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Total Distortion
Total Distortion
*Engine Room: This is the room where the generator makes electricity
for the tower. It runs on fuel cells. You buy the fuel cells in packages of
10, known as fuel rods. If your generator runs out of fuel cells, you run out
of electricity. A trip into the Distortion Dimension will usually take more than
three hours, which means that your fuel cells will more than likely be used up
by the time you get back. Refer to Section IV for more on fuel cells. This is
also the room from which you leave the tower.
*The Kitchen: Here you make all of your meals. Eating is the best way
to keep your physical energy high. A good physical energy food is a
cheeseburger, made up of the bun, a burger, a slice of cheese, tomatoes, and
lettuce. Mental energy can be restored here also, but sleep is the best
solution to your mental energy problems. One way to get your mental energy high
without sleep is on one of the posters in the kitchen. Make a latte! If you're
going to venture out into the dimension, a good drink to make is a mixture of
hot sauce, shark hormones, and spaceberry plasma. If your life force is doing
poorly, the drink brings it up to 50 points. There is a way of bringing your
health up easily, look in Section IV.
*The kitchen runs on food goo. It is used to "synthesize" every meal
you eat. Food goo is sold in 10 unit bricks. It's fairly cheap, only $100 a
brick. You insert the food goo into the funnel on the synthesizer, located to
the left of the meal machine.
*The Bedroom: The Bedroom is my favorite room in the tower. In the
bedroom you will find the coma tank, a bed, and two bookshelves. You should
definitely check out the books if you are a beginner. I suggest that you read
the book "TD?" if you are just starting to play TD. The puzzles can give you
big clues to help get you past some of TD's toughest spots. The games offer
those little distractions that can get your mind off of a sucky sale. On the
bookshelves you will see a crystal ball. If you click it, it can give you a
look ahead at some of the things you will see when you venture out into the
Distortion Dimension. Some of the books will give you new video and sound when
you next look at the TDVS.
-The bed is kind of like a game. Once you get to sleep (sometimes the
game won't let you sleep; it's a matter of chance) you see 2 paths that lead to
your sleeping brain. Nightmares run down one path trying to get to your brain
first, while good dreams are also running down another path to your brain. On a
cliff overlooking the paths is a gun. You control this dream gun. Use the
keyboard arrows to turn your gun, and enter fires. Shoot the nightmares first.
You will see 2 other icons running down the "good dreams" path to your brain.
The first icon that comes from the "good dreams" path will be the "dream z's"
game. You will probably want to shoot it to keep it from reaching your brain,
because it is harder than the second game, called "dream lights." Once the
"dream lights" game gets to your brain, you will begin the game. The object of
the game is to put the light bulbs into the correct sockets, without hitting one
of the monsters running across the screen. Wait till you see 4 or 5 arrows
flying in formation. Take the bulb up behind the arrows; this is the easiest
way to plug in the bulbs. If you're quick, you can put 2 bulbs in after the
arrows.
*The Media Center: The Media Center offers everything that a video
producer needs to make millions. The Media Center has in it the TDVS, a Radio
Aquarium, the Tower Status Monitor, a DataBrick Video Phone (DBVP), and a
VidChip copier.
-The TDVS is the place where you make all of your
videos. I will go into detail on the TDVS in Section III.
-The Radio Aquarium is like the lava-lamp. It gets your mind off
things. Some of the programs add a little comedy to the TD experience. That's
really the main thing it's for. Try clicking on Elvis the Fish. And if you
hear a little Chinese guy, Tom Chu, don't change the station, he's pretty cool.
-The Tower Status Monitor shows you (duh) the condition of the tower,
and if there are any problems. This is handy to have if you don't want to ride
all the way to the bottom floor to check your fuel cells.
-The DataBrick Video Phone keeps you in contact with Earth's parallel
dimension. This is where you buy your food goo, fuel rods, guitars, and media
clips. You also sell your videos to the 3 top VJs on Earth: Yuji Dude, Stevie
Groovie, and Hans Kranger.
