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When we give up on Religion the Gods die twice.

There is a sense of loss, bereavement and confusion
And the aching soul is reaching out disconsolate
For a source of nourishment within
If we have the courage to find it
PROLOGUE
A boy of twelve in the Temple in Jerusalem
Slipped his parents
To play hooky for three days
Listening wide-eyed
Stunned by the stories
Blasted by the apprehension
Of what he had to do
How to fulfil
Over three hundred prophesies
Remorselessly set out
In rigorous detail
Places Times and People
The multiple tasks he must accomplish
A thousand years of divination
By old men in the desert
By Kings and Priests and Prophets
Foretold a catalogue of events
A jam-packed diary
To be accomplished in three years
And he must get it right
For they would be checking dates
Investigating narratives
Questioning witnesses

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He needed irrefutable proofs
Reliable testimonies
Backup he could depend on
A group of friends who would see him through to the end

How to survive the New Order

We the new-born
Shaky
Unstable
Faltering on unsteady feet
Stunned by a dazzle we cannot interpret
And how to let go of the Old
We the dying
Shaken
Unsteady
Clutching at space
Where once there was meaning
Reaching for crutches
For structures that no longer exist
Where are the resonant texts
The outworn sounds
That once were words
That once gave meaning
To our hollowness
And now make it more hollow
Who are we now
Spanning the void
Treading the air
Dying and being born
Giving birth to ourselves
Without oxygen
WHAT ARE THE RULES
We cling to the lip of the volcano
Because it is our home
Living from day to day
Unknowing
Unrepentant

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The only place we know
But the New Order
Is not what weve been told
For there are no rules
And warfare comes disguised
This is a masked ball
Where bombs come as hymns
Bullets as liturgies
The sky rains psalms
Beliefs kill
And holy passion immolates itself
In a fire that does not purify
But leaves the stinking remnants of the soul
No place to go
Our spirits ache for sacred things
For the discredited men in frocks
Who soaped our sins away
And took us on a trip
A Mystery Tour that ended in the toilets
This is no time to live on a volcano
If you want to mock a man
You have only to implement his teachings
No need to kill him
Human Nature will do that
Too great a Love is indigestible
It cannot be absorbed by us poor sods down here
And blows us all to bits
The Man from Galilee knew this perhaps
But couldnt help himself
He was who he was
And didnt need the fervent words
Of prehistoric old men in the desert
To tell him what to do
It was a dilemma though
For the famous Gurus had predicted
A climactic
A world-changing event
Embodied by a man who fits the part
And can sell the story to the punters
Could he turn down this starring role
Or was he condemned to say the words

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Perform the deeds foretold historically
By excited old men in a book
What would you do
The script was irresistible
It had everything but sex
(Only a randy race could be so coy)
And he had all the best lines
Lets face it we are hooked on this man
We dont care if hes unbalanced
And bent on self-destruction
We are in love
And do not want his senseless death
To howl our sins away
(Leave my sins alone Man
Private stuff you know what I mean
Let me face up what Ive done
And maybe Ill grow up a little
Work off the debt you know what I mean)
But no you had to act out this obscenity
Because you were DESERTED right
Hung out to dry
By a God who did not care
Who left you ALONE
And like you said ABANDONED YOU
So where does that leave us
Who have to bear the burden of your pain
Your self-destruction and immoderation
Simply because we love you
And want to redeem your suffering
You thought you had no choice perhaps
Overwhelmed by a Love you could not control
You yearned to sacrifice yourself
To save US
But it went wrong didnt it
It never stood a chance
And now we see the story had been infiltrated
Right from the start
Twisted and warped into a horror film
And the plot lost itself
Over two-thousand years
When human beings were employed

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As walk-on parts
Bit-players
Extras
Blasted by too much Love
They couldnt think straight
And cooked up fancy notions:
Redemption through suffering
Self sacrifice and self-abasement
To redeem the one they loved so much
So now we are left with guilt
Confusion
And an obscure sense of being in the wrong
And must endure this daily loss of self
Because you loved us
And were on trip
Is this what you want
Preoccupied with suffering
We could not leave the wound alone
Our anguish overflowed
Into the nimble little digits we call fingers
Translating elusive fidgetings we call thoughts
Into seductive patterns we call words
And we wrote
We wrote
Of a man born under a double star
An exact conjunction of two blazing planets
Venus and Jupiter
That seared the sky that night they say
Branding itself into a myth
Because Venus means Love right
And Jupiter means Big
It is too much Man
Immoderate and Excessive
So we wrote of a man whose overwhelming Love
Drove him to an agonising death
FOR OUR SAKE
No-one wanted this
Because he was popular and much-loved
With an unnerving power to transform
The lives of those he touched
But the Christ-Light possessed him

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With such volcanic force
He was blown apart
And had to channel it
How to explain to ordinary men
Who trust you
That there is a sacred mission in your heart
A fierce desire to save them
That burns like a searing flame
To immolate us all
It is a tricky moment
Can you take refuge in the prophecies
The swelling words
Of prehistoric old men in the desert
As you are taken over by the narrative
Of acts foretold and start to re-enact them
For it is already too late
You are not acting them they are acting you
History has you by the throat
As you repeat the words that must be said
Invite dark forces in to doom your life
Invade your teaching
And corrupt it ever after
Did you perceive the sinister at work
The terrifying underside of power
Inexorable because unconscious
That the message had been already intercepted
The Truth distorted and the Love perverted
In ways we now see clearly
Did you not realise you had been had
That it was a bad trip
And too late to get off
Perhaps you did
Which makes us love you more
For it makes you human
(As God had wanted)
It is not likely this man was unmarried
For Jupiter has Venus in his lap
And wants a wife
As in a normal Jewish family.

