Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Into The Silent Land
Into The Silent Land
Telegraph,
Guardian, Daily
Telegraph a n d
F r o m the r e v i e w s :
'Into the Silent Land is a s m a l l , s t r a n g e , beautiful g e m . . . B r o k s
i s a s m u c h p o e t a s s c i e n t i s t . . . Indelible.' A t u l G a w a n d e ,
author of
Complications
' A d e b u t o f c o n s i d e r a b l e quality.' R o b e r t M a c f a r l a n e ,
Sunday
Times
in Neuropsychology
PAUL B R O K S
Atlantic B o o k s
London
C O N T E N T S
17
22
The
Sword
of
the
Sun
39
Soul in a Bucket
42
In the Theatre
57
A-Z
65
The Mirror
67
71
Think
Therefore
Am
Dead
89
105
Body Art
114
117
THREE
No
Articles of Faith
123
132
Water,
No
Moon
147
158
171
181
Mr Barrington's Quandary
196
200
To
Be
Two
or
Not
to
Be
204
Gulls
226
Further Reading
237
Acknowledgements
246
ONE
Different
Lives
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Providence
has
created
mirror-image
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c a s u a l attire, h e i s v o l u b l e . B e f o r e l o n g , inevitably, h e d r o p s
into the g r o o v e o f his special interests. T h e r e are s e v e r a l . O n e i s
the B e a t l e s . H e k n o w s the r e c o r d i n g a n d release d a t e s o f e v e r y
r e c o r d . A n o t h e r i s the r a i l w a y s . H e h a s m e m o r i z e d the regional
t i m e t a b l e , o f c o u r s e , b u t w h a t really fascinates him i s the m o v e m e n t o f c o a l freight w a g o n s . T h e n there i s a s t r o n o m y , which,
currently, is his m a i n p r e o c c u p a t i o n .
' D o y o u k n o w h o w m a n y stars there are i n the u n i v e r s e ? ' h e
a s k s . ' T e n t o the p o w e r o f t w e n t y - t w o . '
I m a k e a little b l o w i n g s o u n d a n d s h a k e my h e a d . He l o o k s
pleased.
'Actually,' I say, 'I r e a d s o m e w h e r e that if y o u think of each
star as a g r a i n of s a n d it w o u l d take all the b e a c h e s a n d deserts
on the planet to m a t c h the n u m b e r of s t a r s in the u n i v e r s e . '
I t h o u g h t this w o u l d i m p r e s s h i m , but h e i g n o r e s m e . H e
b e c o m e s a g i t a t e d , starts r o c k i n g b a c k a n d forth o n the e d g e o f
his s e a t . W h e n h e s t o p s h e s a y s , ' I d o n ' t think s o . '
I a s k h i m if he thinks there is intelligent life o u t there a m o n g
all t h o s e g r a i n s o f s a n d . H e l o o k s p u z z l e d a n d I realize h e ' s
taken the q u e s t i o n literally, so I clarify. A g a i n , the grin.
' Y e s , ' h e s a y s , 'there i s . ' T h e s m i l e i s s u s t a i n e d . I t i s evidently
a consoling thought.
B e t h j o i n s u s . S h e ' s o n e o f o u r r e s e a r c h assistants. I t ' s time t o
g o t o the lab for the testing s e s s i o n . M a r t i n ' s face lights up. H e
h a s taken a shine to B e t h .
'And what have you been up t o ? ' she asks him.
' I ' v e b e e n m a s t u r b a t i n g quite a lot,' he replies, as if t h r o u g h
a tannoy. I p r e s s m o u t h a g a i n s t k n u c k l e s to b l o c k the laughter.
I t ' s n o g o o d . I s n o r t and c o u g h .
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s o m e t i m e s , h e b e l i e v e s . F o r b r i e f p e r i o d s the w o r l d takes o n
a different a p p e a r a n c e . He is m o r e relaxed and it is less of an
effort t o c o n n e c t with p e o p l e . T h i s i s w h e r e masturbation
c o m e s in: o r g a s m d e t o n a t e s a d a m - b u s t i n g e x p l o s i o n in the
right h e m i s p h e r e .
As B e t h s e e s Martin to the d o o r , I catch a f r a g m e n t of their
conversation.
'But if your boyfriend leaves you . . . " he says.
'We'll see,' says Beth.
M a r t i n ' s g r i n h a s a n u n w o r l d l y beauty.
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It w o u l d be a w e e k b e f o r e s h e o p e n e d her e y e s . B u t s h e w a s
not d e a d . A n d t h r o u g h the tunnel of intensive c a r e s h e in
c o m a , he c o n s c i o u s n e s s flayed E l l i e ' s father f o u n d the
strength not t o pray. H i s p r a y e r l e s s v i g i l w a s r e w a r d e d . E l l i e
r e c o v e r e d a n d , m o n t h s later, returned t o s c h o o l . H e d r o p p e d
her o f f a t the g a t e a n d s a y s h e b l u b b e r e d s o m u c h o n the d r i v e t o
w o r k h e h a d t o stop the car. J o y c a n b e s o p r o f o u n d i t b o r d e r s
on grief.
Ellie n e v e r r e g a i n e d the full s t r e n g t h of her left a r m a n d l e g ,
and she tired easily, b u t it d i d n ' t s t o p her j o i n i n g in with the
other children. S h e s t r u g g l e d t o c o n c e n t r a t e a n d k e e p p a c e i n
s o m e l e s s o n s , but that w a s t o b e e x p e c t e d . N o o n e p u s h e d her;
she p u s h e d herself. S h e found a talent for l a n g u a g e s a n d is n o w
p r e p a r i n g t o g o t o university. S o w h a t ' s the p r o b l e m ?
'Parallel p a r k i n g , ' s a y s E l l i e , ' a n d o v e r t a k i n g . '
S h e has difficulty j u d g i n g s p e e d s a n d d i s t a n c e s . S h e ' s t w i c e
failed the d r i v i n g test. Is it a n y t h i n g to do with her b r a i n injury
and, if s o , can I help?
I finish my a s s e s s m e n t s at the next a p p o i n t m e n t . E l l i e h a s
w o r k e d h a r d a t tests o f spatial a w a r e n e s s , m o t o r c o - o r d i n a t i o n ,
concentration, and reaction t i m e . T h e results s h o w p r o b l e m s
consistent with her b r a i n injury. S h e s e n s e s this a n d , with a kind
of d e s p e r a t i o n , offers to take me for a d r i v e . I a c c e p t .
' D o y o u w a n t m e t o c o m e ? ' a s k s her father.
' N o , ' I tell h i m , ' g o a n d h a v e a c u p of tea.'
A t f i r s t E l l i e s e e m s u n s u r e w h e r e the car i s p a r k e d . I t ' s a n o l d
C i t r o e n , the c o l o u r o f t o m a t o s o u p .
' W h e r e shall I g o ? ' s h e s a y s .
' A n y w h e r e . J u s t d r i v e a r o u n d . G o left h e r e , then next right.'
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Y O U R
Y O U R M O V E !
M O V E !
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* * *
M r s O ' G r a d y i s s h o w i n g m e p h o t o g r a p h s . T h e r e a r e three
a l b u m s o p e n e d out o n the coffee table. T h e r e s h e i s a t K a t i e ' s
w e d d i n g ; small, n e r v o u s , and neat in a p a l e g r e e n suit. T w o
m o n t h s on, there s h e is at S t e p h a n i e ' s . B e i g e this time.
' I feel guilty,' s h e confides. ' I still h a v e n ' t told S t e p h . D o y o u
think I s h o u l d ? '
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I ' v e b e e n t r y i n g t o think o f the e g g s h e l l b o y ' s n a m e . I c o u l d
have g i v e n him a n a m e . A l l the others h a v e p s e u d o n y m s . It
w a s n ' t deliberate. I d i d n ' t c h o o s e to d e n y h i m a n a m e . B u t w h e n
the story w a s finished, I s a w he didn't h a v e o n e . A n a m e w o u l d
humanize him,' s o m e o n e said. 'Call him John or Steven or
Richard...'
On reflection, I t h o u g h t it m i g h t do just the o p p o s i t e .
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W h i s k y o n t o p o f w i n e w a s a m i s t a k e . T h i s m o r n i n g i t h a s left
m e feeling fractionally t o o e m b o d i e d ; t o o a w a r e o f the w e i g h t
a n d m o v e m e n t o f m y h e a d , the b u l k o f m y t o n g u e .
I w o k e l a t e , b r e a k i n g f r o m a thick crust of sleep not m u c h
b e f o r e eight. H a l f a n h o u r later, I ' m w a l k i n g t o w o r k , without
hurry, b u t k e e p i n g p a c e with the traffic. I t ' s a c o u p l e of miles. It
will d o m e g o o d . D o w n p a s t the p a r a d e o f s h o p s , p a s t the o d d
j u x t a p o s i t i o n o f c a s i n o a n d funeral p a r l o u r , p a s t the terraced
h o u s e s a t the fringe o f the p a r k , and o n u p the other s i d e o f the
u r b a n v a l l e y t o w a r d s the d r a b m o n o l i t h o n the b r o w o f the hill.
T h e D i s t r i c t G e n e r a l H o s p i t a l i s v i s i b l e from m o s t o f the city.
T o d a y i t i s f r a m e d b y a s k y the c o l o u r o f c e m e n t .
N a o m i i s d e e p i n s i d e . I t i s her nineteenth birthday. S h e i s o n
a b e d b e i n g p u s h e d by a p o r t e r a l o n g s h i n y floors, into lifts and
o u t a c r o s s m o r e s h i n y f l o o r s . S h e i s tired, h a v i n g b e e n a w a k e
since the b r e a k o f day, well b e f o r e the n e u r o p h y s i o l o g y technic i a n s c a m e to g l u e e l e c t r o d e s to her scalp. T h e y left her with a
M e d u s a ' s head of a n g r y serpents.
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Strictly,
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D e s p i t e inventive c o c k t a i l s o f anti-epileptic m e d i c a t i o n , w i t h
d o s a g e s a l m o s t t o toxic levels, the f r e q u e n c y o f N a o m i ' s
seizures h a s steadily i n c r e a s e d . N o w she g e t s t h e m a l m o s t e v e r y
day. S h e is d e s p e r a t e for a c u r e a n d w i l l i n g to take risks.
