Author 16/11/2014 22:40

Comment [1]: Compound adjective needs

... [1]

Author 16/11/2014 22:42

Comment [2]: More concise.

Author 16/11/2014 22:30

Letter of Intent

Comment [3]: First word of quotation...must

[3]

Reviewer changes 8/12/2014 17:54

My father, a life-long civil servant, often said, "No one ever changed the world by

Deleted:

Reviewer changes 8/12/2014 17:54

sitting back and hoping that someone would do something." My fathers commitment

Deleted: , has, often said to me, "no ... [2]

Author 16/11/2014 22:30

to high standards and influential work has inspired me to follow in his footsteps,
rather than sit back in the shadows merely wishing to effect change. Through hard
work and determination, I have defined my interests and honed in on future goals.

Comment [4]: Comma required.

Reviewer changes 8/12/2014 17:54

Deleted: making the world a better

... [4]

Author 16/11/2014 22:40

Comment [5]: Split infinitive.

Author 16/11/2014 22:46

Comment [6]: This sounds much more
... [6]

My seven years of working as a government officer have inspired me to make an even

greater impact through public administration; in this way, I can contribute to society
by advancing the structure and function of government, modifying policies, and

Reviewer changes 8/12/2014 17:54

Deleted: dreaming of the world I wish...to[5]
see.

Author 16/11/2014 22:47

Comment [7]: Again, much more

... [7]

Reviewer changes 8/12/2014 17:54

Deleted: .

improving federal operations. In China, effective public administration is an

Reviewer changes 8/12/2014 17:54

indispensable part of a well-functioning society. Although China employs the largest

Author 16/11/2014 22:48

number of civil servants in the world, the Chinese government is still widely criticized

Author 16/11/2014 22:32

for its inefficiency, poor implementation, and capricious policies. I hope to enroll in

Reviewer changes 8/12/2014 17:54

Deleted: Aftery seven years of working

... [8]as
Comment [8]: These thoughts should...be[9]
Comment [9]: Sentence lacks fluidity
... and
[10]
Deleted: operational processes.

your MPA program to acquire the skills necessary to return to China and reform

Reviewer changes 8/12/2014 17:54

Deleted: provides a great example for
... [11]

public systems. Your MPA program will provide a solid foundation in public

Author 16/11/2014 22:34

Comment [10]: Compound adjectives
need
... [12]

administration and preparation for the challenges of modern governance.

Reviewer changes 8/12/2014 17:54

Deleted: wishope to enroll in your ...
MPA
[13]

Author 16/11/2014 22:38

Comment [11]: Should be work

The combination of my management skills, relevant research, and work experience

... [15]

Reviewer changes 8/12/2014 17:54

Deleted: and relevant research, and
... [14]

make me an ideal candidate for your program. My Bachelors degree in English

Literature and Culture and my Masters degree in Media Economics and Management
required very different approaches to learning. In addition to my basic research skills,

Author 16/11/2014 22:38

Comment [12]: Cannot have X and...Y[16]
and

Author 16/11/2014 22:56

Comment [13]: This didnt even make
... [18]

Reviewer changes 8/12/2014 17:54

Deleted: have provided me with training
in
... [17]

my professional experience as a Senior Officer at the Central Committee of the China

Author 16/11/2014 22:56

Comment [14]: Title

Democratic Construction Association will bring a unique perspective to my studies.

While organizing national public events and international conferences, I wrote press
releases and served as the primary media contact, as well as worked with large-scale

Reviewer changes 8/12/2014 17:54

Deleted: I believe that y professional
... [19]

Reviewer changes 8/12/2014 17:54

Deleted: In this position, I participated
... [20]

information databases. Furthermore, I served in the Investment Promotion Bureau in

Qianxi County, one of the poorest counties in China, which was a novel experience in
performing administrative tasks in the rural local government for the benefit of the
residents.

My professional experience and enlightened understanding of political and social

Reviewer changes 8/12/2014 17:54

Deleted: various rofessional

issues in China will allow me to make unique contributions to seminar discussions,

... [21]

collaborative projects, and research opportunities. I look forward to benefitting from

your MPA programs comprehensive curriculum, as well as learning from some of the
most distinguished academics in the field. The University of Manitoba MPA program
represents the intersection of my passions, goals, and interests; I look forward to this
next step in my career development.

Author 16/11/2014 23:15

Comment [15]: Rewrote and revised all of
this. It is now more professional, and will
convince admissions officers that your
experiences and interests make you a good fit.