Chapter 1

Serendipity; the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or

beneficial way. The idea seemed so foreign to me when I first learned the word. I
remember the day clearly, the day I learnt of that word. Serendipity.
My mother was late to pick me up from school, as per usual and I sat in my seat
quietly to the front of the class, with my head buried in my book while my
teacher, Ms Lucy sat at her desk, waiting for me to leave so she could leave. She
knew a few details of my situation so every day she stayed back an hour later to
wait on my mother without complaint. We usually sat in silence, thats the way
our relationship worked, she loaned me books to read but that was the extent to
it, but that day, much to my surprise, she closed her book gently and looked up at
me with motherly concern in her eyes. A look that was foreign to me.
How are things going? she had asked me. I shrugged and mumbled an
incoherent response, closing my book as well. I heard her let out a somewhat
frustrated sigh but I kept my eyes trained to the floor, resisting the urge to look
up when I heard her footsteps moving around. Just then a large dictionary was
placed on my desk. I looked up at Ms Lucy, feeling as confused as ever. I want
you to look for the word serendipity for me she had explained as if that would
clear everything up.
I gave her a wary look before opening the dictionary, looking for the word after
she had mentioned it is spelt how it sounds. Once I found it I read it out loud. I
remember being confused. In my world, happy and beneficial things did not
happen so the fact that Ms Lucy made me look for this strange word confused
me.
Good things are coming Toni, was all she said. I would have asked her to
elaborate but my mother stumbled into the classroom before I could press any
more. She thanked Ms Lucy as usual, her words slurred and her untimely giggles
filling the tiny classroom. I avoided taking her hand as we walked out of the
classroom. I clutched my lunch kit in my hand, hoping she was in a pleasant mood
that day. Luck was on my side because my mother started telling me bizarre
stories that most likely werent true.
The cool, gentle breeze hit my face and I soon found myself blocking out my
mothers slurred words and focusing on the wind and the area around us. The
houses were broken down and rickety and in my opinion close to falling down. I
would say our house was the sturdiest house in the area but what went on in our
house made that factor seem insignificant. Our neighbours were tight knit
families who, even though they didnt have much, they had each other. I got the
worst of it as we didnt have much and on top of that I had no love and support.
I took the house key from my mothers pockets and opened the house door, to be
greeted with the usual: empty bottles on the floor and a few empty boxes lying
around. I sighed and picked up the empty bottles as I walked in and threw them in
the trash and ignored my mother who was lying down on the couch, giggling
wildly. I pulled my hair out of its pigtails and rested down the ribbons that were
holding it together neatly on the coffee table while picking up some used
cigarettes and throwing them out the window and kicked my shoes off as I
prepared to make dinner.
I stood up on a chair to reach the top shelves to get the ingredients, I decided to
try a recipe I had read in a cook book Ms Lucy had given me to read one day when
she noticed that I had not been eating in school as a result of having no food and
no mother, somewhat, to cook for me. I bit back tears that wanted to fall at that
thought. My mother, although she was alive, was gone with no hope of return. I
loved my mother but she was broken beyond repair.
My mother stumbled into the kitchen, giggling and asked me what I was doing. I
sighed loudly, still bothered by her behaviour even after all these years.
Can you sit at the table for me, Mommy? I asked as if I was the mother and she
was the child which was basically our relationship in a nutshell. She tripped over
herself a few times but eventually sat down at one of the rickety chairs at the
small dining table. I gave her a disapproving look as she poured herself a drink,
most of it spilling out on the table due to her unsteady hand.
I think youve had enough, I told her, gently taking the bottle and the glass out
of her hand and placing them out of her reach.
Such a nice child, she murmured. I was barely able to distinguish the words. I
placed a plate in front of her and one across from her and served the food.
Watching my mother pick at it until she began to eat it. I steadied her hands and
silently prayed, like I did every day, that one day things will get better before they
got worse.

That night, I was awoken by a loud, harsh knocking on our door. I grunted and
turned over in my bed but it got louder so I had no choice but to get up and check
to see who was at the door so late in the night and I knew my mother would be
fast asleep, if she was even here.
I heard my mother along with some other voices I didnt recognize shouting, this
made me move quicker as I made my way to the living room; I stopped for a
moment at the doorway and listened to what was being said.
You cant take my daughter! I does take care of my child! I heard my mother
exclaim to the top of her lungs, her words slurred slightly, I was certain the whole
of Arima could have heard her. My eyes widened and I hurried out to see the
commotion and I saw two men holding my mother back and a lady dressed in a
suit trying to explain something to her calmly. There were a few policemen
walking around searching the living room. They all seemed oblivious to my
presence.
Whats going on? I asked, looking around the room with wide eyes. All eyes
snapped to me and I stopped, shaking on the inside but trying to keep a stoic
expression on my face, as per usual.
Hello, Im Susan Mercedes. Im a social worker. I deal with cases of child abuse
and neglect, the lady standing up in the suit said, walking over to me, ignoring
my mothers protests and kneeling down to shake my hand. I stared at her hand
warily before shaking it.
Why are you here? I asked, nearly toppling over when a couple of the police
men walked by. I had an idea of what was about to happen but I needed a
confirmation. I needed some hope that what was happening wasnt true. Our
neighbours know of my mothers habits but up to now theyve stayed quiet about
it, a few of them blamed me for her habits, but they may have seen enough and
someone might have called a social worker.
We know whats been going on. Were having your mother either sent to get
help or she will have to go to jail, Susan said. My eyes closed with frustration as I
took a few deep breaths. That was not what I wanted. I wanted my mother to get
the help she needed but she not in that fashion.
So what about me? I asked, staring at her cautiously. She gave me a sad smile
and I anticipated her next words before she even said them.
You dont have much family so were going to find a new family for you, she
answered. My mom had been constantly shouting complaints during our
conversation. The two men holding her back looked mainly annoyed by her
behaviour.
No! I shouted. Im not going.
I was usually calm and composed and emotionless but Ive been through enough
traumas. I refused to go through anymore. I loved my mother and I was not going
to let her get sent to St. Anns or arrested. I screamed at the top of my lungs when
two of the policemen grabbed onto me but I struggled out of their grasp and ran
towards my mother, by then we were both in tears. She kneeled down and rested
a hand on my cheek.
I does make mistakes but I still love you, she said. I felt more tears escaping and
I pulled her in for a hug. I ignored the strong smell of alcohol and held onto her
tighter but before I knew it I was being pulled away by the two policemen and my
mother was being pulled away by the two men, I screamed out to her and she
was trying to fight off the two men holding her back.
Mommy! I yelled when I was dragged out the door. By now the whole street
was outside, looking at the commotion. I noticed some giving me pitiful looks
while others had the nerve to look amused. I was put into the car and Susan gave
me a pitiful look and I simply glared at her.
I took one last look at my house, feeling tears escaping once more as the car
drove off. Susan had been explaining the situation in more detail to me but I
blocked her out, not needing to hear it at that moment.

















