The Pearl #1 - (July, 1879)

12/29/2015
ThePearl#1.(July1879)
ThePearl#1
Home|Up|ThePearl#1|ThePearl#2|ThePearl#3|ThePearl#4|ThePearl#5|ThePearl#6|
ThePearl#7|ThePearl#8|ThePearl#9|ThePearl#10|ThePearl#11|ThePearl#12|ThePearl#13|
ThePearl#14|ThePearl#15|ThePearl#16|ThePearl#17|ThePearl#18|
ThePearlChristmasAnnual1881|What'sNew|ContactUs
THEPEARL,
AMonthlyJournal
of
FacetiandVoluptuousReading.
OXFORD:
PRINTEDATTHEUNIVERSITYPRESS.
MDCCLXXIX[1879]
No.1PUBLISHEDMONTHLY.July1879
http://www.horntip.com/html/books_&_MSS/1870s/18791880_the_pearl_journal/issue_01__july_1879/index.htm
1/21
12/29/2015
ANAPOLOGYFOROURTITLE.
HavingdecidedtobringoutaJournal,theEditorrackshisbrainsforasuitable
namewithwhichtochristenhisperiodical.Friendsaregenerallyuselessinan
emergencyofthiskindtheysuggestallkindsofimpossiblenamesthe
followingweresomeofthetitlesproposedinthisinstance:"Factsand
Fancies,""TheCremorne,""TheAllRound,""TheMonthlyCourses,""The
Devil'sOwn,"and"Dugdale'sGhost"thetwofirsthadcertainlygreat
attractionstoourmind,butatlastourownideashavehituponthemodest
little"Pearl,"asmoresuitable,especiallyinthehopethatwhenitcomesunder
thesnoutsofthemoralandhypocriticalswineoftheworld,theymaynot
trampleitunderfoot,andfeeldisposedtorendthepublisher,butthatafew
willbecomesubscribersonthequiet.Tosuchbetterdisposedpiggywiggys,I
wouldsay,forencouragement,thattheyhaveonlytokeepupappearancesby
regularlyattendingchurch,givingtocharities,andalwaysappearingdeeply
interestedinmoralphilanthropy,toensurearespectableandhighlymoral
character,andthatiftheyonlyarecleverenoughnevertobefoundout,they
may,subrosa,studyandenjoythephilosophyoflifetilltheendoftheirdays,
andearnagloriousandsaintlyepitaphontheirtombstone,whenatlastthe
Devilpegsthemout.
EDITOROFTHE"PEARL."
SUBUMBRA,ORSPORTAMONGTHESHENOODLES.
ThemerrymonthofMayhasalwaysbeenfamousforitspropitiousinfluence
overthevoluptuoussensesofthefairersex.
IwilltellyoutwoorthreelittleincidentswhichoccurredtomeinMay,1878,
whenIwenttovisitmycousinsinSussex,orasIfamiliarlycallthem,theShe
Noodles,forthesporttheyaffordedmeatvarioustimes.
Myuncle'sisanicecountryresidence,standinginlargegroundsofitsown,
andsurroundedbysmallfieldsofarableandpastureland,interspersedby
numerousinterestingcopses,throughwhichrunfootpathsandshadywalks,
whereyouarenotlikelytomeetanyoneinamonth.Ishallnottroublemy
readerswiththenameofthelocality,ortheymaygopleasurehuntingfor
themselves.Well,togoon,thesecousinsconsistedofAnnie,Sophie,andPolly,
besidetheirbrotherFrank,who,atnineteen,wastheeldest,thegirlsbeing,
respectively,eighteen,sixteen,andfifteen.Afterdinner,thefirstdayofmy
arrival,paterfamiliasandmammabothindulgedinasnoozeintheirarmchair,
whilstusboysandgirls(IwasthesameageasFrank)tookastrollinthe
grounds.IattachedmyselfmoreparticularlytocousinAnnie,afinely
developedblonde,withdeepblueeyes,poutingredlips,andafullheaving
bosom,whichtomelookedlikeaperfectvolcanoofsmothereddesires.Frank
wasaveryindolentfellow,wholovedtosmokehiscigar,andexpectedhis
sisters,whoadoredhim,tositbyhisside,readingsomeofthenovelsofthe
day,ortellhimtheirlovesecrets,&c.Thiswasbyfartootameanamusement
forme,andasIhadnotbeentherefornearlythreeyears,IrequestedAnnie
toshowmetheimprovementsinthegroundsbeforewewentintotea,saying
toFrank,banteringly,"Isuppose,oldfellow,you'retoo,lazy,andwouldprefer
yoursistertakingmeround?"
"I'mtoocomfortablelazyisanuglyword,Walter,butthefactis,Sophisjust
readingamostinterestingbook,andIcan'tleaveit,"hereplied"besides,
sissieisquiteaswell,orbetterqualifiedthanIamtoshowoffthegrounds.I
nevernoticeanything."
"Comeon,Annie,"saidItakingherhand"Frankisinlove."
"No,I'msureheneverthinksofagirl,excepthissisters,"wasthereply.
Wewerenowoutofearshot,inashadywalk,soIwentonalittlemorefreely.
"But,surelyyou,coz,areinlove,ifheisnot.Icantellitbyyourliquideye
andheavingbosom."
2/21
12/29/2015
Ascarletflushshotoverherfeaturesatmyallusiontoherfinelymoulded
bosom,butitwasevidentlypleasing,andfarfromoffensive,tojudgebyher
playfullyspoken,"Oh!Walter,forshame,sir!"
Wewereagooddistanceawaybythistime,andaconvenientseatstoodnear,
sothrowingmyarmsaroundtheblushinggirl,Ikissedherrubylips,and
drawingherwithme,said,"Now,Annie,dear,I'myourcousinandold
playfellow,Icouldn'thelpkissingthosebeautifullips,whichImightalways
makefreewithwhenwewerelittleboyandgirltogethernowyoushall
confessallbeforeIletyougo."
"ButI'venothingtoconfess,sir."
"Doyouneverthinkoflove,Annie?Lookmeinthefaceifyoucansayit'sa
strangertoyourbosom,"puttingmyhandfamiliarlyroundhernecktillmy
righthandrestedononeofthepantingglobesofherbosom.
Sheturnedherfacetomine,suffusedasitwasbyadeeperblushthanever,
asherdarkblueeyesmetmine,inafearlesssearchofmymeaning,but
insteadofspeakinginresponsetothismuteappeal,Ikissedherrapturously,
suckinginthefragranceofhersweetbreathtillshefairlytrembledwith
emotion.
Itwasjustbeginningtogetdusk,myhandswerecaressingthewhite,firm
fleshofherbeautifulneck,slowlyworkingtheirwaytowardstheheaving
bubbiesalittlelowerdownatlastIwhispered,"Whatafine,whatalovely
bustyouhavedevelopedsinceIsawyoulast,dearAnnie,youwon'tmindyour
cousin,willyou,wheneverythingusedtobesofreetoeachotherbesides,
whatharmcantherebeinit?"
Sheseemedonfire,athrillofemotionseemedtoshootthroughbothofus,
andforseveralmomentsshelayalmostmotionlessinmyarms,withonehand
restingonmythigh.Priapuswasawakeandreadyforbusiness,butshe
suddenlyarousedherself,saying,"Wemustneverstophere,letuswalkround
ortheywillsuspectsomething."
"Whenshallwebealoneagain,darling?Wemustarrangethatbeforewego
in,"Isaidquickly.
Itwasimpossibletokeepherontheseat,butaswewalkedonshesaid,
musingly,"Tomorrowmorningwemightgoforastrollbeforelunch,Franklies
inbed,andmysistersarekeepinghousethisweekIshallhavetomindthe
tartsandpiesnextweek."
Igaveheranotherhugandakiss,asIsaid,"Howdelightfulthatwillbewhat
adear,thoughtfulgirlyouare,Annie."
"Mind,sir,howyoubehavetomorrow,notsomuchkissing,orIshan'ttake
youforasecondwalkhereweareatthehouse."
Nextmorningwasgloriouslywarmandfineassoonasbreakfastwasoverwe
startedforourstroll,beingparticularlymindedbypapatobebackingood
timeforluncheon.
Igraduallydrewoutmybeautifulcousin,tillourconversationgotexceedingly
warm,thehotbloodrushinginwavesofcrimsonoverhershamefacedvisage.
"WhatarudeboyyouhavegrownWalter,sinceyouwereherelastIcan't
helpblushingatthewayyourunon,sir!"sheexclaimedatlast.
"Annie,mydarling,"Ireplied,"whatcanbemorepleasingthantotalkoffun
withprettygirls,thebeautiesoftheirlegsandbosoms,andallaboutthem?
HowIshouldlovetoseeyourlovelycalfatthismoment,especiallyafterthe
glimpsesIhavealreadyhadofadivineankle,"sayingwhichIthrewmyself
underashadytree,closebyagateinameadow,anddrewthehalfresisting
girldownonthegrassatmyside,andkissedherpassionately,asImurmured,
"Oh!Annie,whatisthereworthlivingforlikethesweetsoflove?"
3/21
12/29/2015
Herlipsmetmineinafieryembrace,butsuddenlydisengagingherself,her
eyescastdown,andlookingawfullyabashed,shestammeredout,"Whatisit?
whatdoyoumean,Walter?"
"Ah,cozdear,canyoubesoinnocent?Feelherethedartofloveallimpatient
toenterthemossygrottobetweenyourthighs,"Iwhispered,placingherhand
uponmyprick,whichIhadsuddenlyletoutoftherestrainingtrousers."How
yousighgraspitinyourhand,dear,isitpossiblethatyoudonotunderstand
whatitisfor?"
Herfacewascrimsontotherootsofherhair,asherhandgraspedmytool,
andhereyesseemedtostartwithterrorat
thesuddenapparitionofMr.JohnThomassothattakingadvantageofher
speechlessconfusionmyownhand,slippingunderherclothes,soonhad
