Orpheus

Narrator
:Orpheuswasamusician,awonderfulmusicianinfact,whoplayedthelyre.

Orpheus
:*Whispers*AstringedinstrumentinaUshapethatiskindoflikeaharp.

Narrator
:*HandslyretoOrpheus*

Orpheus
:*HumssongtotuneofMaryHadALittleLambwhileplayingthenarratorsheaddrum*

Narrator
:Now,letstravelbackintimetohearthestoryofOrpheus.

Orpheus
:*Playsthe
flashbacksong
onlyre*

Narrator
:
HisfatherwastheThracianKing,andhismotherwasaMusenamedCalliope.Alongwithhis
motherandeightaunts,OrpheuslivedonParnassus,wherehemetApollo.ApollotaughtOrpheustoplaythe
lyre.

Apollo
:
Here,Orpheus.Thisisalyre,youwillplayverybeautifulmusiconthisinstrument.

ThracianKing
:
Areyoutellingmysontolie?!

Apollo
:
No,Iwasteachinghimmusic.*ToOrpheus*Dontlie,Orpheus,orIllbeintrouble.

Orpheus
:
Ahhh,thegoodoltimes.

Narrator
:Whereverhewas,fansweresuretofollow.Whethertheywerehuman,

Fan1(human)
:Marryme,Orpheus!!!

Narrator
:plants,

Fan

2(plant)
:Weloveyou!!!

Narrator
:rocks,

Fan1(rock)
:Rockon!!!

Narrator
:oranimals!

Fan2(cow)
:MOOOOO!!!*clearsthroat*...sorry...WOOOHHH!!!

Narrator
:
Butwhetherhewaswiththeplants,animals,rocks,orhumans,onefacewasalwaysthere.

Eurydice
:
Ma,canIgoseeOrpheusinconcertagain???Hesplayingtonightinthefields!!!

Ma
:
Hun,youwerejustthere,butok.


Eurydice
:
Weregoingtogetmarried*flutterseyelashes*

Ma
:
Okay,honeythatsnice.

Narrator
:
*whisperstoaudience*Thisisherfifthtimeseeinghiminthelasthour

Infields,atOrpheussconcert

Narrator
:Justatypicalconcert,withsuchabeautifulmusician.Bothhimandhismusicahhh.Ohyeah,um,
heseemstobestaringatsomeone.Hesbeenlookingthiswaytheentiretime.IsthatEurydice?Ohmy
Zeus,hesstaringatEurydice.HELIKESHER!OMZ!OMZ!Anndddtheconcertsover.

Orpheus
:So,IseeyourfacealotinthefrontrowalotandIthoughtyoulook,well,beautiful,wannaget
married?

Eurydice
:Aww,thanksOrpheus.Butyoubarelyknowme,dontyouthinkweshouldgetcloserfirst?

Orpheus
:No,no,no,Eurydice.Hahaha,soyoung,soinnocent.Thisisamyth,theonlythingyouneedtoget
marriedisgoodlooks.Noonecaresabouttheotherstuff.

Eurydice
:Yea,but

Narrator
:No,youdontneedtoplanthewedding,justmagicallygetmarriedrightnow.

EurydiceandOrpheus
:Okay

Narrator
:Sotheydid,andtheylivedhappilyeverafter.UntilOrpheuskindofdisappearedandstoppedplaying
becausehewashangingoutwithEurydiceallthetime.Thenpeoplestartedtoworry.Somepeoplethoughtup
amazingrumors,suchasOrpheusdying.ButthemostbelievableonewasthatOrpheusmarriedagoddess.
Yes,mostbelievableofthemall.So,arandomdudenamedAristaeuswantedtoseethisforhimself.He
decidedtowatchOrpheusandEurydiceshouseuntilEurydicecameoutside.Hewatchedfortwonightsand
twodays.Trulyaladysman.Finallyhesawher.

Aristaeus
:Theresheis!Shessobeautiuh,Imean,Iamman.Ineedagirlfriend.*poundchest*AHHHH
*runsatEurydice*

Eurydice
:Whoisthat?Whyishegettingbigger?What?AHHHH,heschasingme!Help!AHHsnakes!Awww,
theyrenibblingatme,awww,hey!Ouch!Stopthat!Hey!Ouch,ouch,oouch,theycloudsarespinning.Whats
goinguhoh.*dies*

Aristaeus
:Wellthatdidntgoasplanned.*Whistlesuspiciouslyandwalksawayfromdeadbody*

Narrator
:ThenOrpheuswentoutsideandsawhisdeadwifelyingontheground,hersoulalreadytakento
Tartarus.Atfirsthewasshocked,andalmostcried,butthenherememberedsomethingthathereadinhis
HowtoGetaGirlfriend101book:Rule#47Neverweepinfrontofagirl.Onlycryinfrontofher.Sohedid.
Hecried.

