THEY CAME BY THE HUNDREDS

TO MONTGOMERY VILLAGE NEAR

GAITHERSBURG DRAWN BY A VISION
O-F TRUE CHRISTiAN COMMUNITY. MANY
LATER LEFT AMID CHARGES OF CULTISM AND
EMOTIONAL ABUSE. A TALE OF FAITH POWER
MONEY THE CATHOLIC CHURCH AND THE HUMAN SPIRIT
FIR S T o F TWO ARTICLES they arrived, community members poured out of houses up and
God seemed to be calling them to Gaithersburg. down the neighborhood. "Allof a sudden people were coming over
Stan Weightman Sr. arrived in a la-gallon hat and ostrich-skin the mountain like a drove of ants," recalls their daughter Mary,
boots, clutching the wheel of a U-Haultruck. It was April 1980.Gray who was 13 at the time. They marched over and formed a "bucket
skies threatened rain. He found his way to Montgomery Village, a brigade" to pass furniture and boxes from hand to hand. "There
sprawlingtown-housedevelopment and planned community off Inter- must have been 15 or 20 people in our town house, marching up
state 270 erected as a mecca of affordable suburban living.Stan and and down the stairs, with my mother just standing and pointing."
his wife,Judy, wanted that, but something more, too.They wanted to Stan and Judy Weightman thought it was wonderfuL It was like
raise their familyin a wholesome environment, where their children people on a farm, Stan thought, everybody pitching in to raise a
could learn genuine Christian values. They had decided to move barn. The U-Haultruck emptied out. The volunteers shoved the last
cross-country from Arizona to join Mother of God, a largely Catholic piece of furniture-a spinet piano-through the town-house door
religious community taking form in Montgomery Village. The just as the skies opened in a deluge.
Weightmans had heard about Mother of God from Judy's sister, Mary Weightman stood off to one side. It was all a little odd, she
whose family had already joined. Stan and Judy had weighed the is- thought. "There were so many grinning faces, and big bright eyes,"
sues, then put their house up for sale, packed their worldly belong- she recalls. "Everybody was so friendly, and they didn't even know
ings and pointed their truck toward suburban Washington. me. I remember thinking, 'Why are all these people here?' "
Stan fretted on the way about having to unload all the furniture. By the time the Weightmans moved to Montgomery Village,
But the Weightmans didn't yet understand the Mother of God was thriving. News about the
all-for-onespirit of Mother of God. Soon after BY J USTI N GI LLI S community had spread for years around the

PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BYIRAIDAICAZA

APRI L [3,1997 13
country, even around the world-from priests and through news-
letters and by word of mouth. Mother of God was said to be a place
where brotherhood and sisterhood were not just empty words.
So they had come by the hundreds, from as close by as Rockville
and as far away as Australia. Along with the Weightrnans from Ari-
zona came the Van Zutphens from Canada, the Cavanaughs from An-
napolis, the Wests from Pennsylvania. Spiritually, they sought a com-
munity of Christian faith. Socially, they wanted a haven to raise their
children away from the drugs and violence and decadence that
plagued America. On some cul-de-sacs in Montgomery Village,
Mother of God adherents bought more than half the homes. Not
only could the kids grow up together in a Christian environment, the
parents reasoned, but the adults could trade news, prayers and cups
of sugar over the back fence.
By the 19808, as the Weightrnans settled in, the people of Mother of
God-some 1,200 at the eventual peak-were building something im-.
pressive to behold, at least from the outside. Mother of God leaders
sponsored retreats and courted high-ranking Catholic leaders. The
community started a devotional magazine that was distributed in a
quarter of the Catholic parishes in the United States and to all corners
of the world. Some members did the community's work for low or no
wages. Others held outside jobs and tithed 5 or 10 percent of their in-
come to the community. Mother of God even spun off businesses, run by
its adherents, whose sales hit the tens of millions of dollars. A new com-
LOOI(ING BACI( ON WHY THEY JOINED~ FORMER
MEMBERS SAY THAT ORDINARY PARISHE~ SEEMED
DRY AND LIFELESS TO THEM. 'I REMEMBER FEELING VERY
WELCOMED ALMOST FAWNED
'THERE WAS'A WARMTH THERE THAT I HADN'T EVER FELT BEFORE!
munity headquarters eventually rose on Goshen Road outside Gaithers-
burg, complete with a schoolhouse, offices, a gym, a library, meeting
rooms, even livingquarters for some ofthe Mother of God leaders.
Perhaps most impressive of all were the Mother of God members
themselves. To outsiders and prospective members, they seemed
.warm, intelligent and idealistic. Some were lawyers, doctors, university
professors, accountants, computer experts, senior federal employees.
Sue Cavanaugh and her husband, Roger, moved to Mother of God in
1978 from Annapolis. A big draw was the prospect of such compelling
neighbors. "They were functional people," Sue Cavanaugh recalls.
"They could carryon a conversation. They stayed married to each
other. They had presentable children who were polite."
They seemed, in short, to have found a way to truly live out their
values in the Mother of God community-they seemed to have
found a higher plane.
'CITY UPON A HILL'
Over the last several years, since about 1994-without headlines or
fanfare or even much notice being taken by neighbors-the Mother
of God community has come apart at the seams.
Following an investigation by the Catholic Church, hundreds of
people who once belonged to Mother of God have left, many of them
in anger and despair. Many have concluded that they dedicated some
of the best years of their lives to a group that abused and exploited
them. Some of these people now say the group took almost complete
control of their lives. Some of them say that Mother of God leaders
told them when and whom to date, what to talk about on dates, how
long to spend together-even what streets to drive on during an
evening out. Some former members say their marriages were
arranged by Mother of God superiors ana that they were manipu-
lated into marrying partners they did not love. Ex-members say they
were told where to honeymoon, how to eat, dress and decorate their
homes, and how to have sex. Some say they VV'eretold whether or
14 THE WASHI 'GTON POST MAGAZINE
where to go to college, what to study, and what jobs to take. Others
say they were pressed to leave good jobs or to cut ties with their fami-
lies so they could devote themselves fully to the group. Some ex-
members also say they were mistreated and underpaid while work-
ing for Mother of God businesses, and were pressured to keep quiet
about it.
Haltingly, painfully, dozens of ex-members have concluded that
Mother of God was really a cult. A suburban cult.
Not everybody who has left the group is comfortable with that
word. It is a difficult word to use precisely, especially about a group
that so resembles mainstream religion. Still, many former members
now believe-after talking to cult experts-that they were subjected
to a program of psychological manipulation so intense that it de-
serves to be called mind control.
"The best way to describe it is that I feel like I have been raped,"
says Christopher West, a student of Catholic theology whose family
spent seven years in Mother of God. "I did a lot of bad stuff to my
husband and my kids, and I have a lot of regrets," says Sue Ca-
vanaugh. "In some ways, I feel I've been had," says the Rev. Thomas
Weinandy, a Catholic priest and Oxford University theologian who
spent two decades in the community.
Cardinal James A Hickey, the Catholic archbishop of Washing-
ton, concluded in 1995, after an investigation, that Mother of God had
wrought "great damage" by violating members' privacy and leaving
OVER' RECALLS RICI{ HERALD.
them emotionally vulnerable. "We crossed a line we should not have
crossed," Robert J. Roche, a leading Mother of God member, said in
a speech after the community had fallen apart. "Instead of just help-
ing people, we began to make decisions for each other and intruded
into each other's private lives. We gave up our own decision-making
... and, to a great extent, gave up exercise of our own conscience to
the community conscience."
For most of its history, Mother of God had been controlled by a
family named Difato, led by a mother-and-son team, Edith and
Joseph. Hickey asked the Difatos to step down. Ultimately, in ex-
change for agreeing to leave, the Difatos negotiated a legal settle-
ment that protects them from lawsuits by their former followers and
casts a veil of secrecy over community financial records. A coterie of
people who think highly of the Difatos wound up in control of
Mother of God's prime cash engine, a magazine called The Word
Among Us, which is still published in about half a dozen languages
and distributed worldwide.
Money is one subject of the questions still lingering around the
community. Some ex-members have come to believe that power and
profiteering, not religious faith, became the real motives behind
Mother of God. "The Difato family business," Roger Cavanaugh now
calls the community. Ex-members have been asking for a detailed ac-
counting of the money that moved through the nonprofit corpora-
tions controlled by the Difatos-about $23.9 million over the six
years for which tax returns are available.
Questions also linger about the role of the Catholic Church.
Dozens of priests and nuns visited Mother of God over the years, and
some stayed for long periods, becoming aides to the Difatos. Their
presence legitimized the community in the eyes of many members.
Surely, these people thought, Catholic priests would blow the whistle
if anything were seriously wrong. In fact, some of the priests now say
they did see problems but failed to bring them to the attention of the
church hierarchy.
 The account that follows is drawn from interviews with more
than 70 former community members, as well as outside specialists
and church leaders. It is also based on more than 5,000 pages of in-
ternal community documents, as well as speeches, videotapes and
other materials. The Difatos declined many requests from The
Washington Post for interviews and also declined to answer written
questions about Mother of God. Joseph Difato, who ran the commu-
nity's day-to-day operations for many years, issued a brief statement
"A newspaper article is not the proper place in which to air the
religious differences which led to the division of the Mother of God
community. Nor is it the place to comment on baseless allegations
which inevitably surface during times of emotional stress and
which were initiated by a handful of former community members.
It is my hope that all those involved will move on with their lives
with mutual respect and love."
Some former Mother of God members who remain loyal to the
Difatos did agree to be interviewed. In general, they argue that while a .
few of Mother of God's practices may have been ill-considered, overall
the community's leaders did their followers far more good than harm.
They argue that true, intense Christian faith of the kind demanded by
Mother of God's rules requires strength and commitment from believ-
ers, and that some of the dissidents who now complain about sup-
posed excesses just were not strong enough to follow the communi-
ty's path. Moreover, they say, it is wrong to blame the Difatos
for the choices made by their followers. Nobody was forced by
violence or physical threats to stay in the community, they
point out, and ultimately each believer was responsible for his MOT HER 0 F GOD began when Judith Ty-
or her choices. Finally, some of these former members ex- dings, left in top photo, and Edith Dlfato, right,
press consternation about the role of anti-cult activists and the formed a tiny prayer group. Counterclockwise
Catholic Church in Mother of God's final breakup, arguing from above: a gathering of the expanding flock
that destructive, false ideas were planted by outsiders-if not
In the late 70s; Edith Dlfato flanked by two ~
by Satan-in the minds of community dissidents.
ollc priests, Michael Duggan, left, and Theo-
Some of these former members say they're. still trying to
sort out what happened. "In the Bible there was a lot of dis- phane Rush; Joseph Difato, Edith's eldest son,
cord, a lot of anger, a lot of grieving," says one. "That's what a leader of the community; atrd a )louth choir.
we as human beings have. That's the only thing that makes a
little bit of sense."
Although suburban town houses may not be a typical set-
ting, bands of Americans for centuries have aspired to a purer,
higher form of community, the sort of place that John
Winthrop, the Puritan governor of Massachusetts, referred to
as a "city upon a hill." The impulse is an aspect of American
national character-the move to a new place, the search for a better
way of life, the longing for a deeper, richer spiritual experience. Play-
ing out repeatedly in American history, this impulse has given birth
to groups as diverse as the Shakers, the Oneida Perfectionists, the
people of Brook Farm, the Mormons. Many such groups have felt
the need to separate themselves from "the world," a place they have
seen as corrupt and evil, and to turn inward. Often these groups have
done so under the sway of charismatic leaders preaching that they
have discovered transcendent truths about human life.
Some groups have turned so far inward, become so clannish and
embraced such unusual values that mainstream society has labeled
them "sects" or "cults."
Cult is a loaded word. American academic experts are engaged in
a vigorous debate over whether it has any real meaning, with intelli-
gent, well-credentialed people arguing on each side of the question.
Many clinical psychologists believe there are groups that can sensi-
bly be called cults because they use a particular set of psychological
techniques-distinct from mainstream religious practices-to gain
an extraordinary degree of control over people's lives. For every
group that destroys itself in a fiery Goetterdaemmerung, these psy-
chologists contend, scores more use similar techniques but operate
quietly, with the leaders manipulating their followers for their own
gain. These psychologists argue that the public must learn to recog-
nize the techniques involved, or risk being victimized.
 On the other side, some sociologists of religion don't believe the
word "cult" can be meaningfully defined. In the absence of physical
violence and coercion, they doubt that any set of manipulative tech-
niques is powerful enough to change people against their wilL If peo-
ple in a particular group don't like what's going on there, these sociol- .
ogists ask, why don't they just walk away? These sociologists also
argue that groups labeled cults don't really differ much from estab-
lished religions, and that they have incurred the suspicion of society
mostly because they are new or different.
By anybody's standard, it is unusual to find a large community of
educated, middle-class Catholics in an American suburb applying the
word "cult" to themselves. But that is exactly what has happened
near Gaithersburg.
Perhaps the only way to explain the events in those Montgomery
Village town houses is to start at the beginning.