Chapter 2

Serendipity; a happy accident. That thought ran through my mind as the driver
kept driving and I blocked out Susans talking. I recognized the area we were
driving to but I tried not to think about it as I watched some cars whiz by, ignoring
the fact that we were already in Port of Spain. Susan seemed to recognize I was
ignoring her as she stopped talking and I was internally grateful for that. I couldnt
help but wonder where my mother could be right now. She was either on her way
to prison or to rehab which would do her more harm than good. Most likely she
was going to prison for neglecting me but what these policemen didnt know was
that even though I was young, I could take care of myself, I was used to being
independent. Instead of playing with dolls, I took care of my mother.
I wasnt happy with the situation. I resented my mother at times but she was my
mother and I will always love her. I tried to clear my thoughts as I stared at the
high rise buildings as we passed by and the Port
Where exactly am I going to live now? I spoke up. Susan, who had been
messaging on her Nokia flipped her phone closed and looked at me.
How old are you sweetie? she asked, cocking one eyebrow. I held up nine
fingers and raised my eyebrows pointedly waiting for her to answer my previous
question.
You act more like a 40 year old than a 9 year old, she commented, sounding
more as if she were talking to herself so I didnt respond. She still hadnt
answered my question.
Remember were finding a new family for you, she said, as if she were talking to
a young child. Granted, she was talking to a young child, I knew where she was
going with this.
Are you taking me to an orphanage? I asked, not bothering to hide my annoyed
tone. She looked shocked that I picked up on it but she shook her head.
No, Mr and Mrs Salandy are waiting for us at their house. They had been
expecting a child but a lot of the children at the orphanage were claimed or didnt
fit their requirements. They live at the apartments next to West Mall, Susan said.
I could tell she was trying to impress me but I didnt find this situation impressive.
Not even a little bit. I just wanted my mother. For the first time, I actually needed
my mother.
Wheres my mother? I asked her.
You cant speak to her right now, Antonia, Susan said, in a careful voice.
Toni, I corrected her, snappily. For the second time that car ride, she looked
shocked but before she could respond, the car pulled up in front of the apartment
building. I looked across the street and saw West Mall. My mother had told me
one day we would be able to afford to shop there but now that day would never
come. I felt tears welling up in my eyes but I tried hard not to let them fall. I
wouldnt want Mr and Mrs Salandy to think I was weak.
I followed Susan into the building, keeping my eyes forward as I walked through
the lobby. I saw a Caucasian couple sitting looking impatient as if they had been
waiting for something. Could this couple be Mr and Mrs Salandy? My thought was
answered when Susan walked up and shook hands with them. After they spoke
for a bit, Susan gave me a light shove forward. Frowns were plastered on their
faces until they lit up and bent down to hug me. I kept my arms planted by my
sides and I studied them, they looked oddly alike. They were both slender and tall,
Mrs Salandy reached her husband by his shoulder and they had brown hair and
grey eyes, the only other difference being, Mrs Salandys hair flowed down to her
shoulders and Mr Salandys was kept short and neat.
Something about them unnerved me. Immediately my hand went to my thick
tresses which Mrs Salandy had been eyeing with a look of disdain, probably
worried she would have to comb it.
Welcome to the family, Mr Salandy said. I gave him a tight smile, not liking the
mixed emotions I got from them.
So this is my card, call me if you need anything Toni, she said, handing me a
card full of contact information. I grumbled out a goodbye to her, stuffing the
card in my pocket. And we have people bringing your stuff over from the house.
She walked off, leaving me alone with The Salandys. I sighed, promising myself to
be nice to them since there really was no one else I knew living in the building.
How are you sweetie? Mrs Salandy asked me with a plastic smile. Mr Salandy
had been glaring at me but Mrs Salandy gave him a sharp look and he smiled at
me. I didnt like the fact that I would have to live with them.
Im good, I said, mimicking their smiles. I ignored the disgusted look I saw Mrs
Salandy gave me at the corner of my eye.
Youre going to love the apartment, Mr Salandy said with a small smile but
there was a hard, disappointed look in his eyes. I didnt respond and all three of
us stood in a tense silence. I was waiting for them to say something and they
seemed to be lost in their own thoughts. Their faces looked unhappy but Mrs
Salandy perked up suddenly.
Come on. Follow us, Tilly, Mrs Salandy said in an overly happy voice.
Its Toni. T-O-N-I, I corrected her, trying to hide my annoyance. I started playing
with some strands of my dark hair to distract myself. I followed them into the
elevator and eventually we ended up on the Tenth Floor of the building and they
lead me down a hall until they stopped at what Im guessing was their apartment.
A few of the people on the floor gave me suspicious looks but I tried my best to
ignore them as I walked into the apartment. The first thing that struck me was all
the walls were painted different colours and it was larger than I had expected it to
be. I looked around at all the quirky decorations ranging from a picture of a
chicken hanging on the wall to vases with beautiful abstract shapes. It was
beautiful and I felt out of place, I felt as if I touched anything it would break.
At me and my mothers house, all the walls were white but they were yellowed
with age and neglect. We barely had any decorations apart from some cheap,
fake flowers in vases my mother had bought from someone selling on the street
and some old framed pictures from when I was younger and my father was still in
our lives.
We prepared a room for you down the hall Mrs Salandy said, breaking me out
of my thoughts. The fact that this was my new home terrified me. I followed her,
watching how straight her back was as she walked and how she held her chin up,
that was something I hadnt taken note of.

My room was probably as big as my old house. It was painted pink with many
stuffed animals and a banner hanging from the ceiling saying Welcome. Mr and
Mrs Salandy had gone all out but I could tell they were slightly disappointed. It
was obvious I wasnt the child they wanted. My annoyance was replaced with
guilt as I walked and sat on the queen sized bed. I was used to having a hard,
uncomfortable mattress but over the years I had grown used to the discomfort.
This mattress was uncomfortable in different ways. I didnt deserve such an
expansive, comfortable mattress and by the look on Mrs Salandys face, she felt
the same way. My only thought as she left the room was that I needed to get
home, with or without a mother.
That night, I woke up, my stomach grumbling. Sighing, I got off of my bed and
headed to the kitchen but stopped when I heard voices arguing. I took a peek and
saw Mr and Mrs Salandy standing at opposite ends of the kitchen island in a tense
conversation.
We cant keep her, Mrs Salandy said, she looked angry but the tear stains on
her face showed otherwise.
I dont want to keep that little girl either but we cant kick her out, Mr Salandy
said trying to reason with her, I cocked one eyebrow. I knew the conversation was
about me and it confirmed my suspicions of me not being wanted in the Salandy
household.
Shes black! Mrs Salandy said, slamming her hand down on the kitchen island.
Shh, youll wake her up. Ill call and see what can be done about her, Mr
Salandy said. I sighed and headed back to my room, my appetite now non-
existent. The Salandys didnt want a black child, which was clear enough. It was
moments like these I wanted my mother back.

A few months later, I lay in bed, rubbing my aching head. I had grown used to Mr
and Mrs Salandys fake smiles and affection. I ate in my room and only came out if
it was absolutely necessary. I sighed and got up from the bed, my head pounding.
I never asked the Salandys for anything, but the pain in my head was unbearable.
I walked out into the living room to see Mr Salandy watching a cricket match. He
glared up at me but quickly turned it into a smile and I gave him a pleading look.
What do you want, Tanya? he asked. I felt my temper rising at the fact that I
had been with them for five months and they couldnt be bothered to at least
remember my name.
Its Toni, I reminded him, once again. I have a headache. Do you have
anything? I asked, feeling timid all of a sudden. He gave me a hard look before
grunting and getting up from the couch.
Ill get something at the pharmacy, he said, his voice laced with venom as he
turned the television off. I closed my eyes, trying to get rid of the headache. I
thanked him quickly only to receive a door slamming in return. I hesitantly sat on
the couch, trying to ignore the pounding in my head. I stiffened when Mrs Salandy
walked into the room, she gave me a tight smile but apart from that she didnt
make an effort to speak to me. Something I was used to. They acted like the
perfect foster parents but I knew underneath they didnt want me there, simply
because of my skin colour.
I heard a few sirens outside which did nothing but make my headache worse. A
hesitant knocking on the door got my attention. I was hoping it was Mr Salandy
with my medicine so I ran to the door and opened it, only to reveal two burly
policemen standing at the door, looking sombre. Mrs Salandy came to stand
behind me, looking worriedly at the officers.
Hello gentlemen, how can we help you? she asked.
Your husband got in a car accident, a truck crashed into the drivers side of the
car and he was injured, one of the officers said. Mrs Salandy started sobbing and
for the first time since I arrived I felt worried for Mr Salandy. My heart pounded
and I felt sick to my stomach. Mrs Salandy was clutching onto the officers hand
for emotional support. The other policeman probably noticed my slow pace
because he picked me up and carried me in his arms as my tears fell. This was my
fault and I knew it.
The car ride to the hospital was silent. The only noise that could be heard was Mrs
Salandys incessant sobbing. As soon as we pulled up to Port of Spain General, we
were rushed upstairs, past the receptionist to see him. My heart broke at what I
saw. He was connected to an oxygen tank and his right eye was patched over and
there was a bandage around his head along with a broken leg. Mrs Salandy burst
into tears again at his state and his failing heartbeat. I stared at the machine
monitoring his heart beat and I noticed it was slowing. Mrs Salandy walked up to
him and held onto his hand. His heartbeat slowed down a bit more until the line
went completely straight and his heart stopped. A strangled noise escaped my
mouth, my headache forgotten.
Mr and Mrs Salandy had been pretentious towards me but no one deserved this,
not even them. I watched as some doctors tried to revive him but he didnt wake
up. Mrs Salandy buried her head into his chest sobbing until suddenly she let go
of his hand. I had forgotten that the policemen who had picked us up from the
apartment were still standing in the room, watching us like hawks.
Your fault! This is your entire fault! she yelled, looking at me. Tears were
flowing freely from my face at this point. I fell back as she lunged forward to
attack me but the two policemen held her back.
Mrs Salandy, I understand youre upset but you need to relax, one of them said.
She killed my husband. He went out to get her medicine! We didnt want her in
our house in the first place. I want you out of my apartment little girl! Out of my
apartment and never come back. Do you understand me? she yelled, the vein in
her neck making an appearance. I whimpered and gave her a nod. I ran out of the
hospital room with no intentions of looking back.


















