Floor Five "Pilot" By Sean Duffy

TEASER EXT. DORM BUILDING - DAY The sun is starting to rise over an older dorm building in the city of Chicago. The sidewalks are clear of people, and things are quiet. SERIES OF SHOTS --A pigeon walks about the sidewalk. --A nearby street lays empty of any traffic. ~~The sun shines brightly above. EXT. DORM BUILDING - DAY From a distance comes LARRY. Even with all of his enthusiasm, Larry is miles away from being attractive: his clothes are unfashionable and a bit dirty, he has facial hair growing randomly about, and his face has an off-ness to it that makes it hard for anyone to look at him for very long. He runs into the building with a couple of bags from the local grocery store. LARRY TALKING HEAD LARRY Ive been trying to become a bit more social and get to know my floor-mates better, so I asked myself: "what do people love?". Breakfast. People love breakfast! So I figured, why not surprise everyone with a little breakfast in bed! MONTAGE - RESIDENTS IN THE MORNING --An alarm clock shows the time: 6:09Am --A girl sleeps peacefully in her bed. --A guy snores loudly, with his laptop still sitting on his stomach as he sleeps.

2. ~~A couple have fallen asleep in a spooning position in one of the small beds. Outside the bedroom is a roommate sleeping on the couch. INT. DORM FLOOR HALLWAY - DAY Larry struggles to open the door from the stairs, trying to hold it open and carry all of his bags at the same time. He tries to move about as sneakily as possible, but drops one of his bags, making a loud crashing sound. He shushes the camera. LARRY TALKING HEAD Larry whispers as he gives a guided tour of his recent purchases. LARRY Lets see, Ive got bread for making toast; syrup for, well, putting it on stuff; eggs and milk---skim, of course. I mean, I dont see how were not gonna have a lovely morning this morning. I mean, who doesnt love being woke up to the smell of some fresh (he holds it up) bacon? He smells the bacon. LARRY Actually, this might be a little too old. Ick. INT. DOOR FLOOR HALLWAY - DAY Larry stands at one end of the hallway. LARRY (Whispering to the camera) Here goes nothing. He takes out an airhorn and starts running down the hall, shouting in all direction and violently blowing the horn. LARRY WAKE UP EVERYBODY! TIME FOR SOME BREAKFAST! He knocks on several doors and continues to blow the horn.

(CONTINUED)

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LARRY Everybody better BRAKE FAST for some BREAKFAST! People start emerging from their doors, tired and angry. LARRY Hey everybody! Who here is ready for some early morning breakfast? Beat. All the residents slowly come out and stare down Larry. LARRY Breakfast everybody, come get it! Well, weve got to cook first, of course, but you know. Two of the residents are BEN and HEATHER, standing opposite each other in the hallway. Ben is both attractive and smart enough to get by in life by do as little as possible. Heather also carries the two traits, but instead of being tied down by laziness, she is tied down by her cynicism. BEN (to heather) Just like home. HEATHER Yeah, but Dad typically wore a little less clothing when he paraded about in the morning. Larry starts taking stuff out the bags. LARRY Cmon guys! Ive got white bread. END TEASER FADE IN INT. DOOR FLOOR HALLWAY - DAY Ben and Heather walk down the dorm hallway. HEATHER You really think our RA is gonna do anything about it?

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BEN He should. Im sure he doesnt like be violently awakened at six in the morning. HEATHER I dont know, he never came out this morning. BEN He didnt? HEATHER Nope. BEN Well, he better be here now. Ben and Heather arrive at the RAs door. Ben knocks. Beat. There is no response. Ben knocks again. HEATHER TALKING HEAD HEATHER Floor five is not a very crowded floor. Basically, were the extra amount of students that couldnt be squeezed in anywhere else, so the university had to rent out an extra floor just for us, what, fifteen people or so. Ben continues to knock, then pause, in the background. HEATHER Its an interesting handful of people. INT. DORM ROOM 1 - DAY CASSIDY, a curvy southern belle of sorts, takes a tray of food out of the oven. As she does, she sings "Amazing Grace" in a loud and bombastic, but on key, voice. INTERCUT TO:

