Stoopedovermybabygirl'sfigurelyinginertontheexaminationtable.

Myrightarmdrawnbythe
heelofmyhandshiftingdownbetweenhershoulderbladespullingmytorsolopsidedandmypalm
inacollargriprestingmybaby'sneck,freetiltingherheadback.Vulnerablebyanimalsensethe
spinenervouswingsexposedtotheopenroom,bringstheblindclumsymovements,skepticofthe
daredupcomingnoisytoapiggybackassault.Inretaliationsquintovermyleftshoulder.Wherethe
intermediatefiguresinredallweatherjacket,andheavyallterrainbootsvanishedinsmokeand
arousedanintriguinginvelvetpawsmovements.Arrivingfromoutsideinadynamicwhiteoutfits.
Inaglitchoftimeshedoffjackets.Distinguishedbyfinemovement.Anurseswappedplace
throughthebrightfluorescentinteriorlightingstoopinginanapparentouterbodyintothe
paramedicfemalefigurestillghostinginmind.
Standingattheexaminationtablemyrightarmproppingmybabydaughter'sheadtiltedbackward,
Isearchedaneyecontactacrossthecoupleabreastinaweartoweddingoutfits.Askedthe
doctor'swife,"[Dutch]canwehaveanother?"Promptedbysightattheexpiringhissingfromthe
nozzleoftheoxygenbottleinmysparehand.Shequitsgazingherstoopedhusband,thetuftof
hairobliteratingthebabyfaceduringthemouthtomouthoxygentransfer.Swift,herfigurein
swirls,inmyrightfieldofsightshedisappears.Returningtoofaroffthedoorwaywiththehead
sign,[Dutch]Privateindicatingtheblinddiagonalaxisacrossthefloorsheborrowedashort
distance.Ahandwrenchingtouncapthevalve,shecontouredbymydaughter'shead,sayingto
herhusbandinaconcernedtoneofvoice,"[Dutch]It'sourlastbottle!"
Unconcern,thedoctorgrippedthebottlefromhiswife,toholdthehissingvalveclosetomouth.As
heengendersaturnofrole,Idroppedathought,askingmyself,
Wheredohekeeptheoxygen
inhaled?
Notevident,Iexperimentinhalingandfeelingawindpipevolume.Shortofpuffingupmy
lungs,thoughtlesshehandsmethebottle.Engagesaroutine.Frowningconcernthedoctor
presseson,swivelsovermynakedbaby,andfollowsthroughagainstthegeometricbackdroplines
ofawallofcupboarddoor,divingforherlittlemouth.

Avirtualplateglassrisenuprightthroughthemiddleofthetable,whichthedoctorlickedbysight
straighteninghisfigurewithaquestioningglanceatmyreflection.Hishandfollowedthrougha
blackrubbertubesuspendedfromhisneck.Shoulderpickingthestethoscopeearpiece,theguide
ofloweringeyeswhileplugginganearandmovingontothenext,afterwhichhisfingersfetched
thedanglingchestpiece.Hesitantovertheresoundingdiaphragmdabs,totheemergentlanguage
frominsidethelittlechest.Hisfigurerotatesaninchoversparingmea"Yes,"accompaniedbya
satisfactorynod,whileapairoffingersstandingonhereyebrow,anotherpullsuphereyelid,and
said,"She'llgetthroughit,"Fingerswalkedoverexposingtheothereyeballtotakeaglanceofher
pupil,andhiswordsdongedtomind,thesurpriseddistantechoofthefewminutestotiltovermy
daughter'seighteenmonthslifespan.
Coolheadedanddistinctiveinasurgeryoutfit,thegrizzlyonstandbyattheheadofthe
examinationtablethe'surgeon'exteriorizinganearendcareerselfconfidentallure.Instinctive
lefttrailingarelationshipwiththenurse,betrayedbythereflectivealuminumsuitcaseshewalked
infromoutsideandplacedwithaclutterontheceramicfloortiles,inhiding,bytheentranceoffside
doctor'sconsultingdesk,whichshefacedloweringherself.