Chapter 3
Serendipity; the potential to make fortunate discoveries by accident. Eight
years later, this word seemed to have no meaning to me. I was starting to wonder
if Ms. Lucy had been lying to me when she said that better things are coming. I
closed the book I had been reading and turned to my friend, Khadijah, who I had
met a week after Mrs Salandy kicked me out. She told me of a woman named
Naomi who could get me a job and a place to stay. My living arrangements
werent the best. I lived in a dingy apartment on Nelson Street but it was better
than nothing which is what I had for a while. I lived alone but Khadijah was always
right across the hall when I needed her. She had become my best and only friend
over the years. Although our job was wrong. It was the only way I could make
money.
Why you doh go apply to UWI? Khadijah said suddenly. I looked at her and
cocked one eyebrow. I had never considered applying to any university because
of my lack of education. I stopped going to school after CXC. Naomi forced me
and Khadijah to go to school and get an education and get out of the life she had
brought us into. Although she offered us the job, she didnt want us to end up like
her. Just then a police car passed by and I put the money that I had been using as
a bookmark into my pocket.
They wouldnt accept me, I told her. Besides I like our job. All we do is sell stuff
and collect money all day, I added.
All we do is sell. You is the only smart one here. Why you doh go? Khadijah said,
running a hand through her dark, pin straight extensions and adjusting her nose
piercing.
How do you know Im smart? I asked, giving her a teasing smile.
You always reading them books from the library. The fact that you does read
says a lot, she answered. And you pass all your subjects when Naomi send us to
do exams. I barely pass anything.
I thought about Khadijahs words for a minute. I was a lot more educated than
Khadijah. That was because my old teacher Ms Lucy had made a point of making
sure I learned and had enough help since my mother couldnt help me.
I dont think UWI is for me, you know, I said, taking a seat.
UWI is for you. You always saying that good things not for you when I know,
everybody know good things will happen to you, Khadijah said, pointing at me to
emphasize her point. This is about what you had tell me happen to your
mother?
I sighed and closed my eyes, nodding. My mother had begun her habits in UWI
when she was my age, seventeen. She had been taken away from me at a young
age and I still dont know whether she is in rehab or prison or maybe home or
maybe she had gone to live with my crack addict Uncle in Tobago. For all I know
she could be dead. I held back tears at the thought. If she was here, my life would
have been a lot better. I would have at least had a real home and I would still be
in school. I had considered staying in school but thought against it. What I really
needed was money to pay for that apartment and selling all these items was the
way to make money.
Just then, I saw Naomi coming towards us. We greeted her and she smiled at us
them sadly.
I need you girls to go to my supplier. Look some money for a car, she handed
Khadijah a small piece of paper and she handed gave me the money. This was the
first time Naomi had asked us to visit her supplier for her.
Lets go I said.

You sure this is it? Khadijah asked, I shrugged, ignoring the stares and hard
looks as we walked down the street, looking for the suppliers residence. I had
considered asking someone but let that idea go when I saw the person who I was
going to ask was armed. I was distractedly looking over the address and
description of his house that I wasnt watching where I was going and I bumped
into something hard and I nearly fell back but Khadijah steadied me.
Sorry. You know somebody named Michael by chance? I asked the stranger. He
was mixed with light brown eyes and curly hair. His clothes were slightly tattered,
his vest had several holes in it and his shorts were stained with paint. He had a
hard look in his eyes but it didnt seem to be directed at me so I held his gaze.
Micky boy! a guy called from behind him but he stopped when he saw us and
narrowed his eyes suspiciously.
Whos you? he asked us. Khadijah who hadnt said a word spoke up.
We looking for a Michael, she explained, her voice shaking.
Oh, Michael, he living across from Micky, he said, gesturing to the boy I had
walked into who was staying oddly quiet. So his name was Micky.
He doesnt talk? I asked the other boy.
Not plenty, he said with a shrug.
Was hats your name? Khadijah asked the boy timidly.
Sonny, he said grinning. I smiled at him, deciding to trust these boys although
Micky was simply shifting from foot to foot, staring at the starry sky. The people
who had been staring stopped and the tense air faded.
Im Toni and this is Khadijah, I said, gesturing to Khadijah who smiled politely at
the two.
Come, Ill show yuh Michael house, Sonny said. We followed them to Michaels
house. I felt Micky giving me weird looks on the way which I studiously ignored
and kept my head forward.
Look it here, Sonny said after a while, smiling and gesturing to a small, slightly
broken down house.
Thank you,I said, flashing smiles at both boys. Micky gave me a nod before
retreating and heading to his house opposite.
He in a good mood today. Hard to believe eh? Sonny joked before saying
goodbye to both girls and walking off.
Even after we collected their supplies, I couldnt help but think about Micky, how
intriguing yet angry he was. We sent the supplies to Naomis apartment before
me and Khadijah separated and I headed home. It had a small kitchen, a living
room, a bed room and a bathroom. It wasnt much, but it was all I could afford. I
headed inside my room and kicked my shoes off, lying on my bed, staring at the
dingy, old ceiling. I had considered buying paint but all the colours reminded me
of how colourful Mr and Mrs Salandys apartment was and I had every intention
of trying to forget my short lived but traumatic experience there, so my
apartment was simply painted a pale yellow.
There was so much that was always weighing on my mind, my mother, my
indirect murder of Mr Salandy, the fact that I was the cause of someone
becoming a widow, my mother, my father and now Khadijah added one more to
that list, applying to UWI and for some reason Micky, his intense stare, his brown
eyes. His quiet but strong presence was admirable.
I sighed, closing my eyes waiting for sleep to find me but it never did.







