The Mayberry Tribune

Cows on the Loose

By Julie Stockard
While students in the
Mayberry Grammar School
were

practicing their lessons, they

heard the sounds of cows
much too close to the school.
The teacher, Ms. Crump,
noticed the cows were loose
and wandering all over the
schoolyard. She sent the
fastest student to run to the
sheriff's office to alert Sheriff
Andy Taylor. Sheriff Taylor
was at home for the lunch
hour, bur Deputy Barney Fife
was ready to save the day.
Deputy Fife needed a hand,
and had many volunteers
from the class of students.
With the help of Opie Taylor
and many other eager
students, they were able to
round up the cows.

Deputy Fife had the students

encircle the cows and then
move the cows back into their
fence. Sheriff Taylor came to
the scene and was notified
the owner of the cows to
repair the broken fence to
keep the cows in the pasture.
After all that work, the
students were too wound up
to go back to their lessons.
Aunt Bee came down to the
schoolhouse with some fresh
apple pies to reward the
students for their hard work.
Then Ms. Crump dismissed
school for the day, saying
they would work twice as
hard tomorrow.

Who Ate All the

Pie?

Officials suspect raccoons,

states Barney Fife. Although,
this case is not yet resolved,
we would like the public to
stay away from Opie Taylors
gang, for he and his fellows
are accusing people by
pointing and chanting. If they
see you look suspicious in
any way, they will report you
to the Sheriff of Mayberry,
Sheriff Taylor! Be advised,
these younglings will stop at
nothing to figure out whos
been eating all the pie. The
investigation will continue
until the pie thief is
apprehended.

By Liliana Rodriguez

The gangs at it again! Aunt

Beas freshly baked pies have
been eaten right from her
windowsill for two nights in a
row leaving only the pans for
evidence.

State Fair Chaos

By Andrea Spiller

1 | Page

The Mayberry Tribune

This weekend at the state fair
in Raleigh, a student from the
Mayberry Grade School was
awarded first place for the
largest hamster. The hamster
named Godzilla weighed in at
a massive 15 pounds.
Unfortunately, there was a bit
of chaos on the fairgrounds
with the goats, which caused
many animals to get loose.
The prize hamster was the
only winner from our town.
Sadly, in an attempt to rescue
the hamster, it ran into the pig
pen. The hamster was
quickly eaten up by our rival
town's pig. Sheriff Andy is still
on the lookout for the fairs
largest spider weighing in at
ten pounds and with legs
extending up to two feet. Also
be aware of the wild goats
loose near the market.

Barbershop
Mayhem

By Sasha Waters

Floyd the Barber recently

opened up a new barbershop
and needed workers because
of the amount of business he
was receiving. Everyone was
so excited because this was
the first and only barbershop
in Mayberry. Floyd needed an
assistant and he knew Otis
was the right man, so Floyd
offered him a job. Otis
showed
up ready
to work
but
smelling
of
alcohol. Because Floyd
needed help, he didn't pay
attention to that detail. A man
sat down in Otis' chair,
looking for a trim. Otis was
excited to have his first
customer! He listened to the
man explain the type of
haircut he wanted and then,
BUZZ! a huge chunk of hair,
gone! The man moved, a little
uncomfortable from the
sound but didn't say anything.
Otis proceeded to cut all the
mans hair off. The customer
was upset and left angrily.
Floyd was too busy to notice.
Over the next few days, there
were similar incidents of

unwanted shaved heads.

Deputy Barnie Fife was

patrolling one morning and
heard about the opening of
the shop. As he was on his
way over to the shop, he was
cautioned not to waste his
money. Deputy Fife didn't
understand the reason for the
negative warning. Mayberry
was a town where everyone
supported each other. So, he
went in and sat down in Otis
chair.

Deputy Fifes haircut ended in

a shaved head as well.
Barney Fife angrily put his
Deputy hat on his head and
walked furiously over to
Floyd, warning him to get the
clippers away from the
assistant. The reporter in
Floyds chair heard it all, got

2 | Page

The Mayberry Tribune

a great story and didnt end
up with a shaved head!

nothing they could do about

the incessant noise because
the sheriff was the one
whistling.

blueberry pie but arrived

out of breath and
flabbergasted. Barney arrived
on the scene only to hear,
Its been taken! Otis, having
been in lock up for the
evening, said he saw Opie

Disturbing the
Peace
By Christina James

Calls to non-emergency
police department rang in this
morning to the Mayberry
police department. The
reports claim a disturbance of
the peace for non-stop
whistling. Ironically enough,
Sheriff Andy and his little red
head son were the ones in
the report. Reporters say that
a man and his son took down
their fishing poles and met
some others at the fishing
hole. They were so upset at
not catching a bite all day so
they rushed off in anger.
Others say it is a great place
to rest you bones or even for
such activities like skipping
stones. You will feel almost
as fresh as lemonade sitting
in the shade out here, says a
man at the scene. The calls
were complaints about some
fools whistling all day.
Unfortunately there was

her
famous

Suspect Held in Pie

Snatching

with blue teeth, but no one

believed him. The Sheriffs
office is still investigating.
Kevin James has been no
help.

