MAYBERRY NEWSPAPER

GABRIELA MARTINEZ

BASS ARRESTED FOR MUTANT CHICKEN

INCIDENT
Gabriela Martinez
In last week's edition, we
reported that an unknown person

In this newspaper you

Lou called Sheriff Andy Taylor
who then sent Deputy Barney Fife

had
climbed
the
Mayberry
water
tower and
painted
what
appeared

EDITORS
MESSAGE

to arrest Bass

HE HAD CONFESSED TO
THELMA LOU AT THE
ELEMENTARY SCHOOL,

from students in EDU

at his tree

214 - 1001 1002. This

house. Mr. Bass

is a basic overview of

spent the night

the events and

in jail where he

crimes occurring in

WHERE HE WAS ATTENDING

overheard a

NIGHT CLASSES, LAST

conversation

MONDAY DURING A POP

will see several stories

between

Mayberry within the

last week. I hope you

Sheriff Taylor

enjoy reading the

to be a

QUIZ ON READING

and his son,

latest scandals of all

three-

COMPREHENSION.

Opie Taylor,

the characters and

legged

discussing how

continue to subscribe

chicken.

chickens didn't

or purchase the

The culprit,

have three legs.

Ernest T. Bass,

After the hearing

was arrested

where the judge

Newspaper. Once

this week for

ordered Mr. Bass to

again, thanks to all

the crime. He

correct his wrong-

my writers for their

had

doing, he went

confessed to

back to the scene

enormous

Thelma Lou

of the crime with an

at the

arm load of oily

elementary

rags. The next

We wouldnt be here

school, where

morning, the

without you!

he was

people of Mayberry

attending night classes, last

awoke to a big one-legged

Monday during a pop quiz on

chicken on the Mayberry water

reading comprehension. Thelma

tower.

September 19, 2015 [Edition 1, Volume 1]

Mayberry

contribution to this
weeks newspaper.

Gabriela Martinez
Editor

FIFE CAUGHT WITH A PIE IN HIS FACE

Windy Bailey
Last night, Sheriff Andy Griffin,

call. According to the police

door. He shouted POLICE! Put

responded to a disturbance call

report, when Sherriff Griffin arrived

your hands up! Only to find that

around 10:59 pm. It appeared

at the scene, he noticed the

his trusted Deputy, Barney Fife,

that the neighbors heard an odd

back lights on in the gas station

was sitting at Gomers back table

noise coming from Gomers

and therefore, proceeded to the

eating a bunch of Aunt Bees

station. Since, Gomer himself

back door. As he got closer, he

pies Fife had stolen earlier that

locks up the gas station at 6pm

heard grumbling. At this point, it

day! Sheriff Griffin stripped

each night (he needs to be

was too late to call for back up

Deputy Fife, of his beloved

home for supper at 6:05), the

and because he opts not to carry

firearm and placed him on

neighbors found it odd to hear

a gun, Sheriff Griffin grabbed the

modified assignment. It is not yet

any noises coming from a locked

first thing he could possibly use for

know if either Gomer or Aunt Bee

up gas station. At 11:05 pm,

a weapon, a tire iron and

will be pressing charges.

Sheriff Griffin responded to the

proceeded to open the back

PIES STOLEN FROM SHERIFFS HOME

Rona Wells
The annual town fair and pie

Aunt Bee looking at five empty

as tracking down Otis (our town

eating contest was going to take

pie plates. She was beside

drunk), but no one knew about

place on Saturday afternoon at

herself. Aunt Bee questioned

the pies. Poor Aunt Bee! She did

3:00 p.m. Aunt Bee made five

Opie and Andy if they ate the

not want to let the contestants

blueberry pies. The pies were

pies. She was so mad that she

down, so with the help of Thelma

baked on Friday and left on the

even looked in their bedrooms.

Lou, five more pies were made.

counter to cool. Aunt Bee made

Aunt Bee couldnt believe that

Since, it was almost 3:00, time of

dinner for Opie and Andy,

five pies could just disappear. She

the contest, Aunt Bee, Thelma

watched some television and

made Andy visit everyone who

Lou, Andy and Opie brought the

went on to bed. Sheriff Andy

knew she made the pies and

new pies to the contest. Since

Taylor said he closed the doors

interrogate them and see if there

there was no time to clean up

and windows and saw all the pies

was any blueberry evidence left

the mess in the kitchen, Aunt Bee

on the counter. He was tempted

behind. Andy went to Thelma

said they would clean when they

to cut a piece, but he knew Aunt

Lous house first and told her

came home. However, when

Bee would be very unhappy, to

what happened. She could not

they got home cleaning the

say the least, so he closed the

believe it and, no, there was no

kitchen was not a priority. The

kitchen light and went to bed. In

evidence of eaten blueberry pie.

priority now was getting a family

the morning, Sheriff Taylor told this

Andy asked Deputy Barney Fife to

of raccoons: mom, dad and four

reporter, that he heard Aunt Bee

help with the search. They paid a

babies off the counter that

scream from the kitchen. Andy

visit to Floyd at the barber shop

contained all the remnants from

and Opie both ran downstairs to

and Goober and Gomer at the

the new blueberry pies.

see what happened. They found

gas station. They even went as far

THE LAWLESS LAWMAN

Sheriff Barney Ramble is being

swerving off the road Sheriff

just fine, he had a few stitches

held in his own jail. The people in

Ramble could not stop and ran

and just needs some rest. Mayor

the small town Down River

right into the Mayor Comstock's

Comstock so furious his face red

County, South Carolina has had

home and drove through his

as a tomato had Deputy Pyle

their life turned upside as they

living room. Mayor Comstock was

escort Sheriff Ramble into his own

know it. On November 14, 2014

entertaining Governor Reynolds

jail. The Sheriff was then charged

Sheriff Ramble was out on his

and Mrs.

