Jasmine Li

May 9, 2016
Writing 2
De Piero
WP2: 4AM Thoughts
After a long day of school, many college students find themselves staring restlessly at the
ceiling above them. What stops them from obtaining a proper night of sleep is known as the case
of insomnia. In Causes and Consequences of Sleepiness Among College Students and
Insomnia Significantly Affects the School Performance of College Students, the two scholarly
articles describe the causes and effects of college insomnia. In Insomnia Cures for Teenagers
Who Cant Sleep, a non-academic Tumblr text, it explains insomnia through a personal point of
view and offers a solution while academic texts offer an instructive perspective. Although these
three studies write about the same topic, they approach the subject of insomnia in different
manners. The academic articles both work towards educating their audience on the scientific

Comment [1]: You haven't mentioned anything about

the (different) points of view yet, Jasmine. Worth
mentioning, briefly, what their different perspectives
are?
Comment [2]: You mentioned 3 pieces so far.

basis of insomnia through extensive detail and use of data while the non-academic piece provides
useful solutions to this issue in a more casual manner by appealing to emotions and sharing
personal experiences.
The genre of scientific articles serve the purpose of educating the audience. In the
introduction of every scientific article it states the topic, A potential obstacle to maximizing

Comment [3]: Jasmine, you did a decent job of

addressing the "so what, who cares?" questions -- nice
job. That said, I need more direction here.
*How* do they educate people? *How* does the other
piece offer solutions? *What makes it* casual?

success in college is the high prevalence of daytime sleepiness, sleep deprivation, and irregular

Getting into specifics early on will help me follow you

with more purpose as I read.

sleep schedules among college students. (Hershner and Cherrin) and then each paragraph

Comment [4]: You sure about this? If so, what do you

mean?

following that goes into specifics. This is to create the best possible structure that allows the
reader to understand the information given. Each topic sentence is direct and right to the point so
that the reader knows what they are reading and why.

In order to achieve this informative purpose, scientific articles use different rhetorical
features and conventions such as detail, specific diction, ethos, and logos. The use of these

Comment [5]: Which ones? This is a super-broad claim.

rhetorical devices allow us to be informed and understand how it affects us personally. (Carroll
46) Detail is used in order to be specific and allow the reader to have a complete understanding

Comment [6]: personally (Carroll 46).

about the topic, especially because the readers expectations from reading a scientific article is to

Comment [7]: It's not thaaaat important (but now you

should get this right every time here on out). :)

gain thorough knowledge about the topic. A form of detail can be seen through the use of data in,

Comment [8]: Tell me more about this data. What is it,

exactly? How does it compare to the other pieces?

50% of college students compared to 36% of adolescents and adults. At least 3 days a week,
60% of students report that they are dragging, tired, or sleepy. (Hershner and Cherrin) This
form of detail is not in imagery but in numbers. It gives statically results and facts that furthers
knowledge in the topic of insomnia. Through this detail, the reader is able to understand how
many people suffer from insomnia. This use of detail allows the reader to know the exact
information as well as credible data especially when used with precise diction. Clear cut diction
used with detail allows for more understanding since it is now more specific than before. These
two conventions share the same purpose of explaining explicit facts.
The diction used in scientific articles is very difficult compared to an non-academic
article. It is precise, clear-cut, and at times even hard to understand since it is directed at a
knowledgeable audience. It includes scientific words that an uneducated mind may not be able to
comprehend such as cognitive behavioral therapy and circadian rhythms. These are words

Comment [9]: Can you work in a transition from the

previous paragraph (and the ideas in it) to this
paragraph (and the ideas in it)?
Put another way: why place this paragraph *here*?
How/why does it build off of the last one?
Dropping that kind of language/explanation into your
sentence here could help me see how the parts fit
together -- that is, how your argument is unfolding.

that the average teenager may not recognize and therefore may need to look up the definition to
fully understand the article. This is because the writer of these articles have doctoral degrees and
writes these articles in the mindset that they have an audience of a similar education level.
Another reason behind the diction is to allow for advance knowledge and further educate the
reader in all scientific aspects. The reader reads this article to gain full knowledge of this topic.

Comment [10]: Two thoughts:

1, Can you extend this thought further? (Just using
"big words" helps advance knowledge?)
2, Does this relate back to your central argument/

This article is so complete that usually by the end of this article, the reader has a comprehensive
familiarity with the subject through reading the article alone. The diction used is detailed because
it needs to describe the topic in every component. It aims to include every fact in its full capacity.
All three texts use rhetorical devices but the two scientific articles use specifically ethos
and logos. Ethos, the credibility of the rhetoric which can be a person or an organization

Comment [11]: This is important, but *only if* it's this a

central part of your argument?

