Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier

First published in Great Britain 1938

Chapter one
Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again. It seemed to me I stood by the Iron Gate leading to the drive and !or a while I "ould not enter !or the way was barred to me. #here was a padlo"$ and "hain upon the gate. I "alled in my dream to the lodge%$eeper and had no answer and peering "loser through the rusted spo$es o! the gate I saw that the lodge was uninhabited. &o smo$e "ame !rom the "himney and the little latti"e windows gaped !orlorn. #hen li$e all dreamers I was possessed o! a sudden with supernatural powers and passed li$e a spirit through the barrier be!ore me. #he drive wound away in !ront o! me twisting and turning as it had always done but as I advan"ed I was aware that a "hange had "ome upon it' it was narrow and un$empt not the drive that we had $nown. (t !irst I was pu))led and did not understand and it was only when I bent my head to avoid the low swinging bran"h o! a tree that I reali)ed what had happened. &ature had "ome into her own again and little by little in her stealthy insidious way had en"roa"hed upon the drive with long tena"ious !ingers. #he woods always a mena"e even in the past had triumphed in the end. #hey "rowded dar$ and un"ontrolled to the borders o! the drive. #he bee"hes with white na$ed limbs leant "lose to one another' their bran"hes intermingled in a strange embra"e ma$ing a vault above my head li$e the ar"hway o! a "hur"h. (nd there were other trees as well trees that I did not re"ogni)e s*uat oa$s and tortured elms that straggled "hee$ by +owl with the bee"hes and had thrust themselves out o! the *uiet earth along with monster shrubs and plants none o! whi"h I remembered. #he drive was a ribbon now a thread o! its !ormer sel! with gravel sur!a"e gone and "ho$ed with grass and moss. #he trees had thrown out low bran"hes ma$ing an impediment to progress' the gnarled roots loo$ed li$e s$eleton "laws. ,"attered here and again amongst this +ungle growth I would re"ogni)e shrubs that had been landmar$s in our time things o! "ulture and gra"e hydrangeas whose blue heads had been !amous. &o hand had "he"$ed

their progress and they had gone native now rearing to monster height without a bloom bla"$ and ugly as the nameless parasites that grew beside them. -n and on now east now west wound the poor thread that on"e had been our drive. ,ometimes I thought it lost but it appeared again beneath a !allen tree perhaps or struggling on the other side o! a muddied dit"h "reated by the winter rains. I had not thought the way so long. ,urely the miles had multiplied even as the trees had done and this path led but to a labyrinth some "ho$ed wilderness and not to the house at all. I "ame upon it suddenly' the approa"h mas$ed by the unnatural growth o! a vast shrub that spread in all dire"tions and I stood my heart thumping in my breast the strange pri"$ o! tears behind my eyes. #here was Manderley our Manderley se"retive and silent as it had always been the grey stone shining in the moonlight o! my dream the mullioned windows re!le"ting the green lawns and the terra"e. #ime "ould not wre"$ the per!e"t symmetry o! those walls nor the site itsel! a +ewel in the hollow o! a hand. #he terra"e sloped to the lawns and the lawns stret"hed to the sea and turning I "ould see the sheet o! silver pla"id under the moon li$e a la$e undisturbed by wind or storm. &o waves would "ome to ru!!le this dream water and no bul$ o! "loud wind%driven !rom the west obs"ure the "larity o! this pale s$y. I turned again to the house and though it stood inviolate untou"hed as though we ourselves had le!t but yesterday I saw that the garden had obeyed the +ungle law even as the woods had done. #he rhododendrons stood !i!ty !eet high twisted and entwined with bra"$en and they had entered into alien marriage with a host o! nameless shrubs poor bastard things that "lung about their roots as though "ons"ious o! their spurious origin. ( lila" had mated with a "opper bee"h and to bind them yet more "losely to one another the malevolent ivy always an enemy to gra"e had thrown her tendrils about the pair and made them prisoners. Ivy held prior pla"e in this lost garden the long strands "rept a"ross the lawns and soon would en"roa"h upon the house itsel!. #here was another plant too some hal!%breed !rom the woods whose seed had been s"attered long ago beneath the trees and then !orgotten and now mar"hing in unison with the ivy thrust its ugly !orm li$e a giant rhubarb towards the so!t grass where the da!!odils had blown. &ettles were everywhere the vanguard o! the army. #hey "ho$ed the terra"e they sprawled about the paths they leant vulgar and lan$y against the very windows o! the house. #hey made indi!!erent sentinels !or in many pla"es their ran$s had been bro$en by the rhubarb plant and they lay with

"rumpled heads and listless stems ma$ing a pathway !or the rabbits. I le!t the drive and went on to the terra"e !or the nettles were no barrier to me a dreamer. I wal$ed en"hanted and nothing held me ba"$. Moonlight "an play odd tri"$s upon the !an"y even upon a dreamer.s !an"y. (s I stood there hushed and still I "ould swear that the house was not an empty shell but lived and breathed as it had lived be!ore. Light "ame !rom the windows the "urtains blew so!tly in the night air and there in the library the door would stand hal! open as we had le!t it with my hand$er"hie! on the table beside the bowl o! autumn roses. #he room would bear witness to our presen"e. #he little heap o! library boo$s mar$ed ready to return and the dis"arded "opy o! #he #imes. (shtrays with the stub o! a "igarette' "ushions with the imprint o! our heads upon them lolling in the "hairs' the "harred embers o! our log !ire still smoldering against the morning. (nd /asper dear /asper with his soul!ul eyes and great sagging +owl would be stret"hed upon the !loor his tail a% thump when he heard his master.s !ootsteps. ( "loud hitherto unseen "ame upon the moon and hovered an instant li$e a dar$ hand be!ore a !a"e. #he illusion went with it and the lights in the windows were e0tinguished. I loo$ed upon a desolate shell soulless at last unhaunted with no whisper o! the past about its staring walls. #he house was a sepul"hre our !ear and su!!ering lay buried in the ruins. #here would be no resurre"tion. 1hen I thought o! Manderley in my wa$ing hours I would not be bitter. I should thin$ o! it as it might have been "ould I have lived there without !ear. I should remember the rose%garden in summer and the birds that sang at dawn. #ea under the "hestnut tree and the murmur o! the sea "oming up to us !rom the lawns below. I would thin$ o! the blown lila" and the 2appy 3alley. #hese things were permanent they "ould not be dissolved. #hey were memories that "annot hurt. (ll this I resolved in my dream while the "louds lay a"ross the !a"e o! the moon !or li$e most sleepers I $new that I dreamed. In reality I lay many hundred miles away in an alien land and would wa$e be!ore many se"onds had passed in the bare little hotel bedroom "om!orting in its very la"$ o! atmosphere. I would sigh a moment stret"h mysel! and turn and opening my eyes be bewildered at that glittering sun that hard "lean s$y so di!!erent !rom the so!t moonlight o! my dream. #he day would lie be!ore us both long no doubt and unevent!ul but !raught with a "ertain stillness a dear tran*uility we had not $nown be!ore. 1e would not tal$ o! Manderley I would not tell my dream. For Manderley was ours no longer. Manderley was no more.

Chapter two
1e "an never go ba"$ again that mu"h is "ertain. #he past is still too "lose to us. #he things we have tried to !orget and put behind us would stir again and that sense o! !ear o! !urtive unrest struggling at length to blind unreasoning pani" % now mer"i!ully stilled than$ God % might in some manner un!oreseen be"ome a living "ompanion as it had been be!ore. 2e is wonder!ully patient and never "omplains not even when he remembers... whi"h happens I thin$ rather more o!ten than he would have me $now. I "an tell by the way he will loo$ lost and pu))led suddenly all e0pression dying away !rom his dear !a"e as though swept "lean by an unseen hand and in its pla"e a mas$ will !orm a s"ulptured thing !ormal and "old beauti!ul still but li!eless. 2e will !all to smo$ing "igarette a!ter "igarette not bothering to e0tinguish them and the glowing stubs will lie around on the ground li$e petals. 2e will tal$ *ui"$ly and eagerly about nothing at all snat"hing at any sub+e"t as a pana"ea to pain. I believe there is a theory that men and women emerge !iner and stronger a!ter su!!ering and that to advan"e in this or any world we must endure ordeal by !ire. #his we have done in !ull measure ironi" though it seems. 1e have both $nown !ear and. loneliness and very great distress. I suppose sooner or later in the li!e o! everyone "omes a moment o! trial. 1e all o! us have our parti"ular devil who rides us and torments us and we must give battle in the end. 1e have "on*uered ours or so we believe. #he devil does not ride us any more. 1e have "ome through our "risis not uns"athed o! "ourse. 2is premonition o! disaster was "orre"t !rom the beginning' and li$e a ranting a"tress in an indi!!erent play I might say that we have paid !or !reedom. But I have had enough melodrama in this li!e and would willingly give my !ive senses i! they "ould ensure us our present pea"e and se"urity. 2appiness is not a possession to be pri)ed it is 4 *uality o! thought a state o! mind. -! "ourse we have our moments o! depression' but there are other moments too when time unmeasured by the "lo"$ runs on into eternity and "at"hing his smile I $now we are together we mar"h in unison no "lash o! thought or o! opinion ma$es a barrier between us. 1e have no se"rets now !rom one another. (ll things are shared. Granted that our little hotel is dull and the !ood indi!!erent and that day a!ter day dawns very mu"h the same yet we would not have it otherwise. 1e should meet too many o! the people he $nows in any o! the big hotels.

1e both appre"iate simpli"ity and we are sometimes bored % well boredom is a pleasing antidote to !ear. 1e live very mu"h by routine and I % I have developed a genius !or reading aloud. #he only time I have $nown him show impatien"e is when the postman lags !or it means we must wait another day be!ore the arrival o! our 5nglish mail. 1e have tried wireless but the noise is su"h an irritant and we pre!er to store up our e0"itement' the result o! a "ri"$et mat"h played many days ago means mu"h to us. -h the #est mat"hes that have saved us !rom ennui the bo0ing bouts even the billiard s"ores. Finals o! s"hoolboy sports dog ra"ing strange little "ompetitions in the remoter "ounties all these are grist to our hungry mill. ,ometimes old "opies o! the Field "ome my way and I am transported !rom this indi!!erent island to the realities o! an 5nglish spring. I read o! "hal$ streams o! the may!ly o! sorrel growing in green meadows o! roo$s "ir"ling above the woods as they used to do at Manderley. #he smell o! wet earth "omes to me !rom those thumbed and tattered pages the sour tang o! moorland peat the !eel o! soggy moss spattered white in pla"es by a heron.s droppings. -n"e there was an arti"le on wood pigeons and as I read it aloud it seemed to me that on"e again I was in the deep woods at Manderley with pigeons !luttering above my head. I heard their so!t "ompla"ent "all so "om!ortable and "ool on a hot summer.s a!ternoon and there would be no disturbing o! their pea"e until /asper "ame loping through the undergrowth to !ind me his damp mu))le *uesting the ground. Li$e old ladies "aught at their ablutions the pigeons would !lutter !rom their hiding%pla"e sho"$ed into silly agitation and ma$ing a monstrous to%do with their wings strea$ away !rom us above the tree%tops and so out o! sight and sound. 1hen they were gone a new silen"e would "ome upon the pla"e and I % uneasy !or no $nown reason % would reali)e that the sun no longer wove a pattern on the rustling leaves that the bran"hes had grown dar$er the shadows longer' and ba"$ at the house there would be !resh raspberries !or tea. I would rise !rom my bed o! bra"$en then sha$ing the !eathery dust o! last year.s leaves !rom my s$irt and whistling to /asper set o!! towards the house despising mysel! even as I wal$ed !or my hurrying !eet my one swi!t glan"e behind. 2ow strange that an arti"le on wood pigeons "ould so re"all the past and ma$e me !alter as I read aloud. It was the grey loo$ on his !a"e that made me stop abruptly and turn the pages until I !ound a paragraph on "ri"$et very pra"ti"al and dull % Middlese0 batting on a dry wi"$et at the -val and piling up interminable dreary runs. 2ow I blessed those solid !lannelled !igures !or in a !ew minutes his !a"e had settled ba"$ into repose

the "olour had returned and he was deriding the ,urrey bowling in healthy irritation. 1e were saved a retreat into the past and I had learnt my lesson. 6ead 5nglish news yes and 5nglish sport politi"s and pomposity but in !uture $eep the things that hurt to mysel! alone. #hey "an be my se"ret indulgen"e. 7olour and s"ent and sound rain and the lapping o! water even the mists o! autumn and the smell o! the !lood tide these are memories o! Manderley that will not be denied. ,ome people have a vi"e o! reading Bradshaws. #hey plan innumerable +ourneys a"ross "ountry !or the !un o! lin$ing up impossible "onne0ions. My hobby is less tedious i! as strange. I am a mine o! in!ormation on the 5nglish "ountryside. I $now the name o! every owner o! every British moor yes % and their tenants too. I $now how many grouse are $illed how many partridge how many head o! deer. I $now where trout are rising and where the salmon leap. I attend all meets I !ollow every run. 5ven the names o! those who wal$ hound puppies are !amiliar to me. #he state o! the "rops the pri"e o! !at "attle the mysterious ailments o! swine I relish them all. ( poor pastime perhaps and not a very intelle"tual one but I breathe the air o! 5ngland as I read and "an !a"e this glittering s$y with greater "ourage. #he s"rubby vineyards and the "rumbling stones. be"ome things o! no a""ount !or i! I wish I "an give rein to my imagination and pi"$ !o0gloves and pale "hampions !rom a wet strea$ing hedge. 8oor whims o! !an"y tender and un%harsh. #hey are the enemy to bitterness and regret and sweeten this e0ile we have brought upon ourselves. Be"ause o! them I "an en+oy my a!ternoon and return smiling and re!reshed to !a"e the little ritual o! our tea. #he order never varies. #wo sli"es o! bread and butter ea"h and 7hina tea. 1hat a hide%bound "ouple we must seem "linging to "ustom be"ause we did so in 5ngland. 2ere on this "lean bal"ony white and impersonal with "enturies o! sun I thin$ o! hal! past !our at Manderley and the table drawn be!ore the library !ire. #he door !lung open pun"tual to the minute and the per!orman"e never%varying o! the laying o! the tea the silver tray the $ettle the snowy "loth. 1hile /asper his spaniel ears a%droop !eigns indi!!eren"e to the arrival o! the "a$es. #hat !east was laid be!ore us always and yet we ate so little. #hose dripping "rumpets I "an see them now. #iny "risp wedges o! toast and piping%hot !loury s"ones. ,andwi"hes o! un$nown nature mysteriously !lavoured and *uite dele"table and that very spe"ial gingerbread. (ngel "a$e that melted in the mouth and his rather stodgier "ompanion bursting with peel and raisins. #here was enough !ood there to

$eep a starving !amily !or a wee$. I never $new what happened to it all and the waste used to worry me sometimes. But I never dared as$ Mrs. 9anvers what she did about it. ,he would have loo$ed at me in s"orn smiling that !ree)ing superior smile o! hers and I "an imagine her saying: .#here were never any "omplaints when Mrs. de 1inter was alive.. Mrs. 9anvers. I wonder what she is doing now. ,he and Favell. I thin$ it was the e0pression on her !a"e that gave me my !irst !eeling o! unrest. Instin"tively I thought .,he is "omparing me to 6ebe""a.' and sharp as a sword the shadow "ame between us... 1ell it is over now !inished and done with. I ride no more tormented and both o! us are !ree. 5ven my !aith!ul /asper has gone to the happy hunting grounds and Manderley is no more. It lies li$e an empty shell amidst the tangle o! the deep woods even as I saw it in my dream. ( multitude o! weeds a "olony o! birds. ,ometimes perhaps a tramp will wander there see$ing shelter !rom a sudden shower o! rain and i! he is stout%hearted he may wal$ there with impunity. But your timid !ellow your nervous poa"her % the woods o! Manderley are not !or him. 2e might stumble upon the little "ottage in the "ove and he would not be happy beneath its tumbled roo! the thin rain beating a tattoo. #here might linger there still a "ertain atmosphere o! stress... #hat "orner in the drive too where the trees en"roa"h upon the gravel is not a pla"e in whi"h to pause not a!ter the sun has set. 1hen the leaves rustle they sound very mu"h li$e the stealthy movement o! a woman in evening dress and when they shiver suddenly and !all and s"atter away along the ground they might be the patter patter o! a woman.s hurrying !ootstep and the mar$ in the gravel the imprint o! a high%heeled satin shoe. It is when I remember these things that I return with relie! to the prospe"t !rom our bal"ony. &o shadows steal upon this hard glare the stony vineyards shimmer in the sun and the bougainvillea is white with dust. I may one day loo$ upon it with a!!e"tion. (t the moment it inspires me i! not with love at least with "on!iden"e. (nd "on!iden"e is a *uality I pri)e although it has "ome to me a little late in the day. I suppose it is his dependen"e upon me that has made me bold at last. (t any rate I have lost my di!!iden"e my timidity my shyness with strangers. I am very di!!erent !rom that sel! who drove to Manderley !or the !irst time hope!ul and eager handi"apped by a rather desperate gau"herie and !illed with an intense desire to please. It was my la"$ o! poise o! "ourse that made su"h a bad impression on people li$e Mrs. 9anvers. 1hat must I have seemed li$e a!ter 6ebe""a; I "an see mysel! now memory spanning the years li$e a bridge with straight bobbed hair and youth!ul unpowdered !a"e dressed in an ill%!itting "oat and s$irt

and a +umper o! my own "reation trailing in the wa$e o! Mrs. 3an 2opper li$e a shy uneasy "olt. ,he would pre"ede me in to lun"h her short body ill% balan"ed upon tottering high heels her !ussy !rilly blouse a "ompliment to her large bosom and swinging hips her new hat pier"ed with a monster *uill aslant upon her head e0posing a wide e0panse o! !orehead bare as a s"hoolboy.s $nee. -ne hand "arried a giganti" bag the $ind that holds passports engagement diaries and bridge s"ores while the other hand toyed with that inevitable lorgnette the enemy to other people.s priva"y. ,he would ma$e !or her usual table in the "orner o! the restaurant "lose to the window and li!ting her lorgnette to her small pig.s eyes survey the s"ene to right and le!t o! her then she would let the lorgnette !all at length upon its bla"$ ribbon and utter a little e0"lamation o! disgust: .&ot a single well%$nown personality I shall tell the management they must ma$e a redu"tion on my bill. 1hat do they thin$ I "ome here !or; #o loo$ at the page boys;. (nd she would summon the waiter to her side her voi"e sharp and sta""ato "utting the air li$e a saw. 2ow di!!erent the little restaurant where we are today to that vast dining%room ornate and ostentatious the 2otel 7ote d.()ur at Monte 7arlo' and how di!!erent my present. "ompanion his steady well%shaped hands peeling a mandarin in *uiet methodi"al !ashion loo$ing up now and again !rom his tas$ to smile at me "ompared to Mrs. 3an 2opper her !at be+eweled !ingers *uesting a plate heaped high with ravioli her eyes darting suspi"iously !rom her plate to mine !or !ear I should have made the better "hoi"e. ,he need not have disturbed hersel! !or the waiter with the un"anny swi!tness o! his $ind had long sensed my position as in!erior and subservient to hers and had pla"ed be!ore me a plate o! ham and tongue that somebody had sent ba"$ to the "old bu!!et hal! an hour be!ore as badly "arved. -dd that resentment o! servants and their obvious impatien"e. I remember staying on"e with Mrs. 3an 2opper in a "ountry house and the maid never answered my timid bell or brought up my shoes and early morning tea stone "old was dumped outside my bedroom door. It was the same at the 7ote d.()ur though to a lesser degree and sometimes the studied indi!!eren"e turned to !amiliarity smir$ing and o!!ensive whi"h made buying stamps !rom the re"eption "ler$ an ordeal I would avoid. 2ow young and ine0perien"ed I must have seemed and how I !elt it too. -ne was too sensitive too raw there were thorns and pinpri"$s in so many words that in reality !ell lightly on the air. I remember well that plate o! ham and tongue. It was dry unappeti)ing "ut in a wedge !rom the outside but I had not the "ourage to re!use it. 1e ate in silen"e !or Mrs. 3an 2opper li$ed to "on"entrate on

!ood and I "ould tell by the way the sau"e ran down her "hin that her dish o! ravioli pleased her. It was not a sight that engendered into me great appetite !or my own "old "hoi"e and loo$ing away !rom her I saw that the table ne0t to ours le!t va"ant !or three days was to be o""upied on"e more. #he maitre d.hotel with the parti"ular bow reserved !or his more spe"ial patrons was ushering the new arrival to his pla"e. Mrs. 3an 2opper put down her !or$ and rea"hed !or her lorgnette. I blushed !or her while she stared and the new"omer un"ons"ious o! her interest "ast a wandering eye over the menu. #hen Mrs. 3an 2opper !olded her lorgnette with a snap and leant a"ross the table to me her small eyes bright with e0"itement her voi"e a shade too loud. .It.s Ma0 de 1inter . she said .the man who owns Manderley. <ou.ve heard o! it o! "ourse. 2e loo$s ill doesn.t he; #hey say he "an.t get over his wi!e.s death....

Chapter three

I wonder what my li!e would be today i! Mrs. 3an 2opper had not been a snob. Funny to thin$ that the "ourse o! my e0isten"e hung li$e a thread upon that *uality o! hers. 2er "uriosity was a disease almost a mania. (t !irst I had been sho"$ed wret"hedly embarrassed' I would !eel li$e a whipping boy who must bear his master.s pains when I wat"hed people laugh behind her ba"$ leave a room hurriedly upon her entran"e or even vanish behind a ,ervi"e door on the "orridor upstairs. For many years now she had "ome to the 2otel 7ote d.()ur and apart !rom bridge her one pastime whi"h was notorious by now in Monte 7arlo was to "laim visitors o! distin"tion as her !riends had she but seen them on"e at the other end o! the post%o!!i"e. ,omehow she would manage to introdu"e hersel! and be!ore her vi"tim had s"ented danger she had pro!!ered an invitation to her suite. 2er method o! atta"$ was so downright and sudden that there was seldom opportunity to es"ape. (t the 7ote d.()ur she sta$ed a "laim upon a "ertain so!a in the lounge midway between the re"eption hall and the passage to the restaurant and she would have her "o!!ee there a!ter lun"heon and dinner and all who "ame and went must pass her by. ,ometimes she would employ me as a bait to draw her prey and hating my errand I would be sent a"ross the lounge with a verbal message the loan o! a boo$ or paper the address o! some shop or other the sudden dis"overy o! a mutual !riend. It seemed as though notables must be !ed to her mu"h as invalids are spooned their +elly' and though titles were pre!erred by her any !a"e on"e seen in a so"ial paper served as well. &ames s"attered in a gossip "olumn authors artists a"tors and their $ind even the medio"re ones as long as she had learnt o! them in print. I "an see her as though it were but yesterday on that un!orgettable a!ternoon % never mind how many years ago %when she sat at her !avourite so!a in the lounge debating her method o! atta"$. I "ould tell by her abrupt manner and the way she tapped her lorgnette against her teeth that she was *uesting possibilities. I $new too when she had missed the sweet and rushed through dessert that she had wished to !inish lun"heon be!ore the new arrival and so install hersel! where he must pass. ,uddenly she turned to me her small eyes alight.

.Go upstairs *ui"$ly and !ind that letter !rom my nephew. <ou remember the one written on his honeymoon with the snapshot. Bring it down to me right away.. I saw then that her plans were !ormed and the nephew was to be the means o! introdu"tion. &ot !or the !irst time I resented the part that I must play in her s"hemes. Li$e a +uggler.s assistant I produ"ed the props then silent and attentive I waited on my "ue. #his new"omer would not wel"ome intrusion I !elt "ertain o! that. In the little I had learnt o! him at lun"heon a smattering o! hearsay garnered by her ten months ago !rom the daily papers and stored in her memory !or !uture use I "ould imagine in spite o! my youth and ine0perien"e o! the world that he would resent this sudden bursting in upon his solitude. 1hy he should have "hosen to "ome to the 7ote d.()ur at Monte 7arlo was not our "on"ern his problems were his own and anyone but Mrs. 3an 2opper would have understood. #a"t was a *uality un$nown to her dis"retion too and be"ause gossip was the breath o! li!e to her this stranger must be served !or her disse"tion. I !ound the letter in a pigeon%hole in her des$ and hesitated a moment be!ore going down again to the lounge. It seemed to me rather senselessly that I was allowing him a !ew more moments o! se"lusion. I wished I had the "ourage to go by the ,ervi"e stair"ase and so by roundabout way to the restaurant and there warn him o! the ambush. 7onvention was too strong !or me though nor did I $now how I should !rame my senten"e. #here was nothing !or it but to sit in my usual pla"e beside Mrs. 3an 2opper while she li$e a large "ompla"ent spider spun her wide net o! tedium about the stranger.s person. I had been longer than I thought !or when I returned to the lounge I saw he had already le!t the dining%room and she !ear!ul o! losing him had not waited !or the letter but had ris$ed a bare%!a"ed introdu"tion on her own. 2e was even now sitting beside her on the so!a. I wal$ed a"ross to them and gave her the letter without a word. 2e rose to his !eet at on"e while Mrs. 3an 2opper !lushed with her su""ess waved a vague hand in my dire"tion and mumbled my name. .Mr. de 1inter is having "o!!ee with us go and as$ the waiter !or another "up . she said her tone +ust "asual enough to warn him o! my !ooting. It meant I was a youth!ul thing and unimportant and that there was no need to in"lude me in the "onversation. ,he always spo$e in that tone when she wished to be impressive and her method o! introdu"tion was a !orm o! sel!%prote"tion !or on"e I had been ta$en !or her daughter an a"ute embarrassment !or us both. #his abruptness showed that I "ould sa!ely be

ignored and women would give me a brie! nod whi"h served as a greeting and a dismissal in one while men with large relie! would reali)e they "ould sin$ ba"$ into a "om!ortable "hair without o!!ending "ourtesy. It was a surprise there!ore to !ind that this new"omer remained standing on his !eet and it was he who made a signal to the waiter. .I.m a!raid I must "ontradi"t you . he said to her .you are both having "o!!ee with me.' and be!ore I $new what had happened he was sitting in my usual hard "hair and I was on the so!a beside Mrs. 3an 2opper. For a moment she loo$ed annoyed % this was not what she had intended % but she soon "omposed her !a"e and thrusting her large sel! between me and the table she leant !orward to his "hair tal$ing eagerly and loudly !luttering the letter in her hand. .<ou $now I re"ogni)ed you +ust as soon as you wal$ed into the restaurant . she said .and I thought =1hy there.s Mr. de 1inter Billy.s !riend I simply must show him those snaps o! Billy and his bride ta$en on their honeymoon= and here they are. #here.s 9ora. Isn.t she +ust adorable; #hat little slim waist those great big eyes. 2ere they are sun%bathing at 8alm Bea"h. Billy is "ra)y about her you "an imagine. 2e had not met her o! "ourse when he gave that party at 7laridge.s and where I saw you !irst. But I dare say you don.t remember an old woman li$e me;. #his with a provo"ative glan"e and a gleam o! teeth. .-n the "ontrary I remember you very well . he said and be!ore she "ould trap him into a resurre"tion o! their !irst meeting he had handed her his "igarette "ase and the business o! lighting%up stalled her !or the moment. .I don.t thin$ I should "are !or 8alm Bea"h . he said blowing the mat"h and glan"ing at him I thought how unreal he would loo$ against a Florida ba"$ground. 2e belonged to a walled "ity o! the !i!teenth "entury a "ity o! narrow "obbled streets and thin spires where the inhabitants wore pointed shoes and worsted hose. 2is !a"e was arresting sensitive mediaeval in some strange ine0pli"able way and I was reminded o! a portrait seen in a gallery I had !orgotten where o! a "ertain Gentleman >n$nown. 7ould one but rob him o! his 5nglish tweeds and put him in bla"$ with la"e at his throat and wrists he would stare down at us in our new world !rom a long%distant past % a past where men wal$ed "loa$ed at night and stood in the shadow o! old doorways a past o! narrow stairways and dim dungeons a past o! whispers in the dar$ o! shimmering rapier blades o! silent e0*uisite "ourtesy. I wished I "ould remember the -ld Master who had painted that portrait. It stood in a "orner o! the gallery and the eyes !ollowed one !rom the dus$y !rame...

#hey were tal$ing though and I had lost the thread o! "onversation. .&o not even twenty years ago . he was saying. =#hat sort o! thing has never amused me.. I heard Mrs. 3an 2opper give her !at "ompla"ent laugh. .I! Billy had a home li$e Manderley he would not want to play around in 8alm Bea"h . she said. .I.m told it.s li$e !airyland there.s no other word !or it.. ,he paused e0pe"ting him to smile but he went on smo$ing his "igarette and I noti"ed !aint as gossamer the line between his brows. .I.ve seen pi"tures o! it o! "ourse . she persisted .and it loo$s per!e"tly en"hanting. I remember Billy telling me it had all those big pla"es beat !or beauty. I wonder you "an ever bear to leave it.. 2is silen"e now was pain!ul and would have been patent to anyone else but she ran on li$e a "lumsy goat trampling and trespassing on land that was preserved and I !elt the "olour !lood my !a"e dragged with her as I was into humiliation. .-! "ourse you 5nglishmen are all the same about your homes . she said her voi"e be"oming louder and louder .you depre"iate them so as not to seem proud. Isn.t there a minstrels. gallery at Manderley and some very valuable portraits;. ,he turned to me by way o! e0planation. .Mr. de 1inter is so modest he won.t admit to it but I believe that lovely home o! his has been in his !amily.s possession sin"e the 7on*uest. #hey say that minstrels. gallery is a gem. I suppose your an"estors o!ten entertained royalty at Manderley Mr. de 1inter;. #his was more than I had hitherto endured even !rom her but the swi!t lash o! his reply was une0pe"ted. .&ot sin"e 5thelred . he said .the one who was "alled >nready. In !a"t it was while staying with my !amily that the name was given him. 2e was invariably late !or dinner.. ,he deserved it o! "ourse and I waited !or her "hange o! !a"e but in"redible as it may seem his words were lost on her and I was le!t to writhe in her stead !eeling li$e a "hild that had been sma"$ed. .Is that really so;. she blundered. .I.d no idea. My history is very sha$y and the $ings o! 5ngland always muddled me. 2ow interesting though. I must write and tell my daughter' she.s a great s"holar.. #here was a pause and I !elt the "olour !lood into my !a"e. I was too young that was the trouble. 2ad I been older I would have "aught his eye and smiled her unbelievable behavior ma$ing a bond between us' but as it was I was stri"$en into shame and endured one o! the !re*uent agonies o! youth. I thin$ he reali)ed my distress !or he leant !orward in his "hair and spo$e to me his voi"e gentle as$ing i! I would have more "o!!ee and when I re!used and shoo$ my head I !elt his eyes were still on me pu))led

re!le"tive. 2e was pondering my e0a"t relationship to her and wondering whether he must bra"$et us together in !utility. .1hat do you thin$ o! Monte 7arlo or don.t you thin$ o! it at all;. he said. #his in"luding o! me in the "onversation !ound me at my worst the raw e0%s"hoolgirl red%elbowed and lan$y%haired and I said something obvious and idioti" about the pla"e being arti!i"ial but be!ore I "ould !inish my halting senten"e Mrs. 3an 2opper interrupted. .,he.s spoilt Mr. de 1inter that.s her trouble. Most girls would give their eyes !or the "han"e o! seeing Monte.. .1ouldn.t that rather de!eat the purpose;. he said smiling. ,he shrugged her shoulders blowing a great "loud o! "igarette smo$e into the air. I don.t thin$ she understood him !or a moment. .I.m !aith!ul to Monte . she told him' .the 5nglish winter gets me down and my "onstitution +ust won.t stand it. 1hat brings you here; <ou.re not one o! the regulars. (re you going to play =7hemy= or have you brought your gol! "lubs;. .I have not made up my mind . he said' .I "ame away in rather a hurry.. 2is own words must have +olted a memory !or his !a"e "louded again and he !rowned very slightly. ,he babbled on impervious. .-! "ourse you miss the !ogs at Manderley' it.s *uite another matter' the west "ountry must be delight!ul in the spring.. 2e rea"hed !or the ashtray s*uashing his "igarette and I noti"ed the subtle "hange in his eyes the inde!inable something that lingered there momentarily and I !elt I had loo$ed upon something personal to himsel! with whi"h I had no "on"ern. .<es . he said shortly .Manderley was loo$ing its best.. ( silen"e !ell upon us during a moment or two a silen"e that brought something o! dis"om!ort in its train and stealing a glan"e at him I was reminded more than ever o! my Gentleman >n$nown who "loa$ed and se"ret wal$ed a "orridor by night. Mrs. 3an 2opper.s voi"e pier"ed my dream li$e an ele"tri" bell. .I suppose you $now a "rowd o! people here though I must say Monte is very dull this winter. -ne sees so !ew well%$nown !a"es. #he 9u$e o! Middlese0 is here in his ya"ht but I haven.t been aboard yet.. ,he never had to my $nowledge. .<ou $now &ell Middlese0 o! "ourse . she went on. .1hat a "harmer she is. #hey always say that se"ond "hild isn.t his but I don.t believe it. 8eople will say anything won.t they when a woman is attra"tive; (nd she is so very lovely. #ell me is it true the 7a0ton%2yslop marriage is not a su""ess;. ,he ran on through a tangled !ringe o! gossip never seeing that these names were alien to him they meant nothing and that as she prattled unaware he grew "older and more silent. &ever !or a moment did he interrupt or glan"e at his wat"h' it was as though he had set himsel! a

standard o! behavior sin"e the original lapse when he had made a !ool o! her in !ront o! me and "lung to it grimly rather than o!!end again. It was a page% boy in the end who released him with the news that a dressma$er awaited Mrs. 3an 2opper in the suite. 2e got up at on"e pushing ba"$ his "hair. .9on.t let me $eep you . he said. .Fashions "hange so *ui"$ly nowadays they may even have altered by the time you get upstairs.. #he sting did not tou"h her she a""epted it as a pleasantry. .It.s so delight!ul to have run into you li$e this Mr. de 1inter . she said as we went towards the li!t' .now I.ve been brave enough to brea$ the i"e I hope I shall see something o! you. <ou must "ome and have a drin$ some time in the suite. I may have one or two people "oming in tomorrow evening. 1hy not +oin us;. I turned away so that I should not wat"h him sear"h !or an e0"use. .I.m so sorry . he said .tomorrow I am probably driving to ,ospel I.m not sure when I shall get ba"$.. 6elu"tantly she le!t it but we still hovered at the entran"e to the li!t. .I hope they.ve given you a good room' the pla"e is hal! empty so i! you are un"om!ortable mind you ma$e a !uss. <our valet has unpa"$ed !or you I suppose;. #his !amiliarity was e0"essive even !or her and I "aught a glimpse o! his e0pression. .I don.t possess one . he said *uietly' .perhaps you would li$e to do it !or me;. #his time his sha!t had !ound its mar$ !or she reddened and laughed a little aw$wardly. .1hy I hardly thin$.... she began and then suddenly and unbelievably she turned upon me .8erhaps you "ould ma$e yoursel! use!ul to Mr. de 1inter i! he wants anything done. <ou.re a "apable "hild in many ways.. #here was a momentary pause while I stood stri"$en waiting !or his answer. 2e loo$ed down at us mo"$ing !aintly sardoni" a ghost o! a smile on his lips. .( "harming suggestion . he said .but I "ling to the !amily motto. 2e travels the !astest who travels alone. 8erhaps you have not heard o! it.. (nd without waiting !or her answer he turned and le!t us. .1hat a !unny thing . said Mrs. 3an 2opper as we went upstairs in the li!t. .9o you suppose that sudden departure was a !orm o! humor; Men do su"h e0traordinary things. I remember a well%$nown writer on"e who used to dart down the ,ervi"e stair"ase whenever he saw me "oming. I suppose he had a pen"hant !or me and wasn.t sure o! himsel!. 2owever I was younger then..

#he li!t stopped with a +er$. 1e arrived at our !loor. #he page%boy !lung open the gates. .By the way dear . she said as we wal$ed along the "orridor .don.t thin$ I mean to be un$ind but you put yoursel! +ust a teeny bit !orward this a!ternoon. <our e!!orts to monopolise the "onversation *uite embarrassed me and I.m sure it did him. Men loathe that sort o! thing.. I said nothing. #here seemed no possible reply. .-h "ome don.t sul$ . she laughed and shrugged her shoulders' .a!ter all I am responsible !or your behavior here and surely you "an a""ept advi"e !rom a woman old enough to be your mother. 5h bien Blai)e.+e viens.... and humming a tune she went into the bedroom where the dressma$er was waiting !or her. I $nelt on the window%seat and loo$ed out upon the a!ternoon. #he sun shone very brightly still and there was a gay high wind. In hal! an hour we should be sitting to our bridge the windows tightly "losed the "entral heating turned to the !ull. I thought o! the ashtrays I would have to "lear and how the s*uashed stubs stained with lipsti"$ would sprawl in "ompany with dis"arded "ho"olate "reams. Bridge does not "ome easily to a mind brought up on ,nap and 2appy Families' besides it bored her !riends to play with me. I !elt my youth!ul presen"e put a "urb upon their "onversation mu"h as a parlour%maid does until the arrival o! dessert and they "ould not !ling themselves so easily into the melting%pot o! s"andal and insinuation. 2er men%!riends would assume a sort o! !or"ed heartiness and as$ me +o"ular *uestions about history or painting guessing I had not long le!t s"hool and that this would be my only !orm o! "onversation. I sighed and turned away !rom the window. #he sun was so !ull o! promise and the sea was whipped white with a merry wind. I thought o! that "orner o! Mona"o whi"h I had passed a day or two ago and where a "roo$ed house leant to a "obbled s*uare. 2igh up in the tumbled roo! there was a window narrow as a slit. It might have held a presen"e mediaeval' and rea"hing to the des$ !or pen"il and paper I s$et"hed in !an"y with an absent mind a pro!ile pale and a*uiline. ( sombre eye a high%bridged nose a s"orn!ul upper lip. (nd I added a pointed beard and la"e at the throat as the painter had done long ago in a di!!erent time. ,omeone $no"$ed at the door and the li!t%boy "ame in with a note in his hand. .Madame is in the bedroom . I told him but he shoo$ his head and said it was !or me. I opened it and !ound a single sheet o! note%paper inside with a !ew words written in an un!amiliar hand. .Forgive me. I was very rude this a!ternoon.. #hat was all. &o signature and no beginning. But my name was on the envelope and spelt "orre"tly an unusual thing.

.Is there an answer;. as$ed the boy. I loo$ed up !rom the s"rawled words. .&o . I said. .&o there isn.t any answer.. 1hen he had gone I put the note away in my po"$et and turned on"e more to my pen"il drawing but !or no $nown reason it did not please me any more' the !a"e was sti!! and li!eless and the la"e "ollar and the beard were li$e props in a "harade.

Chapter four
#he morning a!ter the bridge party Mrs. 3an 2opper wo$e with a sore throat and a temperature o! a hundred and two. I rang up her do"tor who "ame round at on"e and diagnosed the usual in!luen)a. .<ou are to stay in bed until I allow you to get up . he told her' .I don.t li$e the sound o! that heart o! yours and it won.t get better unless you $eep per!e"tly *uiet and still. I should pre!er. he went on turning to me .that Mrs. 3an 2opper had a trained nurse. <ou "an.t possibly li!t her. It will only be !or a !ortnight or so.. I thought this rather absurd and protested but to my surprise she agreed with him. I thin$ she en+oyed the !uss it would "reate the sympathy o! people the visits and messages !rom !riends and the arrival o! !lowers. Monte 7arlo had begun to bore her and this little illness would ma$e a distra"tion. #he nurse would give her in+e"tions and a light massage and she would have a diet. I le!t her *uite happy a!ter the arrival o! the nurse propped up on pillows with a !alling temperature her best bed%+a"$et round her shoulders and be%ribboned boudoir "ap upon her head. 6ather ashamed o! my light heart I telephoned her !riends putting o!! the small party she had arranged !or the evening and went down to the restaurant !or lun"h a good hal! hour be!ore our usual time. I e0pe"ted the room to be empty % nobody lun"hed generally be!ore one o."lo"$. It was empty e0"ept !or the table ne0t to ours. #his was a "ontingen"y !or whi"h I was unprepared. I thought he had gone to ,ospel. &o doubt he was lun"hing early be"ause he hoped to avoid us at one o."lo"$. I was already hal!%way a"ross the room and "ould not go ba"$. I had not seen him sin"e we disappeared in the li!t the day be!ore !or wisely he had avoided dinner in the restaurant possibly !or the same reason that he lun"hed early now. It was a situation !or whi"h I was ill%trained. I wished I was older di!!erent. I went to our table loo$ing straight be!ore me and immediately paid the penalty o! gau"herie by $no"$ing over the vase o! sti!! anemones as I un!olded my nap$in. #he water soa$ed the "loth and ran down on to my lap. #he waiter was at the other end o! the room nor had he seen. In a se"ond though my neighbour was by my side dry nap$in in hand. .<ou "an.t sit at a wet table"loth . he said brus*uely' .it will put you o!! your !ood. Get out o! the way..

2e began to mop the "loth while the waiter seeing the disturban"e "ame swi!tly to the res"ue. .I don.t mind . I said .it doesn.t matter a bit. I.m all alone.. 2e said nothing and then the waiter arrived and whipped away the vase and the sprawling !lowers. .Leave that . he said suddenly .and lay another pla"e at my table. Mademoiselle will have lun"heon with me.. I loo$ed up in "on!usion. .-h no . I said .I "ouldn.t possibly.. .1hy not;. he said. I tried to thin$ o! an e0"use. I $new he did not want to lun"h with me. It was his !orm o! "ourtesy. I should ruin his meal. I determined to be bold and spea$ the truth. .8lease . I begged .don.t be polite. It.s very $ind o! you but I shall be *uite all right i! the waiter +ust wipes the "loth.. .But I.m not being polite . he insisted. .I would li$e you to have lun"heon with me. 5ven i! you had not $no"$ed over that vase so "lumsily I should have as$ed you.. I suppose my !a"e told him my doubt !or he smiled. .<ou don.t believe me . he said' .never mind "ome and sit down. 1e needn.t tal$ to ea"h other unless we !eel li$e it.. 1e sat down and he gave me the menu leaving me to "hoose and went on with his hors d.oeuvre as though nothing had happened. 2is *uality o! deta"hment was pe"uliar to himsel! and I $new that we might "ontinue thus without spea$ing throughout the meal and it would not matter. #here would be no sense o! strain. 2e would not as$ me *uestions on history. .1hat.s happened to your !riend;. he said. I told him about the in!luen)a. .I.m so sorry . he said and then a!ter pausing a moment .you got my note I suppose. I !elt very mu"h ashamed o! mysel!. My manners were atro"ious. #he only e0"use I "an ma$e is that I.ve be"ome boorish through living alone. #hat.s why it.s so $ind o! you to lun"h with me today.. .<ou weren.t rude . I said .at least not the sort o! rudeness she would understand. #hat "uriosity o! hers % she does not mean to be o!!ensive but she does it to everyone. #hat is everyone o! importan"e.. .I ought to be !lattered then . he said' .why should she "onsider me o! any importan"e;. I hesitated a moment be!ore replying. .I thin$ be"ause o! Manderley . I said. 2e did not answer and I was aware again o! that !eeling o! dis"om!ort as though I had trespassed on !orbidden ground. I wondered why it was that this home o! his $nown to so many people by hearsay even to me should

so inevitably silen"e him ma$ing as it were a barrier between him and others. 1e ate !or a while without tal$ing and I thought o! a pi"ture post"ard I had bought on"e at a village shop when on holiday as a "hild in the west "ountry. It was the painting o! a house "rudely done o! "ourse and highly "oloured but even those !aults "ould not destroy the symmetry o! the building the wide stone steps be!ore the terra"e the green lawns stret"hing to the sea. I paid two pen"e !or the painting % hal! my wee$ly po"$et money % and then as$ed the wrin$led shop woman what it was meant to be. ,he loo$ed astonished at my ignoran"e. .#hat.s Manderley . she said and I remember "oming out o! the shop !eeling rebu!!ed yet hardly wiser than be!ore. 8erhaps it was the memory o! this post"ard lost long ago in some !orgotten boo$ that made me sympathise with his de!ensive attitude. 2e resented Mrs. 3an 2opper and her li$e with their intruding *uestions. Maybe there was something inviolate about Manderley that made it a pla"e apart' it would not bear dis"ussion. I "ould imagine her tramping through the rooms perhaps paying si0pen"e !or admission ripping the *uietude with her sharp sta""ato laugh. -ur minds must have run in the same "hannel !or he began to tal$ about her. .<our !riend . he began .she is very mu"h older than you. Is she a relation; 2ave you $nown her long;. I saw he was still pu))led by us. .,he.s not really a !riend . I told him .she.s an employer. ,he.s training me to be a thing "alled a "ompanion and she pays me ninety pounds a year.. .I did not $now one "ould buy "ompanionship . he said' .it sounds a primitive idea. 6ather li$e the 5astern slave mar$et.. .I loo$ed up the word ="ompanion= on"e in the di"tionary . I admitted .and it said =a "ompanion is a !riend o! the bosom=.. .<ou haven.t mu"h in "ommon with her . he said. 2e laughed loo$ing *uite di!!erent younger somehow and less deta"hed. .1hat do you do it !or;. he as$ed me. .&inety pounds is a lot o! money to me . I said. .2aven.t you any !amily;. .&o%they.re dead.. .<ou have a very lovely and unusual name.. .My !ather was a lovely and unusual person.. .#ell me about him . he said. I loo$ed at him over my glass o! "itronade. It was not easy to e0plain my !ather and usually I never tal$ed about him. 2e was my se"ret property. 8reserved !or me alone mu"h as Manderley was preserved !or my

neighbour. I had no wish to introdu"e him "asually over a table in a Monte 7arlo restaurant. #here was a strange air o! unreality about that lun"heon and loo$ing ba"$ upon it now it is invested !or me with a "urious glamour. #here was I so mu"h o! a s"hoolgirl still who only the day be!ore had sat with Mrs. 3an 2opper prim silent and subdued and twenty%!our hours a!terwards my !amily history was mine no longer I shared it with a man I did not $now. For some reason I !elt impelled to spea$ be"ause his eyes !ollowed me in sympathy li$e the Gentleman >n$nown. My shyness !ell away !rom me loosening as it did so my relu"tant tongue and out they all "ame the little se"rets o! "hildhood the pleasures and the pains. It seemed to me as though he understood !rom my poor des"ription something o! the vibrant personality that had been my !ather.s and something too o! the love my mother had !or him ma$ing it a vital living !or"e with a spar$ o! divinity about it so mu"h that when he died that desperate winter stru"$ down by pneumonia she lingered behind him !or !ive short wee$s and stayed no more. I remember pausing a little breathless a little da)ed. #he restaurant was !illed now with people who "hatted and laughed to an or"hestral ba"$ground and a "latter o! plates and glan"ing at the "lo"$ above the door I saw that it was two o."lo"$. 1e had been sitting there an hour and a hal! and the "onversation had been mine alone. I tumbled down into reality hot%handed and sel!%"ons"ious with my !a"e a!lame and began to stammer my apologies. 2e would not listen to me. .I told you at the beginning o! lun"h you had a lovely and unusual name . he said. .I shall go !urther i! you will !orgive me and say that it be"omes you as well as it be"ame your !ather. I.ve en+oyed this hour with you more than I have en+oyed anything !or a very long time. <ou.ve ta$en me out o! mysel! out o! desponden"y and introspe"tion both o! whi"h have been my devils !or a year.. I loo$ed at him and believed he spo$e the truth' he seemed less !ettered than he had been be!ore more modern more human' he was not hemmed in by shadows. .<ou $now . he said .we.ve got a bond in "ommon you and I. 1e are both alone in the world. -h I.ve got a sister though we don.t see mu"h o! ea"h other and an an"ient grandmother whom I pay duty visits to three times a year but neither o! them ma$e !or "ompanionship. I shall have to "ongratulate Mrs. 3an 2opper. <ou.re "heap at ninety pounds a year.. .<ou !orget. I said .you have a home and I have none.. #he moment I spo$e I regretted my words !or the se"ret ins"rutable loo$ "ame ba"$ in his eyes again and on"e again I su!!ered the intolerable

dis"om!ort that !loods one a!ter la"$ o! ta"t. 2e bent his head to light a "igarette and did not reply immediately. .(n empty house "an be as lonely as a !ull hotel . he said at length. .#he trouble is that it is less impersonal.. 2e hesitated and !or a moment I thought he was going to tal$ o! Manderley at last but something held him ba"$ some phobia that struggled to the sur!a"e o! his mind and won suprema"y !or he blew out his mat"h and his !lash o! "on!iden"e at the same time. .,o the !riend o! the bosom has a holiday;. he said on a level plane again an easy "amaraderie between us. .1hat does she propose to do with it;. I thought o! the "obbled s*uare in Mona"o and the house with the narrow window. I "ould be o!! there by three o."lo"$ with my s$et"hboo$ and pen"il and I told him as mu"h a little shyly perhaps li$e all untalented persons with a pet hobby. .I.ll drive you there in the "ar . he said and would not listen to protests. I remembered Mrs. 3an 2opper.s warning o! the night be!ore about putting mysel! !orward and was embarrassed that he might thin$ my tal$ o! Mona"o was a subter!uge to win a li!t. It was so blatantly the type o! thing that she would do hersel! and I did not want him to bra"$et us together. I had already risen in importan"e !rom my lun"h with him !or as we got up !rom the table the little mattre d.hotel rushed !orward to pull away my "hair. 2e bowed and smiled % a total "hange !rom his usual attitude o! indi!!eren"e % pi"$ed up my hand$er"hie! that had !allen on the !loor and hoped .mademoiselle had en+oyed her lun"h.. 5ven the page%boy by the swing doors glan"ed at me with respe"t. My "ompanion a""epted it as natural o! "ourse' he $new nothing o! the ill%"arved ham o! yesterday. I !ound the "hange depressing it made me despise mysel!. I remembered my !ather and his s"orn o! super!i"ial snobbery. .1hat are you thin$ing about;. 1e were wal$ing along the "orridor to the lounge and loo$ing up I saw his eyes !i0ed on me in "uriosity. .2as something annoyed you;. he said. #he attentions o! the maitre d.hotel had opened up a train o! thought and as we dran$ "o!!ee I told him about Blai)e the dressma$er. ,he had been so pleased when Mrs. 3an 2opper had bought three !ro"$s and I ta$ing her to the li!t a!terwards had pi"tured her wor$ing upon them in her own small salon behind the stu!!y little shop with a "onsumptive son wasting upon her so!a. I "ould see her with tired eyes threading needles and the !loor "overed with snippets o! material. .1ell;. he said smiling .wasn.t your pi"ture true;.

.I don.t $now . I said .I never !ound out.. (nd I told him how I had rung the bell !or the li!t and as I had done so she had !umbled in her bag and gave me a note !or a hundred !ran"s. .2ere . she had whispered her tone intimate and unpleasant .I want you to a""ept this small "ommission in return !or bringing your patron to my shop.. 1hen I had re!used s"arlet with embarrassment she had shrugged her shoulders disagreeably. ./ust as you li$e . she had said .but I assure you it.s *uite usual. 8erhaps you would rather have a !ro"$. 7ome along to the shop some time without Madame and I will !i0 you up without "harging you a sou.. ,omehow I don.t $now why I had been aware o! that si"$ unhealthy !eeling I had e0perien"ed as a "hild when turning the pages o! a !orbidden boo$. #he vision o! the "onsumptive son !aded and in its stead arose the pi"ture o! mysel! had I been di!!erent po"$eting that greasy note with an understanding smile and perhaps slipping round to Blai)e.s shop on this my !ree a!ternoon and "oming away with a !ro"$ I had not paid !or. I e0pe"ted him to laugh it was a stupid story I don.t $now why I told him but he loo$ed at me thought!ully as he stirred his "o!!ee. .I thin$ you.ve made a big mista$e . he said a!ter a moment. .In re!using that hundred !ran"s;. I as$ed revolted. .&o % good heavens what do you ta$e me !or; I thin$ you.ve made a mista$e in "oming here in +oining !or"es with Mrs. 3an 2opper. <ou are not made !or that sort o! +ob. <ou.re too young !or one thing and too so!t. Blai)e and her "ommission that.s nothing. #he !irst o! many similar in"idents !rom other Blai)es. <ou will either have to give in and be"ome a sort o! Blai)e yoursel! or stay as you are and be bro$en. 1ho suggested you too$ on this thing in the !irst pla"e;. It seemed natural !or him to *uestion me nor did I mind. It was as though we had $nown one another !or a long time and had met again a!ter a lapse o! years. .2ave you ever thought about the !uture;. he as$ed me .and what this sort o! thing will lead to; ,upposing Mrs. 3an 2opper gets tired o! her =!riend o! the bosom= what then;. I smiled and told him that I did not mind very mu"h. #here would be other Mrs. 3an 2oppers and I was young and "on!ident and strong. But even as he spo$e I remembered those advertisements seen o!ten in good "lass maga)ines where a !riendly so"iety demands su""our !or young women in redu"ed "ir"umstan"es' I thought o! the type o! boarding%house that answers the advertisement and gives temporary shelter and then I saw mysel! useless s$et"h%boo$ in hand without *uali!i"ations o! any $ind stammering replies to stern employment agents. 8erhaps I should have a""epted Blai)e.s ten per "ent.

.2ow old are you;. he said and when I told him he laughed and got up !rom his "hair. .I $now that age it.s a parti"ularly obstinate one and a thousand bogies won.t ma$e you !ear the !uture. ( pity we "an.t "hange over. Go upstairs and put your hat on and I.ll have the "ar brought round.. (s he wat"hed me into the li!t I thought o! yesterday Mrs 3an 2opper.s "hattering tongue and his "old "ourtesy. I had ill%+udged him he was neither hard nor sardoni" he was already my !riend o! many years the brother I had never possessed. Mine was a happy mood that a!ternoon and I remember it well. I "an see the rippled s$y !lu!!y with "loud and the white whipped sea. I "an !eel again the wind on my !a"e and hear my laugh and his that e"hoed it. It was not the Monte 7arlo I had $nown or perhaps the truth was that it pleased me better. #here was a glamour about it that had not been be!ore. I must have loo$ed upon it be!ore with dull eyes. #he harbour was a dan"ing thing with !luttering paper boats and the sailors on the *uay were +ovial smiling !ellows merry as the wind. 1e passed the ya"ht beloved o! Mrs 3an 2opper be"ause o! its du"al owner and snapped our !ingers at the glistening brass and loo$ed at one another and laughed again. I "an remember as though I wore it still my "om!ortable ill%!itting !lannel suit and how the s$irt was lighter than the "oat through harder wear. My shabby hat too broad about the brim and my low%heeled shoes !astened with a single strap. ( pair o! gauntlet gloves "lut"hed in a grubby hand. I had never loo$ed more youth!ul I had never !elt so old. Mrs 3an 2opper and her in!luen)a did not e0ist !or me. #he bridge and the "o"$tail parties were !orgotten and with them my own humble status. I was a person o! importan"e I was grown up at last. #hat girl who tortured by shyness would stand outside the sitting%room door twisting a hand$er"hie! in her hands while !rom within "ame that babble o! "on!used "hatter so unnerving to the intruder % she had gone with the wind that a!ternoon. ,he was a poor "reature and I thought o! her with s"orn i! I "onsidered her at all. #he wind was too high !or s$et"hing it tore in "heer!ul gusts around the "orner o! my "obbled s*uare and ba"$ to the "ar we went and drove I $now not where. #he long road "limbed the hills and the "ar "limbed with it and we "ir"led in the heights li$e a bird in the air. 2ow di!!erent his "ar to Mrs 3an 2opper.s hireling !or the season a s*uare old%!ashioned 9aimler that too$ us to Mentone on pla"id a!ternoons when I sitting on the little seat with my ba"$ to the driver must "rane my ne"$ to see the view. #his "ar had the wings o! Mer"ury I thought !or higher yet we "limbed and dangerously !ast and the danger pleased me be"ause it was new to me be"ause I was young.

I remember laughing aloud and the laugh being "arried by the wind away !rom me' and loo$ing at him I realised he laughed no longer he was on"e more silent and deta"hed the man o! yesterday wrapped in his se"ret sel!. I realised too that the "ar "ould "limb no more we had rea"hed the summit and below us stret"hed the way that we had "ome pre"ipitous and hollow. 2e stopped the "ar and I "ould see that the edge o! the road bordered a verti"al slope that "rumbled into va"an"y a !all o! perhaps two thousand !eet. 1e got out o! the "ar and loo$ed beneath us. #his sobered me at last. I $new that but hal! the "ar.s length had lain between us and the !all. #he sea li$e a "rin$led "hart spread to the hori)on and lapped the sharp outline o! the "oast while the houses were white shells in a rounded grotto pri"$ed here and there by a great orange sun. 1e $new another sunlight on our hill and the silen"e made it harder more austere. ( "hange had "ome upon our a!ternoon' it was not the thing o! gossamer it had been. #he wind dropped and it suddenly grew "old. 1hen I spo$e my voi"e was !ar too "asual the silly nervous voi"e o! someone ill at ease. .9o you $now this pla"e;. I said. .2ave you been here be!ore;. 2e loo$ed down at me without re"ognition and I realised with a little stab o! an0iety that he must have !orgotten all about me perhaps !or some "onsiderable time and that he himsel! was so lost in the labyrinth o! his own un*uiet thoughts that I did not e0ist. 2e had the !a"e o! one who wal$s in his sleep and !or a wild moment the idea "ame to me that perhaps he was not normal not altogether sane. #here were people who had tran"es I had surely heard o! them and they !ollowed strange laws o! whi"h we "ould $now nothing they obeyed the tangled orders o! their own sub"ons"ious minds. 8erhaps he was one o! them and here we were within si0 !eet o! death. .It.s getting late shall we go home;. I said and my "areless tone my little ine!!e"tual smile would s"ar"ely have de"eived a "hild. I had mis+udged him o! "ourse there was nothing wrong a!ter all !or as soon as I spo$e this se"ond time he "ame "lear o! his dream and began to apologise. I had gone white I suppose and he had noti"ed it. .#hat was an un!orgivable thing !or me to do . he said and ta$ing my arm he pushed me ba"$ towards the "ar and we "limbed in again and he slammed the door. .9on.t be !rightened the turn is !ar easier than it loo$s . he said and while I si"$ and giddy "lung to the seat with both hands he manoeuvred the "ar gently very gently until it !a"ed the sloping road on"e more.

=#hen you have been here be!ore;. I said to him my sense o! strain departing as the "ar "rept away down the twisting narrow road. .<es . he said and then a!ter pausing a moment .but not !or many years. I wanted to see i! it had "hanged.. .(nd has it;. I as$ed him. .&o . he said. .&o it has not "hanged.. I wondered what had driven him to this retreat into the past with me an un"ons"ious witness o! his mood. 1hat gul! o! years stret"hed between him and that other time what deed o! thought and a"tion what di!!eren"e in temperament; I did not want to $now. I wished I had not "ome. 9own the twisting road we went without a "he"$ without a word a great ridge o! "loud stret"hed above the setting sun and the air was "old and "lean. ,uddenly he began to tal$ about Manderley. 2e said nothing o! his li!e there no word about himsel! but he told me how the sun set there on a spring a!ternoon leaving a glow upon the headland. #he sea would loo$ li$e slate "old still !rom the long winter and !rom the terra"e you "ould hear the ripple o! the "oming tide washing in the little bay. #he da!!odils were in bloom stirring in the evening bree)e golden heads "upped upon lean stal$s and however many you might pi"$ there would be no thinning o! the ran$s they were massed li$e an army shoulder to shoulder. -n a ban$ below the lawns "ro"uses were planted golden pin$ and mauve but by this time they would be past their best dropping and !ading li$e pallid snowdrops. #he primrose was more vulgar a homely pleasant "reature who appeared in every "ranny li$e a weed. #oo early yet !or bluebells their heads were still hidden beneath last year.s leaves but when they "ame dwar!ing the more humble violet they "ho$ed the very bra"$en in the woods and with their "olour made a "hallenge to the s$y. 2e never would have them in the house he said. #hrust into vases they be"ame dan$ and listless and to see them at their best you must wal$ in the woods in the morning about twelve o."lo"$ when the sun was overhead. #hey had a smo$y rather bitter smell as though a wild sap ran in their stal$s pungent and +ui"y. 8eople who plu"$ed bluebells !rom the woods were vandals' he had !orbidden it at Manderley. ,ometimes driving in the "ountry he had seen bi"y"lists with huge bun"hes strapped be!ore them on the handles the bloom already !ading !rom the dying heads the ravaged stal$s straggling na$ed and un"lean. #he primrose did not mind it *uite so mu"h' although a "reature o! the wilds it had a leaning towards "ivili)ation and preened and smiled in a +am% +ar in some "ottage window without resentment living *uite a wee$ i! given water. &o wild !lowers "ame in the house at Manderley. 2e had spe"ial "ultivated !lowers grown !or the house alone in the walled garden. ( rose

was one o! the !ew !lowers he said that loo$ed better pi"$ed than growing. .( bowl o! roses in a drawing%room had a depth o! "olour and s"ent they had not possessed in the open. #here was something rather blousy about roses in !ull bloom something shallow and rau"ous li$e women with untidy hair. In the house they be"ame mysterious and subtle. 2e had roses in the house at Manderley !or eight months in the year. 9id I li$e syringa he as$ed me; #here was a tree on the edge o! the lawn he "ould smell !rom his bedroom window. 2is sister who was a hard rather pra"ti"al person used to "omplain that there were too many s"ents at Manderley they made her drun$. 8erhaps she was right. 2e did not "are. It was the only !orm o! into0i"ation that appealed to him. 2is earliest re"olle"tion was o! great bran"hes o! lila" standing in white +ars and they !illed the house with a wist!ul poignant smell. #he little pathway down the valley to the bay had "lumps o! a)alea and rhododendron planted to the le!t o! it and i! you wandered down it on a May evening a!ter dinner it was +ust as though the shrubs had sweated in the air. <ou "ould stoop down and pi"$ a !allen petal "rush it between your !ingers and you had there in the hollow o! your hand the essen"e o! a thousand s"ents unbearable and sweet. (ll !rom a "urled and "rumpled petal. (nd you "ame out o! the valley heady and rather da)ed to the hard white shingle o! the bea"h and the still water. ( "urious perhaps too sudden "ontrast... (s he spo$e the "ar be"ame one o! many on"e again dus$ had !allen without my noti"ing it and we were in the midst o! light and sound in the streets o! Monte 7arlo. #he "latter +agged on my nerves and the lights were !ar too brilliant !ar too yellow. It was a swi!t unwel"ome anti"lima0. ,oon we would "ome to the hotel and I !elt !or my gloves in the po"$et o! the "ar. I !ound them and my !ingers "losed upon a boo$ as well whose slim "overs told o! poetry. I peered to read the title as the "ar slowed down be!ore the door o! the hotel. .<ou "an ta$e it and read it i! you li$e . he said his voi"e "asual and indi!!erent now that the drive was over and we were ba"$ again and Manderley was many hundreds o! miles distant. I was glad and held it tightly with my gloves. I !elt I wanted some possession o! his now that the day was !inished. .2op out . he said. .I must go and put the "ar away. I shan.t see you in the restaurant this evening as I.m dining out. But than$ you !or today.. I went up the hotel steps alone with all the desponden"y o! a "hild whose treat is over. My a!ternoon had spoilt me !or the hours that still remained and I thought how long they would seem until my bed%time how empty too my supper all alone. ,omehow I "ould not !a"e the bright

en*uiries o! the nurse upstairs or the possibilities o! Mrs 3an 2opper.s hus$y interrogation so I sat down in the "orner o! the lounge behind a pillar and ordered tea. #he waiter appeared bored' seeing me alone there was no need !or him to press and anyway it was that dragging time o! day a !ew minutes a!ter hal! past !ive when the nonnal tea is !inished and the hour !or drin$s remote. 6ather !orlorn more than a little dissatis!ied I leant ba"$ in my "hair and too$ up the boo$ o! poems. #he volume was well worn well thumbed !alling open automati"ally at what must be a mu"h%!re*uented page. I !led 2im down the nights and down the days' I !led 2im down the ar"hes o! the years' I !led 2im down the labyrinthine ways -! my own mind' and in the midst o! tears I hid !rom 2im and under running laughter. Up vistaed slopes I sped And shot, precipited Adown Titanic glooms of chasmed fears, From those strong feet that followed, followed after. I !elt rather li$e someone peering through the $eyhole o! a lo"$ed door and a little !urtively I laid the boo$ aside. 1hat hound o! heaven had driven him to the high hills this a!ternoon; I thought o! his "ar with hal! a length between it and that drop o! two thousand !eet and the blan$ e0pression on his !a"e. 1hat !ootsteps e"hoed in his mind what whispers and what memories and why o! all poems must he $eep this one in the po"$et o! his "ar; I wished he were less remote' and I anything but the "reature that I was in my shabby "oat and s$irt my broad%brimmed s"hoolgirl hat. #he sul$y waiter brought my tea and while I ate bread%and%butter dull as sawdust I thought o! the pathway through the valley he had des"ribed to me this a!ternoon the smell o! the a)aleas and the white shingle o! the bay. I! he loved it all so mu"h why did he see$ the super!i"ial !roth o! Monte 7arlo; 2e had told Mrs 3an 2opper he had made no plans he "ame away in rather a hurry. (nd I pi"tured him running down that pathway in the valley with his own hound o! heaven at his heels. I pi"$ed up the boo$ again and this time it opened at the title%page and I read the dedi"ation. .Ma0% !rom 6ebe""a. 1? May. written in a "urious slanting hand. ( little blob o! in$ marred the white page opposite as though the writer in impatien"e had sha$en her pen to ma$e the in$ !low !reely. (nd then as it bubbled through the nib it "ame a little thi"$ so that the

name 6ebe""a stood out bla"$ and strong the tall and sloping 6 dwar!ing the other letters. I shut the boo$ with a snap and put it away under my gloves' and stret"hing to a nearby "hair I too$ up an old "opy o! 3Illustration and turned the pages. #here were some !ine photographs o! the "hateau0 o! the Loire and an arti"le as well. I read it "are!ully re!erring to the photographs but when I !inished I $new I had not understood a word. It was not Blois with its thin turrets and its spires that stared up at me !rom the printed page. It was the !a"e o! Mrs 3an 2opper in the restaurant the day be!ore her small pig.s eyes darting to the neighbouring table her !or$ heaped high with ravioli pausing in mid%air. .(n appalling tragedy . she was saying .the papers were !ull o! it o! "ourse. #hey say he never tal$s about it never mentions her name. ,he was drowned you $now in the bay near Manderley....

Chapter five

I am glad it "annot happen twi"e the !ever o! !irst love. For it is a !ever and a burden too whatever the poets may say. #hey are not brave the days when we are twenty%one. #hey are !ull o! little "owardi"es little !ears without !oundation and one is so easily bruised so swi!tly wounded one !alls to the !irst barbed word. #oday wrapped in the "ompla"ent armour o! approa"hing middle age the in!initesimal pri"$s o! day by day brush one lightly and are soon !orgotten but then % how a "areless word would linger be"oming a !iery stigma and how a loo$ a glan"e over a shoulder branded themselves as things eternal. ( denial heralded the thri"e "rowing o! a "o"$ and an insin"erity was li$e the $iss o! /udas. #he adult mind "an lie with untroubled "ons"ien"e and a gay "omposure but in those days even a small de"eption s"oured the tongue lashing one against the sta$e itsel!. .1hat have you been doing this morning;. I "an hear her now propped against her pillows with all the small irritability o! the patient who is not really ill who has lain in bed too long and I rea"hing to the bedside drawer !or the pa"$ o! "ards would !eel the guilty !lush !orm pat"hes on my ne"$. .I.ve been playing tennis with the pro!essional . I told her the !alse words bringing me to pani" even as I spo$e !or what i! the pro!essional himsel! should "ome up to the suite then that very a!ternoon and bursting in upon her "omplain that I had missed my lesson now !or many days; =#he trouble is with me laid up li$e this you haven.t got enough to do . she said mashing her "igarette in a +ar o! "leansing "ream and ta$ing the "ards in her hand she mi0ed them in the de!t irritating shu!!le o! the inveterate player sha$ing them in threes snapping the ba"$s. .I don.t $now what you !ind to do with yoursel! all day . she went on' .you never have any s$et"hes to show me and when I do as$ you to do some shopping !or me you !orget to buy my #a0ol. (ll I "an say is that I hope your tennis will improve' it will be use!ul to you later on. ( poor player is a great bore. 9o you still serve underhand;. ,he !lipped the @ueen o! ,pades into the pool and the dar$ !a"e stared up at me li$e /e)ebel. .<es . I said stung by her *uestion thin$ing how +ust and appropriate her word. It des"ribed me well. I was underhand. I had not played tennis with the pro!essional at all. I had not on"e played sin"e she had lain in bed and that was a little over a !ortnight now. I wondered why it was I "lung to

this reserve and why it was I did not tell her that every morning I drove with de 1inter in his "ar and lun"hed with him too at his table in the restaurant. .<ou must "ome up to the net more' you will never play a good game until you do . she "ontinued and I agreed !lin"hing at my own hypo"risy "overing the @ueen with the wea$%"hinned Anave o! 2earts. I have !orgotten mu"h o! Monte 7arlo o! those morning drives o! where we went even our "onversation' but I have not !orgotten how my !ingers trembled "ramming on my hat and how I ran along the "orridor and down the stairs too impatient to wait !or the slow whining o! the li!t and so outside brushing the swing doors be!ore the "ommissionaire "ould help me. 2e would be there in the driver.s seat reading a paper while he waited and when he saw me he would smile and toss it behind him in the ba"$ seat and open the door saying .1ell how is the !riend%o!%the%bosom this morning and where does she want to go;. I! he had driven round in "ir"les it would not have mattered to me !or I was in that !irst !lushed stage when to "limb into the seat beside him and lean !orward to the wind% s"reen hugging my $nees was almost too mu"h to bear. I was li$e a little s"rubby s"hoolboy with a passion !or a si0th%!orm pre!e"t and he $inder and !ar more ina""essible. =#here.s a "old wind this morning you had better put on my "oat.. I remember that !or I was young enough to win happiness in the wearing o! his "lothes playing the s"hoolboy again who "arries his hero.s sweater and ties it about his throat "ho$ing with pride and this borrowing o! his "oat wearing it around my shoulders !or even a !ew minutes at a time was a triumph in itsel! and made a glow about my morning. &ot !or me the languor and the subtlety I had read about in boo$s. #he "hallenge and the "hase. #he sword%play the swi!t glan"e the stimulating smile. #he art o! provo"ation was un$nown to me and I would sit with his map upon my lap the wind blowing my dull lan$y hair happy in his silen"e yet eager !or his words. 1hether he tal$ed or not made little di!!eren"e to my mood. My only enemy was the "lo"$ on the dashboard whose hands would move relentlessly to one o."lo"$. 1e drove east we drove west amidst the myriad villages that "ling li$e limpets to the Mediterranean shore and today I remember none o! them. (ll I remember is the !eel o! the leather seats the te0ture o! the map upon my $nee its !rayed edges its worn seams and how one day loo$ing at the "lo"$ I thought to mysel! .#his moment now at twenty past eleven this must never be lost . and I shut my eyes to ma$e the e0perien"e more lasting. 1hen I opened my eyes we were by a bend in the road and a peasant girl in a bla"$ shawl waved to us' I "an see her now her dusty s$irt her gleaming

!riendly smile and in a se"ond we had passed the bend and "ould see her no more. (lready she belonged to the past she was only a memory. I wanted to go ba"$ again to re"apture the moment that had gone and then it "ame to me that i! we did it would not be the same even the sun would be "hanged in the s$y "asting another shadow and the peasant girl would trudge past us along the road in a di!!erent way not waving this time perhaps not even seeing us. #here was something "hilling in the thought something a little melan"holy and loo$ing at the "lo"$ I saw that !ive more minutes had gone by. ,oon we would have rea"hed our time limit and must return to the hotel. .I! only there "ould be an invention. I said impulsively .that bottled up a memory li$e s"ent. (nd it never !aded and it never got stale. (nd then when one wanted it the bottle "ould be un"or$ed and it would be li$e living the moment all over again.. I loo$ed up at him to see what he would say. 2e did not turn to me he went on wat"hing the road ahead. .1hat parti"ular moments in your young li!e do you wish un"or$ed;. he said. I "ould not tell !rom his voi"e whether he was teasing me or not. .I.m not sure . I began and then blundered on rather !oolishly not thin$ing o! my words .I.d li$e to $eep this moment and never !orget it.. .Is that meant to be a "ompliment to the day or to my driving;. he said and as he laughed li$e a mo"$ing brother I be"ame silent overwhelmed suddenly by the great gul! between us and how his very $indness to me widened it. I $new then that I would never tell Mrs 3an 2opper about these morning e0peditions !or her smile would hurt me as his laugh had done. ,he would not be angry nor would she be sho"$ed' she would raise her eyebrows very !aintly as though she did not altogether believe my story and then with a tolerant shrug o! the shoulder she would say .My dear "hild it.s e0tremely sweet and $ind o! him to ta$e you driving' the only thing is % are you sure it does not bore him dread!ully;. (nd then she would send me out to buy #a0ol patting me on the shoulder. 1hat degradation lay in being young I thought and !ell to tearing my nails. .I wish . I said savagely still mind!ul o! his laugh and throwing dis"retion to the wind .I wish I was a woman o! about thirty%si0 dressed in bla"$ satin with a string o! pearls.. .<ou would not be in this "ar with me i! you were . he said' .and stop biting those nails they are ugly enough already.. .<ou.ll thin$ me impertinent and rude I dare say . I went on .but I would li$e to $now why you as$ me to "ome out in the "ar day a!ter day.

<ou are being $ind that.s obvious but why do you "hoose me !or your "harity;. I sat up sti!! and straight in my seat and with all the poor pomposity o! youth. .I as$ you . he said gravely .be"ause you are not dressed in bla"$ satin with a string o! pearls nor are you thirty%si0.. 2is !a"e was without e0pression I "ould not tell whether he laughed inwardly or not. .It.s all very well . I said' .you $now everything there is to $now about me. #here.s not mu"h I admit be"ause I have not been alive !or very long and nothing mu"h has happened to me e0"ept people dying but you %I $now nothing more about you than I did the !irst day we met.. .(nd what did you $now then;. he as$ed. .1hy that you lived at Manderley and % and that you had lost your wi!e.. #here I had said it at last the word that had hovered on my tongue !or days. <our wi!e. It "ame out with ease without relu"tan"e as though the mere mention o! her must be the most "asual thing in all the world. <our wi!e. #he word lingered in the air on"e I had uttered it dan"ing be!ore me and be"ause he re"eived it silently ma$ing no "omment the word magni!ied itsel! into something heinous and appalling a !orbidden word unnatural to the tongue. (nd I "ould not "all it ba"$ it "ould never be unsaid. -n"e again I saw the ins"ription on the !ly%lea! o! that boo$ o! poems and the "urious slanting 6. I !elt si"$ at heart and "old. 2e would never !orgive me and this would be the end o! our !riendship. I remember staring straight in !ront o! me at the winds"reen seeing nothing o! the !lying road my ears still tingling with that spo$en word. #he silen"e be"ame minutes and the minutes be"ame miles and everything is over now I thought I shall never drive with him again. #omorrow he will go away. (nd Mrs 3an 2opper will be up again. ,he and I will wal$ along the terra"e as we did be!ore. #he porter will bring down his trun$s I shall "at"h a glimpse o! them in the luggage li!t with new%plastered labels. #he bustle and !inality o! departure. #he sound o! the "ar "hanging gear as it turned the "orner and then even that sound merging into the "ommon tra!!i" and being lost and so absorbed !or ever. I was so deep in my pi"ture I even saw the porter po"$eting his tip and going ba"$ through the swing%door o! the hotel saying something over his shoulder to the "ommissionaire that I did not noti"e the slowing%down o! the "ar and it was only when we stopped drawing up by the side o! the road that I brought mysel! ba"$ to the present on"e again. 2e sat motionless loo$ing without his hat and with his white s"ar! round his ne"$ more than ever li$e someone mediaeval who lived within a !rame. 2e did

not belong to the bright lands"ape he should be standing on the steps o! a gaunt "athedral his "loa$ !lung ba"$ while a beggar at his !eet s"rambled !or gold "oins. #he !riend had gone with his $indliness and his easy "amaraderie and the brother too who had mo"$ed me !or nibbling at my nails. #his man was a stranger. I wondered why I was sitting beside him in the "ar. #hen he turned to me and spo$e. .( little while ago you tal$ed about an invention . he said .some s"heme !or "apturing a memory. <ou would li$e you told me at a "hosen moment to live the past again. I.m a!raid I thin$ rather di!!erently !rom you. (ll memories are bitter and I pre!er to ignore them. ,omething happened a year ago that altered my whole li!e and I want to !orget every phase in my e0isten"e up to that time. #hose days are !inished. #hey are blotted out. I must begin living all over again. #he !irst day we met your Mrs 3an 2opper as$ed me why I "ame to Monte 7arlo. It put a stopper on those memories you would li$e to resurre"t. It does not always wor$ o! "ourse' sometimes the s"ent is too strong !or the bottle and too strong !or me. (nd then the devil in one li$e a !urtive peeping #om tries to draw the "or$. I did that in the !irst drive we too$ together. 1hen we "limbed the hills and loo$ed down over the pre"ipi"e. I was there some years ago with my wi!e. <ou as$ed me i! it was still the same i! it had "hanged at all. It was +ust the same but % I was than$!ul to realise % oddly impersonal. #here was no suggestion o! the other time. ,he and I had le!t no re"ord. It may have been be"ause you were with me. <ou have blotted out the past !or me you $now !ar more e!!e"tively than all the bright lights o! Monte 7arlo. But !or you I should have le!t long ago gone on to Italy and Gree"e and !urther still perhaps. <ou have spared me all those wanderings. 9amn your puritani"al little tight%lipped spee"h to me. 9amn your idea o! my $indness and my "harity. I as$ you to "ome with me be"ause I want you and your "ompany and i! you don.t believe me you "an leave the "ar now and !ind your own way home. Go on open the door and get out.. I sat still my hands in my lap not $nowing whether he meant it or not. .1ell . he said .what are you going to do about it;. 2ad I been a year or two younger I thin$ I should have "ried. 7hildren.s tears are very near the sur!a"e and "ome at the !irst "risis. (s it was I !elt them pri"$ behind my eyes !elt the ready "olour !lood my !a"e and "at"hing a sudden glimpse o! mysel! in the glass above the winds"reen saw in !ull the sorry spe"ta"le that I made with troubled eyes and s"arlet "hee$s lan$ hair !lopping under broad !elt hat.

.I want to go home . I said my voi"e perilously near to trembling and without a word he started up the engine let in the "lut"h and turned the "ar round the way that we had "ome. ,wi!tly we "overed the ground !ar too swi!tly I thought !ar too easily and the "allous "ountryside wat"hed us with indi!!eren"e. 1e "ame to the bend in the road that I had wished to imprison as a memory and the peasant girl was gone and the "olour was !iat and it was no more a!ter all than any bend in any road passed by a hundred motorists. #he glamour o! it had gone with my happy mood and at the thought o! it my !ro)en !a"e *uivered into !eeling my adult pride was lost and those despi"able tears re+oi"ing at their "on*uest welled into my eyes and strayed upon my "hee$s. I "ould not "he"$ them !or they "ame unbidden and had I rea"hed in my po"$et !or a hand$er"hie! he would have seen I must let them !all untou"hed and su!!er the bitter salt upon my lips plumbing the depths o! humiliation. 1hether he had turned his head to loo$ at me I do not $now !or I wat"hed the road ahead with blurred and steady stare but suddenly he put out his hand and too$ hold o! mine and $issed it still saying nothing and then he threw his hand$er"hie! on my lap whi"h I was too ashamed to tou"h. I thought o! all those heroines o! !i"tion who loo$ed pretty when they "ried and what a "ontrast I must ma$e with blot"hed and swollen !a"e and red rims to my eyes. It was a dismal !inish to my morning and the day that stret"hed ahead o! me was long. I had to lun"h with Mrs 3an 2opper in her room be"ause the nurse was going out and a!terwards she would ma$e me play be)i*ue with all the tireless energy o! the "onvales"ent. I $new I should sti!le in that room. #here was something sordid about the tumbled sheets the sprawling blan$ets and the thumped pillows and that bedside table dusty with powder spilt s"ent and melting li*uid rouge. 2er bed would be littered with the separated sheets o! the daily papers !olded anyhow while Fren"h novels with "urling edges and the "overs torn $ept "ompany with (meri"an maga)ines. #he mashed stubs o! "igarettes lay everywhere % in "leansing "ream in a dish o! grapes and on the !loor beneath the bed. 3isitors were lavish with their !lowers and the vases stood "hee$%by%+owl in any !ashion hot%house e0oti"s "rammed beside mimosa while a great beribboned "as$et "rowned them all with tier upon tier o! "rystallised !ruit. Later her !riends would "ome in !or a drin$ whi"h I must mi0 !or them hating my tas$ shy and ill%at%ease in my "orner hemmed in by their parrot "hatter and I would be a whipping%boy again blushing !or her when e0"ited by her little "rowd she must sit up in bed and tal$ too loudly laugh too long rea"h to the portable gramophone and start a re"ord shrugging her large shoulders to the

tune. I pre!erred her irritable and snappy her hair done up in pins s"olding me !or !orgetting her #a0ol. (ll this awaited me in the suite while he on"e he had le!t me at the hotel would go away somewhere alone towards the sea perhaps !eel the wind on his "hee$ !ollow the sun' and it might happen that he would lose himsel! in those memories that I $new nothing o! that I "ould not share he would wander down the years that were gone. #he gul! that lay between us was wider now than it had ever been and he stood away !rom me with his ba"$ turned on the !urther shore. I !elt young and small and very mu"h alone and now in spite o! my pride I !ound his hand$er"hie! and blew my nose throwing my drab appearan"e to the winds. It "ould never matter. .#o hell with this . he said suddenly as though angry as though bored and he pulled me beside him and put his arm round my shoulder still loo$ing straight ahead o! him his right hand on the wheel. 2e drove I remember even !aster than be!ore. .I suppose you are young enough to be my daughter and I don.t $now how to deal with you . he said. #he road narrowed then to a "orner and he had to swerve to avoid a dog. I thought he would release me but he went on holding me beside him and when the "orner was passed and the road "ame straight again he did not let me go. .<ou "an !orget all I said to you this morning . he said' .that.s all !inished and done with. 9on.t let.s ever thin$ o! it again. My !amily always "all me Ma0im I.d li$e you to do the same. <ou.ve been !ormal with me long enough.. 2e !elt !or the brim o! my hat and too$ hold o! it throwing it over his shoulder to the ba"$ seat and then bent down and $issed the top o! my head. .8romise me you will never wear bla"$ satin . he said. I smiled then and he laughed ba"$ at me and the morning was gay again the morning was a shining thing. Mrs 3an 2opper and the a!ternoon did not matter a !lip o! the !inger. It would pass so *ui"$ly and there would be tonight and another day tomorrow. I was "o"$sure +ubilant' at that moment I almost had the "ourage to "laim e*uality. I saw mysel! strolling into Mrs 3an 2opper.s bedroom rather late !or my be)i*ue and when *uestioned by her yawning "arelessly saying .I !orgot the time. I.ve been lun"hing with Ma0im.. I was still "hild enough to "onsider a 7hristian name li$e a plume in the hat though !rom the very !irst he had "alled me by mine. #he morning !or all its shadowed moments had promoted me to a new level o! !riendship I did not lag so !ar behind as I had thought. 2e had $issed me too a natural business "om!orting and *uiet. &ot dramati" as in boo$s. &ot embarrassing. It seemed to bring about an ease in our relationship it made everything more simple. #he gul! between us had been bridged a!ter all. I was to "all him Ma0im. (nd that a!ternoon playing be)i*ue with Mrs 3an 2opper was not

so tedious as it might have been though my "ourage !ailed me and I said nothing o! my morning. For when gathering her "ards together at the end and rea"hing !or the bo0 she said "asually .#ell me is Ma0 de 1inter still in the hotel;. I hesitated a moment li$e a diver on the brin$ then lost my nerve and my tutored sel!%possession saying .<es I believe so % he "omes into the restaurant !or his meals.. ,omeone has told her I thought someone has seen us together the tennis pro!essional has "omplained the manager has sent a note and I waited !or her atta"$. But she went on putting the "ards ba"$ into the bo0 yawning a little while I straightened the tumbled bed. I gave her the bowl o! powder the rouge "ompa"t and the lipsti"$ and she put away the "ards and too$ up the hand glass !rom the table by her side. .(ttra"tive "reature . she said .but *ueer%tempered I should thin$ di!!i"ult to $now. I thought he might have made some gesture o! as$ing one to Manderley that day in the lounge but he was very "lose.. I said nothing. I wat"hed her pi"$ up the lipsti"$ and outline a bow upon her hard mouth. .I never saw her . she said holding the glass away to see the e!!e"t .but I believe she was very lovely. 50*uisitely turned out and brilliant in every way. #hey used to give tremendous parties at Manderley. It was all very sudden and tragi" and I believe he adored her. I need the dar$er shade o! powder with this brilliant red my dear: !et"h it will you and put this bo0 ba"$ in the drawer;. (nd we were busy then with powder s"ent and rouge until the bell rang and her visitors "ame in. I handed them their drin$s dully saying little' I "hanged the re"ords on the gramophone I threw away the stubs o! "igarettes. .Been doing any s$et"hing lately little lady;. #he !or"ed heartiness o! an old ban$er his mono"le dangling on a string and my bright smile o! insin"erity: .&o not very lately' will you have another "igarette;. It was not I that answered I was not there at all. I was !ollowing a phantom in my mind whose shadowy !orm had ta$en shape at last. 2er !eatures were blurred her "olouring indistin"t the setting o! her eyes and the te0ture o! her hair was still un"ertain still to be revealed. ,he had beauty that endured and a smile that was not !orgotten. ,omewhere her voi"e still lingered and the memory o! her words. #here were pla"es she had visited and things that she had tou"hed. 8erhaps in "upboards there were "lothes that she had worn with the s"ent about them still. In my bedroom under my pillow I had a boo$ that she had ta$en in her hands and I "ould see her turning to that !irst white page smiling as she wrote and sha$ing the bent nib. Ma0 !rom 6ebe""a. It must have been his

birthday and she had put it amongst her other presents on the brea$!ast table. (nd they had laughed together as he tore o!! the paper and string. ,he leant perhaps over his shoulder while he read. Ma0. ,he "alled him Ma0. It was !amiliar gay and easy on the tongue. #he !amily "ould "all him Ma0im i! they li$ed. Grandmothers and aunts. (nd people li$e mysel! *uiet and dull and youth!ul who did not matter. Ma0 was her "hoi"e the word was her possession' she had written it with so great a "on!iden"e on the !ly%lea! o! that boo$. #hat bold slanting hand stabbing the white paper the symbol o! hersel! so "ertain so assured. 2ow many times she must have written to him thus in how many varied moods. Little notes s"rawled on hal!%sheets o! paper and letters when he was away page a!ter page intimate their news. 2er voi"e e"hoing through the house and down the garden "areless and !amiliar li$e the writing in the boo$. (nd I had to "all him Ma0im.