-The VidChip copier does exactly what the name says. Once you save a
video onto your RAM, put a VidChip into the copier and then you will be asked
which video you want to copy. Select the video and copy it onto the VidChip.
You'll need this when you go out into the dimension.
III. Making Good Videos and Selling Them
*2 things make a video: knowledge of what the VJs like, and footage
from the dimension. In this section, you will read about how to make those
$1,000,000 videos.
*First off, never make a video that is under 5 scenes long. It will be
rejected by the VJs.
*Never use the same song in two different videos. The second video you
try to sell will be rejected. Likewise, don't try to change the title or
project name of an already-sold video and resell it, that will not work. Vary
your scene lengths and your scene numbers from video to video.
*This next point is something that you absolutely HAVE to do to make any
money. Read the biographies on the VJs. It will save you a lot of hassle, I
promise you. It tells you little facts about them, like how Stevie is from San
Francisco. If you'll look in the TDVS, you'll find that there are a lot of San
Francisco backgrounds/clips. These books will help you to know more about what
the VJs like. When you decide to make a video, the first thing that you should
take into consideration is who you are going to sell the video to. Then, after
you've decided, make the video around what the VJs like. Yuji is from Japan.
Use some Japanese-oriented devices in videos you sell to him. Hans Kranger is
an egomaniac. Any rock stars we know like that? Hans adores videos with Johnny
Fang in them. A decent Johnny video sale to Kranger is worth 200,000 easily.
Save and talk to the VJs, get to know the dialogue with which you speak to them.
Reload after you've pissed them off or hung up. Talking to them is worth almost
as much as reading their biographies.
*While we are still on the subject of knowing what the VJs like, I also
should tell you about what you should say to them. It has a big impact on
whether a price sucks or not. If you insult one of them, they might hang up and
not answer the phone again. They will give you a lower price, obviously, if you
are bland or annoying rather than engaging and charming. Speak to them in the
manner in which they wish to be spoken to. Know this manner by saving, talking
through all their dialogues, and reloading. You'll know what the best dialogue
path is by the prices you receive.
*Notice VJ quirks. The monitors behind Stevie's head turn green when
she's happy or she enjoys a video; they turn red when she's angry. Stevie
doesn't really enjoy having her appearance commented on more than once. Don't
over compliment. You can compliment Yuji more, but there is a point of
saturation. Hans' self-centered attitude has already been mentioned.
*Hans is annoyingly condescending. You won't be able to speak with him
until after you go out into the dimension and rack up some fame points.
*There are more than 1,000 video clips. Make use of them! The video
clips that you have brought with you from earth won't make you that much money
if used throughout a video, but sometimes throwing in a scene about Tokyo and
selling that particular video to Yuji can sway him toward offering a
significantly higher price.
*The best things to use in your videos are the hard-to-get clips, such
as the "hidden" clips of the Guitar Warrior. Refer to Section VIII or Section
VI for more on these clips.
*"Saving before selling" is a good motto to have. Before you sell a
video, make sure that you save your game. For the same video, Yuji might give
you $1,000 more than Stevie.
*Now that you know everything I know about video making, make enough
videos so that you can buy everything mentioned in the next section.
IV. Entering the Dimension and General Tips on the Dimension
*The best tip that I can give you is this: SAVE! Save your game
periodically. If you don't, you will definitely regret it. Save in multiple
files. You never know when you will regret saving over earlier progress.
*Be sure to bring with you plenty of food, drinks and VidChips.
*Not all beings that you will encounter are hostile. At least not for a
little while.
*Never enter the dimension without at least a Power Level 4 guitar.
*I've been told: always bring a mixture of spaceberry plasma, shark
hormone, and hot sauce with you. Pretty weird combination, but it supposedly
gives you 50 extra life force points if your health is dwindling. You probably
won't need it; the trips through the Vid Halls ought to be enough to cure you.
I've never needed it.
