Professional Documents
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Language and Conversation Course (Workbook) PDF
Language and Conversation Course (Workbook) PDF
seduction)
Dave Riker's
Speed Seduction
Language and
Conversation Course
Workbook
Speed Seduction is a registered trademark of Ross Jeffries, used with permission.
(alt.binaries.seduction)
Table of Contents
Page
No.
1.0
Disk and
Track No.*
Title Page
Legal Notices
Table of Contents
Product Content
Product Protection and User Consent
Formatting and Conventions
Acknowledgements
Forward
Registration
Important Note About Exercises and Assignments
i
ii
iii
vi
vi
vii
ix
x
xii
xii
D1-T1
1.1
Overview
D1-T1
1.2
1.3
1.4
1.5
1.6
1
2
3
4
5
D1-T10
D1-T15
D1-T24
D1-T26
D1-T32
2.0
D2-T1
2.1
2.1.1
2.1.2
2.1.3
2.1.4
2.2
2.2.1
2.2.2
2.2.3
2.2.4
2.2.5
2.2.6
2.3
2.3.1
2.3.2
2.3.3
2.3.4
2.4
Speaking Pointers
7
The "Cool" Factor
7
Voice Tone and Tonality
7
Pacing and Pausing
9
Energy and Enthusiasm
10
Language Tools and Details
12
Adjectives and Adverbs
12
Trance Words
13
Weasel Phrases
15
Embedded Commands
17
Linking
19
Easy-Linking (This, That, These, Those)
21
More Tools
23
Pointing and Gestures
24
Linking Gestures (Towards and Away)
25
Easy Linking Expanded (Pointing With This, That, These, Those ...) 26
Easy Anchoring - Point Or Touch, On Positive
27
Review
29
D2-T1
D2-T1
D2-T2
D2-T15
D2-T26
D2-T39
D2-T40
D3-T1
D3-T14
D3-T25
D3-T42
D4-T1
D4-T12
D4-T14
D4-T22
D4-T30
D4-T35
D4-T46
3.0
31
D5-T1
3.1
3.1.1
31
32
D5-T2
D5-T9
Page iii
Disk a n d
Track N o . *
3.1.2
3.1.3
3.1.4
3.2
3.3
3.3.1
3.3.2
3.3.3
3.3.4
3.3.5
3.4
3.5
3.6
3.6.1
3.6.2
3.7
3.7.1
3.7.2
3.7.3
3.7.4
3.8
3.9
33
35
38
39
41
41
43
45
48
48
48
51
54
54
58
61
62
62
63
64
69
69
D5-T12
D5-T20
D5-T29
D5-T32
D6-T1
D6-T4
D6-T15
D6-T24
D6-T36
D6-T37
D6-T38
D6-T54
D7-T1
D7-T4
D7-T15
D7-T34
D7-T36
D7-T38
D7-T40
D7-T43
D7-T64
D7-T66
4.0
CONVERSATIONAL MANAGEMENT
71
D8-T1
4.1
4.1.1
4.1.2
4.1.3
4.1.4
4.2
4.2.1
4.2.2
4.2.3
4.3
4.3.1
4.3.2
4.3.3
4.3.4
4.3.5
4.4
4.4.1
4.4.2
4.4.3
4.4.4
4.4.5
4.5
4.5.1
4.5.2
Challenges
Detailed and Specific Plans Are Just Not Workable
Navigation Example
Navigational Strategies Are Needed
She Must Be Engaged In The Conversation!
How Conversations Happen
Conversational Dynamics
Conversational Model
Topic Turning Point
General Conversational Management
Getting The Conversation To Go Where You Want
How To Steer Conversations, Moment To Moment
The Model With Strategy and Tactics In Place
Exercises and Assignments
Summary
Advanced Conversational Management
Getting The Conversation To Go Where You Really Want
Steering Conversations Moment To Moment
The Model With Advanced Strategy and Tactics In Place
Exercises and Assignments
Summary
More Advanced Conversational Management
More About Getting The Conversation To Go
Steering Conversations Using More Advanced
71
71
71
72
72
72
72
73
77
79
79
81
82
83
86
86
86
88
88
91
93
93
93
94
D8-T1
D8-T3
D8-T4
D8-T5
D8-T10
D8-T12
D8-T13
D8-T14
D8-T15
D8-T16
D8-T16
D8-T19
D8-T23
D8-T25
D8-T32
D8-T33
D8-T33
D8-T35
D8-T38
D8-T39
D8-T46
D8-T47
D8-T47
D8-T49
Page iv
Disk a n d
Track N o . *
4.5.3
4.6
4.6.1
4.6.2
4.6.3
4.6.4
4.7
4.7.1
4.7.2
4.7.3
94
96
96
97
97
98
99
99
99
99
D8-T52
D9-T1
D9-T2
D9-T3
D9-T5
D9-T6
D9-T7
D9-T8
D9-T9
D9-T10
5.0
TOPICS
101
D9-T11
5.1
5.2
5.3
5.4
5.5
101
102
104
109
111
D9-T14
D9-T15
D9-T24
D9-T32
D9-T33
6.0
PATTERNS
115
D10-T1
6.1
6.2
6.3
6.4
Pattern
O v e r
Pattern Formula
Canned Patterns
Pattern Riffing In Real-Time
115
115
116
116
D10-T1
D10-T7
D10-T12
D10-T13
7.0
119
D10-T18
7.1
7.2
7.3
7.4
7.5
Review
Summary
Listen, Do The Exercises, and Follow The Course
Be Willing and Prepared To Put Energy Into
Congratulations! Well Done!
119
119
119
119
119
D10-T18
D10-T26
D10-T27
D10-T28
D10-T29
8.0
121
D11
..
APPENDICES
I
123
II
131
III
133
Page v
Typefaces - A majority of the workbook content is shown in this typeface (Times New Roman, a "serif
typeface). This shows information that could be considered part of an overall "outline" of what the audio
presentation contains.
Text within graphics, graphic titles, graphic captions, and the Formulas, Exercises, and Assignments are all
shown using this typeface (Arial, a "sans-serif typeface).
Lists - At times, items are presented in a list-like fashion such as this:
Item 1
Item 2
Item 3
Etc.
...that is simply to show a list of related items, and to make it easier to reference those items at a later time.
Boldface Text - Boldface Text is used to emphasize certain text or passages. It is also used for subject headings
so that these stand out and apart from the normal text.
Italicized Text - Italicized Text is used for emphasis in many cases where boldface text may by nearby, and the
italics are simply used as a way to show a different manner of emphasis. Italics are also used to point the reader
towards specific content of the audio CDs, i.e. Listen to the audio where an example is presented.
D3-T5
CD Track References - As shown to the right
Towards the right margin of section titles and headings, CD Location References are shown using terms such as
"D3-T5" in the text. This shows (for example) the Disk (3) and the Track number (5) that corresponds to that part
of the workbook contents.
Not every track number is listed. Since the work book is an "outline" and not a transcript, there is not an exact
place in the book that correlates to the start of each and every track on the audio CDs. Therefore most of the
track references are shown at the start of major sections, or major points in the workbook.
Graphics are used in the workbook as well. Usually the graphic is shown on the page immediately following
where that graphic is first mentioned in the text. If the graphic cannot fit there (due to page breaks) then the
graphic is placed on the next available page.
Page vii
Candidate
Topics
Figure XYZ-1: Graphic Title
Sub-paragraph - If a graphic has text that helps to further explain that graphic, then that text is
shown immediately below the graphic using an indented paragraph such as this.
Text Boxes - Text boxes are used for very specific purposes in the workbook.
Formula, Exercises, and Assignments are shown inside boxes such as this.
A Formula is a way to present a concise explanation of some item, fact, or technique. Each Formula is presented
in its own "text box" as shown here.
Exercises are a series of instructions that call upon the reader to do or perform certain actions. Most exercises
can be done alone.
Assignments also call for action on the part of the reader. Assignments usually requier the reader to go out and
interact with other person(s) in order to perform them correctly.
Although the difference between Exercises and Assignments is maintained through most of the workbook, there
are instances where the definitions may be clouded to some degree. For example, an Exercise may require
interaction with other people, or maybe and Assignment can be done alone by the student.
Page Breaks - The workbook is laid out to minimize the amount of blank space where reasonably possible. This
may require that a graphic be placed on the next page after where it is first mentioned (instead of being directly
below where the graphic is first mentioned in the text). This also may result in some page breaks being in places
which are not optimal, but that is a necessity due to the complexity of the book. Similarly, there are cases where
text boxes may actually "break" across two pages. Although this is not optimal, it is required in order for the "flow"
of the book content to remain consistent.
Page viii
Acknowledgements
The first and foremost acknowledgement goes out to Ross Jeffries himself, the creator of Speed Seduction .
Ross's developments have lead not only to helping many men with this part of their lives, but have also shown
many the way to a new way of living, opening the door for many into the world of self improvement.
To Dr. Yates Canipe, who was the business genius that brought Speed Seduction to the masses through
seminars and products, and who has also contributed greatly to helping men change their minds about
themselves, and what is possible in their lives.
To the many experts out there who have augmented the SS teachings by showing me other aspects of the mind,
and have opened the door for me to find many ways of self-improvement and understanding, most notably
Hypnotica, EVS, SP, MC, and MD.
To those in the original SD Lair group, who helped me by allowing me to help them, and for the assistance they
provided with this product.
To my coaching clients, who have placed their trust in me and allowed me the experience of showing them new
and wonderful possibilities for what their lives may have to offer. Working with these clients was especially
instrumental in formulating and perfecting the concepts and teaching methods used in this product.
Special thanks to my friends, colleagues, confidants, associates, mentors, teachers, and students (we are each
all of these and more) in the TAGR Group, JL, DM, SM.
/ must apologize to some degree for the time it has taken to finish this product. The main reason is that I do not
wish to release any product until I believe that I am able to provide the level of quality,insight and teaching that I
think is possible. I may miss a few sales because of such a delay, and this wait may have annoyed a few people,
but I sincerely hope that the results will prove to have made the wait worthwhile.
... and to all of the Students out there who I have met at Speed Seduction seminars, those who have read what
I have written, and those who have entrusted me to teach you and to guide you, and to help you in finding the
Women or Woman of Your Dreams.
To all of you,
Thank you,
Dave Riker
Page ix
Forward
One of the most wonderful things about life is the idea of connecting with others, spending time with them, and
sharing experiences with them. Whether that be as friends or acquaintances, whether this time has any sort of
romantic or seductive component or not, some of the most wonderful moments of life are brought about by
people, having and sharing experiences with, other people.
One of the biggest tragedies of life is that there are things, teachings, information, (and more importantly a LACK
of information in some cases) that can prevent such connections and moments from happening.
Sadly this is most apparent when it comes to men. Many men through no fault of their own have grown up to be
adults and have had little instruction or assistance in a very important area of their lives; the idea of simply
communicating with and sharing experiences with the other half of the human population; women.
This is so sad, and in many cases the efforts of men to solve this problem on their own have been met by smallminded criticism and slander. As if the interesting, good-natured and well-intentioned man, who was simply
deprived of an means to "learn about" how to meet and talk with women, should somehow not improve himself,
and set forth upon a path to improve this area of his life.
I think that is not correct. And I am here to help correct it.
I think that many men, the best men, are the ones that really DO look at this area of their lives, and decide to
move forward, take action, learn, and grow, so that they really may share wonderful experiences of ALL types
with women, or with that special woman of which they have always dreamed.
I know of many women who are always distraught that they seem to not be able to meet good men. Good,
interesting, intelligent, charming men, for some reason seem to be in short supply. And it's a shame for these
women to be wanting for their company.
Such men, in fact, are NOT in short supply. There are many such men out there.
They are the ones that really don't know how to introduce themselves, or don't know how to present themselves
in the best way. They don't know how to keep a woman's interest. They just have not been taught such things.
So, there are a lot of great men out there who would like to meet interesting women.
And, there are a lot of wonderful women out there who would love to meet interesting men.
It's for these men, and for those women, that I create products such as this.
Whether a man decides to use this information as way to embark upon a period of his life which involves casual
romantic interludes, or whether a man uses this information as a means to improve his chances of finding one
special woman, is up to him. At least then he will be in a position of choice. He will be able to decide for himself
which he feels is the best option for him.
The women of the world will be better off in their own way, as well. A woman should never "settle", or
"compromise"; she should decide to be with whom she wants to be with by having opportunities, and options, to
make an informed choice. Having many interesting men available, and introducing themselves, and showing
themselves in the best and most honest light, helps to provide these women with an even better choice. From that
position, most women will be far better off and have much better chances with the kind of men, or the kind of man,
that they will want to spend time with as well.
Page x
Page xi
1.0
1.1
Dl-Tl
This program is based upon experience with countless students, seeing what is needed, and what works in the
field.
Language Skills
What works? What makes the successful guys able to use these technologies? Partly it's the ability to actually
"talk" in this manner, to use these language skills naturally as just a part of the way they speak. If you follow
along and do the exercises, you can change the way you speak as well. We will be teaching you the detailed
language skills that will really help you.
Conversational Skills
The ability to manage conversations is needed as well. We will teach you ways to easily manage conversations so
that they go in interesting directions.
You are already on your way!
This course works on many levels, consciously and subconsciously. So even this "intro" section is starting to
work for you, and on you as well. Listen to it, pay attention, and get the full benefit of everything this course has
to offer.
1.2
D1-T10
Page 1
You have to be PROGRAMMED to do this so you can have a conversation, listen, and be a part of it. In a way,
some of the ways that you speak now will be reprogrammed so that speaking in a new way will be natural. Other
parts of the language tools you may have to "think" about... for a while at least.
Guys need to be able to just "do this" and "talk this way" in REAL-TIME.
This is a term that will be used throughout this course, so let's define and explain it for you. Real Time "Occurring immediately ... respond to input immediately ... must react to a steady flow of new information
without interruption."
Guys need to stop the worrying about "Doing something wrong"
It's only "wrong" if you are TRYING to do or be something you are not. You need to integrate skills to the degree
that they ARE a part of who you ARE, not a "trick", but it's really YOU talking!
Guys are too focused on "how can I use this" when in a conversation.
Sure, that is important, but if you are "thinking" too much, then you are not actually IN the conversation! You
need to be engaged in a conversation, talking, listening, interacting, responding. Not inside your head "thinking"
about "how can I use this?"!