Chapter six

8a"$ing up. #he nagging worry o! departure. Lost $eys unwritten labels tissue paper lying on the !loor. I hate it all. 5ven now when I have done so mu"h o! it when I live as the saying goes in my bo0es. 5ven today when shutting drawers and !linging wide an hotel wardrobe or the impersonal shelves o! a !urnished villa is a methodi"al matter o! routine I am aware o! sadness o! a sense o! loss. 2ere I say we have lived we have been happy. #his has been ours however brie! the time. #hough two nights only have been spent beneath a roo! yet we leave something o! ourselves behind. &othing material not a hair%pin on a dressing%table not an empty bottle o! (spirin tablets not a hand$er"hie! beneath a pillow but something inde!inable a moment o! our lives a thought a mood. #his house sheltered us we spo$e we loved within those walls. #hat was yesterday. #oday we pass on we see it no more and we are di!!erent "hanged in some in!initesimal way. 1e "an never be *uite the.same again. 5ven stopping !or lun"heon at a wayside inn and going to a dar$ un!amiliar room to wash my hands the handle o! the door un$nown to me the wallpaper peeling in strips a !unny little "ra"$ed mirror above the basin' !or this moment it is mine it belongs to me. 1e $now one another. #his is the present. #here is no past and no !uture. 2ere I am washing my hands and the tra"$ed mirror shows me to mysel! suspended as it were in time' this is me this moment will not pass. (nd then I open the door and go to the dining%room where he is sitting waiting !or me at a table and I thin$ how in that moment I have aged passed on how I have advan"ed one step towards an un$nown destiny. 1e smile we "hoose our lun"h we spea$ o! this and that but %I say to mysel! %I am not she who le!t him !ive minutes ago. ,he stayed behind. I am another woman older more mature... I saw in a paper the other day that the 2otel 7ote d.()ur at Monte 7arlo had gone to new management and had a di!!erent name. #he rooms have been rede"orated and the whole interior "hanged. 8erhaps Mrs 3an 2opper.s suite on the !irst !loor e0ists no more. 8erhaps there is no tra"e o! the small bedroom that was mine. I $new I should never go ba"$ that day I $nelt on the !loor and !umbled with the aw$ward "at"h o! her trun$. #he episode was !inished with the snapping o! the lo"$. I glan"ed out o! the

window and it was li$e turning the page o! a photograph album. #hose roo!% tops and that sea were mine no more. #hey belonged to yesterday to the past. #he rooms already wore an empty air stripped o! our possessions and there was something hungry about the suite as though it wished us gone and the new arrivals who would "ome tomorrow in our pla"e. #he heavy luggage stood ready strapped and lo"$ed in the "orridor outside. #he smaller stu!! would be !inished later. 1aste%paper bas$ets groaned under litter. (ll her hal! empty medi"ine bottles and dis"arded !a"e%"ream +ars with torn%up bills and letters. 9rawers in tables gaped the bureau was stripped bare. ,he had !lung a letter at me the morning be!ore as I poured out her "o!!ee at brea$!ast. .2elen is sailing !or &ew <or$ on ,aturday. Little &an"y has a threatened appendi0 and they.ve "abled her to go home. #hat.s de"ided me. 1e.re going too. I.m tired to death o! 5urope and we "an "ome ba"$ in the early !all. 2ow d.you li$e the idea o! seeing &ew <or$;. #he thought was worse than prison. ,omething o! my misery must have shown in my !a"e !or at !irst she loo$ed astonished then annoyed. .1hat an odd unsatis!a"tory "hild you are. I "an.t ma$e you out. 9on.t you realise that at home girls in your position without any money "an have the grandest !un; 8lenty o! boys and e0"itement. (ll in your own "lass. <ou "an have your own little set o! !riends and needn.t be at my be"$ and "all as mu"h as you are here. I thought you didn.t "are !or Monte;. .I.ve got used to it . I said lamely wret"hedly my mind a "on!li"t. .1ell you.ll +ust have to get used to &ew <or$ that.s all. 1e.re going to "at"h that boat o! 2elen.s and it means seeing about our passage at on"e. Go down to the re"eption o!!i"e right away and ma$e that young "ler$ show some sign o! e!!i"ien"y. <our day will be so !ull that you won.t have time to have any pangs about leaving MonteB. ,he laughed disagreeably s*uashing her "igarette in the butter and went to the telephone to ring up all her !riends. I "ould not !a"e the o!!i"e right away. I went into the bathroom and lo"$ed the door and sat down on the "or$ mat my head in my hands. It had happened at last the business o! going away. It was all over. #omorrow evening I should be in the train holding her +ewel "ase and her rug li$e a maid and she in that monstrous new hat with the single *uill dwar!ed in her !ur%"oat sitting opposite me in the waggon%lit. 1e would wash and "lean our teeth in that stu!!y little "ompartment with the rattling doors the splashed basin the damp towel the soap with a single hair on it the "ara!e hal!%!illed with water the inevitable noti"e on the wall .,ous le lavabo se trouve une vase. while every rattle every throb and +er$ o! the s"reaming train would tell me that the miles "arried me away !rom him sitting alone in the

restaurant o! the hotel at the table I had $nown reading a boo$ not minding not thin$ing. I should say goodbye to him in the lounge perhaps be!ore we le!t. ( !urtive s"rambled !arewell be"ause o! her and there would be a pause and a smile and words li$e .<es o! "ourse do write. and .I.ve never than$ed you properly !or being so $ind. and .<ou must !orward those snapshots. .1hat about your address;. .1ell I.ll have to let you $now=. (nd he would light a "igarette "asually as$ing a passing waiter !or a light while I thought .Four and a hal! more minutes to go. I shall never see him again.. Be"ause I was going be"ause it was over there would suddenly be nothing more to say we would be strangers meeting !or the last and only time while my mind "lamoured pain!ully "rying .I love you so mu"h. I.m terribly unhappy. #his has never "ome to me be!ore and never will again.. My !a"e would be set in a prim "onventional smile my voi"e would be saying .Loo$ at that !unny old man over there' I wonder who he is' he must be new here.. (nd we would waste the last moments laughing at a stranger be"ause we were already strangers to one another. .I hope the snapshots "ome out well . repeating onesel! in desperation and he .<es that one o! the s*uare ought to be good' the light was +ust right.. 2aving both o! us gone into all that at the time having agreed upon it and anyway I would not "are i! the result was !ogged and bla"$ be"ause this was the last moment the !inal goodbye had been attained. .1ell . my dread!ul smile stret"hing a"ross my !a"e .than$s most aw!ully on"e again it.s been so ripping...= using words I had never used be!ore. 6ipping: what did it mean; % God $nows I did not "are' it was the sort o! word that s"hoolgirls had !or ho"$ey wildly inappropriate to those past wee$s o! misery and e0ultation. #hen the doors o! the li!t would open upon Mrs 3an 2opper and I would "ross the lounge to meet her and he would stroll ba"$ again to his "orner and pi"$ up a paper. ,itting there ridi"ulously on the "or$ mat o! the bathroom !loor I lived it all and our +ourney too and our arrival in &ew <or$. #he shrill voi"e o! 2elen a narrower edition o! her mother and &an"y her horrid little "hild. #he "ollege boys that Mrs 3an 2opper would have me $now and the young ban$ "ler$s suitable to my station. .Let.s ma$e 1ednesday night a date.. .9.you li$e 2ot musi";. ,nub%nosed boys with shiny !a"es. 2aving to be polite. (nd wanting to be alone with my own thoughts as I was now lo"$ed behind the bathroom door... ,he "ame and rattled on the door. .1hat are you doing;.

.(ll right % I.m sorry I.m "oming now . and I made a preten"e o! turning on the tap o! bustling about and !olding a towel on a rail. ,he glan"ed at me "uriously as I opened the door. .1hat a time you.ve been. <ou "an.t a!!ord to dream this morning you $now there.s too mu"h to be done.. 2e would go ba"$ to Manderley o! "ourse in a !ew wee$s' I !elt "ertain o! that. #here would be a great pile o! letters waiting !or him in the hall and mine amongst them s"ribbled on the boat. ( !or"ed letter trying to amuse des"ribing my !ellow passengers. It would lie about inside his blotter and he would answer it wee$s later one ,unday morning in a hurry be!ore lun"h having "ome a"ross it when he paid some bills. (nd then no more. &othing until the !inal degradation o! the 7hristmas "ard. Manderley itsel! perhaps against a !rosted ba"$ground. #he message printed saying .( happy 7hristmas and a prosperous &ew <ear !rom Ma0imilian de 1inter.. Gold lettering. But to be $ind he would have run his pen through the printed name and written in in$ underneath .!rom Ma0im. as a sort o! sop and i! there was spa"e a message .I hope you are en+oying &ew <or$.. ( li"$ o! the envelope a stamp and tossed in a pile o! a hundred others. .It.s too bad you are leaving tomorrow . said the re"eption "ler$ telephone in hand' .the Ballet starts ne0t wee$ you $now. 9oes Mrs 3an 2opper $now;. I dragged mysel! ba"$ !rom 7hristmas at Manderley to the realities o! the waggon%lit. Mrs 3an 2opper lun"hed in the restaurant !or the !irst time sin"e her in!luen)a and I had a pain in the pit o! my stoma"h as I !ollowed her into the room. 2e had gone to 7annes !or the day that mu"h I $new !or he had warned me the day be!ore but I $ept thin$ing the waiter might "ommit an indis"retion and say: .1ill Mademoiselle be dining with Monsieur tonight as usual;. I !elt a little si"$ whenever he "ame near the table but he said nothing. #he day was spent in pa"$ing and in the evening people "ame to say goodbye. 1e dined in the sitting%room and she went to bed dire"tly a!terwards. ,till I had not seen him. I went down to the lounge about hal! past nine on the prete0t o! getting luggage labels and he was not there. #he odious re"eption "ler$ smiled when he saw me. .I! you are loo$ing !or Mr de 1inter we had a message !rom 7annes to say he would not be ba"$ be!ore midnight.. .I want a pa"$et o! luggage labels . I said but I saw by his eye that he was not de"eived. ,o there would be no last evening a!ter all. #he hour I had loo$ed !orward to all day must be spent by mysel! alone in my own bedroom ga)ing at my 6evelation suit%"ase and the stout hold%all. 8erhaps it

was +ust as well !or I should have made a poor "ompanion and he must have read my !a"e. I $now I "ried that night bitter youth!ul tears that "ould not "ome !rom me today. #hat $ind o! "rying deep into a pillow does not happen a!ter we are twenty%one. #he throbbing head the swollen eyes the tight "ontra"ted throat. (nd the wild an0iety in the morning to hide all tra"es !rom the world sponging with "old water dabbing eau%de%7ologne the !urtive dash o! powder that is signi!i"ant in itsel!. #he pani" too that one might "ry again the tears swelling without "ontrol and a !atal trembling o! the mouth lead one to disaster. I remember opening wide my window and leaning out hoping the !resh morning air would blow away the tell%tale pin$ under the powder and the sun had never seemed so bright nor the day so !ull o! promise. Monte 7arlo was suddenly !ull o! $indliness and "harm the one pla"e in the world that held sin"erity. I loved it. (!!e"tion overwhelmed me. I wanted to live there all my li!e. (nd I was leaving it today. #his is the last time I brush my hair be!ore the loo$ing%glass the last time I shall "lean my teeth into the basin. &ever again sleep in that bed. &ever more turn o!! the swit"h o! that ele"tri" light. #here I was padding about in a dressing%gown ma$ing a slough o! sentiment out o! a "ommonpla"e hotel bedroom. .<ou haven.t started a "old have you;. she said at brea$!ast. .&o . I told her .I don.t thin$ so . "lut"hing at a straw !or this might serve as an e0"use later i! I was over%pin$ about the eyes. .I hate hanging about on"e everything is pa"$ed . she grumbled' .we ought to have de"ided on the earlier train. 1e "ould get it i! we made the e!!ort and then have longer in 8aris. 1ire 2elen not to meet us but arrange another rende)vous. I wonder. % she glan"ed at her wat"h % .I suppose they "ould "hange the reservations. (nyway it.s worth trying. Go down to the o!!i"e and see.. .<es . I said a dummy to her moods going into my bedroom and !linging o!! my dressing%gown !astening my inevitable !lannel s$irt and stret"hing my home%made +umper over my head. My indi!!eren"e to her turned to hatred. #his was the end then even my morning must be ta$en !rom me. &o last hal!%hour on the terra"e not even ten minutes perhaps to say goodbye. Be"ause she had !inished brea$!ast earlier than she e0pe"ted be"ause she was bored. 1ell then I would !ling away restraint and modesty I would not be proud any more. I slammed the door o! the sitting%room and ran along the passage. I did not wait !or the li!t I "limbed the stairs three at a time up to the third !loor. I $new the number o! his room 1C8 and I hammered at the door very !lushed in the !a"e and breathless.

.7ome in . he shouted and I opened the door repenting already my nerve !ailing me' !or perhaps he had only +ust wo$en up having been late last night and would be still in bed tousled in the head and irritable. 2e was shaving by the open window a "amel%hair +a"$et over his py+amas and I in my !lannel suit and heavy shoes !elt "lumsy and over dressed. I was merely !oolish when I had !elt mysel! dramati". .1hat do you want;. he said. .Is something the matter;. .I.ve "ome to say goodbye . I said .we.re going this morning.. 2e stared at me then put his ra)or down on the washstand. .,hut the door . he said. I "losed it behind me and stood there rather sel!%"ons"ious my hands hanging by my side. .1hat on earth are you tal$ing about;. he as$ed. .It.s true we.re leaving today. 1e were going by the later train and now she wants to "at"h the earlier one and I was a!raid I shouldn.t see you again. I !elt I must see you be!ore I le!t to than$ you.. #hey tumbled out the idioti" words +ust as I had imagined them. I was sti!! and aw$ward' in a moment I should say he had been ripping. .1hy didn.t you tell me about this be!ore;. he said. .,he only de"ided yesterday. It was all done in a hurry. 2er daughter sails !or &ew <or$ on ,aturday and we are going with her. 1e.re +oining her in 8aris and going through to 7herbourg.. .,he.s ta$ing you with her to &ew <or$;. .<es and I don.t want to go. I shall hate it' I shall be miserable.. .1hy in heaven.s name go with her then;. .I have to you $now that. I wor$ !or a salary. I "an.t a!!ord to leave her.. 2e pi"$ed up his ra)or again and too$ the soap o!! his !a"e. .,it down . he said. .I shan.t be long. I.ll dress in the bathroom and be ready in !ive minutes.. 2e too$ his "lothes o!! the "hair and threw them on the bathroom !loor and went inside slamming the door. I sat down on the bed and began biting my nails. #he situation was unreal and I !elt li$e a lay%!igure. I wondered what he was thin$ing what he was going to do. I glan"ed round the room it was the room o! any man untidy and impersonal. Lots o! shoes more than ever were needed and strings o! ties. #he dressing%table was bare e0"ept !or a large bottle o! hair%wash and a pair o! ivory hair%brushes. &o photographs. &o snapshots. &othing li$e that. Instin"tively I had loo$ed !or them thin$ing there would be one photograph at least beside his bed or in the middle o! the mantelpie"e. -ne large one in a leather !rame. #here were only boo$s though and a bo0 o! "igarettes.

2e was ready as he had promised in !ive minutes. .7ome down to the terra"e while I eat my brea$!ast . he said. I loo$ed at my wat"h. .I haven.t time . I told him. .I ought to be in the o!!i"e now "hanging the reservations.. .&ever mind about that I.ve got to tal$ to you . he said. 1e wal$ed down the "orridor and he rang !or the li!t. 2e "an.t realise I thought that.the early train leaves in about an hour and a hal!. Mrs 3an 2opper will ring up the o!!i"e in a moment and as$ i! I am there. 1e went down in the li!t not tal$ing and so out to the terra"e where the tables were laid !or brea$!ast. .1hat are you going to have;. he said. .I.ve had mine already . I told him .and I "an only stay !our minutes anyway.. .Bring me "o!!ee a boiled egg toast marmalade and a tangerine . he said to the waiter. (nd he too$ an emery board out o! his po"$et and began !iling his nails. .,o Mrs 3an 2opper has had enough o! Monte 7arlo . he said .and now she wants to go home. ,o do I. ,he to &ew <or$ and I to Manderley. 1hi"h would you pre!er; <ou "an ta$e your "hoi"e.. .9on.t ma$e a +o$e about it' it.s un!air . I said' .and I thin$ I had better see about those ti"$ets and say goodbye now.. .I! you thin$ I.m one o! the people who try to be !unny at brea$!ast you.re wrong . he said. .I.m invariably ill%tempered in the early morning. I repeat to you the "hoi"e is open to you. 5ither you go to (meri"a with Mrs 3an 2opper or you "ome home to Manderley with me.. .9o you mean you want a se"retary or something;. .&o I.m as$ing you to marry me you little !ool.. #he waiter "ame with the brea$!ast and I sat with my hands in my lap wat"hing while he put down the pot o! "o!!ee and the +ug o! mil$. .<ou don.t understand . I said when the waiter had gone' .I.m not the sort o! person men marry.. .1hat the devil do you mean;. he said staring at me laying down his spoon. I wat"hed a !ly settle on the marmalade and he brushed it away impatiently. .I.m not sure . I said slowly. .I don.t thin$ I $now how to e0plain. I don.t belong to your sort o! world !or one thing.. .1hat is my world;. .1ell % Manderley. <ou $now what I mean.. 2e pi"$ed up his spoon again and helped himsel! to marmalade.

.<ou are almost as ignorant as Mrs 3an 2opper and +ust as unintelligent. 1hat do you $now o! Manderley; I.m the person to +udge that whether you would belong there or not. <ou thin$ I as$ you this on the spur o! the moment don.t you; Be"ause you say you don.t want to go to &ew <or$. <ou thin$ I as$ you to marry me !or the same reason you believed I drove you about in the "ar yes and gave you dinner that !irst evening. #o be $ind. 9on.t you;. .<es . I said .-ne day . he went on spreading his toast thi"$ .you may realise that philanthropy is not my strongest *uality. (t the moment I don.t thin$ you realise anything at all. <ou haven.t answered my *uestion. (re you going to marry me;. I don.t believe even in my !ier"est moments I had "onsidered this possibility. I had on"e when driving with him and we had been silent !or many miles started a rambling story in my head about him being very ill delirious I thin$ and sending !or me and I having to nurse him. I had rea"hed the point in my story where I was putting eau%de%7ologne on his head when we arrived at the hotel and so it !inished there. (nd another time I had imagined living in a lodge in the grounds o! Manderley and how he would visit me sometimes and sit in !ront o! the !ire. #his sudden tal$ o! marriage bewildered me even sho"$ed me I thin$. It was as though the Aing as$ed one. It did not ring true. (nd he went on eating his marmalade as though everything were natural. In boo$s men $nelt to women and it would be moonlight. &ot at brea$!ast not li$e this. .My suggestion doesn.t seem to have gone too well . he said. .I.m sorry. I rather thought you loved me. ( !ine blow to my "on"eit.. .I do love you . I said. .I love you dread!ully. <ou.ve made me very unhappy and I.ve been "rying all night be"ause I thought I should never see you again.. 1hen I said this I remember he laughed and stret"hed his hand to me a"ross the brea$!ast table. .Bless you !or that . he said' .one day when you rea"h that e0alted age o! thirty%si0 whi"h you told me was your ambition I.ll remind you o! this moment. (nd you won.t believe me. It.s a pity you have to grow up.. I was ashamed already and angry with him !or laughing. ,o women did not ma$e those "on!essions to men. I had a lot to learn. .,o that.s settled isn.t it;. he said going on with his toast and marmalade' .instead o! being "ompanion to Mrs 3an 2opper you be"ome mine and your duties will be almost e0a"tly the same. I also li$e new library boo$s and !lowers in the drawing%room and be)i*ue a!ter dinner. (nd someone to pour out my tea. #he only di!!eren"e is that I don.t ta$e #a0ol I

pre!er 5no.s and you must never let me run out o! my parti"ular brand o! toothpaste.. I drummed with my !ingers on the table un"ertain o! mysel! and o! him. 1as he still laughing at me was it all a +o$e; 2e loo$ed up and saw the an0iety on my !a"e. .I.m being rather a brute to you aren.t I;. he said' .this isn.t your idea o! a proposal. 1e ought to be in a "onservatory you in a white !ro"$ with a rose in your hand and a violin playing a walt) in the distan"e. (nd I should ma$e violent love to you behind a palm tree. <ou would !eel then you were getting your money.s worth. 8oor darling what a shame. &ever mind I.ll ta$e you to 3eni"e !or our honeymoon and we.ll hold hands in the gondola. But we won.t stay too long be"ause I want to show you Manderley.. 2e wanted to show me Manderley... (nd suddenly I realised that it would all happen' I would be his wi!e we would wal$ in the garden together we would stroll down that path in the valley to the shingle bea"h. I $new how I would stand on the steps a!ter brea$!ast loo$ing at the day throwing "rumbs to the birds and later wander out in a shady hat with long s"issors in my hand and "ut !lowers !or the house. I $new now why I had bought that pi"ture post"ard as a "hild' it was a premonition a blan$ step into the !uture. 2e wanted to show me Manderley... My mind ran riot then !igures "ame be!ore me and pi"ture a!ter pi"ture % and all the while he ate his tangerine giving me a pie"e now and then and wat"hing me. 1e would be in a "rowd o! people and he would say .I don.t thin$ you have met my wi!e.. Mrs de 1inter. I would be Mrs de 1inter. I "onsidered my name and the signature on "he*ues to tradesmen and in letters as$ing people to dinner. I heard mysel! tal$ing on the telephone: .1hy not "ome down to Manderley ne0t wee$end;. 8eople always a throng o! people. .-h but she.s simply "harming you must meet her %. #his about me a whisper on the !ringe o! a "rowd and I would turn away pretending I had not heard. Going down to the lodge with a bas$et on my arm grapes and pea"hes !or the old lady who was si"$. 2er hands stret"hed out to me =#he Lord bless you Madam !or being so good . and my saying ./ust send up to the house !or anything you want.. Mrs de 1inter. I would be Mrs de 1inter. I saw the polished table in the dining%room and the long "andles. Ma0im sitting at the end. ( party o! twenty%!our. I had a !lower in my hair. 5veryone loo$ed towards me holding up his glass. .1e must drin$ the health o! the bride . and Ma0im saying a!terwards .I have never seen you loo$ so lovely.. Great "ool rooms !illed with !lowers. My bedroom with a !ire in the winter someone $no"$ing at the door. (nd a woman "omes in smiling' she is

Ma0im.s sister and she is saying .It.s really wonder!ul how happy you have made him' everyone is so pleased you are su"h a su""ess.. Mrs de 1inter. I would be Mrs de 1inter. =#he rest o! the tangerine is sour I shouldn.t eat it . he said and I stared at him the words going slowly to my head then loo$ed down at the !ruit on my plate. #he *uarter was hard and pale. 2e was right. #he tangerine was very sour. I had a sharp bitter taste in my mouth and I had only +ust noti"ed it. .(m I going to brea$ the news to Mrs 3an 2opper or are you;. he said. 2e was !olding up his nap$in pushing ba"$ his plate and I wondered how it was he spo$e so "asually as though the matter was o! little "onse*uen"e a mere ad+ustment o! plans. 1hereas to me it was a bombshell e0ploding in a thousand !ragments. .<ou tell her . I said' .she.ll be so angry.. 1e got up !rom the table I e0"ited and !lushed trembling already in anti"ipation. I wondered i! he would tell the waiter ta$e my arm smilingly and say .<ou must "ongratulate us Mademoiselle and I are going to be married.. (nd all the other waiters would hear would bow to us would smile and we would pass into the lounge a wave o! e0"itement !ollowing us a !lutter o! e0pe"tation. But he said nothing. 2e le!t the terra"e without a word and I !ollowed him to the li!t. 1e passed the re"eption des$ and no one even loo$ed at us. #he "ler$ was busy with a shea! o! papers he was tal$ing over his shoulder to his +unior. 2e does not $now I thought that I am going to be Mrs de 1inter. I am going to live at Manderley. Manderley will belong to me. 1e went up in the li!t to the !irst !loor and so along the passage. 2e too$ my hand and swung it as we went along. .9oes !orty%two seem very old to you;. he said. .-h no . I told him *ui"$ly too eagerly perhaps. .I don.t li$e young men.. .<ou.ve never $nown any . he said. 1e "ame to the door o! the suite. .I thin$ I had better deal with this alone . he said' .tell me something % do you mind how soon you marry me; <ou don.t want a trousseau do you or any o! that nonsense; Be"ause the whole thing "an be so easily arranged in a !ew days. -ver a des$ with a li"en"e and then o!! in the "ar to 3eni"e or anywhere you !an"y.. .&ot in a "hur"h;. I as$ed. .&ot in white with bridesmaids and bells and "hoir boys; 1hat about your relations and all your !riends;. .<ou !orget . he said .I had that sort o! wedding be!ore.. 1e went on standing in !ront o! the door o! the suite and I noti"ed that the daily paper was still thrust through the letterbo0. 1e had been too busy to read it at brea$!ast.

.1ell;. he said .what about it;. .-! "ourse . I answered .I was thin$ing !or the moment we would be married at home. &aturally I don.t e0pe"t a "hur"h or people or anything li$e that.. (nd I smiled at him. I made a "heer!ul !a"e. .1on.t it be !un;. I said. 2e had turned to the door though and opened it and we were inside the suite in the little entran"e passage. .Is that you;. "alled Mrs 3an 2opper !rom the sitting%room. .1hat in the name o! Mi$e have you been doing; I.ve rung the o!!i"e three times and they said they hadn.t seen you.. I was sei)ed with a sudden desire to laugh to "ry to do both and I had a pain too at the pit o! my stoma"h. I wished !or one wild moment that none o! this had happened that I was alone somewhere going !or a wal$ and whistling. .I.m a!raid it.s all my !ault . he said going into the sitting%room shutting the door behind him and I heard her e0"lamation o! surprise. #hen I went into my bedroom and sat down by the open window. It was li$e waiting in the ante%room at a do"tor.s. I ought to turn over the pages o! a maga)ine loo$ at photographs that did not matter and read arti"les I should never remember until the nurse "ame bright and e!!i"ient all humanity washed away by years o! disin!e"tant: .It.s all right the operation was *uite su""ess!ul. #here is no need to worry at all. I should go home and have some sleep.. #he walls o! the suite were thi"$ I "ould hear no hum o! voi"es. I wondered what he was saying to her how he phrased his words. 8erhaps he said .I !ell in love with her you $now the very !irst time we met. 1e.ve been seeing one another every day.. (nd she in answer .1hy Mr de 1inter it.s *uite the most romanti" thing I.ve ever heard.. 6omanti" that was the word I had tried to remember "oming up in the li!t. <es o! "ourse. 6omanti". #hat was what people would say. It was all very sudden and romanti". #hey suddenly de"ided to get married and there it was. ,u"h an adventure. I smiled to mysel! as I hugged my $nees on the window seat thin$ing how wonder!ul it was how happy I was going to be. I was to marry the man I loved. I was to be Mrs de 1inter. It was !oolish to go on having that pain in the pit o! my stoma"h when I was so happy. &erves o! "ourse. 1aiting li$e this' the do"tor.s ante% room. It would have been better a!ter all more natural surely to have gone into the sitting%room hand in hand laughing smiling at one another and !or him to say .1e.re going to be married we.re very mu"h in love..

In love. 2e had not said anything yet about being in love. &o time perhaps. It was all so hurried at the brea$!ast table. Marmalade and "o!!ee and that tangerine. &o time. #he tangerine was very bitter. &o he had not said anything about being in love. /ust that we would be married. ,hort and de!inite very original. -riginal proposals were mu"h better. More genuine. &ot li$e other people. &ot li$e younger men who tal$ed nonsense probably not meaning hal! they said. &ot li$e younger men being very in"oherent very passionate swearing impossibilities. &ot li$e him the !irst time as$ing 6ebe""a... I must not thin$ o! that. 8ut it away. ( thought !orbidden prompted by demons. Get thee behind me ,atan. I must never thin$ about that never never never. 2e loves me he wants to show me Manderley. 1ould they ever have done with their tal$ing would they ever "all me into the room; #here was the boo$ o! poems lying beside my bed. 2e had !orgotten he had ever lent them to me. #hey "ould not mean mu"h to him then. .Go on . whispered the demon .open the title%page' that.s what you want to do isn.t it; -pen the title%page.. &onsense I said I.m only going to put the boo$ with the rest o! the things. I yawned. I wandered to the table beside the bed. I pi"$ed up the boo$. I "aught my !oot in the !le0 o! the bedside lamp and stumbled the boo$ !alling !rom my hands on to the !loor. It !ell open at the title%page. .Ma0 !rom 6ebe""a.. ,he was dead and one must not have thoughts about the dead. #hey slept in pea"e the grass blew over their graves. 2ow alive was her writing though how !ull o! !or"e. #hose "urious sloping letters. #he blob o! in$. 9one yesterday. It was +ust as i! it had been written yesterday. I too$ my nail s"issors !rom the dressing%"ase and "ut the page loo$ing over my shoulder li$e a "riminal. I "ut the page right out o! the boo$. I le!t no +agged edges and the boo$ loo$ed white and "lean when the page was gone. ( new boo$ that had not been tou"hed. I tore the page up in many little !ragments and threw them into the waste%paper bas$et. #hen I went and sat on the window seat again. But I $ept thin$ing o! the torn s"raps in the bas$et and a!ter a moment I had to get up and loo$ in the bas$et on"e more. 5ven now the in$ stood up on the !ragments thi"$ and bla"$ the writing was not destroyed. I too$ a bo0 o! mat"hes and set !ire to the !ragments. #he !lame had a lovely light staining the paper "urling the edges ma$ing the slanting writing impossible to distinguish. #he !ragments !luttered to grey ashes. #he letter 6 was the last to go it twisted in the !lame it "urled outwards !or a moment be"oming larger than ever. #hen it "rumpled too' the !lame destroyed it. It was not ashes even it was !eathery dust... I went and washed my hands in the basin. I !elt better mu"h better. I had the "lean new !eeling that one has when the

"alendar is hung on the wall at the beginning o! the year. /anuary the 1st. I was aware o! the same !reshness the same gay "on!iden"e. #he door opened and he "ame into the room. .(ll.s well . he said' .sho"$ made her spee"hless at !irst but she.s beginning to re"over so I.m going downstairs to the o!!i"e to ma$e "ertain she will "at"h the !irst train. For a moment she wavered' I thin$ she had hopes o! a"ting witness at the wedding but I was very !irm. Go and tal$ to her.. 2e said nothing about being glad about being happy. 2e did not ta$e my arm and go into the sitting%room with me. 2e smiled and waved his hand and went o!! down the "orridor alone. I went to Mrs 3an 2opper un"ertain rather sel!%"ons"ious li$e a maid who has handed in her noti"e through a !riend. ,he was standing by the window smo$ing a "igarette an odd dumpy little !igure I should not see again her "oat stret"hed tight over her large breasts her ridi"ulous hat per"hed sideways on her head. .1ell . she said her voi"e dry and hard not the voi"e she would have used to him. .I suppose I.ve got to hand it to you !or a double%time wor$er. ,till waters "ertainly run deep in your "ase. 2ow did you manage it;. I did not $now what to answer. I did not li$e her smile. .It was a lu"$y thing !or you I had the in!luen)a . she said. .I realise now how you spent your days and why you were so !orget!ul. #ennis lessons my eye. <ou might have told me you $now.. .I.m sorry . I said. ,he loo$ed at me "uriously she ran her eyes over my !igure. .(nd he tells me he wants to marry you in a !ew days. Lu"$y again !or you that you haven.t a !amily to as$ *uestions. 1ell it.s nothing to do with me any more I wash my hands o! the whole a!!air. I rather wonder what his !riends will thin$ but I suppose that.s up to him. <ou realise he.s years older than you;. .2e.s only !orty%two . I said .and I.m old !or my age.. ,he laughed she dropped "igarette ash on the !loor. .<ou "ertainly are . she said. ,he went on loo$ing at me in a way she had never done be!ore. (ppraising me running her eyes over my points li$e a +udge at a "attle show. #here was something in*uisitive about her eyes something unpleasant. .#ell me . she said intimate a !riend to a !riend .have you been doing anything you shouldn.t;. ,he was li$e Blai)e the dressma$er who had o!!ered me that ten per "ent. .I don.t $now what you mean . I said.

,he laughed she shrugged her shoulders. .-h well... never mind. But I always said 5nglish girls were dar$ horses !or all their ho"$ey%playing attitude. ,o I.m supposed to travel to 8aris alone and leave you here while your beau gets a marriage li"en"e; I noti"e he doesn.t as$ me to the wedding.. .I don.t thin$ he wants anyone and anyway you would have sailed . I said. .2.m h.m . she said. ,he too$ out her vanity "ase and began powdering her nose I suppose you really do $now your own mind . she went on' .a!ter all the whole thing has been very hurried hasn.t it; ( matter o! a !ew wee$s. I don.t suppose he.s too easy and you.ll have to adapt yoursel! to his ways. <ou.ve led an e0tremely sheltered li!e up to now you $now and you "an.t say that I.ve run you o!! your !eet. <ou will have your wor$ "ut out as mistress o! Manderley. #o be per!e"tly !ran$ my dear I simply "an.t see you doing it.. 2er words sounded li$e the e"ho o! my own an hour be!ore. .<ou haven.t the e0perien"e . she "ontinued .you don.t $now that milieu. <ou "an s"ar"ely string two senten"es together at my bridge teas what are you going to say to all his !riends; #he Manderley parties were !amous when she was alive. -! "ourse he.s told you all about them;. I hesitated but she went on than$ heaven not waiting !or my answer. .&aturally one wants you to be happy and I grant you he.s a very attra"tive "reature but % well I.m sorry' and personally I thin$ you are ma$ing a big mista$e % one you will bitterly regret.. ,he put down the bo0 o! powder and loo$ed at me over her shoulder. 8erhaps she was being sin"ere at last but I did not want that sort o! honesty. I did not say anything. I loo$ed sullen perhaps !or she shrugged her shoulders and wandered to the loo$ing%glass straightening her little mushroom hat. I was glad she was going glad I should not see her again. I grudged the months I had spent with her employed by her ta$ing her money trotting in her wa$e li$e a shadow drab and dumb. -! "ourse I was ine0perien"ed o! "ourse I was idioti" shy and young. I $new all that. ,he did not have to tell me. I suppose her attitude was deliberate and !or some odd !eminine reason she resented this marriage' her s"ale o! values had re"eived a sho"$. 1ell I would not "are I would !orget her and her barbed words. ( new "on!iden"e had been born in me when I burnt that page and s"attered the !ragments. #he past would not e0ist !or either o! us' we were starting a!resh he and I. #he past had blown away li$e the ashes in the waste%paper bas$et. I was going to be Mrs de 1inter. I was going to live at Manderley.

,oon she would be gone rattling alone in the waggon%lit without me and he and I would be together in the dining%room o! the hotel lun"hing at the same table planning the !uture. #he brin$ o! a big adventure. 8erhaps on"e she had gone he would tal$ to me at last about loving me about being happy. >p to now there had been no time and anyway those things are not easily said they must wait their moment. I loo$ed up and "aught her re!le"tion in the loo$ing%glass. ,he was wat"hing me a little tolerant smile on her lips. I thought she was going to be generous a!ter all hold out her hand and wish me lu"$ give me en"ouragement and tell me that everything was going to be all right. But she went on smiling twisting a stray hair into pla"e beneath her hat. .-! "ourse . she said .you $now why he is marrying you don.t you; <ou haven.t !lattered yoursel! he.s in love with you; #he !a"t is that empty house got on his nerves to su"h an e0tent he nearly went o!! his head. 2e admitted as mu"h be!ore you "ame into the room. 2e +ust "an.t go on living there alone....

Chapter seven

1e "ame to Manderley in early May arriving so Ma0im said with the !irst swallows and the bluebells. It would be the best moment be!ore the !ull !lush o! summer and in the valley the a)aleas would be prodigal o! s"ent and the blood%red rhododendrons in bloom. 1e motored I remember leaving London in the morning in a heavy shower o! rain "oming to Manderley about !ive o."lo"$ in time !or tea. I "an see mysel! now unsuitably dressed as usual although a bride o! seven wee$s in a tan% "oloured sto"$inette !ro"$ a small !ur $nown as a stone marten round my ne"$ and over all a shapeless ma"$intosh !ar too big !or me and dragging to my an$les. It was I thought a gesture to the weather and the length added in"hes to my height. I "lut"hed a pair o! gauntlet gloves in my hands and "arried a large leather handbag. .#his is London rain . said Ma0im when we le!t .you wait the sun will be shining !or you when we "ome to Manderley.' and he was right !or the "louds le!t us at 50eter they rolled away behind us leaving a great blue s$y above our heads and a white road in !ront o! us. I was glad to see the sun !or in superstitious !ashion I loo$ed upon rain as an omen o! ill%will and the leaden s$ies o! London had made me silent. .Feeling better;. said Ma0im and I smiled at him ta$ing his hand thin$ing how easy it was !or him going to his own home wandering into the hall pi"$ing up letters ringing a bell !or tea and I wondered how mu"h he guessed o! my nervousness and whether his *uestion .Feeling better;. meant that he understood. .&ever mind we.ll soon be there. I e0pe"t you want your tea . he said and he let go my hand be"ause we had rea"hed a bend in the road and must slow down. I $new then that he had mista$en my silen"e !or !atigue and it had not o""urred to him I dreaded this arrival at Manderley as mu"h as I had longed !or it in theory. &ow the moment was upon me I wished it delayed. I wanted to draw up at some wayside inn and stay there in a "o!!ee%room by an impersonal !ire. I wanted to be a traveller on the road a bride in love with her husband. &ot mysel! "oming to Manderley !or the !irst time the wi!e o! Ma0im de 1inter. 1e passed many !riendly villages where the "ottage windows had a $indly air. ( woman holding a baby in her arms smiled at me !rom a doorway while a man "lan$ed a"ross a road to a well "arrying a pail.

I wished we "ould have been one with them perhaps their neighbours and that Ma0im "ould lean over a "ottage gate in the evenings smo$ing a pipe proud o! a very tall hollyho"$ he had grown himsel! while I bustled in my $it"hen "lean as a pin laying the table !or supper. #here would be an alarm "lo"$ on the dresser ti"$ing loudly and a row o! shining plates while a!ter supper Ma0im would read his paper boots on the !ender and I rea"h !or a great pile o! mending in the dresser drawer. ,urely it would be pea"e!ul and steady that way o! living and easier too demanding no set standard; .-nly two miles !urther . said Ma0im' .you see that great belt o! trees on the brow o! the hill there sloping to the valley with a s"rap o! sea beyond; #hat.s Manderley in there. #hose are the woods.. I !or"ed a smile and did not answer him aware now o! a stab o! pani" an uneasy si"$ness that "ould not be "ontrolled. Gone was my glad e0"itement vanished my happy pride. I was li$e a "hild brought to her !irst s"hool or a little untrained maid who has never le!t home be!ore see$ing a situation. (ny measure o! sel!%possession I had gained hitherto during the brie! seven wee$s o! marriage was li$e a rag now !luttering be!ore the wind' it seemed to me that even the most elementary $nowledge o! behaviour was un$nown to me now I should not $now my right hand !rom my le!t whether to stand or sit what spoons and !or$s to use at dinner. .I should shed that ma"$intosh . he said glan"ing down at me .it has not rained down here at all and put your !unny little !ur straight. 8oor lamb I.ve bustled you down here li$e this and you probably ought to have bought a lot o! "lothes in London.. .It doesn.t matter to me as long as you don.t mind . I said. .Most women thin$ o! nothing but "lothes . he said absently and turning a "orner we "ame to a "rossroad and the beginning o! a high wall. .2ere we are . he said a new note o! e0"itement in his voi"e and I gripped the leather seat o! the "ar with my two hands. #he road "urved and be!ore us on the le!t were two high iron gates beside a lodge open wide to the long drive beyond. (s we drove through I saw !a"es peering through the dar$ window o! the lodge and a "hild ran round !rom the ba"$ staring "uriously. I shran$ ba"$ against the seat my heart beating *ui"$ly $nowing why the !a"es were at the window and why the "hild stared. #hey wanted to see what I was li$e. I "ould imagine them now tal$ing e0"itedly laughing in the little $it"hen. .-nly "aught sight o! the top o! her hat . they would say .she wouldn.t show her !a"e. -h well we.ll $now by tomorrow. 1ord will "ome !rom the house.. 8erhaps he guessed

something o! my shyness at last !or he too$ my hand and $issed it and laughed a little even as he spo$e. .<ou mustn.t mind i! there.s a "ertain amount o! "uriosity . he said' .everyone will want to $now what you are li$e. #hey have probably tal$ed o! nothing else !or wee$s. <ou.ve only got to be yoursel! and they will all adore you. (nd you don.t have to worry about the house Mrs 9anvers does everything. /ust leave it all to her. ,he.ll be sti!! with you at !irst I dare say she.s an e0traordinary "hara"ter but you mustn.t let it worry you. It.s +ust her manner. ,ee those shrubs; It.s li$e a blue wall along here when the hydrangeas are in bloom.. I did not answer him !or I was thin$ing o! that sel! who long ago bought a pi"ture post"ard in a village shop and "ame out into the bright sunlight twisting it in her hands pleased with her pur"hase thin$ing =#his will do !or my album. =Manderley= what a lovely name.. (nd now I belonged here this was my home. I would write letters to people saying .1e shall be down at Manderley all the summer you must "ome and see us . and I would wal$ along this drive strange and un!amiliar to me now with per!e"t $nowledge "ons"ious o! every twist and turn mar$ing and approving where the gardeners had wor$ed here a "utting ba"$ o! the shrubs there a lopping o! a bran"h "alling at the lodge by the iron gates on some !riendly errand saying .1ell how.s the leg today;. while the old woman "urious no longer bade me wel"ome to her $it"hen. I envied Ma0im "areless and at ease and the little smile on his lips whi"h meant he was happy to be "oming home. It seemed remote to me and !ar too distant the time when I too should smile and be at ease and I wished it "ould "ome *ui"$ly' that I "ould be old even with grey hair and slow o! step having lived here many years % anything but the timid !oolish "reature I !elt mysel! to be. #he gates had shut to with a "rash behind us the dusty high road was out o! sight and I be"ame aware that this was not the drive I had imagined would be Manderley.s this was not a broad and spa"ious thing o! gravel !lan$ed with neat tur! at either side $ept smooth with ra$e and brush. #his drive twisted and turned as a serpent s"ar"e wider in pla"es than a path and above our heads was a great "olonnade o! trees whose bran"hes nodded and intermingled with one another ma$ing an ar"hway !or us li$e the roo! o! a "hur"h. 5ven the midday sun would not penetrate the interla"ing o! those green leaves they were too thi"$ly entwined one with another and only little !li"$ering pat"hes o! warm light would "ome in intermittent waves to dapple the drive with gold. It was very silent very still. -n the high road there had been a gay west wind blowing in my !a"e

ma$ing the grass on the hedges dan"e in unison but here there was no wind. 5ven the engine o! the "ar had ta$en a new note throbbing low *uieter than be!ore. (s the drive des"ended to the valley so the trees "ame in upon us great bee"hes with lovely smooth white stems li!ting their myriad bran"hes to one another and other trees trees I "ould not name "oming "lose so "lose that I "ould tou"h them with my hands. -n we went over a little bridge that spanned a narrow stream and still this drive that was no drive twisted and turned li$e an en"hanted ribbon through the dar$ and silent woods penetrating even deeper to the very heart surely o! the !orest itsel! and still there was no "learing no spa"e to hold a house. #he length o! it began to nag at my nerves' it must be this turn I thought or round that !urther bend' but as I leant !orward in my seat I was !or ever disappointed there was no house no !ield no broad and !riendly garden nothing but the silen"e and deep woods. #he lodge gates were a memory and the high road something belonging to another time another world. ,uddenly I saw a "learing in the dar$ drive ahead and a pat"h o! s$y and in a moment the dar$ trees had thinned the nameless shrubs had disappeared and on either side o! us was a wall o! "olour blood%red rea"hing !ar above our heads. 1e were amongst the rhododendrons. #here was something bewildering even sho"$ing about the suddenness o! their dis"overy. #he woods had not prepared me !or them. #hey startled me with their "rimson !a"es massed one upon the other in in"redible pro!usion showing no lea! no twig nothing but the slaughterous red lus"ious and !antasti" unli$e any rhododendron plant I had seen be!ore. I glan"ed at Ma0im. 2e was smiling. .Li$e them;. he said. I told him .<es . a little breathlessly un"ertain whether I was spea$ing the truth or not !or to me a rhododendron was a homely domesti" thing stri"tly "onventional mauve or pin$ in "olour standing one beside the other in a neat round bed. (nd these were monsters rearing to the s$y massed li$e a battalion too beauti!ul I thought too power!ul' they were not plants at all. 1e were not !ar !rom the house now I saw the drive broaden to the sweep I had e0pe"ted and with the blood%red wall still !lan$ing us on either side we turned the last "orner and so "ame to Manderley. <es there it was the Manderley I had e0pe"ted the Manderley o! my pi"ture post"ard long ago. ( thing o! gra"e and beauty e0*uisite and !aultless lovelier even than I had ever dreamed built in its hollow o! smooth grassland and mossy lawns the terra"es sloping to the gardens and the gardens to the sea. (s we drove up to the wide stone steps and stopped be!ore the open door I saw through one o! the mullioned windows that the hall was !ull o! people and I heard

Ma0im swear under his breath. .9amn that woman . he said' .she $nows per!e"tly well I did not want this sort o! thing . and he put on the bra$es with a +er$. .1hat.s the matter;. I said. .1ho are all those people;. .I.m a!raid you will have to !a"e it now . he said in irritation. .Mrs 9anvers has "olle"ted the whole damned sta!! in the house and on the estate to wel"ome us. It.s all right you won.t have to say anything I.ll do it all.. I !umbled !or the handle o! the door !eeling slightly si"$ and "old now too !rom the long drive and as I !umbled with the "at"h the butler "ame down the steps !ollowed by a !ootman and he opened the door !or me. 2e was old he had a $ind !a"e and I smiled up at him holding out my hand but I don.t thin$ he "ould have seen !or he too$ the rug instead and my small dressing%"ase and turned to Ma0im helping me !rom the "ar at the same time. .1ell here we are Frith . said Ma0im ta$ing o!! his gloves. .It was raining when we le!t London. <ou don.t seem to have had it here. 5veryone well;. .<es sir than$ you sir. &o we have had a dry month on the whole. Glad to see you home and hope you have been $eeping well. (nd Madam too.. .<es we are both well than$ you Frith. 6ather tired !rom the drive and wanting our tea. I didn.t e0pe"t this business.. 2e +er$ed his head to the hall. .Mrs 9anvers. orders sir . said the man his !a"e e0pressionless. .I might have guessed it . said Ma0im abruptly. .7ome on. %he turned to me % .it won.t ta$e long and then you shall have your tea.. 1e went together up the !light o! steps Frith and the !ootman !ollowing with the rug and my ma"$intosh and I was aware o! a little pain at the pit o! my stoma"h and a nervous "ontra"tion in my throat. I "an "lose my eyes now and loo$ ba"$ on it and see mysel! as I must have been standing on the threshold o! the house a slim aw$ward !igure in my sto"$inette dress "lut"hing in my sti"$y hands a pair o! gauntlet gloves. I "an see the great stone hall the wide doors open to the library the 8eter Lelys and the 3andy$es on the walls the e0*uisite stair"ase leading to the minstrels. gallery and there ranged one behind the other in the hall over!lowing to the stone passages beyond and to the dining%room a sea o! !a"es open%mouthed and "urious ga)ing at me as though they were the wat"hing "rowd about the blo"$ and I the vi"tim with my hands behind my ba"$. ,omeone advan"ed !rom the sea o! !a"es someone tall and gaunt

dressed in deep bla"$ whose prominent "hee$%bones and great hollow eyes gave her a s$ull.s !a"e par"hment%white set on a s$eleton.s !rame. ,he "ame towards me and I held out my hand envying her !or her dignity and her "omposure' but when she too$ my hand hers was limp and heavy deathly "old and it lay in mine li$e a li!eless thing. .#his is Mrs 9anvers . said Ma0im and she began to spea$ still leaving that dead hand in mine her hollow eyes never leaving my eyes so that my own wavered and would not meet hers and as they did so her hand moved in mine the li!e returned to it and I was aware o! a sensation o! dis"om!ort and o! shame. I "annot remember her words now but I $now that she bade me wel"ome to Manderley in the name o! hersel! and the sta!! a sti!! "onventional spee"h rehearsed !or the o""asion spo$en in a voi"e as "old and li!eless as her hands had been. 1hen she had !inished she waited as though !or a reply and I remember blushing s"arlet stammering some sort o! than$s in return and dropping both my gloves in my "on!usion. ,he stooped to pi"$ them up and as she handed them to me I saw a little smile o! s"orn upon her lips and I guessed at on"e she "onsidered me ill%bred. ,omething in the e0pression o! her !a"e gave me a !eeling o! unrest and even when she had stepped ba"$ and ta$en her pla"e amongst the rest I "ould see that bla"$ !igure standing out alone individual and apart and !or all her silen"e I $new her eye to be upon me. Ma0im too$ my arm and made a little spee"h o! than$s per!e"tly easy and !ree !rom embarrassment as though the ma$ing o! it was no e!!ort to him at all and then he bore me o!! to the library to tea "losing the doors behind us and we were alone again. #wo "o"$er spaniels "ame !rom the !ireside to greet us. #hey pawed at Ma0im their long sil$en ears strained ba"$ with a!!e"tion their noses *uesting his hands and then they le!t him and "ame to me sni!!ing at my heels rather un"ertain rather suspi"ious. -ne was the mother blind in one eye and soon she had enough o! me and too$ hersel! with a grunt to the !ire again but /asper the younger put his nose into my hand and laid a "hin upon my $nee his eyes deep with meaning his tail a%thump when I stro$ed his sil$en ears. I !elt better when I had ta$en my hat o!! and my wret"hed little !ur and thrown them both beside my gloves and my bag on to the window%seat. It was a deep "om!ortable room with boo$s lining the walls to the "eiling the sort o! room a man would move !rom never did he live alone solid "hairs beside a great open !irepla"e bas$ets !or the two dogs in whi"h I !elt they never sat !or the hollows in the "hairs had tell%tale mar$s. #he long

windows loo$ed out upon the lawns and beyond the lawns to the distant shimmer o! the sea. #here was an old *uiet smell about the room as though the air in it was little "hanged !or all the sweet lila" s"ent and the roses brought to it throughout the early summer. 1hatever air "ame to this room whether !rom the garden or !rom the sea would lose its !irst !reshness be"oming part o! the un"hanging room itsel! one with the boo$s musty and never read one with the s"rolled "eiling the dar$ panelling the heavy "urtains. It was an an"ient mossy smell the smell o! a silent "hur"h where servi"es are seldom held where rusty li"hen grows upon the stones and ivy tendrils "reep to the very windows. ( room !or pea"e a room !or meditation. ,oon tea was brought to us a stately little per!orman"e ena"ted by Frith and the young !ootman in whi"h I played no part until they had gone and while Ma0im glan"ed through his great pile o! letters I played with two dripping "rumpets "rumbled "a$e with my hands and swallowed my s"alding tea. &ow and again he loo$ed up at me and smiled and then returned to his letters the a""umulation o! the last months I supposed and I thought how little I $new o! his li!e here at Manderley o! how it went day by day o! the people he $new o! his !riends men and women o! what bills he paid what orders he gave about his household. #he last wee$s had gone so swi!tly and I % driving by his side through Fran"e and Italy %thought only o! how I loved him seeing 3eni"e with his eyes e"hoing his words as$ing no *uestions o! the past and !uture "ontent with the little glory o! the living present. For he was gayer than I had thought more tender than I had dreamed youth!ul and ardent in a hundred happy ways not the Ma0im I had !irst met not the stranger who sat alone at the table in the restaurant staring be!ore him wrapped in his se"ret sel!. My Ma0im laughed and sang threw stones into the water too$ my hand wore no !rown between his eyes "arried no burden on his shoulder. I $new him as a lover as a !riend and during those wee$s I had !orgotten that he had a li!e orderly methodi"al a li!e whi"h must be ta$en up again "ontinued as be!ore ma$ing vanished wee$s a brie! dis"arded holiday. I wat"hed him read his letters saw him !rown at one smile at another dismiss the ne0t with no e0pression and but !or the gra"e o! God I thought my letter would be lying there written !rom &ew <or$ and he would read it in the same indi!!erent !ashion pu))led at !irst perhaps by the signature and then tossing it with a yawn to the pile o! others in the bas$et rea"hing !or his "up o! tea. #he $nowledge o! this "hilled me' how narrow a "han"e had stood between me and what might%have%been !or he would have sat here to

his tea as he sat now "ontinuing his home li!e as he would in any "ase and perhaps he would not have thought o! me mu"h not with regret anyway while I in &ew <or$ playing bridge with Mrs 3an 2opper would wait day a!ter day !or a letter that never "ame. I leant ba"$ in my "hair glan"ing about the room trying to instil into mysel! some measure o! "on!iden"e some genuine realisation that I was here at Manderley the house o! the pi"ture post"ard the Manderley that was !amous. I had to tea"h mysel! that all this was mine now mine as mu"h as his the deep "hair I was sitting in that mass o! boo$s stret"hing to the "eiling the pi"tures on the walls the gardens the woods the Manderley I had read about all o! this was mine now be"ause I was married to Ma0im. 1e should grow old here together we should sit li$e this to our tea as old people Ma0im and I with other dogs the su""essors o! these and the library would wear the same an"ient musty smell that it did now. It would $now a period o! glorious shabbiness and wear when the boys were young % our boys % !or I saw them sprawling on the so!a with muddy boots bringing with them always a litter o! rods and "ri"$et bats great "lasp%$nives bows% and%arrows. -n the table there polished now and plain an ugly "ase would stand "ontaining butter!lies and moths and another one with birds. eggs wrapped in "otton wool. .&ot all this +un$ in here . I would say .ta$e them to the s"hoolroom darlings . and they would run o!! shouting "alling to one another but the little one staying behind pottering on his own *uieter than the others. My vision was disturbed by the opening o! the door and Frith "ame in with the !ootman to "lear the tea. .Mrs 9anvers wondered Madam whether you would li$e to see your room . he said to me when the tea had been ta$en away. Ma0im glan"ed up !rom his letters. .1hat sort o! +ob have they made o! the east wing;. he said. .3ery ni"e indeed sir it seems to me' the men made a mess when they were wor$ing o! "ourse and !or a time Mrs 9anvers was rather a!raid it would not be !inished by your return. But they "leared out last Monday. I should imagine you would be very "om!ortable there sir' it.s a lot lighter o! "ourse on that side o! the house.. .2ave you been ma$ing alterations;. I as$ed. .-h nothing mu"h . said Ma0im brie!ly .only rede"orating and painting the suite in the east wing whi"h I thought we would use !or ours. (s Frith says it.s mu"h more "heer!ul on that side o! the house and it has a

lovely view o! the rose%garden. It was the visitors. wing when my mother was alive. I.ll +ust !inish these letters and then I.ll "ome up and +oin you. 6un along and ma$e !riends with Mrs 9anvers' it.s a good opportunity.. I got up slowly my old nervousness returning and went out into the hall. I wished I "ould have waited !or him and then ta$ing his arm seen the rooms together. I did not want to go alone with Mrs 9anvers. 2ow vast the great hall loo$ed now that it was empty. My !eet rang on the !lagged stones e"hoing to the "eiling and I !elt guilty at the sound as one does in "hur"h sel!%"ons"ious aware o! the same "onstraint. My !eet made a stupid pitter% patter as I wal$ed and I thought that Frith with his !elt soles must have thought me !oolish. .It.s very big isn.t it;. I said too brightly too !or"ed a s"hoolgirl still but he answered me in all solemnity. .<es Madam Manderley is a big pla"e. &ot so big as some o! "ourse but big enough. #his was the old ban*ueting hall in old days. It is used still on great o""asions su"h as a big dinner or a ball. (nd the publi" are admitted here you $now on"e a wee$.. .<es . I said still aware o! my loud !ootsteps !eeling as I !ollowed him that he "onsidered me as he would one o! the publi" visitors and I behaved li$e a visitor too glan"ing politely to right and le!t ta$ing in the weapons on the wall and the pi"tures tou"hing the "arved stair"ase with my hands. ( bla"$ !igure stood waiting !or me at the head o! the stairs the hollow eyes wat"hing me intently !rom the white s$ull.s !a"e. I loo$ed round !or the solid Frith but he had passed along the hall and into the !urther "orridor. I was alone now with Mrs 9anvers. I went up the great stairs towards her and she waited motionless her hands !olded be!ore her her eyes never leaving my !a"e. I summoned a smile whi"h was not returned nor did I blame her !or there was no purpose to the smile it was a silly thing bright and arti!i"ial. .I hope I haven.t $ept you waiting . I said. .It.s !or you to ma$e your own time Madam . she answered .I.m here to "arry out your orders . and then she turned through the ar"hway o! the gallery to the "orridor beyond. 1e went along a broad "arpeted passage and then turned le!t through an oa$ door and down a narrow !light o! stairs and up a "orresponding !light and so to another door. #his she !lung open standing aside to let me pass and I "ame to a little anteroom or boudoir !urnished with a so!a "hairs and writing%des$ whi"h opened out to a large double bedroom with wide windows and a bathroom beyond. I went at on"e

to the window and loo$ed out. #he rose%garden lay below and the eastern part o! the terra"e while beyond the rose%garden rose a smooth grass ban$ stret"hing to the near woods. .<ou "an.t see the sea !rom here then . I said turning to Mrs 9anvers. D .&o not !rom this wing . she answered' .you "an.t even hear it either. <ou would not $now the sea was anywhere near !rom this wing.. ,he spo$e in a pe"uliar way as though something lay behind her words and she laid an emphasis on the words .this wing. as i! suggesting that the suite where we stood now held some in!eriority. .I.m sorry about that' I li$e the sea . I said. ,he did not answer' she +ust went on staring at me her hands !olded be!ore her. .2owever it.s a very "harming room . I said .and I.m sure I shall be "om!ortable. I understand that it.s been done up !or our return.. .<es . she said. .1hat was it li$e be!ore;. I as$ed. .It had a mauve paper and di!!erent hangings' Mr de 1inter did not thin$ it very "heer!ul. It was never mu"h used e0"ept !or o""asional visitors. But Mr de 1inter gave spe"ial orders in his letters that you would have this room.. =#hen this was not his bedroom originally;. I said. .&o Madam he.s never used the room in this wing be!ore.. .-h . I said .he didn.t tell me that . and I wandered to the dressing% table and began "ombing my hair. My things were already unpa"$ed my brushes and "omb upon the tray. I was glad Ma0im had given me a set o! brushes and that they were laid out there upon the dressing%table !or Mrs 9anvers to see. #hey were new they had "ost money I need not be ashamed o! them. .(li"e has unpa"$ed !or you and will loo$ a!ter you until your maid arrives . said Mrs 9anvers. I smiled at her again. I put down the brush upon the dressing%table. .I don.t have a maid . I said aw$wardly' .I.m sure (li"e i! she is the housemaid will loo$ a!ter me all right.. ,he wore the same e0pression that she had done on our !irst meeting when I dropped my gloves so gau"hely on the !loor. .I.m a!raid that would not do !or very long . she said' .it.s usual you $now !or ladies in your position to have a personal maid.. I !lushed and rea"hed !or my brush again. #here was a sting in her words I understood too well. .I! you thin$ it ne"essary perhaps you would see about it !or me . I said avoiding her eyes' .some young girl perhaps wanting to train..

.I! you wish . she said. .It.s !or you to say.. #here was silen"e between us. I wished she would go away. I wondered why she must go on standing there wat"hing me her hands !olded on her bla"$ dress. .I suppose you have been at Manderley !or many years . I said ma$ing a !resh e!!ort .longer than anyone else;. .&ot so long as Frith . she said and I thought how li!eless her voi"e was and "old li$e her hand when it had lain in mine' .Frith was here when the old gentleman was living when Mr de 1inter was a boy.. .I see . I said' .so you did not "ome till a!ter that;. .&o . she said .not till a!ter that.. -n"e more I glan"ed up at her and on"e more I met her eyes dar$ and sombre in that white !a"e o! hers instilling into me I $new not why a strange !eeling o! dis*uiet o! !oreboding. I tried to smile and "ould not' I !ound mysel! held by those eyes that had no light no !li"$er o! sympathy towards me. .I "ame here when the !irst Mrs de 1inter was a bride . she said and her voi"e whi"h had hitherto as I said been dull and toneless was harsh now with une0pe"ted animation with li!e and meaning and there was a spot o! "olour on the gaunt "hee$%bones. #he "hange was so sudden that I was sho"$ed and a little s"ared. I did not $now what to do or what to say. It was as though she had spo$en words that were !orbidden words that she had hidden within hersel! !or a long time and now would be repressed no longer. ,till her eyes never le!t my !a"e' they loo$ed upon me with a "urious mi0ture o! pity and o! s"orn until I !elt mysel! to be even younger and more untutored to the ways o! li!e than I had believed. I "ould see she despised me mar$ing with all the snobbery o! her "lass that I was no great lady that I was humble shy and di!!ident. <et there was something beside s"orn in those eyes o! hers something surely o! positive disli$e or a"tual mali"e; I had to say something I "ould not go on sitting there playing with my hair%brush letting her see how mu"h I !eared and mistrusted her. .Mrs 9anvers . I heard mysel! saying .I hope we shall be !riends and "ome to understand one another. <ou must have patien"e with me you $now be"ause this sort o! li!e is new to me I.ve lived rather di!!erently. (nd I do want to ma$e a su""ess o! it and above all to ma$e Mr de 1inter happy. I $now I "an leave all household arrangements to you Mr de 1inter said so and you must +ust run things as they have always been run' I shan.t want to ma$e any "hanges..

I stopped a little breathless still un"ertain o! mysel! and whether I was saying the right thing and when I loo$ed up again I saw that she had moved and was standing with her hand on the handle o! the door. .3ery good . she said' .I hope I shall do everything to your satis!a"tion. #he house has been in my "harge now !or more than a year and Mr de 1inter has never "omplained. It was very di!!erent o! "ourse when the late Mrs de 1inter was alive' there was a lot o! entertaining then a lot o! parties and though I managed !or her she li$ed to supervise things hersel!.. -n"e again I had the impression that she "hose her words with "are that she was !eeling her way as it were into my mind and wat"hing !or the e!!e"t upon my !a"e. .I would rather leave it to you . I repeated .mu"h rather . and into her !a"e "ame the same e0pression I had noti"ed be!ore when !irst I had sha$en hands with her in the hall a loo$ surely o! derision o! de!inite "ontempt. ,he $new that I would never withstand her and that I !eared her too. .7an I do anything more !or you;. she said and pretended to glan"e round the room. .&o . I said. .&o I thin$ I have everything. I shall be very "om!ortable here. <ou have made the room so "harming. % this last a !inal "rawling sop to win her approval. ,he shrugged her shoulders and still she did not smile. .I only !ollowed out Mr de 1inter.s instru"tions . she said. ,he hesitated by the doorway her hand on the handle o! the open door. It was as though she still had something to say to me and "ould not de"ide upon the words yet waited there !or me to give her opportunity. I wished she would go' she was li$e a shadow standing there wat"hing me appraising me with her hollow eyes set in that dead s$ull.s !a"e. .I! you !ind anything not to your li$ing you will tell me at on"e;. she as$ed. .<es . I said. .<es o! "ourse Mrs 9anvers . but I $new this was not what she had meant to say and silen"e !ell between us on"e again. .I! Mr de 1inter as$s !or his big wardrobe . she said suddenly .you must tell him it was impossible to move. 1e tried but we "ould not get it through these narrow doorways. #hese are smaller rooms than those in the west wing. I! he doesn.t li$e the arrangement o! this suite he must tell me. It was di!!i"ult to $now how to !urnish these rooms.. .8lease don.t worry Mrs 9anvers . I said. .I.m sure he will be pleased with everything. But I.m sorry it.s given you so mu"h trouble. I had no idea he was having rooms rede"orated and !urnished. 2e shouldn.t have bothered. I.m sure I should have been +ust as happy and "om!ortable in the west wing..

,he loo$ed at me "uriously and began twisting the handle o! the door. .Mr de 1inter said you would pre!er to be on this side . she said .the rooms in the west wing are very old. #he bedroom in the big suite is twi"e as large as this' a very beauti!ul room too with a s"rolled "eiling. #he tapestry "hairs are very valuable and so is the "arved mantelpie"e. It.s the most beauti!ul room in the house. (nd the windows loo$ down a"ross the lawns to the sea.. I !elt un"om!ortable a little shy. I did not $now why she must spea$ with su"h an under"urrent o! resentment implying as she did at the same time that this room where I !ound mysel! to be installed was something in!erior not up to Manderley standard a se"ond%rate room as it were !or a se"ond%rate person. .I suppose Mr de 1inter $eeps the most beauti!ul room to show to the publi" . I said. ,he went on twisting the handle o! the door and then loo$ed up at me again wat"hing my eyes hesitating be!ore replying and when she spo$e her voi"e was *uieter even and more toneless than it had been be!ore. .#he bedrooms are never shown to the publi" . she said .only the hall and the gallery and the room below.. ,he paused an instant !eeling me with her eyes. =#hey used to live in the west wing and use those rooms when Mrs de 1inter was alive. #hat big room I was telling you about that loo$ed down to the sea was Mrs de 1inter.s bedroom.. #hen I saw a shadow !lit a"ross her !a"e and she drew ba"$ against the wall e!!a"ing hersel! as a step sounded outside and Ma0im "ame into the room. .2ow is it;. he said to me. .(ll right; 9o you thin$ you.ll li$e it;. 2e loo$ed round with enthusiasm pleased as a s"hoolboy. .I always thought this a most attra"tive room . he said. .It was wasted all those years as a guest%room but I always thought it had possibilities. <ou.ve made a great su""ess o! it Mrs 9anvers: I give you !ull mar$s.. =#han$ you sir . she said her !a"e e0pressionless and then she turned and went out o! the room "losing the door so!tly behind her. Ma0im went and leant out o! the window. .I love the rose%garden . he said: .one o! the !irst things I remember is wal$ing a!ter my mother on very small unsteady legs while she pi"$ed o!! the dead heads o! the roses. #here.s something pea"e!ul and happy about this room and it.s *uiet too. <ou "ould never tell you were within !ive minutes o! the sea !rom this room.. =#hat.s what Mrs 9anvers said . I told him.

2e "ame away !rom the window he prowled about the room tou"hing things loo$ing at the pi"tures opening wardrobes !ingering my "lothes already unpa"$ed. .2ow did you get on with old 9anvers;. he said abruptly. I turned away and began "ombing my hair again be!ore the loo$ing% glass. .,he seems +ust a little bit sti!! . I said a!ter a moment or two' .perhaps she thought I was going to inter!ere with the running o! the house.. .I don.t thin$ she would mind your doing that . he said. I loo$ed up and saw him wat"hing my re!le"tion in the loo$ing%glass and then he turned away and went over to the window again whistling *uietly under his breath ro"$ing ba"$wards and !orwards on his heels. .9on.t mind her . he said' .she.s an e0traordinary "hara"ter in many ways and possibly not very easy !or another woman to get on with. <ou mustn.t worry about it. I! she really ma$es hersel! a nuisan"e we.ll get rid o! her. But she.s e!!i"ient you $now and will ta$e all house$eeping worries o!! your hands. I dare say she. s a bit o! a bully to the sta!!. ,he doesn.t dare bully me though. I.d have given her the sa"$ long ago i! she had tried.. .I e0pe"t we shall get on very well when she $nows me better . I said *ui"$ly' .a!ter all it.s natural enough that she should resent me a bit at !irst.. .6esent you; 1hy resent you; 1hat the devil do you mean;. he said. 2e turned !rom the window !rowning an odd hal! angry e0pression on his !a"e. I wondered why he should mind and wished I had said something else. .I mean it must be mu"h easier !or a house$eeper to loo$ a!ter a man alone . I said. .I dare say she had got into the way o! doing it and perhaps she was a!raid I should be very overbearing.. .-verbearing my God.... he began .i! you thin$...= and then he stopped and "ame a"ross to me and $issed me on the top o! my head. .Let.s !orget about Mrs 9anvers . he said' .she doesn.t interest me very mu"h I.m a!raid. 7ome along and let me show you something o! Manderley.. I did not see Mrs 9anvers again that evening and we did not tal$ about her any more. I !elt happier when I had dismissed her !rom my thoughts less o! an interloper and as we wandered about the rooms downstairs and loo$ed at the pi"tures and Ma0im put his arm around my shoulder I began to !eel more li$e the sel! I wanted to be"ome the sel! I had pi"tured in my dreams who made Manderley her home. My !ootsteps no longer sounded !oolish on the stone !lags o! the hall !or Ma0im.s nailed shoes made !ar more noise than mine and the pattering !eet o! the two dogs was a "om!ortable pleasing note.

I was glad too be"ause it was the !irst evening and we had only been ba"$ a little while and the showing o! the pi"tures had ta$en time when Ma0im loo$ing at the "lo"$ said it was too late to "hange !or dinner so that I was spared the embarrassment o! (li"e the maid as$ing what I should wear and o! her helping me to dress and mysel! wal$ing down that long !light o! stairs to the hall "old with bare shoulders in a dress that Mrs 3an 2opper had given me be"ause it did not suit her daughter. I had dreaded the !ormality o! dinner in that austere dining%room and now be"ause o! the little !a"t that we had not "hanged it was *uite all right *uite easy +ust the same as when we had dined together in restaurants. I was "om!ortable in my sto"$inette dress I laughed and tal$ed about things we had seen in Italy and Fran"e we even had the snapshots on the table and Frith and the !ootman were impersonal people as the waiters had been' they did not stare at me as Mrs 9anvers had done. 1e sat in the library a!ter dinner and presently the "urtains were drawn and more logs thrown on the !ire' it was "ool !or May I was than$!ul !or the warmth that "ame !rom the steady burning logs. It was new !or us to sit together li$e this a!ter dinner !or in Italy we had wandered about wal$ed or driven gone into little "a!es leant over bridges. Ma0im made instin"tively now !or the "hair on the le!t o! the open !irepla"e and stret"hed out his hand !or the papers. 2e settled one o! the broad "ushions behind his head and lit a "igarette. .#his is his routine . I thought .this is what he always does: this has been his "ustom now !or years.. 2e did not loo$ at me he went on reading his paper "ontented "om!ortable having assumed his way o! living the master o! his house. (nd as I sat there brooding my "hin in my hands !ondling the so!t ears o! one o! the spaniels it "ame to me that I was not the !irst one to lounge there in possession o! the "hair' someone had been be!ore me and surely le!t an imprint o! her person on the "ushions and on the arm where her hand had rested. (nother one had poured the "o!!ee !rom that same silver "o!!ee pot had pla"ed the "up to her lips had bent down to the dog even as I was doing. >n"ons"iously I shivered as though someone had opened the door behind me and let a draught into the room. I was sitting in 6ebe""a.s "hair I was leaning against 6ebe""a.s "ushion and the dog had "ome to me and laid his head upon my $nee be"ause that had been his "ustom and he remembered in the past she had given sugar to him there.

Chapter eight

I had never reali)ed o! "ourse that li!e at Manderley would be so orderly and planned. I remember now loo$ing ba"$ how on that !irst morning Ma0im was up and dressed and writing letters even be!ore brea$!ast and when I got downstairs rather a!ter nine o."lo"$ a little !lurried by the booming summons o! the gong I !ound he had nearly !inished he was already peeling his !ruit. 2e loo$ed up at me and smiled. .<ou mustn.t mind . he said' .this is something you will have to get used to. I.ve no time to hang about at this hour o! the day. 6unning a pla"e li$e Manderley you $now is a !ull%time +ob. #he "o!!ee and the hot dishes are on the sideboard. 1e always help ourselves at brea$!ast.. I said something about my "lo"$ being slow about having been too long in the bath but he did not listen he was loo$ing down at a letter !rowning at something. 2ow impressed I was I remember well' impressed and a little overawed by the magni!i"en"e o! the brea$!ast o!!ered to us. #here was tea in a great silver urn and "o!!ee too and on the heater piping hot dishes o! s"rambled eggs o! ba"on and another o! !ish. #here was a little "lut"h o! boiled eggs as well in their own spe"ial heater and porridge in a silver porringer. -n another sideboard was a ham and a great pie"e o! "old ba"on. #here were s"ones too on the table and toast and various pots o! +am marmalade and honey while dessert dishes piled high with !ruit stood at either end. It seemed strange to me that Ma0im who in Italy and Fran"e had eaten a "roissant and !ruit only and drun$ a "up o! "o!!ee should sit down to this brea$!ast at home enough !or a do)en people day a!ter day probably year a!ter year seeing nothing ridi"ulous about it nothing waste!ul. I noti"ed he had eaten a small pie"e o! !ish. I too$ a boiled egg. (nd I wondered what happened to the rest all those s"rambled eggs that "risp ba"on the porridge the remains o! the !ish. 1ere there menials I wondered whom I should never $now never see waiting behind $it"hen doors !or the gi!t o! our brea$!ast; -r was it all thrown away shovelled into dustbins; I would never $now o! "ourse I would never dare to as$. =#han$ the Lord I haven.t a great "rowd o! relations to in!li"t upon you . said Ma0im .a sister I very rarely see and a grandmother who is nearly

blind. Beatri"e by the way as$s hersel! over to lun"h. I hal! e0pe"ted she would. I suppose she wants to have a loo$ at you.. .#oday;. I said my spirits sin$ing to )ero. .<es a""ording to the letter I got this morning. ,he won.t stay long. <ou.ll li$e her I thin$. ,he.s very dire"t believes in spea$ing her mind. &o humbug at all. I! she doesn.t li$e you she.ll tell you so to your !a"e.. I !ound this hardly "om!orting and wondered i! there was not some virtue in the *uality o! insin"erity. Ma0im got up !rom his "hair and lit a "igarette. I.ve a mass o! things to see to this morning do you thin$ you "an amuse yoursel!;. he said. .I.d li$e to have ta$en you round the garden but I must see 7rawley my agent. I.ve been away !rom things too long. 2e.ll be in to lun"h too by the way. <ou don.t mind do you; <ou will be all right;. .-! "ourse . I said .I shall be *uite happy.. #hen he pi"$ed up his letters and went out o! the room and I remember thin$ing this was not how I imagined my !irst morning' I had seen us wal$ing together arms lin$ed to the sea "oming ba"$ rather late and tired and happy to a "old lun"h alone and sitting a!terwards under that "hestnut tree I "ould see !rom the library window. I lingered long over my !irst brea$!ast spinning out the time and it was not until I saw Frith "ome in and loo$ at me !rom behind the servi"e s"reen that I realised it was a!ter ten o."lo"$. I sprang to my !eet at on"e !eeling guilty and apologised !or sitting there so late and he bowed saying nothing very polite very "orre"t and I "aught a !li"$er o! surprise in his eyes. I wondered i! I had said the wrong thing. 8erhaps it did not do to apologise. 8erhaps it lowered me in his estimation. I wished I $new what to say what to do. I wondered i! he suspe"ted as Mrs 9anvers had done that poise and gra"e and assuran"e were not *ualities inbred in me but were things to be a"*uired pain!ully perhaps and slowly "osting me many bitter moments. (s it was leaving the room I stumbled not loo$ing where I was going "at"hing my !oot on the step by the door and Frith "ame !orward to help me pi"$ing up my hand$er"hie! while 6obert the young !ootman who was standing behind the s"reen turned away to hide his smile. I heard the murmur o! their voi"es as I "rossed the hall and one o! them laughed % 6obert I supposed. 8erhaps they were laughing about me. I went upstairs again to the priva"y o! my bedroom but when I opened the door I !ound the housemaids in there doing the room' one was sweeping the !loor the other dusting the dressing%table. #hey loo$ed at me in surprise. I *ui"$ly went out again. It "ould not be right then !or me to go to my room at that hour in the morning. It was not e0pe"ted o! me. It bro$e the

household routine. I "rept downstairs on"e more silently than$!ul o! my slippers that made no sound on the stone !lags and so into the library whi"h was "hilly the windows !lung wide open the !ire laid but not lit. I shut the windows and loo$ed round !or a bo0 o! mat"hes. I "ould not !ind one. I wondered what I should do. I did not li$e to ring. But the library so snug and warm last night with the burning logs was li$e an i"e% house now in the early morning. #here were mat"hes upstairs in the bedroom but I did not li$e to go !or them be"ause it would mean disturbing the housemaids at their wor$. I "ould not bear their moon !a"es staring at me again. I de"ided that when Frith and 6obert had le!t the dining%room I would !et"h the mat"hes !rom the sideboard. I tiptoed out into the hall and listened. #hey were still "learing I "ould hear the sound o! voi"es and the movement o! trays. 8resently all was silent they must have gone through the servi"e doors into the $it"hen *uarters so I went a"ross the hall and into the dining% room on"e more. <es there was a bo0 o! mat"hes on the sideboard as I e0pe"ted. I "rossed the room *ui"$ly and pi"$ed them up and as I did so Frith "ame ba"$ into the room. I tried to "ram the bo0 !urtively into my po"$et but I saw him glan"e at my hand in surprise. .9id you re*uire anything Madam;. he said. .-h Frith . I said aw$wardly .I "ould not !ind any mat"hes.. 2e at on"e pro!!ered me another bo0 handing me the "igarettes too at the same time. #his was another embarrassment !or I did not smo$e. .&o the !a"t is . I said .I !elt rather "ool in the library I suppose the weather seems "hilly to me a!ter being abroad and I thought perhaps I would +ust put a mat"h to the !ire.. .#he !ire in the library is not usually lit until the a!ternoon Madam . he said. .Mrs de 1inter always used the morning%room. #here is a good !ire in there. -! "ourse i! you should wish to have the !ire in the library as well I will give orders !or it to be lit.. .-h no . I said .I would not dream o! it. I will go into the morning% room. #han$ you Frith.. .<ou will !ind writing%paper and pens and in$ in there Madam . he said. .Mrs de 1inter always did all her "orresponden"e and telephoning in the morning%room a!ter brea$!ast. #he house telephone is also there should you wish to spea$ to Mrs 9anvers.. =#han$ you Frith . I said. I turned away into the hall again humming a little tune to give me an air o! "on!iden"e. I "ould not tell him that I had never seen the morning% room that Ma0im had not shown it to me the night be!ore. I $new he was standing in the entran"e to the dining%room wat"hing me as I went a"ross

the hall and that I must ma$e some show o! $nowing my way. #here was a door to the le!t o! the great stair"ase and I went re"$lessly towards it praying in my heart that it would ta$e me to my goal but when I "ame to it and opened it I saw that it was a garden room a pla"e !or odds and ends: there was a table where !lowers were done there were bas$et "hairs sta"$ed against the wall and a "ouple o! ma"$intoshes too hanging on a peg. I "ame out a little de!iantly glan"ing a"ross the hall and saw Frith still standing there. I had not de"eived him though not !or a moment. .<ou go through the drawing%room to the morning%room Madam . he said .through the door there on your right this side o! the stair"ase. <ou go straight through the double drawing%room and turn to your le!t.. .#han$ you Frith . I said humbly pretending no longer. I went through the long drawing%room as he had dire"ted' a lovely room this beauti!ully proportioned loo$ing out upon the lawns down to the sea. #he publi" would see this room I supposed and Frith i! he showed them round would $now the history o! the pi"tures on the wall and the period o! the !urniture. It was beauti!ul o! "ourse I $new that and those "hairs and tables probably without pri"e but !or all that I had no wish to linger there' I "ould not see mysel! sitting ever in those "hairs standing be!ore that "arved mantelpie"e throwing boo$s down on to the tables. It had all the !ormality o! a room in a museum where al"oves were roped o!! and a guardian in "loa$ and hat li$e the guides in the Fren"h "hateau0 sat in a "hair beside the door. I went through then and turned to the le!t and so on to the little morning%room I had not seen be!ore. I was glad to see the dogs there sitting be!ore the !ire and /asper the younger "ame over to me at on"e his tail wagging and thrust his nose into my hand. #he old one li!ted her mu))le at my approa"h and ga)ed in my dire"tion with her blind eyes but when she had sni!!ed the air a moment and !ound I was not the one she sought she turned her head away with a grunt and loo$ed steadily into the !ire again. #hen /asper le!t me too and settled himsel! by the side o! his "ompanion li"$ing his side. #his was their routine. #hey $new even as Frith had $nown that the library !ire was not lit until the a!ternoon. #hey "ame to the morning%room !rom long "ustom. ,omehow I guessed be!ore going to the window that the room loo$ed out upon the rhododendrons. <es there they were blood%red and lus"ious as I had seen them the evening be!ore great bushes o! them massed beneath the open window en"roa"hing on to the sweep o! the drive itsel!. #here was a little "learing too between the bushes li$e a miniature lawn the grass a smooth "arpet o! moss and in the "entre o! this the tiny statue o! a na$ed !aun his pipes to his lips.

#he "rimson rhododendrons made his ba"$ground and the "learing itsel! was li$e a little stage where he would dan"e and play his part. #here was no musty smell about this room as there had been in the library. #here were no old well%worn "hairs no tables littered with maga)ines and papers seldom i! ever read but le!t there !rom long "ustom be"ause Ma0im.s !ather or even his grand!ather perhaps had wished it so. #his was a woman.s room gra"e!ul !ragile the room o! someone who had "hosen every parti"le o! !urniture with great "are so that ea"h "hair ea"h vase ea"h small in!initesimal thing should be in harmony with one another and with her own personality. It was as though she who had arranged this room had said: =#his I will have and this and this . ta$ing pie"e by pie"e !rom the treasures in Manderley ea"h ob+e"t that pleased her best ignoring the se"ond%rate the medio"re laying her hand with sure "ertain instin"t only upon the best. #here was no intermingling o! style no "on!using o! period and the result was per!e"tion in a strange and startling way not "oldly !ormal li$e the drawing%room shown to the publi" but vividly alive having something o! the same glow and brillian"e that the rhododendrons had massed there beneath the window. (nd I noti"ed then that the rhododendrons not "ontent with !orming their theatre on the little lawn outside the window had been permitted to the room itsel!. #heir great warm !a"es loo$ed down upon me !rom the mantelpie"e they !loated in a bowl upon the table by the so!a they stood lean and gra"e!ul on the writing%des$ beside the golden "andlesti"$s. #he room was !illed with them even the walls too$ "olour !rom them be"oming ri"h and glowing in the morning sun. #hey were the only !lowers in the room and I wondered i! there was some purpose in it whether the room had been arranged originally with this one end in view !or nowhere else in the house did the rhododendrons obtrude. #here were !lowers in the dining%room !lowers in the library but orderly and trim rather in the ba"$ground not li$e this not in pro!usion. I went and sat down at the writing%des$ and I thought how strange it was that this room so lovely and so ri"h in "olour should be at the same time so business%li$e and purpose!ul. ,omehow I should have e0pe"ted that a room !urnished as this was in su"h e0*uisite taste !or all the e0aggeration o! the !lowers would be a pla"e o! de"oration only languorous and intimate. But this writing%table beauti!ul as it was was no pretty toy where a woman would s"ribble little notes nibbling the end o! a pen leaving it day a!ter day in "arelessness the blotter a little as$ew. #he pigeon%holes were do"$eted .letters unanswered. .letters%to%$eep. .household. .estate. .menus. .mis"ellaneous. .addresses.' ea"h ti"$et written in that same s"rawling

pointed hand that I $new already. (nd it sho"$ed me even startled me to re"ognise it again !or I had not seen it sin"e I had destroyed the page !rom the boo$ o! poems and I had not thought to see it again. I opened a drawer at ha)ard and there was the writing on"e more this time in an open leather boo$ whose heading .Guests at Manderley. showed at on"e divided into wee$s and months what visitors had "ome and gone the rooms they had used the !ood they had eaten. I turned over the pages and saw that the boo$ was a "omplete re"ord o! a year so that the hostess glan"ing ba"$ would $now to the day almost to the hour what guest had passed what night under her roo! and where he had slept and what she had given him to eat. #here was notepaper also in the drawer thi"$ white sheets !or rough writing and the notepaper o! the house with the "rest and the address and visiting "ards ivory white in little bo0es. I too$ one out and loo$ed at it unwrapped it !rom its thin tissue o! paper. .Mrs M. de 1inter. it said and in the "orner .Manderley.. I put it ba"$ in the bo0 again and shut the drawer !eeling guilty suddenly and de"eit!ul as though I were staying in somebody else.s house and my hostess had said to me .<es o! "ourse write letters at my des$ . and I had un!orgivably in a stealthy manner peeped at her "orresponden"e. (t any moment she might "ome ba"$ into the room and she would see me there sitting be!ore her open drawer whi"h I had no right to tou"h. (nd when the telephone rang suddenly alarmingly on the des$ in !ront o! me my heart leapt and I started up in terror thin$ing I had been dis"overed. I too$ the re"eiver o!! with trembling hands and .1ho is it;. I said .who do you want;. #here was a strange bu))ing at the end o! the line and then a voi"e "ame low and rather harsh whether that o! a woman or a man I "ould not tell and .Mrs de 1inter;. it said .Mrs de 1inter;. .I.m a!raid you have made a mista$e . I said' .Mrs de 1inter has been dead !or over a year.. I sat there waiting staring stupidly into the mouthpie"e and it was not until the name was repeated again the voi"e in"redulous slightly raised that I be"ame aware with a rush o! "olour to my !a"e that I had blundered irretrievably and "ould not ta$e ba"$ my words. .It.s Mrs 9anvers Madam . said the voi"e. .I.m spea$ing to you on the house telephone.. My !au0 pas was so palpably obvious so idioti" and unpardonable that to ignore it would show me to be an even greater !ool i! possible than I was already. .I.m sorry Mrs 9anvers . I said stammering my words tumbling over one another' .the telephone startled me I didn.t $now what I was saying I didn.t realise the "all was !or me and I never noti"ed I was spea$ing on the house telephone..

.I.m sorry to have disturbed you Madam . she said' and she $nows I thought she guesses I have been loo$ing through the des$. .I only wondered whether you wished to see me and whether you approved o! the menus !or today.. .-h . I said. .-h I.m sure I do' that is I.m sure I approve o! the menus. /ust order what you li$e Mrs 9anvers you needn.t bother to as$ me.. .It would be better I thin$ i! you read the list . "ontinued the voi"e' .you will !ind the menu o! the day on the blotter beside you.. I sear"hed !everishly about me on the des$ and !ound at last a sheet o! paper I had not noti"ed be!ore. I glan"ed hurriedly through it: "urried prawns roast veal asparagus "old "ho"olate mousse % was this lun"h or dinner; I "ould not see' lun"h I suppose. .<es Mrs 9anvers . I said .very suitable very ni"e indeed.. .I! you wish anything "hanged please say so . she answered .and I will give orders at on"e. <ou will noti"e I have le!t a blan$ spa"e beside the sau"e !or you to mar$ your pre!eren"e. I was not sure what sau"e you are used to having served with the roast veal. Mrs de 1inter was most parti"ular about her sau"es and I always had to re!er to her.. .-h . I said. .-h well... let me see Mrs 9anvers I hardly $now' I thin$ we had better have what you usually have whatever you thin$ Mrs de 1inter would have ordered.. .<ou have no pre!eren"e Madam;. .&o . I said. .&o really Mrs 9anvers.. .I rather thin$ Mrs de 1inter would have ordered a wine sau"e Madam.. .1e will have the same then o! "ourse . I said. .I.m very sorry I disturbed you while you were writing Madam.. .<ou didn.t disturb me at all . I said' .please don.t apologise.. =#he post leaves at midday and 6obert will "ome !or your letters and stamp them himsel! . she said' .all you have to do is ring through to him on the telephone i! you have anything urgent to be sent and he will give orders !or them to be ta$en in to the post%o!!i"e immediately.. =#han$ you Mrs 9anvers . I said. I listened !or a moment but she said no more and then I heard a little "li"$ at the end o! the telephone whi"h meant she had repla"ed the re"eiver. I did the same. #hen I loo$ed down again at the des$ and the notepaper ready !or use upon the blotter. In !ront o! me stared the ti"$eted pigeon%holes and the words upon them .letters unanswered. .estate. .mis"ellaneous. were li$e a reproa"h to me !or my idleness. ,he who sat here be!ore me had not wasted her time as I was doing. ,he had rea"hed out !or the house telephone and given her orders !or

the day swi!tly e!!i"iently and run her pen"il perhaps through an item in the menu that had not pleased her. ,he had not said .<es Mrs 9anvers . and .-! "ourse Mrs 9anvers . as I had done. (nd then when she had !inished she began her letters !ive si0 seven perhaps to be answered all written in that same "urious slanting hand I $new so well. ,he would tear o!! sheet a!ter sheet o! that smooth white paper using it e0travagantly be"ause o! the long stro$es she made when she wrote and at the end o! ea"h o! her personal letters she put her signature .6ebe""a. that tall sloping 6 dwar!ing its !ellows. I drummed with my !ingers on the des$. #he pigeon%holes were empty now. #here were no .letters unanswered. waiting to be dealt with no bills to pay that I $new anything about. I! I had anything urgent Mrs 9anvers said I must telephone through to 6obert and he would give orders !or it to be ta$en to the post. I wondered how many urgent letters 6ebe""a used to write and who they were written to. 9ressma$ers perhaps % .I must have the white satin on #uesday without !ail . or to her hairdresser % .I shall be "oming up ne0t Friday and want an appointment at three o."lo"$ with Monsieur (ntoine himsel!. ,hampoo massage set and mani"ure.. &o letters o! that type would be a waste o! time. ,he would have a "all put through to London. Frith would do it. Frith would say .I am spea$ing !or Mrs de 1inter.. I went on drumming with my !ingers on the des$. I "ould thin$ o! nobody to write to. -nly Mrs 3an 2opper. (nd there was something !oolish rather ironi"al in the realisation that here I was sitting at my own des$ in my own home with nothing better to do than to write a letter to Mrs 3an 2opper a woman I disli$ed whom I should never see again. I pulled a sheet o! notepaper towards me. I too$ up the narrow slender pen with the bright pointed nib. .9ear Mrs 3an 2opper . I began. (nd as I wrote in halting laboured !ashion saying I hoped the voyage had been good that she had !ound her daughter better that the weather in &ew <or$ was !ine and warm I noti"ed !or the !irst time how "ramped and un!ormed was my own handwriting' without individuality without style unedu"ated even the writing o! an indi!!erent pupil taught in a se"ond%rate s"hool.

