WhoAmIToJudge?

By:EmilyWilliams
ItwasMay30th1942inthecityofCologneGermany.Abriskspringbreezeblew
throughthecrowdedcitystreetsaspeoplebustledeverywhichwayeveryoneseemingtobelate
tosomething.AmixofNazisoldiersandcivilianscouldbeseenthroughoutthestreets,
somehowcoexistinginanunexpectedway.Everyonewasonasetpathandcompletelyoblivious
totheirsurrounding,MoritzZimmermannwasnoexception.Theyoungmusicianpushedhis
waythroughthestreets,withhisviolininhand.Thelookofdisdainonhisfaceindicated
annoyancewiththecurrentcrowdsofpeoplezigzagginginandoutofhisway.Heheldhimself
inawaythatsuggestedsuperiority.Moritzwaslate,again.Thethirdtimethisweek,luckilylate
todifferentplaceseachtime,butallthesamelate.Hewasadisgrace.Afinemusiciansuchas
himselfshouldneverbesorudeastoappearlatetoanything.Heabsolutelyhatedbeinglateand
hateditwhenotherswerelate,andyetfoundhimselfagaininapanickyhurrytoarriveathis
destination.TodaysengagementswhereespeciallyimportantbecauseitwasthedayMoritz
wouldhaveachanceathisdream,hewasauditioningfortheColognesymphony.Ahighhonor
initself,Moritzwasamazedhehadevengottentheopportunity.Heglancedathiswatchagain,
threeminuteslate,pickeduphispaceandinhishasteranstraightthroughagroupofyoung
childrenplayingafriendlygameofsoccer,knockingaboyoverhecontinuedinhisquest.He
passedastreetmusicianplayingtunesonaguitar,theboycouldnthavebeenmorethan15.The
boyremindedthemanofayoungversionofhimselfandhefaltereddoubtingjustforasecond
whathewasabouttodo.Moritzshookofthefeelingandcontinued.Finallytheoperahousewas
insight,hebrokeintoarunandburstthroughthedoorsinadisheveledfrenzyandnotaminute
toolate.Thepreviousmusicianwasjustplayingthelastnoteofhispiece.Stillinapanicked
hurryMoritzunpackedhisviolinrosinedhisbowandwaitedforhisnametobecalled.
HerrMoritzZimmermann,saidtheoldconcertmasterholdingtheauditions.Givingthe
unrulylookingyoungmanadisapprovinglook.Moritzstumbleduptothestageanervoussweat
beginningtoappearonhisforehead.Thiswasithischancetoprovehimself,andachanceat
famehecouldntscrewthisupforhissakeandthesakeofall.Oncehehadreachedthemiddle
ofthestage,MoritzplacedtheViolinunderhischin,gavehisbowonemorequickturntomake
sureitwasproperlytightened,tookonedeepbreathandbegantoplay.Thesecondthebowhit
thestring,allfeelingofnervousnessandstressvanishedandhewasabsorbedintothemusic.
AlthoughMoritzhadnotalwaysbeenaclassicalmusicianandthenewlifestylehehadadopted
uponmovingtoColognewasverydifferent,thismomentperformingthepiecehehadworkedso
hardonmadeitallworthit.Thismomentgavepurposetohisstudies,thatisifheweretomake
thecutitwould.Thepiececametoaclosetheinhabitantsoftheauditoriumapplaudedpolitely,
Moritzgaveabowandwalkedoffstage.
Themusicianswouldnotgetthenewsofhowtheirauditionswentforseveralweeks,
therewhereimportantdecisionstobemadebyimportantpeoplewhowouldthensendout
importantletterstoalloftheunimportantpeoplewhohavebeenchosentosomedaybe
important.Allofitacomplexgameofchessandhewasjustalittlepawnhopingsomedayhe
couldbecomeaking.Everypawnwantstobeakingtheonlyproblemistherecanonlybeso
manykings,andtherecanbejustaboutasmanypawnsasyoucouldpossiblywant.Moritzat
thispointintimewasveryconfused.Hewalkedthroughthestreetsnolongerinahurrynot
reallyknowingwherehewasgoing.Hisheadboweddownhemulledovereverysinglesmall

detailofthepiecehehadjustperformed.Hewentovereverymistakethatwasmadeevery
mistakethatcouldhavebeenmade.Hemadedifferentscenariosupinhisheadconcerningwhat
couldpossiblyhappeninthenextweek.Andashecontemplatedtheseandhislifeingeneral,
Moritzrealizedwhathewasfeeling,nolongersoconfused.Whathewasfeelingwasasenseof
emptiness.Itfeltasthoughsomethingveryimportantwasmissingfromhislife.Thiswascrazy
heputthethoughtsaside.