Chapter 4

Serendipity; the phenomenon of finding valuable things not sought for.
Toni, its getting late. You should go home, my head snapped up to look at the
librarian, Mrs Harp. I came to the Port-of Spain library regularly. She was always
here and stayed back in the library to all hours of the night just so I could finish a
book. In a way, she reminded me of Ms Lucy. I looked up at her aging face and
nodded, setting Wine of Astonishment aside and getting up, trying not to make
any noise even though it was just the two of us left.
Thanks, I didnt even realize it was night, I told her.
Well I realized, so how you doin? she asked, walking me out to the door. I
thought over her question for a minute. Over the years, it was as if I had become
numb to the pain in my life. I just went through my daily routine, ignoring the
depression. I shot her a sad smile.
Good. My friend is trying to get me to apply to UWI, I admitted. I had given
Khadijahs words thought. But anytime I thought about going to try to apply, I
backed out. I had gotten used to the life I live. I was not sure if I wanted
something better for myself. Did I even deserve it?
Youre a smart girl, Toni. You should think about it, Mrs Harp told me. I gave her
a curt nod before saying goodbye and walking off. I kept my eyes forward the best
I could, to avoid making accidental eye contact with anyone. I pulled the hood to
my sweater up and shoved my hands in my pockets as I thought over Mrs Harps
words. Applying to UWI would mean leaving Khadijah to sell all those items by
herself. It would mean leaving Nelson Street and possibly living closer to campus.
It would mean leaving life as I know it.
A strange noise pulled me out of my thoughts and I looked around and saw a tall
figure spray painting a wall. I narrowed my eyes, wondering why this person
looked so familiar. I took a few hesitant steps closer until I saw a flash of black
curly hair and realized it was Micky. I cocked one eyebrow wondering if I should
greet him but he looked as if he wanted to be alone so I simply watched him
vandalize the wall. Something was telling me to stop him but the painting was
beautiful. I was mesmerized by the concentrated look on his face as he added
colour to the drawing. It was one of a house.
When I realized he wasnt going to notice me, I cleared my throat lightly and his
head snapped up. We locked eyes for a few minutes; I realized he was wearing a
school uniform I didnt recognize. Before I got the chance to read the logo, he
nodded and continued his work. It was clear he recognized me but I wasnt sure if
he wanted me here or not.
That is nice, I told him, trying to make conversation but he simply nodded again
as if to thank me. I remembered his friend, Sonny, telling me that Micky didnt
talk much, if at all but something in me wanted to hear his voice. I was curious as
to what it sounded like.
How come you out here so late? I asked. This time he shrugged and I figured he
didnt want to answer the question. For some reason I didnt want to leave so I
watched him spray paint the wall, comfortable with the silence. I could
occasionally hear a car whiz by and the voices of people coming back from work
or nearby clubs but it was the sound of sirens that caught my attention. I noticed
Micky stiffen and drop his can. His large hand engulfed mine and he pulled me
away and he began to run. It didnt take me long to guess that it wasnt the first
time hed run from the police. We pushed past some people as we ran. I didnt
even know why I didnt pull away, I wasnt the one vandalizing.
Eventually we stopped in an alley. I glanced at him, finally getting a chance to
read the logo on his uniform. Morvant, Laventille College. I thought I had
recognized the green pants and off white shirt. I had seen a few boys wearing it
when Khadijah and I had went to visit Naomis supplier.
So youre in Form Six? I asked him and he nodded. I realized this was only our
second meeting and we were already running from the police. I chuckled and he
sent me a curious look, a small smile playing on his lips. It was the first time I
noticed he had dimples.
This is the second time I seeing you and we already running from the police, I
told him and his smile grew wider. My heart beat picked up and I couldnt help
but smile back.
Anyway I should go home. Bye Micky, I said, he shook his head at me and pulled
me back lightly. He gave me a pointed look and I cocked one eyebrow, not too
sure what he was trying to say. Ill be fine.
His light brown eyes penetrated mine and he nodded before releasing me and
giving me a small wave. I gave him a small smile before walking in the direction of
my apartment which was thankfully not too far from where we were. I felt as if
someone was following but I didnt dare turn around to find out as I walked into
the building and greeted the grounds man before heading upstairs and I lost the
feeling of being followed. I looked over my shoulder to see Micky standing at the
bottom of the stairs. I shook my head and continued on my way. Needing
someone to talk to, I headed to Khadijahs apartment.
Something wrong? she asked as she took in my state. I shook my head and told
her of all the events that had taken place. The whole time, she just sat one her
chair, smirking at me. Khadijah had this way of knowing something about me
before I realized it, it was helpful but scary.
What? I asked her after I finished the story.
Micky talk to yuh? she asked, the smirk still plastered onto her face.
No, he just stares, I told her.
Well, alright, she said, smiling.
Its not like that, I told her with a laugh. She raised her hands in defence.
So, you think about what I tell yuh about UWI? she asked, changing the topic.
Sighing, I plopped down into a chair and nodded. And?
I dont know Khadijah. I dont think theyll accept me and even if they did. I might
end up just like my mother. Getting drunk instead of studying and then dropping
out to be with a man I barely even know, I said, trying to bite back tears at the
thought of my mother.
You not going to be like that, Khadijah said, resting a hand on my shoulder. You
much better than that. Toni, you rel smart. Go to school and get a job, girl. A real
job.
I focused my gaze on the hard, concrete floor for a minute, letting her words sink
in. I was smarter than a lot of the people. I did pay attention in school while I was
there and I read but none of that meant I was cut out for UWI. There were much
more accomplished people who would apply so they would probably just
overlook me completely. They probably wouldnt even give me a thought. I had
nothing to offer besides my CXC passes.
I looked back up at Khadijah whose gaze was fixed on me and sighed. I dont
know. Ill think about it, I told her, getting up from my chair. I told her a quick
goodbye and headed into my apartment. My mind still running through the
possibilities. What if I did apply to UWI? It would be a leap going from selling
random items on the street to tertiary education. I paced back and forth my tiny
apartment thinking about this until I caught sight of the phone book sitting on my
shelf. I walked over to the book, taking it into my arms; I searched for the number
of the person I knew could help me make this decision.

`~`~`~`~`~`

I took a few deep breaths as I knocked on the door to Ms Lucys house. My hands
trembled slightly as I got ready to face my old teacher. I let out a small, strangled
noise when she finally came to the door. She had aged quite a bit, her once jet
black hair now streaked with grey and her once flawless skin was now wrinkled.
She gave me a smile and I returned a shaky one and gave her an awkward wave.
Toni. Youve grown up, she said, resting a hand on either side of my face.
So have you, I said, my voice coming out softer than I wanted it to.
Please come in, she said. I hesitantly stepped into the small, neat house. All the
walls in the house were a pale blue, the simple furniture were simply pushed
against the walls. I took a seat on the beige, leather couch and Ms Lucy sat across
from me on the loveseat. What brings you here?
I needed some advice, I admitted sheepishly, second guessing my decision.
What is it? she asked, leaning forward in her seat, her eyes full of curiosity. I
told her about the social workers coming to our house and taking me to live with
a new family, the social workers taking away my mother and the fact that I had no
idea where she was or she had been for the past eight years, the way I was
treated at the Salandys apartment, the fact that I had left school at Form Five and
was selling random items to people on the streets and lived alone and lastly about
Khadijahs insistence that I go to school.
She sat there listening, occasionally nodding so that I knew she had my full
attention. When I finished relating my story to her, she sat there silently for what
seemed like hours. My fingers twitched nervously as I watched her get up from
her seat and pace the room, something I did when I was thinking hard about an
issue.
What do you want Toni? she asked, her dark brown eyes penetrating mine. I
knew she didnt mean it in a bashful way.
I wanthelp, I stuttered out.
Do you remember the last thing I taught you about? she asked suddenly, still
holding my gaze. I cocked one eyebrow at her, thinking about her question. The
last thing Ms Lucy ever taught me was long division.
Long division? I asked with a shrug. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips and
she shook her head at me.
No, think harder.
A memory came to mind. Ms Lucy making me search up a word in a dictionary.
The word was Serendipity. The word that still plagued my mind every day as it
seemed that word didnt hold any meaning for me anymore.
Serendipity? I asked and she smiled and nodded at me. I shook my head and
stood up from the couch. Good things dont happen to me unexpectedly. Mostly
bad things.
Have you considered your friends request Toni? Applying for UWI? she asked,
changing the topic.
Yes but my mother began her drinking habits when she was in UWI and I dont
deserve it so why should I bother? I asked her, plopping back down on the
couch.
Because good things are coming Toni, she said, repeating what she had told me
eight years ago. I stayed silent letting her words sink in. Maybe you should try to
find your mother, let her explain to you why she started drinking in UWI, it might
give you closure.
I heard the sound of footsteps and I looked up and gasped when I saw Micky
standing in the doorway to the living room. He cocked his head to the side. His
light brown eyes held pity and sadness. It only took me a minute to realize that
look was directed at me. Once again, he was in his school uniform, his hands
shoved in his pockets. What was he doing here?
William Michael David. Were you listening to our conversation? Ms Lucy asked,
narrowing her eyes at him. He shook his head calmly and continued his staring.
Sorry Toni, this is my grandson.
I already kind of know him, I mumbled. Ms Lucy looked between me and Micky,
mischief clear in her eyes.
From where? she asked.
I had to get some stuff from my bosss supplier, I answered, feeling
embarrassed. A part of me didnt want to believe that Micky had heard
everything I told Ms Lucy.
Interesting, she said, smirking. Well, William was just visiting, hes heading
home now. Why dont you leave with him? she suggested. I shrugged, getting up
from the couch. Micky, whose real name was William apparently, went to give Ms
Lucy a hug and we headed out.
















