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Why$I$Question$the$Holy%Ghost!
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The!easy!confidence!with!which!I!know!another!mans!religion!is!
folly!teaches!me!to!suspect!that!my!own!is!also.!
Mark!Twain!
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We!question!the!scriptures;!we!also!question!church!leaders.!
What!about!the!Holy!Ghost?!The!scriptures!may!teach!doctrines!of!
men.! Modern! prophets! may! be! inconsistent.! But! surely! the! Holy!
Ghostthe! spirit,! our! conscience,! whatever! we! may! call! itcan!
help!us!navigate!the!minefield!of!the!churchs!changing!theology.!
I!believe!that!to!some!extent!it!can.!For!example,!I!finally!real;
ized! that! homosexuals! deserve! the! same! rights! I! do! not! because!
my! university! studies! and! an! abundance! of! research! suggest! ho;
mosexuals! do! fine! across! all! walks! of! life! (although! they! do)! and!
not!because!the!world!is!moving!toward!gay!equality!(although!it!
is),! but! because! of! the! spirit.! The! way! homosexuals! are! treated!
feels!wrong!and!I!will!no!longer!ignore!those!feelings.!
My!willingness!to!listen!to!that!spirit!grew!slowly!over!a!peri;
od!of!several!years.!In!order!to!hear!my!conscience!and!act!on!it,!I!
first! had! to! accept! that! even! though! scriptures! teach! some! good!
things,!they!also!teach!bad!things,!things!that!are!agreed!to!be!bad!
by!the!overwhelming!majority!of!LDS!members.!Second,!I!had!to!
accept! that! even! though! church! leaders! taught! wonderful! things,!

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they! also! taught! decidedly! un;wonderful! things.! Like! the! scrip;

tures,! prophets! contradict! each! other! and! reveal! doctrines! that!
are!demonstrably!wrong,!many!of!which!are!agreed!to!be!wrong!
by!most!Latter;day!Saints.!After!I!opened!myself!to!those!facts,!it!
was! only! a! matter! of! time! before! I! was! able! to! entertain! the!
thought,!Couldnt!the!church!be!wrong!about!gay!people,!too?!
Prior!to!that!point!I!could!compartmentalize!my!feelings!and!
ignore! the! cognitive! dissonance.! Once! I! concluded! the! church!
might! be! wrong,! however,! I! knew! that! denying! equal! rights! to!
homosexuals! is! just! as! unethical! as! it! is! to! deny! it! to! women! or!
black!people!or!redheads!or!circus!clowns!or!any!other!group.!!
So!now!I!put!my!occasional!delusions!of!grandeur!to!good!use.!
I!tie!a!blanket!around!my!neck!(cant!change!the!world!without!a!
cape),!put!on!my!pajamas!(far!more!comfortable!than!my!regular!
clothes,! plus! I! do! not! own! tights),! find! a! pair! of! sexy! sunglasses!
and!I!fight.!I!visit!churches!that!support!rather!than!condemn!gay!
people!and!I!speak!out!against!this!tremendous!wrong!as!often!as!
possible.! I! dont! do! this! because! my! great! big! brain1!thinks! it! is!
rightalthough!it!does.!I!do!it!because!I!feel,!in!my!heart!of!hearts,!
that!it!really!is!the!moral!thing!to!do.!I!feel!it!is!right!more!than!I!
ever!felt!the!church!was!true.!
What!has!the!Holy!Ghost!told!you!as!you!read!this!book?!Did!
you! feel! the! spirit! when! you! learned! about! Gods!supposed!com;
mands!to!slaughter!women!and!children!in!the!Old!Testament!or!
when!you!read!about!Pauls!instructions!to!slaves!in!the!New!Tes;
tament?! Did! you! feel! the! spirit! when! you! read! First! Presidency!
quotes! denying! evolution! or! when! President! Brigham! Young!
talked! about! Adam! being! God! the! Father?! Did! you! feel! the! spirit!
when! you! learned! about! the! churchs! doctrine! regarding! birth!
control! or! about! denying! blacks! the! priesthood! and! condemning!
interracial!marriage?!Do!you!feel!the!spirit!when!you!ponder!the!
eternal! principle! of! polygamy! and! its! practice! in! the! celestial!
kingdom,!of!which!you!must!be!a!part!or!be!damned?!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1!Editors!note:!brain!may!not!be!very!big.!If!you!are!dissatisfied!with!the!authors!
brain,!we!reserve!the!right!to!replace!it!with!an!item!of!equal!value,!like!a!cookie.!