WARMTH AND HARMONY

The Mother of God community was born in the 1960s. Two women
then living in Potomac, Edith Difato and-Judith Tydings, underwent
profound spiritual experiences while participating in a "charismatic
renewal" movement taking root among American Catholics. They
formed a tiny prayer group, meeting initially in living rooms and
church basements.
Tydings held a master's degree in history and taught in Catholic
high schools. She would eventually raise four children and write a
book about Catholic Church history. Her husband was not
religious, but Tydings clung strongly to the faith.
Edith Difato and her husband, Michael, came originally
JOSEPH DIFATO ana Felicia ButdlCk at from the Philadelphia area. A motherly woman of medium
their wedding reception in May 1975. Clock- height and youthful appearance, Edith never went to college,
wise from below: Instructions for "Infonnation but was an avid reader. She seemed to excel at putting reli-
Gathering" abOut followers; the community gious ideas into daily practice. She exuded such an air of con-
fidence that people sometimes use the word "mesmerizing"
compound on Goshen Road outside Gaith-
to describe her. Some who knew her describe her as warm
ersburg; segments of a "Buddy Report" for
on the surface, but with an iron will underneath. "She was a
, ke,eplng back, of personal infornfatlOl1 01'1
lot of fun to be around-talkative, vivacious, earthy, good
members; and If Mother of ~od singing group. sense of humor," Tydings says. "I think she was quick men-
tally, and very perceptive about people. One of her favorite
expressions to me when she would be talking about some-
INfORMATION GATHERING
body would be, 'I know how his mind works.' "
>5exw;lit)'
The Catholic charismatic renewal movement that attracted Tyd-
1. INITIAl. STAGES ings and Difato had its roots in ideas and practices more common
among Protestants, such as praying aloud and exuberantly celebrat-
atherin b . in e IS Ro
ing God's love. Charismatics believe the Holy Spirit moves among
."""". I. Througb. eeeveeeeetee about seemingly mundace to the faithful and bestows "charisms," or gifts, such as prophecy or the
hOlle life, previous attendance at aDY prayer meeting,
.~ to find cut lLuch about a person and bow he looka on L
let too personal in our conversations 80 as tp appear
ability to speak in tongues. The movement, which peaked in the
l'"....u:..,'-'-_ .•...,.., do ve c e to both eeke it dear that we are inter 1970s, touched the lives of several million Catholics who worshiped
~#"_,..~ .....
~-- ....•......
, friendship with them."and lather information> The typ
at charismatic services. It found its most intense expression when
looung for iDc:.1.udes:

- Name (£ irst and last)

adherents in several American cities formed special communities
- Age where members pledged to live by the rules of a written covenant. At
- Phone: Qumber
- Educational backg eound least 10,000 strongly committed charismatics became members of
- Occupation (this, in ecebduat i.cu with age, ca
a perlonls level of maturity, responsibilit these "covenant communities." Mother of God was one. Other big
etc. ) groups arose in Ann Arbor, Mich., Steubenville, Ohio, and South
- Family (also an area where a little bit says
strong f811i1y background, ties etc..)
I
Bend, Ind. Counting smaller spinoff groups, there were more than 50
General measurement of social skills
- General eeasureeent of psychologic:ll make-up such communities nationwide.
- Living situation
Religious baekgrou"nd., if any Looking back on why they joined, members say that ordinary
- Any previous esper Lence of Christ?
Why did they eeee to the prayer meeting? Wit
parishes seemed dry and lifeless to them. They wanted to feel more
closely connected to others and to God. "I remember feel-
\ I ing very welcomed, almost fawned over," recalls Rick Her-
I
ald, who joined Mother of God in 1970 after being shaken
/
by the death of an acquaintance. "There was a warmth
there that 1hadn't ever felt before."
In its early years, Mother of God's leadership was infor-
mal and collegial, but as the group grew, it required more
structure. Members recall that all eyes turned toward
Edith Difato, who seemed to have the clearest vision. For
her part, Difato asked her eldest son, Joseph, to join her in the com-
munity's emerging leadership. Joseph had flirted during college
with a career as a golfer but ultimately returned home to devote
himself to Mother of God. As they grew older, Difato's other sons,
Michael Jr. and Jack, became heayily involved as well-the commu-
nity and its spinoff businesses became the sons' principal devotion
and their livelihood.
The group met in various borrowed facilities in Potomac and
Rockville-parish churches, a seminary, a school-until Joseph
Difato directed Mother of God toward Montgomery Village in the
mid-1970s. A gradual migration to the Gaithersburg area began. The
community met at St. John Neumann Catholic Church and eventu-
ally laid plans for its own facilities.
Former members who joined as teenagers or young adults in this
early period say they were attracted in part by the way the Difatos
lived. They were not the kind of religious people who took vows of
poverty. They wore good clothes, drove nice cars, belonged to a
country club. The former members recall feeling relieved to see that
one could combine a comfortable life with deep Christian faith.
Steadily, a group that began as a handful of acquaintances in a
church basement grew into scores, then into hundreds, of loyal
Difato followers. In public, the Difatos seemed to embody the ideals
they preached, those of a happy family working together in personal
and spiritual harmony.
ized that they had been fitted into an elaborate community hierarchy
presided over by the Difatos and a close circle of loyalists. Former
members say that virtually every scrap of information gathered by
the heads-especially personal information about sex and psycholog-
ical or family problems-would find its way up the chain of command.
A Mother of God document from the early 1980s explicitly describes
the information-gathering system. The document was provided to
The Post by a former member of the community, and its authenticity
was confirmed by two people who say they were involved in writing it.
Titled "Information Gathering," the document says that conversation
between heads and followers about "seemingly mundane topics"
could reveal important information. Heads should be careful "not to
appear to be prying" but they should go after the important facts, the
document says. "The more perceptive we are and the more we ask
the right questions and know what to look for, the more painlessly
and thoroughly we will be able to gather information," it says. "All
areas ofthe individual's life should be covered."
The document says that the ultimate purpose of this strategy was
to "know the person inside out so that 'billion dollar control' is possi-
ble." The document counseled Mother of God operatives to find out
from people about their "involvement with drugs, premarital sex, ho-
mosexuality, the occult, criminal offenses, alcohol" and a host of
other issues. "For the person to be competently cared for, not one
iota of this information can be lost," the document says.

