ture taken, ;a#e$ $hifted un!o#fortably in hi$ $eat and $nu!k a $ide&ay$ peep at
&hat he dubbed Athe &ork of the divine potter7"
Havin $e!ured Madi$on7$ brea$t$, it &a$ ti#e to $tart the rally" Everyone !li#bed aboard, &ith
+a$per fil#in fro# the boot, hi$ a$$i$tant and the $ound re!ordi$t in the ba!k $eat, and 9hil, the youn up-
and-!o#in dire!tor, alon$ide #e"
)e rolled out of 9al#a in !onvoy, &ith the other *anie$ leadin ;ere#y in hi$ little Au$tin Healey
Sprite and Ha##ond in the lu#berin Lan!he$ter" +a$per, :en and Iain bla@ed a&ay &ith their !a#era$,
!leanin up Grand Ei$ta$ of the li$tenin bea!h, the rued yello& $tone #ountain$ and !lo$e-up$ of the
$tar !ar$, &ith 9hil #onitorin the dialoue via the $ound#an"
AFa$t 9or$!he !o#in throuh on your riht, +a$per,7 I $houted"
AThank$, :uddy" +a$per hoovered a $hot of ;a#e$ bein @apped"
AEBES, ***IGHT F7 An anony#ou$ voi!e over the !re& !hannel" The $pottin a#e &a$ off to an
early $tart, &ith a hot blonde in heel$ and a $nu bikini $trollin the o!ean drive"
A)hat7$ he $ayin in there=7 9hil a$ked"
AHe7$ a$kin her to !al!ulate $peed and di$tan!e for#ula$, and $he7$ tellin hi# to $hut up and drive
fa$ter,7 replied the $ound#an"
A:eard F7 the radio !ra!kled a$ &e pa$$ed a pede$trian in a tren!h !oat &ith a $et of outraeou$ly
bu$hy #utton !hop$"
A%earded -oman -ith 25$,7 Iain !alled"
That $pot &a$ de!lared a &inner"
A;ere#y7$ #akin a phone !all to ;a#e$,7 the $ound#an reported"
I turned to 9hil" AI7# indi!atin riht but ;a#e$ i$n7t"7
;a#e$ &a$ prattlin a&ay &hil$t Madi$on a@ed out of her &indo&" Neither $ee#ed too !on!erned
about the dire!tion they &ere travellin" All they really needed to do &a$ follo& the *anie" I $lo&ed in front
of hi# and pointed to the $lip road" ;a#e$ fle& $traiht pa$t and #i$$ed the ?un!tion, blinded by the
headliht$ in hi$ pa$$ener $eat"
I put the $uper!harer to &ork and !auht hi# up aain"
A)e7re oin the -rong -ay,7 ;a#e$ $'ueaked" A)e $hould have turned off the #otor&ay by no&"7
AEr, &e kno&" ;u$t follo& the tra!kin vehi!le fro# no& on, ;i#bo" )e have to #ake a <-turn"7
The rally !our$e follo&ed the !oa$t for a &hile before peelin up into the tree-lined #ountain road$"
A*ally7 e>aerated our #i$$ion" The ai# &a$ $i#ply to #ark the #o$t pre!i$e ti#e and $peed over a $et
di$tan!e, althouh that rule didn7t apply to anythin &ith a 9or$!he bade" Tho$e uy$ &ere takin hue
ri$k$ on the !lo$ed #ountain pa$$e$ and &aitin at the end of the $tae to $et the !orre!t averae"
;a#e$ and Madi$on &ere the pi!ture of a dy$fun!tional !ouple" )ith the !orner$ tihtenin into
hairpin bend$, ;a#e$ put in $o#e $pirited hel#$#an$hip, rollin the !ar into it$ $u$pen$ion $o #u!h that the
&in #irror$ $!raped the tar#a!" Maddie fiddled &ith her lip$ti!k and looked $inularly unintere$ted" )e
$topped at a !he!kpoint and I a$ked &hat $he thouht of ;a#e$7$ drivin"
A7E7$ a&ful" I thouht I &a$ onna be $i!k" In the# !orner$ I looked out the &indo& and all I !ould $ee
&a$ road"7
ABou $hould be fine" ;u$t keep your ar#$ in$ide the !ar if it really lean$ over"7
ANo $hit, Sherlo!k"7
God kno&$ &hat a youn irl like Maddie #ade of a !li'ue of e!!entri! bloke$ fil#in !ar$, but her
previou$ e>perien!e !ertainly !a#e in handy" 9hil fideted and na&ed hi$ nail$ a$ he $u##oned up the
!ourae to e>plain a delihtfully ratuitou$ $hot of her &orkin her #ai! &ith $o#e $oap and &ater"
A:a$i!ally, you7ll be leanin over the !ar in a tiht, er, &hite T-$hirt" And a$ you7re &ipin the !ar, you
kno&, u#, &ell, $o#e of the &ater &ill, er, you kno&, et on your $hirt F7
ACh, &et T-$hirt,7 Maddie !hirped" ABeah, I done that one" No proble#"7
)e bolted a $#all !a#era to the front of the *anie, $o I !ould !ha$e the fartin Fren!h $uper#ini
throuh the !orner$ and et $o#e for&ard tra!kin $hot$" +a$per had been lued to hi$ vie&finder #ono!le
for nearly three hour$, &hi!h &a$ #urder for #otion $i!kne$$ and &ould bubble !hunk$ in the hardie$t of
#en"
I had to #at!h ;a#e$7$ $peed pre!i$ely to keep the no$e of the *anie a fe& feet fro# the +itroZn
a$ &e belted throuh $o#e den$e &oodland"
)ith ;a#e$ leadin the &ay, &e inevitably ot lo$t in the to&n !entre and arrived too late to enter
$o#e of the $tae$" The rally rounded off &ith a fe& !ir!uit$" I ?oined Grant, &ho &a$ bu$y tannin hi$
bi!ep$, to &at!h the pre$enter$ pound around in a !ha$e $!ene fro# an In$pe!tor +lou$eau #ovie"
+lark$on7$ hel#et poked out of hi$ !onvertible like a !artoon !hara!ter a$ he &a$ hara$$ed by a Ford
Mu$tan"
;a#e$ fini$hed off hi$ day &ith Madi$on over a dele!table pi!ni! of $tra&berrie$, foie ra$ and
!hilled +hardonnay" Madi$on $&ooned in the love $!ene% after five take$ the $un and the plonk had taken
their toll"
:rian the d&arf announ!ed that he &a$ unu$ually a!!o#pli$hed at handlin li'uor for a #an of hi$
$tature, but &a$ very !on!erned for Madi$on7$ &ellbein" )e helped her trot indoor$ to drink $o#e &ater in
the $hade" I &a$ lookin for&ard to dinner"
The patron of the ru$ti! ha!ienda re$erved a $pe!ial table for the t&enty-five fil# !re& and ue$t$ in
the far !orner of hi$ re$taurant" :rian tu!ked $traiht into the vino ro$$o and Madi$on did her be$t to fo!u$ on
her $oup" Cn the arrival of the $e!ond di$h, :rian appeared e>!e$$ively di$runtled by the te#perature of hi$
$pahetti" )hen he re?e!ted it a third ti#e and hi$ noin $tarted !ir!u#naviatin the rafter$, I $u$pe!ted
that hi$ a@pa!ho &a$ due a $e!ond !o#in"
I hu$tled :rian into the fre$h air &ith Grant, and &e propped hi# up aain$t the arden table" )e
really needed to et hi# ba!k to the hotel, but not before a final $ho&do&n of #an pride"
I had already laid &a$te the !re& !ha#p in an ar#-&re$tlin #at!h( no& it &a$ Grant7$ turn to feel
the burn" A$ &e !lapped our pa&$ toether and took the $train, I bean to reret #y re!ent enthu$ia$# for
the &ine and arli! #u$$el$"
Iain helpfully !hanted in #y ear, AGo on, Grant, have iiim F7
*u$$ell, the !o!kney $ound#an, offered #e $o#e !ool in$tru!tion" AAll you otta do, :en, i$ o over
the top" Seen it a #illion ti#e$% it7$ all in the &ri$t"7
Grant $tayed a$ fir# a$ the pillar$ of Qeu$" It &a$ a dead heat"
A)ell,7 *u$$ell $aid, A$ee#$ the only &ay to $ettle thi$ one, fella$, i$ a ood old-fa$hioned fi$tfiht"
+hop !hop"7
)e !o#pleted the niht in a ta>i &ith a paralyti! d&arf, a broken $tiletto and a $ore ar# in$tead"
+hapter .,
If It7$ Got )heel$
The !re& &ere a$ adaptable a$ they &ere &i!ked" :y land, $ea and air, fro# the polar i!e!ap$ to
e>plodin vol!anoe$ in I!eland, they !on'uered the $iht$ and $ound$ of the &orld for the purpo$e of liht
entertain#ent on a Sunday niht"
My favourite #ethod of fil#in &a$ by heli!opter% it offered $o #u!h per$pe!tive at $peed and !ould
follo& the a!tion al#o$t &herever it led"
I fle& out to Ealen!ia to fil# Sauber7$ ne& For#ula , !ar" Felipe Ma$$a &a$ drivin and it &a$ the
fir$t ti#e I7d !auht up &ith hi# $in!e For#ula /" He &a$ $till do&n to earth and $#ilin at a &orld of
opportunity that &a$ openin up for hi#"
I &a$ drivin a :M) that had been hurriedly #odified &ith a ton of $!affoldin to a!t a$ a tra!kin
vehi!le" The !a#era &a$ ried too !lo$e to the e>hau$t, &hi!h ble& !onden$ation over the !a#era len$"
Al$o Iain7$ !a#era operatin !on$ole &a$ #alfun!tionin, $o &e kept ettin fi>ed $hot$ of either $ky or
tar#a!"
:y the ti#e an F, enine &a$ $&it!hed on it !o$t the tea# around R28,888, $o every lap !ounted" I
had to drive the :M) flat out ?u$t to prevent Ma$$a7$ enine overheatin" And the tra!k &a$ da#p"
Iain rode in the ba!k !ur$in the e'uip#ent, and I had 9hil dire!tin fro# the pa$$ener $eat" It &a$
hi$ fir$t ti#e on tra!k &ith #e" To !o##uni!ate &ith Ma$$a he had to relay everythin via the tea#, $o they
!ould pa$$ it on throuh Ma$$a7$ earpie!e$" 9hil &a$ havin a $ho!ker ettin hi$ $hot$ and our allotted lap$
&ere !ountin do&n"
A+an you et alon$ide the F, !o#in out of thi$ ne>t !orner=7
ABep, but he7$ not #akin it ea$y,7 I replied" AHe keep$ pullin up on the &ay out F7
The :M) $ank lo& on it$ &heel ar!he$ a$ it $truled throuh the turn$ under the burden of the
#etal !ae and !a#era" It &a$ an e#barra$$in !ontra$t &ith the thorouhbred F, bird trundlin alon$ide
on idle"
Deter#ined to drive out of the !orner ahead of Ma$$a, I had the tra!tion !ontrol off and $'uee@ed
hard on the a$" The tyre$ $pun and I ended up $ide&ay$ on the $lippery painted e>it kerb$, ?u$t a$ he
popped up alon$ide for a !lo$e-up" The rear $napped ba!k into line and the Sauber pro#ptly ro#ped a&ay"
A9hil, thi$ !a#era i$ $hit,7 Iain !hi#ed, obliviou$ to everythin el$e" 9hil turned $lo&ly to&ard$ #e a$ I
!ha$ed after Ma$$a and $aid, AAre you CD=7
ABeah, no proble#"7
ABou $ure= Do you need to pull over for a #inute= :e!au$e fro# &here I7# $ittin, &e nearly ?u$t hit
a For#ula , !ar"7 The !olour had drained fro# hi$ fa!e"
ANo, &e7re fine, I had option$"7 I fouht to keep a $traiht fa!e" A9hil, thi$ !a#era7$ $hit" I !an7t pan or
fo!u$% all I7# ettin i$ $ky,7 Iain $aid"
)e took a five-#inute break &hi!h turned into t&o hour$ of &at!hin the lo!al te!hni!ian$ try in vain
to re$olve the !a#era $y$te#" I e>plained to Ma$$a the tra!k po$itionin &e &ere tryin to a!hieve, and &e
#anaed another $ket!hy run &ith #ore footae of $ky, tar#a! and li#p$e$ of Sauber"
9hil hopped into a heli!opter to $hoot fro# the air" A$ it !rabbed $ide&ay$ do&n the pit $traiht, all
eye$ &ere on the For#ula , !ar a$ it e>ited the la$t !orner and $ped into vie&"
9hil $en$ed $o#ethin &a$ &ron, lan!ed up fro# hi$ vie&er and felt the air $u!ked out of hi$
lun$ by &hat he $a&"
A:*IIIIIIIIDGE F7
The pilot $&ivelled hi$ head to the riht and !lo!ked the &alk&ay over the #iddle of the pit $traiht,
no& #etre$ a&ay fro# the airfra#e and only feet belo& the $pinnin blade$" Hi$ &ri$t $napped at the !y!li!
$ti!k and he !ranked the !olle!tive to ain altitude, hoppin the bride ?u$t in ti#e"
AThank you, Se]or"7
Mo$t heli!opter $hot$ &ere a!hieved u$in a $tabili$ed head operated by an onboard $pe!iali$t or by
a uy hanin hi$ a$$ out of the door &ith the re!order on hi$ $houlder" It re'uired a !o#bination of $kill and
ball$ to $it in the fre$h air &ith both hand$ on the !a#era, &ith a fal$e vie& of the hori@on, and $till #anae to
keep the taret in fo!u$"
Iain May lived for the$e o!!a$ion$" He &a$ da man &hen it !a#e to readin on!o#in traffi! $o that I
!ould overtake &ith i#punity and $!ythe throuh the !ountry$ide"
Cne of the fine$t $!eni! drive$ in the &orld &a$ the Fl^elapa$$ fro# Davo$ to Su$!h in S&it@erland,
a ,4-#ile $tret!h of $tunnin alpine road" )ave upon &ave of heavenly !orner$ pun!tuated lon $traiht$
and a $!atterin of !a#bered hairpin$" The #edley of ?ui!y bend$ flo&ed throuh a $ea# of reen and $no&-
!apped peak$, $o hih that if you &ere about to #eet your #aker it &a$ only a $hort trip"
I &a$ drivin a .88#ph Mer!ede$ +LD3/ :la!k auto#ati!, one of the #o$t ni#ble &eapon$ in the
AMG ar#oury" It &a$ ?a!ked &ith brute po&er, boa$ted a telepathi! feel throuh the tyre to the road, and fle&
throuh the #ountain$ like a Me$$er$!h#itt" It$ !arbon-fibre !o!kpit !ontained a #oulded ra!in $eat that
fu$ed you to the ride" The tiht $u$pen$ion and dire!t brake$ #ade it ideal for arrivin late into the turn$,
pointin in and bla$tin off on to the ne>t $traiht" The #a$$ive tor'ue of the Affalterba!h #otor &a$ over-
@ealou$ for it$ tyre$% you hun on &ith both hand$"
Iain took to the $kie$ &ith a t&o-&ay radio that he kept live $o he !ould operate the !a#era ?oy$ti!k
and talk #e throuh the traffi! &ithout #ovin hi$ hand$" )ith #y eye in the $ky, blind !orner$ &ere no #ore
and I kept a !on$tant pi!ture of the terrain"
Qip, @ip, @ip to a thunderin rp# in fifth ear, runnin parallel to the rail tra!k$ approa!hin a bundle
of traffi!, into a &ooded hill &ith no line of $iht"
AAll !lear, !lear ahead, $pla$h 7e#"7
No need to brake, $traiht pa$t the lot and do&n the hill"
A68 left !o#in up, then t&o !ar$, don7t pa$$"7
:raked do&n to third, $lihtly thre& the $teerin, bi po&er$lide, $traihtened and held behind the
t&o !ar$" I !ould $ee the parallel road !o#in out the other $ide of the ne>t hairpin &a$ !lear, booted it pa$t
the ob$tru!tion and entered the !orner"
ANi!e one, :en" All !lear"7
I !auht a roup of biker$ $tre&n alon the road like a Hell7$ Anel$ !hapter of the pin$triped variety"
So#e rode in pair$, $ide by $ide% the re$t &ere linear and offered little roo# to overtake" I ea$ed pa$t the#
one at a ti#e to en$ure none of the oran donor$ fell off their #ount$, then !auht the t&o leader$" Alerted to
the pre$en!e of an infiltrator, they $ped up, beard$ and ponytail$ &hippin in the air$trea#"
The road re?oined the rail&ay for a $traiht run and the Mer! $pla$hed pa$t &ith ea$e" Thi$ riled
9onytail, &ho &ound ba!k the throttle on hi$ Mil&aukee vibrator and taed alon" It &a$ C6iPS, S&i$$
!hee$e $tyle, ver$u$ #e in a 038 hor$epo&er ra!e-tuned Mer! &ith a heli!opter in #y po!ket F
Iain updated #e on a $e!tion &here the road !urled left do&nhill and !ro$$ed the train tra!k$" The f
lat level !uttin throuh the road &ould a!t like a ?u#p, the $harp drop that follo&ed like a landin ra#p"
A$ I arrived at the tra!k$ I braked, dropped t&o !o$ to third, relea$ed the pin$ and took off" All four
rubber$ left the de!k on a $liht anle a!ro$$ their a>i$, &ith $o#e lift on the front left o&in to the diaonal
!ut of the tar#a!"
My head ki$$ed the $unroof a$ I vaulted out of the $eat and baned ba!k into the de!k, no dra#a$"
And 9onytail F=
I looked up to the head #irror at the &all of tar#a!, pine tree$ and $ky behind" It really &a$ a ig
drop" Suddenly the fat ho fle& into vie& about t&o #etre$ off the round" 9onytail &a$ !linin on for dear
life" Hi$ $addle ba$ e>tended fro# their $ide #ount$ like &in$, the left one rea!hin up over the ba!k of hi$
$eat" The dyna#i! effe!t of hi$ &eiht over the handlebar$ kept the no$e pointin earth&ard$, the
$addleba$ tilted hi$ rear &heel hih and to the $ide, $o that I !ould the $poke$ $pinnin"
9onytail landed hi$ #a!hine &ith ba$ and #ou$ta!he in $o#e di$array" He popped the &hite fla
and !autiou$ly applied the brake$, no doubt $!annin for a lay-by in &hi!h to ho$e off the river of ravy
runnin do&n the in$ide of hi$ leather$"
At lun!h on top of a #ountain the follo&in day the boot &a$ on the other foot" +lark$on had been
drivin the Mer! and had $o#eho& annoyed a !y!li$t on the &ay up" ;ere#y arrived at the top !on$iderably
fa$ter than the !y!li$t, parked up and $lurped ba!k another e$pre$$o fro# Heidi7$ tavern" Mean&hile the
!y!li$t pu#ped hi$ pedal$ for another fifteen #inute$ and vi$uali$ed &ay$ of #urderin the Mer!ede$ driver"
I &a$ !hattin &ith the !re& in the lay-by at the top of the hill &hen I !lo!ked a oliath of a #an
$teppin off hi$ ra!in bike on the other $ide of the road" He looked #issed and he &a$ $!o&lin in our
dire!tion"
He &a$ at lea$t $i> five and ..8 pound$, and he &a$ $olid" Cn!e the traffi! !leared he $trode
purpo$efully a!ro$$ the road" He &ore a #ankini, like :orat7$, only hi$ &a$ hih-vi$ yello& over bla!k
lein$" He &a$ a terrifyin $iht" ;ere#y !opped it fir$t"
A)ho i$ drivin the (ucking Mercedes=7
Thi$ &a$ the fir$t o!!a$ion I7d $een ;ere#y lo$t for &ord$" And a$ he turned to fa!e hi#, he
appeared to have $hrunk at lea$t $i> in!he$"
AI$ it you, huh= Bou7re drivin thi$ !ar like a fu!kin idiot=7
ANo, it7$ not #e" I don7t kno& &hat you7re talkin about"7
It &a$ a ood opener, but Mankini &a$n7t to be put off that ea$ily"
AThi$ !ar i$ oin up and do&n like $tupid" )ho i$ the driver=7
AI don7t kno&, but I think he &ent that &ay F7 ;e@@a pointed rando#ly ba!k do&n the #ountain"
Good &ork, #ate% ?u$t don7t $tart pointin in #y dire!tion"
Mankini &a$ livid at bein denied a rihteou$ kill" He le!tured u$ on the $an!tity of t&o-&heeled
travel, yelled, AFu!k all of you,7 and loped ba!k to hi$ nut-huin Ly!ra buddie$"
Cur vi$it to S&it@erland &a$ not entirely un&el!o#e" :rian Dlein, T$7$ $tudio dire!tor, &a$ hel#in
+lark$on7$ DED and led our !onvoy of $uper!ar$ to another lo!ation at the ba$e of the #ountain" A$ :rian
!li#bed out of the A$ton Martin D:S, the fe#ale proprietor of a lo!al re$taurant !a#e runnin out and
refu$ed to let o of hi$ ar#"
:rian &a$ &earin an urban !o&boy en$e#ble, &ith pointy boot$, blea!hed ?ean$ and a $tripy top
over hi$ &ell #atured phy$i'ue" After &e ordered $o#e food and the re$t of the proprietor7$ fa#ily had been
a$$e#bled, the !au$e of the !o##otion be!a#e !lear"
AShe think$ I7# Ti#othy Dalton"7 :rian $lipped on $o#e $unla$$e$, addin to hi$ #y$ti'ue"
He had hi$ photo taken &ith the e>tended fa#ily *obin$on and $ined autoraph$ &hil$t the re$t of
u$ !he&ed do&n the kind of pa$ta pe$to the *o#an$ &ould have u$ed a$ buildin #ortar"
)e fle& to Malaa in Spain and $tayed at the opulent A$!ari *e$ort" The !ir!uit ne$tled in$ide a
rane of rued #ountain$ dotted &ith $par$e Andalu$ian foliae" It &a$ de$ined by the o&ner and #y
for#er tea# bo$$, Dlaa$ Q&art, and repli!ated t&enty-$i> of the #o$t !hallenin !orner$ fro# Grand 9ri>
venue$ like Spa and Qandvoort" )ith $un all year round, it &a$ the perfe!t $ettin to a$$e$$ the true
perfor#an!e of three of the late$t road !ar$( a :M) M/, an Audi *S0 and a Mer!ede$-:en@ +3/ AMG"
A$ I &alked do&n the pit lane I pa$$ed a fa#iliar $hape peerin fro# underneath the #etal $hutter$
to one of the arae$" I $tared loninly at the are$$ive dive plane$ !overin the &heel ar!he$ of A$!ari7$
Le Man$ ra!in prototype" It $ent #e ba!k to the ti#e I drove it around Le Man$" The de$ire to ra!e $tun
like a &a$p, and it &a$ all I !ould do to dra #y fo!u$ ba!k to the day7$ ob?e!tive$"
+lark$on &a$ hun!hed over hi$ laptop, $u!kin on a Marlboro a$ he ro!ked ba!k in deep
!onte#plation of the $!ript he7d been &orkin on &ith T$7$ other &ord$#ith, *i!hard 9orter" ;ere#y &a$ the
ar!hite!tural po&erhou$e behind all hi$ &ork, $o I left hi# to it" I needed to #ake a de!i$ion that &ould affe!t
the re$t of #y day( +appu!!ino or A#eri!ano"
The A$!ari lair &ith it$ #arble floor$, #ani!ured arden$, A+orti?o7 !lubhou$e, $&i##in pool and
$leepin ha##o!k$ !o#pared very favourably to the $pit and $a&du$t of Dun$fold" The !re& en?oyed it $o
#u!h that &e lobbied )il#an to $hoot the &hole $erie$ out there" 9redi!tably enouh, he refu$ed to Abe!o#e
a $hareholder in Ea$y;et7"
Havin $atiated #y$elf at the breakfa$t buffet I #oved ba!k to&ard$ the pre$enter$, &ho &ere
e#broiled in a #o!k debate about their !ar$ in a build-up to fil#in their !o##ent$"
+lark$on turned to #e" AHave you driven it=7
A)hat7$ that=7
AThe Mer!"7
ANot yet"7
ABou7ll love it" It7$ ot load$ #ore po&er than the other$% it7$ in$ane"7 :i dra& on hi$ fa and ba!k to
the laptop"
The $tati$ti!ally !orre!t $!ript labelled the Mer! a$ a &inner by virtue of it$ 028-odd hor$epo&er,
aain$t the Audi on 0.8 and the :M) a ni!kel $hort" The Audi &a$ four-&heel drive, &hi!h #iht thro& in a
!urve ball, but the :M $ee#ed de$tined for third pla!e in the perfor#an!e $take$"
)hil$t the pre$enter$ ot to rip$ &ith their line$, the dire!tor ot #e on to #ine" )e fil#ed all three
!ar$ oin flat out around the !ir!uit" The !re& had already di$pat!hed in$tin!tively and &ere fil#in Grand
Ei$ta $hot$ of the !ountry$ide before the re$t of u$ had even arrived"
It &a$ no $urpri$e to $ee that Iain had found a !herry pi!ker" :en panned arti$ti!ally a!ro$$ the
hill$ide, throuh the bran!he$ of an oak tree" +a$per &a$ $hootin fro# on hih to ab$orb the blea!hed
panora#a"
Fir$t up &a$ +lark$on7$ Mer!" I !li#bed in and #oved the $eat for&ard for about five #inute$ until I
rea!hed the pedal$" It &a$ a bi heavy unit, &ith a 3".-litre enine that !ould po&er a $upertanker" I $hifted
into ear and po$itioned alon$ide 9hil, &ho &a$ bu$y &ith hi$ radio, hi$ $unbaked forehead turnin the
!olour of beetroot" He ave #e the thu#b$ up and AA!tion"7
I $kipped #y left foot off the brake and $i#ultaneou$ly pinned the a!!elerator to the floor" A !loud of
$#oke billo&ed in #y rear-vie& #irror a$ Dai#ler7$ fine$t hor$e$ roared to&ard$ the fir$t !orner of the day" I
braked earlier than I felt I needed to, but the Mer! $opped up the #arin% it$ lu#berin &eiht folded into the
$oft $u$pen$ion" Buk"
The front of the !ar &a$hed out #id-!orner a$ the !ha$$i$ lolled about, front fir$t, follo&ed by the
rear" )ith $o #u!h roll and $o #u!h po&er, I kne& that a tou!h of the throttle &ould produ!e a filthy $lide, $o
I opened the floodate" There &a$ a $!ree!h of rubber borderin on the $o!iopathi! and t&o bubblin bla!k
$tain$ a!ro$$ the pri$tine rey road $urfa!e"
:ein in!h perfe!t &a$ diffi!ult a$ the volu#e of po&er over!a#e the rear differential and $hoved the
re#ainin $ure throuh one &heel, $pinnin it fa$ter than the other" Cverpo&ered, &ith $oy brake$ and
&obbly $u$pen$ion" )hat an old nail"
Ne>t up &a$ the $ale$ rep7$ &et drea#" Ha##ond7$ M/ $at fir# on it$ $u$pen$ion, &ith a $#ooth
ride fro# $ho!k ab$orber$ that !la#ped the rubber to the tar#a!" The tender brake$ rea!ted 'ui!kly to #y
input" The a!utely $en$itive po&er delivery &a$ $tunnin and !ontrollable" It drifted $ide&ay$ throuh the
!orner$ like it &a$ on !a$ter$" Every detail, fro# the !ro$$-$tit!hed leather $teerin &heel to the fla&le$$
ear-!hane and redu!ed upper body &eiht, &a$ ban on" It &a$ $u!h a e# I &anted to ki$$ the de$iner"
I hopped into ;a#e$7$ Audi *S0" A$ an Audi fan I e>pe!ted to be i#pre$$ed" The four-&heel drive
ripped and boed do&n on the fa$t pull a&ay, then kanaroo hopped alon the pit lane" Even &ith a 08T38
front to rear tor'ue $plit, I never liked four-&heel-drive $port$ !ar$" They only fun!tioned properly if the bia$
&a$ $ub$tantially in favour of the rear &heel$, other&i$e the t&o a>le$ !o#peted for $upre#a!y at the !o$t of
!ornerin $tability"
Cn!e I &a$ up to ra##in $peed, the enine tor'ue pun!hed the Audi ni!ely throuh every ear"
Minor input$ of the &heel &ere #et by ?arrin return$ fro# the $u$pen$ion and !ornerin be!a#e #undanely
predi!table" The *S0 ?uddered &ith under$teer throuh every turn"
I donned the &hite $uit for a ti#e atta!k to deter#ine &hi!h of the$e E5 bullet$ &a$ the fa$te$t" I
already kne& the an$&er" I tried to &arn ;ere#y that he had pi!ked a do"
A*ubbi$h, you7ve no idea &hat you7re talkin about,7 he replied"
)hen it !a#e to po$tin a ti#e in front of !a#era, the Mer! rolled over on it$ &heel ar!he$ and
fla$hed it$ under!arriae at every opportunity" It$ ti#e &a$ ."0/"2"
Ne>t I pu$hed the Audi to the brink, flat-footed it throuh the kink on to the ba!k $traiht and rea!hed
a top $peed of ,02 into a fa$t, tihtenin riht-hander"
:rakin and turnin fro# hih $peed te$ted the driver7$ !onfiden!e a$ #u!h a$ the e$$en!e of the
#a!hine" I &ent in flat, !oed do&n and braked lihtly to prevent the A:S a!tivatin, then radually
in!rea$ed the brake pre$$ure" The A:S triered a$ I rea!hed for the ape> at about ,,8, re$ultin in a
deadenin of the pedal" Then the ele!troni!$ ave up, no loner !arin to #oderate the per!entae !hane$
of fluid pre$$ure to $lo& ea!h individual &heel" That $ent all the brakin to the lea$t loaded &heel, the in$ide
rear, lo!kin it in$tantly a$ if $o#eone had hoolianed the handbrake" It $ent the !ar !o#pletely $ide&ay$"
The 9olaroid #o#ent that follo&ed $a& The Sti in a flat $pin, e>itin $tae left off the !ir!uit
to&ard$ a ravel trap and tyre barrier" And it &a$ only ,8"/8 in the #ornin F
The re#lin in the $y$te#7$ ele!troni!$ had #ore to offer" I piled on the oppo$ite lo!k, $la##ed the
$teerin into the ra!k $top and applied ,88 per !ent brake$, $!annin de$perately for a $olution to $ave the
!ar either by $&ivellin it around or tryin to a!!elerate a&ay fro# the &all" At that !riti!al #o#ent the
inition $&it!hed it$elf off, takin &ith it the po&er $teerin and a$$i$ted brake" I had to pu$h the# both t&i!e
a$ hard to a!hieve the $a#e effe!t, #anhandlin the !ontrol$ like a orilla at feedin ti#e"
S!rapin the tar#a! ran #y $peed do&n another 08#ph to a #anaeable 48 by the ti#e I $lid
a!ro$$ the border of the ravel trap, #i$$ed the deep $tuff ne>t to the &all and brouht the !ar to a $top on
the ra$$" The enine and ele!troni!$ &ere totally dead" ,aughty car, but you had to lauh" The$e thin$
happened"
I re#oved and repla!ed the key" She $&it!hed on and drove ba!k to the $tart line a$ if nothin had
happened I and $till #anaed a ti#e ?u$t 8"0 of a $e!ond $lo&er than the Mer!"
The M/ tore a fero!iou$ pa!e thank$ to it$ poi$e and balan!e in every !orner, and are$$ive
brakin" The ti#e &a$ a full five $e!ond$ fa$ter than the other t&o"
I &ent out &ith Dlaa$ and the pre$enter$ for tapa$ in the #edieval to&n of *honda, overlookin the
$pe!ta!ular AEl Taho7 ore" It &a$ a rouh e>i$ten!e"
;ere#y &a$ $o irked by the day7$ event$ that he a!!u$ed #e of deliberately #i$$in an ape> to foul
the lap ti#e of hi$ #eat &aon" I told hi# that if I put an apple on the ape> he !ould drive at it all day and
never hit it" ;e@@a $&allo&ed the bait &hole"
)e lined up the !a#era$ on a $harp !orner and I pla!ed the apple at the latter part of the ape> kerb"
I $tood riht on the !orner to oad the bi #an further"
;ere#y &ent at it ha##er and ton$, driftin $ide&ay$ into the !orner on different line$ and
$o#eho& #anain to #i$$ every ti#e" He &a$ e>!ru!iatinly !lo$e, but no $trudel" I bit #y lip hard, tryin
de$perately not to lauh" After the fifth atte#pt he ave up and it &a$ #y turn in the :M)" If I hit the apple,
;ere#y &a$ prepared to eat it"
I fli!ked the M/ into the turn, lit up the rear tyre$ and $'uel!hed it on the fir$t take" At ;ere#y7$
re'ue$t &e fil#ed it fro# another anle" I nailed it and the bi #an took a bi bite of hu#ble pie" He pi!ked
up a rubby pie!e of !ru$hed apple fro# the kerb and u@@led it do&n"
* * *
Nothin daunted, ;ere#y handed #e the key$ to a La#borhini Gallardo 238-0 Spyder, i$$ued
hi#$elf a Ford Fo!u$ and de#anded a ra!e do&n the *honda #ountain pa$$ to the port of Marbella" The
&inner of !our$e &a$ a foreone !on!lu$ion% he #u$t have fiured The Sti needed a niht out" So &e
de!a#ped to the harbour$ide to fil# $o#e at#o$phere"
Marbella &a$ everythin that T$7$ ho#e turf &a$ not" It &a$ loaded &ith #inted *u$$ian oliar!h$
and !ountry-$i@ed ya!ht$ !re&ed by orane people &earin Gu!!i ole$" The only !leavae &e $a& at
Dun$-fold &a$ the A#ihty $arla!!7 of Steve Ho&ard7$ ru#p a$ he put hi$ ba!k into $alvain another
$!rapheap !hallene" The ar#y of party popper$ ra!in the bar$ and !lub$ of 9uerto :anu$ &ere all $linky-
hipped under&ear #odel$ $tarin at their o&n refle!tion$ in the +artier and :ulari &indo&$"
I #ade a lihtnin !hane of !lothe$ in$ide the phone booth of a petrol $tation, boarded the li#e
reen Gallardo a$ The Sti and put the roof do&n" Lo!al$ and bea!h!o#ber$ alike &hipped out their
!a#era$ and I felt like a #ovie $tar" I $napped the throttle and ki!ked up the note$ of the E,8 #otor to !lear
a path throuh the !ro&d fillin the #ain dra" 9eople darted left and riht, over$i@ed heel$ $tu#bled,
#outh$ full of old bullion rattled"
My dire!tion$, Aeihth bar on the left7, $ee#ed vaue at niht a$ I $trained to $ee even the neon
liht$ throuh #y vi$or" The hel#et had to $tay $hut" So#e of the friendlier orane$ &ere $lappin #y
$houlder and takin fla$h photo$ throuh the open !abin" A#id$t the $ea of people I re!oni$ed Dan De
+a$tro the Spani$h yeti, bi!ep$ burnin a$ he leed it &ith hi$ !a#era"
)ith the !a#era$ rollin I !ra!ked the throttle a final ti#e, $&it!hed off and #ar!hed to&ard$ the
neare$t bar"
ANot that one, the other one,7 Iain $houted fro# !a#era ."
A fe& #inute$ later I #ade #y$elf at ho#e in the Ten :ar &ith a !o!ktail" It &ouldn7t be lon before
The Sti7$ $e> appeal attra!ted plenty of attention, and $ure enouh a$ ;ere#y #ade hi$ entran!e I &a$
$uitably drippin &ith fan$ ettin their pi!ture$ taken"
;ere#y !lo!ked #e at the !andle-lit table and doubled up lauhin"
A)e7re in 9uerto :anu$, in a bar heavin &ith fanny, and you7ve #anaed to pull four bloke$ F7 He
rai$ed both pal#$ to the heaven$ and then &aved at the $!ou$er$ I7d #et in the !our$e of their $ta do"
ANo, hone$tly, before you !a#e in there &ere irl$ here, I $&ear"7
Thank$ to the #ai! of TE, The Sti7$ honour &a$ $oon re$tored" A roup of $!antily !lad !hi!k$
&ere &aitin up$tair$ &ith the other !a#era$, and &e fil#ed the kind of $hot$ footballer$7 &ive$ $ee of their
hu$band$ every &eek( !ha#pane, blin and boob$"
)ith the fil#in over, I #ade the tran$ition fro# Super#an ba!k to +lark Dent in the urinal$ and
?oined the lad$ in the open-de!k bar" The boy$ $&it!hed their heavy !a#era$ for laer and #elted into the
leather $ofa$" :rian Dlein &a$ rinnin fro# ear to ear"
ADid you $ee hi# &ith tho$e bloke$= I #ean, hone$tly, :en, you7re like the 9ied 9iper for Sun
reader$"7
A)ell, I $a& $o#ethin toniht I &ould never have drea#t po$$ible,7 ;e@@a a$ped" AA Spaniard
runnin, actually runnin" )el!o#e to the Enli$h &ay of life, De +a$tro"7
AFu!k you, ;ere#y, at lea$t our overn#ent i$n7t run by a bun!h of S!ot$ it$"7
;ere#y lauhed $o hard he !hoked on hi$ beer"
To #ake ood our departure &ithout ivin #y a#e a&ay, ;ere#y drove off $tealthily in the li#e
reen La#bo" I ran throuh the ba!k alley$, !auht hi# up and $&apped $eat$ for the ?ourney up the
#ountain"
)eirdly, it &a$ the fir$t ti#e I7d ever driven &ith <n!le ; on the open road" The ribbon of poli$hed
tar#a! that led up to *honda fro# the !oa$t i$ one of the #o$t breathtakin in Europe" It &a$ a !lear niht,
and the $oft #oonliht $ho&ed ?u$t enouh of the ro!k fa!e linin the road to $ee ahead &ithout dro&nin out
the $tar$" I didn7t &orry about the drop into oblivion to #y left be!au$e the La#bo &a$ $en$ational at
follo&in pre!i$ely the path I ordered" The E,8 bello&ed at the #oon and &e ?u$t flo&ed up the &indin road
on a #ai! !arpet"
;ere#y !alled hi$ &ife and held hi$ phone into the air" A+an you hear that= :en7$ drivin u$ up the
#ountain" It7$ ?u$t epi!"7
Epi! or not, a$ $oon a$ &e ot into to&n he $tarted bu$tin #y ball$ about the route, in$i$tin &e
take hi$ one"
ASo &hi!h &ay no&, Sherlo!k=7 I a$ked"
AI don7t kno&, you7ve !o#e in the &ron &ay, #an, turn left" No" *iht"7
A)ell, &hi!h one i$ it, ;ere#y= Left or riht=7
AAre all ra!in driver$ devoid of brain$ and $en$e of dire!tion, or i$ it ?u$t you=7
I never arued &ith ;ere#y, he &a$ too bloody ood at it"
AShut up F you F fu!kin talky #an F7
He roared &ith lauhter at hi$ o&n e>pen$e for the $e!ond ti#e that day, and the na#e ha$ $tu!k
&ith hi# ever $in!e" +ru!ially, it bouht #e t&enty $e!ond$ in &hi!h to fiure out the &ay to our hotel"
I found the :ull *in and then ho#e"
The !lo$e of another day in paradi$e"
+hapter ..
:itten by the :u
So#e day$ I #a>ed a$ #any a$ fifteen different !ar$ &ith no lead-in" )ith the ti#e !on$traint$ of
fil#in, I learnt to $kip the foreplay and adapt 'ui!kly to all !o#er$" The *on ;ere#y of !ar$"
In a ra!in !ar the belt$ &elded your body to the !ha$$i$, and you felt the rea!tion to every bu#p or
for!e phy$i!ally" A road !ar &a$ #ore $ubtle" Bou hun loo$e like a $urfer harne$$in the po&er of a &ave"
)hether I ra!ed a !ar for year$ or drove it for a fe& #inute$, I developed a !onne!tion &ith it$ $oul"
The $e!ret$ poured out on!e you kne& ho& to li$ten" So#e $poke $oftly, other$ $houted fro# the pulpit &ith
a loudhailer"
There &a$ only one Tyranno$auru$ *e>" The :uatti Eeyron &a$ ?u$t a$ e>tin!t the #o#ent it rolled
out of the fa!tory, a reli! of our ti#e" Future eneration$, drivin $#all a$- and ele!tri!-po&ered !ellophane
!o#po$ite !ube$, &ill look at the Eeyron in #u$eu#$ and $ay, A)o&, tho$e uy$ in the Cil Ae &ere !ray-
@ee, but !lever"7
For on!e, $tati$ti!$ really painted the pi!ture &ith the Eeyron"
It$ heart &a$ a #ihty ,3-!ylinder enine" A nor#al !ar had four !ylinder$, $o that &a$ like havin
four enine$ under the bonnet" Four turbo!harer$ $pun #a>i#u# po&er in$tantly fro# the 5-litre #otor,
&ith ten radiator$ !oolin all the $y$te#$"
It developed a arantuan ,,88,bhp and ,.28 NM of tor'ue at the $troke of the pedal, (rom any
s#eed, to bend $pa!e-ti#e and blur the road at .2/#ph" The enine didn7t propel the &heel$ a$ #u!h a$
$hove #illion$ of !ubi! litre$ of the earth7$ at#o$phere out of the &ay at one third of the $peed of $ound"
The tyre$ &ere only rated to run at top $peed for fifteen #inute$, but at .28 you e#ptied the fuel tank
in t&elve #inute$ any&ay" My favourite $tat( the #otor !on$u#ed an e$ti#ated 02,888 litre$ of air per hour"
+o#pli!ated phy$i!$ and $uper!ar$ nor#ally e'ualled fre'uent and !ata$trophi! #e!hani!al failure"
Eolk$&aen roup, o&ner of Audi and La#borhini, bouht :uatti and provided the Eeyron &ith the
#etrono#i! reliability of a S&i$$ &at!h in a &ay that only Ger#an enineer$ !ould"
There &ill never be another produ!tion !ar $o dedi!ated to the purity of $peed, $o perfe!tly delivered,
and the e!ono#i!$ of $ellin a !ar for R528,888 that !o$t$ #ore like R/# to produ!e are unlikely to return
$oon, unle$$ the 9haraoh$ #ake a !o#eba!k"
In .882 I kne& none of thi$ bar the pri!e ta, &hi!h failed to i#pre$$ #e" *a!in !ar$ &ere far #ore
valuable and &ere built to be thra$hed, not &or$hipped" I had to et to the ba$e#ent of the Nat)e$t To&er,
lo!ate the !ar and drive it, fa$t, fro# London to Milan"
The three pre$enter$ had ra!ed a!ro$$ Europe fro# Alba in Northern Italy to deter#ine the fa$te$t
&ay of tran$portin a fre$h truffle to Enland" +ontrary to popular belief, the To# $ear ra!e$ &ere for real"
Ha##ond and May fle& in a $#all +e$$na and hit!hed a ride on the Euro$tar% +lark$on drove the :uatti
over the Alp$, !ro$$in Italy, S&it@erland and Fran!e"
A tra!kin !re& had !ha$ed ;ere#y a!ro$$ thou$and$ of kilo#etre$ of !ountry$ide to re!ord hi$
?ourney" My ?ob &a$ to re!reate the trip in rever$e &ith another !re& to !apture the ne!e$$ary pi!k-up $hot$"
The !lo!k approa!hed #idniht a$ I headed throuh the iant la$$ door$ that opened into the
To&er foyer" The pla!e &a$ de$erted apart fro# a unifor#ed uard on the front de$k" It felt like :ru!e )illi$
&anderin around the Nakato#i buildin in 2ie 6ard" I $!aled a $#art e$!alator and took a lon ride in the
#ain elevator to rea!h the Eertio bar on the 0.nd floor"
The lift door$ opened into the di# blue lihtin of the re!eption area" +a#era kit &a$ $tre&n a!ro$$
the !arpet, $urrounded by a thron of $ound#en, !a#era#en, produ!er$ and dire!tor$"
Iain May, beer in hand, $potted #e and bean $inin, AIt7$ only ?u$t beun I for you F7 Hi$ $hift &a$
over"
The fir$t ob?e!tive &a$ to et the :uatti key$ off +lark$on and o fil# A$o#e footae of London7" I
&andered around the oval roo# and found the pre$enter$ $teadyin the#$elve$ &ith a fe& bevvie$ &ith
Andy )il#an and Niel Si#pki$$"
Ha##ond and May looked relieved to be $tandin #ore than t&o in!he$ apart, after thirty-$i> hour$
!ra##ed into the tiny +e$$na" They hadn7t rea!hed the $tae of the *u$$ian !o$#onaut$ on the MI* $pa!e
$tation, &ho pa$$ed &ritten note$ to one another $o they didn7t have to $peak, but they &ere !lo$e" May
hun!hed over a !o!ktail table &ith hi$ hair draped over the a$htray, and Ha##o leant aain$t the bar,
$inkin :eliu#7$ fine$t &ithout lettin it tou!h the $ide$"
+lark$on had &on, $o he &a$ in ?ubilant for#, proppin hi$ fa up in the air like an antenna and
re#ini$!in about the la$t !ouple of day$" He handed #e the key and rinned" It &eihed heavy in #y hand,
$olid #etal bound in red patent leather, the :uatti oval ena#elled in the !entre"
ABou7ll fu!kin love that"7
A*eally=7
ACh F7 He $hook hi$ head" AEpi!"7
The inbound !re& &ere $oakin up the boo@e" It looked like the #akin$ of a da#n ood party, but
&e had order$ fro# Niel to et #ovin"
Do&n in the ba$e#ent, produ!er Ale> *enton and a iddy ;i# )i$e-#an &ere !ir!lin the :uatti
like fren@ied hornet$" )i$e#an &a$ &earin a $ho!kin $et of Elvi$ $unla$$e$"
ANi!e $hade$, ;i#"7
A)ith a future thi$ briht, you kno& it #ake$ $en$e" Speakin of &hi!h, mmm, I $ee you7re holdin
the key$ to a 7ey-*on" )e7ll $ee you out of here, #ind the kerb$"7
I !li#bed in$ide the !abin and landed in the <-boat !aptain7$ !hair" I $hut the door and felt the
!o!kpit pre$$uri$e" Gaue$ and dial$ littered the #aroon leather da$h, poi$ed to !onfir# &hen every one of
the ,88, hor$e$ had been deployed" The #ain !on$ole &a$ #ade of tortoi$e$hell-patterned $teel" A pi$tol-
rip ear $ele!tor at it$ !entre looked pri#ed to fire torpedoe$" The &heel &a$ $o $turdy it #u$t have been
$olid !a$t #etal" All the !ontrol$ &ere hard-&ired to the fun!tion$ of $teerin, ear-bo> and enine"
I pu$hed the $tart button, and a heavy-duty $tarter #otor $!ree!hed the enine rea!tor into life"
The Eeyron had been bo>ed in, no$e into the &all of the underround !ar park" *ear vi$ion &a$
poor, probably be!au$e nothin $tayed !lo$e enouh to &orry about" :ut it #eant that #y fir$t #inute$
behind the &heel &ere $pent $&eatin bullet$, rever$in it up a narro& parkin ra#p at le$$ than one #ile an
hour"
+a$per and I finally headed into the a#ber niht" A $inle &allop of the throttle dealt &ith the
:la!k&all Tunnel, then &e headed ea$t into the +ity" The !re& $topped $o#e&here near A)all7 at .a# to $et
up an elevated tripod, to et a li#p$e of the :uatti ha##erin around a bi roundabout $y$te#" Then the
poli!e turned up"
+a$per7$ bro& furro&ed a$ he !li#bed out of the pa$$ener $eat" A fe& #inute$ later he &a$ ba!k"
ASpoken to the La&" They7ve ot a #e$$ae for you( UGive it $o#e $hitV"7
My plea$ure"
)ith adult $upervi$ion, I floored the :u around thi$ roundabout for the ne>t t&enty #inute$" In a
$traiht line the four-&heel drive !ould a!!elerate the ri fro# 8 to 38#ph and ba!k to 8 aain in le$$ than
five $e!ond$"
I rea!hed under the $teerin &heel and depre$$ed an inno!uou$ $ilver button to di$enae the
tra!tion !ontrol and du#ped the throttle at the traffi! liht$" The four &heel$ !la&ed at the rea$y road then
$hot off" I ai#ed around the !orner and !lun on to the &heel ?u$t to $tay in #y !hair" It rappled it$ &ay
a!ro$$ the &et #anhole !over$ &ith a fe& #inor $lippae$ alon &hat &a$ other&i$e a 68#ph tra#line"
My e>uberan!e ot the better of #e that niht a$ the &ar# lo& e#anatin fro# +a$per7$ !a#era
en!ouraed #y riht foot to $lip on the e#pty !arriae&ay$" The kidney pin!hin thru$t that &ent &ith every
i#pul$e of the a!!elerator &a$ in a !la$$ of it$ o&n, and !o#pellinly addi!tive" Even the $trobin fla$he$
throuh the Li#ehou$e Link tunnel failed to brin #e ba!k to the real &orld" F,, eat your heart out"
)e pi!ked up our Ger#an e$!ort fro# E) $o#e hour$ later and bean the t&o-day ?ourney to Italy"
Gettin fro# A to : took loner than the a!tual ra!e, be!au$e &e kept $toppin to po$ition fil# !re& and
be!au$e every traffi! !op in )e$tern Eurpope &anted to $ee ho& fa$t it &ould o"
The :u had a paddle $hift to pi!k fro# $even ear$ or you !ould leave it in auto#ati! and take pot
lu!k" It paid to re#e#ber &hi!h one you &ere in" If you floored it in AD7 there &a$ a $liht delay a$ the
earbo> !on$idered the #o$t po&erful !o" :y the ti#e you reali$ed &hat &a$ oin on, the a!!eleration
thu#ped you into the ba!k of the $eat and you entered &arp $peed" Nothin on the autoroute #oved like
thi$" It &a$ like flyin a <FC after $o#eone had pre$$ed the pau$e button on the re$t of the traffi!"