Chapter 5
Serendipity; a happy coincidence.
I stopped walking suddenly, my thoughts plaguing me. I looked over at a confused
Micky. I was certain he heard everything I said. I gave him a curious look, trying to
build up some courage before speaking.
You heard everything, didnt you? I asked him after a few minutes of silence.
We were walking through his area and we had almost reached his house and I had
to get home since it was almost dark but I had to ask him. He nodded and I
sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose and squeezing my eyes shut. Next time,
dont listen nah.
He shrugged and waved his hand dismissively.
You should go, he mouthed. I shot him a confused look and he looked
frustrated for a moment before his face lit up and he reached in his pocket for
something and I realized it was a brochure from UWI. He meant I should go to
UWI.
I dont know. I need to find my mother first and ask her why she started drinking
in UWI, I told him, looking down at the brochure he was handing to me. I felt a
certain longing to read through the brochure but I shook my head and he
shrugged, putting it back into his pocket. I stared at him, I had a question I wanted
to ask him but I wasnt sure if it made sense to ask him. Micky?
He looked up at me; his light brown eyes looked almost golden.
Whats your story? Your life I mean. You know mine and Im curious about
yours, I said, crossing my arms over my chest and staring at him. He scrunched
up his eyebrows, a dark expression covering his face; he glared at me before
storming off. I stared at his retreating figure, wanting to chase after him but not
brave enough to face his silent anger so I simply let him walk away. Just then I felt
a hand on my shoulder and I jumped away until I realized it was just Mickys
friend, Sonny.
You okay? Sonny asked, looking genuinely worried. I nodded wordlessly as I
looked up at him. Micky get vex?
Once again I nodded without speaking and Sonny sighed. What you ask the
boy? he asked.
He overheard me talking to my old teacher, his grandmother about everything
thats happened to me after I left her school so I asked him his story and he got
vex, I said, willing the tears not to fall, something I had been doing a lot lately. He
seemed to realize I was trying not to cry because he pulled me into hug, I
squeezed my eyes shut to stop myself from crying on him.
Its obvious you went through plenty in yuh life, Sonny commented after letting
go. I could tell yuh some things about Micky. He used to talk plenty, you know
but after his father died he stop talking, that was a few years ago. His father had
to travel to Haiti and the earthquake hit and he was killed. After that his mother
didnt want nothing to do with him but Micky was closer to his father cause his
mother used to beat him when he was a little child and he would be in school
with all these cuts all over him. So he living with his aunt. He stop talking plenty
after his father died. I didnt hear him say nothing in a while though.
I stared at Sonny wide-eyed, not expecting that information. I knew what it was
like to lose a father but on the other hand, my father was barely around when he
was alive. On weekends I would see him but I still loved him despite his neglect,
same way I still loved my mother despite her neglect. I didnt even know what to
say to Sonny after he told me all of that so I simply stared at the ground.
Yuh shocked ent? he said after a while. You should talk to Micky. I go talk to
him. He could come visit yuh tomorrow after we graduate.
I looked at him, confused by his words until I realized it was June and they would
have been graduating. Sonny?
He looked up at me and when I made sure I had his full attention I spoke up again.
What are you planning to do after you graduate? I asked.
UWI to study engineering. Micky had get a scholarship to study Art in the States
but he want to study art here, Sonny said, shaking his head, clearly not
understanding his friends decision. You not graduating soon? he asked.
Im not in school, I told him, feeling ashamed. I came out after form five.
So, you in UWI? he asked. I felt a lump in my throat as he asked.
No, I answered, my voice barely above a whisper.
Open Campus? he tried.
No.
You have a job? he inquired.
You could say that I guess, I said, thinking of my job. I thought about how my
life would be different if I went to UWI, I could probably live on campus, be
educated and get a better job, maybe working in an office.
Okay, you is a smart girl, yuh know. Why you dont go to UWI? he asked.
A lot of people are asking me that, I said in a dry tone. My mother went to UWI
and developed somebad habits. I dont want to end up the same way and either
way I dont deserve to go to UWI with so much more accomplished people . I am
trying to find my mother though to get some closure on why she started those,
um, habits in UWI then Ill consider going depending on her answer.
Find her? Yuh know what, you dont have to tell me nothing now. I go talk to
Micky. Later, he said, giving me a wave. I smiled at him and walked off, ignoring
the stares from some people and the hostile looks. I had to start trying to find out
what happened to my mother so I could ask her what made her start drinking in
UWI and drop out. Was it the stress of all the work? Was it simply bad influences?
I knew there was only one way to find out.

`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~

I typed in my mothers name for the fifth time into the websites search box only
to come up blank again. I gritted my teeth angrily and slammed my hand down on
the keyboard causing the other people in the library to send me hard looks. I
muttered an apology before exiting the website and slamming my head on the
cold, wooden desk. This made me receive me more hard looks and some worried
looks, especially from Mrs Harp.
Are you okay Toni? she asked, resting a gentle hand on my shoulder. I shook my
head, raising my head up from the desk.
Im trying to look for my mother but this website isnt giving me anything, I said,
feeling my frustration bubbling up. I had tried every website possible but even
when I did find something it would be inaccurate all the websites where I actually
found something had different stories . One had said she was dead, the other said
she was in the hospital with terminal cancer and one had even said she moved to
Tobago.
Maybe you should visit an actual government office Toni. Like the CSO isnt too
far from here, Mrs Harp said. I nodded, getting up from my seat and left the
library after giving a quick thanks to Mrs Harp.
I accidentally bumped into someone as I was walking down the pavement; I would
have fallen over if the person didnt take hold of my wrist and helped me back up.
I muttered a thank you and looked up to see Micky standing there, staring at me
with his light brown, almost golden eyes. He let go of my wrist but continued his
staring. I felt self -conscious under his gaze and stared at the pavement to avoid
having to hold it.
Its you, I said with weak enthusiasm. I couldnt tell if Sonny had spoken to him
or not. I studied his face for a moment and I noticed a hint of remorse in his eyes.
Sonny told me about your parents.
He nodded, indicating that he already knew. Sadness flashed in his eyes at the
mention of his parents but it was replaced with you. He cocked one eyebrow and
gestured around him. It took me a minute to realise he was wondering what I was
doing here.
The library is one of my favourite places, I told him. I felt a smile playing at the
corner of my lips. I love to read but Im actually on my way to the CSO because
Im trying to find out what happened to my mother.
He jerked his head slightly which I was guessing meant for me to follow him. I
realized he was leading me to the CSO. We travelled to the CSO but I was hesitant
to step in. Somehow I was afraid to hear what had happened to her. I felt Micky
give me a light shove forward and I took a deep breath before pushing the door to
the building open and headed straight for the counter. The lady there looked up
from the book she was reading and smiled at Micky.
Hi, how can I help you? she asked, giving Micky a sweet smile. I rolled my eyes,
clearing my throat to get her attention. She looked to be in her early twenties and
it was obvious she had just gotten the job. She glared at me but eventually gave
me a fake smile.
Im here to ask about Patrice Florence Hernandez. Her last known residence was
O Meara Road, Arima, I said, praying silently that they had information on my
mother. She cocked one eyebrow and turned to her computer, I tried to get a
look at what she was doing but she gave me a sharp look and Micky shook his
head at me, indicating for me to be patient.
The records say that she was taken to prison for two years and then she was
taken to a rehabilitation centre and now, the lady trailed off, giving me a pitiful
look. I shot a questioning glance. Nobody knows what happened to her.