Evanescentwhitenurseoutfitinaglaringfluorescentlight,whichintheglitchoftimesquintedthe
ghostingtwinsintwoplacesatonce.Iswungforthefaceframedinamaneofwavyblondhair,her
detachedflirtfromtheongoings,thesurgingenigmaticexpressionreturningagainstchanging
background.
Inmyrightfieldofsight,fromtheblinddiagonalaxisacrossthefloor,hardatforgettingthe
upcoming'surgeon's'unbelievableeyefixation.Theclumsyparamedicmaleheavybootlopsided
andtrampingthefootventilator,withaloststaredrawnthroughthespaceofthemenandwomen
stoopingovertheartificialbreathingfragilelungs.There,the'surgeon'stoodby,silent,eyes
acquaintingwiththedoctor'sprocedures.Camethemomentofexchangingafewconvivialwords
updatingontheconditionofthepatient.
Inaroundaboutsquint,Iorientatedthefiguresintomyearlierupcomingtracks,imaginingthe
pullingupvehiclesonthedarkaprontoahaltinfrontofthebuilding.Inseparateteams,adriver
andpassengerjumpingoutinthenightandheadforadeepcorridorescapingfluorescentlight
tiringtowardtheentrancetoadyingshinecalldissolvinglikethesoundofavoiceintothenight.
Anemergentstrangerappearedfromthemidstofaghostytoandfroflockattheshadowycorridor
andmotionsdissipatinginthefluorescentbrightroomlight.Themiddleageddoctorassociating
hospitalwhitewearwithanatechnicianassistantnurse,hereappearedsteppingoutoftheframed
backgroundwallofcupboarddoorsandapaceforwardonstandby.Abreastandcoequaltothe
rightofthedoctorinaweartoaweddingwithhiswife,bysightstoopingoverthebabypatient.By
agripofmybaby'scheeks,hisfreehandonastainlesssteeltongsintroducedinhermouth.
Graduallypressinghertonguedown.thenewcomerandallhandsconfusedguidedatubeends
downmybaby'sthroat.
Asthe"surgeon'approachedandinasilentSwisswatchmechanism,steppingbackathand
fingerswalkingtheslippingtubetrailingovertheedgeofthetabletodroop.Hemaneuveredwitha
humorouslookhitchingthetransparenttubesendstoarugbyshapedball.Risinghiseyekeeping
incontactamongstthemen,followingtheintubation.Givenaconfirmationnod,whichsaid,
EverythingisOk
!The'surgeon'withahandclutch,fingerscontractinginslowmotion,expressed
anaccountabilityforaregulatoryrhythm,
Nottoofast,nottooslow
!

Inthemidstoflegscrowdinginmyfieldofsight,the'surgeon'andnosoonertheparamedicmale
foldinguptheambulancefootventilator.Inawhitenurseoutfit,awomandiscreetfacingthewall,
wigglesthrough,advancingamedicsuitcasebendingdown.Loweringherselftositonheels
unfoldingtechnicalequipment.Standingupfromadeftysetup,turningawayexposingthe
electrocardiacdisplayreposingafewlinesofaworkingmodemachine.Steppingapartial
anticlockwisecontourattheheadofthetableexchangingwiththedoctor'swifeahandfulofpads.
Pressuredfingerssticksselfadhesivepadsfleshindentingmybaby'sribcage.Thetechnician
nursevacated,fetchatsightspaghettiwires.Bringingupentangledtohandovertothedoctor's
wifebundledinsetsofthreeassortedcolor.Figureinswirls,shereturnsinproximityofthe
monitor,andleftbehindthewifewithoutremorseinanotherattemptthumbpressbuttons,hardand
stiff,intheprocessdepressingthefleshofthelittlechest.Ireckonedwithmybaby'senseless,
resortinghurtinflictingchillcrawldissipatingfrommyspinesightacrossmybaby,fixingserious
expressions,figuresstooping,qualifiedinparticularfields.Fiddlynimblefingersstray,tostickat
mybaby'snosesurgicaltape,intheaftermathlefttubesdanglingovertheedgeoftheexamination
table.