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Im!betting!that!as!you!consider!most!(if!not!all)!of!those!doc;
trines,! you! dont! feel! the! spirit.! In! fact,! if! you! feel! anything,! you!
probably! feel! discomfort! and! a! sense! that! those! things! are! not!
true.! Why! is! that?! I! would! suggest! it! is! because! those! things!are!
not!true.!They!are!doctrines!of!men.!In!this!case,!your!conscience!
is!probably!more!reliable!than!either!scriptures!or!church!leaders.!
What! does! the! spirit! say! to! you! about! equal! rights?! If! at! this!
point! you! have! concluded,! as! I! did,! that! scriptures! and! church!
leaders!are!fallible,!I!am!willing!to!venture!a!guess!that!your!con;
science!is!telling!you!some!of!the!same!things!mine!told!me.!
This!does!not!mean!the!spirit!is!infallible.!In!fact,!it!is!surpris;
ingly! easy! to! fool! our! feelings.! Below! is! a! picture! I! came! across!
while!working!on!my!neuroscience!degree:!
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Youll! notice! that! two! of! the! checkerboard! squares! are! la;
beled.! Look! at! them! closely.! Which! is! darker,! A! or! B?! Dont! turn!
the!page!yet.!I!have!seen!it!a!hundred!times,!but!this!illusion!still!
gets!me.!Neither!is!darker;!A!and!B!are!exactly!the!same!shade.!
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T HOU! S HALT! Q UESTION !

Dont! believe! me?! I! would! not! blame! you.! Below! is! the! very!
same! picture! with! two! bars,! identical! in! shade,! drawn! over! the!
sections!in!question:!
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Do!you!see!it!now?!Yet!go!back!and!look!again!at!the!previous!
picture.!The!illusion!is!just!as!strong!as!it!was!before,!even!though!
we!can!see!for!a!certainty!that!A!is!exactly!the!same!shade!as!B.2!
Because!section!B!is!in!shadow,!our!biases!convince!us!that!B!
must! be! lighter! than! A.! Even! for! something! as! concrete! as! a! pic;
ture! staring! us! in! the! face,! our! feelings! can! trick! us! into! believ;
ingbelieving! very! stronglythings! that! are! demonstrably!
wrong.! Earlier! I! suggested! that! a! prophets! revelation! is! only! as!
good!as!his!biases.!Similarly,!the!quiet!whispers!of!our!conscience!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2!Images!used!with!permission.!This!illusion!was!designed!by!Edward!H.!Adelson!
and!based!on!his!research.!Dr.!Adelson!is!a!John!and!Dorothy!Wilson!Professor!of!
Vision!Sciences!at!the!Department!of!Brain!and!Cognitive!Sciences,!Massachusetts!
Institute!of!Technology.!http://web.mit.edu/persci/people/adelson/index.html.!

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can!only!be!heard!if!our!big,!loud!prejudices!(and!corresponding!
big,!loud!social!pressures)!dont!get!in!the!way!first.3!
Many! things! that! are! true! are! also! deeply! counterintuitive,!
and! in! such! cases! our! feelings! are! usually! wrong.! But! despite! its!
flaws,!the!spirit!can!be!used!for!good.!It!is!incredibly!motivating!in!
ways!that!facts!are!not.!We!humans!are!emotional!beings!first!and!
thinking!beings!a!distant!second.!A!strong!feeling!telling!us!to!do!
something!is!far!more!compelling!than!a!textbook!could!ever!hope!
to!be!and!when!that!motivation!is!used!to!support!good!decisions!
backed!by!careful!research,!miracles!can!happen.!!
A!problem!only!arises!when!we!use!our!feelings!to!make!our!
decisions!rather!than!to!support!decisions!made!by!more!reliable!
means.!Following!the!spirit!without!checks!and!balancesletting!
it! override! all! other! informationis! extremely! dangerous,! be;
cause!everyone!thinks!they!are!right!about!who!to!love!and!who!
to! reject,! and! are! certain! all! other! groups! are! wrong.! Following!
the!spirit!with!that!kind!of!blind!assurance!is!what!led!to!the!Cru;