Astheyoungmusiciancontinuedhistrektoanunknowndestinationalightdrizzle
began.ThiswasnotanuncommonweatherpatternforlatespringinGermany.InfactMoritz
madeanefforttoalwayscarryanumbrella,butinhishastetomakeittohisauditionontimehe
hadforgottenit.Itwouldbesittingintheentrywaytohisquaintlittleapartmentonthefourth
floor.Moritzshookhisheadathisstupiditybutdidnotdwellonittoolong,therainhadbegun
topickupandhedidntwanthisviolingettingwet.Allofthelightswhereoffonthestreethe
wasonsoMoritzcontinuedalongtheblock,aroundacornerandontothestreetwherethe
cathedralwas.Hewasagood20minutewalkawayfromhomeanddecidedtotryandtake
shelterratherthanstartingthelongwalkhomeimmediately.Hespottedasmalldimlylitpubthat
hehadnevernoticedbeforeandhustledovertoit.Thepubwasacosylittleplacewitha
fireplaceabarandafewtables,therewasayoungcoupleseatedatatableandafewmensitting
atthebar.Alonelylookingbartenderwasservingthemendrinks.Moritztookaseetasensible
distanceawayfromtheothermenbutnotfarenoughtoseemrude.Therewasalowchattery
atmosphereintheroomandthedistantcracklingofthefire.
Thebartendercameover,gavehimasmileandtookhisorder.Themanwasoldermost
likelyinhis40sandlikelyaveteranofthefirstworldwar,Moritzspeculated.Spottinghisviolin
themansfacesuddenlybrightened.
Howwonderful,amusicianwontyouplayusafewsongs?thebartenderasked,then
lookingaroundheaskedthefewpeople,Wecouldallusesomemusictogiveusalittle
cheeringuponanightlikethisdontyouthink?Theotherpeopleinthepubmurmuredtheir
agreement,notbeingusedtosomeoneactingsofriendlytostrangers.Friendlinessistypically
savedforfriends,andwhileyoumustbepolitetostrangers,oneisnotentitledtobefriendlyand
makesmalltalk.

WellIsupposeitwouldnthurttoplayacoupletunes,respondedMoritztothe
bartendersexcitement.Itfeltgoodtofeelalittleappreciationaftercomingfromsuchaharsh
audition.Beforethewar,beforehisstudiesintheuniversity,andbeforemovingawayfromhis
familyMoritzhadbeenquitethecreativemusician.Therewasnostructuredclassicalmusicfor
himitwasalljazzandfolkandwhateverMoritzandhisfriendslittlemindscouldcomeup
with.Jazzmusicwasawayoflifeforthekidsnotapastimeasmanynonmusicianspresumed.
Butthencamethewarandalongwithitthebanningofallthingfun,asMoritzhadthenthought
ofit.Itwastimefortherecklessmusiciantogrowup.Moritzhadamothertwoolderbrothers
andayoungersister.Thefamilywasfairlywelloffforthetimebeing.Moritzslatefatherhad
beenofimportancebackinhisday.Histwobrothersweresentofftothewaryearsagobutatthe
time,hewastooyoung.BythetimeMoritzwas18andcouldbedrafteroneofthebrotherswas
deadandtheNazisshowedpityonhislittleoldmother.Moritzwaslefttheonlysoninthe
familytolivehislifeinGermanyawayfromthewarfornow.Everyonehadhighhopesforthe
talentedmusician.Toeveryone'ssurprisehehadgrownupfromthatrecklessyoungladandhad
turnedintoasophisticatedman.HelefttogototheStaatlicheHochschulefrMusikinCologne

oneofthebestmusicschoolinGermany.Donewithhisstudiesandreadyfortheworld,he
auditionedforarealsymphony.
NowinthislittlelonleypubwithalleyesonhimMoritztookouthisviolinandbeganto
play.Nottheboringclassicalmusichehadbeenplayingunderstrictordersforthelast3years
butratherhelethisoldcreativeselfcomeout.HeplayedfiddletunesandGermanfolksongs
includingthesongLiliMarlene,acommonsonginGermanyespeciallyinthemilitary.Itwas
alsothefirstsongMoritzhadeverlearnedontheviolin.Everyoneelsesunganddancedlateinto
theevening.Thethingsheplayedwereconsideredillegalbythegovernmentnow,butinthis
littlepubnoonehadthehearttoreporthim.Everyonewassimplyhappyforthelittlebitofjoy
inthiscoldandwartorncountry.Asheplayedapangingfeelingofregretranthroughhisbody.