Thetechnicianreturns,squeezinglikeabadlyneededpillarupthestoopingfiguresgaininga
spaceovermybaby'shead.Fingersbringingordertotheentangledendlesswires,feedstheleads
plugginguptothepads.Subsequent,shechangedstickerpositionsfurtherapart.Inafallback
moment,thefloorclearedofthenurseuncomfortablycrouchedfiguremonitoringthedevice.The
digitaldisplayraffledoffrednumbers,exposingmybaby'sbodyinanongoingjugglingofnumbers
peakingahundredandsixtytwoherphysicalmischief.
Therushofurgencysettlinglikedust,asthenurseglimpsesatthemonitorexplainingtoMartine,
theelectrometerdigitsstagnatingroundaboutthenineties,thecardiograph,andheartbeattime.
Underacontenteddeepserious'surgeon'regard.Routineexercisingaclutchingandreleasegrip
oftherubberballoon.Therhythmicpuffsandreliefpressure,whichlikeanecho,showingour
daughter'schestregularfaintvirtualbreathing.
Asthegenieofthedoctorinawhitehospitaloutfithadappearedshiftingfromplacetoplace,
evanescentswiftleftthesceneofhisassurantpresence.Theremainingdoctorturnedacriticaleye
acrossmyrightshouldertowardtheparamedicsonstandby.Abreastandcontentedtolookon,
respondedwithadeftylacksilentbreak,allweatherjacketsloudred.Atthepaceechoingtheirfirst
entry,onthespotwheretheymovedthroughintermediatewhiteghostingnotions,stormingoutinto
thenight.Theroomafteradistinctiveagitationbreakfillsslower,amongstthemthestainlesssteel
glitterofafoldedstretcher,whicheclipsedbehindme.Ifollowedthroughonthevaguenotionof
thesoundsalongtheimaginarypassagewaytothe"[Dutch]Private"doorheadsign.There,the
paramedicmanandwomanunfoldedthelegsinanincoordinatedbustle,whichdiestoaquiet
absence,neitherabashed.Instead,thetechniciannursemovesin,hangingoverheadtothe
stretcheranintravenousdripbagdanglingtransparenttubeleads.
Unrelenting.thefixationonmydaughter'samazingsilkfinemembrane,almosttranslucentclosed
eyelid,Ihadsoughtfindingallalonganeyeballquiver,whichdidn'tcome.Whenherwholebodyin
adistinctswayalarmedme,andinafavorablepositionstoopedlopsided.Thepalmofmyhand
collargripdrewoutthehollowofherneck,bringresttoherlittlehead.Thenotionthatthedoctor
gotlift,mysparehandslippedunderherkneepits.Liftinghergelatinouslittlefigure,feetdangling
underapprovingeyes,Iswivelledoffrightdroppingaglanceatthesoiledwhitepaperclearedof
herfigure,meetingamarblestatue.Athoughtlessregarddownatthemiraculousmoment.

Instantaneous,thedoctormeltsdownatgatheringalittlegirl'sjacket,intheswinghisfreehand
swipesandshrivelsupthecoveringpaper,andvirtualremovalofalltracesofanincidentfrom
havingoccurred.
Isteppedoffrightbehind,andbrushingmybaby'slittleheadthroughspace,discovered,Iwas
abouttoentanglethebreathinganddriptubes,togetherwiththeelectrocardiacleads.Crossed
Martineanxiouslook,followingmyeverymovefromliterallydroppinghervaluedcrystalvase.
Reckoningwithaparamedicsconflictintheblankoftheireyes,Icametostanduptothe
encumberingstretcher.Sarcastic,Ivoicemydiscontentmentsaying,"[Dutch]Inwhichposition
mustIlayher?"