T h e planned operation has an ungainly n a m e : a m y g d a l o h i p p o c a m p e c t o m y , s o called b e c a u s e i t i n v o l v e s r e m o v a l o f the
a m y g d a l a (from the G r e e k for ' a l m o n d ' ) a n d p a r t o f the a d j a cent structure, the h i p p o c a m p u s ( ' s e a h o r s e ' ) . E a c h h a l f o f the
brain contains a n a l m o n d a n d a s e a h o r s e . T h e p u r p o s e o f the
W a d a test is to clear a w a y for the o p e r a t i o n . We k n o w it is the
right side o f N a o m i ' s b r a i n that b e a r s the scar t i s s u e a n d d r i v e s
the seizures b e c a u s e w e ' v e s e e n the b r a i n s c a n s a n d w e ' v e
l o g g e d the clinical s i g n s . B u t w e a r e a l s o m a k i n g a n a s s u m p t i o n ,
p o s s i b l y u n w a r r a n t e d , that her left h e m i s p h e r e , w h i c h l o o k s
n o r m a l , is functioning n o r m a l l y . O u r test will help d e t e r m i n e
whether this i s true. (It i s ' W a d a ' , b y the w a y , not ' W A D A ' a s
I ' v e just b e e n r e a d i n g i n the c a s e n o t e s ; a c o m m o n error. T h e
p r o c e d u r e i s n a m e d after J u h n W a d a , the J a p a n e s e - C a n a d i a n
n e u r o l o g i s t w h o f i r s t p r o p o s e d its u s e . I t m u s t b e d i s a p p o i n t i n g
t o b e elevated t o the status o f a n e p o n y m o n l y t o b e m i s t a k e n for
a n a c r o n y m . ) W e n e e d t o b e a s s u r e a s p o s s i b l e that there i s n o
'silent l e s i o n ' on that healthy s i d e ; in other w o r d s , a m a l f u n c t i o n
that h a s n ' t s h o w n u p o n the b r a i n s c a n s . A p p e a r a n c e s c a n b e
deceptive. B r a i n tissue can l o o k clean a n d p l u m p , b u t w i t h o u t
putting it to the test o n e c a n ' t be s u r e of its integrity.
O n e of the t a r g e t s for s u r g e r y , the h i p p o c a m p u s , is a vital
c o m p o n e n t o f the b r a i n ' s m e m o r y circuitry, essential for l a y i n g
d o w n n e w traces. We n e e d to k n o w , a b o v e all, whether the left
h e m i s p h e r e o f N a o m i ' s b r a i n i s u p t o the t a s k o f s u s t a i n i n g b a s i c
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systems
of
mental
imagery
'Theatres
of
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right
for
melody;
rationality / intuition;
analysis /
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What
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that
L A N D
Naomi's
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mute,
morose.
When
the
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Soul in a Bucket
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a result o f b r a i n d a m a g e . T h e d e g r a d a t i o n o f p e r s o n a l i t y i s a
neurological commonplace.
M a r y h a d suffered a b r a i n h a e m o r r h a g e ; to be p r e c i s e , a
ruptured anterior c o m m u n i c a t i n g a r t e r y a n e u r y s m . T h e arterial
wall had a l w a y s b e e n defective ( t h o u g h s h e w a s n o t t o k n o w )
and now, in her fiftieth year, the s a c h a d b u r s t , p o u r i n g b l o o d
into the frontal l o b e s . T h e s u r g e o n s o p e n e d u p her h e a d a n d
fixed a clip to s t e m the flow. S h e h a d b e e n c l o s e to d e a t h . T h r e e
w e e k s later, sitting in my office, it w a s difficult to s t e m the flow
of words.
' I ' v e g o t a p o e m I w r o t e it y e s t e r d a y well I h a v e n ' t written it
d o w n it just c a m e to me w h e n I w a s sitting l o o k i n g o u t the
w i n d o w a t the lawn and these m a g p i e s c a m e v i c i o u s t h i n g s y o u
w o u l d n ' t w a n t to l e a v e a b a b y o u t s i d e t h e y ' d p e c k its e y e s o u t
like they do the sheep they attack in p a i r s they s w o o p d o w n a n d
confuse the sheep o n e then the other we h a d a kitten c l i m b e d an
apple tree it did they flapped a r o u n d her p o o r t h i n g w a s terrified
I threw a stone we s h o o k the biscuit b o x to g e t her d o w n . '
S h e p a u s e d . S h e h a d forgotten the p o e m .
' W h e r e w a s I ? ' she s a i d .
I d i d n ' t s a y a w o r d as I r e a c h e d for the b l a c k c a s e c o n t a i n i n g
my test e q u i p m e n t , a n d a v o i d e d e y e contact. If I d i d n ' t s p e a k
and I didn't l o o k , M a r y w o u l d s t a y silent. W i t h o u t the t r i g g e r of
a w o r d or a g l a n c e she sat, if not exactly still ( s h e w a s a l w a y s
fidgeting with the b u t t o n s on her b l o u s e ) then at least quiet. B u t
to let slip a c a r e l e s s w o r d or g l a n c e w a s to o p e n the s l u i c e . I
quickly released the c l a s p s o n the c a s e a n d t o o k s o m e c l e a n h i s tory sheets from a tray on my d e s k . M a r y d i d n ' t m o v e a m u s c l e .
S h e w a s not e v e n fiddling with her b u t t o n s . I w o n d e r e d h o w
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colourful
s h o p s and
restaurants.
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* * *
I ' v e b e e n p r o j e c t i n g i m a g e s o f the b r a i n o n t o a l a r g e s c r e e n . A t
f i r s t they w e r e hyper-real 3 - D i m a g e s , labelled a n d c o l o u r c o d e d t o illustrate the a n a t o m i c a l l a n d m a r k s . T h e cerebral
h e m i s p h e r e s l o o k e d like they w e r e m a d e o f shiny plastic. B u t
n o w I am w o r k i n g on a m o r e s c h e m a t i c picture. A l a r g e b l o c k of
c o l o u r hot m u s t a r d y e l l o w slides d o w n b e h i n d m e , c a s t i n g a
trompe l'oeil s h a d o w a g a i n s t the p a l e screen. It b e a r s the l e g e n d
CEREBRAL
CORTEX
self.
T h e hall is full a n d the students are attentive. T h e y s e e m to
have enjoyed w a t c h i n g the s h a p e s and w o r d s g l i d e a c r o s s the
screen, falling into p l a c e with PowerPoint p r e c i s i o n as the b r a i n
a s s e m b l e s itself. I am p l e a s e d with my picture. It is like a w o r k of
art. T h e lecture hall as gallery.
In the s h a d o w s , on a table next to the illuminated s c r e e n there
is another exhibit. It is h i d d e n from view, b u t in a few m i n u t e s I
shall take it from its container a n d h o l d it aloft for the a u d i e n c e
to a d m i r e . F o r now, we c o n t e m p l a t e the d i a g r a m . It p r o v i d e s a
standard
representation
o f the
major anatomical
divisions
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A c c o r d i n g t o W e s t e r n intellectual tradition, w h i c h distinguishes between Nature and Culture, we have a curious, duplex
kind o f existence. W e m o v e i n a natural r e a l m o f t i m e , s p a c e ,
and matter a n d , concurrently, t h r o u g h a s o c i o - c u l t u r a l d i m e n sion of p e o p l e and i d e a s , a w o r l d s a t u r a t e d with c u s t o m s and
beliefs, rituals, traditions, l a w s , c o n v e n t i o n s , f a s h i o n s , l a n g u a g e , arts, and s c i e n c e . I n the f i r s t w o r l d w e are s u b j e c t ,
ultimately, to the l a w s of p h y s i c s a n d , in the s e c o n d , to the influence o f c u s t o m s , beliefs, rituals, traditions, etc.
A n e m e r g i n g t h e m e i n n e u r o p s y c h o l o g y i s that, j u s t a s i t h a s
functional s y s t e m s d e v o t e d to p e r c e p t i o n of, a n d interaction
with, the physical e n v i r o n m e n t , s o the b r a i n h a s e v o l v e d s y s t e m s dedicated to social c o g n i t i o n a n d action. It c o n s t r u c t s a
m o d e l of the o r g a n i s m of w h i c h it is a p a r t a n d , b e y o n d this,
a representation of that o r g a n i s m ' s p l a c e in relation to other,
similar, o r g a n i s m s : p e o p l e . A s part o f this p r o c e s s i t a s s e m b l e s a
' s e l f ' , which can b e t h o u g h t o f a s the d e v i c e w e h u m a n s e m p l o y
as a m e a n s of n e g o t i a t i n g the social e n v i r o n m e n t .
T i g h t l y b o u n d t o l a n g u a g e , these b r a i n m e c h a n i s m s are the
channels t h r o u g h w h i c h b i o l o g y finds e x p r e s s i o n as culture, a
m e a n s o f distributing m i n d b e y o n d b i o l o g i c a l b o u n d a r i e s . B u t i f
culture is in this w a y an extension of b i o l o g y , an i m p o r t a n t
question arises: m u s t w e a l s o accept that n e u r o s c i e n c e h a s
b o u n d a r i e s which d e n y full a c c e s s t o a n u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f b r a i n
function? In other w o r d s , is n e u r o s c i e n c e a d e q u a t e to its p r i m a r y task u n d e r s t a n d i n g the b r a i n or, to tackle the ' b i g '
questions (relating t o s e l f - a w a r e n e s s a n d p e r s o n a l i d e n t i t y )
m u s t w e turn t o other f o r m s o f s c i e n c e a n d s c h o l a r s h i p ?
T o achieve s o m e u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f M a r y ' s c o n d i t i o n w e are
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The
reduplication
of
relatives
or
the
creation
of
i m a g i n a r y children is a c o m m o n t h e m e .
Finally, there is a d i s t u r b a n c e of the n e u r o p s y c h o l o g i c a l
m e c h a n i s m s r e s p o n s i b l e for m a i n t a i n i n g a distinction b e t w e e n
the external w o r l d
and internally g e n e r a t e d t h o u g h t s
and
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a n d neat
abstractions.
It will
help
them
Y o u g e t a s e n s e of location and
vulnerability. O u r h o m e .
T h e hall e m p t i e s , b u t a few s t u d e n t s stay behind for a c l o s e r
l o o k . T h e y w a n t t o t o u c h it. A y o u n g w o m a n a s k s i f she m i g h t
h o l d the b r a i n . S h e d o n s r u b b e r g l o v e s a n d takes the s p e c i m e n i n
her c u p p e d h a n d s . T h e r e i s w o n d e r a n d a p p r e h e n s i o n o n her
f a c e . Y o u s e e this l o o k o n the faces o f small children h o l d i n g
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w o o d . T h e r e i s n o t h i n g y o u can't t o u c h o r s q u e e z e , w e i g h and
m e a s u r e , a s w e m i g h t the p h y s i c a l p r o p e r t i e s o f other objects.
So y o u will s e a r c h in v a i n for a n y s e m b l a n c e of a s e l f within the
s t r u c t u r e s of the b r a i n : there is no g h o s t in the m a c h i n e . It is
time t o g r o w u p a n d a c c e p t this fact. B u t , s o m e h o w , w e are the
p r o d u c t o f the o p e r a t i o n o f this m a c h i n e r y a n d its p r o g r e s s
t h r o u g h the p h y s i c a l a n d social w o r l d .
M i n d s e m e r g e from p r o c e s s and interaction, not substance.
In a s e n s e , we inhabit the s p a c e s b e t w e e n things. We subsist in
e m p t i n e s s . A beautiful, liberating, t h o u g h t and nothing to be
afraid of. T h e n o t i o n of a tethered s o u l is c r u d e by c o m p a r i s o n .
S h i n e a light, i t ' s o b v i o u s .
