"The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through three di stinct and recognizable phases, those

of Survival, Inquiry and Sophistication, o therwise known as the How, Why and Where phases. "For instance, the first phase is characterized by the question 'How can we eat?' the second by the question 'W hy do we eat?' and the third by the question 'Where shall we have lunch?'" "The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spir al arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a dist ance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant little bl ue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that t hey still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea... There is a theory that states: "If anyone finds out what the universe is for it will disappear and be replaced by something more bazaarly inexplicable." There i s another theory that states: "This has already happened...." This planet has -- or rather had -- a problem, which was this: most of the peopl e living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were sug gested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movem ents of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy. All my life I said I wanted to be someone...I can see now that I should have bee n more specific. Life is wasted on the living.- Zaphod Beeblebrox IV In the beginning I was made. I didn't ask to be made. No one consulted me or c onsidered my feelings in this matter. But if it brought some passing fancy to s ome lowly humans as they haphazardly pranced their way through life's mournful j ungle then so be it.- Marvin the Paranoid Android To be, or what?- Sylvester Stallone Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you wont either. Joseph Fischer "Oh dear, I think you'll find reality's on the blink again." -- Marvin The Paran oid Android "Laugh and the world laughs with you; snore and you sleep alone. " Anthony Burg ess "Space...is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly hugely mindboggli ngly big it is. I mean you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemis t, but that's just peanuts to space. " Douglas Adams In the beginning, the universe was created. This made a lot of people very angry , and has been widely regarded as a bad idea. - Douglas Adam Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone. Save a tree. Eat a beaver. Sorry, no quote today. There are three kinds of people in the world, those who can count, and those who can't. Gravity doesn't excist, the earth sucks. Blind men don't bungi jump, it scares the dog too much. Humor is mankind's greatest blessing - Mark Twain Humor is the shortest distance between two people - Henry Youngman The trouble with my wife is that she is a whore in the kitchen and a cook in the bed. - Geoffrey Gorer "It is a good thing to follow the first law of holes; if you are in one stop dig ging. " Denis Healey In his novel ''Dog Years,'' Gunter Grass parodies Heideggerese in the character of a German Air Force auxiliary named Stortebeker, who ''created a philosophical schoolboy language that was soon prattled by many, with varying success.'' Ever y commonplace incident or object can be rechristened in Stortebeker/Heidegger's hilarious language. Underdone potatoes in the mess kitchen, for example, are ''s puds forgetful of Being.'' Stortebeker relaxes by catching rats, so they are the object of some of his best ruminations: ''The rat withdraws itself by unconceal

ing itself into the ratty. So the rat errates the ratty, illuminating it with er rancy. For the ratty has come-to-be in the errancy where the rat errs and so fos ters error.'' Does anyone REALLY read these stupid quotes? ebius tagline. This is a moebius tagline. This is a mo Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do crit icize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes. Love your enemies just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards. All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. He who laughs last thinks slowest. Okay, who stopped payment on my reality check? Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it! Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks. What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull. I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want? Life is sexually transmitted. A good laugh is sunshine in a house. (William Makepeace Thackeray) My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. (Ashleigh Brilli ant) I have great faith in fools--self-confidence my friends call it. (Edgar Allan Po e) I never make mistakes. I thought I did once, but I was wrong. (Anonymous) If Karl, instead of writing a lot about capital, had made a lot of it ... it wou ld have been much better. (Karl Marx's mother) Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me. (Ambrose Bierce) I'd probably be famous now if I wasn't such a good waitress. (Jane Siberry) Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: I can please only one person per day. Today is not y our day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either. Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing so und they make as they go flying by. Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: Am I getting smart with you? How would you know? Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode. Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a p arked car. Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: There are very few personal problems that cannot be s olved through a suitable application of high explosives. Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get a long without it. Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some day s you're the statue. Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he i sn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him aga in. Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: I don't have an attitude problem. You have a percept ion problem. Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in th e sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!" Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: My Reality Check bounced. Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on th e escape key. Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier. Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding throu gh peanut butter. Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, 'cuz, like, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. Red meat isn't bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is.

If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing. He who laughs, lasts. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate p lants. - A. Whitney Brown Ford Prefect: We're safe. Arthur Dent: Ah. Good. Ford Prefect: We're in a cabin of one of the spaceships of the Vogon Constructor Fleet. Arthur Dent: Ah. This i s obviously some strange usage of the word "safe" that I hadn't previously been aware of. Announcer: Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the w estern spiral arm of the galaxy lies a small, unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting th is at a distance of roughly 92 million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a really neat idea. Arthur Dent: You know, it's at times like this, when I'm stuck in a Vogon airloc k with a man from Betelgeuse, about to die of asphyxiation in deep space, that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young. Ford Prefe ct: Why? What did she tell you? Arthur Dent: I don't know. I didn't listen. Announcer: Men were real men. Women were real women. And small, furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were *real* small, furry creatures from Alpha Centauri. Marvin: It gives me a headache just trying to think down to your level. Zaphod Beeblebrox: Computer, if you don't open that exit hatch pretty damn pront o, I shall go straight to your major data banks with a very large axe and give y ou a reprogramming you will never forget, capisco? [Pause] Okay. Get the axe. Marvin: Life. Loathe it or ignore it. You can't like it. Slartibartfast: Is that your robot? Marvin: No. I'm mine. Dish of the Day: Good evening, madame and gentlemen. I am the main dish of the d ay. May I interest you in parts of my body? Zaphod Beeblebrox: Hey, Ford! How many escape capsules are there? Ford Prefect: None. Zaphod Beeblebrox: You counted them? Ford Prefect: Twice. "Life without you would be like a broken pencil." "How's that?" "Completely poi ntless." (Blackadder, Series II) 98% of all statistics are made up. (Anonymous) Blind people don't bungee jump. It scares the dog too much. I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming, terri fied, like his passengers. When it's fall in New York, the air smells like as if someone's been frying goat s in it, and if you are keen to breath the best plan is to open a window and sti ck your head in a building. -- Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless ...and the aptly named 'Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Film'. -- Monty Python 10 out of 5 doctors think it's OK to be schizofrenic. 2 + 2 = 5, for sufficiently large values of 2. Roses are red Violets are blue Some poems rhyme But not this Quotations are for people who aren't saying things worth quoting. Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets anyways? I'm a great housekeeper. I get divorced. I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor Save a tree. Eat a beaver. There are three kinds of people in the world, those who can count, and those who can't.