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!We!all!like!to!think!we!are!the!exception!to!the!rule,!that!others!may!bow!to!ex;
ternal!social!pressure!but!that!we!are!above!such!silliness.!Of!course,!each!of!us!is!
susceptible! to! it! and! social! pressure! can! be! surprisingly! powerful.! In! one! famous!
study!in!the!1950s!(and!there!have!been!many!studies!since!that!confirm!the!find;
ings)!psychology!professor!Solomon!Asch!invited!participants!to!look!at!a!line!on!a!
card!and!match!its!length!to!one!of!three!lines!on!another!card!labeled!a,!b!and!c.!
There!were!no!tricks;!the!three!lines!were!significantly!different!in!length!and!the!
answer!was!obvious.!For!the!first!two!trials!volunteers!got!the!right!answer!virtual;
ly!every!time.!For!the!third!trial!confederate!volunteers!planted!by!the!research;
ers!would!give!a!wrong!answer!out!loud!before!the!rest!of!the!group!responded.!In!
that! trial! the! real! volunteers! agreed! with! the! wrong! answer! 37%! of! the! time! and!
75%!of!all!participants!conformed!to!the!wrong!answer!at!least!once,!even!though!
the! correct! answer! was! crystal! clear! and! the! incorrect! answer! was! obviously!
wrong.! (Irvin! Rock,! The! Legacy! of! Solomon! Asch:! Essays! in! Cognition! and! Social!
Psychology,!1990,!http://www.questia.com/PM.qst?a=o&d=9119836.)!More!recent!
studies!have!found!that!conforming!to!social!pressure!results!in!changes!to!parts!of!
the! brain! responsible! for! perception! processing! and! not! to! the! decision;making!
prefrontal!cortex,!which!suggests!that!when!we!conform!we!are!not!just!saying!we!
see! things! the! way! others! do;! we! actually! see! them! that! way.! (Gregory! S.! Berns,!
Jonathan!Chappelow,!Caroline!F.!Zink,!Giuseppe!Pagnoni,!Megan!E.!Martin;Skurski!
and!Jim!Richards,!Neurobiological!Correlates!of!Social!Conformity!and!Independ;
ence!During!Mental!Rotation,!Biological!Psychiatry!58,!2005,!p.!245;253.)!

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sades,! the! Inquisition,! numerous! genocides! and! modern! acts! of!

religious!terrorism.!
I!remember!the!times!I!let!my!feelings!do!the!thinking!for!me!
because! I! have! kept! a! journal! since! I! was! eight! years! old.! It! in;
cludes! each! prompting! of! the! spirit! I! received! and! I! have! been!
hijacked! by! my! biases! more! times! than! I! can! count.! During! my!
final! year! of! high! school! I! began! dating! a! girl! named! Jackie.! We!
had! been! friends! for! years! before! we! dated.! She! was! with! me!
through! good! times! and! bad,! when! my! voice! began! to! crack! and!
when! I! wrote! my! first! book! and! when! I! got! in! trouble! at! school.!
Jackie! and! I! dated! through! my! first! semester! of! college! and! up!
until!I!left!on!my!mission.!The!following!is!quoted!from!my!journal!
entry!dated!July!27,!2000:!
Now! I! know! that! Jackie! will! wait! for! me! [while! I! am! on! my!
mission];! I! always! have.! I! prayed! about! it! and! I! received! a! very!
strong!confirmation!Ive!always!known,!and!the!Lord!has,!too.!
This! was! not! the! only! time! I! recorded! spiritual! witness! that!
Jackie! and! I! would! marry.! Jackie! and! I! broke! up! the! day! before! I!
went!on!my!mission!so!I!could!focus!on!my!work.!Suffice!it!to!say,!
she!was!married!(and!pregnant)!before!I!returned!home.!We!are!
still! friends! and! we! both! agree! that! if! we! had! followed! the! spirit!
and! married! each! other,! it! would! have! been! a! disaster.! My! own!
biases!had!made!me!stupid.!
Our!biases!also!make!us!forgetful.!Even!when!our!feelings!are!
obviously! wrong,! we! usually! dont! take! the! opportunity! to! learn!
from!the!experience;!we!conveniently!forget!it!instead.!We!are!all!
familiar! with! this! process! of! selective! memory.! Our! prejudices!
cause!us!to!feel!a!certain!way!and!we!genuinely!believe!that!what!
we!are!feeling!is!right.!We!follow!those!feelings,!we!fail!miserably,!
and!we!promptly!forget!the!incident.!We!only!remember!when!we!
followed!our!conscience!and!the!experience!was!positive.!
Happily,!we!can!help!our!brains!avoid!bias!hijack!by!keeping!a!
journal.!I!learned!this!strategy!from!Joseph!Smith.!He!said:!