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But none of this concerns us
It does not matter what was true of false
In the story that we wrote
It only matters what it did to us
For what was meant to set us free enslaved us
And what was meant to make us strong emasculated.
We did this to ourselves
Wrote the bestseller of all time
Got it printed
And reaped the profits
These we invested in a scheme of intricate control
That we call LOVE
The L word
The big one
Because all you need is LOVE right
We LOVE you so much
We want to infiltrate your life
Make sure you LOVE each other
(In the nicest possible way)
Keep your thoughts pure
Keep your mind clean
Keep your trousers on
And think of Jesus
(Not the footballer; the other one.)
Any other kind of Love is nothing to do with us
And will be repudiated.
With our souls rapture we exalt your pain
And make it beautiful
The greatest music and the greatest art
Have tuned in to your anguish
This is not just sadistic and perverted
Its PECULIAR
Infected by the myth we wrote
Weve morphed into something else
Weve been contaminated
A virus has wormed its way
Into what we are pleased to call our minds
And left us witless
There are dead Gods hanging in the trees now
Hung out to dry on coat-hangers at the cross-roads

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Cultural heritage
Visited by tourists who take selfies
They are in all the Guide-books
Oh look theres a God
I hadnt seen that one
That makes five this morning
They say that each time a Priest
Fingers the genitals of a choir-boy
A God dies
Thats why there are so many
Its the Education trap
Free Education gives you the right
To touch me up before Mass
And make me an Atheist
Thats alright it happened to you
Which is why you wear a frock
To advertise your loose proclivities
Let it all hang out Man
Its the system isnt it
Gods Law

But what have we gained from this appalling tale

Only great Art
Great writing
And the greatest music the world has ever known
Our souls so tortured
Lacerated
Shredded by your pain
Have survived by giving birth to Glory
Unlooked for
Startling
Unexpected Glory
Is this what you came for then
To open up our ineffectual hearts
With such a violence
That only Art escaped
And this strong bird
Borne on bright wings
Lifted the world to unimagined heights
Incomprehensible and real

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Telling us who we are
Is THIS what you meant
Handels Messiah
Sublime transcendent music
Inspired by a libretto
The greatest pick and mix
The greatest cut and paste
The world has ever known
Charles Jennens
Brilliant
Astute
Intelligent
A religious man acquainted with belief
A mythomaniac
Drunk with hyperbole
Intoxicated by Old Testament claims
Addicted to prophetic utterances
Was on a spiritual high
And Handel wept as he wrote the music
And spilt all his ink on the manuscript
But these two were clever
Sophisticated
Experienced
Already gilded with success and fame
Their arias performed in the greatest houses
Their greatest hits would be sung in the smallest homes
They knew what they were doing
But did they know what they would do to us
That they would change the world
That tears would flow
That hearts would break
That bombs would fall
That we would be translated by their story
Believing it to be true
But I am in pain I cried
Is there no comfort
And they said
Seek Comfort and you attract Pain
It is the Law
You must go beyond Comfort
To the Source of Comfort
Where All is One

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Be Still
But here there is Hatred I cried
I need Love
And they said
You must go beyond Love
To the source of Love
For if you seek Love youll attract Hatred
It is the Law
Be Still
But I am weak I cried and know nothing
And they said
In your Weakness is Strength
In your Ignorance is Understanding
It is the Law
Go beyond these things to their source
Be Still
But it is so Dark I cried
Bring me some Light
And they said
Where there is Light there is also Darkness
For the greatest Light casts the greatest Shadow
You must go to the source where the Dark and the Light are One
And Be Still

The Dark and the Light are One

Can this be true
How can it be assessed
No part of the molecular universe
Can tell us what this means
But if so the battle cant be won
Because there is no battle
The Life Force is a primal energy
Cohesive
Neutral
Neither Light or Dark
How to unhook ourselves from this scenario
This drama in our heads
This Fight the Good Fight
For Life without Morality
Is Satire isnt it
The grave a laughing mouth
Toothless
Ignoble

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Mocking our delusions
Is this the New Order
Or is there something else
Something weve missed
Beyond Dark and Light
Beyond a moral code
Beyond our understanding
A force that pushes up into the sunlight
Insensate things
Inert
Deep buried
Lacking impetus and purpose
A volcanic force
Too powerful to contain
But personal
Dangerous
Necessary
And engaged with us
And neither Light nor Dark

Be still and know that I am what is lost and not recovered

That I am where you never expect to find Me
That I am what you did not know was lost but have discovered
And unbind Me.
Be still and know that I am always dancing
Over the void you fear but cannot resist
And that when I seem most to retreat I am most advancing
Let Me exist.
Be still and know Ill arrive when you least expect Me
That I will always come to you unbidden
That you most invite Me when you most reject Me
That I am hidden.
Be still and know that I am the rising waters
That I am the ghastly vision that makes you ill
That I am the fearful dreams of your sons and daughters
And in the name of God BE STILL

(copyright E. J. Ward 2016)