1.3
Major
Topics
Speaking Pointers
Language Tools and Details
Conversational Management
Conversational Fractionation
Topics - Enthusiasm and Passion
Topics - Seduction Oriented Topics
Patterns and Riffing
Examples
Dl-Tl5
D1-T24
Any real change requires you to make an investment in yourself using energy, effort, and engagement, a concept
that was brought up earlier. By embarking upon this course, and this journey, you are doing just that.
The best way to listen to this course is while also reviewing the workbook (especially in the conversational
management sections). However, listening multiple times in any setting also has a lot of benefit. So, do whatever
you need to do to listen to this course a LOT. If you need to make your own copies for use in multiple locations,
do it! But please, keep those copies to yourself.
Be wary of those people who may want to "borrow" a copy, and who may "try" to listen to the course. If they just
"try" it, they aren't really putting themselves INTO it. In addition, many of these people will be those negative
types of people that will then dispute the benefits of this program! Why? Because THEY have not invested
anything into it! Not just in terms of dollars, but in terms of THEM really being willing and ready to change, and
being open to what benefits this program can bring.
Page 3
People must be engaged in the process to get its benefits. Those who are not, will not benefit. Don't let their lack
of willingness to improve themselves, hold you back.
1.5
D1-T26
Is this really possible? This sounds difficult. Can we literally change the way you speak?
That's good in a way, because it addresses that analytical part of your mind.
But it's tough to do that. Imagine having to "think about" how to talk, at every moment!
This might be good as a learning TOOL, but to then USE it in conversation is difficult.
You keep trying to "remember" things.
Plus it's not YOU talking, its a memorized "thing".
It's less effective.
Not as congruent.
It makes guys nervous, trying to "remember" what to say. Then it's about a "performance."
So, consequently, there is a "right" and "wrong" way to do it!
But if you are just TALKING, just being YOU, then its easier, there is no "right" way or "wrong" way, its
YOU being YOU! You cannot fail at being YOU!
Sure in middle school, kids are taught about language, about grammar, sentences, paragraphs, etc.
But that's not how you learned to talk!
You learned to talk when you were a child - by hearing others around you speak!
You were IMMERSED in language, you heard it, you heard it a lot, you heard it in context, and you
started to form the ability to speak and communicate based upon that!
Page 4
This Course Uses Many Techniques To Train You To Have Workable, Real-World Skills.
Examples
Implicit examples, where I am just DOING these things all during the program.
1.6
We use a lot of repetitive training methods so that these techniques have a better chance of becoming
"automatic".
We will have you become familiar with the range of ways of speaking and sounding, so that you will
have more ability and more flexibility to do what is appropriate
MANIPULATION AND ETHICS CONCERNS
D1-T32
Many guys have been uncomfortable with using many of these skills, based upon feelings that when using them,
"it's not me" or "I am just using a trick or technique".
This causes some real, deep ethics issues and blocks many guy's success.
With THIS approach HERE, it's not about throwing something AT her, we will change the way you talk so that it
will be easier, more natural, more a part of YOU, how you communicate, and who and what YOU are!
Using these skills will be less of an "act", and be more of WHO YOU ARE.
Page 5
2.0
2.1
SPEAKING POINTERS
D2-T1
2.1.1
D2-T1
Guys want to sound "cool", calm, reserved, etc. This is good as long as it's not BORING. That "cool" feeling
comes from being calm and speaking in a relaxed fashion, but giving the impression that there IS more, that there
is a "fire" beneath the surface. That's the "allure". That's what women like, and what people like in general.
Too many guys "try" to be cool but actually come off as COLD or even worse, BORING. "Cool" comes from
being calm and sure of yourself. Cool does NOT mean to be boring and to put people to sleep while talking! The
coolest people are the ones that are FUN to talk to and fun to be with!
You don't have to be cold, to be cool.
2.1.2
D2-T2
Listen to some examples of different tones of voice, how they sound, how they make you feel.
Your tone of voice really conveys a lot about who you are, how calm you are, how interesting you are, and says a
lot about you. If this is a challenge for you, there are great products and examples of this elsewhere. We will work
on this here in this course, but if you really want to work on this even more, there ARE products that focus JUST
on this area and you may want to invest in those.
Why is this important?
Great voice tone conveys comfort, a sense of being relaxed and calm
It also allows you to express some energy and excitement at different times, not out of nervousness, but
because it's appropriate to the situation.
The audio section demonstrates these options quite well, and even goes a bit over-the-top to really help you to
understand what is being discussed.
Examples: One way to think of this is to consider "where" your voice is generated from in your body. Listen as
the examples demonstrate:
Speaking through the nose
Speaking through the mouth
Speaking from the chest
Page 7
3) Now read some of the material, but this time really focus upon generating the sound from deep within your
chest. Relax. SOUND relaxed. See how relaxed it actually makes you feel and how you really need to BE
relaxed to do this!
4) Take a moment, and recall some time in the recent past when you were kind of nervous or fearful. Can you
recall how you spoke? Did the way you sound in that situation sound like any of the examples you just did?
See the similarity?
Speaking from?
2) In the next few conversations you have with people, really make a note to speak lower. Focus on dropping
your voice down from your nose/mouth, and really focus on having that voice generated from your chest.
Make notes below as to when it happened, with whom, where you were, and whether or not you DID it!
Day/Time
Situation (Where)
Page 8
2.1.3
D2-T15
Listen to the examples where some various pacing is demonstrated, first very very fast, and then far far too slow.
Why is
this important?
Correct pacing and speed of delivery conveys comfort, and shows that the speaker is relaxed.
Speaking too quickly can show tension, or almost a sense of panic.
Being able to vary your pacing and pausing can help a lot to convey a sense of intrigue and create interest.
Page 9
2) For the next few days, start to focus on changing your pacing and pausing, to convey a more relaxed and
deliberate manner. Make note of when, who, where, and if you DID it!
Day/Time
Situation (Where)
2.1.4
D2-T26
The audio section demonstrates more details about sounding boring/bored and also sounding as if you have
energy and enthusiasm.
Page 11
2.2
D2-T39
D2-T40
Subject
5) Now, out loud, talk about each thing or subject again, but this time, add more descriptive terms to it, use more
Adjectives and Adverbs.
Do this for each of the conversations listed above. Re-live it, talk about it in a descriptive way. If you really like
this subject, you should be able to do this for at least 3-5 minutes each.
Page 12
Subject
2) Write down a few adjectives and adverbs that you could have used in each discussion (refer to a, b, and c
above).
3) Practice out loud how you would have said those things in each of the three conversations. Act like you are
really having the conversation again.
4) The next several times any of those subjects come up in conversation, make sure to use some of those
adjectives and adverbs in your descriptions. Start with just a few of them, and then maybe add some more as
time goes on. Be descriptive, "paint a picture" with your words.
2.2.2
Trance Words
D3-T1
Word List
Instantaneously
Suddenly
Find Yourself
Convince Yourself
Suppose
Page 13
Imagine
Mysterious (-ly)
Wonder (-ous) (-ously)
Think of any subject, even something concrete like your job, work, or school. Look at the Trance Word List
above. Think for a moment about using those trance words to describe that subject. Doesn't that make it sound
kind of "mysterious"? Maybe more exciting? Maybe you can take some normal, almost boring or mundane thing,
and make it more interesting? Well, that's the point!
2) Watch or listen to some material where people are speaking passionately about something, like
advertisements, sportscasters, political speakers, or religious speakers. With that list of Trance Words
(above) in hand, see and hear if you can pick out when the speaker is using Trance Words. See how many
you can notice.
3) Get out your written SS materials and look for Trance Words (maybe even use THIS course here). Highlight
or circle the Trance Words in a few sections. See how many you can find and notice how they are used in
context.
4) Get your SS audio materials and listen for Trance Words (maybe even THIS course here). Maybe play one
tape or CD, and see if you can pick these out.
5) Take the written text from an SS product (maybe from #3 above) and read it out loud, placing an emphasis on
the Trance Words when you see them.
6) Pick two subjects in which you are interested. Looking at the list of Trance Words above, talk OUT LOUD
about that subject and see how many times you can use those Trance Words!
Subject a.
Subject b.
7) Pick a subject that bores you, something that you think is dull. Now speak OUT LOUD about that subject, talk
about it, and see how many of those Trance Words you can use.
Boring Subject
Page 14
Even though that may seem a bit strange, doesn't that make it-sound more "exciting", more interesting, and
more fascinating?
2.2.3
Weasel Phrases
D3-T14
These also work as transitional phrases, to get from one subject to another.
Page 15
Now talk about one of these 4-5 aspects for 1-2 sentences, and then use one of the Weasel Phrases and the
bring up another "aspect". Talk about THAT one for a few sentences, then use another Weasel Phrase, etc.
Do this until you use all 4-5 of the attributes that you listed.
5) Did that sound weird? Strange? Ok ... It will get easier. Try it again. Use different Phrases, and see if you can
string things together so that they sound better, that it makes more sense, but selecting different Phrases to
link the aspects together.
2) Note the subject that you used earlier for doing some exercises with Weasel Phrases (exercise 4 above). The
next several times that you talk about that subject with anyone, see if you can use some or all of your favorite
weasel phrases when talking about it.
Subject
Page 16
3) Select another subject that really interests you, and incorporate Weasel Phrases into the next several
discussions you have about that subject as well.
Subject
2.2.4
Embedded Commands
D3-T25
Page 17
5) Start talking about that topic out loud, and with that list that YOU wrote in hand, see just how many of the
embedded commands in that list that YOU can say! First, work on just saying them and finding a way to bring
them up, and make it sound natural.
6) Do the same thing again, but now focus more on "leaning" on the embedded commands a bit. Maybe slowing
down slightly, pausing, changing your voice, just enough to put the emphasis on the command.
3) Practice the use of those commands, out loud, in the context of talking about that subject. See how natural
you can make them sound. Start to place some emphasis on the command itself.
4) The next several times that subject comes up in your life, make some effort to use some of these commands
in the context of a real discussion.
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2.2.5
Linking
D3-T42
Linking is a way to take the feelings, emotions, and experiences that are being discussed and associate or "link"
them to you. In some ways, it's easier than you think!
Just talking about a subject and getting her to be a part of the discussion, and getting her to experience, recall, and
feel emotions, will "link" them to you. If she is experiencing these feelings in your presence, while looking at
you, and talking to you, then on some level that is creating this "link". However, the linking tools and techniques
will add to this, and make this "link" even more effective.
The most common linking phrase/tool that guys think about is the phrase "now with me". You can also make
reference to "in me", "in myself, also "this" and "these" as in "this feeling" of "these feelings", "this interest",
etc.
What is this based upon?
When talking, you are talking "about" a feeling or sensation, and then making an ambiguous reference to
that feeling using your words. For example, if you are talking about a great feeling of excitement that a
woman has had or is having, you speak of "this feeling", which is an ambiguous way of referencing what
she is thinking about.
In order for her to understand the feeling being discussed, she has to actually feel it to some extent. Just to
"process" what is being discussed, she has to feel it on some level (and she will, as long as there is good
rapport).
However, when you say "this feeling", you are being ambiguous, non-specific, and inexact. Are you
talking about the "feeling" she had at some time in the past? Are you talking about the feeling she is
having right now?
Because you are using terms like "this", which is ambiguous (non-exact), then to the deeper levels of her
mind, ALL of those possible definitions apply! Then, on some level, you become more associated with
those feelings.
Linking Phrases - While listening to the audio, see if you can add more phrases to the list below.
Now with me
In me
In myself
with this
these
this belief
these feelings
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Linkage Phrase
5) Pick a topic that YOU are interested in as we did before (it can be the same one you used in Exercise #4 in
section 2.2.4). Start talking about that topic out loud, and using the list above, see just how many of the
Embedded Commands and Linkage Phrases that you can use in your dialog. First, work on just saying them
and finding a way to bring them up. In some manner.
6)
Now do the same thing again, but now focus more on "leaning" a bit on the Linkage Phrases. Maybe slow
down slightly, pause, or change your voice, just enough to put emphasis on the Linkage Phrase.
This may seem strange and sound a bit "off". That's ok. Doing linking in an exercise like this is difficult and
hard to make it sound "natural". This will sound easier for you as we go on. As you hear more and more
examples of this throughout the course, this will come to you much more easily.
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2.2.6
D4-T1
Page 21
This
That
These
Those
Singular possessive
Singular non-possessive
Plural possessive
Plural non-possessive
Anything
Anything
Anything
Anything
Positive
Negative
Positive
Negative
You can learn to do this (to choose which of these words to use) in real-time through training!
'
3) Earlier in the workbook, you have discussed a subject (and written a lot of text about it) that is important to
you. Write down (below) ten attributes, or "things about" that subject. For each of these attributes or things,
write a small sentence for each, using the correct versions of That, That, These, and those depending on
whether the item is positive or negative, or singular/plural.
Subject:
Attributes or "things about"
that subject.
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4) Talk out loud about that subject for a good 5-10 minutes, and use as many of the sentences (above) as you
can while talking.
5) Pick another subject, and once again, list ten attributes or things about that subject, and then write a small
sentence for each, using the appropriate form of This, That, These, and Those.
Subject:
Attributes or "things about"
that subject.
6) Talk out loud about the subject mentioned above for a good 5-10 minutes, and use as many of the sentences
(above) as you can while talking.
2.3
MORE TOOLS
D4-T12
Now we are getting into a different area, beyond the small bits and pieces of language. Great speakers use
movement to their advantage, and their movement becomes a part of their communication. These sections help to
train you in these types of techniques.
Anchoring
D4-T13
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D4-T14
Good speakers use their hands, and some gestures, to help make their point. Most guys are too boring and too
reserved when talking, so these techniques discussed here will help.
How to
do this:
Get your hands out of your pockets, and way from your sides.
Don't flail about wildly.
Move!
We will start by generating SOME movement, and then we can work on deliberate movement such as
Pointing towards and away from things
Towards yourself and away from yourself
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4) Talk out loud about that subject for a good 5-10 minutes, and use as many of the sentences (above) as you
can while talking.
5) Pick another subject, and once again, list ten attributes or things about that subject, and then write a small
sentence for each, using the appropriate form of This, That, These, and Those.
Subject:
Attributes or "things about"
that subject.