Chapter nine

1hen I heard the sound o! the "ar in the drive I got up in sudden pani" glan"ing at the "lo"$ !or I $new that it meant Beatri"e and her husband had arrived. It was only +ust gone twelve' they were mu"h earlier than I e0pe"ted. (nd Ma0im was not yet ba"$. I wondered i! it would be possible to hide to get out o! the window into the garden so that Frith bringing them to the morning%room would say .Madam must have gone out . and it would seem *uite natural they would ta$e it as a matter o! "ourse. #he dogs loo$ed up in*uiringly as I ran to the window and /asper !ollowed me wagging his tail. #he window opened out on to the terra"e and the little grass "learing beyond but as I prepared to brush past the rhododendrons the sound o! voi"es "ame "lose and I ba"$ed again into the room. #hey were "oming to the house by way o! the garden Frith having told them doubtless that I was in the morning%room. I went *ui"$ly into the big drawing%room and made !or a door near me on the le!t. It led into a long stone passage and I ran along it !ully aware o! my stupidity despising mysel! !or this sudden atta"$ o! nerves but I $new I "ould not !a"e these people not !or a moment anyway. #he passage seemed to be ta$ing me to the ba"$ regions and as I turned a "orner "oming upon another stair"ase I met a servant I had not seen be!ore a s"ullery%maid perhaps' she "arried a mop and pail in her hands. ,he stared at me in wonder as though I were a vision une0pe"ted in this part o! the house and .Good morning . I said in great "on!usion ma$ing !or the stairway and .Good morning Madam . she returned her mouth open her round eyes in*uisitive as I "limbed the stairs. #hey would lead me I supposed to the bedrooms and I "ould !ind my suite in the east wing and sit up there a little while until I +udged it nearly time !or lun"h when good manners would "ompel me to "ome down again. I must have lost my bearings !or passing through a door at the head o! the stairs I "ame to a long "orridor that I had not seen be!ore similar in some ways to the one in the east wing but broader and dar$er % dar$ owing to the panelling o! the walls. I hesitated then turned le!t "oming upon a broad landing and another stair"ase. It was very *uiet and dar$. &o one was about. I! there had been housemaids here during the morning they had !inished their wor$ by now

and gone downstairs. #here was no tra"e o! their presen"e no lingering dust smell o! "arpets lately swept and I thought as I stood there wondering whi"h way to turn that the silen"e was unusual holding something o! the same oppression as an empty house does when the owners have gone away. I opened a door at ha)ard and !ound a room in total dar$ness no "hin$ o! light "oming through the "losed shutters while I "ould see dimly in the "entre o! the room the outline o! !urniture swathed in white dust%sheets. #he room smelt "lose and stale the smell o! a room seldom i! ever used whose ornaments are herded together in the "entre o! a bed and le!t there "overed with a sheet. It might be too that the "urtain had not been drawn !rom the window sin"e some pre"eding summer and i! one "rossed there now and pulled them aside opening the "rea$ing shutters a dead moth who had been imprisoned behind them !or many months would !all to the "arpet and lie there beside a !orgotten pin and a dried lea! blown there be!ore the windows were "losed !or the last time. I shut the door so!tly and went un"ertainly along the "orridor !lan$ed on either side by doors all o! them "losed until I "ame to a little al"ove set in an outside wall where a broad window gave me light at last. I loo$ed out and I saw below me the smooth grass lawns stret"hing to the sea and the sea itsel! bright green with white% tipped "rests whipped by a westerly wind and s"udding !rom the shore. It was "loser than I had thought mu"h "loser' it ran surely beneath that little $not o! trees below the lawns barely !ive minutes away and i! I listened now my ear to the window I "ould hear the sur! brea$ing on the shores o! some little bay I "ould not see. I $new then I had made the "ir"uit o! the house and was standing in the "orridor o! the west wing. <es Mrs 9anvers was right. <ou "ould hear the sea !rom here. <ou might imagine in the winter it would "reep up on to those green lawns and threaten the house itsel! !or even now be"ause o! the high wind there was a mist upon the window%glass as though someone had breathed upon it. ( mist salt%laden borne upwards !rom the sea. ( hurrying "loud hid the sun !or a moment as I wat"hed and the sea "hanged "olour instantly be"oming bla"$ and the white "rests with them very pitiless suddenly and "ruel not the gay spar$ling sea I had loo$ed on !irst. ,omehow I was glad my rooms were in the east wing. I pre!erred the rose%garden a!ter all to the sound o! the sea. I went ba"$ to the landing then at the head o! the stairs and as I prepared to go down one hand upon the bannister I heard the door behind me open and it was Mrs 9anvers. 1e stared at one another !or a moment without spea$ing and I "ould not be "ertain whether it was anger I read in her eyes or "uriosity !or her !a"e be"ame a mas$ dire"tly she saw me. (lthough she said nothing I !elt guilty

and ashamed as though I had been "aught trespassing and I !elt the tell%tale "olour "ome up into my !a"e. .I lost my way . I said .I was trying to !ind my room.. .<ou have "ome to the opposite side o! the house . she said' .this is the west wing.. .<es I $now . I said. .9id you go into any o! the rooms;. she as$ed me. .&o . I said. .&o I +ust opened a door I did not go in. 5verything was dar$ "overed up in dust%sheets. I.m sorry. I did not mean to disturb anything. I e0pe"t you li$e to $eep all this shut up.. .I! you wish to open up the rooms I will have it done . she said' .you have only to tell me. #he rooms are all !urnished and "an be used.. .-h no . I said. .&o. I did not mean you to thin$ that.. .8erhaps you would li$e me to show you all over the west wing;. she said. I shoo$ my head. .&o I.d rather not . I said. .&o I must go downstairs.. I began to wal$ down the stairs and she "ame with me by my side as though she were a warder and I in "ustody. .(ny time when you have nothing to do you have only to as$ me and I will show you the rooms in the west wing . she persisted ma$ing me vaguely un"om!ortable. I $new not why. 2er insisten"e stru"$ a "hord in my memory reminding me o! a visit to a !riend.s house as a "hild when the daughter o! the house older than me too$ my arm and whispered in my ear .I $now where there is a boo$ lo"$ed in a "upboard in my mother.s bedroom. ,hall we go and loo$ at it;. I remembered her white e0"ited !a"e and her small beady eyes and the way she $ept pin"hing my arm. .I will have the dust%sheets removed and then you "an see the rooms as they loo$ed when they were used . said Mrs 9anvers. .I would have shown you this morning but I believed you to be writing letters in the morning%room. <ou have only to telephone through to my room you $now when you want me. It would only ta$e a short while to have the rooms in readiness.. 1e had "ome down the short !light o! stairs and she opened another door standing aside !or me to pass through her dar$ eyes *uesting my !a"e. .It.s very $ind o! you Mrs 9anvers . I said. .I will let you $now some time.. 1e passed out together on to the landing beyond and I saw we were at the head o! the main stair"ase now behind the minstrel.s gallery. .I wonder how you "ame to miss your way;. she said .the door through the west wing is very di!!erent to this..

.I did not "ome this way . I said. .#hen you must have "ome up the ba"$ way !rom the stone passage;. she said. .<es . I said not meeting her eyes. .<es I "ame through a stone passage.. ,he went on loo$ing at me as though she e0pe"ted me to tell her why I le!t the morning%room in sudden pani" going through the ba"$ regions and I !elt suddenly that she $new that she must have wat"hed me that she had seen me wandering perhaps in that west wing !rom the !irst her eye to a "ra"$ in the door. .Mrs La"y and Ma+or La"y have been here some time . she said. .I heard their "ar drive up shortly a!ter twelve.. .-hB. I said. .I had not realised that.. .Frith will have ta$en them to the morning%room . she said: .it must be getting on !or hal! past twelve. <ou $now your way now don.t you;. .<es Mrs 9anvers . I said. (nd I went down the big stairway into the hall $nowing she was standing there above me her eyes wat"hing me. I $new I must go ba"$ now to the morning%room and meet Ma0im.s sister and her husband. I "ould not hide in my bedroom now. (s I went into the drawing%room I glan"ed ba"$ over my shoulder and I saw Mrs 9anvers still standing there at the head o! the stairs li$e a bla"$ sentinel. I stood !or a moment outside the morning%room with my hand on the door listening to the hum o! voi"es. Ma0im had returned then while I had been upstairs bringing his agent with him I supposed !or it sounded to me as i! the room was !ull o! people. I was aware o! the same !eeling o! si"$ un"ertainty I had e0perien"ed so o!ten as a "hild when summoned to sha$e hands with visitors and turning the handle o! the door I blundered in to be met at on"e it seemed with a sea o! !a"es and a general silen"e. .2ere she is at last . said Ma0im. .1here have you been hiding; 1e were thin$ing o! sending out a sear"h party. 2ere is Beatri"e and this is Giles and this is Fran$ 7rawley. Loo$ out you nearly trod on the dog.. Beatri"e was tall broad%shouldered very handsome very mu"h li$e Ma0im about the eyes and +aw but not as smart as I had e0pe"ted mu"h tweedier' the sort o! person who would nurse dogs through distemper $now about horses shoot well. ,he did not $iss me. ,he shoo$ hands very !irmly loo$ing me straight in the eyes and then turned to Ma0im. .@uite di!!erent !rom what I e0pe"ted. 9oesn.t answer to your des"ription at all.. 5veryone laughed and I +oined in not *uite "ertain i! the laugh was against me or not wondering se"retly what it was she had e0pe"ted and what had been Ma0im.s des"ription.

(nd .#his is Giles . said Ma0im prodding my arm and Giles stret"hed out an enormous paw and wrung my hand s*uee)ing the !ingers limp genial eyes smiling !rom behind horn%rimmed glasses. .Fran$ 7rawley . said Ma0im and I turned to the agent a "olourless rather thin man with a prominent (dam.s apple in whose eyes I read relie! as he loo$ed upon me. I wondered why but I had no time to thin$ o! that be"ause Frith had "ome in and was o!!ering me sherry and Beatri"e was tal$ing to me again. .Ma0im tells me you only got ba"$ last night. I had not realised that or o! "ourse we would never have thrust ourselves upon you so soon. 1ell what do you thin$ o! Manderley;. .I.ve s"ar"ely seen anything o! it yet . I answered' .it.s beauti!ul o! "ourse.. ,he was loo$ing me up and down as I had e0pe"ted but in a dire"t straight!orward !ashion not mali"iously li$e Mrs 9anvers not with un!riendliness. ,he had a right to +udge me she was Ma0im.s sister and Ma0im himsel! "ame to my side now putting his arm through mine giving me "on!iden"e. .<ou.re loo$ing better old man . she said to him her head on one side "onsidering him' .you.ve lost that !ine%drawn loo$ than$ goodness. I suppose we.ve got you to than$ !or that;. nodding at me. .I.m always very !it . said Ma0im shortly .never had anything wrong with me in my li!e. <ou imagine everyone ill who doesn.t loo$ as !at as Giles.. .Bosh . said Beatri"e' .you $now per!e"tly well you were a per!e"t wre"$ si0 months ago. Gave me the !right o! my li!e when I "ame and saw you. I thought you were in !or a brea$down. Giles bear me out. 9idn.t Ma0im loo$ per!e"tly ghastly last time we "ame over and didn.t I say he was heading !or a brea$down;. .1ell I must say old "hap you.re loo$ing a di!!erent person . said Giles. .3ery good thing you went away. 9oesn.t he loo$ well 7rawley;. I "ould tell by the tightening o! Ma0im.s mus"les under my arm that he was trying to $eep his temper. For some reason this tal$ about his health was not wel"ome to him angered him even and I thought it ta"tless o! Beatri"e to harp upon it in this way ma$ing so big a point o! it. .Ma0im.s very sunburnt . I said shyly' .it hides a multitude o! sins. <ou should have seen him in 3eni"e having brea$!ast on the bal"ony trying to get brown on purpose. 2e thin$s it ma$es him better%loo$ing.. 5veryone laughed and Mr 7rawley said .It must have been wonder!ul in 3eni"e Mrs de 1inter this time o! year . and .<es . I said .we had really wonder!ul weather. -nly one bad day wasn.t it Ma0im;. the

"onversation drawing away happily !rom his health and so to Italy sa!est o! sub+e"ts and the blessed topi" o! !ine weather. 7onversation was easy now no longer an e!!ort. Ma0im and Giles and Beatri"e were dis"ussing the running o! Ma0im.s "ar and Mr 7rawley was as$ing i! it were true that there were no more gondolas in the "anals now only motor%boats. I don.t thin$ he would have "ared at all had there been steamers at an"hor in the Grand 7anal he was saying this to help me it was his "ontribution to the little e!!ort o! steering the tal$ away !rom Ma0im.s health and I was grate!ul to him !eeling him an ally !or all his dull appearan"e. ./asper wants e0er"ise . said Beatri"e stirring the dog with her !oot' .he.s getting mu"h too !at and he.s barely two years old. 1hat do you !eed him on Ma0im;. .My dear Beatri"e he has e0a"tly the same routine as your dogs . said Ma0im. .9on.t show o!! and ma$e out you $now more about animals than I do.. .9ear old boy how "an you pretend to $now what /asper has been !ed on when you.ve been away !or a "ouple o! months; 9on.t tell me Frith wal$s to the lodge gates with him twi"e a day. #his dog hasn.t had a run !or wee$s. I "an tell by the "ondition o! his "oat.. .I.d rather he loo$ed "olossal than hal!%starved li$e that hal!wit dog o! yours . said Ma0im. .&ot a very intelligent remar$ when Lion won two !irsts at 7ru!t.s last February . said Beatri"e. #he atmosphere was be"oming rather strained again I "ould tell by the narrow lines o! Ma0im.s mouth and I wondered i! brothers and sisters always sparred li$e this ma$ing it un"om!ortable !or those who listened. I wished that Frith would "ome in and announ"e lun"h. -r would we be summoned by a booming gong; I did not $now what happened at Manderley. .2ow !ar away !rom us are you;. I as$ed sitting down by Beatri"e' .did you have to ma$e a very early start;. .1e.re !i!ty miles away my dear in the ne0t "ounty the other side o! #row"hester. #he hunting is so mu"h better with us. <ou must "ome over and stay when Ma0im "an spare you. Giles will mount you.. .I.m a!raid I don.t hunt . I "on!essed. .I learnt to ride as a "hild but very !eebly' I don.t remember mu"h about it.. .<ou must ta$e it up again . she said. .<ou "an.t possibly live in the "ountry and not ride: you wouldn.t $now what to do with yoursel!. Ma0im says you paint. #hat.s very ni"e o! "ourse but there.s no e0er"ise in it is there; (ll very well on a wet day when there.s nothing better to do..

.My dear Beatri"e we are not all su"h !resh%air !iends as you . said Ma0im. .I wasn.t tal$ing to you old boy. 1e all $now you are per!e"tly happy slopping about the Manderley gardens and never brea$ing out o! a slow wal$.. .I.m very !ond o! wal$ing too . I said swi!tly. .I.m sure I shall never get tired o! rambling about Manderley. (nd I "an bathe too when it.s warmer.. .My dear you are an optimist . said Beatri"e. .I "an hardly ever remember bathing here. #he water is !ar too "old and the bea"h is shingle.. .I don.t mind that . I said. .I love bathing. (s long as the "urrents are not too strong. Is the bathing sa!e in the bay;. &obody answered and I realised suddenly what I had said. My heart thumped and I !elt my "hee$s go !laming red. I bent down to stro$e /asper.s ear in an agony o! "on!usion. ./asper "ould do with a swim and get some o! that !at o!! . said Beatri"e brea$ing the pause .but he.d !ind it a bit too mu"h !or him in the bay wouldn.t you /asper; Good old /asper. &i"e old man.. 1e patted the dog together not loo$ing at one another. .I say I.m getting in!ernally hungry. 1hat on earth is happening to lun"h;. said Ma0im. .It.s only +ust on one now . said Mr 7rawley .a""ording to the "lo"$ on the mantelpie"e.. =#hat "lo"$ was always !ast . said Beatri"e. .It.s $ept per!e"t time now !or months . said Ma0im. (t that moment the door opened and Frith announ"ed that lun"heon was served. .I say I must have a wash . said Giles loo$ing at his hands. 1e all got up and wandered through the drawing%room to the hall in great relie! Beatri"e and I a little ahead o! the men she ta$ing my arm. .9ear old Frith . she said .he always loo$s e0a"tly the same and ma$es me !eel li$e a girl again. <ou $now don.t mind me saying so but you are even younger than I e0pe"ted. Ma0im told me your age but you.re an absolute "hild. #ell me are you very mu"h in love with him;. I was not prepared !or this *uestion and she must have seen the surprise in my !a"e !or she laughed lightly and s*uee)ed my arm. .9on.t answer . she said. .I "an see what you !eel. I.m an inter!ering bore aren.t I; <ou mustn.t mind me. I.m devoted to Ma0im you $now though we always bi"$er li$e "at and dog when we meet. I "ongratulate you again on his loo$s. 1e were all very worried about him this time last year but o! "ourse you $now the whole story.. 1e had "ome to the dining%room by now and she said no more !or the servants were there and the others had

+oined us but as I sat down and un!olded my nap$in I wondered what Beatri"e would say did she realise that I $new nothing o! that pre"eding year no details o! the tragedy that had happened down there in the bay that Ma0im $ept these things to himsel! that I *uestioned him never. Lun"h passed o!! better than I had dared to hope. #here were !ew arguments or perhaps Beatri"e was e0er"ising ta"t at last' at any rate she and Ma0im "hatted about matters "on"erning Manderley her horses the garden mutual !riends and Fran$ 7rawley on my le!t $ept up an easy patter with me !or whi"h I was grate!ul as it re*uired no e!!ort. Giles was more "on"erned with !ood than with the "onversation though now and again he remembered my e0isten"e and !lung me a remar$ at ha)ard. .,ame "oo$ I suppose Ma0im;. he said when 6obert had o!!ered him the "old sou!!lE !or the se"ond time. .I always tell Bee Manderley.s the only pla"e le!t in 5ngland where one "an get de"ent "oo$ing. I remember this sou!!lE o! old.. .I thin$ we "hange "oo$s periodi"ally . said Ma0im .but the standard o! "oo$ing remains the same. Mrs 9anvers has all the re"ipes she tells them what to do.. .(ma)ing woman that Mrs 9anvers . said Giles turning to me' .don.t you thin$ so;. .-h yes . I said. .Mrs 9anvers seems to be a wonder!ul person.. .,he.s no oil painting though is she;. said Giles and he roared with laughter. Fran$ 7rawley said nothing and loo$ing up I saw Beatri"e was wat"hing me. ,he turned away then and began tal$ing to Ma0im. .9o you play gol! at all Mrs de 1inter;. said Mr 7rawley. .&o I.m a!raid I don.t . I answered glad that the sub+e"t had been "hanged again that Mrs 9anvers was !orgotten and even though I was no player $new nothing o! the game I was prepared to listen to him as long as he pleased' there was something solid and sa!e and dull about gol! it "ould not bring us into any di!!i"ulties. 1e had "heese and "o!!ee and I wondered whether I was supposed to ma$e a move. I $ept loo$ing at Ma0im but he gave no sign and then Giles embar$ed upon a story rather di!!i"ult to !ollow about digging a "ar out o! a snow%dri!t % what had started the train o! thought I "ould not tell % and I listened to him politely nodding my head now and again and smiling aware o! Ma0im be"oming restive at his end o! the table. (t last he paused and I "aught Ma0im.s eye. 2e !rowned very slightly and +er$ed his head towards the door. I got up at on"e sha$ing the table "lumsily as I moved my "hair and upsetting Giles.s glass o! port. .-h dear . I said hovering wondering what to do rea"hing ine!!e"tively !or my nap$in but .(ll right Frith will deal with

it . said Ma0im .don.t add to the "on!usion. Beatri"e ta$e her out in the garden' she.s s"ar"ely seen the pla"e yet.. 2e loo$ed tired rather +aded. I began to wish none o! them had "ome. #hey had spoilt our day anyway. It was too mu"h o! an e!!ort +ust as we returned. I !elt tired too tired and depressed. Ma0im had seemed almost irritable when he suggested we should go into the garden. 1hat a !ool I had been upsetting that glass o! port. 1e went out on to the terra"e and wal$ed down on to the smooth green lawns. .I thin$ it.s a pity you "ame ba"$ to Manderley so soon . said Beatri"e .it would have been !ar better to potter about in Italy !or three or !our months and then "ome ba"$ in the middle o! the summer. 9one Ma0im a power o! good too besides being easier !rom your point o! view. I "an.t help !eeling it.s going to be rather a strain here !or you at !irst.. .-h I don.t thin$ so . I said. .I $now I shall "ome to love Manderley.. ,he did not answer and we strolled ba"$wards and !orwards on the lawns. .#ell me a bit about yoursel! . she said at last' .what was it you were doing in the south o! Fran"e; Living with some appalling (meri"an woman Ma0im said.. I e0plained about Mrs 3an 2opper and what had led to it and she seemed sympatheti" but a little vague as though she was thin$ing o! something else. .<es . she said when I paused .it all happened very suddenly as you say. But o! "ourse we were all delighted my dear and I do hope you will be happy.. =#han$ you Beatri"e . I said .than$ you very mu"h.. I wondered why she said she hoped we would be happy instead o! saying she $new we would be so. ,he was $ind she was sin"ere I li$ed her very mu"h but there was a tiny doubt in her voi"e that made me a!raid. .1hen Ma0im wrote and told me . she went on ta$ing my arm .and said he had dis"overed you in the south o! Fran"e and you were very young very pretty I must admit it gave me a bit o! a sho"$. -! "ourse we all e0pe"ted a so"ial butter!ly very modern and plastered with paint the sort o! girl you e0pe"ted to meet in those sort o! pla"es. 1hen you "ame into the morning%room be!ore lun"h you "ould have $no"$ed me down with a !eather.. ,he laughed and I laughed with her. But she did not say whether or not she was disappointed in my appearan"e or relieved.

.8oor Ma0im . she said: .he went through a ghastly time and let.s hope you have made him !orget about it. -! "ourse he adores Manderley.. 8art o! me wanted her to "ontinue her train o! thought to tell me more o! the past naturally and easily li$e this and something else way ba"$ in my mind did not want to $now did not want to hear. .1e are not a bit ali$e you $now . she said .our "hara"ters are poles apart. I show everything on my !a"e: whether I li$e people or not whether I am angry or pleased. #here.s no reserve about me. Ma0im is entirely di!!erent. 3ery *uiet very reserved. <ou never $now what.s going on in that !unny mind o! his. I lose my temper on the slightest provo"ation !lare up and then it.s all over. Ma0im loses his temper on"e or twi"e in a year and when he does % my God % he does lose it. I don.t suppose he ever will with you I should thin$ you are a pla"id little thing.. ,he smiled and pin"hed my arm and I thought about being pla"id how *uiet and "om!ortable it sounded someone with $nitting on her lap with "alm unru!!led brow. ,omeone who was never an0ious never tortured by doubt and inde"ision someone who never stood as I did hope!ul eager !rightened tearing at bitten nails un"ertain whi"h way to go what star to !ollow. .<ou won.t mind me saying so will you;. she went on .but I thin$ you ought to do something to your hair. 1hy don.t you have it waved; It.s so very lan$y isn.t it li$e that; Must loo$ aw!ul under a hat. 1hy don.t you sweep it ba"$ behind your ears;. I did so obediently and waited !or her approval. ,he loo$ed at me "riti"ally her head on one side. .&o . she said. .&o I thin$ that.s worse. It.s too severe and doesn.t suit you. &o all you need is a wave +ust to pin"h it up. I never have "ared !or that /oan o! (r" business or whatever they "all it. 1hat does Ma0im say; 9oes he thin$ it suits you;. .I don.t $now . I said .he.s never mentioned it.. .-h well . she said .perhaps he li$es it. 9on.t go by me. #ell me did you get any "lothes in London or 8aris;. .&o . I said .we had no time. Ma0im was an0ious to get home. (nd I "an always send !or "atalogues.. .I "an tell by the way you dress that you don.t "are a hoot what you wear . she said. I glan"ed at my !lannel s$irt apologeti"ally. .I do . I said. .I.m very !ond o! ni"e things. I.ve never had mu"h money to spend on "lothes up to now.. .I wonder Ma0im did not stay a wee$ or so in London and get you something de"ent to wear . she said. .I must say I thin$ it.s rather sel!ish o! him. ,o unli$e him too. 2e.s generally so parti"ular..

.Is he;. I said' .he.s never seemed parti"ular to me. I don.t thin$ he noti"es what I wear at all. I don.t thin$ he minds.. .-h . she said. .-h well he must have "hanged then.. ,he loo$ed away !rom me and whistled to /asper her hands in her po"$ets and then stared up at the house above us. .<ou.re not using the west wing then . she said. .&o . I said. .&o we have the suite in the east wing. It.s all been done up.. .2as it;. she said. .I didn.t $now that. I wonder why.. .It was Ma0im.s idea . I said .he seems to pre!er it. I ,he said nothing she went on loo$ing at the windows and whistling. .2ow do you get on with Mrs 9anvers;. she said suddenly. I bent down and began patting /asper.s head and stro$ing his ears. .I have not seen very mu"h o! her . I said' .she s"ares me a little. I.ve never seen anyone *uite li$e her be!ore.. .I don.t suppose you have . said Beatri"e. /asper loo$ed up at me with great eyes humble rather sel!%"ons"ious. I $issed the top o! his sil$en head and put my hand over his bla"$ nose. .#here.s no need to be !rightened o! her . said Beatri"e' .and don.t let her see it whatever you do. -! "ourse I.ve never had anything to do with her and I don.t thin$ I ever want to either. 2owever she.s always been very "ivil to me.. I went on patting /asper.s head. .9id she seem !riendly;. said Beatri"e. .&o . I said. .&o not very.. Beatri"e began whistling again and she rubbed /asper.s head with her !oot. .I shouldn.t have more to do with her than you "an help . she said. .&o . I said. .,he runs the house very e!!i"iently there.s no need !or me to inter!ere.. .-h I don.t suppose she.d mind that . said Beatri"e. #hat was what Ma0im had said the evening be!ore and I thought it odd that they should both have the same opinion. I should have imagined that inter!eren"e was the one thing Mrs 9anvers did not want. .I dare say she will get over it in time . said Beatri"e .but it may ma$e things rather unpleasant !or you at !irst. -! "ourse she.s insanely +ealous. I was a!raid she would be.. .1hy;. I as$ed loo$ing up at her .why should she be +ealous; Ma0im does not seem to be parti"ularly !ond o! her.. .My dear "hild it.s not Ma0im she.s thin$ing o! . said Beatri"e' .I thin$ she respe"ts him and all that but nothing more very mu"h. .&o you see . % she paused !rowning a little loo$ing at me un"ertainly % .she resents your being here at all that.s the trouble.. .1hy;. I said .why should she resent me;.

.I thought you $new . said Beatri"e' .I thought Ma0im would have told you. ,he simply adored 6ebe""a.. .-h . I said. .-h I see.. 1e both went on patting and stro$ing /asper who una""ustomed to su"h attention rolled over on his ba"$ in e"stasy. .2ere are the men . said Beatri"e .let.s have some "hairs out and sit under the "hestnut. 2ow !at Giles is getting he loo$s *uite repulsive beside Ma0im. I suppose Fran$ will go ba"$ to the o!!i"e. 1hat a dull "reature he is never has anything interesting to say. 1ell all o! you. 1hat have you been dis"ussing; 8ulling the world to bits I suppose.. ,he laughed and the others strolled towards us and we stood about. Giles threw a twig !or /asper to retrieve. 1e all loo$ed at /asper. Mr 7rawley loo$ed at his wat"h. .I must be o!! . he said' .than$ you very mu"h !or lun"h Mrs de 1inter . .<ou must "ome o!ten . I said sha$ing hands. I wondered i! the others would go too. I was not sure whether they had +ust "ome over !or lun"h or to spend the day. I hoped they would go. I wanted to be alone with Ma0im again and that it would be li$e we were in Italy. 1e all went and sat down under the "hestnut tree. 6obert brought out "hairs and rugs. Giles lay down on his ba"$ and tipped his hat over his eyes. (!ter a while he began to snore his mouth open. .,hut up Giles . said Beatri"e. .I.m not asleep . he muttered opening his eyes and shutting them again. I thought him unattra"tive. I wondered why Beatri"e had married him. ,he "ould never have been in love with him. 8erhaps that was what she was thin$ing about me. I "aught her eye upon me now and again pu))led re!le"tive as though she was saying to hersel! .1hat on earth does Ma0im see in her;. but $ind at the same time not un!riendly. #hey were tal$ing about their grandmother. .1e must go over and see the old lady . Ma0im was saying and .,he.s getting gaga . said Beatri"e .drops !ood all down her "hin poor darling.. I listened to them both leaning against Ma0im.s arm rubbing my "hin on his sleeve. 2e stro$ed my hand absently not thin$ing tal$ing to Beatri"e. .#hat.s what I do to /asper . I thought. .I.m being li$e /asper now leaning against him. 2e pats me now and again when he remembers and I.m pleased I get "loser to him !or a moment. 2e li$es me in the way I li$e /asper.. #he wind had dropped. #he a!ternoon was drowsy pea"e!ul. #he grass had been new%mown' it smelt sweet and ri"h li$e summer. ( bee droned above Giles.s head and he !li"$ed at it with his hat. /asper sloped in to +oin us too warm in the sun his tongue lolling !rom his mouth. 2e !lopped beside me and began li"$ing his side his large eyes apologeti". #he

sun shone on the mullioned windows o! the house and I "ould see the green lawns and the terra"e re!le"ted in them. ,mo$e "urled thinly !rom one o! the near "himneys and I wondered i! the library !ire had been lit a""ording to routine. ( thrush !lew a"ross the lawn to the magnolia tree outside the dining% room window. I "ould smell the !aint so!t magnolia s"ent as I sat here on the lawn. 5verything was *uiet and still. 3ery distant now "ame the washing o! the sea in the bay below. #he tide must have gone out. #he bee droned over us again pausing to taste the "hestnut blossom above our heads. =#his is what I always imagined . I thought .this is how I hoped it would be living at Manderley.. I wanted to go on sitting there not tal$ing not listening to the others $eeping the moment pre"ious !or all time be"ause we were pea"e!ul all o! us we were "ontent and drowsy even as the bee who droned above our heads. In a little while it would be di!!erent there would "ome tomorrow and the ne0t day and another year. (nd we would be "hanged perhaps never sitting *uite li$e this again. ,ome o! us would go away or su!!er or die' the !uture stret"hed away in !ront o! us un$nown unseen not perhaps what we wanted not what we planned. #his moment was sa!e though this "ould not be tou"hed. 2ere we sat together Ma0im and I hand%in%hand and the past and the !uture mattered not at all. #his was se"ure this !unny !ragment o! time he would never remember never thin$ about again. 2e would not hold it sa"red' he was tal$ing about "utting away some o! the undergrowth in the drive and Beatri"e agreed interrupting with some suggestion o! her own and throwing a pie"e o! grass at Giles at the same time. For them it was +ust a!ter lun"h *uarter past three on a hapha)ard a!ternoon li$e any hour li$e any day. #hey did not want to hold it "lose imprisoned and se"ure as I did. #hey were not a!raid. .1ell I suppose we ought to be o!! . said Beatri"e brushing the grass !rom her s$irt' .I don.t want to be late we.ve got the 7artrights dining.. .2ow is old 3era;. as$ed Ma0im. .-h same as ever always tal$ing about her health. 2e.s getting very old. #hey.re sure to as$ all about you both.. .Give them my love . said Ma0im. 1e got up. Giles shoo$ the dust o!! his hat. Ma0im yawned and stret"hed. #he sun went in. I loo$ed up at the s$y. It had "hanged already a ma"$erel s$y. Little "louds s"urrying in !ormation line upon line. .1ind.s ba"$ing . said Ma0im. .I hope we don.t run into rain . said Giles. .I.m a!raid we.ve had the best o! the day . said Beatri"e.

1e wandered slowly towards the drive and the waiting "ar. .<ou haven.t seen what.s been done to the east wing . said Ma0im. .7ome upstairs . I suggested' .it won.t ta$e a minute.. 1e went into the hall and up the big stair"ase the men !ollowing behind. It seemed strange that Beatri"e had lived here !or so many years. ,he had run down these same stairs as a little girl with her nurse. ,he had been born here bred here' she $new it all she belonged here more than I should ever do. ,he must have many memories lo"$ed inside her heart. I wondered i! she ever thought about the days that were gone ever remembered the lan$y pig%tailed "hild that she had been on"e so di!!erent !rom the woman she had be"ome !orty%!ive now vigorous and settled in her ways another person... 1e "ame to the rooms and Giles stooping under the low doorway said .2ow very +olly' this is a great improvement isn.t it Bee;. and .I say old boy you have spread yoursel! . said Beatri"e: .new "urtains new beds new everything. <ou remember Giles we had this room that time you were laid up with your leg; It was very dingy then. -! "ourse Mother never had mu"h idea o! "om!ort. (nd then you never put people here did you Ma0im; 50"ept when there was an over!low. #he ba"helors were always dumped here. 1ell it.s "harming I must say. Loo$s over the rose%garden too whi"h was always an advantage. May I powder my nose;. #he men went downstairs and Beatri"e peered in the mirror. .9id old 9anvers do all this !or you;. she said. .<es . I said. .I thin$ she.s done it very well.. .,o she should with her training . said Beatri"e. .I wonder what on earth it "ost. ( pretty pa"$et I bet. 9id you as$;. .&o I.m a!raid I did not . I said. .I don.t suppose it worried Mrs 9anvers . said Beatri"e. .9o you mind i! I use your "omb; #hese are ni"e brushes. 1edding present;. .Ma0im gave them to me.. .2.m. I li$e them. 1e must give you something o! "ourse. 1hat do you want;. .-h I don.t really $now. <ou mustn.t bother . I said. .My dear don.t be absurd. I.m not one to grudge you a present even though we weren.t as$ed to your weddingB. .I hope you did not mind about that. Ma0im wanted it to be abroad.. .-! "ourse not. 3ery sensible o! you both. (!ter all it wasn.t as though...= she stopped in the middle o! her senten"e and dropped her bag. .9amn have I bro$en the "at"h; &o all is well. 1hat was I saying; I "an.t

remember. -h yes wedding presents. 1e must thin$ o! something. <ou probably don.t "are !or +ewellery.. I did not answer. .It.s so di!!erent !rom the ordinary young "ouple . she said. .#he daughter o! a !riend o! mine got married the other day and o! "ourse they were started o!! in the usual way with linen and "o!!ee sets and dining%room "hairs and all that. I gave rather a ni"e standard lamp. 7ost me a !iver at 2arrods. I! you do go up to London to buy "lothes mind you go to my woman Madame 7arrou0. ,he has damn good taste and she doesn.t roo$ you.. ,he got up !rom the dressing%table and pulled at her s$irt. .9o you suppose you will have a lot o! people down;. she said. .I don.t $now. Ma0im hasn.t said.. .Funny old boy one never *uite $nows with him. (t one time one "ould not get a bed in the house the pla"e would be "ho"$%a%blo"$. I "an.t somehow see you.... she stopped abruptly and patted my arm. .-h well . she said .we.ll see. It.s a pity you don.t ride or shoot you miss su"h a lot. <ou don.t sail by any "han"e do you;. .&o . I said. .#han$ God !or that . she said. ,he went to the door and I !ollowed her down the "orridor. .7ome and see us i! you !eel li$e it . she said. .I always e0pe"t people to as$ themselves. Li!e is too short to send out invitations.. .#han$ you very mu"h . I said. 1e "ame to the head o! the stairs loo$ing down upon the hall. #he men were standing on the steps outside. .7ome on Bee . shouted Giles. .I !elt a spot o! rain so we.ve put on the "over. Ma0im says the glass is !alling.. Beatri"e too$ my hand and bending down gave me a swi!t pe"$ on my "hee$. .Goodbye . she said' .!orgive me i! I.ve as$ed you a lot o! rude *uestions my dear and said all sorts o! things I shouldn.t. #a"t never was my strong point as Ma0im will tell you. (nd as I told you be!ore you.re not a bit what I e0pe"ted.. ,he loo$ed at me dire"t her lips pursed in a whistle and then too$ a "igarette !rom her bag and !lashed her lighter. .<ou see . she said snapping the top and wal$ing down the stairs .you are so very di!!erent !rom 6ebe""a.. (nd we "ame out on to the steps and !ound the sun had gone behind a ban$ o! "loud a little thin rain was !alling and 6obert was hurrying a"ross the lawn to bring in the "hairs.

Chapter ten

1e wat"hed the "ar disappear round the sweep o! the drive and then Ma0im too$ my arm and said =#han$ God that.s that. Get a "oat *ui"$ly and "ome out. 9amn the rain I want a wal$. I "an.t stand this sitting about.. 2e loo$ed white and strained and I wondered why the entertaining o! Beatri"e and Giles his own sister and brother%in%law should have tired him so. .1ait while I run upstairs !or my "oat . I said. =#here.s a heap o! ma"$intoshes in the !lower%room get one o! them . he said impatiently .women are always hal! an hour when they go to their bedrooms. 6obert !et"h a "oat !rom the !lower%room will you !or Mrs de 1inter; #here must be hal! a do)en rain"oats hanging there le!t by people at one time or another.. 2e was already standing in the drive and "alling to /asper .7ome on you la)y little beggar and ta$e some o! that !at o!!.. /asper ran round in "ir"les bar$ing hysteri"ally at the prospe"t o! his wal$. .,hut up you idiot . said Ma0im. .1hat on earth is 6obert doing;. 6obert "ame running out o! the hall "arrying a rain"oat and I struggled into it hurriedly !umbling with the "ollar. It was too big o! "ourse and too long but there was no time to "hange it and we set o!! together a"ross the lawn to the woods /asper running in !ront. .I !ind a little o! my !amily goes a very long way . said Ma0im. .Beatri"e is one o! the best people in the world but she invariably puts her !oot in it.. I was not sure where Beatri"e had blundered and thought it better not to as$. 8erhaps he still resented the "hat about his health be!ore lun"h. .1hat did you thin$ o! her;. he went on. .I li$ed her very mu"h . I said' .she was very ni"e to me.. .1hat did she tal$ to you about out here a!ter lun"h;. .-h I don.t $now. I thin$ I did most o! the tal$ing. I was telling her about Mrs 3an 2opper and how you and I met and all that. ,he said I was *uite di!!erent !rom what she e0pe"ted.. .1hat the devil did she e0pe"t;. .,omeone mu"h smarter more sophisti"ated I imagine. ( so"ial butter!ly she said.. Ma0im did not answer !or a moment' he bent down and threw a sti"$ !or /asper. .Beatri"e "an sometimes be in!ernally unintelligent . he said.

1e "limbed the grass ban$ above the lawns and plunged into the woods. #he trees grew very "lose together and it was dar$. 1e trod upon bro$en twigs and last year.s leaves and here and there the !resh green stubble o! the young bra"$en and the shoots o! the bluebells soon to blossom. /asper was silent now his nose to the ground. I too$ Ma0im.s arm. .9o you li$e my hair;. I said. 2e stared down at me in astonishment. .<our hair;. he said. .1hy on earth do you as$; -! "ourse I li$e it. 1hat.s the matter with it;. .-h nothing . I said .I +ust wondered.. .2ow !unny you are . he said. 1e "ame to a "learing in the woods and there were two paths going in opposite dire"tions. /asper too$ the right%hand path without hesitation. .&ot that way . "alled Ma0im' ."ome on old "hap.. #he dog loo$ed ba"$ at us and stood there wagging his tail but did not return. .1hy does he want to go that way;. I as$ed. .I suppose he.s used to it . said Ma0im brie!ly' .it leads to a small "ove where we used to $eep a boat. 7ome on /asper old man.. 1e turned into the le!t%hand path not saying anything and presently I loo$ed over my shoulder and saw that /asper was !ollowing us. .#his brings us to the valley I told you about . said Ma0im .and you shall smell the a)aleas. &ever mind the rain it will bring out the s"ent.. 2e seemed all right again now happy and "heer!ul the Ma0im I $new and loved and he began tal$ing about Fran$ 7rawley and what a good !ellow he was so thorough and reliable and devoted to Manderley. .#his is better . I thought' .this is li$e it was in Italy. and I smiled up at him s*uee)ing his arm relieved that the odd strained loo$ on his !a"e had passed away and while I said .<es . and .6eally;. and .Fan"y darling . my thoughts wandered ba"$ to Beatri"e wondering why her presen"e should have disturbed him what she had done' and I thought too o! all she had said about his temper how he lost it she told me about on"e or twi"e a year. ,he must $now him o! "ourse' she was his sister. But it was not what I had thought' it was not my idea o! Ma0im. I "ould see him moody di!!i"ult irritable perhaps but not angry as she had in!erred not passionate. 8erhaps she had e0aggerated' people very o!ten were wrong about their relatives. .#here . said Ma0im suddenly .ta$e a loo$ at that.. 1e stood on a slope o! a wooded hill and the path wound away be!ore us to a valley by the side o! a running stream. #here were no dar$ trees here no tangled undergrowth but on either side o! the narrow path stood a)aleas and rhododendrons not blood%"oloured

li$e the giants in the drive but salmon white and gold things o! beauty and o! gra"e drooping their lovely deli"ate heads in the so!t summer rain. #he air was !ull o! their s"ent sweet and heady and it seemed to me as though their very essen"e had mingled with the running waters o! the stream and be"ome one with the !alling rain and the dan$ ri"h moss beneath our !eet. #here was no sound here but the tumbling o! the little stream and the *uiet rain. 1hen Ma0im spo$e his voi"e was hushed too gentle and low as i! he had no wish to brea$ upon the silen"e. .1e "all it the 2appy 3alley . he said. 1e stood *uite still not spea$ing loo$ing down upon the "lear white !a"es o! the !lowers "losest to us and Ma0im stooped and pi"$ed up a !allen petal and gave it to me. It was "rushed and bruised and turning brown at the "urled edge but as I rubbed it a"ross my hand the s"ent rose to me sweet and strong vivid as the living tree !rom whi"h it "ame. #hen the birds began. First a bla"$bird his note "lear and "ool above the running stream and a!ter a moment he had answer !rom his !ellow hidden in the woods behind us and soon the still air about us was made turbulent with song pursuing us as we wandered down into the valley and the !ragran"e o! the white petals !ollowed us too. It was disturbing li$e an en"hanted pla"e. I had not thought it "ould be as beauti!ul as this. #he s$y now over"ast and sullen so "hanged !rom the early a!ternoon and the steady insistent rain "ould not disturb the so!t *uietude o! the valley' the rain and the rivulet mingled with one another and the li*uid note o! the bla"$bird !ell upon the damp air in harmony with them both. I brushed the dripping heads o! a)aleas as I passed so "lose they grew together bordering the path. Little drops o! water !ell on to my hands !rom the soa$ed petals. #here were petals at my !eet too brown and sodden bearing their s"ent upon them still and a ri"her older s"ent as well the smell o! deep moss and bitter earth the stems o! bra"$en and the twisted buried roots o! trees. I held Ma0im.s hand and I had not spo$en. #he spell o! the 2appy 3alley was upon me. #his at last was the "ore o! Manderley the Manderley I would $now and learn to love. #he !irst drive was !orgotten the bla"$ herded woods the glaring rhododendrons lus"ious and overproud. (nd the vast house too the silen"e o! that e"hoing hall the uneasy stillness o! the west wing wrapped in dust%sheets. #here I was an interloper wandering in rooms that did not $now me sitting at a des$ and in a "hair that were not mine. 2ere it was di!!erent. #he 2appy 3alley $new no trespassers. 1e "ame to the end o! the path and the !lowers !ormed an ar"hway above our heads. 1e bent down passing underneath and when I stood straight again brushing the raindrops !rom my hair I saw that the

valley was behind us and the a)aleas and the trees and as Ma0im had des"ribed to me that a!ternoon many wee$s ago in Monte 7arlo we were standing in a little narrow "ove the shingle hard and white under our !eet and the sea was brea$ing on the shore beyond us. Ma0im smiled down at me wat"hing the bewilderment on my !a"e. .It.s a sho"$ isn.t it;. he said' .no one ever e0pe"ts it. #he "ontrast is too sudden' it almost hurts.. 2e pi"$ed up a stone and !lung it a"ross the bea"h !or /asper. .Fet"h it good man . and /asper strea$ed away in sear"h o! the stone his long bla"$ ears !lapping in the wind. #he en"hantment was no more the spell was bro$en. 1e were mortal again two people playing on a bea"h. 1e threw more stones went to the water.s edge !lung du"$s and dra$es and !ished !or dri!twood. #he tide had turned and "ame lapping in the bay. #he small ro"$s were "overed the seaweed washed on the stones. 1e res"ued a big !loating plan$ and "arried it up the bea"h above high%water mar$. Ma0im turned to me laughing wiping the hair out o! his eyes and I unrolled the sleeves o! my ma"$intosh "aught by the sea spray. (nd then we loo$ed round and saw that /asper had disappeared. 1e "alled and whistled and he did not "ome. I loo$ed an0iously towards the mouth o! the "ove where the waves were brea$ing upon the ro"$s. .&o . said Ma0im .we should have seen him he "an.t have !allen. /asper you idiot where are you; /asper /asper;. .8erhaps he.s gone ba"$ to the 2appy 3alley;. I said. .2e was by that ro"$ a minute ago sni!!ing a dead seagull . said Ma0im. 1e wal$ed up the bea"h towards the valley on"e again. ./asper /asper;. "alled Ma0im. In the distan"e beyond the ro"$s to the right o! the bea"h I heard a short sharp bar$. .2ear that;. I said. .2e.s "limbed over this way.. I began to s"ramble up the slippery ro"$s in the dire"tion o! the bar$. .7ome ba"$ . said Ma0im sharply' .we don.t want to go that way. #he !ool o! a dog must loo$ a!ter himsel!.. I hesitated loo$ed down !rom my ro"$. .8erhaps he.s !allen . I said .poor little "hap. Let me !et"h him.. /asper bar$ed again !urther away this time. .-h listen . I said .I must get him. It.s *uite sa!e isn.t it; #he tide won.t have "ut him o!!;. .2e.s all right . said Ma0im irritably' .why not leave him; 2e $nows his own way ba"$.. I pretended not to hear and began s"rambling over the ro"$s towards /asper. Great +agged boulders s"reened the view and I slipped and stumbled

on the wet ro"$s ma$ing my way as best I "ould in /asper.s dire"tion. It was heartless o! Ma0im to leave /asper I thought and I "ould not understand it. Besides the tide was "oming in. I "ame up beside the big boulder that had hidden the view and loo$ed beyond it. (nd I saw to my surprise that I was loo$ing down into another "ove similar to the one I had le!t but wider and more rounded. ( small stone brea$water had been thrown out a"ross the "ove !or shelter and behind it the bay !ormed a tiny natural harbour. #here was a buoy an"hored there but no boat. #he bea"h in the "ove was white shingle li$e the one behind me but steeper shelving suddenly to the sea. #he woods "ame right down to the tangle o! seaweed mar$ing high water en"roa"hing almost to the ro"$s themselves and at the !ringe o! the woods was a long low building hal! "ottage hal! boat%house built o! the same stone as the brea$water. #here was a man on the bea"h a !isherman perhaps in long boots and a sou.wester and /asper was bar$ing at him running round him in "ir"les darting at his boots. #he man too$ no noti"e' he was bending down and s"raping in the shingle. ./asper . I shouted ./asper "ome here.. #he dog loo$ed up wagging his tail but he did not obey me. 2e went on baiting the solitary !igure on the bea"h. I loo$ed over my shoulder. #here was still no sign o! Ma0im. I "limbed down over the ro"$s to the bea"h below. My !eet made a "run"hing noise a"ross the shingle and the man loo$ed up at the sound. I saw then that he had the small slit eyes o! an idiot and the red wet mouth. 2e smiled at me showing toothless gums. .G.day . he said. .9irty ain.t it;. .Good a!ternoon . I said. .&o. I.m a!raid it.s not very ni"e weather.. 2e wat"hed me with interest smiling all the while. .9iggin. !orshell . he said. .&o shell here. Been diggin. sin"e !orenoon.. .-h . I said .I.m sorry you "an.t !ind any.. .#hat.s right . he said .no shell here.. .7ome on /asper . I said .it.s getting late. 7ome on old boy.. But /asper was in an in!uriating mood. 8erhaps the wind and the sea had gone to his head !or he ba"$ed away !rom me bar$ing stupidly and began ra"ing round the bea"h a!ter nothing at all. I saw he would never !ollow me and I had no lead. I turned to the man who had bent down again to his !utile digging. .2ave you got any string;. I said. .5h;. he said. .2ave you got any string;. I repeated.

.&o shell here . he said sha$ing his head. .Been diggin. sin"e !orenoon.. 2e nodded his head at me and wiped his pale blue watery eyes. .I want something to tie the dog . I said. .2e won.t !ollow me.. .5h;. he said. (nd he smiled his poor idiot.s smile. .(ll right . I said' .it doesn.t matter.. 2e loo$ed at me un"ertainly and then leant !orward and po$ed me in the "hest. .I $now that dog . he said' .he "omes !ro. the house.. .<es . I said. .I want him to "ome ba"$ with me now.. .2e.s not yourn . he said. .2e.s Mr de 1inter.s dog . I said gently. .I want to ta$e him ba"$ to the house.. .5h;. he said. I "alled /asper on"e more but he was "hasing a !eather blown by the wind. I wondered i! there was any string in the boat%house and I wal$ed up the bea"h towards it. #here must have been a garden on"e but now the grass was long and overgrown "rowded with nettles. #he windows were boarded up. &o doubt the door was lo"$ed and I li!ted the lat"h without mu"h hope. #o my surprise it opened a!ter the !irst sti!!ness and I went inside bending my head be"ause o! the low door. I e0pe"ted to !ind the usual boat store dirty and dusty with disuse ropes and blo"$s and oars upon the !loor. #he dust was there and the dirt too in pla"es but there were no ropes or blo"$s. #he room was !urnished and ran the whole length o! the "ottage. #here was a des$ in the "orner a table and "hairs and a bed%so!a pushed against the wall. #here was a dresser too with "ups and plates. Boo$shelves the boo$s inside them and models o! ships standing on the top o! the shelves. For a moment I thought it must be inhabited % perhaps the poor man on the bea"h lived here % but I loo$ed around me again and saw no sign o! re"ent o""upation. #hat rusted grate $new no !ire this dusty !loor no !ootsteps and the "hina there on the dresser was blue%spotted with the damp. #here was a *ueer musty smell about the pla"e. 7obwebs spun threads upon the ships. models ma$ing their own ghostly rigging. &o one lived here. &o one "ame here. #he door had "rea$ed on its hinges when I opened it. #he rain pattered on the roo! with a hollow sound and tapped upon the boarded windows. #he !abri" o! the so!a%bed had been nibbled by mi"e or rats. I "ould see the +agged holes and the !rayed edges. It was damp in the "ottage damp and "hill. 9ar$ and oppressive. I did not li$e it. I had no wish to stay there. I hated the hollow sound o! the rain pattering on the roo!. It seemed to e"ho in the room itsel! and I heard the water dripping too into the rusted grate.

I loo$ed about me !or some string. #here was nothing that would serve my purpose nothing at all. #here was another door at the end o! the room and I went to it and opened it a little !ear!ul now a little a!raid !or I had the odd uneasy !eeling that I might "ome upon something unawares that I had no wish to see. ,omething that might harm me that might be horrible. It was nonsense o! "ourse and I opened the door. It was only a boat store a!ter all. 2ere were the ropes and blo"$s I had e0pe"ted two or three sails !enders a small punt pots o! paints all the litter and +un$ that goes with the using o! boats. ( ball o! twine lay on a shel! a rusted "lasp $ni!e beside it. #his would be all I needed !or /asper. I opened the $ni!e and "ut a length o! twine and "ame ba"$ into the room again. #he rain still !ell upon the roo! and into the grate. I "ame out o! the "ottage hurriedly not loo$ing behind me trying not to see the torn so!a and the mildewed "hina the spun "obwebs on the model ships and so through the "rea$ing gate and on to the white bea"h. #he man was not digging any more' he was wat"hing me /asper at his side. .7ome along /asper . I said' ."ome on good dog.. I bent down and this time he allowed me to tou"h him and pull hold o! his "ollar. .I !ound some string in the "ottage . I said to the man. 2e did not answer and I tied the string loosely round /asper.s "ollar. .Good a!ternoon . I said tugging at /asper.= #he man nodded staring at me with his narrow idiot.s eyes. .I saw.ee go in yonder . he said. .<es . I said' .it.s all right Mr de 1inter won.t mind.. .,he don.t go in there now . he said. .&o . I said .not now.. .,he.s gone in the sea ain.t she;. he said' .she won.t "ome ba"$ no more;. .&o . I said .she.ll not "ome ba"$.. .I never said nothing did I;. he said. .&o o! "ourse not' don.t worry . I said. 2e bent down again to his digging muttering to himsel!. I went a"ross the shingle and I saw Ma0im waiting !or me by the ro"$s his hands in his po"$ets. .I.m sorry . I said. ./asper would not "ome. I had to get some string.. 2e turned abruptly on his heel and made towards the woods. .(ren.t we going ba"$ over the ro"$s;. I said. .1hat.s the point; 1e.re here now . he said brie!ly.

1e went up past the "ottage and stru"$ into a path through the woods. .I.m sorry I was su"h a time' it was /asper.s !ault . I said .he $ept bar$ing at the man. 1ho was he;. .-nly Ben . said Ma0im' .he.s *uite harmless poor devil. 2is old !ather used to be one o! the $eepers' they live near the home !arm. 1here did you get that pie"e o! twine;. .I !ound it in the "ottage on the bea"h . I said. .1as the door open;. he as$ed. .<es I pushed it open. I !ound the string in the other room where the sails were and a small boat.. .-h . he said shortly. .-h I see . and then he added a!ter a moment or two: =#hat "ottage is supposed to be lo"$ed the door has no business to be open.. I said nothing' it was not my a!!air. .9id Ben tell you the door was open;. .&o . I said .he did not seem to understand anything I as$ed him.. .2e ma$es out he.s worse than he is . said Ma0im. .2e "an tal$ *uite intelligibly i! he wants to. 2e.s probably been in and out o! the "ottage do)ens o! times and did not want you to $now.. .I don.t thin$ so . I answered' .the pla"e loo$ed deserted *uite untou"hed. #here was dust everywhere and no !ootmar$s. It was terribly damp. I.m a!raid those boo$s will be *uite spoilt and the "hairs and that so!a. #here are rats there too' they have eaten away some o! the "overs.. Ma0im did not reply. 2e wal$ed at a tremendous pa"e and the "limb up !rom the bea"h was steep. It was very di!!erent !rom the 2appy 3alley. #he trees were dar$ here and "lose together there were no a)aleas brushing the path. #he rain dripped heavily !rom the thi"$ bran"hes. It splashed on my "ollar and tri"$led down my ne"$. I shivered' it was unpleasant li$e a "old !inger. My legs a"hed a!ter the una""ustomed s"ramble over the ro"$s. (nd /asper lagged behind weary !rom his wild s"amper his tongue hanging !rom his mouth. .7ome on /asper !or God.s sa$e . said Ma0im. .Ma$e him wal$ up pull at the twine or something "an.t you; Beatri"e was right. #he dog is mu"h too !at.. .It.s your !ault . I said .you wal$ so !ast. 1e "an.t $eep up with you.. .I! you had listened to me instead o! rushing wildly over those ro"$s we would have been home by now . said Ma0im. ./asper $new his way ba"$ per!e"tly. I "an.t thin$ what you wanted to go a!ter him !or.. .I thought he might have !allen and I was a!raid o! the tide . I said.

.Is it li$ely I should have le!t the dog had there been any *uestion o! the tide;. said Ma0im. .I told you not to go on those ro"$s and now you are grumbling be"ause you are tired.. .I.m not grumbling . I said. .(nyone even i! they had legs o! iron would be tired wal$ing at this pa"e. I thought you would "ome with me when I went a!ter /asper anyway instead o! staying behind.. .1hy should I e0haust mysel! "areering a!ter the damn dog;. he said. .It was no more e0hausting "areering a!ter /asper on the ro"$s than it was "areering a!ter the dri!twood on the bea"h . I answered. .<ou +ust say that be"ause you have not any other e0"use.. .My good "hild what am I supposed to e0"use mysel! about;. .-h I don.t $now . I said wearily' .let.s stop this.. .&ot at all you began it. 1hat do you mean by saying I was trying to !ind an e0"use; 50"use !or what;. .50"use !or not having "ome with me over the ro"$s I suppose . I said. .1ell and why do you thin$ I did not want to "ross to the other bea"h;. .-h Ma0im how should I $now; I.m not a thought%reader. I $now you did not want to that.s all. I "ould see it in your !a"e.. .,ee what in my !a"e;. I.ve already told you. I "ould see you did not want to go. -h do let.s have an end to it. I.m si"$ to death o! the sub+e"t.. .(ll women say that when they.ve lost an argument. (ll right I did not want to go to the other bea"h. 1ill that please you; I never go near the bloody pla"e or that God%damned "ottage. (nd i! you had my memories you would not want to go there either or tal$ about it or even thin$ about it. #here. <ou "an digest that i! you li$e and I hope it satis!ies you.. 2is !a"e was white and his eyes strained and wret"hed with that dar$ lost loo$ they had had when I !irst met him. I put out my hand to him I too$ hold o! his holding it tight. .8lease Ma0im please . I said. .1hat.s the matter;. he said roughly. .I don.t want you to loo$ li$e that . I said. .It hurts too mu"h. 8lease Ma0im. Let.s !orget all we said. ( !utile silly argument. I.m sorry darling. I.m sorry. 8lease let everything be all right.. .1e ought to have stayed in Italy . he said. .1e ought never to have "ome ba"$ to Manderley. -h God what a !ool I was to "ome ba"$.. 2e brushed through the trees impatiently striding even !aster than be!ore and I had to run to $eep pa"e with him "at"hing at my breath tears very near the sur!a"e dragging poor /asper a!ter me on the end o! his string.

(t last we "ame to the top o! the path and I saw its !ellow bran"hing le!t to the 2appy 3alley. 1e had "limbed the path then that /asper had wished to ta$e at the beginning o! the a!ternoon. I $new now why /asper had turned to it. It led to the bea"h he $new best and the "ottage. It was his old routine. 1e "ame out on to the lawns and went a"ross them to the house without a word. Ma0im.s !a"e was hard with no e0pression. 2e went straight into the hall and on to the library without loo$ing at me. Frith was in the hall. .1e want tea at on"e . said Ma0im and he shut the library door. I !ought to $eep ba"$ my tears. Frith must not see them. 2e would thin$ we had been *uarrelling and he would go to the servants. hall and say to them all .Mrs de 1inter was "rying in the hall +ust now. It loo$s as though things are not going very well.. I turned away so that Frith should not see my !a"e. 2e "ame towards me though he began to help me o!! with my ma"$intosh. .I.ll put your rain"oat away !or you in the !lower%room Madam . he said. .#han$ you Frith . I replied my !a"e still away !rom him. .&ot a very pleasant a!ternoon !or a wal$ I !ear Madam.. .&o . I said. .&o it was not very ni"e.. .<our hand$er"hie! Madam;. he said pi"$ing up something that had !allen on the !loor. .#han$ you . I said putting it in my po"$et. I was wondering whether to go upstairs or whether to !ollow Ma0im to the library. Frith too$ the "oat to the !lower%room. I stood there hesitating biting my nails. Frith "ame ba"$ again. 2e loo$ed surprised to see me still there. =#here is a good !ire in the library now Madam.. .#han$ you Frith . I said. I wal$ed slowly a"ross the hall to the library. I opened the door and went in. Ma0im was sitting in his "hair /asper at his !eet the old dog in her bas$et. Ma0rim was not reading the paper though it lay on the arm o! the "hair beside him. I went and $nelt down by his side and put my !a"e "lose to his. .9on.t be angry with me any more . I whispered. 2e too$ my !a"e in his hands and loo$ed down at me with his tired strained eyes. .I.m not angry with you . he said. .<es . I said. .I.ve made you unhappy. It.s the same as ma$ing you angry. <ou.re all wounded and hurt and torn inside. I "an.t bear to see you li$e this. I love you so mu"h..

.9o you;. he said. .9o you;. 2e held me very tight and his eyes *uestioned me dar$ and un"ertain the eyes o! a "hild in pain a "hild in !ear. .1hat is it darling;. I said. .1hy do you loo$ li$e that;. I heard the door open be!ore he "ould answer and I san$ ba"$ on my heels pretending to rea"h !or a log to throw on the !ire while Frith "ame into the room !ollowed by 6obert and the ritual o! our tea began. #he per!orman"e o! the day be!ore was repeated the pla"ing o! the table the laying o! the snow%white "loth the putting down o! "a$es and "rumpets the silver $ettle o! hot water pla"ed on its little !lame while /asper wagging his tail his ears stret"hed ba"$ in anti"ipation wat"hed my !a"e. Five minutes must have passed be!ore we were alone again and when I loo$ed at Ma0im I saw the "olour had "ome ba"$ into his !a"e the tired lost loo$ was gone and he was rea"hing !or a sandwi"h. .2aving all that "rowd to lun"h was the trouble . he said. .8oor old Beatri"e always does rub me up the wrong way. 1e used to s"rap li$e dogs as "hildren. I.m so !ond o! her too bless her. ,u"h a relie! though that they don.t live too near. 1hi"h reminds me we.ll have to go over and see Granny some time. 8our out my tea sweetheart and !orgive me !or being a bear to you.. It was over then. #he episode was !inished. 1e must not spea$ o! it again. 2e smiled at me over his "up o! tea and then rea"hed !or the newspaper on the arm o! his "hair. #he smile was my reward. Li$e a pat on the head to /asper. Good dog then lie down don.t worry me any more. I was /asper again. I was ba"$ where I had been be!ore. I too$ apie"e o! "rumpet and divided it between the two dogs. I did not want it mysel! I was not hungry. I !elt very weary now very tired in a dull spent way. I loo$ed at Ma0im but he was reading his paper he had !olded it over to another page. My !ingers were messy with the butter !rom the "rumpet and I !elt in my po"$et !or a hand$er"hie!. I drew it out a tiny s"rap o! a thing la"eedged. I stared at it !rowning !or it was not mine. I remembered then that Frith had pi"$ed it up !rom the stone !loor o! the hall. It must have !allen out o! the po"$et in the ma"$intosh. I turned it over in my hand. It was grubby' little bits o! !lu!! !rom the po"$et "lung to it. It must have been in the ma"$intosh po"$et !or a long time. #here was a monogram in the "orner. ( tall sloping 6 with the letters de 1 interla"ed. #he 6 dwar!ed the other letters the tail o! it ran down into the "ambri" away !rom the la"ed edge. It was only a small hand$er"hie! *uite a s"rap o! a thing. It had been rolled in a ball and put away in the po"$et and !orgotten. I must have been the !irst person to put on that ma"$intosh sin"e the hand$er"hie! was used. ,he who had worn the "oat then was tall slim

broader than me about the shoulders !or I had !ound it big and overlong and the sleeves had "ome below my wrist. ,ome o! the buttons were missing. ,he had not bothered then to do it up. ,he had thrown it over her shoulders li$e a "ape or worn it loose hanging open her hands deep in the po"$ets. #here was a pin$ mar$ upon the hand$er"hie!. #he mar$ o! lipsti"$. ,he had rubbed her lips with the hand$er"hie! and then rolled it in a ball and le!t it in the po"$et. I wiped my !ingers with the hand$er"hie! and as I did so I noti"ed that a dull s"ent "lung about it still. ( s"ent I re"ognised a s"ent I $new. I shut my eyes and tried to remember. It was something elusive something !aint and !ragrant that I "ould not name. I had breathed it be!ore tou"hed it surely that very a!ternoon. (nd then I $new that the vanished s"ent upon the hand$er"hie! was the same as the "rushed white petals o! the a)aleas in the 2appy 3alley.

Chapter eleven

#he weather was wet and "old !or *uite a wee$ as it o!ten "an be in the west "ountry in the early summer and we did not go down to the bea"h again. I "ould see the sea !rom the terra"e and the lawns. It loo$ed grey and uninviting great rollers sweeping in to the bay past the bea"on on the headland. I pi"tured them surging into the little "ove and brea$ing with a roar upon the ro"$s then running swi!t and strong to the shelving bea"h. I! I stood on the terra"e and listened I "ould hear the murmur o! the sea below me low and sullen. ( dull persistent sound that never "eased. (nd the gulls !lew inland too driven by the weather. #hey hovered above the house in "ir"les wheeling and "rying !lapping their spread wings. I began to understand why some people "ould not bear the "lamour o! the sea. It has a mourn!ul harping note sometimes and the very persisten"e o! it that eternal roll and thunder and hiss plays a +agged tune upon the nerves. I was glad our rooms were in the east wing and I "ould lean out o! my window and loo$ down upon the rose%garden. For sometimes I "ould not sleep and getting so!tly out o! bed in the *uiet night I would wander to the window and lean there my arms upon the sill and the air would be very pea"e!ul very still. I "ould not hear the restless sea and be"ause I "ould not hear it my thoughts would be pea"e!ul too. #hey would not "arry me down that steep path through the woods to the grey "ove and the deserted "ottage. I did not want to thin$ about the "ottage. I remembered it too o!ten in the day. #he memory o! it nagged at me whenever I saw the sea !rom the terra"e. For I would see on"e more the blue spots on the "hina the spun webs on the little masts o! those model ships and the rat holes on the so!a bed. I would remember the pattering o! the rain on the roo!. (nd I thought o! Ben too with his narrow watery blue eyes his sly idiot.s smile. #hese things disturbed me I was not happy about them. I wanted to !orget them but at the same time I wanted to $now why they disturbed me why they made me uneasy and unhappy. ,omewhere at the ba"$ o! my mind there was a !rightened !urtive seed o! "uriosity that grew slowly and stealthily !or all my denial o! it and I $new all the doubt and an0iety o! the "hild who has been told .these things are not dis"ussed they are !orbidden.. I "ould not !orget the white lost loo$ in Ma0im.s eyes when we "ame up the path through the woods and I "ould not !orget his words. .-h God what a !ool I was to "ome ba"$.. It was all my !ault be"ause I had gone

down into the bay. I had opened up a road into the past again. (nd although Ma0im had re"overed and was himsel! again and we lived our lives together sleeping eating wal$ing writing letters driving to the village wor$ing hour by hour through our day I $new there was a barrier between us be"ause o! it. 2e wal$ed alone on the other side and I must not "ome to him. (nd I be"ame nervous and !ear!ul that some heedless word some turn in a "areless "onversation should bring that e0pression ba"$ to his eyes again. I began to dread any mention o! the sea !or the sea might lead to boats to a""idents to drowning... 5ven Fran$ 7rawley who "ame to lun"h one day put me in a little !ever o! !ear when he said something about the sailing ra"es in Aerrith harbour three miles away. I loo$ed steadily at my plate a stab o! si"$ness in my heart at on"e but Ma0im went on tal$ing *uite naturally he did not seem to mind while I sat in a sweat o! un"ertainty wondering what would happen and where the "onversation would lead us. It was during "heese Frith had le!t the room and I remember getting up and going to the sideboard and ta$ing some more "heese not wanting it so as not to be at the table with them listening' humming a little tune to mysel! so I "ould not hear. I was wrong o! "ourse morbid stupid' this was the hypersensitive behaviour o! a neuroti" not the normal happy sel! I $new mysel! to be. But I "ould not help it. I did not $now what to do. My shyness and gau"herie be"ame worse too ma$ing me stolid and dumb when people "ame to the house. For we were "alled upon I remember during those !irst wee$s by people who lived near us in the "ounty and the re"eiving o! them and the sha$ing hands and the spinning out o! the !ormal hal!%hour be"ame a worse ordeal than I !irst anti"ipated be"ause o! this new !ear o! mine that they would tal$ about something that must not be dis"ussed. #he agony o! those wheels on the drive o! that pealing bell o! my own !irst wild rush !or !light to my own room. #he s"rambled dab o! powder on my nose the hasty "omb through my hair and then the inevitable $no"$ on the door and the entran"e o! the "ards on a silver salver. .(ll right. I.ll be down immediately.. #he "lap o! my heels on the stairs and a"ross the hall the opening o! the library door or worse still that long "old li!eless drawing%room and the strange woman waiting there or two o! them perhaps or a husband and a wi!e. .2ow do you do; I.m sorry' Ma0im is in the garden somewhere Frith has gone to !ind him.. .1e !elt we must "ome and pay our respe"ts to the bride.. ( little laughter a little !lurry o! "hat a pause a glan"e round the room.

.Manderley is loo$ing as "harming as ever. 9on.t you love it;. .-h yes rather...= (nd in my shyness and an0iety to please those s"hoolgirls. phrases would es"ape !rom me again those words I never used e0"ept in moments li$e these .-h ripping.' and .-h topping.' and .absolutely.' and .pri"eless.' even I thin$ to one dowager who had "arried a lorgnette ."heerio.. My relie! at Ma0im.s arrival would be tempered by the !ear they might say something indis"reet and I be"ame dumb at on"e a set smile on my lips my hands in my lap. #hey would turn to Ma0im then tal$ing o! people and pla"es I had not met or did not $now and now and again I would !ind their eyes upon me doubt!ul rather bewildered. I "ould pi"ture them saying to one another as they drove away .My dear what a dull girl. ,he s"ar"ely opened her mouth. and then the senten"e I had !irst heard upon Beatri"e.s lips haunting me ever sin"e a senten"e I read in every eye on every tongue % .,he.s so di!!erent !rom 6ebe""a.. ,ometimes I would glean little snat"hes o! in!ormation to add to my se"ret store. ( word dropped here at random a *uestion a passing phrase. (nd i! Ma0im was not with me the hearing o! them would be a !urtive rather pain!ul pleasure guilty $nowledge learnt in the dar$. I would return a "all perhaps !or Ma0im was pun"tilious in these matters and would not spare me and i! he did not "ome with me I must brave the !ormality alone and there would be a pause in the "onversation while I sear"hed !or something to say. .1ill you be entertaining mu"h at Manderley Mrs de 1inter;. they would say and my answer would "ome .I don.t $now Ma0im has not said mu"h about it up to the present.. .&o o! "ourse not it.s early yet. I believe the house was generally !ull o! people in the old days.. (nother pause. .8eople !rom London you $now. #here used to be tremendous parties.. .<es . I would say. .<es so I have heard.. ( !urther pause and then the lowered voi"e that is always used about the dead or in a pla"e o! worship .,he was so tremendously popular you $now. ,u"h a personality.. .<es . I would say. .<es o! "ourse.. (nd a!ter a moment or so I would glan"e at my wat"h under "over o! my glove and say .I.m a!raid I ought to be going' it must be a!ter !our.. .1on.t you stay !or tea; 1e always have it at *uarter past.. .&o % &o really than$s most aw!ully. I promised Ma0im ...= my senten"e would go trailing o!! into nothing but the meaning would be understood. 1e would both rise to our !eet both o! us $nowing I was not de"eived about her o!!er to tea nor she in my mention o! a promise to Ma0im. I had sometimes wondered what would happen i! "onvention were denied i! having got into the "ar and waved a hand to my hostess on the

doorstep I suddenly opened it again and said .I don.t thin$ I.ll go ba"$ a!ter all. Let.s go to your drawing%room again and sit down. I.ll stay to dinner i! you li$e or stop the night.. I used to wonder i! "onvention and good "ounty manners would brave the surprise . and whether a smile o! wel"ome would be summoned to the !ro)en !a"e .But o! "ourseB 2ow very delight!ul o! you to suggest it.. I used to wish I had the "ourage to try. But instead the door would slam the "ar would go bowling away down the smooth gravel drive and my late hostess would wander ba"$ to her room with a sigh o! relie! and be"ome hersel! again. It was the wi!e o! the bishop in the neighbouring "athedral town who said to me .1ill your husband revive the Manderley !an"y dress ball do you suppose; ,u"h a lovely sight always' I shall never !orget it.. I had to smile as though I $new all about it and say .1e have not de"ided. #here have been so many things to do and to dis"uss.. .<es I suppose so. But I do hope it won.t be dropped. <ou must use your in!luen"e with him. #here was not one last year o! "ourse. But I remember two years ago the bishop and I went and it was *uite en"hanting. Manderley so lends itsel! to anything li$e that. #he hall loo$ed wonder!ul. #hey dan"ed there and had the musi" in the gallery' it was all so in $eeping. ( tremendous thing to organise but everybody appre"iated it so. .<es . I said. .<es I must as$ Ma0im about it.. I thought o! the do"$eted pigeon%hole in the des$ in the morning%room I pi"tured the sta"$ upon sta"$ o! invitation "ards the long list o! names the addresses and I "ould see a woman sitting there at the des$ and putting a 3 beside the names she wanted and rea"hing !or the invitation "ards dipping her pen in the in$ writing upon them swi!t and sure in that long slanting hand. .#here was a garden party too we went to one summer . said the bishop.s wi!e. .5verything always so beauti!ully done. #he !lowers at their best. ( glorious day I remember. #ea was served at little tables in the rose%garden' su"h an attra"tive original idea. -! "ourse she was so "lever...= ,he stopped turning a little pin$ !earing a loss o! ta"t' but I agreed with her at on"e to save embarrassment and I heard mysel! saying boldly bra)enly .6ebe""a must have been a wonder!ul person.. I "ould not believe that I had said the name at last. I waited wondering what would happen. I had said the name. I had said the word 6ebe""a aloud. It was a tremendous relie!. It was as though I had ta$en a purge and rid mysel! o! an intolerable pain. 6ebe""a. I had said it aloud.

I wondered i! the bishop.s wi!e saw the !lush on my !a"e but she went on smoothly with the "onversation and I listened to her greedily li$e an eavesdropper at a shuttered window. .<ou never met her then;. she as$ed and when I shoo$ my head she hesitated a moment a little un"ertain o! her ground. .1e never $new her well personally you $now: the bishop was only indu"ted here !our years ago but o! "ourse she re"eived us when we went to the ball and the garden party. 1e dined there too one winter. <es she was a very lovely "reature. ,o !ull o! li!e.. .,he seems to have been so good at everything too . I said my voi"e +ust "areless enough to show I did not mind while I played with the !ringe o! my glove. .It.s not o!ten you get someone who is "lever and beauti!ul and !ond o! sport.. .&o I suppose you don.t . said the bishop.s wi!e. .,he was "ertainly very gi!ted. I "an see her now standing at the !oot o! the stairs on the night o! the ball sha$ing hands with everybody that "loud o! dar$ hair against the very white s$in and her "ostume suited her so. <es she was very beauti!ul.. .,he ran the house hersel! too . I said smiling as i! to say .I am *uite at my ease I o!ten dis"uss her.. .It must have ta$en a lot o! time and thought. I.m a!raid I leave it to the house$eeper.. .-h well we "an.t all do everything. (nd you are very young aren.t you; &o doubt in time when you have settled down. Besides you have your own hobby haven.t you; ,omeone told me you were !ond o! s$et"hing.. .-h that . I said. .I don.t $now that I "an "ount it !or mu"h.. .It.s a ni"e little talent to have . said the bishop.s wi!e' .it.s not everyone that "an s$et"h. <ou must not drop it. Manderley must be !ull o! pretty spots to s$et"h.. .<es . I said. .<es I suppose so . depressed by her words having a sudden vision o! mysel! wandering a"ross the lawns with a "amp%stool and a bo0 o! pen"ils under one arm and my .little talent. as she des"ribed it under the other. It sounded li$e a pet disease. .9o you play any games; 9o you ride or shoot;. she as$ed. .&o . I said .I don.t do anything li$e that. I.m !ond o! wal$ing . I added as a wret"hed anti"lima0. =#he best e0er"ise in the world . she said bris$ly' .the bishop and I wal$ a lot.. I wondered i! he went round and round the "athedral in his shovel hat and his gaiters with her on his arm. ,he began to tal$ about a wal$ing holiday they had ta$en on"e years ago in the 8ennines how they had done an average o! twenty miles a day and I nodded my head smiling

politely wondering about the 8ennines thin$ing they were something li$e the (ndes remembering a!terwards they were that "hain o! hills mar$ed with a !urry line in the middle o! a pin$ 5ngland on my s"hool atlas. (nd he all the time in his hat and gaiters. #he inevitable pause the glan"e at the wat"h unne"essary as her drawing%room "lo"$ "himed !our in shrill tones and my rise !rom the "hair. .I.m so glad I !ound you in. I hope you will "ome and see us.. .1e should love to. #he bishop is always so busy alas. 8lease remember me to your husband and be sure to as$ him to revive the ball.. .<es indeed I will.. Lying pretending I $new all about it' and in the "ar going home I sat in my "orner biting my thumb nail seeing the great hall at Manderley thronged with people in !an"y dress the "hatter hum and laughter o! the moving "rowd the musi"ians in the gallery supper in the drawing%room probably long bu!!et tables against the wall and I "ould see Ma0im standing at the !ront o! the stairs laughing sha$ing hands turning to someone who stood by his side tall and slim with dar$ hair said the bishop.s wi!e dar$ hair against a white !a"e someone whose *ui"$ eyes saw to the "om!ort o! her guests who gave an order over her shoulder to a servant someone who was never aw$ward never without gra"e who when she dan"ed le!t a stab o! per!ume in the air li$e a white a)alea. .1ill you be entertaining mu"h at Manderley Mrs de 1inter;. I heard the voi"e again suggestive rather in*uisitive in the voi"e o! that woman I had "alled upon who lived the other side o! Aerrith and I saw her eye too dubious "onsidering ta$ing in my "lothes !rom top to toe wondering with that swi!t downward glan"e given to all brides i! I was going to have a baby. I did not want to see her again. I did not want to see any o! them again. #hey only "ame to "all at Manderley be"ause they were "urious and prying. #hey li$ed to "riti"ise my loo$s my manners my !igure they li$ed to wat"h how Ma0im and I behaved to ea"h other whether we seemed !ond o! one another so that they "ould go ba"$ a!terwards and dis"uss us saying .3ery di!!erent !rom the old days.. #hey "ame be"ause they wanted to "ompare me to 6ebe""a... I would not return these "alls any more I de"ided. I should tell Ma0im so. I did not mind i! they thought me rude and ungra"ious. It would give them more to "riti"ise more to dis"uss. #hey "ould say I was ill%bred. .I.m not surprised . they would say' .a!ter all who was she;. (nd then a laugh and a shrug o! the shoulder. .My dear don.t you $now; 2e pi"$ed her up in Monte 7arlo or somewhere' she hadn.t a penny. ,he was a "ompanion to some old woman.. More laughter more li!ting o! the eyebrows. .&onsense not really; 2ow e0traordinary men are. Ma0im o! all people who was so !astidious. 2ow "ould he a!ter 6ebe""a;.

I did not mind. I did not "are. #hey "ould say what they li$ed. (s the "ar turned in at the lodge gates I leant !orward in my seat to smile at the woman who lived there. ,he was bending down pi"$ing !lowers in the !ront garden. ,he straightened up as she heard the "ar but she did not see me smile. I waved and she stared at me blan$ly. I don.t thin$ she $new who I was. I leant ba"$ in my seat again. #he "ar went on down the drive. 1hen we turned at one o! the narrow bends I saw a man wal$ing along the drive a little distan"e ahead. It was the agent Fran$ 7rawley. 2e stopped when he heard the "ar and the "hau!!eur slowed down. Fran$ 7rawley too$ o!! his hat and smiled when he saw me in the "ar. 2e seemed glad to see me. I smiled ba"$ at him. It was ni"e o! him to be glad to see me. I li$ed Fran$ 7rawley. I did not !ind him dull or uninteresting as Beatri"e had done. 8erhaps it was be"ause I was dull mysel!. 1e were both dull. 1e neither o! us had a word to say !or ourselves. Li$e to li$e. I tapped on the glass and told the "hau!!eur to stop. .I thin$ I.ll get out and wal$ with Mr 7rawley . I said. 2e opened the door !or me. .Been paying "alls Mrs de 1inter;. he said. .<es Fran$ . I said. I "alled him Fran$ be"ause Ma0im did but he would always "all me Mrs de 1inter. 2e was that sort o! person. 5ven i! we had been thrown on a desert island together and lived there in intima"y !or the rest o! our lives I should have been Mrs de 1inter. .I.ve been "alling on the bishop . I said .and I !ound the bishop out but the bishop.s lady was at home. ,he and the bishop are very !ond o! wal$ing. ,ometimes they do twenty miles a day in the 8ennines.. .I don.t $now that part o! the world . said Fran$ 7rawley' .they say the "ountry round is very !ine. (n un"le o! mine used to live there.. It was the sort o! remar$ Fran$ 7rawley always made. ,a!e "onventional very "orre"t. =#he bishop.s wi!e wants to $now when we are going to give a !an"y dress ball at Manderley . I said wat"hing him out o! the tail o! my eye. .,he "ame to the last one she said and en+oyed it very mu"h. I did not $now you have !an"y dress dan"es here Fran$.. 2e hesitated a moment be!ore replying. 2e loo$ed a little troubled. .-h yes . he said a!ter a moment .the Manderley ball was generally an annual a!!air. 5veryone in the "ounty "ame. ( lot o! people !rom London too. @uite a big show.. .It must have ta$en a lot o! organisation . I said. .<es . he said. .I suppose. I said "arelessly .6ebe""a did most o! it;.

I loo$ed straight ahead o! me along the drive but I "ould see his !a"e was turned towards me as though he wished to read my e0pression. .1e all o! us wor$ed pretty hard . he said *uietly. #here was a !unny reserve in his manner as he said this a "ertain shyness that reminded me o! my own. I wondered suddenly i! he had been in love with 6ebe""a. 2is voi"e was the sort o! voi"e I should have used in his "ir"umstan"es had this been so. #he idea opened up a new !ield o! possibilities. Fran$ 7rawley being so shy so dull he would never have told anyone least o! all 6ebe""a. .I.m a!raid I should not be mu"h use i! we have a dan"e . I said .I.m no earthly use at organising anything.. =#here would be no need !or you to do anything . he said .you would +ust be your sel! and loo$ de"orative.. =#hat.s very polite o! you Fran$ . I said .but I.m a!raid I should not be able to do that very well either.. .I thin$ you would do it e0"ellently . he said. 9ear Fran$ 7rawley how ta"t!ul he was and "onsiderate. I almost believed him. But he did not de"eive me really. .1ill you as$ Ma0im about the ball;. I said. .1hy don.t you as$ him;. he answered. .&o . I said. .&o I don.t li$e to.. 1e were silent then. 1e went on wal$ing along the drive. &ow that I had bro$en down my relu"tan"e at saying 6ebe""a.s name !irst with the bishop.s wi!e and now with Fran$ 7rawley the urge to "ontinue was strong within me. It gave me a "urious satis!a"tion it a"ted upon me li$e a stimulant. I $new that in a moment or two I should have to say it again. .I was down on one o! the bea"hes the other day . I said .the one with the brea$water. /asper was being in!uriating he $ept bar$ing at the poor man with the idiot.s eyes.. .<ou must mean Ben . said Fran$ his voi"e *uite easy now' .he always potters about on the shore. 2e.s *uite a ni"e !ellow you need never be !rightened o! him. 2e would not hurt a !ly.. .-h I wasn.t !rightened . I said. I waited a moment humming a tune to give me "on!iden"e. .I.m a!raid that "ottage pla"e is going to ra"$ and ruin . I said lightly. .I had to go in to !ind a pie"e o! string or something to tie up /asper. #he "hina is mouldy and the boo$s are being ruined. 1hy isn.t something done about it; It seems su"h a pity.. I $new he would not answer at on"e. 2e bent down to tie up his shoe la"e. I pretended to e0amine a lea! on one o! the shrubs. .I thin$ i! Ma0im wanted anything done he would tell me . he said still !umbling with his shoe.

.(re they all 6ebe""a.s things;. I as$ed. .<es . he said. I threw the lea! away and pi"$ed another turning it over in my hands. .1hat did she use the "ottage !or;. I as$ed' .it loo$ed *uite !urnished. I thought !rom the outside it was +ust a boat%house.. .It was a boat%house originally . he said his voi"e "onstrained again di!!i"ult the voi"e o! someone who is un"om!ortable about his sub+e"t. .#hen % then she "onverted it li$e that had !urniture put in and "hina.. I thought it !unny the way he "alled her .she.. 2e did not say 6ebe""a or Mrs de 1inter as I e0pe"ted him to do. .9id she use it a great deal;. I as$ed. .<es . he said. .<es she did. Moonlight pi"ni"s and % and one thing and another.. 1e were wal$ing again side by side I still humming my little tune. .2ow +olly . I said brightly. .Moonlight pi"ni"s must be great !un. 9id you ever go to them;. .-n"e or twi"e . he said. I pretended not to noti"e his manner how *uiet it had be"ome how relu"tant to spea$ about these things. .1hy is the buoy there in the little harbour pla"e;. I said. .#he boat used to be moored there . he said. .1hat boat;. I as$ed. .2er boat . he said. ( strange sort o! e0"itement was upon me. I had to go on with my *uestions. 2e did not want to tal$ about it. I $new that but although I was sorry !or him and sho"$ed at my own sel! I had to "ontinue I "ould not be silent. .1hat happened to it;. I said. .1as that the boat she was sailing when she was drowned;. .<es . he said *uietly .it "apsi)ed and san$. ,he was washed overboard.. .1hat sort o! si)e boat was it;. I as$ed. .(bout three tons. It had a little "abin.. .1hat made it "apsi)e;. I said. .It "an be very s*ually in the bay . he said. I thought o! that green sea !oam%!le"$ed that ran down "hannel beyond the headland. 9id the wind "ome suddenly I wondered in a !unnel !rom the bea"on on the hill and did the little boat heel to it shivering the white sail !iat against a brea$ing sea; .7ould not someone have got out to her;. I said. .&obody saw the a""ident nobody $new she had gone . he said.

I was very "are!ul not to loo$ at him. 2e might have seen the surprise in my !a"e. I had always thought it happened in a sailing ra"e that other boats were there the boats !rom Aerrith and that people were wat"hing !rom the "li!!s. I did not $now she had been alone *uite alone out there in the bay. =#hey must have $nown up at the houseB. I said. .&o . he said. .,he o!ten went out alone li$e that. ,he would "ome ba"$ any time o! the night and sleep at the "ottage on the bea"h.. .1as not she nervous;. .&ervous;. he said' .no she was not nervous o! anything.. .9id % did Ma0im mind her going o!! alone li$e that;. 2e waited a minute and then .I don.t $now . he said shortly. I had the impression he was being loyal to someone. 5ither to Ma0im or to 6ebe""a or perhaps even to himsel!. 2e was odd. I did not $now what to ma$e o! it. .,he must have been drowned then trying to swim to shore a!ter the boat san$;. I said. .<es . he said. I $new how the little boat would *uiver and plunge the water gushing into the steering well and how the sails would press her down suddenly horribly in that gust o! wind. It must have been very dar$ out there in the bay. #he shore must have seemed very !ar away to anyone swimming there in the water. .2ow long a!terwards was it that they !ound her;. I said. .(bout two months . he said. #wo months. I thought drowned people were !ound a!ter two days. I thought they would be washed up "lose to the shore when the tide "ame. .1here did they !ind her;. I as$ed. .&ear 5dge"oombe about !orty miles up "hannel . he said. I had spent a holiday at 5dge"oombe on"e when I was seven. It was a big pla"e with a pier and don$eys. I remembered riding a don$ey along the sands. .2ow did they $now it was her % a!ter two months how "ould they tell;. I said. I wondered why he paused be!ore ea"h senten"e as though he weighed his words. 2ad he "ared !or her then had he minded so mu"h; .Ma0im went up to 5dge"oombe to identi!y her . he said. ,uddenly I did not want to as$ him any more. I !elt si"$ at mysel! si"$ and disgusted. I was li$e a "urious sightseer standing on the !ringe o! a "rowd a!ter someone had been $no"$ed down. I was li$e a poor person in a tenement building when someone had died as$ing i! I might see the body. I hated mysel!. My *uestions had been degrading shame!ul. Fran$ 7rawley must despise me.