Chapter 6
Serendipity; finding something good without looking for it. I willed myself not to
cry as me and Micky left the building. We were both wrapped up in our own
thoughts.
So, youre an artist? I asked to break the silence. He gave me a small smile and
nodded. My heart rate picked up as his dimples made an appearance. I returned
his smile and looked up at the overcast sky. A light drizzle began but it didnt
bother me as we continued walking And you got a scholarship to go to the
States?
He turned to look at me and nodded slowly. He looked as if he wanted to say
something but didnt know how to so we continued walking in our silence as I
thought over what the lady at the front counter said. Nobody knew where my
mother was, I had no idea where to go next. I didnt know what I could do to find
her. A familiar feeling washed over me as those thoughts hit me. I felt helpless. I
didnt even realize I was crying until Micky pulled me into a hug and for the first
time in years I cried, I didnt try to hold back my emotions anymore as I stained
Mickys shirt with my tears. I didnt care about the fact that people were stopping
and staring. Or the fact that some people stopped to ask what was wrong.
I dont know how long I stayed like that but when I finally stopped crying, I felt
somewhat relieved. As if all the tears I kept bottled up over the years were finally
being released. I felt somewhat embarrassed as I let go of Micky and saw a huge
tear stain on his once perfectly white shirt.
Sorry, I muttered but he simply shrugged and waved his hand dismissively. I
dont know how to find her anymore.
Ill help you, he mouthed, with a grin. I looked up at him and gave him a grateful
smile. Just then, he held out his hand and I took it hesitantly and he began
walking in the opposite direction of where I was supposed to be going. I shot him
a confused look and he gave me another heart stopping grin. I followed him
hesitantly as we passed a few more government buildings until he lead me down
an alley way and I stopped walking. He shook his head at me and gestured at me
to go ahead. I took a shaky breath before walking down the alley way and I was
surprised to see beautiful paintings on the side of an old, abandoned building. I
turned around to look at Micky who was staring at the paintings on the wall with
a hint of happiness and pride in his eyes. These must have been his paintings.
Did you do these? I asked him, reaching forward to touch a painting of a
hibiscus. He nodded shyly and looked down, grinning. I stared at all the paintings,
in shock of how talented Micky was. Theyre beautiful. You must come here a
lot, I said referring to the alley. He nodded and pointed to his forehead. I
scrunched up my eyebrows at him.
You come here to think? I guessed and he nodded. I can understand why, I
said, staring at a painting of a man and a woman.
Are these your parents? I asked quietly, praying that I didnt upset him. A sad
look came into his eyes as he stared at the painting so I assumed the answer was
yes. The man in the painting had a striking resemblance to him, dark, curly hair,
light brown eyes and an intimidating stature; the only difference was that the
man looked to be in his forties while Micky must have been around my age. I had
never realized how similar Micky and I really were. We had both lost our parents
but we both had different coping methods. Micky completely shut down and
stopped talking and uses art to show his pain whereas I just stopped responding
emotionally to situations apart from my breakdown earlier.
Can you draw me? I asked him without thinking. He looked up and nodded,
pulling a sketchbook and a pencil from his bag. He put his hand up, indicating for
me to stay still. I sat down across from him, staring directly at him as he started
drawing. I watched how his eyes glazed over with concentration as he stared at
me occasionally before going back to drawing, his light brown eyes looking almost
golden. As he drew, I thought over what I could do next to find my mother. I felt
determined to find her. All I had to do was ask her one question and the answer
to that question would literally determine how my life would turn out. I didnt
want to be like her, I loved her but I didnt look up to her. If I went to UWI like
everyone is encouraging me to and I end up like her I would be ashamed.
Apart from that I had always wondered what happened to her. When I was living
with Mr and Mrs Salandy I had wondered where she was every day. Anytime
either of them made a racist comment behind my back, I would wish I was still
with my mother. She neglected me but she never abused me. I would take neglect
over abuse any day.
I hadnt even realized Micky was finished until I felt someone poke my shoulder
lightly. I looked up and smiled at the drawing he showed me. It was simple but at
the same time amazingly detailed.
Thank you, I told him. He grinned, his dimples making an appearance and he
carefully tore the page out of his book and handed it to me.
This was the first time in a while I felt a small bit of happiness.













