!"# %&'( )*+("#,- .

#//#
1he flrsL clear memory l have ls of my mom and grandma prepplng me for Lhe flrsL day of
klndergarLen. As she combed my halr, l asked my Cammle why l had Lo wear noL one, buL "#$
very overwhelmlng, very plnk seersucker bows on Lop of my very red head. l can sLlll hear her
say Lo me, 8oys don'L chase ugly glrls on Lhe playground."

lor generaLlons, Lhe down-home, Loulslana women ln my famlly have been Lhe eplLome of
'souLhern belles.' lf you were Lo sLop by my momma's house on any glven day, you would mosL
llkely flnd aL leasL Lhree women perched on Lhe fronL porch, baLhlng ln Lhe warm afLernoon sun.
Skewed from Lhe whlLe whlcker day chalrs Lo Lhe yellow swlng and gosslplng abouL Lord knows
whaL, Lhey would be ouLslde for hours, slowly slpplng homemade sweeL Lea. 1he fronL door
eLernally wlde open, my Cammle would exclalm Lo any sLranger she saw wanderlng Lhe sLreeL,
now why don'L y'all come ln for a cool-down?"

AfLer lnLerrogaLlng you on your enLlre famlly hlsLory (now, do l know your momma?") Cammle
would slL you down and ln a maLLer of momenLs have found you a [ob, a house and a husband. lL
was always llke LhaL wlLh my famlly, Lhey wanLed Lo lmmedlaLely flx all of your problems."

Cammle and her momma, a frall buL felsLy old woman l call nana, seL Lhe Lone for Lhls souLhern
legacy of mlne. LeL me Lell you, when lL comes Lo Lhe women ln my famlly, Lhe apple never falls
far from Lhe heavlly halr-sprayed Lree. Sleepovers wlLh elLher one of Lhem were always an
experlence. l can remember belng woken up aL Lhe crack of dawn by Lhe sweeL sound of my
Cammle's volce overshadowlng uolly arLon's on Lhe radlo. !olene, !olene" she would slng as l
wandered sleepy-eyed lnLo her room Lo flnd her comblng her already perfecLly colffed halr,
probably for Lhe LwelfLh Llme slnce she'd goLLen up. 8less!" she would exclalm, and l knew l
had lnLerrupLed someLhlng splrlLual.

lor years, my couslns and l played a game wlLh nana LhaL l can sLlll recall Lo Lhls day. As her
dalnLy souLhern accenL would draw on, she would close her eyes beLween words, and we would
sLealLhlly see who could make Lhe mosL laps runnlng around her 3'2'' frame.

now" (one lap) dld you know" (four laps) LhaL your greaL" (anoLher Lhree) greaL" (Lwo more)
greaL" (and anoLher) greaL" (Lwo laps) grandfaLher once meL resldenL Woodrow Wllson?" (l
had won aL 13 laps LoLal.)

She would ramble on for hours abouL people, places and Lhlngs LhaL my young mlnd couldn'L
comprehend (and dldn'L care Lo.) 1hls parLlcular LralL has been passed down generaLlon afLer
generaLlon, unforLunaLely resulLlng ln many a monologue LhaL my frlends are Loo Llred Lo slL
Lhrough.

When l came Lo 8aylor l qulckly learned LhaL even Lhe glrls ln LasL 1exas couldn'L measure up Lo
my souLhern background. lL seemed Lo Lhem my experlences sounded more llke a sLorybook
from 1943. When my freshman roommaLe polnLed ouL LhaL my volce sounded less accenLed and
more llke anoLher language enLlrely, lL flnally hlL me. lor Lhe flrsL Llme, l reallzed LhaL my
chlldhood had been unlque, someLhlng LhaL couldn'L be sald for [usL anyone born Lhls slde of Lhe
Mason ulxon.