AS MOTHER OF GOD CHILDREN EN.TERED HIGH

SCHOOL THE GAP BETWEEN THEM ,AND THEIR PEERS
WIDENED. 'THE OTHER I{IDS THOUGHT THE COMMUNITY WAS
PRETTY WEIRD' STAN WEIGHTMAN JR. RECALLS. 'ONE OF THE NICK-
NAMES FOR IT WAS THE MOG-FIA, WITH ITS NETWORK OF EYES EVERYWHERE!
In private, several former members say, the power the Difatos At one point, Mother of God generated a form called a "Buddy Re-
were acquiring began to go to their heads. port" for information gatherers to fill out. A copy of the report was
mailed anonymously to The Post during its inquiries about Mother of
'INFORMATION GATHERING' God, and its authenticity was confirmed by the person who says he
Early on, Edith Difato helped to develop formal rules for Mother of drew up the form. It asked for information in the "sin areas" of "sexu-
God. The group put its principles into a covenant to which committed ality," "alcohol/drugs" and others. The form contained a large blank
members would subscribe. Like other communities of its kind, space under such headings as "Sexual relationship with spouse." It
Mother of God evolved toward a structure often referred to as "head- asked for a judgment about the subject's "teachableness." And it
ship and submission" or as "shepherding and discipleship." Each new asked for a report on any "Old ideas (refuses to part with)."
member who joined would be assigned a "head" or "shepherd" or Members were encouraged to plan their schedules to the minute
"buddy" That head, in turn, would report to another head up through and their household budgets to the penny, and to submit these plans
a chain of command that terminated with a small cadre at the top. to their heads for approval. Many members were encouraged to fill
Edith Difato took some of her ideas from the works of Stephen B. out daily diaries called "States of the Day" that laid out their
Clark, a leading charismatic organizer who wrote that in such com- thoughts, emotions and activities for each day, with an emphasis on
munities, leaders would be chosen by God; a believer's duty was to intimate information. These, too, would be passed up the chain. For-
obey them without question. Another theoretician whose works mer members say that highly personal information was kept in files
Difato read and recommended to her followers, Douglas Hyde, was a and on computer disks for use by the community leadership. This in-
onetime member of the British Communist Party who proposed in- formation would be used by some heads to create detailed plans for
corporating communist indoctrination techniques into Christianity. members about 'how they should raise their children, interact with
When new members joined Mother of God, they spent the first few their spouse or conduct themselves at work.
months-even a year or two-soaking up warmth and spiritual guid- Some former members still loyal to the Difatos acknowledge that
ance. Gradually, they would be moved into a series of large classes this sort of information gathering took place, but they argue that
and smaller confessional groups, sometimes called clusters. There generally it was part and parcel of the intense commitment to Chris-
they would be introduced to a philosophy that held that the Mother of tian faith that a community like Mother of God required. They say
God community should be the dominant force in their lives. Former the information was used to take care of members and to direct
member Roger Cavanaugh says instructors portrayed everything out- them onto God's path.
side Mother of God as "lost" or "evil," a marked departure from the As they inched further and further into the Mother of God system,
mainstream Catholic doctrine that God loves all of his creation. In a former members say, they learned that questions about its provisions
speech to students, Edith Difato stated her vision succinctly: "I hope weren't tolerated. Roger Cavanaugh remembers bringing up doubts
that this community means more to you than life itself as you begin to in small discussion groups and getting back icy stares. The Difatos
move along and grow further in the knowledge of who you are." and other leaders never quite explained why such blind loyalty was
Former members say that as they spent more and more time an- , necessary, Cavanaugh and others say; instead, the message was con-
swering questions posed by their head or buddy, they gradually real- veyed by shunning those who were per- continued on page 29