Chapter 7
Serendipity; a chance occurrence. I brushed the thought away as I stared at the
picture in my hand of me and my mother. It was a picture taken on a day she was
actually sober. I remembered that day because it was probably the only day, apart
from last week when Micky showed me his art, that I felt truly happy. We were
both laughing as she held me in her arms. We had forgotten we were supposed to
be posing for a picture but she had started tickling my sides which had made me
burst out laughing. I smiled, resting the picture to the side and the brochure for
UWI which Khadijah had given me yesterday caught my eyes. I hesitantly picked it
up and read through it.
The rational part of me wanted to take the step and just apply before the
deadline which was two months from now, but the stubborn part of me refused
to do anything until I spoke to my mother. Sadly, I had no way of doing that.
There were days I wanted to go back in time before the social worker, Susan and
the policemen came to our house. They had made a bigger mess of my life.
Susan, I muttered, a thought finally hitting me. Susan would have to know
where my mother was. I smiled and left my apartment and knocked incessantly
on Khadijahs door, across the hall. She opened the door, looking tired and slightly
irritated. I couldnt blame her, we both had had a long day working out in the hot
sun, today we had been selling tablecloths and clothes but hardly anyone stopped
to buy anything.
What happen girl? Khadijah asked grouchily. I stepped into her apartment, my
eyes lighting up at the sight of her computer. I didnt have a computer at my
apartment so I usually went to the library if I had to use one.
I figured out a way to find my mother, I told her and she nodded in
understanding. She didnt approve of me chasing after my mother just to apply to
UWI but she still helped me in any way she can. I sat at her computer desk and
typed in Susans name into the search engine. It took me over two hours to find
her, it was hard with Khadijah constantly talking to me but we finally found her.
You going and talk to her? Khadijah asked. I nodded.
Toni, even if you dont find your mother, you would still consider going UWI?
she asked, her face had a motherly concern that I had never seen on her.
I dont know, I muttered.
You know I had apply to go to COSTATT? she said, looking down at the ground. I
stared at her in shock. Khadijah had never expressed any interest in education.
Shes always said that it wasnt her calling and there were others way to make
money. They never accept me. I apply for a job at UWI for a start and maybe I
might try Sital or Hotel school.
I never knew that, I told her, still in shock.
I was going and surprise yuh. I was going and be a rel good hairdresser or a flight
attendant. I know you could do better than me. I want you to. What you want to
be? she asked. I had considered what she had asked me a few times before but I
never gave it much thought because I didnt think it would happen to me. Good
things never seem to.
I think I want to be a writer, I told her with a shrug. In my free time, I had a
notebook where I wrote stories, basically what was going on around me but I
hadnt used that book for months. I knew I wanted to be a writer but I also knew
its something I probably wouldnt have accomplished.
Then write. Write a story and get it publish or somethin. Whether you find your
mother to talk to her or not, Khadijah said, her almost black eyes staring directly
into mine.
Ill think about it. Now I have to go find Susan, I told her, writing down Susans
address on my palm. Susan would have to know where my mother is or at least
she will know someone who could contact my mother. I excitedly stood up from
my seat and pulled Khadijah into a hug and thanking her before practically
running to my apartment. I picked up my bag and left the building. I felt a new
sense of confidence. I knew this was it. I was going to find my mother. Pulling out
my phone, I texted Micky asking him to meet me in front of my building. For some
reason, I wanted him to be there when I talked to Susan, considering he was also
being helpful. I waited to the front of the building, I kept my eyes fixated on the
evening sky until I felt someone tap my shoulder, I spun around quickly to see
Micky standing up there and I gave him a quick wave but he simply cocked one
eyebrow, it was obvious he wanted me to explain why I asked him to come here.
I figured out how to find my mother. The lady doesnt work far from here, I
explained as I started walking in the direction of Susans office, praying internally
that she didnt leave her office yet. He followed me silently as I lead the way, it
was at least a twenty minute walk but neither of us complained, I was used to
walking long distances and Micky seemed to be used to the distance too.
I looked up at the office building and took a deep breath before pushing the door
open. My heart was beating rapidly as I walked up to the front desk and forced a
smile to the middle aged man sitting there.
Good evening, how can I help you both? he asked politely. Micky seemed to be
in his own world as he stared out the glass door.
Im here to see Susan Mercedes, I told him.
Do you have an appointment? he asked, cocking one eyebrow. I sighed and
shook my head. It had never occurred me to call the building first. He gave me a
sad smile before he spoke.
Shes free now so Ill let you and your friend go up to see her, he said. Just
dont tell her I let you do it.
I thanked him when he gave me the directions to her office and I hurried to the
elevator, pushing the buttons with trembling fingers until Micky pushed my hand
away quickly and pressed the buttons for me. I gave him a grateful smile and his
lips twitched slightly showing his dimple slightly. The elevator finally stopped and
we made our way to Susans office. I stopped in front of the door and squeezed
my eyes shut and took deep breaths, trying to suppress my last meeting with
Susan.
I finally knocked on the door and an aging Susan opened the door. She stared at
me for a few moments before her face lit up with recognition.
Toni? she asked and I nodded my head, squealing in surprise when she pulled
me into a hug that I reluctantly returned after a while. I hadnt realized that there
were silent tears falling down my face until Micky gave me a worried look.
What are you doing here? she asked. I sighed and explained my situation to her
starting with when she dropped me off to live with Mr and Mrs Salandy. She put a
hand to her chest and gave me a pitiful look and I explained to her that I had to
find my mother before making this big step to sign up for UWI.
I need you to tell me what happened after you took me away. What happened to
her? I asked.
She was in prison for a couple years because she refused treatment at first but
after a while she decided to try the rehabilitation and she stayed in rehab for a
few years until she couldnt take it anymore and she left and they had no trace of
her but she was still on patrol and I actually had an officer check on her last
month. Shes practically living in Port of Spain General now, Susan said softly,
leaning on her desk. My heart rate which had been slowing down picked right
back up.
Why is she practically living in the hospital? What do you mean? I asked.
Sweetie, sometimes she drank more than 6 bottles of alcohol a day, Susan said,
as if trying to avoid the question. I felt my temper rise at this and I slammed my
hand down on her desk.
Answer my question! I exclaimed angrily. Her eyes widened and I heard a gulp
as she nodded mutely. I had forgotten about Micky, who was sitting on a chair in
the office watching the whole exchange, he looked tense as he sat on the edge of
his seat.
She has liver cancer. Shes always sleeping. Thats the last stage. It means her
body is shutting down, Susan said with tears running down her face. I felt sad but
it quickly turned to anger as I launched myself at Susan and pinned her to the
ground and slapped her across the face. She didnt react; she simply stared at me
in shock.
Your fault! This is your entire fault! I shouted. She looked shocked at my words.
It was the same words Mrs Salandy told me when her husband died. Its what my
neighbours tell me when they see my mother staggering on the road. I felt all the
anger and frustration I had built up over the years come out as I kept Susan
pinned to the ground. I lifted my hand to hit her again but I felt Micky pulling me
off of her. I tried to shove him away but he just tightened his grip on me while I
continued to shout at him and at her.
He tried to get me to be quiet but it wasnt working. Soon enough, many of the
workers were looking out their doors to see what was happening. Even the
security guards were watching the scene before them as Micky carried me out of
the building.
As soon as we reached outside the building I had stopped my shouting. I felt all
the grief I felt for my dying mother hit me hard as I slumped down onto the
pavement and cried. Micky sighed and rested a hand on my shoulder in comfort.
It was moments like these I wished he would talk. I wanted words of
encouragement not gestures and occasionally mouthed phrases.
Micky, will you ever talk to me? I whispered and looked up at him through my
teary eyes. He simply kept his eyes on the pavement which clearly meant he
didnt want to answer the question. The fact just made me cry more. For the
second time, I was crying in front of an office in front of Port of Spain.
It was times like these I wished the word serendipity existed for me. I needed a
miracle but anytime a miracle happened a tragedy came along with it.