56
In the Theatre
In the d a y s b e f o r e b r a i n s c a n s it w a s i m p o s s i b l e to l o c a t e
t u m o u r s beneath the s u r f a c e o f the b r a i n with a n y p r e c i s i o n .
S u r g e o n s blindly p o k e d a r o u n d in the soft t i s s u e s , c a u s i n g
untold d a m a g e in the p r o c e s s .
T h e p o e t - p h y s i c i a n D a n n i e A b s e w r o t e a p o e m , ' I n the
Theatre',
in
which
he
recounts
harrowing
experience
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nothing untoward,
fingering
still;
'You sod,
leave my soul alone, leave my soul alone,' the patient's dummy lips moving to that refrain,
the patient's eyes too wide. And, shocked,
Lambert Rogers drawing out the probe
with nurses, students, sister, petrified.
'Leave my soul alone, leave my soul alone,'
that voice so arctic and that cry so odd
had nowhere else to go till the antique
gramophone wound down and the words began
to blur and slow,
'.. . leave
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T h e p o e m n o l o n g e r chills m e . W h y ? P e r h a p s I a m a m o r e
sophisticated reader o f p o e t r y n o w a n d s e e t o o c l e a r l y the
b o a r d s and b a c k d r o p of a m e l o d r a m a . B u t I d o n ' t think s o . It is
o b v i o u s l y m e a n t t o b e theatrical a n d , t o m y m i n d , c o n v e y s
authentic d r a m a . It is a fine p o e m . It still p a c k s a p u n c h . B u t it
d o e s n ' t unsettle me as it o n c e d i d .
Perhaps my e x p e r i e n c e s as a clinician o v e r the y e a r s h a v e left
me desensitized to h u m a n suffering or l a c k i n g a p p e t i t e for the
bizarre and extraordinary. I h o p e not, a n d d o n ' t think s o .
Inevitably,
one
develops
strategies
for
self-preservation.
W h e n the p r o f e s s i o n a l
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64
A-Z
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Mr S q u a r e h a s no
66
The Mirror
J u d y g e t s h o m e from w o r k . S h e p o u r s h e r s e l f a m a r t i n i , p u t s a
record on the hi-fi a n d d r o p s into a soft leather chair. God s h e ' s
t i r e d . . . S h e s l e e p s . A n d y can read the b e d t i m e s t o r i e s . T h e little
girl k i s s e s her s l e e p i n g m o t h e r a n d , reluctantly, g o e s t o b e d .
W h e n J u d y w a k e s , the r o o m i s s e m i - d a r k . S h e sits b o l t
upright and flinches from the p a i n in her h e a d . T h e r e is no
m u s i c . S h e tries to fix her p o s i t i o n . I m a g e s of the d a i l y routine
tumble together: get u p , g o t o w o r k , c o m e h o m e . A cat stretches
o n the b a c k o f a chair b y the w i n d o w . T h e r e i s e n o u g h o f the
f a d i n g light to b r i n g its g i n g e r fur to life. B u t J u d y ' s cat is a
tabby.
A n unfamiliar m a n enters the r o o m : late m i d d l e - a g e d , g r e y
hair. He g l i d e s by, g l a n c i n g briefly in her direction, a n d s w i t c h e s
on a l a m p in the corner. It c a s t s a c o n e of light u p w a r d s to the
ceiling.
' D i d you say something, J u d e ? '
N o w that the light i s o n s h e s e e s that the r o o m i s a l s o
unfamiliar.
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* * *
1999
' A n d then I s a i d , " F e t c h me a m i r r o r . " I s a i d I'd be an old w o m a n
i n 1 9 9 9 . . . ' S h e ' s telling m e the s t o r y a g a i n . I t m u s t b e the fourth
or fifth t i m e . I ' m not really listening. I d o n ' t need to. I t ' s the
s a m e story.
T h e n e u r o s c i e n t i s t Michael G a z z a n i g a q u o t e s J o h n U p d i k e
a n d R a l p h W a l d o E m e r s o n : 'A thread r u n s t h r o u g h all things:
all w o r l d s are s t r u n g on it, as b e a d s : and m e n , and events, and
life c o m e t o u s , o n l y b e c a u s e o f that thread.' I n other w o r d s
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* * *
2002
' A n d then I s a i d , " F e t c h m e a m i r r o r " . . . '
B e a t e n into s u b m i s s i o n b y the l o g i c o f a n u n k n o w n present,
p l u s the irrefutable e v i d e n c e in the mirror, J u d y ' s Interpreter
h a s reset the c l o c k a n d set a b o u t the b u s i n e s s of r e g u l a t i n g a
different life. V e r y little m e m o r y h a s returned, but things are
g o i n g fine with the g r e y - h a i r e d m a n , a n d J u d y is a g r a n d m o t h e r
now.
T h i s kind o f a m n e s i a i s e x t r e m e l y r a r e . I h a v e c o m e a c r o s s
o n l y o n e other c a s e that b e a r s c o m p a r i s o n t o J u d y ' s . T h a t
patient, t o o , m a d e a n a s t o n i s h i n g l y s m o o t h adjustment t o her
n e w c i r c u m s t a n c e s . H o w resilient p e o p l e are. I f o n e d a y y o u
w o k e up to find that y o u h a d b e e n t r a n s f o r m e d into a g i g a n t i c
insect, the c h a n c e s a r e y o u w o u l d j u s t g e t u p a n d c a r r y o n with
y o u r n e w life.
* **
2003
' A n d then I s a i d , " F e t c h m e a m i r r o r " . . . '
70
The
Visible Man
A s J a m e s M o o n a w o k e o n e m o r n i n g after d i s t u r b i n g d r e a m s , h e
found h i m s e l f t r a n s f o r m e d into a n a n a t o m i c a l illustration. H e
r o s e from his b e d thinking all w a s as it s h o u l d be a n d h e a d e d for
the b a t h r o o m , the first routine act of a n o t h e r r o u t i n e day. B u t ,
l o o k i n g in the mirror, he noticed that the d o m e of his h e a d h a d
b e c o m e transparent.
T h e r e , b a t h e d in a g l o s s y light, w a s his b r a i n , l o o k i n g like a
vivid picture from the p a g e s of a t e x t b o o k or a h i g h - r e s o l u t i o n
c o m p u t e r g r a p h i c . T h e outer s u r f a c e s , the g r e a t c o n v o l u t e d
l o b e s o f the cerebral h e m i s p h e r e s , w e r e r e n d e r e d i n pastel
s h a d e s with sculptural clarity: c o m p a c t , r o u n d e d , s o l i d , with
sharp c o n t o u r s defining the m a j o r a n a t o m i c a l d i v i s i o n s .
T h e frontal l o b e s ( p a l e m a u v e ) w e r e p a c k e d just b e h i n d the
forehead. T h e t e m p o r a l l o b e s ( p o w d e r b l u e ) w e r e t o either s i d e
a t the level o f the e a r s . A b o v e and s o m e w h a t b e h i n d these w e r e
the parietal l o b e s ( c h a m p a g n e ) a n d , at the b a c k , the occipital
l o b e s ( j a d e ) . T h e n , a s y o u w o u l d e x p e c t , there w e r e c u t a w a y
v i e w s from the s i d e , from a b o v e , a n d f a c e - o n , r e v e a l i n g s t r u c -
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flat-topped
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***
W h a t had c a u s e d those n i g h t m a r e s ? T h e p r e v i o u s e v e n i n g ,
J a m e s had eaten a light s u p p e r a n d d r u n k no m o r e than a finger
of whisky. B o r e d with T V , he had searched for s o m e t h i n g to read
and found an old illustrated e n c y c l o p a e d i a , which he t o o k to b e d .
Idly turning the p a g e s , he c a m e a c r o s s a picture of a r o c k
p o o l . H e r e m e m b e r e d i t well from his c h i l d h o o d . T h e w a t e r w a s
clear a s g l a s s . B l u e - g r e y r o c k s thrust u p t h r o u g h a b e d o f
s m o o t h p e b b l e s and s a n d t o w a r d s a s u m m e r sky. A b o v e the
water-line there w e r e b a r n a c l e s b a k i n g in the s u n s h i n e , a few
limpets and whelks snail-like things with curly shells.
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***
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L A N D
It w a s d a r k w h e n the d o o r b e l l r a n g . A pastel g l o w f o l l o w e d
J a m e s d o w n the d i n g y hallway, r e m i n d i n g him o f the state o f
his skull. He t o o k the f i s h e r m a n ' s hat f r o m the c o a t - h o o k a n d
p l a c e d i t o n his head b e f o r e o p e n i n g the d o o r . T h e r e s t o o d
Millie, in a swirl of rain a n d a u t u m n l e a v e s .
S h e had b r o u g h t with her t w o b a g s full o f b o o k s , which s h e
w a s n o w stacking u p o n the kitchen table.
' T h e s e are from the library,' s h e s a i d , ' a s r e q u e s t e d . ' A m o n g
others, there w a s a m e d i c a l t e x t b o o k , an atlas of n e u r o a n a t o m y ,
and a m a s s i v e t o m e called Elements of Cognitive Neuroscience.
' A n d this o n e I b o u g h t . ' S h e h a n d e d o v e r a s l i m p a p e r b a c k :
Neuroscience for the Brainless.
T h e y sat a t o p p o s i t e e n d s o f the s o f a , Millie with a r m s
folded, J a m e s g r i p p i n g the b r i m o f his hat. S h e w a s l o o k i n g
a w a y a s s h e s p o k e : ' A l l right, k e e p i t o n . ' H e r c h e e k s w e r e red.
After u n p a c k i n g the b o o k s she h a d c h a s e d J a m e s a r o u n d the flat,
snatching at his hat. It w a s a g a m e at first, s h e t h o u g h t , b u t then
he s h o u t e d at her to l e a v e h i m a l o n e . T h e y s a t in silence.
' O k a y , ' he s a i d , 'I'll take it off.'
T h e delicate s p r a y o f light d a n c e d a b o u t his h e a d a n d h e
w o n d e r e d w h y h e s h o u l d h a v e b e e n s o c o y with Millie. W h y
should s h e not s e e this m o s t enchanted part o f h i m , this m a g i c a l
w e l l s p r i n g - the s o u r c e of his t h o u g h t s , his h o p e s a n d beliefs,
and of his l o v e for her?
'Well,' she s a i d , 'what w a s all the fuss a b o u t ? '
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There you have it. The gross anatomy of the brain or half
of it. The brain is a double organ with two mirror image sides.
Put both fists together to get the full picture.
Bruno Aldaris, Neuroscience for the Brainless
* * *
T h e d a w n light s e e m e d t o g r o w i n s t e p s a s i f the E a r t h ' s rotation
had d e v e l o p e d a fault. J a m e s lay listening to the rain, d i p p i n g in
and out o f sleep. Millie lay b e s i d e him. H e w a t c h e d her d r e a m i n g t h r o u g h the blind s a c c a d e s o f her l i d d e d e y e s . H e r b r a i n w a s
i n d a r k n e s s , but the d r e a m s , n o d o u b t , w e r e a s b r i g h t a s day.