Awakingaparamedicmalerollingoutaregard,
Whatishetalkingabout
?Hestaresatme,
You
turnthebabyaroundwhatareyouwaitingfor
?Pointing,andsaying,"[Dutch]theheadisonthis
side."
The'surgeon'implicatedbyahandgripexerciseontherubberventilationballordered,"[Dutch]
Turnthestretcherheadtofoot!"
Bythemagicofthedoctor'swiferushinginandlendingahandturningthestretcher.Theends
bangedagainstpartitionandwall.
Insteadofthemaneuver,Iextendingmybabyonlongarms,stoopedasIcrawledaroundthefoot
ofthestretcherandstraightenedalongtheotherside.Underthegazingeyes,Ieasedmylittlegirl
onthestretcher,andtakingasteportwobackliberatingthespaceforthemedicstoenteronthe
scene.
Martineapproached,leaningover,bringingherfacetostrokeherdaughter,mumblingwordsinher
ear.The'surgeon'said,"[Dutch]Thatdoesn'thelp,she'sinadeepcoma!"Asshepulledback,he
addressedtheparamediccrew,saying,"[Dutch]Youmaytakeoffnow."
Beneaththevividred"[Dutch]Private"signthe'surgeon'andnurseinturnsteppedinandafterthe
manandwomanintheredallweatherjacketmovingatthefootandheadofthestretcher.
Headingamedicprocession,thedoctor'swifehadvanishedfromsight,andthestretchedrolledby
thesilentregards.Miekeinthelittlegroup,withSteffy'swidebewilderedeyes,andAlexandersoft
concernedlook,frowning.InandafterMartinetheysteppedfortheexit.Farbehindtheflock
movingthroughthecorridor,inavacuumofthemoment,apresencefetchedmebyabeaming
eyesight.Iglancedrightoverfetchingbysightinthedistantalostspectatorbehindthetable,
sharingathoughtforhisownchild.
Asitnevercrossedmymindtoturnmybackonmydaughterlifelessontheexaminationtable,and
inconceivable.Ievokedafatalreality,duringaneternitytensefewminutes.Thecascade
preoccupyinginstances,henceinyearstocome.Iwatchedthedoctor'slostregard,interruptedby
spottingthefamiliarlittleblackboots.Fetchingandturningaround.Botheredbyarisingconscious
atescapinginlieuofthankingtheman.Ataglimpse,hiseyesspeaking,
You'relostforwords
.By
hiscomprehension,Ienteredtheconfinedcorridor.Exitseeingtherooftopscutoutapitchblack
infinitespace.Therowsoftownhousesreflectiveasstreetlightsintheshadowsglitterstheparked
audionthedarkapron.Atanacuteangleinanactivityofpushingthestretcherthroughthetailgate
totheinteriorsoftlitambulance.MeetingMartinethoughtlessinherstridesafewpacespastthe
moonlightdabonthecrushedstone.Pausingintuitiveandcattyturnedaroundtodartmeabeam
ofsight,atthedropofathoughtsaid,Daddy,willyougowithLoulou?"

Isteppeddownfromtheperron,assuredourdaughterincapablehands,fetchingbysightmyAudi.
Evokingtomindtheunthinkable,ofsteppingintothecarwithMartineinthepassengerseat,and
bearoutadrivehome,atthefeelingimprisonedparentonearthatthethoughtofhavingleftour
babyonastretchertonever,eversharethemischiefofherboyishvitality.
Thedoctormadeanappearance.HandingoverashoppingbagtoMartine,withourdaughter's
clothes,asbothtailgatedoorsclosed.Hervoicehadtravelledtotheearsoftheambulancedriver
thoughabodyswirlheadingforthewing,invitingmealong.Ikickeddoubtingmyrightsabout
minglingwiththemedics.ConcedingtoMartinebewilderingmyAudi.Followedtheparamedic
signalalongthepassengerwingtothefront.BythedoorliftmyselfontheVolkswagen's
passengerseat,andsimultaneouslythedrivermovedinfromhissidebehindthesteeringwheel.