6) Talk out loud about the subject mentioned above for a good 5-10 minutes, and use as many of the sentences
(above) as you can while talking.
2.3
MORE TOOLS
D4-T12
Now we are getting into a different area, beyond the small bits and pieces of language. Great speakers use
movement to their advantage, and their movement becomes a part of their communication. These sections help to
train you in these types of techniques.
Anchoring
D4-T13
Page 23
2.3.2
D4-T22
This is a fast and easy way to link positive states to you, and to send negative things "away" from yourself. This
technique allows you to do this many many times, very easily.
Bring Positive things toward yourself, and send Negative things away
You can point towards or away from yourself, or
You can place your hand on your chest or abdomen in a subtle manner (to link things to you) ...
Or hold your hand away from yourself (to send things "away")
How to use it
Good to do in the context of being a person that already MOVES when talking!
Make this subtle, no need to WILDLY gesture!
You can do this many many times, and the repetition works for you!
Can do in various contexts; many people move when talking
This technique is most powerful when used at a time when emotions and/or imagination are engaged in the
conversation.
3) Remember the text we used in an earlier example here in the workbook? Read that out loud, and every time
something positive is being talked about, point towards yourself and when anything negative is mentioned,
point away.
Do your best to re-enact that discussion, say what you said, etc, but this time when you are speaking of
anything good or positive, gesture towards yourself or place your hand(s) on yourself. Conversely, when
anything negative is mentioned, motion away or place your hands/arms away. Do this out loud, and MOVE.
2) With these three subjects in mind, make a note to go ahead and use these Linking Gestures to some extent
the next time you talk about them. Start subtle, start with a few, it will become easier and easier.
2.3.3
Easy Linking Expanded (Pointing With This, That, These, Those ...)
D4-T30
Use the pointing/gestures on Positive and Negative things (point towards and away).
Use "This, That, These, Those" correctly
Combine these and use them at the same time!
When you say This or These, points towards yourself. When you say These or Those, point away. This is veryeasy to do over and over for that repetitive effect, but you don't have to do it every time! That will seem strange!
Page 26
2.3.4
D4-T35
Let's look at anchoring in light of the 80/20 rule (where 80% of the results come from 20% of the effort). Can we
apply this to anchoring? Yes!
We need a way to do some basic anchoring that is very simple, and able to be done many many times.
It may be good to anchor feelings, specific states, and thoughts to you but in a general sense, it's very useful to Anchor anything and everything positive to you!
In some ways, we are doing that already by pointing "towards" on positive things and "away" on negative things
using Linking. But to get even more effectiveness when anything positive happens, or when the person you are
talking to goes into a Positive state, touch them!
This "Easy Anchoring" works in any context:
they laugh, touch them
they smile, touch them
they seem to go into a pleasant state, touch them
This is best done in a "moment" with some emotion, a laugh, a realization, an expression, etc. The more that
"emotions" are being accessed, the more effective it tends to be.
Do this in a way that maybe makes it seem like you are doing it for emphasis, but actually, you are anchoring
them in a subtle way.
This is more easily done if you are standing at the side or at an angle. If you are head-on directly in front of a
person, it's more difficult. Also, it's good to be close enough (within arms-length) so that the "touch" is easy to
do.
Page 27
You probably do this already in certain situations, without really thinking about it, such as...
Think about when you greet a friend, maybe pat on the back.
Think about when you meet and are introduced to someone, but yet have some degree of rapport already
(maybe this is a friend-of-a-friend, maybe someone who you have heard about). What do you do? You
shake their hand, but in many cases, you grab their upper arm as well.
When joking with someone, you just touch his or her upper arm or upper back.
This is the same type of thing, but a bit more "deliberate".
'"
2) Recall those 5 times, vividly. See if you can recall how it was, and note to yourself the correlation between
how long the touch lasted and the level of rapport. Also note the degree of eye contact.
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At first, maybe you don't touch them, but as you notice these moments, think "I could have touched them
THEN". You are noticing this after-the-fact.
3) Now that you have started to notice these "moments" where a touch would be appropriate, we want you to
actually DO IT! So, see if you can have at least 5 instances of knowing, in-the-moment, that a touch is
appropriate. Then, when you have the chance, DO IT!
2.4
REVIEW
D4-T46
We are well on our way, and you have already learned a LOT of the detailed speaking, language, and movement
skills that will be used later in the course.
SPEAKING POINTERS
o The "Cool" Factor
You don't have to be cold, to be cool
o Voice Tone And Tonality
Nose, Mouth, Chest
o Pacing And Pausing
Slow, Fast
Pause
o Energy And Enthusiasm
Passionate or Boring?
LANGUAGE TOOLS AND DETAILS
o Adjectives And Adverbs
Be descriptive
o Trance Words
Instantaneously, Suddenly, Find Yourself
o Weasel Phrases
If I were to ..
o Embedded Commands
Can you do this now...
o Linking
" with me...
o Easy-Linking
This, That, These, Those
MORE TOOLS
o Pointing And Gestures
Move! Point!
o Linking Gestures
Towards And Away
o Easy Linking Expanded
Pointing With This, That, These, Those
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Easy Anchoring
Point Or Touch On Positive And Negative
With these parts behind you, we will move onwards to work on Language Structures, and later to Conversational
Management techniques.
Page 30
3.0
D5-T1
We have been working on bits and pieces of language, the sort of things that you need to get
used to doing automatically, all of the time. These were tactical details, things that you should
not even have to really "think about", but will hopefully at some point, be able to just "do".
Now we are moving "up" a level, into higher-level stuff, or "bigger chucks" as we say.
These techniques give you ways to use and arrive at languaging in a manner that will make you more persuasive,
and more influential in general.
3.1
D5-T2
Trying to knock or jar someone into a different direction or way of thinking can be risky. You MAY be
able to do that, but you can break rapport in the process.
Changing Topics and Subjects - Can you just abruptly jerk a conversation towards where you want it to
go? Maybe, however you can break rapport.
Changing the Viewpoint or Frame if Mind - Can you just knock someone into agreeing with you? Can
you be that bold? Yes, but you need a lot of power to do it and you risk breaking rapport.
Pace and Lead allows us to "join" someone, move with them conversationally for a while, and then take them in
some direction.
Challenges
Can't you just bluntly offer a different view? Yes, but you must do so powerfully and do NOT look for
"acceptance". The minute you do anything like that to get someone else's "approval", or to try to
"impress" them, you are lost.
Agree or not agree? - Some people misunderstand and think that to "Pace" means to "agree". It can
mean this, but agreeing is just a special case. To "Pace" means to just BE a part of the conversation. You
might disagree, you might bring up a new way of looking at it, you might make comments (some that
agree and some that may not) but the key is that you are "Taking part in" the conversation and topics at
hand.
Don't argue! - Some people try to display higher knowledge or value by "arguing", telling someone they
are wrong, incorrect, etc. You almost NEVER impress people that way! To pace/lead well, acknowledge
what the other person is saying, then and give them another way of looking at it.
For example, say things such as...
o That's one way to see it
o I understand your point
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o
o
That's interesting
I see what you are saying, I also think you can see ....
3.1.1
D5-T9
Here are some examples of ways to do these steps with example wording for each. The point here is not to
memorize these "lines", but to really get a sense of being IN the conversation, showing that you are a part of it,
and then moving things forward in some manner.
Let them know you are listening and understand (using wording such as shown below...)
Yes, I see
That's interesting
I get it
Hmmmmm ...
Ok ...
Alright...
Maybe
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The Formula for Pacing and Leading is ... acknowledge and then start to shift things ...
Maybe you want to shift things more and/or bring up another issue or viewpoint entirely (or maybe you actually
disagree)
That's one way of looking at it, however I think ...
Yes, I understand, I have also heard ...
Ok, that makes sense, another way of thinking about it is ..
Alright, but on the other hand...
Some general methods you can use to introduce the "leading" aspect, you can talk about...
What you know, believe, understand
What a friend or colleague has said
What you heard
What you read
etc.
3.1.2
D5-T12
Lets say you find some people talking about a topic. Do you walk up, interrupt, and start an entirely new topic?
No. (Well, you can, but that takes a lot of power and has a lot of risk.)
A better way is to enter the conversation, talk about it (Pace), and then move the conversation into areas that you
want it to go (Lead).
Examples:
You are in a conversation and the topic is cars. People are talking about prices, loans, etc. You
acknowledge what is being said, contribute to that conversation (pace), and then start to bring in the idea
of how a car handles, how it feels, and how exciting it is to drive certain cars (lead).
People are discussing clothes, various brands, types, etc. You talk about that with them (pace) for a while,
and then start to bring up the idea of how clothes make you feel, how you feel differently when wearing
different things ... etc (lead)
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Subjects we discuss
2) The next times these conversations happen, make a point to "Show agreement, understanding, and/or
interest" (Pace). Then "Then start to move things" (Lead) in your own way,
Do this by introducing a different aspect of that topic, or a related topic/subject.
Don't make this shift or change really abrupt or different, just make a point to sort of "direct" where things
move, even if that direction is close to where it was going anyway. Just make sure YOU are the one that
moves it. Note the text and examples given earlier as a way to do that.
3) Once you can do the above, now make a point to have your "Lead" incorporate a real change of some type.
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Normally, even without your input, the conversation tends to go in a certain way. The earlier exercise had you
just keep thing moving in that same direction. Now you are to "take" the conversation somewhere else
towards a different or related topic. Just introduce a new aspect of the topic, a different thing, a different
direction, so that you are really "leading" where things go.
Remember the language that you were shown earlier. Use languaging like...
You know what ELSE is interesting
You know what * l * have found (seen, felt)
Another way of doing this would be ..
You know what ELSE can happen ... is ...
3.1.3
D5-T20
You can change the way people look at things, their mindset, and their "frame of mind".
For example, imagine you are having a discussion and people are talking in a certain "frame of mind" (not
directly, it's just their way of seeing things). The point here is to acknowledge that frame, and then introduce
another way of seeing things, another "frame", or another "mindset".
What is
Looking at the formula for Pace and Lead, you apply that by first acknowledging the current Frame, and then start
to lead by bringing up another way of thinking about it and/or looking at it. You bring a new "frame" into the
discussion. (This is a way of shifting that way people LOOK at things, the significance that it has, or their mindset
regarding certain topics or behaviours).
In the earlier example of Pacing and Leading of Topics and Subjects, we were talking just about a thing, a topic,
or subject. Now we are talking about a feeling, or the way things are "seen" or what they "mean".
For example, people may be talking about:
Taking risks
Feeling good or bad
Having a good day or a bad day
Making choices
What an event "meant" to them
How someone else actions affected them
How a decision affected them.
There is a "frame" (of mind) behind each of these discussions and with proper technique, that frame and mindset
may be changed. Look back at the "Methods" section earlier for some details and examples of how to introduce
this pacing and leading (there are some lists of languaging examples provided).
Examples:
You enter a conversation where people are talking about risks, Risks at work, risks in finances, risks in
life. You Pace by discussing this for a while. The frame or mindset here is that risks are bad, dangerous,
Page 35
have consequences, etc. Then you start to lead by bringing up the idea that some risks are fun and
interesting.... some risks have good rewards, some risks make you feel alive, etc. (Risk was framed as
dangerous, now its being framed as exciting).
Another conversation has a woman talking about what she looks for in men; she talks about what their
professions are, and what "kind" of man she likes (height, weight, etc). The frame here is that she has her
"standards" and that this is good for her. You agree on some level (pace) and chat about that, then start to
move into talking about how men do this as well; some men will just "write off a woman that is a certain
size, who is like 5 lbs overweight, or may be perfect but with the wrong hair color (lead). The frame you
are bring up is how superficial it is to judge based on numbers and details, and how anyone of quality ...
looks for more. (You are shifting her frame so that she may start to look at different things in men, and
you are working to change the way she screens out guys.)
Topic?
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etc.
Write down these subjects, and the frame associated with each.
With whom?
Subject/Topic?
Page 37
3.1.4
D5-T29
If you look at the languaging used in things like hypnosis, or used by very powerful speakers, these techniques are
used a LOT.
What is done here is that you Pace based on something that is obvious (obvious in their "current reality"), and
then use that to lead someone somewhere. This is a small-chunk detail and technique, but it can work well and
adds to the power of the languaging.
The general way to approach this is:
Start by pacing something that is obvious about their current reality ... (for example, using words such as)
o As you are ...
o As you feel...
o As you see ....
o As you realize ...
o While you are ...
o While you see ...
o While you think ..
o While you are ...
o After you have ...
o etc.
Continue to Pace by maybe stating an obvious point about their current reality
o seeing XYZ
o feeling XYZ
o thinking about XYZ
o etc.
and/or express what is on their mind, "Pace" their mindset....
o You are probably wondering
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Examples:
As you are listening to this program ...
You are talking to someone at work ... "as you are watching this presentation ... then you are probably
wondering ..."
Physical demos use this a lot. "As you feel this, you will begin to notice this ....", and "As that feeling
builds...."
You will hear a LOT of this in this course (which is part of your re-programming!)
Warning - Pacing Reality too much can seem arrogant. If you spend too much time saying things similar to "I
know what you are thinking", it starts to become annoying to the listener.
3.2
D5-T32
Page 39
Don't worry about "losing your power" or being too "nice", you don't need to be concerned about these things.
You are not being apologetic or anything, just providing a reason.
Examples:
You walk up to a copier at work and there are three people in line. If you just say, "Is it ok if I make
copies next", then it may be difficult to get people to agree. However, if you say "Is it ok if I make copies
next, because I am really in a hurry" then, remarkably, the addition of this small "reason" will make
people much more agreeable and apt to let you do what you would like.
You are talking to someone and you would like to pull her aside and make the conversation more private.
If you say, "hey, lets move over there", they may go with you. However, if you say "Let's move over
there because it's more quiet" you will be amazed at how much more agreeable the person may be.
This technique does not provide a 100% guarantee; it just helps to make people more agreeable (and there are
statistics to support that as well).
2) Practice out loud how you might "ask" for that favor or make that request again, but put in a reason of some
type.
3) Go through the same list again, and out loud, come up with another reason.
Page 40
2) Practice out loud some "reasons" that you could give in these situations.
3) The next times these situations come up in your day-to-day life, go ahead and mention the "reason". See if
you can make it automatic, and flow easily.