BOTTOM PHOTOGRAPH BY LARRY MORRIS 17

MOTHER OF GOD
continued from page 17
ceived to ask too many questions. Members
who didn't learn to echo the Difato line would
be pushed to the margins of the community
or forced out entirely.
All these things happened slowly, over
months or years. Members moved further
into the community one step at a time. Many
now recall developing doubts, but say these
were submerged by the demand for loyalty.
Always they had in mind the positive things
that had drawn them to Mother of God to be-
gin with-the extraordinary warmth, the
strong family life, the conviction that God
had blessed the community.
Former members say this is how they
slowly opened themselves up to manipulation
and became part of a network of informers.
LEARNING THE RULES
Early on in his time at Mother of God, Rick
Herald went on a couple of dates with an-
other member, Felicia Burdick. Herald was
in his early twenties. He chatted about his
hopes with Edith Difato. "We were in the
kitchen talking and this came up, about dat-
ing and girls," he remembers. "She started
zeroing in. She said, 'You really like Felicia,
don't you?' I said, 'Yeah, I want to keep dat-
ing her.' And she said, 'Well, I don't really
want you to. I'm saving her for Joe.' "
He knew she meant her eldest son. "She
was not kidding," Herald says. Joseph
Difato and Felicia Burdick married on May
31,1975.
This was an early glimpse of an aspect of
Mother of God that contributed greatly to
the community's later crises. Former mem-
bers say Edith Difato and her inner circle
had a feverish desire to control the emo-
tionallives of their followers.
The control began with dating, the former
members say. "It was almost like, 'Big
Brother is watching,' " recalls ex-member
Bonnie West. Parents learned from their
heads that their teenaged children were for-
bidden to date until the community's leaders
judged them ready. Even then the commu-
nity would try to control every step. Many
parents say they were taught to distrust
everything their own children said and were
encouraged to mount a steady surveillance
of the community's youngsters.
"We'd be reporting back and forth to
other parents: 'We saw your girl talking to
this boy,' " Stan Weightman recalls. "We'd be
encouraged to look through their dresser
drawers for things, to read diaries if they had
any." Rick Herald recalls being asked by his
head "about how you thought about certain
girls, whether you fantasized about them,
how far your sexual fantasies went." Roger
Cavanaugh says he was asked questions
about whether he masturbated, whether he
fantasized about particular women and how ment throughout his teenage years and early
many minutes it took for him and his wife to adulthood. He periodically rebelled against
have sex. the community's strictures, then felt guilty
As community children grew older and and repented. Over the years, he says,
entered high school, the cultural gap be- Joseph Difato would publicly chastise and
tween them and their peers in the Gaithers- humiliate him. "It wasn't that I thought the
burg area grew wider. "The other kids system was bad," Cummings recalls. "I
thought the community was pretty weird," thought Iwas the problem. I felt like I wasn't
Stan Weightman Jr. recalls. "One of the good enough. I was just a screw-off. It was so
nicknames for it was the MOG-fia, with its painful. I remember driving my car out on
network of eyes everywhere." country roads in high school, and just think-
As young people reached college age, ing about wrapping myself around a tree."
they say, Mother of God's leaders took a At 20, he was thrown out of a communal
keen interest in their plans. Going away to household for unauthorized dating. The
school was strongly discouraged, and some nadir came a couple of years later when he
young members turned down scholarships met and fell deeply in love with a woman
for that reason. who did not belong to the community. Cum-
In their late teens and early twenties, mings says he was subjected to fierce pres-
many young people were pushed to live in sure to break up with her. He did so continu-
single-sex households of six or eight other ally, but their feelings for each other were
Mother of God members, bunking three or powerful, and they would always get back
four to a bedroom, like summer campers. together. In his diary, he would record one
Each household had a head who kept close pressured breakup and anguished reunion
tabs on members' lives and reported on after another.
them to the hierarchy. Convinced that the wishes of Mother of
Studying Catholic theology was discour- God and the wishes of God were identical,
aged. Many ex-members say the Difatos Cummings prayed for deliverance. He
viewed Catholic education as a threat to <pleaded in his diary: "Lord, please break this
their control. Christopher West, Bonnie resistance inside of me."
West's son, says that as he read Catholic
theology on his own and learned more ARRANGED MARRIAGES
about the church's emphasis on each per- Former member Jim Kiernan and his wife,
son's conscience and dignity, he 'began to Valerie, married while both were deeply in-
question Mother of God's operations. The volved with Mother of God. Looking back,
community's leaders objected. "I was con- they describe theirs as an "arranged mar-
tinually told not to study Catholic theology riage," a union created through community
but just to study the teachings that they manipulation.
gave me," West says. He turned down a half- Each joined Mother of God at a young age
scholarship to a Catholic graduate school, and came to accept its rules as normal. "I
acceding to community pressure and taking thought this was elite Catholic teaching,"
a low-level job instead. Valerie Kiernan says.
Yet the internal conflict West felt-the The two did not know each other well. In
struggle between who he was and who the his mid-twenties, Jim Kiernan says, he was
community wanted him to be-kept build- still a virgin and eager to marry. He was
ing. He recalls sitting in his car one day, dou- urged to sit down and make a list of young
bled over in emotional pain, crying out to women on a piece of paper. "I got the com-
God for help. "Who I was and what I was munity phone book out," he recalls. He jot-
supposed to do in life-all of that was getting ted the names of five young women into a
crushed," he says. notebook. Valerie Smith was not on the list.
.That was not an unusual feeling among Kiernan says he turned in the list but heard
Mother of God's younger members. As they nothing back for months. He says he wasn't
formed their identities as young adults- seen as prime marriage material, since he
struggling with the emotional challenges that wasn't on the fast track to Mother of God
face all adolescents-many of them felt keenly leadership.
the gulf between their natural and indepen- Valerie, meanwhile, was asked similar
dent selves and the personalities demanded questions by her head, but she did not come
of them by Mother of God. They were taught back with a long list. There was only one per-
that God had called them and their parents son on it: Jim. "I think he's good-looking,"
to the community, but they didn't under- she told her head.
stand why a situation blessed by God would Looking back, the Kiernans surmise that
be causing such pain. Some teenagers devel- someone in the community hierarchy saw an
oped severe emotional problems=-depres- opportunity to make a match. Valerie recalls
sion, inchoate anger, suicidal thoughts. A few being told at one point, "You're not on Jim's
spent brief periods in mental hospitals. list, but we're talking to him." Jim says a
Former Mother of God member Gary Mother of God member pulled him aside
Cummings says he wrestled with inner tor- and asked if he'd consider dating Valerie. "It
APRIL 13,1997 29
could have been almost anyone at that
point," Jim says. "I said that's someone I'd
consider." Their respective heads set up the
first date: Jim would give Valeriea ride home
from a prayer meeting. They were told what
route to follow,straight down Interstate 270.
"You can't go the long way on the Beltway,"
they recall being told.
On later dates, they say, they were told
ahead of time where to go, what route to
take, what subjects they could discuss. Most
of these were double dates with married
couples where they had little opportunity to
talk one-on-one.After three months and per-
haps 10 dates, they got permission to marry.
Jim recalls going to a priest who was a mem-
ber of the community, the Rev.Michael Dug-
gan, to seek his blessing. Jim explained his
reasons for wanting to get married, without
saying much about his feelings for Valerie.
Duggan interrupted him. "... And because
you love her," the priest said.
The words brought Jim up short. That
had never occurred to him. "I felt like I had
been hit upside the head with a two-by-four,"
he says. But he went ahead with the mar-
riage plans anyway.
In retrospect, Valerie says she can see
how Jim was pressured into accepting her.
"He was manipulated into this," she says in a
tired voice, looking across the living room at
her now-estranged husband. "He was ripe
for the picking."
It is impossible to know exactly how many
marriages were arranged in this fashion,
since most of the people involved will not
speak publicly about them. Several former
members estimated that there was heavy
community involvement in at least 50 mar-
riages, although the degree of control varied
from case to case. Some of these marriages
have worked out. (Arranged marriages are,
after all, a common practice in many parts of
the world.) Even in the Mother of God mar-
riages that haven't worked, most couples are
reluctant to go public for fear of subjecting
their children to ridicule. But clearly some
couples feel they have paid a price for Mother
of God's marriage practices. In four instances
where couples say they were pressured into
marriage by Mother of God, the couples
brought a total of 16 children into the world.
Allof those marriages are now on the rocks.
THE CHURCH'S ROLE
Where was the Catholic Church during all
ofthis?
In one sense, it was part of the fabric of
Mother of God. As many as half a dozen
Catholic priests and a handful of nuns lived
there at a time. The priests offered daily
Mass, heard confessions, taught classes and
took part in group discussions. In addition,
Catholic bishops and cardinals made occa-
sional,ceremonial visits to the community.As
Mother of God grew, Bishop WilliamE. Lori,
30 THE WASHINGTON POST MAGAZINE
vicar general of the Archdiocese of Washing- lems. "Everybody thought the priests were
ton, remembers thinking, "These people re- talking to one another, and in actual fact, we
allytake their faith seriously.If everyone took weren't," says the Rev.Thomas Weinandy, a
their faith that seriously, what would the Capuchin priest who lived at Mother of God
church be like?It wouldbe on fire." for 19years before leavingto teach at Oxford
Members recall that the Difatos were University. "Because there was never a free
careful to court important bishops and cardi- exchange of information, we, as priests,
nals. Mother of God sent representatives to never knew what each other was thinking."
church events such as the installation of While some priests remained intensely
James Hickey as archbishop of Washington loyal throughout, others complained to the
in 1980.Hickey and his aides were invited to Difatos about particular practices at Mother
Mother of God occasionally for meals. At of God.Weinandy says he wrote such memos
one point, Joseph Difato gave Hickey a pres- and that other priests did, too. But he says
entation about the community's business these questions or dissents were ignored or
plans. When Mother of God dedicated a new dismissed. So far as is known, no priest work-