(Carroll 54), can be seen when they credit different sources such as the American Academy of
Sleep Medicine and National Institutes of Health. Using these credations create a stronger
argument since it is now backed up by important sources. These sources create trust within the
audience increasing the reliability of the article through the use of credations.
Logos, argument from reason, usually appeals to an audiences intellectual side
(Carroll 52), is also commonly used, as seen through use of data and facts such as The typical
adult circadian period is 24.1 hours, compared to an adolescents circadian period of 24.27
hours; this longer period makes it easier for the bedtime to shift later (Hersher and Cherrin) This

Comment [12]: How/why is this evidence of logos?

is logos because it is giving data and then explaining the reasoning to the reader. The use of data
creates the effect of credibility and a strong argument because it furthers the understanding of
insomnia and gives explicit details. The statistics given usually explain who are affected and how
many, this is given in numbers or by percentages. After giving this statistic, they go on to say
why there is this number. They attempt to understand insomnia through scientific facts .
On the other hand, the genre of a Tumblr post serves to both broadly educate and present
a causal solution. Although the two texts share the topic of college insomnia, the content is
extremely different from each other. The diction of this non-academic article is extremely casual
because it is written for people to read in their spare time. Its important to understand the
expectations of the audience for that determines what content the writer should include. The

Comment [13]: Can you go a step further, past "they

use statistics"? What *kinds* of stats?
How do these different folks attempt to understand
insomnia in different ways??? What do they find
important??
Comment [14]: You analyzed a Tumblr post? Sounds
super-cool, but this is the first time I'm hearing about
it...

audience can determine the type of language used, formality of the discourse, and medium or
delivery of the rhetoric. (Carroll 49) . The scientific article has an audience wanting to learn so
it includes data and facts. The Tumblr post has an audience looking for entertainment so it shares
a personal experience.
Understanding the audiences setting is also important. A Tumblr post is usually read in a
casual atmosphere, therefore should not require extensive thinking. It uses common vocabulary
such as annoying and ticky to create a very conversational tone that relaxes the reader. The
common vocabulary and conversational tone used create an informal surrounding which explains
the choice of wording. The wording and the content included is used to cater to the audiences
expectations.
Since the article is read in a casual atmosphere, it requires a hook or some kind of
introduction to interest the reader and allow them to continue reading. In this case, the
introduction used is, Sleeplessness is just a rest condition by which youve difficulty falling
asleep or difficulty remaining asleep through the evening. The author chose to use a definition
to begin their article and hopefully attract the reader. This is to create interest by having an
introduction that is different than the normal. This differs from the scientific article because the
scientific article doesnt need to create interest since the reader is reading it because they want to.
The Tumblr post doesnt have the incentive from the reader therefore has to create it by using a
hook. Another difference in Tumblr posts compared to scientific articles is that it uses imagery
instead of facts. Imagery is seen in the Tumblr post as, cozy atmosphere and avoid annoying
breezes that slip under doorways or available windows that allow in summer time warmth. The
imagery and jargon used is descriptive and paints a picture for the reader which furthers the
casual tone that a Tumblr post needs.

Comment [15]: Id advise you to refrain from using freefloating quotes (ie, sentences that start and end with a
quote). The reader is probably going to be left
wondering, Who is saying/citing this, and how/why is it
relevant? Wheres it coming from? Try to introduce
the quote and give it context.

Unlike a scientific article that uses logos and ethos, the Tumblr post creates its argument
mainly through the use of pathos, an appeal to emotion to revoke an emotional response in the
reader. (Carroll 53), unlike the scientific articles that use ethos and logos. It uses pathos to

Comment [16]: How do the ideas in the two

sentences/paragraphs relate to one another? How are
they connected??

establish how insomnia feels using the words worry, restlessness, and frustration. The author
puts the reader in the shoes of a college student going through insomnia and allows them to
understand the difficulty and struggle. It aims to allow the reader to feel something and from
there, goes on to explain insomnia better and finally the solution. This rhetoric feature is used to
both attract the readers attention and create the informal feeling that comes with non-academic
articles especially as seen in Tumblr posts.
The purpose of each type of article is extremely different to each other thus creating
different structures. Because the academic articles purpose is to educate and extend knowledge
they use moves such as keyword titles, bullet points, and organization. Before each paragraph
there are always 3-8 word titles that describe what the paragraph is going to be about. This
allows the educated audience to be able to find exactly what they are looking for quickly and
efficiently. The bullet points allow for straightforward reading that provide easy access to facts
and data research. The article is organized in sections that are separated by lines, the important
words are italicized and bolded. All of these moves serve the purpose of educating the reader. It
allows the reader to find the information they are looking for efficiently so they do not waste
time reading facts they are not looking for.
The scholarly articles are constructed by ideas. Each paragraph begins with the topic
written in bold. This allows the reader to understand fully what they are about to read. For
example, it begins with introduction, then goes into more detail about the topic of college
insomnia. The author in the academic articles use many definitions and often explain each