with negligence due to dozing off

nightly patrol at 11PM. Mrs. Lou

Reynolds

on the job and finding the

Belle Hein was out walking her

when

Sheriffs personal flask under his

dog Jezebel when suddenly

Sheriff

seat again. Mrs. Hein the witness

Jezebel got loose from her leash

Ramble

had this to say I cant believe

and ran after Mr. Hicks cat Cleo

crashed

the Sheriff almost hitting and

across the street. Sheriff Ramble

and

killing me and my baby, then

dozing off from his nightly patrol

interrupted their evening. Mayor

hitting our own Governor like

was driving down Petersons

Comstock and Mrs. Reynolds

that! He should be ashamed of

Street when he finally noticed

were luckily not injured, however

himself! I hope he learns his lesson

Mrs. Hein and her dog Jezebel

our Governor Reynolds had been

getting time in his own jail! The

running in front of his patrol car.

injured with a bleeding head

Mayor issued the job for our

The Sheriff going full at 35 mph

wound. Governor Reynolds was

Deputy Pyle to take over until this

could not stop in time to avoid

rushed quickly to our good Doc,

issue is resolved. We will hope

hitting Mrs. Hein and her dog,

Dr. Pepper. Dr. Pepper examined

that the people of Down River

swerved off the road

Governor Reynolds and had

County will feel once again safe.

immediately. In the process of

stated Governor Reynolds will be

MAYBERRY PLAGUED BY MISCHEVIOUS TIME TRAVELLERS

Alexander Truman
The fair, quiet community of

that whisked off three cats and

causing this mayhem, he stated

Mayberry was disrupted late last

even Otis Campbell, Rick made

that he needed as many jars of

Thursday when a large, green,

his way to Aunt Bee's house,

Aunt Bee's kerosene cucumbers

swirling vortex appeared in the

where he proceeded to

as he could carry, and that the

side of the Bluebird Diner and two

disintegrate her front door,

layman would be "too stupid to

people stepped out of it. One

leaving only ashes in its wake. At

understand". Before the police

was identified after a much

this point, Morty seemed to grow

could arrive on the scene, the

difficulty as Rick Sanchez, a

increasingly unnerved by the turn

dangerous duo returned to their

balding, elderly man in brown

of events, but Rick pressed

swirling portal and it promptly

slacks and a white lab coat, and

onward. Aunt Bee herself

closed behind them. The sheriff's

the other was Morty Smith, his

attempted to stop the two, but

department has not released any

grandson. While much of the

was flash frozen by yet another

further details regarding this case.

town was in a panic about what

device carried by the elderly

to do regarding the swirling portal

man. When asked why he was

PIG-TAILED ICECREAM THEIF ON THE LOOSE

Mary Warthan
A thief is among us! Having the

and startled him like no other.

lowest crime rate in the country,

Sheriff Rog jumped up and ran to

Mayberry has never been known

the crime scene. When he got

for any kind of wrongdoing.

there, all he saw around him was

Unfortunately, this weekend

a bunch of families in their

something out of the ordinary

Sunday best. Sheriff Rog got a

happened. After church service

brief description of the culprit

ended early Sunday morning, a

from the owner, but all she

call was placed to the Mayberry

remembered was that the thief

Police regarding a missing ice

couldn't have been more than 3'

cream cone at Lickity Split Ice

tall, had pigtails, and tiny feet.

Cream Parlor, right across from

Mayberry Lake. The phone call
woke up the sheriff from his nap,

MAYBERRY CELEBRATES 150TH FOUNDATION DAY

Emma Valle
The entire town of Mayberry
was in a festive mood as it

wished that every day is

Barney Fife himself adorned

Mayberry Day.

himself with a pistol and a

celebrated its 150th foundation.

The celebration was

machine gun and hid himself

Meantime, the citizens of

somewhere where his enemies

spearheaded by Mayor Pike.

Mayberry gathered around the

could not hit him. From afar,

Fireworks launched by Gomer

plaza to join the games and

Barney saw two guys who went

and Goober started the festivities.

watched the entertainers. Andy

out of the bank. The guys were

The band with adorable uniforms

Taylor the sheriff strummed his

carrying bags loaded with

played its out of tune music as it

guitar while Otis sang a lullaby.

money. Deputy Fife was alarmed!

roamed around town. Banners,

Ernestie recited a soliloquy which

The bank was robbed! With his

ribbons, and garlands that

cracked up the audience. Aunt

pistol and machine gun, which

festooned the streets of Mayberry

Bea, Clara, Floyd, and Opie

were actually loaded with water,

rallied against the out of tune

rendered a heart-breaking

he apprehended the criminals.

music by allowing themselves to

drama which made everybody

Deputy Barney Fife saved the day

be blown by the wind to Mt. Pilot.

laughed.

by cracking up the criminals. The

The citizens of Mayberry rushed to

Ely's pharmacy and purchased

entire town honored their hero

On the other side of the plaza,

Deputy Barney Fife in the

ear plugs. Thousands of ear plugs

Deputy Barney Fife spearheaded

awarding ceremonies which

were sold that day. Ely, whose

the games. Water guns were

concluded the Foundation Day

sales went up a thousand fold,

distributed to the children who

Celebration.

thought it was her lucky day and

wanted to join the fun. Deputy