For any ood road trip, you needed a &in#an" Fren!hie &a$ a loveable &ide-boy fro# the
produ!tion tea# &ho, a$ he !on$tantly re#inded #e, had on!e o&ned an MK-2( A*ear-&heel drive, did
douhnut$, #y pride and ?oy, tragically !auht fire and burned to a !inder one day F7 He &iped hi$ eye"
Fren!hie took hi$ dutie$ $eriou$ly, kept the :u bri##ed &ith $na!k$ and o!!a$ionally noted
$inpo$t$ bet&een bur$t$ of ne!k-breakin lauhter every ti#e I $o #u!h a$ ti!kled the throttle"
There &a$ a bur$t of $tati! fro# the radio" ATurn riht at thi$ ?un!tion, plea$e, &e7re oin left to fil#
you F7 )e7d al#o$t forotten Niel &a$ there" ANo, $orry, !o#e &ith u$ no&" Take the left"7
The left lane &a$ heavin &ith traffi! at a red liht &hil$t #y lane &a$ reen" I hooked the indi!ator to
a !horu$ of Fren!h horn$"
AI feel your pain" A thou$and pair$ of Galli! eye$ burnin into the $ide of your fa!e$"7
AThank$, Nie"7
A!tually, the eye$ didn7t ive a #onkey7$ about the $ide of our fa!e$" They &ere $i#ply !aptivated by
the Eeyron" )e dre& a !ro&d &herever &e &ent" A$ &e thundered throuh the bu!oli! !ountry$ide people
&aved fro# the field$, and !hildren ran to&ard$ it a$ &e !rui$ed $lo&ly throuh the villae$" :a!k on the
open road, tree-lined boulevard$ &hirled by a$ I $napped at the ear paddle like a ?unkie on a !ra!k pipe"
)e $topped to fil# at a re#ote &ood and a !ro&d athered &ithin #inute$, youn and old, $o#e
takin photo$, $o#e ?u$t #arvellin that $u!h thin$ !ould be" The :u #ade everyone $#ile% it !on?ured
ane& the inno!ent deliht &e !an all feel &hen ad#irin a beautifully !rafted auto#obile"
ACD, Mr +ollin$, ti#e to #ove on"7
Niel $et up a !a#era in a !op$e for a panora#i! $hot of the :uatti !ro$$in a $#all $u$pen$ion
bride over a $parklin river" I @apped a!ro$$ in the blink of an eye"
AFu!k #e,7 Fren!hie roaned fro# the foot&ell, Adid you feel the G a$ &e !a#e round the bend=7
I &a$ rinnin like an idiot" AMea, i$n7t it=7
Niel &a$ ba!k on the radio al#o$t i##ediately" ALet #e kno& a$ $oon a$ you7ve turned, plea$e"7
)e had a $pe!ifi! ti#e per#it to fil# throuh the Mont :lan! tunnel, !ro$$in the border fro# Fran!e
to Italy, $o &e !ouldn7t han around"
After a bri$k !ontrete#p$ &ith a !on$tru!tion tru!k &e #ade it ba!k on to the #ain dra and overtook
everythin e>!ept the fuel $tation$" I !oa$ted do&n every #ountain in neutral to $ave fuel, u$in #ode$t blat$
to $ail pa$t other !ar$ like they &ere $inpo$t$" Even $o, &e u@@led fuel" Niel &a$ beinnin to tire of #y
in!e$$ant re'ue$t$ for a top-up"
)e #ade it to the tunnel in the ni!k of ti#e" :en ;oiner hopped in &ith #e to fil# a$ the orane
lihtin dan!ed around the interior" )ith ++TE #onitorin every #illi#etre, I didn7t break the $peed li#it, but
I fli!ked the throttle a$ $oon a$ &e &ere out and &at!hed :en7$ $#ile $pread fro# ear to ear"
)e $et up at a #otor&ay $ervi!e $tation to do an all-&heel-drive laun!h to ,88#ph, &hi!h the :u
a!hieved in five $e!ond$" The E) enineer$ had to phone :uatti7$ head offi!e in Ger#any for per#i$$ion
to enae the laun!h !ontrol $y$te#" )e !haned the $ettin fro# $tun to kill by turnin a #ai! key behind
the $eat" The &hale tail &in ro$e behind #e and the :u7$ a!tive $u$pen$ion lo&ered the no$e into the
round like a rain bull, ready to !hare"
ANiel, &hy don7t you hop in for thi$ one=7 I $aid"
He !li#bed in relu!tantly, $!oo!hed hi$ lon body into the pa$$ener foot&ell $o he !ouldn7t be
$een, and $et the !a#era$ runnin" I applied the brake &ith #y left foot, &hi!h a!ted like a !lut!h, floored the
a$ &ith #y riht and then lifted the an!hor"
The !ar !hared for&ard like the Millennium 1alcon oin into hyper-$pa!e, and the &ide e>pan$e of
tar#a! $uddenly narro&ed on to the #otor&ay" Sure enouh, the :u tran$ported Niel into another &orld"
He $aid nothin" He ?u$t ro!ked ba!k &ith fit$ of !arefree lauhter"
For #o$t of the $hoot I ran the :u in handlin #ode, &hi!h &a$ ood for .//#ph, only $&it!hin to
$peed #ode, &ith the &in do&n, &hen I needed a bit of e>tra ?ui!e" A$ you pa$$ed around ,08 the
do&nfor!e $u!ked the !ar into the road and the $u$pen$ion rea$$urinly lo!ked it$elf in" The a#ount of
po&ered rubber in !onta!t &ith the round #eant the :u &a$ al&ay$ poi$ed to take a dire!tion" Bou held on
and drove it, ,88 per !ent of the ti#e"
:eyond ,58, ahe#, the aero balan!e $tarted to favour the rear and #ade it le$$ &illin to dart
around"
A$ &e !ro$$ed the border into S&it@erland &e $tarted $eein #ore Ger#an plate$ and $eriou$ly
po&erful 9or$!he$" Good $port"
I noti!ed an orane ant in #y #irror, !lo$in at a rate of about 58#ph" Appropriately enouh, $o#e
hard Hau$ #u$i! $tarted poundin out of the radio" Bou only live on!e"
A)at!h thi$, Fren!hie"7
I not!hed do&n to fourth and let the 6,, Turbo run pa$t at flat !hat, then nailed the throttle" )e
#at!hed hi$ $peed &ithin a $e!ond, then $pla$h, bye-bye 9orker" For ood #ea$ure I opened the tap all the
&ay, leavin the boy #arooned in the fa$t lane"
The :u fir#ed up, tyre$ hi$$in and roarin" At ./8#ph, a $par$ely populated autobahn
#eta#orpho$ed into a Grand 9ri> !ir!uit" Dotted &hite line$ be!a#e a $ea#le$$ blur" +at7$-eye$ pu##elled
the under!arriae like $peed bu#p$" The $lihte$t kink in the !arriae&ay be!a#e a !orner"
Bour eye$ only #oved fro# the road7$ hori@on for #illi$e!ond$, anti!ipatin the !u#ber$o#e
tra?e!torie$ of the other A$tati!7 road u$er$ &ell in advan!e a$ the :u obbled tar#a! at a rate of /08 feet
per $e!ond, the lenth of a football pit!h in a blink of an eye"
A line of fla$hin liht$ &hipped into vie&, blo!kin the fa$t lane" Traffi! a!!u#ulated" I pulled the
rip!ord and hit the brake$, kno!kin the :u out of $peed #ode" The rear &in &ent verti!al to for# an air-
brake, the $u$pen$ion ad?u$ted $#oothly to the interruption and the A:S !ra!kled underfoot"
They told #e it !ould $top dead fro# .28 in ten $e!ond$" )hat bull" It took le$$ than that"
If the :uatti &a$ the fa$te$t !ar in the &orld, the $e!ond fa$te$t &a$ the Audi *S3 !ontainin the
E) enineer$ &ho &ere tryin to keep an eye on u$" )henever I $ped off, the Audi &ould loo# into vie& a
fe& #o#ent$ later" A$ our ?ourney prore$$ed, a #utual re$pe!t developed bet&een the T$ !re& and the
Teutoni! boffin$ &ho &ere $upportin u$"
I lo$t !ount of ho& #any ti#e$ &e up and pa$$ed the !a#era and the nu#ber of road$ &e did the#
on" Throuh kaleido$!opi! tunnel$, $tunnin ar!h&ay$ of tree$, tiny Italian villae$, a!ro$$ open field$, up
t&i$tin #ountain road$, pa$t &ind far#$, vineyard$ and fa$t-flo&in river$, the vi$ual fea$t of !ontinental
Europe unfolded before our &ind$!reen"
The trip $ee#ed to end a$ $uddenly a$ it had beun" In Milan I relu!tantly handed ba!k the key$ for
the final ti#e" My life &ould never be the $a#e aain" The :u &a$ bein $nat!hed a&ay fro# u$ by a ?ourno
for revie&" He7d been houndin Niel all &eek"
To $ay I &a$ ?ealou$ &ould be like !lai#in that +indy +ra&ford &a$ #ildly attra!tive" I !ould only
!on$ole #y$elf &ith the hope that #y rival for the :u7$ affe!tion$ #iht be a plu#p, baldin #an &ith
la$$e$" In that, at lea$t, I &a$n7t di$appointed"
+hapter ./
Tra!k *e!ord
I &a$ reunited &ith the :u &hen the ti#e !a#e to $pank it around the Dun$fold !ir!uit" :uatti didn7t
have one available, $o To# $ear !onvin!ed a private o&ner to hand over hi$ key$" A#a@inly, he only had
one $tipulation F
Cur ne& fa$t-talkin Serie$ 9rodu!er, 9at Doyle, had been around the TE blo!k% he &a$ a$ !anny a$
a one-ar#ed $nake !at!her" Hi$ thankle$$ ta$k &a$ to try and !ontrol our $pirallin budet and keep a lea$h
on the pa!k of hound$ !ha$in editorial nirvana" He had a !urly bro&n #ullet and a #outh that bea#ed
&henever $o#ethin un!on$!ionable or $urreal &a$ unfoldin" )ith T$ that #eant #o$t of the ti#e, and
no& &a$ no e>!eption"
AHo& #any lap$ do you think you need, Sti=7
AThat7$ a$ lon a$ a pie!e of $trin" At lea$t $i> or $even% a$ #any a$ it take$ to et the tyre$
&orkin"7
ACD, $i> lap$" The o&ner7$ over there F7 Hi$ bro& furro&ed" AHe7$ ivin #e !hapter and ver$e of hi$
life $tory% he7$ only ?u$t bouht the !ar, yada yada, and the deal i$ &e have to pay for the$e tyre$ if you $!re&
7e#" So, le$$ lap$ i$ ood" +an you do le$$ lap$=7
AI !an try" It depend$ on tra!k !ondition$ and ho& a!!urate you &ant the ti#e to be" +an I u$e laun!h
!ontrol=7
A<# F Beah F )ill that $!re& the tyre$=7
After rapplin &ith rubber it &a$ ti#e to talk fuel" )e needed $o#e" I didn7t fan!y drivin thi$ uy7$
brand-ne& baby on the open road in !a$e $o#eone drove into the ba!k of it, $o &e di$pat!hed hi# to the
petrol $tation" He returned &ith a oue runnin do&n the lenth of the riht $ide, havin had a #inor
di$aree#ent &ith the !on!rete plinth be$ide the pu#p" I $till had to &at!h tho$e tyre$, thouh"
I &anted the :u to do &ell on the tra!k, but in $pite of it$ unrivalled po&er-to-&eiht ratio it $till
&eihed a ton #ore than a Ferrari 0/8 and it proved hard oin to $top, point and $'uirt it out of the tiht
!orner$ at Dun$fold" Cn the $traiht$, it &a$ pheno#enal, but out of the !orner$ the all-&heel drive hunted
fruitle$$ly for tra!tion before bein blo&n out by the #a$$ive enine tor'ue"
The :u &a$ the Din of the *oad, the #o$t a&e$o#e !ar ever #ade" :ut #y ranny !ould have
popped her denture$ in the !up holder and driven a #ore ele!tri! lap &ith her #obility !hair"
I arrived early another #ornin for a different po&erte$t altoether, rabbed a !offee and hooked up
&ith )i$e#an"
A)e7ve ot the :i Daddy today, Stiy" )e7ve ot the Doeni$e"7
ASound$ reat" )hat i$ it=7
For drivin on the ede, nothin &a$ #ore fear$o#e or diffi!ult to pronoun!e than the Doeni$e
++K" Thi$ 583 hor$epo&er S&edi$h land#ine &a$ the brain!hild of the !o#pany7$ founder +hri$tian von
Doeni$e, &ho drea#t of #akin a !ar that &ould break &orld re!ord$" In .882 the ++K $!alped
Guinne$$ re!ord$ for both the fa$te$t and #o$t po&erful produ!tion !ar in the &orld" In .883 they brouht
the !ar to T$ for a !ra!k at po$tin the fa$te$t ti#e on our leaderboard"
A$ ;i# filled #e in, ;ere#y appeared fro# the other end of the offi!e in a ha@e of $#oke" A:e !areful
in that !ar" Look, I kno& you7re a ood driver but, tru$t #e, thi$ i$ like nothin you have ever driven before"
It7$ a bea$t" The !ornerin i$ F something else" ;u$t &ait% you7ll $ee &hat I #ean"7
That &a$ odd" ;ere#y never did that"
;i# and I #ade our &ay do&n to the $tart to $ee ho& thin$ &ere $hapin up" The !a#era !re&$
&ere bu$ily #akin their &ay around the tra!k in their little bla!k van$" I !ould #ake out a lare $'uare ob?e!t
hoin a bi $e!tion of the parkin area" A flurry of #en in dark overall$ hovered around it NASA $tyle,
probin thin$" They opened an enor#ou$ enine !over, and for a #o#ent it looked a$ thouh the !ar #iht
tran$for# into an air!raft-!arrier"
It $at on fat .8-in!h tyre$ that neatly fell in line &ith the $'uare $ide profile, but the !ar $ee#ed
noti!eably $hy of do&nfor!e" There &a$ no $in of any &in$ that &ould enerate hih-$peed rip, and the
body&ork &a$ too flat" A$ I 'ui@@ed +hri$tian von D, the !ar7$ etho$ be!a#e !lear" It &a$ de$ined to avoid
dra at all !o$t$, in order to o a$ fa$t a$ phy$i!ally po$$ible in a $traiht line and break the &orld re!ord"
+hri$tian !ould ea$ily have pa$$ed for Ern$t Stavro :lofeld7$ !heery !ou$in" He &a$ pa$$ionate
about hi$ baby, $ho&erin #e &ith fa!t$ and fiure$ to illu$trate it$ pro&e$$" He &a$ livin out a boyhood
drea# to build a do#inant $uper!ar" Hi$ tea# anti!ipated another $trikin perfor#an!e around Dun$fold, but
a$ the :u had di$!overed, the tra!k !ould be a !ruel #i$tre$$"
I peered into the enine bay to have a look at &hat &ould $hortly be pu$hin #e alon the $trip at
,48#ph" Cn!e you hit the tra!k you &ere either totally !o##itted or you $houldn7t be there at all"
The 0"4-litre E5 enine &a$ lo!ked into the rear bulkhead, in a $i#ilar layout to a Le Man$ !ar, &ith
the $prin$ and da#per$ !learly vi$ible over the double &i$hbone $u$pen$ion" The all-!arbon air $!oop
$naked a!ro$$ the top of the enine like the taut ne!k of a body-builder"
I lifted the door up, not out, to&ard$ the $ky, and &a$ $urpri$ed to find #y hel#et &eded into the
uphol$tered !eilin &hen I $at in$ide" I $'uided around to find a le$$ !lau$trophobi! po$ition and $trapped
#y$elf into the belt$"
I unned the enine and felt the bra&n of the !ylinder$ ru#blin behind the $eat"
I ave ;i# the thu#b$ up" He rinned" A:e !areful out thereH7
ANever"7
AStand by to roll, everyone, tra!k i$ oin live in /, ., , F7
I dropped the !lut!h at ?u$t over 0,888 rev$ and $hot off &ith the rear boun!in" Aboard the
Doeni$e you a!tually felt the $pinnin &heel$ pattin the tar#a!" The enine barked a ra& note a$ the
rev$ peaked and fell ea!h ti#e the &heel$ broke tra!tion" In ?u$t over three $e!ond$ the !ar rea!hed 38#ph,
and a fe& $e!ond$ after that it &a$ runnin at ,.8 into the fir$t !orner" I $'uee@ed the brake pedal and felt
the &eiht $&in a!ro$$ the rear a>le" )ith #ini#al do&nfor!e to keep it in !he!k, the rear t&it!hed and #y
&orld $tarted ro!kin"
+hanin ear$ re'uired the de>terity of a brain $ureon to avoid !ro$$in the ate and rabbin the
&ron ear" A fu#bled do&n-!hane &ould lo!k the rear &heel$ in an in$tant and !ould $pit the !ar off the
tra!k" Cn the up-!hane, it #iht over-rev and blo& the enine to bit$"
A$ I e>ited the fir$t !orner I $hort-$hifted a ear to redu!e the &heel-$pin and #ake life ea$ier" There
&a$ $o #u!h runt that $he $till let loo$e and I $trained into the belt$ a$ the ba!k $&un a&ay"
The $teerin &heel felt a$ $#all a$ a beer #at &hen I &hipped it over and $truled to find the return
point, the #o#ent in the $lide &hen the rip !a#e ba!k and re'uired #e to $traihten the front &heel$"
Leave it too late and the $lide &ould o into tran$ition and $pit #e off" The ++K had a $lo& $teerin ra!k,
&hi!h #eant I had to &ork the &heel t&i!e a$ #u!h a$ nor#al" I &a$ a&are of the flurry of #y &hite love$
and $uffered the added indinity of a!!identally $ettin off the horn button$ on the &heel handle$"
I $troked her up to about ,02 on the ba!k $traiht to&ard$ the heavy brakin area for Ha##erhead"
I pre$$ed the pedal and it #oved to&ard$ the floor, but the !ar didn7t $lo& do&n" Tyre &all, landin liht$,
field, tree$ ahead"
I had to lift #y foot and apply it aain t&i!e to build fluid pre$$ure and $lo& the !ar in ti#e for the
!orner" I $traiht-lined the !hi!ane and took a !lo$e-up of the !at!h net they u$ed to put up for $nain
reedy ?et$ that obbled up too #u!h run&ay"
I #otored on to&ard$ the Follo& Throuh, !he!ked the brake$ and turned in" The !ar felt very liht at
the rear a$ I po&ered throuh and to&ard$ the tyre &all !orner" I ave a bi lift and then floored it on to the
#ain $traiht to&ard$ the final !orner$" A$ &e $traihtened up it felt like the #ain body &a$ $till leanin fro#
the previou$ !orner" The body&ork &a$ a!tin like an aerofoil a$ the $peed built up over ,38" It &a$ $o liht
on do&nfor!e that nothin prevented it fro# $'uir#in around"
I needed to $peak to ;i#"
AIt $ound$ a#a@in% &hat7$ it like=7
AIt7$ F a#a@in all riht" It7$ ot a brakin proble#% the pedal i$ oin lon at the Ha##erhead
!hi!ane" Feel$ like I #iht lo$e the# !o#pletely" Al$o, there7$ $o#ethin &ron &ith the po&er $teerin% it
$uddenly oe$ heavy &hen I7# $lidin"7
;i# tran$lated thi$ into Doeni$e and !a#e ba!k &ith hi$ re$pon$e"
AThey $ay that their driver, &ell, their enineer, &ar#ed the !ar up thi$ #ornin and it &a$ fine" It7$
up to you" If it7$ not $afe, obviou$ly don7t drive it"7
I $tared at the da$hboard for an an$&er" It &ould be a #a?or blo& to Doeni$e if I refu$ed to drive"
Then aain, I didn7t fan!y brake failure and bein flat-pa!ked at the Ha##erhead tyre &all"
AIt7$ !ool" Let7$ !ra!k on, but if it et$ &or$e &e #iht have to $top"7
I !lo$ed the door and lined up, &ith ;i# ready on the $top&at!h" It &a$ all or nothin no&" My heart
pi!ked up a not!h and the adrenalin ra#ped up"
Three, t&o, one F
I kept a &at!hin brief on the brake pedal, tappin it up &ith #y left foot on the approa!h to every
!orner to !he!k it &a$ $till there" It &a$, but only ?u$t"
The !ar &a$ never ea$y" It had $o #u!h po&er that I had to !hane ear &ith the fre'uen!y of a
hu##inbird on a!id" Every ti#e it !re$ted the ri$e into the fir$t !orner I nearly di$appeared do&n the e$!ape
road" )e had to re-po$ition the !a#era t&i!e a$ far ba!k"
<nder heavy brakin it &anted to $lide% a$ $oon a$ I turned, it &anted to $lide, a!!elerate, $lide" The
$heer &eiht of the !ar #eant that on!e it &ent off line, drain it ba!k &a$ i#po$$ible"
Mo$t $uper!ar$ &ent throuh the flat-out kink to&ard$ +hi!ao, &ell, flat out" The Doeni$e rolled
in &ith the $ue$tion that it #iht $&ap end$ at any #o#ent" :rakin on the other $ide &a$ $pirited, in the
&ay that $lo& dan!in &ith a rattle$nake !an be"
In the $lo&er !orner$ the front &ouldn7t turn, then a$ I tried to balan!e the !ar on the throttle the rear
vi!iou$ly broke tra!tion" I $ent a hand to !at!h it, u$ually the one that &a$ already bu$y !hanin ear, &hi!h
&a$ like threadin a pie!e of bendy !otton throuh the eye of a burnin needle"
A$ I rea!hed Ha##erhead for the $e!ond ti#e I &a$ deter#ined to $ho& the $!ary bit!h &ho &a$
bo$$" I brouht the brake pedal up &ith #y left foot but held off the brake$ till the la$t #o#ent" If they didn7t
do the bu$ine$$, I7d be !he&in bark"
Eye$ &ide, I fli!ked #y left foot out of the &ay and $ta#ped on the pedal" In a dead $traiht line the
rear $tayed put and the front &heel$ fli!kered under #y feet a$ they bled the $peed"
Made it" Cn the e>it the throttle balan!ed the !ar into a $ati$fyin four-&heel drift &hil$t I !haned
ear and &hi$tled Di>ie" I played the $teerin &heel like a flute but it &a$ too #u!h for the #otor" A$ the
po&er a$$i$tan!e failed, the $teerin $&it!hed fro# feather liht to ar# &re$tlin &ith a $ilverba!k orilla,
&ith e'ually dire !on$e'uen!e$ if I lo$t"
;i# had enouh $hot$ for hi$ fil#, but I kne& I !ould $have a fe& tenth$ off #y be$t ti#e of ,".8"0" I
&a$ oin fa$t enouh at the Follo& Throuh to produ!e $o#e do&nfor!e, and &ith a bit #ore effort it #iht
?u$t take $o#e e>tra #ph"
It didn7t $ee# riht to $top yet" I vi$uali$ed the perfe!t lap and dropped the !lut!h one #ore ti#e"
I kept the tail neat and tidy, held #y breath throuh the kink and $'uared the !ar up for +hi!ao" I
&a$ dialled in" I took another bi ri$k at Ha##erhead" The pedal &ent $oft but the brake$ &orked" She
$!or!hed her &ay out, t&it!hin and $nat!hin and for!in #e to bra&l &ith the heavy $teerin a$ the po&er
a$$i$tan!e faded"
A$ I $ped to&ard$ the Follo& Throuh I kne& I &a$ on a #ea lap" If I !ould !arry a tad #ore $peed
throuh the fa$t $e!tion, I &ould $urely po$t a ,",6" I turned in &ith a fe& e>tra #ph, &illin the !ar to hold it
and $tay neutral"
:efore I rea!hed the painted !hevron$ at the ape> the rear $lipped bi ti#e" I $teered into it but only
?u$t enouh to halt a $pin" The loner it travelled $ide&ay$ the #ore $peed the tyre$ &ould bleed off and the
better #y !han!e$ of re!overin" I kept #y $iht$ fi>ed on the tar#a! I &anted to $tay on"
A$ I &ent to pull the $teerin $traiht, an invi$ible hand pulled the &heel in the oppo$ite dire!tion"
The a$$i$ted $teerin had !o#pletely one" )ith the &heel$ pointin left ?u$t at the point of rip return, that7$
e>a!tly &here it $ent #e"
I ad?u$ted to the ne& $!enery" Green, !on!rete buildin, tyre &all" I had al&ay$ &ondered &hat that
&all &a$ there for" No& I kne& and #y intere$t in it &a$ ro&in e>ponentially" At ,/8#ph on &et ra$$ the
S&edi$h tonne had a $no&ball7$ !han!e in hell of #i$$in it"
I $'uee@ed the brake$ and &aved the &heel about, but the rate of !lo$in &ith thi$ i##ovable ob?e!t
&a$ un!haned" I hit the &all $'uare on" Lu!kily it kind of e>ploded, tyre$ &ent $ky&ard$ and the #etal
fra#e &a$ flattened" The R288D $uper!ar ?u#ped $lihtly into the air and eventually $taered to a halt"
Shit" I7d et the $a!k for thi$"
I !li#bed out to in$pe!t the da#ae" It &a$ relatively liht, iven the !ir!u#$tan!e$" The #o$t
$trikin feature &a$ a &ha!kin reat tyre that had &eded it$elf into the front air $!oop, a$ thouh the
Doeni$e &a$ bitin a iant douhnut"
+hri$tian von D arrived on the $!ene and &anted to kno& &hat had happened" I apoloi$ed
profu$ely" My #o$t earne$t e>pre$$ion &a$ totally lo$t on hi# behind the vi$or" A$ the !ar &a$ #opped up I
prepared for the &alk of $ha#e into the produ!tion offi!e to fa!e Andy )il#an" He &a$ talkin to +lark$on,
and a$ I opened the door he &hipped around to fa!e #e"
Thi$ &a$ the fir$t ti#e I had even dented a !ar &ith T$" I had no idea ho& #u!h of a bi deal it &a$
to the#" A ra!in tea# &ould under$tand, but a TE $ho& that borro&ed !ar$ fro# #anufa!turer$ ba$ed on
ood&ill &a$ !o#pletely different"
AI a# $o, $o $orry, Andy"7
ACh, don7t &orry about it"7 ;ere#y treated #e to the #other of all $#ile$" AI told you it7$ bloody a&ful,
didn7t I= I7# $urpri$ed you held on to it that lon"7
Bou had to love thi$ bloke" A le$$er #an !ould have hun #e out to dry"
ADid you et a ood ti#e out of it=7 Andy a$ked"
A*ea$onable" If they $tu!k a rear &in on it and $orted the brake$ it &ould o about three $e!ond$
fa$ter round here"7
AThree seconds= :ollo!k$"7
ASeriou$ly" It7$ #a$$ively $hort of do&nfor!e% you !an feel the body rollin and &alkin on the
$traiht$" If they nail it do&n &ith a proper &in and $ort the other proble#$, three $e!ond$"7
Andy $hrued and e>!haned lan!e$ &ith +lark$on" The$e t&o had kno&n ea!h other $in!e
$!hool" Thi!k a$ thieve$" Andy &ent $traiht to +hri$tian von D and booked another run" Several &eek$ later"
They &ere deter#ined to beat the fa$te$t ti#e $et by the 9aani Qonda"
I7d be $ad to $ee the Qonda defeated" It &a$ po$$ibly the #o$t beautiful $uper!ar in the &orld, fro#
the $tunnin !arbon-&eave body to the leather-bound $teerin &heel"
Mr 9aani took a per$onal intere$t in every detail of every !ar he de$ined" The Qonda &a$
relentle$$ly poli$hed and pri#ed prior to fil#in"
ACi, #ate, &hat !ar7$ that, then=7 a be$uited $pe!tator had $houted to the #an &ith the du$ter fro#
behind the tra!k barrier"
The Italian politely upturned hi$ hand$" 8Mi dis#iace, che io non #arlano Inglese F
A)hat, no $peaky Enli$h=7 The $uit looked left and riht for an audien!e that failed to #ateriali$e"
The lauh &a$ on hi# any&ay" He &a$ in$ultin Mr 9aani hi#$elf, a entle#an &ealthy enouh to leave a
platinu# hor$e7$ head on hi$ pillo&"
I #ade #y &ay to the Doeni$e, no& fitted &ith it$ rear &in and $o#e brake fluid" I thouht the
#e!hani! &ould look daer$ at the &hite-$uited hoolian pa!in to&ard$ hi$ baby, but he &el!o#ed #e
&ith a $#ile and a viorou$ hand$hake"
The &in $tabili$ed the !ar $o #u!h under brakin that I !ould !arry lot$ #ore $peed into all the
!orner$" The po&er $teerin &orked and the brake$ &ere faultle$$" The !ar &a$ no le$$ dra#ati! to drive
and had #e $&eatin profu$ely" A$ I !hipped a&ay at the ti#e$ I &a$ al&ay$ relieved to !ro$$ the fini$h line"
;i# )i$e#an ave #e the thu#b$ up, &e had all been &aitin for, and !onfir#ed that the !ar had
Aone fa$te$t7" I7# not $ure there7$ $u!h a thin a$ a perfe!t lap in the ++K, but it &a$ the !lo$e$t I !ould et
that day on ,",4"6"
I parked up &hil$t ;i# ave +hri$tian von D the ood ne&$" He pra!ti!ally levitated &ith ?oy" Hi$ head
ro!ked ba!k and a@ed at the $ky, thru$tin both fi$t$ up&ard$" Hi$ !re& $hook all our hand$ repeatedly" I
&a$ even iven a $ined !opy of the 9oenigsegg Storyook and a Doeni-$e bobble hat"
T$ had pulled out all the $top$ to #ake the run happen, and +hri$tian felt it per$onally" I !haned
into !ivvie$ and found ;i# )i$e#an out$ide the reenroo# lookin very $tre$$ed indeed"
A1uck F7 He !overed hi$ #outh &ith a !o!ked finer"
A)hat7$ &ron=7
ABou ?u$t did ,",4"6, riht=7
I nodded" ACne tenth fa$ter than the Qonda"7
AThat7$ the thin" It7$ one tenth slo-er than the Qonda" I ?u$t !alled it in" And no& I7ve ot to o and
tell hi#"7 I follo&ed ;i#7$ pointed finer to &here +hri$tian von D &a$ $&appin hih five$ &ith the
para#edi!$ in the !ar park"
A)hat the hell do I do no&=7
A+o#e on, I7ll o &ith you" :ut you7d better do the hard part"7
The blood drained fro# +hri$tian7$ !herubi! fa!e" AI #u$t phone #y &ife"7
An unpre!edented third and final $e$$ion &a$ arraned" ;udin by the o#inou$ !loud$, &e had ten
#inute$ to #ake thi$ happen before rain re#oved any !han!e of a fa$t ti#e"
I a$ked the #e!hani!$ to lo&er the $u$pen$ion7$ ride heiht" There &ere no !a#era$" It &a$ ?u$t #e,
the !ar and ;i# &ith hi$ $top&at!h"
I fli!ked on the radio" +hri$ Evan$ i##ediately oblied &ith a per$onal favourite( A:u!k *oer$7 by
Feeder" )i$e#an ot on hi$ air uitar and after fine-tunin the tyre pre$$ure$ it &a$ ti#e to o"
The adrenalin &a$ flo&in and I &a$ @oned" The ++K tended to fo!u$ the #ind, a bit like dan!in
the tano &ith a ha##erhead $hark"
I7d been runnin lap$ &ith thi$ #a!hine in #y head for $o lon that I needed no ti#e to $ettle in" I did
t&o and kne& that the $e!ond &a$ unbeatable" ,",4"3 &a$ t&o tenth$ fa$ter than the Qonda I pole po$ition
at la$t"
The Doeni$e $hunt &a$ the only one I ever had on T$" :ut there &ere ti#e$ &hen I !a#e #ihty
!lo$e"
The Ferrari fa!tory brouht t&o $tunnin ne& R,/8,888 F0/8$ to the tra!k, a +oupG and a
!onvertible Spider" )hen Ferrari brouht an auto#obile to the tra!k, it &a$ al&ay$ ?u$t $o" It $tarted on the
button and the E5 #ael$tro# filled the air"
The 0/87$ body $tylin &a$ a tou!h #ore !o#pli!ated than the /38 and produ!ed #ore do&nfor!e,
huin the road like a hover!raft" )il#an &a$ $o e>!ited that he took over the $top&at!h to et !lo$er to
pro!eedin$"
I took the +oupG for a bla$t and ot into the roove" It$ #id-rear-enine !onfiuration #ade it
perfe!tly balan!ed, a ki!k-a$$ &eapon of #a$$ de$tru!tion" Bou !ould pit!h her in, tra#p on the a$ and
defe!ate $ound and rubber throuh every !urve"
S&it!hin off the tra!tion $y$te#$ &a$ ea$y" Bou $i#ply turned a dial to A+ST7, &hi!h al$o $ped up
the paddle ear-$hift and #ade the throttle #ore re$pon$ive"
It &a$ the &indie$t day I had ever kno&n at Dun$fold" There &a$ a t&i$ter at the Follo& Throuh and
#y ti#e$ &ere a full t&o $e!ond$ $hort of the older /38, a$ )il#an &a$ fir$t to point out" The pre$$ure &a$
on #e to deliver"
The front of the !ar ab?e!tly refu$ed to turn into the #ediu# $peed $tuff" I &a$ !ertain the older /38
#odel had never handled like thi$" A$ the lap$ ti!ked by, )il#an7$ e>pre$$ion re& #ore ri#"
AThi$ !ar $hould be fa$ter" )hat7$ the proble#=7
I didn7t kno&" The 0/8 &a$ $uppo$ed to be a $e!ond fa$ter than the /38, and I &a$ oin flat out"
AIf you think you cant drive it any fa$ter, ?u$t $ay the &ord"7
AI !an al&ay$ find #ore I let7$ ive it another $hot"7
)il#an !lut!hed hi$ $top&at!h and $traddled an i#ainary !hair" Sue$tin that I !ouldn7t drive any
fa$ter &a$ intended to et a ri$e out of #e" And it &orked"
I !ouldn7t for!e any #ore ti#e out of the $lo&er !orner$ and I &a$ brakin $o late that I &a$ barely
$tayin on the !ir!uit" My only option &a$ to ive it ro!k all in the fa$t $tuff and hope it $tu!k"
I &a$ already takin a #u!h &ider line on entry to !ounter the effe!t of the &ind, ai#in $traiht at
the tyre &all on the riht-hand $ide until the la$t po$$ible #o#ent, then !uttin ba!k hard to !arry $peed
throuh the left-hander" I de!ided not to lift off the throttle at all"
Thi$ &ould propel the !ar fa$ter and enerate #ore aero rip, &hil$t al$o keepin the rear differential
fully lo!ked and #ore $table" I i#ained ho& it &ould feel, the e>tra re$i$tan!e to turnin, ho& it &ould ?u$t
!lear the tyre$ and I &ould fini$h &ith an e>traordinary ti#e" It $ent a fre$h &a$h of adrenalin throuh #y
$y$te#"
I pounded around the lap in anti!ipation of the bi #o#ent" It $uddenly arrived% the tyre$ &ere
!o#in up fa$t" I #a$hed #y foot into the !arpet, ai#ed in and the for!e of the &ind pu$hed the !ar into a
,.8#ph four-&heel drift"
The Ferrari &a$ headin ine>orably for the &all on the riht, the $a#e $ide a$ #y $eat" My #outh
tihtened and I #ade #y$elf a$ $#all a$ po$$ible, a$ if thi$ &ould $o#eho& prevent the $a!rilee of
$#earin Ferrari red do&n the lenth of a rubby tyre &all" I pulled in #y elbo&$, !len!hed #y knee$
toether and held #y breath"
I !auht the &all &ith the front riht panel and rubbed it a$ far ba!k a$ the rear &heel ar!h" In ra!in
&e !all it a A$ti!ker rub7 and it7$ no bi deal" Abu$in a beautiful $uper!ar, a 1errari, &a$ $o#ethin el$e" :ut
the lap &a$n7t over yet"
9hotoraphi! In$ert
I ?a##ed the !ar throuh the final t&o !orner$ to !lo!k a ,".."6% a full $e!ond fa$ter, but $till $hort of
the /38+S"
I pro$trated #y$elf before the Ferrari enineer$ and apoloi$ed profu$ely" Their youn te$t driver
&a$ the fir$t to reet #e a$ I &ent to in$pe!t the da#ae"
AStiiia, donta &orry, Stiiia" Bou are a driver, you are poo$hin" At Fiorano, &e have #any !ar$" )e
da#ae #any !ar$% it7$ CD"7
Top #an"
Ferrari &a$ no $hop &indo&, it &a$ a $table of ra!er$" <rban leend had it that if you returned a ba
of &re!kae bearin the pran!in hor$e e#ble# to the fa!tory ate$ at Maranello, red-$uited &orker bee$
&ould al&ay$ ather to repair it" The $pirit of !o#petition &a$ in their blood"
AThe !ar i$ fanta$ti!, but it ?u$t &on7t turn in like the /38" I don7t under$tand it"7
He $!rat!hed hi$ !hin in deep !onte#plation" A:efore you hada 9irelli tyre$, Stiiia" That7$ iitH Today
you hava :ride$tone"7
Eureka" 9irelli tyre$ &ere t&o $e!ond$ a lap fa$ter than :ride$tone$ ba!k then"
I ave )il#an the ood ne&$" A)e $hould do a feature on tyre$, don7t you think= Look at the
differen!e it #ake$ F7
ANot if you a!tually e>pe!t anyone to &at!h the prora##e,7 he $aid"
+hapter .0
Mat!h of the Day
Goin fro# a .88#ph Ferrari one &eek to a die$el Golf the ne>t &a$ a #a?or !hane of pa!e"
9u$hin $#all everyday #otor$ to their li#it felt !ruel at fir$t" Their front &heel$ beed for #er!y and their
underpo&ered enine$ $trained throuh every ear &ith an a$th#ati! &hee@e" :ut I ot u$ed to it" I took
in$piration fro# another breed of ra!in driver" Men &ith no re#or$e or #e!hani!al $y#pathy"
Tourin !ar ra!in, I de!ided, &a$ different fro# any other !ateory" It per#itted driver$ to do to
ea!h other all the na$ty thin$ that &ere forbidden el$e&here" Tourin !ar$ &ere ra!ed &ith #ini#al
aerodyna#i! body&ork be!au$e they &ere loo$ely ba$ed on the $#all produ!tion road !ar$ they re$e#bled"
A$ a re$ult, they &ere e#ployed #ore like a &eapon than a $uri!al in$tru#ent"
If $o#eone bared you out of the &ay to take the &in, there &a$ no head#a$ter to &hine to" Bou
noted the na#e and nu#ber on the door and repaid the favour at the earlie$t opportunity" The driver$ &ere
F a$$ertive"
A*e#e#ber your idea about T$ doin $o#ethin &ith football=7 )i$e#an $aid"
AAb$olutely" )hi!h footballer$ are you talkin to=7
A)ell, it7$ not e>a!tly &hat you $ue$ted, but it doe$ involve footballF kind of" It $hould be really
#ea"7
+ar football !on$i$ted of a iant ball, t&o tea#$ of five !ar$ liveried in red and blue and a ba of nut$
behind the &heel, &hi!h in!luded Matt Neal, Ti# Harvey, Dan Eave$, *ob Huff, To# +hilton, *u$$ S&ift and
#e" *u$$ and I &ere the odd one$ out, a$ pro driver$ but not tourin !ar ra!er$" He looked do!ile enouh,
but &a$ a leendary $tunt driver &ho pulled t&enty handbrake turn$ before breakfa$t and $pun ; turn$
throuh i#po$$ibly tiht $pa!e$ for eleven$e$" I &a$ keen to $ee hi$ voodoo in a!tion and take hi# on"
The venue needed to be bi enouh to ho$t a bun!h of $peedin !ar$ tryin to out$!ore one
another" )e fiured that if :runtinthorpe airfield &a$ lon enouh to land the Eul!an nu!lear bo#ber, it
&ould $uffi!e"
;a#e$ May !aptained one tea# and #ade hi$ $ele!tion$" The Sti !ouldn7t play in thi$ a#e, he
hate$ football, $o I ?oined Ha##ond7$ tea# a$ #y$elf" Ha##o and I &ere a little nervou$ about #e bein
vi$ible on T$ aain% &e7d only ?u$t re!orded another fil# toether &ith a $kateboarder aain$t a rally !ar" It
&a$ tri!ky pretendin not to kno& ea!h other, $o &e avoided eye !onta!t"
)e #ade our &ay over to an unre#arkable fleet of brand-ne& Toyota Ayo$, the type of bo> your
dotty aunt #iht !all a A$&eet runabout7" Little bu-eyed headliht$ looked nervou$ly at the pro$pe!t of pillae
at the hand$ of ten t&i$ted ?oyrider$"
)e kne& &e hadn7t been !alled in to drive &ithin the DSA uideline$, but no one really e>pe!ted to
&rite off ten brand-ne& !ar$ F
;a#e$ A:oi!ey7 :ry!e, a protGG of *idley S!ott, &a$ dire!tin the $hoot and e>plained the for#at(
A)hat &e &ant to do today i$ $tart off &ith $o#e pre!i$e drivin $hot$, hittin the ball to $ee if you !an
a!tually kno!k it into the oal, &ith no !onta!t" )e7ll $top the a#e after about ten #inute$ to !he!k
!a#era$" Then &e #iht allo& a little !onta!t and radually build up the te#po"7
Side&ay$ rin$ $ue$ted other&i$e"
My Ayo &a$ a de#on$trator fre$h out of the dealer$hip and $till $#elt of $&eet $ili!on" The pla$ti!