Chapter 8
Serendipity; a surprising piece of luck. I shook all thoughts of that non- existent
word away as I finally stopped crying. I knew I had to get to Port of Spain General;
I looked at Micky who had been silently trying to comfort me.
We have to get to the hospital, I told him, wiping the tears away with my
sleeve. He nodded and we travelled to the Port of Spain General. I was still in
shock at the fact that my mother was dying of cancer. I blinked back tears; if she
dies I will officially be an orphan. I will be parentless. I bit my lip to keep from
sobbing but Micky seemed to notice my problem and he gave me a comforting
smile before turning his head to look out the window of the car. The taxi driver
finally stopped the car in front of Port of Spain General Hospital and I practically
ran inside with Micky and rushed to the front desk.
The receptionist gave us annoyed looks but plastered on a fake smile. How can I
help you? she asked.
Tell us where Patrice Hernandez is please. Im her daughter, I said in a rush, I
didnt want to go through any kind of formality.
Im sorry but this has to be cleared by Patrice and shes asle-, I grabbed her by
her collar before she could continue. She started trembling in fear as I glared at
her. Micky simply drummed his fingers on the tile counter, looking bored.
Lead me to her room now! I shouted at her. The other people in the waiting
room looked up but one glare from both me and Micky had them going back to
whatever they were doing before. I could tell they were all still listening in. The
nurse started speaking but her stuttering made her incoherent. I let go of her
collar and she asked another nurse who was passing by to take over while she
lead me to my mothers room.
My hands trembled as I followed her; I turned to Micky who had his head forward
as if he was trying not to look at any of the patients. I felt tears trickling down my
cheeks as we followed the lady down the hall. She was mumbling a few numbers
to herself, as if trying to remember my mothers room number. Just then she
stopped at a door and lead us in. I gasped when I saw my mother sleeping
peacefully on the bed.
I would have wished that after nine years she wouldnt have changed much but
she had changed. Her hair was patchy, her body was skinny -, she almost looked
like a skeleton- and her skin ashy. Her once full and lively face looked drawn in
and her face was tense, indicating she was in pain. A sob escaped my mouth as I
looked at her; I slumped into the chair next to her bed as I stared at her. The
nurse had thankfully left the room and Micky was standing at the door frame.
Mommy? I tried, her eyes fluttered open slightly before closing again, a small
smile graced her tense face.
Toni, she said, her voice was raspy and she sounded weak, as if talking was
taking up too much of her energy. You got beautiful.
She lifted her thin hand shakily and touched my face, I closed my eyes trying to
savour the moment. She wiped a stray tear away and put her hand back down.
You found me, she whispered. Her eyes closing back down again.
No Mommy, dont fall asleep, stay awake please, I begged her, taking her hand.
She opened her eyes weakly and looked at me. She looked as if every move she
made exhausted her. Mommy, I sobbed, resting my head on her bony chest as I
sobbed.
Dontcry child. This is my fault, she said, she looked as if it was taking all her
energy to stay awake. I going and dead, she whispered with a chuckle.
Please dont say that, I said, taking her other hand. My mother didnt deserve to
die. She seemed to be getting thinner by the minute and her breathing was harsh.
She started coughing uncontrollably. I grabbed her tissue off the night stand and
handed it to her. It broke my heart that the tissue was covered in blood.
Stay strong for me nah. Dont cry, she said, resting a hand on my cheek as I
nodded. I love you.
I love you too, I told her, kissing her forehead.
Keep talking until I fall asleep, she said.
I want to apply to UWI, I told her. She smiled up at me.
Dont be like me at UWI. I had give up because I was tired and it was rel work
and now look where I am, her mother said. That was the answer I had been
looking for. The reason my mother started drinking. It didnt even matter
anymore, she was in her deathbed. Do good at UWI, Toni. You is a smart child. I
raise a smart child.
I will. I promise, I said, her eyes were starting to close down. I knew her minutes
were numbered right now.
Good things will come to you Toni, she said before her eyes closed. I squeezed
my eyes shut as my tears fell uncontrollably, I felt for her heartbeat but it wasnt
there, I looked up at the ceiling and sobbed. My mother was dead. I was
parentless. I continued sobbing as I kissed her cold cheek.
Ill always love you, Mommy, I whispered before taking the sheet that she had
been using and covering her face, I grabbed a few flowers from a vase on the
nightstand and rested it on her bed. I covered my mouth with my hand and kept
sobbing. I felt a comforting hand on my shoulder and looked up to see Micky, his
eyes were red rimmed and glassy.
Im still with you, he said. I looked up at him in shock. His voice sounded raspy
and unused. For the first time since I found out about my mother I smiled. He
returned it sadly. Just then a few nurses walked in and calmly carried my mothers
body away . I couldnt control the sob that left my mouth again.
Bye mommy, I whispered as they wheeled her away. I felt a weird sense of
relief and grief. I was glad she didnt have to suffer with the cancer anymore and I
felt a new sense of courage as I walked out of the hospital room. I was going to
apply to UWI and make something of myself. I was going to further my education
to get a real job and make a better life for myself.
Im going to do it, Micky, I said, stopping suddenly. He spun around and gave
me a confused look and I smiled at him. Im going to UWI.
Me too, he said with a smile. I cocked one eyebrow at him, thinking about his
scholarship to go to the States.
What about your scholarship? I asked. Micky was an artist and he deserved to
show his talents to the world. He nodded at me and I grinned. He meant he was
going to the University abroad.
For once, in the midst of disaster. Things seemed to be falling into place.

















Chapter 9
Serendipity; finding something delightful without looking. I watched as people
started showing up onto the church. I sighed as I looked down at the casket and
the picture shown on it. The picture of me and my mother laughing. A hand on my
shoulder brought me out of my thoughts and I turned around to see Mickys best
friend, Sonny, giving me a playful smile but I could tell he felt sorry for me.
Over the months I had known Micky, I had developed a friendship with Sonny
which mostly consisted of playful bantering. Micky on the other hand had become
my best friend, apart from Khadijah. I smiled when I saw Micky and Khadijah,
sitting in the front row. She was mindlessly babbling and he was acting irritated
but there was an amused glint in his eyes.
How yuh doin Antonia? Sonny asked, calling me by my full name, simply to
irritate me. I scowled playfully at him and he chuckled and headed for his seat
next to Micky. I stared at the casket for a few minutes longer before going over to
sit with my friends. While we waited for the funeral to start, Khadijah and Sonny
were bickering and Micky would add a few sarcastic comments whenever he felt
like he should. Although Micky still barely spoke, it was a lot better than not
talking at all, sometimes he would do days without speaking and then start back
but I had gotten used to it.
I chuckled when Khadijah backhanded Micky for a particularly sarcastic comment
and he nearly fell off his chair, I knew that they were trying to act natural just for
me which I greatly appreciated. Someone cleared their throat and I realized the
pastor was ready to start the funeral.
Even though I worked hard to keep myself together I still cried when I delivered
the eulogy and a few of my neighbours gave speeches. I clutched on to Khadijahs
arm when they lowered the casket into the grave. I was sobbing, not even paying
attention as people tried to comfort me.
After a while, it was just the four of us left in the church, we had been silent until
surprisingly Micky spoke up.
Youre happy still right? he asked and I looked up at him and nodded.
Of course boy. I still here, Sonny joked, making all of us laugh. Although I was
still grieving I couldnt help but feel happier than I had ever felt as we left the
graveyard. It was the start of a new life for me.
That evening I visited the alley way Micky had shown me to view his art. I was
proud of him. He was leaving next month and although I would miss him, I could
come back here and reminisce whenever I wanted. I ran my fingers over a few of
the pieces and grinned. Some people could only hope they were as talented as
Micky.
I turned around and gasped when I saw a giant painting on the wall; it was a
painting of the picture of me and my mother. The one where we were both
laughing. I felt a few tears escape my eyes as I stared at it. Below it I noticed
Micky had signed his full name along with the word that was constantly on my
mind.
Serendipity.


Remember to call every day, I reminded Micky as he rolled his eyes at me. It
was the day he left for New York to do his art programme and also the day I
started UWI along with Sonny. Khadijah had applied for her job so she would be
working in the administrative building at UWI but she had plans to go to COSTATT
the following year. I pulled Micky in for a hug when they called his flight number.
Ill miss you, he whispered. I nodded and willed the tears not to fall. Micky had
been with me through the best and the worst and now he was leaving. I still had
Sonny and Khadijah luckily. I smiled as I watched them cry and say bye to Micky.
Remember to keep your promise, he told before heading into his gate.
I promise, I called after him. I knew it wasnt the last time seeing him since he
was visiting for Christmas. I hugged Sonny, who was crying and Khadijah and we
made our way out of the airport. It was still early in the morning but Sonny and I
had to reach there early for our orientation.
Are you okay? I asked Sonny. Micky had been his best friend before me so I
knew it would hit him harder having his best friend leaving the country. He
nodded mutely as he started his car and drove us to UWI. I looked back at the
airport and smile when I saw what must be Mickys plane taking off. I watched it
as it flew until it disappeared. Micky was one of the people who encouraged me
to go to UWI and I will be forever grateful for his friendship. I smiled and turned
to face Sonny who looked focused on driving and Khadijah who looked nervous
about her job.
I felt nervousness in the pit of my stomach as we drove onto the campus. It was
larger than I expected. Sonny gave me an encouraging smile before I stepped out
of the car and smiled as I stared at the administrative building. Khadijah gave the
building a nervous look. I pulled her into a hug and I felt her relax slightly.
Youll be the best worker they have, I told her. She smiled at me and Sonny
patter her shoulder encouragingly and I watched as she stepped into the building.
Now its our turn, Sonny said, pointing at the building where we would be
having our orientation. I let out a breath and wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans
and we walked towards the building. I accidentally bumped into someone and
turned around to apologize to the handsome boy who looked to be around my
age, he had light brown skin and striking brown eyes and a low haircut. He smiled
at me and I felt myself blushing as I smiled back at him. We held each others
gazes for a while until I turned around and walked into the administrative
building. I knew I was ready.
Good things really were coming. Ms Lucys lesson finally made sense to me.
Serendipity; the occurrence or development of events in a beneficial way. A
happy accident. The potential to make fortunate discoveries by accident. The
phenomenon of finding things not sought for. A happy coincidence. Finding
something good without looking for it. A chance occurrence. A surprising piece of
luck.
Good things had finally come to me. This was my serendipity.