1/12/2016 Agenda!

Learning Target: I can organize my LAD

Fair entry.
1) Brain Buzzer: Part 1: Write an example of a
terrible first sentence of the essay youre working on
now.
2) How to organize your narrative essay
3) How do you hook a reader in your intro?
4) How do conclusions work?

Hooking your reader is just like hooking a

fish. You want them (reader and fish) to become
interested, bite on, and only then can you pull
them toward you.

You have a very short period of time to hook your

reader. Words count. Seconds count. In other
words, hook them quickly!

Example:
Lets say you had to write a story about a time
when you were really scared. This topic has great
potential. You need to jump all over the topic, by
creating a hook that not only gets the reader
excited, but lets them know a little about what your
essay will be about.

The Good:
I cant get her screams out of my head.
They pierced my ears from behind the bedroom
door. I pounded my fists to get to her. My heart
exploded behind my ribcage.
Help! she screeched.
I cant get to you! I yelled into the door.
Her sobs surrounded me, suffocated me. I
continued to kick and claw at the door. I just
couldnt get in.
It was the scariest day of my life

The Bad:
I remember this one time, it was a little while
ago.
I was in this house.
And it was so scary.
There was some person screaming behind a
door. I tried to get in but I couldnt.
It was scary. Really scary.

The Ugly:
OMG.
Being scared bites. Bad. So, so bad. It stinks.
Its worse than What Does the Fox Say!
I was scared once.
Id tell you about it, but it is too scary to
mention. I might pee. Whoa.
LOL.

So how do you hook a reader? Here are a few

things you can do:

1)

Start with asking your reader a question.

Example: (Asking your readers to think about

the topic is a great way to get them ready to
hear more. It can be a simple question like:
"Could it be?" Or it can be a more complex
question like, "Why is it that cats always land
on their feet?")
***Avoid questions with a yes or no answer
such as Have you ever wondered what it
would be like to explore the ocean?

2)

Use descriptive words.

Example: (Creating a picture in the readers

mind can make him or her feel connected to
your writing. Use words that describe the scene
youre trying to create. For example, if youre
writing about things you like to do in the
winter, you can start with:
"Jumping in big, slushy, icy puddles is
certainly on my list of favorite things to do in
the winter, but nothing tops a snowball fight on
a cold, blustery day.")

3)

Leave it a mystery.

Example: Give your readers just enough to

make them curious. Include a few details and
leave the rest to their imaginations.
"It was so noisy in our classroom that the
walls began to shake. We couldnt have known
what would happen next."
***Now the skill here involves getting to your
point quickly. You cant have 1 full page of
mystery if the paper is only 2 pages. If it takes
too long for the reader to figure out where
youre headed, they will lose interest.***

4)

Start with action

Example: Most of us love an action-packed

scene in a movie. In your writing, why wait
around for things to get exciting. Start at the
good part.
The sirens cut through the air like knives.
They couldnt get to my father fast enough. I
held his hand as he drifted in and out of
consciousness

5)

Start with dialogue

Example: Jump right into the story with

someone speaking. Normally youd like the
thing being said to be interesting. If you dont
stop jumping on the bed, youre going to fall off
and break your arm.
My mothers words echoed in my head as we
raced to the hospital, my arm throbbing and
bent in an awkward way.

Topics:
1) Worst day at school
2) Best day of my life
3) Scariest moment of my life

4)
5)
6)
7)
8)
9)
10)
11)

The moment Ill never forget

My enemy
My hero
Summer fun
My best friend
Christmas
Worst pain ever
Another topic but I must approve it

You try it

 Write an ugly intro paragraph for fun about

any of the 11 topic choices listed. We will
share some of these with the class.
----------------------------------------------------------------- Then, choose one other topic from the list #111.
Write 5 intros about that topic using one of
each of the 5 strategies you learned today.

Effective beginning, middle and end

Beginning: Do you have a strong hook? Does

reader know where your paper is headed?
Sin = In my paper I will tell you about or So sit
back and enjoy my paper.