possessionofhermount,andinspiteofthenervouscontractionofherthighs,
theforefingersearchedoutthevirginclitoris.
"Ah!oh!oh!!Walterdon'twhatareyouabout?"
"It'salllove,dear,openyourthighsaweebitandseewhatpleasuremyfinger
willmakeyouexperience,"Iagainwhispered,smotheringherwithrenewed
andlusciouskisses,thrustingthevelvettipofmytonguebetweenherlips.
"Oh!oh!youwillhurt!"sheseemedtosighratherthanspeak,asherlegs
relaxedalittleoftheirspasmodiccontraction.
Mylipscontinuedgluedtohers,ourotherwisedisengagedarmsclaspedeach
othercloselyroundthewaist,herhandholdingmyaffairinakindof
convulsivegrasp,whilstmyfingerswerebusywithclitorisandcunnytheonly
audiblesoundresemblingamixtureofkissesandsighs,tillallinamomentI
felthercrackdelugedwithawarm,creamyspendwhilstmyownjuicespurted
overherhandanddressinlovingsympathy.
Inashortwhilewerecoveredourcomposurealittle,andIthenexplainedto
herthatthemeltingecstasyshehadjustfeltwasonlyaslightforetasteofthe
joyIcouldgiveher,byinsertingmymemberinhercunny.Mypersuasive
eloquenceandthewarmthofherdesiressoonovercameallmaidenfearsand
scruplesthenforfearofdamagingherdress,orgettingthegreenstainofthe
grassonthekneesofmylighttrousers,
Ipersuadedhertostandupbythegateandallowmetoenterbehind.Shehid
herfaceinherhandsonthetoprailofthegate,asIslowlyraisedherdress
whatglorieswereunfoldedtoview,myprick'sstiffnesswasrenewedinan
instantatthesightofherdeliciousbuttocks,sobeautifullyrelievedbythe
whiteofherprettydrawersasIopenedthemandexposedtheflesh,Icould
seethelipsofherplumppoutingcunny,deliciouslyfeathered,withsoftlight
down,herlovelylegs,drawers,stockings,prettyboots,makingatout
ensemble,whichasIwriteanddescribethemcauseMr.Priapustoswellinmy
breechesitwasamostdelicioussight.Ikneltandkissedherbottom,slit,and
everythingmytonguecouldreach,itwasallmine,Istoodupandpreparedto
takepossessionoftheseatoflovewhen,alas!asuddenshriek
fromAnnie,herclothesdropped,allmyarrangementswereupsetina
momentabullhadunexpectedlyappearedontheoppositesideofthegate,
andfrightenedmylovebythesuddenapplicationofhiscold,dampnosetoher
forehead.Itistoomuchtocontemplatethatsceneevennow.
(Tobecontinued.)
>MISSCOOTE'SCONFESSION,
ORTHEVOLUPTUOUSEXPERIENCESOFANOLDMAIDInaseriesofLettersto
aLadyFriend.
LETTERI.
MyDearGirl,
4/21
12/29/2015
IknowIhavelongpromisedyouanaccountofthereasonofmypenchantfor
therod,which,inmyestimation,isoneofthemostvoluptuousanddelicious
institutionsofprivatelife,especiallytoasupposedhighlyrespectableoldmaid
likeyouresteemedfriend.Treatiesmustbecarriedout,andpromiseskept,or
howcanIeverhopeforthepleasureofmakingyoutastemylittlegreentickler
again.Writing,andespeciallyasortofconfessionofmyvoluptuousweakness,
isamostunpleasanttask,asIfeelasshamefacedinputtingthesethingson
paperaswhenmygrandfather'shousekeeperfirstbaredmypoorblushing
littlebottomtohisruthlessattack.Myonlyconsolationatcommencingisthe
hopethatIshallwarmtothesubjectasitprogresses,inmyendeavourto
depict,foryourgratification,someofthelusciousepisodesofmyearlydays.
Mygrandfather,asyouwellknow,wasthecelebratedIndianGeneral,SirEyre
Coote,almostaswellknownforhiseightpennyfiascowiththeBluecoatboys
asforhisservicestotheHon.E.I.Company.Hewasaconfirmedmartinet,
andnothingdelightedhimsomuchasagoodopportunityfortheuseofthe
cat,butIcannottellyouanythingaboutthat,asthatwasbeforemytime.My
firstrecollectionofhint
isaftertheaforesaidCityscandal,whenhehadtoretirefrompubliclifein
comparativedisgrace.MyparentsbothdiedwhenIwasjustupontwelveyears
ofage,andtheoldGeneral,whohadnootherrelativestocarefor,tookentire
chargeofme,and,athisdeath,Iwaslefthissoleheiress,andmistressof
nearly3,000perannum.
HeresidedinaquietcountryhousesometwentymilesfromLondon,whereI
spentthefirstfewmonthsofmyorphanedlife,withonlyhishousekeeper,Mrs.
Mansell,andthetwoservants,JaneandJemima.TheoldGeneralbeingaway
inHollandsearching,soIafterwardsheard,fororiginaleditionsrespectingthe
practicesofCorneliusHadrien,acuriousworkontheflagellationofreligious
penitentsbyafatherconfessor.
Itwasthemiddleofsummerwhenhereturned,andIsoonfoundthelibertyI
hadbeenenjoyingconsiderablyrestricted.Ordersnottoplucktheflowers,or
thefruitinthegardenandaregularlessonsetmeeverydaybytheold
autocrathimself.Atfirsttheyweretolerablysimple,butgraduallyincreasedin
difficulty,andnow,inafteryears,Icanplainlyunderstandhiswolfandlamb
tactics,bywhichImusteventuallyfallunderhisassumedjustdispleasure.
Whatgavemeconsiderablepleasureatthistimewashisdecidedobjectionto
mourning,oranythingatallsombreinmydress.Hesaidmyparentshadbeen
showneverypossiblerespectbywearingblackformonths,andImustnowbe
dressedasbecameayoungladyofmygoodexpectations.
Althoughwescarcelyeverreceivedcompany,andthenonlysomeoldfogyof
hismilitaryacquaintance,Iwasprovidedwithaprofusionofnewandelegant
dresses,aswellasbeautifulshoes,slippers,drawers,andunderlinen,all
trimmedwithfinestlace&c.,notevenforgettingsomeverybeautifulgarters,a
pairofwhichwithgoldbuckles,hewouldinsistuponputtingonforme,taking
nonoticeofmyblushingconfusion,ashepretendedtoarrangemydrawers
andskirtsafterwards,butmerelytoremark:WhatafinefigureIshouldmake,
iftheyeverhadtostripmeforpunishment.
SoonmylessonsbegantobeharderthanIcouldfairlymanage.Onedayhe
expostulated,"Oh!RosaRosa!!whydon'tyoutrytobeabettergirl.Idon't
wanttopunishyou."
"Butgrandfather,"Ireplied,"howcanIlearnsomuchof
thathorridFrencheveryday.I'msurenooneelsecoulddoit."
"Holdyourtongue,MissPert,Imustbeabetterjudgethanalittlegirllike
you."
"But,grandfatherdear,youknowIdoloveyou,andIdotrymybest."
"Well,proveyourloveanddiligenceinfuture,oryourposteriormustfeela
nicelittlebirch,Ishallgetreadyforyou,"saidhesternly.
5/21
12/29/2015
Anotherweekpassed,duringwhichIcouldnothelpobservinganunusualfire
andsparkleinhiseyes,wheneverIappearedineveningdressatthedinner
table(wealwaysdinedinquietstate),andhealsosuggestedthatIoughtto
wearachoicelittlebouquetoffreshflowersinmybosom,tosetoffmy
complexion.
Buttheclimaxwasapproaching,Iwasnottoescapelongheagainfound
fault,andgavemewhathegravelycalledonelastchance:myeyeswerefilled
withtears,andItrembledtolookathissternoldface,andknewany
remonstranceonmypartwouldbeuseless.
Theprospectofpunishmentmademesonervous,itwaswiththegreatest
difficultyIcouldattendtomylessons,andtheseconddayafter,Ibrokedown
entirely.
"Oh!Ho!it'scometothishasit,Rosie?"saidtheoldgentleman,"nothingwill
do,youmustbepunished."
RingingthebellforMrs.Mansell,hetoldhertohavethepunishmentroomand
theservantsallready,whenheshouldwantthem,ashewassorrytosay
"MissRosawassoidle,andgettingworseandworsewithherlessonsevery
day,shemustnowbetakenseverelyinhandorshewouldbespoiledforlife."
"Now,youbadgirl,"saidhe,asthehousekeeperretired,"gotoyourroomand
reflectuponwhatyouridlenesshasbroughttoyou."
Fullofindignation,confusion,andshame,Irushedtomychamber,andbolted
thedoor,determinedtheyshouldbreakthedoordownfirstbeforeIwould
submittosuchapublicexposure,beforethetwoservantsthrowingmyselfon
thebed,Igaveventtomytearsforatleastacoupleofhours,expectingevery
momentthedreadfulsummonstoattendtheoldman'spunishmentdrill,ashe
calledit,but,noonedisturbingme,Iatlastcametotheconclusionitwasonly
aplanofhis
tofrightenme,andsoIfellintoasoothingsleep.Avoiceatthedoor
awakenedme,andIrecognizedthevoiceofJane,asshesaid,"MissRosa,
MissRosa,you'llbelatefordinner."
"Nodinnerforme,Jane,ifI'mgoingtobepunishedgoaway,leaveme
alone,"whisperedIthroughthekeyhole.
"Oh!MissRosie,theGeneral'sbeeninthegardenalltheafternoon,quite
