NOIR-ISH

Written by
Donovan Bertch

3086 Whisper Lake Ln. Apt D

Winter Park, FL 32792
954-778-7089

INT. OFFICE - DAY

Inside of a gloomy, lonely office, a detective, Joe King (28)
sits at a desk mulling over a golden cattle statuette.
JOE
(v.o.)
My pop always told me to never get
attached to anything in this world.
Things, ideas, dames especiallythey all come and go in the end.
Joe picks up the statuette, turning it around in his hand.
JOE (CONTD)
(v.o.)
Unfortunately for me, I didnt like
my pop all that much. Everything he
said went in one ear and out the
other. He was right in the end,
though, especially about theJoes cell phone rings, causing him to almost drop the
statuette. He puts the statuette down, digging into his
pockets. He takes the phone out and answers it.
JOE (CONTD)
Hello? ...yeah, Jerry, I got the
tickets. This isnt a good-yeah,
5:25. No-no, Jerry, you cant pick
seats in a movie theater. I dont
care if thats how they do it in
Japan, thats not how-forget it.
Look, Im busy right now. Ill call
you back. Ok. Bye, Jer.
Joe hangs up and pockets the phone. He starts counting on his
fingers.
JOE (CONTD)
(muttering)
Dont get attached, didnt like
pop, he was right aboutJoe snaps his fingers.
Got it.

JOE (CONTD)

He picks up the statuette again.

2.

JOE (CONTD)
(v.o.)
He was right in the end, though,
especially about the dames. You
think you know a gal, think you can
trust her with your greatest
secrets. You think wrong. It all
started on thatThe doorbell rings. Joe fumbles with the statuette. He puts
it down and goes to the door. He opens it to find Nathaniel
(22) waiting at the door with a bible.
NATHANIEL
Hello! I was wondering if you had a
moment to talk about our lord and
savior.
Joe puts a hand to his forehead.
JOE
Jesus Christ.
NATHANIEL
Yes, exactly!
Joe starts closing the door.
JOE
Im sorry, Im kind of busy at the
momentNathaniel sticks his hand in the doorway right before the
door closes.
NATHANIEL
But sir, you look like youre in
desperate need of saving!
Joe shakes his head, trying to push the door harder.
JOE
No, thank you, I think Im good
with the God I have now!
NATHANIEL
You wont get into heaven with an
attitude like that!
Joes eyes narrow.
JOE
(v.o.)
Thats the problem.

3.

Joe stops trying to push the door, causing Nathaniel to

tumble through and onto the floor, his bible falling out of
his grip.
JOE (CONTD)
(v.o.)
Im already on the way to hell, and
theres no going back.
Joe leans on the door frame, looking out the open door.
JOE (CONTD)
(v.o.)
It all started on that night, when
she walked through myNathaniel groans from the floor.
JOE (CONTD)
Oh, for the love of God!
NATHANIEL
(groggily)
Funny you should mention that.
Joe grabs Nathaniel from the floor. He dusts off Nathaniels
shoulders and shirt.
JOE
I got you. You good, pal?
NATHANIEL
Yeah, I am.
JOE
Great! Now get out.
Huh?

NATHANIEL

Joe grips Nathaniel by the shoulders.

I said-

JOE

Joe brings Nathaniel back to the door.

Get-

JOE (CONTD)

Joe hurls Nathaniel out the door.

Out!

JOE (CONTD)

4.

Nathaniel screams as hes tossed out the door. Joe looks down
and picks up the bible.
JOE (CONTD)
You dropped this!
He hurls the bible out the door and slams it shut. He locks
the door.
NATHANIEL
(o.s., groggily)
Thank you!
Joe goes back to his desk, sitting back in his chair. He
looks around, warily, before picking the statuette up again.
JOE
(v.o.)
It all started that night whenCAMERAMAN
(o.s.)
Im gonna have to stop you there,
bud. You only booked me for an
hour, and its been like five now.
Either pay me now or Im going.
JOE
What?! Come on! Ill pay you when I
get my bill from the last case!
JustCAMERAMAN
(o.s.)
Nope, Im out.
The camera turns away from Joe, walking away from the desk
and heading out the door.
JOE
(o.s.)
Come on, man! I really need this!
CAMERAMAN
(o.s.)
Oh, Im so sad. Boo hoo.
The front door opens. It turns to face Joe.
JOE
Just wait five more minutes-

5.

(o.s.)
Nope.

CAMERAMAN

The door is slammed in Joes face.

JOE
(o.s.)
Ive got $5 in my wallet!
CUT TO BLACK