Hadhemadetherightdecisionthreeyearsago,todesertthemusichecouldverywellhavebeen
meanttoplay?Thingscouldbeverydifferenttoday,buthehadmadehisdecisionsandnowwas
notthetimetosecondguess.
Asthehoursgrewlate,peoplegotsleepy,andtheyoungviolinistbegantopackuphis
things.Hesippedonabeerprovidedbythebartendernotyetreadytoretiretohishumbleabode
acrossthecity.Thecalmmoodinthebarwassuddenlyinterruptedbyanunbearablyloudand
highpitchednoise.Everyonepresentrecognizedthefamiliarsoundofbombsirens.Theseven
peopleinthelonelypubsatinthereseatsstunnedgrabbingtheirearsandcoveringtheirheads.
Aftergettingovertheinitialshockoftheloudnoise,Moritzbegantocontemplatewhatexactly
heshoulddonext.ThiswasnotthefirsttimeabombthreathadbeensoundedinColognebut
wasallthesameterrifying.Right,hethoughtfindshelter.
Isthereabombshelterhere?Heyelledatthefriendlybartenderwhileattemptingto
closehisviolincase.
No!Themanyelledbackwhileintheprocessofpackingupafewpossessionsand
headingforthedoor.Moritzfollowedthemanoutofthepub,closelyfollowedbythefewother
peopleinthebar,allmakingthesubconsciousdecisiontoputtheirlivesintothisbartenders
hands.Thiswasagooddecisionthepeoplewouldlaterrealizebecausethebartenderknewthis
partofthecitybestoutofallofthem.Heledthesevenintothecathedralalittlelessthanablock
away.
Moritz,thebartenderandthefewotherpeoplewhohadbeeninthepubhurriedlypushed
throughtheoverlymassivedoorsoftheCologneCathedral.UponopeningthedoorsMoritzwas
stunnedbythesightthatgreetedhim.Hehadneverbeforebeeninacathedralandthesheersize
oftheplacelefthimbreathlesseveninhiscurrentfright.AlthoughasachildMoritzandhis
brothershadgonetoaCatholicchurchasmanyfamiliesinGermanydo,hehadnotcontinuedin
hisfaithandthushadneverbeentothismiraculousCathedral.Thesoundofbombscrashingall
aroundthecityshookthefloorsputtingthepeopleintoapanickedfrenzy.Ayoungnunsawthe
seventerrifiedpeopleenterthechurchandhurriedthroughthelonglinesofpewstogreetthem.
Sheledthewayacrosstheechoingfloorstoasmallshelternexttothealter.Shetookoutabig
ringofkeysandfumbledtofindtheonetotheshelterdoor,finallyshefoundtherightone,
pulledopenthedooronsqueakinghingesandhelditopenallowingtheseventoenterthemusty
bombshelter.
Imstayingouthereincaseanyoneelseiscoming,saidthenunrunningbacktowards
theCathedraldoors.
Thedoorsoftheshelterwhereslammedshut.Theyneversawthatnunagain.Fearwas
onthefacesofeveryone.Theyoungcouplefromthepubheldeachother,atearrunningdown

thegirlsface.Themenseatedthemselvesinacornerattemptingtoappearhard,calm,and
unfazedbythecurrentthreat,butyoucouldstillseeintheireyesthefearthatisalwayspresent.
Theonlyoneintheshelterseemingtobecalmwasthelonelybartender.Seeingthis,theyoung
musicianmadehiswayoverthroughthecrampeddarkandmustyspaceandtookaseatnextto
him.
Bombscontinuedtocrashoutside.Approximatelyeverythreeminutestheshelterwould
shakeindicatinganotherbombdroppingonthesurface.
Abouttwentyminuteshadpassedbeforeoneofthemenfromthebaraskedhisfriend,
Doyouthinkthenunisalright?Shouldntshebebackbynow?Shouldsomeonegocheck?
Hisfriendlookedathimwithwideeyes,Areyoucrazy?Wellbekilled.Dontyou
hearthebombs??Shesprobablydeadforgetaboutit.Thefirstmanhadnothingtosaytothis
andturnedhisheadaway.Theshelterwasyetagainsilentforatime.Eventuallythenervous
tensesilencedroveMoritzovertheedge,heturnedtothebartender,
ExcusemeIdontbelieveIevergotyourname,andseeingaswewillbehereforquite
awhile,figurewemightaswellgetacquainted,saidMoritzextendinghishandtothehim.