goodtempered,perhapshe'sforgottenitalldon'tmakehimangrybynot
beingreadyfordinner,letmeinquick."
SoIcautiouslydrewthebolt,andletherassistmetodress.
"Cheerup,MissRosie,don'tlookdull,godownasifnothinghadhappened,
andmostlikelyallwillbeforgottenhismemoryissoshort,especiallyifyou
putinyourbosomthissweetlittlenosegaytopleasehim,asyouhavenever
doneitsincehesaiditwouldsetoffyourcomplexion."
Thusencouraged,Imetmygrandfatherwithagoodappetite,and,asifthe
"bitternesswaspast,"likeAgagbeforeSamuel,littlesuspectingIshouldbe
almosthewedinpiecesafterwards.
Thedinnerpassedmostpleasantly,forsuchaformalaffairasmygrandfather
madeit,hetookseveralglassesofwine,andinthemiddleofthedessert
seemedtocontemplatemewithunusualinterestatlastsuddenlyseemingto
noticethelittlebouquetofdamaskandwhiteroses,hesaid,"That'sright,
Rosa,Iseeyouhavecarriedoutmysuggestionofanosegayatlastitquite
improvesyourappearance,butnothingtowhatmybirchwilleffectonyour
naughtybottom,whichwillsoonlooklikeoneofthosefinepeaches,andnow's
thetimetodoit,"saidhe,ringingthebell.
Almostdistracted,andreadytofaint,Irushedforthedoor,butonlyintimeto
fallintothearmsofstrongJemima.
"Nowforpunishmentdrillmarchon,Jemima,withtheculprit,you'vegother
6/21
12/29/2015
safeMrs.MansellandJane,comeon,"saidhetothem,astheyappearedin
thebackground.
Resistancewasuseless.IwassooncarriedintoaspareroomIhadnever
entereditcontainedverylittlefurniture,exceptthecarpet,andone
comfortableeasychairbutonthewallshungseveralbunchesoftwigs,andin
onecornerstoodathinglikeastepladder,butcoveredwithredbaize,and
fittedwithsixrings,twohalfwayup,twoatbottom,andtwoatthetop.
"Tiehertothehorse,andgetreadyforbusiness,"saidthe
General,asheseatedhimselfinthechair,tolookonathisease.
"Come,Rosa,dear,don'tbetroublesome,andmakeyourgrandfathermore
angry,"saidMrs.Mansell,unfasteningmywaistband."Slipoffyourdress,
whilstthegirlsputthehorseinthemiddleoftheroom."
"Oh!No!No!Iwon'tbewhipped,"Iscreamed."Oh!Sir!Oh!Grandfather,do
havemercy,"saidI,throwingmyselfonmykneesbeforetheoldman.
"Come,come,it'snouseshowingthewhitefeather,Rosa,it'sforyourown
good.Nomorenonsense.Mrs.Mansell,doyourduty,andletusgetthepainful
businessoversheisn'toneofmystockifshedoesn'tshowherpluckwhenit
comestothepinch."
Thethreewomenalltriedtoliftme,butIkicked,scratched,andbitallround,
and,foramomentortwo,almostbeatthemoffinmyfury,butmystrength
wassoonexhausted,andJemima,smartingfromaseverebite,carriedmein
vengefultriumphtothedreadedmachine.Quickasthought,myhandsand
feetweresecuredtotheupperandlowerringsthehorsewideningtowards
thegroundcausedmylegstobewellapartwhendrawnupcloselytotherings
atmyankles.
IcouldhearSirEyrechucklewithdelight,asheexclaimed,"ByGod!she'sa
vixen,anditmustbetakenoutofher,she'saCooteallover.Bravo,Rosie!
Nowgetherreadyquickly."
Isubmittedinsullendespair,whilstmytorndressandunderskirtswereturned
upandpinnedroundmyshoulders,butwhentheybegantounloosemy
drawers,myrageburstoutafresh,andturningmyhead,Isawtheoldman,
hissternfacebeamingwithpleasedanimation,whiskinginhisrighthanda
smallbunchoffreshbirchentwigs.Mybloodwasinaboil,andmybottom
tingledwithanticipatedstrokes,especiallywhenJemima,pullingthedrawers
nearlydowntomyknees,gavemeasmartlittleslaponthesly,toletme
knowwhatImightsoonexpect,andIfairlyshouted,"Youmustbeacruelold
beasttoletthemtreatmeso."
"Oldbeast,indeed!"saidhe,jumpingupinapassion."We'llseeaboutthat,
Missperhapsyou'llbegladtoapologizebeforelong."
Isawhimsteppingforward."Oh!Mercy!Mercy!Sir!I
didn'tmeanitthey'vehurtmesoIcouldn'thelpwhatIsaid."
"Thisisareallyseriouscase,"saidhe,apparentlyaddressingtheothers.
"She'sidle,violentlyvicious,andeveninsultingtome,heronlynatural
guardian,insteadoftreatingmewithproperrespect.Therecanbeno
alternative,theonlyremedy,howeverpainfulthescenemaybetouswho
havetoinflictthepunishment,istocarryitout,asamatterofduty,orthegirl
willberuined.Shehasneverbeenunderpropercontrolallherlife."
"Oh!Grandfather,punishmeanywaybutthis.IknowIcan'tbearitit'sso
dreadfullycruel,"Isobbedoutthroughmytears,
"Mychild,suchcrocodiletearshavenoeffectonmeyoumustbemadetofeel
thesmart.Ifweletyouoffnow,youwouldbelaughingatitall,andgoon
worsethanbefore.Standaside,Jane,wecan'twasteanymoretime."So
saying,hemadeaflourishwiththerod,soastomakequiteanaudible"whisk"
7/21
12/29/2015
intheair.Isupposeitwasonlytocleartheway,asitdidnottouchmeinfact
uptothistime,hehadtreatedmelikeacatwhichknowsthepoormousey
cannotescape,butmaybepounceduponatanytime.
IcouldseethetearsinJane'seyes,butJemimahadamalicioussmileonher
face,andMrs.Manselllookedverygrave,butnotimewasallowedfor
reflectionsthenextinstantIfeltasmartbutnotheavystrokerightacrossmy
loins,thenanother,andanother,inratherquicksuccession,butnottoofast
formetothinkthatperhapsafterallitwouldnotbesodreadfulasIfearedso
settingmyteethfirmlywithoututteringaword,Ideterminedtogiveaslittle
indicationaspossibleofmyfeelings.Allthisandagreatdealmoreflashed
throughmybrainbeforesixstrokeshadbeenadministered,mybottomtingled
allover,andthebloodseemedtorushlikelightningthroughmyveinsatevery
blow,andmyfacefeltasmypoorposteriors.
"Now,youidlepuss,"saidtheGeneral,"youbegintofeelthefruitsofyour
conduct.Willyou?Willyoucallmeanoldbeastagain?"givingaharderstroke
ateachejaculation.
Mycouragestillsustainedmyresolutionnottocryout,butonlyseemedto
makehimmoreangry.
"Sulkytemperedandobstinate,byJove!"hecontinued
"wemustdrawitoutofyou.Don'tthink,Miss,I'mtobebeatenbyalittle
wenchlikeyoutakethat,andthat,andthat,"whiskingmewithstillgreater
energy,concludingwithatremendouswhackwhichdrewuptheskinto
burstingtension,andIfeltanotherlikeitwouldmakethebloodspurtforth,
buthesuddenlypausedinhisfury,asifforwantofbreath,butasInowknow
toowell,onlytoprolonghisownexquisitepleasure.
Thinkingallwasover,Ientreatedthemtoletmego,buttomysorrowsoon
foundmymistake.
"Notyet,notyet,youbadgirl,you'renothalfpunishedforallyourbiting,
scratching,andimpudence,"exclaimedSirEyre.
Againthehatefulbirchhissedthroughtheair,andcutintomybruisedflesh,
bothbuttocksandthighs,sufferingandsmartinginagony,butheseemed
carefulatfirstnottodrawthebloodhowever,Iwasnottoescape,itwasonly
hisdeliberateplanofattack,soasnottoexhaustthepoorvictimtoosoon.
"Bite,andscratch,andfightagainstmyordersagain,willyou?MissRosie,
you'llknownexttimewhattoexpect.Youdeservenomercy,theidlenesswas
badenough,butsuchmurderousconductisawfulIbelieveyouwouldhave
killedanyoneinyourpassionifyoucould.Bite,scratch,andfight,eh!Bite,will
you?"Thuslecturedtheoldman,gettingwarmerandwarmerinhisattack,till
thebloodfairlytrickleddownmypoorthighs.
Iwasindreadfulagonyateverycut,andmusthavefainted,buthislecturing
seemedtosustainmelikeacordialbesides,withthepainIexperienceda
mostpleasurablewarmthandexcitabilityimpossibletobedescribed,but
which,doubtless,you,mydear,havefeltforyourselfwhenundermy
discipline.
Butallmyfortitudecouldnotmuchlongersuppressmysighsandmoans,and
atlastIfeltasifImustdieunderthetorture,inspiteoftheexquisite
sensationwhichmingledwithitnotwithstandingmyohsandahs,andstifled
cries,Iwouldnotaskformercyagainmysolethoughtsranuponthedesire
forvengeance,andhowIshouldliketowhipandcutthemallinpieces,
especiallytheGeneralandJemima,andevenpoortearfulJane,
SirEyreseemedtoforgethisage,andworkedawayinfrightfulexcitement.
"Damme,won'tyoucryformercy?Won'tyouapologize,youyounghussy,"he
hissedbetweenhisteeth."She'stougherandmoreobstinatethananyofthe
family,arealchipoftheoldblock.Buttobebeatenbytheyoungspitfire,Mrs.
Mansell,ismorethanIcanbear.There!there!there!"criedheandatlastthe