building on February 18, 1990, Hickey was ing at the Mother of God community ever
the first person to sign the guest book. He took his concerns to the archdiocese.
walked through the rooms, blessing each "I certainly don't think anybody here per-
with holy water. 'ceived any kind of a major difficulty," says
Despite the appearance that all of this cre- Bishop Lori. "I think the general feeling was
ated, the truth of the matter was that the that it was something new,but firmly enough
Mother of God community for most of its grounded in the sacramental life and teach-
history had no formal relationship with the ing of the church that it was on a good track."
Catholic Church-the community had not On the outside, at least, the Mother of God
been recognized as a "private association of community was a happy, vibrant group about
the faithful," the church's stamp of approval which there was little cause for worry.
for lay groups. Mother of God's structures "We gave the Difatos legitimacy, and we
and operations had never been reviewed in gave everything that was going on at the
depth by the church. Indeed, some mem- community legitimacy," Weinandy says.
bers of Mother of God were not even "That's the greatest evil the priests per-
Catholic-a large majority were, but there formed in the community."
were a handful of Protestants, too, and the
Difatos emphasized the ecumenical nature MONEY MATTERS
of their community. Many churches and religious communities
A few of the priests who came to live in ask their members to pool their funds to
the Mother of God community belonged to achieve common goals, and some operate
religious orders. The majority were diocesan businesses. So, too, did Mother of God. But
priests from parishes as far away as England it did so in ways that have left some ex-mem-
and Australia. They had been swept up by bers feeling betrayed and abused.
the charismatic renewal movement within Mother of God's flagship business was
the Catholic Church, had learned of the exis- Orange Systems, a computer company.Until
tence of Mother of God and had lobbied- it ran into financial difficulty recently, it
sometimes over the objections of their im- brought in millions of dollars in revenue sell-
mediate church superiors-to be allowed to ing computer systems and services. The
move to Gaithersburg. When they arrived, company was the brainchild of Joseph
they required approval from the Archdio- Difato,who had spoken and written for years
cese of Washington to offer Mass or hear of putting Christian principles to work in a
confession, but that was a routine matter; it business venture.
did not involve any archdiocesan review of One day in 1980, Joseph Difato pulled
Mother of God. aside Ben Van Zutphen, the former head of a
The priests went through the same initia- successful Canadian engineering firm who
tion and training as other Mother of God had moved his family to Gaithersburg to join
members, and were fitted into the same hier- Mother of God. Van Zutphen wasn't really
archy. They had their own heads and in turn looking for a new business venture, but he
served as heads over other people. Like found Difato's enthusiasm infectious. As
other members, they were introduced to the Difato pitched the deal, Van Zutphen now
full scope of the community's methods only says, they would start up a computer com-
gradually. pany and employ Mother of God members.
As they learned about the Difatos' prac- The startup funds would come from Van-Zut-
tices, some of the priests say they developed phen. Difato wanted a one-third ownership
doubts. But the fierce demand for loyaltyiso- share. But Difato did not put up any of his
lated them just as it did other members. own cash, Van Zutphen says; instead, Van
Since members could not share negative Zutphen lent Difato the money, which he
feelings about the group for fear of os- eventually repaid.
tracism, it was easy for a doubter to imagine Van Zutphen says he understood that
he or she was the only person having prob- legally, Difato was taking his share of Or-
ange Systems as an individual. But Van Zut-
phen believed that Difato's entire lifewas de-
voted to Mother of God. He says he as-
sumed Difato would use his share for the
benefit of the community. "I trusted him," he
says. "I saw him as this holy man, this reli-
gious leader."
Orange Systems went into business in
1981 and began to grow rapidly. Over the
next decade, other businesses-a law firm,
an accounting firm and more-would grow
from similar seeds planted by Joseph Difato.
At first, people threw themselves into
these companies enthusiastically, convinced
they had found another way to live out their
deep religious commitment. As for the
Difatos' role, they had talked over and over
about not getting too caught up in worldly
possessions. Members understood when
they were told they would not be able to
earn a lot when working in a community-
affiliatedbusiness.
For some members, this turned out to
mean wages at or below poverty level. If they
complained, or otherwise crossed the
Difatos,they say their careers suffered.
When Mother of God set up The Word
Among Us magazine, targeting a Catholic
readership, Elena Herrera left her job with
the federal government and went to work
there, helping edit the Spanish edition. "The
ideal thing was to work for the kingdom,"
she says. She had been a Mother of God
member for years, even living with some of
the Difatos for a while. Yet as time went on,
she began to have more and more questions
about how the group operated-in all its as-
pects, not just its businesses.
Herrera says she tried to raise her con-
cerns, and persisted in doing so. Suddenly,
with little explanation, she was told her
hours were being cut from 40 per week to
30 and that her pay was being cut from
$13,000 per year to about half that. As her
questioning continued, she says, her hours
were cut in half yet again. Eventually, she
was fired by the magazine and shunned by
Mother of God members. The community
had been her whole life for years, and now
she felt utterly alone. "I had bought into the
whole thing about your esteem in the eyes
of the brethren," she recalls. "I was ab-
solutely devastated."
MOUNTING DOUBTS
The Difatos never achieved complete control
over the lives of their followers.
Many ex-members say they developed
doubts about the group not long after they
joined. They often kept these doubts to
themselves, they say, but the doubts didn't
go away.For many families, the reservations
were forced to the surface by their
teenagers, who engaged in a running under-
ground rebellion over the Mother of God
dating policy.The teenagers' normal adoles-
cent urge to break the adult world's rules
was heightened, not lessened, because the
rules in' Mother of God were so draconian.
"If we liked a girl, we had to have an elab-
orate scheme to sneak her out," Gary CUm-
mings recalls. "We would hide notes under
rocks. We would use lights as signals. We
stillgot caught."
By the late 1980s,these incidents with the
teenagers were weighing heavily on the
minds of many parents. They were trying to
obey the rules, but in their hearts they were
starting to ask themselves: Do the rules
make sense?
For others, interference in their profes-
sionallives tipped them over the edge. For a
while, Roger Cavanaugh says, he kept telling
himself there was a higher purpose to all the
meddling. "I could see some of the people
being helped, if nothing else by a certain or-
der and discipline being restored to their
lives," he says. But Cavanaugh himself be-
gan to chafe. Tentatively,he raised questions
and objections. From other members, he
says, he would get nothing but odd looks
and mindless dismissals. That only height-
ened Cavanaugh's doubts. If every problem
was off limits for discussion, he recalls think-
ing, what kind of group was this, exactly?"
Problems at the accounting firm where he
worked, which was owned and run by
Mother of God members, especially trou-
bled him. When the firm started, Cavanaugh
says he was told that he would not be al-
lowed to earn more than $40,000 a year.
,Over time this began to bother him, he says,
since he had three children to put through
college. Eventually he began to feel that he
was bringing in a lot of the business and not
getting rewarded. "If I expressed dissatisfac-
tion, it went up the chain to Joe," Cavanaugh
says. "I was told, 'This is what God wants.
This is the plan Joe has in mind.' "
Reflexively,Cavanaugh began to withdraw
from the community. That's when the pres-
sure really started, he says, for he was sur-
rounded by people stillcommitted to Mother
of God-including his wife, children and co-
workers.
Four members of the Cavanaugh family
say that as Roger pulled away, Mother of
God leaders tried to undermine Roger and
Sue's marriage and Roger's relations with
his children. "They would just grill me over
what my father would say to me," says
Roger's eldest daughter, Meg Ferris. "They
would say, 'Yourfather is not stable. He's try-
ing to ruin your mother.' They trashed my
dad to my face."
Although Roger Cavanaugh's doubts
about Mother of God became serious by the
mid-1980s, it was not until the early 1990s
that he and some other members began to
develop a comprehensive view of what was
wrong with the community.
One of those who did so was Laura Mill-
man, a federal hearing officer who oversees
vaccine-injury cases. After hearing two of
the community's priests speak, she had
joined Mother of God in 1986.She moved to
Gaithersburg. Fairly quickly, however, she
developed doubts. The group assigned her a
head who began prying. "You were sup-
posed to unburden the deepest aspects of
your life to total strangers," she says. She
was pressured to attend meetings constantly.
She was given homework to keep her busy.
She learned that confidences were not hon-
ored-anything a person said to anybody
could make its way up the chain.
When she heard about some new commu-
nity rules that she felt would impose even
greater control on people, the word "cult"
came into her head. She began to watch the
leaders more closely. "They were control
freaks," she says. "They were people who
were hard as nails, who would say outra-
geous things."
Her mind now afire, she began to reread
some of the great mid-century writings on
the nature of totalitarianism, particularly the
works of George Orwell. In 1984, his chill-
< ing vision of a "negative utopia," Orwell
imagined a society tightly controlled by Big
Brother, with the help of the Thought Po-
lice. "I would think to myself, 'My gosh,
there are people who have died so I can live
in a free country,' " Millman says. "How
could I turn around and submit to this sort
of mind control?"
She decided to inform the Archdiocese of
Washington that all was not as it seemed at
Mother of God. On October 24, 1992,she sat
down to put her thoughts in writing. It was
one of the first times that a Mother of God
member had dared to air doubts about the
community's practices outside its bounds.
Millman wrote that "insanity" reigned in
the community. She called Mother of God "a
cult that terrorizes and dominates its mem-
bers and its priests."
"There is no recognition that diversity and
individuality,even a modicum of privacy,has
any place here," she wrote. "George Orwell
described something similar in 1984. The
three slogans listed by the Ministry of Jus-
tice in 1984 were 'War is Peace. Freedom is
Slavery. Ignorance is Strength.' This is ex-
actly the mentality of the cornmunity=a
Justin Gillis is a staff writer for The Post'sMetro
section. Staff researcher Margot Williams con-
tributed to this article.
NEXT WEEK: The Catholic Church investi-
gates, and the Mother of God community
breaks up amid conflict and anger.
ONLINE: To read Mother of God documents
and explore related issues, visit The Post's
Internet site at www.washingtonpostcom.
APRIL 13,1997 31