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CASSIDY TALKING HEAD CASSIDY Now I what youre thinking: how is a southern gal like myself gonna survive in a big city like this. And Ill tell you what. I may be from the country, but Im strong like an ox, sly like a fox, slick like a sambo, and ready for wherever the road, or train line, takes me. INTERCUT TO: INT. DOOR FLOOR HALLWAY - DAY Cassidy continues to sing as she flips some meat in a frying pan. At one point she accidentally flings the meat in the air and it goes flying and it lands on top of the cabinets. Cassidys goes from rowdy and rambunctious to the fright of a lost little girl as she in unsure how to get the piece of meat down. She gets out a broom and tries to scrape it down. INTERCUT TO: CASSIDY TALKING HEAD CAMERA MAN (O.S.) Whats a sambo? CASSIDY (Naive to her offensiveness) What, do yall not have them up here or something? INT. DORM ROOM 2 - DAY REGGIE, DARREN, and Larry occupy the next dorm room. Reggie, a tall and jocky-looking guy, watches sports on the TV. Darren, a short and skinny oddball, sits in a chair nearby, reading off his laptop and engulfed in his sweatshirt. Larrry cooks his breakfast food in the kitchen. Larry sees the camera. LARRY (to camera) Hey guys! Back already? Ive got quite the--(CONTINUED)

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The camera crew quickly pans over to the other two guys. INTERCUT TO: REGGIE TALKING HEAD REGGIE I mean, I knew there werent going to be people playing football in the quad everyday or anything, I mean its a liberal-arts college, but man. I was expecting a little more than this. In the background, Darren slurps on a soda and licks his fingers as he eats cheetos. REGGIE You know, Im a guy who likes to goes on long runs every morning and play ball occasionally. INTERCUT TO: EXT. STREET - DAY Reggie, dressed in gym clothes, runs down the sidewalk. He gets stopped at a crosswalk and runs in place. INTERCUT TO: RGGIE TALKING HEAD REGGIE Ive got to keep this body in the best shape with exercise. And for some reason thats frowned upon here. EXT. PARK - DAY Reggie does some push-up in the park, and then gets out a jump rope and starts jump-roping. A group of other students come up to him. ASSHOLE #1 Whoa, whoa, whoa, looks like weve got a real Lance Armstrong here, everybody. (CONTINUED)

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The group all laugh and go "OoOoO". ASSHOLE #2 Why dont you go sweat somewhere else, jockstrap? Reggie takes a step forward. REGGIE (Calmly) Look guys, Im just--ASSHOLE #1 Whoa, whoa, whoa. You trying to pick a fight, man? REGGIE No, I--ASSHOLE #2 Everybody knows real men fight with the words. Why dont you try and use the 10 you know and throw them at us for once. REGGIE Youve got to be--ASSHOLE #1 Lets blow this joint, guys. Peace-out ballhog. The crowd walks past Reggie. Many cold shoulders are given. REGGIE TALKING HEAD REGGIE The only competition I see around here is not the type I want to be involved in. INTERCUT TO: INT. DORM ROOM 2 - DAY Larry and Darren play a video game intensely. Darren wins. DARREN Oh yeah. Thats right. My D. Hop on it. Hop on it like your mother did last night.

