Alison

Jozwiak
Touching the Clouds

Hang gliding? Carter asked, his eyes meeting hers as he looked up

from the crumpled piece of paper he held in his hands. His eyebrows
scrunched together as he struggled to remember the events of their
whirlwind summer. We didnt go hang gliding, did we?
We did on Monday, she said matter-of-factly. And then we went
parasailing on--
Tuesday, he finished, nodding his head while dragging the pen over
the notebook paper to cross out what she assumed said
hang gliding.
Right.
There was a beat of silence. Carter tapped his uncapped pen to his
chin, blue marks staining his skin as she lost him to thought.
Even though she knew the answer, she felt obligated to ask, Bungee
jumping? Jane let her head fall against the base of the bedroom wall. Did
we--?

Last
Monday, he sighed.
Great Wall of China?
Done.
Eiffel Tower?

Check.
Pyramids in Egypt?
Yep.
Another beat of silence. Carters transition into Smurf-dom was almost
complete--his chin was now entirely covered in blue ink. Jane could smell
the ink all the way from her position across the room. She wrinkled her nose
at the saltiness, while Carter sat, slumped in the chair by her desk,
reviewing the list they had painstakingly spent hours upon hours perfecting.
She watched as his eyes ran up and down the front and back of the sheet,
searching for a forgotten item they had somehow missed.
Found one! Carter cried triumphantly, standing up suddenly. The
chair tipped over with a muffled crash, and an indignant meow was to be
heard as Janes cat, Whiskers, streaked out of the room. We
definitely
didnt do this one. He jabbed a finger into the paper, shoving it under her
nose. And he was right. Written in his perfect, calculated handwriting was
one missed item scrunched in between ziplining and meet Jennifer
Lawrence: skydiving.
Janes stomach dropped inside of her. Really?
Hey, its on the list, he said, pointing at it in case she missed it the
first time. You and I went over this list and promised--no,
vowed
that wed
complete everything on it. And this is it. The last one. Lame as it may be
compared to everything else, we still gotta do it.

She groaned. Cant we just be done?

Cmon, Jane. The last one. And
then
well be done. Promise.
You said that about the one we just did, She muttered. We thought
hanging from the CN tower was it. We even got that Golden Opulence
Sundae to commemorate the occasion!
Carter ignored her protests. "One last thing. Lets do it. Ill buy you
another sundae--it'll be the the official ending to Carter and Janes Most
Eventful and Awesome and Totally Badass Summer Ever Featuring the Most
Incredible Bucket List in History.'"
He widened his eyes at her when she didnt respond, batting his
eyelashes a couple of times as if he could charm her into doing whatever he
wanted
(Which he totally could.)
Please? He begged.
She let her head fall against the wall. And then again. Her stomach
swooped with nerves. This was going to be it. The end.
I cant argue with you, Jane said finally. She looked up at him as his
entire face broke into a smile. It was such a genuine, gorgeous smile that
Jane couldnt help but add, "Even when you have ink on your face.

The wind attacked her hair and snapped at Janes cheeks, painting
them harshly as the instructor yanked on the door in the plane that was

currently 4000 feet in the clouds. She felt Carters hand slip into hers. Felt
him squeeze it comfortingly as if he somehow knew that her stomach was
doing more cartwheels than she had ever done in her life in this one
moment.
Just like we went over! one of the instructors was screaming,
shouting to be heard over the roar of the speed of the plane. Carter, youre
with me!
Carter squeezed Janes hand once again before inching his way closer
to the yellow-clad instructor. He was looked over and strapped in, and
without any preamble or notice whatsoever, Jane watched as her best friend
flipped out of the plane, his face set into a gigantic, crazed smile that Jane
didnt think shed ever be able to forget.
She rushed as close to the opening as she could, watching as he
disappeared into a tiny dot hurtling down, down, down towards Earth. What
felt like hours later, she saw the ripple of the parachute open from his
backpack, and Carter disappeared behind the bright purple
smiley-face-painted fabric.
Ready? she heard in her ear, vibrating through her body like a drum.
Somehow she was strapped in. She had on a backpack. She was ready to
go, physically. She motioned for the instructor to wait--to wait just one
second. She took deep breaths, rummaging around in her pockets for the

tattered piece of paper Carter had given to her before they had boarded the
plane that would take them as high as the sky.
She found it. And ignoring her instructors disapproving gaze, Jane
crossed out the final item on her and Carters Most Eventful and Totally
Badass Summer Bucket List with a flourish. She took a moment to admire
her handiwork, and the collection of crossed out items.
What an eventful summer it had been indeed.
Ready? she heard again. Felt someone move to stand closer to her.
We have
to jump! Now!
Jane nodded, tucking the paper away. She couldnt believe she was
going to do this.
Couldnt believe she had even come this far. Letting out a deep breath, she
turned to her instructor and gave him a thumb's up. And that, it seemed,
was all that mattered to the man in blue as they jumped from the plane
before Jane had a chance to say goodbye.
Which was unfortunate, since she never got the chance to say
anything after that thanks to the work of a faulty parachute.

CHAR
ACTER
IZATI
ON

3+
Characters
provoke
empathy
within

Characters are
Characters are
well-rounded as a somewhat
result of
developed
INDIRECT*
through indirect
characterization. and direct

Characters Characters not developed.

are slightly
developed
primarily
through

readers as a Characters are

result of
relatable and
INDIRECT* interesting.
characteriza
tion.
Characters
are
well-rounde
d and
complex
with clear
desires that
motivate
their actions
and enhance
the theme.
VOICE 3+
Voice fits the
Voice is
subject and tone
unique.
of the piece,
demonstrating
Diction &
full range of
word choice emotion.
feels right
Dialogue is
and
believable,
interesting. well-thought out.

characterization. direct
characteriza
tion.

Voice fits subject Voice

and tone of the demonstrat
piece, only
ed only one
changing
emotion; at
emotions
times, voice
occasionally.
and tone
seem
Dialogue seems inappropriat
forced at times. e/
inconsistent
.
IMAG 3+
Writer SHOWS
Covers small
Covers one
ERY
Writing
rather than just range of senses, or two
offers
telling
.
sometimes
senses; not
unique
Language is
filtered through carefully
insights into charged, specific, character.
filtered
the mind of detailed, clich
Imagery is
through
the
free.
conventional.
character
character,
Imagery varies
and story.
offering
between unique
carefully
and conventional.
Tends
selected
Carefully filtered
toward
details that though character.
clich.
paint a
picture
Imagery
using all
can seem
five senses.
out of place
and not
unique.
PLOT/ 3
+
Action is
Plot structure is Plot
STRU Plot builds believable yet
identifiable to
structure is
CTUR tension to a unpredictable.
reader.
not easily
E
natural and
identifiable.
powerful
Writing lacks
Little
climax.
Plot structure is progression of tension is
identifiable to
tension.
built.
Twist
reader.
ending is
Climax is
exciting and Plot is attentionnot easily
ironic,
grabbing from
identifiable.
lingering in start to finish.
the readers
mind.
Climax is
relevant to rising
action.

Voice does not fit

subject/tone of piece. Voice is
flat.

Lacks imagery; offers little

insight into the characters
minds.

Plot structure is not

identifiable.