$teerin &heel and rea$onably pri!ed in$tru#ent$ lea#ed" She had been !arefully delivered &ith paper
$heet$ in the foot&ell$ and pla$ti! $eat !over$"
I !hu!ked tho$e out $traihta&ay, &eded a !ouple of pennie$ into the handbrake button and taped
the# do&n &ith affer I et voil:, a flya&ay handle"
At fir$t no one kne& &hat to do% it &a$ the $!hool di$!o &ith everyone hanin around the $ideline$
to $ee &hat &ould happen ne>t" I &eaved #y !ar around the pit!h and pin!hed the &ai$t-hih inflatable ball
fro# )i$e#an, &ho &a$ #ar$hallin on foot"
Bou !ould dribble by kno!kin the ball for&ard and a!!eleratin behind it" It &a$ $o liht that the air
$peed &ould rai$e the ball off the round and you !ould !arefully pla!e it on the no$e or &ind$!reen to drive
it alon" The tri!k &a$ anti!ipatin &hen the ball &ould roll off !entre, $teerin into it and u$in the &ind to
line it up aain" Straihtfor&ard, until $o#eone $uddenly parked in front of you"
The #ore !onfident driver$ be!a#e &ith the ball, the le$$ &illin they &ere to $hare it &ith anyone
el$e" Stealin and Ata!klin7 be!a#e in!rea$inly are$$ive and *u$$ &a$ takin no pri$oner$" He $hot
a!ro$$ #y bonnet $o fa$t I thouht I7d a!!identally driven a!ro$$ a #otor&ay" I had to brake and $&erve hard
to avoid hi#" He &a$ utterly ruthle$$" I ad#ired the fa!t that he &a$ defendin hi$ territory" T&o !ould play
that a#e"
The only proble# &ith !ar footie &a$ that the da#n ball kept blo&in a&ay in the &ind" The
!a#era#en, )i$e#an and :oi!ey, $pent #u!h of their ti#e bootin it ba!k into play and tryin not to et run
over" )hen )i$e#an found hi#$elf holdin the ball $urrounded by a ale of i#patient Ayo$, :oi!ey
radio7d a $top"
A)e7ve ot $o#e reat $tuff here, uy$" )e7re ?u$t oin to keep fil#in no&" Deep an eye on your
in-!ar !a#era$" If the liht oe$ out, et it re!hared and &at!h out for the #ar$hal$" Bou !an #ake a little
!onta!t no&"7
Ahe#"
I &a$n7t !o#fortable &ith $!rat!hin the i##a!ulate Ayo and laboured under the preten!e that I
!ould $!ore the #o$t oal$ &ithout puttin a #ark on it" After all, the !o#petition &a$ ?u$t a bun!h of tourin
!ar biff$, t&o TE pre$enter$ and one old #an"
)e for#ed t&o $e#i!ir!le$ around the ball for the ki!k-off" I punted it over the other $ide and $lipped
throuh a ap, !auht up &ith the ball and dribbled it beautifully to&ard$ the oal at /8#ph" Suddenly
Ha##ond $hot a!ro$$ #e, hit the ball a&ay and $topped dead" I ?a##ed the brake$ to avoid hi# and $a&
red"
AI7# on your tea#, you lunati!"7
AHahaaa, sorreee F7
Cff he &ent"
A !ouple of !ar$ !ro&ded the ball, nudin it and then rever$in but oin no&here" Nobody &ould
!ede round" I ?oined fro# the left and boun!ed it into the air" A$ it landed, #y !ar &a$ ro!ked to the riht a$
*u$$ S&ift drove into #y front left &heel ar!h and punted the ball a&ay" My $pa!e had been invaded" It &a$
Fir$t :lood, and the re$t of the $hark$ ta$ted it in the &ater"
After that fir$t dent, the te#po &ound riht up" Minor $!rape$ at fir$t, then full-on &heel banin" No
one !ared to look behind before rever$in flat out to re-po$ition, and it &a$ CD to tap another !ar into a $pin
to $teal the ball" It &a$ #a$$ road rae"
I found #y$elf in a re#ote part of the airfield &ith #y opponent Matt Neal, the talle$t ra!in driver in
the &orld" :lue $#oke billo&ed fro# hi$ front &heel ar!he$ a$ I du#ped the !lut!h on #ine and &e $ured
to&ard$ the ball" In a a#e of !hi!ken, $o#eone had to have the brain$ to ba!k off fir$t"
The ball e>ploded &ith a #ihty pop and &e !ollided no$e on no$e" My bonnet !ru#pled and
$napped up, headliht$ $#a$hed and the rill e#bedded into the $teel radiator" I &a$ ro!kin in the $eat &ith
lauhter and $a& Matt hanin off hi$ &heel, rinnin at #e throuh hi$ &ind$!reen"
ADriver$, &e only have three ball$ left% plea$e try to pre$erve the#"7
The !arnae !ontinued unabated" ;a#e$ May kept rever$in into people by #i$take" They &ould
have #on$trou$ a!!ident$ in hi$ &ake atte#ptin to avoid hi#"
I !ha$ed Ha##ond a$ &in#an &hen another player drove into hi$ path, for!in hi# to $top" I
?a##ed the brake$ and $kidded $ide&ay$ to #i$$ hi# ?u$t a$ +hilton, the $piky blond fro# %ay-atch, tail-
ended #e" He fle& over #y rear &heel and landed alon$ide, all neatly !aptured on #y rear-fa!in !a#era"
Shortly after&ard$ I &a$ $peedin a!ro$$ the #iddle of the pit!h &hen another !ar rever$ed into #y
path, probably May, and $peared into the driver7$ $ide ?u$t behind the door" :an &ent the rear &indo&, and
the rear &heel didn7t fare #u!h better"
I &a$ lad to $ee #y Ayo $tret!hered off" ;udin by the te#perature aue $he7d been runnin
&ithout radiator fluid for the pa$t ten #inute$" I hopped into a $pare that had been va!ated by an ab$olute
ani#al &ho had been ridin the !lut!h" The left pedal &a$ on the floor and the $ten!h of burnin !lut!h plate$
hun in the !abin"
A fe& oal$ &ere $!ored, u$ually by hoofin the ball over the top of the oppo$ition, !ha$in around
and banin it into the net"
At the end of the a#e, the tar#a! &a$ littered &ith broken la$$, door handle$, &in #irror$,
bu#per$ and fluid$" I ki!ked #y !ru#pled door open to !li#b out" Matt Neal7$ vehi!le &a$ !o#i!ally pieon-
toed" The re$t of the fleet &ere DIA or &alkin &ounded" )e7d !o#pletely ruined ten ne& !ar$ and there
&ere a fe& $tiff ne!k$"
I7d al$o for#ed an inti#ate kno&lede of the Ayo" It &a$ $uperbly aile and re$ilient" The earbo>
&a$ 'ui!k and ea$y and the A:S had patiently a!!epted all the abu$e I hurled at it" S&eet runabout"
I al$o bean to $ee !ar$ in a ne& liht &hen #anufa!turer$ $tarted tinkerin &ith the for#at" :M)
brouht an ordinary lookin //8i to T$, &hi!h they !lai#ed !ould learn the tra!k and drive it by it$elf"
Cver the year$ the :avarian !onehead$ had pioneered $li!k auto#ati! earbo>e$, fly-by-&ire throttle
ba!ked &ith tra!tion !ontrol, $ervo-a$$i$ted brake$ !ontrolled by anti-lo!kin $oft&are, and a!tive po&er
$teerin that hardened and $oftened a$ you $teered" The$e be!a#e standard $y$te#$ fitted to all :M)$ and
unbelievably !ould operate all the fun!tion$ of the !ar &ithout the need for a driver" All it needed &a$ a t&eak
to the $oft&are F
Men in blue !oat$ plued !o#puter$ &ith fat lo&in !able$ into the !ar7$ brain and a$ked #e to
drive three lap$ of Dun$fold, one $lo&, one fairly 'ui!k and one fa$t" The onboard G9S tra!kin $y$te#
loed the line$ I &a$ u$in around the !ir!uit alon &ith the lateral G-for!e$, $peed$ and $teerin anle$"
After the initial lap$, the :M) enineer$ told #e I no loner needed to $teer, !hane ear, a!!elerate or
brake" The !ar &ould do it by it$elf"
Fro# per$onal e>perien!e, I preferred doin the drivin to leavin it to a robot &ith idea$ above it$
$tation" For the #o$t part $afety feature$ did &hat they &ere $uppo$ed to( #ake drivin $afer" :ut all
#a!hine$ are fallible" I !li#bed aboard the :M half e>pe!tin it to &rap it$ auto-tihtenin $eat belt$ around
#y throat, bind #y ar#$ and le$, then a!!elerate into a tree" I a$ked the Ger#an enineer$ if they &anted
#e to $tart &ith a $lo& lap to te$t the $y$te# fir$t"
ANo, &e #ake nor#al $peed for the fir$t run" Then &e try a little fa$ter"7
I !ould &re$t !ontrol fro# the !ar at any ti#e by pre$$in any of the pedal$ or rabbin the $teerin"
The !ar $tarted the lap by floorin it and nippin throuh the ear$" I had to hold #y hand$ toether to
override the te#ptation to tou!h the &heel" It dealt &ith the fir$t fe& !orner$ &ith re#arkably late brakin, $o
#u!h $o that I !ould feel the A:S &orkin to !ontrol a lo!kin tyre"
LED liht$ on either $ide of the da$hboard indi!ated &hen the !ar &a$ deviatin fro# it$ opti#al line"
A$ &e $ped into the Follo& Throuh the liht$ &ent reen, yello&, orane and 'ui!kly red before the
!o#puter let o of the $teerin and I had to take hold" The $oft&are &a$ only prora##ed to turn the &heel
a !ertain a#ount, $o &hen the e>!e$$ $peed #ade the !ar under$teer, it &a$ unable to add enouh $teerin
to !o#pen$ate"
I drove ba!k to the :M) boy$" They dialled out $o#e $peed at the Follo& Throuh and added a little
at a fe& pla!e$ &here &e felt the !ar !ould !ope" It ran perfe!tly% not a$ fa$t a$ I !ould drive the lap, but !lo$e
enouh"
It &a$ pretty $pooky &at!hin the &heel $pinnin around by it$elf, but I really &ar#ed to the
te!hnoloy" It &a$ a $nap$hot of the future"
*adar te!hnoloy fro# aviation &a$ al$o bein u$ed in !ar$, a!tin a$ a !olli$ion &arnin $y$te#
and trierin the brake$ &hen it $en$ed another !ar &a$ too !lo$e" At lo& $peed$ it &a$ prora##ed to
dete!t pede$trian$ and #ake an e#eren!y $top" Ford ba$ed their *adar $y$te# on the one u$ed by the F-
.. *aptor, a $tealth fihter $o !anny that it auto#ati!ally tra!ked and identified people on the round"
An interated $y$te# that #arried the auto drivin !apability of the :M) &ith $atellite naviation and
radar tra!kin &ould #ean &e !ould all ?u$t plu in the de$tination and fall a$leep at the &heel" *oad death$
&ould be a thin of the pa$t, a$ &ould the boredo# of drivin on #otor-&ay$ littered &ith $urveillan!e
!a#era$"
The only proble# i$ that the overn#ent &ould probably #ake it illeal to $&it!h the $y$te# off, $o
you &ould o to ?ail for en?oyin your$elf on a !ountry road" :ut it &ould be &orth it" I#aine $&ervin in and
out of traffi! and &at!hin all the other !ar$ auto#ati!ally t&it!hin to a $tand$till, &akin their pa$$ener$
and ?arrin the# ba!k into the real &orld, for!in the# to lo on to Fa!ebook all over aain"
+hapter .2
S#oke and Mirror$
Ti#e to lo!k and load, boy$" Good lu!k out there toniht F7
I &a$ ?u$t out for a late-niht !rui$e in #y !ar, #indin #y o&n bu$ine$$" The $treet$ &ere dereli!t
and poorly lit, oppre$$ive" I turned throuh a &arren of alley$ that led to a dead end and dre& a bead on a
pair of bada$$e$ on #otorbike$ &ho &ere lookin for trouble" They !lo!ked #e and $tarted bunny-hoppin
to&ard$ #e, lauhin and $neerin to one another"
:oth &ore filthy hel#et$ bri$tlin &ith lon $ilver $pike$, li#e reen tiht$ and olive body ar#our" A$
you &ould" )ithin $e!ond$ they7d $urrounded #y !ar and $tarted banin at the &indo&$, invadin #y
$pa!e, thinkin they !ould inti#idate #e" :i F #i$take F
I dropped the !lut!h and $pun throuh ,58 deree$" The $kinny one fell off hi$ bike% the bier lad
#ade a run for it" I drove head on at the $tri!ken biker, #i$$in hi$ le by in!he$ a$ he ki!ked the rear of the
bike !lear and a!!elerated a&ay in the oppo$ite dire!tion to ?oin hi$ #ate" I $hould have left it there and then,
but I didn7t" I yanked the handbrake to turn and fa!e the#" It &a$ a Me>i!an $tand-off, fiht or fliht"
I $en$ed #ove#ent behind #e% a !ar !rept out of a $ide alley I hadn7t $een" It took up po$ition at #y
five o7!lo!k, blo!kin #y e$!ape" I looked ahead a$ a beaten old $edan !overed in alae fle& into vie&
alon$ide the biker$" It &a$ a trap"
A blindin fla$h of liht pier!ed the darkne$$ to #y riht" The e>plo$ion enulfed a fuel tanker"
To #y $urpri$e, a /8-foot #on$ter &ith $kin like a toad, bulin red eye$ and a fla#e-thro&er for a
tonue ro$e fro# the !onflaration" It ave a veno#ou$ ho&l and &aved it$ !la&$ in #y dire!tion" Ti#e to
$kip to&n"
I du#ped the !lut!h and #ade a !hi!ken run at the reneade trio" The bike$ fl in!hed fir$t and $plit
around #e to&ard$ the other end of the alley" I tued the handbrake ently to #ake a 'uarter turn and $lide
riht in behind the#"
)e $ped do&n the $treet" The $edan $hot out fro# the riht and nearly T-boned #e" I !ounter-$lid
around the ob$ta!le and !ontinued the !ha$e"
The #u$!ular biker fle& throuh the air and !ra$hed on to #y bonnet" I ta$ted t&o-$troke a$ hi$
$u#p $#a$hed the &ind$!reen" He $pun hi$ &heel and rode over the roof, then the $edan $#a!ked into #e
fro# behind"
I booted it a&ay and &ent after the $kinny rider &ho &a$ $trulin to turn in the !onfine$ of the
alley" I $lapped hi$ rear &heel &ith enouh for!e to kno!k hi# throuh a &all" Cne do&n, four to o" The
fla#e-breathin, bo-eyed $&a#p !reature &a$n7t plea$ed"
The po&er band ki!ked into third ear and I $ured ahead" The $edan fle& out in front of #e,
partially blo!kin the $treet and offerin a perfe!t taret" I a!!elerated to&ard$ it, took ai# at hi$ pa$$ener
&indo& and pre$$ed the firin tole on #y $teerin &heel"
A #i$$ile $pe&ed fro# the ba@ooka above #y riht ear, rattlin #y eardru#$ a$ it $!ythed throuh
the $edan" The rear $e!tion dropped a&ay and the front $pun off to #y left, $o I ha##ered throuh the
#iddle" )ith a !lear line of atta!k to&ard$ the bi biker and +ar T&o, I kept on the a$ and $ped throuh the
debri$"
+ar T&o he$itated and I $la##ed into hi$ rear 'uarter hard enouh to de$tabili$e hi#" The driver
&re$tled &ith the $teerin, then tank-$lapped hard into the &all" The biker had no&here to run" )e &ere ?u$t
a #etre apart, $o I dropped the !lut!h and luned for&ard" He $!rabbled around #e, ki!kin at the round to
et a&ay" )e revolved around one another in a deadly tano until he had enouh #o#entu# to $et off into
the ba!k $treet"
)e pluned into darkne$$ and ri#e, both $trulin for tra!tion, but I &a$ ainin on hi#" ;u$t
in!he$ fro# hi$ rear &heel, a entle ki$$ on hi$ !hain &ould un$eat hi#" The rider7$ le dropped and nearly
&ent under #y &heel"
He $hot a nervou$ lan!e over hi$ $houlder before turnin left to&ard$ the fuel tanker" I pulled
alon$ide and $'uee@ed hi# $traiht into it" The bike thundered into $olid #etal, flinin the rider over the
handlebar$" He landed like a ra doll"
That ?u$t left the /8-foot fire-breathin #on$ter" It$ !loaked ar#$ la$hed out, fillin the air &ith
burnin petrol"
A9errrfe!tH7 +olin purred in$ide #y earpie!e$" ANo& for the #oney $hot, Stiy"7
I pulled #y final handbrake turn to fa!e the !reature and fire #y la$t #i$$ile, $trikin AS&a#py7 in it$
evil heart" The $trike &a$ $o !lo$e that the burnin e#ber$ rained do&n throuh the open !aed fra#e of #y
*ae :uy"
I $&atted the# off #y &hite overall$ and $pun around to fa!e the 0,888-$tron audien!e"
*i!hard and ;a#e$ $trode ba!k on to the $tae a$ ;ere#y brouht another To# $ear Live $ho& to
an end"
AThe Sti i$ victorious, ladie$ and entle#en" Bou7ve all $een a lot of !ra@y !ar $tunt$ toniht, $o
plea$e re#e#ber on your &ay ho#e F drive (ast" Good nihtH7
I tilted #y vi$or open a fra!tion to #ake eye !onta!t &ith the defeated biker, ;a$on Finn, lyin in a
heap on the $ide of the tanker" Hi$ !he$t bobbed a$ he fouht to et hi$ breath ba!k &ithout vi$ibly #ovin"
He looked a!ro$$ and pouted at #e"
The Sti7$ battle to $ave the univer$e fro# $peed !a#era$ and like-#inded for!e$ of evil played out
a!!ordin to the $!ript above, #o$tly" The live theatre &a$ part of a tour that bean in Earl7$ +ourt and &a$
takin in Europe, Au$tralia, Ne& Qealand, Hon Don and South Afri!a"
The ood burher$ of ;ohanne$bur !leared off #utterin, ABe$$u$, #an, $o#e lekker !ar$ there,
hey,7 and ;a$on, the &orld7$ nu#ber one free$tyle trial$ rider fro# E$$e>, hobbled to&ard$ #e ba!k$tae
&ith +hri$, hi$ youn apprenti!e" ;a$on took off hi$ $&eat-$oaked hel#et to reveal hi$ pop $tar ood look$"
Hi$ Ly!ra tiht$ &ere bur$tin at the $ea#$, eviden!ed by the nu#ber of olf ball$ $#uled in hi$ front
po!ket"
AA&riht, :enny :oy= Bou &a$ riht !lo$e before the tanker"7
AI thouht I !ould $ee you t&it!hin" Mu$t be old ae"7
AI $#a$hed #e rib$ on the# bar$ that ti#e"7 He tued at hi$ ve$t" A;u$t a$ &ell I7# &earin #e
Fi$her 9ri!e pad$, innit=7
+olin appeared fro# behind the !urtain, hi$ &ai$t-#ounted #an-ba leadin the !hare" A$ the
eniu$ &ho !horeoraphed our ti#in$, he &a$ the one independent !riti! &e ai#ed to plea$e"
ASuperb, boy$" :en, even your little #i$$ile$ &ent off thi$ ti#e, the $edan fell apart on !ue and ;a$on
$ho&ed the punter$ hi$ ar$e" Are you all riht, ;a$on= Bou look out of breath"7
ABeaaah" Think I !auht #e nad$, but I7ll be a&riht"7
AThank$, +olin, you did an a&e$o#e ?ob,7 I $aid"
He kne& our routine$ ba!k&ard$" )e #eti!ulou$ly !horeoraphed every #ove to !hi#e &ith the
#u$i! and pyrote!hni!$" )ith $o #any near #i$$e$ in a tiht $pa!e, ti#in &a$ everythin"
Doin it live #eant &e had to be prepared to i#provi$e &ithin a $plit $e!ond, and &ith up to five
$ho&$ a day it !reated $o#e ten$ion ba!k$tae" I $lept a$ #u!h a$ I !ould bet&een perfor#an!e$ to
#aintain #y fo!u$" )e $pent #o$t of our ti#e at the arena, but did #anae to $lip into ;o7bur on!e or t&i!e"
Cut$ide the do#e I pa$$ed out under the Afri!an $un &ith a tu#orou$ hanover fro# a dinner party
the niht before" ;u$t t&o bottle$ of )ind-hoek beer had redu!ed #y brain to a pul$atin ba of $not after a
third day of breathin e>hau$t fu#e$ in$ide the !lo$ed arena"
Ha##ond had $&allo&ed hi$ o&n vo#it on $tae durin the $ho& and ;ere#y &a$ #ovin around
like $o#eone &a$ operatin hi$ li#b$ re#otely &ith $trin$" ;a#e$7$ &hereabout$ &ere $till unkno&n"
The dry heat roa$ted #y li#p !ar!a$$ and I $haded #y eye $o!ket$ &ith $o#e liht readin, The
End o( 5il" The i#pendin fuel !ri$i$ had been of reat !on!ern to #e, until I read the bit about the da&n of
hydroen fuel !ell$ and the very fa$t, very po&erful ele!tri! vehi!le$ of the future" Then I $lept like a baby"
AHa$ anyone $een :en=%E,, youre 5, (or ( H7
I peeled #y $&eaty bone$ off #y !ardboard floor #at and tried to re#e#ber &here I &a$" I pulled
fo!u$ on !aro !ontainer$ full of ear-bo>e$, a a@ebo !overin an Apa!he un$hip &ith &heel$ and a Nin?a
dre$$ed top to toe in &hite $ilk" Nin?a &a$ doin a $tandin $plit$ and &hirlin a double-ended $&ord throuh
the air &ith pheno#enal !o-ordination" My &at!h alar# &ent off and it all !a#e ba!k to #e( drive ti#e, third
$ho& of the day"
I ran pa$t Nin?a, a freaki$hly talented youn irl !alled +hloe" Her $lender ar#$ and le$ fired
throuh a $e'uen!e of ra!eful ki!k$ and $&ipe$, &ith a final thru$t of t&o finer$ to&ard$ her eye$ and a
$inle point at #e" I returned her $alute and $lipped on a bla!k bala!lava"
:a!k$tae &a$ bla!ked out but it didn7t $ilen!e the thru# of #y E5" I in$pe!ted the !li#bin handle$
on the rear de!k of the ?et-bla!k Eau>hall Monaro A<te7, then double-!he!ked ea!h individual tyre by hand for
$in$ of bli$terin or bare !anva$" I pu#ped the flya&ay handbrake, di$ar#ed the T+S and ar#ed the $#oke
bo>" The fa#iliar reen LED dial$ all read true, and I pulled for&ard &ith #y heart runnin a #illion beat$ a
#inute" I al&ay$ dreaded thi$ $e'uen!e, in a ood &ay"
)e lined up $ilently on the $tae, hidden fro# the audien!e in a $ea of darkne$$" A !ra$hin dru#
roll introdu!ed +hloe under a $trobin &hite liht, then the $potliht hit #e" I unlea$hed 028bhp, nipped $o#e
left-foot brake to e>aerate the &heel$pin and $le&ed off #y #ark" +hloe $tepped a$ide at the la$t #o#ent,
allo&in the fender to bru$h her $&ord a$ I yanked the &and and rotated the bonnet around her le$"
The Monaro bean it$ !ir!le fully $ide&ay$ a$ I po&ered the rear &heel$ and took #y hand$ off the
$teerin" The &heel $pun it$elf throuh 4.8 deree$ in the blink of an eye until it found the appropriate
deree of oppo$ite lo!k, a pe!uliar te!hni'ue I had pi!ked up in the !our$e of the tour" I !auht the &heel
one-handed and bean the perilou$ triple lap around +hloe a$ her riht le darted $ky&ard$ and $he
balan!ed pre!ariou$ly on the left" )ith the bu#per in!he$ fro# her $hin$, I !ould $ee nothin belo& her &ai$t
bet&een inter#ittent bur$t$ of blindin $potliht" The larely #ale audien!e $a& rather #ore of +hloe7$
nubile fiure a$ $he $pread her $ine&y le$ in a $tandin $plit$" The ai$le$ &ere reularly $&ept !lean of
fallen !he&in u#"
An irreular note in the #u$i! !o#in throuh #y earphone$ infor#ed #e I &a$ runnin a $e!ond
too fa$t into the routine, $o I ea$ed on $o#e left-foot brake to $lo& the rate of turn and in!rea$ed the throttle
by a nat7$ &hi$ker" My <te had a fe& $pe!ial #odifi!ation$, in!ludin a $olid &elded rear differential that
allo&ed the rear &heel$ to turn at the $a#e $peed and $pin !on$i$tently every ti#e"
I $eparated fro# +hloe and drifted around a lap of the arena &hil$t $he thre& Nin?a renade$ at #e
&ith !oin!idin pyrote!hni!$ oin off around the $tae" The finale involved a rollin burn-out( the Monaro
!rept for&ard &ith the rear$ $pinnin at 48#ph, burnin #ore rubber than a Dure> fa!tory" +hloe ?u#ped on
to the !ar, Akilled7 it &ith her $&ord and &alked off" Cr $o $he thouht"
The E5 $pran ba!k to life and into a $#okin douhnut, &ith a little help fro# the #a!hine bel!hin
out the pyro" The Nin?a $ear!hed the !loud in vain for her prey, &hil$t I !ir!led around to !o#e at her fro#
behind and tap her !alf &ith the bu#per" That !on!luded our bu$ine$$ and &e bo&ed out"
There &ere $o #any o!!a$ion$ durin the $e'uen!e &hen I !ould ea$ily have run her do&n that I
&el!o#ed the relief after ea!h run"
The produ!er$ had their &ork !ut out too" +ar$ had to be out of the door on ti#e, routine$
#e#ori$ed and loi$ti!$ e>e!uted to the $e!ond" Ma!hinery !ould and &ould al&ay$ break do&n, and To#
$ear7$ te!hnoloy re!ord &a$ notoriou$ly Aa#bitiou$ but !rap7" They &orked all hour$ to keep &ounded
vehi!le$ operational, but if the Sti :uy died for any rea$on, I &a$ under order$ to $top one of #y
pur$uer$, pun!h the driver and !o##andeer hi$ vehi!le"
My favourite variable &a$ the $edan, an an!ient Alfa *o#eo 42 that $plit apart &hen I $hot it" If the
driver hit the a$ a fra!tion of a $e!ond too late &hen I drove to&ard$ hi# &e &ould have a $evere T-bone" I
tru$ted hi#, but I !ouldn7t $ay the $a#e about hi$ #otor" The Alfa7$ de$iner$ never i#ained it &ould be
deployed in a pit!hed $treet battle t&enty year$ after leavin the fa!tory"
Fren!hie had be!o#e the live $ho&7$ e>e!utive produ!er" He even &ore a pre$$ed, !ollared $hirt
the$e day$" He7d kept a !o#pletely $traiht fa!e &hen he de$!ribed the $tunt durin the !on!ept $tae"
A:a$i!ally, the t&o halve$ of the Alfa are held toether by #anet$ F )hy are you lauhin=7
AManet$=7 I $norted" ABou, &e, To# $ear have a !ar that7$ held toether by magnets and plan to u$e
it in a live $ho&= That7$ hy$teri!al"7
ABe$" So any&ay, the !ar i$ held toether by magnets and &e !an u$e one of the ro!ket$ on your
buy to blo& it up" Bou7ve ot t&o buie$, t&o bike$ and the AS&a#py7 tanker, &hi!h ha$ to die at the end"
Have a &ord &ith the driver$ and $ee &hat kind of $e'uen!e you !an !o#e up &ith F7
There &ere a #illion diverin opinion$ on ho& to turn our $e!ondhand !ar lot into an a!tion
$e'uen!e" Everyone !ontributed" )e #ade dra&in$ of the be$t $ue$tion$, pu$hed #at!hbo> !ar$
throuh the #ove$, then rehear$ed the# on foot in the arena, before drivin the#, $lo&ly at fir$t, then flat
out"
To# $ear7$ ver$ion of NASA, aka the Euphoria *a!e Tea#, had bu$ied the#$elve$ preparin the
#aneti! Alfa and &ere ready to put a driver in it to do a $y$te#$ !he!k" Neil +unninha#, &ho7d $pent
#u!h of hi$ early life bein !ha$ed by the Ne& Qealand poli!e around !ountry road$, $lipped on hi$ brain
bu!ket and &arily !li#bed aboard our e'uivalent of Apollo ,/" A #uffled Di&i voi!e !a#e fro# in$ide( AHo&
d7ya turn thi$ thin on=7
The te!hni!ian$ re#ained un$y#patheti!" ATurn the bloody #a$ter $&it!h, you nuet"7
AI7ve donethat"7
ACh"7
The laun!h &a$ $tood do&n" The Alfa &ent a&ay for further develop#ent and reappeared ten
#inute$ later"
Neil unned the enine, &hi!h ti!ked over like a ba$ket of !holeri! !obra$" The plan &a$ to drive it in
one pie!e around the $tae before #ovin on to the ne>t $tae( deta!h#ent" The Alfa a!!elerated a&ay
relu!tantly and $hed it$ rear $e!tion al#o$t i##ediately, a$ the !re& ave a round of #o!k applau$e"
The te!hni!ian$ &orked their nut$ off &ith the li#ited re$our!e$ available, and in true Ma!Gyver $tyle
they #anaed to et the #anet$ to hold the !ar toether and to deta!h on de#and about 28 per !ent of the
ti#e" The re$t of the ti#e I took eva$ive a!tion"
I drove flat out to&ard$ it, &aitin until the la$t #o#ent to fire #y ro!ket and a!tivate the !ar $plittin
in t&o" Firin at !lo$e rane &a$ e$$ential, be!au$e it looked #ore reali$ti! and it ave #e a better !han!e of
hittin Neil in the head &ith the fla#in pro?e!tile"
The do&n$ide &a$ that if the !ar didn7t fall apart, there &a$ a very real !han!e of $la##in into the
$ide of it" If it $plit early I nearly hit the front end a$ it $ped up% if it $plit late it &a$ a !a$e of &aitin to $hoot
throuh the #iddle or near #i$$in the ba!k half" Doin a three-&ay Aelk te$t7 ti#e and aain &a$
!ounterintuitive, a$ !o##on $en$e ured you to $lo& do&n, but I really en?oyed the !hallene"
The pre$enter$ al&ay$ &at!hed the rand finale of the Sti battle, and ;ere#y never tired of
announ!in it( AAnd no& for the #o#ent you7ve all been &aitin for" So#e $ay that he7$ terrified of du!k$ and
that hi$ peni$ ha$ a !hi!ane in it" And a four-#ile $traiht" And a hairpin" All &e kno& i$, he7$ !alled The Sti
F7
The pre$enter$ &at!hed in be#u$e#ent fro# behind the !urtain a$ bike$ ?u#ped over buie$, !ar$
fell apart and $purted oil every&here and &e $lithered around to keep the $e'uen!e oin"
The preparation area that $upported the$e effort$ re$e#bled 8847$ AS7 bran!h, &ith pyro enineer$,
#e!hani!$ and $tunt$ oin off in every dire!tion" Fla#e-thro&er$ and detonator$ &ere te$ted in one !orner%
in another a #ilk float &a$ bein fitted &ith a rollin lead &eiht $o it !ould do a &heelie, and the &hine of a
?et enine $ue$ted that +lark$on7$ bi!y!le &a$ operational" Front of $tae, Fren!hie &a$ ettin to rip$
&ith a ne& pre!i$ion biker &ho had $haved Ha##ond7$ ball$ a little too !lo$e to the folli!le durin one of the
$tunt$"
Fren!hie lay on the floor fa!e up, to ive the offendin rider a hu#an du##y to pra!ti$e &ith" The
biker rode to&ard$ hi$ head, and hi$ #ount lur!hed !lu#$ily into the air" I &in!ed a$ it !lattered do&n
bet&een Fren!hie7$ le$ and the rear &heel hor$e-nipped the in$ide of hi$ thih" He &a$ the bo$$, $o thi$
&a$ no ti#e for lauhter" I buried #y fa!e in #y hand$"
+ar football &a$ $u!h a popular feature fro# the TE $ho& that &e had to in!orporate it into the
theatre" After thirty-odd #at!he$ all the driver$ &ere $o adept at fli!kin the ball around that the da#ae
infli!ted to the !ar$ &a$ relatively #inor" :ut o!!a$ionally &e &ould et a tad !arried a&ay and a!!identally
en?oy our$elve$"
Fren!hie ru$hed do&n fro# hi$ ivory to&er after one $ho& and pulled u$ all toether" ALad$, that &a$
a fu!kin bloodbath out there toniht" The uy$ fro# Su@uki have ba$i!ally told #e that if &e break another
front $u$pen$ion ar# in one of the$e a#e$, they7ll pull the !ar$"7
)e !la$ped our hand$ toether and looked $ky&ard$ like errant $!hoolboy$" 9er$onally, I &a$ $till
lad that I7d $topped 9aul S&ift fro# $!orin a oal by rever$in into hi$ front radiator at /8#ph" Se!retly, he
&a$ !ontent to have repaid the favour #o#ent$ later by !loutin #y front riht &heel and breakin #y
$teerin ar# $o that I !ould only turn left"
Althouh that bollo!kin &a$ de$erved, #o$t of the da#ae infli!ted on u$ !a#e !ourte$y of the
pre$enter$" They drove around talkin into #i!rophone$ that tran$#itted every #o#ent live to the bayin
audien!e" I don7t have a proble# &ith people that !an talk on a #obile phone and drive at the $a#e ti#e, but
!ar football &a$ no ti#e for added di$tra!tion$"
There &a$ nothin #ore alar#in than dribblin the ball to&ard$ the oal, only to look out of the $ide
&indo& and $ee *i!hard Ha##ond bearin do&n for the kill" He talked a runnin !o##entary a$ he hit #e
in the $ide $o hard that I &ent up on to t&o &heel$ and boun!ed a!ro$$ the floor like a ho!key pu!k" A$ &e
!a#e to a re$t, all I !ould $ee &a$ a #op of hair, a $et of $parklin teeth and a pair of lauhin ton$il$" In
tho$e #o#ent$ neither of u$ !ould hone$tly $ay &e &ere &orkin" Ha##ond i$ a very phy$i!al kind of uy
and he didn7t #i$$ a tri!k"
I dre& a $hort $tra& for the ?ob of rollin over in an old :M) M2 !onverted into an abo#inable
&heel-!la#pin #a!hine" Heavily reinfor!ed &ith $heet #etal, a $ealed fuel tank and a !o#pletely flat $ide
$o that it !ould flip off a ra#p and $kid alon on it$ flank, it looked like a #atin of Mad Ma>7$ inter!eptor &ith
a door &ede"
I !ould $ee ?u$t enouh throuh the $!rat!hed poly#er and &ire #e$h &ind$!reen to #anoeuvre
around the arena and hara$$ the other !ar$ before #eetin #y Adeath7" I di$appeared behind the $tae,
peerin out in $ear!h of the five foot tall laun!h ra#p" I had to hit it in a dead $traiht line" The enine
#i$fired fro# the ha##erin it had taken, $o $o#eti#e$ it &ould dribble off the end of the ra#p, but at other
ti#e$ I !ould drive on t&o &heel$ for a &hile and then $la# into the de!k" :ein baned in the $ide of the
head every ti#e it !laned into the !on!rete &a$ a tou!h #onotonou$, but $o#eone had to do it"
Eventually the enine !onked out part &ay up the ra#p" I teetered on the ede and plopped off the
$ide ne>t to the $tae" I unbu!kled #y harne$$ and fell out of the inverted $eat to $tand on the pa$$ener
door, &hi!h &a$ re$tin on the round" I $#elt the u$ual &hiff$ of pyro and oil but no fuel leak$, $o I $!anned
throuh the &ind$!reen to #ake eye !onta!t &ith the #e!hani!$ and ive the# a thu#b$ up" A$ I did $o, I
noti!ed a ianti! bo> of pyrote!hni!$ &ith !oloured &ire$ !o#in out of it, le$$ than a #etre a&ay fro# the
&ind$!reen" It looked nu!lear and &a$ due to o off at the end of the $e'uen!e to $end a per!u$$ion &ave
to&ard$ the audien!e"
I had no radio to !onta!t the produ!er, $o I tried u$in telepathy( AFren!hie, plea$e tell #e you7ve
di$ar#ed the pyroX7
A:CCCCCCMMMMM F7
The $ho!k &ave ran throuh #y #etal !ae and a !y#bal-!la$hin #onkey &a$ let loo$e in #y
brain" Ear$ rinin like !hur!h bell$, I ki!ked #y &ay out of the ar#oured door and leapt do&n on to the
arena a$ the three pre$enter$ a#bled pa$t" I ripped #y hel#et off and took a deep, 'uiverin breath"
Ha##ond had obviou$ly $een the &hole thin" AM##,7 he $aid" A)a$ that ni!e=7
ACut$tandin"7
;ere#y &a$ al$o in hi$ ele#ent" He proudly announ!ed our arrival in the for#er !olonie$ &ith the
line( A:ritain u$ed to be a Dindo#, ruled by a Din% then it &a$ an E#pire, ruled by an E#pre$$% and no&
&e7re ?u$t a +ountry"7 He leapt around the floor a$ referee for the football a#e$ and narro&ly #i$$ed havin
hi$ feet flattened on nu#erou$ o!!a$ion$" He &a>ed lyri!al about the hotbed of $uper!ar$ &e had on di$play
&ith undi##ed enthu$ia$# throuhout the tour" He even kept oin &hen hi$ voi!e &ent, and all he !ould do
&a$ $'ueak"
I $pied ;ere#y $!rea#in around the arena on a ?et-po&ered bi!y!le &ith a riotou$ rin on hi$ fa!e,
run a!ro$$ $tae to introdu!e another a!t and head behind the !urtain for a $hort break" The *ed :ull &a$ on
i!e for hi#, $o I handed hi# one a$ he lit up" He $tubbed out the fa after four deep dra$, &iped the $&eat
fro# hi$ bro& and &ent ba!k on $tae"
)e &ere allo&ed riht off the lea$h to !reate a pure drivin $pe!ta!le" )e even tried to #ake the
!o##er!ial$ L&hi!h live perfor#an!e allo&edM unforettable"
)ith the ANav#an7 &e un'ue$tionably $u!!eeded in that I but not ne!e$$arily in a ood &ay" It &a$
uni'ue to the Sydney $ho&$ and it &a$ horrible" It $tarted &ith a #an and &ife drivin on to the $tae aruin
about dire!tion$" Eiht thou$and !onfu$ed Au$tralian punter$ looked on fro# the pa!ked rand$tand$ of the
Cly#pi! $tadiu#" Then Nav#an alloped to the re$!ue"
Cr rather $idled do&n the ai$le$ dre$$ed in a tu>edo, $inin, 8!oure too good to e true+hoo) Cant
take my eyes o(( o( you+hoo) !oud e like h+heaven to touch) I -ant to hold you so+ho much F
I &a$ $ittin in a fake Ferrari ready to do a three-!ar driftin di$play and unplued #y earpie!e$ to
!op a better take on ?u$t ho& out of tune he really &a$" The pre$enter$ &ere $ittin !lo$e by, lauhin and
oadin Fren!hie via their !lo$ed loop radio #ike$"
A1rench,7 bello&ed +lark$on, Aet #e a Glo!k 6##" I7# oin to $hoot thi$ #an in the ba!k of the
fu!kin head" Cn $tae" :a!k of head" :ooofff, brain$ over the floor" Be$, I a#" :e!au$e thi$ i$ ab$olutely
the &or$t thin I have ever $een"7
Fren!hie !a!kled( ABou &ould not believe &hat I7# hearin on #y !an$" If the uy$ on $tae !ould
hear Ha##ond and ;ere#y riht no& F7 Then( A)hat7$ that= The $iner ha$ ear$ on= )ell, I fu!kin hope
he !an7t hear u$% if he !an, the uy #u$t be a $tallion to keep oin F7
Nav#an fini$hed off hi$ dody $olo by $trainin for a hih note and droppin an o!tave, then
handin out free $atellite naviation devi!e$ to the !ro&d" The no& happy !ouple finally pi$$ed off in the riht
dire!tion to a !horu$ of boo$" There &a$ a $!uffle in the rand$tand$ and a $e!tion of the !ro&d had to be
re#oved by $e!urity" Cne Au$tralian voi!e e!hoed the #ood of the audien!e" ANo #ore fa!kin advert$, you
!___$H7
Cu!h" There &ere $till four #ore to o before the $ho& $tarted F
I ot #y !o#euppan!e for lauhin at Nav#an &hen I $tarred in a lu>ury ya!ht !o##er!ial in Hon
Don" The build-up took pla!e on $!reen" A !ha#pane-'uaffin #in!er &ith orane $kin dre$$ed like ;a#e$
:ond !arved up the &ater$ in a #ini a!tion #ovie then $&it!hed fro# boat to !ar% a$ he e>ited the #ain
$!reen, I appeared in a real live A$ton Martin D:6"
Dre$$ed fro# head to toe in bla!k, I $lid the D:6 a!ro$$ the $tae on full oppo$ite lo!k, thre& it into
a /38-deree $pin, $topped, !li#bed out, dre& #y repli!a pi$tol and pulled the trier" A$ iant bullet hole$
#ira!ulou$ly appeared on the $!reen, #y heroi!$ &ere reeted &ith a di$!on!ertin a#ount of lauhter fro#
a predo#inantly #ale audien!e and &hi$tle$ fro# a #i>ed !ro&d" Either &ay, I fouht to hold a $traiht fa!e
a$ +olin &hi$pered into #y earpie!e( ACoooh, :i :oy F :i :oy &ith your %ig $un F :an, :an,
oooohhhh yeee$$$ F7
After five perfor#an!e$ &e hit the to&n like in#ate$ on a day break fro# Al!atra@" And $uffi!e it to
$ay that until you7ve heard Ha##ond on ba$$, May on key$, ;e@@a on the dru#$ and Tiff Needell ivin
everythin to hi$ Se> 9i$tol$ i#pre$$ion, you haven7t lived"
)herever &e &ent the publi! vie&ed the pre$enter$ a$ their #ate$" The $ho& &a$ averain 3I5
#illion vie&er$ in the <D, &ith a lobal audien!e of $o#e 288 #illion% the ood&ill &a$ a&e$o#e" The reat
thin about the live event &a$ that it ave forein fan$ an opportunity to $ee the $ho& up !lo$e" In the <D,
the &aitin li$t to attend the $tudio &a$ t&enty year$ lon F
It &a$ rather rea$$urin that three #iddle-aed #en !o!kin around &ith $tuff !ould be!o#e $o
popular" I $truled to $ee the# a$ $e> $y#bol$, but there &a$ a uni'ue !he#i$try bet&een the pre$enter$
that &a$ lihtnin in a bottle" 9eople reeted the# like ro!k $tar$" )o#en !overed their #outh$ in iddy
e>!ite#ent and bloke$ $idled up to a$k &hat the be$t !ar &a$" They pro#ptly di$areed &ith the an$&er,
&hatever it &a$, hopin perhap$ to enae in the kind of $pirited debate they had $een $o often on $!reen" I
reli$hed #y anony#ity and happily $tepped a$ide &henever $o#eone !ut pa$t #e for a #o#ent of their
ti#e"
It &a$n7t all !ake$ and ale, thouh" In one parti!ular bar a thron of bloke$ in $uit$ and open !ollar$,
photo!opier $ale$#en all, athered around Ha##ond in a di$tin!tly unfriendly fa$hion" A$ I #ade #y &ay
over to hi# I noti!ed #o$t of the# &ere holdin #obile phone$ behind their ba!k$" The $!reen$ &ere lit and
$et on video, ready to !apture $o#e !elebrity happy $lappin"
I7d never $een Ha##ond $nap, but it &a$ obviou$ fro# the look in hi$ eye that the !ountdo&n had
beun" Cne idiot &a$ tryin to e#bra!e hi# like an old pal" I #anaed to intervene, $lid an ar# around
Ha##o7$ &ai$t and tried to lead hi# off" Hi$ body &a$ a$ riid a$ a *ott&eiler but he did !o#e &ith #e,
#u#blin !ur$e$ all the &ay to the e>it"
+lark$on &a$ a for!e of nature, but the other t&o &ere pretty reular uy$ &ho happened to be
$uperb at pre$entin infor#ation to !a#era" Ha##ond7$ ability to !on$u#e a $!ript and thouhtfully
reuritate it on to the $!reen &a$ un!anny, &hil$t ;a#e$ had to, if anythin, da#pen hi$ en!y!lopaedi!