By Tracy Giza
Deputy Barney Fife informed
local barber Floyd (while
cutting his hair), who in turn
told this reporter that Sheriff
Taylor was holding a
suspicious character in the
jail house. They are
suspected of stealing a pie off
Aunt Bees window sill. When
asked about the suspect, the
sheriff said that he had
merely asked Kevin James
(who was said to be traveling
through Mayberry) to stop by
the Sheriffs office for some
pie. Sheriff Taylor thought he
might get some insight on
police work since he heard
that Kevin James had played
a cop in a movie. Aunt Bee
was supposed to bring over

Oh Bessie!
By Laurie Leseney

In the wee morning hours of

June 9th, long before the first
rooster crowed, Opie made a
terrible discovery! It was like
any other morning when Opie
went out to feed and look
after his pig and that is when
he discovered she had
vanished overnight! His prize
pig Bessie was missing!
Bessie! His friend, his world,
was...Bessie was missing!

3 | Page

The Mayberry Tribune

Thinking about the hours,
days, months, and years that
he had spent with his friend
Bessie the pig has just been
too much for Opie. That is
why we are making a public
plea to please bring Bessie
home to Opie! Please call
555-1212 with any
information or tips. There is a
$5.00 reward for information
about Bessie, Opie's missing
prize pig!!

Hunt for Wife

Continues...
By Michelle Crain
Attention town of Mayberry:
Local farmer, Jeff Pruitt, will
be your next bachelor at the
upcoming County Fair held
in Mayberry. After Thelma
Lou broke his heart, he is
back and is looking for love!
Farmer Jeff is looking for a
woman who can cook and
loves to eat. She must also
be willing to live on a farm
and love to dance around the
farmhouse when he comes in
from a hard days work in the

fields.

Applicants must be
interviewed by the bachelor
committee
three days
before
opening
day to
ensure a
chance to find love. Take a
leap of faith and find true love
here at the County Fair.

took on the Golden State

Warriors in an expedition
game. The referees decided
to stop the game mid-way
through the third quarter. The
game was stopped due to
excessive scoring on Golden
States behalf. The final
score was 150-8, Joe the
plumber scored a team high
six points. Golden States
next game is against the
Cleveland Cavaliers for the
NBA Championship. We wish
them the best of luck. Next
week the Mayberry Ballers
take on the Las Vegas
Gamblers.

Sports News
By Kyle Murrell
This week in Mayberry sports
news. Our local basketball
team the Mayberry Ballers

In Baseball Action
By Samuel Wood
Hillsborough 4, Mayberry 5

Wednesday night your

4 | Page

The Mayberry Tribune

Mayberry Monarchs faced off
against in state rival
Hillsborough in the first night
game in North Carolina
history. Both teams played
well with Hillsborough striking
first in the top of the 3rd
inning scoring three runs.
They would later add an
additional run. Mayberry was
trailing by one with the bases
loaded in the bottom of the
9th when Opie Taylor came to
the plate and delivered a lazy
single to right field, scoring
the runners from 2nd and
3rd. In an interview, lifelong
resident Sheriff Taylor said,
"this the most folks I ever saw
at a Mayberry baseball
game." With the first game in
the books and it being such a
hit, night baseball is here to
stay in Mayberry.

his grandson, Abe, reported

outside after sunset, Opie

that his football was missing.

purposely left his footballs

Since then 15 footballs, 12

and baseballs outside the last

baseballs, some tennis balls

few nights. He strung a wire

and even a volley ball have

across the yard with a bell on

been reported missing across

it and last night around 9 pm,

town. Sheriff Andy and

the bell sounded. Opie and

Deputy Fife could find no

the sheriff ran out to find

evidence to shed any light on

Thelma Lou's dog, Max. They

the mystery or lead to the

surrounded him and escorted

identity of the thieves or the

him home without a fight.

motive. All of the incidents

have taken place after
nightfall and no one has seen
a thing. The only clue relating
these crimes is small pieces
of leather, ripped from the
balls, that have been
discovered nearby covered
with dirt and slobber.

Dog Gone Ball

Thief Caught Red
Pawed
By Amanda Hoffman
A rash of unrelated thefts
have been reported starting 6
months ago. The first was at
Old Man Higgin's farm when

A break in the case came last

night, when Opie Taylor got a
bite on the trap that he set to

In the barn they uncovered a

possibly catch the thieves.

large stash of sports balls. It

Knowing there has been a

seems that Bobby, Thelma

bulletin warning our

Lou's nephew, was here for

community to not leave our

the summer and one of his

sports balls and equipment

favorite pastimes was playing

catch with Max. Bobby has

5 | Page

The Mayberry Tribune

been hoping to get on his

Andy did warn Thelma Lou it

school football team back

would be wise to play with

home and used the football

Max more often.

the most. Evidently, Max has

This edition
of the
Mayberry
Tribune
created and

been missing their daily

games and has been looting

Editor in
Chief,
Staff
writing done
by
colleagues
as noted in
each
article.

balls everywhere he could

EDU 214

find. The Sheriff and Deputy

Fife, have returned the
retrieved balls to the rightful
owners. No charges have
been filed. However, Sheriff

distributed
by Julie
Stockard,

June 14,
2015

6 | Page