3.3
LISTING
D6-T1
General Listing
D6-T4
2) Now practice out loud by saying something like "Isn't it interesting how you can meet people and it happens in
different ways? I mean sometimes ...X and then other times ... Y, and still, sometimes ... Z (selecting your
items listed above). Do that out loud.
Now try again by expounding on each of the items, so that you don't just say "X, Y, Z", but instead you talk
' about each for a few moments. Mention the first item, talk about it for a sentence or two, then the second, etc.
3) Pick an example of an activity that you do often. Something you are interested in, maybe watching sports,
doing some type of work, playing a game, partying, etc.
Select a particular aspect of that activity. Pick three ways that can go ... make them brief. Write them down.
Activity that you like or do often
List a particular part of aspect of that activity
"
4) Now describe "What its like to do your activity ..." and mention those three different ways, as a list.
5) Think of three recent conversations you have had with people where you were making a point, maybe trying
to convince someone of something (NOT an argument-just that you were making a point and would like to
be more persuasive).
For each conversation, write down who it was with, what point you were trying to make, and maybe 3 different
things that support your "point".
a. Who you were talking to
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6) Recall a specific moment in each conversation. Now practice, out loud, how you could bring up these three
points in a list-like manner. Do that for each of the three examples above.
3.3.2
D6-T15
If several items are mentioned in a list (for example a car, a table, and an elephant) what tends to "stick" in your
mind? (The Elephant!) The last item!
By hanging an item at the end of a list, it sticks in the listener's head more, and tends to make THAT point the
most important one.
In the earlier Listing examples, we were talking about three points in a list that all were similar. You weren't
trying to emphasize one point vs. the other; you were just listing several things in a list. However, at times you
want to use listing as a way to highlight or focus upon one item. Placing that particular item at the end of a list can
have that effect.
Maybe you want your list to contain many options, or different types of alternatives (to a thought, activity,
suggestion, etc) By doing that, it makes it seem as if you are being fair, and just providing a series of options.
However, by placing YOUR preferred item at the end, you put more emphasis on it.
Here is a way to think about it. Maybe you want to list several options or examples. Normally, the one that
comes to mind the easiest is the one that YOU want someone to agree with. Therefore, it's easy to think of that
Page 43
one. Say that one LAST and bring up two other options, examples, or instances FIRST, and then finish with
YOUR preferred item.
Again, this is one of those subtle but very powerful things that many persuasive speakers do a LOT.
Examples
Fun activity. In general, lets say you are talking about doing some activity.
o It could suck, it could be boring, or it could really be fun.
Now those are different ways of seeing it. They are not all the same, but by placing "it could be fun" last,
you put more emphasis on it and it tends to make that one "stick" more.
This course,
o May be frustrating to you, maybe it's boring, or maybe you are really seeing the power of all of
this!
I think you can tell which option I was going for!
Meeting People, Again let's bring up this example of "meeting people".
o You know what it's like when you meet someone ... Sometimes there is nothing special, those
people doesn't mean much either way ...
o Other times you get that sort of a "friend" vibe with that person, you know ... they are nice,
interesting, etc ...
o And other times ... you meet someone, and there is just something about this person.. I mean, you
just really click and you feel this connection ... you know?
See how I did that? See how the item which I really wanted them to think about.. was said that at the
end? By the way, did you notice the use of the words this/that/these/those? Also where do you think I
might have been pointing and gesturing during those examples?
Job interview
o Have you talked to many candidates? Yes, I know, I have had to do that myself at times. It's
interesting though, how they can almost become a blur, one after another. When I have
interviewed a lot of people, they sort of fell into several groups
o There are some people that, right away, you know that those people are NOT qualified (1)
o Others you maybe have thought were ok at first, but you spend some time with that person (2)
and the more that person talks, the more convinced you are that that person is NOT the one!
o Hopefully though, you eventually find this person that on some level, you just know - that is
the one (3). It may be because you like the resume (a), or this person presents himself really well
(b), or they just have the right answers (c). It's just a matter of getting to this person...
See? Not only did I have a list of three (1,2, 3), and the third one "eventually find this person" was the
one I wanted to really "stick", but even when describing that person, I put another list within THAT
description (a, b, c)!
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2) Practice, out loud, mentioning all of these in a list. However, make sure that the one that YOU want to do, is
the item you mention LAST.
3) Do that again, but place some more emphasis on that last item. Maybe pause when saying it. Maybe add an
embedded command of some type. Maybe add a small "list" within that last item (because it's inexpensive,
close, and we always have fun ... etc.).
4) What is an example from your life (recently), where you are trying to convince people to do something, go
somewhere, buy some thing, agree to some point, etc.?
Write down what the "issue" is, and what the result is that YOU want.
Issue or Option
5) Now, out loud, talk about the issue, and bring up at least two other "options" BEFORE you mention the one
option that you want.
3.3.3
D6-T24
When using a List, placing something at the end can add to its power and make it stand out. At times however, it
can be TOO obvious, and seem too direct.
Maybe you want to suggest something very direct or quite controversial and you do NOT want to give it too much
prominence, and therefore you do NOT want it to stick out too much. In that case, it makes sense to "bury" that
item in the middle of a list.
Here is a way to think about it. You want to mention or suggest something that is quite strong, maybe
controversial. You may want to "test" to see how the person will react to it. Go ahead and suggest that item, but
bury it inside a list.
Examples:
Sales - Let say you arc trying to get someone to buy something, and they are haggling or objecting a bit.
If you say
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"Well, its your choice, maybe you aren't ready to buy this now, or possibly you still want to
negotiate... or maybe you want it so much, that you will just seize this chance and get it while
you can!
That sounds almost TOO forceful. The idea of " seize this chance and get it while you can" is something
rather challenging to say (as the seller) that directly, and when you say it at the end like that, it seems too
obvious.
But if you switch the order, it seems a bit easier for you to say it...
o "well, it's your choice, maybe you aren't ready to buy this now, maybe you seize this chance and
get it while you can ... or possibly you just still want to negotiate ..."
Doesn't that sound better?
Meeting at a Party - Lets say you have met a women at a party, and you are talking about you two
getting together sometime, and maybe there is a possibility of you even spending that night together. So
maybe you say something like
o "Well, we can talk in a few days, we can leave together right now, or maybe I'll call you
tomorrow".
See? Putting that one, more powerful and direct statement in the middle, seems to "lighten" it up
somehow. It also allows you a chance to watch the persons reaction to it. If she gasps and has a look of
shock and horror when you make that suggestion, maybe it IS too direct. But of she smiles and seems
interested, that may be a GOOD sign.
Instead of thinking about it in terms of a list, lets say that you want to say something or suggest something that is
very direct. Very direct. Sometimes you have that "direct" item in mind and you surround it with other, more
"appropriate" items to lighten it up.
This is also a good way of testing someone's response. Lets say your idea is so controversial and over-the-top,
that you are almost "worried" about how the listener may react.
For example, lets say you are working on a project and things are behind schedule. There are several options but,
honestly, one of them is to just slip the deadline. However, just suggesting, "let's slip the deadline" might be a
problem in some circles! So when people are talking about options to help the project, you don't just say "we can
slip the deadline". Instead, bury it inside a list.
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4) For each of those examples (above) go ahead and practice out loud, suggesting a List of options but burying
that outrageous option in a list. See if you can make it sound natural, you may even want to say it in a joking
way, but see if you CAN say it.
2) In the near future, as any opportunities come up where you would like to make an outrageous or quite direct
suggestion, go ahead and do so, but do it by burying it in a list.
Listing can be powerful, but as with any technique, if you do it TOO much or too blatantly, it can stand out too
much and be annoying.
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3.3.4
D6-T36
You may be worried about coming up with three things in a list - How do you think of them quickly? How do you
make them sound natural?
Don't worry! It is ok to have pauses!
Pauses make things sound more natural and gives you time to come up with options! We talked about the use of
pauses as a way to convey some drama and to make things interesting, to "pull" the listener in, so this all works in
your favor! Just be interesting enough to keep their attention, and they WILL stay through the pauses!
As you are saying various items in a list, remember to use emphasis and change your voice tone with the items.
Maybe you want to stress one item more or less. Maybe one or more of the items actually has an embedded
command in it. Using pauses, emphasis, changing tone, etc. can help to alter how the options (and you) are
perceived.
3.3.5
Listing Review
D6-T37
If you want to get your point across, and provide many examples to support it, then mention several of your points
or examples that support what YOU want, in a List.
If you must suggest several different examples or options, but have ONE that YOU really want to emphasize or
get people to agree to, place that item at the END of the List for more power. Or, if it's a VERY outrageous
option, then present it buried within a List of options.
3.4
D6-T38
You have heard language like "The more X, then the more Y, and the more Y, the more Z". I gave an example (in
the audio) of several things I wanted someone to do, think, or experience, and I just strung those together .
Lets use this as a chance to really step back for a moment and look at this structure, and see how, really, this is
just a way of bringing together many of the things we have learned.
So, thinking about languaging such as "The more X, then the more Y, etc", consider this:
We talked about listing ...
o See how we are listing several items?
We discuss Pace and Lead ...
o See how that is being used here?
We have discuss language details ....
o See how they are incorporated, as in ... "the more YOU FEEL this ..."
"More and More" is just a way to use these and bring them together. In a way, we are pacing and leading, and
using lists, while incorporating the language tools we have already discussed.
In a way, you are walking someone through a series of steps or thoughts.
The general structure here is:
The more X
o where X is something that is hopefully quite obvious and true to the listener
... then, the more Y
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o Where Y is something that is a logical extension of what the listener knows and they see this as
something that makes sense
... and as Y happens
o or as you sense Y, or realize Y, or as Y is happening
... then, the more Z.
That's a general version of it. The small words and verb tenses (past, present, future) can be altered to make it fit
well. You can even start by "pacing" a bit more, with "as X is happening", or "as you notice X", which is more of
an example of using Pace and Lead of their current reality.
Examples
Convincing friends to go do something that you want to do.
o You can start off with something obvious as a statement to kind of pace them, and then use More
and More to lead them forward ...
Sell TV sets...
o walk someone through though process ...
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3) Now out loud, practice saying those in series, using "More". You may start with "As you" or "while you" for the
first one. Do the series several times, as if in a conversation.
4) Think of another series from your life; something you convince people to do (or wish you could), or something
you want to lead people to do somehow, or have them experience; something with which you are familiar.
(Agree where to go to dinner, what to do, what to buy, what project to work on, who should do what, etc.)
Write down three steps, or series of thoughts or actions, that would "walk" the other people through the
process of agreeing with you. The first should be obvious, the second, more leading, etc ....
What do you want to convince someone to do
Three steps, to get towards doing what you want.
5) Out loud, practice saying those three steps, and bridging between them as we discussed earlier (More, as
you, while you, etc.)
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You will see that the more you get these bits and pieces, the more you will understand how they fit together. The
more that happens, the more things like "knowing what to say" and "what pattern to use" will become easier and
easier for you!
Notice how we are not doing these examples necessarily with women? Wonder why?
3.5
D6-T54
Take a subject and either mention another aspect of that subject, or else have the person you are speaking
with mention it.
So, you have two (or more) aspects of a topic, and you discuss these two aspects using Compare and
Contrast.
There are various means of doing this, you can talk about...
How two things are similar
How two things are different
Good - Bad
One option - another option
Black - White
Right - Left
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As you are talking, you can use all of the other tools we have discussed.
Notice what is liked and not liked
Notice any reactions, good or bad.
Link anything good to you.
Anything bad, link away.
Use opportunities to use commands and trance words to create thoughts, feelings, states, that are good for
you.
As you are talking, you can take note of how the person is responding, what they like, what they do not, etc. This
all provides a good way to allow the discussion to continue for a while, and to let the person think about,
experience, and feel those states and emotions for a while as well.
Examples
One brand of car vs. another brand, you can talk about one car, and discuss whether the handling
makes it better, or its power. Then discuss the other car, and talk about its attributes as well.
Maybe what is more important to a sports team, the offense or the defense, or individual sports vs.
team sports. You discuss this, compare, and contrast these things.
Decisions about a career or job, deciding to focus on making a good living now, vs. taking a position
with a more promising future.
You may talk to a woman, and you start to talk about something she likes and enjoys doing.
o Maybe you start to ask her about it (have a discussion with her - about her) and she mentions
various things about that subject.
o You select two items, two facets of that subject, and start to compare and contrast the two. What
is different about each? How are they the same? How are they experienced? What is good? What
is bad? etc.
o While talking about what she does like, you can anchor and link positive things to you!
o While talking about things she does not like, you can anchor those away from yourself; associate
them with things other than you, her, this meeting, and this situation that you are sharing.
You talk to someone for a while and she say she likes scuba diving.
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Maybe you ask about it, she mentions various things about it. She says she likes the aspect of it
being very quiet and serene under water. Also, she finds the experience of seeing new and
different things to be interesting as well.
o So we talk about the feeling of quiet, peace, and serenity on one hand
o and compare and contrast that to the feeling of something new and different on the other.
Familiarity vs. Something New
Control vs. Letting Go
Safety and Excitement
Liking someone mentally and/or physically
Do the re-enactment again, and this time, be very aware of the positive and negative things that are being
said, and put effort into correct linking/anchoring/pointing to associate positive things to you, and negative
things ... somewhere else.
4) Select two of the following 4 topics...
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PARTS
D7-T1
Parts Of A Subject
D7-T4
This is a variation on the contrast principle, this just helps to keep things moving in a conversation. Too many
guys just blow things to quickly, and say (for example) "what do you like most about scuba diving" or "what is
the most fascinating thing about..." and that's ALL they talk about!
Yes, it is GOOD to focus on the positive aspects of what she likes, but when you go STRAIGHT for the BEST
thing that she likes the MOST, and that's ALL you discuss, it's too weak, and you lose out on spending a LOT of
time having them discuss something that she REALLY likes!
This is just a way to have a discussion. If you are talking about an interesting subject, theme, topic, etc. that is
fun, exciting, etc. then talk about all of the various aspects and parts of it.
Parts, Some are good, some are bad
Talk about the good parts, link them to you
If the bad or boring parts some up, link away
Now this may seem tough - Who wants to talk about something that you are NOT interested in? However, this
provides a good way to train you to be able to talk and ask questions of people, and get them to talk about what
THEY are interested in. Who knows, you may end up liking the subject and find a new activity for yourself!
