Bonne belge

a se passe dans une maison bourgeoise. La bonne (belge) fait les poussires dans la chambre de sa patronne pendant que cette dernire se maquille devant la coiffeuse. La femme de chambre trouvant une capote usage sous le lit : - Oh ben alors, a c'est dgueulasse alors... La matresse de maison : - Mais allons Ginette, je vous en prie... restez correcte ! - Bien sr madame... mais c'est quand mme vraiment dgueulasse! - Il suffit Ginette... vous ne faites donc jamais l'amour en Belgique? - Bien sr que si madame.... mais pas au point d'y laisser la peau!

Pirate at a Bar
A pirate was talking to a "land-lubber" in a bar. The land-lubber noticed that, like any self-respecting pirate, this guy had a peg leg, a hook in place of one of his hands and a patch over one eye. The landlubber just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad shape. He asked the pirate, "How did you loose your leg?" The pirate responded, "I lost me leg in a battle off the coast of Jamaica!" His new acquaintance was still curious so he asked, "What about you hand. Did you loose it at the same time?" "No," answered the pirate. "I lost it to the sharks off the Florida Keys." Finally, the land-lubber asked, "I notice you also have an eye patch. How did you loose your eye? The pirate answered, "I was sleeping on a beach when a seagull flew over and crapped right in me eye." The land-lubber asked, "How could a little seagull crap make you loose your eye?" The pirate snapped, "It was the day after I got me hook!"

A Ravishing Young Woman

In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic. Then, the young girl proposes, "If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs." The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet. And then the girl pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs. Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I'll show you my thighs,". And men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs in full. Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats. Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis." All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they're passing. "See there in the distance. That's the hospital where I had it done!"

Farmer
An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move. Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond. Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing. Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch. The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

Bar Rodney walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots. One for me and one for my best buddy here." The bartender says, "You want both drinks now or do you want me to wait until your buddy arrives to pour his?" Rodney says, "Oh, I want them both now. I've got my best buddy in my pocket here." With that he pulls out a little 3-inch man from his pocket. The bartender says, "Wow! And you mean to say he can drink that much?" "Oh, sure. He can drink it all, and then some." So the bartender poured the two shots. Sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up. "That's amazing," says the bartender. "What else can he do? Can he walk?" Rodney flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey Al, go get that quarter!" The little guy runs down to the end of the bar, picks up the quarter, and runs back down and gives it to Rodney. The bartender is totally amazed by this display. "That's amazing," he says, "what else can he do? Does he talk?" Rodney looks up at the bartender with a look of surprise in his eye and squawks, "Talk? Sure he talks. Hey Al, tell him about that time we were in down in Africa on safari and you insulted that witch doctor!" Burglar A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flash light beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot. "Yep," the parrot said, then squawked, "Im just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" he laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."