Twe e t Twe e t 0

Jim and Virginia Part ain in Kodiak, Alaska, on one of t he

many vacat ions t he couple t ook af t er Jim was
diagnosed wit h mult iple myeloma in 2004.
PHOT O COURT ESY OF VIRGINIA PARTAIN
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Grieving season
The holidays can be especially painf ul f or t hose whove lost a loved one
By Howard Hardee
howardh@newsreview.com
Thi s arti cl e was publ i shed on 11.28.13.
T his holiday season will be t he fi rst one
Vi rgi ni a Partai n wi l l spend wi thout her
husband, Ji m, si nce they marri ed i n 2004.
Ji m, a veteran who was exposed to the
carci nogeni c herbi ci de Agent Orange duri ng
the Vi etnam War, di ed i n May after a ni ne-year
battl e wi th mul ti pl e myel omaor bone-
marrow cancerat age 67.
For those who have l ost a l oved one, the
tradi ti ons and memori es associ ated wi th the
hol i days can produce parti cul arl y
overwhel mi ng waves of gri ef. Vi rgi ni a, a 59-
year-ol d Engl i sh teacher at Paradi se Hi gh
School , sai d duri ng a recent phone i ntervi ew
that Ji ms bi rthday i n August and Veterans
Day hi t her l i ke a ton of bri cks, and that she
anti ci pates more of the same on
Thanksgi vi ng and Chri stmas Day.
We al ways went on a crui se duri ng the
hol i days, or had a bi g fami l y event. Nei ther of
those thi ngs are happeni ng thi s year, she
sai d. Ive been i nvi ted to di nner by qui te a
few peopl e, but I tel l them I dont know i f Il l
be up for i t. I want the opti on to stay home i n
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Adve rti se me nt
Light ing up lives:
The annual tree-l i ghti ng ceremony on Dec. 3 at Paradi se
Hospi ce House (1289 Bi l l e Road i n Paradi se) wi l l
i ncl ude a candl e-l i ghti ng and si ng-al ong, musi c and
refreshments. Festi vi ti es wi l l begi n at 7 p.m.; cal l
Paradi se Hospi ce House at 877-8755 for more
i nformati on.
Relat ed st ories:
Hospice away f rom home
Paradi se Hospi ce House offers i npati ent pal l i ati ve care
i n a soothi ng, supporti ve envi ronment. CN&R, 07.28.11.
be up for i t. I want the opti on to stay home i n
my paj amas i f thats what I want to do.
Vi rgi ni a descri bed her l ate husband as
outgoi ng, gregari ous and happy, her voi ce
trembl i ng as she recal l ed thi s l i ttl e thi ng we
used to say to each other: Hed say I l ove my
wi fe, and Id say back to hi m, I l ove my
husband; hes the best.
Ji m was di agnosed wi th mul ti pl e myel oma
j ust four months after he and Vi rgi ni a were
wed i n 2004; he was tol d he had two to four
years to l i ve.
Once he found out he was si ck, Ji m l i ved hi s
l i fe to the ful l est, Vi rgi ni a sai d. We travel ed.
We went on 13 di fferent shi p crui ses; we
went to Mexi co and drove al l over Canada.
Whenever I had vacati on ti me, we went on a
vacati on. Even duri ng the worst of i t, he had a
smi l e on hi s face.
Two stem-cel l transpl ants and mul ti pl e bl ood
transfusi ons hel ped Ji m outl i ve hi s i ni ti al
prognosi s by fi ve years. But i n January of thi s
year, Ji ms oncol ogi st tol d hi m he woul d
l i kel y di e wi thi n si x months. At Ji ms request,
fami l y and fri ends gathered i n the spri ng for
two l i vi ng memori al s i n l i eu of a tradi ti onal
funeral .
On May 3, after a fi nal bl ood transfusi on, Ji m
entered Paradise Hospice House, where
Vi rgi ni a fai thful l y stayed at Ji ms bedsi de
through the fi nal days of hi s l i fe. The nurses
were amazi ng, Vi rgi ni a emphasi zed. They
gave hi m such l ove and comfort and care.
Ji m di ed on the eveni ng of May 14, after
copi ng wi th i ncreasi ng l evel s of pai n for
several days. Despi te bei ng medi cated, he
managed these l ast words: I l ove my wi fe.