Orpheus
:*Uglycry*IwillfindyouinTartarus!Iwilltraveleverywherewithmybeautifullyreandplaybeautiful
music!Iwillgetyoubackeventually!

Narrator
:Orpheusstartedhisjourneydownintothedeep,dark,scary...monsterinfested

Orpheus
:Monsterwhatnow?

Narrator
:Uh,nothing.depthsofTartarus.*shutters*Itwasalongexpedition,andthereweremanytimesthat
Orpheusalmostturnedback.

Orpheus
:Thatsit.Imturningback.

Narrator
:Butassoonashewouldturnback,hewouldturnbackagain.

Orpheus
:No.Ihavetogo.Illdoit...IlldoitforEurydice..FOREURYDICE!!!*Goesoutofcharacterand
talkingtoaudience*Getit,like,forNarnia?Ha!Imhilarious.*Goesbackintofiercecharacterandcontinueson
journey*

Narrator
:Hesgoingonatrip,withhisfavoritelyreship.GoingthroughTartarus,littleOrpheus.Climbaboard,
getreadytofindhisgirl.GoingthroughTartarus,littleOrpheus.*clearsthroat*Sorry,justa,littlesongofmine.
OrpheusenteredTartarusbygoingthroughamountaintrailcalledAvernus.Hetookthispathuntilhereached
theRiverStyx.Helookedaround,buthedidntseeEurydice.

Orpheus
:Shemustvecrossedalready.Ohlook!Herecomestheferrynow!Illjustpaytheferrymanandbe
onmyway!*walksovertoCharonandholdsoutmoney*

Charon
:Hey!Whatareyoudoinhere!Thisferryrideisforthedeadonly!Areyoudead?No!Yourenot!
*slapsmoneyoutofOrpheushand*GobacktoEarth.

Orpheus
:Icameheretofindmywifeandbringherbacktolife.Icanplayyouasonginreturnforaferryride.
Please,anythingformywife.*Startsplayingsofttune.*

Charon
:Idontwanttohearyourstupidthissongbringsbacksomanymemoriesahh.*Fallasleep.*

Orpheus
:*Stepsoversleepingbody.*

Narrator
:Justsstepsoverthelimpbodylikeitdoesntevenexist.Anyways,Orpheuswentovertheriveruntil
hecameuponthenextcreature:Cerberus,athreeheadeddog,whoalsowontlethimpass.

Cerberus
:Iwontletyoupass.

Orpheus
:Oh,comeon!*Saystohimself.*Waitaminute,Iwonderifthisdogdogs,willfallasleep,too.
*Playssofttune.*

Narrator
:Andsureenough,Cerberusdidnthavehiscoffeethatmorningandfellrighttosleep.Orpheus
steppedoverCerberusandcontinuedonhisjourney,untilfinally,hereachedthepersonwhohewaswaitingto
meet,Hades.

Orpheus
:UmHellogreatdarkone

Hades
:Dontcallmethat!

Orpheus
:*Clearsthroat*Um,yea.So,mydearwife,Eurydice,shedied.So,IwaswonderingifIcouldbring
herbacktolife.Maybewecanworkoutadea

Hades
:No.

Orpheus
:What?ButII.*Playstune.*

Hades
:Whatisthis?What?Whatareyoudoing?Stop,stopthat!Stopplaying.Persephone,areyouokay?
Stop!STOP!

Orpheus
:*Stopsplayingmusicandgulps.*

Persephone
:*Saysinacryishvoice*That*sniff*wassobeautiful.

Orpheus
:Why,thank

Hades
:SILENCE!Okay,youhaveplayedbeautifulmusic.Inreturnforthisthingyouhavedone,Iwilllet
youhavethechancetobringbackyourwife.

Orpheus
:Th

Hades
:Undersomecircumstances.Youcannotturnback,neverever.Ifyouaretoturnyourbackinanyway,
shewillbegoneFOREVER!Dontblowit.Gothatway,andyouwillreachher.Remember,DONOT,I
repeatDONOT,turnaround.Youhearme?

Orpheus
:Yes,Sir.

Hades
:Good.Nowgo.

Narrator
:Orpheusstartedtowalk.Butonethingkeptbugginghim.HekepthearingEurydicesvoiceand
footsteps.

Orpheus
:Oh,Eurydice.Ialwayslovedyoursoftfootsteps,butnow.Really?Youneedtohavelight,soft
footsteps?Yourvoiceissoftalso.Seriously,IdoIknowitsyouforfuture.*Sigh,*Dontturnaround.Dontturn
around.

Narrator
:Hetoldhimself.Butnomatterhowmanytimeshesaidit,hejustcouldnothelphimselffromturning.
Sothatswhathedid.Heturnedaround,andEurydicewasthere!Butnotforlong,becausesheslowlystarted
fadingaway.

Hades
:(Voiceinthebackground),*evillaughter*.Ihavebeatenyou!Youshouldnthavelooked.Shesmine
now,partofmyworldFOREVER!

Orpheus
:*Fallstoknees*NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!