8/21
12/29/2015
wornoutstumpoftherodfellfromhishand,ashesankbackquiteexhausted
inhischair.
"Mrs.Mansell,"hegasped,"giveherhalfadozengoodstripeswithanewrod
tofinishheroff,andletherknowthatalthoughshemayexhaustanoldman,
thereareotherstrongarmsthatcandispensejusticetoherimpudentrump."
Thehousekeeper,inobediencetothecommand,takesupafinefreshbirch,
andcutsdeliberately,counting,inclearvoice,one,two,three,four,five,six
(herblowswereheavy,butdidnotseemtostingsocruellyasthosegivenby
SirEyre)."There,"shesays,"MissRosa,Imighthavelaiditonmoreheavily,
butIpitiedyouthisfirsttime."
Nearlydead,andfrightfullycutup,althoughvictorious,Ihadtobecarriedto
myroom.Butwhatavictory?alltornandbleeding,asIwas,besidesthe
certaintythattheoldGeneralwouldrenewhisattackthefirstfavourable
opportunity.
PoorJanelaughedandcriedovermylaceratedposteriorsasshetenderly
washedmewithcoldarnicaandwater,andsheseemedsousedtothe
businessthatwhenweretiredtorest(forIgothertosleepwithme)Iasked
herifshehadnotoftenattendedbruisedbottomsbefore,
"Yes,MissRosie,"shereplied"butyoumustkeepthesecretandnotpretend
toknowanything.Ihavebeenwhippedmyself,butnotsobadasyouwere,
althoughit'scruel.Weallratherlikeitafterthefirsttimeortwoespeciallyif
wearenotcutuptoomuch.Nexttimeyoushouldshoutoutwellformercy,
&c.,asitpleasestheoldman,andhewon'tbesofurious.Hewassobadand
exhaustedwithwhippingyou,Mrs.Mansellwasgoingtosendforthedoctor,
butJemimasaidagoodbirchingwoulddohimmoregood,anddrawtheblood
awayfromhisheadsotheypickledhimfinely,tillhequitecametohimself,
andbeggedhardtobeletoff."
Thusendedmyfirstlessonand,infurtherletters,you
shallhearhowIgotonwithJane,continuedthecontestwiththeGeneral,my
adventuresatMrs.Flaybum'sschool,andmyowndomesticdisciplinesinceleft
tomyself.
Believeme,DearNellie,YouraffectionatefriendROSABELINDACOOTE.
(Tobecontinued.)
LADYPOKINGHAMORTHEYALLDOIT:
GivinganAccountofherLuxuriousAdventures,bothbeforeandafterher
MarriagewithLordCrimCon.
INTRODUCTION.
TotheReader,
Verylittleapologywillbeneededforputtinginprintthefollowinghighlyerotic
andracynarrativeofayoungpatricianlady,whoseadventuresIfeelassured
everygenuineloverofvoluptuousreadingwillderiveasmuchormore
pleasureaffordedyourhumbleservant,
Thesubjectofthesememoirswasoneofthebrightestandmostcharmingof
hersex,enduedwithsuchexquisitenervoussensitiveness,inadditiontoan
unusualwarmthofconstitutionthatshewasquiteunabletoresistthe
seductiveinfluencesofGod'sfinestcreationforGodmademaninhisown
image,maleandfemale,createdhethemandthiswasthefirst
commandment,"Befaithfulandmultiply,andreplenishtheearth"see
Genesis,chap.1.
Thenaturalinstinctoftheancientsinstilledintheirmindstheideathat
copulationwasthedirectandmostacceptableformofworshiptheycouldoffer
totheirdeities,andIknowthatthoseofmyreaderswhoarenotbigoted
Christianswillagreewithme,thattherecannotbeanygreatsiningivingway
tonaturaldesires,andenjoying,totheutmost,allthosedelicioussensations
9/21
12/29/2015
forwhichabeneficentCreatorhassoamplyfittedus.
Poorgirl,shedidnotlivelong,andinthoroughlyenjoyingherfewbriefsyears
ofbutterflylife,whocanthinkherwicked!
Thescrapsfromwhichmynarrativeiscompiledwerefoundinapacketshe
hadentrustedtoadevotedservitor,who,afterhersuddenandpremature
deathattheearlyageoftwentythree,enteredmyservice.
Asauthor,Ifeelthecrudenessofmystylemaybealittleoffensivetosome,
buthopemydesiretoaffordgeneralpleasurewillexcusemydefects.
THEAUTHOR,
PARTI.
MydearWalter,
HowIloveyou!butalas!youwillneverknowittillIamgonelittledoyou
think,asyouwheelmeaboutinmyinvalidchair,howyourdelicateattentions
havewontheheartofapoorconsumptiveonthevergeofthegrave.HowI
longtosuckthesweetsoflovefromyourlipstofondleandcaressyourlordly
priapus,andfeelitsthrillingmotionswithinmebutsuchjoyscannotbe,the
leastexcitementwouldbemydeath,andIcanbutsighasIlookatyourkind
lovingface,andadmirethefineproportionsofmydarling,asevidencedbythe
largebunchofkeysyoualwaysseemtohaveinyourpocketindeedyoulook
tohaveakeyofkeys,whoseburningthrustswouldunlockanyvirgincabinet.
Thisisastrangefancyofmine(thewritingforyourperusalashortaccountof
someofmyadventures)butoneoftheonlypleasuresleftmeistoindulgein
reveriesofthepast,andseemtofeeloveragainthethrillingemotionsof
voluptuousenjoyments,whicharenowdeniedtomeandIhopetherecitalof
myescapadesandfolliesmayaffordyousomeslightpleasure,andaddtothe
lastingregardwithwhichIhopeyouwillremembermeinyearstocome.One
thingIaskofyou,dearWalter,istofancyyouareenjoyingBeatrice
Pokinghamwhenyouareintheembracesofsomefutureinamorata.Itisa
pleasureIhaveoftenindulgedinmyselfwhenintheactionofcoition,and
heightenedmyblissbylettingmyfancyrunriot,andimaginedIwasinthe
armsofsomeoneIparticularlywishedfor,butcouldnotcomeat.Myincome
dieswithme,soIhavenocausetomakeawill,butyouwillfindnotesfora
fewhundredpoundsenclosedwiththisoutlineofmyadventures,whichisallI
havebeenabletosave.Youwill
alsofindafinelockofdarkbrownhair,whichIhavecutfromtheabundant
chevelureofmyMonsVenerisotherfriendsandrelativesmayhavethe
admiredcurlsfrommyhead,yourmementoiscutfromthesacredspotof
love.
Ineverremembermyfather,theMarquisofPokingham,buthavemydoubts
astowhetherIamreallyentitledtothehonourofclaiminghimasaparent,as
hewasausedupold,man,andfrompapersandletters,whichpassed
privatelybetweenhimandmymother,Iknowthathemorethansuspectedhe
wasindebtedtohisgoodlookingfootmanfortheprettybabygirlmymother
presentedtohimashesaysinonenote,"thathecouldhaveforgiven
everythingifthefruitsofherintercoursewithJameshadbeenasonandheir,
soastokeephishatednephewoutoftheestatesandtitle,andwishedherto
lethimcultivateherparsleybedforanothercrop,whichmightperhapsturn
outmoreinaccordancewithhiswishes."Thepooroldfellowdiedsoonafter
writingthatnote,andmymother,fromwhomthisdreadfulconsumptionis
transmittedtome,alsoleftmeanorphanatanearlyage,leavingmeher
jointureof20,000,andanaristocratictitlewhichthatamountwasquite
inadequatetoproperlysupport.
Myguardianswereverysavingandcareful,astheysentmetoschoolateight
yearsofage,andonlyspentabout150ayearforschoolingandnecessaries,
tilltheythoughtitwastimeformetobebroughtoutintheworld,sothatI
benefittedconsiderablybytheaccumulatedinterestofmymoney.
10/21
12/29/2015
Thefirstfouryearsofmyschoolpassedawayuneventfully,andduringthat
timeIwasonlyinoneseriousscrape,which1willrelate,asitledtomyfirst
tasteofagoodbirchrod.
MissBirchwasratheranindulgentschoolmistress,andonlyhadtoresortto
personalpunishmentforveryseriousoffenses,whichsheconsideredmight
materiallyaffectthefuturecharacterofherpupils,unlessthoroughlycutoutof
themfromthefirst.IwasnearlysevenyearsoldwhenIhadasuddenfancy
formakingsketchesonmyslateinschool.Oneofourgovernesses,Miss
Pennington,wasarathercrabbedandsevereoldgirloffiveandthirty,and
particularlyevokedmyabilitiesasacaricaturist,andthesketcheswouldbe
slylypassedfromonetotheotherofus,causingconsiderablegigglingand
grossinattentiontoourlessons.Iwasinfatuatedandconceitedwithwhat1
consideredmycleverdrawingsandseveraladmonitions
andextratasksaspunishmenthadnoeffectincheckingmymischievous
interruptions,untiloneafternoonMissBirchhadfallenasleepatherdesk,and
oldPennwasbusywithaclass,whenthesuddeninspirationseizedmeto
makeacoupleofveryrudesketchesoneoftheoldgirlsittingonachamber
utensilbuttheotherwasaruralideaofherstoopingdown,withherclothes
uptoeaseherself,inafield.ThefirstgirlIshowedthemtoalmostburstwith
laughter,andtwoothersweresoanxioustoseethecauseofhermirth,that
theywereactuallystoopingoverhershouldertolookatmyslate,when,before