Don't worry that you will "give the wrong impression" by inquiring and discussing these "parts". Meaning, if you
are asking many questions about something that is NOT of interest to you, this doesn't necessarily show that you
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are interested in it (the subject). You are just asking, just curious. If someone asks you about this, just say "I like
learning about people, new things, what people do, etc."
This technique makes it easier to have conversations with people because THEY are giving you information and
ideas for new things to ask about.
This is a great way to build rapport with a person as well.
Examples
Scuba Diving - Don't just "talk about" Scuba Diving! Or, don't just ask "What is the most exciting thing
about Scuba Diving?" That IS a good question, but if you start there, it's hard to talk about that subject
for a while. If she LIKES scuba diving, that an opportunity to talk for a WHILE about something she
likes, and enjoys, and she may have a lot of positive emotions and feeling associated with that - many of
which can be linked to you.
o Where have they dived?
o How did they get into it?
o What's their favorite place?
o Do they have their own equipment?
o Do they use different types of equipment for different locations?
o How long have they dived?
o Have they ever been in danger?
o Have they taken photos?
o Have they met interesting people?
o Has this exposed them to any other cool sports or activities?
o etc.
This isn't just a way for you to ask ask ask HER about things. Subjects come up, topics come up,... be
comfortable talking about all of the parts of that subject.
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2) Think of one of your friends or family members and some activity or topic that THEY are really into. This
should be someone you know well, and you have heard him or her talk about this, but hopefully this "subject"
is something you are not really into.
Now, if you were going to talk to them for like 30 minutes about that subject and were really going to ask them
about it, what would you ask about? What are all of the various things and aspects of it that YOU could
inquire about or that could come up in a discussion? These are the "parts" of that subject.
Write these down. You should be able to come up with at least 10 items.
Person:
Subject:
Parts, or Things About,
That Subject:
3) Now think of someone who you are NOT close to (that you do not know that well). Someone that you recently
met, or maybe someone in your life that you don't know very well, like a co-worker, maybe a cousin you
hardly see or talk to, someone you met at a party, etc.
Now think of something that THAT person is interested in or they are involved with. Maybe their hobby,
passion, a job they like, etc. If you have trouble, maybe pick a different "person" as your subject.
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"
Subject:
Parts, or Things About,
That Subject:
4) Think of another person and subject, like the exercise above. You know the person but you are not real close
to them. The subject they are interested in is something with which you are NOT familiar.
Now, out loud, off the "top of your head", mention like 10-15 different things you could ask or inquire about
that subject.
Person:
Subject:
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3.6.2
Parts Of A Person
D7-T15
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Many times you don't want to say "because there is another part" because that seems too direct, too
confrontational, it may sound like you are arguing or challenging the person, so be careful.
Remember, you are NOT discussing this as to say, "you are wrong" or to show how smart you are! You
are just talking, having a conversation, etc.
You can work around this issue (of possible confrontation) by saying things like
o "I think another way of looking at that trait is ...
o "Well, I understand you have that side to you. People have many sides to themselves. This one
side .... etc etc etc. There are also other sides to people ...
o "A friend of mine does that as well, and what I noticed about her is that she also has this other
side to her...
o "I have a friend who was "X" (where X is the trait being discussed), and she realized that she,
deep down, was also "Y".
o "I was reading somewhere about things like that and what it was saying was. ..."
Examples:
Lets say that a person says they are not into taking challenges; they like to play things safe. Well, that
may be true but also there is another part of them ...
Maybe someone says they can be jealous...
Maybe someone is secretive...
Maybe someone lies ... (not good in a person, but it can be handled ...)
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Of those that you listed, which could you maybe "use" in a good way?
2) Think about how you would discuss the boring part, and then bring up this other "part" that you selected. Look
at the formula earlier, and some of the variations mentioned for language examples. Imagine a conversation
and how you might do this. Practice this out loud.
3) What if someone says that they are shy?
What personality traits (or what other parts or ways of thinking) are similar? Which are somewhat opposite?
Write down 3 that are similar, and 3 that are opposite.
Traits similar to "Being Shy"
Of those that you listed, which could you maybe "use" in a good way?
4) Think about how you would discuss that shy part, and then bring up this other "part" that you selected. Look at
the formula earlier, and some of the variations mentioned for language examples. Imagine a conversation and
how you might do this. Practice this out loud.
5) From the list you just made (and selected from), pick another part or trait. Now do a similar exercise again out
loud, but this time, be aware of opportunities to maybe mark off an embedded command or two (or more),
maybe do some linking an anchoring, use this/that/these/those ... etc.
6) Lets say someone says "I am not into meeting any new people right now" ... What personality traits (or what
other parts, or ways of thinking) are similar? Which are somewhat opposite? Think about 1-2 that you could
use.
Traits similar to "not into meeting any new people"
Practice out loud how you might first discuss "I am not into meeting any new people right now" and then
transition into the other parts or traits that you selected.
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Conversation with
2) After you have become more comfortable noticing such traits after-the-fact, see if you can notice them WHILE
talking to someone. You don't have to discuss them (yet) just make a point to note these traits, or parts,
WHILE talking to someone.
3) Now that you can recognize these traits when talking to someone, start to bring them up IN the conversation.
Use the formula and the variations mentioned earlier. Just notice the trait or part being mentioned,
acknowledge it, and then point out some other trait or part that might work in your favor somehow.
An easy way to do this is when a friend or acquaintance is being self-deprecating in some manner, or putting
him or herself down for some reason. See if you can note that "part" of who they are, and then find a way to
discuss another part that is more favorable or positive.
3.7
D7-T34
Listen to an example where I structure opportunities, and offer challenges to you on the audio.
You have probably heard the phrase "structure opportunities, and offer challenges" many times when studying
these materials. This area has caused some confusion, and has been a bit difficult for many to really understand
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and utilize. In this section, these concepts are broken down and offered to you in a way that will truly help you to
be able to use these powerful techniques.
Why this matters.
Show that you have standards, and that you believe in yourself.
Show that you are qualifying and screening to some extent.
o This is the opposite of pleading and the "pedestal" scenario.
o You are saying in a way, "You may be beautiful, but I am looking for more."
This is NOT about arrogance; you are just showing that YOU have standards.
3.7.1
D7-T36
If you know what people want to have, or want to be perceived as having, then by using their existing desires, you
are using processes that they ALREADY have in their minds.
For example if someone is intelligent, and wants to be seen as intelligent, then they already have mechanisms for
that in their mind. You then find some way to set things up so that choosing to listen to you, or be with you, is a
way for them to show their intelligence.
It's good to somehow work with structures and things that are already in someone's mind. If you can somehow
frame or map yourself as being a way for a person to fulfill things that someone already wants, this can be very
effective.
You are in, effect, using motivations that a person already has.
3.7.2
D7-T38
"Universal Wants" = Good. Work with universal things that people would like to have, or like to be perceived as
having.
Use these general things and assume they are there.
It's easy, but may not be the most effective strategy.
These are also good and convenient for practicing and examples.
Universal Wants
Confidence
Maturity
Security
Self-Directed
Intelligence
Control
Excitement
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Notice
o
o
o
3.7.3
particular things that this individual would like to have or be perceived as having
She mentions wanting respect
She defends her position, and discusses what is important to her
She mentions something she likes or dislikes about a past boyfriend, etc
Mini-Challenges
D7-T40
There are certain things you can assume that most people may want to have, or want to be perceived as having.
You can imply a "test" for these things by issuing a mini-challenge. You are challenging an ASSUMED desire (a
"Universal Want"), and challenging them in a way that says, "you can show me that you have the thing you
desire, by listening to me or agreeing with me".
Mini-Challenges
o You might get this ...
o You seem smart enough ...
o You seem cool enough ...
o You seem like you may have good taste
o etc.
We assume here that with a mini-challenge, we are using one of these sort of "universal" wants, but if you can
find or work with specific wants or desires, that's even better.
Warning - This technique can be overused, and it can really annoy people if you do!
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3.7.4
D7-T43
Confidence
Maturity
Security
Self-Directed
Intelligence
Control
Excitement
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You need to create an "opportunity" for each of these, where this opportunity benefits you (and hopefully
pertains to the situation).
Examples...
Confidence - How can you create an opportunity for someone to appear confident (that works in your
favor)?
o Discuss people that YOU know, and how the confident ones are able to take chances and have
fun.
o Talk about how confident people can make their own choices, on their own, even if their friends
don't approve.
o Mention how confident people can meet someone new, and feel very comfortable with that.
o Let the person demonstrate how confident they are, by meeting this "challenge".
Maturity - Think about maturity ... what does a mature person do? How are they seen? How do they
react?
o They make their own decisions
o They trust their own judgment
o They can decide to do something NOW.
o They can go against the grain.
o They can do exciting things.
o ... Talk about those things, talk about DOING them, and/or HAVING them.
Provide a way to demonstrate that they DO have what they want, or want to be seen as having Structure this so
that it is something that YOU would like them to do.
Provide an example of someone, or some way for this person to capture the opportunity
Provide an example of something she can say or do...
Provide an example from your own life.
Maybe point out something a friend did ...
Mention something that you have read.
How can you make that sound like a way for them to "show" something? How to create an opportunity?
Here is a way for you to show me that you really have or was able to get X.
Here is a way a friend of mine showed that they have or was able to get X.
Here is how I read/heard that someone else had or was able to get X.
Create the opportunity for them to show or demonstrate that they have or are perceived as having, something they
want.
Challenges
Are they ready to take advantage of that (this) opportunity?
Challenge them to get what they want, or show what they have.
Examples:
Does she really want X and see how Y can get that?
Does she really have X, and see how doing Y would demonstrate it?>
Does she have what it takes to get X, by doing Y?
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Does she want you to THINK she has X, then ... she may have to do Y to prove that..
Can she see an opportunity to have "X", and do Y to get it?
Can she do Y and make it happen?
Can she see that Y will get her what she wants?
Can she trust herself enough to do Y?
etc.
Security
o Say she wants to feel secure. You talk about a friend who has always wanted to feel secure, and
she found that by taking chances and risks, she actually felt more secure about being able to take
care of herself. Is she ready to take chances? Take risks? Do something different? Maybe not ...
Success
o Maybe "success" is important to her. You discuss success for a while, and mention that you read
somewhere that successful people tend to be able to trust their own judgment, their own intuition.
Later, you mention "We should get together sometime,.. I mean, as long as you trust yourself
enough to feel that is OK ..."
Adventurous
o Maybe she wants to feel adventurous. You talk about that for a while, what this means to her,
how she may be adventurous. Then at some point you talk about you and her getting together, and
say something like "well, I don't know if you are adventurous enough for this, but...".
I know this is tricky. It's different from the way most guys think. It's NOT about creating an argument!
Again,
Find out what someone wants.
Find a way to map what YOU want, to be a way for them to get what they want.
Challenge them to do that.
Exercises and Assignments for Opportunities and Challenges
1) Make a list of some assumed things that many people may want to have, or be perceived as having. These
are your "Assumed Wants".
Assumed Wants
2) Write a Mini Challenge for each if the above items. Some examples are shown below, there are others shown
earlier.
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3) Practice the list of Mini Challenges you just created, out loud
4) Make a note of some of the ones you practiced that seem closest to something you could easily say or do
with people in your life. Practice these more, and go out and actually USE them for a while.
Note some of your favorites ones below, and focus on using these.
5) Think about some people that you know quite well like family, friends, co-workers, etc.
For each person, write down something that each wants to have, or wants to be perceived as having.
Hopefully these are specific to them, quite unique, and NOT just things from the "assumed" list. Write down
these "Wants".
Person
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6) Consider the "want" that you identified from each of those persons above. Is there a way to create an
"opportunity" for them to get or achieve that? Can you somehow create an opportunity that can be "mapped"
in some way towards yourself, or that in some way could be interpreted, even subconsciously, as making
them look at you more positively, want to do what you wish, etc?
Give that some thought, and write them down. What is the opportunity, and how can you "map" it to yourself?
Write down these "Opportunities".
Person
7) For each "want", and "opportunity", see if you can create a "challenge". Some way that questions ... are they
ready? Can they take action? Can they DO this?
Write down these "Challenges".
Person
Challenge
8) Practice each of those "Challenges" out loud. See if you can make it sound natural.
Example - A friend wants to be really good at a sport, and they spend a LOT of time practicing. (You want that
friend to lighten up and be able to spend more time going out and having fun.) So you challenge their
dedication to their sport by saying "I was reading about really good athletes and one thing that was pointed
out was that a lot of them really can get burned out. The good athletes find a way to relax and have fun, and
that allows them to be better at their sport." The "opportunity" is for them to be a better athlete. You are
"mapping" it to you because by doing what you discuss, they will be doing something that YOU want.
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9) As you become more familiar with these practiced challenges and opportunities, see if you can bring them up
in conversations over the next few weeks.
10) While you are talking to people for the next 1-2 weeks, really focus on what each person desires. What do
they "want". Try to guess, but also ask some questions and get into a discussion about it if possible.
11) For the next 1-2 weeks, do the same in terms of observing desires, but now also start to look for
"opportunities and challenges" in a way that directs their desires towards you, to do things that you would
want. Do what you can to bring these up while in the conversation if you can.
3.8
AMBIGUITIES
D7-T64
If you have studied this material for a while, you no doubt have heard many examples of "ambiguities". These are
those words or phrases that can mean more than one thing. They may have one meaning in one context, but in
another context, they mean something different.
This is one area that many guys actually ARE able to pick up and use easily if they have listened to the materials
enough. Listen, listen, listen, listen, so that you have heard them SO MANY TIMES, that these become familiar.
Although there could be a section in this course that deals with these areas, given that this IS an area that many
guys are able to do (with enough listening) and given the many OTHER areas that really DO need the assistance
of a program like this, we will not be doing any specific work on Ambiguities.