#e!hani!al kno&lede to a level that befitted liht entertain#ent" Me= I &a$ havin a ball" My re$pon$ibilitie$
had e>panded into !horeoraphy and !o-ordination, $o no t&o day$ &ere ever the $a#e"
+hapter .3
;et Man
The plan &a$ $i#ple( drive a ?et !ar a$ fa$t a$ it &ould o, &hi!h #eant /88#ph and then $o#e"
AThe !ar i$ ba$i!ally a dra$ter,7 Grant e>plained" AGiant &heel$ at the ba!k, little &heel$ at the front
I you kno& the kind of thin" The differen!e,7 he !hu!kled, Ai$ that thi$ baby i$ po&ered by a ?et enine like
the one they u$ed for the *ed Arro&$"7
ASound$ F intere$tin F7 I $aid, not believin for a $e!ond that thi$ &ould !o#e to anythin"
AIt7$ !alled a Ea#pire" It7$ been purpo$e built and !u$to#i$ed by the o&ner" It &ould be the fa$te$t
thin &e7ve ever featured" Ideally &e7d like a pre$enter to drive it, &ith a bit of help fro# you"7
I a$ked &ho &a$ runnin it, naively e>pe!tin the an$&er to be M!Laren or )illia#$" It &a$n7t"
S!he#e$ like thi$ !a#e and &ent &ith To# $ear, and the Ea#pire &hee@e looked a$ fli#$y a$ a
paper fire-fihtin $uit" A TE pre$enter in a /88#ph dra$ter= No !han!e" I &ondered for a #o#ent if they
#iht drop the pre$enter bit and $end #e up and do&n the run&ay for the footae" My $to#a!h tihtened"
AEr F Let #e kno& ho& you et on F7 I $aid"
T&o &eek$ later the phone ran aain" Thi$ &a$n7t oin a&ay" Ha##ond #iht not be available,
&hat did I think about ;a#e$ May drivin it=
ANo &ay% he &on7t do it"7 The &ord$ !a#e out &ithout #e thinkin"
A*eally, &hy do you $ay that=7
;a#e$ &a$ a $en$ible bloke &ho fle& aeroplane$ and pretended he !ouldn7t drive% he &a$n7t e>a!tly
an adrenalin ?unky" Bou needed to be $lihtly unhined to &ant to drive do&n a run&ay at /88#ph like $pa#
in a !an" Sure, it took $o#e $kill laun!hin off the line and holdin the !ar $traiht, but no a#ount of it !ould
$ave you if the enine e>ploded, the &heel$ fell off, the para!hute failed or if you involuntarily $hat out your
kidney$ &ith fear" Bou either needed to be i##une to the !on$e'uen!e$ of #e!hani!al failure, or have ball$
the $i@e of $pa!e hopper$"
A/88#ph i$ a hue $peed" It7$ not like anythin you e>perien!e in a nor#al !ar" I7# not $ayin ;a#e$
i$n7t brave, but hi$ idea of e>er!i$e i$ $i#ilar to +lark$on7$ I a la$$ of &ine and a fa" )e !ra!k ..2#ph at
Le Man$, and even that7$ a lon &ay $hort of &hat thi$ thin !an do"7
AI kno&" Thi$ thin &ill do //8#ph" The :riti$h re!ord i$, like, /88" Cffi!ially &e7re not a!tually oin
for it I but it &ould be ni!e if it happened"7
I i#ained bein at the airfield &ith a #irae part &ay do&n the ianti! run&ay" I pi!tured ;a#e$7$
doe eye$ peerin out of hi$ vi$or, &ith 2,888 pound$ of thru$t breathin do&n the ba!k of hi$ ne!k" He7d fli!k
a $&it!h and hit .48#ph &ithin $i> $e!ond$"
AIf anythin oe$ &ron, it7ll be a #ihty bi $hunt% then it7ll !o#e do&n to fitne$$" Ha##ond i$
touh" I7d be happy doin it &ith hi#, but not ;a#e$"7
+ore $tability and $trenth literally held all your bit$ and pie!e$ toether on i#pa!t" There &ould be
no $#all $hunt$ at /88#ph% &hy el$e did they pa!k a para!hute=
Grant &a$ on the do aain the follo&in &eek"
A)e7ve ot Ha##ond% he7$ really up for it" I7# $ortin $o#e kit out" )e7ve ot $o#e overall$ ki!kin
around in the offi!e, think they7re No#e>" Ha##ond $ay$ he7$ ot a #otorbike hel#et that he7$ !o#fortable
&ithX7
AHe need$ a proper F, hel#et, an Arai G92" Not the toy one he7$ ot for hi$ bike% don7t let hi# u$e
that" Ho& old are the overall$=7
ANot $ure" +ouple of year$ F7
I e>plained that they &ouldn7t be fire retardant any #ore" He needed a ne& triple-layer No#e> $uit" If
the ?et fuel inited, every $e!ond &ould !ount"
ATriple F layer F7 Grant dutifully took note$" That &a$ the la$t I heard of it until I &a$ di$pat!hed to a
oo$e-infe$ted far#yard the day before the $hoot, to in$pe!t the !ar and #eet Ha##ond" I7# !ool &ith
du!k$, but not ee$e" I hate ee$e" They7re evil"
+olin Fallo&$ had built Ea#pire and $et the :riti$h land $peed re!ord" He e#ered fro# a #etal
!aro !ontainer &earin a boiler $uit and thi!k round la$$e$" He &a$ very a#enable, #ore of a 9enfold
!hara!ter than a $peed freak" )e had tea"
+olin had no idea &ho I &a$, and I u$ed that to #y advantae to 'ui@ hi# about the pro?e!t" I
needed to kno& that he &a$n7t $o#e bipolar lunati! lookin to &in a Dar&in A&ard"
Leend had it that a dude on!e drove into the Ari@ona de$ert in an old +hevy I#pala" Nothin
unu$ual there, e>!ept that he7d $trapped a $olid fuel ro!ket &ith !o#parable thru$t to an F-,3 fihter plane to
the roof" Foren$i! eviden!e $ub$e'uently revealed that I#pala #an #ade it up to 28#ph u$in !onventional
#ean$ before he lit the !andle" The +hevy then a!!elerated pa$t .28"
He reali$ed al#o$t i##ediately that thi$ &a$ not ood, $la##ed the brake$, #eltin the# in$tantly
and blo&in the tyre$ before the !ar be!a#e airborne" The in!inerated re#ain$ of !ar and driver &ere found
three #ile$ a&ay, three feet deep in the $ide of a !liff, ,.2 feet fro# the round" That &a$ the funny thin
about $olid fuel ro!ket$" Cn!e you pre$$ed o, you kept oin until they ran out of fuel"
Ea#pire on afterburner &ould behave #u!h the $a#e, e>!ept that you !ould $hut off the thru$t
!ontrol$, killin the propul$ion and poppin the para!hute air brake" A$$u#in the para!hute opened, you
$lo&ed do&n"
+olin $&un open the !orruated $teel door$ to reveal hi$ #ode$t &ork$hop" Ea#pire &a$ $#aller
than I i#ained but $till /8 feet lon"
I a@ed into the apin !ha$# of the #etal turbine" It had #ore $teel vein$, !ouplin$ and rivet$ than
Mi!hael M!Intyre7$ Man Dra&er" It looked like a NASA e>peri#ent !ro$$ed &ith $o#ethin out of Thunder+
irds" I pelted +olin &ith 'ue$tion$ about every a$pe!t of the build and preparation" )hat kept the !ar on the
round rather than turnin it into a #i$$ile= )hat did he kno& about ?et enine$= Ho& &a$ it fitted to the !ar,
&here &a$ the fuel, &ould it blo& up and kill everyone= He an$&ered ea!h 'ue$tion in detail, and &ith
e>tre#e patien!e"
He7d $pent t&enty year$ a$ an enineer in the *oyal Air for!e I t&elve of the# on the *oll$-*oy!e
po&erplant that &ould be $endin *i!hard and #e do&n the road at /88#ph"
The enine in$tallation &a$ anled $o that the fa$ter it &ent, the #ore it pre$$ed the #iddle of the
!ha$$i$ into the road" +olin pi!ked the enine up A!heap7 &hen it &a$ retired fro# the *AF, de$!ribin it a$
Athirty year$ youn7" The propul$ion $y$te# &a$ fuelled by heatin oil, of all thin$"
The tubular fra#e !ha$$i$ !o#pletely en!a$ed the !o!kpit and &a$ $i#ilar to NAS+A* ra!er$ I had
driven" Si#ple te!hnoloy I &heel$, $prin$, da#per$ and #etal $u$pen$ion atta!hed to a #etal fra#e that
$upported the &hoppin enine"
No $tone &a$ left unturned" )hat &ould $top the enine flyin out of the fra#e= Had the $u$pen$ion
ever broken= )hat proble#$ had he en!ountered thu$ far=
+olin ad#itted that Ea#pire did have a tenden!y to attra!t &ildlife, havin re!ently $pilt the blood of
an eiht-pound rabbit" It al$o e#ered that there had been a proble# &ith the rear $u$pen$ion in the pa$t" A
?oint had $ho&n $in$ of da#ae and #iht have !au$ed an in!ident involvin Ea#pire7$ $i$ter vehi!le,
Hellbender"
I $!ribbled a&ay furiou$ly" A:ut no one &a$ hurt=7
A)ell, ye$ F7
Mark )oodley had been at the hel# of Hellbender &hen it veered off !our$e durin a hih-$peed run
at Santa 9od" It $tru!k the barrier$, killin hi# in$tantly"
+olin $ho&ed #e the #odifi!ation$ to the $u$pen$ion &hi!h $ee#ed to have fi>ed the proble#" I
&a$ no enineer, but the ?oint$ looked thi!k and $olid"
Elvinton &a$ a bi open airfield &ithout &all$, $o at lea$t there &a$ le$$ to hit if it did break" The
do&n$ide there &a$ the !urvature of the run&ay" The driver had to apply a $inifi!ant $teerin anle to
!ounter the !a#ber and keep in a $traiht line, puttin additional load into the front riht &heel"
I in$pe!ted the tyre$ and re!oni$ed the Hoo$ier$ fro# ra!in on oval tra!k$" They looked pretty old,
but +olin e>plained that they $ki##ed the tread to redu!e the build-up of heat" <$in older tyre$ &a$
!ounterintuitive but it #ade $en$e, de$pite the ba$i! appearan!e" The !on$tru!tion of a ne& tyre heated
#ore under $evere loadin% it &a$ part of the rea$on that ne& rubber produ!ed fa$ter lap ti#e$ over $hort
di$tan!e$" In thi$ $!enario, that &ould in!rea$e the likelihood of dela#ination and tyre failure" And tyre failure
&ould !onvert the !ar into a pro?e!tile"
I $tared lon and hard at ea!h tyre"
The only unkno&n &a$ the run&ay it$elf" I a$ked about tra!k $&eepin pro!edure$, in$pe!tin for
debri$ after every run to re#ove anythin that #iht pun!ture a tyre or !ollide &ith the #a!hinery" It &a$
already on hi$ aenda"
All that re#ained &a$ to do a $eat fittin" I &anted to et !o#fortable &ith the belt$ and think about
&here the !a#era #ount$ &ould fit in$ide the !o!kpit" I al$o &anted to fa#iliari$e #y$elf &ith the !ontrol$"
The $par$e !o!kpit &a$ fre$h out of 1lash $ordon, &ith a fe& aue$ dotted around a #etal
!on$ole" At the !entre lay the $olid alu#iniu# Abutterfly7 $teerin bar$, like a pair of upturned $hovel handle$
?oined toether" My left foot held do&n a dead #an7$ pedal, &hi!h &ould !ut the enine the in$tant you
relea$ed pre$$ure on it" The riht foot !ontrolled the brake pedal, &hi!h operated a $tandard di$! fro# a road
!ar" It held the bea$t $teady at the $tart line &hil$t the enine built up rev$, in the $a#e &ay a !o##er!ial
airliner doe$ before take-off"
A!!eleration &a$ !ontrolled by a pair of lever$ like the one$ on the Millennium 1alcon" The fir$t of
the$e &ound up the ?et u$in !onventional thru$t, radually a!!eleratin do&n the run&ay up to ,48#ph" The
$e!ond applied the afterburner" Afterburn &orked by pu#pin un$pent fuel into the enine and initin a
fla#e that $ub$tantially in!rea$ed the rate of burn and thru$t" Bou applied both lever$ and held $tation on the
footbrake, then you lit the !andle by fli!kin a $&it!h on the $teerin &heel and vani$hed into the di$tan!e"
Bour only !on!ern thereafter &a$ $toppin"
*elea$in the dead #an7$ pedal !ut po&er but not your $peed, and at /88 the footbrake &ould #elt
if you tou!hed it" To $top, you had to pull ba!k both thru$t lever$ to deploy the para!hute"
A$ far a$ I &a$ !on!erned, $toppin at the fir$t hint of trouble &a$ the only thin that #attered" I
pra!ti$ed &hippin #y hand fro# the $teerin to the lever$ and kno!kin the# ba!k, until it be!a#e $e!ond
nature" I vi$uali$ed an un$ettlin vibration and u$in a refle> a!tion to $hut do&n in a nano$e!ond" +olin
areed that thi$ &ould be the key part of the trainin at Elvinton"
The $un &a$ $ettin and there &a$ $till no $in of Ha##ond, $o I ran Grant" Ha##o &a$ $till
fil#in and &ouldn7t be able to ?oin u$" Al$o, #y pre$en!e &a$ no loner re'uired at Elvinton" I &a$ needed
at Dun$fold &ith ;ere#y in$tead"
The ten$ion $prun off #y $houlder$ the &ay that it did follo&in a pre$$uri$ed ra!e &eekend" :ut I
&a$ leavin Ha##ond to fend for hi#$elf, and that didn7t feel at all !o#fortable"
I briefed )il#an at lenth" AHe need$ to $it in thi$ thin" And don7t be $urpri$ed if he take$ one look
at it, turn$ around and oe$ ho#e" Thi$ !ar i$ $eriou$" It7$ like nothin any of u$ ha$ ever $een or done
before"7
I ran throuh all the detail$ of ho& the !ar needed to be !ontrolled, the $y$te#$, and &hat Ha##ond
and the !re& $hould e>pe!t" Ho& vitally prepared he needed to be to rip ba!k the thru$t bar and relea$e that
para!hute if he even $niffed a proble#" The ?et !ar !re& had to have priority over fil#in to $top and !he!k
for debri$ on the run&ay after every run, and the dire!tor had to be really !areful &ith the pla!e#ent of the
$tati! !a#era$"
)il#an ot #e to &rite it all do&n and $end it to hi#" Ha##ond &a$ really up for it, $o he a$ked if I
thouht he !ould do it" I $aid he !ould, a$ lon a$ he did a$ fe& run$ a$ po$$ible"
I turned ba!k to +olin and thanked hi#" I $aid I7d $peak to the dire!tor, but that, on refle!tion, I
thouht he $houldn7t allo& !a#era$ to be #ounted in$ide the !o!kpit"
ACne la$t thin,7 I $aid" AI7d like you to do the fir$t run to#orro&"7
I e#ailed #y report before headin to Dun$fold the follo&in #ornin to fil# the ne& ;auar KD*
&ith ;e@@a" *i!hard arrived at Elvinton and ot to rip$ &ith hi$ $hoot" It &a$ like a $!ene out of Sliding
2oors"
*i!hard #et up &ith +olin and fa#iliari$ed hi#$elf &ith the pro!edure$" +olin baned in the fir$t run
of the day, a$ he had pro#i$ed" *i!h-ard7$ early run$ &ere te>tbook a$ he radually built up hi$ $peed$
u$in $tandard thru$t" He pra!ti$ed the e#eren!y $hutdo&n drill$ before puttin in a #a>i#u# $peed
afterburner run, durin &hi!h he ho&led do&n the run&ay at /,0#ph" Spa!e hopper$"
He &a$ unperturbed by the pun!h in the ba!k a$ the !ar bolted fro# it$ #ark, unfa@ed by ho& #u!h
$teerin for!e he had to apply to keep it pointed $traiht, re$olute in the fa!e of #ind-bendin $peed" A$ he
popped the para!hute at the end of that run, hi$ body $la##ed into the five-point harne$$ at t&elve ti#e$ it$
nor#al &eiht"
*i!hard !li#bed aboard Ea#pire for hi$ final run, lu!ky nu#ber $even" She u@@led a load of fuel a$
he $lipped on hi$ blue Spar!o drivin love$ one #ore ti#e" The !re& lit hi$ inferno" An ear-$plittin roar
re& into a $hriek a$ he rea!hed #a>i#u# rp#" He rea!hed a!ro$$ the blurred, throbbin $teerin !ontrol$
and lit the afterburner"
*i!hard7$ ne!k ab$orbed the doublin &eiht of hi$ head and hel#et a$ he $hot do&n the run&ay a$
a yello& $treak to&ard$ the !a#era !re&" Mole!ule$ of air bla$ted hi$ hel#et and $hook it violently a$ he
kept an eye on the hori@on and a fir# rip at the hel#, $teerin hard to the left to drive $traiht"
At .55#ph, *i!hard noti!ed the !ar pullin even #ore than u$ual" ;u$t half a $e!ond later, the ti#e it
take$ to blink, he &a$ in the #iddle of a !olo$$al a!!ident and fihtin for hi$ life"
At Dun$fold the ;a &a$ $pinnin it$ &heel$ in fourth and produ!in enouh $#oke to fill a pop
!on!ert" The ood liht #eant &e fini$hed a little after 2p#" That &a$ &hen ne&$ &a$ filterin in via the
!a#era !re&$ that there had been an a!!ident at Elvinton"
I re#e#bered $tandin on the ruby pit!h at $!hool ne>t to one of #y pal$" A typi!al redhead, hi$
&iry fra#e pun!hed &ell above hi$ &eiht" )ith a ball in hand he &a$ un$toppable% he &ould take anyone
on" He lay on the round in front of #e a$ #otionle$$ a$ a !orp$e" My initial $ho!k turned to horror a$ hi$
head in?ury !au$ed hi# to !onvul$e until the para#edi!$ loaded hi# into their &aon and took hi# a&ay"
The hour$ that follo&ed felt like day$"
*u$$ell tued #e ba!k into the pre$ent" ADo you think it7$ $eriou$, :en=7
ACf !our$e it7$ fu!kin $eriou$,7 I $napped" AHe &a$ doin /88 #ile$ an hour"7
)hen &e !a#e to inve$tiate the a!!ident &ith the Health and Safety E>e!utive, I #et a $pa!ed-out
Ha##ond near a !afG in :ri$tol" He7d lo$t $o#e &eiht and looked under$tandably fraile"
I hadn7t $een or $poken to hi# $in!e hi$ a!!ident" I had &anted to badly" I &a$ told to $tay !lear of
the ho$pital be!au$e #y appearan!e &ould have $toked the #edia fren@y that &a$ already hard to !ontrol"
The pre$enter$ and #any of the T$ tea# had one to $ee hi# and $ho& their $upport" Mindy, *i!hard7$
ebullient &ife, &a$ at hi$ bed$ide throuhout, endurin the aony of &at!hin her hu$band pa$$ in and out of
!on$!iou$ne$$" Not kno&in if he &ould $lip a&ay for ood"
In the end I7d one any&ay, to $#ule hi# $o#e ?unk food I !ho!olate, +oke, !ri$p$ I that Mindy
told #e he &a$ de$perate for" :ut I !ouldn7t $ee hi#"
No& he &a$ $tarin pea!efully out a!ro$$ the do!k$" 9art of #e e>pe!ted hi# to be anry or !old
to&ard$ #e, but $eein hi# alive &a$ all that #attered"
AHey, #ate,7 he $aid a fra!tion $lo&er than u$ual" AI think I ot here a it early"7
)e $topped for a !offee at the &ater$ide and I !ouldn7t e$!ape the feelin that he7d !opped it on #y
behalf" Then aain, it &a$ hi$ daft idea in the fir$t pla!e"
He $ined autoraph$ for the $taff and told the# he felt all riht and &a$ A#u!h better7"
He told #e he !ouldn7t re#e#ber the a!!ident !learly I e>!ept that he7d been fihtin $o#ethin I
rea!hin for $o#ethin #aybe I &hen the !ar rolled" He de$perately &anted to kno& if he had done it riht
on the day, or &hether he had ?u$t !o!ked thin$ up and ri$ked never $eein hi$ fa#ily aain"
)e a#bled a!ro$$ to the HSE buildin and #et $o#e entle#en in $uit$" They e$!orted u$ to a
$#all #eetin roo# &ith a &hite board and a laptop !ontainin all the data fro# Ea#pire7$ bla!k bo>"
)e pro!eeded to run throuh the $a#e old 'ue$tion$ about *i!hard7$ preparation and the build-up
to the $hoot" *i!hard !al#ly replied that he had felt prepared, he !ouldn7t $peak hihly enouh of the re$!ue
!re& that $aved hi$ life, that the a!!ident ?u$t !a#e out of no&here" He didn7t believe there &a$ anythin he
!ould have done to avoid it"
I &a$ it!hin to et hold of the data" I !ouldn7t $ee the $!reen" So#e photo$ appeared on the de$k
and I pulled the# a!ro$$" All I &anted to kno& &a$ &hether *i!hard had rea!ted fa$t enouh in the !ri$i$" If I
kne& that hi$ a!tion$ had been true, it #eant that &e7d ar#ed hi# &ith a fihtin !han!e" I needed to $ee
that he7d pulled hi$ para!hute"
I $urveyed the fir$t i#ae of the &re!ked #a!hine, lyin on it$ $ide on the $hredded field" Hanin
out of their pod$ &ere the telltale &hite $trand$ and the li#p re#ain$ of the para!hute"
The $e!ond photo &a$ of the !o!kpit" The po$ition of the thru$t lever$ !onfir#ed that he7d been
fihtin to rea!h the thru$t lever$ to deploy hi$ !hute" )hat a fihter" He had done it riht"
The tele#etry re!orded the $peed and G-for!e$, and the HSE uy$ &ere doin their be$t to interpret
the# by the letter" I &a$ keen to take #y o&n vie&"
*i!hard &a$ bo#bin do&n the $traiht &hen he felt the fir$t unu$ual tu at the $teerin" ;u$t 8"0 of
a $e!ond later, the front riht tyre e>ploded, affir#ed by a drop in the !ar7$ ride heiht" )hat i#pre$$ed #e
&a$ that before the tyre ble&, hi$ $peed tra!e &a$ already droppin" It $ue$ted that *i!hard had already
lifted hi$ foot to !ut thru$t"
%3,$" The tyre e>ploded"
Sub$e'uent footae revealed that a bli$ter had for#ed durin the penulti#ate run, perhap$ due to
the e>tra for!e$ e>erted by the $urfa!e !a#ber"
A$ the rubber fle& apart it e>po$ed the #etal ri# of the front riht &heel, &hi!h no$e-dived, liftin the
rear left &heel into the air" That $ent hi# $ide&ay$ and hard riht" Ha##o applied intuitive !ounter-$teerin
&ith hi$ hand$ and applied the brake &ith hi$ foot, rei$terin a$ a lonitudinal G-for!e" A$ the #a!hine
turned into the air$trea# it $le&ed a!ro$$ the run&ay at an a!ute anle" Eapour trail$ for#ed around the
body&ork7$ leadin ede$" Le$$ than a $e!ond had pa$$ed"
*i!hard bean to e>perien!e lateral G-for!e$ beyond tho$e of fihter pilot$ enaed in a dofiht"
He dit!hed the $teerin and rea!hed for the thru$t lever$" E>ponential for!e$ of air den$ity flooded the
!o!kpit a$ it ?olted, rotated and flipped" So#eho&, he rabbed the lever$ and pulled the# do&n" The !hute
deployed but !ollap$ed before it !ould arre$t hi$ $peed"
The i#pa!t &ith the round !a#e fro# behind% the earth ha##ered throuh the roll !ae and
*i!hard7$ hel#et ab$orbed the brunt of the blo&" Sid )atkin$, the reno&ned F, neuro$ureon, believed that
had it not been for the 'uality of hi$ headear, Ha##o &ould have bouht the far#"
HSE7$ report !on!luded( AA$ *H $at in Ea#pire7$ !ab there &a$ $inifi-!ant !learan!e bet&een the
rollover !ae and the top of hi$ !ra$h hel#et"7 It &a$ a polite &ay of $ayin Ha#$ter &a$ on the $hort $ide,
another fa!tor that redu!ed the blo& to hi$ $&ede" I &ondered if I &ould have been $o Alu!ky7"
HSE de!ided that no one &ould fa!e a leal !hare for the in!ident and they ave u$ $o#e $piel
about ho& ASafety Manae#ent Sy$te#$7 and ri$k a$$e$$#ent$ !ould have $aved the planet" I &a$ te#pted
to a$k &here AHealth and Safety7 $tood on natural $ele!tion, but de!ided to keep $!htu#"
For ood #ea$ure, the po&er$ that be publi$hed their findin$ and atta!hed #y na#e a$ $o#eone
&ho A&orked !lo$ely &ith To# $ear a$ a hih perfor#an!e driver and !on$ultant7" It didn7t leave #u!h to the
i#aination about #y day ?ob"
+hapter .4
Street Fihtin
I didn7t pay #u!h attention to the hi$tory of :u!hare$t until I $a& the $treet !ir!uit &ind it$ &ay
around a buildin that #ade the )hite Hou$e like a :arbie Mini Man$ion" *o#ania7$ 9arlia#ent &a$ hou$ed
in the $e!ond lare$t buildin in the &orld, oriinally built by it$ depo$ed di!tator, +eau$e$!u, a$ hi$ per$onal
pala!e" The #ad#an laid &a$te to 4,888 hou$e$, !hur!he$, #ona$terie$ and a ho$pital to !reate a lavi$h
neo!la$$i!al leviathan !ra##ed &ith hundred$ of !handelier$, #ore old leaf than you !ould $hake a $ti!k at
and nearly one #illion !ubi! #etre$ of lo!al &ood" He left nothin in the budet for the road$, &hi!h &ere a$
po!k#arked a$ the $urfa!e of the Moon" Golf !our$e$ &ere in $hort $upply too"
A)hat7$ the hotel like, $on=7
AIt7$ reat, Dad" Dlaa$ booked it% it7$ the be$t"7
The tappin of key$ $ue$ted he &a$ Goolin" Thi$ !ould take $o#e ti#e"
AIt7$ a lon &ay fro# a olf !our$e% I fan!y takin #y !lub$" I$ the food any ood=7
ASo far I7ve had a burer and frie$"7
A%urger= FAT :CB" )ell, I #iht fly out F7
ALet #e kno&" I plan on &innin thi$ one" The tra!k7$ a real $hithole"7
AIt doe$ look &ild" Bour $ort of pla!e, I $hould think" Give #e a !all after 'ualifyin"7
* * *
The FIA GT +ha#pion$hip &a$ holdin a $treet ra!e around the !apital &ith a rid of ra!e-tuned
ver$ion$ of every kind of $uper!ar fro# A$ton to La#borhini, Ma$erati, Ferrari, +orvette and, not lea$t, #y
hu#ble A$!ari DQ,"
A$!ari7$ ne&ly for#ed tea# in!luded old $&eat$ like Spen!er #i>ed &ith ne& talent in the for# of
the hihly orani$ed !re& !hief Neil Leyton" Guru$ all, their !ar &a$ $o i##a!ulately prepared you !ould eat
your breakfa$t off it" Even thouh &e &ere bein penali$ed &ith e>!e$$ive perfor#an!e balla$t, $he &a$ fa$t
and ni#ble"
I &a$ on top of the &orld" Georie &a$ e>pe!tin a baby and &e &ere ettin #arried" The popular
#yth in #otor$port &a$ that kid$ and fa#ily $lo&ed you do&n, but they had the oppo$ite effe!t on #e" 9oint$
#ade pri@e$, and pri@e$ 'uite $i#ply paid the bill$" I &a$ feelin are$$ive, ready to tear it up"
)ith the !ar on $tand$ I had a $lihtly better vie& of the pit lane" I !ould $ee ho& #any !ar$ &ere
due to o on tra!k, and ho& #any &ere !hanin tyre$ for another run at the pole ti#e" I &a$ $i>teenth out of
forty" )ith only five #inute$ left in the $e$$ion I !ouldn7t afford to et !auht in traffi! durin #y final $hot on
ne& tyre$" Cn a $treet tra!k, 'ualifyin -as the ra!e" It &a$ nearly i#po$$ible to overtake on!e the fla
dropped"
The pit lane opened and the ra!er$ filed out on !old tyre$"
Spen!er fro&ned" ABou $ure you don7t &anna o=7
Not yet"
)aitin for the other$ to et further around the !our$e in!rea$ed the ri$k of runnin out of ti#e if
$o#eone !louted the &all, but provided $pa!e for a ball$-out atta!k on the tiht $treet$" Five !ar$ had already
been $#a$hed to pie!e$ in thi$ 'ualifyin $e$$ion alone"
I7d #ade a !o$tly error in the #ornin% I $lid on to the du$ty #arble$, !lipped the &all and tore off a
rear &i$hbone" It &a$ doubly fru$tratin be!au$e there &a$ never enouh pra!ti!e ti#e on a $treet !our$e"
The rip level !haned all the ti#e a$ the !ar$ laid do&n rubber, $o I lo$t vital $et-up ti#e &hen &e #i$$ed
the $e!ond $e$$ion" I &a$ oin into 'ualifyin blind"
In the final $e!ond$ before departure I vi$uali$ed the perfe!t lap one la$t ti#e, brakin later to #ake
the #o$t of the ne& tyre$, $tret!hin the# to breakin point, $'uee@in pa$t the tiht &all$ and rollin the
di!e throuh the tri!ky final !orner$"
The !lo!k never $top$" I $inalled Spen!er to drop #e on to the de!k, pulled off and lit up the &a>y
ne& tyre$"
The !ir!uit &a$ !overed &ith oil $tain$, &hite line$, road #arkin$ and rit" The $urfa!e &a$ a
pat!h&ork of !on!rete, $tone-!lad bitu#en and blot!he$ of fre$h a$phalt" There &ere tiht, fa$t !hi!ane$,
heavy do&nhill brakin area$ and bu#p$ that $hook your fillin$ loo$e" So#e do&n-$hift$ under heavy
brakin &ould !at!h a #anhole !over or a bu#p, !au$in the rear to drift" Bou had to ride it out" There &a$
rarely any run-off, ?u$t !on!rete" Tra!tion &a$ e'ually tran$ient over the $urfa!e !hane$ and du$t" :i li!k$
of over$teer &ere runnin #e hard up to the &all$ and it &a$ a fiht to keep on top of it"
The openin lap on ne& tyre$ &a$ !riti!al" They &ere the #o$t $inifi-!ant fa!tor in ho& a !ar
handled" The botto# ripped the road, the $ide $upported the &eiht a$ the !ar !ornered and rolled" )hen
you braked or a!!elerated, the tyre $tret!hed lenth&i$e like a balloon"
A!!eleratin &ar#ed the rear$, but pu$hin too hard too $oon over-heated the# and !o$t rip &hen
it #attered #o$t" If you didn7t &ork the front tyre$ it !reated an i#balan!e% they had to be pliable and ta!ky
enouh to !ope &ith the $uper late brakin and !orner entry $peed$ of 'ualifyin" The tri!k &a$ to &ork the
$ide&all and $urfa!e $i#ultaneou$ly" If you over!ooked it &hen they &ere !old, the &heel$ lo!ked up" That
&a$ bad ne&$ &hen you &ere $till #ovin at 58#ph be!au$e it burnt a flat $pot that !ould later bli$ter or
pun!ture"
It &a$ a deli!ate pro!e$$, not to be ru$hed, but &ith other !ar$ fa$t approa!hin on their flyin lap$, I
!ouldn7t afford to han around"
I fle& pa$t the pit board and #y adrenalin $ured a$ I $a& I had $lipped to ..nd, one and a half
$e!ond$ off the pole &ith only t&o #inute$ re#ainin" There &a$ no #ore ti#e for refle!tion% thi$ &a$ the
#o#ent of truth"
I pulled $i>th ear and the LED rp# liht$ lit up like a +hri$t#a$ tree" I $lipped into another &orld I
there &a$ no $ound, no !ar, no #e" Nothin but pure #ove#ent" The fir$t !orner &a$ !lo$in and I didn7t
have to think" I tru$ted #y body to kno& &hat to do"
:rakin for Turn Cne &a$ a la$t-#inute $ho&do&n to $lo& fro# ,48 to 68" A $inle error, a duff
do&n-!hane, too #u!h brake pre$$ure &hil$t the tyre !ar!a$$ &a$ !old and hard, and you ba$hed into the
&all t&enty #etre$ ahead" The fir$t tou!h of the brake &a$ everythin, like a $triker !onne!tin &ith a
football" It $hifted inertia for&ard and enerated G" The tyre$ $tret!hed and took the load" The brain $en$ed
the rip, $ynap$e$ fli!kered and $inalled #ore or le$$ brake pre$$ure" Bou rode the tyre $tret!h throuh the
$eat of your pant$ and ad?u$ted &ithin nano$e!ond$, in$tin!tively" )hen it &orked perfe!tly, you rea!hed the
$peed at &hi!h you !ould barely #ake the !orner by relea$in the brake$ in the ni!k of ti#e to turn in"
The !ar fired to&ard$ the ape> &ith $o#e ne&-tyre under$teer" I redu!ed throttle, &hi!h $hifted the
balan!e ba!k to the front, then $la##ed it ho#e to drift out of the !orner" I approa!hed a tiht, riht-left
&alled !hi!ane, braked late into the riht and added $o#e a#bitiou$ e>tra $peed &hi!h $ent the rear lidin
I $o #u!h $o that there &a$ no need to turn in the #iddle of the !hi!ane to no$e it throuh" )ith the $teerin
$traiht the !ar #ade a ra!eful tran$ition $lide throuh the !orner"
I kept on it and $idled up to the !on!rete barrier on oppo$ite lo!k, $traihtenin at the la$t #o#ent to
prevent $lippin further to the riht and to prote!t the front $u$pen$ion if it ki$$ed !on!rete" )ith #illi#etre$
to $pare, plu#e$ of dirt and #arble$ ble& throuh the &heel ar!he$ and into the air"
T&o touh !orner$ &ere in the ba and there &a$ no traffi! in $iht" I &a$ bu@@in" For the re$t of the
lap I played an are$$ive a#e of point and $'uirt, boun!ed on to t&o &heel$ over hih kerb$ and $lithered
a!ro$$ bu#py $ide road$" I even had ti#e to !onte#plate the final !orner" The undulation$ in the road there
&ere playin havo! &ith the brake$, #akin the pedal $oft and trea!herou$ and prone to lo!kin the rear
&heel$" I !ould play $afe and drop a fe& tenth$ to bank a lap that &ould $till be ood for the top five, or o for
it" A $plit-$e!ond de!i$ion and an ea$y one"
The la$t !orner bent round to the left then doubled ba!k on it$elf, &hi!h #eant there &a$ no run-off
&hat$oever" I i#proved the pedal pre$$ure by pu#pin it and took the plune on the brake$ outraeou$ly
deep into the !orner, riht on top of the na$tie$t bu#p$" The ba!k &heel$ lo!ked before I had a !han!e to
$hift do&n" The enine note dropped and the earbo> !lattered" I popped the !lut!h, #odulated the brake
and heard the rev$ $pin up aain" Then the in$ide front lo!ked"
I &a$ runnin out of road, but no #ore than I had e>pe!ted" I relea$ed the pedal pre$$ure a fra!tion
and e>tended the $peed into the left-hander" It $tu!k" I &hipped by the &all, braked $o#e #ore and plu!ked
$e!ond ear to !hane dire!tion" I !ra!ked the throttle a fe& ti#e$ to hu$tle the rear a$ the pit $traiht
opened up ahead and then nailed it, $hort-$hiftin to third for tra!tion and boltin pa$t #y dent in the &all
fro# the earlier $e$$ion" I $ear!hed for the pit board and &aited to hear the re$ult"
The pit to !ar radio !ra!kled into life( AThat7$ it, :en,7 Neil $ta##ered" ABou have pole po$ition"7
It &a$ the be$t feelin, brinin ho#e the ba!on for the !re&" )ith no ti#e left on the !lo!k I !ould
rela> a little, but you never $&it!hed off on a $treet !ir!uit" I drove throuh the fir$t !orner and &a$ ?oined by
another !ar leavin the pit lane" I $ped uphill to&ard$ the ne>t hori@on and $a& yello& fla$ &avin be$ide a
$tri!ken La#borhini Gallardo" I took the ede off the throttle" That &a$ &hen the !ar behind hit #e"
I &a$ $la##ed ba!k hard into the $eat" My #etal !o!oon &a$ propelled for&ard$ and violently to the
riht, ivin #e a bird7$-eye vie& of the $tationary !ar I &a$ approa!hin driver $ide fir$t"
,/8 to 8 in one $e!ond" A $earin pain e>ploded in #y $pine" The i#pa!t &a$ $ledeha##er brutal"
A$ the La#bo7$ $olid earbo> #et the door of #y A$!ari, the enery pa$$ed throuh #e like a &re!kin ball"
In $pite of the harne$$ bindin #e to the $eat, #y head and $houlder #anaed to $#a$h throuh the
9er$pe> &indo& and $plit the door open"
The air $topped #ovin throuh the !abin and the heat fro# the enine &a$ $tiflin" My $pine &a$
ripped by an inten$e burnin !ra#p, a $pa$# of #u$!le !ontra!tin around a &hite-hot !ore" My lun$
$ee#ed no loner to e>i$t and air !ould only be $&allo&ed, not breathed" A reat &eiht !la#ped #y !he$t
$hut, but the pain &a$ $o over&hel#in that the breathin i$$ue paled into in$inifi!an!e" I &anted to pa$$
out, but the $adi$ti! $urvival in$tin!t kept #e &ildly alert" I athered #y $trenth to e$ti!ulate urently to the
neare$t tra!k #ar$hal, but then reali$ed I !ouldn7t #ove #y ar#$" My riht hand ?u$t bobbed li#ply in #y lap"
The &orld &a$ foy" S&eat poured fro# #y throbbin head a$ the blood !ontinued to !ra$h around
#y $y$te#" The vi$or on #y hel#et &a$ bent $hut by the i#pa!t and I !ouldn7t open it for the tiny a#ount of
air it #iht let in" I $till !ouldn7t breathe" I7d been &inded badly before, but thi$ &a$ different% thi$ felt like I &a$
paraly$ed"
I $lipped into deliriu#, but fear for!ed #e to fo!u$ and $ei@e on the $lihte$t en!ourain $in" I
#anaed a $'ueak of air but no #ore" 9ani! &ould only #ake thin$ &or$e, $o I kept tryin"
An orane-!lad #ar$hal opened the pa$$ener door and $lo&ly #ade hi$ &ay in$ide" I !ouldn7t brin
hi$ fa!e into fo!u$ or under$tand hi#, but hi$ pre$en!e &a$ rea$$urin" It #eant the !ar probably &a$n7t on
fire"
My door &a$ &rapped around $o#eone7$ earbo> and the ra!in $eat e>tended around #y head in
a hor$e$hoe, !urved for&ard of #y !he$t and up fro# #y hip$" That #eant I7d have to be draed for&ard$
then $ide&ay$ a!ro$$ the !entre !on$ole"
Another #ar$hal appeared brandi$hin a lare orane re$!ue board, bi enouh to o $urfin on"
They !ouldn7t $eriou$ly be ai#in that into thi$ little $pa!e" They &ere" He peeled a&ay #y belt$ and ru$tled
hi$ finer$ in$ide #y ra!e $uit" I !ouldn7t $top hi# even if I7d &anted to" I &a$ $lo&ly $uffo!atin" So#eone
pulled #y le$ to the riht and it tore a hole in #y $pine" My left $houlder &a$ nuded ently for&ard, rippin
open a !avern in #y ba!k" Train tra!k$ &ere bein pulled out of their $leeper$, bent, t&i$ted and &ren!hed
a&ay" The pain &a$ #edieval and I &anted to vo#it"
I never $a& ho& they $olved the !onundru# of ettin #e over the ear-$ti!k" A$ #y head &a$
dra&n for&ard I pa$$ed out" The heroe$ in the orane $uit$ $o#eho& ot #e on to the tar#a!, &here a ne&
thouht invaded #y #ind( Stu#id sel(ish (ool i( I cant -alk -hen my ay is orn F
AHello, !an you hear #e= My na#e i$ Anika" Bou &ill feel $o#ethin in your ar#, CD=7
ACD"7
The ar#y #edi!al trainin rotated in #y $ub!on$!iou$" 3 chest -ound ty#ically involves air in the
lung cavity) Lightness o( reath you hear the lood rattle on the lungs signs the lining has een
reached F I( things start to go -rong it can ha##en (ast, you need to act ;uickly to #er(orm a lumar
#uncture F
To #y relief, no one ran at #e &ith an eiht-in!h needle to pun!h a hole throuh #y rib!ae, yet
every breath felt like a belt &a$ bein rat!heted around #y !he$t" Anythin &a$ better than thi$" The
$tabbin in #y $pine refu$ed to be inored" I fo!u$ed on $tayin !al#" I !ouldn7t #ove #y le$"
I &a$ taken to *o#anian A1E on the orane plank" My ba!k &a$n7t da#aed% I7d $napped four rib$
very !lo$e to #y $pine" Cn!e the $ho!k and $&ellin !al#ed do&n, I !ould #ove #y li#b$" The *o#anian
#edi!$ &ere fanta$ti!, e$pe!ially the do!tor &ho allayed #y &or$t fear$" :ut there &ere a !ouple of
une>pe!ted !hallene$" The fir$t &a$ that to !all for food or any kind of help I had to rea!h a button on the
&all t&o #etre$ behind #y head" The $e!ond #anife$ted it$elf the follo&in #ornin F
T&o very but!h #a#a$ bo&led up, dre$$ed like !leanin ladie$" Cne &a$ *o$a Dlebb and her #ate
&a$ an Cly#pi! $hot-putter" They &ere e$ti!ulatin furiou$ly and #utterin &hat $ounded $u$pi!iou$ly like,
8Il #residente, loshloka, retishlokkka"
Their freneti! e$turin and vi!e-like rip on #y ar#$ $ue$ted I &a$ about to eva!uate #y rather
po$h roo# &hether I liked it or not" :earin in #ind that the bie$t #ove#ent I had #anaed until thi$ point
&a$ to turn #y head fro# one $ide to the other, $tandin up &ould be ea$ier $aid than done"
I fended Dlebb a&ay fro# #y left ar# and beed for ti#e fro# the Cly#pian" 9erhap$ I !ould $lide
off the riht-hand $ide of the bed" I #otioned to the riht"
.EEEEEESSSSSS ,5 '3!)
Left, then"
Grippin the $heet$ &ith #y riht hand, I !la&ed for&ard &ith a $erie$ of $nail-like #ove#ent$ and
ban$hee !rie$ to brin #y$elf upriht" The #a#a$ !li!ked their finer$ i#patiently" My feet !ouldn7t rea!h the
floor and pleadin #y !a$e for the# to lo&er #e do&n ot #e no&here" I had to ?u#p"
I e>er!i$ed every #illi#etre of #y butt !heek$ to $lide a$ !lo$e to the floor a$ hu#anly po$$ible"
Then a #u$!le I never kne& e>i$ted I and I $uddenly &i$hed it didn7t I tautened a!ro$$ #y rib$" I plu##eted
involuntarily off the bed and landed un!ertainly on #y feet" The $pa$# lan!in throuh #y ba!k $ent
do#inoe$ of fire tu#blin around #y body" My le$ bu!kled and I #anaed $o#ethin bet&een a &hi#per
and a roan" The #a#a$ looked on un#oved a$ I took #y fir$t falterin $tep$ into &hat I hoped #iht turn
out to be a friendlier &orld"
Dlebb &a$n7t leavin anythin to !han!e% $he led #e out of the roo# by #y elbo&" It $ee#ed that #y
private roo#, !o#plete &ith TE, &a$ re$erved for the *o#anian 9re$ident" She #ar!hed #e alon the
!orridor in $ear!h of #ore #ode$t a!!o##odation at triple #y $peed li#it" Cne look at the &ard$ !onfir#ed
that &hatever $tate I &a$ in, I &a$ better off #akin a run for it and flyin ba!k to Enland"
I ran #y old #an" He7d been follo&in #y prore$$ and &e had an unu$ually lon !hat"
AA$ lon a$ you7re CD" )hat a $ha#e, thouh" Ho& bad7$ the !ar=7
AIt7$ F<:A*" +ould you pi!k #e up fro# the airport= I7ve $een enouh of thi$ pla!e"7
ACf !our$e" I7ll $ee you in the #ornin"7 He pau$ed" ALove you, Son"7
I ran Georie ne>t to let her kno& I &a$ !o#in ho#e" A prenant lady had enouh to &orry about,
$o I lied about #y in?ury"
AAre you $ure you7re CD= )hat aren7t you tellin #e=7
AI7# ?u$t annoyed about the bu$ted !ar" See you really $oon"7
:raa#, A$!ari7$ $hort-$ta!ked South Afri!an Tea# Manaer, $&un by the ho$pital"
A:en-?a#in" Grab your $hit and let7$ et out of 7ere"7
I pulled #y$elf up"
A;ee@, boy, you ain7t onna dan!e the Ma!arena for $o#e ti#e, eh=7
)e boarded *o#ania7$ #o$t dilapidated ta>i" +arpet odd#ent$ !overed ru$ted-out hole$ in the floor
and it$ $ho!k ab$orber$ didn7t ab$orb" The driver $potted the ra!in loo$ on our $hirt$, dropped a ear and
ave u$ the Grand 9ri> treat#ent over every pothole in the !ity" Hi$ overtakin te!hni'ue &a$ novel" He rode
the rear bu#per of the !ar in front and a!!elerated repeatedly into on!o#in traffi! until they &aved a &hite
fla" Mike Ty$on &orked #y tor$o for ten round$ until &e #ade it to the airport and boarded the plane to
London"
After the $hort fliht to Luton airport, the effe!t of the #y$teriou$ painkiller$ in la$$ vial$ had &orn
off" I !li!ked on #y #obile to !all #y old #an and it ran &ithin $e!ond$" I heard the 'uiet, apoloeti! voi!e
of an old fa#ily friend, and kne& i##ediately that #y dad &a$ dead"
I &anted to rip the adverti$in board$ off the &all of the airport, pull up the pavin $lab$ and tear
do&n the $ky" In #y patheti! $tate all I !ould do &a$ !ru#ple to the floor and $ob"
The #an &ho had iven #e every opportunity to live the life I &anted &a$ one" I7d never thanked
hi# enouh and there &a$ $o #u!h #ore I needed to $ay to hi#"
I later di$!overed that in the !onfu$ion of tryin to rea!h #e to break the ne&$, Mu# had phoned
Georie" Mu# $truled to find the &ord$, and Georie fell to the floor thinkin I &a$ a oner"
Dad had the la$t &ord" )hen I ot do&n to $ortin out hi$ affair$ I found t&o $et$ of paper$ lyin
open in hi$ $partan apart#ent" A printout of #y *o#anian 'ualifyin $heet re$ted under hi$ #anifyin
la$$, alon$ide revie&$ of over a hundred pra#$"
The Stilet &a$ due in ?u$t over three #onth$" I needed to pull #y$elf toether for the $ake of
Georie and the baby" In$ide I &a$ broken"
+hapter .5
London +allin
With four kna!kered rib$ I &a$ no u$e to anybody for $o#e ti#e" :ut t&o day$ after ettin ho#e I
&a$ !onta!ted by To# $ear to fil# a ra!e a!ro$$ London" I &a$ de$perate for a di$tra!tion and, $in!e The
Sti had no kno&n bone $tru!ture, I heard #y$elf areein"
The purpo$e of the ra!e &a$ to deter#ine, in a totally $!ientifi! #anner, the fa$te$t #ean$ of travel
bet&een De& Garden$ and London +ity Airport"
The Sti &ould be takin publi! tran$port &hil$t the pre$enter$ pro!eeded by boat, !ar and bi!y!le" I
duly appeared at De&, $&allo&ed $o#e painkiller$ and ea$ed into #y &hite overall$ and hel#et in the
urinal$ of a nearby pub" Super#an, eat your heart out" 9u$hin #y left ar# throuh the tiht $leeve of the
$uit #ade #y eye$ &ater" I finally $'uee@ed #y$elf in and headed a!ro$$ to the A$tart line7 for the pre$enter$7
openin pie!e to !a#era"
For the purpo$e of the fil# I &a$ bein Adelivered7 to the $et on a $a!k tru!k by To# $ear$ A#en in
&hite !oat$7" *eali$in that the lo& #etal fra#e &ould apply all the &eiht to #y rib!ae, Andy )il#an, in a
tou!hin #o#ent of !o#pa$$ion, fitted a broo# handle to e>tend it$ load-bearin $tru!ture to ne!k heiht"
<n!hara!teri$ti!ally, it took the pre$enter$ five take$ to &heel #e into the $hot" Finally, &e &ere off"
)e $plit into four #ini !re&$ and &ent our different dire!tion$" )hil$t ;e@@a, Ha##o and May had $!ript$
pretty #u!h in hand for ho& their ?ourney$ &ould appear on !a#era, #ine &ould be entirely $pontaneou$" A$
the pre$enter$ voi!ed their opinion$ on road traffi! and the Tha#e$ $peed li#it$ for the benefit of the
!a#era, I fronted up &ith the publi!"
Fir$t up &a$ a 'ueue of $!hool kid$ at the bu$ $top" ATake your hel#et off,7 they pleaded"
ABeeeaaaahhhhhH7
Cy$ter !ard in hand, I $urfed the bu$ $y$te#, &ith )il#an dire!tin the !a#era#an to pi!k up
anythin that !auht hi$ eye" A$ &e headed into the <nderround I re#e#bered the $!ene in Crocodile
2undee &here bu$h#a$ter Mi!k fiht$ $hy of the e$!alator, $o I $topped, teetered on the ede and did an
about fa!e"
Cn the tube I pi!ked up a ne&$paper &ith a feature on Le&i$ Ha#ilton durin hi$ F, ra!e-&innin
pri#e" Even anony#ou$ robot ra!in driver$ &ere entitled to a little profe$$ional rivalry, $o I !hu!ked the
paper a&ay in di$u$t, fuellin ru#our$ that Ha#ilton7$ rival Fernando Alon$o &a$ The Sti"
Londoner$ didn7t ive a #onkey7$ about a #an in a &hite $uit &alkin a#on$t the#, &ith the
e>!eption of one uy &ho $pat hi$ pa$ty on the floor" Mo$tly it &a$ like I &a$n7t there" After a fe& #ore
!hane$ I e#ered fro# the Do!kland$ Liht *ail&ay ?u$t ahead of ;a#e$" Ha##ond had arrived fir$t on
the bike, follo&ed by ;ere#y, &ho had ho&led up the Tha#e$ aboard a $uper!hared ra!in boat at the
head of a $i>-foot &ake" ;a#e$7$ appallin $en$e of dire!tion $ealed the !ar7$ fate" It &a$n7t the re$ult To#
$ear &a$ lookin for"
I fell a$leep on the train ho#e and &oke up $lihtly out of it" I ab$ent-#indedly $tarted te>tin #y
father about &hat I7d been up to" )e hadn7t $een ea!h other #u!h re!ently, but al&ay$ kept in tou!h" Then a
&ave of $adne$$ brouht #e to #y $en$e$" Dad &a$ gone"
:efore I had too #u!h ti#e for refle!tion, providen!e intervened aain" A blo!kbu$tin #ovie $tunt
!o-ordinator !alled Steve Dent ran and a$ked #e to #eet hi# at 9ine&ood Studio$"
I7d al&ay$ been fa$!inated by the #ovie indu$try" Holly&ood had the budet$ to do thin$ &e !ould
only drea# about on TE" I7d $tudied the !redit$ of #y favourite #ovie$ like 7anishing Point, 4onin and the
:ond $erie$, lookin for a &ay in"
To# $ear ave #e a !ra!kin +E% the only proble# &a$ I !ould never $ho& it to anyone" I7d put too
#u!h effort into keepin The Sti under!over to u$e hi# a$ !urren!y" After nu#erou$ blind alley$ and dead
end$, the leendary Gary 9o&ell had re!o##ended #e for a ?ob on Ni!ola$ +ae7$ ne& #ovie ) It featured a
#a$$ive !ar !ha$e throuh the +ity of London"
;u$t drivin throuh the $tone ar!h of the $tudio7$ Double Lode entran!e, you felt the hi$tory of the
pla!e" 9ine&ood had been one of the #o$t prolifi! fil# and televi$ion produ!tion fa!ilitie$ in the &orld $in!e
the Thirtie$, &ith a raft of blo!kbu$ter$ fro# The $reat $atsy to Su#er+man" It re#ain$ the lon-ter# ho#e
of the reate$t of a!tion heroe$, 884"
The body of profe$$ional$ produ!in the $tunt$ for the #ovie bu$ine$$ &a$ a !lo$ed $hop" To ?oin
the# re'uired year$ of trainin in nu#erou$ $pe!iali$t $kill$ $u!h a$ fire, y#na$ti!$, hor$e ridin and #artial
art$" To be allo&ed to ?oin the# a$ a drivin e>pert &ould be a rare privilee"
I &a$ re'uired for drivin a Apod !ar7" The pod &a$ a #etal !ae &ith a $et of drivin !ontrol$ that $at
on the roof of a nor#al road !ar, in thi$ !a$e a Mer!ede$ + +la$$" +ae and the other a!tor$ $at in$ide,
&hil$t the #an in the pod &orked the $teerin, brake$ and a!!elerator"
I #et Ian, the vehi!le7$ enineer, aka the Abi bla!k bloke7 I had been told to look for in Shed 0." Hi$
eye$ lit up over hi$ $#all re!tanular la$$e$" AGo on, !li#b up and 7ave a lookH7
I !li#bed up the $ide of the Mer!, !la#bered into the thi!k tube fra#e then $lid into the !hair like an
invalid" Ian and hi$ !re& &at!hed thi$ palaver, then looked at ea!h other a$ if to $ay, A+ouldn7t Steve find one
that7$ not broken=7
ADon7t &orry" I7ll be fine in a fe& &eek$"7
Sittin on the roofra!k &a$n7t $o#ethin I &a$ a!!u$to#ed to, but it &a$ !ool" )hen you turned the
&heel of #o$t road !ar$ it &ould un&ind and $elf-!entre if you let o" Thi$ one didn7t, be!au$e the hydrauli!