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Reggie looks to the camera in confused disgust. INT. DORM ROOM 3 - DAY FIONA and JILL occupy the third room. Fiona is a huge stoner who seems to almost float about, but who is also intelligent and wise. JILL is pessimistic and anti-social, but very good-looking and can seem almost warm in her apathy. Fiona opens the door to the camera crew. Jill sits silently on the couch. FIONA Oh hello there. Come on inside. Fiona gives a tour of the dorm. FIONA This is the dorm. Feel free to make yourself at home. SERIES OF SHOTS --There is fruit and vegetables everywhere in the kitchen. --A closet reveals several tye-dye shirts and other hippie apparel. --Trippy and psychedelic posters hang on the wall. INT. DORM ROOM 3 - DAY Fiona makes tea. FIONA As Benjamin Franklin said, "A house is not a home unless it contains food and fire for the mind as well as the body". Of course, open-fire is not allowed on campus. INTERCUT TO: JILL TALKING HEAD Jill takes a swig from a flask. Beat. JILL I hate everyone on this floor. Everyone.

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INTERCUT TO: INT. DORM ROOM 3 - DAY The camera tries to get into Fionas room, but Fiona gets in-front of the crew and closes the door. All we see from the creak in the door before being shut is bright light and some flower pots. FIONA Oh, you dont want to see whats in there. Its a bit messy. The camera pans to Jill, who rolls her eyes and goes for another drink of her flask. INT. DORM HALLWAY - DAY Ben knocks on the R.A.s door one last time. Heather is back by his side again. Beat. BEN I dont think hes in. HEATHER Really, what makes you think that? INT. DORM SECURITY - DAY Heather and Ben walk up to a SECURITY GUARD sitting at the dorm front desk. BEN Hi, were trying to figure out where are floor R.A. is at--SECURITY GUARD Res. life, to your right. INT. RES LIFE OFFICE - DAY Ben and Heather sit in one of the cubicles in the office. COUNSELOR 1 enters. COUNSELOR 1 Sorry for wait, guys. Now whats the issue?

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HEATHER We need to find out R.A. is at--COUNSELOR 1 Oh, you want the counselor one cubicle over. CUT TO: Ben and Heather sit in the next cubicle over. They seem less patient this time. COUNSELOR 2 looks over a form, confused. COUNSELOR 2 What did you say your R.A.s last name was again? BEN & HEATHER Anderson. COUNSELOR 2 Anderson? Oh, I thought you said Amberson. Ben and Heather look at eachother in mutual frustration. The Counselor pulls out a new file. COUNSELOR 2 Oh I see. Your R.A., Lenny Anderson, correct? BEN & HEATHER Correct. COUNSELOR 2 Has been removed from his position. Beat. BEN ...Why? COUNSELOR 2 Oh. The counselor looks back to the form. COUNSELOR 2 Potential involvement in the selling of illegal substances. Beat.

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BEN Our R.A. was a drug dealer? COUNSELOR A potential drug dealer. INT. DORM HALLWAY - DAY The residents of the floor crowd around the elevators as Ben and Heather finish telling them all what happened to their RA. BEN And thats the situation. Beat. Everyone is silent and no one seems to be shocked. HEATHER Okay then. We were also asked to ask around to see if anyone on the floor wants to be the RA. Larry gets excited and goes to raise his hand. BEN Anyone but Larry. Larry lowers his hand in shame. HEATHER So cmon, who wants to be the RA? CUT TO: DARREN TALKING HEAD DARREN I think I would be a good RA. I know of all of the dangers that everyone here should be afraid of, but arent. I mean, I bet you know one here has even heard of the American Urban Flying Spider-moths that are slowly taking over the city. I mean, no one. INTERCUT TO:

12. INT. DORM ROOM 2 - DAY Darren looks over a Rosewell conspiracy website on his computer in his room. INTERCUT TO: DARREN TALKING HEAD CAMERA MAN (O.S.) Are you going to run for the position? DARREN Nah, I dont think I could fit it into my schedule. Im very busy you know. INTERCUT TO: INT. - DORM ROOM 2 - DAY Darren, in his room, puts on an aluminum helmet on his head, and slowly closes the door on the crew. INT. - DORM FLOOR HALLWAY - DAY The floor is still gathered around the elevators. BEN Cmon guys, do you want a random guy--HEATHER Or girl. BEN Or girl to be our RA, or someone we at least know? Beat. CASSIDY steps out from the crowd. CASSIDY You guys should be RAs! BEN & HEATHER No/What? RANDY steps out from the crowd as well.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: RANDY Yeah! I mean, you guys are the ones who took the initiative to find out where our RA was in the first place. BEN Yeah, but...wait. Who are you? RANDY Randy! Room 502. INT. DORM ROOM 4