Afterashorthesitationthemantookhishandandreplies,ThenamesAlbert,and
yours?
Moritztoldthemanhisnameandashortsilenceensuedasthetwoponderedwhatwouldbe
appropriatetosaynext.
FinallyAlbertaskedMoritz,Soyougotanyfamilyoutthere?IknowIwouldbe
worriedsickifIhadanyoneIcaredaboutoutthere.
IttookMoritzamomenttoreplytothequestionbuteventuallyheanswered,Noitsjust
me,myfamilyisbackinMunichwhereIwasbornIcamehereformystudiesandmusic.How
aboutyourself?Nofamilyhereeither?
OhnoIdonthaveanyfamily,alldead,someinthefirstwarothersfromsickness,Im
theonlyoneleftnow.
Oh.Moritzreplied.Itseemedthemanwasjustaslonelyashimself.Apartfromafew
acquaintancesandpeopleheoftenplayedmusicwithMoritzwasaloneinCologne.Andsurehe
hopedhisacquaintanceshadfoundgoodcoverbuttherewasnoonehecaredenoughfortobe
worried.Theotherpeopleinthissheltermusthavefamilyandbeworriedsickaboutthem.
YouknowIknewthisdaywouldcome,everyonehasbeentalkingaboutmore
bombingscomingtoourcity.Youhearalotofgossiptendingbarforaliving,especiallywithall
thesoldiersaround,Albertsaidseemingtojustbetalkingtofilltheemptyspaceintheroom.
Ohreally?Moritzansweredpolitely,Ithoughttheywerejustrumors,neverthoughtit
wouldactuallyhappen,guessImnotaswiseasIthoughtIwas.
Imsureyouareplentysmart,butwisenesscanonlycomewithage,withexperiences,
thatissomethingyoudonotyethave.Butdontworryyouwillgainknowledge,youwill
continuetoaccumulatewisdomwitheverydayofyourlife,recountedAlbertseemingtobea
littlesentimental,Stillsoyoungandsoinnocent,treasureitwhileyoucan,youknowIwasnt
alwayssuchaloser.BackinthedayIwasquitethemusicianmyself,butthenthefirstwarcame
around,Ihadtoprovideformyfamilyandbackthenyoucouldntmakewhatyoucannow
playingmusic.SoIgaveupmydream,andforwhattheyarealldeadnowanyways.Worthless,
mylifehasbeenworthless.ButallthesameImadedecisionsthatmayhavebeenthewrong
ones,thereisnothingIcandonowtochangethem.Dontdwellonthepast,youhearmeboy?
Moritznoddedtakingineverywordthemanhadtosay,Everythingwillhappenforareason,

theoldmancontinued,Youwillhavegoodtimesbutyouwillalsohavebadtimes,just
remembereverythingwillleadtosomethingelse.Causeandeffect.Abadthingcouldverywell
endinagoodthing.ThatiswhyIlivemylifethewayIdoIdonotbelieveinanyoneelses
ideas,includingHitlers.Everypersondeservestheirownperspective,andwhileweshouldnot
judgeothersfortheiropinionsweshouldlisten,thereisnosuperiorrace.Ihavemetmanya
differentkindofpeopleinmylifetime,andneveroncedidIlookdownonsomeonebecauseof
theirrace,becauseoftheirorigin.Thereisnothingtheycandoaboutthewaytheylookorwho
theirparentsare.WhoamItojudge?
Themanswordsresonatedthroughthedimshelterlitonlybyasmalllantern.AmIto
judge?themanhadsaid,Moritzhadneverthoughtofitthisway,althoughhehadneverbeena
truefollowerofHitlerandtheNaziideas,hehadneverthoughtofcomingupwithaperspective
ofhisownonthematter.Hehadbeentaughtasachildtonotspeakout,blendinanddon'tcause
trouble.Especiallywithourcurrentleader,everyonelivesinfear.Butwhydontmorepeople
understand,understandwhatthisoldmanhasjustexplainedtoMoritz.Whydoesnteveryone
lookattheworldinthatway.Whoisanyonetojudge.
AlbertwaschangingMoritzsperspective.Makinghimrealizehehadaperspective.His
mindwasinawhirlwindofconfusion.Newideas,adifferentwayoflookingattheworldwas
beingintroducedintohislife.Moritzstruggledtomakesenseofitall,tocomprehendthelesson
thathadjustbeentaughttohim.Whathewoulddowiththislesson.
Whyhaveyounottoldmorepeopleaboutthisideaofyours?Thiswayofviewinglife?
