TAMIU FYWP ENGL 1302 Research Genre 3 Position Essay

Research Genre 3 Peer Review: Editing

Directions: Mark your responses directly onto the paper you are editing. Or, you can write your
answers here. If you are unsure, simply state that something seems off but you are unsure of
what.

1. How is the essay organized? Does each paragraph contain one and only one main idea
that connects to the thesis? Does this organization help move the ideas forward? Tell the
author if the organization works or offers organization ideas.

The essay is organized well it has the intro, body, and conclusion and the
introduction talks about what the essay will be about the next paragraphs have sub-
headings of what the paragraph is going to talk about and they match up with the
thesis statement.

It does help the ideas move forward because the thesis statement gives you an intro
of what the essay will be talking about and the next paragraphs will go into detail
about the main points.

2. Where could the author use stronger transitions to strengthen connections between his/her
points?

For the third paragraph introduce this quote and make the intro of the paragraph
strong because it will set the direction and tone for the paragraph.

“Kids spend a considerable amount of time using smartphones at homes, schools,

and public places, which Ramirez 3 leads to addiction” (Khan 1).

‘’The interactions that children have during their first years old are important for
their abilities to communicate with others around them.’’

3. Does the author have a thesis statement that is debatable, narrow, and that accurately
reflects what is argued in the paper itself? What part of the thesis is the stance/conclusion
and what part is the reasons/premises used to back up that stance/conclusion? Mark the
thesis in your edited version of their draft. If their thesis is weak or lacking in some area
explain how the author could make the thesis stronger.

The thesis statement is debatable and does reflect what is to be argued the
highlighted words are the main points.

‘’Child exposure to cell phones, iPads, and similar smart devices should be limited
until they are mentally mature enough to process the high levels of information and
stimulus put out by such electronics because otherwise, they will suffer from mental
health issues including addiction, diminished social skills, and less emotional
control.’’
TAMIU FYWP ENGL 1302 Research Genre 3 Position Essay

This part of the thesis outlines the reasons or premises, providing the foundational
arguments that support the main claim.

‘’Child exposure to cell phones, iPads, and similar smart devices should be limited
until they are mentally mature enough to process the high levels of information and
stimulus put out by such electronics’’

This part of the thesis presents the stance, serving as the conclusion which
underscores the central argument of the essay.

‘’because otherwise, they will suffer from mental health issues including addiction,
diminished social skills, and less emotional control.’’

4. Where could the author use more detail to further illustrate his/her thesis? Indicate these
places in the text.

In the body paragraphs provide more detail by expanding on the main points there
could be more quotes in the paragraphs that support the sub-heading maybe add two
quotes from each source.

5. Are the style and tone of the essay appropriate for the audience?
The style of the essay is appropriate because it matches the intended audience's
expectations and effectively communicates the author's message.

6. Does each paragraph contain a topic sentence that accurately and effectively shows what
the paragraph will be about without including quotes or being too long or too vague?
Highlight the topic sentences in your edited version of your peer’s draft. If the topic
sentence is weak or lacking in some area then explain how the author could make the
topic sentence stronger and more effective.

‘’When one goes out, it is very likely to find a child using a cell phone without even
looking away from it.’’
This topic sentence you provided does convey the idea that children are often
engrossed in cell phones but you could consider rephrasing it to make it more
accurate and effective.

‘’Studies have observed high instances of addiction among mentally immature

children who use cell phones.’’
It’s a good start to the topic sentence but you could mention the types of studies or
provide a bit more context like what kind of studies if you just leave it like that.
TAMIU FYWP ENGL 1302 Research Genre 3 Position Essay

‘’ The interactions that children have during their first years old are important for
their abilities to communicate with others around them.’’
This topic sentence is accurate and effective it conveys the importance of early
interactions in children's communication development but you might want to make it
stronger by being more specific.

7. Is the author too repetitive or presents too much information? In other words, does the
essay overwhelm you as a reader because there is too much information or underwhelm
you because there is too little information?
No, the author isn’t repetitive, they provide just the right amount of information to
convey their points.

8. Is the essay confusing because information has been omitted and/or too much information
is assumed to be known by the readers?
No, the essay isn’t confusing it provides good enough information and clearly explains
the subject matter.

9. Does the author include a section where they acknowledge, explain, and counter
positions/viewpoints that disagree with their own? Does this section include enough
evidence/quotes that help explain the alternative positions before they address them with
counterarguments or could they have included more? Does the author do a good job of
countering the alternative viewpoints/positions? If this section is lacking in any area,
what are some changes that the author can make to improve it?
The author has included that section yet but when they do add examples of opposing
views, provide deeper analysis, or use stronger arguments to enhance that section.

10. Is the essay in the correct MLA format?

The essay is correctly in MLA Format.

11. What are three things that this author does very well?

1. The author was able to convey their ideas and arguments to the readers.

2. The author backs up their statements with evidence and reasoning.

3. The author captivates the reader's attention and maintains their interest throughout
the writing.

12. What are two or three revision suggestions you have for the writer (that you haven’t
mentioned up until this point)?
1. Make sure your essay flows smoothly by improving transitions between paragraphs.

2. Revisit your thesis statement to ensure it’s clear and reflects the main argument of
your essay.