.It was a terrible time !or all o! you . I said rapidly. .I don.t suppose you li$e being reminded about it. I +ust wondered i! there was anything one "ould do to the "ottage that.s all. It seems su"h a pity all the !urniture being spoilt by the damp.. 2e did not say anything. I !elt hot and un"om!ortable. 2e must have sensed that it was not "on"ern !or the empty "ottage that had prompted me to all these *uestions and now he was silent be"ause he was sho"$ed at me. -urs had been a "om!ortable steady sort o! !riendship. I had !elt him an ally. 8erhaps I had destroyed all this and he would never !eel the same about me again. .1hat a long drive this is . I said' .it always reminds me o! the path in the !orest in a Grimm.s !airy tale where the prin"e gets lost you $now. It.s always longer than one e0pe"ts and the trees are so dar$ and "lose.. .<es it is rather e0"eptional . he said. I "ould tell by his manner he was still on his guard as though waiting !or a !urther *uestion !rom me. #here was an aw$wardness between us that "ould not be ignored. ,omething had to be done about it even i! it "overed me with shame. .Fran$ . I said desperately .I $now what you are thin$ing. <ou "an.t understand why I as$ed all those *uestions +ust now. <ou thin$ I.m morbid and "urious in a rather beastly way. It.s not that I promise you. It.s only that % that sometimes I !eel mysel! at su"h a disadvantage. It.s all very strange to me living here at Manderley. &ot the sort o! li!e I.ve been brought up to. 1hen I go returning these "alls as I did this a!ternoon I $now people are loo$ing me up and down wondering what sort o! su""ess I.m going to ma$e o! it. I "an imagine them saying =1hat on earth does Ma0im see in her;= (nd then Fran$ I begin to wonder mysel! and I begin to doubt and I have a !ear!ul haunting !eeling that I should never have married Ma0im that we are not going to be happy. <ou see I $now that all the time whenever I meet anyone new they are all thin$ing the same thing % 2ow di!!erent she is to 6ebe""a.. I stopped breathless already a little ashamed o! my outburst !eeling that now at any rate I had burnt my boats !or all time. 2e turned to me loo$ing very "on"erned and troubled. .Mrs de 1inter please don.t thin$ that . he said. .For my part I "an.t tell you how delighted I am that you have married Ma0im. It will ma$e all the di!!eren"e to his li!e. I am positive that you will ma$e a great su""ess o! it. From my point o! view it.s % it.s very re!reshing and "harming to !ind someone li$e yoursel! who is not entirely % er %. he blushed sear"hing !or a word .not entirely au !ait shall we say with ways at Manderley. (nd i! people around here give you the impression that they are "riti"ising you it.s % well % it.s most damnably o!!ensive o! them that.s all. I.ve never heard a

word o! "riti"ism and i! I did I should ta$e great "are that it was never uttered again.. .#hat.s very sweet o! you Fran$ . I said .and what you say helps enormously. I dare say I.ve been very stupid. I.m not good at meeting people I.ve never had to do it and all the time I $eep remembering how % how it must have been at Manderley be!ore when there was someone there who was born and bred to it did it all naturally and without e!!ort. (nd I realise every day that things I la"$ "on!iden"e gra"e beauty intelligen"e wit % -h all the *ualities that mean most in a woman % she possessed. It doesn.t help Fran$ it doesn.t help.. 2e said nothing. 2e went on loo$ing an0ious and distressed. 2e pulled out his hand$er"hie! and blew his nose. .<ou must not say that . he said. .1hy not; It.s true . I said. .<ou have *ualities that are +ust as important !ar more so in !a"t. It.s perhaps "hee$ o! me to say so I don.t $now you very well. I.m a ba"helor I don.t $now very mu"h about women I lead a *uiet sort o! li!e down here at Manderley as you $now but I should say that $indness and sin"erity and % i! I may say so % modesty are worth !ar more to a man to a husband than all the wit and beauty in the world.. 2e loo$ed very agitated and blew his nose again. I saw that I had upset him !ar more than I had upset mysel! and the realisation o! this "almed me and gave me a !eeling o! superiority. I wondered why he was ma$ing su"h a !uss. (!ter all I had not said very mu"h. I had only "on!essed my sense o! inse"urity !ollowing as I did upon 6ebe""a. (nd she must have had these *ualities that he presented to me as mine. ,he must have been $ind and sin"ere with all her !riends her boundless popularity. I was not sure what he meant by modesty. It was a word I had never understood. I always imagined it had something to do with minding meeting people in a passage on the way to the bathroom... 8oor Fran$. (nd Beatri"e had "alled him a dull man with never a word to say !or himsel!. .1ell . I said rather embarrassed .well I don.t $now about all that. I don.t thin$ I.m very $ind or parti"ularly sin"ere and as !or being modest I don.t thin$ I.ve ever had mu"h o! a "han"e to be anything else. It was not very modest o! "ourse being married hurriedly li$e that down in Monte 7arlo and being alone there in that hotel be!orehand but perhaps you don.t "ount that;. .My dear Mrs de 1inter you don.t thin$ I imagine !or one moment that your meeting down there was not entirely above board;. he said in a low voi"e.

.&o o! "ourse not . I said gravely. 9ear Fran$. I thin$ I had sho"$ed him. 1hat a Fran$ish e0pression too .above board.. It made one thin$ immediately o! the sort o! things that would happen below board. .I.m sure . he began and hesitated his e0pression still troubled .I.m sure that Ma0im would be very worried very distressed i! he $new how you !elt. I don.t thin$ he "an have any idea o! it.. .<ou won.t tell him;. I said hastily. .&o naturally not what do you ta$e me !or; But you see Mrs de 1inter I $now Ma0im pretty well and I.ve seen him through many... moods. I! he thought you were worrying about % well % about the past it would distress him more than anything on earth. I "an promise you that. 2e.s loo$ing very well very !it but Mrs La"y was *uite right the other day when she said he had been on the verge o! a brea$down last year though it was ta"tless o! her to say so in !ront o! him. #hat.s why you are so good !or him. <ou are !resh and young and %and sensible you have nothing to do with all that time that has gone. Forget it Mrs de 1inter !orget it as he has done than$ heaven and the rest o! us. 1e none o! us want to bring ba"$ the past. Ma0im least o! all. (nd it.s up to you you $now to lead us away !rom it. &ot to ta$e us ba"$ there again.. 2e was right o! "ourse he was right. 9ear good Fran$ my !riend my ally. I had been sel!ish and hypersensitive a martyr to my own in!eriority "omple0. .I ought to have told you all this be!ore . I said. .I wish you had . he said. .I might have spared you some worry.. .I !eel happier . I said .mu"h happier. (nd I.ve got you !or my !riend whatever happens haven.t I Fran$;. .<es indeed . he said. 1e were out o! the dar$ wooded drive and into the light again. #he rhododendrons were upon us. #heir hour would soon be over. (lready they loo$ed a little overblown a little !aded. &e0t month the petals would !all one by one !rom the great !a"es and the gardeners would "ome and sweep them away. #heirs was a brie! beauty. &ot lasting very long. .Fran$ . I said .be!ore we put an end to this "onversation !or ever let.s say will you promise to answer me one thing *uite truth!ully;. 2e paused loo$ing at me a little suspi"iously. =#hat.s not *uite !air . he said .you might as$ me something that I should not be able to answer something *uite impossible.. .&o . I said .it.s not that sort o! *uestion. It.s not intimate or personal or anything li$e that.. .3ery well I.ll do my best . he said.

1e "ame round the sweep o! the drive and Manderley was be!ore us serene and pea"e!ul in the hollow o! the lawns surprising me as it always did with its per!e"t symmetry and gra"e its great simpli"ity. #he sunlight !li"$ered on the mullioned windows and there was a so!t rusted glow about the stone walls where the li"hen "lung. ( thin "olumn o! smo$e "urled !rom the library "himney. I bit my thumbnail wat"hing Fran$ out o! the tail o! my eye. .#ell me . I said my voi"e "asual not "aring a bit .tell me was 6ebe""a very beauti!ul;. Fran$ waited a moment. I "ould not see his !a"e. 2e was loo$ing away !rom me towards the house. .<es . he said slowly .yes I suppose she was the most beauti!ul "reature I ever saw in my li!e.. 1e went up the steps then to the hall and I rang the bell !or tea.

Chapter twelve

I did not see mu"h o! Mrs 9anvers. ,he $ept very mu"h to hersel!. ,he still rang the house telephone to the morning%room every day and submitted the menu to me as a matter o! !orm but that was the limit o! our inter"ourse. ,he had engaged a maid !or me 7lari"e the daughter o! somebody on the estate a ni"e *uiet well%mannered girl who than$ heaven had never been in servi"e be!ore and had no alarming standards. I thin$ she was the only person in the house who stood in awe o! me. #o her I was the mistress: I was Mrs de 1inter. #he possible gossip o! the others "ould not a!!e"t her. ,he had been away !or some time brought up by an aunt !i!teen miles away and in a sense she was as new to Manderley as I was. I !elt at ease with her. I did not mind saying .-h 7lari"e would you mend my sto"$ing;= #he housemaid (li"e had been so superior. I used to snea$ my "hemise and nightgowns out o! my drawer and mend them mysel! rather than as$ her to do them. I had seen her on"e with one o! my "hemises over her arm e0amining the plain material with its small edging o! la"e. I shall never !orget her e0pression. ,he loo$ed almost sho"$ed as though her own personal pride had re"eived a blow. I had never thought about my under"lothes be!ore. (s long as they were "lean and neat I had not thought the material or the e0isten"e o! la"e mattered. Brides one read about had trousseau0 do)ens o! sets at a time and I had never bothered. (li"e.s !a"e taught me a lesson. I wrote *ui"$ly to a shop in London and as$ed !or a "atalogue o! under%linen. By the time I had made my "hoi"e (li"e was loo$ing a!ter me no longer and 7lari"e was installed instead. It seemed su"h a waste buying new under"lothes !or 7lari"e that I put the "atalogue away in a drawer and never wrote to the shop a!ter all. I o!ten wondered whether (li"e told the others and i! my under"lothes be"ame a topi" o! "onversation in the servants. hall something rather dread!ul to be dis"ussed in low tones when the men were nowhere about. ,he was too superior !or it to be made a +o$ing *uestion. 8hrases li$e .7hemise to you. would never be bandied between her and Frith !or instan"e. &o my under"lothes were more serious than that. More li$e a divor"e "ase heard in "amera... (t any rate I was glad when (li"e surrendered me to 7lari"e. 7lari"e would never $now real la"e !rom !alse. It was "onsiderate o!

Mrs 9anvers to have engaged her. ,he must have thought we would be !it "ompany one !or the other. &ow that I $new the reason !or Mrs 9anvers. disli$e and resentment it made things a little easier. I $new it was not +ust me personally she hated but what I represented. ,he would have !elt the same towards anyone who had ta$en 6ebe""a.s pla"e. (t least that was what I understood !rom Beatri"e the day she "ame to lun"h. .9id not you $now;. she had said' .she simply adored 6ebe""a.. #he words had sho"$ed me at the time. ,omehow I had not e0pe"ted them. But when I thought it over I began to lose my !irst !ear o! Mrs 9anvers. I began to be sorry !or her. I "ould imagine what she must !eel. It must hurt her every time she heard me "alled .Mrs de 1inter.. 5very morning when she too$ up the house telephone and spo$e to me and I answered .<es Mrs 9anvers . she must be thin$ing o! another voi"e. 1hen she passed through the rooms and saw tra"es o! me about the pla"e a beret on a window%seat a bag o! $nitting on a "hair she must thin$ o! another one who had done these things be!ore. 5ven as I did. I who had never $nown 6ebe""a. Mrs 9anvers $new how she wal$ed and how she spo$e. Mrs 9anvers $new the "olour o! her eyes her smile the te0ture o! her hair. I $new none o! these things I had never as$ed about them but sometimes I !elt 6ebe""a was as real to me as she was to Mrs 9anvers. Fran$ had told me to !orget the past and I wanted to !orget it. But Fran$ did not have to sit in the morning%room as I did every day and tou"h the pen she had held between her !ingers. 2e did not have to rest his hands on the blotter and stare in !ront o! him at her writing on the pigeon%holes. 2e did not have to loo$ at the "andlesti"$s on the mantelpie"e the "lo"$ the vase in whi"h the !lowers stood the pi"tures on the walls and remember every day that they belonged to her she had "hosen them they were not mine at all. Fran$ did not have to sit at her pla"e in the dining%room hold the $ni!e and !or$ that she had held drin$ !rom her glass. 2e did not throw a "oat over his shoulders whi"h had been hers nor !ind her hand$er"hie! in the po"$et. 2e did not noti"e every day as I did the blind ga)e o! the old dog in its bas$et in the library who li!ted its head when it heard my !ootstep the !ootstep o! a woman and sni!!ing the air drooped its head again be"ause I was not the one she sought. Little things meaningless and stupid in themselves but they were there !or me to see !or me to hear !or me to !eel. 9ear God I did not want to thin$ about 6ebe""a. I wanted to be happy to ma$e Ma0im happy and I wanted us to be together. #here was no other wish in my heart but that. I "ould not help it i! she "ame to me in thoughts in dreams. I "ould not help it

i! I !elt li$e a guest in Manderley my home wal$ing where she had trodden resting where she had lain. I was li$e a guest biding my time waiting !or the return o! the hostess. Little senten"es little reproo!s reminding me every hour every day. .Frith . I said "oming into the library on a summer morning my arms !ull o! lila" .Frith where "an I !ind a tall vase !or these; #hey are all too small in the !lower%room.. .#he white alabaster vase in the drawing%room was always used !or the lila" Madam.. .-h wouldn.t it be spoilt; It might get bro$en.. .Mrs de 1inter always used the alabaster vase Madam.. .-h oh I see.. #hen the alabaster vase was brought !or me already !illed with water and as I put the sweet lila" in the vase and arranged the sprigs one by one the mauve warm s"ent !illing the room mingling with the smell o! the new% mown lawn outside "oming !rom the open window I thought: .6ebe""a did this. ,he too$ the lila" as I am doing and put the sprigs one by one in the white vase. I.m not the !irst to do it. #his is 6ebe""a.s vase this is 6ebe""a.s lila". ,he must have wandered out into the garden as I did in that !loppy garden hat that I had seen on"e at the ba"$ o! the "upboard in the !lower% room hidden under some old "ushions and "rossed the lawn to the lila" bushes whistling perhaps humming a tune "alling to the dogs to !ollow her "arrying in her hands the s"issors that I "arried now. .Frith "ould you move that boo$%stand !rom the table in the window and I will put the lila" there;. .Mrs de 1inter always had the alabaster vase on the table behind the so!a Madam.. .-h well.... I hesitated the vase in my hands Frith.s !a"e impassive. 2e would obey me o! "ourse i! I said I pre!erred to put the vase on the smaller table by the window. 2e would move the boo$%stand at on"e. .(ll right . I said .perhaps it would loo$ better on the larger table.. (nd the alabaster vase stood as it had always done on the table behind the so!a... Beatri"e remembered her promise o! a wedding present. ( large par"el arrived one morning almost too large !or 6obert to "arry. I was sitting in the morning%room having +ust read the menu !or the day. I have always had a "hildish love o! par"els. I snipped the string e0"itedly and tore o!! the dar$ brown paper. It loo$ed li$e boo$s. I was right. It was boo$s. Four big volumes. ( 2istory o! 8ainting. (nd a sheet o! note%paper in the !irst volume saying .I hope this is the sort o! thing you li$e . and signed .Love !rom Beatri"e.. I "ould see her going into the shop in 1igmore ,treet and buying

them. Loo$ing about her in her abrupt rather mas"uline way. .I want a set o! boo$s !or someone who is $een on (rt . she would say and the attendant would answer .<es Madam will you "ome this way.. ,he would !inger the volumes a little suspi"iously. .<es that.s about the pri"e. It.s !or a wedding present. I want them to loo$ good. (re these all about (rt;. .<es this is the standard wor$ on the sub+e"t . the assistant would say. (nd then Beatri"e must have written her note and paid her "he*ue and given the address .Mrs de 1inter Manderley.. It was ni"e o! Beatri"e. #here was something rather sin"ere and patheti" about her going o!! to a shop in London and buying me these boo$s be"ause she $new I was !ond o! painting. ,he imagined me I e0pe"t sitting down on a wet day and loo$ing solemnly at the illustrations and perhaps getting a sheet o! drawing%paper and a paint%bo0 and "opying one o! the pi"tures. 9ear Beatri"e. I had a sudden stupid desire to "ry. I gathered up the heavy volumes and loo$ed round the morning%room !or somewhere to put them. #hey were out o! pla"e in that !ragile deli"ate room. &ever mind it was my room now a!ter all. I arranged them in a row on the top o! the des$. #hey swayed dangerously leaning one against the other. I stood ba"$ a bit to wat"h the e!!e"t. 8erhaps I moved too *ui"$ly and it disturbed them. (t any rate the !oremost one !ell and the others slid a!ter him. #hey upset a little "hina "upid who had hitherto stood alone on the des$ e0"ept !or the "andlesti"$s. 2e !ell to the ground hitting the waste%paper bas$et as he did so and bro$e into !ragments. I glan"ed hurriedly at the door li$e a guilty "hild. I $nelt on the !loor and swept up the pie"es into my hand. I !ound an envelope to put them in. I hid the envelope at the ba"$ o! one o! the drawers in the des$. #hen I too$ the boo$s o!! to the library and !ound room !or them on the shelves. Ma0im laughed when I showed them to him with pride. .9ear old Bee . he said .you must have had a su""ess with her. ,he never opens a boo$ i! she "an help it.. .9id she say anything about % well % what she thought o! me;. I as$ed. .#he day she "ame to lun"h; &o I don.t thin$ so.. .I thought she might have written or something.. .Beatri"e and I don.t "orrespond unless there.s a ma+or event in the !amily. 1riting letters is a waste o! time . said Ma0im. I supposed I was not a ma+or event. <et i! I had been Beatri"e and had a brother and the brother married surely one would have said something e0pressed an opinion written two words; >nless o! "ourse one had ta$en a disli$e to the wi!e or thought her unsuitable. #hen o! "ourse it would be

di!!erent. ,till Beatri"e had ta$en the trouble to go up to London and to buy the boo$s !or me. ,he would not have done that i! she disli$ed me. It was the !ollowing day I remember when Frith who had brought in the "o!!ee a!ter lun"h to the library waited a moment hovering behind Ma0im and said .7ould I spea$ to you sir;. Ma0im glan"ed up !rom his paper. .<es Frith what is it;. he said rather surprised. Frith wore a sti!! solemn e0pression his lips pursed. I thought at on"e his wi!e had died. .It.s about 6obert sir. #here has been a slight unpleasantness between him and Mrs 9anvers. 6obert is very upset.. .-h Lord . said Ma0im ma$ing a !a"e at me. I bent down to !ondle /asper my un!ailing habit in moments o! embarrassment. .<es sir. It appears Mrs 9anvers has a""used 6obert o! se"reting a valuable ornament !rom the morning%room. It is 6obert.s business to bring in the !resh !lowers to the morning%room and pla"e the vases. Mrs 9anvers went in this morning a!ter the !lowers had been done and noti"ed one o! the ornaments was missing. It was there yesterday she said. ,he a""used 6obert o! either ta$ing the ornament or brea$ing it and "on"ealing the brea$age. 6obert denied both a""usations most emphati"ally and "ame to me nearly in tears sir. <ou may have noti"ed he was not himsel! at lun"h.. .I wondered why he handed me the "utlets without giving me a plate . murmured Ma0im. .I did not $now 6obert was so sensitive. 1ell I suppose someone else did it. -ne o! the maids.. .&o sir. Mrs 9anvers went into the room be!ore the girl had done the room. &obody had been there sin"e Madam yesterday and 6obert !irst thing with the !lowers. It ma$es it very unpleasant !or 6obert and mysel! sir.. .<es o! "ourse it does. 1ell you had better as$ Mrs 9anvers to "ome here and we.ll get to the bottom o! it. 1hat ornament was it anyway;. .#he "hina "upid sir that stands on the writing%table.. .-hB -h Lord. #hat.s one o! our treasures isn.t it; It will have to be !ound. Get hold o! Mrs 9anvers at on"e.. .3ery good sir.. Frith le!t the room and we were alone again. .1hat a "on!ounded nuisan"e . said Ma0im' .that "upid is worth a hell o! a lot. 2ow I loathe servants. rows too. I wonder why they "ome to me about it. #hat.s your +ob sweetheart.. I loo$ed up !rom /asper my !a"e red as !ire. .9arling . I said .I meant to tell you be!ore but %but I !orgot. #he !a"t is I bro$e that "upid when I was in the morning%room yesterday..

.<ou bro$e it; 1ell why the devil didn.t you say so when Frith was here;. .I don.t $now. I didn.t li$e to. I was a!raid he would thin$ me a !ool.. .2e.ll thin$ you mu"h more o! a !ool now. <ou.ll have to e0plain to him and Mrs 9anvers.. .-h no please Ma0im you tell them. Let me go upstairs.. .9on.t be a little idiot. (nyone would thin$ you were a!raid o! them.. .I am a!raid o! them. (t least not a!raid but #he door opened and Frith ushered Mrs 9anvers into the room. I loo$ed nervously at Ma0im. 2e shrugged his shoulders hal! amused hal! angry. .It.s all a mista$e Mrs 9anvers. (pparently Mrs de 1inter bro$e the "upid hersel! and !orgot to say anything . said Ma0im. #hey all loo$ed at me. It was li$e being a "hild again. I was still aware o! my guilty !lush. .I.m so sorry . I said wat"hing Mrs 9anvers .I never thought 6obert would get into trouble.. .Is it possible to repair the ornament Madam;. said Mrs 9anvers. ,he did not seem to be surprised that I was the "ulprit. ,he loo$ed at me with her white s$ull.s !a"e and her dar$ eyes. I !elt she had $nown it was me all along and had a""used 6obert to see i! I would have the "ourage to "on!ess. .I.m a!raid not . I said .it.s smashed in little pie"es.. .1hat did you do with the pie"es;. said Ma0im. It was li$e being a prisoner giving eviden"e. 2ow paltry and mean my a"tions sounded even to mysel!. .I put them all into an envelope . I said. .1ell what did you do with the envelope;. said Ma0im lighting a "igarette his tone a mi0ture o! amusement and e0asperation. .I put it at the ba"$ o! one o! the drawers in the writing%des$ . I said. .It loo$s as though Mrs de 1inter thought you would put her in prison doesn.t it Mrs 9anvers;. said Ma0im. .8erhaps you would !ind the envelope and send the pie"es up to London. I! they are too !ar gone to mend it "an.t be helped. (ll right Frith. #ell 6obert to dry his tears.. Mrs 9anvers lingered when Frith had gone. .I will apologise to 6obert o! "ourse . she said .but the eviden"e pointed so strongly to him. It did not o""ur to me that Mrs de 1inter had bro$en the ornament hersel!. 8erhaps i! su"h a thing should happen again Mrs de 1inter will tell me personally and I will have the matter attended to; It would save everybody a lot o! unpleasantness.. .&aturally . said Ma0im impatiently .I "an.t thin$ why she didn.t do so yesterday. I was +ust going to tell her when you "ame into the room.. .8erhaps Mrs de 1inter was not aware o! the value o! the ornament;. said Mrs 9anvers turning her eyes upon me.

.<es . I said wret"hedly. .<es I was a!raid it was valuable. #hat.s why I swept the pie"es up so "are!ully.. .(nd hid them at the ba"$ o! a drawer where no one would !ind them eh;. said Ma0im with a laugh and a shrug o! the shoulders. .Is not that the sort o! thing the between%maid is supposed to do Mrs 9anvers;. =#he between%maid at Manderley would never be allowed to tou"h the valuable things in the morning%room sir . said Mrs 9anvers. .&o I "an.t see you letting her . said Ma0im. .It.s very un!ortunate . said Mrs 9anvers .I don.t thin$ we have ever had any brea$ages in the morning%room be!ore. 1e were always so parti"ular. I.ve done the dusting in there mysel! sin"e % last year. #here was no one I "ould trust. 1hen Mrs de 1inter was alive we used to do the valuables together.. .<es well % it "an.t be helped . said Ma0im. .(ll right Mrs 9anvers.. ,he went out o! the room and I sat on the window%seat loo$ing out o! the window. Ma0im pi"$ed up his paper again. &either o! us spo$e. .I.m aw!ully sorry darling . I said a!ter a moment .it was very "areless o! me. I "an.t thin$ how it happened. I was +ust arranging those boo$s on the des$ to see i! they would stand and the "upid slipped.. .My sweet "hild !orget it. 1hat does it matter;. .It does matter. I ought to have been more "are!ul. Mrs 9anvers must be !urious with me.. .1hat the devil has she got to be !urious about; It.s not her bit o! "hina.. .&o but she ta$es su"h a pride in it all. It.s so aw!ul to thin$ nothing in there has ever been bro$en be!ore. It had to be me.. .Better you than the lu"$less 6obert.. .I wish it had been 6obert. Mrs 9anvers will never !orgive me.. .9amn Mrs 9anvers . said Ma0im .she.s not God (lmighty is she; I "an.t understand you. 1hat do you mean by saying you are a!raid o! her;. .I did not mean a!raid e0a"tly. I don.t see mu"h o! her. It.s not that. I "an.t really e0plain.. .<ou do su"h e0traordinary things . said Ma0im' .!an"y not getting hold o! her when you bro$e the thing and saying =2ere Mrs 9anvers get this mended.= ,he.d understand that. Instead o! whi"h you s"rape up the remains in an envelope and hide .em at the ba"$ o! a drawer. /ust li$e a between%maid as I said and not the mistress o! a house.. .I am li$e a between%maid . I said slowly .I $now I am in lots o! ways: #hat.s why I have so mu"h in "ommon with 7lari"e. 1e are on the same sort o! !ooting. (nd that.s why she li$es me. I went and saw her mother the other

day. (nd do you $now what she said; I as$ed her i! she thought 7lari"e was happy with us and she said =-h yes Mrs de 1inter. 7lari"e seems *uite happy. ,he says .It.s not li$e being with a lady Mum it.s li$e being with one o! ourselves.. = 9o you suppose she meant it as a "ompliment or not;. .God $nows . said Ma0im' .remembering 7lari"e.s mother I should ta$e it as a dire"t insult. 2er "ottage is generally a shambles and smells o! boiled "abbage. (t one time she had nine "hildren under eleven and she hersel! used to patter about in that pat"h o! garden with no shoes and a sto"$ing round her head. 1e nearly gave her noti"e to *uit. 1hy 7lari"e loo$s as neat and "lean as she does I "an.t imagine.. .,he.s been living with an aunt . I said !eeling rather subdued. .I $now my !lannel s$irt has a dirty mar$ down the !ront but I.ve never wal$ed bare!oot with a sto"$ing round my head.. I $new now why 7lari"e did not disdain my under"lothes as (li"e had done. .8erhaps that.s why I pre!er "alling on 7lari"e.s mother to "alling on people li$e the bishop.s wi!e;. I went on. .#he bishop.s wi!e never said I was li$e one o! themselves.. .I! you wear that grubby s$irt when you "all on her I don.t suppose she does . said Ma0im. .-! "ourse I didn.t "all on her in my old s$irt I wore a !ro"$ . I said .and anyway I don.t thin$ mu"h o! people who +ust +udge one by one.s "lothes.. .I hardly thin$ the bishop.s wi!e "ares twopen"e about "lothes . said Ma0im .but she may have been rather surprised i! you sat on the e0treme edge o! the "hair and answered =<es= and =&o= li$e someone a!ter a new +ob whi"h you did the only time we returned a "all together.. .I "an.t help being shy.. .I $now you "an.t sweetheart. But you don.t ma$e an e!!ort to "on*uer it.. .I thin$ that.s very un!air . I said. .I try every day every time I go out or meet anyone new. I.m always ma$ing e!!orts. <ou don.t understand. It.s all very well !or you you.re used to that sort o! thing. I.ve not been brought up to it.. .6ot . said Ma0im' .it.s not a *uestion o! bringing up as you put it. It.s a matter o! appli"ation. <ou don.t thin$ I li$e "alling on people do you; It bores me sti!!. But it has to be done in this part o! the world.. .1e.re not tal$ing about boredom . I said' .there.s nothing to be a!raid o! in being bored. I! I was +ust bored it would be di!!erent. I hate people loo$ing me up and down as though I were a pri)e "ow.. .1ho loo$s you up and down;. .(ll the people down here. 5verybody..

.1hat does it matter i! they do; It gives them some interest in li!e.. .1hy must I be the one to supply the interest and have all the "riti"ism;. .Be"ause li!e at Manderley is the only thing that ever interests anybody down here.. .1hat a slap in the eye I must be to them then.. Ma0im did not answer. 2e went on loo$ing at his paper. .1hat a slap in the eye I must be to them . I repeated. (nd then .I suppose that.s why you married me . I said' .you $new I was dull and *uiet and ine0perien"ed so that there would never be any gossip about me.. Ma0im threw his paper on the ground and got up !rom his "hair. .1hat do you mean;. he said. 2is !a"e was dar$ and *ueer and his voi"e was rough not his voi"e at all. .I%I don.t $now . I said leaning ba"$ against the window .I don.t mean anything. 1hy do you loo$ li$e that;. .1hat do you $now about any gossip down here;. he said. .I don.t . I said s"ared by the way he loo$ed at me. .I only said it be"ause % be"ause o! something to say. 9on.t loo$ at me li$e that. Ma0im what have I said; what.s the matter;. .1ho.s been tal$ing to you . he said slowly. .&o one. &o one at all. .1hy did you say what you did;. .I tell you I don.t $now. It +ust "ame to my head. I was angry "ross. I do hate "alling on these people. I "an.t help it. (nd you "riti"ised me !or being shy. I didn.t mean it. 6eally Ma0im I didn.t. 8lease believe me... .It was not a parti"ularly attra"tive thing to say was it;. he said. .&o . I said. .&o it was rude hate!ul.. 2e stared at me moodily his hands in his po"$ets ro"$ing ba"$wards and !orwards on his heels. .I wonder i! I did a very sel!ish thing in marrying you . he said. 2e spo$e slowly thought!ully. I !elt very "old rather si"$. .2ow do you mean;. I said. .I.m not mu"h o! a "ompanion to you ami;. he said. .#here are too many years between us. <ou ought to have waited and then married a boy o! your own age. &ot someone li$e mysel! with hal! his li!e behind him.. =#hat.s ridi"ulous . I said hurriedly .you $now age doesn.t mean anything in marriage. -! "ourse we are "ompanions.. .(re we; I don.t $now . he said. I $nelt up on the window%seat and put my arms round his shoulders. .1hy do you say these things to me;. I said' .you $now I love you more than

anything in the world. #here has never been anyone but you. <ou are my !ather and my brother and my son. (ll those things.. .It was my !ault . he said not listening. .I rushed you into it. I never gave you a "han"e to thin$ it over.. .I did not want to thin$ it over . I said .there was no other "hoi"e. <ou don.t understand Ma0im. 1hen one loves a person .(re you happy here;. he said loo$ing away !rom me out o! the window .I wonder sometimes. <ou.ve got thinner. Lost your "olour.. .-! "ourse I.m happy . I said .I love Manderley. I love the garden I love everything. I don.t mind "alling on people. I +ust said that to be tiresome. I.ll "all on people every day i! you want me to. I don.t mind what I do. I.ve never !or one moment regretted marrying you surely you must $now that;. 2e patted my "hee$ in his terrible absent way and bent down and $issed the top o! my head. .8oor lamb you don.t have mu"h !un do you; I.m a!raid I.m very di!!i"ult to live with.. .<ou.re not di!!i"ult . I said eagerly .you are easy very easy. Mu"h easier than I thought you would be. I used to thin$ it would be dread!ul to be married that one.s husband would drin$ or use aw!ul language or grumble i! the toast was so!t at brea$!ast and be rather unattra"tive altogether smell possibly. <ou don.t do any o! those things.. .Good God I hope not . said Ma0im and he smiled. I sei)ed advantage o! his smile I smiled too and too$ his hands and $issed them. .2ow absurd to say we are not "ompanions . I said' .why loo$ how we sit here every evening you with a boo$ or a paper and me with my $nitting. /ust li$e "ups o! tea. /ust li$e old people married !or years and years. -! "ourse we are "ompanions. -! "ourse we are happy. <ou tal$ as though you thought we had made a mista$e; <ou don.t mean it li$e that do you Ma0im; <ou $now our marriage is a su""ess a wonder!ul su""ess;. .I! you say so then it.s all right . he said. .&o but you thin$ it too don.t you darling; It.s not +ust me; 1e are happy aren.t we; #erribly happy;. 2e did not answer. 2e went on staring out o! the window while I held his hands. My throat !elt dry and tight and my eyes were burning. -h God I thought this is li$e two people in a play in a moment the "urtain will "ome down we shall bow to the audien"e and go o!! to our dressing%rooms. #his "an.t be a real moment in the lives o! Ma0im and mysel!. I sat down on the window%seat and let go o! his hands. I heard mysel! spea$ing in a hard "ool voi"e. .I! you don.t thin$ we are happy it would be mu"h better i! you would

admit it. I don.t want you to pretend anything. I.d mu"h rather go away. &ot live with you any more.. It was not really happening o! "ourse. It was the girl in the play tal$ing not me to Ma0im. I pi"tured the type o! girl who would play the part. #all and slim rather nervy. .1ell why don.t you answer me;. I said. 2e too$ my !a"e in his hands and loo$ed at me +ust as he had be!ore when Frith had "ome into the room with tea the day we went to the bea"h. .2ow "an I answer you;. he said. .I don.t $now the answer mysel!. I! you say we are happy let.s leave it at that. It.s something I $now nothing about. I ta$e your word !or it. 1e are happy. (ll right then that.s agreedB. 2e $issed me again and then wal$ed away a"ross the room. I went on sitting by the window sti!! and straight my hands in my lap. .<ou say all this be"ause you are disappointed in me . I said. .I.m gau"he and aw$ward I dress badly I.m shy with people. I warned you in Monte 7arlo how it would be. <ou thin$ I.m not right !or Manderley.. .9on.t tal$ nonsense . he said. .I.ve never said you dressed badly or were gau"he. It.s your imagination. (s !or being shy you.ll get over that. I.ve told you so be!ore.. .1e.ve argued in a "ir"le . I said .we.ve "ome right ba"$ to where we started. #his all began be"ause I bro$e the "upid in the morning%room. I! I hadn.t bro$en the "upid none o! this would have happened. 1e.d have drun$ our "o!!ee and gone out into the garden.. .-h damn that in!ernal "upid . said Ma0im wearily. .9o you really thin$ I "are whether it.s in ten thousand pie"es or not;. .1as it very valuable;. .2eaven $nows. I suppose so. I.ve really !orgotten.. .(re all those things in the morning%room valuable;. .<es I believe so.. .1hy were all the most valuable things put in the morning%room;. .I don.t $now. I suppose be"ause they loo$ed well there.. .1ere they always there; 1hen your mother was alive;. .&o. &o I don.t thin$ they were. #hey were s"attered about the house. #he "hairs were in a lumber room I believe.. .1hen was the morning%room !urnished as it is now;. .1hen I was married.. I suppose the "upid was put there then;. I suppose so.. .1as that !ound in a lumber room;. .&o. &o I don.t thin$ it was. (s a matter o! !a"t I believe it was a wedding%present. 6ebe""a $new a lot about "hina..

I did not loo$ at him. I began to polish my nails. 2e had said the word *uite naturally *uite "almly. It had been no e!!ort to him. (!ter a minute I glan"ed at him swi!tly. 2e was standing by the mantelpie"e his hands in his po"$ets. 2e was staring straight in !ront o! him. 2e is thin$ing about 6ebe""a I said to mysel!. 2e is thin$ing how strange it was that a wedding present to me should have been the "ause o! destroying a wedding present to 6ebe""a. 2e is thin$ing about the "upid. 2e is remembering who gave it to 6ebe""a. 2e is going over in his mind how the par"el "ame and how pleased she was. 6ebe""a $new a lot about "hina. 8erhaps he "ame into the room and she was $neeling on the !loor wren"hing open the little "rate in whi"h the "upid was pa"$ed. ,he must have glan"ed up at him and smiled. .Loo$ Ma0 . she would have said .loo$ what we.ve been sent.. (nd she then would have plunged her hand down into the shavings and brought out the "upid who stood on one !oot his bow in his hand. =1e.ll have it in the morning% room . she must have said and he must have $nelt down beside her and they must have loo$ed at the "upid together. I went on polishing my nails. #hey were s"rubby li$e a s"hoolboy.s nails. #he "uti"les grew up over the hal! moons. #he thumb was bitten nearly to the *ui"$. I loo$ed at Ma0im again. 2e was still standing in !ront o! the !irepla"e. .1hat are you thin$ing about;. I said. My voi"e was steady and "ool. &ot li$e my heart thumping inside me. &ot li$e my mind bitter and resent!ul. 2e lit a "igarette surely the twenty%!i!th that day and we had only +ust !inished lun"h' he threw the mat"h into the empty grate he pi"$ed up the paper. .&othing very mu"h why;. he said. .-h I don.t $now . I said .you loo$ed so serious so !ar away.. 2e whistled a tune absently the "igarette twisting in his !ingers. .(s a matter o! !a"t I was wondering i! they had "hosen the ,urrey side to play Middlese0 at the -val . he said. 2e sat down in the "hair again and !olded the paper. I loo$ed out o! the window. 8resently /asper "ame to me and "limbed on my lap.

Chapter thirteen

Ma0im had to go up to London at the end o! /une to some publi" dinner. ( man.s dinner. ,omething to do with the "ounty. 2e was away !or two days and I was le!t alone. I dreaded his going. 1hen I saw the "ar disappear round the sweep in the drive I !elt e0a"tly as though it were to be a !inal parting and I should never see him again. #here would be an a""ident o! "ourse and later on in the a!ternoon when I "ame ba"$ !rom my wal$ I should !ind Frith white and !rightened waiting !or me with a message. #he do"tor would have rung up !rom some "ottage hospital. .<ou must be very brave . he would say .I.m a!raid you must be prepared !or a great sho"$.. (nd Fran$ would "ome and we would go to the hospital together. Ma0im would not re"ogni)e me. I went through the whole thing as I was sitting at lun"h I "ould see the "rowd o! lo"al people "lustering round the "hur"hyard at the !uneral and mysel! leaning on Fran$.s arm. It was so real to me that I "ould s"ar"ely eat any lun"h and I $ept straining my ears to hear the telephone should it ring. I sat out in the garden under the "hestnut tree in the a!ternoon with a boo$ on my lap but I s"ar"ely read at all. 1hen I saw 6obert "ome a"ross the lawn I $new it was the telephone and I !elt physi"ally si"$. .( message !rom the "lub Madam to say Mr de 1inter arrived ten minutes ago.. I shut up my boo$. .#han$ you 6obert. 2ow *ui"$ly he got up%. .<es Madam. ( very good run.. .9id he as$ to spea$ to me or leave any spe"ial message;. .&o Madam. /ust that he had arrived sa!ely. It was the porter spea$ing.. .(ll right 6obert. #han$s very mu"h.. #he relie! was tremendous. I did not !eel si"$ any more. #he pain had gone. It was li$e "oming ashore a!ter a "hannel "rossing. I began to !eel rather hungry and when 6obert had gone ba"$ into the house I "rept into the dining%room through the long window and stole some bis"uits !rom the sideboard. I had si0 o! them. Bath -livers. (nd then an apple as well. I had no idea I was so empty. I went and ate them in the woods in "ase one o! the servants should see me on the lawn !rom the windows and then go and tell the "oo$ that they did not thin$ Mrs de 1inter "ared !or the !ood prepared in the $it"hen as they had +ust seen her !illing hersel! with !ruit and bis"uits. #he "oo$ would be o!!ended and perhaps go to Mrs 9anvers &ow that Ma0im was sa!e in London and I had eaten my bis"uits I !elt very well and "uriously happy. I was aware o! a sense o! !reedom as though I had no

responsibilities at all. It was rather li$e a ,aturday when one was a "hild. &o lessons and no prep. -ne "ould do as one li$ed. -ne put on an old s$irt and a pair o! sand%shoes and played 2ares and 2ounds on the "ommon with the "hildren who lived ne0t door. I had +ust the same !eeling. I had not !elt li$e this all the time I had been at Manderley. It must be be"ause Ma0im had gone to London. I was rather sho"$ed at mysel!. I "ould not understand it at all. I had not wanted him to go. (nd now this lightness o! heart this spring in my step this "hildish !eeling that I wanted to run a"ross the lawn and roll down the ban$. I wiped the bis"uit "rumbs !rom my mouth and "alled to /asper. 8erhaps I was +ust !eeling li$e this be"ause it was a lovely day... 1e went through the 2appy 3alley to the little "ove. #he a)aleas were !inished now the petals lay brown and "rin$led on the moss. #he bluebells had not !aded yet they made a solid "arpet in the woods above the valley and the young bra"$en was shooting up "urling and green. #he moss smelt ri"h and deep and the bluebells were earthy bitter. I lay down in the long grass beside the bluebells with my hands behind my head and /asper at my side. 2e loo$ed down at me panting his !a"e !oolish saliva dripping !rom his tongue and his heavy +owl. #here were pigeons somewhere in the trees above. It was very pea"e!ul and *uiet. I wondered why it was that pla"es are so mu"h lovelier when one is alone. 2ow "ommonpla"e and stupid it would be i! I had a !riend now sitting beside me someone I had $nown at s"hool who would say .By the way I saw old 2ilda the other day. <ou remember her the one who was so good at tennis. ,he.s married with two "hildren.. (nd the bluebells beside us unnoti"ed and the pigeons overhead unheard. I did not want anyone with me. &ot even Ma0im. I! Ma0im had been there I should not be lying as I was now "hewing a pie"e o! grass my eyes shut. I should have been wat"hing him wat"hing his eyes his e0pression. 1ondering i! he li$ed it i! he was bored. 1ondering what he was thin$ing. &ow I "ould rela0 none o! these things mattered. Ma0im was in London. 2ow lovely it was to be alone again. &o I did not mean that. It was disloyal wi"$ed. It was not what I meant. Ma0im was my li!e and my world. I got up !rom the bluebells and "alled sharply to /asper. 1e set o!! together down the valley to the bea"h. #he tide was out the sea very "alm and remote. It loo$ed li$e a great pla"id la$e out there in the bay. I "ould not imagine it rough now any more than I "ould imagine winter in summer. #here was no wind and the sun shone on the lapping water where it ran into the little pools in the ro"$s. /asper s"rambled up the ro"$s immediately glan"ing ba"$ at me one ear blown ba"$ against his head giving him an odd ra$ish appearan"e.

.&ot that way /asper . I said. 2e "ared nothing !or me o! "ourse. 2e loped o!! deliberately disobedient. .1hat a nuisan"e he is . I said aloud and I s"rambled up the ro"$s a!ter him pretending to mysel! I did not want to go to the other bea"h. .-h well . I thought .it "an.t be helped. (!ter all Ma0im is not with me. It.s nothing to do with me.. I splashed through the pools on the ro"$s humming a tune. #he "ove loo$ed di!!erent when the tide was out. Less !ormidable. #here was only about three !oot o! water in the tiny harbour. ( boat would +ust !loat there "om!ortably I supposed at dead low water. #he buoy was still there. It was painted white and green I had not noti"ed that be!ore. 8erhaps be"ause it had been raining the "olouring was indistin"t. #here was no one on the bea"h. I wal$ed a"ross the shingle to the other side o! the "ove and "limbed the low stone wall o! the +etty%arm. /asper ran on ahead as though it was his "ustom. #here was a ring in the wall and an iron ladder des"ending to the water. #hat.s where the dinghy would be tied I suppose and one would "limb to it !rom the ladder. #he buoy was +ust opposite about thirty !eet away. #here was something written on it. I "raned my ne"$ sideways to read the lettering. ./e 6eviens.. 1hat a !unny name. &ot li$e a boat. 8erhaps it had been a Fren"h boat though a !ishing boat. Fishing boats sometimes had names li$e that' .2appy 6eturn. .I.m 2ere. those sort o! names. ./e 6eviens. % .I "ome ba"$.. <es I suppose it was *uite a good name !or a boat. -nly it had not been right !or that parti"ular boat whi"h would never "ome ba"$ again. It must be "old sailing out there in the bay beyond the bea"on away on the headland. #he sea was "alm in the bay but even today when it was so still out there round the headland there was a ripple o! white !oam on the sur!a"e o! the water where the tide was ra"ing. ( small boat would heel to the wind when she rounded the headland and "ame out o! the landlo"$ed bay. #he sea would splash inboard perhaps run down the de"$. #he person at the tiller would wipe spray out o! her eyes and hair glan"e up at the straining mast. I wondered what "olour the boat had been. Green and white perhaps li$e the buoy. &ot very big Fran$ had said with a little "abin. /asper was sni!!ing at the iron ladder. .7ome away . I said. .I don.t want to go in a!ter you.. I went ba"$ along the harbour wall to the bea"h. #he "ottage did not seem so remote and sinister at the edge o! the wood as it had done be!ore. #he sun made su"h a di!!eren"e. &o rain today pattering on the roo!. I wal$ed slowly up the bea"h towards it. (!ter all it was only a "ottage with nobody living in it. #here was nothing to be !rightened o!. &othing at all. (ny pla"e seemed damp and sinister when it had been

uninhabited !or a "ertain time. 5ven new bungalows and pla"es. Besides they had moonlight pi"ni"s and things here. 1ee$%end visitors probably used to "ome and bathe and then go !or a sail in the boat. I stood loo$ing into the negle"ted garden "ho$ed with nettles. ,omeone ought to "ome and tidy it up. -ne o! the gardeners. #here was no need to leave it li$e this. I pushed the little gate and went to the door o! the "ottage. It was not entirely "losed. I was "ertain I had "losed it the last time. /asper began growling sni!!ing under the door. .9on.t /asper . I said. 2e went on sni!!ing deeply his nose thrust to the "ra"$. I pushed the door open and loo$ed inside. It was very dar$. Li$e it had been be!ore. &othing was "hanged. #he "obwebs still "lung to the rigging o! the model boats. #he door into the boat%store at the end o! the room was open though. /asper growled again and there was a sound o! something !alling. /asper bar$ed !uriously and darting between my legs into the room he tore to the open door o! the store. I !ollowed him heart beating and then stood un"ertainly in the middle o! the room. ./asper "ome ba"$ don.t be a !ool . I said. 2e stood in the doorway still bar$ing !uriously an hysteri"al note in his voi"e. ,omething was there then inside the store. &ot a rat. 2e would have gone !or a rat. ./asper /asper. 7ome here . I said. 2e would not "ome. I went slowly to the door o! the store. .Is there anybody there;. I said. &o one answered. I bent down to /asper putting my hand on his "ollar and loo$ed round the edge o! the door. ,omeone was sitting in the "orner against the wall. ,omeone who !rom his "rou"hing position was even more !rightened than me. It was Ben. 2e was trying to hide behind one o! the sails. .1hat is the matter; 9o you want something;. I said. 2e blin$ed at me stupidly his mouth slightly open. .I.m not doing nothing . he said. .@uiet /asper . I s"olded putting my hand over his mu))le and I too$ my belt o!! and ran it through his "ollar as a leash. .1hat do you want Ben;. I said a little bolder this time. 2e did not answer. 2e wat"hed me with his sly idiot.s eyes. .I thin$ you had better "ome out . I said. .Mr de 1inter doesn.t li$e people wal$ing in and out o! here.. 2e shambled to his !eet grinning !urtively wiping his nose with the ba"$ o! his hand. #he other hand he $ept behind his ba"$. .1hat have you got Ben;= I said. 2e obeyed me li$e a "hild showing me the other hand. #here was a !ishing line in it. .I.m not doing anything . he repeated. .9oes that line belong here;. I as$ed. .5h;. he said.

.Listen Ben . I said. .<ou "an ta$e that line i! you want to but you mustn.t do it again. It.s not honest ta$ing people.s things.. 2e said nothing. 2e blin$ed at me and wriggled. .7ome along . I said !irmly. I went into the main room and he !ollowed me. /asper had stopped bar$ing and was now sni!!ing at Ben.s heels. I did not want to stop any longer in the "ottage. I wal$ed *ui"$ly out into the sunshine Ben shu!!ling behind me. #hen I shut the door. .<ou had better go home . I said to Ben. 2e held the !ishing line "lut"hed to his heart li$e a treasure. .<ou won.t put me to the asylum will you;. he said. I saw then that he was trembling with !right. 2is hands were sha$ing and his eyes were !i0ed on mine in suppli"ation li$e a dumb thing. .-! "ourse not . I said gently. .I done nothing . he repeated .I never told no one. I don.t want to be put to the asylum.. ( tear rolled down his dirty !a"e. =#hat.s all right Ben . I said' .no one will put you away. But you must not go to the "ottage again.. I turned away and he "ame a!ter me pawing at my hand. .2ere . he said. .2ere I got something !or you.. 2e smiled !oolishly he be"$oned with his !inger and turned towards the bea"h. I went with him and he bent down and pi"$ed up a !lat stone by a ro"$. #here was a little heap o! shells under the stone. 2e "hose one and presented it to me. =#hat.s yourn . he said. .#han$ you' it.s very pretty . I said. 2e grinned again rubbing his ear his !right !orgotten. .<ou.ve got angel.s eyes . he said. I glan"ed down at the shell again rather ta$en aba"$. I did not $now what to say. .<ou.re not li$e the other one . he said. .1ho do you mean;. I said. .1hat other one;. 2e shoo$ his head. 2is eyes were sly again. 2e laid his !inger against his nose. .#all and dar$ she was . he said. .,he gave you the !eeling o! a sna$e. I seen her here with me own eyes. Be night she.d "ome. I seen her.. 2e paused wat"hing me intently. I did not say anything. .I loo$ed in on her on"e . he said .and she turned on me she did. =<ou don.t $now me do you;= she said. =<ou.ve never seen me here and you won.t again. I! I "at"h you loo$ing at me through the windows here I.ll have you put to the asylum = she said. =<ou wouldn.t li$e that would you; #hey.re "ruel to people in the asylum = she said. =I won.t say nothing M.am = I said. (nd I tou"hed me

"ap li$e this here.. 2e pulled at his sou.wester. .,he.s gone now ain.t she;. he said an0iously. .I don.t $now who you mean . I said slowly' .no one is going to put you in the asylum. Good a!ternoon Ben.. I turned away and wal$ed up the bea"h to the path dragging /asper by his belt. 8oor wret"h he was potty o! "ourse. 2e did not $now what he was tal$ing about. It was hardly li$ely that anyone would threaten him with the asylum. Ma0im had said he was *uite harmless and so had Fran$. 8erhaps he had heard himsel! dis"ussed on"e amongst his own people and the memory o! it lingered li$e an ugly pi"ture in the mind o! a "hild. 2e would have a "hild.s mentality too regarding li$es and disli$es. 2e would ta$e a !an"y to a person !or no reason and be !riendly one day perhaps and sullen the ne0t. 2e had been !riendly with me be"ause I had said he "ould $eep the !ishing line. #omorrow i! I met him he might not $now me. It was absurd to noti"e anything said by an idiot. I glan"ed ba"$ over my shoulder at the "ove. #he tide had begun to run and was swirling slowly round the arm o! the harbour wall. Ben had disappeared over the ro"$s. #he bea"h was deserted again. I "ould +ust see the stone "himney o! the "ottage through a gap in the dar$ trees. I had a sudden una""ountable desire to run. I pulled at /asper.s leash and panted up the steep narrow path through the woods not loo$ing ba"$ any more. 2ad I been o!!ered all the treasures in the world I "ould not have turned and gone down to the "ottage or the bea"h again. It was as though someone waited down there in the little garden where the nettles grew. ,omeone who wat"hed and listened. /asper bar$ed as we ran together. 2e thought it was some new $ind o! game. 2e $ept trying to bite the belt and worry it. I had not realised how "losely the trees grew together here their roots stret"hing a"ross the path li$e tendrils ready to trip one. #hey ought to "lear all this I thought as I ran "at"hing my breath Ma0im should get the men on to it. #here is no sense or beauty in this undergrowth. #hat tangle o! shrubs there should be "ut down to bring light to the path. It was dar$ mu"h too dar$. #hat na$ed eu"alyptus tree sti!led by brambles loo$ed li$e the white blea"hed limb o! a s$eleton and there was a bla"$ earthy stream running beneath it "ho$ed with the muddied rains o! years tri"$ling silently to the bea"h below. #he birds did not sing here as they did in the valley. It was *uiet in a di!!erent way. (nd even as I ran and panted up the path I "ould hear the wash o! the sea as the tide "rept into the "ove. I understood why Ma0im disli$ed the path and the "ove. I disli$ed it too. I had been a !ool to "ome this way. I should have stayed on the other bea"h on the white shingle and "ome home by the 2appy 3alley.

I was glad to "ome out on to the lawn and see the house there in the hollow solid and se"ure. #he woods were behind me. I would as$ 6obert to bring me my tea under the "hestnut tree. I glan"ed at my wat"h. It was earlier than I thought not yet !our. I would have to wait a bit. It was not the routine at Manderley to have tea be!ore hal! past. I was glad Frith was out. 6obert would not ma$e su"h a per!orman"e o! bringing the tea out into the garden. (s I wandered a"ross the lawn to the terra"e my eye was "aught by a gleam o! sunshine on something metal showing through the green o! the rhododendron leaves at the turn in the drive. I shaded my eyes with my hand to see what it was. It loo$ed li$e the radiator o! a "ar. I wondered i! someone had "alled. I! they had though they would have driven up to the house not le!t their "ar "on"ealed li$e that !rom the house at the turn o! the drive by the shrubs. I went a little "loser. <es it was a "ar all right. I "ould see the wings now and the hood. 1hat a !unny thing. 3isitors never did that as a rule. (nd the tradesmen went round the ba"$ way by the old stables and the garage. It was not Fran$.s Morris. I $new that well. #his was a long low "ar a sports "ar. I wondered what I had better do. I! it was a "aller 6obert would have shown them into the library or the drawing%room. In the drawing%room they would be able to see me as I "ame a"ross the lawn. I did not want to !a"e a "aller dressed li$e this. I should have to as$ them to stay to tea. I hesitated at the edge o! the lawn. For no reason perhaps be"ause the sunlight !li"$ered a moment on the glass I loo$ed up at the house and as I did so I noti"ed with surprise that the shutters o! one o! the windows in the west wing had been opened up. ,omebody stood by the window. ( man. (nd then he must have "aught sight o! me be"ause he drew ba"$ abruptly and a !igure behind him put up an arm and "losed the shutters. #he arm belonged to Mrs 9anvers. I re"ognised the bla"$ sleeve. I wondered !or a minute i! it was a publi" day and she was showing the rooms. It "ould not be so though be"ause Frith always did that and Frith was out. Besides the rooms in the west wing were not shown to the publi". I had not even been into them mysel! yet. &o I $new it was not a publi" day. #he publi" never "ame on a #uesday. 8erhaps it was something to do with a repair in one o! the rooms. It was odd though the way the man had been loo$ing out and dire"tly he saw me he whipped ba"$ into the room and the shutters were "losed. (nd the "ar too drawn up behind the rhododendrons so that it "ould not be seen !rom the house. ,till that was up to Mrs 9anvers. It was nothing to do with me. I! she had !riends she too$ to the west wing it was not e0a"tly my a!!air. I had never $nown it happen be!ore though. -dd that it should o""ur on the only day Ma0im was !rom home.

I strolled rather sel!%"ons"iously a"ross the lawn to the house aware that they might be wat"hing me still !rom a "hin$ in the shutters. I went up the steps and through the big !ront door to the hall. #here was no sign o! a strange "ap or sti"$ and no "ard on the salver. 5vidently this was not an o!!i"ial visitor. 1ell it was not my a!!air. I went into the !lower%room and washed my hands in the basin to save going upstairs. It would be aw$ward i! I met them !a"e to !a"e on the stairs or somewhere. I remembered I had le!t my $nitting in the morning%room be!ore lun"h and I went along through the drawing%room to !et"h it the !aith!ul /asper at my heels. #he morning%room door was open. (nd I noti"ed that my bag o! $nitting had been moved. I had le!t it on the divan and it had been pi"$ed up and pushed behind a "ushion. #here was the imprint o! a person on the !abri" o! the divan where my $nitting had been be!ore. ,omeone had sat down there re"ently and pi"$ed up my $nitting be"ause it had been in the way. #he "hair by the des$ had also been moved. It loo$ed as though Mrs 9anvers entertained her visitors in the morning%room when Ma0im and I were out o! the way. I !elt rather un"om!ortable. I would rather not $now. /asper was sni!!ing under the divan and wagging his tail. 2e was not suspi"ious o! the visitor anyway. I too$ my bag o! $nitting and went out. (s I did so the door in the large drawing%room that led to the stone passage and the ba"$ premises opened and I heard voi"es. I darted ba"$ into the morning%room again +ust in time. I had not been seen. I waited behind the door !rowning at /asper who stood in the doorway loo$ing at me his tongue hanging out wagging his tail. #he little wret"h would give me away. I stood very still holding my breath. #hen I heard Mrs 9anvers spea$. .I e0pe"t she has gone to the library . she said. .,he.s "ome home early !or some reason. I! she has gone to the library you will be able to go through the hall without her seeing you. 1ait here while I go and see.. I $new they were tal$ing about me. I began to !eel more un"om!ortable than ever. It was so !urtive the whole business. (nd I did not want to "at"h Mrs 9anvers in the wrong. #hen /asper turned his head sharply towards the drawing%room. 2e trotted out wagging his tail. .2ullo you little ty$e . I heard the man say. /asper began to bar$ e0"itedly. I loo$ed round desperately !or somewhere to hide. 2opeless o! "ourse. (nd then I heard a !ootstep *uite "lose to my ear and the man "ame into the room. 2e did not see me at !irst be"ause I was behind the door but /asper made a dive at me still bar$ing with delight.

#he man wheeled round suddenly and saw me. I have never seen anyone loo$ more astonished. I might have been the burglar and he the master o! the house. .I beg your pardon . he said loo$ing me up and down. 2e was a big he!ty !ellow good%loo$ing in a rather !lashy sunburnt way. 2e had the hot blue eyes usually asso"iated with heavy drin$ing and loose living. 2is hair was reddish li$e his s$in. In a !ew years he would run to !at his ne"$ bulging over the ba"$ o! his "ollar. 2is mouth gave him away it was too so!t too pin$. I "ould smell the whis$y in his breath !rom where I stood. 2e began to smile. #he sort o! smile he would give to every woman. .I hope I haven.t startled you . he said. I "ame out !rom behind the door loo$ing no doubt as big a !ool as I !elt. .&o o! "ourse not . I said .I heard voi"es I was not *uite sure who it was. I did not e0pe"t any "allers this a!ternoon.. .1hat a shame . he said heartily .it.s too bad o! me to butt in on you li$e this. I hope you.ll !orgive me. #he !a"t is I +ust popped in to see old 9anny she.s a very old !riend o! mine.. .-h o! "ourse it.s *uite all right . I said. .9ear old 9anny . he said .she.s so an0ious bless her not to disturb anyone. ,he didn.t want to worry you.. .-h it does not matter at all . I said. I was wat"hing /asper who was +umping up and pawing at the man in delight. .#his little beggar hasn.t !orgotten me has he;. he said. .Grown into a +olly little beast. 2e was *uite a youngster when I saw him last. 2e.s too !at though. 2e needs more e0er"ise.. .I.ve +ust ta$en him !or a long wal$ . I said. .2ave you really; 2ow sporting o! you . he said. 2e went on patting /asper and smiling at me in a !amiliar way. #hen he pulled out his "igarette "ase. .2ave one;. he said. .I don.t smo$e . I told him. .9on.t you really;. 2e too$ one himsel! and lighted it. I never minded those things but it seemed odd to me in somebody else.s room. It was surely rather bad manners; &ot polite to me. .2ow.s old Ma0;. he said. I was surprised at his tone. It sounded as though he $new him well. It was *ueer to hear Ma0im tal$ed o! as Ma0. &o one "alled him that. .2e.s very well than$ you . I said. .2e.s gone up to London.. .(nd le!t the bride all alone; 1hy that.s too bad. Isn.t he a!raid someone will "ome and "arry you o!!;.

2e laughed opening his mouth. I did not li$e his laugh. #here was something o!!ensive about it. I did not li$e him either. /ust then Mrs 9anvers "ame into the room. ,he turned her eyes upon me and I !elt *uite "old. -h God I thought how she must hate me. .2ullo 9anny there you are . said the man' .all your pre"autions were in vain. #he mistress o! the house was hiding behind the door.. (nd he laughed again. Mrs 9anvers did not say anything. ,he +ust went on loo$ing at me. .1ell aren.t you going to introdu"e me;. he said' .a!ter all it.s the usual thing to do isn.t it to pay one.s respe"t to a bride;. .#his is Mr Favell Madam . said Mrs 9anvers. ,he spo$e *uietly rather unwillingly. I don.t thin$ she wanted to introdu"e him to me. .2ow do you do . I said and then with an e!!ort to be polite .1on.t you stay to tea;. 2e loo$ed very amused. 2e turned to Mrs 9anvers. .&ow isn.t that a "harming invitation;. he said. .I.ve been as$ed to stay to tea; By heaven 9anny I.ve a good mind to.. I saw her !lash a loo$ o! warning at him. I !elt very uneasy. It was all wrong this situation. It ought not to be happening at all. .1ell perhaps you.re right . he said' .it would have been a lot o! !un all the same. I suppose I had better be going hadn.t I; 7ome and have a loo$ at my "ar.. 2e still spo$e in a !amiliar rather o!!ensive way. I did not want to go and loo$ at his "ar. I !elt very aw$ward and embarrassed. .7ome on . he said .it.s a +olly good little "ar. Mu"h !aster than anything poor old Ma0 ever has.. I "ould not thin$ o! an e0"use. #he whole business was so !or"ed and stupid. I did not li$e it. (nd why did Mrs 9anvers have to stand there loo$ing at me with that smouldering loo$ in her eyes; .1here is the "ar;. I said !eebly. .6ound the bend in the drive. I didn.t drive to the door I was a!raid o! disturbing you. I had some idea you probably rested in the a!ternoon.. I said nothing. #he lie was too obvious. 1e all wal$ed out through the drawing%room and into the hall. I saw him glan"e over his shoulder and win$ at Mrs 9anvers. ,he did not win$ in return. I hardly e0pe"ted she would. ,he loo$ed very hard and grim. /asper !roli"$ed out on to the drive. 2e seemed delighted with the sudden appearan"e o! this visitor whom he appeared to $now so well. .I le!t my "ap in the "ar I believe . said the man pretending to glan"e round the hall. .(s a matter o! !a"t I didn.t "ome in this way. I slipped round and bearded 9anny in her den. 7oming out to see the "ar too;.

2e loo$ed in*uiringly at Mrs 9anvers. ,he hesitated wat"hing me out o! the tail o! her eye. .&o . she said. .&o I don.t thin$ I.ll "ome out now. Goodbye Mr /a"$.. 2e sei)ed her hand and shoo$ it heartily. .Goodbye 9anny: ta$e "are o! yoursel!. <ou $now where to get in tou"h with me always. It.s done me a power o! good to see you again.. 2e wal$ed out on to the drive /asper dan"ing at his heels and I !ollowed him slowly !eeling very un"om!ortable still. .9ear old Manderley . he said loo$ing up at the windows. =#he pla"e hasn.t "hanged mu"h. I suppose 9anny sees to that. 1hat a wonder!ul woman she is eh;. .<es she.s very e!!i"ient . I said. .(nd what do you thin$ o! it all; Li$e being buried down here;. .I.m very !ond o! Manderley . I said sti!!ly. .1eren.t you living somewhere down in the south o! Fran"e when Ma0 met you; Monte wasn.t it; I used to $now Monte well.. .<es I was in Monte 7arlo . I said. 1e had "ome to his "ar now. ( green sports thing typi"al o! its owner. .1hat do you thin$ o! it;. he said. .3ery ni"e . I said politely. .7ome !or a run to the lodge gates;. he said. .&o I don.t thin$ I will . I said. .I.m rather tired.. .<ou don.t thin$ it would loo$ too good !or the mistress o! Manderley to be seen driving with someone li$e me is that it;. he said and he laughed sha$ing his head at me. .-h no . I said turning rather red. .&o really.. 2e went on loo$ing me up and down in his amused way with those !amiliar unpleasant blue eyes. I !elt li$e a barmaid. .-h well . he said .we mustn.t lead the bride astray must we /asper; It wouldn.t do at all.. 2e rea"hed !or his "ap and an enormous pair o! motoring gloves. 2e threw his "igarette away on the drive. .Goodbye . he said holding out his hand' .it.s been a lot o! !un meeting you.. .Goodbye . I said. .By the way . he said "arelessly .it would be very sporting and grand o! you i! you did not mention this little visit o! mine to Ma0; 2e doesn.t e0a"tly approve o! me I.m a!raid' I don.t $now why and it might get poor old 9anny into trouble.. .&o . I said aw$wardly. .&o all right..

.#hat.s very sporting o! you. ,ure you won.t "hange your mind and "ome !or a run;. .&o I don.t thin$ I will i! you don.t mind.. .Bye%bye then. 8erhaps I.ll "ome and loo$ you up one day. Get down /asper you devil you.ll s"rat"h my paint. I say I "all it a damn shame Ma0 going up to London and leaving you alone li$e thisB. .I don.t mind. I li$e being alone . I said. .9o you by /ove; 1hat an e0traordinary thing. It.s all wrong you $now. (gainst nature. 2ow long have you been married; #hree months isn.t it;. .(bout that . I said. .I say I wish I.d got a bride o! three months waiting !or me at homeB I.m a poor lonesome ba"helor.. 2e laughed again and pulled his "ap down over his eyes. .Fare you well . he said starting up the engine and the "ar shot down the drive snorting e0plosive !ury !rom the e0haust while /asper stood loo$ing a!ter it his ears drooping his tail between his legs. .-h "ome on /asper . I said .don.t be so idioti". I wal$ed slowly ba"$ to the house. Mrs 9anvers had disappeared. I stood in the hall and rang the bell. &othing happened !or about !ive minutes. I rang again. 8resently (li"e appeared her !a"e rather aggrieved. .<es Madam;. she said. .-h (li"e . I said .isn.t 6obert there; I rather !an"ied my tea out under the "hestnut tree.. .6obert went to the post this a!ternoon and isn.t ba"$ yet Madam . said (li"e. .Mrs 9anvers gave him to understand you would be late !or tea. Frith is out too o! "ourse. I! you want your tea now I "an get it !or you. I don.t thin$ it.s *uite hal! past !our yet.. .-h it doesn.t matter (li"e. I.ll wait till 6obert "omes ba"$ . I said. I supposed when Ma0im was away things automati"ally be"ame sla"$. I had never $nown Frith and 6obert to be out at the same time. It was Frith.s day o! "ourse. (nd Mrs 9anvers had sent 6obert to the post. (nd I mysel! was understood to have gone !or a long wal$. #hat man Favell had "hosen his time well to pay his "all on Mrs 9anvers. It was almost too well "hosen. #here was something not right about it I was "ertain o! that. (nd then he had as$ed me not to say anything to Ma0im. It was all very aw$ward. I did not want to get Mrs 9anvers into trouble or ma$e any sort o! s"ene. More important still I did not want to worry Ma0im. I wondered who he was this man Favell. 2e had "alled Ma0im .Ma0.. &o one ever "alled him Ma0. I had seen it written on"e on the !ly%lea! o! a boo$ the letters thin and slanting "uriously pointed the tail o! the M very

de!inite very long. I thought there was only one person who had ever "alled him Ma0... (s I stood there in the hall unde"ided about my tea wondering what to do the thought suddenly "ame to me that perhaps Mrs 9anvers was dishonest that all this time she was engaged in some business behind Ma0im.s ba"$ and "oming ba"$ early as I had today I had dis"overed her and this man an a""ompli"e who had then blu!!ed his way out by pretending to be !amiliar with the house and with Ma0im. I wondered what they had been doing in the west wing. 1hy had they "losed the shutters when they saw me on the lawn; I was !illed with vague dis*uiet. Frith and 6obert had been away. #he maids were generally in their bedrooms "hanging during the a!ternoon. Mrs 9anvers would have the run o! the pla"e. ,upposing this man was a thie! and Mrs 9anvers was in his pay; #here were valuable things in the west wing. I had a sudden rather terri!ying impulse to "reep upstairs now to the west wing and go into those rooms and see !or mysel!. 6obert was not yet ba"$. I would +ust have time be!ore tea. I hesitated glan"ing at the gallery. #he house seemed very still and *uiet. #he servants were all in their own *uarters beyond the $it"hen. /asper lapped noisily at his drin$ing bowl below the stairs the sound e"hoing in the great stone hall. I began to wal$ upstairs. My heart was beating in a *ueer e0"ited way.

Chapter fourteen

I !ound mysel! in the "orridor where I had stood that !irst morning. I had not been there sin"e nor had I wished to go. #he sun streamed in !rom the window in the al"ove and made gold patterns on the dar$ panelling. #here was no sound at all. I was aware o! the same musty unused smell that had been be!ore. I was un"ertain whi"h way to go. #he plan o! the rooms was not !amiliar to me. I remembered then that last time Mrs 9anvers had "ome out o! a door here +ust behind me and it seemed to me that the position o! the room would ma$e it the one I wanted whose windows loo$ed out upon the lawns to the sea. I turned the handle o! the door and went inside. It was dar$ o! "ourse be"ause o! the shutters. I !elt !or the ele"tri" light swit"h on the wall and turned it on. I was standing in a little ante%room a dressing%room I +udged with big wardrobes round the wall and at the end o! this room was another door open leading to a larger room. I went through to this room and turned on the light. My !irst impression was one o! sho"$ be"ause the room was !ully !urnished as though in use. I had e0pe"ted to see "hairs and tables swathed in dust%sheets and dust%sheets too over the great double bed against the wall. &othing was "overed up. #here were brushes and "ombs on the dressing%table s"ent and powder. #he bed was made up I saw the gleam o! white linen on the pillow% "ase and the tip o! a blan$et beneath the *uilted "overlet. #here were !lowers on the dressing%table and on the table beside the bed. Flowers too on the "arved mantelpie"e. ( satin dressing%gown lay on a "hair and a pair o! bedroom slippers beneath. For one desperate moment I thought that something had happened to my brain that I was seeing ba"$ into #ime and loo$ing upon the room as it used to be be!ore she died... In a minute 6ebe""a hersel! would "ome ba"$ into the room sit down be!ore the loo$ing%glass at her dressing%table humming a tune rea"h !or her "omb and run it through her hair. I! she sat there I should see her re!le"tion in the glass and she would see me too standing li$e this by the door. &othing happened. I went on standing there waiting !or something to happen. It was the "lo"$ ti"$ing on the wall that brought me to reality again. #he hands stood at twenty%!ive past !our. My wat"h said the same. #here was something sane and "om!orting about the ti"$ing o! the "lo"$. It reminded me o! the present and that tea would soon be ready !or me on the lawn. I wal$ed slowly into

the middle o! the room. &o it was not used. It was not lived in any more. 5ven the !lowers "ould not destroy the musty smell. #he "urtains were drawn and the shutters were "losed. 6ebe""a would never "ome ba"$ to the room again. 5ven i! Mrs 9anvers did put the !lowers on the mantelpie"e and the sheets upon the bed they would not bring her ba"$. ,he was dead. ,he had been dead now !or a year. ,he lay buried in the "rypt o! the "hur"h with all the other dead de 1inters. I "ould hear the sound o! the sea very plainly. I went to the window and swung ba"$ the shutter. <es I was standing at the same window where Favell and Mrs 9anvers had stood hal! an hour ago. #he long sha!t o! daylight made the ele"tri" light loo$ !alse and yellow. I opened the shutter a little more. #he daylight "ast a white beam upon the bed. It shone upon the nightdress%"ase lying on the pillow. It shone on the glass top o! the dressing% table on the brushes and on the s"ent bottles. #he daylight gave an even greater air o! reality to the room. 1hen the shutter was "losed and it had been lit by ele"tri"ity the room had more the appearan"e o! a setting on the stage. #he s"ene set between per!orman"es. #he "urtain having !allen !or the night the evening over and the !irst a"t set !or tomorrow.s matinee. But the daylight made the room vivid and alive. I !orgot the musty smell and the drawn "urtains o! the other windows. I was a guest again. (n uninvited guest. I had strolled into my hostess.s bedroom by mista$e. #hose were her brushes on the dressing%table that was her dressing%gown and slippers laid out upon the "hair. I realised !or the !irst time sin"e I had "ome into the room that my legs were trembling wea$ as straw. I sat down on the stool by the dressing%table. My heart no longer beat in a strange e0"ited way. It !elt as heavy as lead. I loo$ed about me in the room with a sort o! dumb stupidity. <es it was a beauti!ul room. Mrs 9anvers had not e0aggerated that !irst evening. It was the most beauti!ul room in the house. #hat e0*uisite mantelpie"e the "eiling the "arved bedstead and the "urtain hangings even the "lo"$ on the wall and the "andlesti"$s upon the dressing%table beside me all were things I would have loved and almost worshipped had they been mine. #hey were not mine though. #hey belonged to somebody else. I put out my hand and tou"hed the brushes. -ne was more worn than its !ellow. I understood it well. #here was always one brush that had the greater use. -!ten you !orgot to use the other and when they were ta$en to be washed there was one that was still *uite "lean and untou"hed. 2ow white and thin my !a"e loo$ed in the glass my hair hanging lan$ and straight. 9id I always loo$ li$e this; ,urely I had more "olour as a rule; #he re!le"tion stared ba"$ at me sallow and plain.

I got up !rom the stool and went and tou"hed the dressing%gown on the "hair. I pi"$ed up the slippers and held them in my hand. I was aware o! a growing sense o! horror o! horror turning to despair. I tou"hed the *uilt on the bed tra"ed with my !ingers the monogram on the nightdress "ase 6 de 1 interwoven and interla"ed. #he letters were "orded and strong against the golden satin material. #he nightdress was inside the "ase thin as gossamer apri"ot in "olour. I tou"hed it drew it out !rom the "ase put it against my !a"e. It was "old *uite "old. But there was a dim mustiness about it still where the s"ent had been. #he s"ent o! the white a)aleas. I !olded it and put it ba"$ into the "ase and as I did so I noti"ed with a si"$ dull a"hing in my heart that there were "reases in the nightdress the te0ture was ru!!led it had not been tou"hed or laundered sin"e it was last worn. -n a sudden impulse I moved away !rom the bed and went ba"$ to the little ante%room where I had seen the wardrobes. I opened one o! them. It was as I thought. #he wardrobe was !ull o! "lothes. #here were evening dresses here I "aught the shimmer o! silver over the top o! the white bags that en!olded them. #here was a pie"e o! gold bro"ade. #here ne0t to it was velvet wine%"oloured and so!t. #here was attain o! white satin dripping on the !loor o! the wardrobe. 8eeping out !rom a pie"e o! tissue paper on a shel! above was an ostri"h !eather !an. #he wardrobe smelt stu!!y *ueer. #he a)alea s"ent so !ragrant and deli"ate in the air had turned stale inside the wardrobe tarnishing the silver dresses and the bro"ade and the breath o! it wa!ted towards me now !rom the open doors !aded and old. I shut the doors. I went ba"$ into the bedroom on"e again. #he gleam o! light !rom the shutter still shone white and "lear on the golden "overlet o! the bed pi"$ing out "learly and distin"tly the tall sloping 6 o! the monogram. #hen I heard a step behind me and turning round I saw Mrs 9anvers. I shall never !orget the e0pression on her !a"e. #riumphant gloating e0"ited in a strange unhealthy way. I !elt very !rightened. .Is anything the matter Madam;. she said. I tried to smile at her and "ould not. I tried to spea$. .(re you !eeling unwell;. she said "oming nearer to me spea$ing very so!tly. I ba"$ed away !rom her. I believe i! she had "ome any "loser to me I should have !ainted. I !elt her breath on my !a"e. .I.m all right Mrs 9anvers . I said a!ter a moment .I did not e0pe"t to see you. #he !a"t is I was loo$ing up at the windows !rom the lawn. I noti"ed one o! the shutters was not *uite "losed. I "ame up to see i! I "ould !asten it..

.I will !asten it . she said and she went silently a"ross the room and "lamped ba"$ the shutter. #he daylight had gone. #he room loo$ed unreal again in the !alse yellow light. >nreal and ghastly. Mrs 9anvers "ame ba"$ and stood beside me. ,he smiled and her manner instead o! being still and unbending as it usually was be"ame startlingly !amiliar !awning even. .1hy did you tell me the shutter was open;. she as$ed. .I "losed it be!ore I le!t the room. <ou opened it yoursel! didn.t you now; <ou wanted to see the room. 1hy have you never as$ed me to show it to you be!ore; I was ready to show it to you every day. <ou had only to as$ me.. I wanted to run away but I "ould not move. I went on wat"hing her eyes. .&ow you are here let me show you everything . she said her voi"e ingratiating and sweet as honey horrible !alse. .I $now you want to see it all you.ve wanted to !or a long time and you were too shy to as$. It.s a lovely room isn.t it; #he loveliest room you have ever seen.. ,he too$ hold o! my arm and wal$ed me towards the bed. I "ould not resist her I was li$e a dumb thing. #he tou"h o! her hand made me shudder. (nd her voi"e was low and intimate a voi"e I hated and !eared. =#hat was her bed. It.s a beauti!ul bed isn.t it; I $eep the golden "overlet on it always it was her !avourite. 2ere is her nightdress inside the "ase. <ou.ve been tou"hing it haven.t you; #his was the nightdress she was wearing !or the last time be!ore she died. 1ould you li$e to tou"h it again;. ,he too$ the nightdress !rom the "ase and held it be!ore me. .Feel it hold it . she said .how so!t and light it is isn.t it; I haven.t washed it sin"e she wore it !or the last time. I put it out li$e this and the dressing%gown and slippers +ust as I put them out !or her the night she never "ame ba"$ the night she was drowned.. ,he !olded up the nightgown and put it ba"$ in the "ase. .I did everything !or her you $now . she said ta$ing my arm again leading me to the dressing%gown and slippers. .1e tried maid a!ter maid but not one o! them suited. =<ou maid me better than anyone 9anny = she used to say =I won.t have anyone but you.= Loo$ this is her dressing%gown. ,he was mu"h taller than you you "an see by the length. 8ut it up against you. It "omes down to your an$les. ,he had a beauti!ul !igure. #hese are her slippers. =#hrow me my slips 9anny = she used to say. ,he had little !eet !or her height. 8ut your hands inside the slippers. #hey are *uite small and narrow aren.t they;. ,he !or"ed the slippers over my hands smiling all the while wat"hing my eyes. .<ou never would have thought she was so tall would you;. she said .these slippers would !it a tiny !oot. ,he was so slim too. <ou would

!orget her height until she stood beside you. ,he was every bit as tall as me. But lying there in bed she loo$ed *uite a slip o! a thing with her mass o! dar$ hair standing out !rom her !a"e li$e a halo.. ,he put the slippers ba"$ on the !loor and laid the dressing%gown on the "hair. .<ou.ve seen her brushes haven.t you;. she said ta$ing me to the dressing%table' .there they are +ust as she used them unwashed and untou"hed. I used to brush her hair !or her every evening. =7ome on 9anny hair%drill = she would say and I.d stand behind her by the stool here and brush away !or twenty minutes at a time. ,he only wore it short the last !ew years you $now. It "ame down below the waist when she was !irst married. Mr de 1inter used to brush it !or her then. I.ve "ome into this room time and time again and seen him in his shirt sleeves with the two brushes in his hand. =2arder Ma0 harder = she would say laughing up at him and he would do as she told him. #hey would be dressing !or dinner you see and the house !illed with guests. =2ere I shall be late = he would say throwing the brushes to me and laughing ba"$ at her. 2e was always laughing and gay then.. ,he paused her hand still resting on my arm. .5veryone was angry with her when she "ut her hair . she said .but she did not "are. =It.s nothing to do with anyone but mysel! = she would say. (nd o! "ourse short hair was mu"h easier !or riding and sailing. ,he was painted on horseba"$ you $now. ( !amous artist did it. #he pi"ture hung in the ("ademy. 9id you ever see it;. I shoo$ my head. .&o . I said. .&o.. .I understood it was the pi"ture o! the year . she went on .but Mr de 1inter did not "are !or it and would not have it at Manderley. I don.t thin$ he "onsidered it did her +usti"e. <ou would li$e to see her "lothes wouldn.t you;. ,he did not wait !or my answer. ,he led me to the little ante%room and opened the wardrobes one by one. .I $eep her !urs in here . she said .the moths have not got to them yet and I doubt i! they ever will. I.m too "are!ul. Feel that sable wrap. #hat was a 7hristmas present !rom Mr de 1inter. ,he told me the "ost on"e but I.ve !orgotten it now. #his "hin"hilla she wore in the evenings mostly. 6ound her shoulders very o!ten when the evenings were "old. #his wardrobe here is !ull o! her evening "lothes. <ou opened it didn.t you; #he lat"h is not *uite "losed. I believe Mr de 1inter li$ed her to wear silver mostly. But o! "ourse she "ould wear anything stand any "olour. ,he loo$ed beauti!ul in this velvet. 8ut it against your !a"e. It.s so!t isn.t it; <ou "an !eel it "an.t you; #he s"ent is still !resh isn.t it; <ou "ould almost imagine she had only +ust ta$en it o!!. I would always $now when she had been be!ore me in a room. #here would be a little whi!! o! her s"ent in the room. #hese are her

under"lothes in this drawer. #his pin$ set here she had never worn. ,he was wearing sla"$s o! "ourse and a shirt when she died. #hey were torn !rom her body in the water though. #here was nothing on the body when it was !ound all those wee$s a!terwards.. 2er !ingers tightened on my arm. ,he bent down to me her s$ull.s !a"e "lose her dar$ eyes sear"hing mine. .#he ro"$s had battered her to bits you $now . she whispered .her beauti!ul !a"e unre"ognisable and both arms gone. Mr de 1inter identi!ied her. 2e went up to 5dge"oombe to do it. 2e went *uite alone. 2e was very ill at the time but he would go. &o one "ould stop him. &ot even Mr 7rawley.. ,he paused her eyes never leaving my !a"e. .I shall always blame mysel! !or the a""ident . she said .it was my !ault !or being out that evening. I had gone into Aerrith !or the a!ternoon and stayed there late as Mrs de 1inter was up in London and not e0pe"ted ba"$ until mu"h later. #hat.s why I did not hurry ba"$. 1hen I "ame in about hal! past nine I heard she had returned +ust be!ore seven had her dinner and then went out again. 9own to the bea"h o! "ourse. I !elt worried then. It was blowing !rom the south%west. ,he would never have gone i! I.d been in. ,he always listened to me. =I wouldn.t go out this evening it.s not !it = I should have said and she would have answered me =(ll right 9anny you old !uss%pot.= (nd we would have sat up here tal$ing no doubt she telling me all she had done in London li$e she always did.. My arm was bruised and numb !rom the pressure o! her !ingers. I "ould see how tightly the s$in was stret"hed a"ross her !a"e showing the "hee$bones. #here were little pat"hes o! yellow beneath her ears. .Mr de 1inter had been dining with Mr 7rawley down at his house . she went on. .I don.t $now what time he got ba"$ I dare say it was a!ter eleven. But it began to blow *uite hard +ust be!ore midnight and she had not "ome ba"$. I went downstairs but there were no lights under the library door. I "ame upstairs again and $no"$ed on the dressing%room door. Mr de 1inter answered at on"e =1ho is it what do you want;= he said. I told him I was worried about Mrs de 1inter not being ba"$. 2e waited a moment and then he "ame and opened the door in his dressing%gown. =,he.s spending the night down at the "ottage I e0pe"t = he said. =I should go to bed i! I were you. ,he won.t "ome ba"$ here to sleep i! it goes on li$e this.= 2e loo$ed tired and I did not li$e to disturb him. (!ter all she spent many nights at the "ottage and had sailed in every sort o! weather. ,he might not even have gone !or a sail but +ust wanted the night at the "ottage as a "hange a!ter London. I said good night to Mr de 1inter and went ba"$ to my room. I did not sleep though. I $ept wondering what she was doing..

,he paused again. I did not want to hear any more. I wanted to get away !rom her away !rom the room. .I sat on my bed until hal! past !ive . she said .then I "ouldn.t wait there any longer. I got up and put on my "oat and went down through the woods to the bea"h. It was getting light but there was still a misty sort o! rain !alling although the wind had dropped. 1hen I got to the bea"h I saw the buoy there in the water and the dinghy but the boat had gone.... It seemed to me that I "ould see the "ove in the grey morning light !eel the thin dri))le on my !a"e and peering through the mist "ould ma$e out shadowy and indistin"t the low dar$ outline o! the buoy. Mrs 9anvers loosened the pressure on my arm. 2er hand !ell ba"$ again to her side. 2er voi"e lost all e0pression be"ame the hard me"hani"al voi"e o! every day. .-ne o! the li!e%buoys was washed up at Aerrith in the a!ternoon . she said .and another was !ound the ne0t day by some "rabbers on the ro"$s below the headland. Bits and pie"es o! rigging too would "ome in with the tide.. ,he turned away !rom me and "losed the "hest o! drawers. ,he straightened one o! the pi"tures on the wall. ,he pi"$ed up a pie"e o! !lu!! !rom the "arpet. I stood wat"hing her not $nowing what to do. .<ou $now now. she said .why Mr de 1inter does not use these rooms any more. Listen to the sea.. 5ven with the windows "losed and the shutters !astened I "ould hear it' a low sullen murmur as the waves bro$e on the white shingle in the "ove. #he tide would be "oming in !ast now and running up the bea"h nearly to the stone "ottage. .2e has not used these rooms sin"e the night she was drowned . she said. .2e had his things moved out !rom the dressing%room. 1e made up one o! the rooms at the end o! the "orridor. I don.t thin$ he slept mu"h even there. 2e used to sit in the arm"hair. #here would be "igarette ash all round it in the morning. (nd in the daytime Frith would hear him in the library pa"ing up and down. >p and down up and down.. I too "ould see the ash on the !loor beside the "hair. I too "ould hear his !ootsteps' one two one two ba"$wards and !orwards a"ross the library... Mrs 9anvers "losed the door so!tly between the bedroom and the ante%room where we were standing and put out the light. I "ould not see the bed any more nor the nightdress "ase upon the pillow nor the dressing% table nor the slippers by the "hair. ,he "rossed the ante%room and put her hand on the $nob o! the door and stood waiting !or me to !ollow her. .I "ome to the rooms and dust them mysel! every day . she said. .I! you want to "ome again you have only to tell me. 6ing me on the house

telephone. I shall understand. I don.t allow the maids up here. &o one ever "omes but me.. 2er manner was !awning again intimate and unpleasant. #he smile on her !a"e was a !alse unnatural thing. .,ometimes when Mr de 1inter is away and you !eel lonely you might li$e to "ome up to these rooms and sit here. <ou have only to tell me. #hey are su"h beauti!ul rooms. <ou would not thin$ she had gone now !or so long would you not by the way the rooms are $ept; <ou would thin$ she had +ust gone out !or a little while and would be ba"$ in the evening.. I !or"ed a smile. I "ould not spea$. My throat !elt dry and tight. .It.s not only this room . she said. .It.s in many rooms in the house. In the morning%room in the hall even in the little !lower%room. I !eel her everywhere. <ou do too don.t you;. ,he stared at me "uriously. 2er voi"e dropped to a whisper. .,ometimes when I wal$ along the "orridor here I !an"y I hear her +ust behind me. #hat *ui"$ light !ootstep. I "ould not mista$e it anywhere. (nd in the minstrels. gallery above the hall. I.ve seen her leaning there in the evenings in the old days loo$ing down at the hall below and "alling to the dogs. I "an !an"y her there now !rom time to time. It.s almost as though I "at"h the sound o! her dress sweeping the stairs as she "omes down to dinner.. ,he paused. ,he went on loo$ing at me wat"hing my eyes. .9o you thin$ she "an see us tal$ing to one another now;. she said slowly. .9o you thin$ the dead "ome ba"$ and wat"h the living;. I swallowed. I dug my nails into my hands. .I don.t $now . I said. .I don.t $now.. My voi"e sounded high%pit"hed and unnatural. &ot my voi"e at all. .,ometimes I wonder . she whispered. .,ometimes I wonder i! she "omes ba"$ here to Manderley and wat"hes you and Mr de 1inter together.. 1e stood there by the door staring at one another. I "ould not ta$e my eyes away !rom hers. 2ow dar$ and sombre they were in the white s$ull.s !a"e o! hers how malevolent how !ull o! hatred. #hen she opened the door into the "orridor. .6obert is ba"$ now . she said. .2e "ame ba"$ a *uarter o! an hour ago. 2e has orders to ta$e your tea out under the "hestnut tree.. ,he stepped aside !or me to pass. I stumbled out on to the "orridor not loo$ing where I was going. I did not spea$ to her I went down the stairs blindly and turned the "orner and pushed through the door that led to my own rooms in the east wing. I shut the door o! my room and turned the $ey and put the $ey in my po"$et. #hen I lay down on my bed and "losed my eyes. I !elt deadly si"$.