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125!

The! art! of! writing! is! one! of! the! greatest! blessings! we! enjoy.!
To!cultivate!it!is!our!duty,!and!to!use!it!is!our!privilege.4!
Joseph!kept!a!journal!and!advised!members!of!the!church!to!
do!the!same,!For!your!journals!will!be!sought!after!as!history!and!
scripture.5!A! record! of! our! lives! is! a! powerful! resource.! Despite!
my!poor!memory,!I!cannot!forget!the!times!the!spirit!(or!the!spirit!
interpreted! through! my! biases)! was! wrong! and! the! experience!
was! negative;! my! journals! deny! me! the! luxury.! Going! back!
through! my! writings,! it! is! clear! that! the! spirit! does! not! have! a!
good!track!record!when!it!comes!to!giving!correct!answers!and!is!
largely!powerless!when!faced!with!my!innate!biases.6!
The! spirit! didnt! work! very! well! for! those! I! met! on! my! mis;
sion,!either.!Before!my!mission!I!thought!the!only!reason!investi;
gators7!did!not!get!baptized!was!because!they!were!lazy!and!failed!
to! follow! through! on! their! commitments! to! the! missionaries! or!
because!they!were!sinning!or!because!they!were!offended.8!
Then! I! met! Amy.! Amy! was! the! quintessential! golden! investi;
gator.!When!we!knocked!on!her!door!she!opened,!said,!Hello!El;
ders!! and! insisted! we! come! in.! We! saw! the! latest! edition! of! the!
Ensign!on!her!coffee!table.!She!already!owned!a!copy!of!the!Book!
of! Mormon! and! had! read! it! cover;to;cover.! She! even! watched!
General!Conference!when!it!was!broadcast!on!her!satellite!TV.!
Our! jaws! dropped.! We! could! not! have! asked! for! a! more! pre;
pared! investigator.! We! assumed! she! would! march! right! into! the!
baptismal! font! with! nary! a! word! from! us.! We! met! with! Amy! for!
weeks;!I!got!to!know!her!better!than!I!knew!some!of!my!own!fami;
ly.!We!learned!about!her!work!and!her!siblings!and!her!deep!love!
for!Jesus.!She!was!a!single!mom!and!her!adorable!little!daughter!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!Times!and!Seasons!Vol.!5,!No.!19.!
!Article!by!Oliver!B.!Huntington!quoting!Joseph!Smith,!Young!Womans!Journal,!!
July!1891.!
6!One!might!argue!that!it!was!my!ability!to!interpret!the!spirit!that!was!flawed,!not!
the!spirit!itself.!Regardless,!a!spirit!that!is!difficult!to!interpret!and!a!spirit!that!is!
wrong!are!equally!unhelpful.!
7!Latter;day!Saints!refer!to!those!considering!church!membership!as!investigators.!
8!Ironically,!these!are!the!very!same!reasons!people!now!give!me!when!they!try!to!
find!a!safe!excuse!for!why!I!no!longer!follow!the!church.!
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was! thrilled! when! we! came! to! visit! (this! child! was! like! sunshine!
wrapped!in!bacon!wrapped!in!joy).!
Amy!had,!obviously,!a!positive!perspective!of!the!church!long!
before! we! showed! up! on! her! doorstep.! She! was! kind,! generous,!
open,!and!willing!to!do!everything!we!asked.!She!kept!each!com;
mitment! we! gave! herevery! last! one,! even! though! she! had! ful;
filled!them!before.!Yet!to!our!surprise,!we!got!nowhere.!Amy!had!
no! specific! concerns,! but! when! we! asked! her! about! her! prayers!
regarding! the! Book! of! Mormon! or! baptism! or! Joseph! Smith,! she!
told!us!she!felt!nothing.!!
Finally,! after! weeks! of! enduring! our! rather! strenuous! mis;
sionary! promptings,! Amy! gently! broke! the! truththat! even!
though!she!loved!us,!even!though!she!enjoyed!much!of!what!was!
in!our!scriptures,!in!the!Ensign!and!in!General!Conference,!she!had!
studied!and!prayed!for!a!very!long!time!and!not!only!did!she!get!
no! positive! confirmation,! but! she! received! a! distinct! answer! that!
the!church!was!not!true.!!
I! dont! know! how! my! companion! felt! about! thatI! was! too!
scared!to!ask!him,!lest!I!add!fuel!to!my!doubtsbut!I!was!floored.!
Moronis!promise!in!the!Book!of!Mormon!is!clear:!
And! when! ye! shall! receive! these! things,! I! would! exhort! you!
that!ye!would!ask!God,!the!Eternal!Father,!in!the!name!of!Christ,!if!
these!things!are!not!true;!and!if!ye!shall!ask!with!a!sincere!heart,!
with!real!intent,!having!faith!in!Christ,!he!will!manifest!the!truth!of!
it!unto!you,!by!the!power!of!the!Holy!Ghost.9!!
Yet! here! was! a! woman! who! was! as! sincere! as! could! be,! who!
asked!with!real!intent!and!with!a!faith!in!Christ!that!by!compari;
son! made! me! look! more! like! a! draft;dodging! Christian! soldier!
than! a! good! Mormon! missionary.! Amy! took! Moronis! promise! to!
heart,! she! did! everything! right,! she! kept! each! commitment! we!
gave!her,!and!she!got!an!answer!that!the!church!was!not!true.!
My!eyes!were!opened.!I!met!more!investigators!who!worked!
sincerely,! kept! all! their! commitments! and! also! got! answers! that!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9!Moroni!10:4.!Moroni!is!the!last!book!in!the!Book!of!Mormon!and!is!named!after!
the!last!prophet!in!the!Book!of!Mormon.!

