Alejandra Martinez

ENGL 1302-101

Dr. Sharity Nelson

3 December 2022

Essay 3 Peer Feedback

Peer Review Round 1
 Try starting with "Many of those affiliated with the LGBTQ community feel that they are
treated poorly in comparison to heterosexuals, but recently society has shown a greater
acceptance and broader understanding for the community. In regards to the legal
rights….the gay rights movement…." I suggests this because this way your intro will
transition into the legal aspect of things. Also make sure to add a clear thesis.
 Try " Although social norms are constantly changing we can see a great division between
the generations. Specifically on their views and acceptance of the LGBTQ community.
Their mentally depends heavily on their upbringing, religious beliefs, gender and race.
An example of is can be seen in the state of Utah…" You can also go into more detail
about what specific generation is the most closed off.
 I think Mormonism could be considered a religion?
 Try being more specific here. What "times" are you talking about?
 You can maybe start a new paragraph to talk about the acceptance young adults and
college students have towards the LGBTQ community.
 Try agreeing with yourself more. Lol. Like convincing the reader on your opinion.
Something like "Thankfully, young generations have already shown acceptance and open
mindedness to the LGBTQ community. This will positively change our social norms and
consequently our society. We will have a better understanding of all people and therefore
will be able to communicate with each other better."
 This paragraph is good, try adding a quote that can help reinforce what your saying.
 Maybe you can include a coming out story here
 This could also be used at the start of the paragraph
 This is a good start
 I would say no but im also not that great at thesis statements either lol.
 Maybe something like " The LGBTQ people have existed for many years, but have been
hiding in the dark. Thankfully, in more recent years these people feel safe to be
themselves around others. Social movements have encouraged the law to change for the
better and be more inclusive…"?? Im not sure maybe you could use this also for another
body paragraph.
 I think the argument your trying to present is legal rights for the LGBTQ community?
But add more of the governmental aspect.
 Yes this is a good topic.
 I tried to add helpful information to my comments I hope they were helpful.
 You have a really good starting point and this is a good first draft.