Chapter fifteen

Ma0im rang up the ne0t morning to say he would be ba"$ about seven. Frith too$ the message. Ma0im did not as$ to spea$ to me himsel!. I heard the telephone ring while I was at brea$!ast and I thought perhaps Frith would "ome into the dining%room and say .Mr de 1inter on the telephone Madam.. I had put down my nap$in and had risen to my !eet. (nd then Frith "ame ba"$ into the dining%room and gave me the message. 2e saw me push ba"$ my "hair and go to the door. .Mr de 1inter has rung o!! Madam . he said .there was no message. /ust that he would be ba"$ about seven.. I sat down in my "hair again and pi"$ed up my nap$in. Frith must have thought me eager and stupid rushing a"ross the dining%room. .(ll right Frith. #han$ you . I said. I went on eating my eggs and ba"on /asper at my !eet the old dog in her bas$et in the "orner. I wondered what I should do with my day. I had slept badly' perhaps be"ause I was alone in the room. I had been restless wa$ing up o!ten and when I glan"ed at my "lo"$ I saw the hands had s"ar"ely moved. 1hen I did !all asleep I had varied wandering dreams. 1e were wal$ing through woods Ma0im and I and he was always +ust a little ahead o! me. I "ould not $eep up with him. &or "ould I see his !a"e. /ust his !igure striding away in !ront o! me all the time. I must have "ried while I slept !or when I wo$e in the morning the pillow was damp. My eyes were heavy too when I loo$ed in the glass. I loo$ed plain unattra"tive. I rubbed a little rouge on my "hee$s in a wret"hed attempt to give mysel! "olour. But it made me worse. It gave me a !alse "lown loo$. 8erhaps I did not $now the best way to put it on. I noti"ed 6obert staring at me as I "rossed the hall and went into brea$!ast. (bout ten o."lo"$ as I was "rumbling some pie"es !or the birds on the terra"e the telephone rang again. #his time it was !or me. Frith "ame and said Mrs La"y wanted to spea$ to me. .Good morning Beatri"e . I said. .1ell my dear how are you;. she said her telephone voi"e typi"al o! hersel! bris$ rather mas"uline standing no nonsense and then not waiting !or my answer. .I thought o! motoring over this a!ternoon and loo$ing up

Gran. I.m lun"hing with people about twenty miles !rom you. ,hall I "ome and pi"$ you up and we.ll go together; It.s time you met the old lady you $now.. .I.d li$e to very mu"h Beatri"e . I said. .,plendid. 3ery well then. I.ll "ome along !or you about hal! past three. Giles saw Ma0im at the dinner. 8oor !ood he said but e0"ellent wine. (ll right my dear see you later.. #he "li"$ o! the re"eiver and she was gone. I wandered ba"$ into the garden. I was glad she had rung up and suggested the plan o! going over to see the grandmother. It made something to loo$ !orward to and bro$e the monotony o! the day. #he hours had seemed so long until seven o."lo"$. I did not !eel in my holiday mood today and I had no wish to go o!! with /asper to the 2appy 3alley and "ome to the "ove and throw stones in the water. #he sense o! !reedom had departed and the "hildish desire to run a"ross the lawns in sand%shoes. I went and sat down with a boo$ and #he #imes and my $nitting in the rose%garden domesti" as a matron yawning in the warm sun while the bees hummed amongst the !lowers. I tried to "on"entrate on the bald newspaper "olumns and later to lose mysel! in the ra"y plot o! the novel in my hands. I did not want to thin$ o! yesterday a!ternoon and Mrs 9anvers. I tried to !orget that she was in the house at this moment perhaps loo$ing down on me !rom one o! the windows. (nd now and again when I loo$ed up !rom my boo$ or glan"ed a"ross the garden I had the !eeling I was not alone. #here were so many windows in Manderley so many rooms that were never used by Ma0im and mysel! that were empty now' dust%sheeted silent rooms that had been o""upied in the old days when his !ather and his grand!ather had been alive when there had been mu"h entertaining many servants. It would be easy !or Mrs 9anvers to open those doors so!tly and "lose them again and then steal *uietly a"ross the shrouded room and loo$ down upon me !rom behind the drawn "urtains. I should not $now. 5ven i! I turned in my "hair and loo$ed up at the windows I would not see her. I remembered a game I had played as a "hild that my !riends ne0t%door had "alled .Grandmother.s ,teps. and mysel! .-ld 1it"h.. <ou had to stand at the end o! the garden with your ba"$ turned to the rest and one by one they "rept nearer to you advan"ing in short !urtive !ashion. 5very !ew minutes you turned to loo$ at them and i! you saw one o! them moving the o!!ender had to retire to the ba"$ line and begin again. But there was always one a little bolder than the rest who "ame up very "lose whose movement was impossible to dete"t and as you waited there your ba"$ turned "ounting the regulation #en you $new with a !atal

terri!ying "ertainty that be!ore long be!ore even the #en was "ounted this bold player would poun"e upon you !rom behind unheralded unseen with a s"ream o! triumph. I !elt as tense and e0pe"tant as I did then. I was playing .-ld 1it"h. with Mrs 9anvers. Lun"h was a wel"ome brea$ to the long morning. #he "alm e!!i"ien"y o! Frith and 6obert.s rather !oolish !a"e helped me more than my boo$ and my newspaper had done. (nd at hal! past three pun"tual to the moment I heard the sound o! Beatri"e.s "ar round the sweep o! the drive and pull up at the steps be!ore the house. I ran out to meet her ready dressed my gloves in my hand. .1ell my dear here I am what a splendid day isn.t it;. ,he slammed the door o! the "ar and "ame up the steps to meet me. ,he gave me a hard swi!t $iss brushing me somewhere near the ear. .<ou don.t loo$ well . she said immediately loo$ing me up and down .mu"h too thin in the !a"e and no "olour. 1hat.s wrong with you;. .&othing . I said humbly $nowing the !ault o! my !a"e too well. .I.m not a person who ever has mu"h "olour.. .-h bosh . she replied .you loo$ed *uite di!!erent when I saw you be!ore.. .I e0pe"t the brown o! Italy has worn o!! . I said getting into the "ar. .2.mph . she said shortly .you.re as bad as Ma0im. 7an.t stand any "riti"ism about your health. ,lam the door hard or it doesn.t shut.. 1e started o!! down the drive swerving at the "orner going rather too !ast. .<ou.re not by any "han"e starting an in!ant are you;. she said turning her haw$%brown eyes upon me. .&o . I said aw$wardly. .&o I don.t thin$ so.. .&o morning si"$ness or anything li$e that;. .&o.. .-h well % o! "ourse it doesn.t always !ollow. I never turned a hair when 6oger was born. Felt as !it as a !iddle the whole nine months. I played gol! the day be!ore he arrived. #here.s nothing to be embarrassed about in the !a"ts o! nature you $now. I! you have any suspi"ions you had better tell me.. .&o really Beatri"e . I said .there.s nothing to tell.. .I must say I do hope you will produ"e a son and heir be!ore long. It would be so terribly good !or Ma0im. I hope you are doing nothing to prevent it.. .-! "ourse not . I said. 1hat an e0traordinary "onversation. .-h don.t be sho"$ed . she said .you must nevermind what I say. (!ter all brides o! today are up to everything. It.s a damn nuisan"e i! you want to hunt and you land yoursel! with an in!ant your !irst season. @uite enough to

brea$ a marriage up i! you are both $een. 1ouldn.t matter in your "ase. Babies needn.t inter!ere with s$et"hing. 2ow is the s$et"hing by the way;. .I.m a!raid I don.t seem to do mu"h . I said. .-h really; &i"e weather too !or sitting out o! doors. <ou only need a "amp%stool and a bo0 o! pen"ils don.t you; #ell me were you interested in those boo$s I sent you;. .<es o! "ourse . I said. .It was a lovely present Beatri"e.. ,he loo$ed pleased. .Glad you li$ed them . she said. #he "ar sped along. ,he $ept her !oot permanently on the a""elerator and too$ every "orner at an a"ute angle. #wo motorists we passed loo$ed out o! their windows outraged as she swept by and one pedestrian in a lane waved his sti"$ at her. I !elt rather hot !or her. ,he did not seem to noti"e though. I "rou"hed lower in my seat. .6oger goes up to -0!ord ne0t term . she said .heaven $nows what he.ll do with himsel!. (w!ul waste o! time I thin$ and so does Giles but we "ouldn.t thin$ what else to do with him. -! "ourse he.s +ust li$e Giles and mysel!. #hin$s o! nothing but horses. 1hat on earth does this "ar in !ront thin$ it.s doing; 1hy don.t you put out your hand my good man; 6eally some o! these people on the road today ought to be shot.. 1e swerved into a main road narrowly avoiding the "ar ahead o! us. .2ad any people down to stay;. she as$ed. .&o we.ve been very *uiet . I said. .Mu"h better too . she said .aw!ul bore I always thin$ those big parties. <ou won.t !ind it alarming i! you "ome to stay with us. 3ery ni"e lot o! people all round and we all $now one another !right!ully well. 1e dine in one another.s houses and have our bridge and don.t bother with outsiders. <ou do play bridge don.t you;. .I.m not very good Beatri"e.. .-h we shan.t mind that. (s long as you "an play. I.ve no patien"e with people who won.t learn. 1hat on earth "an one do with them between tea and dinner in the winter and a!ter dinner; -ne "an.t +ust sit and tal$.. I wondered why. 2owever it was simpler not to say anything. .It.s *uite amusing now 6oger is a reasonable age . she went on .be"ause he brings his !riends to stay and we have really good !un. <ou ought to have been with us last 7hristmas. 1e had "harades. My dear it was the greatest !un. Giles was in his element. 2e adores dressing up you $now and a!ter a glass or two o! "hampagne he.s the !unniest thing you.ve ever seen. 1e o!ten say he.s missed his vo"ation and ought to have been on the stage.. I thought o! Giles and his large moon !a"e his horn spe"ta"les. I !elt the sight o! him being !unny a!ter "hampagne would embarrass me. .2e and

another man a great !riend o! ours 9i"$ie Marsh dressed up as women and sang a duet. 1hat e0a"tly it had to do with the word in the "harade nobody $new but it did not matter. 1e all roared.. I smiled politely. .Fan"y how !unny . I said. I saw them all ro"$ing !rom side to side in Beatri"e.s drawing%room. (ll these !riends who $new one another so well. 6oger would loo$ li$e Giles. Beatri"e was laughing again at the memory. .8oor Giles . she said. .I shall never !orget his !a"e when 9i"$ s*uirted the soda syphon down his ba"$. 1e were all in !its.. I had an uneasy !eeling we might be as$ed to spend the approa"hing 7hristmas with Beatri"e. 8erhaps I "ould have in!luen)a. .-! "ourse our a"ting was never very ambitious . she said. .It was +ust a lot o! !un amongst ourselves. (t Manderley now there is s"ope !or a really !ine show. I remember a pageant they had there some years ago. 8eople !rom London "ame down to do it. -! "ourse that type o! thing needs terri!i" organisation.. .<es . I said. ,he was silent !or a while and drove without spea$ing. .2ow is Ma0im;. she said a!ter a moment. .3ery well than$s . I said. .@uite "heer!ul and happy;. .-h yes. <es rather.. ( narrow village street engaged her attention. I wondered whether I should tell her about Mrs 9anvers. (bout the man Favell. I did not want her to ma$e a blunder though and perhaps tell Ma0im. .Beatri"e . I said de"iding upon it .have you ever heard o! someone "alled Favell; /a"$ Favell;. ./a"$ Favell . she repeated. .<es I do $now the name. 1ait a minute. /a"$ Favell. -! "ourse. (n aw!ul bounder. I met him on"e ages ago.. .2e "ame to Manderley yesterday to see Mrs 9anvers . I said. .6eally; -h well perhaps he would.... .1hy;. I said. .I rather thin$ he was 6ebe""a.s "ousin . she said. I was very surprised. #hat man her relation; It was not my idea o! the sort o! "ousin 6ebe""a would have. /a"$ Favell her "ousin. .-h . I said. .-h I hadn.t realised that.. .2e probably used to go to Manderley a lot . said Beatri"e. .I don.t $now. I "ouldn.t tell you. I was very seldom there.. 2er manner was abrupt. It gave me the impression she did not want to pursue the sub+e"t. .I did not ta$e to him mu"h . I said.

.&o . said Beatri"e. .I don.t blame you.. I waited but she did not say any more. I thought it wiser not to tell her how Favell had as$ed me to $eep the visit a se"ret. It might lead to some "ompli"ation. Besides we were +ust "oming to our destination. ( pair o! white gates and a smooth gravel drive. .9on.t !orget the old lady is nearly blind . said Beatri"e .and she.s not very bright these days. I telephoned to the nurse that we were "oming so everything will be all right.. #he house was large red%bri"$ed and gabled. Late 3i"torian I supposed. &ot an attra"tive house. I "ould tell in a glan"e it was the sort o! house that was aggressively well%$ept by a big sta!!. (nd all !or one old lady who was nearly blind. ( trim parlour%maid opened the door. .Good a!ternoon &orah how are you;. said Beatri"e. .3ery well than$ you Madam. I hope you are $eeping well;. .-h yes we are all !lourishing. 2ow has the old lady been &orah;. .6ather mi0ed Madam. ,he has one good day and then a bad. ,he.s not too bad in hersel! you $now. ,he will be pleased to see you I.m sure.. ,he glan"ed "uriously at me. =#his is Mrs Ma0im . said Beatri"e. .<es Madam. 2ow do you do . said &orah. 1e went through a narrow hall and a drawing%room "rowded with !urniture to a veranda !a"ing a s*uare "lipped lawn. #here were many bright geraniums in stone vases on the steps o! the veranda. In the "orner was a Bath "hair. Beatri"e.s grandmother was sitting there propped up with pillows and surrounded by shawls. 1hen we "ame "lose to her I saw that she had a strong rather un"anny resemblan"e to Ma0im. #hat was what Ma0im would loo$ li$e i! he was very old i! he was blind. #he nurse by her side got up !rom her "hair and put a mar$ in the boo$ she was reading aloud. ,he smiled at Beatri"e. .2ow are you Mrs La"y;. she said. Beatri"e shoo$ hands with her and introdu"ed me. .#he old lady loo$s all right . she said. .I don.t $now how she does it at eighty%si0. 2ere we are Gran . she said raising her voi"e .arrived sa!e and sound.. #he grandmother loo$ed in our dire"tion. .9ear Bee . she said .how sweet o! you to "ome and visit me. 1e.re so dull here nothing !or you to do.. Beatri"e leant over her and $issed her. .I.ve brought Ma0im.s wi!e over to see you . she said .she wanted to "ome and see you be!ore but she and Ma0im have been so busy..

Beatri"e prodded me in the ba"$. .Aiss her . she murmured. I too bent down and $issed her on the "hee$. #he grandmother tou"hed my !a"e with her !ingers. .<ou ni"e thing . she said .so good o! you to "ome. I.m very pleased to see you dear. <ou ought to have brought Ma0im with you.. .Ma0im is in London . I said .he.s "oming ba"$ tonight.. .<ou might bring him ne0t time . she said. .,it down dear in this "hair where I "an see you. (nd Bee "ome the other side. 2ow is dear 6oger; 2e.s a naughty boy he doesn.t "ome and see me.. .2e shall "ome during (ugust . shouted Beatri"e' .he.s leaving 5ton you $now he.s going up to -0!ord.. .-h dear he.ll be *uite a young man I shan.t $now him.. .2e.s taller than Giles now . said Beatri"e. ,he went on telling her about Giles and 6oger and the horses and the dogs. #he nurse brought out some $nitting and "li"$ed her needles sharply. ,he turned to me very bright very "heer!ul. .2ow are you li$ing Manderley Mrs de 1inter;. .3ery mu"h than$ you . I said. .It.s a beauti!ul spot isn.t it;. she said the needles +abbing one another. .-! "ourse we don.t get over there now she.s not up to it. I am sorry I used to love our days at Manderley.. .<ou must "ome over yoursel! some time . I said. =#han$ you I should love to. Mr de 1inter is well I suppose;. .<es very well.. .<ou spent your honeymoon in Italy didn.t you; 1e were so pleased with the pi"ture post"ard Mr de 1inter sent.. I wondered whether she used .we. in the royal sense or i! she meant that Ma0im.s grandmother and hersel! were one. .9id he send one; I "an.t remember.. .-h yes it was *uite an e0"itement. 1e love anything li$e that. 1e $eep a s"rapboo$ you $now and paste anything to do with the !amily inside it. (nything pleasant that is.. .2ow ni"e . I said. I "aught snat"hes o! Beatri"e.s "onversation on the other side. .1e had to put old Mar$sman down . she was saying. .<ou remember old Mar$sman; #he best hunter I ever had.. .-h dear not old Mar$sman;. said her grandmother. .<es poor old man. Got blind in both eyes you $now.. .8oor Mar$sman . e"hoed the old lady.

I thought perhaps it was not very ta"t!ul to tal$ about blindness and I glan"ed at the nurse. ,he was still busy "li"$ing her needles. .9o you hunt Mrs de 1inter;. she said. .&o I.m a!raid I don.t . I said. .8erhaps you will "ome to it. 1e are all very !ond o! hunting in this part o! the world.. .<es.. .Mrs de 1inter is very $een on art . said Beatri"e to the nurse. .I tell her there are heaps o! spots in Manderley that would ma$e very +olly pi"tures.. .-h rather . agreed the nurse pausing a moment !rom the !ury o! $nitting. .1hat a ni"e hobby. I had a !riend who was a wonder with her pen"il. 1e went to 8roven"e together one 5aster and she did su"h pretty s$et"hes.. .2ow ni"e . I said. .1e.re tal$ing about s$et"hing . shouted Beatri"e to her grandmother .you did not $now we had an artist in the !amily did you;. .1ho.s an artist;. said the old lady. .I don.t $now any.. .<our new granddaughter . said Beatri"e: .you as$ her what I gave her !or a wedding present.. I smiled waiting to be as$ed. #he old lady turned her head in my dire"tion. .1hat.s Bee tal$ing about;. she said. .I did not $now you were an artist. 1e.ve never had any artists in the !amily.. .Beatri"e was +o$ing . I said: .o! "ourse I.m not an artist really. I li$e drawing as a hobby. I.ve never had any lessons. Beatri"e gave me some lovely boo$s as a present.. .-h . she said rather bewildered. .Beatri"e gave you some boo$s did she; 6ather li$e ta$ing "oals to &ew"astle wasn.t it; #here are so many boo$s in the library at Manderley.. ,he laughed heartily. 1e all +oined in her +o$e. I hoped the sub+e"t would be le!t at that but Beatri"e had to harp on it. .<ou don.t understand Gran . she said. =#hey weren.t ordinary boo$s. #hey were volumes on art. Four o! .em.. #he nurse leant !orward to add her tribute. .Mrs La"y is trying to e0plain that Mrs de 1inter is very !ond o! s$et"hing as a hobby. ,o she gave her !our !ine volumes all about painting as a wedding present.. .1hat a !unny thing to do . said the grandmother. .I don.t thin$ mu"h o! boo$s !or a wedding present. &obody ever gave me any boo$s when I was married. I should never have read them i! they had.. ,he laughed again. Beatri"e loo$ed rather o!!ended. I smiled at her to show my sympathy. I don.t thin$ she saw. #he nurse resumed her $nitting.

.I want my tea . said the old lady *uerulously .isn.t it hal! past !our yet; 1hy doesn.t &orah bring the tea;. .1hat; 2ungry again a!ter our big lun"h;. said the nurse rising to her !eet and smiling brightly at her "harge. I !elt rather e0hausted and wondered rather sho"$ed at my "allous thought why old people were sometimes su"h a strain. 1orse than young "hildren or puppies be"ause one had to be polite. I sat with my hands in my lap ready to agree with what anybody said. #he nurse was thumping the pillows and arranging the shawls. Ma0im.s grandmother su!!ered her in patien"e. ,he "losed her eyes as though she too were tired. ,he loo$ed more li$e Ma0im than ever. I $new how she must have loo$ed when she was young tall and handsome going round to the stables at Manderley with sugar in her po"$ets holding her trailing s$irt out o! the mud. I pi"tured the nipped%in waist the high "ollar I heard her ordering the "arriage !or two o."lo"$. #hat was all !inished now !or her all gone. 2er husband had been dead !or !orty years her son !or !i!teen. ,he had to live in this bright red gabled house with the nurse until it was time !or her to die. I thought how little we $now about the !eelings o! old people. 7hildren we understand their !ears and hopes and ma$e%believe. I was a "hild yesterday. I had not !orgotten. But Ma0im.s grandmother sitting there in her shawl with her poor blind eyes what did she !eel what was she thin$ing; 9id she $now that Beatri"e was yawning and glan"ing at her wat"h; 9id she guess that we had "ome to visit her be"ause we !elt it right it was a duty so that when she got home a!terwards Beatri"e would be able to say .1ell that "lears my "ons"ien"e !or three months.; 9id she ever thin$ about Manderley; 9id she remember sitting at the dining%room table where I sat; 9id she too have tea under the "hestnut tree; -r was it all !orgotten and laid aside and was there nothing le!t behind that "alm pale !a"e o! hers but little a"hes and little strange dis"om!orts a blurred than$!ulness when the sun shone a tremor when the wind blew "old; I wished that I "ould lay my hands upon her !a"e and ta$e the years away. I wished I "ould see her young as she was on"e with "olour in her "hee$s and "hestnut hair alert and a"tive as Beatri"e by her side tal$ing as she did about hunting hounds and horses. &ot sitting there with her eyes "losed while the nurse thumped the pillows behind her head. .1e.ve got a treat today you $now . said the nurse .water"ress sandwi"hes !or tea. 1e love water"ress don.t we;.

.Is it water"ress day;. said Ma0im.s grandmother raising her head !rom the pillows and loo$ing towards the door. .<ou did not tell me that. 1hy does not &orah bring in the tea;. .I wouldn.t have your +ob ,ister !or a thousand a day . said Beatri"e sotto vo"e to the nurse. .-h I.m used to it Mrs La"y . smiled the nurse' .it.s very "om!ortable here you $now. -! "ourse we have our bad days but they might be a great deal worse. ,he.s very easy not li$e some patients. #he sta!! are obliging too that.s really the main thing. 2ere "omes &orah.. #he parlour%maid brought out a little gate%legged table and a snowy "loth. .1hat a time you.ve been &orah . grumbled the old lady. .It.s only +ust turned the hal!%hour Madam . said &orah in a spe"ial voi"e bright and "heer!ul li$e the nurse. I wondered i! Ma0im.s grandmother realised that people spo$e to her in this way. I wondered when they had done so !or the !irst time and i! she had noti"ed then. 8erhaps she had said to hersel! =#hey thin$ I.m getting old how very ridi"ulous. and then little by little she had be"ome a""ustomed to it and now it was as though they had always done so it was part o! her ba"$ground. But the young woman with the "hestnut hair and the narrow waist who gave sugar to the horses where was she; 1e drew our "hairs to the gate%legged table and began to eat the water"ress sandwi"hes. #he nurse prepared spe"ial ones !or the old lady. =#here now isn.t that a treat;. she said. I saw a slow smile pass over the "alm pla"id !a"e. .I li$e water"ress day . she said. #he tea was s"alding mu"h too hot to drin$. #he nurse dran$ hers in tiny sips. .Boiling water today . she said nodding at Beatri"e. .I have su"h trouble about it. #hey will let the tea stew. I.ve told them time and time again about it. #hey will not listen.. .-h they.re all the same . said Beatri"e. .I.ve given it up as a bad +ob.. #he old lady stirred hers with a spoon her eyes very !ar and distant. I wished I $new what she was thin$ing about. .9id you have !ine weather in Italy;. said the nurse. .<es it was very warm . I said. Beatri"e turned to her grandmother. .#hey had lovely weather in Italy !or their honeymoon she says. Ma0im got *uite sunburnt.. .1hy isn.t Ma0im here today;. said the old lady.

.1e told you darling Ma0im had to go to London . said Beatri"e impatiently. .,ome dinner you $now. Giles went too.. .-h I see. 1hy did you say Ma0im was in Italy;. .2e was in Italy Gran. In (pril. #hey.re ba"$ at Manderley now.. ,he glan"ed at the nurse shrugging her shoulders. .Mr and Mrs de 1inter are in Manderley now . repeated the nurse. .It.s been lovely there this month . I said drawing nearer to Ma0im.s grandmother. .#he roses are in bloom now. I wish I had brought you some.. .<es I li$e roses . she said vaguely and then peering "loser at me with her dim blue eyes. .(re you staying at Manderley too;. I swallowed. #here was a slight pause. #hen Beatri"e bro$e in with her loud impatient voi"e .Gran darling you $now per!e"tly well she lives there now. ,he and Ma0im are married.. I noti"ed the nurse put down her "up o! tea and glan"e swi!tly at the old lady. ,he had rela0ed against the pillows plu"$ing at her shawl and her mouth began to tremble. .<ou tal$ too mu"h all o! you. I don.t understand.. #hen she loo$ed a"ross at me a !rown on her !a"e and began sha$ing her head. .1ho are you my dear I haven.t seen you be!ore; I don.t $now your !a"e. I don.t remember you at Manderley. Bee who is this "hild; 1hy did not Ma0im bring 6ebe""a; I.m so !ond o! 6ebe""a. 1here is dear 6ebe""a;. #here was a long pause a moment o! agony. I !elt my "hee$s grow s"arlet. #he nurse got to her !eet very *ui"$ly and went to the Bath"hair. .I want 6ebe""a . repeated the old lady .what have you done with 6ebe""a;. Beatri"e rose "lumsily !rom the table sha$ing the "ups and sau"ers. ,he too had turned very red and her mouth twit"hed. .I thin$ you.d better go Mrs La"y . said the nurse rather pin$ and !lustered. .,he.s loo$ing a little tired and when she wanders li$e this it sometimes lasts a !ew hours. ,he does get e0"ited li$e this !rom time to time. It.s very un!ortunate it should happen today. I.m sure you will understand Mrs de 1inter;. ,he turned apologeti"ally to me. .-! "ourse . I said *ui"$ly .it.s mu"h better we should go.. Beatri"e and I groped !or our bags and gloves. #he nurse had turned to her patient again. .&ow what.s all this about; 9o you want your ni"e water"ress sandwi"h that I.ve "ut !or you;. .1here is 6ebe""a; 1hy did not Ma0im "ome and bring 6ebe""a;. replied the thin *uerulous voi"e. 1e went through the drawing%room to the hall and let ourselves out o! the !ront door. Beatri"e started up the "ar without a word. 1e drove down the smooth gravel drive and out o! the white gates.

I stared straight in !ront o! me down the road. I did not mind !or mysel!. I should not have "ared i! I had been alone. I minded !or Beatri"e. #he whole thing had been so wret"hed and aw$ward !or Beatri"e. ,he spo$e to me when we turned out o! the village. .My dear . she began .I.m so dread!ully sorry. I don.t $now what to say.. .9on.t be absurd Beatri"e . I said hurriedly .it doesn.t matter a bit. It.s absolutely all right.. .I had no idea she would do that . said Beatri"e. .I would never have dreamt o! ta$ing you to see her. I.m so !right!ully sorry.. .#here.s nothing to be sorry about. 8lease don.t say any more.. .I "an.t ma$e it out. ,he $new all about you. I wrote and told her and so did Ma0im. ,he was so interested in the wedding abroad.. .<ou !orget how old she is . I said. .1hy should she remember that; ,he doesn.t "onne"t me with Ma0im. ,he only "onne"ts him with 6ebe""a.. 1e went on driving in silen"e. It was a relie! to be in the "ar again. I did not mind the +er$y motion and the swaying "orners. .I.d !orgotten she was so !ond o! 6ebe""a . said Beatri"e slowly .I was a !ool not to e0pe"t something li$e this. I don.t believe she ever too$ it in properly about the a""ident. -h Lord what a ghastly a!ternoon. 1hat on earth will you thin$ o! me;. .8lease Beatri"e don.t. I tell you I don.t mind.. .6ebe""a made a great !uss o! her always. (nd she used to have the old lady over to Manderley. 8oor darling Gran was mu"h more alert then. ,he used to ro"$ with laughter at whatever 6ebe""a said. -! "ourse she was always very amusing and the old lady loved that. ,he had an ama)ing gi!t 6ebe""a I mean o! being attra"tive to people' men women "hildren dogs. I suppose the old lady has never !orgotten her. My dear you won.t than$ me !or this a!ternoon.. .I don.t mind I don.t mind . I repeated me"hani"ally. I! only Beatri"e "ould leave the sub+e"t alone. It did not interest me. 1hat did it matter a!ter all; 1hat did anything matter; .Giles will be very upset . said Beatri"e. .2e will blame me !or ta$ing you over. =1hat an idioti" thing to do Bee.= I "an hear him saying it. I shall get into a !ine row.. .9on.t say anything about it . I said. .I would mu"h rather it was !orgotten. #he story will only get repeated and e0aggerated.. .Giles will $now something is wrong !rom my !a"e. I never have been able to hide anything !rom him.. I was silent. I $new how the story would be tossed about in their immediate "ir"le o! !riends. I "ould imagine the little "rowd at ,unday lun"h.

#he round eyes the eager ears and the gasps and e0"lamations % .My Lord how aw!ul what on earth did you do;. and then .2ow did she ta$e it; 2ow terribly embarrassing !or everyoneB. #he only thing that mattered to me was that Ma0im should never "ome to hear o! it. -ne day I might tell Fran$ 7rawley but not yet not !or *uite a while. It was not long be!ore we "ame to the high road at the top o! the hill. In the distan"e I "ould see the !irst grey roo!s o! Aerrith while to the right in a hollow lay the deep woods o! Manderley and the sea beyond. .(re you in a !right!ul hurry to get home;. said Beatri"e. .&o . I said. .I don.t thin$ so. 1hy;. .1ould you thin$ me a per!e"t pig i! I dropped you at the lodge gates; I! I drive li$e hell now I shall +ust be in time to meet Giles by the London train and it will save him ta$ing the station ta0i.. .-! "ourse . I said. .I "an wal$ down the drive.. .#han$s aw!ully . she said grate!ully. I !elt the a!ternoon had been too mu"h !or her. ,he wanted to be alone again and did not want to !a"e another belated tea at Manderley. I got out o! the "ar at the lodge gates and we $issed goodbye. .8ut on some weight ne0t time I see you . she said' .it doesn.t suit you to be so thin. Give Ma0im my love and !orgive me !or today.. ,he vanished in a "loud o! dust and I turned in down the drive. I wondered i! it had altered mu"h sin"e Ma0im.s grandmother had driven down it in her "arriage. ,he had ridden here as a young woman she had smiled at the woman at the lodge as I did now. (nd in her day the lodge% $eeper.s wi!e had "urtseyed sweeping the path with her !ull wide s$irt. #his woman nodded to me brie!ly and then "alled to her little boy who was grubbing with some $ittens at the ba"$. Ma0im.s grandmother had bowed her head to avoid the sweeping bran"hes o! the trees and the horse had trotted down the twisting drive where I now wal$ed. #he drive had been wider then and smoother too better $ept. #he woods did not en"roa"h upon it. I did not thin$ o! her as she was now lying against those pillows with that shawl around her. I saw her when she was young and when Manderley was her home. I saw her wandering in the gardens with a small boy Ma0im.s !ather "lattering behind her on his hobby horse. 2e would wear a sti!! &or!ol$ +a"$et and a round white "ollar. 8i"ni"s to the "ove would be an e0pedition a treat that was not indulged in very o!ten. #here would be a photograph somewhere in an old album % all the !amily sitting very straight and rigid round a table"loth set upon the bea"h the servants in the

ba"$ground beside a huge lun"h%bas$et. (nd I saw Ma0im.s grandmother when she was older too a !ew years ago. 1al$ing on the terra"e at Manderley leaning on a sti"$. (nd someone wal$ed beside her laughing holding her arm. ,omeone tall and slim and very beauti!ul who had a gi!t Beatri"e said o! being attra"tive to people. 5asy to li$e I supposed easy to love. 1hen I "ame to the end o! the long drive at last I saw that Ma0im.s "ar was standing in !ront o! the house. My heart li!ted I ran *ui"$ly into the hall. 2is hat and gloves were lying on the table. I went towards the library and as I "ame near I heard the sound o! voi"es one raised louder than the other Ma0im.s voi"e. #he door was shut. I hesitated a moment be!ore going in. .<ou "an write and tell him !rom me to $eep away !rom Manderley in !uture do you hear; &ever mind who told me that.s o! no importan"e. I happen to $now his "ar was seen here yesterday a!ternoon. I! you want to meet him you "an meet him outside Manderley. I won.t have him inside the gates do you understand; 6emember I.m warning you !or the last time.. I slipped away !rom the door to the stairs. I heard the door o! the library open. I ran swi!tly up the stairs and hid in the gallery. Mrs 9anvers "ame out o! the library shutting the door behind her. I "rou"hed against the wall o! the gallery so that I should not be seen. I had "aught one glimpse o! her !a"e. It was grey with anger distorted horrible. ,he passed up the stairs swi!tly and silently and disappeared through the door leading to the west wing. I waited a moment. #hen I went slowly downstairs to the library. I opened the door and went in. Ma0im was standing by the window some letters in his hand. 2is ba"$ was turned to me. For a moment I thought o! "reeping out again and going upstairs to my room and sitting there. 2e must have heard me though !or he swung round impatiently. .1ho is it now;. he said. I smiled holding out my hands. .2ulloB. I said. .-h it.s you.... I "ould tell in a glan"e that something had made him very angry. 2is mouth was hard his nostrils white and pin"hed. .1hat have you been doing with yoursel!;. he said. 2e $issed the top o! my head and put his arm round my shoulder. I !elt as i! a very long time had passed sin"e he had le!t me yesterday.

.I.ve been to see your grandmother . I said. .Beatri"e drove me over this a!ternoon.. .2ow was the old lady;. .(ll right.. .1hat.s happened to Bee;. .,he had to get ba"$ to meet Giles.. 1e sat down together on the window%seat. I too$ his hand in mine. .I hated you being away I.ve missed you terribly . I said. .2ave you;. he said. 1e did not say anything !or a bit. I +ust held his hand. .1as it hot up in London;. I said. .<es pretty aw!ul. I always hate the pla"e.. I wondered i! he would tell me what had happened +ust now in the library with Mrs 9anvers. I wondered who had told him about Favell. .(re you worried about something;. I said. .I.ve had a long day . he said .that drive twi"e in twenty%!our hours is too mu"h !or anyone.. 2e got up and wandered away lighting a "igarette. I $new then that he was not going to tell me about Mrs 9anvers. .I.m tired too . I said slowly .it.s been a !unny sort o! day..

Chapter sixteen

It was one ,unday I remember when we had an invasion o! visitors during the a!ternoon that the sub+e"t o! the !an"y dress ball was !irst brought up. Fran$ 7rawley had "ome over to lun"h and we were all three o! us loo$ing !orward to a pea"e!ul a!ternoon under the "hestnut tree when we heard the !atal sound o! a "ar rounding the sweep in the drive. It was too late to warn Frith the "ar itsel! "ame upon us standing on the terra"e with "ushions and papers under our arms. 1e had to "ome !orward and wel"ome the une0pe"ted guests. (s o!ten happens in su"h "ases these were not to be the only visitors. (nother "ar arrived about hal! an hour a!terwards !ollowed by three lo"al people who had wal$ed !rom Aerrith and we !ound ourselves with the pea"e stripped !rom our day entertaining group a!ter group o! dreary a"*uaintan"es doing the regulation wal$ in the grounds the tour o! the rose% garden the stroll a"ross the lawns and the !ormal inspe"tion o! the 2appy 3alley. #hey stayed !or tea o! "ourse and instead o! a la)y nibbling o! "u"umber sandwi"hes under the "hestnut tree we had the paraphernalia o! a sti!! tea in the drawing%room whi"h I always loathed. Frith in his element o! "ourse dire"ting 6obert with a li!t o! his eyebrows and mysel! rather hot and !lustered with a monstrous silver teapot and $ettle that I never $new how to manage. I !ound it very di!!i"ult to gauge the e0a"t moment when it be"ame imperative to dilute the tea with the boiling water and more di!!i"ult still to "on"entrate on the small tal$ that was going on at my side. Fran$ 7rawley was invaluable at a moment li$e this. 2e too$ the "ups !rom me and handed them to people and when my answers seemed more than usually vague owing to my "on"entration on the silver teapot he *uietly and unobtrusively put in his small wedge to the "onversation relieving me o! responsibility. Ma0im was always at the other end o! the room showing a boo$ to a bore or pointing out a pi"ture playing the per!e"t host in his own inimitable way and the business o! tea was a side%issue that did not matter to him. 2is own "up o! tea grew "old le!t on a side table behind some !lowers and I steaming behind my $ettle and Fran$ gallantly +uggling with s"ones and angel "a$e were le!t to minister to the "ommon wants o! the herd. It was Lady 7rowan a tiresome gushing woman who lived in Aerrith who

introdu"ed the matter. #here was one o! those pauses in "onversation that happen in every teaparty and I saw Fran$.s lips about to !orm the inevitable and idioti" remar$ about an angel passing overhead when Lady 7rowan balan"ing a pie"e o! "a$e on the edge o! her sau"er loo$ed up at Ma0im who happened to be beside her. .-h Mr de 1inter . she said .there is something I.ve been wanting to as$ you !or ages. &ow tell me is there any "han"e o! you reviving the Manderley !an"y dress ball;. ,he put her head on one side as she spo$e !lashing her too prominent teeth in what she supposed was a smile. I lowered my head instantly and be"ame very busy with the emptying o! my own tea"up s"reening mysel! behind the "osy. It was a moment or two be!ore Ma0im replied and when he did his voi"e was *uite "alm and matter%o!%!a"t. .I haven.t thought about it . he said .and I don.t thin$ anyone else has.. .-h but I assure you we have all thought o! it so mu"h . "ontinued Lady 7rowan. .It used to ma$e the summer !or all o! us in this part o! the world. <ou have no idea o! the pleasure it used to give. 7an.t I persuade you to thin$ about it again;. .1ell I don.t $now . said Ma0im drily. .It was all rather a business to organise. <ou had better as$ Fran$ 7rawley he.d have to do it.. .-h Mr 7rawley do be on my side . she persisted and one or two o! the others +oined in. .It would be a most popular move you $now we all miss the Manderley gaiety.. I heard Fran$.s *uiet voi"e beside me. .I don.t mind organising the ball i! Ma0im has no ob+e"tion to giving it. It.s up to him and Mrs de 1inter. It.s nothing to do with me.. -! "ourse I was bombarded at on"e. Lady 7rowan moved her "hair so that the "osy no longer hid me !rom view. .&ow Mrs de 1inter you get round your husband. <ou are the person he will listen to. 2e should give the ball in your honour as the bride.. .<es o! "ourse . said somebody else a man. .1e missed the !un o! the wedding you $now' it.s a shame to deprive us o! all e0"itement. 2ands up !or the Manderley !an"y dress ball. #here you see de 1inter; 7arried unanimously.. #here was mu"h laughter and "lapping o! hands. Ma0im lit a "igarette and his eyes met mine over the teapot. .1hat do you thin$ about it;. he said. .I don.t $now . I said un"ertainly. .I don.t mind.. .-! "ourse she longs to have a ball in her honour . gushed Lady 7rowan. .1hat girl wouldn.t; <ou.d loo$ sweet Mrs de 1inter dressed as a little 9resden shepherdess your hair tu"$ed under a big three%"ornered hat..

I thought o! my "lumsy hands and !eet and the slope o! my shoulders. ( !ine 9resden shepherdess I should ma$eB 1hat an idiot the woman was. I was not surprised when nobody agreed with her and on"e more I was grate!ul to Fran$ !or turning the "onversation away !rom me. .(s a matter o! !a"t Ma0im someone was tal$ing about it the other day. =I suppose we shall be having some sort o! "elebration !or the bride shan.t we Mr 7rawley;= he said. =I wish Mr de 1inter would give a ball again. It was rare !un !or all o! us.= It was #u"$er at the home !arm . he added to Lady 7rowan. .-! "ourse they do adore a show o! any $ind. I don.t $now I told him. Mr de 1inter hasn.t said anything to me.. .#here you are . said Lady 7rowan triumphantly to the drawing%room in general. .1hat did I say; <our own people are as$ing !or a ball. I! you don.t "are !or us surely you "are about them.. Ma0im still wat"hed me doubt!ully over the teapot. It o""urred to me that perhaps he thought I "ould not !a"e it that being shy as he $new only too well I should !ind mysel! unable to "ope. I did not want him to thin$ that. I did not want him to !eel I should let him down. .I thin$ it would be rather !un . I said. Ma0im turned away shrugging his shoulders. =#hat settles it o! "ourse . he said. .(ll right Fran$ you will have to go ahead with the arrangements. Better get Mrs 9anvers to help you. ,he will remember the !orm.. .#hat ama)ing Mrs 9anvers is still with you then;. said Lady 7rowan. .<es . said Ma0im shortly .have some more "a$e will you; -r have you !inished; #hen let.s all go into the garden.. 1e wandered out on to the terra"e everyone dis"ussing the prospe"t o! the ball and suitable dates and then greatly to my relie! the "ar parties de"ided it was time to ta$e their departure and the wal$ers went too on being o!!ered a li!t. I went ba"$ into the drawing%room and had another "up o! tea whi"h I thoroughly en+oyed now that the burden o! entertaining had been ta$en !rom me and Fran$ "ame too and we "rumbled up the remains o! the s"ones and ate them !eeling li$e "onspirators. Ma0im was throwing sti"$s !or /asper on the lawn. I wondered i! it was the same in every home this !eeling o! e0uberan"e when visitors had gone. 1e did not say anything about the ball !or a little while and then when I had !inished my "up o! tea and wiped my sti"$y !ingers on a hand$er"hie! I said to Fran$: .1hat do you truth!ully thin$ about this !an"y dress business;.

Fran$ hesitated hal! glan"ing out o! the window at Ma0im on the lawn. .I don.t $now . he said. .Ma0im did not seem to ob+e"t did he; I thought he too$ the suggestion very well . .It was di!!i"ult !or him to do anything else . I said. .1hat a tiresome person Lady 7rowan is. 9o you really believe all the people round here are tal$ing and dreaming o! nothing but a !an"y dress ball at Manderley;. .I thin$ they would all en+oy a show o! some sort . said Fran$. .1e.re very "onventional down here you $now about these things. I don.t honestly thin$ Lady 7rowan was e0aggerating when she said something should be done in your honour. (!ter all Mrs de 1inter you are a bride.. 2ow pompous and stupid it sounded. I wished Fran$ would not always be so terribly "orre"t. .I.m not a bride . I said. .I did not even have a proper wedding. &o white dress or orange blossom or trailing bridesmaids. I don.t want any silly dan"e given in my honour.. .It.s a very !ine sight Manderley en !ete . said Fran$. .<ou.ll en+oy it you see. <ou won.t have to do anything alarming. <ou +ust re"eive the guests and there.s nothing in that. 8erhaps you.ll give me a dan"e;. 9ear Fran$. I loved his little solemn air o! gallantry. .<ou shall have as many dan"es as you li$e . I said. .I shan.t dan"e with anyone e0"ept you and Ma0im.. .-h but that would not loo$ right at all . said Fran$ seriously. .8eople would be very o!!ended. <ou must dan"e with the people who as$ you.. I turned away to hide my smile. It was a +oy to me the way he never $new when his leg had been pulled. .9o you thin$ Lady 7rowan.s suggestion about the 9resden shepherdess was a good one;. I said slyly. 2e "onsidered me solemnly without the tra"e o! a smile. .<es I do . he said. .I thin$ you.d loo$ very well indeed.. I burst into laughter. .-h Fran$ dear I do love you . I said and he turned rather pin$ a little sho"$ed I thin$ at my impulsive words and a little hurt too that I was laughing at him. .I don.t see that I.ve said anything !unny . he said sti!!ly. Ma0im "ame in at the window /asper dan"ing at his heels. .1hat.s all the e0"itement about;. he said. .Fran$ is being so gallant . I said. .2e thin$s Lady 7rowan.s idea o! my dressing up as a 9resden shepherdess is nothing to laugh at.. .Lady 7rowan is a damned nuisan"e . said Ma0im. .I! she had to write out all the invitations and organise the a!!air she would not be so enthusiasti". It.s always been the same though. #he lo"als loo$ upon

Manderley as i! it was a pavilion on the end o! a pier and e0pe"t us to put up a turn !or their bene!it. I suppose we shall have to as$ the whole "ounty.. .I.ve got the re"ords in the o!!i"e . said Fran$. .It won.t really entail mu"h wor$. Li"$ing the stamps is the longest +ob.. .1e.ll give that to you to do . said Ma0im smiling at me. .-h we.ll do that in the o!!i"e . said Fran$. .Mrs de 1inter need not bother her head about anything at all.. I wondered what they would say i! I suddenly announ"ed my intention o! running the whole a!!air. Laugh I supposed and then begin tal$ing o! something else. I was glad o! "ourse to be relieved o! responsibility but it rather added to my sense o! humility to !eel that I was not even "apable o! li"$ing stamps. I thought o! the writing% des$ in the morning%room the do"$eted pigeonholes all mar$ed in in$ by that slanting pointed hand. .1hat will you wear;. I said to Ma0im. .I never dress up . said Ma0im. .It.s the one per*uisite allowed to the host isn.t it Fran$;. .I "an.t really go as a 9resden shepherdess . I said .what on earth shall I do; I.m not mu"h good at dressing up.. .8ut a ribbon round your hair and be (li"e%in%1onderland . said Ma0im lightly' .you loo$ li$e it now with your !inger in your mouth.. .9on.t be so rude . I said. .I $now my hair is straight but it isn.t as straight as that. I tell you what I.ll give you and Fran$ the surprise o! your lives and you won.t $now me.. .(s long as you don.t bla"$ your !a"e and pretend to be a mon$ey I don.t mind what you do . said Ma0im. .(ll right that.s a bargain . I said. .I.ll $eep my "ostume a se"ret to the last minute and you won.t $now anything about it. 7ome on /asper we don.t "are what they say do we;. I heard Ma0im laughing at I went out into the garden and he said something to Fran$ whi"h I did not "at"h. I wished he would not always treat me as a "hild rather spoilt rather irresponsible someone to be petted !rom time to time when the mood "ame upon him but more o!ten !orgotten more o!ten patted on the shoulder and told to run away and play. I wished something would happen to ma$e me loo$ wiser more mature. 1as it always going to be li$e this; 2e away ahead o! me with his own moods that I did not share his se"ret troubles that I did not $now; 1ould we never be together he a man and I a woman standing shoulder to shoulder hand in hand with no gul! between us; I did not want to be a "hild. I wanted to be his wi!e his mother. I wanted to be old. I stood on the terra"e biting my nails loo$ing down towards the sea and as I stood there I wondered !or the twentieth time that day whether it

was by Ma0im.s orders that those rooms in the west wing were $ept !urnished and untou"hed. I wondered i! he went as Mrs 9anvers did and tou"hed the brushes on the dressing%table opened the wardrobe doors and put his hands amongst the "lothes. .7ome on /asper . I shouted .run run with me "ome on "an.t you;. and I tore a"ross the grass savagely angrily the bitter tears behind my eyes with /asper leaping at my heels and bar$ing hysteri"ally. #he news soon spread about the !an"y dress ball. My little maid 7lari"e her eyes shining with e0"itement tal$ed o! nothing else. I gathered !rom her that the servants in general were delighted. .Mr Frith says it will be li$e old times . said 7lari"e eagerly. .I heard him saying so to (li"e in the passage this morning. 1hat will you wear Madam;. .I don.t $now 7lari"e I "an.t thin$ . I said. .Mother said I was to be sure and tell her . said 7lari"e. .,he remembers the last ball they gave at Manderley and she has never !orgotten it. 1ill you be hiring a "ostume !rom London do you thin$;. .I haven.t made up my mind 7lari"e . I said. .But I tell you what. 1hen I do de"ide I shall tell you and nobody else. It will be a dead se"ret between us both.. .-h Madam how e0"iting . breathed 7lari"e. .I don.t $now how I am going to wait !or the day.. I was "urious to $now Mrs 9anvers. rea"tion to the news. ,in"e that a!ternoon I dreaded even the sound o! her voi"e down the house telephone and by using 6obert as mediator between us I was spared this last ordeal. I "ould not !orget the e0pression o! her !a"e when she le!t the library a!ter that interview with Ma0im. I than$ed God she had not seen me "rou"hing in the gallery. (nd I wondered too i! she thought that it was I who had told Ma0im about Favell.s visit to the house. I! so she would hate me more than ever. I shuddered now when I remembered the tou"h o! her hand on my arm and that dread!ul so!t intimate pit"h o! her voi"e "lose to my ear. I did not want to remember anything about that a!ternoon. #hat was why I did not spea$ to her not even on the house telephone. #he preparations went on !or the ball. 5verything seemed to be done down at the estate o!!i"e. Ma0im and Fran$ were down there every morning. (s Fran$ had said I did not have to bother my head about anything. I don.t thin$ I li"$ed one stamp. I began to get in a pani" about my "ostume. It seemed so !eeble not to be able to thin$ o! anything and I $ept remembering all the people who would "ome !rom Aerrith and round about the bishop.s wi!e who had en+oyed hersel! so mu"h the last time Beatri"e and Giles that tiresome Lady 7rowan and many more people I did not $now and who had

never seen me they would every one o! them have some "riti"ism to o!!er some "uriosity to $now what sort o! e!!ort I should ma$e. (t last in desperation I remembered the boo$s that Beatri"e had given me !or a wedding present and I sat down in the library one morning turning over the pages as a last hope passing !rom illustration to illustration in a sort o! !ren)y. &othing seemed suitable they were all so elaborate and pretentious those gorgeous "ostumes o! velvet and sil$ in the reprodu"tions given o! 6ubens 6embrandt and others. I got hold o! a pie"e o! paper and a pen"il and "opied one or two o! them but they did not please me and I threw the s$et"hes into the waste%paper bas$et in disgust thin$ing no more about them. In the evening when I was "hanging !or dinner there was a $no"$ at my bedroom door. I "alled .7ome in . thin$ing it was 7lari"e. #he door opened and it was not 7lari"e. It was Mrs 9anvers. ,he held a pie"e o! paper in her hand. .I hope you will !orgive me disturbing you . she said .but I was not sure whether you meant to throw these drawings away. (ll the waste% paper bas$ets are always brought to me to "he"$ at the end o! the day in "ase o! mislaying anything o! value. 6obert told me this was thrown into the library bas$et.. I had turned *uite "old all over at the sight o! her and at !irst I "ould not !ind my voi"e. ,he held out the paper !or me to see. It was the rough drawing I had done during the morning. .&o Mrs 9anvers . I said a!ter a moment .it doesn.t matter throwing that away. It was only a rough s$et"h. I don.t want it.. .3ery good . she said .I thought it better to en*uire !rom you personally to save any misunderstanding.. .<es . I said. .<es o! "ourse.. I thought she would turn and go but she went on standing there by the door. .,o you have not de"ided yet what you will wear;. she said. #here was a hint o! derision in her voi"e a tra"e o! odd satis!a"tion. I supposed she had heard o! my e!!orts through 7lari"e in some way. .&o . I said. .&o I haven.t de"ided.. ,he "ontinued wat"hing me her hand on the handle o! the door. .I wonder you don.t "opy one o! the pi"tures in the gallery . she said. I pretended to !ile my nails. #hey were too short and too brittle but the a"tion gave me something to do and I did not have to loo$ at her. .<es I might thin$ about that . I said. I wondered privately why su"h an idea had never "ome to me be!ore. It was an obvious and very good solution to my di!!i"ulty. I did not want her to $now this though. I went on !iling my nails.

.(ll the pi"tures in the gallery would ma$e good "ostumes . said Mrs 9anvers .espe"ially that one o! the young lady in white with her hat in her hand. I wonder Mr de 1inter does not ma$e it a period ball everyone dressed more or less the same to be in $eeping. I never thin$ it loo$s right to see a "lown dan"ing with a lady in powder and pat"hes.. .,ome people en+oy the variety . I said. .#hey thin$ it ma$es it all the more amusing.. .I don.t li$e it mysel! . said Mrs 9anvers. 2er voi"e was surprisingly normal and !riendly and I wondered why it was she had ta$en the trouble to "ome up with my dis"arded s$et"h hersel!. 9id she want to be !riends with me at last; -r did she realise that it had not been me at all who had told Ma0im about Favell and this was her way o! than$ing me !or my silen"e; .2as not Mr de 1inter suggested a "ostume !or you;. she said. .&o . I said a!ter a moment.s hesitation. .&o I want to surprise him and Mr 7rawley. I don.t want them to $now anything about it.. .It.s not !or me to ma$e a suggestion I $now . she said .but when you do de"ide I should advise you to have your dress made in London. #here is no one down here "an do that sort o! thing well. 3o"e in Bond ,treet is a good pla"e I $now.. .I must remember that . I said. .<es . she said and then as she opened the door .I should study the pi"tures in the gallery Madam i! I were you espe"ially the one I mentioned. (nd you need not thin$ I will give you away. I won.t say a word to anyone.. =#han$ you Mrs 9anvers . I said. ,he shut the door very gently behind her. I went on with my dressing pu))led at her attitude so di!!erent !rom our last en"ounter and wondering whether I had the unpleasant Favell to than$ !or it. 6ebe""a.s "ousin. 1hy should Ma0im disli$e 6ebe""a.s "ousin; 1hy had he !orbidden him to "ome to Manderley; Beatri"e had "alled him a bounder. ,he had not said mu"h about him. (nd the more I "onsidered him the more I agreed with her. #hose hot blue eyes that loose mouth and the "areless !amiliar laugh. ,ome people would "onsider him attra"tive. Girls in sweet shops giggling behind the "ounter and girls who gave one programmes in a "inema. I $new how he would loo$ at them smiling and hal! whistling a tune under his breath. #he sort o! loo$ and the type o! whistle that would ma$e one !eel un"om!ortable. I wondered how well he $new Manderley. 2e seemed *uite at home and /asper "ertainly re"ognised him but these two !a"ts did not !it in with Ma0im.s words to Mrs 9anvers. (nd I "ould not "onne"t him with my idea o! 6ebe""a. 6ebe""a with her beauty her "harm her breeding why did she have a "ousin li$e /a"$ Favell;

It was wrong out o! all proportion. I de"ided he must be the s$eleton in the !amily "upboard and 6ebe""a with her generosity had ta$en pity on him !rom time to time and invited him to Manderley perhaps when Ma0im was !rom home $nowing his disli$e. #here had been some argument about it probably 6ebe""a de!ending him and ever a!ter this perhaps a slight aw$wardness whenever his name was mentioned. (s I sat down to dinner in the dining%room in my a""ustomed pla"e with Ma0im at the head o! the table I pi"tured 6ebe""a sitting in where I sat now pi"$ing up her !or$ !or the !ish and then the telephone ringing and Frith "oming into the room and saying .Mr Favell on the phone Madam wishing to spea$ to you . and 6ebe""a would get up !rom her "hair with a *ui"$ glan"e at Ma0im who would not say anything who would go on eating his !ish. (nd when she "ame ba"$ having !inished her "onversation and sat down in her pla"e again 6ebe""a would begin tal$ing about something di!!erent in a gay "areless way to "over up the little "loud between them. (t !irst Ma0im would be glum answering in monosyllables but little by little she would win his humour ba"$ again telling him some story o! her day about someone she had seen in Aerrith and when they had !inished the ne0t "ourse he would be laughing again loo$ing at her and smiling putting out his hand to her a"ross the table. .1hat the devil are you thin$ing about;. said Ma0im. I started the "olour !looding my !a"e !or in that brie! moment si0ty se"onds in time perhaps I had so identi!ied mysel! with 6ebe""a that my own dull sel! did not e0ist had never "ome to Manderley. I had gone ba"$ in thought and in person to the days that were gone. .9o you $now you were going through the most e0traordinary anti"s instead o! eating your !ish;. said Ma0im. .First you listened as though you heard the telephone and then your lips moved and you threw hal! a glan"e at me. (nd you shoo$ your head and smiled and shrugged your shoulders. (ll in about a se"ond. (re you pra"ti"ing your appearan"e !or the !an"y dress ball;. 2e loo$ed a"ross at me laughing and I wondered what he would say i! he really $new my thoughts my heart and my mind and that !or one se"ond he had been the Ma0im o! another year and I had been 6ebe""a. .<ou loo$ li$e a little "riminal . he said .what is it;. .&othing . I said *ui"$ly .I wasn.t doing anything.. .#ell me what you were thin$ing;. .1hy should I; <ou never tell me what you are thin$ing about.. .I don.t thin$ you.ve ever as$ed me have you;. .<es I did on"e.. .I don.t remember..

.1e were in the library.. .3ery probably. 1hat did I say;. .<ou told me you were wondering who had been "hosen to play !or ,urrey against Middlese0.. Ma0im laughed again. .1hat a disappointment to you. 1hat did you hope I was thin$ing;. .,omething very di!!erent.. .1hat sort o! thing;. .-h I don.t $now.. .&o I don.t suppose you do. I! I told you I was thin$ing about ,urrey and Middlese0 I was thin$ing about ,urrey and Middlese0. Men are simpler than you imagine my sweet "hild. But what goes on in the twisted tortuous minds o! women would ba!!le anyone. 9o you $now you did not loo$ a bit li$e yoursel! +ust now; <ou had *uite a di!!erent e0pression on your !a"e.. .I did; 1hat sort o! e0pression;. .I don.t $now that I "an e0plain. <ou loo$ed older suddenly de"eit!ul. It was rather unpleasant.. .I did not mean to.. .&o I don.t suppose you did.. I dran$ some water wat"hing him over the rim o! my glass. .9on.t you want me to loo$ older;. I said. .&o: .1hy not;. .Be"ause it would not suit you.. .-ne day I shall. It "an.t be helped. I shall have grey hair and lines and things.. .I don.t mind that.. .1hat do you mind then;. .I don.t want you to loo$ li$e you did +ust now. <ou had a twist to your mouth and a !lash o! $nowledge in your eyes. &ot the right sort o! $nowledge.. I !elt very "urious rather e0"ited. .1hat do you mean Ma0im; 1hat isn.t the right sort o! $nowledge;. 2e did not answer !or a moment. Frith had "ome ba"$ into the room and was "hanging the plates. Ma0im waited until Frith had gone behind the s"reen and through the servi"e door be!ore spea$ing again. .1hen I met you !irst you had a "ertain e0pression on your !a"e . he said slowly .and you have it still. I.m not going to de!ine it I don.t $now how to. But it was one o! the reasons why I married you. ( moment ago

when you were going through that "urious little per!orman"e the e0pression had gone. ,omething else had ta$en its pla"e.. .1hat sort o! thing; 50plain to me Ma0im . I said eagerly. 2e "onsidered me a moment his eyebrows raised whistling so!tly. .Listen my sweet. 1hen you were a little girl were you ever !orbidden to read "ertain boo$s and did your !ather put those boo$s under lo"$ and $ey;. .<es . I said. .1ell then. ( husband is not so very di!!erent !rom a !ather a!ter all. #here is a "ertain type o! $nowledge I pre!er you not to have. It.s better $ept under lo"$ and $ey. ,o that.s that. (nd now eat up your pea"hes and don.t as$ me any more *uestions or I shall put you in the "orner.. .I wish you would not treat me as i! I was si0 . I said. .2ow do you want to be treated;. .Li$e other men treat their wives.. .Ano"$ you about you mean;. .9on.t be absurd. 1hy must you ma$e a +o$e o! everything;. .I.m not +o$ing. I.m very serious.. .&o you.re not. I "an tell by your eyes. <ou.re playing with me all the time +ust as i! I was a silly little girl.. .(li"e%in%1onderland. #hat was a good idea o! mine. 2ave you bought your sash and your hair%ribbon yet;. .I warn you. <ou.ll get the surprise o! your li!e when you do see me in my !an"y dress.. .I.m sure I shall. Get on with your pea"h and don.t tal$ with your mouth !ull. I.ve got a lot o! letters to write a!ter dinner.. 2e did not wait !or me to !inish. 2e got up and strolled about the room and as$ed Frith to bring the "o!!ee in the library. I sat still sullenly being as slow as I "ould hoping to $eep things ba"$ and irritate him but Frith too$ no noti"e o! me and my pea"h he brought the "o!!ee at on"e and Ma0im went o!! to the library by himsel!. 1hen I had !inished I went upstairs to the minstrels. gallery to have a loo$ at the pi"tures. I $new them well o! "ourse by now but had never studied them with a view to reprodu"ing one o! them as a !an"y dress. Mrs 9anvers was right o! "ourse. 1hat an idiot I had been not to thin$ o! it be!ore. I always loved the girl in white with a hat in her hand. It was a 6aeburn and the portrait was o! 7aroline de 1inter a sister o! Ma0im.s great%great grand!ather. ,he married a great 1hig politi"ian and was a !amous London beauty !or many years but this portrait was painted be!ore that when she was still unmarried. #he white dress should be easy to "opy. #hose pu!!ed sleeves the !loun"e and the little bodi"e. #he hat might be

rather di!!i"ult and I should have to wear a wig. My straight hair would never "url in that way. 8erhaps that 3o"e pla"e in London that Mrs 9anvers had told me about would do the whole thing. I would send them a s$et"h o! the portrait and tell them to "opy it !aith!ully sending my measurements. 1hat a relie! it was to have de"ided at lastB @uite a weight o!! my mind. I began almost to loo$ !orward to the ball. 8erhaps I should en+oy it a!ter all almost as mu"h as little 7lari"e. I wrote to the shop in the morning en"losing a s$et"h o! the portrait and I had a very !avourable reply !ull o! honour at my esteemed order and saying the wor$ would be put in hand right away and they would manage the wig as well. 7lari"e "ould hardly "ontain hersel! !or e0"itement and I too began to get party !ever as the great day approa"hed. Giles and Beatri"e were "oming !or the night but nobody else than$ heaven although a lot o! people were e0pe"ted to dinner !irst. I had imagined we should have to hold a large house%party !or the o""asion but Ma0im de"ided against it. .2aving the dan"e alone is *uite enough e!!ort . he said' and I wondered whether he did it !or my sa$e alone or whether a large "rowd o! people really bored him as he said. I had heard so mu"h o! the Manderley parties in the old days with people sleeping in bathrooms and on so!as be"ause o! the s*uash. (nd here we were alone in the vast house with only Beatri"e and Giles to "ount as guests. #he house began to wear a new e0pe"tant air. Men "ame to lay the !loor !or dan"ing in the great hall and in the drawing%room some o! the !urniture was moved so that the long bu!!et tables "ould be pla"ed against the wall. Lights were put up on the terra"e and in the rose%garden too wherever one wal$ed there would be some sign o! preparation !or the ball. 1or$men !rom the estate were everywhere and Fran$ "ame to lun"h nearly every day. #he servants tal$ed o! nothing else and Frith stal$ed about as though the whole o! the evening would depend on him alone. 6obert rather lost his head and $ept !orgetting things nap$ins at lun"h and handing vegetables. 2e wore a harassed e0pression li$e someone who has got to "at"h a train. #he dogs were miserable. /asper trailed about the hall with his tail between his legs and nipped every wor$man on sight. 2e used to stand on the terra"e bar$ing idioti"ally and then dash madly to one "orner o! the lawn and eat grass in a sort o! !ren)y. Mrs 9anvers never obtruded hersel! but I was aware o! her "ontinually. It was her voi"e I heard in the drawing% room when they "ame to put the tables it was she who gave dire"tions !or the laying o! the !loor in the hall. 1henever I "ame upon the s"ene she had always +ust disappeared' I would "at"h a glimpse o! her s$irt brushing the

door or hear the sound o! her !ootsteps on the stairs. I was a lay%!igure no use to man or beast. I used to stand about doing nothing e0"ept get in the way. .50"use me Madam . I would hear a man say +ust behind me and he would pass with a smile o! apology "arrying two "hairs on his ba"$ his !a"e dripping with perspiration. .I.m aw!ully sorry . I would say getting *ui"$ly to one side and then as a "over to my idleness .7an I help you; 1hat about putting those "hairs in the library;. #he man would loo$ bewildered. .Mrs 9anvers. orders Madam was that we were to ta$e the "hairs round to the ba"$ to be out o! the way.. .-h . I said .yes o! "ourse. 2ow silly o! me. #a$e them round to the ba"$ as she said.. (nd I would wal$ *ui"$ly away murmuring something about !inding a pie"e o! paper and a pen"il in a vain attempt to delude the man into thin$ing I was busy while he went on a"ross the hall loo$ing rather astonished and I would !eel I had not de"eived him !or a moment. #he great day dawned misty and over"ast but the glass was high and we had no !ears. #he mist was a good sign. It "leared about eleven as Ma0im had !oretold and we had a glorious still summer.s day without a "loud in the blue s$y. (ll the morning the gardeners were bringing !lowers into the house the last o! the white lila" and great lupins and delphiniums !ive !oot high roses in hundreds and every sort o! lily. Mrs 9anvers showed hersel! at last' *uietly "almly she told the gardeners where to put the !lowers and she hersel! arranged them sta"$ing the vases with *ui"$ de!t !ingers. I wat"hed her in !as"ination the way she did vase a!ter vase "arrying them hersel! through the !lower%room to the drawing%room and the various "orners o! the house massing them in +ust the right numbers and pro!usion putting "olour where "olour was needed leaving the walls bare where severity paid. Ma0im and I had lun"h with Fran$ at his ba"helor establishment ne0t% door to the o!!i"e to be out o! the way. 1e were all three in the rather hearty "heer!ul humour o! people a!ter a !uneral. 1e made pointless +o$es about nothing at all our minds eternally on the thought o! the ne0t !ew hours. I !elt very mu"h the same as I did the morning I was married. #he same sti!led !eeling that I had gone too !ar now to turn ba"$. #he evening had got to be endured. #han$ heaven Messrs 3o"e had sent my dress in time. It loo$ed per!e"t in its !olds o! tissue paper. (nd the wig was a triumph. I had tried it on a!ter brea$!ast and was ama)ed at the trans!ormation. I loo$ed *uite attra"tive *uite di!!erent altogether. &ot me at all. ,omeone mu"h more interesting more vivid and alive. Ma0im and Fran$ $ept as$ing me about my "ostume.

.<ou won.t $now me . I told them .you will both get the sho"$ o! your lives.. .<ou are not going to dress up as a "lown are you;. said Ma0im gloomily. .&o !right!ul attempt to be !unny;. .&o nothing li$e that . I said !ull o! importan"e. .I wish you had $ept to (li"e%in%1onderland . he said. .-r /oan o! (r" with your hair . said Fran$ shyly. # never thought o! that . I said blan$ly and Fran$ went rather pin$. .I.m sure we shall li$e whatever you wear . he said in his most pompous Fran$ish voi"e. .9on.t en"ourage her Fran$ . said Ma0im. .,he.s so !ull o! her pre"ious disguise already there.s no holding her. Bee will put you in your pla"e that.s one "om!ort. ,he.ll soon tell you i! she doesn.t li$e your dress. 9ear old Bee always loo$s +ust wrong on these o""asions bless her. I remember her on"e as Madame 8ompadour and she tripped up going in to supper and her wig "ame adri!t. =I "an.t stand this damned thing = she said in that blunt voi"e o! hers and "hu"$ed it on a "hair and went through the rest o! the evening with her own "ropped hair. <ou "an imagine what it loo$ed li$e against a pale blue satin "rinoline or whatever the dress was. 8oor Giles did not "ope that year. 2e "ame as a "oo$ and sat about in the bar all night loo$ing per!e"tly miserable. I thin$ he !elt Bee had let him down.. .&o it wasn.t that . said Fran$ .he.d lost his !ront teeth trying out a new mare don.t you remember and he was so shy about it he wouldn.t open his mouth.. .-h was that it; 8oor Giles. 2e generally en+oys dressing up.. .Beatri"e says he loves playing "harades . I said. .,he told me they always have "harades at 7hristmas.. # $now . said Ma0im .that.s why I.ve never spent 7hristmas with her.. .2ave some more asparagus Mrs de 1inter and another potato;. .&o really Fran$ I.m not hungry than$ you.. .&erves . said Ma0im sha$ing his head. .&ever mind this time tomorrow it will all be over.. .I sin"erely hope so . said Fran$ seriously. .I was going to give orders that all "ars should stand by !or F a.m.. I began to laugh wea$ly the tears "oming into my eyes. .-h dear . I said .let.s send wires to everybody not to "ome.. .7ome on be brave and !a"e it . said Ma0im. .1e need not give another one !or years. Fran$ I have an uneasy !eeling we ought to be going up to the house. 1hat do you thin$;.

Fran$ agreed and I !ollowed them unwillingly relu"tant to leave the "ramped rather un"om!ortable little dining%room that was so typi"al o! Fran$.s ba"helor establishment and whi"h seemed to me today the embodiment o! pea"e and *uietude. 1hen we "ame to the house we !ound that the band had arrived and were standing about in the hall rather pin$ in the !a"e and sel!%"ons"ious while Frith more important than ever o!!ered re!reshments. #he band were to be our guests !or the night and a!ter we had wel"omed them and e0"hanged a !ew slightly obvious +o$es proper to the o""asion the band were borne o!! to their *uarters to be !ollowed by a tour o! the grounds. #he a!ternoon dragged li$e the last hour be!ore a +ourney when one is pa"$ed up and $eyed to departure and I wandered !rom room to room almost as lost as /asper who trailed reproa"h!ully at my heels. #here was nothing I "ould do to help and it would have been wiser on my part to have $ept "lear o! the house altogether and ta$en the dog and mysel! !or a long wal$. By the time I de"ided upon this it was too late Ma0im and Fran$ were demanding tea and when tea was over Beatri"e and Giles arrived. #he evening had "ome upon us all too soon. .#his is li$e old times . said Beatri"e $issing Ma0im and loo$ing about her. .7ongratulations to you !or remembering every detail. #he !lowers are e0*uisite . she added turning to me. .9id you do them;. .&o . I said rather ashamed .Mrs 9anvers is responsible !or everything.. .-h. 1ell a!ter ail.... Beatri"e did not !inish her senten"e she a""epted a light !or her "igarette !rom Fran$ and on"e it was lit she appeared to have !orgotten what she was going to say. .2ave you got Mit"hell.s to do the "atering as usual;. as$ed Giles. .<es . said Ma0im. .I don.t thin$ anything has been altered has it Fran$; 1e had all the re"ords down at the o!!i"e. &othing has been !orgotten and I don.t thin$ we have le!t anyone out.. .1hat a relie! to !ind only ourselves . said Beatri"e. .I remember on"e arriving about this time and there were about twenty%!ive people in the pla"e already. (ll going to stop the night.. .1hat.s everyone going to wear; I suppose Ma0im as always re!uses to play;. .(s always . said Ma0im. .,u"h a mista$e I thin$. #he whole thing would go with mu"h more swing i! you did.. .2ave you ever $nown a ball at Manderley not to go with a swing;.

.&o my dear boy the organisation is too good. But I do thin$ the host ought to give the lead himsel!.. .I thin$ it.s *uite enough i! the hostess ma$es the e!!ort . said Ma0im. .1hy should I ma$e mysel! hot and un"om!ortable and a damn !ool into the bargain;. .-h but that.s absurd. #here.s no need to loo$ a !ool. 1ith your appearan"e my dear Ma0im you "ould get away with any "ostume. <ou don.t have to worry about your !igure li$e poor Giles.. .1hat is Giles going to wear tonight;. I as$ed .or is it a dead se"ret;. .&o rather not . beamed Giles' .as a matter%o!%!a"t it.s a pretty good e!!ort. I got our lo"al tailor to rig it up. I.m "oming as an (rabian shei$.. .Good God . said Ma0im. .It.s not at all bad . said Beatri"e warmly. .2e stains his !a"e o! "ourse and leaves o!! his glasses. #he head%dress is authenti". 1e borrowed it o!! a !riend who used to live in the 5ast and the rest the tailor "opied !rom some paper. Giles loo$s very well in it.. .1hat are you going to be Mrs La"y;. said Fran$. .-h I.m a!raid I haven.t "oped mu"h . said Beatri"e .I.ve got some sort o! 5astern get%up to go with Giles but I don.t pretend it.s genuine. ,trings o! beads you $now and a veil over my !a"e.. .It sounds very ni"e . I said politely. .-h it.s not bad. 7om!ortable to wear that.s one blessing. I shall ta$e o!! the veil i! I get too hot. 1hat are you wearing;. .9on.t as$ her . said Ma0im. .,he won.t tell any o! us. #here has never been su"h a se"ret. I believe she even wrote to London !or it.. .My dear . said Beatri"e rather impressed .don.t say you have gone a bust and will put us all to shame; Mine is only home%made you $now.. .9on.t worry . I said laughing .it.s *uite simple really. But Ma0im would tease me and I.ve promised to give him the surprise o! his li!e.. .@uite right too . said Giles. .Ma0im is too superior altogether. #he !a"t is he.s +ealous. 1ishes he was dressing up li$e the rest o! us and doesn.t li$e to say so.. .2eaven !orbid . said Ma0im. .1hat are you doing 7rawley;. as$ed Giles. Fran$ loo$ed rather apologeti". I.ve been so busy I.m a!raid I.ve le!t things to the last moment. I hunted up an old pair o! trousers last night and a striped !ootball +ersey and thought o! putting a pat"h over one eye and "oming as a pirate..

.1hy on earth didn.t you write to us and borrow a "ostume;. said Beatri"e. =#here.s one o! a 9ut"hman that 6oger had last winter in ,wit)erland. It would have suited you e0"ellently.. .I re!use to allow my agent to wal$ about as a 9ut"hman . said Ma0im. .2e.d never get rents out o! anybody again. Let him sti"$ to his pirate. It might !righten some o! them.. .(nything less li$e a pirate . murmured Beatri"e in my ear. I pretended not to hear. 8oor Fran$ she was always rather down on him. .2ow long will it ta$e me to paint my !a"e;. as$ed Giles. .#wo hours at least . said Beatri"e. .I should begin thin$ing about it i! I were you. 2ow many shall we be at dinner;. .,i0teen . said Ma0im ."ounting ourselves. &o strangers. <ou $now them all.. .I.m beginning to get dress !ever already . said Beatri"e. .1hat !un it all is. I.m so glad you de"ided to do this again Ma0im.. .<ou.ve got her to than$ !or it . said Ma0im nodding at me. .-h it.s not true . I said. .It was all the !ault o! Lady 7rowan.. .&onsense . said Ma0im smiling at me .you $now you.re as e0"ited as a "hild at its !irst party.. .I.m not.. .I.m longing to see your dress . said Beatri"e. .It.s nothing out o! the way. 6eally it.s not . I insisted. .Mrs de 1inter says we shan.t $now her . said Fran$. 5verybody loo$ed at me and smiled. I !elt pleased and !lushed and rather happy. 8eople were being ni"e. #hey were all so !riendly. It was suddenly !un the thought o! the dan"e and that I was to be the hostess. #he dan"e was being given !or me in my honour be"ause I was the bride. I sat on the table in the library swinging my legs while the rest o! them stood round and I had a longing to go upstairs and put on my dress try the wig in !ront o! the loo$ing%glass turn this way and that be!ore the long mirror on the wall. It was new this sudden une0pe"ted sensation o! being important o! having Giles and Beatri"e and Fran$ and Ma0im all loo$ing at me and tal$ing about my dress. (ll wondering what I was going to wear. I thought o! the so!t white dress in its !olds o! tissue paper and how it would hide my !lat dull !igure my rather sloping shoulders. I thought o! my own lan$ hair "overed by the slee$ and gleaming "urls. .1hat.s the time;. I said "arelessly yawning a little pretending I did not "are. .I wonder i! we ought to thin$ about going upstairs...;.

(s we "rossed the great hall on the way to our rooms I realised !or the !irst time how the house lent itsel! to the o""asion and how beauti!ul the rooms were loo$ing. 5ven the drawing%room !ormal and "old to my "onsideration when we were alone was a bla)e o! "olour now !lowers in every "orner red roses in silver bowls on the white "loth o! the supper table the long windows open to the terra"e where as soon as it was dus$ the !airy lights would shine. #he band had sta"$ed their instruments ready in the minstrels. gallery above the hall and the hall itsel! wore a strange waiting air' there was a warmth about it I had never $nown be!ore due to the night itsel! so still and "lear to the !lowers beneath the pi"tures to our own laughter as we hovered on the wide stone stairs. #he old austerity had gone. Manderley had "ome alive in a !ashion I would not have believed possible. It was not the still *uiet Manderley I $new. #here was a "ertain signi!i"an"e about it now that had not been be!ore. ( re"$less air rather triumphant rather pleasing. It was as i! the house remembered other days long long ago when the hall was a ban*ueting hall indeed with weapons and tapestry hanging upon the walls and men sat at a long narrow table in the "entre laughing louder than we laughed now "alling !or wine !or song throwing great pie"es o! meat upon the !lags to the slumbering dogs. Later in other years it would still be gay but with a "ertain gra"e and dignity and 7aroline de 1inter whom I should represent tonight would wal$ down the wide stone stairs in her white dress to dan"e the minuet. I wished we "ould sweep away the years and see her. I wished we did not have to degrade the house with our modern +ig%tunes so out%o!%pla"e and unromanti". #hey would not suit Manderley. I !ound mysel! in sudden agreement with Mrs 9anvers. 1e should have made it a period ball not the hot"hpot"h o! humanity it was bound to be with Giles poor !ellow well%meaning and hearty in his guise o! (rabian shei$. I !ound 7lari"e waiting !or me in my bedroom her round !a"e s"arlet with e0"itement. 1e giggled at one another li$e s"hoolgirls and I bade her lo"$ my door. #here was mu"h sound o! tissue paper rustling and mysterious. 1e spo$e to one another so!tly li$e "onspirators we wal$ed on tiptoe. I !elt li$e a "hild again on the eve o! 7hristmas. #his padding to and !ro in my room with bare !eet the little !urtive bursts o! laughter the sti!led e0"lamations reminded me o! hanging up my sto"$ing long ago. Ma0im was sa!e in his dressing%room and the way through was barred against him. 7lari"e alone was my ally and !avoured !riend. #he dress !itted per!e"tly. I stood still hardly able to restrain my impatien"e while 7lari"e hoo$ed me up with !umbling !ingers.

.It.s handsome Madam . she $ept saying leaning ba"$ on her heels to loo$ at me. .It.s a dress !it !or the @ueen o! 5ngland.. .1hat about under the le!t shoulder there . I said an0iously. =#hat strap o! mine is it going to show;. .&o Madam nothing shows.. .2ow is it; 2ow do I loo$;. I did not wait !or her answer I twisted and turned in !ront o! the mirror I !rowned I smiled. I !elt di!!erent already no longer hampered by my appearan"e. My own dull personality was submerged at last. .Give me the wig . I said e0"itedly ."are!ul don.t "rush it the "urls mustn.t be !lat. #hey are supposed to stand out !rom the !a"e.. 7lari"e stood behind my shoulder I saw her round !a"e beyond mine in the re!le"tion o! the loo$ing%glass her eyes shining her mouth a little open. I brushed my own hair slee$ behind my ears. I too$ hold o! the so!t gleaming "urls with trembling !ingers laughing under my breath loo$ing up at 7lari"e. .-h 7lari"e . I said .what will Mr de 1inter say;. I "overed my own mousy hair with the "urled wig trying to hide my triumph trying to hide my smile. ,omebody "ame and hammered on the door. .1ho.s there;. I "alled in pani". .<ou "an.t "ome in.. .It.s me my dear don.t alarm yoursel! . said Beatri"e .how !ar have you got; I want to loo$ at you.. .&o no . I said .you "an.t "ome in I.m not ready.. #he !lustered 7lari"e stood beside me her hand !ull o! hairpins while I too$ them !rom her one by one "ontrolling the "urls that had be"ome !lu!!ed in the bo0. .I.ll "ome down when I am ready . I "alled. .Go on down all o! you. 9on.t wait !or me. #ell Ma0im he "an.t "ome in.. .Ma0im.s down . she said. .2e "ame along to us. 2e said he hammered on your bathroom door and you never answered. 9on.t be too long my dear we are all so intrigued. (re you sure you don.t want any help;. .&o . I shouted impatiently losing my head .go away go on down.. 1hy did she have to "ome and bother +ust at this moment; It !ussed me I did not $now what I was doing. I +abbed with a hair%pin !lattening it against a "url. I heard no more !rom Beatri"e she must have gone along the passage. I wondered i! she was happy in her 5astern robes and i! Giles had su""eeded in painting his !a"e. 2ow absurd it was the whole thing. 1hy did we do it I wonder why were we su"h "hildren; I did not re"ognise the !a"e that stared at me in the glass. #he eyes were larger surely the mouth narrower the s$in white and "lear; #he "urls

stood away !rom the head in a little "loud. I wat"hed this sel! that was not me at all and then smiled' a new slow smile. .-h 7lari"eB. I said. .-h 7lari"eB. I too$ the s$irt o! my dress in my hands and "urtseyed to her the !loun"es sweeping the ground. ,he giggled e0"itedly rather embarrassed !lushed though very pleased. I paraded up and down in !ront o! my glass wat"hing my re!le"tion. .>nlo"$ the door . I said. .I.m going down. 6un ahead and see i! they are there.. ,he obeyed me still giggling and I li!ted my s$irts o!! the ground and !ollowed her along the "orridor. ,he loo$ed ba"$ at me and be"$oned. =#hey.ve gone down . she whispered .Mr de 1inter and Ma+or and Mrs La"y. Mr 7rawley has +ust "ome. #hey are all standing in the hall.. I peered through the ar"hway at the head o! the big stair"ase and loo$ed down on the hall below. <es there they were. Giles in his white (rab dress laughing loudly showing the $ni!e at his side' Beatri"e swathed in an e0traordinary green garment and hung about the ne"$ with trailing beads' poor Fran$ sel!% "ons"ious and slightly !oolish in his striped +ersey and sea%boots' Ma0im the only normal one o! the party in his evening "lothes. .I don.t $now what she.s doing . he said .she.s been up in her bedroom !or hours. 1hat.s the time Fran$; #he dinner "rowd will be upon us be!ore we $now where we are.. #he band were "hanged and in the gallery already. -ne o! the men was tuning his !iddle. 2e played a s"ale so!tly and then plu"$ed at a string. #he light shone on the pi"ture o! 7aroline de 1inter. <es the dress had been "opied e0a"tly !rom my s$et"h o! the portrait. #he pu!!ed sleeve the sash and the ribbon the wide !loppy hat I held in my hand. (nd my "urls were her "urls they stood out !rom my !a"e as hers did in the pi"ture. I don.t thin$ I have ever !elt so e0"ited be!ore so happy and so proud. I waved my hand at the man with the !iddle and then put my !inger to my lips !or silen"e. 2e smiled and bowed. 2e "ame a"ross the gallery to the ar"hway where I stood. .Ma$e the drummer announ"e me . I whispered .ma$e him beat the drum you $now how they do and then "all out Miss 7aroline de 1inter. I want to surprise them below.. 2e nodded his head he understood. My heart !luttered absurdly and my "hee$s were burning. 1hat !un it was what mad ridi"ulous "hildish !unB I smiled at 7lari"e still "rou"hing on the "orridor. I pi"$ed up my s$irt in my hands. #hen the sound o! the drum e"hoed in the great hall startling me !or a moment who had waited !or it who $new that it would "ome. I saw them loo$ up surprised and bewildered !rom the hall below.

.Miss 7aroline de 1inter . shouted the drummer. I "ame !orward to the head o! the stairs and stood there smiling my hat in my hand li$e the girl in the pi"ture. I waited !or the "lapping and laughter that would !ollow as I wal$ed slowly down the stairs. &obody "lapped nobody moved. #hey all stared at me li$e dumb things. Beatri"e uttered a little "ry and put her hand to her mouth. I went on smiling I put one hand on the bannister. .2ow do you do Mr de 1inter . I said. Ma0im had not moved. 2e stared up at me his glass in his hand. #here was no "olour in his !a"e. It was ashen white. I saw Fran$ go to him as though he would spea$ but Ma0im shoo$ him o!!. I hesitated one !oot already on the stairs. ,omething was wrong they had not understood. 1hy was Ma0im loo$ing li$e that; 1hy did they all stand li$e dummies li$e people in a tran"e; #hen Ma0im moved !orward to the stairs his eyes never leaving my !a"e. .1hat the hell do you thin$ you are doing;. he as$ed. 2is eyes bla)ed in anger. 2is !a"e was still ashen white. I "ould not move I went on standing there my hand on the bannister. .It.s the pi"ture . I said terri!ied at his eyes at his voi"e. .It.s the pi"ture the one in the gallery.. #here was a long silen"e. 1e went on staring at ea"h other. &obody moved in the hall. I swallowed my hand moved to my throat. .1hat is it;. I said. .1hat have I done;. I! only they would not stare at me li$e that with dull blan$ !a"es. I! only somebody would say something. 1hen Ma0im spo$e again I did not re"ognise his voi"e. It was still and *uiet i"y "old not a voi"e I $new. .Go and "hange . he said .it does not matter what you put on. Find an ordinary evening !ro"$ anything will do. Go now be!ore anybody "omes.. I "ould not spea$ I went on staring at him. 2is eyes were the only living things in the white mas$ o! his !a"e. .1hat are you standing there !or;. he said his voi"e harsh and *ueer. .9idn.t you hear what I said;. I turned and ran blindly through the ar"hway to the "orridors beyond. I "aught a glimpse o! the astonished !a"e o! the drummer who had announ"ed me. I brushed past him stumbling not loo$ing where I went. #ears blinded my eyes. I did not $now what was happening. 7lari"e had gone. #he "orridor was deserted. I loo$ed about me stunned and stupid li$e a

haunted thing. #hen I saw that the door leading to the west wing was open wide and that someone was standing there. It was Mrs 9anvers. I shall never !orget the e0pression on her !a"e loathsome triumphant. #he !a"e o! an e0ulting devil. ,he stood there smiling at me. (nd then I ran !rom her down the long narrow passage to my own room tripping stumbling over the !loun"es o! my dress.

Chapter seventeen

7lari"e was waiting !or me in my bedroom. ,he loo$ed pale and s"ared. (s soon as she saw me she burst into tears. I did not say anything. I began tearing at the hoo$s o! my dress ripping the stu!!. I "ould not manage them properly and 7lari"e "ame to help me still "rying noisily. .It.s all right 7lari"e it.s not your !ault . I said and she shoo$ her head the tears still running down her "hee$s. .<our lovely dress Madam . she said .your lovely white dress.. .It doesn.t matter . I said. .7an.t you !ind the hoo$; #here it is at the ba"$. (nd another one somewhere +ust below.. ,he !umbled with the hoo$s her hands trembling ma$ing worse trouble with it than I did mysel! and all the time "at"hing at her breath. .1hat will you wear instead Madam;. she said. .I don.t $now . I said .I don.t $now.. ,he had managed to un!asten the hoo$s and I struggled out o! the dress. .I thin$ I.d rather li$e to be alone 7lari"e . I said .would you be a dear and leave me; 9on.t worry I shall manage all right. Forget what.s happened. I want you to en+oy the party.. .7an I press out a dress !or you Madam;. she said loo$ing up at me with swollen streaming eyes. .It won.t ta$e me a moment.. .&o . I said .don.t bother I.d rather you went and 7lari"e...= .<es Madam;. .9on.t % don.t say anything about what.s +ust happened.. .&o Madam.. ,he burst into another torrent o! weeping. .9on.t let the others see you li$e that . I said. .Go to your bedroom and do something to your !a"e. #here.s nothing to "ry about nothing at all.. ,omebody $no"$ed on the door. 7lari"e threw me a *ui"$ !rightened glan"e. .1ho is it;. I said. #he door opened and Beatri"e "ame into the room. ,he "ame to me at on"e a strange rather ludi"rous !igure in her 5astern drapery the bangles +angling on her wrists. .My dear . she said .my dear . and held out her hands to me. 7lari"e slipped out o! the room. I !elt tired suddenly and unable to "ope. I went and sat down on the bed. I put my hand up to my head and too$ o!! the "urled wig. Beatri"e stood wat"hing me. .(re you all right;. she said. .<ou loo$ very white.. .It.s the light . I said. .It never gives one any "olour..

.,it down !or a !ew minutes and you.ll be all right . she said' .wait I.ll get a glass o! water.. ,he went into the bathroom her bangles +angling with her every movement and then she "ame ba"$ the glass o! water in her hands. I dran$ some to please her not wanting it a bit. It tasted warm !rom the tap' she had not let it run. .-! "ourse I $new at on"e it was +ust a terrible mista$e . she said. .<ou "ould not possibly have $nown why should you;. .Anown what;. I said. .1hy the dress you poor dear the pi"ture you "opied o! the girl in the gallery. It was what 6ebe""a did at the last !an"y dress ball at Manderley. Identi"al. #he same pi"ture the same dress. <ou stood there on the stairs and !or one ghastly moment I thought...= ,he did not go on with her senten"e she patted me on the shoulder. .<ou poor "hild how wret"hedly un!ortunate how were you to $now;. .I ought to have $nown . I said stupidly staring at her too stunned to understand. .I ought to have $nown.. .&onsense how "ould you $now; It was not the sort o! thing that "ould possibly enter any o! our heads. -nly it was su"h a sho"$ you see. 1e none o! us e0pe"ted it and Ma0im.... .<es Ma0im;. I said. .2e thin$s you see it was deliberate on your part. <ou had some bet that you would startle him didn.t you; ,ome !oolish +o$e. (nd o! "ourse he doesn.t understand. It was su"h a !right!ul sho"$ !or him. I told him at on"e you "ould not have done su"h a thing and that it was sheer appalling lu"$ that you had "hosen that parti"ular pi"ture.. .I ought to have $nown . I repeated again. .It.s all my !ault I ought to have seen. I ought to have $nown.. .&o no. 9on.t worry you.ll be able to e0plain the whole thing to him *uietly. 5verything will be *uite all right. #he !irst lot o! people were arriving +ust as I "ame upstairs to you. #hey are having drin$s. 5verything.s all right. I.ve told Fran$ and Giles to ma$e up a story about your dress not !itting and you are very disappointed.. I did not say anything. I went on sitting on the bed with my hands in my lap. .1hat "an you wear instead;. said Beatri"e going to my wardrobe and !linging open the doors. .2ere. 1hat.s this blue; It loo$s "harming. 8ut this on. &obody will mind. @ui"$. I.ll help you.. .&o . I said. =&o I.m not "oming down.. Beatri"e stared at me in great distress my blue !ro"$ over her arm.