MoritzaskedAlbert.
WellIdontreallyknow,Imnothingbutabartender,whoisgoingtolistentome
anyways?Idonthavethethingstosaythatthepeoplewanttohear,thatisthebigdifference
betweenourleaderandamansuchasmyself.Peopledontwanttohearthattheyareequalto
everyoneelse,theywanttobelievethattheyarespecial,everyonewantstobespecial.
Huh,Moritzrepliedstilldeepinthought,inthemidstofapersonalrevelation.Afew
minutespastbeforeMoritzopenedhismouthagain,Butdontyouthinkpeopledeserveto
know?
Albertansweredmatteroffactly,Wellsuretheydeservetoknow,everyonedeservesto
knowthetruth,buttheworldisnotafairplace.Trustmesoneverythingwillrunitscourse,
somepeopleweremeanttomakeadifferenceotherswerenot.Ihavemissedmychancetomake
achangetoenlightentheworldbutthereareotherswhostillcould.
Moritznoddedandcontinuedtocontemplatethis.MaybeIcouldbetheonetochangethe
world.AlbertmayhavemissedhischancebutIhaventyet,Moritzthoughttohimself.Heasked
himself,whydontIsharemygoodfortunewithothers.WhoamItojudgeothers,Ishouldbe
helpingthem,Ishouldbesharingmygift.
AtthatmomentMoritzZimmermannsworetohimselftochange,hesworetohelpthose
lessfortunate,tosharehisgift,hismusicwitheveryonelessfortunatethanhimself.Hesworeto
lookattheworldthroughdifferenteyes,andhesworetohelptheworldgainanewperspective.
Andhewoulddothisstartingbyeducatinghimself,thisman,Albertwhohenowviewedasa
newlyfoundmentorcouldteachhimheknewit.
StilldeepinthoughtMoritzjumpedatthesoundofsirensblaringagainbutthistimethey
broughtjoy,thebombingwasoveritwassafetocomeout.Surprisedtoevenstillbealivethe
sevencautiouslyexcitedtheshelterandtotheirsurprisefoundthecathedralstillintact,they
proceededintothestreetsandthesighttheysawwasalittledifferent.Thestreetswereladen

withdebrisandeverywhereyoulookedthereweredazedpeopleclimbingoutofthewreckageof
whatwasoncehousesoropeningupsheltersonlytobestunnedbythebrightmorninglightand
chilledbythecoolbreeze.Therewasamixtureofmorningpeoplecrowdedaroundinjuredloved
onesandrejoicingpeoplesimplyhappytobealive.ThemixtureofemotionsconfusedMoritz
andothersaswell.Thejoythatcouldbeseenonseveralpeoplesfaceswassoongoneasthe
realizationofwhathadbecomeoftheirbeautifulcitybegantosinkin.Theiramazingcitywasa
pileofrubble.Thousandsofhouseshadbeendestroyedandthousandsmorepeoplewouldnow
behomeless.ThroughallofthissaddestructionMoritzstillfeltasenseofrelief,although
hundredshaddied,hehadmadeafriendandlearnedavaluablelesson.Theyoungviolinistwas
anewmanandwaspreparedtohelphiscity,rebuilditselffromthegroundup.
Albertsawthisandsawhowmuchhehadhelpedtheyoungmusicianandhewasproud.
ForthefirsttimeinalongtimeAlbertfeltlikehehadaccomplishedsomethinglikehislifehada
purpose.AndevenintheeyesofdisasterAlbertandMoritzsmiled,bothfilledwiththehope
theyhadinstilledinoneanotherinthosehoursspentinthebombshelter.Warisanawfulthing,
butevenfromtheworstexperiencesagoodcancome.Homesweredestroyed,liveswerelost
andalonestoodtwoenlightenedpeople.Thepowerofknowledgeoffriendshipcouldbeseenin
thefacesofthesemen.Overthenextthreeyears,thetwomenwouldbefacedwithmany
hardshipstherewouldbemanymorebombings.Thesetwowouldneverlosehopeandwould
surviveonlybecauseofthisfriendship.Thisfriendshipthatwouldneverhavecometobe
withouttheactionsoftheBritishbombersthattookplaceonthenightofMay30th1942.This
oneshiningbrighteventthatwouldbelostinthethousandsofterriblestoriesofwar.Thiswasa
storythatwastoldnottosaythatwarwasagoodthing,butrathertoportraythatsomethinggood
canalwayscome.Outofthemillionsofstoriesthatcouldhavebeentold,letustellahappyone
aswell.