TAMIU FYWP ENGL 1301: Visual Analysis

Essay 2 Peer Review: Editing

Directions: Mark your responses directly onto the paper you are editing, or you can write your
answers here. If you are unsure, simply state that something seems off, but you are unsure of
what.

1. How is the essay organized? Does each paragraph contain one and only one main
idea that connects to the controlling idea for the essay? Does this organization help
move the ideas forward? Tell the author if the organization works or offer
organization ideas.
The author does a great job of formatting their ideas into distinct paragraphs and to
explain each point concisely. By analyzing the visual elements of the background and of
the aspects covering the woman’s face in different paragraphs, the author helps organize
different pieces of evidence and progressively moves the ideas forward.

2. Where could the author use stronger transitions to strengthen connections between
his/her points? For a reminder about transitions, please visit:
https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/mechanics/transitions_and_transitional_devic
es/index.html
Instead of introducing the second paragraph with the visual elements that the author
intends to analyze, the author can create a smoother transition that changes from the
introduction’s thesis to the explanation of elements. This change can connect to different
parts of the essay and help improve their flow of ideas.

3. Does the author have any fragments, comma splices, or run-ons? If so, mark them
in the text. If you know the rule, then go ahead and offer advice to the author. If you
do not know the rule, then simply mention that something seems off. For a
reminder, please visit:
https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/english_as_a_second_language/esl_students/punctuation/com
mas.html
After further reviewing the essay with a more focused perspective, I did not find any
sentences that fail to meet the requirements of proper English. However, when the author
uses the sentence, “the white color could exemplify integrity and goodwill but is snappily
juxtaposed by her bright red eyes and the brightly colored moth,” they could potentially
incorporate a comma between both clauses to create a compound sentence.

4. Where could the author use more detail to further illustrate his/her claim? Does the
author provide a sufficient amount of evidence from the image? Indicate these
places in the text where the author gives details and where the author needs to add
more.
When the author references Salvador Dali's In Voluptas Mors, the author can provide
more context on its significance along with how it ties in with the visual element of the
moth. However, apart from this talking point, I believe the essay complies with
implementing a sufficient amount of evidence to prove their ideas.
TAMIU FYWP ENGL 1301: Visual Analysis

5. Are the style and tone of the essay appropriate for the audience?
The author’s writing style can be categorized as informative and directed, which help not
only provide a well-defined argument but also keep a steady claim. The author also
avoids incorporating tangential information that can confuse the reader from the main
argument.

6. Are the sentences and word choices varied? Does the author use strong, active verbs
and solid, descriptive nouns? Indicate where the author could strengthen the verbs
and nouns.
Since most verbs can be characterized as active throughout the developing essay, the
author helps facilitate the reading for the reader and places significance upon the visual
elements. The use of varying sentences and distinct vocabulary evokes a productive
delivery of their message.

7. Is the author too repetitive or present too much information? In other words, does
the essay overwhelm you as a reader because there is too much information or
underwhelm you because there is too little information? Indicate in the text where
the author needs less or more information.
After reviewing the contents of the essay, I believe the author’s ability to express
themselves in a concise yet expressive fashion prevents the passage from evoking a sense
of repetitiveness to it. However, when constructing the argument of the moth, I believe
the author can improve their intended message by incorporating the context and
significance of the visual element.

8. Is the essay confusing because information has been omitted and/or too much
information is assumed to be known by the readers?
An important place within the essay that I believe the author can add more information is
the conclusion. As stated before, if the author incorporates an improved response to the
three questions that the prompt asks for, I believe the author can end their essay in a
better and more productive note.

9. Is the essay in the correct MLA format?

According to the guidelines and rules deliberately expressed across the terms of MLA
format, I believe the author’s essay structure aligns with such terms.

10. Indicate in the text the author’s strengths and weaknesses.

I believe the author’s strengths consist of their ability to express themselves in a concise
yet informative manner that helps move their ideas. The author also does a great job at
organizing their material into separate paragraphs, which prevents the reader from
becoming confused. However, I believe the writer can incorporate more evidence when
analyzing the visual element of the moth.
TAMIU FYWP ENGL 1301: Visual Analysis

11. What are two or three revision suggestions you have for the writer?
I suggest the author improve the delivery and response to the three questions related to
the conclusion. As stated before, the writer can include necessary commas and more
evidence-backed information to certain visual elements.