.But my dear you must . she said in dismay. .<ou "an.t possibly not appear.. .&o Beatri"e I.m not "oming down. I "an.t !a"e them not a!ter what.s happened.. .But nobody will $now about the dress . she said. .Fran$ and Giles will never breathe a word. 1e.ve got the story all arranged. #he shop sent the wrong dress and it did not !it so you are wearing an ordinary evening dress instead. 5veryone will thin$ it per!e"tly natural. It won.t ma$e any di!!eren"e to the evening.. .<ou don.t understand . I said. .I don.t "are about the dress. It.s not that at all. It.s what has happened what I did. I "an.t "ome down now Beatri"e I "an.t.. .But my dear Giles and Fran$ understand per!e"tly. #hey are !ull o! sympathy. (nd Ma0im too. It was +ust the !irst sho"$... I.ll try and get him alone a minute I.ll e0plain the whole thing.. .&oB. I said. .&oB. ,he put my blue !ro"$ down beside me on the bed. .5veryone will be arriving . she said very worried very upset. .It will loo$ so e0traordinary i! you don.t "ome down. I "an.t say you.ve suddenly got a heada"he.. .1hy not;. I said wearily. .1hat does it matter; Ma$e anything up. &obody will mind they don.t any o! them $now me.. .7ome now my dear . she said patting my hand .try and ma$e the e!!ort. 8ut on this "harming blue. #hin$ o! Ma0im. <ou must "ome down !or his sa$e.. .I.m thin$ing about Ma0im all the time . I said. .1ell then surely...;. .&o . I said tearing at my nails ro"$ing ba"$wards and !orwards on the bed. .I "an.t I "an.t.. ,omebody else $no"$ed on the door. .-h dear who on earth is that;. said Beatri"e wal$ing to the door. .1hat is it;. ,he opened the door. Giles was standing +ust outside. .5veryone has turned up. Ma0im sent me up to !ind out what.s happening . he said. .,he says she won.t "ome down . said Beatri"e. .1hat on earth are we going to say;. I "aught sight o! Giles peering at me through the open door. .-h Lord what a !right!ul mi0%up . he whispered. 2e turned away embarrassed when he noti"ed that I had seen him. .1hat shall I say to Ma0im;. he as$ed Beatri"e. .It.s !ive past eight now..

.,ay she.s !eeling rather !aint but will try and "ome down later. #ell them not to wait dinner. I.ll be down dire"tly I.ll ma$e it all right.. .<es right you are.. 2e hal! glan"ed in my dire"tion again sympatheti" but rather "urious wondering why I sat there on the bed and his voi"e was low as it might be a!ter an a""ident when people are waiting !or the do"tor. .Is there anything else I "an do;. he said. .&o . said Beatri"e .go down now I.ll !ollow in a minute.. 2e obeyed her shu!!ling away in his (rabian robes. #his is the sort o! moment I thought that I shall laugh at years a!terwards that I shall say .9o you remember how Giles was dressed as an (rab and Beatri"e had a veil over her !a"e and +angling bangles on her wrist;. (nd time will mellow it ma$e it a moment !or laughter. But now it was not !unny now I did not laugh. It was not the !uture it was the present. It was too vivid and too real. I sat on the bed plu"$ing at the eiderdown pulling a little !eather out o! a slit in one "orner. G 1ould you li$e some brandy;. said Beatri"e ma$ing a last e!!ort. .I $now it.s only 9ut"h "ourage but it sometimes wor$s wonders.. .&o . I said. .&o I don.t want anything.. .I shall have to go down. Giles says they are waiting dinner. (re you sure it.s all right !or me to leave you;. .<es. (nd than$ you Beatri"e.. .-h my dear don.t than$ me. I wish I "ould do something.. ,he stopped swi!tly to my loo$ing%glass and dabbed her !a"e with powder. .God what a sight I loo$ . she said .this damnB veil is "roo$ed I $now. 2owever it "an.t be helped.. ,he rustled out o! the room "losing the door behind her. I !elt I had !or!eited her sympathy by my re!usal to go down. I had shown the white !eather. ,he had not understood. ,he belonged to another breed o! men and women another ra"e than I. #hey had guts the women o! her ra"e. #hey were not li$e me. I! it had been Beatri"e who had done this thing instead o! me she would have put on her other dress and gone down again to wel"ome her guests. ,he would have stood by Giles.s side and sha$en hands with people a smile on her !a"e. I "ould not do that. I had not the pride I had not the guts. I was badly bred. I $ept seeing Ma0im.s eyes bla)ing in his white !a"e and behind him Giles and Beatri"e and Fran$ standing li$e dummies staring at me. I got up !rom my bed and went and loo$ed out o! the window. #he gardeners were going round to the lights in the rose%garden testing them to see i! they all wor$ed. #he s$y was pale with a !ew salmon "louds o! evening strea$ing to the west. 1hen it was dus$ the lamps would all be lit.

#here were tables and "hairs in the rose%garden !or the "ouples who wanted to sit out. I "ould smell the roses !rom my window. #he men were tal$ing to one another and laughing. =#here.s one here gone . I heard a voi"e "all out' ."an you get me another small bulb; -ne o! the blue ones Bill.. 2e !i0ed the light into position. 2e whistled a popular tune o! the moment with easy "on!iden"e and I thought how tonight perhaps the band would play the same tune in the minstrels. gallery above the hall. .#hat.s got it . said the man swit"hing the light on and o!! .they.re all right here. &o others gone. 1e.d better have a loo$ at those on the terra"e.. #hey went o!! round the "orner o! the house still whistling the song. I wished I "ould be the man. Later in the evening he would stand with his !riend in the drive and wat"h the "ars drive up to the house his hands in his po"$ets his "ap on the ba"$ o! his head. 2e would stand in a "rowd with other people !rom the estate and then drin$ "ider at the long table arranged !or them in one "orner o! the terra"e. .Li$e the old days isn.t it;. he would say. But his !riend would sha$e his head pu!!ing at his pipe. .#his new one.s not li$e our Mrs de 1inter she.s di!!erent altogether.. (nd a woman ne0t them in the "rowd would agree other people too all saying =#hat.s right . and nodding their heads. .1here is she tonight; ,he.s not been on the terra"e on"e.. .I "an.t say I.m sure. I.ve not seen her.. .Mrs de 1inter used to be here there and everywhere.. .(ye that.s right.. (nd the woman would turn to her neighbours nodding mysteriously. =#hey say she.s not appearing tonight at all.. .Go on.. =#hat.s right. -ne o! the servants !rom the house told me Mrs de 1inter hasn.t "ome down !rom her room all evening.. .1hat.s wrong with the maid is she bad;. .&o sul$y I re"$on. #hey say her dress didn.t please her.. ( s*ueal o! laughter and a murmur !rom the little "rowd. .9id you ever hear o! su"h a thing; It.s a shame !or Mr de 1inter.. .I wouldn.t stand !or it not !rom a "hit li$e her.. .Maybe it.s not true at all.. .It.s true all right. #hey.re !ull o! it up at the house.. -ne to the other. #his one to the ne0t. ( smile a win$ a shrug o! the shoulder. -ne group and then another group. (nd then spreading to the guests who wal$ed on the terra"e and strolled a"ross the lawns. #he "ouple who in three hours. time would sit in those "hairs beneath me in the rose%garden. .9o you suppose it.s true what I heard;. .1hat did you hear;.

.1hy that there.s nothing wrong with her at all they.ve had a "olossal row and she won.t appearB. .I sayB. ( li!t o! the eyebrows a long whistle. .I $now. 1ell it does loo$ rather odd don. t you thin$; 1hat I mean is people don.t suddenly !or no reason have violent heada"hes. I "all the whole thing +olly !ishy.. .I thought he loo$ed a bit grim . .,o did I.. .-! "ourse I have heard be!ore the marriage is not a wild su""ess.. .-h really;. .2.m. ,everal people have said so. #hey say he.s beginning to realise he.s made a big mista$e. ,he.s nothing to loo$ at you $now.. .&o I.ve heard there.s nothing mu"h to her. 1ho was she;. .-h no one at all. ,ome pi"$%up in the south o! Fran"e a nursery gov. or something.. .Good LordB. .I $now. (nd when you thin$ o! 6ebe""a...= I went on staring at the empty "hairs. #he salmon s$y had turned to grey. (bove my head was the evening star. In the woods beyond the rose% garden the birds were ma$ing their last little rustling noises be!ore night!all. ( lone gull !lew a"ross the s$y. I went away !rom the window ba"$ to the bed again. I pi"$ed up the white dress I had le!t on the !loor and put it ba"$ in the bo0 with the tissue paper. I put the wig ba"$ in its bo0 too. #hen I loo$ed in one o! my "upboards !or the little portable iron I used to have in Monte 7arlo !or Mrs 3an 2opper.s dresses. It was lying at the ba"$ o! a shel! with some woollen +umpers I had not worn !or a long time. #he iron was H#he o! those universal $inds that go on any voltage and I !itted it to the plug in the wall. I began to iron the blue dress that Beatri"e had ta$en !rom the wardrobe slowly methodi"ally as I used to iron Mrs 3an 2opper.s dresses in Monte 7arlo. 1hen I had !inished I laid the dress ready on the bed. #hen I "leaned the ma$e%up o!! my !a"e that I had put on !or the !an"y dress. I "ombed my hair and washed my hands. I put on the blue dress and the shoes that went with it. I might have been my old sel! again going down to the lounge o! the hotel with Mrs 3an 2opper. I opened the door o! my room and went along the "orridor. 5verything was still and silent. #here might not have been a party at all. I tiptoed to the end o! the passage and turned the "orner. #he door to the west wing was "losed. #here was no sound o! anything at all. 1hen I "ame to the ar"hway by the gallery and the stair"ase I heard the murmur and hum o! "onversation "oming !rom the dining%room. #hey were

still having dinner. #he great hall was deserted. #here was nobody in the gallery either. #he band must be having their dinner too. I did not $now what arrangements had been made !or them. Fran$ had done it % Fran$ or Mrs 9anvers. From where I stood I "ould see the pi"ture o! 7aroline de 1inter !a"ing me in the gallery. I "ould see the "urls !raming her !a"e and I "ould see the smile on her lips. I remembered the bishop.s wi!e who had said to me that day I "alled .I shall never !orget her dressed all in white with that "loud o! dar$ hair.. I ought to have remembered that I ought to have $nown. 2ow *ueer the instruments loo$ed in the gallery the little stands !or the musi" the big drum. -ne o! the men had le!t his hand$er"hie! on a "hair. I leant over the rail and loo$ed down at the hall below. ,oon it would be !illed with people li$e the bishop.s wi!e had said and Ma0im would stand at the bottom o! the stairs sha$ing hands with them as they "ame into the hall. #he sound o! their voi"es would e"ho to the "eiling and then the band would play !rom the gallery where I was leaning now the man with the violin smiling swaying to the musi". It would not be *uiet li$e this any more. ( board "rea$ed in the gallery. I swung round loo$ing at the gallery behind me. #here was nobody there. #he gallery was empty +ust as it had been be!ore. ( "urrent o! air blew in my !a"e though somebody must have le!t a window open in one o! the passages. #he hum o! voi"es "ontinued in the dining%room. I wondered why the board "rea$ed when I had not moved at all. #he warmth o! the night perhaps a swelling somewhere in the old wood. #he draught still blew in my !a"e though. ( pie"e o! musi" on one o! the stands !luttered to the !loor. I loo$ed towards the ar"hway above the stairs. #he draught was "oming !rom there. I went beneath the ar"h again and when I "ame out on to the long "orridor I saw that the door to the west wing had blown open and swung ba"$ against the wall. It was dar$ in the west passage none o! the lights had been turned on. I "ould !eel the wind blowing on my !a"e !rom an open window. I !umbled !or a swit"h on the wall and "ould not !ind one. I "ould see the window in an angle o! the passage the "urtain blowing so!tly ba"$wards and !orwards. #he grey evening light "ast *ueer shadows on the !loor. #he sound o! the sea "ame to me through the open window the so!t hissing sound o! the ebb%tide leaving the shingle. I did not go and shut the window. I stood there shivering a moment in my thin dress listening to the sea as it sighed and le!t the shore. #hen I turned *ui"$ly and shut the door o! the west wing behind me and "ame out again through the ar"hway by the stairs.

#he murmur o! voi"es had swollen now and was louder than be!ore. #he door o! the dining%room was open. #hey were "oming out o! dinner. I "ould see 6obert standing by the open door and there was a s"raping o! "hairs a babble o! "onversation and laughter. I wal$ed slowly down the stairs to meet them. 1hen I loo$ ba"$ at my !irst party at Manderley my !irst and my last I "an remember little isolated things standing alone out o! the vast blan$ "anvas o! the evening. #he ba"$ground was ha)y a sea o! dim !a"es none o! whom I $new and there was the slow drone o! the band harping out a walt) that never !inished that went on and on. #he same "ouples swung by in rotation with the same !i0ed smiles and to me standing with Ma0im at the bottom o! the stairs to wel"ome the late%"omers these dan"ing "ouples seemed li$e marionettes twisting and turning on a pie"e o! string held by some invisible hand. #here was a woman I never $new her name never saw her again but she wore a salmon%"oloured gown hooped in "rinoline !orm a vague gesture to some past "entury but whether seventeenth eighteenth or nineteenth I "ould not tell and every time she passed me it "oin"ided with a sweeping bar o! the walt) to whi"h she dipped and swayed smiling as she did so in my dire"tion. It happened again and again until it be"ame automati" a matter o! routine li$e those promenades on board ship when we meet the same people bent on e0er"ise li$e ourselves and $now with deadly "ertainty that we will pass them by the bridge. I "an see her now the prominent teeth the gay spot o! rouge pla"ed high upon her "hee$%bones and her smile va"ant happy en+oying her evening. Later I saw her by the supper table her $een eyes sear"hing the !ood and she heaped a plate high with salmon and lobster mayonnaise and went o!! into a "orner. #here was Lady 7rowan too monstrous in purple disguised as I $now not what romanti" !igure o! the past it might have been Marie (ntoinette or &ell Gwynne !or all I $new or a strange eroti" "ombination o! the two and she $ept e0"laiming in e0"ited high%pit"h tones a little higher than usual be"ause o! the "hampagne she had "onsumed .<ou all have me to than$ !or this not the de 1inters at all.. I remember 6obert dropping a tray o! i"es and the e0pression o! Frith.s !a"e when he saw 6obert was the "ulprit and not one o! the minions hired !or the o""asion. I wanted to go to 6obert and stand beside him and say .I $now how you !eel. I understand. I.ve done worse than you tonight.. I "an !eel now the sti!! set smile on my !a"e that did not mat"h the misery in my eyes. I "an see Beatri"e dear !riendly ta"tless Beatri"e wat"hing me !rom her partner.s arms nodding en"ouragement the bangles +angling on her

wrists the veil slipping "ontinually !rom her overheated !orehead. I "an pi"ture mysel! on"e more whirled round the room in a desperate dan"e with Giles who with dog%li$e sympathy and $ind heart would ta$e no re!usal but must steer me through the stamping "rowd as he would one o! his own horses at a meet. .#hat.s a +olly pretty dress you.re wearing . I "an hear him say .it ma$es all these people loo$ damn silly . and I blessed him !or his patheti" simple gesture o! understanding and sin"erity thin$ing dear Giles that I was disappointed in my dress that I was worrying about my appearan"e that I "ared. It was Fran$ who brought me a plate o! "hi"$en and ham that I "ould not eat and Fran$ who stood by my elbow with a glass o! "hampagne I would not drin$. .I wish you would . he said *uietly .I thin$ you need it . and I too$ three sips o! it to please him. #he bla"$ pat"h over his eye gave him a pale odd appearan"e it made him loo$ older di!!erent. #here seemed to be lines on his !a"e I had not seen be!ore. 2e moved amongst the guests li$e another host seeing to their "om!ort that they were supplied with drin$ and !ood and "igarettes and he dan"ed too in solemn painsta$ing !ashion wal$ing his partners round the room with a set !a"e. 2e did not wear his pirate "ostume with abandon and there was something rather tragi" about the side%whis$ers he had !lu!!ed under the s"arlet hand$er"hie! on his head. I thought o! him standing be!ore the loo$ing%glass in his bare ba"helor bedroom "urling them round his !ingers. 8oor Fran$. 9ear Fran$. I never as$ed I never $new how mu"h he hated the last !an"y dress ball given at Manderley. #he band played on and the swaying "ouples twisted li$e bobbing marionettes to and !ro to and !ro a"ross the great hall and ba"$ again and it was not I who wat"hed them at all not someone with !eelings made o! !lesh and blood but a dummy%sti"$ o! a person in my stead a prop who wore a smile s"rewed to its !a"e. #he !igure who stood beside it was wooden too. 2is !a"e was a mas$ his smile was not his own. #he eyes were not the eyes o! the man I loved the man I $new. #hey loo$ed through me and beyond me "old e0pressionless to some pla"e o! pain and torture I "ould not enter to some private inward hell I "ould not share. 2e never spo$e to me. 2e never tou"hed me. 1e stood beside one another the host and the hostess and we were not together. I wat"hed his "ourtesy to his guests. 2e !lung a word to one a +est to another a smile to a third a "all over his shoulder to a !ourth and no one but mysel! "ould $now that every utteran"e he made every movement was automati" and the wor$ o! a ma"hine. 1e were li$e two per!ormers in a play but we were divided

we were not a"ting with one another. 1e had to endure it alone we had to put up this show this miserable sham per!orman"e !or the sa$e o! all these people I did not $now and did not want to see again. .I hear your wi!e.s !ro"$ never turned up in time . said someone with a mottled !a"e and a sailor.s pigtail and he laughed and dug Ma0im in the ribs. .9amn shame what; I should sue the shop !or !raud. ,ame thing happened to my wi!e.s "ousin on"e.. .<es it was un!ortunate . said Ma0im. .I tell you what . said the sailor turning to me .you ought to say you are a !orget%me%not. #hey.re blue aren.t they; /olly little !lowers !orget%me% nots. #hat.s right isn.t it de 1inter; #ell your wi!e she must "all hersel! a =!orget%me%not=.. 2e swept away roaring with laughter his partner in his arms. .8retty good idea what; ( !orget%me%not.. #hen Fran$ again hovering +ust behind me another glass in his hand lemonade this time. .&o Fran$ I.m not thirsty.. .1hy don.t you dan"e; -r "ome and sit down a moment' there.s a "orner in the terra"e.. .&o I.m better standing. I don.t want to sit down.. .7an.t I get you something a sandwi"h a pea"h;. .&o I don.t want anything.. #here was the salmon lady again' she !orgot to smile at me this time. ,he was !lushed a!ter her supper. ,he $ept loo$ing up into her partner.s !a"e. 2e was very tall very thin he had a "hin li$e a !iddle. #he 9estiny walt) the Blue 9anube the Merry 1idow one%two% three one%two%three round%and%round one%two%three one%two%three round% and%round. #he salmon lady a green lady Beatri"e again her veil pushed ba"$ o!! her !orehead' Giles his !a"e streaming with perspiration and that sailor on"e more with another partner' they stopped beside me I did not $now her' she was dressed as a #udor woman any #udor woman' she wore a ru!!le round her throat and a bla"$ velvet dress. .1hen are you "oming to see us;. she said as though we were old !riends and I answered .,oon o! "ourse' we were tal$ing about it the other day . wondering why I !ound it so easy to lie suddenly no e!!ort at all. .,u"h a delight!ul party' I do "ongratulate you . she said and =#han$ you very mu"h . I said. .It.s !un isn.t it;. .I hear they sent you the wrong dress;. .<es' absurd wasn.t it;. =#hese shops are all the same. &o depending on them. But you loo$ delight!ully !resh in that pale blue. Mu"h more "om!ortable than this hot velvet. 9on.t !orget you must both "ome and dine at the 8ala"e soon..

.1e should love to.. 1hat did she mean where what pala"e; 1ere we entertaining royalty; ,he swept on to the Blue 9anube in the arms o! the sailor her velvet !ro"$ brushing the ground li$e a "arpet%sweeper and it was not until long a!terwards in the middle o! some night when I "ould not sleep that I remembered the #udor woman was the bishop.s wi!e who li$ed wal$ing in the 8ennines. 1hat was the time; I did not $now. #he evening dragged on hour a!ter hour the same !a"es and the same tunes. &ow and again the bridge people "rept out o! the library li$e hermits to wat"h the dan"ers and then returned again. Beatri"e her draperies trailing behind her whispered in my ear. .1hy don.t you sit down; <ou loo$ li$e death.. .I.m all right.. Giles the ma$e%up running on his !a"e poor !ellow and sti!ling in his (rab blan$et "ame up to me and said .7ome and wat"h the !irewor$s on the terra"e.. I remember standing on the terra"e and staring up at the s$y as the !oolish ro"$ets burst and !ell. #here was little 7lari"e in a "orner with some boy o!! the estate' she was smiling happily s*uealing with delight as a s*uib spluttered at her !eet. ,he had !orgotten her tears. .2ullo this will be a big .un.. Giles his large !a"e upturned his mouth open. .2ere she "omes. Bravo +olly !ine show.. #he slow hiss o! the ro"$et as it sped into the air the burst o! the e0plosion the stream o! little emerald stars. ( murmur o! approval !rom the "rowd "ries o! delight and a "lapping o! hands. #he salmon lady well to the !ront her !a"e eager with e0pe"tation a remar$ !or every star that !ell. .-h what a beauty... loo$ at that one now' I say how pretty... -h that one didn.t burst... ta$e "are it.s "oming our way... what are those men doing over there;.... 5ven the hermits le!t their lair and "ame to +oin the dan"ers on the terra"e. #he lawns were bla"$ with people. #he bursting stars shone on their upturned !a"es. (gain and again the ro"$ets sped into the air li$e arrows and the s$y be"ame "rimson and gold. Manderley stood out li$e an en"hanted house every window a!lame the grey walls "oloured by the !alling stars. ( house bewit"hed "arved out o! the dar$ woods. (nd when the last ro"$et burst and the "heering died away the night that had been !ine be!ore seemed dull and heavy in "ontrast the s$y be"ame a pall. #he little groups on the lawns and in the drive bro$e up and s"attered. #he guests "rowded the long windows in the terra"e ba"$ to the drawing%room again. It was anti"lima0 the a!termath

had "ome. 1e stood about with blan$ !a"es. ,omeone gave me a glass o! "hampagne. I heard the sound o! "ars starting up in the drive. =#hey.re beginning to go . I thought. =#han$ God they.re beginning to go.. #he salmon lady was having some more supper. It would ta$e time yet to "lear the hall. I saw Fran$ ma$e a signal to the band. I stood in the doorway between the drawing%room and the hall beside a man I did not $now. .1hat a wonder!ul party it.s been . he said. .<es . I said. .I.ve en+oyed every minute o! it . he said. .I.m so glad . I said. .Molly was wild with !ury at missing it . he said. .1as she;. I said. #he band began to play (uld Lang ,yne. #he man sei)ed my hand and started swinging it up and down. .2ere . he said ."ome on some o! you.. ,omebody else swung my other hand and more people +oined us. 1e stood in a great "ir"le singing at the top o! our voi"es. #he man who had en+oyed his evening and said Molly would be wild at missing it was dressed as a 7hinese mandarin and his !alse nails got "aught up in his sleeve as we swung our hands up and down. 2e roared with laughter. 1e all laughed. .,hould auld a"*uaintan"e be !orgot . we sang. #he hilarious gaiety "hanged swi!tly at the "losing bars and the drummer rattled his sti"$s in the inevitable prelude to God ,ave the Aing. #he smiles le!t our !a"es as though wiped "lean by a sponge. #he Mandarin sprang to attention his hands sti!! to his sides. I remember wondering vaguely i! he was in the (rmy. 2ow *ueer he loo$ed with his long po$er !a"e and his drooping Mandarin mousta"he. I "aught the salmon lady.s eye. God ,ave the Aing had ta$en her unawares she was still holding a plate heaped with "hi"$en in aspi". ,he held it sti!!ly out in !ront o! her li$e a "hur"h "olle"tion. (ll animation had gone !rom her !a"e. (s the last note o! God ,ave the Aing died away she rela0ed again and atta"$ed her "hi"$en in a sort o! !ren)y "hattering over her shoulder to her partner. ,omebody "ame and wrung me by the hand. .9on.t !orget you.re dining with us on the !ourteenth o! ne0t month.. .-h are we;. I stared at him blan$ly. .<es we.ve got your sister%in%law to promise too.. .-h. -h what !un.. .5ight%thirty and bla"$ tie. ,o loo$ing !orward to seeing you.. .<es. <es rather..

8eople began to !orm up in *ueues to say goodbye. Ma0im was at the other side o! the room. I put on my smile again whi"h had worn thin a!ter (uld Lang ,yne. .#he best evening I.ve spent !or a long time... .I.m so glad.. .Many than$s !or a grand party.. .I.m so glad.. .2ere we are you see staying to the bitter end.. .<es I.m so glad.. 1as there no other senten"e in the 5nglish language; I bowed and smiled li$e a dummy my eyes sear"hing !or Ma0im above their heads. 2e was "aught up in a $not o! people by the library. Beatri"e too was surrounded and Giles had led a team o! stragglers to the bu!!et table in the drawing%room. Fran$ was out in the drive seeing that people got their "ars. I was hemmed in by strangers. .Goodbye and than$s tremendously.. .I.m so glad.. #he great hall began to empty. (lready it wore that drab deserted air o! a vanished evening and the dawn o! a tired day. #here was a grey light on the terra"e I "ould see the shapes o! the blown !irewor$ stands ta$ing !orm on the lawns. .Goodbye' a wonder!ul party.. .I.m so glad.. Ma0im had gone out to +oin Fran$ in the drive. Beatri"e "ame up to me pulling o!! her +angling bra"elet. .I "an.t stand these things a moment longer. 2eavens I.m dead beat. I don.t believe I.ve missed a dan"e. (nyway it was a tremendous su""ess.. .1as it;. I said. .My dear hadn.t you better go to bed; <ou loo$ worn out. <ou.ve been standing nearly all the evening. 1here are the men;. .-ut on the drive.. .I shall have some "o!!ee and eggs and ba"on. 1hat about you;. .&o Beatri"e I don.t thin$ I will.. .<ou loo$ed very "harming in your blue. 5veryone said so. (nd nobody had an in$ling about % about the other things so you mustn.t worry.. .&o.. .I! I were you I should have a good long lie tomorrow morning. 9on.t attempt to get up. 2ave your brea$!ast in bed.. .<es perhaps.. .I.ll tell Ma0im you.ve gone up shall I;=

.8lease Beatri"e.. .(ll right my dear. ,leep well.. ,he $issed me swi!tly patting my shoulder at the same time and then went o!! to !ind Giles in the supper room. I wal$ed slowly up the stairs one step at a time. #he band had turned the lights o!! in the gallery and had gone down to have eggs and ba"on too. 8ie"es o! musi" lay about the !loor. -ne "hair had been upturned. #here was an ashtray !ull o! the stubs o! their "igarettes. #he a!termath o! the party. I went along the "orridor to my room. It was getting lighter every moment and the birds had started singing. I did not have to turn on the light to undress. ( little "hill wind blew in !rom the open window. It was rather "old. Many people must have used the rose%garden during the evening !or all the "hairs were moved and dragged !rom their pla"es. #here was a tray o! empty glasses on one o! the tables. ,omeone had le!t a bag behind on a "hair. I pulled the "urtain to dar$en the room but the grey morning light !ound its way through the gaps at the side. I got into bed my legs very weary a niggling pain in the small o! my ba"$. I lay ba"$ and "losed my eyes than$!ul !or the "ool white "om!ort o! "lean sheets. I wished my mind would rest li$e my body rela0 and pass to sleep. &ot hum round in the way it did +igging to musi" whirling in a sea o! !a"es. I pressed my hands over my eyes but they would not go. I wondered how long Ma0im would be. #he bed beside me loo$ed star$ and "old. ,oon there would be no shadows in the room at all the walls and the "eiling and the !loor would be white with the morning. #he birds would sing their songs louder gayer less subdued. #he sun would ma$e a yellow pattern on the "urtain. My little bedside "lo"$ ti"$ed out the minutes one by one. #he hand moved round the dial. I lay on my side wat"hing it. It "ame to the hour and passed it again. It started a!resh on its +ourney. But Ma0im did not "ome.

Chapter eighteen

I thin$ I !ell asleep a little a!ter seven. It was broad daylight I remember there was no longer any preten"e that the drawn "urtains hid the sun. #he light streamed in at the open window and made patterns on the wall. I heard the men below in the rose%garden "learing away the tables and the "hairs and ta$ing down the "hain o! !airy lights. Ma0im.s bed was still bare and empty. I lay a"ross my bed my arms over my eyes a strange mad position and the least li$ely to bring sleep but I dri!ted to the borderline o! the un"ons"ious and slipped over it at last. 1hen I awo$e it was past eleven and 7lari"e must have "ome in and brought me my tea without my hearing her !or there was a tray by my side and a stone%"old teapot and my "lothes had been tidied my blue !ro"$ put away in the wardrobe. I dran$ my "old tea still blurred and stupid !rom my short heavy sleep and stared at the blan$ wall in !ront o! me. Ma0im.s empty bed brought me to realisation with a *ueer sho"$ to my heart and the !ull anguish o! the night be!ore was upon me on"e again. 2e had not "ome to bed at all. 2is py+amas lay !olded on the turned%down sheet untou"hed. I wondered what 7lari"e had thought when she "ame into the room with my tea. 2ad she noti"ed; 1ould she have gone out and told the other servants and would they all dis"uss it over their brea$!ast; I wondered why I minded that and why the thought o! the servants tal$ing about it in the $it"hen should "ause me su"h distress. It must be that I had a small mean mind a "onventional petty hatred o! gossip. #hat was why I had "ome down last night in my blue dress and had not stayed hidden in my room. #here was nothing brave or !ine about it it was a wret"hed tribute to "onvention. I had not "ome down !or Ma0im.s sa$e !or Beatri"e.s !or the sa$e o! Manderley. I had "ome down be"ause I did not want the people at the ball to thin$ I had *uarrelled with Ma0im. I didn.t want them to go home and say .-! "ourse you $now they don.t get on. I hear he.s not at all happy.. I had "ome !or my own sa$e my own poor personal pride. (s I sipped my "old tea I thought with a tired bitter !eeling o! despair that I would be "ontent to live in one "orner o! Manderley and Ma0im in the other so long as the outside world should never $now. I! he had no more tenderness !or me never $issed me again did not spea$ to me e0"ept on matters o! ne"essity I believed I "ould bear it i! I were "ertain that nobody $new o! this but our two selves. I! we "ould bribe servants not to

tell play our part be!ore relations be!ore Beatri"e and then when we were alone sit apart in our separate rooms leading our separate lives. It seemed to me as I sat there in bed staring at the wall at the sunlight "oming in at the window at Ma0im.s empty bed that there was nothing *uite so shaming so degrading as a marriage that had !ailed. Failed a!ter three months as mine had done. For I had no illusions le!t now I no longer made any e!!ort to pretend. Last night had shown me too well. My marriage was a !ailure. (ll the things that people would say about it i! they $new were true. 1e did not get on. 1e were not "ompanions. 1e were not suited to one another. I was too young !or Ma0im too ine0perien"ed and more important still I was not o! his world. #he !a"t that I loved him in a si"$ hurt desperate way li$e a "hild or a dog did not matter. It was not the sort o! love he needed. 2e wanted something else that I "ould not give him something he had had be!ore. I thought o! the youth!ul almost hysteri"al e0"itement and "on"eit with whi"h I had gone into this marriage imagining I would bring happiness to Ma0im who had $nown mu"h greater happiness be!ore. 5ven Mrs 3an 2opper with her "heap views and "ommon outloo$ had $nown I was ma$ing a mista$e. .I.m a!raid you will regret it . she said. .I believe you are ma$ing a big mista$e.. I would not listen to her I thought her hard and "ruel. But she was right. ,he was right in everything. #hat last mean thrust thrown at me be!ore she said goodbye .<ou don.t !latter yoursel! he.s in love with you do you; 2e.s lonely he "an.t bear that great empty house . was the sanest most truth!ul statement she had ever made in her li!e. Ma0im was not in love with me he had never loved me. -ur honeymoon in Italy had meant nothing at all to him nor our living here together. 1hat I had thought was love !or me !or mysel! as a person was not love. It was +ust that he was a man and I was his wi!e and was young and he was lonely. 2e did not belong to me at all he belonged to 6ebe""a. 2e still thought about 6ebe""a. 2e would never love me be"ause o! 6ebe""a. ,he was in the house still as Mrs 9anvers had said' she was in that room in the west wing she was in the library in the morning% room in the gallery above the hall. 5ven in the little !lower%room where her ma"$intosh still hung. (nd in the garden and in the woods and down in the stone "ottage on the bea"h. 2er !ootsteps sounded in the "orridors her s"ent lingered on the stairs. #he servants obeyed her orders still the !ood we ate was the !ood she li$ed. 2er !avourite !lowers !illed the rooms. 2er "lothes were in the wardrobes in her room her brushes were on the table her shoes beneath the "hair her nightdress on her bed. 6ebe""a was still mistress o! Manderley. 6ebe""a was still Mrs de 1inter. I had no business here at all. I had "ome blundering li$e a poor !ool on ground that was preserved. .1here

is 6ebe""a;. Ma0im.s grandmother had "ried. .I want 6ebe""a. 1hat have you done with 6ebe""a;. ,he did not $now me she did not "are about me. 1hy should she; I was a stranger to her. I did not belong to Ma0im or to Manderley. (nd Beatri"e at our !irst meeting loo$ing me up and down !ran$ dire"t .<ou.re so very di!!erent !rom 6ebe""a.. Fran$ reserved embarrassed when I spo$e o! her hating those *uestions I had poured upon him even as I had hated them mysel! and then answering that !inal one as we "ame towards the house his voi"e grave and *uiet. .<es she was the most beauti!ul "reature I have ever seen.. 6ebe""a always 6ebe""a. 1herever I wal$ed in Manderley wherever I sat even in my thoughts and in my dreams I met 6ebe""a. I $new her !igure now the long slim legs the small and narrow !eet. 2er shoulders broader than mine the "apable "lever hands. 2ands that "ould steer a boat "ould hold a horse. 2ands that arranged !lowers made the models o! ships and wrote .Ma0 !rom 6ebe""a. on the !ly%lea! o! a boo$. I $new her !a"e too small and oval the "lear white s$in the "loud o! dar$ hair. I $new the s"ent she wore I "ould guess her laughter and her smile. I! I heard it even among a thousand others I should re"ognise her voi"e. 6ebe""a always 6ebe""a. I should never be rid o! 6ebe""a. 8erhaps I haunted her as she haunted me' she loo$ed down on me !rom the gallery as Mrs 9anvers had said she sat beside me when I wrote my letters at her des$. #hat ma"$intosh I wore that hand$er"hie! I used. #hey were hers. 8erhaps she $new and had seen me ta$e them. /asper had been her dog and he ran at my heels now. #he roses were hers and I "ut them. 9id she resent me and !ear me as I resented her; 9id she want Ma0im alone in the house again; I "ould !ight the living but I "ould not !ight the dead. I! there was some woman in London that Ma0im loved someone he wrote to visited dined with slept with I "ould !ight with her. 1e would stand on "ommon ground. I should not be a!raid. (nger and +ealousy were things that "ould be "on*uered. -ne day the woman would grow old or tired or di!!erent and Ma0im would not love her any more. But 6ebe""a would never grow old. 6ebe""a would always be the same. (nd her I "ould not !ight. ,he was too strong !or me. I got out o! bed and pulled the "urtains. #he sun streamed into the room. #he men had "leared the mess away !rom the rose%garden. I wondered i! people were tal$ing about the ball in the way they do the day a!ter a party. .9id you thin$ it *uite up to their usual standard;. .-h I thin$ so.. =#he band dragged a bit I thought.. =#he supper was damn good..

.Firewor$s weren.t bad.. .Bee La"y is beginning to loo$ old.. .1ho wouldn.t in that get%up;. .I thought he loo$ed rather ill.. .2e always does.. .1hat did you thin$ o! the bride;. .&ot mu"h. 6ather dull.. .I wonder i! it.s a su""ess.. .<es I wonder #hen I noti"ed !or the !irst time there was a note under my door. I went and pi"$ed it up. I re"ognised the s*uare hand o! Beatri"e. ,he had s"ribbled it in pen"il a!ter brea$!ast. I $no"$ed at your door but had no answer so gather you.ve ta$en my advi"e and are sleeping o!! last night. Giles is an0ious to get ba"$ early as they have rung up !rom home to say he.s wanted to ta$e somebody.s pla"e in a "ri"$et mat"h and it starts at two. 2ow he is going to see the ball a!ter all the "hampagne he put away last night heaven only $nowsB I.m !eeling a bit wea$ in the legs but slept li$e a top. Frith says Ma0im was down to an early brea$!ast and there.s now no sign o! himB ,o please give him our love and many than$s to you both !or our evening whi"h we thoroughly en+oyed. 9on.t thin$ any more about the dress. I#his last was heavily underlinedJ <ours a!!e"tionately Bee. I(nd a posts"riptJ <ou must both "ome over and see us soon. ,he had s"ribbled nine%thirty a.m. at the top o! the paper and it was now nearly hal! past eleven. #hey had been gone about two hours. #hey would be home by now %Beatri"e with her suit"ase unpa"$ed going out into her garden and ta$ing up her ordinary routine and Giles preparing !or his mat"h renewing the whipping on his bat. In the a!ternoon Beatri"e would "hange into a "ool !ro"$ and a shady hat and wat"h Giles play "ri"$et. #hey would have tea a!terwards in a tent Giles very hot and red in the !a"e Beatri"e laughing and tal$ing to her !riends. .<es we went over !or the dan"e at Manderley' it was great !un. I wonder Giles was able to run a yard.. ,miling at Giles patting him on the ba"$. #hey were both middle%aged and unromanti". #hey had been married !or twenty years and had a grown%up son who was going to -0!ord. #hey were very happy. #heir marriage was a su""ess. It had not !ailed a!ter three months as mine had done. I "ould not go on sitting in my bedroom any longer. #he maids would want to "ome and do the room. 8erhaps 7lari"e would not have noti"ed about Ma0im.s bed a!ter all. I rumpled it to ma$e it loo$ as though he had

slept there. I did not want the housemaids to $now i! 7lari"e had not told them. I had a bath and dressed and went downstairs. #he men had ta$en up the !loor already in the hall and the !lowers had been "arried away. #he musi" stands were gone !rom the gallery. #he band must have "aught an early train. #he gardeners were sweeping the lawns and the drive "lear o! the spent !irewor$s. ,oon there would be no tra"e le!t o! the !an"y dress ball at Manderley. 2ow long the preparations had seemed and how short and swi!t the "learan"e now. I remembered the salmon lady standing by the drawing%room door with her plate o! "hi"$en and it seemed to me a thing I must have !an"ied or something that had happened very long ago. 6obert was polishing the table in the dining%room. 2e was normal again stolid dull not the !ey e0"ited "reature o! the past !ew wee$s. .Good morning 6obert . I said. .Good morning Madam.. .2ave you seen Mr de 1inter anywhere;. .2e went out soon a!ter brea$!ast Madam be!ore Ma+or and Mrs La"y were down. 2e has not been in sin"e.. .<ou don.t $now where he went;. .&o Madam I "ould not say.. I wandered ba"$ again into the hall. I went through the drawing%room to the morning%room. /asper rushed at me and li"$ed my hands in a !ren)y o! delight as i! I had been away !or a long time. 2e had spent the evening on 7lari"e.s bed and I had not seen him sin"e teatime yesterday. 8erhaps the hours had been as long !or him as they had !or me. I pi"$ed up the telephone and as$ed !or the number o! the estate o!!i"e. 8erhaps Ma0im was with Fran$. I !elt I must spea$ to him even i! it was only !or two minutes. I must e0plain to him that I had not meant to do what I had done last night. 5ven i! I never spo$e to him again I must tell him that. #he "ler$ answered the telephone and told me that Ma0im was not there. .Mr 7rawley is here Mrs de 1inter . said the "ler$' .would you spea$ to him;. I would have re!used but he gave me no "han"e and be!ore I "ould put down the re"eiver I heard Fran$.s voi"e. .Is anything the matter;. It was a !unny way to begin a "onversation. #he thought !lashed through my mind. 2e did not say good morning or did you sleep well; 1hy did he as$ i! something was the matter; .Fran$ it.s me . I said' .where.s Ma0im;. .I don.t $now I haven.t seen him. 2e.s not been in this morning..

.&ot been to the o!!i"e;. .&o.. .-hB -h well it doesn.t matter.. .9id you see him at brea$!ast;. Fran$ said. .&o I did not get up.. .2ow did he sleep;. I hesitated Fran$ was the only person I did not mind $nowing. .2e did not "ome to bed last night.. #here was silen"e at the other end o! the line as though Fran$ was thin$ing hard !or an answer. .-h . he said at last very slowly. .-h I see . and then a!ter a minute .I was a!raid something li$e that would happen.. .Fran$ . I said desperately .what did he say last night when everyone had gone; 1hat did you all do;. .I had a sandwi"h with Giles and Mrs La"y . said Fran$. .Ma0im did not "ome. 2e made some e0"use and went into the library. I "ame ba"$ home almost at on"e. 8erhaps Mrs La"y "an tell you.. .,he.s gone . I said .they went a!ter brea$!ast. ,he sent up a note. ,he had not seen Ma0im she said.. .-h . said Fran$. I did not li$e it. I did not li$e the way he said it. It was sharp ominous. .1here do you thin$ he.s gone;. I said. .I don.t $now . said Fran$' .perhaps he.s gone !or a wal$.. It was the sort o! voi"e do"tors used to relatives at a nursing%home when they "ame to en*uire. .Fran$ I must see him . I said. .I.ve got to e0plain about last night.. Fran$ did not answer. I "ould pi"ture his an0ious !a"e the lines on his !orehead. .Ma0im thin$s I did it on purpose . I said my voi"e brea$ing in spite o! mysel! and the tears that had blinded me last night and I had not shed "ame "oursing down my "hee$s si0teen hours too late. .Ma0im thin$s I did it as a +o$e a beastly damnable +o$eB. .&o . said Fran$. .&o.. .2e does I tell you. <ou didn.t see his eyes as I did. <ou didn.t stand beside him all the evening wat"hing him as I did. 2e didn.t spea$ to me Fran$. 2e never loo$ed at me again. 1e stood there together the whole evening and we never spo$e to one another.. .#here was no "han"e . said Fran$. .(ll those people. -! "ourse I saw don.t you thin$ I $now Ma0im well enough !or that; Loo$ here....

.I don.t blame him . I interrupted. .I! he believes I played that vile hideous +o$e he has a right to thin$ what he li$es o! me and never tal$ to me again never see me again.. .<ou mustn.t tal$ li$e that . said Fran$. .<ou don.t $now what you.re saying. Let me "ome up and see you. I thin$ I "an e0plain.. 1hat was the use o! Fran$ "oming to see me and us sitting in the morning%room together Fran$ smoothing me down Fran$ being ta"t!ul Fran$ being $ind; I did not want $indness !rom anybody now. It was too late. .&o . I said. .&o I don.t want to go over it and over it again. It.s happened it "an.t be altered now. 8erhaps it.s a good thing' it.s made me reali)e something I ought to have $nown be!ore that I ought to have suspe"ted when I married Ma0im.. .1hat do you mean;. said Fran$. 2is voi"e was sharp *ueer. I wondered why it should matter to him about Ma0im not loving me. 1hy did he not want me to $now; .(bout him and 6ebe""a . I said and as I said her name it sounded strange and sour li$e a !orbidden word a relie! to me no longer not a pleasure but hot and shaming as a sin "on!essed. Fran$ did not answer !or a moment. I heard him draw in his breath at the other end o! the wire. .1hat do you mean;. he said again shorter and sharper than be!ore. .1hat do you mean;. .2e doesn.t love me he loves 6ebe""a . I said. .2e.s never !orgotten her he thin$s about her still night and day. 2e.s never loved me Fran$. It.s always 6ebe""a 6ebe""a 6ebe""a.. I heard Fran$ give a startled "ry but I did not "are how mu"h I sho"$ed him now. .&ow you $now how I !eel . I said .now you understand.. .Loo$ here . he said' .I.ve got to "ome and see you I.ve got to do you hear; It.s vitally important' I "an.t tal$ to you down the telephone. Mrs de 1inter; Mrs de 1inter;. I slammed down the re"eiver and got up !rom the writing%des$. I did not want to see Fran$. 2e "ould not help me over this. &o one "ould help me but mysel!. My !a"e was red and blot"hy !rom "rying. I wal$ed about the room biting the "orner o! my hand$er"hie! tearing at the edge. #he !eeling was strong within me that I should never see Ma0im again. It was "ertainty born o! some strange instin"t. 2e had gone away and would not "ome ba"$. I $new in my heart that Fran$ believed this too and would not admit it to me on the telephone. 2e did not want to !righten me. I! I rang him up again at the o!!i"e now I should !ind that he had gone. #he

"ler$ would say .Mr 7rawley has +ust gone out Mrs de 1inter. and I "ould see Fran$ hatless "limbing into his small shabby Morris driving o!! in sear"h o! Ma0im. I went and stared out o! the window at the little "learing where the satyr played his pipes. #he rhododendrons were all over now. #hey would not bloom again !or another year. #he tall shrubs loo$ed dar$ and drab now that the "olour had gone. ( !og was rolling up !rom the sea and I "ould not see the woods beyond the ban$. It was very hot very oppressive. I "ould imagine our guests o! last night saying to one another .1hat a good thing this !og $ept o!! !or yesterday we should never have seen the !irewor$s.. I went out o! the morning%room and through the drawing%room to the terra"e. #he sun had gone in now behind a wall o! mist. It was as though a blight had !allen upon Manderley ta$ing the s$y away and the light o! the day. -ne o! the gardeners passed me with a barrow !ull o! bits o! paper and litter and the s$ins o! !ruit le!t on the lawns by the people last night. .Good morning . I said. .Good morning Madam.. .I.m a!raid the ball last night has made a lot o! wor$ !or you . I said. =#hat.s all right Madam . he said. .I thin$ everyone en+oyed themselves good and hearty and that.s the main thing isn.t it;. .<es I suppose so . I said. 2e loo$ed a"ross the lawns to the "learing in the woods where the valley sloped to the sea. #he dar$ trees loomed thin and indistin"t. .It.s "oming up very thi"$ . he said. .<es . I said. .( good thing it wasn.t li$e this last night . he said. .<es . I said. 2e waited a moment and then he tou"hed his "ap and went o!! trundling his barrow. I went a"ross the lawns to the edge o! the woods. #he mist in the trees had turned to moisture and dripped upon my bare head li$e a thin rain. /asper stood by my !eet de+e"ted his tail down"ast his pin$ tongue hanging !rom his mouth. #he "lammy oppression o! the day made him listless and heavy. I "ould hear the sea !rom where I stood sullen and slow as it bro$e in the "oves below the woods. #he white !og rolled on past me towards the house smelling o! damp salt and seaweed. I put my hand on /asper.s "oat. It was wringing wet. 1hen I loo$ed ba"$ at the house I "ould not see the "himneys or the "ontour o! the walls I "ould only see the vague substan"e o! the house the windows in the west wing and the !lower tubs on the terra"e. #he shutter had been pulled aside !rom the window o! the large bedroom in the west wing and someone was standing there loo$ing

down upon the lawns. #he !igure was shadowy and indistin"t and !or one moment o! sho"$ and !ear I believed it to be Ma0im. #hen the !igure moved I saw the arm rea"h up to !old the shutter and I $new it was Mrs 9anvers. ,he had been wat"hing me as I stood at the edge o! the woods bathed in that white wall o! !og. ,he had seen me wal$ slowly !rom the terra"e to the lawns. ,he may have listened to my "onversation with Fran$ on the telephone !rom the "onne"ting line in her own room. ,he would $now that Ma0im had not been with me last night. ,he would have heard my voi"e $nown about my tears. ,he $new the part I had played through the long hours standing by Ma0im.s side in my blue dress at the bottom o! the stairs and that he had not loo$ed at me nor spo$en to me. ,he $new be"ause she had meant it to happen. #his was her triumph hers and 6ebe""a.s. I thought o! her as I had seen her last night wat"hing me through the open door to the west wing and that diaboli"al smile on her white s$ull.s !a"e and I remembered that she was a living breathing woman li$e mysel! she was made o! !lesh and blood. ,he was not dead li$e 6ebe""a. I "ould spea$ to her but I "ould not spea$ to 6ebe""a. I wal$ed ba"$ a"ross the lawns on sudden impulse to the house. I went through the hall and up the great stairs I turned in under the ar"hway by the gallery I passed through the door to the west wing and so along the dar$ silent "orridor to 6ebe""a.s room. I turned the handle o! the door and went inside. Mrs 9anvers was still standing by the window and the shutter was !olded ba"$. .Mrs 9anvers . I said. .Mrs 9anvers.. ,he turned to loo$ at me and I saw her eyes were red and swollen with "rying even as mine were and there were dar$ shadows in her white !a"e. .1hat is it;. she said and her voi"e was thi"$ and mu!!led !rom the tears she had shed even as mine had been. I had not e0pe"ted to !ind her so. I had pi"tured her smiling as she had smiled last night "ruel and evil. &ow she was none o! these things she was an old woman who was ill and tired. I hesitated my hand still on the $nob o! the open door and I did not $now what to say to her now or what to do. ,he went on staring at me with those red swollen eyes and I "ould not answer her. .I le!t the menu on the des$ as usual . she said. .9o you want something "hanged;. 2er words gave me "ourage and I le!t the door and "ame to the middle o! the room. .Mrs 9anvers . I said .I have not "ome to tal$ about the menu. <ou $now that don.t you;.

,he did not answer me. 2er le!t hand opened and shut. .<ou.ve done what you wanted haven.t you;. I said .you meant this to happen didn.t you; (re you pleased now; (re you happy;. ,he turned her head away and loo$ed out o! the window as she had done when I !irst "ame into the room. .1hy did you ever "ome here;. she said. .&obody wanted you at Manderley. 1e were all right until you "ame. 1hy did you not stay where you were out in Fran"e;. .<ou seem to !orget I love Mr de 1inter . I said. .I! you loved him you would never have married him . she said. I did not $now what to say. #he situation was mad unreal. ,he $ept tal$ing in that "ho$ed mu!!led way with her head turned !rom me. .I thought I hated you but I don.t now . she said' .it seems to have spent itsel! all the !eeling I had.. .1hy should you hate me;. I as$ed' .what have I ever done to you that you should hate me;. .<ou tried to ta$e Mrs de 1inter.s pla"e . she said. ,till she would not loo$ at me. ,he stood there sullen her head turned !rom me. .I had nothing "hanged . I said. .Manderley went on as it had always been. I gave no orders I le!t everything to you. I would have been !riends with you i! you had let me but you set yoursel! against me !rom the !irst. I saw it in your !a"e the moment I shoo$ hands with you.. ,he did not answer and her hand $ept opening and shutting against her dress. .Many people marry twi"e men and women . I said. .#here are thousands o! se"ond marriages ta$ing pla"e every day. <ou tal$ as though my marrying Mr de 1inter was a "rime a sa"rilege against the dead. 2aven.t we as mu"h right to be happy as anyone else;. .Mr de 1inter is not happy . she said turning to loo$ at me at last' .any !ool "an see that. <ou have only to loo$ at his eyes. 2e.s still in hell and he.s loo$ed li$e that ever sin"e she died.. .It.s not true . I said. .It.s not true. 2e was happy when we were in Fran"e together' he was younger mu"h younger and laughing and gay.. .1ell he.s a man isn.t he;. she said. .&o man denies himsel! on a honeymoon does he; Mr de 1inter.s not !orty%si0 yet.. ,he laughed "ontemptuously and shrugged her shoulders. .2ow dare you spea$ to me li$e that; 2ow dare you;. I said. I was not a!raid o! her any more. I went up to her shoo$ her by the arm. .<ou made me wear that dress last night . I said .I should never have thought o! it but !or you. <ou did it be"ause you wanted to hurt Mr de 1inter you wanted to ma$e him su!!er. 2asn.t he su!!ered enough without

your playing that vile hideous +o$e upon him; 9o you thin$ his agony and pain will bring Mrs de 1inter ba"$ again;. ,he shoo$ hersel! "lear o! me the angry "olour !looded her dead white !a"e. .1hat do I "are !or his su!!ering;. she said .he.s never "ared about mine. 2ow do you thin$ I.ve li$ed it wat"hing you sit in her pla"e wal$ in her !ootsteps tou"h the things that were hers; 1hat do you thin$ it.s meant to me all these months $nowing that you wrote at her des$ in the morning%room using the very pen that she used spea$ing down the house telephone where she used to spea$ every morning o! her li!e to me ever sin"e she !irst "ame to Manderley; 1hat do you thin$ it meant to me to hear Frith and 6obert and the rest o! the servants tal$ing about you as =Mrs de 1inter=; =Mrs de 1inter has gone out !or a wal$.= =Mrs de 1inter wants the "ar this a!ternoon at three o."lo"$.= =Mrs de 1inter won.t be in to tea till !ive o."lo"$.= (nd all the while my Mrs de 1inter my lady with her smile and her lovely !a"e and brave ways the real Mrs de 1inter lying dead and "old and !orgotten in the "hur"h "rypt. I! he su!!ers then he deserves to su!!er marrying a young girl li$e you not ten months a!terwards. 1ell he.s paying !or it now isn.t he; I.ve seen his !a"e I.ve seen his eyes. 2e.s made his own hell and there.s no one but himsel! to than$ !or it. 2e $nows she sees him he $nows she "omes by night and wat"hes him. (nd she doesn.t "ome $indly not she not my lady. ,he was never one to stand mute and still and be wronged. =I.ll see them in hell 9anny = she.d say =I.ll see them in hell !irst.= =#hat.s right my dear = I.d tell her =no one will put upon you. <ou were born into this world to ta$e what you "ould out o! it= and she did she didn.t "are she wasn.t a!raid. ,he had all the "ourage and spirit o! a boy had my Mrs de 1inter. ,he ought to have been a boy I o!ten told her that. I had the "are o! her as a "hild. <ou $new that didn.t you;. .&oB. I said .no. Mrs 9anvers what.s the use o! all this; I don.t want to hear any more I don.t want to $now. 2aven.t I got !eelings as well as you; 7an.t you understand what it means to me to hear her mentioned to stand here and listen while you tell me about her;. ,he did not hear me she went on raving li$e a madwoman a !anati" her long !ingers twisting and tearing the bla"$ stu!! o! her dress. .,he was lovely then . she said. .Lovely as a pi"ture' men turning to stare at her when she passed and she not twelve years old. ,he $new then she used to win$ at me li$e the little devil she was. =I.m going to be a beauty aren.t I 9anny;= she said and =1e.ll see about that my love we.ll see about that = I told her. ,he had all the $nowledge then o! a grown person' she.d enter into "onversation with men and women as "lever and !ull o! tri"$s as

someone o! eighteen. ,he twisted her !ather round her little !inger and she.d have done the same with her mother had she lived. ,pirit you "ouldn.t beat my lady !or spirit. ,he drove a !our%in%hand on her !ourteenth birthday and her "ousin Mr /a"$ got up on the bo0 beside her and tried to ta$e the reins !rom her hands. #hey !ought it out there together !or three minutes li$e a "ouple o! wild "ats and the horses galloping to glory. ,he won though my lady won. ,he "ra"$ed her whip over his head and down he "ame head% over%heels "ursing and laughing. #hey were a pair I tell you she and Mr /a"$. #hey sent him in the &avy but he wouldn.t stand the dis"ipline and I don.t blame him. 2e had too mu"h spirit to obey orders li$e my lady.. I wat"hed her !as"inated horri!ied' a *ueer e"stati" smile was on her lips ma$ing her older than ever ma$ing her s$ull.s !a"e vivid and real. .&o one got the better o! her never never . she said. .,he did what she li$ed she lived as she li$ed. ,he had the strength o! a little lion too. I remember her at si0teen getting up on one o! her !ather.s horses a big brute o! an animal too that the groom said was too hot !or her to ride. ,he stu"$ to him all right. I "an see her now with her hair !lying out behind her slashing at him drawing blood digging the spurs into his side and when she got o!! his ba"$ he was trembling all over !ull o! !roth and blood. =#hat will tea"h him won.t it 9anny;= she said and wal$ed o!! to wash her hands as "ool as you please. (nd that.s how she went at li!e when she grew up. I saw her I was with her. ,he "ared !or nothing and !or no one. (nd then she was beaten in the end. But it wasn.t a man it wasn.t a woman. #he sea got her. #he sea was too strong !or her. #he sea got her in the end.. ,he bro$e o!! her mouth wor$ing strangely and dragging at the "orners. ,he began to "ry noisily harshly her mouth open and her eyes dry. .Mrs 9anvers . I said. .Mrs 9anvers.. I stood be!ore her helplessly not $nowing what to do. I mistrusted her no longer I was a!raid o! her no more but the sight o! her sobbing there dry%eyed made me shudder made me ill. .Mrs 9anvers . I said .you.re not well you ought to be in bed. 1hy don.t you go to your room and rest; 1hy don.t you go to bed;. ,he turned on me !ier"ely. .Leave me alone "an.t you;. she said. .1hat.s it to do with you i! I show my grie!; I.m not ashamed o! it I don.t shut mysel! up in my room to "ry. I don.t wal$ up and down up and down in my room li$e Mr de 1inter with the door lo"$ed on me.. .1hat do you mean;= I said. .Mr de 1inter does not do that.. .2e did . she said .a!ter she died. >p and down up and down in the library. I heard him. I wat"hed him too through the $eyhole more than on"e. Ba"$wards and !orwards li$e an animal in a "age.. .I don.t want to hear . I said. .I don.t want to $now..

.(nd then you say you made him happy on his honeymoon . she said' .made him happy % you a young ignorant girl young enough to be his daughter. 1hat do you $now about li!e; 1hat do you $now about men; <ou "ome here and thin$ you "an ta$e Mrs de 1inter.s pla"e. <ou. <ou ta$e my lady.s pla"e. 1hy even the servants laughed at you when you "ame to Manderley. 5ven the little s"ullery%maid you met in the ba"$ passage there on your !irst morning. I wonder what Mr de 1inter thought when he got you ba"$ here at Manderley a!ter his pre"ious honeymoon was over. I wonder what he thought when he saw you sitting at the dining%room table !or the !irst time.. .<ou.d better stop this Mrs 9anvers . I said' .you.d better go to your room.. .Go to my room . she mimi"$ed .go to my room. #he mistress o! the house thin$s I had better go to my room. (nd a!ter that what then; <ou.ll go running to Mr de 1inter and saying =Mrs 9anvers has been un$ind to me Mrs 9anvers has been rude.= <ou.ll go running to him li$e you did be!ore when Mr /a"$ "ame to see me.. .I never told him . I said. .#hat.s a lie . she said. .1ho else told him i! you didn.t; &o one else was here. Frith and 6obert were out and none o! the other servants $new. I made up my mind then I.d tea"h you a lesson and him too. Let him su!!er I say. 1hat do I "are; 1hat.s his su!!ering to me; 1hy shouldn.t I see Mr /a"$ here at Manderley; 2e.s the only lin$ I have le!t now with Mrs de 1inter. =I.ll not have him here = he said. =I.m warning you it.s the last time.= 2e.s not !orgotten to be +ealous has he;. I remembered "rou"hing in the gallery when the library door was open. I remembered Ma0im.s voi"e raised in anger using the words that Mrs 9anvers had +ust repeated. /ealous Ma0im +ealous... .2e was +ealous while she lived and now he.s +ealous when she.s dead . said Mrs 9anvers. .2e !orbids Mr /a"$ the house now li$e he did then. #hat shows you he.s not !orgotten her doesn.t it; -! "ourse he was +ealous. ,o was I. ,o was everyone who $new her. ,he didn.t "are. ,he only laughed. =I shall live as I please 9anny = she told me =and the whole world won.t stop me.= ( man had only to loo$ at her on"e and be mad about her. I.ve seen them here staying in the house men she.d meet up in London and bring !or wee$ends. ,he would ta$e them bathing !rom the boat she would have a pi"ni" supper at her "ottage in the "ove. #hey made love to her o! "ourse' who would not; ,he laughed she would "ome ba"$ and tell me what they had said and what they.d done. ,he did not mind it was li$e a game to her. Li$e a game. 1ho wouldn.t be +ealous; #hey were all +ealous all mad !or

her. Mr de 1inter Mr /a"$ Mr 7rawley everyone who $new her everyone who "ame to Manderley.. .I don.t want to $now . I said. .I don.t want to $now.. Mrs 9anvers "ame "lose to me she put her !a"e near to mine. .It.s no use is it;. she said. .<ou.ll never get the better o! her. ,he.s still mistress here even i! she is dead. ,he.s the real Mrs de 1inter not you. It.s you that.s the shadow and the ghost. It.s you that.s !orgotten and not wanted and pushed aside. 1ell why don.t you leave Manderley to her; 1hy don.t you go;. I ba"$ed away !rom her towards the window my old !ear and horror rising up in me again. ,he too$ my arm and held it li$e a vi"e. .1hy don.t you go;. she said. .1e none o! us want you. 2e doesn.t want you he never did. 2e "an.t !orget her. 2e wants to be alone in the house again with her. It.s you that ought to be lying there in the "hur"h "rypt not her. It.s you who ought to be dead not Mrs de 1inter.. ,he pushed me towards the open window. I "ould see the terra"e below me grey and indistin"t in the white wall o! !og. .Loo$ down there . she said. .It.s easy isn.t it; 1hy don.t you +ump; It wouldn.t hurt not to brea$ your ne"$. It.s a *ui"$ $ind way. It.s not li$e drowning. 1hy don.t you try it; 1hy don.t you go;. #he !og !illed the open window damp and "lammy it stung my eyes it "lung to my nostrils. I held on to the window%sill with my hands. .9on.t be a!raid . said Mrs 9anvers. .I won.t push you. I won.t stand by you. <ou "an +ump o! your own a""ord. 1hat.s the use o! your staying here at Manderley; <ou.re not happy. Mr de 1inter doesn.t love you. #here.s not mu"h !or you to live !or is there; 1hy don.t you +ump now and have done with it; #hen you won.t be unhappy any more.. I "ould see the !lower tubs on the terra"e and the blue o! the hydrangeas "lumped and solid. #he paved stones were smooth and grey. #hey were not +agged and uneven. It was the !og that made them loo$ so !ar away. #hey were not !ar really the window was not so very high. .1hy don.t you +ump;. whispered Mrs 9anvers. .1hy don.t you try;. #he !og "ame thi"$er than be!ore and the terra"e was hidden !rom me. I "ould not see the !lower tubs any more nor the smooth paved stones. #here was nothing but the white mist about me smelling o! seaweed dan$ and "hill. #he only reality was the window%sill beneath my hands and the grip o! Mrs 9anvers on my le!t arm. I! I +umped I should not see the stones rise up to meet me the !og would hide them !rom me. #he pain would be sharp and sudden as she said. #he !all would brea$ my ne"$. It would not be slow li$e

drowning. It would soon be over. (nd Ma0im did not love me. Ma0im wanted to be alone again with 6ebe""a. .Go on . whispered Mrs 9anvers. .Go on don.t be a!raid.. I shut my eyes. I was giddy !rom staring down at the terra"e and my !ingers a"hed !rom holding to the ledge. #he mist entered my nostrils and lay upon my lips ran$ and sour. It was sti!ling li$e a blan$et li$e an anaestheti". I was beginning to !orget about being unhappy and about loving Ma0im. I was beginning to !orget 6ebe""a. ,oon I would not have to thin$ about 6ebe""a any more... (s I rela0ed my hands and sighed the white mist and the silen"e that was part o! it was shattered suddenly was rent in two by an e0plosion that shoo$ the window where we stood. #he glass shivered in its !rame. I opened my eyes. I stared at Mrs 9anvers. #he burst was !ollowed by another and yet a third and !ourth. #he sound o! the e0plosions stung the air and the birds rose unseen !rom the woods around the house and made an e"ho with their "lamour. .1hat is it;. I said stupidly. .1hat has happened;. Mrs 9anvers rela0ed her grip upon my arm. ,he stared out o! the window into the !og. .It.s the ro"$ets . she said' .there must be a ship gone ashore there in the bay.. 1e listened staring into the white !og together. (nd then we heard the sound o! !ootsteps running on the terra"e beneath us.

Chapter nineteen

It was Ma0im. I "ould not see him but I "ould hear his voi"e. 2e was shouting !or Frith as he ran. I heard Frith answer !rom the hall and "ome out on the terra"e. #heir !igures loomed out o! the mist beneath us. .,he.s ashore all right . said Ma0im. .I was wat"hing her !rom the headland and I saw her "ome right into the bay and head !or the ree!. #hey.ll never shi!t her not with these tides. ,he must have mista$en the bay !or Aerrith harbour. It.s li$e a wall out there in the bay. #ell them in the house to stand by with !ood and drin$ in "ase these !ellows want anything and ring through to the o!!i"e to Mr 7rawley and tell him what.s happened. I.m going ba"$ to the "ove to see i! I "an do anything. Get me some "igarettes will you;. Mrs 9anvers drew ba"$ !rom the window. 2er !a"e was e0pressionless on"e more the "old white mas$ that I $new. .1e had better go down . she said .Frith will be loo$ing !or me to ma$e arrangements. Mr de 1inter may bring the men ba"$ to the house as he said. Be "are!ul o! your hands I.m going to shut the window.. I stepped ba"$ into the room still da)ed and stupid not sure o! mysel! or o! her. I wat"hed her "lose the window and !asten the shutters and draw the "urtains in their pla"e. .It.s a good thing there is no sea running . she said .there wouldn.t have been mu"h "han"e !or them then. But on a day li$e this there.s no danger. #he owners will lose their ship though i! she.s run on the ree! as Mr de 1inter said.. ,he glan"ed round the room to ma$e "ertain that nothing was disarranged or out o! pla"e. ,he straightened the "over on the double bed. #hen she went to the door and held it open !or me. .I will tell them in the $it"hen to serve "old lun"h in the dining%room a!ter all . she said .and then it won.t matter what time you "ome !or it. Mr de 1inter may not want to rush ba"$ at one o."lo"$ i! he.s busy down there in the "ove.. I stared at her blan$ly and then passed out o! the open door sti!! and wooden li$e a dummy. .1hen you see Mr de 1inter Madam will you tell him it will be *uite all right i! he wants to bring the men ba"$ !rom the ship; #here will be a hot meal ready !or them any time..

.<es . I said. .<es Mrs 9anvers.. ,he turned her ba"$ on me and went along the "orridor to the servi"e stair"ase a weird gaunt !igure in her bla"$ dress the s$irt +ust sweeping the ground li$e the !ull wide s$irts o! thirty years ago. #hen she turned the "orner o! the "orridor and disappeared. I wal$ed slowly along the passage to the door by the ar"hway my mind still blunt and slow as though I had +ust wo$en !rom a long sleep. I pushed through the door and went down the stairs with no set purpose be!ore me. Frith was "rossing the hall towards the dining%room. 1hen he saw me he stopped and waited until I "ame down into the hall. .Mr de 1inter was in a !ew moments ago Madam . he said. .2e too$ some "igarettes and then went ba"$ again to the bea"h. It appears there is a ship gone ashore.. .<es . I said. .9id you hear the ro"$ets Madam;. said Frith. .<es I heard the ro"$ets . I said. .I was in the pantry with 6obert and we both thought at !irst that one o! the gardeners had let o!! a !irewor$ le!t over !rom last night . said Frith .and I said to 6obert =1hat do they want to do that !or in this weather; 1hy don.t they $eep them !or the $iddies on ,aturday night;= (nd then the ne0t one "ame and then the third. =#hat.s not !irewor$s = says 6obert =that.s a ship in distress.= =I believe you.re right = I said and I went out to the hall and there was Mr de 1inter "alling me !rom the terra"e.. .<es . I said. .1ell it.s hardly to be wondered at in this !og Madam. #hat.s what I said to 6obert +ust now. It.s di!!i"ult to !ind your way on the road let alone on the water.. .<es . I said. .I! you want to "at"h Mr de 1inter he went straight a"ross the lawn only two minutes ago . said Frith. =#han$ you Frith . I said. I went out on the terra"e. I "ould see the trees ta$ing shape beyond the lawns. #he !og was li!ting it was rising in little "louds to the s$y above. It whirled above my head in wreaths o! smo$e. I loo$ed up at the windows above my head. #hey were tightly "losed and the shutters were !astened. #hey loo$ed as though they would never open never be thrown wide. It was by the large window in the "entre that I had stood !ive minutes be!ore. 2ow high it seemed above my head how lo!ty and remote. #he stones were hard and solid under my !eet. I loo$ed down at my !eet and then

up again to the shuttered window and as I did so I be"ame aware suddenly that my head was swimming and I !elt hot. ( little tri"$le o! perspiration ran down the ba"$ o! my ne"$. Bla"$ dots +umped about in the air in !ront o! me. I went into the hall again and sat down on a "hair. My hands were *uite wet. I sat very still holding my $nees. .Frith . I "alled .Frith are you in the dining%room;. .<es Madam;. 2e "ame out at on"e and "rossed the hall towards me. .9on.t thin$ me very odd Frith but I rather thin$ I.d li$e a small glass o! brandy.. .7ertainly Madam.. I went on holding my $nees and sitting very still. 2e "ame ba"$ with a li*ueur glass on a silver salver. .9o you !eel a tri!le unwell Madam;. said Frith. .1ould you li$e me to "all 7lari"e;. .&o I.ll be all right Frith . I said. .I !elt a bit hot that.s all.. .It.s a very warm morning Madam. 3ery warm indeed. -ppressive one might almost say.. .<es Frith. 3ery oppressive.. I dran$ the brandy and put the glass ba"$ on the silver salver. .8erhaps the sound o! those ro"$ets alarmed you . said Frith' .they went o!! so very sudden.. .<es they did . I said. .(nd what with the hot morning and standing about all last night you are not perhaps !eeling *uite li$e yoursel! Madam . said Frith. .&o perhaps not . I said. .1ill you lie down !or hal! an hour; It.s *uite "ool in the library.. .&o. &o I thin$ I.ll go out in a moment or two. 9on.t bother Frith.. .&o. 3ery good Madam.. 2e went away and le!t me alone in the hall. It was *uiet sitting there *uiet and "ool. (ll tra"e o! the party had been "leared away. It might never have happened. #he hall was as it had always been grey and silent and austere with the portraits and the weapons on the wall. I "ould s"ar"ely believe that last night I had stood there in my blue dress at the bottom o! the stairs sha$ing hands with !ive hundred people. I "ould not believe that there had been musi"%stands in the minstrels. gallery and a band playing there a man with a !iddle a man with a drum. I got up and went out on to the terra"e again. #he !og was rising li!ting to the tops o! the trees. I "ould see the woods at the end o! the lawns. (bove my head a pale sun tried to penetrate the heavy s$y. It was hotter than ever. -ppressive as Frith had said. ( bee

hummed by me in sear"h o! s"ent bumbling noisy and then "reeping inside a !lower was suddenly silent. -n the grass ban$s above the lawns the gardener started his mowing ma"hine. ( startled linnet !led !rom the whirring blades towards the rose%garden. #he gardener bent to the handles o! the ma"hine and wal$ed slowly along the ban$ s"attering the short%tipped grass and the pin% point daisy%heads. #he smell o! the sweet warm grass "ame towards me on the air and the sun shone down upon me !ull and strong !rom out o! the white mist. I whistled !or /asper but he did not "ome. 8erhaps he had !ollowed Ma0im when he went down to the bea"h. I glan"ed at my wat"h. It was a!ter hal! past twelve nearly twenty to one. #his time yesterday Ma0im and I were standing with Fran$ in the little garden in !ront o! his house waiting !or his house$eeper to serve lun"h. #wenty%!our hours ago. #hey were teasing me baiting me about my dress. .<ou.ll both get the surprise o! your lives . I had said. I !elt si"$ with shame at the memory o! my words. (nd then I realised !or the !irst time that Ma0im had not gone away as I had !eared. #he voi"e I had heard on the terra"e was "alm and pra"ti"al. #he voi"e I $new. &ot the voi"e o! last night when I stood at the head o! the stairs. Ma0im had not gone away. 2e was down there in the "ove somewhere. 2e was himsel! normal and sane. 2e had +ust been !or a wal$ as Fran$ had said. 2e had been on the headland he had seen the ship "losing in towards the shore. (ll my !ears were without !oundation. Ma0im was sa!e. Ma0im was all right. I had +ust e0perien"ed something that was degrading and horrible and mad something that I did not !ully understand even now that I had no wish to remember that I wanted to bury !or ever more deep in the shadows o! my mind with old !orgotten terrors o! "hildhood' but even this did not matter as long as Ma0im was all right. #hen I too went down the steep twisting path through the dar$ woods to the bea"h below. #he !og had almost gone and when I "ame to the "ove I "ould see the ship at on"e lying about two miles o!!shore with her bows pointed towards the "li!!s. I went along the brea$water and stood at the end o! it leaning against the rounded wall. #here was a "rowd o! people on the "li!!s already who must have wal$ed along the "oastguard path !rom Aerrith. #he "li!!s and the headland were part o! Manderley but the publi" had always used the right%o!%way along the "li!!s. ,ome o! them were s"rambling down the "li!! !a"e to get a "loser view o! the stranded ship. ,he lay at an aw$ward angle her stern tilted and there were a number o! rowing%boats already pulling round her. #he li!eboat was standing o!!. I saw someone stand up in her and shout through a megaphone. I "ould not hear what he was saying. It was still

misty out in the bay and I "ould not see the hori)on. (nother motor boat "hugged into the light with some men aboard. #he motor boat was dar$ grey. I "ould see someone in uni!orm. #hat would be the harbour%master !rom Aerrith and the Lloyd.s agent with him. (nother motor boat !ollowed a party o! holiday%ma$ers !rom Aerrith aboard. #hey "ir"led round and round the stranded steamer "hatting e0"itedly. I "ould hear their voi"es e"hoing a"ross the still water. I le!t the brea$water and the "ove and "limbed up the path over the "li!!s towards the rest o! the people. I did not see Ma0im anywhere. Fran$ was there tal$ing to one o! the "oastguards. I hung ba"$ when I saw him momentarily embarrassed. Barely an hour ago I had been "rying to him down the telephone. I was not sure what I ought to do. 2e saw me at on"e and waved his hand. I went over to him and the "oastguard. #he "oastguard $new me. .7ome to see the !un Mrs de 1inter;. he said smiling. .I.m a!raid it will be a hard +ob. #he tugs may shi!t her but I doubt it. ,he.s hard and !ast where she is on that ledge.. .1hat will they do;. I said. .#hey.ll send a diver down dire"tly to see i! she.s bro$en her ba"$ . he replied. .#here.s the !ellow there in the red sto"$ing "ap. Li$e to see through these glasses;. I too$ his glasses and loo$ed at the ship. I "ould see a group o! men staring over her stern. -ne o! them was pointing at something. #he man in the li!eboat was still shouting through the megaphone. #he harbour%master !rom Aerrith had +oined the group o! men in the stern o! the stranded ship. #he diver in his sto"$ing "ap was sitting in the grey motor boat belonging to the harbour%master. #he pleasure boat was still "ir"ling round the ship. ( woman was standing up ta$ing a snapshot. ( group o! gulls had settled on the water and were "rying !oolishly hoping !or s"raps. I gave the glasses ba"$ to the "oastguard. .&othing seems to be happening . I said. .#hey.ll send him down dire"tly . said the "oastguard. .#hey.ll argue a bit !irst li$e all !oreigners. 2ere "ome the tugs.. .#hey.ll never do it . said Fran$. .Loo$ at the angle she.s lying at. It.s mu"h shallower there than I thought.. =#hat ree! runs out *uite a way . said the "oastguard' .you don.t noti"e it in the ordinary way going over that pie"e o! water in a small boat. But a ship with her depth would tou"h all right..

.I was down in the !irst "ove by the valley when they !ired the ro"$ets . said Fran$. .I "ould s"ar"ely see three yards in !ront o! me where I was. (nd then the things went o!! out o! the blue.. I thought how ali$e people were in a moment o! "ommon interest. Fran$ was Frith all over again giving his version o! the story as though it mattered as though we "ared. I $new that he had gone down to the bea"h to loo$ !or Ma0im. I $new that he had been !rightened as I had been. (nd now all this was !orgotten and put aside: our "onversation down the telephone our mutual an0iety his insisten"e that he must see me. (ll be"ause a ship had gone ashore in the !og. ( small boy "ame running up to us. .1ill the sailors be drowned;. he as$ed. .&ot them. #hey.re all right sonny . said the "oastguard. =#he sea.s as !lat as the ba"$ o! my hand. &o one.s going to be hurt this time.. .I! it had happened last night we should never have heard them . said Fran$. .1e must have let o!! more than !i!ty ro"$ets at our show beside all the smaller things.. .1e.d have heard all right . said the "oastguard. .1e.d have seen the !lash and $nown the dire"tion. #here.s the diver Mrs de 1inter. ,ee him putting on his helmet;. .I want to see the diver . said the small boy. .#here he is . said Fran$ bending and pointing % .that "hap there putting on the helmet. #hey.re going to lower him into the water.. .1on.t he be drowned;. said the "hild. .9ivers don.t drown . said the "oastguard. =#hey have air pumped into them all the time. 1at"h him disappear. #here he goes.. #he sur!a"e o! the water was disturbed a minute and then was "lear again. .2e.s gone . said the small boy. .1here.s Ma0im;. I said. .2e.s ta$en one o! the "rew into Aerrith . said Fran$' .the !ellow lost his head and +umped !or it apparently when the ship stru"$. 1e !ound him "linging on to one o! the ro"$s here under the "li!!. 2e was soa$ed to the s$in o! "ourse and sha$ing li$e a +elly. 7ouldn.t spea$ a word o! 5nglish o! "ourse. Ma0im went down to him and !ound him bleeding li$e a pig !rom a s"rat"h on the ro"$s. 2e spo$e to him in German. #hen he hailed one o! the motor boats !rom Aerrith that was hanging around li$e a hungry shar$ and he.s gone o!! with him to get him bandaged by a do"tor. I! he.s lu"$y he.ll +ust "at"h old 8hillips sitting down to lun"h.. .1hen did he go;. I said.

.2e went +ust be!ore you turned up . said Fran$ .about !ive minutes ago. I wonder you didn.t see the boat. 2e was sitting in the stern with this German !ellow.. .2e must have gone while I was "limbing up the "li!! . I said. .Ma0im is splendid at anything li$e this . said Fran$. .2e always gives a hand i! he "an. <ou.ll !ind he will invite the whole "rew ba"$ to Manderley and !eed them and give them beds into the bargain.. =#hat.s right . said the "oastguard. .2e.d give the "oat o!! his ba"$ !or any o! his own people I $now that. I wish there was more li$e him in the "ounty.. .<es we "ould do with them . said Fran$. 1e went on staring at the ship. #he tugs were standing o!! still but the li!eboat had turned and gone ba"$ towards Aerrith. .It.s not their turn today . said the "oastguard. .&o . said Fran$ .and I don.t thin$ it.s a +ob !or the tugs either. It.s the ship%brea$er who.s going to ma$e money this time.. #he gulls wheeled overhead mewing li$e hungry "ats' some o! them settled on the ledges o! the "li!! while others bolder rode the sur!a"e o! the water beside the ship. #he "oastguard too$ o!! his "ap and mopped his !orehead. .,eems $ind o! airless doesn.t it;. he said. .<es . I said. #he pleasure boat with the "amera people went "hugging o!! towards Aerrith. =#hey.ve got !ed up . said the "oastguard. .I don.t blame them . said Fran$. .I don.t suppose anything will happen !or hours. #he diver will have to ma$e his report be!ore they try to shi!t her.. .#hat.s right . said the "oastguard. .I don.t thin$ there.s mu"h sense in hanging about here . said Fran$' .we "an.t do anything. I want my lun"h.. I did not say anything. 2e hesitated. I !elt his eyes upon me. .1hat are you going to do;. he said. .I thin$ I shall stay here a bit . I said. .I "an have lun"h any time. It.s "old. It doesn.t matter. I want to see what the diver.s going to do.. ,omehow I "ould not !a"e Fran$ +ust at the moment. I wanted to be alone or with someone I did not $now li$e the "oastguard. .<ou won.t see anything . said Fran$' .there won.t be anything to see. 1hy not "ome ba"$ and have some lun"h with me;. .&o . I said. .&o really...= .-h well . said Fran$ .you $now where to !ind me i! you do want me. I shall be at the o!!i"e all the a!ternoon..

.(ll right . I said. 2e nodded to the "oastguard and went o!! down the "li!! towards the "ove. I wondered i! I had o!!ended him. I "ould not help it. (ll these things would be settled some day one day. ,o mu"h seemed to have happened sin"e I spo$e to him on the telephone and I did not want to thin$ about anything any more. I +ust wanted to sit there on the "li!! and stare at the ship. .2e.s a good sort Mr 7rawley . said the "oastguard. .<es . I said. .2e.d give his right hand !or Mr de 1inter too . he said. .<es I thin$ he would . I said. #he small boy was still hopping around on the grass in !ront o! us. .1hen.s the diver "oming up again;. he said. .&ot yet sonny . said the "oastguard. ( woman in a pin$ striped !ro"$ and a hairnet "ame a"ross the grass towards us. .7harlie; 7harlie; 1here are you;. she "alled. .2ere.s your mother "oming to give you what%!or . said the "oastguard. .I.ve seen the diver Mum . shouted the boy. #he woman nodded to us and smiled. ,he did not $now me. ,he was a holiday%ma$er !rom Aerrith. .#he e0"itement all seems to be over doesn.t it;. she said' .they are saying down on the "li!! there the ship will be there !or days.. .#hey.re waiting !or the diver.s report . said the "oastguard. .I don.t $now how they get them to go down under the water li$e that . said the woman' .they ought to pay them well.. .#hey do that . said the "oastguard. .I want to be a diver Mum . said the small boy. .<ou must as$ your 9addy dear . said the woman laughing at us. .It.s a lovely spot up here isn.t it;. she said to me. .1e brought a pi"ni" lun"h never thin$ing it would turn !oggy and we.d have a wre"$ into the bargain. 1e were +ust thin$ing o! going ba"$ to Aerrith when the ro"$ets went o!! under our noses it seemed. I nearly +umped out o! my s$in. =1hy whatever.s that;= I said to my husband. =#hat.s a distress signal = he said' =let.s stop and see the !un.= #here.s no dragging him away' he.s as bad as my little boy. I don.t see anything in it mysel!.. .&o there.s not mu"h to see now . said the "oastguard. =#hose are ni"e%loo$ing woods over there' I suppose they.re private . said the woman. #he "oastguard "oughed aw$wardly and glan"ed at me. I began eating a pie"e o! grass and loo$ed away. .<es that.s all private in there . he said.

.My husband says all these big estates will be "hopped up in time and bungalows built . said the woman. .I wouldn.t mind a ni"e little bungalow up here !a"ing the sea. I don.t $now that I.d "are !or this part o! the world in the winter though.. .&o it.s very *uiet here winter times . said the "oastguard. I went on "hewing my pie"e o! grass. #he little boy $ept running round in "ir"les. #he "oastguard loo$ed at his wat"h. .1ell I must be getting on . he said' .good a!ternoonB. 2e saluted me and turned ba"$ along the path towards Aerrith. .7ome on 7harlie "ome and !ind 9addy . said the woman. ,he nodded to me in !riendly !ashion and sauntered o!! to the edge o! the "li!! the little boy running at her heels. ( thin man in $ha$i shorts and a striped bla)er waved to her. #hey sat down by a "lump o! gorse bushes and the woman began to undo paper pa"$ages. I wished I "ould lose my own identity and +oin them. 5at hard%boiled eggs and potted meat sandwi"hes laugh rather loudly enter their "onversation and then wander ba"$ with them during the a!ternoon to Aerrith and paddle on the bea"h run ra"es a"ross the stret"h o! sand and so to their lodgings and have shrimps !or tea. Instead o! whi"h I must go ba"$ alone through the woods to Manderley and wait !or Ma0im. (nd I did not $now what we should say to one another how he would loo$ at me what would be his voi"e. I went on sitting there on the "li!!. I was not hungry. I did not thin$ about lun"h. More people "ame and wandered over the "li!!s to loo$ at the ship. It made an e0"itement !or the a!ternoon. #here was nobody I $new. #hey were all holiday%ma$ers !rom Aerrith. #he sea was glassy "alm. #he gulls no longer wheeled overhead they had settled on the water a little distan"e !rom the ship. More pleasure boats appeared during the a!ternoon. It must be a !ield day !or Aerrith boatmen. #he diver "ame up and then went down again. -ne o! the tugs steamed away while the other still stood by. #he harbour% master went ba"$ in his grey motor boat ta$ing some men with him and the diver who had "ome to the sur!a"e !or the se"ond time. #he "rew o! the ship leant against the side throwing s"raps to the gulls while visitors in pleasure boats rowed slowly round the ship. &othing happened at all. It was dead low water now and the ship was heeled at an angle the propeller showing "lean. Little ridges o! white "loud !ormed in the western s$y and the sun be"ame pallid. It was still very hot. #he woman in the pin$ striped !ro"$ with the little boy got up and wandered o!! along the path towards Aerrith the man in the shorts !ollowing with the pi"ni" bas$et. I glan"ed at my wat"h. It was a!ter three o. "lo"$. I got up and went down the hill to the "ove. It was *uiet and deserted as always. #he shingle

was dar$ and grey. #he water in the little harbour was glassy li$e a mirror. My !eet made a *ueer "run"hing noise as I "rossed the shingle. #he ridges o! white "loud now "overed all the s$y above my head and the sun was hidden. 1hen I "ame to the !urther side o! the "ove I saw Ben "rou"hing by a little pool between two ro"$s s"raping win$les into his hand. My shadow !ell upon the water as I passed and he loo$ed up and saw me. .G. day . he said his mouth opening in a grin. .Good a!ternoon . I said. 2e s"rambled to his !eet and opened a dirty hand$er"hie! he had !illed with win$les. .<ou eat win$les;. he said. I did not want to hurt his !eelings. .#han$ you . I said. 2e emptied about a do)en win$les into my hand and I put them in die two po"$ets o! my s$irt. .#hey.m all right with bread%an.%butter . he said .you must boil .em !irst.. .<es all right . I said. 2e stood there grinning at me. .,een the steamer;. he said. .<es . I said .she.s gone ashore hasn.t she;. .5h;. he said. .,he.s run aground . I repeated. .I e0pe"t she.s got a hole in her bottom.. 2is !a"e went blan$ and !oolish. .(ye . he said .she.s down there all right. ,he.ll not "ome ba"$ again.. .8erhaps the tugs will get her o!! when the tide ma$es . I said. 2e did not answer. 2e was staring out towards the stranded ship. I "ould see her broadside on !rom here the red underwater se"tion showing against the bla"$ o! the top%sides and the single !unnel leaning ra$ishly towards the "li!!s beyond. #he "rew were still leaning over her side !eeding the gulls and staring into the water. #he rowing%boats were pulling ba"$ to Aerrith. .,he.s a 9ut"hman ain.t she;. said Ben. .I don.t $now . I said. .German or 9ut"h.. .,he.ll brea$ up there where she.s to . he said. .I.m a!raid so . I said. 2e grinned again and wiped his nose with the ba"$ o! his hand. .,he.ll brea$ up bit by bit . he said .she.ll not sin$ li$e a stone li$e the little .un.. 2e "hu"$led to himsel! pi"$ing his nose. I did not say anything. .#he !ishes have eaten her up by now haven.t they;. he said. .1ho;. I said. 2e +er$ed his thumb towards the sea. .2er . he said .the other one..