Icouldpossiblygettoittorubthemoff,oldPennpounceduponitlikean
eagle,andcarrieditintriumphtoMissBirch,whowasawakenedchagrinedby
theamusedsmilewhichourprincipalcouldnotrepressatfirstsightofthe
indecentcaricatures.
"Myyoungladymustsmartforthis,MissPennington,"saidMissBirch,with
suddenlyassumedgravity"shehasbeenverytroublesomelatelywiththese
impudentdrawings,butthisispositivelyobsceneifshedrawsonethingshe
willgotoanother.SendforSusantobringmybirchrod!Imustpunishher
whilstmybloodiswarm,asIamtooforgiving,andmayletheroff."
Ithrewmyselfonmyknees,andimploredformercy,promising"Never,never
todoanythingofthekindagain."
MissBIRCH."Youshouldhavethoughtoftheconsequencesbeforeyoudrew
suchfilthypicturestheveryideaofoneofmyyoungladiesbeingcapableof
suchproductionsishorribletometheseprurientideascannotbeallowedto
settleinyourmindforaninstant,ifIcanwhipthemout."
MissPennnington,withagrimlookofsatisfaction,nowtookmebythewrist,
justasSusan,astout,strong,fairservantgirlofabouttwenty,appearedwith
whatlookedtomeafearfulbigbunchofbirchtwigs,neatlytiedupwithred
velvetribbon.
"Now,LadyBeatricePokingham,"saidMissBirch,"kneeldown,confessyour
fault,andkisstherod,"takingthebunchfromSusan'shands,andextendingit
tomeasaqueenmighthersceptretoasupplicantsubject.
Anxioustogetovertheinevitable,andmakemypunishmentaslightas
possible,Ikneltdown,andwithrealtearsofpenitencebeggedhertobeas
lenientashersenseofjusticewouldadmit,asIknewIwelldeservedwhatshe
wasgoing
toinflict,andwouldtakecarenottoinsultMissPenningtonagain,whomIwas
verysorrytohavesocaricaturedthenIkissedtherodandresignedmyselfto
myfate.
MissPENNINGTON,maliciously."Ah!MissBirch,howquicklythesightofthe
rodmakeshypocriticalrepentance."
MissBIRCH."Iquiteunderstandallthat,MissPennington,butmusttemper
justicewithmercyatthepropertimenow,youimpudentartist,liftyour
clothesbehind,andexposeyourownbottomtothejustlymerited
punishment."
11/21
12/29/2015
WithtremblinghandsIliftedmyskirts,andwasthenorderedtoopenmy
drawersalsowhichdone,theypinnedupmydressandpetticoatsashighas
myshouldersthenIwaslaidacrossadesk,andSusanstoodinfrontofme,
holdingbothhands,whilstoldPennandtheFrenchgoverness(whohadjust
enteredtheschoolroom)eachheldoneofmylegs,sothatIwaswhatyou
mightcallhelplesslyspreadeagled.
MissBIRCH,lookingseriouslyroundassheflourishedtherod."Now,allyou
youngladies,letthiswhippingbeacautiontoyoumyLadyBeatricerichly
deservesthisdegradingshame,forherindecent(Ioughttocallthemobscure)
sketches.Willyou!willyou,youtroublesome,impudentlittlething,everdoso
again?There,there,there,Ihopeitwillsoondoyougood.Ah!youmay
screamthere'safewmoretocomeyet."
Thebunchofbirchseemedtocrashonmybarebottomwithawfulforcethe
tenderskinsmarted,andseemedreadytoburstateveryfreshcut."Ah!ah!
oh!!!Oh,heavens!havemercy,madame.Oh!Iwillneverdoanythinglikeit
again.Ahrre!Ican'tbearit!"Iscreamed,kickingandstrugglingunder
everyblow,sothatatfirsttheycouldscarcelyholdme,butIwassoon
exhaustedbymyownefforts.
MissBIRCH,"Youcanfeelitalittle,mayitdoyougood,youbadlittlegirlifI
don'tcheckyounow,thewholeestablishmentwouldsoonbedemoralized.Ah!
ha!yourbottomisgettingfinelywealed,butIhaven'tdoneyet,"cuttingaway
withincreasingfury.
JustthenIcaughtaglimpseofherface,whichwasusuallypale,butnow
flushedwithexcitement,andhereyessparkledwithunwontedanimation.
"Ah!"shecontinued,"youngladiesbewareofmyrod,whenIdohavetouseit.
Howdoyoulikeit,LadyBeatrice?Letusallknowhowniceitis,"cuttingmy
bottomandthighsdeliberatelyateachejaculation.
LADYBEATRICE."Ah!oh!ahrrre!It'sawful!OhIshalldieifyoudon't
havemercy,MissBirch.Oh!myGod,I'mfearfullypunishedI'mcuttopieces
thebirchfeelsasifitwasredhot,theblowsburnso!"
ThenIfeltasifitwasallover,andImustdiesoonmycriesweresucceeded
bylowsobs,moans,andthenhystericalcrying,whichgraduallygotlowerand
lower,tillatlastImusthavefainted,asIrememberednothingmoretillI
foundmyselfinbed,andawokewithmypoorposteriorstremendouslybruised
andsore,anditwasnearlyafortnightbeforeIgotridofallthemarksofthat
severewhipping.
AfterIwastwelveyearsofagetheyreckonedmeamongstthebiggirls,andI
gotajollybedfellow,whomIwillcallAliceMarchmont,abeautiful,fairgirl,
withaplumpfigure,largesensuouseyes,andfleshasfirmandsmoothas
ivory.Sheseemedtotakeagreatfancytome,andthesecondnightIslept
withher(wehadasmallroomtoourselves)shekissedandhuggedmeso
lovinglythatIfeltslightlyconfusedatfirst,asshetooksuchlibertieswithme,
myheartwasallinaflutter,andalthoughthelightwasout,Ifeltmyface
coveredwithburningblushesasherhotkissesonmylips,andthesearching
gropingsofherhandsinthemostprivatepartsofmyperson,mademeall
atremble.
"Howyoushake,dearBeatrice,"sheanswered."Whatareyouafraidof?you
mayfeelmeallovertooitissonice.Putyourtongueinmymouth,itisa
greatinducementtoloveandIdowanttoloveyouso,dear.Where'syour
hand?here,putittherecan'tyoufeelthehairjustbeginningtogrowonmy
pussey?Yourswillcomesoon.Rubyourfingeronmycrack,justthere,"soshe
initiatedmeintotheartoffrigginginthemosttenderlovingmanner.
Asyoumayguess,Iwasanaptpupil,althoughsoyoung.Hertouchesfiredmy
blood,andthewayshesuckedmytongueseemedmostdelicious."Ah!Oh!
Rubharder,harderquicker,"shegasped,asshestiffenedherlimbsoutwith
akindofspasmodicshudder,andIfeltmyfingerallwetwithsomethingwarm
andcreamy.Shecoveredmewithkissesforamoment,andthenlayquitestill.
"Whatisit,Alice?Howfunnyyouare,andyouhavewettedmyfinger,you
12/21
12/29/2015
nastygirl,"Iwhispered,laughing."Goonticklingmewithyourfingers,Ibegin
rathertolikeit."
"Soyouwill,dear,soon,andlovemeforteachingyousuch
anicegame,"shereplied,renewingherfriggingoperations,whichgaveme
greatpleasuresothatIhardlyknewwhatIwasdoing,andamostluscious
longingsensationcameoverme.Ibeggedhertoshoveherfingersrightup.
"Oh!Oh!Hownice!Further!Harder!"andalmostfaintedwithdelightassheat
lastbroughtdownmyfirstmaidenspend.
Nextnightwerepeatedourlasciviousamusements,andsheproducedathing
likeasausage,madeofsoftkidleather,andstuffedoutashardaspossible,
whichsheaskedmetopushintoher,andworkupanddown,whilstshe
friggedmeasbefore,makingmelayonthetopofher,withmytongueinher
mouth.Itwasdelightful.Ican'texpressherraptures,mymovementswiththe
instrumentseemedtodriveherintoecstasiesofpleasure,shealmost
screamedassheclaspedmybodytohers,exclaiming,"Ah!Oh!Youdearboy
youkillmewithpleasure!"asshespentwithextraordinaryprofusionallover
mybusyhand.
Assoonaswehadrecoveredourserenityalittle,Iaskedherwhatshemeant
bycallingmeherdearboy.
"Ah!Beatrice,"shereplied,"I'msosleepynow,buttomorrownight,Iwilltell
youmystory,andexplainhowitisthatmypusseyisabletotakeinthatthing,
whilstyourscannotatpresentitwillenlightenyoualittlemoreintothe
PhilosophyofLife,mydearnowgivemeakiss,andletusgotosleepto
night."
ALICEMARCHMONT'SSTORY.
YoumayimagineIwasanxiousforthenextmorningtoarrive.Wewereno
soonerinourlittlesanctum,thanIexclaimed,"Now,Alice,makehasteinto
bed,I'mallimpatienttohearyourtale."
"Youshallhaveitdearandmyfingers,too,ifyouwillbutletmeundress
comfortably.Ican'tjumpintobedanyhowImustmaketheinspectionofmy
littleprivatecurlsfirst.Whatdoyouthinkofthem,Beatrice?Offwithyour
chemiseIwanttocompareourpusseys,"saidshe,throwingoffeverything,
andsurveyingherbeautifulnakedfigureinthelargechevalglass.Iwassoon
besideher,equallydenudedofcovering."Whatadelightfullypoutinglittleslit
youhave,Beatrice,"sheexclaimed,pattingmyMonsVeneris."Weshallmake
abeautifulcontrast,mineisalightblonde,andyourswillbebrunette.Seemy
littlecurlyparsleybedisalready
halfaninchlong."Sheindulgedinnoendofexcitingtricks,tillatlastmy