WHEN CATHOLIC
FROM THE ARCHDIOCESE OF WASHINGTON
LOOI(ED INTO MOTHER OF GOD AN INTENSE
RELIGIOUS COMMUNITY NEAR GAITHERSBURG
INQUIRY ROCI{ED THE PLACE TO ITS FOUNDATIONS-AND
SOME FORMER MEMBERS QUESTIONING
BY JUSTIN GILLIS
SECOND OF TWO PARTS
On a warm afternoon in September 1994, Christopher West
knocked on the door of a red brick building in SilverSpring. He was
supposed to be in band practice at the Mother of God community,
near Gaithersburg, but he'd told the guys he couldn't make it. "I
have more important things to do," he had said.
A bespectacled nun answered the door and led him toward her
office. She was Sister Elizabeth McDonough, an adviser to Cardi-
nal James A. Hickey, the archbishop of the Catholic Archdiocese of
Washington. An expert in church doctrine, McDonough had been
asked by Hickey to look into the practices of Mother of God, a
group founded in the 1960s, but which had only recently sought
formal church recognition.
As he followed McDonough, West's mind tumbled with emo-
tions. He knew that many of his fellow community members
would regard his visit to the convent as an act of betrayal.
West had met the nun once before, two months earlier. He had
visited her to outline some of the problems he saw with Mother of
God, to which his family had belonged for seven years. The previ-
ous few months had been hard for West. His entire family had
been talking among themselves about community practices they
felt were wrong. These were numerous. Still, as they had talked,
the West familyhad been unable to reach any overall conclusion.
On the first weekend in September, West
FOR A SUMMARY OF PART ONf,
P HOT 0 ILL U S T RAT ION
-;
I
-I
INVEST-IGATORS
THEIR
LEFT
THEIR FAITH IN GOD AND MAN
had attended a Catholic conference in Pittsburgh. There he was
struck anew by the contrast between the mainstream Catholic em-
phasis on individual dignity and the inner workings of Mother of
God. He had returned home thinking hard, and prayingfor guidance.
He got up the Monday after the conference and opened his
Bible. Fifty-fourdays earlier, as it happened, he had started reading
the Book of Psalms, one chapter a day. Now he read from Psalms
55.The verses talked of evil done not by an enemy but by a friend.
"We took sweet counsel together, and walked into the house of
God in company," West read. But now the friend had ''broken his
covenant" and the psalmist cried out in lamentation:
.,
The words of his mouth were smoother than butter, but war was in
his heart: his words were softer than oil, yet were they drawn swords.
The verses seemed to West to apply to the leaders of Mother of
God, particularly Joseph Difato, who supervised many of the com-
munity's day-to-day operations, and Edith Difato, his mother and
the community's co-founder.West felt the truth about the commu-
nity was coming into sharp focus, but it was not easy to accept.
"I've never grieved like I grieved yesterday over the reality of the
Mother of God community," he wrote in his journal the next day. "I
wish I was crazy. I wish I was wrong. I'm not." He foresaw "a
crash." Couples would divorce, he predicted. Some people would
lose their faith in God.
He called McDonough and made an appointment for Saturday,
then spent the week fretting, unable to work, tossing and turning
in bed at night.
SEE THE BOX ON PAGE 16
B Y I R A I D A I C A Z A
APRIL 20,1997 IS
 At their earlier meeting, the nun had taped their conversation
and afterward prepared a transcript. When he got to the convent
that Saturday morning, West asked to read it. He sat alone in a con-
vent room, marveling at how jumbled and imprecise his thinking
had been just two months earlier.
When he finished, he put down the transcript and took a seat in
McDonough's office. He leaned forward and looked her in the eye.
"It's a cult," he told her. "I've been living in a cult."
THE CHAIN OF EVENTS LEADING TOTHE BREAKUP
of Mother of God began with a request from the Difatos for recog-
nition as a Catholic "private association of the faithful." Why they
made this request is unclear-Mother of God had operated without
officialchurch approval for a long time.
The community won provisional recognition from the archdio-
cese by early 1993. Permanent status would require a review of the
group's statutes and operations. Moreover, by early 1994,the arch-
diocese was picking up signals that something might be amiss at
Mother of God. Enter McDonough, who began to operate as a kind
of investigative nun.
The account that follows is drawn from interviews with more
than 70 former community members, as-well as outside specialists
and church leaders. It is also based on more than 5,000 pages of in-
ternal community documents, in addition to speeches, videotapes
and other materials. The Difatos, the family that led and controlled
Mother of God for most of its existence, declined repeated requests
for interviews. Joseph Difato issued a brief statement: "A newspa-
rious about her review. One by one, in secrecy, people who had en-
dured years of pain and confusion trudged down to the archdiocese
or to the Silver Spring convent to see her. She turned on her tape
recorder and asked them to tell their stories. At one point, McDon-
ough received 40 completed "Buddy Reports" in which community
superiors gathered information about each member's "sin areas"
such as "sexuality" and "alcohol/drugs" as well as details about
such topics as "sexual relationship with spouse."
Around this time, it came to light that a couple of teenage boys
had alleged that a teacher at the Mother of God school had made
sexual advances toward them. Parents were upset to learn that the
community's leadership, after hearing of the allegations, had al-
lowed the man to continue teaching for a time. This jolted some
previously loyal Mother of God members, and fed doubts about the
leadership.
AS THE CHURCH'S INVESTIGATION PROGRESSED,
and as its sweep became known to the Difatos, community mem-
bers loyal to the Mother of God leaders sought out McDonough to
tell their side of the story, too. They denied that community mem-
bers were being manipulated against their ~ll or that community
practices caused emotional damage. These members described the
Difatos as warm, generous, benevolent, faithful leaders who kept at
heart the best interests of the community, its members and the
Catholic Church.
Some people contacted by the Difatos and their allies refused to
cooperate with this campaign, however. Difato loyalists asked the