$teerin &a$ $o bloody heavy, but I !ould ?u$t about haul it round &ith #y ood ar#" The pedal$ &ere neatly
tran$planted fro# the Mer!, &ith the auto#ati! ear-$hifter #ounted alon$ide the $eat" It &a$ e>!ellently
appointed, ideal for EI9$ &ho preferred not to $ee their !hauffeur"
Ne>t on the aenda &a$ to !he!k out one of the $tandard Mer!$ &ith *ob In!h, another leendary
$tunt#an &ho $tarred a$ the headle$$ hor$e#an in Slee#y 6ollo-" At over $i> feet tall *ob didn7t look #u!h
like a !o&boy" Thi$ &a$ hi$ fir$t #a?or foray into a different kind of hor$epo&er" )e drove to one of the
outdoor $tae$, a yard of ravel &ith a narro& $tret!h of tar#a! bordered by a ro& of fake $hopfront$" :efore
I !ould $ay $pare rib$, *ob floored it do&n the tar#a! alley and !hu!ked the !ar riht into a handbrake turn"
I !ould tell he had the tou!h $traiht a&ay, if a little rouh around the ede$, but I &a$n7t about to
en!ourae the $on of a bit!h" I &a$ in aony" He po&ered out of the a$phalt on to the loo$e ravel, pulled the
&and aain and a$ &e $lid ba!k on to the tar#a! the Mer! du in, ripped and ro!ked" I ten$ed up, held on
to the door handle and bit #y lip hard" The vein$ in *ob7$ ar#$ flared a$ he ripped the $teerin and ki!ked
the throttle to try and $kid the Mer! do&n the $treet"
After a nu#ber of un$u!!e$$ful run$, I e>plained &hy it &a$ tri!ky to drift an auto#ati! &ithout a
!lut!h to pop the tail out" The + +la$$ &a$ $uper-planted be!au$e of it$ $tiff $u$pen$ion and lo& !entre of
ravity, $o it re'uired $o#e #anipulation to $et it free" He offered to trade $eat$" A:ut you7d better not ?u#p
$traiht in and $ti!k it $ide&ay$ do&n thi$ alley"7
It da&ned on #e then that thi$ &a$ a te$t" I drove 'uietly do&n the alley until I rea!hed the ravel,
then lifted off the a$, turned riht and buried the throttle to produ!e a $inle po&er$lide at a hiher $peed
than if I7d one in u$in the handbrake" A$ I !a#e ba!k round to&ard$ the tar#a! I #ade $ure it &a$ fully
$ide&ay$ and, a$ it hit the $ti!ky $tuff, !hu!ked the $teerin the other &ay and u$ed the #o#entu# to
tran$ition $lide do&n the alley" My rib$ &ere killin #e, but I fiured it &a$ hurtin *ob7$ pride #ore, $o I kept
on it" I #anaed the &hole e>er!i$e one-handed" *ob ?u$t $aid( A:a$tard"7 Thank God for that"
)ith a$ #u!h non!halan!e a$ I !ould #u$ter &ith ball$ of $&eat drippin off #y fa!e, I $aid, ABeah,
it7$ a ood !ar"7
So bean #y life a$ a $tunt driver for a Holly&ood fil#" I #et the re$t of the fifty-$tron tea# for
rehear$al$ at :ovindon out$ide London" Another day, another airfield" So#e of the uy$ &ore old !re&
$hirt$ fro# #ea #ovie$ like The %ourne &ltimatum, Casino 4oyale and Saving Private 4yan" The$e &ere
the #en &ho7d fallen off every hor$e, do&n every $et of $tair$ and burnt in every inferno I7d $een on the bi
$!reen durin the previou$ de!ade" The $!ript$ &ere et!hed on their fa!e$, bodie$ and K-ray !hart$"
Cne of the $tunt#en &a$ entertainin a !ouple of old $&eat$ &ith hi$ $ho&reel" I &at!hed throuh
the !ra!k$ bet&een #y finer$ a$ he leapt .88 #etre$ fro# the top of a hyperboli! !oolin to&er at an
ele!tri! po&er $tation, &ithout a para!hute, to land on a #ode$t $ta!k of !ardboard bo>e$" The audien!e
nodded &ith approval"
The rane of talent$ a#on$t the A$tuntie$7 &a$ re#arkable" :rian &a$ a bareknu!kle bo>er, $hinin
proof that the e>pre$$ion Athe bier they are, the harder they fall7 &a$ a danerou$ lie" Hi$ #u$!le$ &ere
terrifyin% I !ertainly &a$n7t oin to tell hi# that hi$ ADark Advener7 tattoo &a$ #i$$pelt" There &ere e>-
#ilitary folk, #oto!ro$$ !ha#pion$, $&ord fihter$, $ilent type$ and $o on"
*e#nant$ of bla!k hair dye fro# a re!ent #ovie &ere vi$ible in a fe&" And all $ee#ed to have a
!appu!!ino or fruit $#oothie on the o fro# the on$ite !aterin van that tran$for#ed thi$ barren $trip of
!on!rete into a !har#in pla!e to han out"
There &a$ la$hin$ of the kind of bla!k hu#our you e>pe!t fro# a danerou$ profe$$ion" Cne boy
li#ped to&ard$ the re$t of the roup &ith le$ !overed in houli$h la!eration$ and purple and yello& brui$in"
I7d already been introdu!ed to the $elf-appointed #outhpie!e of the roup" *o&ley had &orked in
fil# #an and boy" He loved it" Hi$ full lip$ 'uivered a$ he $a& #e !lo!k the &alkin a!!ident" A+ar
kno!kdo&n,7 he $aid"
A)hat=7
*o&ley lauhed like a !o!kney drain" AGot hit by a !ar ye$terday" Ho&7$ the# le$, :radder$=7
:rad $hot u$ a $heepi$h $#ile" An inten$e, #u$!ular #an to #y left added 'uietly, ANot fa$t enouh,
eh, :radder$ F7
ABou #ean you7d rather be hit by a !ar oin (aster=7
A7+our$e,7 !ontinued Stuart, aka *u$$ell +ro&e7$ double fro# $ladiator" ACnly et hit on!e then, don7t
ya=7 He &a$ rollin hi$ finer$ up in the air to illu$trate the hiher tra?e!tory"
ASod that"7
The !ar !ha$e &e &ere due to rehear$e over the !our$e of a #onth &a$ bein billed a$ the bie$t
in London7$ hi$tory" A trea$ure hunter played by Ni!ola$ +ae $et$ out on a lobal 'ue$t to unearth hidden
trea$ure$ and di$!over !lue$ that lead hi# into the narro& !onfine$ of London7$ $'uare #ile" The hero find$
hi#$elf in the !ro$$ hair$ of the villain LEd Harri$M and put$ the pedal to the #etal to e$!ape in a hih-o!tane
pur$uit"
:lo!kin off !entral London to $hoot a #ovie &a$ a$ !o#pli!ated a$ it $ound$" The $tunt tea# had to
perfe!t a diver$e nu#ber of drivin $e'uen!e$ on the airfield in order to hit the round runnin on lo!ation$
&ith re$tri!ted a!!e$$, $u!h a$ :u!kinha# 9ala!e, )hitehall and St ;a#e$7$" Everythin had to run like
!lo!k&ork in order for u$ to ra!e throuh the $treet$, $hoot a $!ene in five #inute$, and return the A$et7 to it$
rihtful o&ner$" Many of the $!ene$ left no #arin for $e!ond take$ be!au$e the !arnae left nothin to fil#
&ith"
)e &ere al$o due to fil# in London7$ finan!ial !entre" If &e #ade a #i$take and tra$hed the :ank of
Enland, thin$ &ould turn uly"
They u$ed ani#ated $toryboard$ !alled Aprevi$ual$7 to brin the $tory of the !ar !ha$e to life and
develop a !lear under$tandin of the dire!tor7$ vi$ion" It al$o allo&ed the# to deter#ine &hat &a$ a!tually
a!hievable before the produ!tion $tarted burnin #illion$ of pound$ on lo!ation"
London7$ route$ and inter$e!tion$ &ere pain$takinly re-!reated at the airfield, u$in !one$, tyre$
and tape" T&enty driver$ took to !ar$, bike$ and tru!k$, &ith the re#ainder of the $tunt#en and &o#en
a!tin a$ pa$$er$-by" Thi$ &a$ pre !redit !run!h, $o &e &eren7t allo&ed to run over real banker$"
Durin one rehear$al on the airfield &e deployed every vehi!le to $i#ulate a $!ene &here the
Mer!ede$ $&erved in and out of on!o#in traffi!, &hil$t bein !ha$ed by a $uper!hared *ane *over" *ob
&a$ &orkin a$ Ni!k +ae7$ double in the $tandard Mer!, $o I took it in turn$ &ith hi# to drive the route or
ride alon a$ a pa$$ener $o that the pod !ould be deployed in any $!ene"
)e tore $traiht into it" )e overtook everythin in our path at 48#ph before boun!in a!ro$$ a
pede$trian !ro$$in, $kiddin pa$t a poli!e !ar and e$!apin do&n the pave#ent &ith people ?u#pin left
and riht"
Cf the $eventy-odd vehi!le$ &e had on $ite about t&enty &ere poli!e !ar$, #o$tly C#ea$" )e &ere
$tandin around drinkin e$pre$$o$ fro# the !aterin &aon, the holy rail of $na!kin, &hen $o#e !hav$
barrelled on to the airfield and pulled a handbrake turn in their +itroZn" Cur $tunt#en didn7t even flin!h" T&o
of the# $kidded a!ro$$ the bonnet of their vehi!le$ and $hot off in pur$uit, blue$ and t&o$ blarin, !uttin the
+itroZn off &ith a $pe!ta!ular pin!er #ove#ent" The !hav$ nervou$ly produ!ed their li!en!e$ and tootled off
a$ refor#ed driver$"
I $eriou$ly ad#ired the$e uy$ and found &e had a lot in !o##on, e>!ept that I preferred not to be
run over by a !ar or in any &ay $et fire to or $hot off a hor$e at 28#ph" :ut that7$ ?u$t #e"
)e &ere nailin the !ar !ha$e and ettin to rip$ &ith the pod !ar" At fir$t it felt like it &ould topple
over every ti#e I turned into a !orner, $o &e built up radually to full $peed" My di$tan!e fro# the !ar7$
!entre of ravity added a pendulu# effe!t that !louded the nor#al $en$ation of drivin and #ade #y !aed
offi!e feel like an out of body e>perien!e" I ained !onfiden!e &ith ea!h run, but in the end it took a leap of
faith to deter#ine &hether it a!tually had a tippin point"
A+an I ive it the bi one, Ian=7
ACh, o on then,7 he $aid" AStart on tho$e da#p bit$ of tra!k before you try dry land"7
The &et $urfa!e #ade it le$$ likely that the !ar &ould di in and roll over" Even in$ide a $teel fra#e,
if it did flip I &a$ a lon &ay fro# bullet-proof"
I bla$ted up the run&ay and yanked the handbrake" 5oooh, shiiit) A$ the $u$pen$ion took the $train
#y #etal !ae &obbled and yrated" The Mer! $&un throuh 68 deree$, I ro!ked around in #y $eat and it
$ee#ed !ertain that $o#ethin unplea$ant &a$ about to happen until the !ar !a#e to a $top"
:uoyed by thi$, I put the pod throuh it$ pa!e$ on the $lalo# !our$e of ACld :road Street7 and
#anaed to et it to po&er$lide, &hi!h felt even $traner" It !ould ;-turn and &a$ a!tually better than the
$tandard Mer! at hih-$peed rever$in be!au$e you had a bird7$-eye vie& of the $treet$ belo&"
It &a$ a $pooky ride for the pa$$ener$ in$ide the !arriae" )ith no $iht of the driver or even a
&orkin $teerin &heel, they had no idea &here the !ar &a$ oin, &hen it &ould $peed up or $uddenly
!o#e to a $top" Givin the boy$ pa$$ener ride$ be!a#e a popular i durin do&n ti#e" I $ho&ed the#
ho& to drift their front- and rear-&heel-drive poli!e !ar$, and *o&ley $ho&ed #e ho& to do a handbrake turn
in a ,.-tonne beer tru!k"
I $at in the !ab and *o&ley nailed it until &e &ere doin about 22, then he $&erved hard riht, hard
left and !ranked the air brake" The rear a>le $ei@ed up, &allo&ed and $pun around to fill the !oned $treet &e
had #arked out"
AAha, aha,7 *o&ley !ro&ed" A)on7t be 'uite a$ !o$y a$ that on South-&ark :ride, I fa!kin tell ya"7
He &a$n7t lyin"
Cur fir$t de$tination for fil#in &a$ :ank tube $tation at 2a# one Saturday #ornin" )e brouht a
ne& kind of !one$tion to the !apital in the for# of $tunt #en and a!tion e>tra$ by the hundred, $!ore$ of
!re& and the !a$t of a Holly&ood blo!kbu$ter in the #akin"
AToday &e &ill be $#a$hin a lot of !ar$ and I &ant everyone to $&it!h on,7 $aid Steve Dent, $ettin
the tone for Day Cne"
Everyone &a$ fitted into their variou$ !o$tu#e$( pin $tripe $uit$, po$t offi!e unifor#$ and inno!uou$
by$tander et-up$" I $ported a Ni!k +ae &i and tan $uit for the perfe!t AMan fro# Del Monte7 look" The
dark bro&n bouffant per!hed on top of #y head #ade #e look like a pri@e to$$er and *o&ley let #e kno& it"
The $trone$t antidote for *o&ley &a$ 9ete Mile$, a loveable roue fro# the )e$t +ountry &ho
baited hi# re#or$ele$$ly"
A7Ere :en, &at!h thi$,7 a$ he pretended to harve$t a iant boey, a pie!e of bro!!oli, fro# hi$ no$tril"
*o&ley eyeballed the reen #atter on the tip of Mile$y7$ finer, &hereupon it &a$ fli!ked onto hi$ $leeve"
*o&ley dropped hi$ !appu!!ino but other&i$e &a$ fro@en riid by the kryptonite"
AGet it off, get it o((, 511"7
The $treet$ in and around :ank tube $tation &ere in reular Monday #ornin #ode, e>!ept that
nobody &a$ #ovin" Everythin &a$ on pau$e" Eehi!le$ &ere $tationary and every fa!e &a$ turned in the
$a#e dire!tion, &aitin for a $inle !o##and"
The fir$t a$$i$tant dire!tor !alled over the loudhailer, ALo!k it off"7
A)e7re lo!ked up"7
A &ater bo&$er $'uirted it$ !ontent$ a!ro$$ the e#pty $treet$" +ontinuity throuhout the !ha$e &a$
i#portant, and the produ!er$ had de!ided that it &a$ rainin"
AStand by, !a#era$"7
A*ollin"7
Steve $houted, AStand by" 3ction"7
The enine$ bean to ru#ble" A ,.-tonne Fuller$ beer tru!k driven by Mile$y !hared into vie& and
A!o##uter$7 dived out of it$ &ay" There &a$ no &ay the tru!k !ould $top in ti#e for the traffi! liht$ and a
po$tal van &a$ already turnin a!ro$$ the inter$e!tion"
The !la$h of #etal and la$$ #ade the round $hake% it &a$ the kind of $hunt people didn7t &alk
a&ay fro#"
The tru!k hit the van $o hard a#id$hip$ that they #o#entarily be!a#e one" It then $lid into the traffi!
i$land, flattened a bollard and !rea$ed the liht antry" The driver pulled the $teerin hard left" There &a$ no
roo# for #anoeuvre in the Atraffi!7 but it didn7t $top hi#" Mile$y kne& that five !a#era$ &ere re!ordin hi$
every #ove and thi$ &a$ a one-take &onder" He plouhed throuh a Eau>hall Ee!tra a$ it ba!ked a&ay and
tore do&n 9rin!e7$ Street to&ard$ Threadneedle, ra@in the Georian bri!k&ork of $o#e Spani$h bank"
A+<T" *e$etH7
I !raned #y head around the $treet !orner and &at!hed the $ho&" I &a$ ten year$ old aain" Cur
i##ediate !on!ern &a$ for $e!ond-eneration $tunt veteran Franky Hen$on, the driver of the po$tal van"
Franky !li#bed out rinnin like a $pa!e !adet but other&i$e un$!athed" The fir$t a"d" &ent into overti#e
!learin the area" )ithin three #inute$ the only $in of the !ra$h &a$ the broken traffi! liht, &hi!h &a$n7t in
the $!ript"
)e #oved on to St 9aul7$ +athedral, an unlikely lo!ation for a $treet !ha$e and a $ho&!a$e in
pre!i$ion drivin" Fifty A$tunt prie$t$7 &ere roped into the a!t, &hi!h involved handbrake-turnin the Mer!ede$
on to the !obbled entran!e, then $lidin it throuh the bu$tlin !ro&d of :ible ba$her$"
Mr +ae #ade hi$ &ay over to the pod and eyed #e &arily a$ &e &ere introdu!ed" I tried to a!t like
it &a$ an everyday o!!urren!e to $it on the roof of a !ar and ra!e throuh a bun!h of #onk$" He &a$ #u!h
$li##er than I e>pe!ted, deli!ate even, &hi!h e>plained &hy #y tan $uit had pin!hed #y u$$et $o#e&hat"
The a!tor$ !li#bed aboard, alon &ith the #ovie7$ dire!tor" It $ee#ed their fate re$ted in #y hand$"
The prie$t$ pa!ked toether into an area the $i@e of a livin roo#" Steve a!tioned #e throuh #y
radio earpie!e, and I a!!elerated the pod into the !obbled $'uare" The prie$t$ &ere thronin around the
!ar, &avin their u#brella$ and $hakin their fi$t$ at #e in prote$t" So#e of the furiou$ fa!e$ &ere $o
!onvin!in that on the third take I thouht I7d run $o#eone do&n and abandoned the $hot to $top and !he!k"
The ne>t take +ae $tarted i#provi$in and I heard hi# yellin ASto#, Sto#,7 $o I did" The dire!tor $houted,
AThey7re ?u$t a!tin% kee# goingH7
The pod &a$ $!heduled to &ork all the &ay throuh the !ha$e, but in the end it only !a#e out a fe&
ti#e$" There &a$ a $!ene &here +ae &a$ bein $hot at by the baddie$ in the *ane *over" The Mer!
drifted throuh a riht-hander to et a&ay and $la##ed $ide&ay$ into a double-de!ker bu$" A$ it
$traihtened out, it ot ra##ed fro# behind by the *anie"
*ob had perfe!ted the tran$ition $lide on the airfield before doin it for real in front of Nel$on7$
+olu#n and it &a$ on the nail" Then it &a$ #y turn to do it &ith the a!tor$ on board the pod" I $at on a throne
of a @illion battery bo>e$ &ith W. #illion &orth of !a#era$ ried to the riht and front of the Mer! beneath
#e" I didn7t !are about the kit, but I &a$ a little apprehen$ive"
A)e ?u$t &ant a tap,7 !a#e #y in$tru!tion, Ato ive the a!tor$ a feel for &hat7$ oin on" Nothin
heavy, but it7$ ot to look real" There7$ #oney in that !ar, $o don7t $!re& thi$ upH7
No pre$$ure then"
I lined up on a $ide $treet at a riht anle to the bu$7$ line of travel" The pod &a$ a pi to turn
$harply" A$ I ran throuh the A&hat if$7 in #y head, the dire!tor turned helpfully to +ae" AIt7$ CD, the driver
really kno&$ &hat he7$ doin"7
The $tuntie$ &ere rubbin their hand$ toether% everyone7$ a$$ &a$ on the line"
AA+TICN F7
)e $et off to&ard$ the T-?un!tion and the double-de!ker barrelled $traiht at u$" It ot very bi very
fa$t" Every in$tin!t $!rea#ed to brake and avoid it" I pit!hed into the !orner and ai#ed ?u$t behind the front
&heel$" There &a$ a little kno!k a$ &e hit it and the $ound of panel$ !ru#plin before I do&n$hifted and
a!!elerated a&ay" I pulled up near the dire!tor to !onfir# everyone &a$ CD and kept #y ?ob a little loner"
So#e of the #o$t inten$e $!ene$ &ere fil#ed at South&ark :ride, &ith little or no #arin for error"
+ae hold$ a pre!iou$ artefa!t out of the &indo& before thro&in it into the Tha#e$ in an effort to di$tra!t
the villain$" Duly di$tra!ted, the *ane *over $kid$ to a halt, follo&ed by the pur$uin beer tru!k" *o&ley
#oi$tened hi$ lip$ unea$ily a$ the re$!ue diver$ !li#bed into their inflatable boat$, in !a$e he over!ooked hi$
#ark" Sure enouh, the bride never looked $o narro& a$ &hen hi$ tru!k, laden &ith phoney beer barrel$,
handbrake-turned and $kidded a!ro$$ four lane$ of !arriae&ay to $top &ith ?u$t a !ouple of feet to $pare"
+apturin the e$$en!e of $peed &a$ e$$ential for a fil# featurin !ar$ po&erin throuh London at
,88#ph" To keep up &ith the pa!e &e needed a !a#era !ar &ith $eriou$ runt" The Eolk$&aen Touare
&ith it$ 2-litre E,8 T&in Turbo #otor #anned up to the ta$k and I dre& the lon $tra& to drive it"
Gun$hot$ rained do&n on the fleein Mer!ede$ and $o#e $tray round$ $tru!k the beer tru!k, $o the
beer barrel$ $tarted e>plodin" The pur$uit ran throuh a poli!e blo!kade and all hell broke loo$e" The !ar$
&eaved throuh four lane$ of on!o#in traffi!, a ta>i toppled on to it$ roof and $i>ty beer barrel$ ro!keted up
into the air a$ the $tunt#en e>!haned fire"
My vie& of the a!tion throuh the Touare7$ &ind$!reen &a$ partly ob$!ured by a ten-foot-tall $teel
fra#e e>tendin fro# the bu#per for elevatin the !a#era" It$ operator $at behind #e &hil$t the $e!ond unit
dire!tor vie&ed the a!tion throuh hi$ #onitor" The !a#era it$elf &a$ very #u!h in har#7$ &ay" Even thouh
the beer barrel$ &ere #ade of rubber rather than $teel, they &ere $pinnin to&ard$ u$ at 38#ph"
)ith fake beer $purtin hih into the air and !ar$ $#a$hin into ea!h other a fe& #etre$ a&ay, I did
#y be$t to $teer a !our$e throuh the beer barrel a$teroid field" After five take$ one of the barrel$ boun!ed
!uriou$ly fro# the tar#a! and $#a!ked the !a#era head on" The dire!tor loved it, $o the $hot ended up in
the final !ut"
Thirty !ar$ &ere de$troyed in the !our$e of the produ!tion, in!ludin eiht poli!e !ar$ in a roadblo!k
that turned into a de#olition ory"
The fil# &a$ a bo>-offi!e hit and #y broken bone$ benefited fro# the Ati#e off7, but the $e!re!y of
#y other life, #y To# $ear life, &a$ radually bein eroded" I did an intervie& &ith #y lo!al paper about the
London !ar !ha$e and the fir$t 'ue$tion &a$, AAre you The Sti=7
The re$t of the intervie& !entred on the #ovie, but not one &ord of that #ade it into the three-pae
feature they publi$hed, &hi!h &a$ entirely about #e bein the #an in the &hite $uit" Thankfully the $tory
didn7t o national, that ti#e"
There &ere other o&n oal$" I7d $o#eti#e$ arrive on ?ob$ in per$on to di$!over that the people I &a$
#eetin &ere e>pe!tin The Sti" The all-$eein eye of the Internet and Afree pre$$7 !ollated ru#our$ and
every $!rap of infor#ation they !ould et hold of, addin fuel to the fla#e$"
I relied on the fa!t that there &a$ no eviden!e that I had ever &orked for To# $ear, and the &hite
hel#et &a$ #y $hield" Then, one day, I &a$ &alkin a!ro$$ London in !hara!ter to pro#ote To# $ear
#aa@ine &hen a pier!in !a#era fla$h &ent off ahead of #e" It defeated the dark vi$or and $napped a !lear
i#ae of part of #y fa!e"
Georie ?oked that it looked like Da#on Hill F
+hapter .6
9edal on the *iht
There &a$ an un&ritten rule for The Sti that I $trived !ontinuou$ly to overturn" He &a$ never
allo&ed to !o#pete in a ra!e in the Areal &orld7% hi$ air of invin!ibility !ould never be put at ri$k" The
fru$tration for #e &a$ that The Sti !ould have landed the kind of plu# ra!in drive$ that :en +ollin$ had
al&ay$ drea#ed of I and #y bid to have hi# !o#pete in NAS+A* and Le Man$ fell on deaf ear$"
Then, in .884, the rule$ &ere bent"
A)e7re doin the t&enty-four-hour :rit!ar ra!e &ith you and the pre$enter$" )e need you to o to
Silver$tone and train the#"7
My only i$$ue &a$ that the ra!e !oin!ided &ith the date Georie &a$ due to ive birth" I $ue$ted
$tayin at ho#e but, ble$$ her, Georie $aid $he &ould rather &at!h paint dry than have #e hoverin at
ho#e &ith an e ti#er" I kept #y phone &ith $o#eone I tru$ted &henever I &a$ on tra!k, in !a$e I had to do
a runner"
:rit!ar &a$ an a#ateur-friendly for#at ho$tin a #i$h#a$h of different GT ra!in !ateorie$" The
botto# !ateory &a$ #ore or le$$ for road !ar$" To# $ear ot the#$elve$ a die$el / Serie$ :M)" It &a$
$porty enouh I perhap$ I to rai$e the pul$e of a Tibetan #onk, but on a Grand 9ri> !ir!uit it &a$ a pretty
ta#e ride" Nonethele$$, &e &ere oin ra!in"
Fir$t order of bu$ine$$ &a$ to et the boy$ their ra!e li!en!e$" I !alled ;ere#y ahead of the fir$t
$e$$ion and he $ee#ed to be takin it $eriou$ly"
ABou7d better ive #e $o#e proper le$$on$, be!au$e Silver$tone i$ a !ir!uit &hi!h ha$ per#anently
#y$tified #e" I did #illion$ of lap$ there on!e and never had a !lue &hat I &a$ doin"7
:uoyed by hi$ $in!erity, I looked for&ard to the trainin $e$$ion" After all, I kne& Silver$tone
ba!k&ard$"
I #et ;ere#y out$ide the pit$ and he &a$ e>udin !onfiden!e"
)e !li#bed into a hired Le>u$" ;e@@a !oiled hi#$elf into the pa$$ener $eat &ith the top of hi$
hel#et ?a##ed into the !eilin" The $eat #otor $trained a$ it &ound hi# rear&ard$ for $everal #inute$"
A$ I e>plained the ba$i!$ of $teerin po$ition and trail brakin he $tarted t&it!hin and noddin hi$
head a$ thouh the &orld #iht end if I didn7t $hut up and drive" He &a$ $tarin loninly at the pit lane e>it" I
rolled #y eye$ and drove off"
I hauled the Le>u$ in and out of the fa$t $&eeper$ and !a$ually e>plained &hy, &hen and ho& the
!ar &ould under$teer or over$teer #o#ent$ before it did, $o that he !ould anti!ipate and feel the dyna#i!$"
Thi$ held hi$ attention for, oh, al#o$t a lap" Then he $tarted talkin"
ABou turn in (ar too early there,7 into the tiht left at :rookland$" A)hy are you $teerin $o #u!h into
that !orner=7 at $uper fa$t +op$e" AI don7t u$e that line there,7 throuh the 'ui!k left riht at :e!kett$" Like an
Cly#pi! fen!er he ti#ed hi$ 'uip$ e>'ui$itely to parry #y every in$tru!tion, preventin #e fro# a!tually
tea!hin hi# anythin" ;ere#y loved bein told &hat to do the &ay !at$ love $&i##in"
I headed ba!k to the pit$ and put Mr S#arty 9ant$ in the driver7$ $eat"
)hirrrrrrrrrr, &ent the !hair"
)e had our fir$t aru#ent before leavin the pit"
ASlo& do&n for that hidden entran!e in !a$e a !ar !o#e$ out"7
He &obbled hi$ noin at #e" AI think you7ll find I !an #ake it out of the pit$"7
+antankerou$ old buer" I tried not to $#ile but I !ouldn7t help it" ;ere#y &a$ one of tho$e rare
people that never !a#e un$tu!k, even &hen he &a$ out of hi$ depth" He had the lu!k of the devil"
Cff &e &ent, +lark$on $tyle" He didn7t han around, but thi$ &a$ no pro" )e #oved fro# one !orner
to the ne>t &ithout $parin the hor$e$" ;e@@a adopted a $tiff upper lip and a $traiht ar# a$ he pointed the
!ar into Sto&e !orner, too early for #y likin" Then &e di$areed on the line for Eale"
ASee, you $lid &ide be!au$e you turned in early"7
ANo, I didn7t"7
A!es, you did" CD,7 I pointed throuh the lon fa$t riht in !a$e &e ran &ide into the ravel trap,
A&at!h it on the po&er here and let it run out radually"7
A!es, yes, yes F
A:ride +orner &ill be flat on!e you7re !o#fortable" The tri!k i$ to #ake it ba!k to the riht $ide
before you turn left, $o slo- do-n a it)7
He di$obeyed, $tayed left and &e ran $o#e ravel on the &ay out" AH##, tyre$ aren7t up to
te#perature F7, he #uttered, #i$takin our road !ar for a M!Laren"
I &a$ deter#ined to tea!h hi# a $afe route if nothin el$e, and not to repeat hi$ leendary North
9ole e>perien!e" A for#er $ereant fro# the S:S ave ;ere#y a le$$on on di$pat!hin polar bear$ &ith a
$hotun" He7d ki!ked do&n #ore door$ &ith that parti!ular &eapon than ;e@@a had eaten hot breakfa$t$" :ut
that didn7t $top ;ere#y tellin the $ereant he &a$ &ron, and takin over the le$$on" They pu$hed ;ere#y
into a fro@en lake later that &eek, but I7# $ure there &a$ no !onne!tion"
;ere#y took hi$ late line into :rookland$"
ABou &on7t even #ake the !orner like that &hen you brake later"7
AM### F7 Deep !on!entration"
In hi$ o&n &ay, ;ere#y &a$ doin &ell" All hi$ e>perien!e of playin on !ir!uit$ and airfield$ &a$
payin dividend$, until a $udden !hane of dire!tion at Maot$ $ent u$ $ide&ay$" In$tru!tor #ode ki!ked in
and I rabbed the $teerin off hi#, redu!ed our rate of turn and #ade hor$e-&hi$perin $ound$"
A9ah,7 +lark$on $pat, $hruin off #y help" AThis i$ &hat &e do"7
Maybe I &a$ bein a $i$$y" The !ar rudely $napped one &ay then the other, but he kept a rip of it
and #ade the ne>t !orner &ith $o#e deter#ined !ar !ontrol" I !ried &ith lauhter at hi$ ob$tina!y, #o$tly
be!au$e I $a& throuh it" Deep do&n, ;ere#y &a$ a $en$itive $oul" *eally"
I for!e-fed hi# $o#e in$tru!tion he did hi$ be$t to inore" He $tarted brakin very late for Sto&e at
,88#ph and I needed hi$ full attention follo&in a di$aree#ent on the $traiht" I &aed a finer at hi#"
AStop talkin, sto# talking, et ready, :*ADE, and F off and turn"7 ;ere#y draed the Le>u$ throuh by the
bit"
He relu!tantly tried #y early line at :rookland$" ABou #iht be riht about that one F7 :loody hell,
prore$$"
I dropped ;ere#y at the ra!in $!hool, into the hand$ of the very in$tru!tor$ &ho fir$t tauht #e over
a de!ade earlier" Nothin had !haned( the $a#e $hort-$leeve $un-tan$, *ay :an$ and one-liner$"
A)hat7$ he like=7 a$ked Steve )arburton, t&i!e the $i@e of &hen I fir$t #et hi#, but no $lo&er"
ADiffi!ult"7
ACh, &e like tho$e" Make$ the $#ell of fear $o #u!h $&eeter"7
;a#e$ May ?oined u$, dre$$ed in a bro&n leather :el$taff ?a!ket" Fliht Lieutenant May did indeed
look like the riht $tuff, ro$y-!heeked and ready for a!tion" AMornin, S'uadron Leader, May reportin for
duty"7
AThe$e uy$ &ill $ho& you the rope$, ;i#bo" Don7t be $hy of pu$hin it $o you !an fiure out the
brakin point$ around here"7
ASteely-eyed $peed &arrior$, aye" *iht-oh, let the learnin !o##en!e"7
I left the# all $tandin out$ide the !la$$roo# puffin a&ay at their !iarette$" Cn!e they pa$$ed their
ra!e li!en!e$ &e !ould o and try out the :M)"
Ha##ond &a$ bu$y fil#in el$e&here" The fir$t ti#e he &ould drive the tra!k or !ar &ould be durin
'ualifyin"
+o#e the ra!e &eekend, #aintainin #y anony#ity be!a#e tri!ky" I had to $in on offi!ially for the
ra!e and #y p$eudony# didn7t !ut the #u$tard" The orani$er$ needed to kno& &ho &a$ behind the hel#et,
and that he held a ra!in li!en!e" I $ined on to a $eparate driver $heet and #ade $ure that I never appeared
in per$on aain for the re$t of the &eekend"
;ere#y had been pra!ti$in in the :M) for a day before the other t&o turned up for the ra!e" I $tood
in front of a lare #ap of the !ir!uit ready to e>plain ear$, $peed$ and ra!in line$, but obviou$ly !ouldn7t
have #anaed &ithout ;ere#y7$ help"
He $oon lu#bered to&ard$ #e" A*iht, I turn in here at +op$e in third ear, but I think it !ould be
fourth F7 and $o on"
)e7d be ra!in alon$ide GT. $pe! #a!hine$ !apable of .88#ph to our ,.8" My #ain !on!ern &a$
that if the pre$enter$ $pun in front of a field of #i>ed-ability driver$, they !ould be hurt" I pinpointed the key
area$ on the tra!k &here they $hould e>pe!t fa$ter traffi! and e>plained &here to overtake and &here the
loonie$ &ould try to out-brake the#" ;u$t !ro$$in the $traiht$ in order to line up for the ne>t !orner &a$ a
#a?or undertakin in a !ro&ded ra!e and it &a$ ea$y to et turned around"
I turned #y attention to our &heel$" ::+ uideline$ prohibited u$ fro# havin offi!ial $pon$or$, $o
&e #ade $o#e up" Larsens %iscuits and Peniston 5ils loo$ &ere e#bla@oned a!ro$$ the $ide of the !ar"
+oin!identally, &hen the door opened durin driver !hane$, they $hortened to AAr$e7 and A9eni$7"
Euphoria *a!in had prepared the !ar, led by enineer Steve Ho&ard" Steve &a$ forever !oated in
$tubble, enine oil and fa a$h, and kept hi$ butt !ra!k on di$play at all ti#e$" He and hi$ !re&, &ho# &e
ni!kna#ed NASA, &ere ab$olutely tirele$$"
Steve $&ept a&ay hi$ $!raly blond hair and offered #e a $eat aboard hi$ baby" The ra!in $eat
&a$ prote!ted by a tube roll !ae, and &a$ bolted into the bare #etal floor" All $e#blan!e of road !ar finery
&a$ in the $kip, bar the $tereo"
It &a$ !learly The Sti7$ re$pon$ibility to po$t the fa$te$t ti#e in 'ualifyin to po$ition u$ a$ hih up
the $i>ty-$tron rid a$ po$$ible" )e put the pre$enter$ out fir$t to en$ure they !o#pleted their #ini#u#
re'uire#ent of three lap$" ;a#e$ forot ho& #any lap$ he7d done and had to #ake a $e!ond run, leavin
#e to !arry the !an at the end of the $e$$ion"
I hopped in and ot $traiht on it" The :M) &a$ a &obbly old !rate and the front end &a$ nu#b a$ a
bri!k, but $he &a$ e>!ellent on the brake$" The !on$tant under$teer #ade her a $afe $!hool pony for the
pre$enter$, but &ithout any runt to balan!e it I found the e>perien!e over-bridled"
The tra!k &a$ pa!ked &ith !ar$ and I lo$t heap$ of ti#e drivin around the#" There &a$ no ti#e to
find !lear po$ition, $o #y fa$te$t lap put u$ one pla!e fro# la$t" )or$e $till I pi$$-boilinly, !ata$trophi!ally
bad I &a$ that #y ti#e &a$ only one tenth fa$ter than +lark$on7$"
I never $a& ;ere#y $o happy to $ee #e" Giddy a$ a $!hoolboy, &ith hi$ overall$ around hi$ &ai$t
like a pro, he de!lared &e &ere evenly #at!hed" A$ hi$ driver !oa!h it &a$ #y duty to point out that the
:M) !ould lap $everal $e!ond$ fa$ter, that I7d $i#ply !auht terrible traffi!"
ASo did I" +auht traffi! at 9riory on #y be$t lap,7 he !ountered leefully"
:ehind the $afety of #y vi$or, I $tu!k #y tonue out at hi#" ACD,7 I lauhed" ALet7$ $ee ho& &e et on
toniht"7
Niht pra!ti!e &a$ another for#al re'uire#ent for all driver$ &i$hin to parti!ipate in a t&enty-four-
hour event" )hen the $un &ent do&n on the !our$e, you lo$t all fa#iliar vi$ual referen!e$" No tree$, no ra$$
bank$, no $pe!tator$, no $ky" No tra!k either% only the narro& yello& &indo& t&enty #etre$ ahead provided
by a $et of notoriou$ly unreliable headliht$" Cne $#a$h over a kerb, a bu#p &ith another ra!er or a flyin
$tone !ould ea$ily put an eye out, and then you played a hih-$peed #e#ory a#e" Stir in a bun!h of
a#ateur driver$ &ith a utful of fear, $prinkle &ith ravel in the brakin area$ fro# their reular #i$hap$ and
add $alt and le#on to your eyeball$ for the perfe!t reci#e du nuit"
)e all ot !haned in a $pare blue-!arpeted roo# in$ide the ra!e !ontrol buildin" If only the ladie$
!ould have tuned into #y vie& of the boy$ $'uee@in into their tiht-fittin No#e> under&ear" It #ade the
To# $un $ho&er $!ene look like a !old bath"
May &a$ hoppin around on one le, tryin not to fall over% ;ere#y7$ $uit &a$ four in!he$ too $hort,
and Ha##o &a$ turnin blonder by the $e!ond"
Ha##ond &a$ rihtly !on!erned that he barely kne& the tra!k" AI !an7t even re#e#ber &hi!h one i$
Hanar $traiht" I o pa$t the pit$, then it7$ ?u$t F a blur F7
I handed hi# a !ir!uit #ap &ith the ear$, $o he !ould #e#ori$e the# and talk ea!h lap throuh a$
he &ent"
A*iht" )hat do I do if $o#eone &ant$ to et pa$t, #ove over=7
ANo" Hold your line and $od everyone el$e" They &ill find a &ay around you" Ch, and you #u$t dit!h
your $urfin ne!kla!e, and none of you $hould !he& u# out there"7
AAll riht, Daaad"7
+hokin on u# &a$ an unlikely !au$e of death, but #entionin it put the# in the riht fra#e of
#ind" *a!in &a$ real"
The niht $e$$ion &a$ a &ake-up !all for the#" Havin fuelled their bodie$ &ith )alker$ !ri$p$ and
Diet +oke, they took turn$ to e>!avate Silver$tone7$ ravel trap$"
;ere#y7$ rin be!a#e a #ore poker-fa!ed affair a$ he !li#bed into the :M and ran off a fe& niht
lap$" I then $lipped on #y hel#et, bla!k vi$or and all, and, #u!h to ;e@@a7$ a#a@e#ent, kno!ked three
$e!ond$ off our ti#e" )e &ere no& 0.nd on the rid"
*a!e day brouht the ulti#ate te$t of enduran!e and #ind di$!ipline( the driver7$ briefin" The only
u$eful infor#ation I ever re!eived in one of the$e #arathon$ &a$ in Au$tralia for the reat ra!e at :athur$t,
&here they e>plained the &arnin fla$ for the ,58#ph $traiht( AA $inle &aved yello& fla #ean$ there i$ a
kanaroo near the tra!k" T&o &aved yello&$ #ean$ he7$ on the tra!k"7
Silver$tone7$ +lerk of the +our$e read the Motor Sport$ A$$o!iation :ook of 9$al#$ to the .88
a$$e#bled driver$" Fortunately The Sti &a$ able to $leep throuh the dull #o#ent$ &ith no one the &i$er"
)hil$t the !a#era$ rolled on the pre$enter$ $ittin ne>t to #e, I $tole forty &ink$"
Steve7$ #e!hani!$ had to &hip out the enine after it had !rapped it$elf &hen they &ar#ed it up that
#ornin" The !lo!k &a$ ti!kin" If &e &ere too late ?oinin, &e &ould be barred fro# !o#petin at all"
+ontrived TE fakery= No, it &a$ enuine t&enty-four-!arat !hao$"
The boy$ $la##ed ho#e a ne& unit in re!ord ti#e" A !loud of bla!k die$el $#oke bel!hed fro# the
e>hau$t% the bea$t &a$ alive and ki!kin" )ith only t&enty $e!ond$ to $pare, I booted it out of the arae to
$tart the ra!e fro# the pit lane e>it, dead la$t but one"
I #anaed to overtake a fe& people but it &a$ hardly the $tuff of Sti leend, until fate $tepped in"
The heaven$ opened" So#e driver$ !a#e in for &et tyre$ and I $#oked the# by holdin out on $li!k$" The
re$t of the field $lo&ed do&n !on$iderably and I !arved the# up like +hri$t#a$ turkey$"
Truthfully, it &a$ the fir$t ti#e durin the &hole &eekend that #y heart rate had ri$en above it$
no!turnal $tate" Drivin on $li!k$ in the &et #ade the :M) $uper-$en$itive" It ripped, but &ould $uddenly
let o a$ thouh it &ere on i!e" It &a$ all about pre!i$ion and feel% every input &a$ !riti!al and you drove
every $e!ond of every lap, ?u$t a$ ra!in $hould be" My $tint ot u$ pa$t over t&enty !ar$ and into !ontention
for a !la$$ &in"
A$ &e $ettled into the niht #y re$pe!t for the pre$enter$ re& and re&" Sharin the !hanin
roo# &ith the#, helpin the# &ith their hel#et$ and $afety ear, I reali$ed ?u$t ho& little they kne& about
ra!in, and ho& fearful, e>!ited and pa$$ionate they really &ere"
;ere#y &a$ lued to the re$ult$ $!reen the &hole &ay throuh the ra!e" ;a#e$ looked in!rea$inly
haard" Hi$ eye$ &ere puffy fro# $leep deprivation and hi$ fa!e &a$ a$ &hite a$ a $heet" Their lap ti#e$
&ent up and do&n like a bride7$ nihtie a$ they $trained to naviate ea!h !ir!uit the $a#e &ay t&i!e"
Ha##ond ot $tu!k into hi$ niht $tint and I #onitored fro# the pit &all, tellin hi# hi$ ti#e$ and
keepin hi# oin" The hu#an !onta!t &a$ vital and hi$ pa!e dropped noti!eably &hen I $topped talkin"
He &a$ takin the line I7d tauht hi# on the Hanar $traiht, !ro$$in fro# riht to left, a!ro$$ the
front of a !ar he &a$ overtakin to line up for Sto&e" A #u!h heavier, fa$ter GT. Mo$ler $li!ed bet&een
the# and !ra$hed into Ha##ond7$ left $ide at a ood ,08#ph"
AGuy$, I7ve binned it,7 he $aid over the radio"
The i#pa!t broke the :M)7$ &heel$ and $u$pen$ion, !ru#pled the body&ork and killed the enine"
It &a$ the la$t thin any of u$ &anted to $ee happen to Ha##ond"
He $tayed in the !ar a$ they draed it ba!k to our pit and &a$ under$tandably $haken, $o the
!a#era$ laid off hi#" Typi!ally, Ha##o7$ pri#ary !on!ern &a$ for the !ar that had hit hi#" I $oon put hi#
riht on that"
Steve7$ #erry !re& $&ivelled their ba$eball !ap$ and tu!ked in" Nearly three hour$ later I &ent out
and drove pretty #u!h all throuh the niht" I kept a&ake by !hattin to Steve and ettin hi# to &ind up
;ere#y by $ayin that I7d pi$$ed in the $eat" Hour$ felt like day$"
The field &a$ too $trun out to pa$$ anyone until another ift landed in #y lap" Fo de$!ended over
the !ir!uit, and $oon it &a$ like $&i##in throuh pea $oup" Ei$ibility &a$ @ero and it &a$ ea$y to drive off
on the $traiht$, &hi!h $ee#ed loner a$ you !ounted the $e!ond$ until the !orner$"
)e &ere $o far behind that it $ee#ed rea$onable to take $o#e $illy ri$k$" I overtook a$ #any !ar$ a$
I !ould% $o#e &ere pootlin alon at 08#ph" Their fear &a$ our opportunity to !la& ba!k lo$t ti#e" I revelled
in the !ondition$% it &a$ li!en$ed #adne$$" )hen it be!a#e i#po$$ible to $ee pa$t the &ind$!reen the ra!e
&a$ $topped for $afety rea$on$"
They re-$tarted it $everal hour$ later &hen the fo had thinned a bit and, at ;ere#y7$ $ue$tion,
poor ;a#e$ &a$ $ent out into oblivion" The rule$ re'uired the pre$enter$ to drive a #ini#u# per!entae of
the ra!e, other&i$e I !ould have done the lot for the#" ;a#e$ &a$ !autiou$, but even at a fra!tion of #y pa!e
he fired throuh the ravel trap a fe& ti#e$" ;ere#y talked at hi# on the pit-to-!ar radio the &hole ti#e(
ADrive fa$ter F Slo& do&n, $ave the tyre$ F More $peed ;a#e$ F7 and $o on" If that didn7t en!ourae hi#
to et to the end, nothin &ould"
I $lept on the floor for a total of t&o hour$" I !ould $leep any&here a$ lon a$ #y head &a$ hiher
than #y !he$t and #y knee$ &ere bent for !ir!ulation"
The #ornin after, the pre$enter$ looked like @o#bie$" Their drivin $tyle$ &ere overloadin the front
tyre$, !he&in the rubber do&n to the &ire !ord$, $o &e kept a !areful eye on the# a$ they ran their final
$tint$ on autopilot"
;a#e$7$ body &a$ pre$ent but hi$ #ind had lon $in!e one ho#e and &a$ &aitin for the re$t to
!at!h up" He $tared va!antly a!ro$$ the arae, fondlin an e#pty tea!up" Ha##ond had the ile$ and
&a$ banin out pie!e$ to !a#era, hi$ $pirit$ lifted aain" ;ere#y &a$ runnin on a kind of delu$ional
overdrive and had turned a #y$teriou$ $hade of purple" He brouht the !ar ho#e and I take #y hat off to hi#
I he7d #anaed a runnin !o##entary throuh nearly every $inle lap he7d driven throuhout the ra!e"
I &a$ e>tre#ely proud &hen they eventually !ro$$ed the line, third in !la$$" That the :M) fini$hed at
all &a$ a #ira!le"
Georie I e'ually #ira!ulou$ly I held on to her &ater$ and I hihtailed it ho#e" Forty-eiht hour$
later, $he $tarted !ontra!tion$" It &a$ ti#e to be!o#e a dad"
Attendin the birth &a$ not the A#y$ti!al e>perien!e7 I7d heard it de$!ribed a$ by ne&-ae #en in the
#edia" It looked pretty da#n a&ful to #e, but the !on!lu$ion &a$ #ai!al" A deter#ined little irl &rapped
#e around her finer on Day Cne and I drove our ne& fa#ily ho#e !o#fortably belo& the $peed li#it"
A$ for #y ra!in !areer, #y re!ently a!'uired kno&lede of the S'uare Mile &a$n7t helpin #e rai$e
the finan!e needed to run a o-kart ra!e, let alone a NAS+A* !a#pain, but I kept #y radar on"
I7d $tarted &ritin for 3utos#ort #aa@ine, revie&in ne& and e>!itin ra!in !ar$" Cut of the blue,
they $ent #e to Crlando, Florida, to drive *ed :ull7$ top-fliht NAS+A* at Lakeland Speed&ay" It &a$ a
drea# ti!ket"
The la$t :riti$h hopeful &ho &ent to the State$ huntin for a NAS+A* te$t &a$ :riti$h Tourin +ar
+ha#pion ;a$on 9lato" They &el!o#ed hi# &ith a little $outhern ho$pitality"
Introdu!ed to the leendary Dale Earnhardt in the pit$, ;a$on &a>ed lyri!al about the pro$pe!t of
?oinin the $erie$" Dale never took off hi$ &raparound $unla$$e$ and hi$ #ou$ta!he barely #oved a$ he
dra&led, AThi$ here ra!in7 ain7t for puppy da&$" Thi$ here7$ &here the bi da&$ take a pi$$"7 That7$ &hy
they !alled Dale AThe Inti#idator7"
Cn #y arrival at Lakeland I &a$ told to look for the tea#7$ !re& !hief, *andy +o>" It !a#e a$ no
$urpri$e" Cn #y previou$ vi$it to A#eri!a I7d #et Di!k Tri!kle, the fa#ou$ ra!in driver"
*andy bolted #e into the +a#ry &ithout $o #u!h a$ a $ho!k and a&e $afety briefin" It &a$ $tuffed
&ith $o #any re$traint$ I had to &ede #y$elf into the $eat"
AB7all $et=7
I ave *andy a thu#b$ up"
ACD, let7$ o"7
I had 588 hor$epo&er at #y !o##and in an in$tant and, &ith it, a hurri!ane of $ound"
At the end of ea!h $hort $traiht I leant heavily on the brake$ and &orked at $traiht-linin into and
pa$t the ape>" The !ar no$e-dived and fired in &ith $uperb a!!ura!y and $tability" I $!re&ed the $peed off, let
the bi irl turn throuh the #iddle and follo&ed the te$t driver7$ advi!e by openin her out to&ard$ the lare
bla!k tyre #ark$ on the retainin &all a$ I e>ited" The po&er, the beautiful po&er $an and $!rea#ed on the
$traiht$ a$ the &heel$ $pun over invi$ible bu#p$ in the a$phalt"
The ever-pre$ent !on!rete &all &ould puni$h the $lihte$t deviation fro# the ra!in line" It &a$ a
$uperb feelin, like $treet ra!in but &ith #ore runt and rip" I drove harder &ith every lap and #y t&enty-
$o#ethin pa$$e$ &ent all too 'ui!kly" It left #e &antin #ore"
A)here do I $in=7 &a$ #y fir$t 'ue$tion a$ I !la#bered out of the !ar" If only it &a$ that ea$y"
The all-i#portant debrief &ith *andy took pla!e the $a#e evenin at Hooter$ :ar over a bo&l of
!hi!ken &in$ and a beer"
A)hen you fir$t drove outta the pit$ I &a$ takin7 bet$ fro# the uy$ on &hi!h lap you7d !ra$h,7 he
!hu!kled" A:ut the ti#e$ you did in that !ar, &ith that $et-up, &ere really i#pre$$ive"7
I7d narro&ly outpa!ed their ben!h#ark ti#e on lap $even, in $pite of drivin on older, $lo&er tyre$"
Not bad for a fir$t drive at a ne& tra!k, but that7$ &here the honey#oon ended" *ed :ull already had a driver
lineup, $o I thanked the tea# and fle& ba!k to the <D" They $ay it7$ better to have loved and lo$t than never
to have loved at all"
* * *
Serie$ ,8 of To# $ear &a$ there to !on$ole #e" ;en$on :utton had atta!ked #y ti#e in the Su@uki
the previou$ year and failed to beat it" LHe $ub$e'uently &on the For#ula , title, $o I $eriou$ly doubt that
keep$ hi# up at niht"M
Le&i$ Ha#ilton &a$ ne>t in the 'ueue" He7d ?u$t ended hi$ fir$t $ea$on in F,, &iped the floor &ith hi$
tea#-#ate and for#er !ha#p Fernando Alon$o and narro&ly lo$t out on the title" No& it &a$ ti#e for the :i
Cne( &hat !ould the lad fro# Stevenae do in a Su@uki fartbo>=
I7d heard $o #u!h hype about Le&i$ that I &a$ keen to !he!k hi# out for #y$elf" He arrived in
M!Laren tea# ear, but hanin loo$e" He &a$ di$ar#inly laid-ba!k and &e &ar#ed to hi# i##ediately"
I drove hi# around the $lo&ly dryin tra!k to $ho& hi# the be$t line$" Apart fro# )ebber, I think he
&a$ the only F, driver to let #e do that" I &anted to help hi# adapt to the #a?e$ti! Su@uki $o I !ould $ee
&hat he &a$ truly !apable of" I re#inded hi# to et it $ide&ay$ into the penulti#ate !orner and pin the
throttle, not to drive it properly like an F, #a!hine" The #ore I e>plained, the #ore he li$tened" Thi$ &a$ no
pri#a donna" Sure, he &a$ !o#po$ed, but not in the lea$t arroant"
The odd thin about hi$ lap$ &a$ that they didn7t look $pe!ial, they &ere neither lairy nor $uper-
$#ooth, yet hi$ ti#e$ in the &et &ere ab$olutely $tunnin" He &a$ doin ,"03, then ,"02 &hil$t the tra!k &a$
$till rea$y"
Hi$ dad told hi# not to $pin the &heel$ off the $tart line, $aid it &a$ !o$tin hi# ti#e" Their rivalry
&a$ all too fa#iliar" Le&i$ rea!ted by $ti!kin an e>tra thou$and rp# on hi$ ne>t laun!h and $#okin the
ba$" He &a$ havin fun, boun!in and ?ivin to a !ool tra!k he found on the radio, ADub :e Good to Me7"
)ith footae in the !an fro# hi$ earlier run$, &e &aited for the !ondition$ to i#prove" )hen Le&i$
&ent aain he produ!ed a ti#e of ,(00"4, ?u$t 8"/ of a $e!ond $lo&er than #y be$t on a fully dry run" I &ent
and !he!ked the tra!k" Many of the !orner$ &ere pra!ti!ally dry, but not entirely" I played ba!k hi$ in-!ar
footae and felt that he !ut $o#e !ute line$ throuh the Ha##erhead !hi!ane% but nothin un$portin" Even
$o, hi$ lap &a$ exce#tionally fa$t% he &a$ !learly a $pe!ial talent" )hat I ad#ired #o$t &a$ the &ay he did it
$o effortle$$ly and &ith $u!h hu#ility"
+hapter /8
The S!ud
An i#pe!!ably turned out Italian driver in hi$ fiftie$ pi!ked #e up at Milan :era#o airport in an
e'ually pri$tine Mer!ede$ E +la$$" Hi$ i##a!ulately honed feature$ re#inded #e of +hri$topher Lee, aka
Saru#an, the $lauhterer of Hobbit$ in TheLord o( the 4ings" Fro# the #o#ent he to$$ed #y luae into
the boot until &e rea!hed our de$tination he kept a&ay fro# the #iddle pedal a$ he uided hi$ Mer!ede$
#i$$ile throuh the rued $!enery at a !ool ,88" He never $poke either, apart fro# &hen a pair of
!on$tru!tion tru!k$ blo!ked our prore$$"
8Che ca//o stai (acendo ;ui* he hi$$ed" The haple$$ driver$ yieldin their round i##ediately" No
one $!re&ed &ith Saru#an"
After that brief interruption, I do@ed off &hil$t the be$t ta>i driver in the &orld di$pat!hed ,28k# and
finally rounded a hairpin to reveal the pi!ture$'ue re$ort of *iva, ne$tled on the $hore of Lake Garda" )e