.Fishes don.t eat steamers Ben . I said. .5h;. he said. 2e stared at me !oolish and blan$ on"e more. .I must go home now . I said' .good a!ternoon.. I le!t him and wal$ed towards the path through the woods. I did not loo$ at the "ottage. I was aware o! it on my right hand' grey and *uiet. I went straight to the path and up through the trees. I paused to rest hal!%way and loo$ing through the trees I "ould still see the stranded ship leaning towards the shore. #he pleasure boats had all gone. 5ven the "rew had disappeared below. #he ridges o! "loud "overed the whole s$y. ( little wind sprang !rom nowhere and blew into my !a"e. ( lea! !ell onto my hand !rom the tree above. I shivered !or no reason. #hen the wind went again it was hot and sultry as be!ore. #he ship loo$ed desolate there upon her side with no one on her de"$s and her thin bla"$ !unnel pointing to the shore. #he sea was so "alm that when it bro$e upon the shingle in the "ove it was li$e a whisper hushed and still. I turned on"e more to the steep path through the woods my legs relu"tant my head heavy a strange sense o! !oreboding in my heart. #he house loo$ed very pea"e!ul as I "ame upon it !rom the woods and "rossed the lawns. It seemed sheltered and prote"ted more beauti!ul than I had ever seen it. ,tanding there loo$ing down upon it !rom the ban$s I realised perhaps !or the !irst time with a !unny !eeling o! bewilderment and pride that it was my home I belonged there and Manderley belonged to me. #he trees and the grass and the !lower tubs on the terra"e were re!le"ted in the mullioned windows. ( thin "olumn o! smo$e rose in the air !rom one o! the "himneys. #he new%"ut grass on the lawn smelt sweet as hay. ( bla"$bird was singing on the "hestnut tree. ( yellow butter!ly winged his !oolish way be!ore me to the terra"e. I went into the hall and through to the dining%room. My pla"e was still laid but Ma0im.s had been "leared away. #he "old meat and salad awaited me on the sideboard. I hesitated and then rang the dining%room bell. 6obert "ame in !rom behind the s"reen. .2as Mr de 1inter been in;. I said. .<es Madam . said 6obert' .he "ame in +ust a!ter two and had a *ui"$ lun"h and then went out again. 2e as$ed !or you and Frith said he thought you must have gone down to see the ship.. .9id he say when he would be ba"$ again;. I as$ed. .&o Madam.. .8erhaps he went to the bea"h another way . I said' .I may have missed him.. .<es Madam . said 6obert.

I loo$ed at the "old meat and the salad. I !elt empty but not hungry. I did not want "old meat now. .1ill you be ta$ing lun"h;. said 6obert. .&o . I said. .&o you might bring me some tea 6obert in the library. &othing li$e "a$es or s"ones. /ust tea and bread%and%butter.. .<es Madam.. I went and sat on the window%seat in the library. It seemed !unny without /asper. 2e must have gone with Ma0im. #he old dog lay asleep in her bas$et. I pi"$ed up #he #imes and turned the pages without reading it. It was *ueer this !eeling o! mar$ing time li$e sitting in a waiting%room at a dentist.s. I $new I should never settle to my $nitting or to a boo$. I was waiting !or something to happen something un!oreseen. #he horror o! my morning and the stranded ship and not having any lun"h had all "ombined to give birth to a latent sense o! e0"itement at the ba"$ o! my mind that I did not understand. It was as though I had entered into a new phase o! my li!e and nothing would be *uite the same again. #he girl who had dressed !or the !an"y dress ball the night be!ore had been le!t behind. It had all happened a very long time ago. #his sel! who sat on the window%seat was new was di!!erent... 6obert brought in my tea and I ate my bread%and%butter hungrily. 2e had brought s"ones as well and some sandwi"hes and an angel "a$e. 2e must have thought it derogatory to bring bread%and%butter alone nor was it Manderley routine. I was glad o! the s"ones and the angel "a$e. I remembered I had only had "old tea at hal! past eleven and no brea$!ast. /ust a!ter I had drun$ my third "up 6obert "ame in again. .Mr de 1inter is not ba"$ yet is he Madam;. he said. .&o . I said. .1hy; 9oes someone want him;. .<es Madam . said 6obert .it.s 7aptain ,earle the harbour%master o! Aerrith on the telephone. 2e wants to $now i! he "an "ome up and see Mr de 1inter personally.. .I don.t $now what to say . I said. .2e may not be ba"$ !or ages.. .&o Madam.. .<ou.d better tell him to ring again at !ive o."lo"$ . I said. 6obert went out o! the room and "ame ba"$ again in a !ew minutes. .7aptain ,earle would li$e to see you i! it would be "onvenient Madam . said 6obert. .2e says the matter is rather urgent. 2e tried to get Mr 7rawley but there was no reply.. .<es o! "ourse I must see him i! it.s urgent . I said. .#ell him to "ome along at on"e i! he li$es. 2as he got a "ar;. .<es I believe so Madam.. 6obert went out o! the room. I wondered what I should say to 7aptain ,earle. 2is business must be something to do with the stranded ship. I "ould

not understand what "on"ern it was o! Ma0im.s. It would have been di!!erent i! the ship had gone ashore in the "ove. #hat was Manderley property. #hey might have to as$ Ma0im.s permission to blast away ro"$s or whatever it was that was done to move a ship. But the open bay and the ledge o! ro"$ under the water did not belong to Ma0im. 7aptain ,earle would waste his time tal$ing to me about it all. 2e must have got into his "ar right away a!ter tal$ing to 6obert be"ause in less than *uarter o! an hour he was shown into the room. 2e was still in his uni!orm as I had seen him through the glasses in the early a!ternoon. I got up !rom the window%seat and shoo$ hands with him. .I.m sorry my husband isn.t ba"$ yet 7aptain ,earle . I said' .he must have gone down to the "li!!s again and he went into Aerrith be!ore that. I haven.t seen him all day.. .<es I heard he.d been to Aerrith but I missed him there . said the harbour%master. .2e must have wal$ed ba"$ a"ross the "li!!s when I was in my boat. (nd I "an.t get hold o! Mr 7rawley either.. .I.m a!raid the ship has disorganised everybody . I said. .I was out on the "li!!s and went without my lun"h and I $now Mr 7rawley was there earlier on. 1hat will happen to her; 1ill tugs get her o!! do you thin$;. 7aptain ,earle made a great "ir"le with his hands. =#here.s a hole that deep in her bottom . he said .she.ll not see 2amburg again. &ever mind the ship. 2er owner and Lloyd.s agent will settle that between them. &o Mrs de 1inter it.s not the ship that.s brought me here. Indire"tly o! "ourse she.s the "ause o! my "oming. #he !a"t is I.ve got some news !or Mr de 1inter and I hardly $now how to brea$ it to him.. 2e loo$ed at me very straight with his bright blue eyes. .1hat sort o! news 7aptain ,earle;. 2e brought a large white hand$er"hie! out o! his po"$et and blew his nose. .1ell Mrs de 1inter it.s not very pleasant !or me to tell you either. #he last thing I want to do is to "ause distress or pain to you and your husband. 1e. re all very !ond o! Mr de 1inter in Aerrith you $now and the !amily has always done a lot o! good. It.s hard on him and hard on you that we "an.t let the past lie *uiet. But I don.t see how we "an under the "ir"umstan"es.. 2e paused and put his hand$er"hie! ba"$ in his po"$et. 2e lowered his voi"e although we were alone in the room. .1e sent the diver down to inspe"t the ship.s bottom . he said .and while he was down there he made a dis"overy. It appears he !ound the hole in the ship.s bottom and was wor$ing round to the other side to see what !urther damage there was when he "ame a"ross the hull o! a little sailing boat lying on her side *uite inta"t and not bro$en up at all. 2e.s a lo"al

man o! "ourse and he re"ognised the boat at on"e. It was the little boat belonging to the late Mrs de 1inter.. My !irst !eeling was one o! than$!ulness that Ma0im was not there to hear. #his !resh blow "oming swi!tly upon my mas*uerade o! the night be!ore was ironi" and rather horrible. .I.m so sorry . I said slowly .it.s not the sort o! thing one e0pe"ted would happen. Is it ne"essary to tell Mr de 1inter; 7ouldn.t the boat be le!t there as it is; It.s not doing any harm is it;. .It would be le!t Mrs de 1inter in the ordinary way. I.m the last man in the world to want to disturb it. (nd I.d give anything as I said be!ore to spare Mr de 1inter.s !eelings. But that wasn.t all Mrs de 1inter. My man po$ed round the little boat and he made another more important dis"overy. #he "abin door was tightly "losed it was not stove in and the portlights were "losed too. 2e bro$e one o! the ports with a stone !rom the sea bed and loo$ed into the "abin. It was !ull o! water the sea must have "ome through some hole in the bottom there seemed no damage elsewhere. (nd then he got the !right o! his li!e Mrs de 1inter.. 7aptain ,earle paused he loo$ed over his shoulder as though one o! the servants might hear him. .#here was a body in there lying on the "abin !loor . he said *uietly. .It was dissolved o! "ourse there was no !lesh on it. But it was a body all right. 2e saw the head and the limbs. 2e "ame up to the sur!a"e then and reported it dire"t to me. (nd now you understand Mrs de 1inter why I.ve got to see your husband.. I stared at him bewildered at !irst then sho"$ed then rather si"$. .,he was supposed to be sailing alone;. I whispered .there must have been someone with her then all the time and no one ever $new;. .It loo$s li$e it . said the harbour%master. .1ho "ould it have been;. I said. .,urely relatives would $now i! anyone had been missing; #here was so mu"h about it at the time it was all in the papers. 1hy should one o! them be in the "abin and Mrs de 1inter hersel! be pi"$ed up many miles away months a!terwards;. 7aptain ,earle shoo$ his head. .I "an.t tell any more than you . he said. .(ll we $now is that the body is there and it has got to be reported. #here.ll be publi"ity I.m a!raid Mrs de 1inter. I don.t $now how we.re going to avoid it. It.s very hard on you and Mr de 1inter. 2ere you are settled down *uietly wanting to be happy and this has to happen.. I $new now the reason !or my sense o! !oreboding. It was not the stranded ship that was sinister nor the "rying gulls nor the thin bla"$ !unnel pointing to the shore. It was the stillness o! the bla"$ water and the un$nown things that lay beneath. It was the diver going down into those "ool

*uiet depths and stumbling upon 6ebe""a.s boat and 6ebe""a.s dead "ompanion. 2e had tou"hed the boat had loo$ed into the "abin and all the while I sat on the "li!!s and had not $nown. .I! only we did not have to tell him . I said. .I! only we "ould $eep the whole thing !rom him.. .<ou $now I would i! it were possible Mrs de 1inter . said the harbour%master .but my personal !eelings have to go in a matter li$e this. I.ve got to do my duty. I.ve got to report that body.. 2e bro$e o!! short as the door opened and Ma0im "ame into the room. .2ullo . he said .what.s happening; I didn.t $now you were here 7aptain ,earle; Is anything the matter;. I "ould not stand it any longer. I went out o! the room li$e the "oward I was and shut the door behind me. I had not even glan"ed at Ma0im.s !a"e. I had the vague impression that he loo$ed tired untidy hatless. I went and stood in the hall by the !ront door. /asper was drin$ing noisily !rom his bowl. 2e wagged his tail when he saw me and went on drin$ing. #hen he loped towards me and stood up pawing at my dress. I $issed the top o! his head and went and sat on the terra"e. #he moment o! "risis had "ome and I must !a"e it. My old !ears my di!!iden"e my shyness my hopeless sense o! in!eriority must be "on*uered now and thrust aside. I! I !ailed now I should !ail !or ever. #here would never be another "han"e. I prayed !or "ourage in a blind despairing way and dug my nails into my hands. I sat there !or !ive minutes staring at the green lawns and the !lower tubs on the terra"e. I heard the sound o! a "ar starting up in the drive. It must be 7aptain ,earle. 2e had bro$en his news to Ma0im and had gone. I got up !rom the terra"e and went slowly through the hall to the library. I $ept turning over in my po"$ets the win$les that Ben had given me. I "lut"hed them tight in my hands. Ma0im was standing by the window. 2is ba"$ was turned to me. I waited by the door. ,till he did not turn round. I too$ my hands out o! my po"$ets and went and stood beside him. I rea"hed out !or his hand and laid it against my "hee$. 2e did not say anything. 2e went on standing there. .I.m so sorry . I whispered .so terribly terribly sorry.. 2e did not answer. 2is hand was i"y "old. I $issed the ba"$ o! it and then the !ingers one by one. .I don.t want you to bear this alone . I said. .I want to share it with you. I.ve grown up Ma0im in twenty%!our hours. I.ll never be a "hild again.. 2e put his arm round me and pulled me to him very "lose. My reserve was bro$en and my shyness too. I stood there with my !a"e against his shoulder. .<ou.ve !orgiven me haven.t you;. I said.

2e spo$e to me at last. .Forgiven you;. he said. .1hat have I got to !orgive you !or;. .Last night . I said' .you thought I did it on purpose.. .(h that . he said. .I.d !orgotten. I was angry with you wasn.t I;. .<es . I said. 2e did not say any more. 2e went on holding me "lose to his shoulder. .Ma0im . I said ."an.t we start all over again; 7an.t we begin !rom today and !a"e things together; I don.t want you to love me I won.t as$ impossible things. I.ll be your !riend and your "ompanion a sort o! boy. I don.t ever want more than that.. 2e too$ my !a"e between his hands and loo$ed at me. For the !irst time I saw how thin his !a"e was how lined and drawn. (nd there were great shadows beneath his eyes. .2ow mu"h do you love me;. he said. I "ould not answer. I "ould only stare ba"$ at him at his dar$ tortured eyes and his pale drawn !a"e. .It.s too late my darling too late . he said. .1e.ve lost our little "han"e o! happiness.. .&o Ma0im. &o . I said. .<es . he said. .It.s all over now. #he thing has happened.. .1hat thing;. I said. .#he thing I.ve always !oreseen. #he thing I.ve dreamt about day a!ter day night a!ter night. 1e.re not meant !or happiness you and I.. 2e sat down on the window%seat and I $nelt in !ront o! him my hands on his shoulders. .1hat are you trying to tell me;. I said. 2e put his hands over mine and loo$ed into my !a"e. .6ebe""a has won . he said. I stared at him my heart beating strangely my hands suddenly "old beneath his hands. .2er shadow between us all the time . he said. .2er damned shadow $eeping us !rom one another. 2ow "ould I hold you li$e this my darling my little love with the !ear always in my heart that this would happen; I remembered her eyes as she loo$ed at me be!ore she died. I remembered that slow trea"herous smile. ,he $new this would happen even then. ,he $new she would win in the end.. .Ma0im . I whispered .what are you saying what are you trying to tell me;. .2er boat . he said .they.ve !ound it. #he diver !ound it this a!ternoon..

.<es . I said. .I $now. 7aptain ,earle "ame to tell me. <ou are thin$ing about the body aren.t you the body the diver !ound in the "abin;. .<es . he said. .It means she was not alone . I said. .It means there was somebody sailing with 6ebe""a at the time. (nd you have to !ind out who it was. #hat.s it isn.t it Ma0im;. .&o . he said. .&o you don.t understand.. .I want to share this with you darling . I said. .I want to help you.. =#here was no one with 6ebe""a she was alone . he said. I $nelt there wat"hing his !a"e wat"hing his eyes. .It.s 6ebe""a.s body lying there on the "abin !loor . he said. .&o . I said. .&o.. =#he woman buried in the "rypt is not 6ebe""a . he said. .It.s the body o! some un$nown woman un"laimed belonging nowhere. #here never was an a""ident. 6ebe""a was not drowned at all. I $illed her. I shot 6ebe""a in the "ottage in the "ove. I "arried her body to the "abin and too$ the boat out that night and sun$ it there where they !ound it today. It.s 6ebe""a who.s lying dead there on the "abin !loor. 1ill you loo$ into my eyes and tell me that you love me now;.

Chapter twenty

It was very *uiet in the library. #he only sound was that o! /asper li"$ing his !oot. 2e must have "aught a thorn in his pads !or he $ept biting and su"$ing at the s$in. #hen I heard the wat"h on Ma0im.s wrist ti"$ing "lose to my ear. #he little normal sounds o! every day. (nd !or no reason the stupid proverb o! my s"hooldays ran through my mind .#ime and #ide wait !or no man.. #he words repeated themselves over and over again. .#ime and #ide wait !or no man.. #hese were the only sounds then the ti"$ing o! Ma0im.s wat"h and /asper li"$ing his !oot on the !loor beside me. 1hen people su!!er a great sho"$ li$e death or the loss o! a limb I believe they don.t !eel it +ust at !irst. I! your hand is ta$en !rom you you don.t $now !or a !ew minutes that your hand is gone. <ou go on !eeling the !ingers. <ou stret"h and beat them on the air one by one and all the time there is nothing there no hand no !ingers. I $nelt there by Ma0im.s side my body against his body my hands upon his shoulders and I was aware o! no !eeling at all no pain and no !ear there was no horror in my heart. I thought how I must ta$e the thorn out o! /asper.s !oot and I wondered i! 6obert would "ome in and "lear the tea things. It seemed strange to me that I should thin$ o! these things /asper.s !oot Ma0im.s wat"h 6obert and the tea things. I was sho"$ed at my la"$ o! emotion and this *ueer "old absen"e o! distress. Little by little the !eeling will "ome ba"$ to me I said to mysel! little by little I shall understand. 1hat he has told me and all that has happened will tumble into pla"e li$e pie"es o! a +ig%saw pu))le. #hey will !it themselves into a pattern. (t the moment I am nothing I have no heart and no mind and no senses I am +ust a wooden thing in Ma0im.s arms. #hen he began to $iss me. 2e had not $issed me li$e this be!ore. I put my hands behind his head and shut my eyes. .I love you so mu"h . he whispered. .,o mu"h.. #his is what I have wanted him to say every day and every night I thought and now he is saying it at last. #his is what I imagined in Monte 7arlo in Italy here in Manderley. 2e is saying it now. I opened my eyes and loo$ed at a little pat"h o! "urtain above his head. 2e went on $issing me hungry desperate murmuring my name. I $ept on loo$ing at the pat"h o! "urtain and saw where the sun had !aded it ma$ing it lighter than the pie"e above. .2ow

"alm I am . I thought. .2ow "ool. 2ere I am loo$ing at the pie"e o! "urtain and Ma0im is $issing me. For the !irst time he is telling me he loves me.. #hen he stopped suddenly he pushed me away !rom him and got up !rom the window%seat. .<ou see I was right . he said. .It.s too late. <ou don.t love me now. 1hy should you;. 2e went and stood over by the mantelpie"e. .1e.ll !orget that . he said .it won.t happen again.. 6eali)ation !looded me at on"e and my heart +umped in *ui"$ and sudden pani". .It.s not too late . I said swi!tly getting up !rom the !loor and going to him putting my arms about him' .you.re not to say that you don.t understand. I love you more than anything in the world. But when you $issed me +ust now I !elt stunned and sha$en. I "ould not !eel anything. I "ould not grasp anything. It was +ust as though I had no more !eeling le!t in me at all.. .<ou don.t love me . he said .that.s why you did not !eel anything. I $now. I understand. It.s "ome too late !or you hasn.t it;. .&o . I said. =#his ought to have happened !our months ago . he said. .I should have $nown. 1omen are not li$e men.. .I want you to $iss me again = I said' .please Ma0im.. .&o . he said .it.s no use now.. .1e "an.t lose ea"h other now . I said. .1e.ve got to be together always with no se"rets no shadows. 8lease darling please.. =#here.s no time . he said. .1e may only have a !ew hours a !ew days. 2ow "an we be together now that this has happened; I.ve told you they.ve !ound the boat. #hey.ve !ound 6ebe""a.. I stared at him stupidly not understanding. .1hat will they do;. I said. =#hey.ll identi!y her body . he said .there.s everything to tell them there in the "abin. #he "lothes she had the shoes the rings on her !ingers. #hey.ll identi!y her body' and then they will remember the other one the woman buried up there in the "rypt.. .1hat are you going to do;. I whispered. .I don.t $now . he said. .I don.t $now.. #he !eeling was "oming ba"$ to me little by little as I $new it would. My hands were "old no longer. #hey were "lammy warm. I !elt a wave o! "olour "ome into my !a"e my throat. My "hee$s were burning hot. I thought o! 7aptain ,earle the diver the Lloyd.s agent all those men on the stranded ship leaning against the side staring down into the water. I thought o! the shop$eepers in Aerrith o! errand boys whistling in the street o! the vi"ar wal$ing out o! "hur"h o! Lady 7rowan "utting roses in her garden o! the woman in the pin$ dress and her little boy on the "li!!s. ,oon they would

$now. In a !ew hours. By brea$!ast time tomorrow. .#hey.ve !ound Mrs de 1inter.s boat and they say there is a body in the "abin.. ( body in the "abin. 6ebe""a was lying there on the "abin !loor. ,he was not in the "rypt at all. ,ome other woman was lying in the "rypt. Ma0im had $illed 6ebe""a. 6ebe""a had not been drowned at all. Ma0im had $illed her. 2e had shot her in the "ottage in the woods. 2e had "arried her body to the boat and sun$ the boat there in the bay. #hat grey silent "ottage with the rain pattering on the roo!. #he +ig%saw pie"es "ame tumbling thi"$ and !ast upon me. 9is+ointed pi"tures !lashed one by one through my bewildered mind. Ma0im sitting in the "ar beside me in the south o! Fran"e. .,omething happened nearly a year ago that altered my whole li!e. I had to begin living all over again.... Ma0im.s silen"e Ma0im.s moods. #he way he never tal$ed about 6ebe""a. #he way he never mentioned her name. Ma0im.s disli$e o! the "ove the stone "ottage. .I! you had my memories you would not go there either.. #he way he "limbed the path through the woods not loo$ing behind him. Ma0im pa"ing up and down the library a!ter 6ebe""a died. >p and down. >p and down. .I "ame away in rather a hurry . he said to Mrs 3an 2opper a line thin as gossamer between his brows. .#hey say he "an.t get over his wi!e.s death.. #he !an"y dress dan"e last night and I "oming down to the head o! the stairs in 6ebe""a.s dress. .I $illed 6ebe""a . Ma0im had said. .I shot 6ebe""a in the "ottage in the woods.. (nd the diver had !ound her lying there on the "abin !loor... .1hat are we going to do;. I said. .1hat are we going to say;. Ma0im did not answer. 2e stood there by the mantelpie"e his eyes wide and staring loo$ing in !ront o! him not seeing anything. .9oes anyone $now;. I said .anyone at all;. 2e shoo$ his head. .&o . he said. .&o one but you and me;. I as$ed. .&o one but you and me . he said. .Fran$ . I said suddenly .are you sure Fran$ does not $now;. .2ow "ould he;. said Ma0im. =#here was nobody there but mysel!. It was dar$.... 2e stopped. 2e sat down on a "hair he put his hand up to his !orehead. I went and $nelt beside him. 2e sat very still a moment. I too$ his hands away !rom his !a"e and loo$ed into his eyes. .I love you . I whispered .I love you. 1ill you believe me now;. 2e $issed my !a"e and my hands. 2e held my hands very tightly li$e a "hild who would gain "on!iden"e. .I thought I should go mad . he said .sitting here day a!ter day waiting !or something to happen. ,itting down at the des$ there answering those terrible letters o! sympathy. #he noti"es in the papers the interviews all the little a!termath o! death. 5ating and drin$ing trying to be normal trying to be sane. Frith the servants Mrs 9anvers. Mrs 9anvers who I had not the "ourage to turn away be"ause with her $nowledge o! 6ebe""a she

might have suspe"ted she might have guessed... Fran$ always by my side dis"reet sympatheti". =1hy don.t you get away;= he used to say =I "an manage here. <ou ought to get away.= (nd Giles and Bee poor dear ta"tless Bee. =<ou.re loo$ing !right!ully ill "an.t you go and see a do"tor;= I had to !a"e them all these people $nowing every word I uttered was a lie.. I went on holding his hands very tight. I leant "lose to him *uite "lose. .I nearly told you on"e . he said .that day /asper ran to the "ove and you went to the "ottage !or some string. 1e were sitting here li$e this and then Frith and 6obert "ame in with the tea.. .<es . I said. .I remember. 1hy didn.t you tell me; #he time we.ve wasted when we might have been together. (ll these wee$s and days.. .<ou were so aloo! . he said .always wandering into the garden with /asper going o!! on your own. <ou never "ame to me li$e this.. .1hy didn.t you tell me;. I whispered. .1hy didn.t you tell me;. # thought you were unhappy bored . he said. .I.m so mu"h older than you. <ou seemed to have more to say to Fran$ than you ever had to me. <ou were !unny with me aw$ward shy.. .2ow "ould I "ome to you when I $new you were thin$ing about 6ebe""a;. I said. .2ow "ould I as$ you to love me when I $new you loved 6ebe""a still;. 2e pulled me "lose to him and sear"hed my eyes. .1hat are you tal$ing about; 1hat do you mean;. he said. I $nelt up straight beside him. .1henever you tou"hed me I thought you were "omparing me to 6ebe""a . I said. .1henever you spo$e to me or loo$ed at me wal$ed with me in the garden sat down to dinner I !elt you were saying to yoursel! =#his I did with 6ebe""a and this and this.= . 2e stared at me bewildered as though he did not understand. .It was true wasn.t it;. I said. .-h my God . he said. 2e pushed me away he got up and began wal$ing up and down the room "lasping his hands. .1hat is it; 1hat.s the matter;. I said. 2e whipped round and loo$ed at me as I sat there huddled on the !loor. .<ou thought I loved 6ebe""a;. he said. .<ou thought I $illed her loving her; I hated her I tell you. -ur marriage was a !ar"e !rom the very !irst. ,he was vi"ious damnable rotten through and through. 1e never loved ea"h other never had one moment o! happiness together. 6ebe""a was in"apable o! love o! tenderness o! de"en"y. ,he was not even normal.. I sat on the !loor "lasping my $nees staring at him. .,he was "lever o! "ourse . he said. .9amnably "lever. &o one would guess meeting her that she was not the $indest most generous most gi!ted person in the world. ,he $new e0a"tly what to say to di!!erent people how to mat"h her mood to theirs. 2ad she met you she would have wal$ed o!! into the garden with you arm%in%arm "alling to /asper "hatting about !lowers musi" painting

whatever she $new to be your parti"ular hobby' and you would have been ta$en in li$e the rest. <ou would have sat at her !eet and worshipped her.. >p and down he wal$ed up and down a"ross the library !loor. .1hen I married her I was told I was the lu"$iest man in the world . he said. .,he was so lovely so a""omplished so amusing. 5ven Gran the most di!!i"ult person to please in those days adored her !rom the !irst. =,he.s got the three things that matter in a wi!e = she told me: =breeding brains and beauty.= (nd I believed her or !or"ed mysel! to believe her. But all the time I had a seed o! doubt at the ba"$ o! my mind. #here was something about her eyes...= #he +ig%saw pie"es "ame together pie"e by pie"e the real 6ebe""a too$ shape and !orm be!ore me stepping !rom her shadow world li$e a living !igure !rom a pi"ture !rame. 6ebe""a slashing at her horse' 6ebe""a sei)ing li!e with her two hands' 6ebe""a triumphant leaning down !rom the minstrels. gallery with a smile on her lips. -n"e more I saw mysel! standing on the bea"h beside poor startled Ben. .<ou.re $ind . he said .not li$e the other one. <ou won.t put me to the asylum will you;. #here was someone who wal$ed through the woods by night someone tall and slim. ,he gave you the !eeling o! a sna$e... Ma0im was tal$ing though. Ma0im was wal$ing up and down the library !loor. .I !ound her out at on"e . he was saying .!ive days a!ter we were married. <ou remember that time I drove you in the "ar to the hills above Monte 7arlo; I wanted to stand there again to remember. ,he sat there laughing her bla"$ hair blowing in the wind' she told me about hersel! told me things I shall never repeat to a living soul. I $new then what I had done what I had married. Beauty brains and breeding. -h my GodB. 2e bro$e o!! abruptly. 2e went and stood by the window loo$ing out upon the lawns. 2e began to laugh. 2e stood there laughing. I "ould not bear it it made me !rightened ill. I "ould not stand it. .Ma0imB. I "ried. .Ma0imB. 2e lit a "igarette and stood there smo$ing not saying anything. #hen he turned away again and pa"ed up and down the room on"e more. .I nearly $illed her then . he said. .It would have been so easy. -ne !alse step one slip. <ou remember the pre"ipi"e. I !rightened you didn.t I; <ou thought I was mad. 8erhaps I was. 8erhaps I am. It doesn.t ma$e !or sanity does it living with the devil.. I sat there wat"hing him up and down up and down. .,he made a bargain with me up there on the side o! the pre"ipi"e . he said.. =I.ll run your house !or you = she told me =I.ll loo$ a!ter your pre"ious Manderley !or you ma$e it the most !amous show%pla"e in all the "ountry i!

you li$e. (nd people will visit us and envy us and tal$ about us' they.ll say we are the lu"$iest happiest handsomest "ouple in all 5ngland. 1hat a leg% pull Ma0B= she said =what a God%damn triumphB= ,he sat there on the hillside laughing tearing a !lower to bits in her hands.. Ma0im threw his "igarette away a *uarter smo$ed into the empty grate. .I did not $ill her . he said. .I wat"hed her I said nothing I let her laugh. 1e got into the "ar together and drove away. (nd she $new I would do as she suggested: "ome here to Manderley throw the pla"e open entertain have our marriage spo$en o! as the su""ess o! the "entury. ,he $new I would sa"ri!i"e pride honour personal !eelings every damned *uality on earth rather than stand be!ore our little world a!ter a wee$ o! marriage and have them $now the things about her that she had told me then. ,he $new I would never stand in a divor"e "ourt and give her away have !ingers pointing at us mud !lung at us in the newspapers all the people who belong down here whispering when my name was mentioned all the trippers !rom Aerrith trooping to the lodge gates peering into the grounds and saying =#hat.s where he lives in there. #hat.s Manderley. #hat.s the pla"e that belongs to the "hap who had that divor"e "ase we read about. 9o you remember what the +udge said about his wi!e...;= . 2e "ame and stood be!ore me. 2e held out his hands. .<ou despise me don.t you;. he said. .<ou "an.t understand my shame and loathing and disgust;. I did not say anything. I held his hands against my heart. I did not "are about his shame. &one o! the things that he had told me mattered to me at all. I "lung to one thing only and repeated it to mysel! over and over again. Ma0im did not love 6ebe""a. 2e had never loved her never never. #hey had never $nown one moment.s happiness together. Ma0im was tal$ing and I listened to him but his words meant nothing to me. I did not really "are. .I thought about Manderley too mu"h . he said. .I put Manderley !irst be!ore anything else. (nd it does not prosper that sort o! love. #hey don.t prea"h about it in the "hur"hes. 7hrist said nothing about stones and bri"$s and walls the love that a man "an bear !or his plot o! earth his soil his little $ingdom. It does not "ome into the 7hristian "reed.. .My darling . I said .my Ma0im my love.. I laid his hands against my !a"e I put my lips against them. .9o you understand;. he said .do you do you;. .<es . I said .my sweet my love.. But I loo$ed away !rom him so he should not see my !a"e. 1hat did it matter whether I understood him or not;

My heart was light li$e a !eather !loating in the air. 2e had never loved 6ebe""a. .I don.t want to loo$ ba"$ on those years . he said slowly. .I don.t want even to tell you about them. #he shame and the degradation. #he lie we lived she and I. #he shabby sordid !ar"e we played together. Be!ore !riends be!ore relations even be!ore the servants be!ore !aith!ul trusting "reatures li$e old Frith. #hey all believed in her down here they all admired her they never $new how she laughed at them behind their ba"$s +eered at them mimi"$ed them. I "an remember days when the pla"e was !ull !or some show or other a garden party a pageant and she wal$ed about with a smile li$e an angel on her !a"e her arm through mine giving pri)es a!terwards to a little troop o! "hildren' and then the day a!terwards she would be up at dawn driving to London strea$ing to that !lat o! hers by the river li$e an animal to its hole in the dit"h "oming ba"$ here at the end o! the wee$ a!ter !ive unspea$able days. -h I $ept to my side o! the bargain all right. I never gave her away. 2er blasted taste made Manderley the thing it is today. #he gardens the shrubs even the a)aleas in the 2appy 3alley' do you thin$ they e0isted when my !ather was alive; God the pla"e was a wilderness' lovely yes wild and lonely with a beauty o! its own yes but "rying out !or s$ill and "are and the money that he would never give to it that I would not have thought o! giving to it % but !or 6ebe""a. 2al! the stu!! you see here in the rooms was never here originally. #he drawing%room as it is today the morning%room % that.s all 6ebe""a. #hose "hairs that Frith points out so proudly to the visitors on the publi" day and that panel o! tapestry % 6ebe""a again. -h some o! the things were here admittedly stored away in ba"$ rooms % my !ather $new nothing about !urniture or pi"tures %but the ma+ority was bought by 6ebe""a. #he beauty o! Manderley that you see today the Manderley that people tal$ about and photograph and paint it.s all due to her to 6ebe""a.. I did not say anything. I held him "lose. I wanted him to go on tal$ing li$e this that his bitterness might loosen and "ome away "arrying with it all the pent%up hatred and disgust and mu"$ o! the lost years. .(nd so we lived . he said .month a!ter month year a!ter year. I a""epted everything % be"ause o! Manderley. 1hat she did in London did not tou"h me % be"ause it did not hurt Manderley. (nd she was "are!ul those !irst years' there was never a murmur about her never a whisper. #hen little by little she began to grow "areless. <ou $now how a man starts drin$ing; 2e goes easy at !irst +ust a little at a time a bad bout perhaps every !ive months or so. (nd then the period between grows less and less. ,oon it.s every month every !ortnight every !ew days. #here.s no margin o! sa!ety le!t and all his se"ret "unning goes. It was li$e that with 6ebe""a. ,he began to as$

her !riends down here. ,he would have one or two o! them and mi0 them up at a wee$end party so that at !irst I was not *uite sure not *uite "ertain. ,he would have pi"ni"s down at her "ottage in the "ove. I "ame ba"$ on"e having been away shooting in ,"otland and !ound her there with hal! a do)en o! them' people I had never seen be!ore. I warned her and she shrugged her shoulders. =1hat the hell.s it got to do with you;= she said. I told her she "ould see her !riends in London but Manderley was mine. ,he must sti"$ to that part o! the bargain. ,he smiled she did not say anything. #hen she started on Fran$ poor shy !aith!ul Fran$. 2e "ame to me one day and said he wanted to leave Manderley and ta$e another +ob. 1e argued !or two hours here in the library and then I understood. 2e bro$e down and told me. ,he never le!t him alone he said she was always going down to his house trying to get him to the "ottage. 9ear wret"hed Fran$ who had not understood who had always thought we were the normal happy married "ouple we pretended to be. .I a""used 6ebe""a o! this and she !lared up at on"e "ursing me using every !ilthy word in her parti"ular vo"abulary. 1e had a si"$ening loathsome s"ene. ,he went up to London a!ter that and stayed there !or a month. 1hen she "ame ba"$ again she was *uiet at !irst' I thought she had learnt her lesson. Bee and Giles "ame !or a wee$end and I realised then what I had sometimes suspe"ted be!ore that Bee did not li$e 6ebe""a. I believe in her !unny abrupt downright way she saw through her guessed something was wrong. It was a tri"$y nervy sort o! wee$end. Giles went out sailing with 6ebe""a Bee and I la)ed on the lawn. (nd when they "ame ba"$ I "ould tell by Giles.s rather hearty +ovial manner and by a loo$ in 6ebe""a.s eye that she had started on him as she had done on Fran$. I saw Bee wat"hing Giles at dinner who laughed louder than usual tal$ed a little too mu"h. (nd all the while 6ebe""a sitting there at the head o! the table loo$ing li$e an angel.. #hey were all !itting into pla"e the +ig%saw pie"es. #he odd strained shapes that I had tried to pie"e together with my !umbling !ingers and they had never !itted. Fran$.s odd manner when I spo$e about 6ebe""a. Beatri"e and her rather di!!ident negative attitude. #he silen"e that I had always ta$en !or sympathy and regret was a silen"e born o! shame and embarrassment. It seemed in"redible to me now that I had never understood. I wondered how many people there were in the world who su!!ered and "ontinued to su!!er be"ause they "ould not brea$ out !rom their own web o! shyness and reserve and in their blindness and !olly built up a great distorted wall in !ront o! them that hid the truth. #his was what I had done. I had built up !alse pi"tures in my mind and sat be!ore them. I had never had the "ourage to

demand the truth. 2ad I made one step !orward out o! my own shyness Ma0im would have told me these things !our months !ive months ago. =#hat was the last wee$end Bee and Giles ever spent at Manderley . said Ma0im. .I never as$ed them alone again. #hey "ame o!!i"ially to garden parties and dan"es. Bee never said a word to me or I to her. But I thin$ she guessed my li!e I thin$ she $new. 5ven as Fran$ did. 6ebe""a grew "unning again. 2er behaviour was !aultless outwardly. But i! I happened to be away when she was here at Manderley I "ould never be "ertain what might happen. #here had been Fran$ and Giles. ,he might get hold o! one o! the wor$men on the estate someone !rom Aerrith anyone... (nd then the bomb would have to !all. #he gossip the publi"ity I dreaded.. It seemed to me I stood again by the "ottage in the woods and I heard the drip%drip o! the rain upon the roo!. I saw the dust on the model ships the rat holes on the divan. I saw Ben with his poor staring idiot.s eyes. .<ou.ll not put me to the asylum will you;. (nd I thought o! the dar$ steep path through the woods and how i! a woman stood there behind the trees her evening dress would rustle in the thin night bree)e. .,he had a "ousin . said Ma0im slowly .a !ellow who had been abroad and was living in 5ngland again. 2e too$ to "oming here i! ever I was away. Fran$ used to see him. ( !ellow "alled /a"$ Favell.. .I $now him . I said' .he "ame here the day you went to London.. .<ou saw him too;. said Ma0im. .1hy didn.t you tell me; I heard it !rom Fran$ who saw his "ar turn in at the lodge gates.. .I did not li$e to . I said .I thought it would remind you o! 6ebe""a.. .6emind me;. whispered Ma0im. .-h God as i! I needed reminding.. 2e stared in !ront o! him brea$ing o!! !rom his story and I wondered i! he was thin$ing as I was o! that !looded "abin beneath the waters in the bay. .,he used to have this !ellow Favell down to the "ottage . said Ma0im .she would tell the servants she was going to sail and would not be ba"$ be!ore the morning. #hen she would spend the night down there with him. -n"e again I warned her. I said i! I !ound him here anywhere on the estate I.d shoot him. 2e had a bla"$ !ilthy re"ord... #he very thought o! him wal$ing about the woods in Manderley in pla"es li$e the 2appy 3alley made me mad. I told her I would not stand !or it. ,he shrugged her shoulders. ,he !orgot to blaspheme. (nd I noti"ed she was loo$ing paler than usual nervy rather haggard. I wondered then what the hell would happen to her when she began to loo$ old !eel old. #hings dri!ted on. &othing very mu"h happened. #hen one day she went up to London and "ame ba"$ again the same day whi"h she did not do as a rule. I did not

e0pe"t her. I dined that night with Fran$ at his house we had a lot o! wor$ on at the time.. 2e was spea$ing now in short +er$y senten"es. I had his hands very tightly between my two hands. .I "ame ba"$ a!ter dinner about hal! past ten and I saw her s"ar! and gloves lying on a "hair in the hall. I wondered what the devil she had "ome ba"$ !or. I went into the morning%room but she was not there. I guessed she had gone o!! there then down to the "ove. (nd I $new then I "ould not stand this li!e o! lies and !ilth and de"eit any longer. #he thing had got to be settled one way or the other. I thought I.d ta$e a gun and !righten the !ellow !righten them both. I went down right away to the "ottage. #he servants never $new I had "ome ba"$ to the house at all. I slipped out into the garden and through the woods. I saw the light in the "ottage window and I went straight in. #o my surprise 6ebe""a was alone. ,he was lying on the divan with an ashtray !ull o! "igarette stubs beside her. ,he loo$ed ill *ueer. .I began at on"e about Favell and she listened to me without a word. =1e.ve lived this li!e o! degradation long enough you and I = I said. =#his is the end do you understand; 1hat you do in London does not "on"ern me. <ou "an live with Favell there or with anyone you li$e. But not here. &ot at Manderley.= .,he said nothing !or a moment. ,he stared at me and then she smiled. =,uppose it suits me better to live here what then;= she said. . =<ou $now the "onditions = I said. =I.ve $ept my part o! our dirty damnable bargain haven.t I; But you.ve "heated. <ou thin$ you "an treat my house and my home li$e your own sin$ in London. I.ve stood enough but my God 6ebe""a this is your last "han"e.= .I remember she s*uashed out her "igarette in the tub by the divan and then she got up and stret"hed hersel! her arms above her head. . =<ou.re right Ma0 = she said. =It.s time I turned over a new lea!.= .,he loo$ed very pale very thin. ,he began wal$ing up and down the room her hands in the po"$ets o! her trousers. ,he loo$ed li$e a boy in her sailing $it a boy with a !a"e li$e a Botti"elli angel. . =2ave you ever thought= she said =how damned hard it would be !or you to ma$e a "ase against me; In a "ourt o! law I mean. I! you wanted to divor"e me. 9o you realise that you.ve never had one shred o! proo! against me !rom the very !irst; (ll your !riends even the servants believe our marriage to be a su""ess.= . =1hat about Fran$;= I said. =1hat about Beatri"e;= .,he threw ba"$ her head and laughed. =1hat sort o! a story "ould Fran$ tell against mine;= she said. =9on.t you $now me well enough !or that; (s !or Beatri"e wouldn.t it be the easiest thing in the world !or her to

stand in a witness%bo0 as the ordinary +ealous woman whose husband on"e lost his head and made a !ool o! himsel!; -h no Ma0 you.d have a hell o! a time trying to prove anything against me.= .,he stood wat"hing me ro"$ing on her heels her hands in her po"$ets and a smile on her !a"e. =9o you realise that I "ould get 9anny as my personal maid to swear anything I as$ed her to swear in a "ourt o! law; (nd that the rest o! the servants in blind ignoran"e would !ollow her e0ample and swear too; #hey thin$ we live together at Manderley as husband and wi!e don.t they; (nd so does everyone your !riends all our little world. 1ell how are you going to prove that we don.t;= .,he sat down on the edge o! the table swinging her legs wat"hing me. . =2aven.t we a"ted the parts o! a loving husband and wi!e rather too well;. . she said. I remember wat"hing that !oot o! hers in its striped sandal swinging ba"$wards and !orwards and my eyes and brain began to burn in a strange *ui"$ way. . =1e "ould ma$e you loo$ very !oolish 9anny and I = she said so!tly. =1e "ould ma$e you loo$ so !oolish that no one would believe you Ma0 nobody at all.= ,till that !oot o! hers swinging to and !ro that damned !oot in its blue and white striped sandal. .,uddenly she slipped o!! the table and stood in !ront o! me smiling still her hands in her po"$ets. . =I! I had a "hild Ma0 = she said =neither you nor anyone in the world would ever prove that it was not yours. It would grow up here in Manderley bearing your name. #here would be nothing you "ould do. (nd when you died Manderley would be his. <ou "ould not prevent it. #he property. s entailed. <ou would li$e an heir wouldn.t you !or your beloved Manderley; <ou would en+oy it wouldn.t you seeing my son lying in his pram under the "hestnut tree playing leap%!rog on the lawn "at"hing butter!lies in the 2appy 3alley; It would give you the biggest thrill o! your li!e wouldn.t it Ma0 to wat"h my son grow bigger day by day and to $now that when you died all this would be his;= .,he waited a minute ro"$ing on her heels and then she lit a "igarette and went and stood by the window. ,he began to laugh. ,he went on laughing. I thought she would never stop. =God how !unny = she said =how supremely wonder!ully !unnyB 1ell you heard me say I was going to turn over a new lea! didn.t you; &ow you $now the reason. #hey.ll be happy won.t they all these smug lo"als all your blasted tenants; .It.s what we.ve

always hoped !or Mrs de 1inter G they will say. I.ll be the per!e"t mother Ma0 li$e I.ve been the per!e"t wi!e. (nd none o! them will ever guess none o! them will ever $now.= .,he turned round and !a"ed me smiling one hand in her po"$et the other holding her "igarette. 1hen I $illed her she was smiling still. I !ired at her heart. #he bullet passed right through. ,he did not !all at on"e. ,he stood there loo$ing at me that slow smile on her !a"e her eyes wide open.... Ma0im.s voi"e had sun$ low so low that it was li$e a whisper. #he hand that I held between my own was "old. I did not loo$ at him. I wat"hed /asper.s sleeping body on the "arpet beside me the little thump o! his tail now and then upon the !loor. .I.d !orgotten . said Ma0im and his voi"e was slow now tired without e0pression .that when you shot a person there was so mu"h blood.. #here was a hole there on the "arpet beneath /asper.s tail. #he burnt hole !rom a "igarette. I wondered how long it had been there. ,ome people said ash was good !or the "arpets. .I had to get water !rom the "ove . said Ma0im. .I had to $eep going ba"$wards and !orwards to the "ove !or water. 5ven by the !irepla"e where she had not been there was a stain. It was all round where she lay on the !loor. It began to blow too. #here was no "at"h on the window. #he window $ept banging ba"$wards and !orwards while I $nelt there on the !loor with that dish"loth and the bu"$et beside me.. (nd the rain on the roo! I thought he does not remember the rain on the roo!. It pattered thin and light and very !ast. .I "arried her out to the boat . he said' .it must have been hal! past eleven by then nearly twelve. It was *uite dar$. #here was no moon. #he wind was s*ually !rom the west. I "arried her down to the "abin and le!t her there. #hen I had to get under way with the dinghy astern and beat out o! the little harbour against the tide. #he wind was with me but it "ame in pu!!s and I was in the lee there under "over o! the headland. I remember I got the mainsail +ammed hal!%way up the mast. I had not done it you see !or a long time. I never went out with 6ebe""a. .(nd I thought o! the tide how swi!t it ran and strong into the little "ove. #he wind blew down !rom the headland li$e a !unnel. I got the boat out into the bay. I got her out there beyond the bea"on and I tried to go about to "lear the ridge o! ro"$s. #he little +ib !luttered. I "ould not sheet it in. ( pu!! o! wind "ame and the sheet tore out o! my hands went twisting round the mast. #he sail thundered and shoo$. It "ra"$ed li$e a whip above my head. I "ould not remember what one had to do. I "ould not remember. I tried to rea"h that sheet and it blew above me in the air. (nother blast o!

wind "ame straight ahead. 1e began to dri!t sideways "loser to the ridge. It was dar$ so damned dar$ I "ouldn.t see anything on the bla"$ slippery de"$. ,omehow I blundered down into the "abin. I had a spi$e with me. I! I didn.t do it now it would be too late. 1e were getting so near to the ridge and in si0 or seven minutes dri!ting li$e this we should be out o! deep water. I opened the sea"o"$s. #he water began to "ome in. I drove the spi$e into the bottom boards. -ne o! the plan$s split right a"ross. I too$ the spi$e out and began to drive in another plan$. #he water "ame up over my !eet. I le!t 6ebe""a lying on the !loor. I !astened both the s"uttles. I bolted the door. 1hen I "ame up on de"$ I saw we were within twenty yards o! the ridge. I threw some o! the loose stu!! on the de"$ into the water. #here was a li!ebuoy a pair o! sweeps a "oil o! rope. I "limbed into the dinghy. I pulled away and lay ba"$ on the paddles and wat"hed. #he boat was dri!ting still. ,he was sin$ing too. ,in$ing by the head. #he +ib was still sha$ing and "ra"$ing li$e a whip. I thought someone must hear it someone wal$ing the "li!!s late at night some !isherman !rom Aerrith away beyond me in the bay whose boat I "ould not see. #he boat was smaller li$e a bla"$ shadow on the water. #he mast began to shiver began to "ra"$. ,uddenly she heeled right over and as she went the mast bro$e in two split right down the "entre. #he li!ebuoy and the sweeps !loated away !rom me on the water. #he boat was not there any more. I remember staring at the pla"e where she had been. #hen I pulled ba"$ to the "ove. It started raining.. Ma0im waited. 2e stared in !ront o! him still. #hen he loo$ed at me sitting beside him on the !loor. .#hat.s all . he said .there.s no more to tell. I le!t the dinghy on the buoy as she would have done. I went ba"$ and loo$ed at the "ottage. #he !loor was wet with the salt water. ,he might have done it hersel!. I wal$ed up the path through the woods. I went into the house. >p the stairs to the dressing%room. I remember undressing. It began to blow and rain very hard. I was sitting there on the bed when Mrs 9anvers $no"$ed on the door. I went and opened it in my dressing%gown and spo$e to her. ,he was worried about 6ebe""a. I told her to go ba"$ to bed. I shut the door again. I went ba"$ and sat by the window in my dressing%gown wat"hing the rain listening to the sea as it bro$e there in the "ove.. 1e sat there together without saying anything. I went on holding his "old hands. I wondered why 6obert did not "ome to "lear the tea. .,he san$ too "lose in . said Ma0im. .I meant to ta$e her right out in the bay. #hey would never have !ound her there. ,he was too "lose in.. .It was the ship . I said' .it would not have happened but !or the ship. &o one would have $nown..

.,he was too "lose in . said Ma0im. 1e were silent again. I began to !eel very tired. .I $new it would happen one day . said Ma0im .even when I went up to 5dge"oombe and identi!ied that body as hers. I $new it meant nothing nothing at all. It was only a *uestion o! waiting o! mar$ing time. 6ebe""a would win in the end. Finding you has not made any di!!eren"e has it; Loving you does not alter things at all. 6ebe""a $new she would win in the end. I saw her smile when she died.. .6ebe""a is dead . I said. .#hat.s what we.ve got to remember. 6ebe""a is dead. ,he "an.t spea$ she "an.t bear witness. ,he "an.t harm you any more.. .#here.s her body . he said .the diver has seen it. It.s lying there on the "abin !loor.. .1e.ve got to e0plain it . I said. .1e.ve got to thin$ out a way to e0plain it. It.s got to be the body o! someone you don.t $now. ,omeone you.ve never seen be!ore.. .2er things will be there still . he said. .#he rings on her !ingers. 5ven i! her "lothes have rotted in the water there will be something there to tell them. It.s not li$e a body lost at sea battered against ro"$s. #he "abin is untou"hed. ,he must be lying there on the !loor as I le!t her. #he boat has been there all these months. &o one has moved anything. #here is the boat lying on the sea%bed where she san$.. .( body rots in water doesn.t it;. I whispered' .even i! it.s lying there undisturbed the water rots it doesn.t it;. .I don.t $now . he said. .I don.t $now.. .2ow will you !ind out; how will you $now;. I said. .#he diver is going down again at !ive%thirty tomorrow morning . said Ma0im. .,earle has made all the arrangements. #hey are going to try to raise the boat. &o one will be about. I.m going with them. 2e.s sending his boat to pi"$ me up in the "ove. Five%thirty tomorrow morning.. .(nd then;. I said .i! they get it up what then;. .,earle.s going to have his big lighter an"hored there +ust out in the deep water. I! the boat.s wood has not rotted i! it still holds together his "rane will be able to li!t it on to the lighter. #hey.ll go ba"$ to Aerrith then. ,earle says he will moor the lighter at the head o! that disused "ree$ hal!% way up Aerrith harbour. It drives out very easily. It.s mud there at low water and the trippers "an.t row up there. 1e shall have the pla"e to ourselves. 2e says we.ll have to let the water drain out o! the boat leaving the "abin bare. 2e.s going to get hold o! a do"tor.. =1hat will he do;. I said. .1hat will the do"tor do;.

.I don.t $now . he said. .I! they !ind out it.s 6ebe""a you must say the other body was a mista$e . I said. .<ou must say that the body in the "rypt was a mista$e a ghastly mista$e. <ou must say that when you went to 5dge"oombe you were ill you did not $now what you were doing. <ou were not sure even then. <ou "ould not tell. It was a mista$e +ust a mista$e. <ou will say that won.t you;. .<es . he said. .<es.. .#hey "an.t prove anything against you . I said. .&obody saw you that night. <ou had gone to bed. #hey "an.t prove anything. &o one $nows but you and I. &o one at all. &ot even Fran$. 1e are the only two people in the world to $now Ma0im. <ou and I.. .<es . he said. .<es.. .#hey will thin$ the boat "apsi)ed and san$ when she was in the "abin . I said' .they will thin$ she went below !or a rope !or something and while she was there the wind "ame !rom the headland and the boat heeled over and 6ebe""a was trapped. #hey.ll thin$ that won.t they;. .I don.t $now . he said. .I don.t $now.. ,uddenly the telephone began ringing in the little room behind the library.

Chapter twenty-one

Ma0im went into the little room and shut the door. 6obert "ame in a !ew minutes a!terwards to "lear away the tea. I stood up my ba"$ turned to him so that he should not see my !a"e. I wondered when they would begin to $now on the estate in the servants. hall in Aerrith itsel!. I wondered how long it too$ !or news to tri"$le through. I "ould hear the murmur o! Ma0im.s voi"e in the little room beyond. I had a si"$ e0pe"tant !eeling at the pit o! my stoma"h. #he sound o! the telephone ringing seemed to have wo$en every nerve in my body. I had sat there on the !loor beside Ma0im in a sort o! dream his hand in mine my !a"e against his shoulder. I had listened to his story and part o! me went with him li$e a shadow in his tra"$s. I too had $illed 6ebe""a I too had sun$ the boat there in the bay. I had listened beside him to the wind and water. I had waited !or Mrs 9anvers. $no"$ing on the door. (ll this I had su!!ered with him all this and more beside. But the rest o! me sat there on the "arpet unmoved and deta"hed thin$ing and "aring !or one thing only repeating a phrase over and over again .2e did not love 6ebe""a he did not love 6ebe""a.. &ow at the ringing o! the telephone these two selves merged and be"ame one again. I was the sel! that I had always been I was not "hanged. But something new had "ome upon me that had not been be!ore. My heart !or all its an0iety and doubt was light and !ree. I $new then that I was no longer a!raid o! 6ebe""a. I did not hate her any more. &ow that I $new her to have been evil and vi"ious and rotten I did not hate her any more. ,he "ould not hurt me. I "ould go to the morning%room and sit down at her des$ and tou"h her pen and loo$ at her writing on the pigeon%holes and I should not mind. I "ould go to her room in the west wing stand by the window even as I had done this morning and I should not be a!raid. 6ebe""a.s power had dissolved into the air li$e the mist had done. ,he would never haunt me again. ,he would never stand behind me on the stairs sit beside me in the dining%room lean down !rom the gallery and wat"h me standing in the hall. Ma0im had never loved her. I did not hate her any more. 2er body had "ome ba"$ her boat had been !ound with its *ueer propheti" name /e 6eviens but I was !ree o! her !or ever. I was !ree now to be with Ma0im to tou"h him and hold him and love him. I would never be a "hild again. It would not be I I I any longer' it

would be we it would be us. 1e would be together. 1e would !a"e this trouble together he and I. 7aptain ,earle and the diver and Fran$ and Mrs 9anvers and Beatri"e and the men and women o! Aerrith reading their newspapers "ould not brea$ us now. -ur happiness had not "ome too late. I was not young any more. I was not shy. I was not a!raid. I would !ight !or Ma0im. I would lie and per+ure and swear I would blaspheme and pray. 6ebe""a had not won. 6ebe""a had lost. 6obert had ta$en away the tea and Ma0im "ame ba"$ into the room. .It was 7olonel /ulyan . he said' .he.s +ust been tal$ing to ,earle. 2e.s "oming out with us to the boat tomorrow. ,earle has told him.. .1hy 7olonel /ulyan why;. I said. .2e.s the magistrate !or Aerrith. 2e has to be present.. .1hat did he say;. .2e as$ed me i! I had any idea whose body it "ould be.. .1hat did you say;. .I said I did not $now. I said we believed 6ebe""a to be alone. I said I did not $now o! any !riend.. .9id he say anything a!ter that;. .<es.. .1hat did he say;. .2e as$ed me i! I thought it possible that I made a mista$e when I went up to 5dge"oombe;. .2e said that; 2e said that already;. .<es.. .(nd you;. .I said it might be possible. I did not $now.. .2e.ll be with you then tomorrow when you loo$ at the boat; 2e and 7aptain ,earle and a do"tor.. .Inspe"tor 1el"h too.. .Inspe"tor 1el"h;. .<es.. .1hy; 1hy Inspe"tor 1el"h;. .It.s the "ustom when a body has been !ound.. I did not say anything. 1e stared at one another. I !elt the little pain "ome again at the pit o! my stoma"h. .#hey may not be able to raise the boat . I said. .&o . he said. .#hey "ouldn.t do anything then about the body "ould they;. I said. .I don.t $now . he said.

2e glan"ed out o! the window. #he s$y was white and over"ast as it had been when I "ame away !rom the "li!!s. #here was no wind though. It was still and *uiet. .I thought it might blow !rom the south%west about an hour ago but the wind has died away again . he said. .<es . I said. .It will be a !lat "alm tomorrow !or the diver . he said. #he telephone began ringing again !rom the little room. #here was something si"$ening about the shrill urgent summons o! the bell. Ma0im and I loo$ed at one another. #hen he went into the room to answer it shutting the door behind him as he had done be!ore. #he *ueer nagging pain had not le!t me yet. It returned again in greater !or"e with the ringing o! the bell. #he !eel o! it too$ me ba"$ a"ross the years to my "hildhood. #his was the pain I had $nown when I was very small and the maroons had sounded in the streets o! London and I had sat shivering not understanding under a little "upboard beneath the stairs. It was the same !eeling the same pain. Ma0im "ame ba"$ into the library. .It.s begun . he said slowly. .1hat do you mean; 1hat.s happened;. I said grown suddenly "old. .It was a reporter . he said .the !ellow !rom the 7ounty 7hroni"le. 1as it true he said that the boat belonging to the late Mrs de 1inter had been !ound.. .1hat did you say;. .I said <es a boat had been !ound but that was all we $now. It might not be her boat at all.. .1as that all he said;. .&o. 2e as$ed i! I "ould "on!irm the rumour that a body had been !ound in the "abin.. .&oB. .<es. ,omeone must have been tal$ing. &ot ,earle I $now that. #he diver one o! his !riends. <ou "an.t stop these people. #he whole story will be all over Aerrith by brea$!ast time tomorrow.. .1hat did you say about the body;. .I said I did not $now. I had no statement to ma$e. (nd I should be obliged i! he did not ring me up again.. .<ou will irritate them. <ou will have them against you.. .I "an.t help that. I don.t ma$e statements to newspapers. I won.t have those !ellows ringing up and as$ing *uestions.. .1e might want them on our side . I said. .I! it "omes to !ighting I.ll !ight alone . he said. .I don.t want a newspaper behind me..

.#he reporter will ring up someone else . I said. .2e will get on to 7olonel /ulyan or 7aptain ,earle.. .2e won.t get mu"h "hange out o! them . said Ma0im. .I! only we "ould do something . I said .all these hours ahead o! us and we sit here idle waiting !or tomorrow morning.. .#here.s nothing we "an do . said Ma0im. 1e went on sitting in the library. Ma0im pi"$ed up a boo$ but I $now he did not read. &ow and again I saw him li!t his head and listen as though he heard the telephone again. But it did not ring again. &o one disturbed us. 1e dressed !or dinner as usual. It seemed in"redible to me that this time last night I had been putting on my white dress sitting be!ore the mirror at my dressing%table arranging the "urled wig. It was li$e an old !orgotten nightmare something remembered months a!terwards with doubt and disbelie!. 1e had dinner. Frith served us returned !rom his a!ternoon. 2is !a"e was solemn e0pressionless. I wondered i! he had been in Aerrith i! he had heard anything. (!ter dinner we went ba"$ again to the library. 1e did not tal$ mu"h. I sat on the !loor at Ma0im.s !eet my head against his $nees. 2e ran his !ingers through my hair. 9i!!erent !rom his old abstra"ted way. It was not li$e stro$ing /asper any more. I !elt his !inger tips on the s"alp o! my head. ,ometimes he $issed me. ,ometimes he said things to me. #here were no shadows between us any more and when we were silent it was be"ause the silen"e "ame to us o! our own as$ing. I wondered how it was I "ould be so happy when our little world about us was so bla"$. It was a strange sort o! happiness. &ot what I had dreamt about or e0pe"ted. It was not the sort o! happiness I had imagined in the lonely hours. #here was nothing !everish or urgent about this. It was a *uiet still happiness. #he library windows were open wide and when we did not tal$ or tou"h one another we loo$ed out at the dar$ dull s$y. It must have rained in the night !or when I wo$e the ne0t morning +ust a!ter seven and got up and loo$ed out o! the window I saw the roses in the garden below were !olded and drooping and the grass ban$s leading to the woods were wet and silver. #here was a little smell in the air o! mist and damp the smell that "omes with the !irst !all o! the lea!. I wondered i! autumn would "ome upon us two months be!ore her time. Ma0im had not wo$en me when he got up at !ive. 2e must have "rept !rom his bed and gone through the bathroom to his dressing%room without a sound. 2e would be down there now in the bay with 7olonel /ulyan and 7aptain ,earle and the men !rom the lighter. #he lighter would be there the "rane and the "hain and 6ebe""a.s boat "oming to the sur!a"e. I thought about it "almly "oolly

without !eeling. I pi"tured them all down there in the bay and the little dar$ hull o! the boat rising slowly to the sur!a"e sodden dripping the grass% green seaweed and shells "linging to her sides. 1hen they li!ted her on to the lighter the water would stream !rom her sides ba"$ into the sea again. #he wood o! the little boat would loo$ so!t and grey pulpy in pla"es. ,he would smell o! mud and rust and that dar$ weed that grows deep beneath the sea beside ro"$s that are never un"overed. 8erhaps the name%board still hung upon her stern. /e 6eviens. #he lettering green and !aded. #he nails rusted through. (nd 6ebe""a hersel! was there lying on the "abin !loor. I got up and had my bath and dressed and went down to brea$!ast at nine o."lo"$ as usual. #here were a lot o! letters on my plate. Letters !rom people than$ing us !or the dan"e. I s$immed through them I did not read them all. Frith wanted to $now whether to $eep the brea$!ast hot !or Ma0im. I told him I did not $now when he would be ba"$. 2e had to go out very early I said. Frith did not say anything. 2e loo$ed very solemn very grave. I wondered again i! he $new. (!ter brea$!ast I too$ my letters along to the morning%room. #he room smelt !usty the windows had not been opened. I !lung them wide letting in the "ool !resh air. #he !lowers on the mantelpie"e were drooping many o! them dead. #he petals lay on the !loor. I rang the bell and Maud the under%house%maid "ame into the room. .#his room has not been tou"hed this morning . I said .even the windows were shut. (nd the !lowers are dead. 1ill you please ta$e them away;. ,he loo$ed nervous and apologeti". .I.m very sorry Madam . she said. ,he went to the mantelpie"e and too$ the vases. .9on.t let it happen again . I said. .&o Madam . she said. ,he went out o! the room ta$ing the !lowers with her. I had not thought it would be so easy to be severe. I wondered why it had seemed hard !or me be!ore. #he menu !or the day lay on the writing% des$. 7old salmon and mayonnaise "utlets in aspi" galantine o! "hi"$en sou!!lE. I re"ognised them all !rom the bu!!et%supper o! the night o! the ball. 1e were evidently still living on the remains. #his must be the "old lun"h that was put out in the dining%room yesterday and I had not eaten. #he sta!! were ta$ing things easily it seemed. I put a pen"il through the list and rang !or 6obert. .#ell Mrs 9anvers to order something hot . I said. .I! there.s still a lot o! "old stu!! to !inish we don.t want it in the dining%room . .3ery good Madam . he said. I !ollowed him out o! the room and went to the little !lower%room !or my s"issors. #hen I went into the rose%garden and "ut some young buds. #he

"hill had worn away !rom the air. It was going to be as hot and airless as yesterday had been. I wondered i! they were still down in the bay or whether they had gone ba"$ to the "ree$ in Aerrith harbour. 8resently I should hear. 8resently Ma0im would "ome ba"$ and tell me. 1hatever happened I must be "alm and *uiet. 1hatever happened I must not be a!raid. I "ut my roses and too$ them ba"$ into the morning%room. #he "arpet had been dusted and the !allen petals removed. I began to arrange the !lowers in the vases that 6obert had !illed with water. 1hen I had nearly !inished there was a $no"$ on the door. .7ome in . I said. It was Mrs 9anvers. ,he had the menu list in her hand. ,he loo$ed pale and tired. #here were great rings round her eyes. .Good morning Mrs 9anvers . I said. .I don.t understand. she began .why you sent the menu out and the message by 6obert. 1hy did you do it;. I loo$ed a"ross at her a rose in my hand. =#hose "utlets and that salmon were sent in yesterday . I said. .I saw them on the side%board. I should pre!er something hot today. I! they won.t eat the "old in the $it"hen you had better throw the stu!! away. ,o mu"h waste goes on in this house anyway that a little more won.t ma$e any di!!eren"e.= ,he stared at me. ,he did not say anything. I put the rose in the vase with the others. .9on.t tell me you "an.t thin$ o! anything to give us Mrs 9anvers . I said. .<ou must have menus !or all o""asions in your room.. .I.m not used to having messages sent to me by 6obert.. she said. .I! Mrs de 1inter wanted anything "hanged she would ring me personally on the house telephone.. .I.m a!raid it does not "on"ern me very mu"h what Mrs de 1inter used to do . I said. .I am Mrs de 1inter now you $now (nd i! I "hoose to send a message by 6obert I shall do so.. /ust then 6obert "ame into the room. .#he 7ounty 7hroni"le on the telephone Madam . he said. .#ell the 7ounty 7hroni"le I.m not at home . I said. .<es Madam . he said. 2e went out o! the room. .1ell Mrs 9anvers is there anything else;. I said. ,he went on staring at me. ,till she did not say anything. .I! you have nothing else to say you had better go and tell the "oo$ about the hot lun"h . I said. .I.m rather busy.. .1hy did the 7ounty 7hroni"le want to spea$ to you;. she said.

.I haven.t the slightest idea Mrs 9anvers . I said. .Is it true . she said slowly .the story Frith brought ba"$ with him !rom Aerrith last night that Mrs de 1inter.s boat has been !ound;. .Is there su"h a story;. I said. .I.m a!raid I don.t $now anything about it.. .7aptain ,earle the Aerrith harbour%master "alled here yesterday didn.t he;. she said. .6obert told me 6obert showed him in. Frith says the story in Aerrith is that the diver who went down about the ship there in the bay !ound Mrs de 1inter.s boat.= .8erhaps so . I said. .<ou had better wait until Mr de 1inter himsel! "omes in and as$ him about it.. .1hy was Mr de 1inter up so early;. she as$ed. .#hat was Mr de 1inter.s business . I said. ,he went on staring at me. .Frith said the story goes that there was a body in the "abin o! the little boat . she said. .1hy should there be a body there; Mrs de 1inter always sailed alone.. .It.s no use as$ing me Mrs 9anvers . I said. .I don.t $now any more than you do.. .9on.t you;. she said slowly. ,he $ept on loo$ing at me. I turned away I put the vase ba"$ on the table by the window. .I will give the orders about the lun"h . she said. ,he waited a moment. I did not say anything. #hen she went out o! the room. ,he "an.t !righten me any more I thought. ,he has lost her power with 6ebe""a. 1hatever she said or did now it "ould not matter to me or hurt me. I $new she was my enemy and I did not mind. But i! she should learn the truth about the body in the boat and be"ome Ma0im.s enemy too % what then; I sat down in the "hair. I put the s"issors on die table. I did not !eel li$e doing any more roses. I $ept wondering what Ma0im was doing. I wondered why the reporter !rom the 7ounty 7hroni"le had rung us up again. #he old si"$ !eeling "ame ba"$ inside me. I went and leant out o! the window. It was very hot. #here was thunder in the air. #he gardeners began to mow the grass again. I "ould see one o! the men with his ma"hine wal$ ba"$wards and !orwards on the top o! the ban$. I "ould not go on sitting in the morning%room. I le!t my s"issors and my roses and went out on to the terra"e. I began to wal$ up and down. /asper padded a!ter me wondering why I did not ta$e him !or a wal$. I went on wal$ing up and down the terra"e. (bout hal! past eleven Frith "ame out to me !rom the hall. .Mr de 1inter on the telephone Madam . he said. I went through the library to the little room beyond. My hands were sha$ing as I li!ted the re"eiver.

.Is that you;. he said. .It.s Ma0im. I.m spea$ing !rom the o!!i"e. I.m with Fran$.. .<es;. I said. #here was a pause. .I shall be bringing Fran$ and 7olonel /ulyan ba"$ to lun"h at one o."lo"$ . he said. .<es . I said. I waited. I waited !or him to go on. =#hey were able to raise the boat . he said. .I.ve +ust got ba"$ !rom the "ree$.. .<es . I said. .,earle was there and 7olonel /ulyan and Fran$ and the others . he said. I wondered i! Fran$ was standing beside him at the telephone and i! that was the reason he was so "ool so distant. .(2 right then . he said .e0pe"t us about one o."lo"$.. I put ba"$ the re"eiver. 2e had not told me anything. I still did not $now what had happened. I went ba"$ again to the terra"e telling Frith !irst that we should be !our to lun"h instead o! two. (n hour dragged past slow interminable. I went upstairs and "hanged into a thinner !ro"$. I "ame down again. I went and sat in the drawing%room and waited. (t !ive minutes to one I heard the sound o! a "ar in the drive and then voi"es in the hall. I patted my hair in !ront o! the loo$ing%glass. My !a"e was very white. I pin"hed some "olour into my "hee$s and stood up waiting !or them to "ome into the room. Ma0im "ame in and Fran$ and 7olonel /ulyan. I remembered seeing 7olonel /ulyan at the ball dressed as 7romwell. 2e loo$ed shrun$en now di!!erent. ( smaller man altogether. .2ow do you do;. he said. 2e spo$e *uietly gravely li$e a do"tor. .(s$ Frith to bring the sherry . said Ma0im. .I.m going to wash.. .I.ll have a wash too . said Fran$. Be!ore I rang the bell Frith appeared with the sherry. 7olonel /ulyan did not have any. I too$ some to give me something to hold. 7olonel /ulyan "ame and stood beside me by the window. .#his is a most distressing thing Mrs de 1inter . he said gently. .I do !eel !or you and your husband most a"utely.. .#han$ you . I said. I began to sip my sherry. #hen I put the glass ba"$ again on the table. I was a!raid he would noti"e that my hand was sha$ing. .1hat ma$es it so di!!i"ult was the !a"t o! your husband identi!ying that !irst body over a year ago . he said. .I don.t *uite understand . I said. .<ou did not hear then what we !ound this morning;. he said. .I $new there was a body. #he diver !ound a body . I said.

.<es . he said. (nd then hal! glan"ing over his shoulder towards the hall .I.m a!raid it was her without a doubt . he said lowering his voi"e. .I "an.t go into details with you but the eviden"e was su!!i"ient !or your husband and 9o"tor 8hillips to identi!y.. 2e stopped suddenly and moved away !rom me. Ma0im and Fran$ had "ome ba"$ into the room. .Lun"h is ready' shall we go in;. said Ma0im. I led the way into the hall my heart li$e a stone heavy numb. 7olonel /ulyan sat on my right Fran$ on my le!t. I did not loo$ at Ma0im. Frith and 6obert began to hand the !irst "ourse. 1e all tal$ed about the weather. .I see in #he #imes they had it well over eighty in London yesterday . said 7olonel /ulyan. .6eally;. I said. .<es. Must be !right!ul !or the poor devils who "an.t get away.. .<es !right!ul . I said. .8aris "an be hotter than London . said Fran$. .I remember staying a wee$end in 8aris in the middle o! (ugust and it was *uite impossible to sleep. #here was not a breath o! air in the whole "ity. #he temperature was over ninety.. .-! "ourse the Fren"h always sleep with their windows shut don.t they;. said 7olonel /ulyan. .I don.t $now . said Fran$. .I was staying in a hotel. #he people were mostly (meri"ans. .<ou $now Fran"e o! "ourse Mrs de 1inter;. said 7olonel /ulyan. .&ot so very well . I said. .-h I had the idea you had lived many years out there.. .&o . I said. .,he was staying in Monte 7arlo when I met her . said Ma0im. .<ou don.t "all that Fran"e do you;. .&o I suppose not . said 7olonel /ulyan' .it must be very "osmopolitan. #he "oast is pretty though isn.t it;. .3ery pretty . I said. .&ot so rugged as this eh; ,till I $now whi"h I.d rather have. Give me 5ngland every time when it "omes to settling down. <ou $now where you are over here.. .I dare say the Fren"h !eel that about Fran"e . said Ma0im. .-h no doubt . said 7olonel /ulyan. 1e went on eating awhile in silen"e. Frith stood behind my "hair. 1e were all thin$ing o! one thing but be"ause o! Frith we had to $eep up our little per!orman"e. I suppose Frith was thin$ing about it too and I thought

how mu"h easier it would be i! we "ast aside "onvention and let him +oin in with us i! he had anything to say. 6obert "ame with the drin$s. -ur plates were "hanged. #he se"ond "ourse was handed. Mrs 9anvers had not !orgotten my wish !or hot !ood. I too$ something out o! a "asserole "overed in mushroom sau"e. .I thin$ everyone en+oyed your wonder!ul party the other night . said 7olonel /ulyan. .I.m so glad . I said. .9oes an immense amount o! good lo"ally that sort o! thing . he said. .<es I suppose it does . I said. .It.s a universal instin"t o! the human spe"ies isn.t it that desire to dress up in some sort o! disguise;. said Fran$. .I must be very inhuman then . said Ma0im. .It.s natural I suppose . said 7olonel /ulyan .!or all o! us to wish to loo$ di!!erent. 1e are all "hildren in some ways.. I wondered how mu"h pleasure it had given him to disguise himsel! as 7romwell. I had not seen mu"h o! him at the ball. 2e had spent most o! the evening in the morning%room playing bridge. .<ou don.t play gol! do you Mrs de 1inter;. said 7olonel /ulyan. .&o I.m a!raid I don.t . I said. .<ou ought to ta$e it up . he said. .My eldest girl is very $een and she "an.t !ind young people to play with her. I gave her a small "ar !or her birthday and she drives hersel! over to the north "oast nearly every day. It gives her something to do.. .2ow ni"e . I said. .,he ought to have been the boy . he said. .My lad is di!!erent altogether. &o earthly use at games. (lways writing poetry. I suppose he.ll grow out o! it.. .-h rather . said Fran$. .I used to write poetry mysel! when I was his age. (w!ul nonsense too. I never write any now.. .Good heavens I should hope not . said Ma0im. .I don.t $now where my boy gets it !rom . said 7olonel /ulyan' ."ertainly not !rom his mother or !rom me.. #here was another long silen"e. 7olonel /ulyan had a se"ond dip into the "asserole. .Mrs La"y loo$ed very well the other night . he said. .<es . I said. .2er dress "ame adri!t as usual . said Ma0im. .#hose 5astern garments must be the devil to manage . said 7olonel /ulyan .and yet they say you $now they are !ar more "om!ortable and !ar "ooler than anything you ladies wear in 5ngland..

.6eally;. I said. .<es so they say. It seems all that loose drapery throws o!! the hot rays o! the sun.. .2ow "urious . said Fran$' .you.d thin$ it would have +ust the opposite e!!e"t.. .&o apparently not . said 7olonel /ulyan. .9o you $now the 5ast sir;. said Fran$. .I $now the Far 5ast . said 7olonel /ulyan. .I was in 7hina !or !ive years. #hen ,ingapore.. .Isn.t that where they ma$e the "urry;. I said. .<es they gave us very good "urry in ,ingapore . he said. .I.m !ond o! "urry . said Fran$. .(h it.s not "urry at all in 5ngland it.s hash . said 7olonel /ulyan. #he plates were "leared away. ( sou!!lE was handed and a bowl o! !ruit salad. .I suppose you are "oming to the end o! your raspberries . said 7olonel /ulyan. .It.s been a wonder!ul summer !or them hasn.t it; 1e.ve put down pots and pots o! +am.. .I never thin$ raspberry +am is a great su""ess . said Fran$' .there are always so many pips.. .<ou must "ome and try some o! ours . said 7olonel /ulyan. .I don.t thin$ we have a great lot o! pips.. .1e.re going to have a mass o! apples this year at Manderley . said Fran$. .I was saying to Ma0im a !ew days ago we ought to have a re"ord season. 1e shall be able to send a lot up to London.. .9o you really !ind it pays;. said 7olonel /ulyan' .by the time you.ve paid your men !or the e0tra labour and then the pa"$ing and "arting do you ma$e any sort o! pro!it worth while;. .-h Lord yes . said Fran$. .2ow interesting. I must tell my wi!e . said 7olonel /ulyan. #he sou!!lE and the !ruit salad did not ta$e long to !inish. 6obert appeared with "heese and bis"uits and a !ew minutes later Frith "ame with the "o!!ee and "igarettes. #hen they both went out o! the room and shut the door. 1e dran$ our "o!!ee in silen"e. I ga)ed steadily at my plate. .I was saying to your wi!e be!ore lun"heon de 1inter . began 7olonel /ulyan resuming his !irst *uiet "on!idential tone .that the aw$ward part o! this whole distressing business is the !a"t that you identi!ied that original body.. .<es *uite . said Ma0im. .I thin$ the mista$e was very natural under the "ir"umstan"es . said Fran$ *ui"$ly. =#he authorities wrote to Ma0im as$ing him to go up to

5dge"oombe presupposing be!ore he arrived there that the body was hers. (nd Ma0im was not well at the time. I wanted to go with him but he insisted on going alone. 2e was not in a !it state to underta$e anything o! the sort.. =#hat.s nonsense . said Ma0im. .I was per!e"tly well.. .1ell it.s no use going into all that now . said 7olonel /ulyan. .<ou made that !irst identi!i"ation and now the only thing to do is to admit the error. #here seems to be no doubt about it this time.. .&o . said Ma0im. .I wish you "ould be spared the !ormality and the publi"ity o! an in*uest . said 7olonel /ulyan .but I.m a!raid that.s *uite impossible.. .&aturally . said Ma0im. .I don.t thin$ it need ta$e very long . said 7olonel /ulyan. .It.s +ust a "ase o! you re%a!!irming identi!i"ation and then getting #abb who you say "onverted the boat when your wi!e brought her !rom Fran"e +ust to give his pie"e o! eviden"e that the boat was seaworthy and in good order when he last had her in his yard. It.s +ust red%tape you $now. But it has to be done. &o what bothers me is the wret"hed publi"ity o! the a!!air. ,o sad and unpleasant !or you and your wi!e.. .#hat.s *uite all right . said Ma0im. .1e understand.. .,o un!ortunate that wret"hed ship going ashore there . said 7olonel /ulyan .but !or that the whole matter would have rested in pea"e.. .<es . said Ma0im. .#he only "onsolation is that now we $now poor Mrs de 1inter.s death must have been swi!t and sudden not the dread!ul slow lingering a!!air we all believed it to be. #here "an have been no *uestion o! trying to swim.. .&one . said Ma0im. .,he must have gone down !or something and then the door +ammed and a s*uall "aught the boat without anyone at the helm . said 7olonel /ulyan. .( dread!ul thing.. .<es . said Ma0im. .#hat seems to be the solution don.t you thin$ 7rawley;. said 7olonel /ulyan turning to Fran$. .-h yes undoubtedly . said Fran$. I glan"ed up and I saw Fran$ loo$ing at Ma0im. 2e loo$ed away again immediately but not be!ore I had seen and understood the e0pression in his eyes. Fran$ $new. (nd Ma0im did not $now that he $new. I went on stirring my "o!!ee. My hand was hot damp. .I suppose sooner or later we all ma$e a mista$e in +udgement . said 7olonel /ulyan .and then we are !or it. Mrs de 1inter must have $nown how

the wind "omes down li$e a !unnel in that bay and that it was not sa!e to leave the helm o! a small boat li$e that. ,he must have sailed alone over that spot s"ores o! times. (nd then the moment "ame she too$ a "han"e % and the "han"e $illed her. It.s a lesson to all o! us.. .(""idents happen so easily . said Fran$ .even to the most e0perien"ed people. #hin$ o! the number $illed out hunting every season.. .-h I $now. But then it.s the horse !alling generally that lets you down. I! Mrs de 1inter had not le!t the helm o! her boat the a""ident would never have happened. (n e0traordinary thing to do. I must have wat"hed her many times in the handi"ap ra"e on ,aturdays !rom Aerrith and I never saw her ma$e an elementary mista$e. It.s the sort o! thing a novi"e would do. In that parti"ular pla"e too +ust by the ridge.. .It was very s*ually that night . said Fran$' .something may have happened to the gear. ,omething may have +ammed. (nd then she slipped down !or a $ni!e.. .-! "ourse. -! "ourse. 1ell we shall never $now. (nd I don.t suppose we should be any the better !or it i! we did. (s I said be!ore I wish I "ould stop this in*uest but I "an.t. I.m trying to arrange it !or #uesday morning and it will be as short as possible. /ust a !ormal matter. But I.m a!raid we shan.t be able to $eep the reporters out o! it.. #here was another silen"e. I +udged the time had "ome to push ba"$ my "hair. .,hall we go into the garden;. I said. 1e all stood up and then I led the way to the terra"e. 7olonel /ulyan patted /asper. .2e.s grown into a ni"e%loo$ing dog . he said. .<es . I said. .#hey ma$e ni"e pets . he said. .<es . I said. 1e stood about !or a minute. #hen he glan"ed at his wat"h. =#han$ you !or your most e0"ellent lun"h . he said. .I have rather a busy a!ternoon in !ront o! me and I hope you will e0"use me dashing away.. .-! "ourse . I said. .I.m so very sorry this should have happened. <ou have all my sympathy. I "onsider it.s almost harder !or you than !or your husband. 2owever on"e the in*uest is over you must both !orget all about it.. .<es . I said .yes we must try to.. .My "ar is here in the drive. I wonder whether 7rawley would li$e a li!t. 7rawley; I "an drop you at your o!!i"e i! it.s any use.. .#han$ you sir . said Fran$.

2e "ame and too$ my hand. .I shall be seeing you again . he said. .<es . I said. I did not loo$ at him. I was a!raid he would understand my eyes. I did not want him to $now that I $new. Ma0im wal$ed with them to the "ar. 1hen they had gone he "ame ba"$ to me on the terra"e. 2e too$ my arm. 1e stood loo$ing down at the green lawns towards the sea and the bea"on on the headland. .It.s going to be all right . he said. .I.m *uite "alm *uite "on!ident. <ou saw how /ulyan was at lun"h and Fran$. #here won.t be any di!!i"ulty at the in*uest. It.s going to be all right.. I did not say anything. I held his arm tightly. .#here was never any *uestion o! the body being someone un$nown . he said. .1hat we saw was enough !or 9o"tor 8hillips even to ma$e the identi!i"ation alone without me. It was straight!orward simple. #here was no tra"e o! what I.d done. #he bullet had not tou"hed the bone.. ( butter!ly sped past us on the terra"e silly and in"onse*uent. .<ou heard what they said . he went on' .they thin$ she was trapped there in the "abin. #he +ury will believe that at the in*uest too. 8hillips will tell them so.. 2e paused. ,till I did not spea$. .I only mind !or you . he said. .I don.t regret anything else. I! it had to "ome all over again I should not do anything di!!erent. I.m glad I $illed 6ebe""a. I shall never have any remorse !or that never never. But you. I "an.t !orget what it has done to you. I was loo$ing at you thin$ing o! nothing else all through lun"h. It.s gone !or ever that !unny young lost loo$ that I loved. It won.t "ome ba"$ again. I $illed that too when I told you about 6ebe""a... It.s gone in twenty%!our hours. <ou are so mu"h older....

Chapter twenty-two

#hat evening when Frith brought in the lo"al paper there were great headlines right a"ross the top o! the page. 2e brought the paper and laid it down on the table. Ma0im was not there' he had gone up early to "hange !or dinner. Frith stood a moment waiting !or me to say something and it seemed to me stupid and insulting to ignore a matter that must mean so mu"h to everyone in the house. .#his is a very dread!ul thing Frith . I said. .<es Madam' we are all most distressed outside . he said. .It.s so sad !or Mr de 1inter . I said .having to go through it all again.. .<es Madam. 3ery sad. ,u"h a sho"$ing e0perien"e Madam having to identi!y the se"ond body having seen the !irst. I suppose there is no doubt then that the remains in the boat are genuinely those o! the late Mrs de 1inter;. .I.m a!raid not Frith. &o doubt at all.. .It seems so odd to us Madam that she should have let hersel! be trapped li$e that in the "abin. ,he was so e0perien"ed in a boat.. .<es Frith. #hat.s what we all !eel. But a""idents will happen. (nd how it happened I don.t suppose any o! us will ever $now.. .I suppose not Madam. But it.s a great sho"$ all the same. 1e are most distressed about it outside. (nd "oming suddenly +ust a!ter the party. It doesn.t seem right somehow does it;. .&o Frith.. .It seems there is to be an in*uest Madam;. .<es. ( !ormality you $now.. .-! "ourse Madam. I wonder i! any o! us will be re*uired to give eviden"e;. .I don.t thin$ so.. .I shall be only too pleased to do anything that might help the !amily' Mr de 1inter $nows that.. .<es Frith. I.m sure he does.. .I.ve told them outside not to dis"uss the matter but it.s very di!!i"ult to $eep an eye on them espe"ially the girls. I "an deal with 6obert o! "ourse. I.m a!raid the news has been a great sho"$ to Mrs 9anvers.. .<es Frith. I rather e0pe"ted it would.. .,he went up to her room straight a!ter lun"h and has not "ome down again. (li"e too$ her a "up o! tea and the paper a !ew minutes ago. ,he said Mrs 9anvers loo$ed very ill indeed..