3.9
SUMMARY
D7-T66
SPEAKING POINTERS
o The "Cool" Factor
o Voice Tone And Tonality
o Pacing And Pausing
o Energy And Enthusiasm
LANGUAGE TOOLS AND DETAILS
o Adjectives And Adverbs
o Trance Words
o Weasel Phrases
o Embedded Commands
o Linking
o Easy-Linking (This, That, These, Those)
MORE TOOLS
o Pointing And Gestures
o Linking Gestures (Towards And Away)
o Easy Linking Expanded (Pointing With This, That...)
o Easy Anchoring - Point Or Touch On Positive And Negative
LANGUAGE STRUCTURE AND TECHNIQUES
o Pace And Lead
" Topics and Subjects
* Mindset of Frame
Current Reality
o Give Them A Reason
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o
o
o
Listing
General
At the End
Burying Items
More And More
Compare And Contrast
Parts
Parts of a Subject
Parts of a Person
Opportunities And Challenges
Mini Challenges
Opportunities And Challenges
Ambiguities
These are the building blocks for good Language skills. These are the sorts of skills that are most workable when
they are truly "wired in" to someone, so that they are able to be used automatically.
To try to "remember" to do such things can be very difficult. That approach would make having a conversation
far too difficult and too much work!
The best way is to work with these techniques SO much that these truly are just a part of "how you talk". With
enough practice, and hearing these enough, you CAN have these become a part of how. YOU talk!
So listen, practice, do the exercises, do the assignments, and do that all again, until these really do become a part
of you, and a part of how you speak.
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4.0
CONVERSATIONAL MANAGEMENT
D8-T1
A key aspect of making these tools work is getting the conversation into topic areas that will
really work for you.
The language tools you studied earlier are best used in the proper context, and in this section, we will learn how to
get the conversation into areas that will create that context.
Have you had these problems?
You JUMP too quickly into a pattern or topic, and it sounds really strange?
You just THROW a pattern AT her, and get a weird reaction?
When you use these tools, or even use "patterns", it's not enough to just "say it", there has to be the correct
CONTEXT for what is said! It's a process that she needs to go on and through with you. It's not enough to just
find a conversational excuse to "throw" a pattern (or language tool) AT her!
This section is about finding ways to just get into an interesting conversation and then towards and onto good
topics. We want this to seem natural, and with some understanding, practice, and a few key strategies and tactics
it will BE natural and automatic!
4.1
CHALLENGES
4.1.1
-a
D8-T3
It's good to theorize to "say this", and then "say that", and then to use "this pattern", and "that pattern".
However, the problem is that a lot of time the proper context is not presented well enough.
The examples you may have seen in other products are just that, examples. The problem is that too many guys
have taken them literally! Guys try to do "X, Y, Z," exactly, in order, with no sense of calibration, or being able to
work and re-direct things in real time. Therefore, detailed tactical plans are not realistic.
4.1.2
Navigation Example
D8-T4
4.1.3
D8-T5
So we need a general set of guidelines, some overall strategies and tactics, so that you can have this good,
intuitive sense of how to "steer" things, and get conversations to where you want them to go. As long as you are
engaging a woman's emotions, capturing & leading her imagination, then you are moving in the right direction.
Then, in that situation and in that context, linking all the positive & powerful things to you becomes more
workable.
Instead of a map, we are giving you a "compass". We need a strategy for managing conversations that can to
do this gradually, in a way that seems natural! If it's too abrupt or makes the conversation strained, it will sound
weird.
The strategy must LEAD the conversation towards good topics and subjects in a way that seems natural, and is
not TOO abrupt.
Examples: (Listen to the audio.)
Talking about a printer
o Moving TOO quickly towards emotional topics
o Can sound strange
Driving a car and taking a turn (Analogy)
o Think of driving down freeway and needing to switch to different direction.
o You can't make a hard, right angle turn on a dime!
o You need to turn the car, slowly, on a ramp to go in a different direction.
When we control conversions, we need to find a way to take it gradually in a new direction. Many guys try to do
the hard and fast switch, and they crash in the process! We will learn to move things in a way that makes it seem
natural, but it will be deliberate.
4.1.4
D8-T10
It's important to get conversations into the right area and have HER go along with you. Not just "bring it up" (a
topic or pattern), but it must be natural and she must "go along" with it and be a PART of it. She must be actually
THINKING about what you are discussing!
It has to happen naturally. No weird jumps. It's not enough to just talk; she must BE a part of the conversation!
So, don't just "jump" to a topic. Don't find an "excuse" to bring it up. Take the conversation there, take her
WITH you, and have her be a part of it!
What really helps is to have a genuine interest (or at least curiosity) in her and the conversation, not just
thinking to yourself; "How can I use this?"
4.2
D8-T12
How does this really occur? We will break this down so that we have a way to really affect this process.
4.2.1
Conversational Dynamics
D8-T13
How do conversations happen? Most of them occur somewhat randomly as the conversation flows from topic to
topic over time, and can end up almost anywhere after a while. By the time YOU move from one topic to the next,
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you may end up in a very different place from where you began. However, there is a series of steps as things
move forward, as shown in Figure 4.2.1-1.
Each of these steps between topics tends to be related. Topic 1 relates to Topic 2. Topic 2 relates to Topic 3, etc.
For example, you can start to talk about Cars, and then move to one aspect of that topic, Car Seats. Then it's easy
to move to some aspect of that topic, which maybe something that seats are made of, like Leather. Then maybe
you talk about Leather Furniture, etc. (See Figure 4.2.1-2.)
After a series of such steps, you can be at a quite different topic (like an apartment that you used to live in) even
though you started at a quite different topic (Cars).
In most cases, it's very difficult to predict where a conversation will go after many of these steps. As you go
through a few topic shifts (as shown in the diagrams), although each individual shift relates to the topic before and
after that shift, after a series of shifts you can end up talking about almost anything!
Therefore, even if you start the conversation at a great topic, you can get off-track and into topics that will not
work in your favor.
Conversely, what is needed is a way to start at almost any topic at all, and by steering that process (of moving
from Topic 1, to Topic 2, Topic 3, etc) take the conversation into better and better topic areas that will serve your
purposes.
4.2.2
Conversational Model
D8-T14
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Cars
Topic 1
Topic 2 Candidates
Once the conversation moves to one of these eight topics, it's easy to move to one of eight more. For example if
in Figure 4.2.2-1, the conversation flows from "Cars" to "Where you bought it" (as in, where you bought the car),
then now we have a situation like that shown in Figure 4.2.2-2.
Cars
Topic 1
Topic 2
Now from the topic of "Where you bought it" (a car), there are easily eight places that you can go from there,
shown as the "Topic 3 candidates". This process continues throughout a conversation.
This process happens regardless of the specific topics being discussed. Conversations flow from topic to topic, as
shown in a general manner in Figure 4.2.2-3.
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Topic 1
Topic 2
Topic 3
Topic 4
In many ways, the Figures that have been shown so far only show a small portion of the total topics towards
which a conversation can flow. In general, since it's so easy to go from any topic to 6-8 others, you can have up to
eight different ways to go at EACH step, and at each step after that. When this happens in succession, you can end
up with the conversation going almost anywhere!
Figure 4.2.2-4 shows what happens when all the topics are considered. If Topic 1 can lead to eight different
candidates for Topic 2, then EACH of the eight different candidates for Topic 2 can then lead to their own eight,
an so on. This results in easily over 500 topics that could be selected by the time we arrive at Topic 4! In only
three shifts of the topic ("topic shifts" as shown in the figure) we end up with many many possibilities of where
the conversation might end up.
Do you see why the pre-planned approaches can be difficult?! Even if you ARE able to have the conversation
start from a specific place (Topic 1), there is no way to know exactly where it will end up by the time you have
moved forward a few steps! Imagine trying to predict ahead-of-time exactly where you may arrive (among those
512 options), when talking to some random person.
With some skill and technique, you can affect this process (and we will teach that to you). However, the plans that
many guys try to use to "Talk about X, then talk about Y, then talk about Z" are very difficult to really work with,
because there are SO many ways that things can go!
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1st Topic
Shift
2nd Topic
Shift
3rd Topic
Shift
We can create a general Conversation Model that shows this process (Figure 4.2.2-5). As seen in the diagram, a
conversation may start from one topic or subject (Topic 1). It then can flow easily to maybe 6-8 others (the
diagram shows fewer for the sake of clarity). Once Topic 2 has been discussed, it can flow from there, and so on.
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There are SO many ways it can flow, that they become far too many to shown in the diagram. The diagram only
shows a small fraction of them (so that the diagram is not even more cluttered than it already is!). In fact, if you
assume that from any topic you could go to any of 8 other topics, then for that diagram to be really accurate it
would have to show over 30,000 different subjects or topics that could be discussed by the time you are at "Level
6" in the conversation!!
4.2.3
D8-T15
The KEY concept the needs to be understood to gain the ability to manage conversations, is an awareness of this
phenomenon that is called the "Topic Turning Point".
If you are discussing one specific topic, it is quite easy to move from that onto 6-8 related topics. This process of
moving from the first topic to one of 6-8 relevant topics is the process of moving through a "Topic Turning Point"
as shown in Figure 4.2.3-1.
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Candidate
Topics
Figure 4.2.3-1: The Topic Turning Point (TTP)
When discussing any topic (First Topic) there are easily 6-8 different topics to which the
conversation can be moved (Candidate Topics).
For example, after one topic has been discussed for a short while, the conversation can then move to another
topic; the conversation "shifts" slightly. Someone might make a comment, introduce an idea, ask a question, make
a statement, etc. However, as long as the new topic is "related" to the first (this is shown in the diagram by the
"candidates") then this change is easy to do.
The key thing to realize is that this process of Topic Turning Point (TTP) selection occurs over and over, and
throughout a conversation. Therefore, the overall flow of a conversation comes about due to many of these TTP
choices being made. A general way of looking at this process is shown in Figure 4.2.3-2
Topic
Turning
Points
Figure 4.2.3-2: How TTP Selections Effect the Conversation
The selections made at each TTP are what actually "steer" the conversation in a certain direction.
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Normally, no one is "deciding" the TTPs. This selection just "happens". However, with some awareness of this
process, and some training (which ... is coming soon...) then you CAN direct how a conversation flows, and do
so in a way that sounds VERY natural.
IMPORTANT:
The overall direction of a conversation comes about due to a successive selection of TTPs. By manipulating
TTPs from moment to moment, you can direct where the overall conversation goes.
Look in the diagrams, and imagine if you had a general way to manipulate these TTPs. Can you see how you may
be able to affect where a conversation goes? You might not be able to predict EXACTLY where it ends up, but
you will have some control over the overall direction. That ability alone is enough for our purposes.
Many people do this "TTP selection" process automatically. For example:
Maybe someone always finds a fun, positive way to look at anything. These people are able to
automatically make TTP choices based on a strategy of finding good, fun, positive aspects of every topic
being discussed.
Other people may do the opposite; no matter WHAT is discussed, they find a way to point out something
negative. These types of people are making TTP selections based on a strategy of finding things that are
negative to talk about.
Other people able to direct conversations based on their own beliefs and their own political motivations as
well.
Other people direct conversations based upon their own moral or religious values. No matter WHAT you
talk to them about, they somehow see it in terms how in effects their beliefs, and they quick steer the
conversation in that manner, Sometimes this can be VERY apparent, very quickly.
As you have probably guessed by now, we are going to later teach you a way to be able to make these TTP
selections, moment-to-moment, to "route" conversations so that they end up being the kinds of conversations that
YOU want to have, and that work in YOUR favor.
4.3
D8-T16
4.3.1
D8-T16
So how can you actually affect the flow of a conversation, easily and naturally? That IS the point, isn't it?
In general, conversations tend to go in one of several ways. The flow of the conversation starts, choices are made
moment to moment, and the conversation tend to into one of four general areas.
In a very broad sense, conversations are one of four types:
Good
Boring
Bad
Argument
could be more specific (and we will get there).
So to start our process of learning how to manage conversations, we want to first start to steer things in the best
general manner; we want the conversation to be positive, fun, and interesting. The overall strategy at the
beginning is then to "talk about positive, fun, interesting things". (See Figure 4.3.1-1.)
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General Conversational
Management
Conversations tend to flow in one of four
major ways, so from the earliest
stages, steer towards
Fun, Positive, and
Interesting
topics and
subjects.
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4.3.2
D8-T19
Look at the overall flow of a conversation and break it down to its smallest point that we can affect, the TTP.
TTP Mantra - Where can I go that is "fun, positive, and interesting"?
Moment-to-moment, you make note of where you are in the conversation. You then think of several ways you can
go (the related topics, TTP options, the topic "candidates" that were shown earlier), and then steer things in the
correct direction. You think of the "candidates" (the related topics or subjects that you can discuss) that serve you
at the time, and then you move things in that direction!
Remember - The overall direction of a conversation comes about due to a successive selection of TTPs. By
manipulating TTPs from moment to moment, you can direct where the overall conversation goes.
For any subject, as we discussed earlier, you can always think of 6-8 other related topics or subjects. So you just
think to yourself "Where can I go that is fan, positive, and interesting" and just move things in that direction.
How do you move things in that direction? You can:
Ask a question
Make a comment
Make a joke
Quote someone you heard, or something you read,
Etc.
... as long as it moves things in a way that answers the question "Where can I go that is fun, positive, and
interesting" (See Figure 4.3.2-1.)
Which Of
these are
Fun,
Positive,
and
Interesting?
That is the
direction to
go!
Candidate
Topics
Figure 4.3.2-1: Topic Turning Point Navigation for General Conversational Management
No matter what subject you start talking about, move things towards the related topics that are
"Fun, Positive, and Interesting".
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Later in the conversation, you can work more towards certain topic areas, but in the early part of the conversation,
the most important thing to do is to focus on moving thing in a direction that is ... "fun, positive, and interesting".
4.3.3
D8-T23
As you make TTP choice after TTP choice (See Figure 4.3.3-1.), you get to an overall "area" that will work. You
are steering things towards the direction that you want the conversation to go. (See Figure 4.3.3-2.)
Keep things moving in the
direction of Fun, Positive,
and Interesting!
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General
Conversational Mgt
Model
No matter where you start,
or where you are, always
move towards topics and
subjects that are
Fun, Positive,
and Interesting!/
4.3.4
D8-T25
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2) Based on each of those topics, consider it a topic that leads to a TTP (copy each item above into the "Topic"
area below). For each of those Topics, list 6-8 different ways you could go, things you could comment on, ask
about, directions you could "take" the conversation (these are the TTP Options, or Candidate Topics). Write
each of those down.
Topic
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3) Of the 6-8 different TTP Options you have written above for each Topic, which are the best? Which of these
would move the conversation in a way that is best for you (think of "Fun, Positive, and Interesting")? Select
two "candidates" and circle or highlight those two.