de$!ended $harply into the $pe!ta!ular ba$in he&n into the Dolo#ite Mountain$ by an!ient la!ier$" The $un
t&inkled on the va$t re$tle$$ pool of &ater belo&"
*iva &a$ full of bu$e$ do&nloadin their 'uota of blue-rin$ed and pa$tel-$uited holiday#aker$" They
?oined the rank$ of !ool Italian$ &earin in$e!t-like $unla$$e$ and an ar#y of Ger#an$ !ho#pin on
Frankfurter$ and !hip$"
The t&i$tin Garde$ana road, &ith it$ unparalleled vie&$ and dra#ati!ally !lau$trophobi! tunnel$,
&a$ a driver7$ paradi$e" )in$ton +hur!hill !alled it the Eihth )onder of the &orld" I !alled it heaven,
be!au$e it &a$ #y fir$t day on $et a$ a #e#ber of a ;a#e$ :ond $tunt tea# to fil# the openin !ha$e $!ene
for The <uantum o( Solace"
9rodu!tion $!hedule$ for bi #ovie$ la$ted $everal #onth$ at a ti#e and fil#in had be!o#e #ore
than a part-ti#e role for #e" There &a$ a fa#iliar !a#araderie &ith fil# !re&$, but I $pared #ore than a fe&
thouht$ for #y Ar#y #ate$ &ho &ere $ervin over$ea$ &ith di$tin!tion"
I had relu!tantly !alled ti#e on #y Ar#y !areer &hen it finally be!a#e i#po$$ible to balan!e all #y
!o##it#ent$, but the bond of brotherhood &a$ unbroken" Military $ervi!e had !haned #y outlook on the
&orld forever% anythin felt a!hievable, e$pe!ially &hen you &ere &ith the riht people"
Many of u$ brouht our fa#ilie$ out and I &a$ ?oined by #y very o&n :ond irl$" )ith breakfa$t
under the !anopy of a fine re$taurant and the &ater lappin at our feet, Georie and I found Garda life very
appealin" Cur baby irl nodded off &ith the o!!a$ional point and $hriek of A+a7 I $hort for !ar in #y book,
but Georie in$i$ted $he #eant A!at7" The unforettable $!enery, $harp !o#pany and Italian la#our #ade
A&ork7 $ee# like a holiday"
:alan!in #ultiple hih-o!tane role$ &a$ !hallenin in every $en$e" Above all, e>perien!in $u!h a
variety of !uttin-ede #a!hinery &a$ the $pi!e of life" To# $ear needed #e to return to Enland to fil# a
AS!ud7, the Ferrari 0/8 S!uderia" Ferrari only had it in the <D for one day and )il#an &a$ ada#ant that I ot
on a plane"
The S!uderia edition &a$ the $uper-liht, $uper-$portin, &eapon$-rade ver$ion of the #id-enined
Ferrari 0/8, it$elf a balan!ed de#i-od" It &a$ the kind of tool that founder En@o Ferrari fir$t $et up hi$ fa!tory
to build( un!o#pro#i$in enineerin e>!ellen!e"
The S!ud &a$ epi!" It &a$ $tripped of all but the ba$i! fun!tion$ and the &eiht redu!tion $pent the
hor$epo&er all the better around the tra!k" The $oft leather &heel &a$ !hunky to rip" A fli!k of a dial to
Ara!e7 #ode denied any ele!troni! tra!tion interferen!e and upraded the paddle ear-$hift fro# $tun to kill"
Ea!h $ta!!ato !ra!k be!koned the ne>t ear in ?u$t $i>ty #illi$e!ond$"
S!hu#a!her had a hand in the develop#ent pro!e$$ that had beun &ith the oriinal #id-enined
Dino in ,648, before pa$$in throuh the /85 to the /22, and the 0/8 &a$ the round-breakin re$ult"
)ithin a lap I re!oni$ed that no $uper!ar had ever held thi$ level of #e!hani!al front rip" It ave
$u!h pheno#enal feedba!k throuh the $teerin that you felt every #ove#ent of the tyre" It &a$ a$ if the !ar
kne& &here you &anted it to o before you did"
There &a$ no ti#e to !he& the fat &ith Ferrari before I $printed ba!k to the airport and returned to
Italy" ;u$t enouh to $ay their !ar &a$ #anifi!ent and had &e been on fre$h tyre$, rather than a $et pre-
die$ted by +lark$on, the lap ti#e &ould have been #u!h fa$ter"
Sub$e'uently, I te$ted the Ferrari 025 and for a nano-$e!ond &a$ beuiled by it$ voluptuou$ $tylin
into believin it &a$ better than the S!ud" :ut you !an7t i#prove on perfe!tion, and !ertainly not by repla!in
a vital oran like the handbrake &ith a pu$h-button fu$e" That really only left the S!ud &ith one rival for the
#antle of <ber-+oupe"
The A$ton Martin D:S &a$ one of the #o$t $ophi$ti!ated #a!hine$ on the #arket, perhap$ the be$t
all-round $port$ !ar ever built" It$ ra!eful !urve$ kept it$ brute perfor#an!e !overt% beneath the #ature
e>terior &a$ a re!al!itrant &ild !hild" It boa$ted $i> litre$ of devili$h hor$epo&er, totallin over 288bhp" The
E,. enine re$ponded to every #illi#etre of #ove#ent in the throttle, like an F, !ar" It ho&led on full $on
but redu!ed to a &hi$perin burble at lo& rev$" The !era#i! brake$ !la#ped like vi!e$ but &ith $u!h
$en$itivity that you !ould #odulate the# at the li#it of rip fro# it$ fat tyre$"
There &a$ $!ar!ely any vi$ible differen!e bet&een the D:6 and the D:S, yet the $lihtly lo&ered,
deli!ately enhan!ed $u$pen$ion turned the irl ne>t door into a $uper#odel" :eneath her he#line, the
heihtened te!hnoloy of the brakin and tra!tion !ontrol $y$te#$ &a$ $treet$ ahead" )here #o$t anti-$kid
$y$te#$ prevented the tyre fro# ettin any&here near to lo!kin durin brakin, the A$ton7$ onboard
!o#puter took it to the li#it $everal ti#e$ a $e!ond and you $en$ed it$ &ork underfoot"
The tra!tion !ontrol &a$ e'ually are$$ive on a!!eleration" Bou !ould leave it turned on, $ta#p the
riht pedal &ith a #ere #odi!u# of ability and i#pre$$ your friend$ &ithout de!apitatin the#"
The $!ooped bu!ket $eat$ &rapped around your kidney$, forin #an &ith #a!hine" Erono#i!ally,
the drivin po$ition &a$ perfe!t, &ith the !entre of the hel# dire!tly in line &ith the $houlder$, !reatin a
natural 02-deree bend at the ar#$ and ea$y leroo#" The D:S had $ta!k$ of rip but $he ran on the ede,
rea!tin to the $lihte$t tole of the &heel, bitin your hand off if you &ere rouh" Cn!e you $tu!k it
$ide&ay$ thouh, you !ould $pin the tyre$ like +atherine &heel$ all day lon" ;u$t a$ &ell I pra!ti$ed that
e>ten$ively for a ?ob that &a$ already in the pipeline"
+hapter /,
<nta#ed( Ha#p$hire Hei$t
Chri$t#a$ ift$ $tuffed into already bur$tin ba$, late-niht $hopper$ $!urried to and fro a!ro$$ the
!entral pro#enade of :a$in-$toke7$ indoor Mall" The To# $ear tea# appeared like a tea# of #a$ter
!ri#inal$ in the final $e!ond$ before !lo$in" )e had until 2a# I &hen the floor !leaner$ took over I to
!apture a t&o-!ar !ha$e throuh the !entre7$ tiht !orridor$" The plan &a$ for +lark$on to ive an unu$ual
revie& to the ne& Ford Fie$ta, pre$entin it a$ the perfe!t eta&ay !ar I &ith a bad uy in a bla!k +orvette
in hot pur$uit"
Se!urity ave u$ the all !lear &hil$t they flu$hed out the tardie$t !u$to#er$"
ASaddle up, bi boy, brin her in"7
I pulled #y ba$eball !ap do&n to #a$k #y fa!e, !li#bed into the Q83 and !ranked the E5" Enine
ro&lin, I eded pa$t the line of !a#era phone-&ieldin onlooker$ and lined up on the #arble floor to te$t
for tra!tion" Ahead of #e lay ,88 #etre$ of li$tenin #arble, frined &ith iant potted plant$" To either $ide
a $hi##erin parade of $hopfront$"
My $hortli$t for thi$ indoor ballet !a#e do&n to the :M) M/, the Eau>hall Monaro and the +orvette
I all rear-&heel driven, #anual &ith runt" The Eette &on be!au$e, $urpri$inly, it &a$ the $#alle$t"
A +orvette &a$ on lon-ter# loan to one of the editor$ of To# $ear#aa@ine" He nearly had an
e#boli$# &hen &e a$ked to borro& it"
A:en, #lease pro#i$e #e you &on7t put a $inle #ark on it,7 he pleaded" A:a$i!ally, it7$ my !ar" I7ve
had it for al#o$t a year and I7ve pro#i$ed GM I7ll hand it ba!k to the# in i##a!ulate !ondition"7
A ho$tae neotiator never e#ploy$ a neative infle!tion durin a !ri$i$ $ituation"
AEverythin &ill be fine,7 I $aid" A)e7re only u$in it for one niht"7 I o#itted to #ention the part &here
the +orvette &a$ $uppo$ed to !ra$h throuh a !on!e$$ion $tall"
9rodu!er 9at Doyle $tared at the ro&$ of plate-la$$ &indo&$, #entally !al!ulatin the !o$t of ea!h
pane" I didn7t think to #ention the floor% it &ould have been like an i!e $kater a$kin if it &a$ all riht to
$!rat!h the rink"
A*iht, Stiy"7
APat"7 I $&ivelled a !ouple of eyeball$ in the dire!tion of the nearby phalan> of lo!al$"
ACop$ F7 He $hot #e a $heepi$h rin a$ he tapped the +orvette7$ lid" ADon7t foret, &e7ve ot a
$pare Fie$ta, but only one of the$e lad$ F7
I $et fire to the rear &heel$ by relea$in the !lut!h at 3,888rp#, &indo&$ do&n to revel in the $ound
of freedo#" The Eette barely #oved" The #arble &a$ like i!e"
ATra!tion7$ off on that bad boy, then=7 Andy Harri$, our re$!ue !o-ordinator, !ould barely !ontain hi$
e>!ite#ent" He &a$ a bi blond lad &ith ro$y !heek$" Bou &ouldn7t arue &ith hi# if he &a$ $li!in you out of
a burnin &re!k"
AThi$ one7$ $et up a$ the Lord intended I no $tability"7
I ba!ked up to the $tart point in front of Debenha#$ and read the $hoppin li$t in #y riht
hand(3##roach %6S via escalator, = #aces -ide, reak right at circle #linth into store (oyer, hrake, #o-er 0+
turn round, kill manne;uin > exitCorvette -ide slide a(ter (-d handrake turn #ast .e-ellers, 5nto ? #ace
-idth track, Cars s#lit here, concrete #linth into @ track straight to M>S A?B(tC6ead on and hrake turn, near
miss 1ord 1iestaDmiss -indo-, ig overhead -ide shot slide u#hill to tree roundaout E donut at Costa,
smash tales, exit street Pi//a 6ut, slide and sto#)
;ere#y &a$ &orkin hi$ #ai! &ith the Fie$ta a little later in the niht, but for the initial line-up$ #y
friend and #ultiple rally !ha#pion Mark Hiin$ &a$ in the hot $eat" Hi$ !ar !ontrol &a$ pheno#enal but he
al&ay$ li!ked hi$ lip$ &hen he &a$ nervou$" He pulled up alon$ide in the neon reen hat!hba!k"
AThat put-put i$ your $ort of ba, i$n7t it, Mark=7
A9i$$ off, you knob" I didn7t pi!k it"7 He !ra!ked a $#ile a$ he loo$ened the handbrake" ALookin
for&ard to $eein you turn that &hale around the :HS lobby F7
)e broke the !ir!uit do&n into $e!tion$ and Andy Harri$ pla!ed fire point$ at appropriate interval$"
There &a$ no &ay of rehear$in a $e'uen!e in a pla!e like thi$% pra!ti$in po$ed a$ #u!h of a daner to
people and e'uip#ent a$ doin it for real" Mark and I de!ided to run the !ha$e pie!e#eal" 9hil rolled the
!a#era$ fro# the #o#ent &e $et off, ?u$t in !a$e there &ere no $e!ond !han!e$"
AA+TICN F7
Mark and I dropped our re$pe!tive !lut!he$" The liht&eiht Ford $hot pa$t Ann Su##er$ &hil$t I
$at there $pinnin" Eventually I pulled for&ard, &ain the Eette7$ tail at Abbey :ank, $hiftin to $e!ond at
+lark7$, then $litherin riht bet&een t&o plinth$ to&ard$ :urton7$" I $lipped in behind Mark a$ he braked to
$top under the e$!alator"
I follo&ed $uit, but $o#eho& the A:S re-a!tivated" Sen$in an oil $li!k, the pedal !ra!kled under #y
foot and refu$ed to dire!t brake fluid to &here it &a$ #o$t urently needed" The Eette pulled up behind the
Fie$ta &ith no #ore than t&elve in!he$ to $pare"
)e rever$ed ba!k to our $tartin point &here Gavin, T$7$ youn S!otti$h re$ear!her, &a$ lauhin
in$anely and pointin to the line$ of bubblin rubber no& #arkin the previou$ly pri$tine floor" He kne& full
&ell the$e &ould be!o#e hi$ brain-a!he !o#e Monday #ornin"
AEr F Sorry about that F7
ADon7t be daft,7 he $aid" ANothin you !an do about it" Sound$ #ea"7
)e popped the bonnet and &ren!hed out the A:S fu$e" 62 per !ent of the ti#e, A:S &a$ reat" )e
?u$t happened to be operatin in the 2 per !ent &indo& &here it &a$n7t" 9ul$e brakin, #odulatin the brake
pre$$ure #anually, &a$ the only &ay to $lo& effe!tively on i!e" Bou had to lo!k the tyre$ #o#entarily and
relea$e the# in ti#e to $teer"
Thro&in in a ki$$ and !rot!h dan!e for our benefit, Iain May repo$itioned hi$ !a#era behind a hot
pla$ti! !hi!k in the Ann Su##er$ &indo&" The ne>t $tae involved lidin around the e$!alator, enterin
:HS in $inle file, then pullin a $harp ,58 and !o#in $traiht out aain"
Mark and I re!!ed the foyer &ith the :HS #anaer" It &a$ the $i@e of a livin roo# and bordered by
$harp-eded platfor#$ loaded to the un&ale$ &ith rail$ of !lothin, #anne'uin$ and toy$" There &a$ barely
enouh roo# for the Eette to park, let alone $kid in $ide&ay$"
)e $et up a #anne'uin in $o#e ra!y under&ear for #e to &ipe out and prepared to $hoot" I
&ha!ked the volu#e up on the radio &eded into the door po!ket" 9hil7$ voi!e blared, AStand by to fil#, all
!a#era$" +ar$, are you ready=7
Cur beepin horn$ e!hoed around the !eilin$"
AA+TICN, A+TICN"7
Mark feathered the Fie$ta, allo&in #e to keep up in the +orvette, then &e nailed it $ide by $ide
do&n the !orridor pa$t Iain and hi$ pla$ti! friend &ith le$$ than a foot $eparatin u$ fro# the kerbin of the
$hop-front$ and the #arble ede$ of the !entral i$land$"
The +afG Nero !on!e$$ion underneath the e$!alator loo#ed into vie&" Ti#e to brake" Mark $ured
ahead" The +orvette no$ed round a di$play of flap?a!k$ ?u$t a$ the front &heel $naed fro# the for!e of
brakin" I relea$ed the #iddle pedal and !arried the e>tra $peed to avoid pilin into the !a$h rei$ter"
Mark pulled a #ode$t ,58 in$ide :HS a$ I @i@aed to&ard$ the entran!e" The foyer had $ee#ed a
lot bier on foot" A$ I !ro$$ed the thre$hold the #arble ave &ay to linoleu#" I added a fe& #ph and
yanked the &and of plenty to&ard$ the roof"
The handbrake failed to lo!k the rear &heel$ and the !ar didn7t turnat all" I $ped to&ard$ the
+hri$t#a$ orna#ent$ and e#eren!y $topped, thankin #y lu!ky $tar$ that lino &a$ pheno#enally rippy
$tuff" Mark a!!elerated a&ay, leavin #e to #ake an Au$tin 9o&er$ three-point turn &ithout the benefit of
front-&heel drive"
I !ould $ee the $ki#pily dre$$ed #anne'uin pointin at #e and lauhin in the rear-vie& #irror" I
buried the throttle in rever$e and hit her ?u$t hard enouh to &ipe the $#ile off her fa!e, then &heel$pun out
of the $tore"
That had not one &ell in #y book" I &alked into :HS for the verdi!t" 9hil and $i> of the boy$ &ere
!rea$in up &ith lauhter at the playba!k on hi$ #onitor"
A+an &e do that aain=7 I $aid" A;u$t a $pla$h of &ater on the de!k and it $hould $pin properly ne>t
ti#e F7
ANope"7
The lino &a$ !overed in tyre #ark$" Cn !lo$er in$pe!tion I reali$ed that the rubber had a!tually burnt
into the poly#er" 9at, ever the opti#i$t, !alled for Gavin to brin $o#e $oapy &ater"
The ne>t $!ene &a$ even #ore de#andin" )ith a !re& fil#in fro# the bride, &e needed to drive
up t&o narro&in !orridor$ $plit by a &hoppin #arble-$ided arboretu# to&ard$ a lare !ir!ular area
bordered by M1S and +o$ta +offee, &here &e had our unit ba$e" The open tab there &a$ !au$in 'uite a
$tir a#on$t the fire !re&$" The boy$ &ere !uttin a $&athe throuh arantuan 'uantitie$ of !offee and
!ake" It &a$ not 'uite #idniht, and they &ere already on the brink of $eriou$ abdo#inal in?ury"
)e tore out of :HS and into the open !orridor" I fli!ked the Eette $ide&ay$, it$ ar$e a !ouple of feet
a&ay fro# a fully $to!ked ?e&eller7$ &indo&, and dived throuh the #inute ap that $eparated Ne>t fro# a
#arble i$land" Mark ra!ed into the #ain hall&ay, pulled a ,58 around the pal# tree at it$ !entre and &e &ent
head to head" I pulled a rapid /38, $&attin a$ide the !hair$ &e had planted out$ide +o$ta"
)e rolled throuh one $et-up after another" A ri$in &alk&ay ave the Eette every e>!u$e to liht up
it$ rear &heel$" )e flattened $tratei!ally pla!ed Teddy bear$ at +linton$, bo$hed a $ta!k of &ater#elon$
and arrived at the fir$t floor an&ay"
Cnly a &ooden handrail and a thin pane of la$$ no& $eparated u$ fro# thin air and the floor belo&
I enouh to $top an over-e>!ited !hild but not a tonne of !ar" )e didn7t have ti#e to put it to the te$t%
$o#ethin far #ore danerou$ had arrived"
;ere#y feveri$hly thu#bed hi$ $!ript a$ he &alked throuh the atriu# in hi$ $to!k unifor# of bay
&oolly pully and blue ?ean$" He thre& a lofty one-ar#ed $alute to u$ on the upper de!k"
AI i#aine you7re a do &ith t&o di!k$ in thi$ pla!e"7
ACh ye$"7
God ble$$ hi#" The &hole !ha$e had been ;e@@a7$ #ad idea, and thank$ to )il#an7$ #ira!le
fa!tory, there &e &ere doin it" I !ha$ed ;ere#y on !a#era for the re$t of the niht a$ he $kidded throuh
the $e'uen!e &e had #apped earlier" ;ere#y7$ tonue-in-!heek revie& ended &ith the Fie$ta plunin into
the $ea durin an a#phibiou$ a$$ault by the *oyal Marine$ on a North Devon bea!h" :ut that !a#e later"
)hen 9hil !alled a A&rap7 on pro!eedin$ four hour$ later, &e &ere relieved and di$appointed in
e'ual #ea$ure" )e7d pulled off the near i#po$$ible ta$k of $hootin a !ar !ha$e throuh a trea!herou$ly
narro& $hoppin !entre &ithout da#ain the !ar$"
I took a $hort !ut to&ard$ the !ar park e>it and a ru$ty #etal $pike !a#e out of no&here to #eet #e"
I an!hored up and felt the ba!k of #y ne!k free@e" It &a$ like &alkin out of the !a$ino &ith the ?a!kpot, only
to trip and drop the lot do&n a $tor# drain" The rear of the Eette $kidded a!ro$$ the red painted line$ and the
no$e-#ounted #ini !a#era !a#e &ithin an in!h of bein ter#inally kebabed"
I handed the key$ to 9at I re$plendent in a *u$$ian trapper7$ hat &ith the flap$ do&n I &ithout
further delay"
+hapter /.
:u$ *a!in
Every no& and then evolution take$ a ba!k&ard $tep" The de!i$ion to drop London7$ i!oni! double-
de!ker *oute#a$ter in favour of the :endy :u$ &a$ #ore of a 'uantu# leap"
I had the plea$ure of drivin $o#e Afa$t lap$7 aboard a *oute#a$ter at Dun$fold and #arvelled at it$
$tability" +ontrollin $o#ethin $o bi and potentially de$tru!tive &a$ a&e$o#e" The iant rubber tread$
!hurned at the tar#a! and e#itted truly threatenin roan$, but I 'ui!kly fiured out that it &ouldn7t topple
over, reardle$$ of &hat I did &ith the $teerin" *epla!in thi$ Goliath of publi! tran$port &ith a vehi!le that
!ould drift $ide&ay$ to it$ heart7$ !ontent but !ouldn7t turn a $treet !orner &a$ one of Den Livin$tone7$
parti!ular triu#ph$"
In$pired by the ne&t-o&nin #ayor, &e de!ided to #ea$ure the perfor#an!e of a rane of bu$e$ by
ra!in the# aain$t ea!h other at Lydden Hill in Dent, a one-#ile tra!k &ith a$ #any frill$ a$ *yanair" I
hooked up &ith our Au$tralian dire!tor, C&en, to plan the $hoot" AC7 &a$ a laid-ba!k $urfer dude fro# Sydney
&ith floppy hair, bi *ay :an$ and a enerou$ pearly $#ile" He &a$ !hilled, but took no bull$hit"
The bu$e$ &ere heavily #odified &ith roll !ae$, i#pa!t $tru!ture$ and touhened 9er$pe> &indo&$
to !o!oon the driver$ &hen battle !o##en!ed" I ave the# all the on!e-over and &e de!ided to &eld $o#e
e>tra #ount$ for the $eat$ &here they ?oined the ru$t-eaten floor$" Cur rane of reli!$ in!luded one double-
de!ker, a $inle-de!k !oa!h, a Hopper and t&o :endie$" No& &e ?u$t needed $o#e nut$ behind the &heel"
Tourin !ar driver$ $pran to #ind" They &ere a#e for a lauh, didn7t take the#$elve$ too $eriou$ly
and had the kind of !ar !ra$h !ontrol that #ade reat telly"
In bet&een ?u#pin in and out of different bu$e$ to #ake up the nu#ber$, I !ued the driver$ &ith
$pe!ifi! #ove$" Sin!e none of u$ had drifted a bu$ before, I !li#bed aboard Ha##ond7$ :endy to lay do&n
a #arker" She &a$ hardly top of the rane" The ele!tri!$ &ere dead, $o &e ki!k-$tarted the thin by thu#pin
the battery &ith a $ledeha##er" I fired the enine and &aited $everal #inute$ to build enouh pre$$ure in
the $y$te# to relea$e the air brake$ and #ove for&ard"
Ha##ond !li#bed aboard and took a rin$ide $eat ?u$t behind #y left $houlder, one hand on the
$teel pa$$ener pole that ?oined floor to !eilin" Cur !o#bined #ental ae( about t&elve"
AGo on, o on,7 he urled, hi$ li'uid bro&n eye$ lintin &ith e>!ite#ent fro# beneath hi$ Tina
Turner $tyled #ullet" It &a$ ti#e$ like the$e I #o$t en?oyed &ith *H"
I lifted the parkin brake lever and ar!ed it for&ard, takin up the $la!k on the footbrake$ a$ I
$ele!ted drive" C&en ave u$ the all !lear and I floored it" I had no idea ho& the bea$t &ould rea!t, but I had
a ba$i! plan"
Cn!e the needle tou!hed 28#ph I &ren!hed the iant $teerin &heel a$ far to the left a$ I !ould,
&indin three turn$ of lo!k" The bu$ lolled to the left and $hook on it$ tired $u$pen$ion, then I $&un the
&heel fully in the oppo$ite dire!tion to the a!!o#pani#ent of #uted e>pletive$ fro# #y pole-dan!in
pa$$ener" The rear half of the vehi!le $&it!hed dire!tion and pivoted to !at!h up at t&i!e the rate of the
front"
I repeated the pro!e$$ &ith every oun!e of #y $trenth and the bu$ bean to drift" I kept the $teerin
hard riht and headed off the tar#a! on to the dirt $e!tion u$ed for rally!ro$$" Loo$e pebble$ !lattered
around the &heel ar!he$ a$ ,. tonne$ of tin !areered throuh the !urve" I turned to !he!k ho& !lo$e the rear
$e!tion &a$ to the Ar#!o barrier borderin the peri#eter" %loody close" I kept #y foot on the a$" Ha##ond
&a$ bur$tin at the $ea#$ &ith lauhter" Mi$$ion a!!o#pli$hed"
AThi$ i$ $u!h a !rap ?ob $o#eti#e$,7 I $aid"
ATerrible F puerile" Day$ like thi$ you really have to dra your$elf out of bed in the #ornin"7 *H
$lapped #y $houlder and !li#bed off"
The other driver$ $trapped the#$elve$ into their re$pe!tive !o!kpit$, poi$ed for a!tion" )e relea$ed
the# &ith $tri!t order$ of Ano !onta!t7 until &e had $o#e $hot$ in the !an" The day$ of the !ar football free-
forall &ere lon one" The boy$ not!hed up their re$pon$e level$ pre!i$ely in line &ith our in$tru!tion$, but
&e kne& $o#ethin pithy &a$ bre&in"
Anthony *eid had ?oined the reular band of reprobate$" At 28 year$ of ae he $tru!k you a$ a
'uaint, &ell-$poken ent, &ith neat fa!ial feature$ to #at!h the ever pre$ent vintae ra!in !ap" I7ve held
lu!id !onver$ation$ &ith *eid, $o#e of &hi!h have even bordered on the intellient, but re#ain !onvin!ed
that the !o#part#ent in$ide hi$ head &here hi$ brain $hould be !ontain$ $o#e kind of dark #atter in$tead"
*eid &a$ lappin hi$ little &hite !oa!h fa$ter than anyone"
ACD, fella$, that7$ enouh of the borin $hit,7 C&en t&aned over the radio" AGet $tu!k in"7
The northern#o$t !orner &a$ a hairpin atop a $harp hill &hi!h dropped do&n to 9addo!k, a fa$t
riht-hander &here the tra!k !re$ted a bro& and ?oined the ho#e $traiht" The #ain !a#era unit &a$
po$itioned after the fini$h, be$ide the ra!e !ontrol to&er, &hi!h !on$i$ted of one !abin dropped fro# a reat
heiht on to another to for# Lydden Hill7$ ho#ae to the Leanin To&er of 9i$a" I ?oined it a$ the herd of
titan$ thundered into vie&"
Ha##o &a$ $tu!k in the #iddle of the thron, pre$entin $uperb pie!e$ to !a#era &hil$t
Ar#aeddon unfolded around hi#" The *oute-#a$ter !hared up hi$ in$ide &ith t&o &heel$ on the ra$$,
and the $e!ond :endy follo&ed $uit to hi$ out$ide" The violen!e of the en$uin !olli$ion$ #ade everyone
take t&o $tep$ ba!k, &at!hin throuh the ap$ bet&een our finer$" Ha##o took the hit$ and rolled out
$o#e $piel about di$abled a!!e$$ and $eatin !apa!ity"
There &a$ ab$olutely no roo# for another vehi!le on the tra!k, but that didn7t $top *eid" All four
&heel$ on the ra$$, then teeterin on to t&o, he $peared hi$ &ay up alon$ide the *oute#a$ter, &indo&$
breakin like !la$hin !y#bal$"
*eid fle& around the park, ettin pin!hed o!!a$ionally bet&een the bier boy$ &ho other&i$e
trailed in hi$ &ake" Sho&er$ of broken la$$ filled the air, pneu#ati! fluid bled, radiator $tea# hi$$ed and
rubber bubbled" There &a$ no $u!h thin a$ a lan!in blo& &ith the$e leviathan$% every kno!k $heared off
a $i@eable !hunk of #etal and $pun it a!ro$$ the tar#a!" Cne a!!e$$ panel landed riht in front of u$"
The :endie$ $lid do&n the #ain $traiht, tail$ $&i$hin one &ay then the other at 68 deree$ to the
front de!k" Cne $tonked into the !ab of Ha##ond7$ #a!hine then $&atted To# +hilton7$ $nail-like double-
de!ker on the rebound, but To# $oon had an opportunity to re$tore hi$ honour"
Durin a break in the a!tion &e $et up !a#era$ by the $harp bank at the *ally +ro$$ inter$e!tion
and told To# to roll it" The earthen #ound looked perfe!t for the ?ob if he !ould turn $harply &ith enouh
$peed" After $everal atte#pt$, To# be!a#e the fir$t per$on I kno& of to drive a double-de!ker on t&o &heel$
&ithout topplin" Lu!kily, &e had an a!e up our $leeve"
ASo you &ant #e to ra# hi# oin into that !orner over there, yah=7 *eid enun!iated in the !ri$pe$t
Sueen7$ Enli$h, a$ if bein a$ked to $erve tiffin"
I nodded" AI7ll !ue you in on the radio $o you !an run up and hit hi# on the rear riht ?u$t a$ he oe$
up the bank"7 I dire!ted hi$ thou$and-yard $tare to&ard$ the appropriate point on To#7$ flank"
AC F D F7
)e handed To# a ne!k bra!e and $o#e e>tra :ryl!ree# to help ea$e hi$ blond afro into hi$ hel#et
a$ *eid $tarted lappin &ell in advan!e of the $hot, for no apparent rea$on"
AHe7$ not all there, i$ he=7 C&en $aid" AI #ean, even you uy$ re!kon *eidy7$ a bit out there, riht=7
I $hrued" AA little !ra@y" He7$ $till ot it, thouh"7
*eid bur$t pa$t the $tationary double-de!ker one final ti#e at ter#inal velo!ity"
ATo#, i$ that thin runnin no&=7
AAll $et" Let7$ do it"7
Given the fa!t that he7d never rolled a bu$ before, To# &a$ a #odel of !o#po$ure"
ACD, ono-H7
He lu#bered off, radually buildin $peed &hil$t *eid !ontinued to !ir!ulate at full pelt" To# rea!hed
the !orner a$ *eid fle& do&n the $traiht"
AFeather it a tou!h, *eidy F7
To# lur!hed up the bank on t&o &heel$ and *eid pu##elled into hi#, kept hi$ foot do&n and
pun!hed the *oute#a$ter on to it$ $ide" The top de!k fell &ith a #ihty !ra$h but &a$ barely da#aed" The
:endie$ &ere al$o I depre$$inly I inde$tru!tible" )e $a&ed throuh the ?oint in the #iddle of one, $o the
front and rear $e!tion$ &ere only held toether by pneu#ati! ho$e$, and they $till &ouldn7t $eparate &hen
ra##ed"
The re$t of the bu$e$ &ere toa$t" The fre$hly !oiffed ra$$ in the #iddle of the !ir!uit had been
$hredded and $eared, and the tra!k &a$ littered &ith their re#ain$" De$pite repeated heart $urery, not one
&a$ driveable by the end of the $hoot" They bore fittin te$ti#ony to ho& #u!h !ould be a!hieved in a $inle
day &ith $o#e nifty plannin, a $tellar roup of driver$ and a reat !re&" Si>ty tonne$ of a!tion !ut toether
into a reat fil#"
+hapter //
Loo$e +annon
Poli!e#en develop a dark $en$e of hu#our in the line of duty" Hardly $urpri$in iven the $uffo!atin
volu#e of uideline$ and taret$ they $&i# throuh on a daily ba$i$ &earin hih-vi$ ar#band$"
)hen Avon 1 So#er$et +on$tabulary arre$ted a notoriou$ dru dealer, hi$ Mit$ubi$hi Evo 4 &a$
$ei@ed and $enten!ed to death for bein pur!ha$ed &ith the profit$ of !ri#e" *ather than !ru$h it, they
approa!hedTo# $ear for a #ore publi! e>e!ution" Happy to oblie"
)e pit!hed up at :ovinton +a#p to fil# a final !onfrontation bet&een the Evo and the :riti$h
Ar#ed For!e$" The va$t trainin area en!o#pa$$ed every terrain fro# tar#a! to ravel, ?u#p$, &ood$ and
&ater" The idea &a$ for ;ere#y to $et off &ith the Ar#y in hot pur$uit I &ith no 'uarter a$ked for, or iven"
In the To# $ear !orner( a road !ar ba!ked by our hairy-ar$ed te!hnoloy tea#" In the Ar#y !orner(
the Ma$tiff ar#oured vehi!le, Tro?an tank, 9anther advan!ed !o##and vehi!le and ;a!kal hunter killer,
ba!ked by the #iht of :riti$h Aero$pa!e, Supa!at and the MoD"
The #ilitary &ere e'uipped &ith "43. and "28!al heavy #a!hineun$ !apable of puttin 388 round$
the $i@e of olf ball$ !lean throuh an enine blo!k, and $everal #ore be$ide it" ;e@@a &a$ ar#ed &ith a
pa!k of Marlboro Liht$"
I took our an$ter &heel$ for a &ar#-up alon a !lo$ed lane to re!ord $o#e noi$e fro# the
e>hau$t" The previou$ o&ner had inve$ted nearly R,88k $oupin it up and &e &ound the turbo boo$t to it$
#a>i#u# output( a &hoppin 228 hor$epo&er" It had #a$$e$ of tor'ue and all four &heel$ leapt fro# the
a$phalt &ith the enine banin off the rev li#iter like a rally !ar" It al$o $tank of petrol"
I !he!ked the Evo ba!k into NASA for Steve Ho&ard to &ork hi$ #ai!" )e popped the hood% fuel
&a$ pourin a!ro$$ the hot enine fro# the inlet rail$" It &a$ ready to bur$t into fla#e$ and &e hadn7t even
fil#ed it"
Steve even dit!hed hi$ fa" AAndy, better et over here, #ate"7
A blur of hih-vi$ appeared a$ Andy Harri$ !overed the ti#e bo#b &ith fireproof blanket$ and bean
pointin hi$ fire e>tinui$her no@@le &ith a lint in hi$ eye"
Steve $tepped ba!k to ad#ire the vie&" A)at!h out, fella$ I look$ like Harri$ #iht finally et to $hoot
hi$ load"7
Cn!e the fuel had evaporated, Steve fi>ed the hat!het ?ob a$ be$t he !ould, but I had #y doubt$ the
Evo &ould $urvive until lun!h"
Fil#in a !ha$e like thi$ for a #ovie #iht take &eek$" )e had t&o day$"
The terrain &a$ $uitable for tank$ and the hardie$t 0>0 #a!hinery" The Evo had #ini#al round
!learan!e, $o &e ?a!ked up the $u$pen$ion and $hielded the under$ide of the enine &ith $heet $teel to
prote!t it$ vital oran$" Standard road tyre$ &ould have $pun hopele$$ly around the #uddy rane$, $o &e
upraded &ith rally $pe! ravel ?ob$ &ith knobbly ede$"
Manain $o #any a$$et$ over #ultiple lo!ation$, !o##uni!atin &ith the Ar#y bra$$ and !reatively
dire!tin &a$ #urderin 9hil7$ $!hedule" The boy &a$ $tre$$ed, bitin hi$ nail$ ba!k to the knu!kle, and if
that &a$n7t enouh hi$ phone kept rinin &ith ;ere#y7$ la$t-#inute !hane$ to the $!ript"
I7d already $!outed the area &ith 9hil" The upper plateau &a$ $tre&n &ith lane$ bordered by thi!k
&ooden po$t$, and a broad $&eep of pale yello& du$t leadin to four ro!ky !hute$ dropped al#o$t verti!ally
to a $andy ba$in littered &ith tree$, ber#$ and ?u#p$" There &a$ al$o a #ine-field, $everal tra!ked fore$t$
and a live firin rane for the rand finale" I hooked up &ith the #ilitary to !horeoraph $o#e #ove$"
Dre$$ed fro# top to toe in tan de$ert fatiue$, full body ar#our and hel#et$, the lad$ looked !o$y
under the bakin $u##er $un" I &a$ $ittin in a #otori$ed Molotov !o!ktail, but felt $ub$tantially #ore
!o#fortable in ?ean$ and a T-$hirt"
To keep it $i#ple, the ;a!kal7$ C+ &ould lead the other three vehi!le$"
ASo, ;a!kal,7 I $aid, Athere7$ a pile of ro!k$ ahead by the fen!e line, over"7
ASeen"7
AI7ll handbrake-turn riht behind the#, !o#e ba!k in thi$ dire!tion and $ki# pa$t you" Bou all follo&,
over"7
A*oer, ;a!kal &ill lead"7
AMa$tiff re!eived"7
A9anther re!eived"7
And $o on"
The one I kept a !lo$e eye on &a$ the 3.-tonne Tro?an tank &ith it$ $pike-toothed bulldo@er $pade
hanin off the front" The driver, &ho &a$ often un$ihted, &a$ 'uieter on the radio than the other three"
)hen &e &ere parked up he had an un!o#fortable habit of !reepin for&ard" Hi$ thunderin enine #ade
your rib$ rattle" He !ould flatten the Evo &ith a lan!in blo& and not even feel it, $o I &a$ keen to $tay out of
hi$ &ay"
Stayin ahead &a$n7t a proble#" Even the 2"6-litre, die$el-po&ered ;a!kal, &hi!h &a$ !apable of
68#ph a!ro$$ any terrain, &a$ no #at!h for the Evo &hen #y riht foot beat the floorboard$" The Mit$ubi$hi
had rallyin !our$in throuh it$ vein$" It bit into the rubble and thru$t the !ha$$i$ into a #a?e$ti! four-&heel
drift at every opportunity, leavin the Ar#y for du$t" The in!redible thin &ith a hih-po&ered four-&heel
drive &a$ that reardle$$ ho& $ide&ay$ it &ent, you ?u$t kept your foot flat out and the $teerin pra!ti!ally
$traiht to drive out of it"
The deep rut$ in the #uddy tra!k$ te$ted the $teel platin" I !ra$hed do&n the# and li$tened to the
panin of ro!k$ $#a$hin the undertray like a $u#o &re$tler7$ dinner on" Ea$in off on the $traiht$ and
takin loner route$ around the ob$ta!le$ kept the# !lo$e" )e &ere ready to $hoot"
The four !a#era !re&$ deployed on to an area they7d never $een like it &a$ their o&n ba!k yard"
The &ay they !ould in$tantly a$$e$$ an area and find a beautiful $hot $aid it all" I7d e>plained durin the
briefin that vi$ion fro# the #ilitary &aon$ &a$ poor, but found Iain !rou!hed at the top of a verti!al !uttin"
AMornin, bi !o!k, a# I all riht here=7
ABou7ll et a lovely !lo$e-up of the &heel$ a$ they !ru$h you" The driver$ !an only $ee round or $ky
fro# in$ide the$e !hute$ $o be$t $hift further up the $ide of the bank F7
ACh, all riht then"7
There &a$ no $hortae of #a!hi$#o fro# the !re&, and in $o#e &ay$ I had be!o#e their unoffi!ial
$afety $upervi$or" They had i#pe!!able $tandard$, but I rarely $lept before a bi $hoot like thi$ for i#ainin
the ha@ardou$ $!enario$ they #iht fa!e and &ay$ to over!o#e the#"
A $e>y, hih-pit!hed &hine ro$e in the ba!kround" I $!anned the plateau for it$ $our!e a$ a du$t
devil $pun in front of u$"
AIain F7
AGot it"7 Hi$ fir$t $hot of the day"
The !latter of rotor blade$ $ue$ted &e &ere about to be ?oined byAFlyin TE7, a *obin$on 00 &ith a
yro-$tabili$ed !a#era flo&n by AS7" Suentin S#ith &a$ a $e!ond-eneration $tunt pilot, Free$tyle Heli!opter
+ha#pion and the fir$t heli pilot to !ir!u#naviate the &orld" He &a$ late thirtie$ and lean, &ith a neat 'uiff
and a pri# Fren!h #ou$ta!he to !o#ple#ent hi$ $ilk !ravat and bla!k leather boot$" Hi$ thouht$ reularly
ran a&ay &ith hi#, but he u$ually returned inta!t" S #ore often than not puffed on a pipe, but o!!a$ionally
plu!ked a Havana !iar fro# hi$ in$ide po!ket"
A+a$tro7 F puff F A#ake$ for a bloody fine $#oke, h##, old boy7 F puff"
ASure doe$, S" I7# ki!kin up a lot of du$t out there, i$ that a proble# for you &hen &e et !lo$e to
the tree$=7
AAb$olutely no proble#, old !hap" I !an !ut around tho$e and !o#e do&n and up, and up and do&n
and $hoot throuh I $hould be a beautiful $hot, yah=7
Hi$ hand$ $&ooped and dived at the appropriate point$ to under$!ore the $tratey"
ADon7t bi up your part, S" All that flyin7$ a pie!e of pi$$" The real $kill$ are in the Evo, right=7
He !lapped both #y $houlder$, ave the# a $'uee@e and #ar!hed off lauhin" S &a$ ba$i!ally
God in a flyin $uit"
The blue 00 pulled ently into a hover a fe& feet fro# the round" I had <HF for talkin to 9hil and
EHF to pi!k up &ith S and !o-ordinate our #ove#ent$" The radio !hattered a$ 9hil took to the podiu# and
bean to !ondu!t hi$ or!he$tra"
AAll vehi!le$ are !o#in throuh thi$ bu#py lane then a!ro$$ the bi open area" +a$per and Toby, if
you et the bi &ide$ F Iain and Dan, et $o#e tiht edy $hot$" Everyone $tand by and no one el$e !o#e$
into thi$ area no&, I &ant !o#plete lo!kdo&n"7
I lined up &ith the Ar#y toy$ out of $hot behind a ride and $inalled, AEehi!le$ ready"7
A+harlie Ei!tor $tandin by,7 S announ!ed fro# the heaven$"
)ith u$ in po$ition, four !a#era$ pri#ed and a bird in the air, 9hil relea$ed the Furie$"
I feathered the approa!h to the lane, took the lon route behind a pile of $tone and fli!ked the Evo
riht &ith the ;a!kal !uttin a!ro$$ #y ba!k end" )e boun!ed alon the lane% I @apped the po&er and
dropped the entourae to head around the out$ide of the open plateau" I ki!ked the Evo into a lon,
$&eepin po&er$lide, $endin !loud$ of du$t into the air" The Ar#y vehi!le$ pun!hed throuh it and !lo$ed
in on their tihter line, &hile S &a$ 28 feet above their head$, then plu##etin throuh the air to le$$ than
.8 feet above round and $&oopin a!ro$$ #y &ind$!reen" It #ade #y hair $tand on end"
The !halky round looked like an even $heet of paper at 48#ph, and I $la##ed into $o#e hidden
trouh$ $o hard #y feet !a#e off the pedal$" The !ar $urely !ouldn7t take it" The !hute$ !arved into the
hill$ide, that had ea!h appeared $o di$tin!tive on foot, no& looked identi!al" Cnly one !ontained a !a#era
and I had to !hoo$e 'ui!kly to #ake #y e>it"
I $pied the #inute !airn I7d pla!ed a$ a #arker a#on$t a $ea of $tone$ and dived into the !hute
be$ide it" My ar#$ &ent $traiht a$ #y head pre$$ed into the head-re$t and #y $to#a!h lur!hed" I never
even $a& Iain7$ !a#era" The Evo $hot do&n the earth !orridor, ab$orbin $o#e blood!urdlin ban$ fro#
the rut$ a$ they bo$hed the $u#p uard" The !ar &a$ a !ri#inal% it de$erved it" Shot Cne &a$ in the !an"
)e ave S another anle on the plateau, &hi!h involved hi# hoverin in #y line of fire near the
pre!ipi!e and ainin altitude a$ I $lid to&ard$ hi#" )orkin alon$ide $kill of that #anitude &a$ epi!% I put
#y faith in S &ithout he$itation"
)e de$!ended into the ba$in" I arrived fro# a flat $e!tion that dropped, !auht $o#e air and !ra$hed
further do&n &hil$t the Ar#y vehi!le$ took everythin in their $tride" Sand filled the &heel ar!he$" So#eho&
the Evo kept oin"
The plan &a$ for the vehi!le$ to do a freneti! :enny Hill !ha$e in and out of the tree$ and knoll$ of
the ba$in until &e felt our $poradi! route$ !onfli!t" I kept #y eye$ peeled a$ &e &hipped around it$ tihter
!onfine$, only to $ee a bi blue hornet appear on the other $ide of $o#e tree$ and bein #irrorin #y route" I
$pun around to a!!elerate throuh the heli7$ !a#era fra#e and #ade eye !onta!t &ith S" The !heeky $od
ya&ed $ide&ay$ &ith one hand on the !olle!tive and the other pullin at hi$ $teerin handle, yet $till
#anaed to ive #e a &ave" I returned the reetin &ith #y #iddle finer"
The heli hovered $o !lo$e to the a!tion at ti#e$ I !ould al#o$t tou!h it" )e kept on oin until I lo$t
tra!k of the Ar#y and !alled it 'uit$"
Havin never been a fan of either the Evo or the Subaru I#pre@a a$ road !ar$, I had relu!tantly
fallen in love &ith #y #a!hine" It$ narro& rally tyre$ ave a$ #u!h rip on the loo$e a$ $lip on the road" The
&anton runt &a$ addi!tive% it$ !atapultin $lide$ a!ro$$ tar#a! or ravel &ere $o en?oyable I never &anted
to $top"
The :ovinton !ha$e unfolded larely a!!ordin to ;ere#y7$ #a$ter plan and 9hil7$ $hot li$t" )e
kno!ked out a bun!h of Aup$ and pa$$e$7, $peedin pa$t !a#era throuh &ood$ and lane$, $o that &e &ere
ready for ;e@@a to play hi$ part"
He pit!hed up in hi$ pride and ?oy, the #ihty Mer!ede$ +LS :la!k" Cn $eein #e he parted hi$ le$
and e>tended hi$ hand$ to and fro# hi$ roin, treatin #e to the Abi &anker7 reetin" I held #y thu#b and
forefiner half a !enti#etre apart and re&arded hi# the traditional Ainfinite$i#ally $#all !o!k7 re$pon$e"
A)hat7$ it like=7 he a$ked"
AIt doe$n7t et any better than thi$" :ut you have to pull the handbrake like a de#ented #ilk#aid% the
!able7$ kna!kered"7
AGood"7 ;e@@a &a$ on typi!ally ?ovial for#, in hi$ ele#ent around a bun!h of nutter$ &ith e>pen$ive
hard&are" He &a$ a hue $upporter of the #ilitary" In a for#er life he &a$ probably a eneral, the kind that
never ot $hot" He ?oined the $tory toether and in$erted hi$ typi!ally brutal hu#our, referrin to the R088k
!o##and vehi!le a$ a Fiat i!e !rea# van and ad libbin &ith the Ar#y boy$ about ho& he planned to ive
the# a ood du$tin"
;ere#y did $o#e 'uality drivin bet&een out-take$ of hi# $!urryin about on a #inefield ried &ith
pyrote!hni!$, $neakin up behind the tank and bein A$hot at7" He pla!ed the Evo &ith ab$olute pre!i$ion on
the ede of a !liff and tore around the pla!e &ith abandon"
)e then &aited a To# $ear hour Lfifteen of our Earth #inute$M for a deployable bride to e>tend over
a ravine, the a bein that ;ere#y &ould #ake u$e of it &hil$t hi$ pur$uer$ lo$t $iht of hi#"
AStay on #e, 9hil" Deep !a#era$ on #e, CD=7
ACh $hit,7 +a$per #uttered, $pinnin hi$ !a#era in ;+7$ dire!tion"
I $kipped over to 9hil" AIf he hit$ that bride at #ore than ,2#ph the enineer$ re!kon it #iht $hake
hi# off"7
9hil kibo$hed any 2ukes o( 6a/ard a$piration$ ;ere#y #iht have been harbourin and &e fil#ed
hi# rudinly e>e!utin a #odel !ro$$in"
The Evo had the #ea$ure of the #ilitary until the live firin rane" The $oldier$ lo!ked and loaded
&ith live ,(, tra!er and lubed up their re$pe!tive &orkin part$"
In $pite of #u!h lobbyin fro# environ#entali$t$ and hi$ fello& pre$enter$, &e de!ided aain$t
;ere#y !ontinuin to drive the Evo in per$on" Steve fitted it &ith a re#ote !ontrol unit and ;ere#y ran off
$o#e in-!ar footae to #arry up &ith the e>ternal $hot$"
A lot &a$ bein #ade of the pre!i$e dire!tion the Evo &ould follo&" The rule$ of the rane re'uired
!a#era$ to fil# fro# a lon &ay ba!k, $o the operator$ &ere keen to fi> vi$ual referen!e$ of the propo$ed
route in order to pull fo!u$ on their len$e$" My e>perien!e of re#ote-!ontrolled vehi!le$ $ue$ted it &ould
travel in every dire!tion ut the planned one"
Andy had the $oldier$ line their vehi!le$ broad$ide to the rane alon a rai$ed !on!rete platfor#"
They ripped the butt$ of their un$ aain$t !len!hed ?a&$ and ra!ked the &orkin part$" Inter$per$ed
bet&een the#, our fil# !re&$ loaded fre$h batterie$ and ai#ed their &eaponry &ith $i#ilar anti!ipation" A
fe& $e!ond$ later, the Evo $et off"
The #a!hineunner$ let rip" Cne of the Gi#pie$ ?a##ed &ithin a fe& $e!ond$" ASto##age F7 He
!leared it, but &ithout ad?u$tin the a$, $o it ?a##ed aain"
Sure enouh, the Evo $oon developed a #ind of it$ o&n" <nder heavy fire it veered off the dirt tra!k
and took !over in the undulatin heather" The !ar dived up and do&n the net&ork of ullie$, &ildly out of
!ontrol, ivin the unner$ a $eriou$ run for their #oney"
A $u$tained bur$t of "28!al finally tore hole$ the $i@e of a fi$t throuh the enine blo!k, $teerin
&heel, $eat and boot lid" The editor$ !o#bined the footae $o brilliantly in po$t-produ!tion that it looked like
the round$ &ere li!kin ;ere#y7$ heel$" More7$ the pity"
+hapter /0
The )hite :ubble
Three #illion vi$itor$ de$!ended on :la!kpool in Septe#ber .885 to &itne$$ a #illion liht$ !o#in
to life" They !lut!hed dribbly i!e !rea#$, $'uee@ed into tiht $&i##in !o$tu#e$, 'ueued for #u$i!al$,
looked for thrill$ and ot the beer$ in" Mean&hile, in :a$el, S&it@erland, three #iddle-aed #en &ere
preparin to run out of fuel tryin to ?oin the#"
Cur heroe$ &ere ai#in to #ake the 428-#ile ?ourney on one tankful, in a real-ti#e a$$e$$#ent of
fuel e!ono#y" The fir$t to arrive &ould ?oin the rank$ of other lu#inarie$ I $u!h a$ Der#it the Fro and Den
DoddI to liht the !oa$tal re$ort7$ :i +andle" If none of the# #ade it, The Sti &ould $tep into the brea!h"
The loi$ti!$ of tra!kin all the &ay a!ro$$ Europe &ith three !re&$ &a$ not to be undere$ti#ated" I
brouht in pro driver$ to pedal the !re&$ aboard three $uper!hared *ane *over$" It &a$ $till a !olo$$al
&orkload be!au$e the &hole ra!e &a$ effe!tively fil#ed live" There &ould be no pi!k-up$"
+lark$on $et off aboard a t&in turbo ;auar K;3 TDEI, &hi!h had a rane of 322 #ile$ on a liht
foot" He didn7t have a liht foot" May drove a Subaru Lea!y Die$el &ith a rane of 483 #ile$, &hile
Ha##ond &ent for a puny three-!ylinder E) 9olo :lue#otion, #ade larely of Ly!ra, &ith a rane of 408
#ile$"
;ere#y rihtly fiured he7d run dry &ell $hort of :la!kpool and opted for the loner, #otor&ay route
to avoid a$-u@@lin traffi! ?a#$" Ha##ond took the dire!t route, the do&n$ide bein he &ould burn fuel
traver$in hill$" May !ho$e $o#ethin in bet&een"
I arrived &ith A#y7 !re& at :la!kpool7$ !entral bu$ ter#inal and hopped off the National E>pre$$ in
the &hite $uit" The Sti7$ day out in :la!kpool bean in the the#e park" )hil$t the pre$enter$ $&eated traffi!,
I rode in a tea!up throuh the Hou$e of Horror$" )hil$t they did !o#pli!ated $u#$ about fuel !on$u#ption, I
$at throuh a #ai! $ho&, #arvellin at the $parkly liht$ in the !eilin and the $trane folk plu!kin rabbit$
fro# hat$" Then I #et a pal# reader on the 9ier &ho !ouldn7t $ee #y future throuh the &hite love" She
&a$ a $&eet, beautifully rounded lady &ith an all-year tan and #andatory head$!arf"
AI !an7t read hi#,7 $he kept $ayin" ANot unle$$ I look into hi$ eye$ or $ee hi$ hand$ F7
The dire!tor &ouldn7t hear of it" AHe never take$ hi$ love$ or hel#et off" Not even &hen he oe$ to
$leep"7
I lifted #y vi$or a tad" ACooooooh,7 $he $aid, Ayou7ve a briht future F7
More plea$e" ABou7ll be &ealthy F7
CD F
ABou7re at a bi !ro$$road$" Bou mustleave the old path before !hoo$in"7
Cu!h"
I $napped #y vi$or $hut before $he ot #e fired" The truth &a$ that I had been &onderin &hat the
hell I &a$ doin &ith #y life" Here I &a$, &earin a !o#i! $trip !o$tu#e, havin the pal#$ of #y love$ read
in a $ea$ide re$ort" I &a$ havin a reat ti#e I and perhap$ that $hould have been all that #attered I but I
felt like I &a$ lo$in $iht of the bi pi!ture" I &a$ #eant to be ra!in, not #in!in around"
:efore I !ould take the$e p$y!hi! revelation$ too $eriou$ly, $o#e ?o$$ $ti!k in!en$e &afted a!ro$$
#y vi$or, #y love7$ Eel!ro fa$tener ot !auht in a drape and I $ent a !a$$ette $tall flyin" All I !ould hear
&a$ the !re& pi$$in the#$elve$ &ith lauhter a$ #y$ti! Me !ha$ed after #e, prattlin on about the $pirit
&orld"
)e #oved on to the 9ep$i Ma> at 9lea$ure :ea!h" Dno&n a$ AThe :i Cne7, it had a drop of .82
feet, a top $peed of 40#ph and enerated /"2G in the !orner$" The fairround $taff treated u$ like royalty%
they allo&ed u$ to take over the ride for an hour" A !ouple of du##y run$ &ere needed to #ake $ure that the
rear&ard-fa!in !a#era &a$ bolted on $e!urely, and then I ot on &ith a $#all roup of enthu$ia$ti!