patiencewasexhausted,soslippingonmychemisedenuit,Ibouncedinto
bed,sayingIbelieveditwasallfudgeaboutherhavingataletotellandthatI
wouldnotletherlovemeagain,tillshehadsatisfiedmycuriosity.
"Whatbadmannerstodoubtmyword,"shecried,followingmeintobed,
takingmebysurprise,uncoveredmybottom,andinflictedasmartlittle
slapping,asshelaughinglycontinued,"There,letthatbealessontoyounotto
doubtayounglady'swordinfuture.Nowyoushallhavemytale,althoughit
wouldreallyserveyourighttomakeyouwaittilltomorrow."
Afterashortpause,havingsettledourselveslovinglyinbed,shebegan:
Onceuponatimetherewasalittlegirlabouttenyearsold,ofthenameof
Alice,herparentswererich,andlivedinabeautifulhouse,surroundedby
lovelygardensandafinepark,shehadabrotherabouttwoyearsolderthan
herself,buthermamawassofondofher(beinganonlydaughter),thatshe
neverwouldallowherlittlegirloutofhersight,unlessWilliam,thebutler,had
chargeofherinherramblesaboutthegroundsandpark,
Williamwasahandsome,goodlookingmanaboutthirty,andhadbeeninthe
familyeversincehewasaboy.NowAlice,whowasveryfondofWilliam,often
13/21
12/29/2015
satonhiskneeashewasseatedunderatree,oronagardenseat,whenhe
wouldreadtoherfairytalesfromherbooks.Theirintimacywassogreatthat
whentheywerealone,shewouldcallhim"dearoldWillie,"andtreathimquite
asanequal.Alicewasquiteaninquisitivegirl,andwouldoftenputMr.William
totheblushbyhercuriousenquiriesaboutnaturalhistoryaffairs,andhow
animalshadlittleones,whythecockwassosavagetothepoorhens,jumping
ontheirbacks,andbitingtheirheadswithhissharpbeak,&c."Mydear,"he
wouldsay,"I'mnotahenoracowhowshouldIknow?don'tasksuchsilly
questions"butMissAlicewasnotsoeasilyputoff,shewouldreply,"Ah!
Willie,youdoknow,andwon'ttellme,Iinsistuponknowing,&c.,"buther
effortstoobtainknowledgewerequitefruitless.
Thiswentonforsometimetillthelittlegirlwaswithinthreeorfourmonthsof
hertwelfthbirthday,whenacircumstanceshehadnevertakenanynoticeof
beforearousedher
curiosity.ItwasthatMr.William,underpretenseofseeingtohisduties,wasin
thehabitofsecludinghimselfinhispantry,orcloset,fromseventoeight
o'clockinthemorningforaboutanhourbeforebreakfast.IfAliceventuredto
tapatthedooritwasfastenedinside,andadmittancerefusedthekeyhole
wassocloseditwasuselesstotryandlookthroughthatway,butitoccurred
tomylittlegirlthatperhapsshemightbeabletogetapeepintothatplaceof
mysteryifshecouldonlygetintoapassagewhichpassedbehindMr.William's
pantry,andintowhichsheknewitusedtoopenbyahalfglassdoor,now
neverused,asthepassagewasclosedbyalockeddoorateachend.This
passagewaslightedfromtheoutsidebyasmallwindowaboutfourfeetfrom
theground,fastenedontheinsidesimplybyahook,whichAlice,whomounted
onahighstool,soonfoundshecouldopenifshebrokeoneofthesmall
diamondpanesofglass,whichshedid,andthenwaitingtillthenextmorning
feltsureshewouldbeabletofindoutwhatWilliewasalwayssobusyabout,
andalsothatshecouldgetinandoutofthewindowunobservedbyanyone,as
itwasquitescreenedfromviewbyathickshrubberyseldomenteredby
anyone.
Upbetimesnextdayshetoldherlady'smaidshewasgoingtoenjoythefresh
airinthegardenbeforebreakfast,andthenhurriedofftoherplaceof
observation,andscrambledthroughthewindowregardlessofdirtanddust,
tookoffherbootsassoonasshealightedinthedisusedpassage,andsilently
creptuptotheglassdoor,buttoherchagrinfoundthepanessodirtyastobe
impervioustosighthowever,shewassofarluckyastofindafinelarge
keyholequiteclear,andtwoorthreecracksinthewoodwork,sothatshecould
seenearlyeverypartoftheplace,whichwasfulloflightfromaskylight
overhead.Mr.Williamwasnotthere,butsoonmadehisappearance,bringing
agreatbasketofplate,whichhadbeenusedthepreviousday,andforafew
minuteswasreallybusylookinginhispantrybook,andcountingspoons,forks,
&c.,butwassoonfinished,andbegantolookatalittlebook,whichhetook
fromadrawer.Justthen,Lucy,oneoftheprettiesthousemaids,adarkbeauty
ofabouteighteen,enteredtheroomwithoutceremony,saying,"Here'ssome
ofyourplateoffthesideboard.Where'syoureyes,Mr.William,nottogather
upallasyououghttodo?"William'seyesseemedtobeamwithdelightashe
caughther
roundthewaist,andgaveheralusciouskissonhercheek,saying:"Why,I
keepthemforyou,dear,Iknewyouwouldbringtheplate"thenshowingthe
book,"Whatdoyouthinkofthatposition,dear?Howwouldyoulikeitso?"
Althoughpleased,thegirlblusheduptotherootsofherhairasshelookedat
thepicture.Thebookdroppedtothefloor,andWilliampulledherontohis
knee,andtriedtoputhishandupherclothes."Ah!No!No!"shecried,inalow
voice"youknowIcan'ttoday,butperhapsIcantomorrowyoumustbe
goodtoday,sir.Don'tstickupyourimpudentheadlikethat.Therethere
there'sasqueezeforyounowImustbeoff,"shesaid,puttingherhanddown
intohislap,whereitcouldnotbeseenwhatshewasafter.Inasecondortwo
shejumpedup,andinspiteofhiseffortstodetainher,escapedfromthe
pantry.William,evidentlyinagreatstateofexcitement,subsidedontoasofa,
muttering,"Thelittlewitch,whatadevilsheisIcan'thelpmyself,butshewill
beallrighttomorrow."Alice,whowasintentlyobservingeverything,was
14/21
12/29/2015
shockedandsurprisedtoseehistrousersallunbuttonedinfront,andagreat
longfleshylookingthingstickingout,seeminglyhardandstiff,witharuby
colouredhead.Mr,Williamtookholdofitwithonehand,apparentlyforthe
purposeofplacingitinhisbreeches,butheseemedtohesitate,andclosinghis
righthandupontheshaft,rubbeditupanddown."Ah!WhatafoolIamtolet
herexcitemeso.Oh!Oh!Ican'thelpitImust."Heseemedtosighashis
handincreaseditsrapidmotion.Hisfaceflushed,andhiseyesseemedready
tostartfromhishead,andinafewmomentssomethingspurtedfromhis
instrument,thedropsfallingoverhishandsandlegs,someevenayardortwo
overthefloor.Thisseemedtofinishhisecstasy.Hesankbackquitelistlessfor
afewminutes,andthenrousinghimself,wipedhishandsonatowel,cleared
upeverydropofthemess,andleftthepantry.Alicewasalloverinaburning
heatfromwhatshehadseenbutinstinctivelyfeltthatthemysterywasonly
halfunravelled,andpromisedherselftobethereandseewhatWilliamand
Lucywoulddonextday.Mr.Williamtookherforawalkasusual,andreadto
her,whilstshesatonhisknee,andAlicewonderedwhatcouldhavebecomeof
thatgreatstiffthingwhichshehadseeninthemorning.Withtheutmost
apparentinnocence,herhandstouchedhimcasu
ally,whereshehopedtofeelthemonster,butonlyresultedinfeelingarather
softkindofbunchinhispocket.
AnothermorningarrivedtofindAliceatherpostbehindthedisusedglassdoor,
andshesoonsawMr.Williambringinhisplate,butheputitaside,and
seemedallimpatientforLucy'sarrival."Ah!"hemurmurs."I'masstiffasa
rollingpinattheverythoughtofthesaucydarling,"buthisideaswerecut
shortbytheappearanceofLucyherself,whocarefullyboltedthedoorinside.
Thenrushingintohisarms,shecoveredhimwithkisses,exclaiming,inalow
voice,"Ah!HowIhavelongedforhimthesethreeorfourdays.Whatashame
womenshouldbestoppedinthatwayfromenjoyingthemselvesonceamonth.
Howishethismorning?"asherhandsnervouslyunbuttonedMr.William's
trousers,andgraspedhisreadytruncheon.
"Whatahurryyouarein,Lucy!"gaspedherlover,asshealmoststifledhim
withherkisses."Don'tspoilitallbyyourimpatienceImusthavemykiss
first."
Withagentleefforthereclinedherbackwardsonasofa,andraisedherclothes
tillAlicehadafullviewofasplendidpairofplump,whitelegsbutwhat
rivettedhergazemostwasthelusciouslooking,poutinglipsofLucy'scunny,
quitevermilionincolour,andslightlygapingopen,inamostinvitingmanner,
asherlegswerewideapartherMonsVenerisbeingcoveredwithaprofusion
ofbeautifulcurlyblackhair.
Thebutlerwasdownonhiskneesinamoment,andgluedhislipstohercrack,
suckingandkissingfuriously,totheinfinitedelightofthegirl,whosighedand
wriggledwithpleasuretillatlastMr.Williamcouldnolongerrestrainhimself,