4) For each Topic, what would it have been like to have moved the conversation in the direction of the first item
you circled? Practice that out loud for each Topic above, maybe by making a comment, asking a question,
making a statement, etc., whatever it might take to move things in that direction.
5) Practice again on each by moving things in the direction of the second item that was circled.
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4.3.5
Summary
D8-T32
The overall direction of a conversation comes about due to a successive selection of TTPs (which
normally occur at random, or without an overall strategy in mind).
By manipulating TTPs from moment to moment, you can direct where the overall conversation goes.
By moving things in this way, the conversation becomes more enjoyable for everyone.
You may start to find however, that no matter WHAT you do with some people, they will not go down a path of
having a fun, interesting, and positive conversation. You then have to wonder - Is that the sort of person you want
to talk to and spend time with? Maybe not.
In general, we are turning you into someone that people LIKE to talk to! You know the type of person that people
enjoy talking to, having conversations with, and spending time with? The type of guy that people seek out to
spend time with? The more you do these types of exercises, the more YOU can and will become that guy!
4.4
D8-T33
4.4.1
D8-T33
We want the conversation to be more than just positive; we want it to be really interesting, engaging, fascinating,
etc. After a while, we want to work with topics that get the emotions involved, the imagination moving, and
people REALLY interested. We want to focus the aim of our conversational management skills even more.
Building on what we learned in the last section, we can start to direct the conversation into an even BETTER area.
Instead of the more general area of fun, positive and interesting topics, we want things to get even more
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interesting. We move forward and want to get a more emotional tone, more excitement, and more involvement of
the imagination. (See Figure 4.4.1-1.)
General Conversational
Management takes the
conversation into the
Fun, Positive,
Interesting area.
From there,
there are
many ways
to go.
So we narrow our
focus, and steer
using Advanced
Conversational
Management
With that as a general strategy, how do we work that in what we are doing moment-to-moment? How can we do
things that will make that happen?
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Again, we look at the concept of the TTP, and with that strategy in mind, we need to use the TTP as a way to move
things in the right direction. (See Figure 4.4.2-1.)
TTP Mantra
" Where can I go that will engage her emotions and imagination in a positive manner?
Which of these
"Engage the
Emotions and
imagination in a
Positive Way"?
TTP
Fun, Positive,
Interesting
Topics
That is the
direction to go!
Candidate
Topics
Figure 4.4.2-1: Topic Turning Point Navigation for Advanced Conversational Management
After using General Conversational Management for a while, we can assume that we are talking
about subjects which fit into the "Fun, Positive, and Interesting" area. With that established, we
shift the focus of how we navigate TTPs, but now think "where can I go that will engage the
emotions and imagination in a positive way".
4.4.3
D8-T38
(Before we move on to looking at the model, we need to change the way the model is shown, and explain a bit
more as to its meaning and interpretation. See Figure 4.4.3-1 for an explanation.)
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Page 89
We started at one topic, and could be at any of thousands of topics after 6, 8, 10 topic shifts. For a while, we
focused the conversation towards moving things in a direction that is "Fun Positive and Interesting. After that has
been established, we now focus more on moving in a direction that will "Engage the Emotions and Imagination in
a Positive Way". If you refer to Figure 4.4.3-2, you can see how General Conversational Management, and then
Advanced Conversational Management, are used together to move forward in a conversation.
If you follow these two simple strategies together (and the tactical approach of simply watching the TTPs and
moving things in the right way), the conversation will get better and better. As time goes on, the conversation will
get more and more of an "emotional" tone to it. The subjects will get more and more fascinating. And of course
while doing that, if you use the language tools which we learned about earlier in the course, you end up linking
and associating many fascinating, exciting, emotional topics, subjects, feelings, and states, to yourself!
Advanced Conversational
Management Model
4.4.4
D8-T39
2) Based on each of those topics, consider it a topic that leads to a TTP (copy each above into the "Topic" areas
below). For each of those Topics, list 6-8 different ways you could go, things you could comment on, ask
about, directions you could "take" the conversation (these are the TTP Options, or Candidate Topics). Write
each of those down.
Topic
a.
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Page 92
3) Of the 6-8 different TTP Options you have written above for each Topic, which 1 or 2 would tend to "Engage
the emotions and imagination in a positive way"? Which ones move things in a way that is best for you?
Select two "candidates" and circle or highlight these two.
4) For each Topic, what would it have been like to have moved the conversation in the direction of the first item
you circled? Practice that out loud for each Topic above, maybe by making a comment, asking a question,
making a statement, etc., whatever it might take to move things in that direction.
5) Practice again on each by moving things in the direction of the second item that was circled.
4.4.5
Summary
D8-T46
4.5
D8-T47
4.5.1
D8-T47
As you can see, we are "steering" things more and more in a direction that we wish to go. So, what next?
At some point in the conversation, we want to steer things more towards romantic, fascinating, seductive things,
even things with some degree of sensual connotation to them.
So, once again, we focus further on the TTP options!
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4.5.2
D8-T49
This may seem odd or hard to do. However, if you have been in a conversation for a while, and followed the other
strategies and tactics shown earlier, you will have taken things in the right direction and this will be much easier.
Moving towards romantic, fascinating, seductive things is much easier after you have first move towards fun,
positive and interesting thing, and then topics that engage the emotions and imagination.
4.5.3
D8-T52
We are just closing in, and focusing more and more towards areas and topics that work. This gets her mind into
thinking more and more about these things, and associating YOU with them! (See Figure 4.5.3-1.)
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More Advanced
Conversational
Management Model
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4.6
D9-T1
CONVERSATIONAL FRACTIONATION
Using these Conversational Management skills in the real world may be quite different in practice from the way
most guys "think" it will happen. Moreover, the way it really DOES happen, will work in your favor.
4.6.1
D9-T2
Guys assume that they will travel from a general topic, to a positive one, and then an emotional one, then a
sensual one, and then - MAGIC! However that is NOT the way it works in the real world.
Too many guys are too caught up in this one-shot dream of traveling once across the model and getting an
amazing result. (See Figure 4.6.1-1.)
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4.6.2
D9-T3
The real world has stops, starts, restarts, etc. The conversation starts, goes for some distance through the model
(maybe all the way through), and then at some point.... You back up to a more general topic. This actually
works better!
We are actually using Fractionation. This is where a process is done repeatedly over and over. So, you take a
conversation from the early stages through the process. Then you "back up" to some extent (even all the way back
to a very general topic area) and then move forward across the model again. And again. Maybe several times.
This actually ADDS to the power and effectiveness of what you are doing. Because no matter where you start
from, the conversation ends up being very interesting and fascinating!
4.6.3
D9-T5
Start at some normal topic and move through the model towards the right. Then at some point, you back off. You
might do that on your own, or maybe the conversation shifts back to that place due to something she says. No
problem. You just start the process again.
Maybe you start from a very general topic and get all the way through the model towards a very very fascinating
topic or subject. Great! Talk about that for a while. Have fun, Use the language tools,... and then ... you go back
towards something more "normal".
When we say "go back", you may jump back just several steps in our Conversational Management Process.
Maybe you move all the way back to a very "normal" topic (which would be all the way on the left side of the
model). No problem. Just start the process again.
So, here is how this works...
a)
b)
c)
d)
Start at any topic (you are on the far left side of the Model)
Move forward towards the right, using the Conversational Management techniques
Get as far through the model as you can.
If you get to a very good place, stay there and talk about it for a while.
Of if you can't seem to get to a good place, move on to the next step.
e) Then move back (towards the left side of the model) This may happen because:
The person you are talking to does that (she asks a question)
Or maybe you do it (just to lighten things up)
f) Then start again, moving through the model towards the right.
g) Do the whole process over and over.
In this way, no matter where you start, no matter how the conversation jumps around, you are always moving
towards positive topics, emotional and imaginative topics, and fascinating and seductive topics. (See Figure 4.6.31.)
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Conversational
Fractionation at Work
D9-T6
With this new strategy of using Conversational Fractionation, there is no such thing as a conversational "Dead
End"!
Page 98
If you happen to take a "wrong turn" somehow and get into an area of discussion that is boring, uninteresting, or
maybe negative, etc.; No problem. Just back up, and use the Strategy and Tactics of the Conversational
Management techniques!
Look at "Dead Ends" as being just like a bad turn on a road, you just back up, and go down another path!
4.7
D9-T7
D9-T8
Where can I go that will engage her emotions and imagination in a positive manner?
Move things in that direction. Do that for a while and then think ...
Where can I go that will get me closer towards romantic, fascinating, seductive things?
Move things in that direction.
*
Keep moving the conversation into these interesting fascinating areas ... and the person becomes interested and
fascinated, with you!
4.7.2
D9-T9
Summary
D9-T10
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5.0
TOPICS
D9-T11
What do you talk about? As the conversation gets more interesting, fun, fascinating, to get the
best effect you will have to be a PART of that conversation and familiar with the topics that
may come up. You want to be able to discuss these topics easily, especially as they get more
interesting, fascinating, and closer towards the subjects that will really serve your intent.
Talking about these topics may be a challenge for many men. Most men may not be very familiar with many of
the topics that we REALLY want to get into. However, this is something we can and will work on with you.
What do you talk about?
There is no substitute for experience. The more experience you get, the more familiar you will be with these
topics, and then the more "material" you will have. You will be able to say things like "I was talking to someone
about this the other day, and THEY said...", and that statement (regarding having actually talked to someone
about the topics) will be TRUE! So, the more you talk to people about such things, the easier it will get.
In the meantime, what can we do here in this course to help you? We have talked about the way to talk and use
language; we have talked about managing conversations. Now we want you to become familiar with topics that
will really work well for you!
We are going to work with some of these topics, so that YOU have some material, some practice, and some
familiarity with this type of thing.
Themes vs. Topics
5.1
Themes are a way through a discussion or through the "tree of subjects" that we showed earlier.
A topic is a particular area of discussion that is taking place in a moment.
TOPICS OF ENTHUSIASM AND PASSION
D9-T14
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So, judge for yourself. How good are you at the earlier sections that dealt with the language tools? It may be a
good idea to go back over those sections, and emphasize discussing topics in which YOU are interested and
passionate about.
5.2
D9-T15
In the context of this course (and your intent in talking with ... someone) some topics are easier to work with than
others. You may talk about cars, or sports, or the office, or cleaning the toilet, but how effective are those as
subjects given the "purpose" of the discussion?
You want to discuss topics and things which deal with seduction, or, at least... Topics that access emotions,
feelings, excitement, etc. in some ways.
You want to be able to discuss topics that deal on some level with Seduction, or topics that are very close to that
concept. These are called "Seduction Oriented Topics".
Seduction Oriented Topics (SOTs) - Topics that bring up images and thoughts that are romantic, sensual,
and seductive.
SOTs are the "end goals" when it comes to managing or directing a conversation. Your point is to get to, or near,
a topic that is an SOT. The conversational management sections will help you to move the conversation in a way
that will get you near these topics areas.
Examples of SOTs
Connections
Going for it
Making good decisions
Surrendering to feelings
Getting excited
Feeling excited
Trusting your judgment
Taking chances
Indulgence
Maturity
Good decisions
...just TALKING about these can create a good effect, but doing so while using the language tools, can
create an AMAZING effect!
When you do get a conversation into an area near an SOT, stay there as long as you can! Talk about it, work it,
and link it to you!
When
You want to be familiar with these topics (SOTs) and able to discuss them easily: maybe not ALL of them, but a
good number of them. (Every guy has his favorites and ones that work best for him.)
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These topics may seem foreign to you, but the more you think about them, the more you practice, the more you
work with the materials, and the more you talk to and with people about them, the easier it will get!
Strategic Formula for Seduction Oriented Topics
SOTs are topics that, by there very nature, bring up images and thoughts that may work for you. Get the
conversation there, keep it there, and while there, use as many of the language tools as you can.
2) You must become familiar with these! You must be able to talk about them, ask about them, have stories
about them, or joke about them.
Don't worry about talking to women, or seduction per se, or anything like that. Think of SOME way to discuss
these, hopefully some way that involves you and your own life. Or, talk about something you heard, read, or
even watched in a movie! (Or heard in a course that you took .... Or are taking!)
- Are you able to somehow relate to these in your own life? Maybe something you read or heard? Maybe
questions you can ask? ANYTHING?!?!? You do not need to "know" a lot about these topics or be an expert,
you JUST need to be able to talk, or ask questions, or comment on them!
Talk aloud for several minutes about each.
3) Practice talking about each aloud, using as many of the language tools as you can.
Eventually, the more you practice using the tools, and discuss these subjects, the easier it will be to "riff" on
these using the language tools. Meaning, you will be able to just "talk" about the subject while using the tools
that are available, easily, and without "thinking" about the language tools.
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SOT Summary
I KNOW that these topics may seem foreign to you. That is understandable, and frankly, this is one of the key
challenges that many guys face. However, after having worked with hundreds of guys, I can tell you that it DOES
get easier and easier to be able to talk about these things. Really!
Learning to discuss such things may start out slowly, but we are walking you through (at least the first steps of)
the process to make this easier:
See? We are working on a process to get you to become more comfortable and familiar with these things.
However, this process must start somewhere. It may start a bit slowly and awkwardly, but as long as you start it,
and move through these exercises and assignments, it WILL get easier.
Many guys who can now talk about these things VERY easily and comfortably started from a place of
having NO idea of what to say! They changed. They did it. They started and became more and more familiar
with these topics. So can you.
5.3
D9-T24
What if you had not just 10 ways of discussing "Seduction Oriented" subjects, but had even more? Maybe 50?
What if that was easy and familiar for you?
Think back to how we looked at topics earlier. We learned how you can move from any topic, and easily come up
with 6-8 related topics. That's what we want to do here, but this time with SOTs. These are called Expanded
SOTs (SOTXs).
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If "Connections" is an SOT, the SOTX list consists of all of these items shown in the diagram and listed below.
(You do not really need to list "connections with" for each. That just makes it easier for our example below).
SOT
Connections
SOTX
Connections with family
Connections with friends
Connections with coworkers
Connections with pets
Connections with a girlfriend
Connections with someone you just met
Connections with someone while on vacation
Connections with music
Connections with your teammates
Many guys worry about talking about something like "Connections". They think of only one way of talking about
that subject, or only one aspect of that to discuss (connections in a romantic or sensual context). However as we
see here, there are many different types or examples of connecting to people, places, and things that can be
discussed.