CARDINAL HICI<EY ANNOUNCED THAT HE HAD FOUND

NUMEROUS PROBLEMS AND THAT HE HAD ASI(ED THE
DIFATOS TO STEP ASIDE FROM MOTHER OF G8D LEADERSHIP. FOR
ALL HIS CRITICISMS, THOUGH1.HE TRIED T
HE DID NOT WISH TO,DESTROY TME COMMUNITY,
per article is not the proper place in which to air the religious dif-
ferences which led to the division of the Mother of God community.
Nor is it the place to comment on baseless allegations which in-
evitably surface during times of emotional stress and which were
initiated by a handful of former community members. It is my hope
that all those involved will move on with their lives with mutual re-
spect and love."
By the time McDonough began her examination, many Mother
of God members had begun to see problems inside their commu-
nity. Some families had pulled away from active membership. Two
families had written letters to the archdiocese outlining what they
saw as,the group's invasions of privacy and manipulative practices.
But most of the dissident members still weren't talking to one an-
other, and most were still attending community functions. They had
firmly in mind the good things about Mother of God, the things that
attracted them in the first place -the warmth and faith of the mem-
bership, the sense of haven from America's violence and decadence.
Besides, they remained deeply fearful of acts of disloyalty,because
the community's tenets held that disloyalty was a terrible sin.
Among these families, word got around that McDonough was se-
MAI{E CLEAR THAT
BUT TO REFORM IT.
Rev. Thomas Weinandy, a priest who had left Mother of God to
teach at Oxford University, to bring his prestige to bear on the
Difatos' behalf. He says he demurred, his doubts about the group
having deepened with distance. The requests persisted. So Wei-
nandy sat down and wrote a long analysis of the community. He de-
scribed critically what he saw as the fierce demands for loyalty by
Mother of God's leaders. He credited what he saw as the positive
aspects of the group, but he criticized the community's "inappropri-
ate, insensitive, pushy, authoritarian and doctrinaire" practices. He
sent the analysis to several people in Gaithersburg.
Judith Tydings received a copy, and it reinforced many of her
own emerging doubts. Although she had co-founded Mother of
God with Edith Difato nearly 30 years before, Tydings had lately
begun to question the community's practices. She began to meet in
secret with other dissidents, sharing information. Because of her
role as co-founder, Tydings had the moral authority to bring the re-
bellion into the open, former members say.
At a Mother of God prayer meeting on the evening of Sunday,
May 21, 1995,Tydings approached a microphone and pulled out a
copy of Weinandy's letter. She gave a brief introduction and began

Part One of this two-part series of articles described the growth over nearly three decades of the Mother of God religious community. The community
drew believers-mostly Catholics, including several priests and nuns-from around the country and from abroad, peaking at about 1,200 members.
Many settled in the town houses of Montgomery Village, a development off Interstate 270 near Gaithersburg. They were drawn by the group's extra-
ordinary warmth and by a vision of intense, committed Christian life. But dozens offormer members say the group turned out to be too intense. They say
the leaders, Edith Difato and her son Joseph, fit members into a hierarchy that slowly took control of their lives. They say they were pressured to disclose
intimate information to "heads" or "buddies" appointed by the community. Some say the control grew so rigid that they were told whom to date, what to
say and do on dates, whom to marry, how to have sex and what studies or careers to pursue. These former members say anybody who complained about
these practices was subjected to psychological pressure or forced out. Eventually dissident members began complaining to the Catholic Archdiocese of
Washington. To read Part One, see the Magazine of April 13, 1997, or visit The Post's World Wide Web site, www.washingtonpost.com.

16 TONDOS PHOTOGRAPH BY DUDLEY M. BROOKS; CAVANAUGHS BY JAMES A. PARCELL

to read sections of it. As she did, people could hear Edith Difato
gasp from across the room. On a videotape of the meeting, adher-
ents can be seen staring at Tydings in apparent shock.
Some people who had long harbored dissident thoughts stood up
immediately to back Tydings. Others gave speeches urging that the
group turn its focus back to the teachings of Mother of God.
The prayer meeting ended irresolutely. But now the dissent was
out in the open, and the ties that had bound the group for so many
years were unraveling fast.
Much depended on what McDonough's investigation would ulti-
mately conclude, She and a committee that worked with her com-
piled several boxes of evidence and turned them over to Hickey.
Both sides continued to work hard to get their side of the story to
the archdiocese and to make their influence felt with
the cardinal.
On July 18, 1995, Mother of God member Jeffrey
Smith, a leading Difato loyalist, wrote a "personal AS CONCERN GREW among Mother
and confidential" letter to Bishop William E. Lori, of God members, Sue and Roger Cavanaugh,
one of Hickey's top aides. At a time when the arch- bottom, sought advice from an "exit counselor"
diocese was arriving at crucial judgments about the
on how to leave the group. Dominic Tondo-
community's status within the church, Smith offered
below, with his wife, Jeannie, and their chil-
in his letter to donate $200,000 of Mother of God's
money to the Cardinal's Appeal, a charity drive. The dren, Marla and Bert, standing, and Michael
church rejected this offer in sharp language, insist- and Peggy, seated-laments the community's
ing that Smith withdraw it. He later denied in writing breakup. Above, a musical group performs.
that the offer was an attempt to "bribe"-his word-
the archdiocese.