H e m u s t h a v e drifted o f f a g a i n b e c a u s e , next, h e w a s a w a r e
of the smell of fresh coffee. Millie h a d b e e n o u t for c r o i s s a n t s
and n e w s p a p e r s . J a m e s d i d n ' t think his b r a i n w a s a sight for
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Dementia;
Epilepsy;
Extrapyramidal Disease;
nating Diseases;
Cerebrovascular
Diseases
of
the
Disease;
Cerebral
Spinal
Hydrocephalus;
Tumours;
Demyeli-
tological Disease;
Gastrointestinal Disease;
and
Cancer.
H e w a s i m p r e s s e d b y the m y r i a d f o r m s o f d e m i s e . G o d w a s
an inventive d e s t r o y e r as well as an artful creator. It had never
o c c u r r e d t o J a m e s that the w o r k i n g s o f the b o d y c o u l d b r e a k
d o w n i n s o m a n y w a y s . B u t his condition w a s n a m e l e s s .
He h a d t w o m i r r o r s now, u s i n g them in c o m b i n a t i o n for the
difficult s i d e a n d rear v i e w s , and w a s t r y i n g to match the textb o o k d i a g r a m s with the p o l y c h r o m a t i c c o n t o u r s o f the object
filling his h e a d .
' I t ' s a beautiful m a c h i n e , ' he said a l o u d , t h o u g h there w a s no
o n e else a r o u n d . Millie h a d left him to it. ' O r is it a p l a c e ? '
T h e b o o k s differed i n e m p h a s i s . S o m e w e r e concerned with
s y s t e m s a n d functions, o t h e r s , especially the atlas o f n e u r o anatomy,
concentrated
more
on
the
brain's
geography,
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the
thought,
then
the
words.
Thought.
Speech.
H e b e g a n t o feel
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Thoughts,
* * *
A v a g u e curiosity d r e w him b a c k to the e n c y c l o p a e d i a . T h e r e
w a s s o m e t h i n g w r o n g with the r o c k p o o l , h e w a s s u r e . T h e
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T h e creatures
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***
D r S t r o o p ' s office o n the fourteenth f l o o r o f the District G e n eral w a s a s h a m b l e s . T h e r e w e r e b o x f i l e s , c a s e notes, b o o k s
piled all o v e r the p l a c e , a n d c a r d b o a r d b o x e s full of other stuff.
On t o p of the filing cabinet, c a u g h t in a shaft of late afternoon
s u n l i g h t , w a s a p l a s t i c m o d e l of the b r a i n , s o m e w h a t larger than
life-size. Its c o l o u r s s e e m e d t o f i l l the r o o m and J a m e s felt
u n e a s y sitting n e a r to it.
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86
TWO
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s y s t e m s a n d s u b s y s t e m s o f p e r c e p t i o n , m e m o r y , a n d action. B u t
quite h o w o u r b r a i n s create that p r i v a t e s e n s e o f self-awareness
we all float a r o u n d in is a mystery. I h a v e no idea h o w the trick is
achieved.
W o u l d n ' t it be a b s u r d for an airline pilot to d e n y k n o w l e d g e
of the p r i n c i p l e s of flight, or for a p h y s i c i a n to claim i g n o r a n c e
o f the b a s i c s o f h u m a n p h y s i o l o g y a n d a n a t o m y ? Yet I , a n e u r o p s y c h o l o g i s t , c a n g i v e n o s a t i s f a c t o r y a c c o u n t o f h o w the brain
g e n e r a t e s c o n s c i o u s a w a r e n e s s . W o r s e still, I find m y s e l f e d g i n g
t o w a r d s a d o u b t that it m e a n s a n y t h i n g at all to s a y that the brain
generates consciousness.
H a r d l y a n y o n e visits H a r r y ' s r o o m these d a y s . T h e r e are
s m a l l c o m m i t t e e m e e t i n g s o n c e a m o n t h a n d an o c c a s i o n a l j o u r nal club. O t h e r w i s e , it is u s e d as I am u s i n g it now, as a quiet
s p a c e for c a t c h i n g up with d i s c h a r g e letters and clinical reports.
I t w a s n e v e r u s e d m u c h for s e m i n a r s and H a r r y , o f c o u r s e ,
doesn't c o m e here any more.
I ' v e b e e n t r y i n g to finish a report. T h e patient, J e a n i e , has a
d e m e n t i n g illness a n d s e e m s t o b e r a p i d l y f a d i n g away. S h e i s
o n l y f i f t y - t h r e e . I t ' s n o t A l z h e i m e r ' s , I ' m pretty s u r e o f that, but
we h a v e yet to c o m e up with a firm d i a g n o s i s . I s a w her this
m o r n i n g in a s i d e r o o m . S h e h a d b e e n s h a r i n g a b a y with five
other b e d s on the m a i n n e u r o l o g y w a r d until a c o u p l e of nights
a g o w h e n s h e b e c a m e a g i t a t e d and b e g a n t o d e v e l o p delusional
i d e a s a b o u t the other patients. A n u r s e found her at three in the
m o r n i n g p a c k i n g a c a s e a n d p r e p a r i n g to l e a v e .
'I d o n ' t w a n t to c a u s e t r o u b l e , ' J e a n i e h a d s a i d in a whisper,
'but I ' m n o t like the rest of t h e m . I s h o u l d n ' t be here. T h e y ' r e all
lesbians.'
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T h i s m o r n i n g s h e w a s cheerful. A n o r d e r l y h a d j u s t b r o u g h t
her a cup o f tea. H e r d a u g h t e r , L i s a , w a s f e e d i n g her b a b y o n the
other side o f the b e d . L i s a visited e v e r y day. W e sat a n d chatted
with sunshine s t r e a m i n g t h r o u g h the u n c u r t a i n e d w i n d o w .
Jeanie
was
happy,
though
increasingly
preoccupied
with
t h o u g h t s o f death.
' I ' v e often w o n d e r e d , ' she s a i d , ' w h a t h a p p e n s , m e d i c a l l y
s p e a k i n g , w h e n y o u d i e . ' S h e w a n t e d t o k n o w the p r o c e d u r e
when a patient died o n the w a r d . H o w c o u l d the d o c t o r s b e s u r e
s o m e o n e w a s d e a d ? W h e r e d i d the b o d y g o ? W h o t o o k it?
' W e h a v e w o r k t o d o , ' I s a i d , 'shall w e p r e s s o n ? '
F i r s t , I checked her orientation for t i m e , p l a c e , a n d p e r s o n .
F i n e . S h e k n e w w h o I w a s , w h e r e w e w e r e , the d a y o f the w e e k ,
and the m o n t h . S h e w a s q u i c k t o s u p p l y a u t o b i o g r a p h i c a l inform a t i o n and s e e m e d fully a w a r e o f her current c i r c u m s t a n c e s .
N e x t , I b e g a n to p r o b e different a s p e c t s of mental function with
s o m e s t a n d a r d b e d s i d e tests. O n e o f these w a s a v e r b a l fluency
task in which she h a d to g e n e r a t e w o r d s with a d e s i g n a t e d initial
letter. T h e first letter w a s 'F'.
' F i r e , flag, funeral,' she s a i d . 'Will that d o ? '
'Tell m e s o m e m o r e a s m a n y a s y o u c a n , ' I u r g e d her, b u t
the allotted sixty s e c o n d s ran d r y with n o t h i n g m o r e t o show.
S h e m a n a g e d just o n e w o r d for ' A ' a n d another three for ' S ' .
F r o m letter fluency, w e m o v e d o n t o c a t e g o r i e s .
' L e t ' s see h o w m a n y different k i n d s o f f o u r - l e g g e d animal
y o u can think of,' I s a i d , and J e a n i e p i n c h e d the b r i d g e of her
n o s e . H a l f a m i n u t e went b y with n o r e s p o n s e . T h e b a b y , n o w
asleep in her c a r r y c o t , b e g a n to stir, then settled. I r e m i n d e d
J e a n i e o f her task.
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i n the control
of
actions.
T h e s e perceptions,
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g r a n d d a u g h t e r a n d b e g a n t o w e e p . I t w a s time for m e t o g o .
' M u m ' s m o r e h e r s e l f after a g o o d cry,' s a i d L i s a .
' T h a t m a k e s s e n s e , ' I told her.
J u l e s C o t a r d died a t the a g e o f forty-nine. H e s u c c u m b e d t o
diphtheria after n u r s i n g o n e of his children to r e c o v e r y . I recall
this fossilized fact o f b i o g r a p h y a s I s t a c k m y c a s e n o t e s . T h e
g l o w o f the c o m p u t e r screen i s n o w b r i g h t e r than the s k y a n d ,
when the m a c h i n e shuts d o w n , H a r r y ' s r o o m i s a l m o s t d a r k .
Paradoxically, a s the g l o o m d e s c e n d s , the j a r s a l o n g the w a l l s
g a i n a kind o f l u m i n e s c e n c e , a s i f they h a v e a b s o r b e d s o m e o f
the r e c e d i n g light. M y report i s finished. T h e l a p t o p lid c l o s e s
with a satisfying click a n d I go a c r o s s to take a c l o s e r l o o k at o n e
of the brain s p e c i m e n s . I lean c l o s e to r e a d the printed label:
Subarachnoid
haemorrhage.
How's it going,
Paul?
Me?
There's no one else.
I w a s lost in thought.
What were you thinking about?
Nothing much.
The immensity of the universe, the mystery of
consciousness, and the finality of death, no doubt.
Yes.
Fetch me a Gauloise!
103
It w o u l d be g o o d to c a u s e a stink.
I'd love a cigarette.
I t m u s t b e torture.
Tell me more about the woman who thought she was
dead.
I've nothing to add.
There's plenty more you could say.
B u t I ' m n o t g o i n g to.
Why not?
L e t the s t o r y s t a n d . I t ' s truer to life. I d o n ' t
a l w a y s k n o w the final o u t c o m e and that applies
to Jeanie.
The diagnosis, at least. The prognosis.
Hashimoto's disease. Uncertain.
So there was hope?
I t ' s a n inflammation o f the b r a i n .
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to
be
rejected.
The
spit
in
the
tumbler
has
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have
phenomenal
control
over
neurobiological
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A l i c e t h r o u g h the l o o k i n g g l a s s , to a v e r y different w o r l d . We
g o from a b r i g h t p l a c e o f p e r s o n s , s e l v e s , a n d s u b j e c t i v e e x p e r i ence, to a d a r k , silent, e n c l o s e d , w o r l d of p h y s i c s , chemistry,
and b i o l o g y . It is a m y s t e r i o u s j o u r n e y .
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(autophagy),
and
another
on
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Wanderers'
116
The
Einstein: s h o c k - h a i r e d a n d s o c k l e s s g e n i u s , a v u n c u l a r s y m b o l
of p u r e intellect, h e a d in a whirlwind of e q u a t i o n s a n d s p i r a l l i n g
2
in the interlude b e t w e e n
extraction
from
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of
Einstein's
executor,
Otto
Nathan,
not
many
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No
present-day
scientist
matches
Einstein's
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myth.