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Randy plays guitar alone in his dorm. He is dressed in flannel, jeans, and has a bit of scruff on his face. He tries to play off as very confident, and even cocky, but his anxiety easily shines through. INTERCUT TO: RANDY TALKING HEAD RANDY My roommates havent moved in yet, so its been a bit lonely, but its whatever. Who needs roommates when Ive got: (showing his guitar to the camera) music. It is kind of hard to meet people, and sometimes Im actually not sure if people remember Im here. INTERCUT TO: INT. - ELEVATOR - EARLIER Randy, Ben, and Heather stand in the elevator. The elevator comes to a stop at the 5th floor. Randy starts to walk out BEN (to Randy) Oh, this the 5th floor actually. You must have pushed the wrong button. RANDY Actually I--Ben and Heather are already out of the elevator.

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BEN Cya around. The elevator door closes on a shocked Randy. INT. DORM FLOOR HALLWAY - DAY BEN Guys were not RA-ing the floor. Especially not both of us. HEATHER Cmon Ben, maybe it could work--BEN Dont tell me you actually think this is a good idea--HEATHER Do you have a better one--Larry comes out from the crowd awkwardly. LARRY Yeah! Brother and Sister RAs! BEN NO. The only reason I took any initiative was so I wouldnt be woken up at six in the morning ever again by one of my fellow residents. Larry looks at the camera: "Does he mean me?". BEN Ive got more important things to do than worry about you people. Ive got classes to study for, dammit. I dont know about you guys, but Im trying to get a real education here. CUT TO: BEN TALKING HEAD BEN Actually no. INTERCUT TO:

15. INT. DORM ROOM 2 - DAY Ben takes a crate of papers out from underneath his desk and slams them down. BEN (To camera) A whole semesters worth of notes, quizzes, tests, and homework for all five of my classes. I dont even have to show up because there are not points for attendance. INTERCUT TO: BEN TALKING HEAD BEN Really, Im just a lazy son of a bitch. INT. DORM FLOOR HALLWAY - DAY BEN Now if you excuse me, Ive got to study for my economics test tomorrow. Ben storms out. As he walks away, Ben shakes his head at the camera. The crowd turns to Heather. HEATHER Okay...well figure this out tomorrow. Ill see you guys then. She slowly tries to leave, as the crowd all follow her with their eyes. INT. LAUNDRY ROOM - NIGHT Ben leans on one of the washing machines as Heather tries to convince him to dual RA with her. A RANDOM GIRL folds clothes in the background. HEATHER Cmon Ben, I know youre not going to be studying at all, and we wont have to do anything really. Plus, well get some money back for our room and board.

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CONTINUED: BEN Only partial reimbursement. HEATHER Ben: think of all the things you could get the residents do for you. BEN Have I ever been good at manipulating people into doing things for me?

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The random girl puts all the folder clothes in a basket and walks up to Ben. Shes all flirty around him. RANDOM GIRL Where do you want your clean clothes, Benjy? BEN (handing her a key) Room 502. Fifth Floor. RANDOM GIRL Theres a fifth floor? BEN Sorta. The girl exits. HEATHER You a real born leader, Benjy. Heather exits. MONTAGE - RESIDENTS AT NIGHT --The hallway is empty. --Cassidy is asleep in her bed. ~~Heather reads a book in her pajamas on the couch. ~~Larry opens the bathroom door from inside it, looks around, and then sprays the area with febreze. --Darren is snoring asleep, again with his laptop still running on his chest. ~~Reggie is getting ready to take a shower. ~~Ben texts on his phone as he watches TV. (CONTINUED)