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the! church! was! not! true.! It! happened! again! and! again! and! again.!
Who!was!I!supposed!to!trust?!Should!I!have!believed!the!investi;
gators! who! I! knew! and! lovedwho! worked! hard,! studied! the!
scriptures,!prayed!hard!and!got!an!answer!that!it!was!not!true?!Or!
should! I! have! believed! the! missionaries! I! knew! and! lovedwho!
worked! hard,! studied! the! scriptures,! prayed! hard! and! some! of!
whom! got! an! answer! that! it! was! true?! Regardless! of! who! was!
right,!I!watched!as!the!spirit!gave!diametrically!opposing!answers!
to!hundreds!of!people.!!
We!each!implicitly!recognize!the!unreliability!of!the!spirit!and!
so!we!dont!actually!trust!it!for!very!much!at!all.!Have!you!noticed!
that!we!only!use!it!when!facts!are!hard!to!come!by?!We!never!rely!
on!the!spirit!to!tell!us!the!sun!will!rise!tomorrow,!that!the!sun!is!
composed! primarily! of! hydrogen,! that! it! produces! light! through!
nuclear!fusion,!or!that!plants!use!chlorophyll!to!convert!that!light!
into! useable! energy.! In! fact,! if! someone! told! us! they! knew! those!
things!by!the!spiritgot!up!during!testimony!meeting10!and!wept!
as!they!declared!that!they!knew!beyond!a!shadow!of!a!doubt!that!
the!sun!was!made!of!hydrogenwe!would!think!they!were!crazy.!!
What!would!you!do!if!your!car!mechanic!said!he!followed!the!
spirit!to!determine!how!to!change!your!oil?!How!would!you!feel!if!
your!accountant!decided!that!the!best!way!to!do!your!taxes!was!to!
listen!to!the!Holy!Ghost!rather!than!the!instructions!from!the!IRS?!
Would!you!trust!a!physics!professor!who!announced!in!class!that!
he!knew!with!every!fiber!of!my!being11!that!sound!always!trav;
eled!faster!than!light!because!the!spirit!told!him!so?!What!if!your!
surgeon! said! she! could! not! remember! how! to! remove! an! appen;
dix,!but!not!to!worry!because!she!would!follow!the!spirit?!