Instead of worrying about getting to that one topic (SOT) in a certain way, you now have 6-8 ways to discuss it.
Look at the list above; if friends, family, coworkers, pets, etc. comes up in a conversation, you can talk about that
for while. Then, how easy would it be to talk about how you CONNECT with those? And if you talk about
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THAT (how you connect in that manner) for a while, then you can shift towards ANOTHER type of "connection"
very easily! (See Figure 5.3-2.)
Family
Friends
Coworkers
Pets
Connections
A girlfriend
Someone you just met
Someone met on vacation
Music
Teammates
Figure 5.3-2: SOTXs Can Lead Into SOTs
If any of the topics in the SOTX list comes up in conversation, you can be as close as one step
away from an SOT. (Yes, this is a TTP diagram in reverse!)
For example, if someone is talking about pets, then you can shift to talking about "how you can connect with a
pet" fairly easily. Just make a comment, ask a question, point out an example regarding pets, and how you (or
someone else) can connect with a pet. If you talk about that for a while, it's very easy to then shift...to ... how to
connect with people, or a special person, or maybe even someone... that you just met!
When you expand SOTs in this way, all of a sudden there are many MORE ways to get to these really GREAT
topics!
Take the SOT list you had earlier (copy those down into the first column below, a, b, c, etc.) and for each
SOT, you are to list 5 (at least) related topics, or different aspects of that topic, or how that topic can be
experienced. This is your SOTX list.
SOTs
"
SOTXs List
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2) Now for each SOTX, practice talking about it out loud. Talk about that SOTX for a moment or two, and see if
you can then focus what you are saying towards the SOT itself. (Like the earlier example, you talk about pets,
then about connecting with pets, then about connecting in general.)
3) Do the same thing again, but now do so while using the language tools.
Step back and look at what you have done! You have 10 SOTs with which YOU are familiar. You have 50
SOTXs that you are now familiar with as well. That gives you a LOT of flexibility in conversations!
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Summary
You now have MORE material to work with than you ever thought possible! This is not about memorizing; it's
about getting YOU comfortable and familiar with these topics.
The more you work with this, the easier it will be to notice SOTXs, and move the conversation towards SOTs.
You will start to notice this, concept of "topics related to a topic" in many many places. Good speakers, especially
politicians and activists, use such techniques a LOT. The techniques that you have learned are the sort of things
that many people do naturally. We have broken these down, modeled the process arid the steps involved, broke it
into bits and pieces that you can learn and do as exercises, and then built upon that step by step.
5.4
D9-T32
We discussed how to develop an SOTX list from an SOT. However, that process can work both ways. The real
usefulness of this is when you reverse the order as shown in Figure 5.4-1.
...with family
Family
...with friends
Friends
...with coworkers
Coworkers
...with pets
Connections
Pets
...with a girlfriend
A girlfriend
Connections
Teammates
This is how we
developed SOTXs
SOTXs are an easy way to get towards SOTs. If anything like an SOTX comes up in a
conversation, it is easy to then move the conversation towards topics that will work better for you
(SOTs). SOTXs are now like "conversational landmarks" for you in terms of navigating a
conversation; if you hear any of them mentioned, or anything like them mentioned, you know that
you are very close to getting near a subject area that will work very well for you.
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So whenever you are having a conversation, and anything like an SOTX comes up in the discussion, you now see
how easy it can be to move over to an SOT! In fact, you have practiced with so many of these SOTXs, that this
process will now be easier than you may have imagined.
The point here (again) is not to memorize the SOTs, or the SOTXs. It's to have you practice and become familiar
with them., and for you to just start to "recognize" these things on your own - without "thinking" about them. If
you have followed the program, and done the exercises and assignments, this will start to happen for you. After
all, you have already worked with 10 SOTs and 50 SOTXs as shown in Figure 5.4-2.
SOTXs
SOTs
Since SOTXs and SOTs are the "goals" in terms of managing a conversation, we can then show them as part of
our Conversational Model. As the topics get better and better, you will get closer and closer to SOTXs, and then
towards SOTs. Figure 5.4-3 shows this in the model itself.
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SOTXs
SOTs
5.5
D9-T33
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Assignment!
1) Try it!
Start directing conversations using the conversational management model, and see how easy it is to get to
some good topic that is an SOT, or SOTX, or very close!
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6.0
6.1
PATTERNS
PATTERN OVERVIEW
D10-T1
What is a pattern?
A plan, diagram, or model to be followed in making things; A representative sample.
An example of what you can say, or could say. "A plan" or "model", that's the key.
Don't think of "how can I get to the pattern", or "how can I bring this pattern up". It's best to just think of patterns
as examples, and as "a way of speaking". Its just a "type" of talking that you can (and will be able to) use when
you feel it is appropriate.
Examples/Analogies:
Sports - You don't play the entire game ahead of time. You practice bits and pieces of the sport, certain
actions, or series of actions. Once you actually play the game though, you make decisions on-the-spot as
to what to do and how to proceed.
With this new approach to learning and using these tools, we work in that manner. We practice specific
parts of areas of the skills we wish to use later on. Patterns are just examples of the use of these tools.
Driving - Many of the details of driving a car are things you just "do". You don't have to think about
moving the wheel, handling the gas pedal, the clutch, etc. These smaller skills become automatic and you
focus instead of driving, or navigation.
In the same manner, we have practiced the small details (language skills) so that these are automatic. The
navigation is handled through our use of Conversational Management techniques.
A New way of thinking about the use of patterns
The wrong way is to talk to someone and to keep thinking, "how can I get to my pattern", or "how can I
bring up a pattern that I know".
Instead, think about having a conversation (and managing it correctly), and being aware of when you DO
get to an area of conversation that does allow you to use a pattern.
Maybe talk to a woman and allow HER to bring up things that end up working well in pattern-like
language. She may take the conversation into better places that you could have predicted, plus these areas
will work for HER because SHE selected them (in a manner of speaking)
Talk and manage the conversation into an area that DOES work for you. Use the language tools. THAT
ends up being a very effective way to create "patterns".
6.2
PATTERN FORMULA
D10-T7
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There are two main ways of doing patterns, "Canned" patterns, and real-time "Riffing".
6.3
CANNED PATTERNS
D10-T12
These are the pre-rehearsed, pre-written patterns that you have seen and heard. The problem is if you are SO
focused on just "getting to the pattern" that you know (or even one of many that you know) then it's difficult to
have a good conversation.
The good ways to use these are as teaching and learning tools.
In the real world, these canned patterns DO have some usefulness. Their best use is when you use the
Conversational Management techniques and then find that the conversation just happens to get to or near a pattern
that you DO happen to know already. In THAT case - these pre-written or canned patterns can work very well.
However, if you just "drop" a pattern into the conversation, and the proper context is not created, they can, and
do, sound quite strange.
Pre-written, pre-rehearsed, canned patterns are good, but they assume that you are in a conversation where they
will work and be somewhat "appropriate" to what is being discussed, and that the woman will react to what the
patterns is about. Some times that does happen, many times it does not. Therefore it is best to maybe have some
of these memorized, and have them there for your use if and when the correct situation comes up. But, don't focus
TOO much on them, because doing so may work against you.
6.4
D10-T13
This is the ability to just create pattern language on-the-fly, and to use what is needed in the moment.
So, when you are talking to a woman, what you need to do is to look at...
The interesting topic that she and you are discussing
o what is happening
o what you know
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Always
See the pattern here? We are in general, looking and listening for positive feelings, states, emotions, and actions
in the conversation. Then we use those as a basis for discussion.
Then you have a conversation and, using the tools, get her to,
Talk about these things or listen to you talk about these things
get her to think about these things
get her to feel these things
get her to link them to you.
Use some "act now" languaging.
THE BEST PATTERN IS THIS:
Get her to talk and think about positive, interesting, exciting, and sensual things.
Use the language tools so that YOU become associated with those things.
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7.0
7.1
D10-T18
The course has followed a "bottom-up" approach to training; focusing first on small details, and then building up
to bigger and bigger pieces. Now we can look from the "top-down", and view an overall strategy.
1. Keep her there and keep talking!
a. Both you and her talk!
2. Keep the conversation going.
a. Use the conversational management techniques
b. Fractionate if and when needed.
3. Direct the conversation in a way that takes you toward good topics
a. Use the conversational management techniques
b. Talk about something positive and interesting
c. Engage her emotions and imagination in a positive way.
-' d. Get the conversation into good subjects (SOTXs, SOTs)
4. Direct and/or link those feelings towards you.
a. Use the Language Tools
5. Create a willingness, comfort in, and/or compulsion to act
a. Use the Language Tools
7.2
SUMMARY
D10-T26
This may be similar to information you have heard in the past, but the method of approaching it is very different.
We really are focused upon changing you, and how you speak.
7.3
D10-T27
Listen to the full explanations, and really take the time to do the exercises. Whether its your first, fifth, of
fourteenth time through, you will benefit.
7.4
D10-T28
The more energy and effort you put into this, and the more engaged you are in the process, the greater your results
will be. It really is up to you.
7.5
D10-T29
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Page 121
APPENDIX 1
Course "Cheat Sheet"
SPEAKING POINTERS
o
LANGUAGE TOOLS A N T D E T A I L S
o
Trance Words
Help to get the subconscious mind of the listener to be more of apart of your conversation.
Instantaneously
" Suddenly
Find Yourself
Convince Yourself
Suppose
Imagine
" Mysterious (-ly)
Wonder (-ous) (-ously)
Weasel Phrases
Use Weasel Phrases to keep the conversation going, and to "soften " the way in which something
is said, allowing you to say more (and maybe more provocative things) about a subject.
Have you ever ...
What's it like when ...
If I were to ...
If you were to ...
" As you...
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Embedded Commands
Use embedded commands repeatedly and in the proper context, to create a compelling will on the
part of the listener follow you and listen to you.
Can you do this now...
Linking
After getting someone to experience good feelings and emotions, link them to you so that YOU
become something and someone that they feel good about
Now with me
In me
In myself
with this
these
this belief
these feelings
Easy-Linking
Use "This" and "These" when referring to anything positive.
Use "That" and "Those" when referring to anything negative.
MORE TOOLS
o
Linking Gestures
Towards And Away
Whenever you say something negative, point or gesture away.
Whenever you say something positive, point or gesture towards yourself.
Easy Anchoring
When the person you are talking with displays a positive feeling of some type, a smile, laugh,
interest, intrigue, etc., touch them to help anchor it to you.
Point Or Touch On Positive
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Listing
General Listing
General Listing is a way to quickly provide several reason, which support your point
A, B, and C
When making a point, statement, or giving an example, "List" several things or
examples which support your point, in order to provide more power to what you
are saying
At The End
Listing at The End is a way to provide several options (which may differ) but to
emphasize the option that YOU want.
a, b, and C
When making a point, statement, or giving an example, "List" several things
briefly in order, but mention the one which YOU want to put the most emphasis
on. LAST
Burying Items
Listing - Burying Items is a way to mention an outrageous or very direct option for
"testing" purposes, or to maybe see if you can get someone to agree to it!
a, B, and c
When giving examples or options to someone, you can get away with an
outrageous or very direct option by burying that option in the middle of a List.
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Parts
Parts Of A Subject
Discussing many of the parts of a subject keeps the conversation going, allowing you
time to gather information and link yourself to good thoughts, feelings and emotions.
Take any subject, idea, or point in a discussion.
Break it down into its component parts and discuss them.
Link good thoughts, feelings and emotions to yourself.
Use the language tools in the discussion.
Parts Of A Person
Use Parts of a Person as a way to find, discuss, and evoke favorable states, feelings, and
beliefs, even when the other person claims or demonstrates that such parts are NOT there
For every part of a person that will work against you, assume there is a part that
will work WITH you.
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Ambiguities
CONVERSATIONAL MANAGEMENT
General ...
Navigation
Don't think of an exact plan, think of general navigation
She Must Be Engaged In The Conversation!
You need her to talk, listen and be IN the conversation!
Conversational Dynamics
Topics flow from one to the next.
Topic Turning Point
The process of moving from one topic to one of 6-8 relevant topics
In general...
Show interest when someone discusses positive, fun, interesting things.
Don't engage in conversations when it's NOT about positive, fun, interesting
things.
Introduce topics that are fun, positive and interesting.
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Keep thinking - Where can I go that will engage her emotions and imagination in a
positive manner?
Move the conversation in that direction.
Repeat.
Conversational Fractionation
Using Conversational Fractionation
Start
Move
Back Up
Repeat
Dead Ends Come Back To Life!
Just back up and start over!
TOPICS
o
Surrendering to feelings
Getting excited
Feeling excited
Trusting your judgment
Taking chances
Indulgence
Maturity
Good decisions
PATTERNS
o
Pattern
Formula
While talking to a woman, get her to "experience" good feelings and states.
Amplify these feelings and states by talking, asking, clarifying.
Link and associate these feelings to you.
Present a Call to action.
Canned Patterns
- Great as EXAMPLES
Learn and know some of them they may be useful.
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APPENDIX II
Speaking and Language Tools "Cheat Sheet"
SPEAKING POINTERS
o Voice Tone And Tonality
o Pacing And Pausing
o Energy And Enthusiasm
LANGUAGE TOOLS AND DETAILS
o Adjectives And Adverbs
o Trance Words
o Weasel Phrases
o Embedded Commands
o Linking
o Easy-Linking (This, That, These, Those)
MORE TOOLS
o Pointing And Gestures
o Linking Gestures (Towards And Away)
o Easy Linking Expanded (Pointing With This, That...)
o Easy Anchoring - Point Or Touch On Positive And Negative
LANGUAGE STRUCTURE AND TECHNIQUES
o Pace And Lead
Topics and Subjects
Mindset of Frame
Current Reality
o Give Them A Reason
o Listing
" General
- At the End
Burying Items
o More And More
o Compare And Contrast
o Parts
" Parts of a Subject
Parts of a Person
o Opportunities And Challenges
Mini Challenges
" Opportunities And Challenges
o Ambiguities
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APPENDIX III
The Complete Conversational Management Model
The Complete
Conversational
Management
Model
General Mgt.
Fun, Positive, and
Interesting
Advanced Mgt.
Emotions and Imagination
in a Positive Way
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SOTXs
SOTs
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