Peer Reviewed Paper: Alejandra Martinez’s Essay 2 First Draft

Peer Reviewer: Fernando M Gomez

Unit 2 Peer Review Workshop: Content

Directions: Mark your responses directly onto the paper you are editing. Or you can write your
answers here. If you are unsure, simply state that something seems off, but you are unsure of
what.

1. Does the author make a claim (thesis statement) about the connections and disagreements
of the research in the field on their chosen topic? Does this claim reveal something about
the varying perspectives on the topic? What is the thesis statement? Mark it in the essay.

The introduction is clear and introduces the readers to the topic to be discussed. A sight
of awareness is also presented to show how the topic influences readers in the current
day-to-day basis. And the author explains clearly what is going to be discussed
throughout the article, going as far as stating clearly what the subtopics of the major topic
will be: the perspectives of politics, adoption, social views, and religion on same-sex
relationships. The subtopic of “adoption” in the thesis is unclear, however.

2. Is the author’s thesis statement clear and direct? Does it make a claim about the findings
and come at the end of the literature review? If not, give the author suggestions for
revision.

The author’s thesis statement is clear and direct. It states clearly what is going to be
discussed and establishes a common argument around what scholars have to say about
the topic. It makes a claim about the findings on perspectives and views on same-sex
relationship. At the end of the literature review, the thesis is restated and how more
research can be made is included.

3. Does the author present an argument for the topic? Or, does the author present an
argument for the differing perspectives of the topic? If they argue the topic, offer revision
suggestions so s/he can present the differing viewpoints on this topic.

The author presents an argument for the differing perspectives of the topic. In fact, they
can present a clear synthesis of the research on the topic rather than including themselves
as if they were to include an argument of their own. Rather than stating their opinion, the
author presents the information clearly while avoiding including her own opinions.

4. Does the author use correctly cited paraphrases, summaries, or direct quotations from
his/her sources as evidence? Where could the author use more?
 The author mostly uses cited paraphrases and direct quotations from her sources as
evidence. However, there are many citations with no quotation signs; this may make for
unclear citing. A suggestion would be for the author to use more citations and references.
Not there aren’t any, but the quotation marks are not very present.

5. Are the sources peer-reviewed? Mark them in the text. Tell the author if the sources are
not peer-reviewed so they know to find other sources.

Sources are peer-reviewed. Works cited shows the references as part of scholarly, peer-
reviewed articles. The titles are also clear about what each article talks about concerning
the topic of same-sex marriage.

6. Where could the author use more detail to further illustrate his/her claim? Where could
the author use examples to demonstrate his/her point? Mark these in the text.

The author provides enough detail and illustrates her claim clearly by providing examples
of the arguments presented by the scholars in their articles and research.

7. Does the author maintain objectivity during his/her essay? Does the author establish
his/her ethos as an author? How can he/she be more reliable? Mark in the text where the
author tends to be subjective.

The author maintains objectivity throughout the essay. She establishes her ethos as an
author by presenting information clearly and on behalf of the articles and referenced
articles. In other words, the information is being presented in a way that it seems as if the
authors were having a scholarly discussion and the author is presenting what they are
talking about. The author is reliable in this sense by presenting the information without
including her own opinion.

8. Does the author have solid topic sentences that contain only one main point? Does the
author maintain that focus throughout the paragraph? Give revision suggestions to the
author so that s/he can revise for cohesion.

The author has solid topic sentences containing a main point of the thesis. And the
paragraphs talk about that main point objectively without going into another topic. The
author can separate the subtopics and write about the articles directly in how they relate
to the subtopic.

9. How is the essay organized? Did the author organize it based upon the articles or did the
author organize the essay based upon ideas? Remember, that the author should organize
his/her essay so that the perspectives in the research are in conversation with each other.
Give revision suggestions to the author so that s/he can revise for cohesion.
 The author organized the articles based upon ideas and the information is presented in a
way that the subtopics include how the articles talked about that common subtopic all
while under the main topic of same-sex marriage. The articles are adapted to talk and
have a conversation about the topic while highlighting similarities and differences
between articles.

10. What are three things that this author does very well?

The author can use information from all the articles and integrate it into her essay as a
synthesis of research. She is also able talk about the topic in a straightforward way while
not presenting a personal argument about the topic. And the author is able include clear
references as support for the claims that are established by the authors; the author
presents them in a clear way.

11. What are three revision suggestions you have for the writer?

Three revision suggestions I would have for the writer would be to include more
quotation marks in the sections where the information is referenced so that readers know
what exactly is being cited, be more clear on what “adoption” entails concerning the topic
in the thesis, and cite information that may make reference to information being
summarized.

Hey there, Alejandra! I looked over your essay and other are many things to commend you
for. Here are some recommendations:

1. Your subtitles are clear on the subtopics of the main topic. Your thesis works in
accordance with your sub-sections. Just one thing: you might want to look over the topic of
adoption, which you mentioned in the thesis. It is somewhat unclear as part of the thesis or
a sub-topic. Try to clarify what aspect of adoption or the adoption of what it is you are
talking about. How does it relate to the topic?

2. You should definitely try to add more quotations. Although you are referencing your work
responsibly, it is crucial that you include quotation marks to make it clear what information
you are taking from the specific article you are talking about. It is vital that you include
direct quotes accompanied by explanations of how that quote contributes to your essay
overall.

3. You cited your sources per MLA format: Lastname of the author of the article references,
followed by a comma and the page number; or including the last name within the sentence
and including a page number inside parenthesis. Good work!
4. You could add to the introduction a few quotes that may summarize and introduce the
topic that you are considering. Perhaps there is an article that talks about same-sex
marriage in a broad or general view. For example, you could present the opinion-based and
political point of view as a hook so that your readers can see the range of what you are to
talk about (i.e. "This is the opinion of the people and this is the opinion of the government")

5. Since this essay is a literature review of scholars talking about the same topic, being
repetitive is unavoidable. Nonetheless, your essay does not sound wordy but rather it is
informative.