holiday#aker$"
The ride ?olted, tipped and !li#bed verti!ally" Soon the Ferri$ &heel belo& &a$ the $i@e of a thi#ble"
I hated heiht$, but de!ided that if The Sti &a$n7t drivin the roller!oa$ter he &ould be bored &itle$$, $o for
hi$ $ake I pretended to fall a$leep a$ the !ar bean to plu##et"
)ith #y head do&n, all I !ould $ee throuh the vi$or &a$ a narro& $trip of the plea$ure #etropoli$
belo&" My $to#a!h #ade it$ apoloie$ and parted !o#pany &ith the re$t of #e a$ the !ar fell endle$$ly fro#
the $ky" Then I &a$ hurled violently to the riht a$ it banked hard left" I #anaed to #aintain the $a#e
apparently non!halant po$e for the duration of the ride, never lookin up but u$in every #u$!le I po$$e$$ed
to $tay in the $eat" The dire!tor &a$ very plea$ed &ith the footae" So plea$ed that I &ent out a further four
ti#e$, head do&n" And I ot paid"
AThat7$ a touh ?ob you7ve ot there, Sti,7 !o##ented the bloke behind #e"
AHelli$h,7 I replied" A:ut $o#ebody7$ ot to do it"7
9eople &ere fanta$ti!ally patient a$ they &aited for u$ to !lear off their ride" )e did a bun!h of
photo$ &ith the# and headed ba!k into the fairround" The !re& &ere bu$y fil#in ba!kround $hot$ &hen I
noti!ed a iant !hip#unk ahead" He pounded a furry pa& aain$t hi$ !he$t, Tar@an-$tyle, then pointed at
#e" The Sti freaked out" :en ;oiner brouht hi$ !a#era to bear a$ I fro@e in #y tra!k$, turned and $printed
in the oppo$ite dire!tion"
The !hip#unk ave !ha$e a$ The Sti $!arpered over a bride, lookin franti!ally over hi$ $houlder
until he #ade ood hi$ e$!ape" <nfortunately the pre$enter$ didn7t run out of a$ after all, $o their dreary
pie!e on fuel e!ono#y took pre!eden!e in the edit over #y C$!ar-&innin perfor#an!e"
Ne>t $top, the !a$ino" The Sti &on bi on the fruit #a!hine$ ?u$t by $tarin at the#" )e had a little
help fro# the floor #anaer, &ho bri##ed the# full of !oin$ and ried the prora##e &ith a !ode I plan to
u$e in Eea$" All that re#ained &a$ to buy $o#e !andyflo$$ and !uddly toy$ for the ?ourney to the liht$"
A$ &e &alked alon the pave#ent people ?oed alon$ide &avin their #obile phone$ and
re!orded their o&n pie!e$ to !a#era" Everyone &a$ in!redibly friendly" A bun!h of *enault +lio$ $tarted
doin lap$ up and do&n the $treet to de#on$trate ho& #u!h noi$e they !ould #ake, then pulled a $erie$ of
&heel $pin$" Five point$ out of ten, I7# afraid" If you really &ant to liht up tho$e tyre$, Son, try u$in the
handbrake"
)e drove a!ro$$ to the #ain $tae for the bi #o#ent, &ith an alar#in nu#ber of punter$ in hot
pur$uit" I had to du!k do&n in the ba!k $eat of the van to avoid an in!ident"
*adio .7$ D; Mark Goodier &a$ &hippin the !ro&d into a fren@y a$ &e arrived" I &alked $traiht
throuh to a EI9 en!lo$ure, &here !eleb$ a$ked me ho& to et on to To# $ear" Everyone $ee#ed to be
ob$e$$ed &ith it"
The D;$ announ!ed the band$ that &ould be perfor#in live on $tae to the $&ellin audien!e"
)hen :oy@one &ere #entioned, they roared in their thou$and$" Then the D; $aid, AAnd &e7ve ot F To#
$ear F7 I &a$ fully e>pe!tin to hear a pin drop"
The !ro&d &ent ape"
Ho& !ould three plonker$ and a $tor# trooper be #ore popular than :oy@one=
I #ade #y &ay around the EI9 en!lo$ure and found the !orner$tone of any $o!ial atherin( the
buffet" I lined up behind Lauren!e Lle&elyn-:o&en, lofty lon-haired interior de$iner, and &e loaded our
paper plate$ &ith finer food I and I #ean loaded"
ANi!e outfit,7 he $aid" AA little i#pra!ti!al for dinner=7
I &aved #y $till loved hand in the dire!tion of the edible pyra#id I had !on$tru!ted" AIt7$ for #y !at"7
ATou!hG" Mind the ;alapeno pepper$% !ould be danerou$ for a #an &ith &hite underpant$ in your
line of &ork"7
I held the fort until the pre$enter$ finally #ade it at 5p#" After all that, a red-eyed Ha##ond &on by
a $inle #inute fro# an e>!itable ;e@@a, the iant Dura!ell bunny &ho never $lept or ate" ;a#e$ &a$
no&here in $iht" Hi$ A$pe!ial route7 had taken hi# into the ba!k of beyond"
)e three prepared to o on $tae" I &a$ deaf a$ a po$t L&ith #y hel#et a#plifyin the roarin
!ro&dM and blind to boot, but I !ould $ee everyone !lo$e by &a$ bu@@in" 9eople &ere happy I noddin,
!lappin, &avin" It &a$ an unforettable e>perien!e"
A$ &e &alked on $tae the !ro&d erupted" 9eople &ere ?u#pin up and do&n, $!rea#in, &avin
and pointin" I7d never $een anythin like it( irl$ on boy$7 $houlder$, banner$ &avin, and a iant inflatable
peni$ on a $ti!k" No ho#e $hould be &ithout one" ;ere#y and *i!hard &ent in a$ bra@enly a$ ever, &avin
ba!k to the !ro&d, takin it all in their $tride" I tried not to fall over the hidden lihtin !able$"
I &a$ $till !o#in to ter#$ &ith the $heer nu#ber of fa!e$ $tarin at u$ &hen an ob?e!t on a pe!uliar,
ar!in tra?e!tory entered #y field of vi$ion then dropped at #y feet" A pair of kni!ker$" I never kne& &ho
thre& the#, but I kne& #y life !ould never be the $a#e aain"
The ti#e had !o#e to hit the $&it!h" *i!hard and ;ere#y &ere aruin about &ho $hould"
A!ou turn the# on F7
A*eally, no, you do it F7
That &a$ #y !ue" The lever $at on a bi $'uare plinth" It looked $turdy, like a beer pu#p" To #ake
$ure I didn7t !o!k it up I $trode a!ro$$ and yanked the thin hard" It turned the liht$ on all riht% I pulled $o
hard the platfor# toppled to&ard$ #e, but thankfully $tayed upriht" Cne #illion liht$ lo&ed, fire&ork$ &ent
off, hallelu?ah" It &a$ Miller ti#e"
)e bundled our$elve$ off $tae and into the !re& vehi!le$, fro# &here &e &ere iven a poli!e
e$!ort ba!k to the hotel" I ot !haned in the ba!k $eat, &at!hin in di$belief a$ poli!e bike$ in parallel
for#ation blo!ked one $ide ?un!tion after another to ive u$ a !lear !orridor" )e ble& throuh red liht$ and
roundabout$ all the &ay ba!k to the fir$t !old beer of the day" )hat a niht"
;a#e$ and hi$ !re& arrived lookin utterly ball-baed" Hi$ hair had one $traiht &ith tiredne$$,
and hi$ upper body &a$ #otionle$$ a$ hi$ le$ propelled hi# to&ard$ the bar" La&ren!e of Arabia had
!ro$$ed the de$ert" I7ve never $een ;e@@a lauh $o hard"
A1uck o((,7 ;a#e$ $napped, then treated the irl behind the bar to a da@@lin $#ile" AMiht I have a
beer plea$e, Mada#=7
Three fil# !re&$ had !ro$$ed half of Europe, arrived in :la!kpool on ti#e and !aptured all the
footae in a $inle day" It &a$ a re#arkable te$ta#ent to ho& the 'uirky #anae#ent $tru!ture of To# $ear
&orked it$ #ai!" Cur produ!tion unit &a$ utterly e>traordinary% their diet of lon hour$, every kind of &eather
and a pa!ket of !ri$p$ #ade the# lean, #ean $hootin #a!hine$" They &ere the un$un heroe$ &ho
!aptured the $tunnin footae that brouht the$e $torie$ to life"
+hapter /2
)ho i$ the Sti=
Without #y really noti!in, To# $ear had ballooned into a &orld&ide pheno#enon" It &a$ bein
&at!hed by over eiht #illion people in the <D and by up&ard$ of /28 #illion in ,88 other !ountrie$,
eneratin ten$ of #illion$ of pound$ for the ::+" The Sti had be!o#e the po$ter boy for To# $ear
#aa@ine and led the brand7$ #er!handi$in !a#pain on pretty #u!h anythin that $tayed $till lon enouh
to have hi$ pi!ture $tu!k on it" There &a$ everythin fro# Sti Ea$ter e$ to Sti $oap on a rope"
Intere$t in the identity of the #an in the &hite $uit rea!hed fever pit!h at the end of .885" The ho#e
tea#, perhap$ &ithout reali$in it, then #anaed to fan the fla#e$"
I returned fro# the y# one #ornin to be reeted by the !arpenter &ho &a$ fi>in our kit!hen floor"
He dre& out a !opy of the ::+7$ 4adio Times, $lapped it on the table and a$ked #e to $in it"
The front !over &a$ do#inated by a photo of $o#eone in the fa#iliar po$e, &ith the !aption A)HC IS
THE STIG= The Nation )ant$ To Dno&, $o &e de!ided to find out F7
ABour photo7$ in$ide F7
I bit #y tonue and fli!ked it open"
The pie!e in$ide featured the At&o !hief $u$pe!t$7 for Stido# and I &a$ the only ra!in driver"
Te>t #e$$ae$ $tarted rainin in" 9eople &ho thouht I #iht be The Sti took the arti!le a$
!onfir#ation" Another $tory broke in the 2ailyStar a fe& #onth$ later" A builder &ho $aid he7d &orked on #y
hou$e !lai#ed I had a $hrine to The Sti in #y livin roo#, !o#plete &ith $uit and hel#et in a la$$ !abinet"
A$ if" Ten day$ later the floodate$ opened"
Georie braved the ele#ent$ I and the ru#oured !a#era !re&$ I to rab the day7$ paper$"
ACh dear, :+" Bou7re in nearly all of the# F7
My $to#a!h lur!hed, but then I $o#ethin I didn7t e>pe!t I flooded &ith relief"
I ran )il#an" A)ell=7
A)ell F7 The #inute$ ti!ked by" AThere7$ no point $a!kin you, $in!e &e7re denyin it7$ you any&ay"
;u$t $tay !lear of any $oddin ?ourno$"7
At the ti#e I really appre!iated Andy7$ loyalty" He &a$ under a lot of pre$$ure internally to Aet
another one7"
A ,e-s o( the 'orld !re& took photo$ of our old hou$e, alon &ith $o#eone el$e7$ Area$onably
pri!ed7 !ar" Then there &a$ a kno!k at our door" I &a$ reeted by a $lihtly $heepi$h $o!!er dad in a
!he!ked $hirt" AMr +ollin$= I think the$e #u$t be for you"7 He handed over a bun!h of letter$ that had been
addre$$ed to #e but delivered a !ouple of $treet$ a&ay"
AThank you very #u!h"7
He $hifted fro# one foot to another" A)e7ve had $o#e ?ournali$t$ at our pla!e"7
ACh really=7
ASuite a fe&" 9hotorapher$ too" All I kno& i$ Im not The Sti F7
AThat #ake$ t&o of u$ then"7 I ave hi# a rin and thanked hi# for !o#in round"
I ot a !all fro# one of the produ!er$ a fe& day$ before the $tart of Serie$ ,/" I e>pe!ted hi# to
di$pat!h #e $traiht to HMS Intre#id" AHope you7re all $et for thi$ )edne$day" <### F )hat $i@e overall$
and hel#et you u$e=7
A)hy do you a$k=7
A+an7t tell you"7
AThen I !an7t tell you"7
A)e7ve ot $o#ethin !ookin for ne>t &eek7$ ue$t"7
A)ho i$ F=7
A+an7t tell you that either% it #iht put your no$e out of ?oint"7
)e fen!ed for a bit until he finally ad#itted it &a$ Mi!hael S!hu#a!her" A)e7re dre$$in hi# up a$
The Sti to do a lap in the Ferrari FKK" He7$ the only one allo&ed to drive that little beauty, $o it thro&$ a bi
$#oke$!reen around the &hole identity thin"7 They hadn7t yet &orked out ho& they &ere oin to take it
fro# there, but needed #e alon for $o#e other bit$ and pie!e$"
I !ouldn7t &ait to $ee the $even ti#e$ F, +ha#pion $ippin a #ouldy !offee out$ide our de!repit
!abin"
I ot do&n to Dun$fold early for $o#e !overt fil#in" )hat happened ne>t took #y bureonin
identity !ri$i$ to another level" S!hu#a!her had flatly refu$ed to drive the Liana, $o they &anted to fil# #e
pretendin to be hi# pretendin to be The Sti, drivin the rea$onably pri!ed !ar"
AHave you told Mi!hael &hat &e7re up to=7
ACh Lord, no"7
I put on Mi!hael7$ Sti $uit L&hi!h had different loo$ on the forear#$ and $houlder$M and brouht
the Su@uki to the $tart line" )e $!anned the $hot li$t" Cne involved $pearin off the !ir!uit, takin out one of
the !a#era$ and probably $#a$hin the &ind$!reen in the pro!e$$" I rubbed #y hand$ toether and ot
$tu!k into $o#e ood, old-fa$hioned de#olition"
Half an hour later the #i$$ion &a$ a!!o#pli$hed and the footae &hi$ked a&ay for ;a#e$ to edit"
I $&it!hed ba!k into my Sti outfit and ?u#ped into the ne& Lotu$ Evora" It &a$ a fanta$ti! little !ar"
The intru$ive under$teer that under#ined the bony Loti of the pa$t &a$ one% it looked and handled like a
little Ferrari"
I ran hard for about eiht lap$ and then the run&ay &a$ !leared of all traffi!" Cur $tar ue$t duly
arrived in hi$ private ?et, bli$$fully una&are of the fil#in that had already taken pla!e, and he and hi$ 9*
people &ere driven a!ro$$ to their #otorho#e" He $a& #e &alkin by and turned, pu@@led, to one of the
produ!er$" A:ut I thouht I a# the Sti no&=7
The FKK &a$ !reated by dippin an En@o in a vat of dark #atter" It e#ered boa$tin 5,.
hor$epo&er, $uper are$$ive F, !arbon brake$, $li!k ra!in tyre$ and additional &in$ to lue it to the
tar#a!" )ho better to drive it than the #an &ho in$pired the de$in of the F, !ar on &hi!h it &a$ ba$ed= Cf
the thirty built, S!hu#a!her7$ &a$ the only one liveried !o#pletely in bla!k and &ithout a $tripe"
I #et hi# briefly at the $tart line" Hi$ $kin &a$ like velvet and he had the !o!k$ure, !arefree
de#eanour of $o#eone &ho7d been there, &on that and didn7t need to &ear the T-$hirt" I doubt he heard
#u!h of &hat I $aid over the hih-pit!hed ho&l of the E,. bein &ar#ed up ne>t to u$, but he ot the i$t $o
&e both #ounted up"
I pulled #y ;auar KF alon$ide Ale>, our produ!er &ith the bedroo# eye$" AI !an7t believe you
pulled thi$ off"7
ASheer lu!k" He7$ in the <D pro#otin :a!ardi7$ Drink *e$pon$ibly road $afety !a#pain"7
Hot enine$ never like bein kept &aitin for !a#era !re&$ to orani$e the#$elve$ and I kne&
Mi!hael &ould &ant to o" Sure enouh, he bean $lippin the FKK to&ard$ Ale>, &ho tried in vain to $tand
hi$ round"
)ith a nod to the !ha#p I led u$ out" I &ent !arefully at fir$t $o he !ould pi!k out the &hite line$
#arkin the !our$e, then built up $o#e $peed on the $e!ond lap" He $tayed fairly !lo$e behind, o!!a$ionally
droppin ba!k a little and doin hi$ o&n thin" :y the third lap I &a$ oin a$ fa$t a$ the ;a !ould #anae"
In $pite of #y be$t effort$ to turn it$ $afety $y$te#$ off, the KF kept tryin to $tabili$e it$elf by
a!tivatin it$ brake$ in the #iddle of the !orner$" The F, uber !ha#p follo&ed #e patiently a$ I &allo&ed
throuh the turn$, apparently brakin in all the &ron pla!e$" Hi$ Ferrari &a$ pra!ti!ally idlin"
At the end of the third and final re!!e lap #y brake$ &ere boilin, &hi!h $ent the $y$te# into a
!o#plete pani!" A$ I $ped into the penulti#ate !orner, the A:S ki!ked in $o I !ouldn7t $lo& do&n properly"
The ;a !o!ked it$ le and dropped t&o &heel$ on the dirt a$ I !a#e out the other $ide" A $ho&er of !rud
and $tone$ fle& into the air and #y $houlder$ $tiffened &hen I $a& Mi!hael7$ o&n per$onal, i##a!ulate t&o
#illion dollar $uper!ar le$$ than a lenth fro# #y tail" He &hipped left to #i$$ the flyin debri$ and I e>ited
the tra!k $tae riht to ?oin the re$!ue !re&$ at the fire $tation" He #u$t have thouht I &a$ $o#e ne& breed
of di!khead"
He bla$ted around the tra!k a fe& #ore ti#e$, !a#e throuh the final bend and put on a little flurry
&ith a $pin a!ro$$ the line" He !li#bed out, had a brief di$!u$$ion &ith the Ferrari #e!hani!$ and then
$trolled off to take an hour7$ lun!h" So &e all $topped too"
Mi!hael &a$ takin to hi$ ne& role &ith Teutoni! u$to" After intervie&in hi#, ;a$on :arlo&, a
for#er T$ pre$enter &ho no& &orked on the #aa@ine, $hot #e an a&e$tru!k lan!e" AHe7$ taken to thi$
pretty $eriou$ly, y7kno&,7 he $aid in hi$ Iri$h lilt" AI a$ked hi# &hat it &a$ like bein The Sti and he told #e
ho& tri!ky it &a$ flyin7 ba!k and forth fro# the Grand 9ri> !ir!uit to #ake it in ti#e for the $tudio"7
After the break &e fil#ed Mi!hael7$ lap proper a$ Sti" I hooked up &ith Iain, partly out of intere$t,
but al$o to !he!k he &a$n7t !uttin a!ro$$ the &hite line$" He7d pulled a fe& !ontrover$ial #ove$ durin hi$
F,!areer"
The Ferrari !ranked up in the di$tan!e% the ra$p of the E,. boun!ed off the fen!in around the &a$te
di$po$al $ite at Turn Cne" A $hriek of valve$, follo&ed by $ta!!ato, bullet-like ear !hane$ and the bla!k
ro!ket $hot into vie&" Iain &orked hi$ #ai!, holdin it perfe!tly in fra#e, fo!u$in in on the detail then pullin
the len$ &ide a$ he !a#e !lo$er and fle& throuh the !orner"
AI$ he any ood=7
AI7d $ay he7$ done thi$ on!e or t&i!e before F7
Mi!hael drove an ele!tri! lap and it &a$ a privilee to $ee hi# at &ork !lo$e up" The FKK &a$ all
ra!e !ar" If anythin, the $etup looked too $tiff for Dun$fold" The ba!k end $kipped over bu#p$ I rarely
noti!ed" <p !lo$e, S!hu#a!her7$ turn in &a$ very fa$t in the tiht !orner$% A9oint and $'uirt7, the &ay you
drove a o-kart" The re$t looked fa#iliar I thouh he did $pare hi$ #a!hine fro# ha##erin a!ro$$ the
$tor# drain $everal in!he$ beneath the tar#a! at the Follo& Throuh" Mind you, $in!e hi$ lap ti#e &a$
$even $e!ond$ fa$ter than the re!ord, a fe& e>tra tenth$ probably didn7t !on!ern hi#"
I had to top and tail S!hu#a!her7$ introdu!tion to the audien!e be!au$e I &a$ the only per$on
+lark$on kne& &ho !ould look anry fro# behind a !lo$ed vi$or" They &anted to fil# #e doin A#y &alk7 and
$tandin in the $tudio before $&appin #e for the #ae$tro"
)il#an &a$ ada#ant that no one out$ide the very tiht To# $ear!ir!le of tru$t $hould $ee both Sti$
at the $a#e ti#e, but a$ I rounded a !orner in the produ!tion offi!e, I bu#ped $traiht into hi#" Ale>7$ eye$
&ere like $au!er$" AT&o Sti$ I aaaargh"7
It &a$ a $urreal #o#ent" I ave Mi!hael a !ri$p $alute and a hih five"
)il#an told hi# to e>pe!t a fe& a$ fro# ;ere#y" ABou kno&, he #iht $ay $o#ethin like, USo if
#e and you &ere havin a $!rap, &ho &ould &in=V That kind of thin"7
And S!hu#a!her $aid, A)hat doe$ thi$ have to do &ith :a!ardi=7
I &a$n7t $ure &ho &a$ takin the pi$$ out of &ho"
I ot the nod to head for the $tudio" I $tood out$ide &hat u$ed to be the Harrier #aintenan!e area"
The iant hanar door$ $lid open and I &a$ reeted by a roar fro# the audien!e" I $topped at #y #ark and
looked Aanrily7 around the roo#" AThe Sti ha$ !o#e a#on u$,7 +lark$on announ!ed" AI kno& e>a!tly &hat
thi$ i$ about% he7$ fed up &ith ne&$paper$ $pe!ulatin that he live$ in a pebble-da$hed hou$e in :ri$tol F
)ho &ant$ to $ee The Sti7$ head=7
That &a$ #e done" I di$appeared into S!hu#a!her7$ #otorho#e" Cn!e the !oa$t &a$ !lear, I !ould
e#ere a$ :en +ollin$ &hil$t he Aouted7 hi#$elf on !a#era"
A$ I !li#bed aboard the reat #an &a$ tu!kin into a bo&l of !orn-flake$ &ith hi$ fe#ale per$onal
a$$i$tant"
I ot !haned, then a$ked hi# &hat he thouht of the T$ !ir!uit"
He rinned" ABou !all that a !ir!uit=7
Hi$ 9A !hipped in $y#patheti!ally, AMi!hael7$ ?u$t bein #ean"7
A)ell #aybe it7$ CD for road !ar$ and thi$ kind of thin, but that !hi!ane in the #iddle &ith that bu#p
I it7$ no ood for real perfor#an!e !ar$, I think"7
I felt #y$elf bri$tlin" My pat!h #ay have $tunk of !abbae, but it &a$ $till #y pat!h" Sure it &a$n7t
Fiorano, but the bu#p$, !urve$ and !a#bered brakin area$ &ere ideal for a$$e$$in vehi!le dyna#i!$"
AI hear that you7re ra!in bike$ no&=7
Hi$ eye$ lit up" A)ell, I7ve !o#peted in one ra!e of the Ger#an National +ha#pion$hip"7
ASo you7re keepin pretty bu$y=7
He nodded" AI have al$o redi$!overed #y pa$$ion for kartin F And you F &hat do you do=7
ACh,7 I $aid, Athi$ and that" I7# ra!in in GT, !he!kin out $o#e NAS+A*" I &a$ pretendin to be
;a#e$ :ond la$t year, and today I7# pretendin to be you"7
I ad#ired the &ay that S!hu#a!her operated &ithin hi$ o&n !entre of ravity" He had hue inner
!onfiden!e, of !our$e, but I $a& $traiht throuh the talk of bike$ and kart$" Like all ra!in driver$, he lived
for the !onte$t" )e &ere interrupted by hi$ !ue to hit the $tae" He rea!hed for hi$ hel#et" AHo& lon have
you been doin thi$=7
AFor a fe& year$ F7
AThere have been #any of you, ye$=7
ANo,7 I $aid" AI7# not $ure ho& #u!h they7ve told you F7 It &a$ &eird(even talkin &ith #y fello& Sti,
the reate$t F, !ha#pion of all ti#e, about to be revealed on TE, I $till felt un!o#fortable ivin anythin
a&ay"
He $hook #y hand a$ he left" AHope to $ee you later"7 Then, thinkin about it( AMaybe not thouh=7
I &i$hed hi# lu!k and &ent to find a #onitor" He kept everyone on tenterhook$ for a #o#ent, then
re#oved The Sti7$ hel#et" The audien!e loved it" +ool a$ a !u!u#ber, he e>!haned banter &ith +lark$on,
&ho7d de!ked hi#$elf out in a $tartlin orane $hirt"
AAnd do you find it a bit borin,7 ;e@@a rolled hi$ eye$, A&hen the $a#e per$on endle$$ly &in$ all the
ti#e=7
Mi!hael re$ponded &ith the kind of $#ile that both !har#ed the pant$ off the audien!e and #ade it
!lear that he didn7t find that borin at all"
They kept the Area$onably pri!ed !ar7 $e'uen!e for la$t, on!e he had va!ated the pre#i$e$ in hi$
private ?et"
The Sti turned over the enine &ith the Liana in fir$t, $o it lur!hed for&ard and $topped" Then he
$talled, re$tarted the #otor and !ouldn7t find the ear$"
+o$ $hriekin, he nuded the $ti!k into rever$e a$ it $tarted !ra&lin for&ard$" Cn!e in $e!ond, he
kanaroo-hopped do&n the road like a teenaer on hi$ fir$t drivin le$$on"
The fir$t !orner approa!hed and he $kidded $traiht at the !a#era !re&, half $pun on the ra$$,
#ade a late turn and dribbled a&ay at ,8#ph to&ard$ +hi!ao"
The Liana under$teered $traiht on, front &heel$ $kiddin, then !areered off the tra!k at about
28#ph" Iain peed it a&ay, ar#$ &avin, a$ hi$ !a#era $#a$hed the &ind$!reen, dented the roof and fle&
hih into the air"
They didn7t $ho& the bit &hen I &a$ te>tin on a #obile phone a$ I $ped to&ard$ the Ha##erhead
!hi!ane, but !ut to #e headin do&n the &ron $ide of the tyre &all and finally ettin lo$t $o#e&here in
Surrey"
:a!k in the $tudio, ;e@@a and Ha##o rappled for a #o#ent &ith the po$$ibility that S!hu#a!her
&a$n7t The Sti after all" <ntil the !redit$ rolled, I &ondered &hether I had ?u$t fil#ed #y o&n epitaph" I half
e>pe!ted +lark$on to announ!e in rinin tone$, ASo#e $ay The Sti7$ forotten ho& to drive, $o &e7ve had
to et a ne& one F7
A+o#pli#ent$ on your $hitne$$ out there, Sti,7 ;a#e$ $aid" AThere7$ $o#e very funny $tuff here"7
Hih prai$e, iven the :ru##y editor7$ e>a!tin $tandard$"
+hapter /3
Give #y *eard$ to Dun$fold
Lu!k had al&ay$ been on #y $ide &hen it !a#e to ?ulin #y To# $ear !o##it#ent$, but havin
been a$ked to attend the National TE A&ard$ to !olle!t our pri@e for #o$t popular fa!tual prora##e, I had
to $&it!h at the la$t #inute to e>tra rehear$al$ for the live $ho&" There &ere plenty of &illin $tand-in$ but
fa$te$t off the #ark &a$ Grant" ABour lo$$, #y ain,7 he ?o$hed a$ he ru$hed off to the red !arpet" It $houldn7t
have bothered #e, but I !lun onto #y hel#et ba a little too tihtly before pa$$in it to hi#"
I $pent the niht perfe!tin a 4.8-deree lateral $pin in a !onverted London Ta>i &hil$t a $uitably
attired Grant !olle!ted the on and $nu!k off in a li#o" The papara@@i follo&ed the &ron #an and ended
up $nappin )ill, our produ!tion a$$i$tant, a$ he left head offi!e &earin an I 3m The Stig T-$hirt" The ne>t
#ornin, the haple$$ 9A found hi#$elf un#a$ked a$ the #an in the &hite $uit"
I &a$n7t oin to let anythin et in #y &ay &hen *ed :ull needed $o#eone to run their F, !ar at
Silver$tone" It &a$ due for a !oat of Alo&-in-the-dark7 paint, $o it !ould feature in T$7$ art e>hibition"
AEettel and )ebber are bu$y,7 Ale> $aid" A:ut they $ay they7d let :en +ollin$ have a o" Look$ like
you7ve pi!ked up a fine ride, Mr +"7
I put do&n the phone and pun!hed the air" About ten ti#e$" The F, run at Silver$tone !la$hed &ith
the $tudio re!ord $everal hundred #ile$ a&ay in Guildford, but I a$$ured the produ!er$ I !ould #ake it"
I arrived at Silver$tone the follo&in #ornin" The air &a$ !ri$p, &ith no !loud and a $tron &ind, and
there &a$ the bi blue arti!ulated tran$porter &ith the $hiny blue, red and yello& #i$$ile parked in front of it"
An F, !ar never looked $o beautiful a$ the day you drove one"
*ed :ull7$ te$t tea#, all neatly de!ked out like &alkin enery !an$, &ere bu$y runnin $y$te#$
!he!k$" I $'uee@ed in$ide their beautiful #a!hine and tried to treat it the $a#e a$ any other ra!in tool"
ABou #iht need thi$"7 Tea# Manaer Tony :urro&$ handed #e the F, e'uivalent of a &ind$!reen
&iper( a &hite ra" A+oulthard $aid he !ouldn7t $ee a thin throuh the paint on!e he &a$ in fourth earH7
Tony took a $tep ba!k &hil$t one of the youn Herbert$ $prayed the $urfa!e of the !ar &ith a fre$h
dollop of lo& paint"
They thre& every ther#al blanket they had at the enine and earbo> to enerate enouh !ore
te#perature in the hihly $tre$$ed $y$te#$" A hand rea!hed into the !o!kpit and $&it!hed the inition to
po$ition one" The enineer put revolution$ throuh the #otor, Abu#pin7, u$in a re#ote tole" Cn!e in
inition t&o, the bea$t a&oke" The enineer blipped the throttle fro# hi$ !ontrol panel"
Cn!e the heated tyre$ had been !hu!ked on I held in the paddle !lut!h, #ade plenty of noi$e &ith
the a$ and turned out onto the tra!k"
I &a$ u$ed to F, po&er fro# #y old Le Man$ ra!er and I7d te$ted a fe& older F, #odel$ in the pa$t,
but nothin !o#pared to the tautne$$ of a A!urrent7 #a!hine" I $'uee@ed the throttle and it $ettled into the
tar#a!" Enouh $'uee@in% I du#ped it" The enine ho&led" I fli!ked the ear paddle" My ne!k took the
$train and $ure enouh, a$ $oon a$ I rea!hed fourth at ,28#ph, the loopy paint $pread a!ro$$ the
body&ork and la$hed a!ro$$ #y vi$or" Mo#entarily blinded, I ba!ked off a tou!h, &iped the (romage fro# #y
vi$or and bla$ted to&ard$ the :e!kett$ !o#ple>"
Fro# then on I kept #y foot buried and &iped a&ay &ave after &ave of the $tuff a$ the !ar7$ vorte>
$pun it in all dire!tion$" A fe& drop$ of rain #ade the &hole pro!e$$ all the #ore intere$tin, &ith the !ar
$'uir#in and $pinnin it$ &heel$ out of the turn$ in third ear"
The ?ob &a$ done by ,8"02a#" I thanked Tony and hi$ !re& and hauled a$$ do&n to Dun$fold to
?u#p into the ne& +orvette Q*, and the E,8 po&ered Audi *5"
I loved +orvette$, $o I e>pe!ted the Q*, to a#a@e" )ith it$ $uper-!hared E5 #otor pu#pin
3/5bhp throuh a lihtened fra#e, it &a$ de$!ended fro# a line of pure, $i#ple-to-drive po&erhou$e$ that
&ere &onderfully balan!ed and de!eptively fa$t" There &a$ no #i$takin it$ ber$erk level of po&er, but a$
$oon a$ I rea!hed a !orner the rear end $tarted to pit!h, &obble and lo$e $tability"
+orvette$ ran on pri#itive-lookin but $uperbly effe!tive tran$ver$e leaf $prin $u$pen$ion, $i#ilar to
that of a Land *over" It re$e#bled a $ta!k of ply&ood, but #eant you !ould buy $o#ethin &ith La#borhini
perfor#an!e for a fra!tion of the pri!e"
The ne&er Eette$ had $ophi$ti!ated #aneti! da#pin" Ele!tri! i#pul$e$ !haned the fluid7$
vi$!o$ity, alterin it$ perfor#an!e a thou$and ti#e$ every $e!ond, to ab$orb bu#p$ and $hift it$ &eiht" Thi$
one $en$ed it$ front &heel$ liftin fro# the !opiou$ e>tra thru$t, !on$idered the $teerin anle and
auto#ati!ally $oftened the ab$orption rate of the rear da#per$ to enerate tra!tion" I re!kon it !ould have $et
the fa$te$t ti#e ever for a produ!tion !ar around Dun$fold, had it not been for the fa!t that the #odulation
bet&een harder and $ofter $ettin$ !o$t !ornerin $tability" In da#p !ondition$ it &a$ only three $e!ond$
adrift of the Gu#pert hyper!ar, a $tunnin re$ult for a #a$$-produ!ed #odel"
The Audi *5 &ith it$ 2". litre E,8 detonator &a$ ,88 hor$epo&er $hy of the +orvette, and the
Dun$fold $top&at!h &a$ pitile$$ &hen it !a#e to runt" The *5 relied on balan!ed handlin to a!!ount for
the $hortfall and it$ be$t ti#e !a#e in a full $e!ond behind the Eette"
)ith it$ $'uat profile and $unken $houlder$, the Audi looked like the Eeyron7$ baby brother I a &olf
in &olf7$ !lothin" Droppin a E,8 into it &a$ a $troke of eniu$" So &a$ ivin it a four-&heel drive $y$te#
&ith a predo#inantly rear-driven bia$, allo&in you to !orner on rail$ or &ave the tail at &ill" The *5 &a$
poi$ed and pre!i$e" The $#all but perfe!tly for#ed rear &in did little to !on!eal it$ front-loaded bia$ &hen
you $teered in, &hi!h ot the ?ui!e$ flo&in" It pit!hed in and you had to han on, e$pe!ially under heavy
brakin"
Cn #y $e!ond ti#ed run it bit #e a$ I $lo&ed for Turn Cne and &ent $kiddin $ide&ay$ do&n pa$t
Iain7$ !a#era at 68#ph" The lap &a$ &a$ted a$ far a$ po$tin a ti#e &a$ !on!erned, $o I dropped do&n a
ear and tor!hed the throttle" The *5 follo&ed a predi!table line for /88 #etre$ &ith $#oke pourin off all
four tyre$" That7$ &hat I !alled handlin"
After a day like that, I needed no re#indin of ho& fortunate I &a$" To really en?oy your ?ob i$ a #o$t
de$irable po$ition to be in"
:ut the ure to ra!e &a$ nain at #y $oul" I needed #y $en$e of purpo$e to be defined by the
out!o#e of ruthle$$ !o#petition" I &anted to be the author of the event$ $hapin #y life, and to do that I
needed #y o&n identity ba!k" The &ord$ of the :la!kpool pal# reader e!hoed hauntinly in #y #ind(
!hoo$e one path over the other" I $et about ettin #y fa!e in front of tea#$ in earne$t and rea!'uainted
#y$elf &ith the dark art of the !old !all"
I envied The Sti" He &a$ a$ &el!o#e at A-li$t partie$ a$ he &a$ on the rid of the Indy 288,
NAS+A* and even Le Man$" )ith the hel#et off I kne& I7d have to ad?u$t to the kind of re!eption +lark Dent
ot &hen he put a&ay the !ape" :ut to #y a$toni$h#ent I found that &ith #y feet fir#ly ba!k on the round,
life a$ :en +ollin$ looked a lot #ore intere$tin than I7d ever i#ained"
Cut of the blue, I &a$ !onta!ted by #y old tea# fro# *o!kinha#, *ay Mallo!k7$, and iven the
opportunity to ra!e their !ar in the European Le Man$ Serie$" I fle& out to 9ortual to #eet both the tea#
and the #a!hine"
The Lola Honda 9rototype, &ith it$ !lo$ed !o!kpit, iant fin$ and fat $li!k tyre$, looked #ore like an
F-,3 fihter ?et than a !ar"
The hih revvin enine &hi@@ed over the bu#py !ir!uit and blind flo&in !re$t$" The do&nfor!e
$u!ked #e into the tar#a! a$ I took the !orner$ at three ti#e$ the &eiht of ravity" The vie& ahead played
on fa$t for&ard, the !o#petition &a$ up !lo$e and per$onal and the i#patient ra!in driver &a$ ho#e aain"
*ML proved &hy they &ere leadin the !ha#pion$hip by runnin a faultle$$ operation all &eekend" I
ran the final $tint$ into the niht and took the !he'uered fla, barely vi$ible throuh the lare of the rubber-
bla$ted &ind$!reen" )e &on the ra!e"
Epiloue
Out$ide #y little &hite bubble, the hori@on in fa!t $tret!hed a&ay to&ard$ infinity" *epla!in the
!on$tant fear that #y &orld !ould unravel in the pre$$ at any #o#ent &ith a ti!ket to ride throuh free $pa!e
bean to #ake $en$e" No #ore &hat if$% #ore &hat7$ ne>t= The &orld i$ filled &ith e>traordinary people
#akin thin$ happen every day" :ier !ar !ha$e$ and fa$ter ra!e$" It &a$ a !ra!kin final $erie$" Thank$
to the #ai! of Harry 9otter7$ be$t friend *on )ea$ley, aka *upert Grint, &e put a ne& $tar at the top of the
board in the late$t in!arnation of the rea$onably pri!ed !ar I the Dia +7eed" *upert $la##ed around the
ne&ly-$urfa!ed Dun$fold !ir!uit in a ti#e that &a$ $inifi!antly fa$ter than anyone before hi#" 9retty
i#pre$$ive for a $oftly-$poken t&enty-$o#ethin &ho drive$ an i!e !rea# van in hi$ half-ter# break$ fro#
Ho&art$ I but al#o$t i##ediately under threat fro# a different kind of Holly&ood #ai!ian"
ASti, !o#e and #eet, er, To# F7
Ha##o and ;a#e$ $tood !hattin &ith a fa#iliar fiure out$ide an Air$trea# I one of three I the
$i@e of a :-2. bo#ber" In a loo$e rey $&eater, ?ean$ and old-ri##ed aviator$, To# +rui$e looked ready
for any #i$$ion )il#an !ould thro& at hi#" Ha##ond &a$ in hi$ ele#ent too, frothin at the #outh about
the To# $un $tar7$ re!ent a!'ui$ition of one of Steve M!Sueen7$ re$tored AIndian7 brand #otorbike$"
To# ave #e a &innin rin a$ he $hook #y hand" He !ouldn7t have $#iled #ore broadly if he7d
tried% even the bi bla!k !loud that $uddenly appeared overhead failed to da#pen hi$ $pirit$" AMan,7 he $aid,
A&e7re onna have a bla$t out there" The rain #ake$ the !ar $pin out ea$ier, riht=7
I nodded" AIt !an be pretty e>tre#e I like 2ays o( Thunder, but &ithout the thunder"7
To# took a &hile to ?oin #e by the Dia% he $topped to reet every single #e#ber of the !re& on the
&ay" None of u$ felt $tar$tru!k, thouh% hi$ e>!ite#ent &a$ too infe!tiou$"
ASo nobody kno&$ &ho you are, riht=7
ANope, not even #y kid$"7
He !lapped hi$ hand$ and lauhed"
I nor#ally drove t&o re!!e lap$ &ith ea!h !eleb" To# &anted $i>" I ea$ed off a tou!h for the
$uperfa$t Follo& Throuh at the end of #y run"
ABou !a#e off it there=7 ABe$, the rain7$ pi!ked up a bit"7
To# 'ui@@ed every ear$hift, $tudied #y every #ove a$ I pu$hed full tilt" I ran &ide at the
penulti#ate !orner on the rea$y tar#a!, $lid $ide&ay$ over the ra$$ and athered it to !ro$$ the line"
ASorry about that"7
ABou kiddin= Bou7re $o $#ooth, #an% the &ay you take tho$e turn$ i$ in!redible"7
AI7ve been around the blo!k a fe& ti#e$ I but thank$ F7
He $!oo!hed deftly over the !entre !on$ole and into the driver7$ $eat" AI7# ?u$t onna take a look $ee
for the fir$t lap% nothin7 too fa$t F7
AE>a!tly riht" Let the pla!e $ink in"7
He kept hi$ thu#b$ hooked into the T bar a$ per #y in$tru!tion$, but &ith hi$ finer$ pointin pa$t
the &heel" He &a$ #e#ori$in every t&i$t and turn"
Hi$ pa!e naturally 'ui!kened, $o I thre& do&n #y $tandard te$t of a #a>i#u# A:S $top" He
$la##ed on the an!hor$ $o hard &e &ere pullin our denture$ out of the da$hboard, then $&un hard left
and riht throuh the !hi!ane, ho&lin &ith lauhter all the &ay"
AThi$ i$ ?u$t reat% it7$ like a va!ation"7
The rain ea$ed off and To# &a$ $oon takin the fa$t !orner$ flat out"
AThe be$t &ay to pi!ture the final bend &hen it7$ &et i$ like an oil $li!k" A$ $oon a$ you $teer left the
!ar &ill $lide"7
AGot!ha" )hat ear=7
ASe!ond" And &hen the rear break$ a&ay you !an $teer into the $lide a little F7
A+ounter-$teer=7
ABe$, but not for too lon" And the other thin you !an do I but don7t ever try thi$ in your Ford
Mu$tan I i$ floor the a!!elerator, be!au$e the front &heel$ !an drive it $traiht out of the $kid"7
)e laun!hed another a$$ault" Hi$ e>pre$$ion &a$ a$ fo!u$ed a$ Maveri!k7$ in a 0G inverted dive
&ith a MiG-.5" )e $pun on the oil $li!k !orner and he !ounter-$teered fa$ter than anyone I7d ever !oa!hed"
Ti#e fle& by, but !o#plaint$ fro# the produ!er$ &ere noti!eably ab$ent &hil$t +rui$e &a$ en?oyin Athe be$t
day ever7"
AThere7$ $o#e people around the pla!e #akin #e a little nervou$" :efore &e o !an &e #ake $ure
they7re !lear, e$pe!ially the uy on thi$ la$t turn=7
ADon7t &orry,7 I $aid" ANobody like$ hi# #u!h% that7$ &hy he7$ there"7
He rinned, &ent $olo and pro#ptly pun!hed out a ,"04 lap in the &et" I !ould $!ar!ely believe the
$top&at!h" He lo$t it on t&o o!!a$ion$ oin into that final !orner, buryin the throttle like a tourin !ar driver
and !lippin the #ini tyre &all ?u$t in front of &here I &a$ $tandin" Ea!h run !ul#inated in ale$ of rau!ou$
lauhter"
)ith hi$ fil# in the !an To# thanked everyone profu$ely and &ent off to be briefed for hi$ intervie&"
The larely #ale !re& found it hard not to noti!e the $lender blonde approa!hin the tra!k &ith
+lark$on in to&" +a#eron Dia@ &a$ &earin a $tripy top and $pray-on ?ean$% $he &a$n7t $hort of helper$
&hen it !a#e to beltin her$elf into the Dia"
I e>plained the ba$i!$ on the de#o lap, but found #y$elf avoidin her feline a@e a$ $he lo&ered her
!hin and looked up at #e" She had thi$ &ay of #akin you feel like you &ere flirtin" I !ranked up the A+"
She took to the driver7$ !hair and $huffled it for&ard$ and ba!k until her olden ballet $hoe$ re$ted
pre!i$ely on the pedal$" A $!ree!h of rubber and &e $hot onto the dried-out tra!k"
+a#eron had ra!ed the Lon :ea!h rand pri> !ir!uit in a Toyota +eli!a, $o I kne& $he had plenty
of ba!kbone" She &a$ pu$hin the Dia hard fro# the out$et" Her trade#ark pout barely altered e>!ept &hen
$he bit her lo&er lip for her fir$t flat out a$$ault on Follo& Throuh"
The $lo&er $e!tion$ &ere #ore revealin, a$ $he di$!overed the li#itation$ of the earbo>"
AGod, &hat ear i$ that=7 Her Ealley Girl a!!ent !atapulted #e ba!k to ?unior hih"
AThat7$ fir$t" Try and avoid that one"7
ANo kiddin, it7$ a ra& deal" 1uck"7
AThat7$ fifth% don7t ru$h it" S&earin help$"7
AShit" Fu!kin7 pie!e of !rap !ar F7 Her ile did funny thin$ to #y $pine"
+a#eron &a$ dialled in $o &e $ent her $olo" Grant ave her the !ount-do&n" She $talled in third
ear, then nailed it"
Her ti#e$ &ere fa$t" I a$ked if $he needed any help &ith anythin"
AA!tually ye$, !ould I et #y lip lo$$= +ra!kin7 up in here"7
AGrant, $he7$ oin a lot fa$ter than To#,7 I $aid"
AI think &e !an et hi# another o no& the tra!k7$ dry"7
Mr + had already reappeared &ith a hel#et, it!hin to o ba!k out"
I follo&ed +a#eron7$ prore$$ until the Dia $pluttered to a halt" After the previou$ &eek7$ roa$tin at
the hand$ of the #ihty Andy Gar!ia, it$ !lut!h had finally 'uit" I pi!ked her up in a &hite ;auar KD* and
papara@@i hidin in the treeline re!orded the #o#ent for po$terity under the breathle$$ headline( Shaken
6olly-ood star rescued y mysterious knight in shining armour) If only F
+a#eron took the $pare !ar and pro#ptly $et a re!ord ti#e of ,"02"."