Harry?
I didn't mean to startle you. But they are, don't you
think?
T h e p a r a d o x i c a l conflation o f m a n , m a g i c , a n d
machine?
Quite.
N e u r o s c i e n c e thrives o n p a r a d o x i c a l conflations.
Conflating m i n d and matter s e e m s p a r a d o x i c a l t o
most people.
Yes. It's hard to equate mental life with the sludgy
stuff of the brain.
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122
Articles of Faith
A r t i c l e s o f faith:
1. T h e b r a i n is the o r g a n of the m i n d .
2. T h e mind is modular.
3 . T h e m o d u l a r i t y o f m i n d i s reflected i n the w o r k i n g s o f
the brain.
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* * *
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A true enigma:
The self looks inward and finds
Nothing hut neurons.
No m o r e haikus, I p r o m i s e .
* * *
L i k e the s y m b o l on a d o l l a r bill, my e y e floats a b o v e a p y r a m i d .
T h e four s i d e s o f the p y r a m i d represent the p e r s o n , the mind,
the b r a i n , a n d the w o r l d .
W h e n I ' m with a patient I ' m a w a r e , at different times, of each
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Einstein
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m i n d a n d b r a i n , will either h a v e t o b e b r o u g h t
into the frame of n e u r o s c i e n c e or thrown out.
Such as?
T h e things that matter m o s t t o u s : c o n s c i o u s
e x p e r i e n c e a n d o u r s e n s e o f self.
Is neuropsychology concerned with such things?
O f c o u r s e . I ' v e m a d e a l i v i n g b y virtue o f the
fact that the b r a i n is a v e r y flimsy construction.
Its functions are easily w a r p e d by d i s e a s e and
injury. T h e r e ' s n o s h o r t a g e o f tales t o tell o f
fragile b r a i n s a n d shattered s e l v e s .
Indeed.
T h e q u e s t i o n is, h o w b e s t to tell them: as the
science o f the b r a i n o r the art o f b e i n g h u m a n ?
T h e h i d d e n c o n t r a p t i o n s o f the illusionist o r the
illusion itself?
Surely, for a clinical practitioner, both perspectives
are necessary. Sometimes you are talking about the
brain, and sometimes about the person, the self,
consciousness and all.
O n e h a s t o b e b i l i n g u a l , s w i t c h i n g from the
l a n g u a g e o f n e u r o s c i e n c e t o the l a n g u a g e o f
e x p e r i e n c e ; from talk o f ' b r a i n s y s t e m s ' and
' p a t h o l o g y ' t o talk o f ' h o p e ' , ' d r e a d ' , ' p a i n ' ,
' j o y ' , ' l o v e ' , ' l o s s ' , a n d all the other a n i m a l s ,
fierce a n d t a m e , i n the z o o o f h u m a n
consciousness.
Then you seem to have tied the package: brain and
person complete.
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I h a v e c o m e to realize h o w d e e p l y o d d it is to
a s s u m e that b r a i n s a n d s e l v e s c o n v e r g e .
You think they don't go together?
I think they d o n ' t go together in w a y s that
contemporary neuroscience would recognize.
But they go together?
W h a t d o y o u take m e for?
131
M i d t o w n M a n h a t t a n . T h e p o w e r w a s out. I s t o o d a t the w i n d o w
a s v e i n s o f l i g h t n i n g c r a c k l e d o v e r the G e n e r a l Electric b u i l d i n g
a b l o c k a w a y . Its giant, g a l v a n i c t h r o e s w e r e startling. T h e thund e r r o l l e d t h r o u g h my g u t as it rattled the w i n d o w s and humbled
the m o n u m e n t a l architecture. A n d then, a n o c e a n o f rain. N e w
Y o r k w a s A t l a n t i s . I c o u l d s e e f i s h e s a n d w h a l e s and m e r m a i d s .
W h e n the s t o r m d i e d the p o w e r w a s still out.
I l a y on the b e d , drifted into a s l u m b e r and w o k e to find a girl
s t a n d i n g at the w i n d o w , l o o k i n g o u t as I h a d l o o k e d out u p o n the
storm.
' D o n ' t b e afraid,' she s a i d , still w a t c h i n g the rain, which w a s
g e n t l e now. ' C o m e with m e . '
We left by a d o o r I h a d n ' t noticed b e f o r e . I followed her
d o w n dim-lit c o r r i d o r s a n d v e r t i g i n o u s stairwells, then out into
the s w i r l i n g street w h e r e a car w a s w a i t i n g .
' R i g h t this w a y , ' s h e s m i l e d .
W e w e r e s o m e w h e r e o n the U p p e r E a s t S i d e . I r e c o g n i z e d
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and
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'Hmm.'
' S o m e v e r s i o n s o f i d e a l i s m d o n ' t d e n y the physical w o r l d ,
b u t s a y w e c a n ' t h a v e direct k n o w l e d g e o f it. O b j e c t s and events
a r e mental c o n s t r u c t i o n s b e c a u s e they c o m e to life o n l y in the
a r e n a o f the m i n d . '
' T h e u n o b s e r v e d tree falling i n the forest m a k e s n o s o u n d ? '
' Y e s . A n d there are n o g r e e n l e a v e s o n the b r a n c h e s o r d a p p l e d s u n l i g h t o n the forest f l o o r . T h e c r e a k i n g , c r a s h i n g s o u n d s
o f a falling tree, the i m a g e o f l e a v e s a n d g r e e n n e s s , a n d notions
o f s u n l i g h t a n d d a p p l i n g are all c o n s t r u c t i o n s o f the m i n d . '
N u m b e r 3 w a s a b o u t to s p e a k , but I cut h i m short. I h a d to
p r e s s o n : ' T h e third o p t i o n i s d u a l i s m . D u a l i s t s b e l i e v e that the
w o r l d i s c o m p o s e d o f b o t h p h y s i c a l a n d mental stuff.'
' D u a l i s m is d e a d in the water,' s a i d N u m b e r 1. ' M o d e r n
s c i e n c e h a s n o p l a c e for d u a l i s m . '
' B u t intuitively it feels right,' I a d d e d . ' E v e n to materialists
a n d i d e a l i s t s w h o reject the i d e a intellectually. E v e n t o y o u ,
perhaps.' He did not dissent. ' E v e r y normal person believes
they h a v e a b o d y a n d m o s t tend to think there is m o r e to them
than that. T h e y feel they h a v e mental qualities distinct from
their
flesh-and-blood
physical
apparatus.
Many
people
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THREE
No Water, No Moon
147
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He g i v e s a h a n d l e s s w a v e to an old m a n in a wheelchair.
W h e n I p i c k up the m e d i c a l file from the n u r s i n g station the
c h a r g e n u r s e tells m e o f J a k e ' s disturbed b e h a v i o u r . Yesterday
he w a s incontinent a n d s m e a r e d his faeces into his w o u n d s . I am
n o t l o o k i n g f o r w a r d to this. I feel cowardly. I want to turn and
g o . B u t w h e n w e s p e a k h e i s perfectly pleasant. H e s e e m s c o m p o s e d , e v e n tranquil. H e puts m e a t m y e a s e . T h e pain i s
tolerable now, he tells m e . Y e s t e r d a y it d r o v e him m a d .
' W h e r e d o e s it h u r t ? ' I a s k .
' L e f t foot,' h e s a y s .
I run t h r o u g h s o m e routine q u e s t i o n s a b o u t levels of c o n s c i o u s n e s s a n d recall o f e v e n t s i n the h o u r s immediately
f o l l o w i n g the accident. J a k e can't r e m e m b e r .
' H e was c o n s c i o u s , ' s a y s the child b r i d e .
' H o w can y o u be so s u r e ? ' I ask.
S h e k n o w s b e c a u s e J a k e h a d activated the d i a l - h o m e function
on his m o b i l e p h o n e , p e r h a p s adventitiously as a result of the
i m p a c t o r i n a m o m e n t o f lucidity. T h e r e w a s n o o n e h o m e when
the p h o n e r a n g . T h e a n s w e r i n g m a c h i n e t o o k the m e s s a g e and
s t o r e d it until s h e returned next m o r n i n g from her night shift at
the filling station. J a k e w a s calling for her, w a i l i n g like a baby.
I do my stuff a n d l e a v e . I ' v e h a d e n o u g h . It is only four in the
afternoon a n d I ' m d u e to attend a m e e t i n g later o n , but I p h o n e
in with an e x c u s e a n d h e a d for h o m e .
It is a s u m m e r ' s e v e n i n g , g r e y and o v e r c a s t , perfectly still
e x c e p t for a tiny p l a n e d r o n i n g t h r o u g h l o w c l o u d , in and out of
visibility. There are people in there, I think, b u t o n l y with an effort
o f i m a g i n a t i o n . F r o m this d i s t a n c e , w h o w o u l d care i f i t fell
f r o m the s k y ?
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the
I a m l o o k i n g inside M a g g i e ' s h e a d . S h e w a s p r o b a b l y h u m m i n g
a tune to herself as these pictures w e r e b e i n g taken. W h e n s h e is
not talking she i s h u m m i n g o r s i n g i n g . D o n d o e s n ' t c o m p l a i n .
T h e pictures are m o s t l y grey. D e n s e material, like b o n e ,
s h o w s u p white. D a r k e r r e g i o n s signify l o w e r d e n s i t y : the b l a c k
butterfly of the lateral ventricles, filled with fluid rather than
brain tissue; the s h a d o w y r e c e s s e s o f the outer c o n v o l u t i o n s .
L i k e a cauliflower. L a r g e a r e a s of the anterior t e m p o r a l l o b e s
have b e e n eaten a w a y b y the v i r u s . T h e s e , too, s h o w a s b l a c k .
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s o o t h i n g i c o n s of a b u g - e a t e n b r a i n . I t ' s an effective r e m e d y .
H o w c o m f o r t i n g t o l o s e sight o f M a g g i e a n d c o n t e m p l a t e
instead M J 1 7 .
It is g e t t i n g d a r k now. T h e c l o u d s h a v e thinned a n d a c r e s c e n t
m o o n i s visible. A t the b o t t o m o f the g a r d e n there i s a n a p p l e
tree. It l o o k s tired a n d forlorn. T h i s , instantly, is h o w I s e e it. It
is an old tree, b e a r i n g fruit for the last t i m e . I s e e n o t just the
f a d i n g s h a p e of the trunk, the t w i s t i n g b r a n c h e s , the l e a v e s
d a r k e n i n g in the g l o o m and the p a l e , h a l f - g r o w n a p p l e s ; I s e e
the a g e of the tree a n d its w e a r i n e s s . I h a v e in m i n d the s h a r p
taste o f the fruit. T h i s i s h o w i t a p p e a r s t o m e . A n d h o w d o I
k n o w it is b e a r i n g fruit for the last time? B e c a u s e I realize it is
not there at all. My b r a i n h a s c o n s p i r e d with the failing light to
conjure a fleeting illusion of the tree f r o m m e m o r i e s of similar
g r e y e v e n i n g s a y e a r a g o , b e f o r e it w a s felled by a F e b r u a r y g a l e .