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~~Randy sits alone in his apartment, listening to music on headphones. ~~Fiona tries to air out smell from her room. ~~Jill, still sitting on the couch, drinks again from her flask and reads Nietzsche. INT. DORM ROOM 2 - DAY Ben gets up from the Couch. Larry is loading the dishwasher. BEN Going out for a bit, Larry. Dont wake up everyone for evening supper, would you? LARRY I wont make any commotion tonight, I promise. BEN Uh-huh. Ben exits. Larry finishes loading the dishwasher. He looks around for detergent to no avail. He shouts down to Darren. LARRY Darren, wheres the detergent? Darren snores away. Larry sighs and continues to look around. He comes across a bottle of hand soap. He shrugs and pours a whole ton in to the loading tray in the dishwasher. He closes it, and starts the load. INT. DORM ROOM 1 - DAY Heather reads her book. After a bit, she yawns, puts down her book, and turns off a nearby lamp. She gets up and exits. Seconds later she hears the screams of Larry off. She reenters in annoyance. INT. DORM FLOOR HALLWAY - NIGHT Larry runs through the hallway. LARRY Help! Help! We have a situation in Room 502. A major situation.

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The residents start to emerge from their dorms, tired and angry once again. LARRY Our dishwasher is overflowing! EXT. DORM BUILDING - NIGHT Ben leans on the side of the building, smoking a cigarette. He finishes, sighs, and heads back inside. INT. DORM HALLWAY - NIGHT The elevator doors open and Ben comes out. He immediately hears the noise coming from his dorm. He pauses and starts to head back to the elevator, but it closes right as he turns. He sighs and heads for the dorm. INT. DORM ROOM 2 - NIGHT Ben enters the room to find dish soaps flowing out the bottom of the dishwasher, slowly filling the kitchen floor. Larry is a state of complete panic, Darren just stands idly by the dishwasher, and Reggie is trying to get dressed in his room. The rest of the floor stand around watching the chaos. Everyone turns to Ben. He sighs, takes off his jacket, and then springs into action. BEN First things first, turn off the dishwasher. LARRY (doing so) Turning it off! BEN Secondly, Darren stop standing around and get some towels and start soaking this all up. And get Reggie out for Gods sake. DARREN Sir, yes, sir. Darren heads off to get the towels. BEN Everyone else: get salt from your kitchens, it will help downsize the scud. (CONTINUED)

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The residents stand still. BEN Did I not make myself clear? Go get salt NOW! The residents run off to their individual dorms. Heather walks up to Ben. HEATHER Anything you want me to do, sergeant? BEN Keep Larry from messing up anything else. HEATHER Can do. Larry! CUT TO: The residents thaw the soap by throwing salt at the scud. Darren and others soak up some of the scud with towels. The mess is almost clean. BEN Darren. DARREN Yessir? BEN Set the dishwasher to dry. That should get the remaining soap out of there. DARREN Yessir, of course, sir. Heather walks up to Ben. HEATHER Any idea how this mess got started? Ben looks over and sees the hand soap on the counter. He picks up and hands it to Heather. BEN Please explain Larrys error to him.

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HEATHER By any means necessary? BEN Just clean up after. Heather exits. Fiona comes up to Ben. FIONA Despite your best efforts, your true colors have shown tonight. BEN Huh? FIONA "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." Whether or not you want to be, youre our RA now, Benjamin. Embrace it. BEN Thanks Fiona...thanks. FIONA Anytime. Also I like to spray some exotic scents in my room. Just in case you ever want to know what that smell is. Nothing else. BEN Sure. Ben looks about as he sees the floor come together. SERIES OF SHOTS --Darren and Jill get the water of the towels. ~~Reggie passes the various salts back to their owners. --Heather has Larry pinned against the wall, about ready to pour the soap down his throat as he begs for forgiveness. ~~Fiona does an interpretive dance. FADE OUT.