Main Point of Paragraph

Paragrap
h

Initial
Submission

Final, Revised
Submission

What You
Added/Omitted
and Why

#1
(Thesis
Statemen
t)

Similarities in
conventions such as title,
statistics, and depth of
analysis between the
three articles prove they
are part of the same
genre: post-game
reviews.

Changed the thesis

to better convey
the argument of
my essay and be
more specific
about the
particular
conventions that
determine the
uniqueness of the
genre.

#2

The main topic of

this paragraph was
to point out that
ESPN and Sports
Illustrated had
similar titles,
showing that
genres often use
similar conventions.

Added a more
argumentative
topic sentence
because the
previous topic
sentence lacked
direction.

#3

ESPN uses
statistics to back its
claims about
players.

I omitted some
analysis of the
quote that was
description based
because it did not
add to my
argument.

#4

USA Today uses

statistics to back its
claims about the
game and to appeal
to its target
audience: sports
fans.

I added a
connection to
audience and more
clearly explained
why statistics
would appeal to
the targeted
audience of postgame reviews.

#5

ESPN differed from

USA Today and

I changed the topic

sentence to explain

Sports Illustrateds
presentation of the
game, but all of the
sources reviewed
key plays of the
game.

how ESPN was

different than USA
Today and Sports
Illustrated. This
made it more
concrete to the
reader about how
the feel of the
articles differed.

#6

ESPN formats its

article differently
than the other two,
but it still falls
within the same
genre because it
follows the other
conventions.

I added clarity to
this paragraph by
rephrasing
sentences and
adding word
manipulate to
better convey my
message about
how sources can
fall within the
same genre but
still look very
different.

#7

Following preestablished
conventions of a
particular genre
makes an article
credible, but there
are still ways for
articles within the
same genre to be
unique.

I omitted my
comparison to
movie genres and
example of Killer
Pandas because it
did not flow and
seemed out of
place.