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!Testimony!meeting!is!held!on!the!first!Sunday!of!each!month.!The!pulpit!is!open!
for! anyone! who! wishes! to! speak.! Members! use! the! time! to! testify! to! what! they!
believe!is!true;!members!also!show!gratitude!or!share!uplifting!stories.!The!phrase!
beyond!a!shadow!of!a!doubt!is!such!a!common!testimony!phrase!that!it!is!includ;
ed!in!most!versions!of!testimony!meeting!bingo!(a!game!played!by!some!of!the!less!
reverent!Latter;day!Saints).!
11 !Another!popular!testimony!meeting!phrase.!
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If!the!spirit!is!such!an!excellent!source!of!truth,!why!do!we!re;
ly!on!it!only!for!gospel!truth!and!not!for!any!other!truth?!We! do!
not!trust!the!spirit!to!provide!accurate!information!in!any!field!of!
human!knowledge!where!we!have!testable!informationnot!psy;
chology,! not! paleontology,! not! biology! or! economics! or! medicine!
or! physics! or! chemistry! or! basket;weavingbut! we! trust! it! to!
give! accurate! information! regarding! what! is! arguably! the! most!
important!field!of!all:!God.!!
Why! is! the! spirit! worth! everything! when! it! comes! to!
knowledge! of! God,! yet! worth! so! little! when! it! comes! to! all! other!
branches! of! knowledge?! Why! would! a! person! rely! on! learning
on! hypotheses! and! trial! and! error! and! hard! studyto! come! to! a!
knowledge!of!anything!and!everything!except!God,!then!suddenly!
turn!to!a!fundamentally!different!and!counterintuitive!tool!in!or;
der!to!learn!about!God?!It!is!as!if!we!were!told!that!to!master!the!
field!of!astronomy!we!must!sacrifice!a!chicken!in!our!bathtub!and!
sprinkle!its!blood!on!the!ground!in!the!shape!of!our!favorite!con;
stellation,!but!to!learn!about!any!other!subject!we!must!definitely!
not!do!that;!we!just!have!to!go!to!school.!
What! do! you! believe?! What! do! you! do! when! your! con;
sciencethe!spiritcontradicts!certain!verses!of!scripture?!What!
if! the! spirit! contradicts! general! authorities?! What! do! you! think!
when!the!spirit!tells!you!the!right!decision!is!x!but!when!you!do!
x! it! goes! wrong?! Most! people! set! aside! incorrect! spiritual!
promptings! by! telling! themselves! they! misinterpreted! the! spirit!
or!they!rationalize!it!away!by!saying!something!like,!Well,!I!had!
that!bad!experience!because!it!is!what!God!wanted!me!to!learn!at!
the!time.!Such!excuses!provide!little!comfort;!the!spirit!canand!
has,!over!and!over!againled!people!astray!(think!of!Islamic!ex;
tremists!who!are!prompted!by!the!spirit!to!murder!innocent!men,!
women!and!children).!So!what!should!we!do?!!
I!believe!in!questioning!any!spiritual!prompting!before!acting!
on! it! because! the! spirit! often! reveals! to! us! the! stale! doctrines! of!
our!own!prejudices!rather!than!the!inspiring!thoughts!of!God,!but!
uncovering!truth!is!not!impossible.!It!just!takes!a!lot!of!work.!