AS DISSENT SWELLED, SOME MOTHER OF GOD

members began to consult "exit counselors," who help people
leave high-control sects. In doing so, these members helped
bring into play the idea that Mother of God might be more ac-
curately described as a "cult" than as a religious group.
Some of the dissidents never accepted that idea, even as
they left the community in anger. This uncertainty about the
word "cult" reflects a wider debate among American academ-
ics. Many clinical psychologists argue that there are groups
that can sensibly be called cults because they use certain pow-
erful psychological techniques to gain control over members'
lives. On the other side, some sociologists of religion argue
that unless physical coercion is involved, no set of psychologi-
cal techniques can change people against their will.
In Mother of God's case, a key figure was Doris Quelet, a
suburban Baltimore volunteer with experience in counseling
people who want to leave manipulative groups. Quelet believed
there most certainly were some groups that deserved to be
called cults and that they sometimes did tragic emotional dam-
age to their members. Like other modern cult counselors,
Quelet eschewed kidnapping and other coercive techniques
used by cult "deprogrammers" in the 1970s. Instead, she
talked only to people who were willing to sit and listen. She was
careful about even using the word "cult." Her technique was simply
to describe the features of a cult-like environment and let her listen-
ers draw their own conclusions.
At the invitation of former Mother of God members, including
Roger and Sue Cavanaugh, Quelet came to Gaithersburg and began
giving small workshops. The meetings were kept secret at first, at
the insistence of community members. "The level of fear that I
found in these people was shocking," Ouelet recalls.
At the sessions, Quelet described many of the classic features of
cultism. She gave a name, for instance, to the extreme warmth that
people feel upon joining manipulative groups: "love bombing." She
explained that this method is used routinely in high-control sects to
draw in new members and bond them to the group. Quelet talked
about the use of confessions of intimate secrets as a way for groups
to establish further control over members. She described the fierce
emphasis on loyalty and the lack of privacy as being typical aspects
of destructive cults.
Christopher West was still wrestling with his feelings after blurt-
ing out to McDonough that Mother of God was a cult-a label he had
come to on his own, without consulting Quelet. Now he wanted to
know more. He met with Quelet privately.She gave him a book to read,
Today's Destructive Cults and Movements, a survey of cultism written
by a Catholicpriest, the Rev.LawrenceJ. Gesy.West tore through it fe-
verishly,especiallyChapter 5, "Shepherding/Discipleship Movement,"
which seemed to describe Mother of God's operations with uncanny
accuracy.West marked passages with a yellowhighlighter pen.
One evening, West dragged his friend Gary Cummings to the
mall in Gaithersburg. They sat at jerry's Subs & Pizza and shared a
pepperoni-and-mushroom pie. Cummings skimmed the high-
lighted passages in West's book.
"My jaw hit the floor," Cummings remembers. "I saw my whole
life written in there, all the struggles I had been through-in a
book with the word 'cult' in the title. I felt sick, actually. It really did
make me sick. I knew at that moment that I had been living in a cult
my entire life."
Over the next several weeks, Cummings's shock gradually
turned into anger. He jumped in his car one day and headed toward
Goshen House, the Mother of God headquarters. He found Joseph
Difato in his office and began to yell at him. For more than half an
hour, he says, he revisited the abuses he felt had been heaped on
him over the years. He recalls that Difato said little. Once in a while
Difato would rise to leave, and Cummings would yell for him to sit
'PEOPLE THOUGHT THEY HAD FOUND A PLACE WHERE
YOU COULD BE PART OF A COMMUNITY
OTHER HELP EACH OTHER
MOTHER OF GOD MEMBER JOSEPH I<ILNER. 'THE REASON PEOPLE
ARE HURTING SO MUCH NOW IS THAT UTOPIA WAS SHATTERED!
back down. "He was cringing," Cummings says. "I was yelling at
him the way a drill sergeant yells at somebody."
That night, Cummings called Quelet. "I said, 'Doris, he no longer
controls me: " he recalls. "I felt like I had finally gotten my life
back. I had reclaimed my dignity from that man."
THE STRUGGLE BETWEEN THE LOYALISTS AND THE
dissidents climaxed in September 1995, when the Archdiocese of
Washington announced its findings. Cardinal Hickey visited
Mother of God and held a tense, private meeting with the Difatos.
Then he walked across a courtyard to speak to several hundred
community members.
He called the. community "a gift from the Lord" that allowed
members "to take your faith much more seriously, to grow in your
relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ." But Hickey· then an-
nounced that he had found numerous problems, and that he had
asked the Difatos to step aside from Mother of God's leadership.
Hickey said that because of Mother of God's practices, "members
were led to speak of very personal things in a manner that did not
protect their right to privacy and confidentialityand which had the ef-
fect ofleaving them vulnerable. Great damage has resulted from this."
Hickey cited "the children and young people in the community,
some of whom have been seriously harmed by the systematic un-
dermining of parental authority." Hickey also requested "that any-
one who has personal information about other members-in note-
books, in computer files, in whatever form-that you destroy it, lest
it be the source of future embarrassment or harm. All of you must
cease using any personal information about others gained from pre-
vious pastoral practices."
For all his pointed criticisms, and his affirmation that the prob-
18 THE WASHINGTON POST MAGAZINE
lems outlined by the dissidents were serious, Hickey tried to make
clear that he did not wish to destroy Mother of God, but to reform
it. Hickey appointed a new committee to head the community, and
charged it with establishing a democracy. For the first time, com-
munity leaders would be elected, and they would rotate.
If Hickey felt he had compelling moral and theological grounds
for his pronouncements, his legal standing at Mother of God was
less clear. The community was formally organized around two non-
profit corporations that had no ties to the archdiocese. These corpo-
rations were controlled by the Difatos;family members served as of-
ficers and directors and appointed allies to key posts. If the Difatos
were to leave, they would have to go voluntarily-the church had
no means other than negotiation and persuasion to push them out.
In fact, no sooner had Hickey publicly declared that the Difatos
were stepping down than the real bargaining began.
BY NOW, SCORES OF MOTHER OF GOD MEMBERS
were questioning the Difatos' motives. As this happened, the mem-
bers began to think about money. They realized they knew next to
nothing about the community's finances. Even some directors of
Mother of God corporations, such as Judith Tydings, say they were
in the dark. Tydings says that for years, there were no regular
board meetings.
Dissident members began to gather and examine community fi-
nancial records, zeroing in on the issue of how much the Difatos
had earned during their tenure. It turned out to be more than
Mother of God members had imagined.
LOVE EACH
SERVE GOD' SAYS FORMER
In 1993, the year before the rebellion began, Joseph Difato drew
salaries from each of Mother of God's two main nonprofit corpora-
tions totaling $70,100, according to the corporations' public tax re-
turns. Difatoclaimed to be working 30 hours a week for one nonprofit
and 30 hours a week for the other. One of Difato's brothers, Michael
Ir., earned $74,600that year working for the community's magazine.
The youngest Difato brother, Jack, earned $32,000from Mother of
God in 1993. In addition, various Difato family members also re-
ceived money from at least some of the community's for-profitspin-
offs. For years, Joseph Difatoworked a day or half a day each week at
Orange Systems, a computer company employing Mother of God
members. A source with knowledge of Orange's finances said that in
the company's peak years, Joseph Difato's salary and pre-tax profits
from Orange would have easily topped $100,000a year. Edith Difato's
husband, Michael-Joseph's father-worked full time at Orange for
several years and held an ownership stake in the company. Michael
DifatoJr. also worked at Orange and owned a piece of the firm.
Both Orange and the nonprofit corporations paid some expenses
for Difato family members. For instance, the Orange Systems
source said the company paid membership dues to the Bethesda
Country Club for Joseph Difato.
Former Mother of God members say their labors also helped the
Difatos in other ways. For years, they say, community members
who held the Difatos in awe would go to their houses to cook,
clean, wash clothes and help take care of their children. People
with medical degrees could be found walking the Difatos' dogs;
young adults who had been to college could be found scrubbing
their toilets, the former members say.
In 1994, as the Mother of God rebellion was gathering steam,
Joseph Difato approached the other continued on page 29
last MOTHER OF GOD
the continued from page 18
the
tild- owners of Orange Systems. He said he
'ark wanted to sell his stake in the company,
tak- which stood then at 28 percent. Documents
obtained by The Washington Post show that
'ea- the Orange owners agreed to pay $1.3 mil-
uld lion for his share. Other documents, from a
the court file, show that Joseph Difato's father
:ay, and brother later got smaller buyouts total-
ite- ing several hundred thousand dollars. (Or-
!lei ange recently ran into financial difficulty, fil-
pie ing for bankruptcy reorganization, and it
Ild- seems unlikely that Joseph Difato will get
to his entire $1.3 million. But documents show
ole that he received more than $300,000 in late
eir 1994. He is expected to receive $50,000, pos-
sibly more, as part of the Orange bank-
tu- ruptcy case.)
to Many of the dissident Mother of God
on members were disturbed when they
of learned of the Orange Systems transaction.
They were even more upset when docu-
.n- ments came to light showing that on at least
re three occasions, funds belonging to tax-
ly exempt Mother of God corporations had
in been lent or transferred to for-profit ven-
et tures in which the Difato family held owner-
ld ship stakes.
In one case, a memo written by one of
in Mother of God's lawyers says that "a large
s- sum" of funds from one nonprofit was in-
~s vested in Orange. The transaction was later
g reversed when an outside lawyer said it was
n improper. In another case, a Difato family
i- member temporarily received $100,000
from a community nonprofit, money that
y was eventually repaid with 5 percent inter-
n est. Finally, documents show that the
r Difatos invested in a chain of pizza shops in
Britain, and used about $127,000 belonging
e to the English office of the community's
magazine, The Word Among Us, to make a
temporary loan to the chain. The Difatos
declined to discuss any aspect of Mother of
t God's finances and did not respond to writ-
ten questions about these transactions.
Many former Mother of God members
feel that, at the least, they do not have
enough information to judge whether the
community's interests were well repre-
sented in the transactions. Why were funds
from the nonprofits shifted even temporar-
ily to for-profit ventures? How much, ex-
actly, did the Difatos earn from various
community-related businesses?
Some paths of inquiry were closed off
early last year by the terms of a settlement
under which the Difatos finally agreed to
leave Mother of God. The Difatos and other
directors of Mother of God's main nonprofit
corporation, Potomac Charismatic Commu-
nity Inc., all resigned, and new directors ap-
proved by the archdiocese were appointed
in their place. The new directors made cer-
tain guarantees in writing to the Difatos and
the other departing directors. They agreed
to indemnify the old directors against law-
suits by disgruntled Mother of God mem-
bers; they agreed to buy an insurance policy
to cover judgments in such lawsuits; and
they agreed to seal the community's past fi-
nancial records. The records are locked up
today in a warehouse in Rockville.
By the time of the settlement, Joseph
Difato had left The Word Among Us, the
community's prime cash engine. But people
loyal to him succeeded in separating the
magazine from the Mother of God commu-
nity, and they retain control of it to this day.
HICKEY'S INTERVENTION EFFEC-
tively ratified the split in the Mother of God
community. It forced people to choose
sides, to declare whether they were dis-
senters or loyalists to the old regime.
Most of the 1,200 people who once be-
longed have voted with their feet and de-
parted from the community. Perhaps 150
people have remained as members of the
new Mother of God, allied with the Catholic
-Church and operating under democratic
leadership. These people have repudiated
the Difatos' practices and pledged to reform
the community. Still others-perhaps as
many as 100-have remained fiercely loyal
to the Difatos, and some have joined small
new groups that apparently embrace the
old Mother of God ideas.
These Difato loyalists are angry at both
the dissidents and the Catholic Church.
Some of them feel the breakup of the
Mother of God community was Satan's
work; others emphasize what they see as
the destructive role of the archdiocese.
Some Difato loyalists acknowledge that
some mistakes were made in the commu-
nity, such as in the way its dating system
was managed, but they feel strongly that the
Difatos and Mother of God did far more
good than harm.
"I agree that we've done some things in
the community that maybe people who were
less strong were not able to fight," says Dom-
inic Tondo, a former member still living
near Gaithersburg. When Tondo discusses
the departure of hundreds of former mem-
bers, he blames anti-cult activists who, he
says, "wrote the blueprint" for the commu-
nity's breakup. Tondo also suggests that
perhaps the Catholic Church covets Mother
of God's property. "The cardinal took over
the community, and isn't it convenient that
they suddenly wound up with all these nice
facilities?" Tondo says. "You might have a'
bigger story than you think. A big, powerful
organization like the Archdiocese of Wash-
ington pulls off a coup, and runs roughshod
over a group of people. I believe the cardinal
and his people are going to have to answer
to the Great judge one day. I pray for him,"
APRIL 20,1997 29
 Still other Difato loyali
mystified by what has hap;;
of God. Many of them an -_~:::r. ':=e'a~
that the community was
solute lunacy!" says Steve -2.- =.ua•.•
has fond feelings for memb e:3-=: ,:Z.::J!::~
family, particularly J osepc -
great man," Valentino sa~ -..> •.•. !-..--...c
clear thinking" for the pro::-e:::::s <::::::t.
beset the community, and --
gations of wrongdoing are
mor and slander and go -
of proportion."
The community's breaku; ;;Z;,~:iit;=:!;
lies. At least six familie -
are wrestling with grave - -
over community membe - bers are struggling simply to put their lives
cause parents have left ,----.~ . back together. At midlife, they find them-
their adult children re
Difatos or their ideas. These __ ..::-~-,:;;.=-",-..o<
prompted the Rev. Michael I
mer Mother of God pri
group and moved back
parish, to write an impas -
Edith Difato, in which he ~ •...: ;:=..:,~::3y
alienation was a prime ca ;...::r::ri;;...:
cults. "You and your sons b~:·z::~::;:...ax:e
over these young people !ba: a;:p!I~~
ceeds that of their paren
their pope and their ch -
wrote. "A word from you .
them back to their paren
rescue them from the d~·':-~" r'::l
present behavior in some wz:-ca;:;::=:::;;nD
to the will of God."
Duggan says Edith D--
sponded to his letter. Fo
God members say she still
with loyal followers in Gaitbe~==6
THE PEOPLE OF MO
were drawn together by a sm!:"""c:! k:~:rg
a sense of community, a spn -••....•••.•
,,~~
the ravages of modern life, --
watched their vision collapse, -~,~
have had to grapple with ---
thought that there may be IlU :::Qo..._~o:ou:;
On a rainy night, under
street lamp in a parking lot ;,.-..--- ,__ m
Joseph Kilner struggles to
into words. "This wouldn't
something wonderful hadnr beecvn
he says. "People thought ~
place where you could be part
nity, love each other, help each _serve
God. The reason people are . -'- " g 0
much now is that utopia was - tions of religious faith.
Some dissident members found - bard at
first to acknowledge they had been abused
and deceived. But by now, they hare moved
on to seek a deeper knowledge 0 the psy--
chology and operation of cults. To their dis-
appointment, they have had to pursue this
study without much assistance from e Williams contributed to this article, as did
Archdiocese of Washington. In other
of the country, "covenant communities - -
operation similar to Mother of God have
also fallen apart in recent years. Catholic dio-
ceses in some of those places have called in
top anti-cult experts to help former members
rebuild their lives. By contrast, the Washing-
ton archdiocese has declined to apply the
word "cult" to Mother of God, and it has not
called in nationally recognized experts. In-
stead, many former Mother of God members
have continued to rely on the volunteer work
of anti-cult counselor Quelet. She herself is a
committed Catholic, but she expresses disap-
pointment that the former members in
Gaithersburg are not getting more help.
Along the quiet suburban streets of
Montgomery Village, many former mem-
selves going back to college, or divorcing
their way out of arranged marriages, or
falling in love, or rebuilding derailed ca-
reers, or straightening out chaotic finances.
Some say that one of their biggest chal-
lenges is to reclaim some privacy. Young
people who grew up in Mother of God say
they are discovering for the first time what
it means to have an interior life that no one
knows about.
Former members still living in Mont-
gomery Village cross paths often with the re-
maining Difato loyalists. Their exchanges
have on occasion devolved into shouting
matches in the grocery store and arguments
at the post office. Not everyone has stayed in
town, though. Some former members felt a
need to get away and have moved to places
such as Arizona, Colorado and Oregon.
Several of the Difatos have also moved.
All three of the Difato brothers have set up
homes near the beach in St. Augustine, Fla.
Two of the homes sit at the edge of golf
courses, and on a recent weekend, Mer-
cedes-Benz automobiles were parked in
front of all three houses. Joseph Difato has
established a new nonprofit corporation in
Florida called Together in Christ Inc.
On Goshen Road outside Gaithersburg, a
shell of the Mother of God community still
meets on Sunday nights. Operating under
the supervision of the Catholic Church, the
remaining adherents say they are resolved
to do away with the practices that caused so
much damage.
Among the hundreds who have departed
Mother of God altogether, some find them-
selves wrestling with the most basic ques-
"I still believe in God," Roger Cavanaugh
says. "But I will never again believe what
men say about God.".
Justin Gillis is a staff writer for The Post's
Metro section. Staff researcher Margot
special correspondentBrian L. Thompson in
St. Augustine, Fla.