It is a g h o s t tree, r o o t e d o n l y in t h o u g h t .
* * *
I am in a church. It w a s o n c e a church, a n y w a y . N o w i t ' s a u n i versity b u i l d i n g . I ' m here for a s y m p o s i u m a n d p e o p l e are
milling a r o u n d drinking coffee b e f o r e the final m o r n i n g s e s s i o n .
I keep an eye on the time b e c a u s e I ' m p r e s e n t i n g a p a p e r .
T h e p r o g r a m m e h a s reunited m e with t w o c o l l e a g u e s from
my p o s t g r a d u a t e d a y s . I h a v e n ' t s e e n t h e m for twenty y e a r s . We
stand in a triangle. M u n d a n e facts of b i o g r a p h y s l o t t o g e t h e r as
p l a n k s in the c o n v e r s a t i o n a l p l a t f o r m . We all h a v e w i v e s , a n d
children, a n d d o g s . R i c k affects e m b a r r a s s m e n t . So b o u r g e o i s .
W h y h a v e n ' t w e h a d m o r e interesting l i v e s ?
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* * *
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* * *
N o t l o n g a g o I w a s renting a c o t t a g e o n the e d g e o f D a r t m o o r .
It w a s a S u n d a y afternoon a n d I'd b e e n w o r k i n g at a g l a s s t o p p e d table by the w i n d o w . I w a s tired. I h a d n ' t slept well the
p r e v i o u s night. N o w I s t o p p e d , transfixed b y m u s i c .
I often w o r k to m u s i c u s u a l l y B a c h or M o z a r t . T h i s w a s
B a c h ; a partita for s o l o flute, e n d l e s s l y circling a n d c l i m b i n g ,
falling and rising, b r i g h t lines of s o u n d filling the air. G r e a t
m u s i c cancels the distinction b e t w e e n the external w o r l d a n d
o u r inner life. I w a s a b s o r b e d , but, a l s o , it w a s me w h o w a s
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imagery.
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Oh.
Or do I mean hypnopompic?
T h e y ' r e both forms of dream-like imagery at
the e d g e s o f s l e e p , w h e n y o u ' r e d r o p p i n g o f f o r
waking up. H y p n a g o g i c is when you're dropping
off. B u t , a n y w a y , no, it w a s n ' t either of those.
Don't most people fall asleep with random thoughts
and pictures floating through their mind?
I s u p p o s e they do
So what's special?
H y p n a g o g i c i m a g e s are m o r e v i v i d . T h e r e ' s
m o r e clarity and detail. T h e y s e e m m o r e
a u t o n o m o u s as well. T h e y h a v e a life of their
o w n . I u s e d to g e t beautiful, w e i r d s c e n e s g o i n g
t h r o u g h my s l e e p y h e a d as a child later, too,
on into my teens and early twenties. It rarely
h a p p e n s now. I t ' s a pity. I m i s s them.
What did you see?
I t u s u a l l y started with faces. T h e y l o o m e d u p
f r o m n o w h e r e . T h e first o n e a l w a y s t o o k m e b y
s u r p r i s e . T h e y w e r e quite ordinary, a n o n y m o u s
f a c e s mostly, b u t s o m e t i m e s they w o u l d m o r p h
into g a r g o y l e s o r g o b l i n s . T h e y s e e m e d real.
A s b r i g h t a s television.
Just
faces?
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by. T h e y a l w a y s s e e m e d t o b e g o i n g s o m e w h e r e .
S o m e o f them w o u l d b e c a r r y i n g p a c k s o r
p u s h i n g carts. I w a s a spectator, on the sidelines,
w a t c h i n g from a d i s t a n c e . I k n e w they w o u l d n ' t
bother m e . I w a s n ' t really part of it. I c o u l d n ' t
enter the s c e n e . A l t h o u g h s o m e t i m e s it d i d s e e m
like t h e y ' d s e n s e d m y p r e s e n c e . O n e o r t w o
w o u l d step o u t s i d e the f l o w , c o m e c l o s e a n d
l o o k directly t o w a r d s m e . B u t their e y e s w e r e
u n s e e i n g , like I w a s b e h i n d a o n e - w a y s c r e e n .
I c o u l d see t h e m , b u t they c o u l d n ' t s e e m e . Yet
for a m o m e n t they s e n s e d I w a s there. I h a d no
influence o v e r the b e h a v i o u r a n d a p p e a r a n c e
o f these creatures, o r the w o r l d they inhabited.
Where did they come from?
M y brain, o f c o u r s e . S o m e h i d d e n c o r n e r o f
m y mind.
Ah,
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looking?
S o m e t i m e s h e s e e m s t o b e talking a b o u t o n e ,
a n d s o m e t i m e s the other. F r o m what h e s a y s
about Jekyll and H y d e it was probably based
on a true n i g h t m a r e . B u t at other times he s e e m s
t o b e d e s c r i b i n g h y p n a g o g i c stuff. H e had this
technique for g e t t i n g into h y p n a g o g i c states.
S o m e t i m e s he w o u l d lie in b e d resting his e l b o w s
on the sheets with his a r m s p o i n t i n g u p w a r d s ,
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p o i s e d t o d r o p i f h e n o d d e d off. T h a t w a y
he c o u l d drift into the h y p n a g o g i c w o r l d a n d
stay alert e n o u g h to w a t c h the s h o w without
d r o p p i n g o f f completely. He talks a lot a b o u t
little p e o p l e , t o o - the little p e o p l e w h o run
the d r e a m theatre.
Did they wear medieval clothes?
N o , their c o s t u m e s w e r e G e o r g i a n .
And all this is different from lucid dreams?
I can't s p e a k for others, but in my e x p e r i e n c e
lucid d r e a m s and h y p n a g o g i c i m a g e r y a r e v e r y
different. H y p n a g o g i c i m a g e s are realistic in the
w a y that v i d e o i m a g e s a r e realistic. Y o u can
o b s e r v e them minutely, like w h e n I l o o k e d c l o s e up at the banner. T h e c o l o u r s w e r e v i v i d . I c o u l d
see the thread. B u t also, like a v i d e o , y o u realize
y o u ' r e not part o f it.
And in a lucid dream you are?
F o r m e , lucid d r e a m s s e e m a b s o l u t e l y real.
Y o u ' r e right there in the thick of it, a n d even
t h o u g h y o u t w i g a t s o m e s t a g e a n d start t o
a p p r e c i a t e that i t ' s a d r e a m or hallucination,
and y o u b e g i n to think it t h r o u g h rationally even s o , it still s e e m s real. T h a t C h r i s t m a s tree
w a s there i n the c o r n e r o f the r o o m a s far a s
I c o u l d tell. I went up c l o s e and t o u c h e d it.
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don't
whizzing
off to adventures on
By the w a y , I s a i d , w h o are y o u ?
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The Dreams of
Robert Louis
Stevenson
The past is all of one texture - whether feigned or suffered whether acted out in three dimensions, or only witnessed in that
small theatre of the brain which we keep brightly lighted all night
long, after the jets are down, and darkness and sleep reign
undisturbed in the remainder of the body.
Robert Louis Stevenson, 'A Chapter on Dreams'
I stood already committed to a profound duplicity of life . . .
both sides of me were in dead earnest. . .
Dr
Jekyll
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a p p e a r a n c e s h e w a s l e a d i n g the s o r t o f life h e w o u l d p r e v i o u s l y
have despised:
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I cannot r e m e m b e r w h a t it w a s , b u t it w a s d e a d l y e v i d e n c e
a g a i n s t the d r e a m e r and as she held it up to l o o k at it, p e r h a p s
from the s h o c k o f the d i s c o v e r y , her foot s l i p p e d , a n d s h e h u n g
a t s o m e peril o n the brink o f the tall s a n d - w r e a t h s . H e h a d n o
thought but t o s p r i n g u p a n d r e s c u e her; a n d there they s t o o d
face to face, she with that d e a d l y matter o p e n l y in her h a n d his
v e r y p r e s e n c e o n the s p o t another link o f p r o o f . '
T h e y return to the train a r m in a r m , j o u r n e y h o m e a n d settle
to an o r d i n a r y e v e n i n g . C o n v e r s a t i o n h a s b e e n kept to the trivial. A l t h o u g h the w o m a n w a s a b o u t to s a y s o m e t h i n g after her
rescue, he had cut her short. N o w , e x p e c t i n g her to d e n o u n c e
him at any m o m e n t ,
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T h e d r e a m s t o r y r e a c h e s its c l i m a x the f o l l o w i n g m o r n i n g a t
b r e a k f a s t . T h r o u g h o u t the m e a l s h e h a d 'tortured him with sly
a l l u s i o n s ' b u t now, with the s e r v a n t s g o n e , he b u r s t s from his
r e s e r v e a n d confronts her. W h y w a s s h e treating him s o ? S h e
k n e w e v e r y t h i n g . W h y d i d s h e not s i m p l y d e n o u n c e h i m ? W h y
m u s t s h e torture h i m ? H e a s k s o v e r a n d over. S h e , too, has
s p r u n g to her feet, p a l e f a c e d .
' A n d w h e n h e h a d d o n e , s h e fell u p o n her k n e e s , and with
o u t s t r e t c h e d h a n d s : " D o y o u not u n d e r s t a n d ? " she cried. " I
l o v e y o u ! ' " A t this point, 'with a p a n g o f w o n d e r and mercantile
d e l i g h t , the d r e a m e r a w o k e ' . T h e story, h e s u b s e q u e n t l y reali z e d , h a d ' u n m a r k e t a b l e e l e m e n t s ' , w h i c h is w h y he presents it to
us in this b r i e f f o r m a n d d i d n ' t m a k e m o r e of it. B u t it s e r v e s to
illustrate his point that the little p e o p l e are 'substantive inventors and performers'.
' T o the end they h a d kept their secret. [ T h e d r e a m e r ] h a d n o
g u e s s w h a t e v e r at the m o t i v e of the w o m a n the hinge of the
w h o l e w e l l - i n v e n t e d p l o t until the instant of that highly d r a m a t i c d e c l a r a t i o n . It w a s not his tale; it w a s the little p e o p l e ' s !
A n d o b s e r v e : not o n l y w a s the secret kept, the story w a s told
w i t h really guileful craftsmanship. T h e c o n d u c t o f both actors i s
(in the cant p h r a s e ) p s y c h o l o g i c a l l y correct, and the e m o t i o n
a p t l y g r a d u a t e d up to the s u r p r i s i n g c l i m a x . I am a w a k e now,
a n d I k n o w this t r a d e ; a n d yet I c a n n o t better it. I am a w a k e , and
I live by this b u s i n e s s ; a n d yet I c o u l d not o u t d o c o u l d not perh a p s e q u a l that crafty artifice . . . b y w h i c h the s a m e situation
is twice p r e s e n t e d a n d the t w o a c t o r s twice b r o u g h t face to face
o v e r the e v i d e n c e , o n l y o n c e it is in her h a n d , o n c e in his - and
t h e s e in their d u e order, the least d r a m a t i c first. T h e m o r e I think
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theme,
The
Travelling
Companion,
but
this
had
been
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to
go
with
it
and
book
containing
note-by-note
transcriptions o f H e n d r i x s o n g s . T h i s c o m e s t o n e a r l y a t h o u sand p o u n d s .