My college experlence rapldly Lransformed lnLo someLhlng l had never known before. Suddenly,
l could make my own cholces. no one knew me here. l could be whoever l wanLed. A laLe nlghL
declslon Lo geL my nose plerced was Lhe flrsL slgn l was changlng. Momma crled because l
lnslsLed on poklng holes ln my body" and l was sure Cammle was rolllng over ln her grave. l
Lraded ln my sweeL Lea maker for a lrench ress and a couple hundred lncense sLlcks.
Weekends were devoLed Lo edlLlng lnsLagrams and researchlng vamplre Weekend's laLesL
album. My ombred halr had everyone convlnced l was from beach clLy ln Crange CounLy.

lL was llke a whole new world, and Lhough l embraced lL head-on, l couldn'L help buL Lhlnk back
Lo my Loulslana rooLs. lL seemed normal LhaL l would learn Lo make homemade sweeL Lea aL Lhe
age of elghL. When Sundays rolled around, l knew Lhere would be enough food on Lhe sLove Lo
feed a small army. lf someone happened Lo drop ln, Lhere was no Lelllng whaL Llme Lhey would
leave. Lveryone was welcome, lL was llke every famlly dlnner had Lhe posslblllLy of becomlng a
full-fledged parLy. l never wondered lf everyone else was dolng lL dlfferenLly.

1hls pasL summer l had an lnLernshlp ln norLhern Callfornla, and l learned even more [usL how
ouL of Lhe ordlnary my chlldhood experlence had been (and also how wrong my frlends had
been when Lhey LhoughL l was from Lhe beach.) My besL frlend aL work was an lndlan glrl named
ChrlsLal, and our backgrounds could noL be more dlfferenL. As a glrl, ChrlsLal had dreamL of
havlng an arranged marrlage, whlle l, on Lhe oLher slde of Lhe counLry, had been plannlng my
exLravaganL, fronL-porch weddlng slnce l could remember. Cammle always lnslsLed LhaL l have
aL leasL elghL brldesmalds, a fuller weddlng parLy [usL looks beLLer", and of course l knew she
was rlghL.

ChrlsLal wasn'L Lhe only one challenglng my LradlLlons. Lverywhere l wenL l found more and
more people who sLood ln sLark conLrasL Lo myself. Pere l was, ln Lhe mlddle of whaL seemed
llke anoLher planeL enLlrely, quesLlonlng whaL l had been LaughL, and more lmporLanLly,
quesLlonlng whaL l belleved.

l challenged Lhe Lhlngs l had been LaughL for so long, how far had l come from LhaL small-Lown
souLhern glrl who wanLed llLLle else besldes a hard-worklng man and a house on more acres
Lhan she could counL? WhaL good was blg halr lf Lhere weren'L blg bralns sLuffed somewhere
behlnd lL? uld growlng up mean l had Lo forgeL everyLhlng l had been LaughL?

lor me, lL's a balanclng acL. 1aklng blLs and pleces of advlce, LhaL for one reason or anoLher have
sLood Lhe LesL of Llme, and comblnlng Lhem wlLh my own unlque personallLy.

1here are some Lhlngs LhaL l wlll Lake wlLh me Lo Lhe grave. Lven aL Lhe supermarkeL, you won'L
caLch me wlLhouL a palr of earrlngs on. Cammle LaughL me Lo always be prepared, some women
flnd Lhelr husbands ln elemenLary school, oLhers whlle runnlng errands on a Sunday afLernoon.

lor LhaL reason, l sLlll conslder myself a souLhern belle." lL's someLhlng LhaL has been lnsLllled ln
me, l couldn'L change lL lf l Lrled. now l can say l know exacLly whaL LhaL means for %&.
8alanclng our pasL and our fuLures ls a Lrlcky Lhlng for all of us, buL lL doesn'L have Lo be. l don'L
have Lo casL off my good manners and souLhern hosplLallLy Lo flL ln. l don'L need Lo forgeL advlce
LhaL has been passed down for generaLlons, maybe l [usL need Lo make some amendmenLs.

Why can'L l belL 1lm McCraw whlle sporLlng a nose rlng? WhaL's wrong wlLh a llLLle lncense
burnlng whlle l serve frlends some good ole' souLhern sweeL Lea? Who says LhaL exLra palr of
earrlngs won'L make my fuLure husband noLlce me across Lhe supermarkeL? So here l am, llvlng
up Lo noL only my Cammle's souLhern ldeals, buL my own ldeals as well. l'm a souLhern belle aL
hearL, y'all, and l wouldn'L have lL any oLher way.