The graph illustrates the breakdown of young boys and young girls in terms of

preferable leisure activities in Australia. According to the data above, it is clear that
male is overall more active involved in most of the activities than female.
When looking at the figure in the chart, watching TV, a popular indoor activities, had
attracted the most attention (100%) from young boys and young girls than other
types of leisure activities. This was followed by computer games, where it received
80% and 60% of attraction from both male and female juvenile. Likewise, bike
riding, a form of outdoor activities, were the most welcome activities by young
children, where it occupied 75% and 68% support from male teenagers and female
teenagers.
In comparison, the focus of traditional art and craft was considerably low, at
approximately of 38% and 58% from both boys and girls. Finally, there were only
about 39% and 23% of boys and girls enjoyed skateboarding activities than any of
the other leisure activities.
In conclusion, the chart shows that there was a considerable preference on indoor
activities than outdoor activities among the Australian youth.

Kindly please grade the essay according to table below, so I can

better identify my weaknesses.
Task
achievement

Coherence/Cohesi
on

Lexical Resource

Grammar and
Accuracy