Julie Sciligo, bereavement coordinat or at Paradi se Hospi ce House, whi ch i s under the umbrel l a of
Feather Ri ver Hospi tal , knows from both personal and professi onal experi ence how di ffi cul t thi s hol i day
season i s l i kel y to be for Vi rgi ni a. Sci l i gos mother di ed about four years ago, and the hol i days bri ng back
her gri ef as fresh as ever.
When youre getti ng together wi th your l oved
ones and a fami l y member i snt there, i t j ust
magni fi es that l oss, she sai d duri ng a recent
i ntervi ew. I dont thi nk that part ever gets
easi er.
In her work, Sci l i go fol l ows up wi th the fami l y
members and spouses of those who have
passed away at Paradi se Hospi ce House
wi th phone cal l s, mai l and the occasi onal
house vi si t. She sai d such efforts are
back
Torres Communi ty
Shel ter needs hel p after i ts busi est year ever.
Ship- right ing cont inues
Budget tal ks for next year start earl y at Ci ty Hal l
and i ncl ude a pl an to repay $15 mi l l i on i n chunks
over the next decade.
Soil cont aminat ion
The l atest test resul ts for di oxi ns i n Orovi l l e
rel eased.
Focus on Povert y
An aggregati on of stori es from CN&R on the
subj ect of poverty i n our regi on.
Food Access
Coverage of Cal i forni a' s l ow rate of parti ci pati on
i n the Cal Fresh (Food Stamps) program.
In t he dark no longer
Butte County
streaml i nes the DNA-
testi ng process i n
cases of sexual
vi ol ence.
Seniors t o overload
Medi- Cal
State spendi ng on l ong-term care i s set to nearl y
doubl e i n the next decade.
Be gone, t oxic f urnit ure!
State adopts new standards for toxi c fl ame-
retardants i n furni ture.
Of cont racept ion and heavy women
Morni ng-after pi l l proves i neffecti ve i n heavi er and
obese women.
Get t ing suf f icient vit amin D
Defi ci ency can l ead to a host of heal th i ssues.
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Julie Sciligo, bereavement coordinat or at Paradise
Hospice House.
PHOT O BY HOWARD HARDEE
Twe e t Twe e t 0 Submi t
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i mportant because the support that peopl e
recei ve earl y i n the bereavement process
tends to l essen over ti me.
Wi th l oss, i n the begi nni ng, peopl e have so
much support from fri ends and fami l y, she
sai d. Then ti me passes by, and peopl e
expect you to move on: Its been si x months
why arent you feel i ng better? Its a l ong,
l ong process. You l earn to l i ve wi th i t and
move on wi th your l i fe, but [the gri ef] i s
al ways sti l l there.
Sci l i go sai d that for those faci ng the hol i day
season wi thout a l oved one for the fi rst ti me,
i ts i mportant to do what feel s ri ght regardi ng
tradi ti ons once shared.
Dont be afrai d to change i t up a bi t, do somethi ng a l i ttl e di fferent and create some new tradi ti ons, she
suggested. If you dont want to do that, at l east tel l your fami l y what youre up to doi ng and not up to
doi ng; make your needs known. Do the thi ngs you want to doi f decorati ng the tree i s real l y i mportant to
you, do i t. If i ts not real l y al l that i mportant, ski p i t thi s year.
Whatever you choose to do, remember you al ways have next year.
Virginia of t en f inds herself di stracted by her busy teachi ng schedul e and her students at Paradi se Hi gh,
but shes al ways remi nded of her husbands absence when she returns home.
When I go home and cl ose the door, hes not there, she sai d. He was al ways so present i n my l i fe. Now I
go home and theres a qui et to the house.
If Vi rgi ni a i snt up to cel ebrati ng Thanksgi vi ng Day, she may opt to vol unteer her ti me i nstead.
I want to fi nd a pl ace I can go be of servi ce, she sai d. Im l ooki ng for ways I can get outsi de of mysel f, to
thi nk about others. That hel ps me get out of my gri ef.
Shes al so l ooki ng forward to Paradi se Hospi ces annual Li ght Up A Li fe event on Dec. 3, whi ch wi l l i ncl ude
a Chri stmas-tree l i ghti ng ceremony, a candl e-l i ghti ng and si ng-al ong, musi c by the Paradi se Adventi st
Academy youth choi r and refreshments.
Vi rgi ni a bel i eves returni ng to the pl ace where Ji m was abl e to di e wi th di gni ty wi l l be a fi tti ng way to
cel ebrate hi s l i fe. Im exci ted about the l i ghti ng ceremony, she sai d. To me, i ts a way of honori ng Ji m.
Cont act us about t his st ory
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