butgettingupuponhiskneesbetweenLucy'slegs,hebroughthisshafttothe
charge,andtoAlice'sastonishment,fairlyranitrightintothegapingcrack,till
itwasalllostinherbellytheylaidstillforafewmoments,enjoyingthe
conjunctionoftheirpersonstillLucyheavedupherbottom,andthebutler
respondedtoitbyashove,thentheycommencedamostexcitingstruggle.
Alicecouldseethemanlyshaftasitworkedinandoutofhersheath,glistening
withlubricity,whilstthelipsofhercunnyseemedtoclingtoiteachtimeof
withdrawal,asifafraidoflosingsuchadelightfulsugarstickbutthisdidnot
lastlong,theirmovementsgotmoreandmorefurious,tillatlastbothseemed
tomeetinaspasmodicembrace,astheyalmostfaintedineach
other'sarms,andAlicecouldseeaprofusionofcreamymoistureoozingfrom
thecrackofLucy,astheybothlayinakindoflethargyofenjoymentafter
theirbattleoflove.
Mr.Williamwasthefirsttobreakthesilence:"Lucy,willyoulookinto
morrow,dearyouknowthatoldspy,Mary,willbebackfromherholidayina
dayortwo,andthenweshan'toftenhaveachance."
LUCY,"Ahyourogue,Imeantohavealittlemorenow,Idon'tcareifwe're
15/21
12/29/2015
caughtImusthaveit,"shesaid,squeezinghimwithherarmsandgluingher
lipstohis,asshethrewherbeautifullegsrightoverhisbuttocks,and
commencedtheengagementoncemorebyrapidlyheavingherbottominfact,
althoughhewasafineman,theweightofhisbodyseemedasnothinginher
amorousexcitement.
Thebutler'sexcusesandpleadingoffear,incasehewasmissed,&c.,wereall
ofnoavailshefairlydrovehimon,andhewassoonasfuriouslyexcitedas
herself,andwithaprofusionofsighs,expressionsofpleasure,endearment,
&c.,theysoondiedawayagainintoastateofshortvoluptuousoblivion.
However,Mr.Williamwastoonervousandafraidtoletherlaylonghe
withdrewhisinstrumentfromherfoamingcunny,justasitwasallslimyand
glisteningwiththemingledjuicesoftheirlovebutwhatacontrasttoits
formerstate,asAlicenowbehelditmuchreducedinsize,andalready
droopingitsfieryhead.
Lucyjumpedupandletdownherclothes,butkneelingonthefloorbeforeher
lover,shetookholdofhislimpaffair,andgaveitamostluscioussucking,to
thegreatdelightofMr.William,whosefaceflushedagainwithpleasure,andas
soonasLucyhaddonewithhersuckingkiss,Alicesawthathisinstrumentwas
againstiffandreadyforarenewaloftheirjoys.
LUCY,laughinginalowtone."There,myboy,I'llleaveyoulikethatthinkof
metilltomorrowIcouldn'thelpgivingthedarlingagoodsuckafterthe
exquisitepleasurehehadaffordedme,it'slikebeinginheavenforalittle
while."
Withalastkissonthelipsastheyparted,andMr.Williamagainlockedhis
door,whilstAlicemadegoodherretreattoprepareherselfforbreakfast.
ItwasafinewarmmorninginMay,andsoonafterbreakfastAlice,withWilliam
forherguardian,setoffforarambleinthepark,herbloodwasinaboil,and
shelongedtoexperi
encethejoysshewassureLucyhadbeensurfeitedwiththeysauntereddown
tothelake,andsheaskedWilliamtogiveherarowintheboatheunlocked
theboathouse,andhandedherintoanice,broad,comfortableskiff,well
furnishedwithsoftseatsandcushions.
"Hownicetobehere,intheshade,"saidAlice"comeintotheboat,Willie,we
willsitinitalittlewhile,andyoushallreadtomebeforewehavearow."
"Justasyouplease,MissAlice,"hereplied,withunwonteddeference,stepping
intotheboat,andsittingdowninthesternsheets.
"Ahmyheadachesalittle,letmereclineitinyourlap,"saidAlice,throwingoff
herhat,andstretchingherselfalongonacushion."Whyareyousoprecisethis
morning,Willie?YouknowIdon'tliketobecalledMiss,youcankeepthatfor
Lucy."Thennoticinghisconfusion,"Youmayblush,sir,Icouldmakeyousink
intoyourshoesifyouonlyknewallIhaveseenbetweenyouandMissLucy."
Alicereclinedherheadinalanguidmanneronhislap,lookingupandenjoying
theconfusionshehadthrownhimintothendesignedlyrestingonehandon
thelumpwhichheseemedtohaveinhispocket,asiftosupportherselfa
little,shecontinued:"Doyouthink,Willie,Ishalleverhaveasfinelegsas
Lucy?Don'tyouthinkIoughtsoontohavelongdresses,sir!I'mgettingquite
bashfulaboutshowingmycalvessomuch,"Thebutlerhadhardworkto
recoverhiscomposure,thevividrecollectionofthelusciousepisodewithLucy
beforebreakfastwassofreshinhismindthatAlice'sallusionstoher,andthe
softgirlishhandrestingonhisprivates(evenalthoughhethoughtheras
innocentasalamb)raisedanutterofdesireinhisfeverishblood,whichhe
triedtoallayasmuchaspossible,butlittlebylittletheunrulymemberbegan
toswell,tillhewassureshemustfeelitthrobunderherhand.Withaneffort
heslightlyshiftedhimself,soastoremoveherhandlowerdownontothe
thigh,asheansweredasgravelyaspossible(feelingassuredAlicecouldknow
nothing):"You'remakinggameofmethismorning.Don'tyouwishmetoread,
Alice?"
16/21
12/29/2015
ALICE,excitedly,withanunusualflushonherface."Younaughtyman,you
shalltellmewhatIwanttoknowthisTime:Howdobabiescome?Whatisthe
parsleybed,thenursesanddoctorssaytheycomeoutof?Isitnotacurlylot
ofhairatthebottomofthewoman'sbelly?Iknowthat'swhatLucy'sgot,and
I'veseenyoukissit,sir!"
(Tobecontinued.)
APROLOGUE.
SpokebyMissBelladeLancy,onherretiringfromtheStagetoopena
FashionableBawdyHouse.
(WrittenbyS.Johnson,LL.D.)
Whencuntfirsttriumphed(asthelearnedsuppose)
O'erfailingpricks,ImmortalDildorose,
Fromfucksunnumbered,stillerecthedrew,
Exhaustedcunts,andthendemandednew
DameNaturesawhimspurnherboundedreign,
Andpantingprickstoiledafterhiminvain
Thelaxestfolds,thedeepestdepthshefilled
Thejuiciestdrainedthetoughesthymensdrilled.
Thefairlaygaspingwithdistendedlimbs,
Andunremittingcockstandsstormedtheirquims.
ThenFriggingcame,instructedfromtheschool,
AndscornedtheaidofIndiarubbertool.
Withrestlessfinger,firedthedormantblood,
TillClitorisrose,sly,peepingthro'herhood.
Gentlywasworkedthistitillatingart,
Itbrokenohymen,andscarcestretchedthepart
Yetlureditsvotariestoasuddendoom,
AndstampedConsumption'sflushonBeauty'sbloom.
SweetGamahuchefoundsofterwaystofame,
ItaskednotDildo'sart,norFrigging'sflame.
Tongue,notprick,nowprobesthecentralhole,
Andmouth,notcunt,becomesprick'sdestinedgoal.
Italwaysfoundasympatheticfriend
Andpleasedlimppricks,andthosewhocouldnotspend,
Notediouswait,forlabouredstand,delays
Thehotandpoutingcunt,whichtongueallays.
Thetastewasluscious,tho'thesmellwasstrong
Thefuckwaseasy,andwouldlastsolong
Tilweariedtonguesfoundgamahuchingcloy,
Andpricks,andcunts,grewcalloustothejoy.
Thendulledbyfrigging,bymockpricksenlarged,
HernobledutiesCuntbutilldischarged.
Hernymphdrooped,herdevil'sbitegrewweak,
Andtwicetwopricksmightflounderinhercreek
Tillalltheedgewastakenoffthebliss,
AndCunt'ssoleoccupationwastopiss.
Forcedfromherformerjoys,withscoftandbrunt,
ShesawgreatArseholelaytheghostCunt
Exultingbuggershailedthejoyfulday,
Andpilesandhmerridsconfirmedhissway.
Butwholust'sfuturefanciescanexplore,
Andmarkthewhimsiesthatremaininstore?
Perhapsitshallbedeemedalover'streat,
Tosuckthefloweringquimsofmaresinheat
Perhaps,wherebeautyheldunequalledsway,
ACochinfowlshallrivalMabelGrey
NoblesberainedbytheHyaena'ssmile,
AndSealsgetshortengagementsfromth'Argyle.
Hardisherlot,thatherebyFortuneplaced,
Mustwatchthewildvicissitudesoftaste
17/21
12/29/2015
Catcheverywhim,learneverybawdytrick,
Andchasethenewbornbubblesoftheprick
Ah,letnotCensuretermourfate,ourchoice,
TheBawdbutechoesbackthepublicvoice
TheBrotherslaws,theBrothel'spatronsgive,
Andthosethatlivetoplease,mustpleasetolive
Thenpurgethesegrowingfolliesfromyourhearts,
Andturntofemalearms,andfemalearts
'Tisyoursthisnight,tobidthereignbegin,
Ofallthegoodoldfashionedwaystosin
Clean,wholesomegirls,withlip,tongue,cunt,andhand,
Shallraise,keepup,putin,takedownastand
Yourbottomsshallbylilyhandsbebled,
Andbirchesblossomundereverybed.
THEORIGINSPECIES.
Air."DenyDown."
WhenAdamandEvewerefirstputintoEden,