' B u t R o b e r t , ' s a y s his w i f e w h e n h e g e t s h o m e , ' y o u c a n ' t
even p l a y the guitar.'
He tells her he is g o i n g to learn.
But that night all elation h a s d r a i n e d away. He lies a w a k e
until the early h o u r s in a state of a g i t a t i o n , t o r m e n t e d by
thoughts o f f a d i n g into n o t h i n g n e s s , a c c o m p a n i e d b y g u t c h u r n i n g feelings of the p r o x i m i t y of d e a t h . Tonight, tomorrow,
just around the corner. It's coming, it's coming. He is c l o s e to p a n i c .
It's coming,
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following several
episodes
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Robert would
and
children
a n y w a y . P e r h a p s he w a s restless and b o r e d , or d e p r e s s e d . A
m i d - l i f e crisis. It c o u l d be that the t u m o u r just hastened the
p r o c e s s or even h a d n o t h i n g at all to do with his i m p u l s i v e d e c i s i o n to p a c k his b a g s a n d g o . We can't rule this out entirely, but
I think not. I m p a i r m e n t s of social j u d g e m e n t , i m p u l s i v e b e h a v iour, a n d all the rest that e m e r g e d t h r o u g h R o b e r t ' s personality
c h a n g e are a c o m m o n c o n s e q u e n c e of d a m a g e to the frontal
lobes.
U n l i k e the m a n with the s t r o k e , R o b e r t ' s t u m o u r was c a u s i n g
him t r o u b l e . H e d e v e l o p e d epilepsy. B u t s u p p o s e h e hadn't.
S u p p o s e there h a d b e e n n o o b v i o u s m e d i c a l c o m p l i c a t i o n s , that
the t u m o u r w a s just there, n u d g i n g a n d n i g g l i n g , resetting the
d i a l s o f R o b e r t ' s personality. W o u l d there h a v e b e e n g r o u n d s
for s a y i n g that his b e h a v i o u r w a s p a t h o l o g i c a l ? N o . Y o u w o u l d
s a y it w a s a mid-life crisis.
D e s p i t e my u n d i s g u i s e d haste to d r a w the p r o c e e d i n g s to a
c l o s e (I h a v e a train to catch) there a r e several q u e s t i o n s . S o m e
a r e technical, but they a r e m o s t l y a b o u t the story, as a story. Fair
enough.
' H a v e y o u e v e r c o n s i d e r e d all this from a Christian p e r s p e c t i v e ? ' a s k s the p a l e girl at the front a s , finally, I gather my notes.
' N o , not really,' I s a y rather briskly. ' P e r h a p s we can d i s c u s s
it next w e e k ? '
' B u t w h a t h a p p e n e d t o R o b e r t i n the e n d ? '
' H e became profoundly depressed.'
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and
neuropsychology
have
absurdity
in
c o m m o n . T h e r a w facts are s t r a n g e b e y o n d i m a g i n a t i o n .
It sets me thinking a b o u t h o w the p h y s i c a l forces that twist
the g a l a x i e s and roll the train a l o n g the t r a c k c o n n e c t with the
social and p s y c h o l o g i c a l forces that a n i m a t e the p a s s e n g e r s .
T h a t recalcitrant child a n d his w e a r y m o t h e r , the old c o u p l e
sitting i n silence, the w o m a n o p p o s i t e w h o catches m y e y e , d i s p l a y s a m i c r o m o m e n t a r y flicker of an e y e b r o w a n d s m i l e s as the
y o u n g m a n with a n o b s c e n e m e s s a g e printed o n his T - s h i r t takes
the seat b e s i d e her. Fleetingly, she a n d I w e r e complicit. I entered
her mind and s h e entered m i n e . W e can p l o t the m o t i o n s o f the
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S e c u r e , i m m u t a b l e , invulnerable, i m m o r t a l . A s
R o b e r t o n c e felt, p e r h a p s .
***
T h e p a l e girl i s not here today. N o t i n the front row, a n y w a y . I ' m
e a r l y and I w a t c h the students as they file in. T h e r o w s fill up, but
s h e i s not here. S o m e l a t e c o m e r s arrive f i v e , ten minutes into m y
lecture, but she is not a m o n g them.
I p i c k up w h e r e we left o f f last w e e k , p o i n t i n g out that illness
o f v a r i o u s k i n d s m a y indirectly affect the w a y w e s e e o u r s e l v e s ,
b u t that n e u r o l o g i c a l d i s e a s e s o m e t i m e s g o e s straight t o the c o r e
a n d d i s t o r t s the p e r s o n i n e s s e n c e . L i k e parasitic w a s p larvae
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a t i n g 'I' was d o r m a n t a n d , by the time 'I' returned to wakefuln e s s , i t h a d retreated into s o m e secret c o m p a r t m e n t o f m y brain,
like a hermit c r a b f o l d i n g b a c k into its shell. S y n a p t i c a l l y
e n c r y p t e d to s u r v i v e the transition b e t w e e n sleep and w a k e fulness, the virtual shell then travels with me to the university. I
b r i n g it to the lecture. A n d then at s o m e u n c o n s c i o u s signal, or
p e r h a p s for no r e a s o n at all, the c r a b e m e r g e s and the d r e a m
s t o r y u n r a v e l s in the m i d d l e of my talk. It h a s nothing to do
with m e .
T h e a u d i e n c e settles d o w n w h e n I s h o w them d i a g r a m s o f
the b r a i n a n d tabulate s o m e o f the clinical s y n d r o m e s associated
with d a m a g e to the frontal l o b e s :
1. Dysexecutive type ( d o r s o l a t e r a l d a m a g e ) ; impaired j u d g e m e n t a n d difficulties with p l a n n i n g a n d p r o b l e m - s o l v i n g .
L a c k p e r s i s t e n c e or, the o p p o s i t e , persist in p e r f o r m i n g an
action well b e y o n d the point o f usefulness o r a p p r o p r i a t e ness ('perseveration').
2. Disinhibited type (orbitofrontal d a m a g e ) ; b e h a v i o u r is s t i m ulus-driven.
The
balance
between
internally
generated
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s u i c i d e of an u n d e r g r a d u a t e . A w o m a n , a final-year student. It
is n o t a n a m e I r e c o g n i z e . T h e train clatters a c r o s s s o m e points,
c l a c k e t y - c l a c k , a n d m y s t o m a c h turns.
' T h a t girl w h o killed herself. W h a t did she l o o k l i k e ? '
I ' m h o m e . A t last I ' v e found m y old a d d r e s s b o o k and I ' m
p h o n i n g a f o r m e r c o l l e a g u e at the university, the o n e w h o pers u a d e d me to do the lectures. He is s l u g g i s h . It is well past
midnight.
' I ' m s o r r y , ' I say. ' I t ' s l a t e . '
' N o , it's o k a y . '
' W h a t d i d she l o o k l i k e ? '
'I don't know. I've no idea.'
I t takes p r e s e n c e o f m i n d t o put a n end t o o n e ' s o w n life.
S u i c i d e m a y be the bitter fruit of h o p e l e s s n e s s a n d despair, but it
i s a l s o the e n d point o f a d e c i s i o n - m a k i n g p r o c e s s . T h e r e s e e m s
to be a 'letting g o ' , an a c c e p t a n c e of the idea of death that
i n d u c e s clarity o f t h o u g h t and p e a c e o f m i n d . T h o s e c l o s e t o a
s u i c i d e often r e p o r t that the p e r s o n s e e m e d h a p p i e r o r m o r e
tranquil than u s u a l in their final h o u r s . T h e r e ' s s o m e t h i n g I read
s o m e w h e r e I c a n ' t p l a c e it a b o u t the c a u s e s of suicide and
h o w they are n o t a l w a y s o b v i o u s o r predictable and how, i f
s o m e o n e is in a particular frame of m i n d , it d o e s n ' t take m u c h to
tip t h e m o v e r an innocent r e m a r k misinterpreted; a g e s t u r e
misperceived.
I ' v e t h o u g h t a b o u t the p a l e girl a lot this p a s t w e e k , but
h a v e n ' t f o l l o w e d it u p . I d o n ' t w a n t to a p p e a r m o r b i d or o b s e s s i v e . I c o u l d h a v e m a d e discreet enquiries, found s o m e pretext.
It w o u l d h a v e b e e n a n o r m a l thing to do. B u t I didn't, for my
o w n s a k e . I d i d not w a n t to s e e myself b e h a v i n g in that way,
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Mr Barrington's
Quandary
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A p p a r e n t l y it fell o u t at the w e e k e n d , m o s t l y d u r i n g S a t u r d a y
night while he lay in b e d t r y i n g to sleep. It c a m e o u t in c l u m p s as
his h e a d t o s s e d a n d turned on the pillow, c o v e r i n g the sheets a n d
sticking to his p e r s p i r i n g skin. He tried to b r u s h it a w a y , b u t the
sheets w e r e d a m p a n d h e w a s afraid o f w a k i n g his w i f e . S e v e r a l
times h e went t o the b a t h r o o m t o d i s p o s e o f the hair h e h a d
g a t h e r e d , each time n o t i c i n g in the mirror, w i t h o u t p a r t i c u l a r
d i s m a y , the v i r g i n p a t c h e s o f skin a d v a n c i n g a c r o s s his h e a d .
'You weren't concerned?' I ask.
' N o . I t ' s the least o f m y w o r r i e s . '
A n y w a y , he h a d lost a few c l u m p s o v e r the w e e k , so it w a s n ' t
that m u c h of a s h o c k w h e n the w h o l e lot fell out. H e ' s b e e n
u n d e r a terrible strain, he e x p l a i n s , a n d t h i n g s s e e m to h a v e
c o m e to a h e a d . I note the u n i n t e n d e d p u n . L a n g u a g e h a s a life
o f its o w n . H e ' s h a d these things p l a y i n g o n his m i n d , h e s a y s ,
this thing in particular.
' W o u l d y o u like t o talk a b o u t i t ? ' I a s k . ' A r e y o u able t o ? '
M r B a r r i n g t o n d r o p s his f a c e i n his h a n d s a n d s o b s . B e t w e e n
b u b b l i n g sniffs a n d q u i v e r i n g e x h a l a t i o n s he a s k s p e r m i s s i o n to
r e m o v e his jacket. H e a l s o r e m o v e s his tie. H i s c r e a m shirt i s
m a r k e d with a bib of s w e a t d o w n to the fourth b u t t o n a n d there
are l a r g e o v a l s o f d a m p n e s s u n d e r the a r m p i t s . H e r e g a i n s his
c o m p o s u r e and i s s t e e l i n g h i m s e l f t o s a y s o m e t h i n g , b u t i s not
quite ready.