Middle: This is generally where all of your strong

details and examples exist. Have you given the
reader concrete things to think about or have you
been too general?
Sin = NO DETAILS

End: How does the paper tie up? Is it creative?

Does it leave the reader with something to think
about?
Sin = Thanks for Reading my paper. or I hope
you liked my paper.

Conclusions:
Try and mention something from your intro, in
your conclusion. What this does, is connect
your intro and conclusion together (like the
buns of a hamburger). This also holds
together all the meat and good stuff in the
body of your paper.

Warning: This strategy only works if you have

something memorable in your intro, such as a
great quote or image.

INTRO =
My dad once said, Carpe diem. I
always wondered what it meant, until one day I
found out while I was at school. Looking back,
Ill remember that day forever
BODY
BODY
BODY
CONCLUSION= Now that Im a grown man, my
dads words of Carpe diem ring in my ears
nearly every day. It was a great lesson for him
to teach me because it is a lesson that will be
with me always.

***Last warning: NEVER thank anyone for

reading your paper and NEVER tell them that
you hoped they liked it.

Organization:

It is helpful to write your narrative in the order

it happened. This will lead to less confusion
for the reader.

It was too late when I saw it coming. The rusty pickup

truck swerved to miss us, but it collided with us
anyway.
I remember hearing my mom scream. Then,
everything went black.
I woke up in the hospital surrounded by doctors in
white coats. They hovered over me holding clip
boards and mumbling between themselves. There
was concern in their eyes.
Whats your name? one doctor asked.
My head poundedI just couldnt remember my
name

*NOTICE THE EVENTS THAT ARE DESCRIBE FOLLOW

A LOGICAL SEQUENTIAL ORDER. THIS, THEN THIS,
THEN THIS

Transitions:

You need transitions between paragraphs.

This can happen as the last sentence of a
paragraph, or the first sentence of the next
paragraph.

The spitball I shot, splatted squarely in Jerrys

hair. I grinned until I heard my teacher growl. She
demanded that I get into the hall. I gulped and
headed out the classroom door. But I didnt get too
far.
My teacher had followed me out into the hall,
where she gave me an earful about how disrespectful
I had been. I listened patiently, until she pointed
down the hall and ordered me to go to the office.
As I walked to the office, my thoughts raced.
What would Principal McGuire say? Would he yell?
Would he send me to ISS? Would he call my parents?
That thought of him calling my parents nearly
made me want to throw up. I had just gotten off
being grounded. Now, I was about to have it happen
all over again. I stood outside his door waiting like a
man on death row.
Finally, he opened the door, with an angry look
on his face

Dialogue:
Dialogue helps move your essay along.
Remember you must indent every time a new
person starts speaking even if it is one word.

I hate you, Joe yelled.

I hate you more! Mike hollered back.
They had been arguing for over a week. When
they passed each other in the hallways, they would
snarl and sometimes growl. Their friends tried to get
them to make up, but it was no use.
Joe said, You smell like a dumpster.
Youre as fat as a dumpster, he replied.

Dialogue cheat sheet:

Joe said, I like you.

Joe yelled, I like you!
Joe asked, Do I like you?

I like you, Joe said.

I like you! Joe yelled.
Do I like you? Joe asked.

I wonder if, Joe said, you will ever date me.

You try it Add

a transition sentence between each
paragraph.

Kevin wandered through the streets. It was dark

but he didnt care. He was looking for his lost dog.
What will I do without him? he asked himself.
He heard a whimpering coming from an alley.
Racing as fast as he could, he approached the sound.
There was his dog, Buddy. Buddy had a deep gash
on his left leg. The gash looked infected with gunk.
Kevin reached down to help Buddy, but his dog
growled at him. He was confused. Didnt Buddy
recognize him? What was he going to do?
Kevin pulled out his phone to call his vet. Dr.
Bacon answered in a concerned voice.