Theyneveroncethoughtofthatpleasantthingbreeding
Thoughtheyhadnotaragtocovertheirfront,
Adamsportedhisprick,andEvesportedhercunt.
Denydown.
Adam'sprickwassothickandsolongsuchateaserEve'scuntwassohairy
andfatsuchabreezerAdam'sthingwasjustformedanymaidentoplease,
Andhisbollockshungdownveryneartohisknees.
Denydown.
Eveplayedwithhisballs,andthoughtitnoharm:
Hefingeredherquimandne'erfeltalarm
Hetickledherbubbies,sherubbeduphisyard,
Andyetforafuck,whytheyfeltnoregard.
Derrydown.
ButwhenMrs.Evedidtasteofthefruit,
ItwasthenthathereyesfirstbeheldAdam'sroot
Thenheateanapple,andafterhehaddone't,
Whythenhefirstfoundoutthevalueofcunt.
Derrydown.
Thentheysaytheymadefigleaves,that'sfiddlededee.
Hewantedaquim,andquitereadywasshe
Theygazedontheirprivateswithmutualdelight,
Andshesoonfoundaholetoputjockoutofsight!
Derrydown.
ThenAdamsoonlaidMrs.Eveonthegrass,
Hepop'tinhisprick,sheheavedupherarse
Hewriggled,shewiggled,theybothstucktoonetether
Andshetickledhisballs,tilltheybothcametogether!
Derrydown.
Sincethen,allherchildrenarefilledwithdesire,Andthewomenastiff
standingprickallrequire!
AndnosonofAdamwille'ertakeaffront,
Forwhereisthemanthatcanlivewithoutcunt.
Derrydown.
THEWANTONLASS.
Air."DerryDown."
TherewasalasstheycalledbonnyBet,
Withajollyfatarse,andacuntblackasjet
18/21
12/29/2015
Herquimhadlongitched,andshewanted,Ivow,
Ajollygoodfucking,butcouldn'ttellhow.
Derrydown.
Shethoughtofaplanthatmightserveasthesame,
Thatherselfshemightshagwithoutanyshame
Soacarrotshegot,withapointratherblunt,
Andsheramm'ditandjamm'ditthreepartsuphercunt.
Derrydown.
Shelikeditsowellthatsheoftusedtodoit,
Tillatlengththepoorgirlhadoccasiontorueit
Foroneday,whenamusingherselfwiththiswhim,
Thecarrotitsnapped,andpartstuckinherquim.
Derrydown.
Shewentalmostmadwithvexationatthis,
Indeeditwastime,thepoorgirlcouldn'tpiss.
Thelasswasintorture,noresthadpoorBet,
Soatlastanolddoctorshewasforcedtoget.
Derrydown.
Thedoctorhecame,andshetoldhimthecase,
Thenwithspectacleson,andaverylongface,
Hebidherturnup,thoughshescarcelywasable,
Andpullupherpetticoatsoverhernavel.
Derrydown.
Hercloutssheheldup,roundherbellysoplump,
Andhegaveherfatarsesuchahellofathump,
Thathemadehercryout,tho'hediditsoneat,
Andawayflewthecarrotbangintothestreet.
Denydown.
Nowasweeppassingby,hesawitcomedown,
Pickeditupandheateit,andsaidwithafrown,
ByGod!it'snotright,it'sadamnedshame,Isay,
Thatpeopleshouldthrowbutteredcarrotsaway.
Denydown.
THEMEETINGOFTHEWATERS.
AParodyonMoore'sMelody.
Thereisnotinthiswideworldavalleysosweet,
Asthatvalewherethethighsofaprettygirlmeet:
Oh,thelastrayoffeelingandlifemustdepart,
Erethebloomofthatvalleyshallfadefrommyheart.
YetitisnotthatNaturehasshedo'erthescene,
Thepurestofred,themostdelicateskin,
'Tisnotthesweetsmellofthegenialhill
Ah,no!itissomethingmoreexquisitestill.
'Tisbecausethelastfavoursofwomanarethere,
Whichmakeeverypartofherbodymoredear.
WefeelhowthecharmsofNatureimprove,
Whenwebatheinthespendingsofherwhomwelove.
LOVE.
Nature,everywherethesame,
Impartstomanalustfulflame
InRussiansnoworIndianfire,Allmenalikeindulgedesire,Allalike,feel
passion'sheat,Allalike,enjoymentgreet,Sothatwheresoe'eryougo,Stillthe
samevoluptuousglowThrobsthrougheverypurplevein,Thirstsenjoymentto
obtain'Mongstthedark,orwiththefair,Womanisempresseverywhere.
19/21
12/29/2015
THEPLEASURESOFLOVE.
PressedinthearmsofhimIsoadored,Thekeeperofmycharms,mypride,
mylord!Bydayexperiencingeachsweetdelight,Andmeetingendless
transportseverynightWhenonourdownybedwefondlylay,Heatingeach
otherbyouram'rousplayTillNature,yieldingtothelusciousgame,Would
fiercedesireandquenchlesslustinflame!Oh!thenwejoin'dinlove'smost
warmembrace,Andpressedsoftkissesonoureverygrace!Aroundmyform
hispliantlimbsentwined,Love'sseatofblisstohimIthenresigned!Wepant,
wethrob,webothconvulsivestart!Heavens!thenwhatpassionsthro'our
fibresdart!Weheave,wewriggle,bite,laugh,tremble,sigh!WetasteElysian
blisswefondledie.
THERIVALTOASTS.
AnEnglishandanAmericanvesselofwarbeinginporttogether,CaptainBalls,
oftheformer,invitedtheofficersof
theYankeefrigatetodineinboardofhisship,butstipulated,inordertoavoid
anyunpleasantness,thatnooffensiveorpersonaltoastsshouldbeproposed,
towhichtheAmericanscheerfullyassented.However,afterdinner,during
dessert,whentheconversationhappenedtoturnwarmlyupontherespective
meritsofthetwonations,aYankeeofficersuddenlystoodup,andsaidhe
wishedtoproposeatoast,whichheshouldtakeasapersonaloffenseif
anyonerefusedtodrinkit.
CaptainB.mildlyexpressedahopethatitwasnothingoffensive,but
consentedtodrinktowhateveritmightbe,withtheprovisothat,ifhethought
fittodoso,heshouldproposeanotherafterwards.
ThenshoutedtheAmerican,exultingly:"Here'stothegloriousAmericanflag:
Starstoenlightenallnations,andStripestoflogthem."
CaptainB.drainedabumpertotheAmerican'stoastthenturningtotheold
ship'ssteward,standingbehindhischair,saidquietly:"Youcanbeatthat,
can'tyou,Jack?"
"Ay!Aye!Sir!Ifyoufillmeastiff'un."
TheCaptainmixedhimagoodswigofhotandstrong.Thenhandingthe
stewardtheglass,hethunderedout:"SilenceforJack'stoast,andany
gentlemanherepresent,refusingtodrinktoit,Ishallnottakeitasapersonal
offense,butatonceorderthegunner'smatetogivehimthreedozen.Now
then,Jack."
Jack,withagrimsmile,andbowingtotheYankeeofficer,said:"Thenhere'sto
theramping,roaringBritishLion,whoonthestars,andwipeshisarseonthe
stripes."
NURSERYRHYMES.
TherewasayoungmanofBombay,
Whofashionedacuntoutofclay
Buttheheatofhisprick
Turneditintoabrick,
Andchafedallhisforeskinaway.
TherewasayoungmanofPeru,
Whohadnothingwhatevertodo
Sohetookouthiscarrot
Andbuggeredhisparrot,
AndsenttheresulttotheZoo.
TherewasayounggirlofOstend,
Whohermaidenheadtriedtodefend,
ButaChasseurd'Afrique
Insertedhisprick,
20/21
12/29/2015
Andtaughtthatexmaidhowtospend.
TherewasayoungmanofCalcutta,
Whotriedtowrite"Cunt"onashutter.
WhenhegottoCU,
ApiousHindooKnockedhimarseoverheadinthegutter.
TherewasayoungmanofOstend,
Whosewifecaughthimfuckingherfriend
"It'snouse,myduck,
Interruptingourfuck,
ForI'mdamnedifIdrawtillIspend."
TherewasayoungmanofWoodGreen,Whotriedtofart"GodSavethe
Queen."
Whenhereachedthesoprano,
Heshothisguano,
Andhisbreechesweren'tfittobeseen.
TherewasayoungmanofDundee,
Whoonenightwentoutonthespree
Hewounduphisclock
Withthetipofhiscock,
Andbuggeredhimselfwiththekey.
TherewasayoungladyofTroy,
Whoinventedanewkindofjoy:
Shesugaredherthing
Bothoutsideandin,
Andthenhaditsuckedbyaboy.
TherewasayoungmanofSantander,
Whotriedhardtobuggeragander
Butthevirtuousbird
Pluggedhisarsewithaturd,
Andrefusedtosuchlowtastestopander.
TherewasayoungladyofHitchin,
Whowasskrotchinghercuntinthekitchen
Herfathersaid"Rose,
It'sthecrabs,Isuppose."
"You'reright,pa,thebuggersareitching."
TherewasanoldpersonofSark,
Whobuggeredapiginthedark
Theswine,insurprise,
Murmured"Godblastyoureyes,
DoyoutakemeforBoultonorPark?"
AMEN.
Oh!cuntisakingdom,andprickisitslord
Awhoreisaslave,andhermistressabawd
Herquimisherfreehold,whichbringsinherrent
Whereyoupaywhenyouenter,andleavewhenyou'vespent.
Lastrevised:26October2015.ConditionsofUse.KnownBugs.
Copyright20012015byTheJackHorntipCollection.Allrightsreserved.
21/21

The Pearl #1 - (July, 1879)

Uploaded by

Document Information

Original Title

Copyright

Available Formats

Share this document

Share or Embed Document

Sharing Options

Did you find this document useful?

Is this content inappropriate?

Copyright:

Available Formats

The Pearl #1 - (July, 1879)

Uploaded by

Copyright:

Available Formats

12/29/2015

You might also like