Comment [17]: I think you're jumping around a bit/lot

here, Jasmine. How do all these ideas fit together?

important word they introduce to the reader while the author of the Tumblr post has no need to
do this since there is no word that needs to be defined since the diction is conversational and
understandable.
The Tumblr post structure differs with moves such as the use of color, creative fonts, and
short paragraphs. The color in the text catch the audience attention since this post is most likely
stumbled upon instead of looked up like the academic text is. There is also a creative font to
create a laid back mood. The paragraphs are short compared to the scientific text so it does not
overwhelm the reader.
These two articles also are different in how much time they took. It is obvious that the
scholarly articles took a lot of time of research while the Tumblr post was more written on the
spot. A lot more research went into the scholarly article since everything in it needs to be correct
in order for it to be referenced. The length also distinguishes the articles from each other. The
scholarly articles were pages and pages about the topic while the Tumblr post was short and
sweet. They were both to the point but served a different point of view. The scholarly articles
serve to answer multiple questions while the Tumblr post serves to answer one specific question.
Although these articles are about the same topic, the way they are carried out is completely
different.
These articles both accomplish something different. The non-academic pieces provide
information that everyone can understand, being easy to read yet still informational. It educates
the general public and allows everyone to gain knowledge no matter their background in the
subject. The scholarly articles, although aimed at a professional audience, presents more detailed
and specific information. It allows for extensive knowledge on the subject and after fully reading
the article, the reader will very qualified in explaining the subject in both technical and overall

Comment [18]: OK, but why is this significant? Why are

you telling me this?

terms. The audience may find the scholarly articles more persuasive since there is more sources
and facts used to back them up. But the nonacademic article may also be persuasive since it pulls
at more personal strings and really allows the reader to understand what it feel like to have
insomnia in college through the authors personal experience and opinions.
The limitations of the scholarly article are that it is not allowed to use opinions and
personal experiences that the non-academic articles are allowed to use. But vice versa, the nonacademic articles are not limited to, but usually do not use resources to back up their point. The
nonacademic article is focused around personal opinions while the scholarly article revolves
around different sources and facts which prove different points.
Overall these articles are effective in their own purpose. The scholarly articles fulfill the
purpose of education and awareness while the nonacademic accomplishes the purpose of
entertainment and overall information. Although the two types of texts contain the same topic of
college insomnia, their purpose sets them apart in their choice of rhetorical features, conventions,
moves, and construction.

Works Cited
Hershner, Shelley D., and Ronald D. Chervin. "Causes and Consequences of Sleepiness among College
Students." Nature and Science of Sleep. Dove Medical Press, 23 June 2014. Web. 12 May 2016.
"Insomnia Cures for Teenagers Who Can't Sleep." Insomnia Cures For Teenagers Who Can't Sleep.
N.p., 11 Dec. 2012. Web. 12 May 2016.
McCann, Kathleen. "AASM News Archive." AASM. American Academy of Sleep Medicine, 9 June
2008. Web. 12 May 2016.

Writing 2 Feedback Matrix for WP2

Table of Textual Features and Qualities

Thesis Statement

Did Not Meet

Met

Exceeded

Expectations

Expectations

Expectations

Use of Textual Evidence from

Genres
Use of Course Readings

X/X-

Analysis

Organization/Structure
Attention to Genre/Conventions
and Rhetorical Factors

X
X

Attention to Moves

Exploration of Disciplinarity

X-

Sentence-level Clarity,

Mechanics, Flow

Comments and Grade

Jasmine,

You brought in a lot of interesting information into this piece, and Im glad you didnt shy away
from using textual evidence. My #1 piece of advice is: find a more cohesive argument and tie the
pieces more tightly together. Think long and hard about how all of this adds up and, most
importantly, why it matters. Its gotta all be relevant though: dont just lay down any/every sort of
information you can -- pick your points.

My other main piece of advice, which is equally as the one, above, is this: I think you really need to
give your organization and paragraph-by-paragraph structure more thought. As a reader, I felt like I
was jumping around quite often, from what seemed like a (sometimes) random idea, and then onto a

paragraph that analyzed something completely different. I never knew where I was going. So heres
what I want you to consider here on out in your writing (beyond this course too): what are some
ways, plural, that you could construct your paper/argument? Then, once youve got options (plural
again!), choose which one you think makes the most sense for you AND for the reader.

Z
7/10