*You're going to need about $50,000 before you go anywhere: enough for
food and drinks ($200-300), a guitar ($40,000), and a few power rods. You have
two choices here. I suggest that you buy about 2 or 3 power rods. When you
come home, your power will be off. If you have enough physical energy, which
you should from the $200-300 you spent on food goo, you can pry the door to the
PMT open, then put the power rods in the slot. If you don't feel like doing
this, make about $20,000 extra to buy enough power rods to keep the place
running while you are away, stocked with about 120 rods. Your choice.
*Pack several bags of cheeseburgers or bagels with cream cheese. You'll
use them, trust me. I bring about 10-15. They bring up your physical energy
really well. For mental energy, bring coffee. You can make yours black, or
stir in cream and milk for a latte. I get varied results in mental energy
change between the two; logic says that three shots of espresso should bring
energy up far more than watered-down latte. In a dimension without logic, what
can you do? Also pack 1 weird mixture and 14 canteens of water (explained
below).
*The canteens of water are not intended for drinking. When you cross
through the Vid Halls, you will use them along with VidChips to circumvent the
deadly video's effects. See Section VI.
*Go to your DBVP and dial up JumpCut. Buy 2 packs of 5 vidchips. Next,
create a single-scene video with nothing but clips out of the "Love" section.
Trees/nature can also be included. Name this project "love." This is hinted at
in the bookshelf, in Jigsaw Puzzlebook #5. The video doesn't need music, though
I use Tippygoo or Kittykat. Copy the video onto 6 of the vidchips. Make sure
you have two blank vidchips for Hell's Garage (Section IX). You may wish to
bring more for safety; each vidchip ensures a safe crossing of the Vid Halls.
See Section VI.
*Remember to buy a guitar at Power Level 4 or better: either a Cruncher
or a Muncher.
*Now that you have done all of this, it is time to leave your tower.
You should record every move you make. That way you will have plenty of video
clips to use.
*One last thing: guitar training. You must know how to use your
primary weapon against Guitar Warriors before you go anywhere. We'll start
training at Difficulty Level 1. When you anger a Guitar Warrior, you will get
into a fight with your sonic energy guitars. On Difficulty Level 1, when a
Guitar Warrior strikes a chord, you will see a ring coming toward you. Look at
the color. On your guitar, strike the chord that is the color of the ring. If
your chord is stronger, it will go through the Guitar Warrior's chord. If not,
it will hit you. Different chords will pass through each other. Take the time
to listen to the Guitar Warrior's chords and learn them by ear. Learn which
chord on your guitar matches his. This is the only way you will survive past
level 1.
*That's about it. Time to see the sights of the Dimension.
wheels' direction, lining up one wheel with the one behind it until you've lined
up all four. Change direction by pressing the color-coded buttons on the
screen. I don't really know how to explain it other than that. You shouldn't
have too tough of a time with it if you have good hand-eye coordination.
*My proudest TD moment: I discovered how to get the Guitar Warrior
footage! As soon as you complete one of the color wheels, you will have to
fight a Guitar Warrior. Make sure you have your camera ready-- have it set as
your quickuse button on your guitar case. This Guitar Warrior will pause for a
second before attacking you, so bring up your camera and film him. Now you have
the rarest footage in the game.
*Once you've passed the end of the line, channel 13, you will reach the
Treasure Halls, or the place where the best footage in the dimension is located.
I remind you now... RECORD EVERYTHING!
IX. Hell's Garage
*You need to visit Hell's Garage before you do anything else in the
Treasure Halls. Besides cool clips, it has stuff that you will need for the
L.A. Stage and the Sonic Cemetery. But, before you get into Hell's Garage,
you're going to need something. Yes, it's that modern miracle of technology,
the garage remote! It is found at L.A. Stage in the pot containing St.
Lucifer's house plant. Click on the plant to get the remote.