+rui$e hopped ba!k in and I rode $hotun to dial hi# into dry runnin"
A:a$i!ally your brakin #arker$ are the $a#e in the dry, but you brake le$$ and !arry #ore $peed"
So u$e third ear throuh here F7
A:ut you said $e!ond F7 Thi$ &a$ no lauhin #atter" AI kno&, but not in the dry"7
9oi$ed on the $tart line, To# !lo$ed hi$ eye$, lo&ered hi$ head and rehear$ed every in!h of the
!ir!uit &ith hi$ hand$" I tauht hi# to ar! hi$ entry to the penulti#ate !orner and u$e the ne& !on!rete to
boo$t hi$ ti#e" He ran &ide &ith ?u$t one !orner to o but held onto the bu!kin bron!o by it$ ear$ and
draed it ba!k onto the tar#a!"
He kept it lit and $li!ed in$ide the border $o fa$t that he tipped onto t&o &heel$" For a #o#ent it
looked like he #iht roll and I !ould hear the produ!er7$ knee$ kno!kin behind #e" To# $hot throuh the
!orner, then feathered the throttle and !overed the re#ainin 28 feet before !o#in in to land" It &a$ hi$
fa$te$t lap"
Hi$ re&ard &a$ to take out the ne& :uatti Eeyron Super Sport &hi!h I7d lapped earlier" The T *e>
of the #otor &orld boa$ted an added ,63 hor$epo&er and a top $peed of .34#ph" ,.88bhp &a$ enouh to
$#oke all four &heel$ off the line, for!e your #outh &ide open and keep it that &ay" It ripped $o #u!h in the
!orner$ that the tyre$ #elted after ?u$t four lap$" The fuel tank e#ptied after $i>" The !o#bination of the
ne&ly-laid final !orner$, &ith $urplu$ !on!rete allo&in you to !arry e>tra $peed, and the :u7$ atavi$ti! runt
helped #e po$t a ne& tra!k re!ord that I !an7t $ee bein beaten anyti#e $oon, and left :uatti &ith a
R.8,888 tyre bill"
I7ve put on #y hel#et and the &hite $uit for the la$t ti#e% taken one final look around the pilot7$
!hanin roo#" *e the beetle i$ lon one, a$ are #any of the friend$ I #ade here over the year$" The
pla!e i$ e#pty on!e #ore, the paint $till peelin, but the #e#orie$ re#ain"
Sure I7ll #i$$ the !ar park pa!ked &ith Ferrari$, the !abin eruptin &ith idea$ and the hanar filled by
a !heerin audien!e" Good old ;ohn 9re$!ott7$ !ut-out $till uard$ the door, $un-blea!hed by year$ of
$ervi!e" I7# leavin Dun$fold &ith a$ #any 'ue$tion$ a$ I had &hen I fir$t arrived, but &ith the an$&er$ to a
&hole lot #ore" And $peed" God I love it" )an the #u$i! up and drop the ha##er" And I kno& that #y
favourite road lead$ ho#e, to tho$e I !are about #o$t( #y fa#ily, #y future"
I $till love &at!hin To# $ear, althouh I tell ;e@@a I never bother be!au$e it infuriate$ hi#" I $a& hi#
rollin a *obin *eliant onto it$ roof the other niht% Georie and I !ried &ith lauhter"
A!kno&lede#ent$
Georie, #y $oul-#ate, thank you for all your $upport durin the hih$ and lo&$ over the year$" Bour
indo#itable @e$t for life al&ay$ re#ind$ #e &hat life7$ all about" The little one$ too% #ore bea!h, le$$ laptop,
I pro#i$e"
;onathan Taylor, 9eter Sherrott and the AA7 tea# at Harper+ollin$ had their &ork !ut out keepin thi$
pro?e!t under &rap$, &hil$t naviatin $o#e lare i!eber$ alon the &ay" Thank you for thi$ opportunity to
tell #y $tory"
Mark Lu!a$, your verbal $ke&er !ut #e to the bone% thank you $o #u!h for all your hard &ork, Cbi
)anH
*u$$ Lind$ay and ;a#e$ Grant Media, your !larity of vi$ion ha$ been invaluable"
Heartfelt thank$ to the Mini$try of Defen!e for their !o-operation &ith thi$ pro?e!t"
Spe!ial thank$ to a fe& very ood #en &ho built and $upported #y ra!in !areer over the year$(
Dlaa$ Q&art and the #ihty AA$!ari boy$7% *ay Mallo!k, 9hil :arker and the $tellar !re& at *ML% Grae#e
May, Te>a!o and Stuart :a$$ett% ;onathan Fran!e and E#ba$$y *a!in% :ill ;arnain% *i!k and Todd Delly,
;oe :re#ner and the Au$$ie boy$ at Delly *a!in% Si#on M!Na#ara, ;a#ie M!+allu# and Ha#i$h +harle$
at Tran$frontier% ;i# )i$e#an% Ada# Shore and ;i#Earl% Niel Ha$$ler and Donnie Grave$% the #e#ber$ of
the :riti$h *a!in Driver$ +lub"
Every !o#pany that ha$ ever $pon$ored #e and notably( Hay$ 9l!, )*M Loiti!$, Lyn> e>pre$$
delivery, S*-0<, The Mini$try of Defen!e, EFS, Elite Mobile, ;a!k Daniel7$, Holden, +a$trol, AD Group,
*ide&ay Group, Alpine$tar$"
The To# $ear Tea#, thank you for the ood ti#e$, I &i$h you all the be$t for the future"
Inde>
The paination of thi$ ele!troni! edition doe$ not #at!h the edition fro# &hi!h it &a$ !reated" To
lo!ate a $pe!ifi! pa$$ae, plea$e u$e the $ear!h feature of your e-book reader"
a!!ident$T!ra$he$ ,,I,., .3I4, /8, //I2, ,/0, ,/2, .85I,8, .,.I,/, .04I28, .2/
Alfa *o#eo 42 ..3, ..4
Alon$o, Fernando .20
Aria G92 hel#et ./0
Arkle, Lieutenant Ni!k ,8/, ,80
Arro&$ 0.
A$!ar Serie$ 38I/, 5,I2, 66I,8,
A$!ari(,. Hour$ of Sebrin 24I6FIA GT +ha#pion$hip .0/I28FIA )orld Sport$!ar +ha#pion$hip
00I3DQ, $uper!ar 26, .00Le Man$ 05I2/, 22, 26I38*e$ort, Malaa, Spain ,55I60*ole> .0 Hour$ of
Daytona 22I4
A$ton Martin 5, .005 Eantae ,4/I2D:6 ,4/, ./,, .46D:S ,54, .46I58
Audi 04, 2., 2/, 26, ,63*5 /,3, /,4*S0 ,55, ,56, ,68I,*S3 .8,
Au$tin Healey ,46
Auto#obile +lub de l7Cue$t 0/
3utos#ort .4/I0
Avon 1 So#er$et +on$tabulary .6/
:arker, 9hil 5., 5/
:arlo&, ;a$on /,8
:a$in$toke indoor Mall !ar !ha$e .5,I3
:a>ter, :illy ,30I6
::+ /84
bendy bu$ .54I6,
:entley !oupG 2.
:erer, Gerhard ,20
:illiJre, General 9eter de la 3/
:la!k Mountain$, )ale$ ,,3
:la!k Sti(anony#ity blo&n 33!o#petition bet&een )hite Sti and 36, ,,8de#i$e of 34lap re!ord,
To# $ear ,,8, ,2/rea$onably pri!ed !ar lap re!ord and ,3,
:la!kpool, e!ono#y ra!e fro# :a$el to /8,I3
blind driver$ of rea$onably pri!ed !ar ,3/I6
:lundell, Mark 2,, 2.
:M) ,5/, ,50/ Serie$ .35, .36, .48, .4,, .4., .4/3/2 ,4,, ,4.I/G9S $atellite-!ontrolled
auto#ati! //8i .,6I.8M/ ,55, ,56I68, ,6,, .5,I3M2 ..6M3 ,4/I0, ,42
:olt, <$ain ,38, ,3,
:ovinton +a#p .6/I6
:radley, +harle$ .3
:rand$ Hat!h ./I4, .6+lear&ay$ .2, .3Druid$ .2Ha&thorn .39addo!k Hill .2Surtee$ E$$e$ .2, /8
:re!on :ea!on$ 4/I2, ,,5
:ride$tone .,/
:rit!ar ra!e, .0-hour .32I4/
:riti$h Aero$pa!e .6/
:riti$h Ar#y(:en +ollin$ !areer in 3/I0, 4/I2, 5,I2, 54I68, 6/I,8,, ,,.I/,, ,/2I4, .05, .45Evo 4
v$ .6/I6
:riti$h Grand 9ri> /6
:runtinthorpe airfield .,3
:ry!e, ;a#e$ A:oi!ey7 .,3, .,4
:uatti Eeyron ,62I.8., .8/I0, /,4, /..I/
:urro&$, Tony /,3
:utton, ;en$on .42
+ad&ell 9ark .5, /8
+ae, Ni!ola$ .22, .24, .25, .38, .3,, .3.
+arr, ;i##y ,05I6, ,28, ,23
+a$per ,,,, ,03, ,46, ,5,, ,56, ,65, .63, .66
+a$tle +o#be .5
+aterha# kit !ar ,42I3
+e$$na ,63, ,64
+hannel 0 3/
+hevrolet(I#pala ./2La!etti ,22I3, ,26I3.
+hilton, To# .,3, .68
+hur!hill, )in$ton .44I5
+ir!uit de +atalunya, :ar!elona 02I3
+itroZn .25.0-hour ra!e, Snetterton 6,I/A#i 5 ,46, ,5,
+lark$on, Fran!ie ,40, ,6/
+lark$on, ;ere#y ., ,0/, .46, /.2aruin, talent for ,60
:a$el to :la!kpool fuel e!ono#y ra!e /8,, /8., /80, /82
:rit!ar .0-hour ra!e .32I3, .36, .48, .4,, .4., .4/, .46
:riti$h Ar#y v$ Evo 4 .6/, .65, .66:uatti Eeyron and ,63, ,64+a#eron Dia@ and /.,+la$$i! *ally
of Mallor!a ,45, ,46, ,58, ,5,DED$ ,44, ,54for!e of nature ./.idea of e>er!i$e ./0De& to +ity airport ra!e
.20Doeni$e ++K te$t .80, .86Mall !ar !ha$e .5,, .5/, .53Mer!ede$ :en@ +3/ te$t ,68, ,6,, ,6., ,6/,
,60Mit$ubi$hi Starion te$t ,4,, ,40rea$onably pri!ed !ar and ,84, ,86, ,06, ,28, ,22, ,23, ,25, ,3,, ,35,
,36S!hu#a!her a$ Sti and /,,, /,., /,/To# $ear Live 45, 46, 58, ../, ..0, ..4I5, ./8, ./,, ./5
+la$$i! *ally of Mallor!a, .886 ,45I5.
+ollin$, :en(a!!ident$T!ra$he$ ,,I,., .3I4, /8, //I2, ,/0, ,/2, .85I,8, .,.I,/, .04I28,
.2/adapt 'ui!kly to all kind$ of !ar$, learn$ ho& to ,62A#eri!a, !hildhood in ,4I,5, ,8/I0anony#ity,
en$ure$ 33I5, .20, .3/I0, /84I,/, /,2, /.2Ar#y !areer 3/I0, 4/I2, 5,I2, 54I68, 6/I,8,, ,,.I/,, ,/2I4,
.05, .45audition for To# $ear ,I6, 32!hildhood ,,I,5!hildren .00, .2,, .4/, .45!o##er!ial$ 5, ,3,,
./,fa$t drivin and $pe!ta!ulardrivin for TE, learn$differen!e bet&een 36I4,father and ,., ,/, ,0I,2, ,3,
,4, .8, .,I., .3, .4, 08, 0,, 0., 46, ,88, .0/, .06I2,, .20fihter pilot, a#bition to be ,3For#ula , !ar,
drive$ /,2I,3For#ula Fir$t .,I., ./I/8?ob$ .4, 22?ournali$# .4/I0la& deree, $tudie$ for /,leave$ To#
$ear /.2love live see +ollin$, Georie#arrie$ .00#other and ,/, ,0, ,2, ,3, ,4, .,, 08, 0,, 46, ,88, ,84,
,05, .28Apo&erte$t7, To# $ear 32I3ra!in !areer .,I3., 5,I2, 66I,8,, ,./, ,40, .00I28, .4/,
/,5$pon$or$, $ear!h for .5, /,, 0., 3/, ,./, ,40, .4/a$ Sti see Sti, The$tunt driver, #ovie .20I3/, .45,
.46, /,.$&i##in ,4I,5To# $ear, Serie$ / 32I4,, 6,I/, ,8/I,.To# $ear, Serie$ 0 ,/,I., ,/6I00, ,03,
,2.To# $ear, Serie$ 2 ,04I5To# $ear, Serie$ 3 ,06I28, ,4,I3To# $ear, Serie$ 4 ,05I6, ,28I,, ,2.I2,
,62I.8.To# $ear, Serie$ 5 ,22I5, ,26I38, .80I,,, .,2I,6, .//I0.To# $ear, Serie$ ,8 ,38, ,52I60,
.2/I0, .32I42To# $ear, Serie$ ,, ,3,I., .,,I,/To# $ear, Serie$ ,. .8/I0, .5,I3, .54I6,, /8,I2To#
$ear, Serie$ ,/ ,38I,, ,45I5., .6/I6, /85I,/To# $ear, Serie$ ,0 /,3I,4To# $ear, Serie$ ,2 /,6I
./To# $ear epi$ode$, ra!e$ and !hallene$ see To# $eartrainin, phy$i!al 03, 3/, 4/I2, 54I68, 62I5, ,8,,
,,/I./, ,.0I/8, ,/2I4
+ollin$, Georie L&ifeM .4, .6, /8, /,, 42, 68, ,00, .00, .28, .2,, .30, .32, .4/, .45, /.2
+ooper, Gordon ,44
+orvette .00, .5,I3Q*, /,3I,4
+oulthard, David /,3
+o&ell, Si#on ,83I,8, ,05, ,3,, ,3.
+o>, *andy .40
+ro&e, *u$$ell .24
+rui$e, To# /,6I.,, /..I/
+unninha#, Neil ..4
2aily Star /84
Dallalio, La&ren!e ,38
Dalton, Ti#othy ,54
Davie$, Alan ,22
Da&$on, Ian 26
Daytona, *ole> .0 Hour$ of 22I4
Dee, ;a!k ,06I28
Dent, Steve .20, .38
Dia@, +a#eron /.,I.
2ie 6ard ,63
Di>on, S!ott 0,
Doninton 9ark /.I5, 00I3+raner +urve$ /.I/, /4Cld Hairpin /.I/, /5*edate /5
Doyle, 9at .8/, .5., .52, .53
Dunlop 25, 26
Dun$fold 3/, ,8/, ,04, ,38, ,3/, ,4., ,55, ,6., .8/, .80, .82, .,,I,., .,6, ./5, .54, /86, /,,,
/,3, /,4, /.2 see also tra!k, To# $ear
EA Sport$ ,3,
Earnhardt, Dale .4/I0
Eave$, Dan .,3
Ed&ard$ Air For!e :a$e ,44
Elvinton ./3I0.
Enfield, Harry ,23
En?olra$, Seba$tian 00
Euphoria *a!e Tea# ..4, .36
European Le Man$ Serie$ /,5
Euro$tar ,63
Evan$, +hri$ .,,
Eve, Trevor ,22, ,23
F-,0 To#!at ,3
F-,3 Fihtin Fal!on ./2, /,5
F-.. *aptor ,44, ..8
Falkland$ )ar ,8/I0
Fallo&$, +olin ./2I3, ./4, ./5
Fan y :i ,,3
Ferdinand, Le$ ,23
Ferrari 04, ,22, ,26, .,,, .,2, .00/85 .45/22 .45/38 .,,, .,., .,/0/8 .80, .,,, .,., .45I6025
.46Dino .45FKK /85I,/
Ferrari, En@o .4
FIA GT +ha#pion$hip .00I28
FIA )orld Sport$!ar +ha#pion$hip 00I3
Fienne$, Sir *anulph 3/, ,0/I0
1i(th $ear 3/, 45
Finn, ;a$on ../I0
Fl^elapa$$, S&it@erland ,52I5
Ford ..8Fie$ta .4, .5,I3Fo!u$ /, 0, 3/, ,6.Mondeo ..
For#ula , ,., .8, /,, /., 0., 2,, 22, 25driver$ on To# $ear ,2/I2, ,5/I2, /85I,/Sauber !ar ,5/I
2*ed :ull !ar /,2I,3
For#ula /(International 0,National Serie$ /5I08, 03, ,5/
For#ula /888 +ha#pion$hip 25
For#ula Ford, Iri$h /2
For#ula Eau>hall Lotu$ /,I5
Forte! /6
Fran!e, :ill 23
Fren!hie ,66, .88, .8,, ..3, ..5, ..6, ./8, ./,
Gar!ia, Andy /..
Garde$ana road, Italy .44I5
Geller, <ri 08, 0,
General Motor$ .5.
Goodyear /2
Grant, Huh ,23
Grint, *upert /,6
GT +ha#pion$hip, FIA .00I28
Halli&ell, Geri ,04I5
Ha#ilton, Le&i$ ,38, .20, .42I3
Ha##ond, Mindy ./6, .08
Ha##ond, *i!hard ., ,23a!!ident$T!ra$he$ .//I0., .4.:a$el to :la!kpool e!ono#y ra!e /8,,
/8., /80, /82:M) 3/2 te$t ,4,, ,4., ,40:M) M/ te$t ,56I68:rit!ar ra!e, .0-hour .35, .48, .4.bu$ ra!e
.55, .56, .68!ar football .,3, .,4, .,5+e$$na fliht over Alp$ ,63, ,64+itroZn .0-hour ra!e, Snetterton 6.,
6/+la$$i! *ally of Mallor!a ,45, ,46?et !ar a!!ident .//I0.De& to +ity airport ra!e .20To# +rui$e and
/,6To# $ear Live ../, ..0, ..5, ..6, ./8, ./,, ./.
Harrier ;u#p ;et ., 34, ,8/I2
Harri$, Andy .5., .5/, .60
Harri$, Ed .24
Harvey, Ti# .,3
Ha&kin$, ;u$tin ,23
Hayle, David /6
Health and Safety E>e!utive LHSEM ./6, .0,
heli!opter, fil#in fro# a ,5/I2, ,53, .63
Hellbender ?et !ar ./3
Hen$on, Franky .38
He&itt, ;a#e$ ,22
Hiin$, Mark .5/, .50, .52
Hill, Da#on 3., ,2/, ,24, .30
Hill, Graha# .2
Honda 0,
Hoo$ier$ ./3
Ho&ard, Steve ,6., .36, .4., .60, .66
Huff, *ob .,3
Huhe$, )arren /6
Hyne$, Mar! /,, /5
In!h, *ob .22I3
Indianapoli$ 2.
Indy Liht$ 0,
Indy!ar *a!in 0,, 38I/, /,5
Invincile, HMS 34
Iri$h For#ula Ford /2
I$le of Man ,4/I2
I@@ard, Eddie ,05
;a!kal .6/
;auar(KF /,8K;3 TDEI /8,K;S ,2, ,3, 34, ,4,, ,4.KD* 44I58, ,26, ./5, ./6, /..
;a#iro'uai ,3,I.
?et !ar te$t .//I0.
;oiner, :en ,42, ,43, ,46, ,56, .88, /8/
kartin ,., .,I., ./I/8
De#p, Martin 4,
Der$ha&, Gavan 36
De& Garden$ and London +ity airport, fa$te$t #ethod of tran$port bet&een .2/I0
Dia +7eed /,6I./
Didd, ;odie ,82
Dlein, :rian ,86I,8, ,54I5, ,6/
Doeni$e ++K .80I6
Doeni$e, +hri$tian von .80, .82, .86, .,8, .,,
Lake Garda, Italy .44
Lakeland Speed&ay, Florida .4/I0
La#borhini ,63, /,4Gallardo 238-0 Spyder ,6.I0, .04Mur!ielao ,,8
La##er$, ;an ,20
land $peed re!ord, :riti$h ./2
La&ren!e, T" E" v
Le Man$ .0, 44, ,40, ,55, .82, ./0, .32, /,3, /,5,62/ 03I4,664 0/I0.88, 04I2/, 22.88. 26I
38Arnae 00Dunlop bride 06Dunlop !hi!ane 0/E$$e$ 0/Mul$anne $traiht 00, 06, 28, 2., 2/9or$!he
+urve$ 00Tertre *oue 00, 06
Le>u$ .33
Leyton, Neil .00, .04
Livin$tone, Den .54
Lle&elyn-:o&en, Lauren!e /80
Lola Honda 9rototype /,5
London Marathon ,/,
Lotu$ ,., /,I/, 36Evora /86
Lu#ley, ;oanna ,23
Lupberer, )erner 00, 02, 03, 24, 26, 38
Lydden Hill .4, .54I6,
Ma!Arthur, Ellen ,2.I/
Malaa ,55I60
Mall !ar !ha$e .5,I3
Mallo!k, *ay 5,
Man$ell, Niel /6, 45, ,2/I2, ,23, ,24, ,25
Maranello, Italy .,/
Marlboro Ma$ter$ )orld Serie$ 0,
Ma$erati .00
Ma$$a, Felipe ,5/I0
Ma$tiff ar#oured vehi!le .6/, .62
May, Iain ,45, ,46, ,5,, ,5/, ,50, ,52, ,53, ,6., ,64, .5/I0, .63, /,,, /,4
May, ;a#e$(Alp$ ra!e ,63, ,64Audi *S0 te$t ,68:a$el to :la!kpool e!ono#y ra!e /80, /82:rit!ar
ra!e, .0-hour .35, .48, .4,, .4., .4/!ar football .,3, .,5+la$$i! *ally of Mallor!a ,45, ,46, ,58Harrier
;u#p ;et v$ Saab and ,8/;auar K;S te$t ,4,, ,4.?et !ar, po$$ibility of drivin .//I0De& Garden$ to +ity
airport ra!e .20para!hutin into #ovin Mer!ede$ +LD22, pre$ent$ feature ,0., ,0/To# +rui$e and
/,6To# $ear Live ../, ..0, ./,, ./.
M!+arthy, 9erry 33, 34
M!Greor, E&an ,02
M!Denna, 9aul ,/,I.
M!Laren .//, .34, .42
M!Nab, Andy 3/
M!Sueen, Steve /,6
M!*ae, +olin 3,
Mer!ede$(+3/ ,3., ,55, ,56, ,68, ,6,+LD22 ,/6I0/+LD3/ :la!k ,52I5, .65E +la$$ .44S +la$$
.22, .23, .25, .26, .3,I.SL ,82
Me>i!o Grand 9ri>, ,668 ,20
Mi!helin tyre$ 26
Mile$, 9ete .38
Millbrook alpine handlin tra!k ,4,I/
Miller, Sienna ,02
Mini$try of Defen!e 5,, .6/
Mit$ubi$hi /6Evo 4 .6/I6Starion ,4,
Mont :lan! tunnel .88
Montoya, ;uan 9ablo /6
Motor Sport$ A$$o!iation .4,
Motors#ort ,e-s .3
Mullen, Ti# /2
NASA ,44
NAS+A* 22, 38, 3,, 3., 5,I., ,./, ,40, ./3, .32, .4/, /,., /,5
National TE A&ard$ /,2
Nav#an ./8I,
Neal, Matt .,3, .,5, .,6
,eed (or S#eed ,3,
Needell, Tiff 45, 46I58, ./,
Ne&#an, 9aul 24
,e-s o( the 'orld /84
Ni$$an GT* ,3,
Noble M,. $uper!ar ,85
C?ai Ealley $&i# tea# ,4I,5
Cliver, ;a#ie ,26I38
Culton 9ark ./
Cuten, Deni$e Ean ,02
9aani Qonda .86I,8, .,,
9anther advan!ed !o##and vehi!le .6/, .62
para!hute ?u#p into a #ovin Mer!ede$ +LD22 ,/6I0/
9ara!hute *ei#ent 3/, ,8/I0
9aul Ste&art *a!in L9S*M /,I., /3
9en B Fan ,,6
9etty, Lee 23
9hil Ldire!torM ,46, ,58, ,5/, ,50, ,56, .5/, .50, .53, .60, .63, .64, .65, .66
9ine&ood Studio$ .20, .22
9i'uet, Nel$on 25
9irelli .,/
9lato, ;a$on 3,, .4/
poli!e ,42, ,43, ,65, /82
9or$!he 04, 36, ,46023 006,, 35I4,, .8,6,, +arrera GT ,,8I,.6,, +arrera S ,4/, ,40I26,, GT
2.6,, GT. 0/
9orter, *i!hard ,55
9o&ell, Gary .22
9ri!e, Datie ,03
9ro!tor, Mark 3,
<uantum o( Solace .45, .46
A*a!in *everend7, Anthony 6,, 6.
4adio Times /84
*AF ,3, ./3
*AF :ent&ater$, Suffolk ,08I0
*a#$ay, Gordon ,23, ,26, ,38, ,3,
*ane *over ,42, ,43, ,45, ,5,, .25, .3,, .3., /8,
rea$onably pri!ed !ar, $tar in a 4,, ,83I,8, ,0/I0, ,02I36, /,/, /,6I./
*ed :ull .4/, .40, /,2I,3
*eid, Anthony .56, .68
*enault +lio /80
*enton, Ale> ,64
*i!hie, Lionel ,2., ,2/, ,22
*o!kinha# 38I/, 5,I2, ,./, ,//I2, /,5
*oer$ Lake, <SA ,44I5
*ole> .0 Hour$ of Daytona, .88. 22I3
*oll$-*oy!e ./3
*oute#a$ter bu$ .54I6,
*over SDI ,/, ,2
*o&ley .24, .26, .38, .3.
*oyal Iri$h *ei#ent 3/
*oyal Marine$ 3/, ,8/I0, ,/8, .52
*oyal Navy ,8/
Saab 6-2 Aero ,8/, ,80I2
Sandhur$t 3/
SAS ,0/
Sato, Taku#a 0,, 0., ,,8
Sauber ,5/, ,50I2
S!hu#a!her, Mi!hael /6, 0., ,.0, ,20, .45, /85I,/
S!ott, *idley .,3
Sebrin, ,. Hour$ of 22, 24I6
Senna, Ayrton .., /., /6, ,20
Silver$tone ,6I.,, /6, .32I4/, /,2I,3:e!kett$ .33:ride +orner .34:rookland$ .33, .34+op$e
.,, .33, .35Hanar $traiht .48, .4.Maot$ .34Sto&e .33, .34, .4.
Si#one, *affaele de .,/
Si#pki$$, Niel ,43, ,64, ,66, .8,
Slater, +hri$tian ,02
S#ith, :rian /6, 0,, 03, 2,
S#ith, Guy 2., 2/
S#ith, Suentin .63
Snetterton, Norfolk .6, 6,I/
Soul, David ,22
Spa, :eliu# 0,, ,55
Spe!ial Air Servi!e *ei#ent, .,$t 30, 4/I2
Ste&art, 9aul /,
Ste&art, Sir ;a!kie /,, //, /2, /3, /4, /5
Sti, The(a!!ident$T!ra$he$ .85I,8Alon$o a$ .20anony#ity of 33I5, .20, .3/I0, /84I,/, /,2,
/.2A$ton Martin 5 EantaeT:M) M3T+arrera S te$t ,4/I2A$ton Martin D:S te$t .46I58Audi *5 te$t /,3,
/,4:a$el to :la!kpool e!ono#y ra!e /8,I2:en +ollin$ audition$ for role a$ ,I6:en +ollin$ leave$ role a$
/.2:la!k Sti 33, 34, 36, ,,8, ,2/, ,3,blind driver$ of rea$onablypri!ed !ar and ,3/I6:M) M/TAudi
*S0TMer!ede$-:en@ +3/ te$t ,55I60:rit!ar ra!e, .0-hour .32I4/:uatti Eeyron te$t ,62I.8., .8/I0bu$
ra!e .54I6,!elebrity ue$t$ and 35, 4,, ,82I,8, ,/,I., ,0/I0, ,02I3., /85I,/, /,6I./+e$$na v$ :uatti
ra!e over Alp$ ,63+itroZn .0-hour ra!e, Snetterton 6,I/+la$$i! *ally of Mallor!a ,45I5.+orvette Q*, te$t
/,3Evo 4, :riti$h Ar#y v$ .6/I6Ferrari 0/8 te$t .,,I,/, .45I6Fl^elapa$$, S&it@erland ,52I5football
#at!h, !ar .,2I,6, ..5, ..6, .56For#ula , driver$ and ,2/I2, ,5/I2, /85I,/G9S $atellite-!ontrolled
auto#ati! //8i .,6I.8Harrier v$ Saab ,8/I2heli!opter, fil#in fro# a ,5/I2, ,53?et !ar te$t, role in .//I
0.De& Garden$ and London +ityairport ra!e .2/I0Doeni$e ++K te$t .80I6lap re!ord ,,8I,. see also
rea$onably pri!ed !arMall !ar !ha$e .5,I3#edia attention over identity of 33, .3/, /84I5,
/,2#er!handi$in /80Mit$ubi$hi StarionT;auar K;ST:M) 3/2 te$t ,4,I/National TE A&ard, !olle!t$
/,2para!hute ?u#p into a #ovin Mer!ede$ +LD22 ,/6I0/paranor#al abilitie$ 349erry M!+arthy revealed
a$ 33, 34pi!ture$ of .30rea$onably pri!ed !ar and 4,, ,83I,8, ,0/I0, ,02I36, /,/, /,6I./S!hu#a!her a$
/85I,/To# $ear, Serie$ / 32I4,, 6,I/, ,8/I,.To# $ear, Serie$ 0 ,/,I., ,/6I00, ,03, ,2.To# $ear,
Serie$ 2 ,04I5To# $ear, Serie$ 3 ,06I28, ,4,I3To# $ear, Serie$ 4 ,05I6, ,28I,, ,2.I2, ,62I.8.To#
$ear, Serie$ 5 ,22I5, ,26I38, .80I,,, .,2I,6, .//I0.To# $ear, Serie$ ,8 ,38, ,52I60, .,6I.8, .2/I0,
.32I42To# $ear, Serie$ ,, ,3,I., .,,I,/To# $ear, Serie$ ,. .8/I0, .5,I3, .54I6,, /8,I2To# $ear,
Serie$ ,/ ,38I,, ,45I5., .6/I6, /85I,/To# $ear, Serie$ ,0 /,3I,4To# $ear, Serie$ ,2 /,6I./ To#
$ear Live 44I58, ..,I/.)hite Suit 34Qonda te$t .86I,,
Subaru(I#pre@a .65Lea!y Die$el /8,
Sunday Times 34
Supa!at .6/
Su@uki Liana ,83I,8, ,02I22, ,23I5, ,3,, ,3/I6, /86
Sven$on, :rian .., ./
S&ift, *u$$ .,3, .,4, .,5, ..5
Te>a!o ,./, ,.0, ,//I2
Te>a!o Trophy 66, ,./
Toivonen, Harri 05, 06
To# $ear(a!!ident$T!ra$he$ on .85I,8, .,.I,/A$ton Martin D:S te$t .46I58A$ton Martin 5
EantaeT:M) M3T+arrera S te$t ,4/I2Audi *5 te$t /,3, /,4:a$el to :la!kpool e!ono#y ra!e /8,I2:en
+ollin$ audition$ for ,I6:la!k Sti 33, 34, 36, ,,8, ,2/, ,3,blind driver$ of rea$onablypri!ed !ar ,3/I6:M)
M/TAudi *S0TMer!ede$-:en@ +3/ te$t ,55I60:rit!ar ra!e, .0-hour .32I4/:uatti Eeyron te$t ,62I.8.,
.8/I0bu$ ra!e .54I6,!a#era !re&, bravery of ,,,I,., ,4,, ,4., ,45!elebrity ue$t$ 35, 4,, ,82I,8, ,/,I
., ,0/I0, ,02I3., /85I,/, /,6I./+e$$na v$ :uatti ra!e over Alp$ ,63+itroZn .0-hour ra!e, Snetterton
6,I/+la$$i! *ally of Mallor!a ,45I5.+orvette Q*, te$t /,3Evo 4, :riti$h Ar#y v$ .6/I6Ferrari 0/8 te$t
.,,I,/, .45I6Fl^elapa$$, S&it@erland ,52I5football #at!h, !ar .,2I,6, ..5, ..6, .56For#ula , driver$ on
,2/I2, ,5/I2, /85I,/G9S $atellite-!ontrolledauto#ati! :M) //8i .,6I.8Harrier v$ Saab ,8/I2heli!opter,
fil#in fro# a ,5/I2, ,53?et !ar te$t .//I0.De& Garden$ and London +ityairport ra!e .2/I0Doeni$e
++K te$t .80I6lap re!ord ,,8I,. see also rea$onably pri!ed !arMall !ar !ha$e .5,I3Mit$ubi$hi
StarionT;auar K;ST:M) 3/2 te$t ,4,I/National TE A&ard /,2para!hute ?u#p into a #ovin Mer!ede$
+LD22 ,/6I0/pre$enter$ see under individual #resenter namerea$onably pri!ed !ar, $tar in 4,, ,83I,8,
,0/I0, ,02I36, /,/, /,6I./Serie$ / 32I4,, 6,I/, ,8/I,.Serie$ 0 ,/,I., ,/6I00, ,03, ,2.Serie$ 2 ,04I
5Serie$ 3 ,06I28, ,4,I3Serie$ 4 ,05I6, ,28I,, ,2.I2, ,62I.8.Serie$ 5 ,22I5, ,26I38, .80I,,, .,2I,6,
.//I0.Serie$ ,8 ,38, ,52I60, .2/I0, .32I42Serie$ ,, ,3,I., .,,I,/Serie$ ,. .8/I0, .5,I3, .54I6,,
/8,I2Serie$ ,/ ,38I,, ,45I5., .6/I6, /85I,/Serie$ ,0 /,3I,4
Serie$ ,2 /,6I./
$peed re!ord on HMS Invincile 34
Sti and see Sti, The
To# $ear Live 44I58, ..,I/.
tra!k .I/+hi!ao 2, 4, ,34, .85Follo& Throuh 2, 36, ,02, ,28, ,24, ,35, .83, .85, .,,, ..8, /,,,
/.8, /.,Ga#bon ,35Ha##erhead /, 2, 3, 4, 36, ,/., ,02, ,3., ,35, .83, .84, .85, .42, /,/truffle fro#
Italy to Enland, tran$portin a ,63vie&in fiure$ 33, ./,, /84&orld&ide audien!e ,45, ./,I., /84Qonda
te$t .86I,,
To# $ear Live 44I58, ..,I/.
To# $ear #aa@ine .3/I0, /,8
tourin !ar ra!in .,2
Toyota Ayo .,3, .,4, .,5, .,6
tra!k, To# $ear .I/+hi!ao 2, 4, ,34, .85Follo& Throuh 2, 36, ,02, ,28, ,24, ,35, .83, .85, .,,,
..8, /,,, /.8, /.,Ga#bon ,35Ha##erhead /, 2, 3, 4, 36, ,/., ,02, ,3., ,35, .83, .84, .85, .42, /,/
Tri!kle, Di!k .40
Tro?an tank .6/, .62
Turner, Darren /6
Ea#pire ?et !ar .//I0., .4.
Eau>hallMonaro A<te7 ..2I3, .5,Ee!tra .3,
Eau>hall ;unior +ha#pion$hip /,
Eea$, ;ohnny ,2.
Eettel, Seba$tian /,2
Eilleneuve, Gille$ ..
Eolk$&aen ,63, ,65, .88, .8,9olo :lue#otion /8,Touare .3.I/
)ahlber, Mark ,02
)ake#an, *i!k ,22I3
)ale$ 4/I2, ,,3
)allia#$, David ,28I,
)ardrop, Grant ,2/, ,24, ,3., ,5,, ,5., .//, ./0, ./2, ./4, /,2, /..
)atkin$, Sid .0,
)ebber, Mark /6, 08, ,,8, ,2/, .42, /,2
)el!h, Madi$on ,46, ,58, ,5,
)hite, +olin ,//, ,/0
)hite, +olonel ,88
)hiteley, *i!hard ,3/, ,32, ,33, ,34
)ilkin$on, ;onny ,/,
)illia#$ .//
)illi$, :ru!e ,63
)il#an, Andy 36, 44, ,40, ,42, ,55, ,64, .52:en +ollin$ audition for Sti, role in /I6, 32,
33da#ae to !ar$, rea!tion to .86Ferrari 0/8 S!uderia te$t and .45?et !ar a!!ident and ./5De& Garden$ to
+ity Airportra!e and .2/, .20Doeni$e ++K te$t and .86, .,,I,., .,/para!hute ?u#p into #ovin
Mer!ede$ +LD22, rea!tion toidea of ,/6rea$onably pri!ed !ar, fil#in of 4,, ,85, ,23, ,24, ,3,, ,3/, ,30,
,33, /,6reva#p of To# $ear, role in 33Sti7$ anony#ity and 35, /84, /,,To# $ear Live 45, 46
)il$on, ;u$tin /,, //, /5, 25, 26
)i$e#an, ;i# 33, 34, 36, 48:uatti Eeyron te$t, involve#ent in ,64Doeni$e ++K te$t,
involve#ent in .80, .82, .83, .84, .85, .,8, .,,lap re!ord and ,,8, ,,,para!hute ?u#p into a #ovin
Mer!ede$ +LD22, involve#ent in ,0,, ,0.$tar in a rea$onably pri!ed barfeature, involve#ent in ,83, ,84,
,85, ,86, ,03, ,2,, ,2., ,20, ,22, ,24, ,25
)oan, Terry ,33, ,34, ,35
)oodley, Mark ./3
)orld Sport$!ar +ha#pion$hip, FIA 00I3
)riht, Ian ,22
K-, ,44
Beaer, +hu!k ,44
Qandvoort 0,, ,55
Q&art, Dlaa$ 00, 2,, 26, ,55, ,6,, .0/
All plate $e!tion i#ae$ photoraph$ are !ourte$y of the author &ith the follo&in e>!eption$(
Mar! Serota LMar!Serota"!o#M, p. Lupper-#iddle left and botto# leftM% 9eter May Lp#i#ae$"netM,
p/ Lupper-#iddle leftM% Delly *a!in, p/ Lbotto#M% +hri$ Leaver$ L&&&"!apturedindiital"!o"ukM, p/ Lbotto#
in$etM% *od Fountain, p3 Lbotto#M, p,, Ltop leftM, p,., p,/ L#iddle and botto#M, p,0 L#iddle left and botto#
leftM, p,3 Ltop and #iddleM% Alenon :rinton L&&&"alybrinton"!o#M, p5 Lbotto#M, p6 L#iddle left and botto#M%
Andy Ford L&&&"infinite$kydivin"!o"ukM, p6 Ltop leftM% +hri$ Doney, p,8 Lbotto# left and botto# rihtM
+opyriht
Fir$t publi$hed by Harper+ollin$Pulishers .8,8
, !, !, !, !, !, 8 !, !, !, !,
` :en +ollin$ .8,8
The author a$$ert$ the #oral riht to be identified a$ the author of thi$ &ork
)hile every effort ha$ been #ade to tra!e the o&ner$ of !opyriht #aterial reprodu!ed herein and
$e!ure per#i$$ion$, the publi$her$ &ould like to apoloi$e for any o#i$$ion$ and &ill be plea$ed to
in!orporate #i$$in a!kno&lede#ent$ in any future edition of thi$ book"
A !ataloue re!ord of thi$ book i$ available fro# the :riti$h Library
H: IS:N 645-8-88-4/.463-3
9: IS:N 645-8-88-4//,35-8
E9ub Edition( 6458884//,48/
All riht$ re$erved under International and 9an-A#eri!an +opyriht +onvention$" :y pay#ent of the
re'uired fee$, you have been ranted the non-e>!lu$ive, non-tran$ferable riht to a!!e$$ and read the te>t of
thi$ e-book on-$!reen" No part of thi$ te>t #ay be reprodu!ed, tran$#itted, do&n-loaded, de!o#piled,
rever$e enineered, or $tored in or introdu!ed into any infor#ation $torae and retrieval $y$te#, in any for#
or by any #ean$, &hether ele!troni! or #e!hani!al, no& kno&n or hereinafter invented, &ithout the e>pre$$
&ritten per#i$$ion of Harper+ollin$ e-book$"
About the 9ubli$her
Australia
Harper+ollin$ 9ubli$her$ LAu$traliaM 9ty" Ltd"
.2 *yde *oad L9C :o> /.,M
9y#ble, NS) .84/, Au$tralia
http(TT&&&"harper!ollin$ebook$"!o#"au
Canada
Harper+ollin$ +anada
. :loor Street Ea$t - .8th Floor
Toronto, CN, M0), ,A5, +anada
http(TT&&&"harper!ollin$ebook$"!a
Ne !ealand
Harper+ollin$9ubli$her$ LNe& QealandM Li#ited
9"C" :o> , Au!kland,
Ne& Qealand
http(TT&&&"harper!ollin$ebook$"!o"n@
United "in#do$
Harper+ollin$ 9ubli$her$ Ltd"
44-52 Fulha# 9ala!e *oad
London, )3 5;:, <D
http(TT&&&"harper!ollin$ebook$"!o"uk
United States
Harper+ollin$ 9ubli$her$ In!"
,8 Ea$t 2/rd Street
Ne& Bork, NB ,88..
http(TT&&&"harper!ollin$ebook$"!o#