' W h y d o n ' t y o u take a b r e a k , ' I say, ' g e t a b r e a t h of fresh air.
T h e n , i f y o u like, y o u c a n c o m e b a c k a n d we'll chat. We'll l e a v e
the tests for now.'
M r B a r r i n g t o n just stares a t the floor b e t w e e n u s . N o , h e s a y s ,
h e m u s t talk. I t ' s d r i v i n g him m a d . B u t h e r e m a i n s hesitant. H i s
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To Be Two or Not to Be
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of
evolutionary
adaptedness
out
there
on
the
s a v a n n a h . It takes a while to f o r m u l a t e a r e s p o n s e .
I s o o n b e g a n to r e g a r d my replica as a kind of rival and w o n d e r e d w h a t i t w a s g e t t i n g u p t o o n m y behalf. I n h u m a n relations
similarity is often the fulcrum a b o u t which p o i n t s of difference
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about
our
nature.
People
expect determinate
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a b i g e v e n t i n t h o s e d a y s . T h e y w e r e r e a d y with c h a m p a g n e and
s m o k e d s a l m o n to c e l e b r a t e . At first no o n e in the reception
p a r t y w a s a w a r e o f the malfunction b a c k o n Earth. B u t then the
m e s s a g e c a m e t h r o u g h . S c a n n i n g a n d t r a n s m i s s i o n had w o r k e d
a treat of c o u r s e they h a d , there he w a s , s o a k i n g his reconstituted flesh in c h a m p a g n e b u t the v a p o r i z a t i o n p h a s e had failed
to kick in.
D e r e k h a d arrived but, a t the s a m e time, h e h a d n ' t left. A n d
w a s it for better or w o r s e that the E a r t h b o u n d v e r s i o n of D e r e k
h a d suffered fatal injuries in the p r o c e s s ? T h e d i s c o r p o r a t i o n
m e c h a n i s m h a d stuttered and s t o p p e d . H i s w h o l e b o d y blinked
on the brink of extinction, f a d i n g then r e g a i n i n g its s h a p e , but
o n l y at the c o s t of significant d a m a g e to the c a r d i o v a s c u l a r
s y s t e m . H e w o u l d b e d e a d within a w e e k .
D e r e k 2 h a d returned at o n c e , not k n o w i n g what to expect.
'I tried to c o n s o l e h i m , ' he s a i d , 'I told him I l o v e d his wife;
I w o u l d care for his children; I w o u l d finish the b o o k he w a s
w r i t i n g . A n d , o f c o u r s e , from m y p e r s p e c t i v e , nothing had
c h a n g e d : they w e r e m y wife a n d children, i t w a s m y b o o k and
it w a s my intention that I s h o u l d finish it. S o , I told him:
" D o n ' t d e s p a i r ; n o t h i n g will really c h a n g e . " B u t h e wept. H e
s a i d that no d o u b t I w o u l d do all those things as well as he c o u l d ,
a n d it w a s s o m e c o n s o l a t i o n that his family w o u l d not suffer
the pain of b e r e a v e m e n t , b u t the fact r e m a i n e d that within a
few d a y s h e w o u l d l o s e c o n s c i o u s n e s s for ever. T h i s w o u l d b e
a terrible l o s s .
' H e h a d b e e n thinking o f a h o m e m o v i e , the o n e where his
s m i l i n g d a u g h t e r my s m i l i n g d a u g h t e r is s t a n d i n g in the
kitchen with a b a s k e t of s t r a w b e r r i e s . S h e ' s a b o u t three y e a r s
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o f f like a light.
He lost e v e r y t h i n g :
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P E R S O N ! ' "
for e m p h a s i s .
' F i n e , ' he s a i d . ' B u n d l e T h e o r i s t s a c c e p t this as a fact. But
they a c c e p t it o n l y as a fact of g r a m m a r . P e o p l e and subjects-ofe x p e r i e n c e exist a s a feature o f the w a y w e u s e o u r l a n g u a g e , but
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being.'
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of him,
thoughts
influenced
b y his
thinking,
advice
followed.
' W e all m a k e a m a r k , ' he s a i d . ' T h e s i m p l e facts of death are
this: that it will b r e a k the m o r e direct relations b e t w e e n my
p r e s e n t mental events and mental events a r i s i n g in the future,
a n d that certain other relations will not be b r o k e n . O n c e the e g o
is r e m o v e d from the s c e n e , that is all there is to it.'
I found this m o r e d e p r e s s i n g than uplifting. I told him that his
r e d e s c r i p t i o n of death s e e m e d to me to reflect an i m p o v e r i s h e d
v i e w of life. P e r h a p s it w a s better to anticipate l o s i n g the self in
d e a t h than to d e n y it in life, a denial that, surely, a m o u n t e d to a
f o r m o f nihilism. A n d , a n y w a y , e v e n i f B u n d l e T h e o r y w a s true
I c o u l d not b e l i e v e it. Intellectually, I c o u l d follow his a r g u m e n t s a n d a c c e p t the facts o f n e u r o s c i e n c e but, psychologically,
it w a s i m p o s s i b l e to identify with his theory. It ran counter to
o n e ' s e x p e r i e n c e o f the w o r l d .
D e r e k ' s r e s p o n s e , a g a i n , w a s that it w a s difficult to g r a s p
the truth, a n d if he w a s b e i n g c h a r g e d with nihilism then he
w o u l d accept that in so far as it a p p l i e d to his v i e w of the self.
T h e t e r m , he r e m i n d e d m e , is from the L a t i n nihil, m e a n i n g
' n o t h i n g ' . 'It i s perfectly true t o s a y that the s e l f i s N o T h i n g . '
O t h e r w i s e , he rejected the c h a r g e . He said that in a c c e p t i n g the
truth o f B u n d l e T h e o r y his a p p r e c i a t i o n o f the v a l u e o f life had
o n l y b e e n enriched.
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Bundle
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L A N D
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Gulls
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* * *
T h e year before last. E v e n i n g o n the terrace o f a F r e n c h s e a s i d e
hotel, late s u m m e r , the s e a as s m o o t h as m e r c u r y , the s k y n o t yet
drained o f its blue. T h e r e w o u l d b e s t a r s , b u t t i m e h a d s l o w e d .
E v e n the g u l l s s e e m e d s u s p e n d e d o n the c o o l i n g air, a n d m a d e
hardly a s o u n d . T h e y are m o r e s o f t - s p o k e n here. K a t e a n d I
w e r e drinking cold beer, r e c o v e r i n g f r o m the heat o f the day,
our skin feeling full of the s u n , o u r l i m b s a c h i n g f r o m a l o n g
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FURTHER
READING
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has some interesting things to say about phantom limbs and the neurobiological bases of the body schema, complementing the impressionistic treatment I accord these topics in 'The Ghost Tree' chapters.
Todd E. Feinberg's Altered Egos: How the Brain Creates the Self
(Oxford University Press, 2001) is another excellent collection of casestudy vignettes and theoretical speculations. Among other fascinating
material, it contains a chapter on the important (but in research terms
relatively neglected) phenomenon of confabulation, which topic
forms one of the strands of 'Soul in a Bucket'. I was amused to discover
that we both appreciate the utility of the eye and pyramid symbol,
though use it to quite different ends.
As for basic textbooks, I list my recommendations below. There
may be other books of equal merit, but these are the ones with which I
am familiar and they are very good indeed:
Gazzaniga, M. S., Ivry, R. B. and Mangun, G. R., Cognitive Neuroscience: The Biology of the Mind, Second Edition (Norton & Co.,
2002).
Kolb, B. and Whishaw, I.
An
Introduction
to
Behavioral,
Cognitive,
and
Clinical
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to explore patterns of activity in the normal, intact brain. The abovecited general texts are representative of this approach.
Other investigatorsso-called cognitive neuropsychologists have
relatively little interest in the details of brain function. They assume, of
course, that brain systems and mental life are intertwined, but their
primary concern is the structure of the mind, not the brain.
Cognitive neuropsychologists study the performance of the damaged brain as a way of testing and refining theories of normal cognitive
function. They start with a theory of cognition some model of shortterm memory, say, or of language production and form hypotheses
as to how memory or speech might be affected by brain disorder.
The model gains support to the extent that patients' behaviour fits with
predictions. Alternatively, their test performance may challenge the
original model, leading to its modification or abandonment. What
matters is the robustness (or otherwise) of the theoretical models
rather than the precise nature of the underlying neurological disorder.
The best introduction to cognitive neuropsychology is Human
Cognitive
Neuropsychology:
Textbook
with
Readings
(Psychology
Press, 1996) by Andy Ellis and Andy Young. Alan Parkin's Explorations in Cognitive Neuropsychology (Blackwell, 1996) is also excellent,
and The Handbook of Cognitive Neuropsychology (Psychology Press,
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Dennett,
Books,
1993);
Owen Flanagan, The Problem of the Soul: Two Visions of the Mind and
Tonini,
Consciousness:
How
Matter
Becomes
Imagination
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Fight!
Fight!).
(Picador, 1995), and The Feeling of What Happens: Body, Emotion and
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sics, 1999). 'In the Theatre' takes as its focal point Dannie Abse's disturbing poem, 'In the Theatre (A True Incident)', from his Collected
Poems, 1948- 76 (Hutchinson, 1977). I had already drafted 'The Story
of Einstein's Brain' when I came upon Driving Mr Albert: A Trip Across
America with Einstein's Brain (Abacus, 2002), Michael Paterniti's entertaining account of his quest for the great man's grey matter and subsequent journey through America with it stashed in the trunk of his
Buick. In 'Gulls' I refer to Milan Kundera's Immortality (Faber and
Faber, 1991), translated from the Czech by Peter Kussi. In 'Soul in a
Bucket' I mention Tom Wolfe's essay, 'Sorry, but Your Soul Just
Died', which appears in Hooking Up (Jonathan Cape, 2000).
The Working Brain by Alexander Romanovich Luria (Penguin,
1973) is out of date, hard to obtain, and difficult to read at least I
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scientific biography,
The
Making of Mind:
A Personal
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245
A C K N O W L E D G E M E N T S
Thanks to the patients whose stories lie at the heart of this book and
from whom I have had the privilege of learning about the human
dimension of neuropsychology, as opposed to what the textbooks
teach. I hope I have given something in return.
It is a plain fact that this book would not have been written without
the vision of my editor and publisher, Toby Mundy. The project was
Toby's idea in the first place and he has seen it through with great elan.
Apart from anything else, I thank him for his patience. It has also been
a pleasure working with the impressive Bonnie Chiang, and, previously, Alice Hunt at Atlantic Books. I am grateful to Ian Pindar who
read the penultimate draft in full and made numerous fine adjustments.
Warm thanks also to my friends at Prospect, in particular David Goodhart and Alex Linklater, for the opportunity to write a monthly column
for a very fine magazine.
From the bottom of my heart, I thank my entire family for their
unfailing support down the years, but most of all my wife, Sonja, and
sons Daniel and Jonathan, to whom I dedicate this book. You are more
precious to me than ever.
246