*Now that you have the remote, go back to the Treasure Hall and open the
door to Hell's Garage. You will be greeted by some cool music and the skies
will be "rainin' fire and brimstone." I don't think this is quite the Southern
Baptist revivalist's idea of hell. Anyhow, use the remote you got out of the
pot. Inside the garage, you'll need to take the weird blue Head Key, the bell,
and the gasoline. Now, do you see Satan's computer? His Mac is where he stores
all of his music files. Hope you have an extra vidchip or two. Told you to buy
a pair of 5-packs. Insert a vidchip and click the screen. You have to "hack"
into his computer by playing yet another game. What you want to do is use the
tri-torch to move the eyeball over the edge of the platform and make it fall
onto the pedal, which moves the plug closer to the outlet. Place the torch
under the eyeball and the eyeball will roll away from the torch. Be careful,
though, if you hold the torch on the eyeball too long, the eyeball will pop, and
you will have to start all over. You have to do this about 5 or 6 times. After
you complete the game, you get into the DDOS (Demonic Disk Operating System).
There, you should copy one of Satan's files onto your vidchip. After doing
this, you will be booted out of the system. Now, since there are two different
files, you will have to insert another vidchip and repeat the game. After you
are through with this, it's time to pay a visit to Edgar Death.
X. Sonic Cemetery
*Get to the door of the Sonic Cemetery. Open it, and take out your bell
and use it. When the bell rings, Edgar Death's coffin will unbury itself and
come to the surface. Tape Edgar before you do anything. His footage is some of
the best available. Now, you can play his songs on the song remote control.
It's kind of easy to get to him to record him. Don't worry; the L.A. Stage is a
lot harder.
XI. L.A. Stage
*Walk into the doorway to the stage. Go up to the ticket booth and
click anywhere inside it. You will meet Roxanne, the voluptuous ticket lady.
To get a ticket for the ride down to L.A. Stage, you can do one of three things:
give her $300, give her a cheeseburger, or give her your tower key. I suggest
giving her a cheeseburger. If you give away your key, it makes it more
difficult to get into your tower; the fact that she is a VAMPIRE who wants
nothing more than to come to your tower and SUCK THE BLOOD out of your body also
makes this a bad alternative. It's pretty cool to watch, but I don't recommend
it if you're trying to win the game. Perhaps try giving her a garlic
sandwich...
*Anyway, you'll notice that you can't record anything at the L.A. Stage.
No problem. All you have to do is click a few times on the hidden button on the
chair. It's right above where it says "L.A. Stage." There is a blank space
there. When the button pops up, it will say "Staff Only." It takes you to a
room where there's a vault. All the L.A. Stage material is in the vault, but
it's locked. To get into the vault, you must play yet another game. Whoopee.
It's called the Lock Game. Take out the blue Head Key to start the game. You
must shoot the little icons that are spinning around to reveal a lock up under
it. Shoot the lock. Keep doing this until you unlock all of the locks. Take
the vidchip that you find; it has all the material on it. Take the food too.
Now, you have accomplished everything there is to accomplish in the dimension,
except for making your way home.
XII. Completing the Game
*Get yourself to the Media Tower. You may or may not have to pry open
the doors to the tower. It depends on how well you stocked your fuel rod
supply. If you have to pry open the doors, once you do, find a little red
button and press it, which activates the backup generator. Put the gas can in
the fuel rod loader, along with any fuel rods you have. Now get upstairs and
start making some cool videos! When you have completed your goals and you are
ready to go home, dial up Mr. Red and tell him. Go get into your coma tank, and
prepare for utter humiliation at the hands of our good friend Joe as he tells
you exactly how badly your game sucked. If you win a gold guitar, email me or
something, because you are Jesus and have just walked on water.
XIII. A Secret Cheat!
*Hold Ctrl while pressing the READY! button at the beginning of the
game, after typing in your game information. You will bring up the Secret
Developers' Screen, where you can customise your game as to where you start out,
how much money you have, what you have in your guitar case, how much fame you
have, and a few other tweaks. I suggest playing through the game once on
Difficulty 1 using this mode, starting out with lots of food goo and fuel rods.
Play through and record everything, then use this game to make videos to get you
starting money in higher level games. Or, if you want a gold guitar, here's
your ticket. Don't email me if you cheat.