.It would be better really i! she stayed where she is . I said. .It.s no use her getting up and seeing to things i! she is ill. 8erhaps (li"e would tell her that. I "an very well manage the ordering. #he "oo$ and I between us.. .<es Madam. I don.t thin$ she is physi"ally ill Madam' it.s +ust the sho"$ o! Mrs de 1inter being !ound. ,he was very devoted to Mrs de 1inter.. .<es . I said. .<es I $now.. Frith went out o! the room a!ter that and I glan"ed *ui"$ly at the paper be!ore Ma0im "ame down. #here was a great "olumn all down the !ront page and an aw!ul blurred photograph o! Ma0im that must have been ta$en at least !i!teen years ago. It was dread!ul seeing it there on the !ront page staring at me. (nd the little line about mysel! at the bottom saying whom Ma0im had married as his se"ond wi!e and how we had +ust given the !an"y dress ball at Manderley. It sounded so "rude and "allous in the dar$ print o! the newspaper. 6ebe""a whom they des"ribed as beauti!ul talented and loved by all who $new her having been drowned a year ago and then Ma0im marrying again the !ollowing spring bringing his bride straight to Manderley Hso it saidK and giving the big !an"y dress ball in her honour. (nd then the !ollowing morning the body o! his !irst wi!e being !ound trapped in the "abin o! her sailing boat at the bottom o! the bay. It was true o! "ourse though sprin$led with the little ina""ura"ies that added to the story ma$ing it strong meat !or the hundreds o! readers who wanted value !or their pennies. Ma0im sounded vile in it a sort o! satyr. Bringing ba"$ his .young bride. as it des"ribed me to Manderley and giving the dan"e as though we wanted to display ourselves be!ore the world. I hid the paper under the "ushion o! the "hair so that Ma0im should not see it. But I "ould not $eep the morning editions !rom him. #he story was in our London papers too. #here was a pi"ture o! Manderley and the story underneath. Manderley was news and so was Ma0im. #hey tal$ed about him as Ma0 de 1inter. It sounded ra"y horrible. 5a"h paper made great play o! the !a"t that 6ebe""a.s body had been !ound the day a!ter the !an"y dress ball as though there was something deliberate about it. Both papers used the same word .ironi".. <es I suppose it was ironi". It made a good story. I wat"hed Ma0im at the brea$!ast table getting whiter and whiter as he read the papers one a!ter the other and then the lo"al one as well. 2e did not say anything. 2e +ust loo$ed a"ross at me and I stret"hed out my hand to him. .9amn them . he whispered .damn them damn them.. I thought o! all the things they "ould say i! they $new the truth. &ot one "olumn but !ive or si0. 8la"ards in London. &ewsboys shouting in the

streets outside the underground stations. #hat !right!ul word o! si0 letters in the middle o! the pla"ard large and bla"$. Fran$ "ame up a!ter brea$!ast. 2e loo$ed pale and tired as though he had not slept. .I.ve told the e0"hange to put all "alls !or Manderley through to the o!!i"e . he said to Ma0im. .It doesn.t matter who it is. I! reporters ring up I "an deal with them. (nd anyone else too. I don.t want either o! you to be worried at all. 1e.ve had several "alls already !rom lo"als. I gave the same answer to ea"h. Mr and Mrs de 1inter were grate!ul !or all sympatheti" en*uiries and they hoped their !riends would understand that they were not re"eiving "alls during the ne0t !ew days. Mrs La"y rang up about eight% thirty. 1anted to "ome over at on"e.. .-h my God...= began Ma0im. .It.s all right I prevented her. I told her *uite truth!ully that I did not thin$ she would do any good "oming over. #hat you did not want to see anyone but Mrs de 1inter. ,he wanted to $now when they were holding the in*uest but I told her it had not been settled. I don.t $now that we "an stop her !rom "oming to that i! she !inds it in the papers.. .#hose blasted reporters . said Ma0im. .I $now . said Fran$' .we all want to wring their ne"$s but you.ve got to see their point o! view. It.s their bread%and%butter' they.ve got to do the +ob !or their paper. I! they don.t get a story the editor probably sa"$s them. I! the editor does not produ"e a saleable edition the proprietor sa"$s him. (nd i! the paper doesn.t sell the proprietor loses all his money. <ou won.t have to see them or spea$ to them Ma0im. I.m going to do all that !or you. (ll you have to "on"entrate on is your statement at the in*uest.. .I $now what to say . said Ma0im. .-! "ourse you do but don.t !orget old 2orridge is the 7oroner. 2e.s a sti"$y sort o! "hap goes into details that are *uite irrelevant +ust to show the +ury how thorough he is at his +ob. <ou must not let him rattle you.. .1hy the devil should I be rattled; I have nothing to be rattled about.. .-! "ourse not. But I.ve attended these "oroner.s in*uests be!ore and it.s so easy to get nervy and irritable. <ou don.t want to put the !ellow.s ba"$ up.. .Fran$.s right . I said. .I $now +ust what he means. #he swi!ter and smoother the whole thing goes the easier it will be !or everyone. #hen on"e the wret"hed thing is over we shall !orget all about it and so will everyone else won.t they Fran$;. .<es o! "ourse . said Fran$. I still avoided his eye but I was more "onvin"ed than ever that he $new the truth. 2e had always $nown it. From the very !irst. I remembered

the !irst time I met him that !irst day o! mine at Manderley when he and Beatri"e and Giles had all been at lun"h and Beatri"e had been ta"tless about Ma0im.s health. I remembered Fran$ his *uiet turning o! the sub+e"t the way he had "ome to Ma0im.s aid in his *uiet unobtrusive manner i! there was ever any *uestion o! di!!i"ulty. #hat strange relu"tan"e o! his to tal$ about 6ebe""a his sti!! !unny pompous way o! ma$ing "onversation whenever we had approa"hed anything li$e intima"y. I understood it all. Fran$ $new but Ma0im did not $now that he $new. (nd Fran$ did not want Ma0im to $now that he $new. (nd we all stood there loo$ing at one another $eeping up these little barriers between us. 1e were not bothered with the telephone again. (ll the "alls were put through to the o!!i"e. It was +ust a *uestion o! waiting now. 1aiting until the #uesday. I saw nothing o! Mrs 9anvers. #he menu was sent through as usual and I did not "hange it. I as$ed little 7lari"e about her. ,he said she was going about her wor$ as usual but she was not spea$ing to anybody. ,he had all her meals alone in her sitting%room. 7lari"e was wide%eyed evidently "urious but she did not as$ me any *uestions and I was not going to dis"uss it with her. &o doubt they tal$ed o! nothing else out in the $it"hen and on the estate too in the lodge on the !arms. I supposed all Aerrith was !ull o! it. 1e stayed in Manderley in the gardens "lose to the house. 1e did not even wal$ in the woods. #he weather had not bro$en yet. It was still hot oppressive. #he air was !ull o! thunder and there was rain behind the white dull s$y but it did not !all. I "ould !eel it and smell it pent up there behind the "louds. #he in*uest was to be on the #uesday a!ternoon at two o."lo"$. 1e had lun"h at a *uarter to one. Fran$ "ame. #han$ heaven Beatri"e had telephoned that she "ould not get over. #he boy 6oger had arrived home with measles' they were all in *uarantine. I "ould not help blessing the measles. I don.t thin$ Ma0im "ould have borne it with Beatri"e sitting here staying in the house sin"ere an0ious and a!!e"tionate but as$ing *uestions all the time. Forever as$ing *uestions. Lun"h was a hurried nervous meal. 1e none o! us tal$ed very mu"h. I had that nagging pain again. I did not want anything to eat. I "ould not swallow. It was a relie! when the !ar"e o! the meal was over and I heard Ma0im go out on to the drive and start up the "ar. #he sound o! the engine steadied me. It meant we had to go we had to be doing something. &ot +ust sitting at Manderley. Fran$ !ollowed us in his own "ar. I had my hand on Ma0im.s $nee all the way as he drove. 2e seemed *uite "alm. &ot nervous in any way. It was li$e going with someone to a nursing home someone who

was to have an operation. (nd not $nowing what would happen. 1hether the operation would be su""ess!ul. My hands were very "old. My heart was beating in a !unny +er$y way. (nd all the time that little nagging pain beneath my heart. #he in*uest was to be held at Lanyon the mar$et town si0 miles the other side o! Aerrith. 1e had to par$ the "ars in the big "obbled s*uare by the mar$et%pla"e. 9o"tor 8hillips. "ar was there already and also 7olonel /ulyan.s. -ther "ars too. I saw a passer%by stare "uriously at Ma0im and then nudge her "ompanion.s arm. .I thin$ I shall stay here . I said. .I don.t thin$ I.ll "ome in with you a!ter all.. .I did not want you to "ome . said Ma0im. .I was against it !rom the !irst. <ou.d mu"h better have stayed at Manderley.. .&o . I said. .&o I.ll be all right here sitting in the "ar.. Fran$ "ame and loo$ed in at the window. .Isn.t Mrs de 1inter "oming;. he said. .&o . said Ma0im. .,he wants to stay in the "ar.. .I thin$ she.s right . said Fran$' .there.s no earthly reason why she should be present at all. 1e shan.t be long.. .It.s all right . I said. .I.ll $eep a seat !or you . said Fran$ .in "ase you should "hange your mind.. #hey went o!! together and le!t me sitting there. It was early%"losing day. #he shops loo$ed drab and dull. #here were not many people about. Lanyon was not mu"h o! a holiday "entre anyway' it was too !ar inland. I sat loo$ing at the silent shops. #he minutes went by. I wondered what they were doing the 7oroner Fran$ Ma0im 7olonel /ulyan. I got out o! the "ar and began wal$ing up and down the mar$et s*uare. I went and loo$ed in a shop window. #hen I wal$ed up and down again. I saw a poli"eman wat"hing me "uriously. I turned up a side%street to avoid him. ,omehow in spite o! mysel! I !ound I was "oming to the building where the in*uest was being held. #here had been little publi"ity about the a"tual time and be"ause o! this there was no "rowd waiting as I had !eared and e0pe"ted. #he pla"e seemed deserted. I went up the steps and stood +ust inside the door. ( poli"eman appeared !rom nowhere. .9o you want anything;. he said. .&o . I said. .&o.. .<ou "an.t wait here . he said. .I.m sorry . I said. I went ba"$ towards the steps into the street. .50"use me Madam . he said .aren.t you Mrs de 1inter;. .<es . I said.

.-! "ourse that.s di!!erent . he said' .you "an wait here i! you li$e. 1ould you li$e to ta$e a seat +ust inside this room;. =#han$ you . I said. 2e showed me into a little bare room with a des$ in it. It was li$e a waiting%room at a station. I sat there with my hands on my lap. Five minutes passed. &othing happened. It was worse than being outside than sitting in the "ar. I got up and went into the passage. #he poli"eman was still standing there. .2ow long will they be;. I said. .I.ll go and en*uire i! you li$e . he said. 2e disappeared along the passage. In a moment he "ame ba"$ again. .I don.t thin$ they will be very mu"h longer . he said. .Mr de 1inter has +ust given his eviden"e. 7aptain ,earle and the diver and 9o"tor 8hillips have already given theirs. #here.s only one more to spea$. Mr #abb the boat% builder !rom Aerrith.. =#hen it.s nearly over . I said. .I e0pe"t so Madam . he said. #hen he said on a sudden thought .1ould you li$e to hear the remaining eviden"e; #here is a seat there +ust inside the door. I! you slip in now nobody will noti"e you.. .<es . I said. .<es I thin$ I will.. It was nearly over. Ma0im had !inished giving his eviden"e. I did not mind hearing the rest. It was Ma0im I had not wanted to hear. I had been nervous o! listening to his eviden"e. #hat was why I had not gone with him and Fran$ in the !irst pla"e. &ow it did not matter. 2is part o! it was over. I !ollowed the poli"eman and he opened a door at the end o! the passage. I slipped in I sat down +ust by the door. I $ept my head low so that I did not have to loo$ at anybody. #he room was smaller than I had imagined. 6ather hot and stu!!y. I had pi"tured a great bare room with ben"hes li$e a "hur"h. Ma0im and Fran$ were sitting down at the other end. #he 7oroner was a thin elderly man in pin"e%ne). #here were people there I did not $now. I glan"ed at them out o! the tail o! my eye. My heart gave a +ump suddenly as I re"ognised Mrs 9anvers. ,he was sitting right at the ba"$. (nd Favell was beside her. /a"$ Favell 6ebe""a.s "ousin. 2e was leaning !orward his "hin in his hands his eyes !i0ed on the 7oroner Mr 2orridge. I had not e0pe"ted him to be there. I wondered i! Ma0im had seen him. /ames #abb the boat%builder was standing up now and the 7oroner was as$ing him a *uestion. .<es sir . answered #abb .I "onverted Mrs de 1inter.s little boat. ,he was a Fren"h !ishing boat originally and Mrs de 1inter bought her !or ne0t

to nothing over in Brittany and had her shipped over. ,he gave me the +ob o! "onverting her and doing her up li$e a little ya"ht.. .1as the boat in a !it state to put to sea;. said the 7oroner. .,he was when I !itted her out in (pril o! last year . said #abb. .Mrs de 1inter laid her up as usual at my yard in the -"tober and then in Mar"h I had word !rom her to !it her up as usual whi"h I did. #hat would be Mrs de 1inter.s !ourth season with the boat sin"e I did the "onversion +ob !or her.. .2ad the boat ever been $nown to "apsi)e be!ore;. as$ed the 7oroner. .&o sir. I should soon have heard o! it !rom Mrs de 1inter had there been any *uestion o! it. ,he was delighted with the boat in every way a""ording to what she said to me.. .I suppose great "are was needed to handle the boat;. said the 7oroner. .1ell sir everyone has to have their wits about them when they go sailing boats I won.t deny it. But Mrs de 1inter.s boat wasn.t one o! those "ran$y little "ra!t that you "an.t leave !or a moment li$e some o! the boats you see in Aerrith. ,he was a stout seaworthy boat and "ould stand a lot o! wind. Mrs de 1inter had sailed her in worse weather than she ever !ound that night. 1hy it was only blowing in !its and starts at the time. #hat.s what I.ve said all along. I "ouldn.t understand Mrs de 1inter.s boat being lost on a night li$e that.. .But surely i! Mrs de 1inter went below !or a "oat as is supposed and a sudden pu!! o! wind was to "ome down !rom that headland it would be enough to "apsi)e the boat;. as$ed the 7oroner. /ames #abb shoo$ his head. .&o . he said stubbornly .I don.t see that it would.. .1ell I.m a!raid that is what must have happened . said the 7oroner. .I don.t thin$ Mr de 1inter or any o! us suggest that your wor$manship was to blame !or the a""ident at all. <ou !itted the boat out at the beginning o! the season you reported her sound and seaworthy and that.s all I want to $now. >n!ortunately the late Mrs de 1inter rela0ed her wat"h!ulness !or a moment and she lost her li!e the boat sin$ing with her aboard. ,u"h a""idents have happened be!ore. I repeat again we are not blaming you.. .50"use me sir . said the boat%builder .but there is a little bit more to it than that. (nd i! you would allow me I should li$e to ma$e a !urther statement.. .3ery well go on . said the 7oroner. .It.s li$e this sir. (!ter the a""ident last year a lot o! people in Aerrith made unpleasantness about my wor$. ,ome said I had let Mrs de 1inter start the season in a lea$y rotten boat. I lost two or three orders be"ause o! it. It was very un!air but the boat had sun$ and there was nothing I "ould

say to "lear mysel!. #hen that steamer went ashore as we all $now and Mrs de 1inter.s little boat was !ound and brought to the sur!a"e. 7aptain ,earle himsel! gave me permission yesterday to go and loo$ at her and I did. I wanted to satis!y mysel! that the wor$ I had put in to her was sound in spite o! the !a"t that she had been waterlogged !or twelve months or more.. .1ell that was very natural . said the 7oroner .and I hope you were satis!ied.. .<es sir I was. #here was nothing wrong with that boat as regards the wor$ I did to her. I e0amined every "orner o! her there on the lighter up the pill where 7aptain ,earle had put her. ,he had sun$ on sandy bottom. I as$ed the diver about that and he told me so. ,he had not tou"hed the ridge at all. #he ridge was a "lear !ive !eet away. ,he was lying on sand and there wasn.t the mar$ o! a ro"$ on her.. 2e paused. #he 7oroner loo$ed at him e0pe"tantly. .1ell;. he said .is that all you want to say;. .&o sir . said #abb emphati"ally .it.s not. 1hat I want to $now is this. 1ho drove the holes in her plan$ing; 6o"$s didn.t do it. #he nearest ro"$ was !ive !eet away. Besides they weren.t the sort o! mar$s made by a ro"$. #hey were holes. 9one with a spi$e.. I did not loo$ at him. I was loo$ing at the !loor. #here was oil"loth laid on the boards. Green oil"loth. I loo$ed at it. I wondered why the 7oroner did not say something. 1hy did the pause last so long; 1hen he spo$e at last his voi"e sounded rather !ar away. .1hat do you mean;. he said .what sort o! holes;. =#here were three o! them altogether . said the boat%builder .one right !or.ard by her "hain lo"$er on her starboard plan$ing below the water%line. #he other two "lose together amidships underneath her !loorboards in the bottom. #he ballast had been shi!ted too. It was lying loose. (nd that.s not all. #he sea"o"$s had been turned on.. .#he sea"o"$s; 1hat are they;. as$ed the 7oroner. .#he !itting that plugs the pipes leading !rom a washbasin or lavatory sir. Mrs de 1inter had a little pla"e !itted up right a!t. (nd there was a sin$ !or.ard where the washing%up was done. #here was a sea"o"$ there and another in the lavatory. #hese are always $ept tight "losed when you.re under way otherwise the water would !low in. 1hen I e0amined the boat yesterday both sea"o"$s were turned !ull on.. It was hot mu"h too hot. 1hy didn.t they open a window; 1e should be su!!o"ated i! we sat here with the air li$e this and there were so many people all breathing the same air so many people.

.1ith those holes in her plan$ing sir and the sea"o"$s not "losed it wouldn.t ta$e long !or a small boat li$e her to sin$. &ot mu"h more than ten minutes I should say. #hose holes weren.t there when the boat le!t my yard. I was proud o! my wor$ and so was Mrs de 1inter. It.s my opinion sir that the boat never "apsi)ed at all. ,he was deliberately s"uttled.. I must try and get out o! the door. I must try and go ba"$ to the waiting%room again. #here was no air le!t in this pla"e and the person ne0t to me was pressing "lose "lose... ,omeone in !ront o! me was standing up and they were tal$ing too they were all tal$ing. I did not $now what was happening. I "ould not see anything. It was hot so very hot. #he 7oroner was as$ing everybody to be silent. (nd he said something about .Mr de 1inter.. I "ould not see. #hat woman.s hat was in !ront o! me. Ma0im was standing up now. I "ould not loo$ at him. I must not loo$ at him. I !elt li$e this on"e be!ore. 1hen was it; I don.t $now. I don.t remember. -h yes with Mrs 9anvers. #he time Mrs 9anvers stood with me by the window. Mrs 9anvers was in this pla"e now listening to the 7oroner. Ma0im was standing up over there. #he heat was "oming up at me !rom the !loor rising in slow waves. It rea"hed my hands wet and slippery it tou"hed my ne"$ my "hin my !a"e. .Mr de 1inter you heard the statement !rom /ames #abb. who had the "are o! Mrs de 1inter.s boat; 9o you $now anything o! these holes driven in the plan$ing;. .&othing whatever.. .7an you thin$ o! any reason why they should be there;= .&o o! "ourse not.. .It.s the !irst time you have heard them mentioned;. .<es.. .It.s a sho"$ to you o! "ourse;. .It was sho"$ enough to learn that I made a mista$e in identi!i"ation over twelve months ago and now I learn that my late wi!e was not only drowned in the "abin o! her boat but that holes were bored in the boat with the deliberate intent o! letting in the water so that the boat should sin$. 9oes it surprise you that I should be sho"$ed;. &o Ma0im. &o. <ou will put his ba"$ up. <ou heard what Fran$ said. <ou must not put his ba"$ up. &ot that voi"e. &ot that angry voi"e Ma0im. 2e won.t understand. 8lease darling please. -h God don.t let Ma0im lose his temper. 9on.t let him lose his temper. .Mr de 1inter I want you to believe that we all !eel very deeply !or you in this matter. &o doubt you have su!!ered a sho"$ a very severe sho"$ in learning that your late wi!e was drowned in her own "abin and not at sea

as you supposed. (nd I am in*uiring into the matter !or you. I want !or your sa$e to !ind out e0a"tly how and why she died. I don.t "ondu"t this en*uiry !or my own amusement.. =#hat.s rather obvious isn.t it;. .I hope that it is. /ames #abb has +ust told us that the boat whi"h "ontained the remains o! the late Mrs de 1inter had three holes hammered through her bottom. (nd that the sea"o"$s were open. 9o you doubt his statement;. .-! "ourse not. 2e.s a boat%builder he $nows what he is tal$ing about.. .1ho loo$ed a!ter Mrs de 1inter.s boat;. .,he loo$ed a!ter it hersel!.. .,he employed no hand;. .&o nobody at all.. =#he boat was moored in the private harbour belonging to Manderley;. .<es.. .(ny stranger who tried to tamper with the boat would be seen; #here is no a""ess to the harbour by publi" !ootpath;. .&o none at all.. .#he harbour is *uiet is it not and surrounded by trees;. .<es.. .( trespasser might not be noti"ed;. .8ossibly not.. .<et /ames #abb has told us and we have no reason to disbelieve him that a boat with those holes drilled in her bottom and the sea"o"$s open "ould not !loat !or more than ten or !i!teen minutes.. .@uite.. .#here!ore we "an put aside the idea that the boat was tampered with mali"iously be!ore Mrs de 1inter went !or her evening sail. 2ad that been the "ase the boat would have sun$ at her moorings.. .&o doubt.. .#here!ore we must assume that whoever too$ the boat out that night drove in the plan$ing and opened the sea"o"$s.. .I suppose so.. .<ou have told us already that the door o! the "abin was shut the portholes "losed and your wi!e.s remains were on the !loor. #his was in your statement and in 9o"tor 8hillips. and in 7aptain ,earle.s;. .<es..

.(nd now added to this is the in!ormation that a spi$e was driven through the bottom and the sea"o"$s were open. 9oes not this stri$e you Mr de 1inter as being very strange;. .7ertainly.. .<ou have no suggestion to ma$e;. .&o none at all.. .Mr de 1inter pain!ul as it may be it is my duty to as$ you a very personal *uestion.. .<es.. .1ere relations between you and the late Mrs de 1inter per!e"tly happy;. #hey had to "ome o! "ourse those bla"$ spots in !ront o! my eyes dan"ing !li"$ering stabbing the ha)y air and it was hot so hot with all these people all these !a"es and no open window' the door !rom being near to me was !urther away than I had thought and all the time the ground "oming up to meet me. (nd then out o! the *ueer mist around me Ma0im.s voi"e "lear and strong. .1ill someone ta$e my wi!e outside; ,he is going to !aint..

Chapter twenty-three

I was sitting in the little room again. #he room li$e a waiting%room at the station. #he poli"eman was there bending over me giving me a glass o! water and someone.s hand was on my arm Fran$.s hand. I sat *uite still the !loor the walls the !igures o! Fran$ and the poli"eman ta$ing solid shape be!ore me. .I.m so sorry . I said .su"h a stupid thing to do. It was so hot in that room so very hot.. .It gets very airless in there . said the poli"eman .there.s been "omplaints about it o!ten but nothing.s ever done. 1e.ve had ladies !ainting in there be!ore.. .(re you !eeling better Mrs de 1inter;. said Fran$. .<es. <es mu"h better. I shall be all right again. 9on.t wait with me.. .I.m going to ta$e you ba"$ to Manderley.. .&o.. .<es. Ma0im has as$ed me to.. .&o. <ou ought to stay with him.. .Ma0im told me to ta$e you ba"$ to Manderley.. 2e put his arm through mine and helped me to get up. .7an you wal$ as !ar as the "ar or shall I bring it round;. .I "an wal$. But I.d mu"h rather stay. I want to wait !or Ma0im.. .Ma0im may be a long time.. 1hy did he say that; 1hat did he mean; 1hy didn.t he loo$ at me; 2e too$ my arm and wal$ed with me along the passage to the door and so down the steps into the street. Ma0im may be a long time... 1e did not spea$. 1e "ame to the little Morris "ar belonging to Fran$. 2e opened the door and helped me in. #hen he got in himsel! and started up the engine. 1e drove away !rom the "obbled mar$et%pla"e through the empty town and out on to the road to Aerrith. .1hy will they be a long time; 1hat are they going to do;. .#hey may have to go over the eviden"e again.. Fran$ loo$ed straight in !ront o! him along the hard white road. .#hey.ve had all the eviden"e . I said. =#here.s nothing more anyone "an say..

.<ou never $now . said Fran$ .the 7oroner may put his *uestions in a di!!erent way. #abb has altered the whole business. #he 7oroner will have to approa"h it now !rom another angle.. .1hat angle; 2ow do you mean;. .<ou heard the eviden"e; <ou heard what #abb said about the boat; #hey won.t believe in an a""ident any more.. .It.s absurd Fran$ it.s ridi"ulous. #hey should not listen to #abb. 2ow "an he tell a!ter all these months how holes "ame to be in a boat; 1hat are they trying to prove;. .I don.t $now.. .#hat 7oroner will go on and on harping at Ma0im ma$ing him lose his temper ma$ing him say things he doesn.t mean. 2e will as$ *uestion a!ter *uestion Fran$ and Ma0im won.t stand it I $now he won.t stand it.. Fran$ did not answer. 2e was driving very !ast. For the !irst time sin"e I had $nown him he was at a loss !or the usual "onventional phrase. #hat meant he was worried very worried. (nd usually he was su"h a slow "are!ul driver stopping dead at every "rossroads peering to right and le!t blowing his horn at every bend in the road. =#hat man was there . I said .that man who "ame on"e to Manderley to see Mrs 9anvers.. .<ou mean Favell;. as$ed Fran$. .<es I saw him.. .2e was sitting there with Mrs 9anvers.. .<es I $now.. .1hy was he there; 1hat right had he to go to the in*uest;. .2e was her "ousin.. .It.s not right that he and Mrs 9anvers should sit there listening to that eviden"e. I don.t trust them Fran$.. .&o.. .#hey might do something' they might ma$e mis"hie!.. (gain Fran$ did not answer. I realised that his loyalty to Ma0im was su"h that he would not let himsel! be drawn into a dis"ussion even with me. 2e did not $now how mu"h I $new. &or "ould I tell !or "ertainty how mu"h he $new. 1e were allies we travelled the same road but we "ould not loo$ at one another. 1e neither o! us dared ris$ a "on!ession. 1e were turning in now at the lodge gates and down the long twisting narrow drive to the house. I noti"ed !or the !irst time how the hydrangeas were "oming into bloom their blue heads thrusting themselves !rom the green !oliage behind. For all their beauty there was something sombre about them !unereal' they were li$e the wreaths sti!! and arti!i"ial that you see beneath glass "ases in a !oreign "hur"hyard. #here they were all the way along the drive on either

side o! us blue monotonous li$e spe"tators lined up in a street to wat"h us pass. 1e "ame to the house at last and rounded the great sweep be!ore the steps. .1ill you be all right now;. said Fran$. .<ou "an lie down "an.t you;. .<es . I said .yes perhaps.. .I shall go ba"$ to Lanyon . he said .Ma0im may want me.. 2e did not say anything more. 2e got *ui"$ly ba"$ into the "ar again and drove away. Ma0im might want him. 1hy did he say Ma0im might want him; 8erhaps the 7oroner was going to *uestion Fran$ as well. (s$ him about that evening over twelve months ago when Ma0im had dined with Fran$. 2e would want to $now the e0a"t time that Ma0im le!t his house. 2e would want to $now i! anybody saw Ma0im when he returned to the house. 1hether the servants $new that he was there. 1hether anybody "ould prove that Ma0im went straight up to bed and undressed. Mrs 9anvers might be *uestioned. #hey might as$ Mrs 9anvers to give eviden"e. (nd Ma0im beginning to lose his temper beginning to go white... I went into the hall. I went upstairs to my room and lay down upon my bed even as Fran$ had suggested. I put my hands over my eyes. I $ept seeing that room and all the !a"es. #he lined painsta$ing aggravating !a"e o! the 7oroner the gold pin"e%ne) on his nose. .I don.t "ondu"t this en*uiry !or my own amusement.. 2is slow "are!ul mind easily o!!ended. 1hat were they all saying now; 1hat was happening; ,uppose in a little while Fran$ "ame ba"$ to Manderley alone; I did not $now what happened. I did not $now what people did. I remembered pi"tures o! men in the papers leaving pla"es li$e that and being ta$en away. ,uppose Ma0im was ta$en away; #hey would not let me go to him. #hey would not let me see him. I should have to stay here at Manderley day a!ter day night a!ter night waiting as I was waiting now. 8eople li$e 7olonel /ulyan being $ind. 8eople saying .<ou must not be alone. <ou must "ome to us.. #he telephone the newspapers the telephone again. .&o Mrs de 1inter "an.t see anyone. Mrs de 1inter has no story to give the 7ounty 7hroni"le.. (nd another day. (nd another day. 1ee$s that would be blurred and non%e0istent. Fran$ at last ta$ing me to see Ma0im. 2e would loo$ thin *ueer li$e people in hospital... -ther women had been through this. 1omen I had read about in papers. #hey sent letters to the 2ome ,e"retary and it was not any good. #he 2ome ,e"retary always said that +usti"e must ta$e its "ourse. Friends sent petitions too everybody signed them but the 2ome ,e"retary "ould never do anything. (nd the ordinary people who read about it in the papers said why should the !ellow get o!! he murdered his wi!e didn.t he; 1hat about

the poor murdered wi!e; #his sentimental business about abolishing the death penalty simply en"ourages "rime. #his !ellow ought to have thought about that be!ore he $illed his wi!e. It.s too late now. 2e will have to hang !or it li$e any other murderer. (nd serve him right too. Let it be a warning to others. I remember seeing a pi"ture on the ba"$ o! a paper on"e o! a little "rowd "olle"ted outside a prison gate and +ust a!ter nine o."lo"$ a poli"eman "ame and pinned a noti"e on the gate !or the people to read. #he noti"e said something about the senten"e being "arried out. .,enten"e o! death was "arried out this morning at nine o."lo"$. #he Governor the 8rison 9o"tor and the ,heri!! o! the 7ounty were present.. 2anging was *ui"$. 2anging did not hurt. It bro$e your ne"$ at on"e. &o it did not. ,omeone said on"e it did not always wor$. ,omeone who had $nown the Governor o! a prison. #hey put that bag over your head and you stand on the little plat!orm and then the !loor gives way beneath you. It ta$es e0a"tly three minutes to go !rom the "ell to the moment you are hanged. &o !i!ty se"onds someone said. &o that.s absurd. It "ould not be !i!ty se"onds. #here.s a little !light o! steps down the side o! the shed down to the pit. #he do"tor goes down there to loo$. #hey die instantly. &o they don.t. #he body moves !or some time the ne"$ is not always bro$en. <es but even so they don.t !eel anything. ,omeone said they did. ,omeone who had a brother who was a prison do"tor said it was not generally $nown be"ause it would be su"h a s"andal but they did not always die at on"e. #heir eyes were open they stay open !or *uite a long time. God don.t let me go on thin$ing about this. Let me thin$ about something else. (bout other things. (bout Mrs 3an 2opper in (meri"a. ,he must be staying with her daughter now. #hey had that house on Long Island in the summer. I e0pe"t they played a lot o! bridge. #hey went to the ra"es. Mrs 3an 2opper was !ond o! the ra"es. I wonder i! she still wears that little yellow hat. It was too small !or her. Mu"h too small on that big !a"e. Mrs 3an 2opper sitting about in the garden o! that house on Long Island with novels and maga)ines and papers on her lap. Mrs 3an 2opper putting up her lorgnette and "alling to her daughter. .Loo$ at this 2elen. #hey say Ma0 de 1inter murdered his !irst wi!e. I always did thin$ there was something pe"uliar about him. I warned that !ool o! a girl she was ma$ing a mista$e but she wouldn.t listen to me. 1ell she.s "oo$ed her goose now all right. I suppose they.ll ma$e her a big o!!er to go on the pi"tures.. ,omething was tou"hing my hand. It was /asper. It was /asper thrusting his "old damp nose in my hands. 2e had !ollowed me up !rom the hall. 1hy did dogs ma$e one want to "ry; #here was something so *uiet and

hopeless about their sympathy. /asper $nowing something was wrong as dogs always do. #run$s being pa"$ed. 7ars being brought to the door. 9ogs standing with drooping tails de+e"ted eyes. 1andering ba"$ to their bas$ets in the hall when the sound o! the "ar dies away... I must have !allen asleep be"ause I wo$e suddenly with a start and heard that !irst "ra"$ o! thunder in the air. I sat up. #he "lo"$ said !ive. I got up and went to the window. #here was not a breath o! wind. #he leaves hung listless on the trees waiting. #he s$y was slatey grey. #he +agged lightning split the s$y. (nother rumble in the distan"e. &o rain !ell. I went out into the "orridor and listened. I "ould not hear anything. I went to the head o! the stairs. #here was no sign o! anybody. #he hall was dar$ be"ause o! the mena"e o! thunder overhead. I went down and stood on the terra"e. #here was another burst o! thunder. -ne spot o! rain !ell on my hand. -ne spot. &o more. It was very dar$. I "ould see the sea beyond the dip in the valley li$e a bla"$ la$e. (nother spot !ell on my hands and another "ra"$ o! thunder "ame. -ne o! the housemaids began shutting the windows in the rooms upstairs. 6obert appeared and shut the windows o! the drawing%room behind me. =#he gentlemen are not ba"$ yet are they 6obert;. I as$ed. .&o Madam not yet. I thought you were with them Madam.. .&o. &o I.ve been ba"$ some time.. .1ill you have tea Madam;. .&o no I.ll wait.. .It loo$s as though the weather was going to brea$ at last Madam.. .<es.. &o rain !ell. &othing sin"e those two drops on my hand. I went ba"$ and sat in the library. (t hal! past !ive 6obert "ame into the room. =#he "ar has +ust driven up to the door now Madam . he said. .1hi"h "ar;. I said. .Mr de 1inter.s "ar Madam . he said. .Is Mr de 1inter driving it himsel!;. .<es Madam.. I tried to get up but my legs were things o! straw they would not bear me. I stood leaning against the so!a. My throat was very dry. (!ter a minute Ma0im "ame into the room. 2e stood +ust inside the door. 2e loo$ed very tired old. #here were lines at the "orner o! his mouth I had never noti"ed be!ore. .It.s all over . he said. I waited. ,till I "ould not spea$ or move towards him.

.,ui"ide . he said .without su!!i"ient eviden"e to show the state o! mind o! the de"eased. #hey were all at sea o! "ourse they did not $now what they were doing.. I sat down on the so!a. .,ui"ide . I said .but the motive; 1here was the motive;. .God $nows . he said. .#hey did not seem to thin$ a motive was ne"essary. -ld 2orridge peering at me wanting to $now i! 6ebe""a had any money troubles. Money troubles. God in heaven.. 2e went and stood by the window loo$ing out at the green lawns. .It.s going to rain . he said. =#han$ God it.s going to rain at last.. .1hat happened;. I said .what did the 7oroner say; 1hy have you been there all this time;. .2e went over and over the same ground again . said Ma0im. .Little details about the boat that no one "ared about a damn. 1ere the sea%"o"$s hard to turn on; 1here e0a"tly was the !irst hole in relation to the se"ond; 1hat was ballast; 1hat e!!e"t upon the stability o! the boat would the shi!ting o! the ballast have; 7ould a woman do this unaided; 9id the "abin door shut !irmly; 1hat pressure o! water was ne"essary to burst open the door; I thought I should go mad. I $ept my temper though. ,eeing you there by the door made me remember what I had to do. I! you had not !ainted li$e that I should never have done it. It brought me up with a +er$. I $new e0a"tly what I was going to say. I !a"ed 2orridge all the time. I never too$ my eyes o!! his thin perni"$ety little !a"e and those gold%rimmed pin"e%ne). I shall remember that !a"e o! his to my dying day. I.m tired darling' so tired I "an.t see or hear or !eel anything.. 2e sat down on the window%seat. 2e leant !orward his head in his hands. I went and sat beside him. In a !ew minutes Frith "ame in !ollowed by 6obert "arrying the table !or tea. #he solemn ritual went !orward as it always did day a!ter day the leaves o! the table pulled out the legs ad+usted the laying o! the snowy "loth the putting down o! the silver teapot and the $ettle with the little !lame beneath. ,"ones sandwi"hes three di!!erent sorts o! "a$e. /asper sat "lose to the table his tail thumping now and again upon the !loor his eyes !i0ed e0pe"tantly on me. It.s !unny I thought how the routine o! li!e goes on whatever happens we do the same things go through the little per!orman"e o! eating sleeping washing. &o "risis "an brea$ through the "rust o! habit. I poured out Ma0im.s tea I too$ it to him on the window%seat gave him his s"one and buttered one !or mysel!. .1here.s Fran$;. I as$ed.

.2e had to go and see the vi"ar. I would have gone too but I wanted to "ome straight ba"$ to you. I $ept thin$ing o! you waiting here all by yoursel! not $nowing what was going to happen.. .1hy the vi"ar;. I said. .,omething has to happen this evening . he said. .,omething at the "hur"h.. I stared at him blan$ly. #hen I understood. #hey were going to bury 6ebe""a. #hey were going to bring 6ebe""a ba"$ !rom the mortuary. .It.s !i0ed !or si0%thirty . he said. .&o one $nows but Fran$ and 7olonel /ulyan and the vi"ar and mysel!. #here won.t be anyone hanging about. #his was arranged yesterday. #he verdi"t doesn.t ma$e any di!!eren"e.. .1hat time must you go;. .I.m meeting them there at the "hur"h at twenty%!ive past si0.. I did not say anything. I went on drin$ing my tea. Ma0im put his sandwi"h down untasted. .It.s still very hot isn.t it;. he said. .It.s the storm . I said. .It won.t brea$. -nly little spots at a time. It.s there in the air. It won.t brea$.. .It was thundering when I le!t Lanyon . he said .the s$y was li$e in$ over my head. 1hy in the name o! God doesn.t it rain;. #he birds were hushed in the trees. It was still very dar$. .I wish you did not have to go out again . I said. 2e did not answer. 2e loo$ed tired so deathly tired. .1e.ll tal$ over things this evening when I get ba"$ . he said presently. .1e.ve got so mu"h to do together haven.t we; 1e.ve got to begin all over again. I.ve been the worst sort o! husband !or you.. .&oB. I said. .&oB. .1e.ll start again on"e this thing is behind us. 1e "an do it you and I. It.s not li$e being alone. #he past "an.t hurt us i! we are together. <ou.ll have "hildren too.. (!ter a while he glan"ed at his wat"h. .It.s ten past si0 . he said .I shall have to be going. It won.t ta$e long not more than hal! an hour. 1e.ve got to go down to the "rypt.. I held his hand. .I.ll "ome with you. I shan.t mind. Let me "ome with you.. .&o . he said. .&o I don.t want you to "ome.. #hen he went out o! the room. I heard the sound o! the "ar starting up in the drive. 8resently the sound died away and I $new he had gone. 6obert "ame to "lear away the tea. It was li$e any other day. #he routine was un"hanged. I wondered i! it would have been so had Ma0im not "ome ba"$ !rom Lanyon. I wondered i! 6obert would have stood there that

wooden e0pression on his young sheep.s !a"e brushing the "rumbs !rom the snow%white "loth pi"$ing up the table "arrying it !rom the room. It seemed very *uiet in the library when he had gone. I began to thin$ o! them down at the "hur"h going through that door and down the !light o! stairs to the "rypt. I had never been there. I had only seen the door. I wondered what a "rypt was li$e i! there were "o!!ins standing there. Ma0im.s !ather and mother. I wondered what would happen to the "o!!in o! that other woman who had been put there by mista$e. I wondered who she was poor un"laimed soul washed up by the wind and tide. &ow another "o!!in would stand there. 6ebe""a would lie there in the "rypt as well. 1as the vi"ar reading the burial servi"e there with Ma0im and Fran$ and 7olonel /ulyan standing by his side; (shes to ashes. 9ust to dust. It seemed to me that 6ebe""a had no reality any more. ,he had "rumbled away when they had !ound her on the "abin !loor. It was not 6ebe""a who was lying in the "rypt it was dust. -nly dust. /ust a!ter seven the rain began to !all. Gently at !irst a light pattering in the trees and so thin I "ould not see it. #hen louder and !aster a driving torrent !alling slant ways !rom the slate s$y li$e water !rom a slui"e. I le!t the windows open wide. I stood in !ront o! them and breathed the "old "lean air. #he rain splashed into my !a"e and on my hands. I "ould not see beyond the lawns the !alling rain "ame thi"$ and !ast. I heard it sputtering in the gutter%pipes above the window and splashing on the stones o! the terra"e. #here was no more thunder. #he rain smelt o! moss and earth and o! the bla"$ bar$ o! trees. I did not hear Frith "ome in at the door. I was standing by the window wat"hing the rain. I did not see him until he was beside me. .50"use me Madam . he said .do you $now i! Mr de 1inter will be long;. .&o . I said .not very long.. .#here.s a gentleman to see him Madam . said Frith a!ter a moment.s hesitation. .I.m not *uite sure what I ought to say. 2e.s very insistent about seeing Mr de 1inter.. .1ho is it;. I said. .Is it anyone you $now;. Frith loo$ed un"om!ortable. .<es Madam . he said .it.s a gentleman who used to "ome here !re*uently at one time when Mrs de 1inter was alive. ( gentleman "alled Mr Favell.. I $nelt on the window%seat and shut the window. #he rain was "oming in on the "ushions. #hen I turned round and loo$ed at Frith. .I thin$ perhaps I had better see Mr Favell . I said. .3ery good Madam..

I went and stood over on the rug beside the empty !irepla"e. It was +ust possible that I should be able to get rid o! Favell be!ore Ma0im "ame ba"$. I did not $now what I was going to say to him but I was not !rightened. In a !ew moments Frith returned and showed Favell into the library. 2e loo$ed mu"h the same as be!ore but a little rougher i! possible a little more untidy. 2e was the sort o! man who invariably went hatless his hair was blea"hed !rom the sun o! the last days and his s$in was deeply tanned. 2is eyes were rather bloodshot. I wondered i! he had been drin$ing. .I.m a!raid Ma0im is not here . I said. .I don.t $now when he will be ba"$. 1ouldn.t it be better i! you made an appointment to see him at the o!!i"e in the morning;. .1aiting doesn.t worry me . said Favell .and I don.t thin$ I shall have to wait very long you $now. I had a loo$ in the dining%room as I "ame along and I see Ma0.s pla"e is laid !or dinner all right.. .-ur plans have been "hanged . I said. .It.s *uite possible Ma0im won.t be home at all this evening.. .2e.s run o!! has he;. said Favell with a hal! smile I did not li$e. .I wonder i! you really mean it. -! "ourse under the "ir"umstan"es it.s the wisest thing he "an do. Gossip is an unpleasant thing to some people. It.s more pleasant to avoid it isn.t it;. .I don.t $now what you mean . I said. .9on.t you;. he said. .-h "ome you don.t e0pe"t me to believe that do you; #ell me are you !eeling better; #oo bad !ainting li$e that at the in*uest this a!ternoon. I would have "ome and helped you out but I saw you had one $night%errant already. I bet Fran$ 7rawley en+oyed himsel!. 9id you let him drive you home; <ou wouldn.t let me drive you !ive yards when I o!!ered to.. .1hat do you want to see Ma0im about;. I as$ed. Favell leant !orward to the table and helped himsel! to a "igarette. .<ou don.t mind my smo$ing I suppose;. he said .it won.t ma$e you si"$ will it; -ne never $nows with brides.. 2e wat"hed me over his lighter. .<ou.ve grown up a bit sin"e I saw you last haven.t you;. he said. .I wonder what you have been doing. Leading Fran$ 7rawley up the garden path;. 2e blew a "loud o! smo$e in the air. .I say do you mind as$ing old Frith to get me a whis$y and soda;. I did not say anything. I went and rang the bell. 2e sat down on the edge o! the so!a swinging his legs that hal!%smile on his lips. 6obert answered the bell. .( whis$y and soda !or Mr Favell . I said.

.1ell 6obert;. said Favell .I haven.t seen you !or a very long time. ,till brea$ing the hearts o! the girls in Aerrith;. 6obert !lushed. 2e glan"ed at me horribly embarrassed. .(ll right old "hap I won.t give you away. 6un along and get me a double whis$y and +ump on it.. 6obert disappeared. Favell laughed dropping ash all over the !loor. .I too$ 6obert out on"e on his hal!%day . he said. .6ebe""a bet me a !iver I wouldn.t as$ him. I won my !iver all right. ,pent one o! the !unniest evenings o! my li!e. 9id I laugh; -h boyB 6obert on the ra))le ta$es a lot o! beating I tell you. I must say he.s got a good eye !or a girl. 2e pi"$ed the prettiest o! the bun"h we saw that night.. 6obert "ame ba"$ again with the whis$y and soda on a tray. 2e still loo$ed very red very un"om!ortable. Favell wat"hed him with a smile as he poured out his drin$ and then he began to laugh leaning ba"$ on the arm o! the so!a. 2e whistled the bar o! a song wat"hing 6obert all the while. .#hat was the one wasn.t it;. he said .that was the tune; 9o you still li$e ginger hair 6obert;. 6obert gave him a !lat wea$ smile. 2e loo$ed miserable. Favell laughed louder still. 6obert turned and went out o! the room. .8oor $id . said Favell. .I don.t suppose he.s been on the loose sin"e. #hat old ass Frith $eeps him on a leading string.. 2e began drin$ing his whis$y and soda glan"ing round the room loo$ing at me every now and again and smiling. .I don.t thin$ I shall mind very mu"h i! Ma0 doesn.t get ba"$ to dinner . he said. .1hat say you;. I did not answer. I stood by the !irepla"e my hands behind my ba"$. .<ou wouldn.t waste that pla"e at the dining%room table would you;. he said. 2e loo$ed at me smiling still his head on one side. .Mr Favell . I said .I don.t want to be rude but as a matter o! !a"t I.m very tired. I.ve had a long and !airly e0hausting day. I! you "an.t tell me what you want to see Ma0im about it.s not mu"h good your sitting here. <ou had !ar better do as I suggest and go round to the estate o!!i"e in the morning.. 2e slid o!! the arm o! the so!a and "ame towards me his glass in his hand. .&o no . he said. .&o no don.t be a brute. I.ve had an e0hausting day too. 9on.t run away and leave me I.m *uite harmless really I am. I suppose Ma0 has been telling tales about me to you;. I did not answer. .<ou thin$ I.m the big bad wol! don.t you;. he said .but I.m not you $now. I.m a per!e"tly ordinary harmless blo$e. (nd I thin$ you are behaving splendidly over all this per!e"tly splendidly. I ta$e o!! my

hat to you I really do.. #his last spee"h o! his was very slurred and thi"$. I wished I had never told Frith I would see him. .<ou "ome down here to Manderley . he said waving his arm vaguely .you ta$e on all this pla"e meet hundreds o! people you.ve never seen be!ore you put up with old Ma0 and his moods you don.t give a !ig !or anyone you +ust go your own way. I "all it a damn good e!!ort and I don.t "are who hears me say so. ( damn good e!!ort.. 2e swayed a little as he stood. 2e steadied himsel! and put the empty glass down on the table. .#his business has been a sho"$ to me you $now . he said. .( bloody aw!ul sho"$. 6ebe""a was my "ousin. I was damn !ond o! her.. .<es . I said. .I.m very sorry !or you.. .1e were brought up together . he went on. .(lways tremendous pals. Li$ed the same things the same people. Laughed at the same +o$es. I suppose I was !onder o! 6ebe""a than anyone else in the world. (nd she was !ond o! me. (ll this has been a bloody sho"$.. .<es . I said. .<es o! "ourse.. .(nd what is Ma0 going to do about it that.s what I want to $now; 9oes he thin$ he "an sit ba"$ *uietly now that sham in*uest is over; #ell me that;. 2e was not smiling any more. 2e bent towards me. .I.m going to see +usti"e is done to 6ebe""a . he said his voi"e growing louder. .,ui"ide... God (lmighty that doddering old !ool o! a 7oroner got the +ury to say sui"ide. <ou and I $now it wasn.t sui"ide don.t we;. 2e leant "loser to me still. .9on.t we;. he said slowly. #he door opened and Ma0im "ame into the room with Fran$ +ust behind him. Ma0im stood *uite still with the door open staring at Favell. .1hat the hell are you doing here;. he said. Favell turned round his hands in his po"$ets. 2e waited a moment and then he began to smile. .(s a matter o! !a"t Ma0 old "hap I "ame to "ongratulate you on the in*uest this a!ternoon.. .9o you mind leaving the house;. said Ma0 .or do you want 7rawley and me to "hu"$ you out;. .,teady a moment steady a moment . said Favell. 2e lit another "igarette and sat down on"e more on the arm o! the so!a. .<ou don.t want Frith to hear what I.m going to say do you;. he said. .1ell he will i! you don.t shut that door.. Ma0im did not move. I saw Fran$ "lose the door very *uietly. .&ow listen here Ma0 . said Favell .you.ve "ome very well out o! this a!!air haven.t you; Better than you ever e0pe"ted. -h yes I was in the "ourt this a!ternoon and I dare say you saw me. I was there !rom start to !inish. I saw your wi!e !aint at a rather "riti"al moment and I don.t blame her. It was

tou"h and go then wasn.t it Ma0 what way the en*uiry would go; (nd lu"$ily !or you it went the way it did. <ou hadn.t s*uared those thi"$%headed !ellows who were a"ting +ury had you; It loo$ed damn li$e it tome.. Ma0im made a move towards Favell but Favell held up his hand. .1ait a bit "an.t you;. he said. .I haven.t !inished yet. <ou realise don.t you Ma0 old man that I "an ma$e things damned unpleasant !or you i! I "hoose. &ot only unpleasant but shall I say dangerous;. I sat down on the "hair beside the !irepla"e. I held the arms o! the "hair very tight. Fran$ "ame over and stood behind the "hair. ,till Ma0im did not move. 2e never too$ his eyes o!! Favell. .-h yes;. he said .in what way "an you ma$e things dangerous;. .Loo$ here Ma0 . said Favell .I suppose there are no se"rets between you and your wi!e and !rom the loo$ o! things 7rawley there +ust ma$es the happy trio. I "an spea$ plainly then and I will. <ou all $now about 6ebe""a and me. 1e were lovers weren.t we; I.ve never denied it and I never will. 3ery well then. >p to the present I believed li$e every other !ool that 6ebe""a was drowned sailing in the bay and that her body was pi"$ed up at 5dge"oombe wee$s a!terwards. It was a sho"$ to me then a bloody sho"$. But I said to mysel! #hat.s the sort o! death 6ebe""a would "hoose she.d go out li$e she lived !ighting.. 2e paused he sat there on the edge o! the so!a loo$ing at all o! us in turn. .#hen I pi"$ up the evening paper a !ew days ago and I read that 6ebe""a.s boat had been stumbled on by the lo"al diver and that there was a body in the "abin. I "ouldn.t understand it. 1ho the hell would 6ebe""a have as a sailing "ompanion; It didn.t ma$e sense. I "ame down here and put up at a pub +ust outside Aerrith. I got in tou"h with Mrs 9anvers. ,he told me then that the body in the "abin was 6ebe""a.s. 5ven so I thought li$e everyone else that the !irst body was a mista$e and 6ebe""a had somehow got shut in the "abin when she went to !et"h a "oat. 1ell I attended that in*uest today as you $now. (nd everything went smoothly didn.t it until #abb gave his eviden"e; But a!ter that; 1ell Ma0 old man what have you got to say about those holes in the !loorboards and those sea"o"$s turned !ull on;. .9o you thin$ . said Ma0im slowly .that a!ter those hours o! tal$ this a!ternoon I am going into it again % with you; <ou heard the eviden"e and you heard the verdi"t. It satis!ied the 7oroner and it must satis!y you.. .,ui"ide eh;. said Favell. .6ebe""a "ommitting sui"ide. #he sort o! thing she would do wasn.t it; Listen' you never $new I had this note did you; I $ept it be"ause it was the last thing she ever wrote to me. I.ll read it to you. I thin$ it will interest you..

2e too$ a pie"e o! paper out o! his po"$et. I re"ognised that thin pointed slanting hand. I tried to ring you !rom the !lat but "ould get no answer Ihe readJ. I.m going down to Manders right away. I shall be at the "ottage this evening and i! you get this in time will you get the "ar and !ollow me. I.ll spend the night at the "ottage and leave the door open !or you. I.ve got something to tell you and I want to see you as soon as possible. 6ebe""a. 2e put the note ba"$ in his po"$et. =#hat.s not the sort o! note you write when you.re going to "ommit sui"ide is it;. he said. .It was waiting !or me at my !lat when I got ba"$ about !our in the morning. I had no idea 6ebe""a was to be in London that day or I should have got in tou"h with her. It happened by a vile stro$e o! !ortune I was on a party that night. 1hen I read the note at !our in the morning I de"ided it was too late to go "rashing down on a si0%hour run to Manderley. I went to bed determined to put a "all through later in the day. I did. (bout twelve o."lo"$. (nd I heard 6ebe""a had been drownedB. 2e sat there staring at Ma0im. &one o! us spo$e. .,upposing the 7oroner this a!ternoon had read that note it would have made it a little bit more tri"$y !or you wouldn.t it Ma0 old man;. said Favell. .1ell . said Ma0im .why didn.t you get up and give it to him;. .,teady old boy steady. &o need to get rattled. I don.t want to smash you Ma0. God $nows you.ve never been a !riend to me but I don.t bear mali"e about it. (ll married men with lovely wives are +ealous aren.t they; (nd some o! .em +ust "an.t help playing -thello. #hey.re made that way. I don.t blame them. I.m sorry !or them. I.m a bit o! a ,o"ialist in my way you $now and I "an.t thin$ why !ellows "an.t share their women instead o! $illing them. 1hat di!!eren"e does it ma$e; <ou "an get your !un +ust the same. ( lovely woman isn.t li$e a motor tyre she doesn.t wear out. #he more you use her the better she goes. &ow Ma0 I.ve laid all my "ards on the table. 1hy "an.t we "ome to some agreement; I.m not a ri"h man. I.m too !ond o! gambling !or that. But what gets me down is never having any "apital to !all ba"$ upon. &ow i! I had a settlement o! two or three thousand a year !or li!e I "ould +og along "om!ortably. (nd I.d never trouble you again. I swear be!ore God I would not.. .I.ve as$ed you be!ore to leave the house . said Ma0im. .I.m not going to as$ you again. #here.s the door behind me. <ou "an open it yoursel!.. .2ai!a minute Ma0im . said Fran$' .it.s not *uite so easy as all that.. 2e turned to Favell. .I see what you.re driving at. It happens very un!ortunately that you "ould as you say twist things round and ma$e it

di!!i"ult !or Ma0im. I don.t thin$ he sees it as "learly as I do. 1hat is the e0a"t amount you propose Ma0im should settle on you;. I saw Ma0im go very white and a little pulse began to show on his !orehead. .9on.t inter!ere with this Fran$ . he said .this is my a!!air entirely. I.m not going to give way to bla"$mail.. .I don.t suppose your wi!e wants to be pointed out as Mrs de 1inter the widow o! a murderer o! a !ellow who was hanged . said Favell. 2e laughed and glan"ed towards me. .<ou thin$ you "an !righten me don.t you Favell;. said Ma0im. .1ell you are wrong. I.m not a!raid o! anything you "an do. #here is the telephone in the ne0t room. ,hall I ring up 7olonel /ulyan and as$ him to "ome over; 2e.s the magistrate. 2e.ll be interested in your story.. Favell stared at him and laughed. .Good blu!! . he said .but it won.t wor$. <ou wouldn.t dare ring up old /ulyan. I.ve got enough eviden"e to hang you Ma0 old man.. Ma0im wal$ed slowly a"ross the room and passed through to the little room beyond. I heard the "li"$ o! the telephone. .,top himB. I said to Fran$. .,top him !or God.s sa$e.. Fran$ glan"ed at my !a"e he went swi!tly towards the door. I heard Ma0im.s voi"e very "ool very "alm. .I want Aerrith 1? . he said. Favell was wat"hing the door his !a"e "uriously intense. .Leave me alone . I heard Ma0im say to Fran$. (nd then two minutes a!terwards. .Is that 7olonel /ulyan spea$ing; It.s de 1inter here. <es. <es I $now. I wonder i! you "ould possibly "ome over here at on"e. <es to Manderley. It.s rather urgent. I "an.t e0plain why on the telephone but you shall hear everything dire"tly you "ome. I.m very sorry to have to drag you out. <es. #han$ you very mu"h. Goodbye.. 2e "ame ba"$ again into the room. ./ulyan is "oming right away . he said. 2e "rossed over and threw open the windows. It was still raining very hard. 2e stood there with his ba"$ to us breathing the "old air. .Ma0im . said Fran$ *uietly. .Ma0im.. 2e did not answer. Favell laughed and helped himsel! to another "igarette. .I! you want to hang yoursel! old !ellow it.s all the same to me . he said. 2e pi"$ed up a paper !rom the table and !lung himsel! down on the so!a "rossed his legs and began to turn over the pages. Fran$ hesitated glan"ing !rom me to Ma0im. #hen he "ame beside me. .7an.t you do something;. I whispered. .Go out and meet 7olonel /ulyan prevent him !rom "oming say it was all a mista$e;. Ma0im spo$e !rom the window without turning round.

.Fran$ is not to leave this room . he said. .I.m going to manage this thing alone. 7olonel /ulyan will be here in e0a"tly ten minutes.. 1e none o! us said anything. Favell went on reading his paper. #here was no sound but the steady !alling rain. It !ell without a brea$ steady straight and monotonous. I !elt helpless without strength. #here was nothing I "ould do. &othing that Fran$ "ould do. In a boo$ or in a play I would have !ound a revolver and we should have shot Favell hidden his body in a "upboard. #here was no revolver. #here was no "upboard. 1e were ordinary people. #hese things did not happen. I "ould not go to Ma0im now and beg him on my $nees to give Favell the money. I had to sit there with my hands in my lap wat"hing the rain wat"hing Ma0im with his ba"$ turned to me standing by the window. It was raining too hard to hear the "ar. #he sound o! the rain "overed all other sounds. 1e did not $now 7olonel /ulyan had arrived until the door opened and Frith showed him into the room. Ma0im swung round !rom the window. .Good evening . he said. .1e meet again. <ou.ve made very good time.. .<es . said 7olonel /ulyan .you said it was urgent so I "ame at on"e. Lu"$ily my man had le!t the "ar handy. 1hat an evening.. 2e glan"ed at Favell un"ertainly and then "ame over and shoo$ hands with me nodding to Ma0im. .( good thing the rain has "ome . he said. .It.s been hanging about too long. I hope you.re !eeling better.. I murmured something I don.t $now what and he stood there loo$ing !rom one to the other o! us rubbing his hands. .I thin$ you reali)e. Ma0im said .that I haven.t brought you out on an evening li$e this !or a so"ial hal!%hour be!ore dinner. #his is /a"$ Favell my late wi!e.s !irst "ousin. I don.t $now i! you have ever met.. 7olonel /ulyan nodded. .<our !a"e seems !amiliar. I.ve probably met you here in the old days.. .@uite . said Ma0im. .Go ahead Favell.. Favell got up !rom the so!a and "hu"$ed the paper ba"$ on the table. #he ten minutes seemed to have sobered him. 2e wal$ed *uite steadily. 2e was not smiling any longer. I had the impression that he was not entirely pleased with the turn in the events and he was ill%prepared !or the en"ounter with 7olonel /ulyan. 2e began spea$ing in a loud rather domineering voi"e. .Loo$ here 7olonel /ulyan . he said .there.s no sense in beating about the bush. #he reason why I.m here is that I.m not satis!ied with the verdi"t given at the in*uest this a!ternoon.. .-h;. said 7olonel /ulyan .isn.t that !or de 1inter to say not you;.

.&o I don.t thin$ it is . said Favell. .I have a right to spea$ not only as 6ebe""a.s "ousin but as her prospe"tive husband had she lived.. 7olonel /ulyan loo$ed rather ta$en aba"$. .-h . he said. .-h I see. #hat.s rather di!!erent. Is this true de 1inter;. Ma0im shrugged his shoulders. .It.s the !irst I.ve heard o! it . he said. 7olonel /ulyan loo$ed !rom one to the other doubt!ully. .Loo$ here Favell . he said .what e0a"tly is your trouble;. Favell stared at him a moment. I "ould see he was planning something in his mind and he was still not sober enough to "arry it through. 2e put his hand slowly in his waist"oat po"$et and brought out 6ebe""a.s note. =#his note was written a !ew hours be!ore 6ebe""a was supposed to have set out on that sui"idal sail. 2ere it is. I want you to read it and say whether you thin$ a woman who wrote that note had made up her mind to $ill hersel!.. 7olonel /ulyan too$ a pair o! spe"ta"les !rom a "ase in his po"$et and read the note. #hen he handed it ba"$ to Favell. .&o . he said .on the !a"e o! it no. But I don.t $now what the note re!ers to. 8erhaps you do. -r perhaps de 1inter does;. Ma0im did not say anything. Favell twisted the pie"e o! paper in his !ingers "onsidering 7olonel /ulyan all the while. .My "ousin made a de!inite appointment in that note didn.t she;. he said. .,he deliberately as$ed me to drive down to Manderley that night be"ause she had something to tell me. 1hat it a"tually was I don.t suppose we shall ever $now but that.s beside the point. ,he made the appointment and she was to spend the night in the "ottage on purpose to see me alone. #he mere !a"t o! her going !or a sail never surprised me. It was the sort o! thing she did !or an hour or so a!ter a long day in London. But to plug holes in the "abin and deliberately drown hersel! the hysteri"al impulsive !rea$ o! a neuroti" girl % oh no 7olonel /ulyan by 7hrist noB. #he "olour had !looded into his !a"e and the last words were shouted. 2is manner was not help!ul to him and I "ould see by the thin line o! 7olonel /ulyan.s mouth that he had not ta$en to Favell. .My dear !ellow . he said .it.s not the slightest use your losing your temper with me. I.m not the 7oroner who "ondu"ted the en*uiry this a!ternoon nor am I a member o! the +ury who gave the verdi"t. I.m merely the magistrate o! the distri"t. &aturally I want to help you all I "an and de 1inter too. <ou say you re!use to believe your "ousin "ommitted sui"ide. -n the other hand you heard as we all did the eviden"e o! the boat%builder. #he sea"o"$s were open the holes were there. 3ery well. ,uppose we get to the point. 1hat do you suggest really happened;. Favell turned his head and loo$ed slowly towards Ma0im. 2e was still twisting the note between his !ingers. .6ebe""a never opened those sea"o"$s

nor split the holes in the plan$ing. 6ebe""a never "ommitted sui"ide. <ou.ve as$ed !or my opinion and by God you shall have it. 6ebe""a was murdered. (nd i! you want to $now who the murderer is why there he stands by the window there with that God%damned superior smile on his !a"e. 2e "ouldn.t even wait "ould he until the year was out be!ore marrying the !irst girl he set eyes on; #here he is there.s your murderer !or you Mr Ma0imilian de 1inter. #a$e a good long loo$ at him. 2e.d loo$ well hanging wouldn.t he;. (nd Favell began to laugh the laugh o! a drun$ard high%pit"hed !or"ed and !oolish and all the while twisting 6ebe""a.s note between his !ingers.

Chapter twenty-four

#han$ God !or Favell.s laugh. #han$ God !or his pointing !inger his !lushed !a"e his staring bloodshot eyes. #han$ God !or the way he stood there swaying on his two !eet. Be"ause it made 7olonel /ulyan antagonisti" it put him on our side. I saw the disgust on his !a"e the *ui"$ movement o! his lips. 7olonel /ulyan did not believe him. 7olonel /ulyan was on our side. =#he man.s drun$ . he said *ui"$ly. .2e doesn.t $now what he.s saying.. .9run$ am I;. shouted Favell. .-h no my !ine !riend. <ou may be a magistrate and a "olonel into the bargain but it won.t "ut any i"e with me. I.ve got the law on my side !or a "hange and I.m going to use it. #here are other magistrates in this bloody "ounty besides you. Fellows with brains in their heads who understand the meaning o! +usti"e. &ot soldiers who got the sa"$ years ago !or in"ompeten"e and wal$ about with a string o! putty medals on their "hest. Ma0 de 1inter murdered 6ebe""a and I.m going to prove it.. .1ait a minute Mr Favell . said 7olonel /ulyan *uietly .you were present at the en*uiry this a!ternoon weren.t you; I remember you now. I saw you sitting there. I! you !elt so deeply about the in+usti"e o! the verdi"t why didn.t you say so then to the +ury to the 7oroner himsel!; 1hy didn.t you produ"e that letter in "ourt;. Favell stared at him and laughed. .1hy;. he said .be"ause I did not "hoose to that.s why. I pre!erred to "ome and ta"$le de 1inter personally.. =#hat.s why I rang you up . said Ma0im "oming !orward !rom the window' .we.ve already heard Favell.s a""usations. I as$ed him the same *uestion. 1hy didn.t he tell his suspi"ions to the 7oroner; 2e said he was not a ri"h man and that i! I "ared to settle two or three thousand on him !or li!e he would never worry me again. Fran$ was here and my wi!e. #hey both heard him. (s$ them.. .It.s per!e"tly true sir . said Fran$. .It.s bla"$mail pure and simple.. .<es o! "ourse . said 7olonel /ulyan .the trouble is that bla"$mail is not very pure nor is it parti"ularly simple. It "an ma$e a lot o! unpleasantness !or a great many people even i! the bla"$mailer !inds himsel! in +ail at the end o! it. ,ometimes inno"ent people !ind themselves in +ail as well. 1e want to avoid that in this "ase. I don.t $now whether you are

su!!i"iently sober Favell to answer my *uestions and i! you $eep o!! irrelevant personalities we may get through with the business *ui"$er. <ou have +ust made a serious a""usation against de 1inter. 2ave you any proo! to ba"$ that a""usation;. .8roo!;. said Favell. .1hat the hell do you want with proo!; (ren.t those holes in the boat proo! enough;. .7ertainly not . said 7olonel /ulyan .unless you "an bring a witness who saw him do it. 1here.s your witness;. .1itness be damned . said Favell. .-! "ourse de 1inter did it. 1ho else would $ill 6ebe""a;. .Aerrith has a large population . said 7olonel /ulyan. .1hy not go !rom door to door ma$ing en*uiries; I might have done it mysel!. <ou appear to have no more proo! against de 1inter there than you would have against me.. .-h I see . said Favell .you.re going to hold his hand through this. <ou.re going to ba"$ de 1inter. <ou won.t let him down be"ause you.ve dined with him and he.s dined with you. 2e.s a big name down here. 2e.s the owner o! Manderley. <ou poor bloody little snob.. .#a$e "are Favell ta$e "are.. .<ou thin$ you "an get the better o! me don.t you; <ou thin$ I.ve got no "ase to bring to a "ourt o! law. I.ll get my proo! !or you all right. I tell you de 1inter $illed 6ebe""a be"ause o! me. 2e $new I was her lover' he was +ealous madly +ealous. 2e $new she was waiting !or me at the "ottage on the bea"h and he went down that night and $illed her. #hen he put her body in the boat and san$ her.. .@uite a "lever story Favell in its way but I repeat again you have no proo!. 8rodu"e your witness who saw it happen and I might begin to ta$e you seriously. I $now that "ottage on the bea"h. ( sort o! pi"ni" pla"e isn.t it; Mrs de 1inter used to $eep the gear there !or the boat. It would help your story i! you "ould turn it into a bungalow with !i!ty repli"as alongside o! it. #here would be a "han"e then that one o! the inhabitants might have seen the whole a!!air.. .2old on . said Favell slowly .hold on... #here is a "han"e de 1inter might have been seen that night. @uite a good "han"e too. It.s worth !inding out. 1hat would you say i! I did produ"e a witness;. 7olonel /ulyan shrugged his shoulders. I saw Fran$ glan"e in*uiringly at Ma0im. Ma0im did not say anything. 2e was wat"hing Favell. I suddenly $new what Favell meant. I $new who he was tal$ing about. (nd in a !lash o! !ear and horror I $new that he was right. #here had been a witness that night. Little senten"es "ame ba"$ to me. 1ords I had not understood phrases I

believed to be the !ragments o! a poor idiot.s mind. .,he.s down there isn.t she; ,he won.t "ome ba"$ again.. .I didn.t tell no one.. =#hey.ll !ind her there won.t they; #he !ishes have eaten her haven.t they;. .,he.ll not "ome ba"$ no more.. Ben $new. Ben had seen. Ben with his *ueer "ra)ed brain had been a witness all the time. 2e had been hiding in the woods that night. 2e had seen Ma0im ta$e the boat !rom the moorings and pull ba"$ in the dinghy alone. I $new all the "olour was draining away !rom my !a"e. I leant ba"$ against the "ushion o! the "hair. =#here.s a lo"al hal!%wit who spends his time on the bea"h . said Favell. .2e was always hanging about when I used to "ome down and meet 6ebe""a. I.ve o!ten seen him. 2e used to sleep in the woods or on the bea"h when the nights were hot. #he !ellow.s "ra"$ed he would never have "ome !orward on his own. But I "ould ma$e him tal$ i! he did see anything that night. (nd there.s a bloody big "han"e he did.. .1ho is this; 1hat.s he tal$ing about;. said 7olonel /ulyan. .2e must mean Ben . said Fran$ with another glan"e at Ma0im. .2e.s the son o! one o! our tenants. But the man.s not responsible !or what he says or does. 2e.s been an idiot sin"e birth.. .1hat the hell does that matter;. said Favell. .2e.s got eyes hasn.t he; 2e $nows what he sees. 2e.s only got to answer yes or no. <ou.re getting windy now aren.t you; &ot so mighty "on!ident;. .7an we get hold o! this !ellow and *uestion him;. as$ed 7olonel /ulyan. .-! "ourse . said Ma0im. .#ell 6obert to "ut down to his mother.s "ottage Fran$ and bring him ba"$.. Fran$ hesitated. I saw him glan"e at me out o! the tail o! his eye. .Go on !or God.s sa$e . said Ma0im. .1e want to end this thing don.t we;. Fran$ went out o! the room. I began to !eel the old nagging pain beneath my heart. In a !ew minutes Fran$ "ame ba"$ again into the room. .6obert.s ta$en my "ar . he said. .I! Ben is at home he won.t be more than ten minutes.. .#he rain will $eep him at home all right . said Favell' .he.ll be there. (nd I thin$ you will !ind I shall be able to ma$e him tal$.. 2e laughed and loo$ed at Ma0im. 2is !a"e was still very !lushed. 50"itement had made him sweat' there were beads o! perspiration on his !orehead. I noti"ed how his ne"$ bulged over the ba"$ o! his "ollar and how low his ears were set on his head. #hose !lorid good loo$s would not last him very long. (lready he was out o! "ondition pu!!y. 2e helped himsel! to another "igarette. .<ou.re li$e a

little trade union here at Manderley aren.t you;. he said' .no one going to give anyone else away. 5ven the lo"al magistrate is on the same ra"$et. 1e must e0empt the bride o! "ourse. ( wi!e doesn.t give eviden"e against her husband. 7rawley o! "ourse has been s*uared. 2e $nows he would lose his +ob i! he told the truth. (nd i! I guess rightly there.s a spi"e o! mali"e in his soul towards me too. <ou didn.t have mu"h su""ess with 6ebe""a did you 7rawley; #hat garden path wasn.t *uite long enough eh; It.s a bit easier this time isn.t it. #he bride will be grate!ul !or your !raternal arm every time she !aints. 1hen she hears the +udge senten"e her husband to death that arm o! yours will "ome in very handy.. It happened very *ui"$ly. #oo *ui"$ !or me to see how Ma0im did it. But I saw Favell stagger and !all against the arm o! the so!a and down on to the !loor. (nd Ma0im was standing +ust beside him. I !elt rather si"$. #here was something degrading in the !a"t that Ma0im had hit Favell. I wished I had not $nown. I wished I had not been there to see. 7olonel /ulyan did not say anything. 2e loo$ed very grim. 2e turned his ba"$ on them and "ame and stood beside me. .I thin$ you had better go upstairs . he said *uietly. I shoo$ my head. .&o . I whispered. .&o.. =#hat !ellow is in a state "apable o! saying anything . he said. .1hat you have +ust seen was not very attra"tive was it; <our husband was right o! "ourse but it.s a pity you saw it.. I did not answer. I was wat"hing Favell who was getting slowly to his !eet. 2e sat down heavily on the so!a and put his hand$er"hie! to his !a"e. .Get me a drin$ . he said .get me a drin$.. Ma0im loo$ed at Fran$. Fran$ went out o! the room. &one o! us spo$e. In a moment Fran$ "ame ba"$ with the whis$y and soda on a tray. 2e mi0ed some in a glass and gave it to Favell. Favell dran$ it greedily li$e an animal. #here was something sensual and horrible the way he put his mouth to the glass. 2is lips !olded upon the glass in a pe"uliar way. #here was a dar$ red pat"h on his +aw where Ma0im had hit him. Ma0im had turned his ba"$ on him again and had returned to the window. I glan"ed at 7olonel /ulyan and saw that he was loo$ing at Ma0im. 2is ga)e was "urious intent. My heart began beating very *ui"$ly. 1hy did 7olonel /ulyan loo$ at Ma0im in that way; 9id it mean that he was beginning to wonder to suspe"t; Ma0im did not see. 2e was wat"hing the rain. It !ell straight and steady as be!ore. #he sound !illed the room. Favell !inished his whis$y and soda and put the glass ba"$ on the table beside the so!a. 2e was breathing

heavily. 2e did not loo$ at any o! us. 2e was staring straight in !ront o! him at the !loor. #he telephone began ringing in the little room. It stru"$ a shrill dis"ordant note. Fran$ went to answer it. 2e "ame ba"$ at on"e and loo$ed at 7olonel /ulyan. .It.s your daughter . he said' .they want to $now i! they are to $eep dinner ba"$.. 7olonel /ulyan waved his hand impatiently. .#ell them to start . he said .tell them I don.t $now when I shall be ba"$.. 2e glan"ed at his wat"h. .Fan"y ringing up . he muttered' .what a moment to "hoose.. Fran$ went ba"$ into the little room to give the message. I thought o! the daughter at the other end o! the telephone. It would be the one who played gol!. I "ould imagine her "alling to her sister .9ad says we.re to start. 1hat on earth "an he be doing; #he stea$ will be li$e leather.. #heir little household disorganised be"ause o! us. #heir evening routine upset. (ll these !oolish in"onse*uent threads hanging upon one another be"ause Ma0im had $illed 6ebe""a. I loo$ed at Fran$. 2is !a"e was pale and set. .I heard 6obert "oming ba"$ with the "ar . he said to 7olonel /ulyan. .#he window in there loo$s on to the drive.. 2e went out o! the library to the hall. Favell had li!ted his head when he spo$e. #hen he got to his !eet on"e more and stood loo$ing towards the door. #here was a *ueer ugly smile on his !a"e. #he door opened and Fran$ "ame in. 2e turned and spo$e to someone in the hall outside. .(ll right Ben . he said *uietly .Mr de 1inter wants to give you some "igarettes. #here.s nothing to be !rightened o!.. Ben stepped aw$wardly into the room. 2e had his sou.wester in his hands. 2e loo$ed odd and na$ed without his hat. I realised !or the !irst time that his head was shaved all over and he had no hair. 2e loo$ed di!!erent dread!ul. #he light seemed to da)e him. 2e glan"ed !oolishly round the room blin$ing his small eyes. 2e "aught sight o! me and I gave him a wea$ rather tremulous smile. I don.t $now i! he re"ognised me or not. 2e +ust blin$ed his eyes. #hen Favell wal$ed slowly towards him and stood in !ront o! him. .2ullo . he said' .how.s li!e treated you sin"e we last met;. Ben stared at him. #here was no re"ognition on his !a"e. 2e did not answer. .1ell;. said Favell .you $now who I am don.t you;. Ben went on twisting his sou.wester. .5h;. he said.

.2ave a "igarette . said Favell handing him the bo0. Ben glan"ed at Ma0im and Fran$. .(ll right . said Ma0im .ta$e as many as you li$e.. Ben too$ !our and stu"$ two behind ea"h ear. #hen he stood twisting his "ap again. .<ou $now who I am don.t you;. repeated Favell. ,till Ben did not answer. 7olonel /ulyan wal$ed a"ross to him. .<ou shall go home in a !ew moments Ben . he said. .&o one is going to hurt you. 1e +ust want you to answer one or two *uestions. <ou $now Mr Favell don.t you;. #his time Ben shoo$ his head. .I never seen .un . he said. .9on.t be a bloody !ool . said Favell roughly' .you $now you.ve seen me. <ou.ve seen me go to the "ottage on the bea"h Mrs de 1inter.s "ottage. <ou.ve seen me there haven.t you;. .&o . said Ben. .I never seen no one.. .<ou damned hal!%witted liar . said Favell .are you going to stand there and say you never saw me last year wal$ through those woods with Mrs de 1inter and go into the "ottage; 9idn.t we "at"h you on"e peering at us !rom the window;. .5h;. said Ben. .( "onvin"ing witness . said 7olonel /ulyan sar"asti"ally. Favell swung round on him. .It.s a put%up +ob . he said. .,omeone has got at this idiot and bribed him too. I tell you he.s seen me s"ores o! times. 2ere. 1ill this ma$e you remember;. 2e !umbled in his hip%po"$et and brought out a note%"ase. 2e !lourished a pound note in !ront o! Ben. .&ow do you remember me;. he said. Ben shoo$ his head. .I never seen .un . he said and then he too$ hold o! Fran$.s arm. .2as he "ome here to ta$e me to the asylum;. he said. .&o . said Fran$. .&o o! "ourse not Ben.. .I don.t want to go to the asylum . said Ben. .#hey.m "ruel to !ol$ in there. I want to stay home. I done nothing.. =#hat.s all right Ben . said 7olonel /ulyan. .&o one.s going to put you in the asylum. (re you *uite sure you.ve never seen this man be!ore;. .&o . said Ben. .I.ve never seen .un.. .<ou remember Mrs de 1inter don.t you;. said 7olonel /ulyan. Ben glan"ed doubt!ully towards me. .&o . said 7olonel /ulyan gently .not this lady. #he other lady who used to go to the "ottage.. .5h;. said Ben. .<ou remember the lady who had the boat;.

Ben blin$ed his eyes. .,he.s gone . he said. .<es we $now that . said 7olonel /ulyan. .,he used to sail the boat didn.t she; 1ere you on the bea"h when she sailed the boat the last time; -ne evening over twelve months ago. 1hen she didn.t "ome ba"$ again;. Ben twisted his sou.wester. 2e glan"ed at Fran$ and then at Ma0im. .5h;. he said. .<ou were there weren.t you;. said Favell leaning !orward. .<ou saw Mrs de 1inter "ome down to the "ottage and presently you saw Mr de 1inter too. 2e went into the "ottage a!ter her. 1hat happened then; Go on. 1hat happened;. Ben shran$ ba"$ against the wall. .I seen nothing . he said. .I want to stay home. I.m not going to the asylum. I never seen you. &ever be!ore. I never seen you and she in the woods.. 2e began to blubber li$e a "hild. .<ou "ra)y little rat . said Favell slowly .you bloody "ra)y little rat.. Ben was wiping his eyes with the sleeve o! his "oat. .<our witness does not seem to have helped you . said 7olonel /ulyan. .#he per!orman"e has been rather a waste o! time hasn.t it; 9o you want to as$ him anything else;. .It.s a plot . shouted Favell. .( plot against me. <ou.re all in it every one o! you. ,omeone.s paid this hal!%wit I tell you. 8aid him to tell his string o! dirty lies.. .I thin$ Ben might be allowed to go home . said 7olonel /ulyan. .(ll right Ben . said Ma0im. .6obert shall ta$e you ba"$. (nd no one will put you in the asylum don.t be a!raid. #ell 6obert to !ind him something in the $it"hen . he added to Fran$. .,ome "old meat whatever he !an"ies.. .8ayment !or servi"es rendered eh;. said Favell. .2e.s done a good day.s wor$ !or you Ma0 hasn.t he;. Fran$ too$ Ben out o! the room. 7olonel /ulyan glan"ed at Ma0im. .#he !ellow appeared to be s"ared sti!! . he said' .he was sha$ing li$e a lea!. I was wat"hing him. 2e.s never been ill%treated has he;. .&o . said Ma0im .he.s per!e"tly harmless and I.ve always let him have the run o! the pla"e.. .2e.s been !rightened at some time . said 7olonel /ulyan. .2e was showing the whites o! his eyes +ust li$e a dog does when you.re going to whip him.. .1ell why didn.t you;. said Favell. .2e.d have remembered me all right i! you.d whipped him. -h no he.s going to be given a good supper !or his wor$ tonight. Ben.s not going to be whipped.. .2e has not helped your "ase has he;. said 7olonel /ulyan *uietly' .we.re still where we were. <ou "an.t produ"e one shred o! eviden"e against

de 1inter and you $now it. #he very motive you gave won.t stand the test. In a "ourt o! law Favell you wouldn.t have a leg to stand on. <ou say you were Mrs de 1inter.s prospe"tive husband and that you held "landestine meetings with her in that "ottage on the bea"h. 5ven the poor idiot we have +ust had in this room swears he never saw you. <ou "an.t even prove your own story "an you;. .7an.t I;. said Favell. I saw him smile. 2e "ame a"ross to the !irepla"e and rang the bell. .1hat are you doing;. said 7olonel /ulyan. .1ait a moment and you.ll see . said Favell. I guessed already what was going to happen. Frith answered the bell. .(s$ Mrs 9anvers to "ome here . said Favell. Frith glan"ed at Ma0im. Ma0im nodded shortly. Frith went out o! the room. .Isn.t Mrs 9anvers the house$eeper;. said 7olonel /ulyan. .,he was also 6ebe""a.s personal !riend . said Favell. .,he was with her !or years be!ore she married and pra"ti"ally brought her up. <ou are going to !ind 9anny a very di!!erent sort o! witness to Ben.. Fran$ "ame ba"$ into the room. .8a"$ed Ben o!! to bed;. said Favell. .Given him his supper and told him he was a good boy; #his time it won.t be *uite so easy !or the trade union.. .Mrs 9anvers is "oming down . said 7olonel /ulyan. .Favell seems to thin$ he will get something out o! her.. Fran$ glan"ed *ui"$ly at Ma0im. 7olonel /ulyan saw the glan"e. I saw his lips tighten. I did not li$e it. &o I did not li$e it. I began biting my nails. 1e all waited wat"hing the door. (nd Mrs 9anvers "ame into the room. 8erhaps it was be"ause I had generally seen her alone and beside me she had seemed tall and gaunt but she loo$ed shrun$en now in si)e more wi)ened and I noti"ed she had to loo$ up to Favell and to Fran$ and Ma0im. ,he stood by the door her hands !olded in !ront o! her loo$ing !rom one to the other o! us. .Good evening Mrs 9anvers . said 7olonel /ulyan. .Good evening sir . she said. 2er voi"e was that old dead me"hani"al one I had heard so o!ten. .First o! all Mrs 9anvers I want to as$ you a *uestion . said 7olonel /ulyan .and the *uestion is this. 1ere you aware o! the relationship between the late Mrs de 1inter and Mr Favell here;. .#hey were !irst "ousins . said Mrs 9anvers.

.I was not re!erring to blood%relationship Mrs 9anvers . said 7olonel /ulyan. .I mean something "loser than that.. .I.m a!raid I don.t understand sir . said Mrs 9anvers. .-h "ome o!! it 9anny . said Favell' .you $now damn well what he.s driving at. I.ve told 7olonel /ulyan already but he doesn.t seem to believe me. 6ebe""a and I had lived together o!! and on !or years hadn.t we; ,he was in love with me. wasn.t she;. #o my surprise Mrs 9anvers "onsidered him a moment without spea$ing and there was something o! s"orn in the glan"e she gave him. .,he was not . she said. .Listen here you old !ool.... began Favell but Mrs 9anvers "ut him short. .,he was not in love with you or with Mr de 1inter. ,he was not in love with anyone. ,he despised all men. ,he was above all that.. Favell !lushed angrily. .Listen here. 9idn.t she "ome down the path through the woods to meet me night a!ter night; 9idn.t you wait up !or her; 9idn.t she spend the wee$ends with me in London;. .1ell;. said Mrs 9anvers with sudden passion .and what i! she did; ,he had a right to amuse hersel! hadn.t she. Love%ma$ing was a game with her only a game. ,he told me so. ,he did it be"ause it made her laugh. It made her laugh I tell you. ,he laughed at you li$e she did at the rest. I.ve $nown her "ome ba"$ and sit upstairs in her bed and ro"$ with laughter at the lot o! you.. #here was something horrible in the sudden torrent o! words something horrible and une0pe"ted. It revolted me even though I $new. Ma0im had gone very white. Favell stared at her blan$ly as though he had not understood. 7olonel /uly an tugged at his small mousta"he. &o one said anything !or a !ew minutes. (nd there was no sound but that inevitable !alling rain. #hen Mrs 9anvers began to "ry. ,he "ried li$e she had done that morning in the bedroom. I "ould not loo$ at her. I had to turn away. &o one said anything. #here were +ust the two sounds in the room the !alling rain and Mrs 9anvers "rying. It made me want to s"ream. I wanted to run out o! the room and s"ream and s"ream. &o one moved towards her to say anything or to help her. ,he went on "rying. #hen at last it seemed eternity she began to "ontrol hersel!. Little by little the "rying "eased. ,he stood *uite still her !a"e wor$ing her hands "lut"hing the bla"$ stu!! o! her !ro"$. (t last she was silent again. #hen 7olonel /ulyan spo$e *uietly slowly. .Mrs 9anvers . he said ."an you thin$ o! any reason however remote why Mrs de 1inter should have ta$en her own li!e;.

Mrs 9anvers swallowed. ,he went on "lut"hing at her !ro"$. ,he shoo$ her head. .&o . she said. .&o.. =#here you see;. Favell said swi!tly. .It.s impossible. ,he $nows that as well as I do. I.ve told you already.. .Be *uiet will you;. said 7olonel /ulyan. .Give Mrs 9anvers time to thin$. 1e all o! us agree that on the !a"e o! it the thing.s absurd out o! the *uestion. I.m not disputing the truth or vera"ity o! that note o! yours. It.s plain !or us to see. ,he wrote you that note some time during those hours she spent in London. #here was something she wanted to tell you. It.s +ust possible that i! we $new what that something was we might have the answer to the whole appalling problem. Let Mrs 9anvers read the note. ,he may be able to throw light on it.. Favell shrugged his shoulders. 2e !elt in his po"$et !or the note and threw it on the !loor at Mrs 9anvers. !eet. ,he stooped and pi"$ed it up. 1e wat"hed her lips move as she read the words. ,he read it twi"e. #hen she shoo$ her head. .It.s no use . she said. .I don.t $now what she meant. I! there was something important she had to tell Mr /a"$ she would have told me !irst.. .<ou never saw her that night;. .&o I was out. I was spending the a!ternoon and evening in Aerrith. I shall never !orgive mysel! !or that. &ever till my dying day.. .#hen you $now o! nothing on her mind you "an.t suggest a solution Mrs 9anvers; #hose words =I have something to tell you= do not "onvey anything to you at all;. .&o . she answered. .&o sir nothing at all.. .9oes anybody $now how she spent that day in London;. &obody answered. Ma0im shoo$ his head. Favell swore under his breath. .Loo$ here she le!t that note at my !lat at three in the a!ternoon . he said. .#he porter saw her. ,he must have driven down here straight a!ter that and gone li$e the wind too.. .Mrs de 1inter had a hair appointment !rom twelve until one thirty . said Mrs 9anvers. .I remember that be"ause I had to telephone through to London !rom here earlier in the wee$ and boo$ it !or her. I remember doing it. #welve to one thirty. ,he always lun"hed at her "lub a!ter a hair appointment so that she "ould leave the pins in her hair. It.s almost "ertain she lun"hed there that day.. .,ay it too$ her hal! an hour to have lun"h' what was she doing !rom two until three; 1e ought to veri!y that . said 7olonel /ulyan. .-h 7hrist /esus who the hell "ares what she was doing;. shouted Favell. .,he didn.t $ill hersel! that.s the only thing that matters isn.t it;.

.I.ve got her engagement diary lo"$ed in my room . said Mrs 9anvers slowly. .I $ept all those things. Mr de 1inter never as$ed me !or them. It.s +ust possible she may have noted down her appointments !or that day. ,he was methodi"al in that way. ,he used to put everything down and then ti"$ the items o!! with a "ross. I! you thin$ it would be help!ul I.ll go and !et"h the diary.. .1ell de 1inter;. said 7olonel /ulyan .what do you say; 9o you mind us seeing this diary;. .-! "ourse not . said Ma0im. .1hy on earth should I;. -n"e again I saw 7olonel /ulyan give him that swi!t "urious glan"e. (nd this time Fran$ noti"ed it. I saw Fran$ loo$ at Ma0im too. (nd then ba"$ again to me. #his time it was I who got up and went towards the window. It seemed to me that it was no longer raining *uite so hard. #he !ury was spent. #he rain that was !alling now had a *uieter so!ter note. #he grey light o! evening had "ome into the s$y. #he lawns were dar$ and dren"hed with the heavy rain and the trees had a shrouded humped appearan"e. I "ould hear the housemaid overhead drawing the "urtains !or the night shutting down the windows that had not been "losed already. #he little routine o! the day going on inevitably as it had always done. #he "urtains drawn shoes ta$en down to be "leaned the towel laid out on the "hair in the bathroom and the water run !or my bath. Beds turned down slippers put beneath a "hair. (nd here were we in the library none o! us spea$ing $nowing in our hearts that Ma0im was standing trial here !or his li!e. I turned round when I heard the so!t "losing o! the door. It was Mrs 9anvers. ,he had "ome ba"$ again with the diary in her hand. .I was right . she said *uietly. .,he had mar$ed down the engagements as I said she would. 2ere they are on the date she died.. ,he opened the diary a small red leather boo$. ,he gave it to 7olonel /ulyan. -n"e more he brought his spe"ta"les !rom his "ase. #here was a long pause while he glan"ed down the page. It seemed to me then that there was something about that parti"ular moment while he loo$ed at the page o! the diary and we stood waiting that !rightened me more than anything that had happened that evening. I dug my nails in my hands. I "ould not loo$ at Ma0im. ,urely 7olonel /ulyan must hear my heart beating and thumping in my breast; .(hB. he said. 2is !inger was in the middle o! the page. ,omething is going to happen I thought something terrible is going to happen. .<es . he said .yes here it is. 2air at twelve as Mrs 9anvers said. (nd a "ross beside it. ,he $ept her appointment then. Lun"h at the "lub and a "ross beside that.

1hat have we here though; Ba$er two o."lo"$. 1ho was Ba$er;. 2e loo$ed at Ma0im. Ma0im shoo$ his head. #hen at Mrs 9anvers. .Ba$er;. repeated Mrs 9anvers. .,he $new no one "alled Ba$er. I.ve never heard the name be!ore.. .1ell here it is . said 7olonel /ulyan handing her the diary. .<ou "an see !or yoursel! Ba$er. (nd she.s put a great "ross beside it as though she wanted to brea$ the pen"il. ,he evidently saw this Ba$er whoever he may have been.. Mrs 9anvers was staring at the name written in the diary and the bla"$ "ross beside it. .Ba$er . she said. .Ba$er.. .I believe i! we $new who Ba$er was we.d be getting to the bottom o! the whole business . said 7olonel /ulyan. .,he wasn.t in the hands o! moneylenders was she;. Mrs 9anvers loo$ed at him with s"orn. .Mrs de 1inter;. she said. .1ell bla"$mailers perhaps;. said 7olonel /ulyan with a glan"e at Favell. Mrs 9anvers shoo$ her head. .Ba$er . she repeated. .Ba$er.. .,he had no enemy no one who had ever threatened her no one she was a!raid o!;. .Mrs de 1inter a!raid;. said Mrs 9anvers. .,he was a!raid o! nothing and no one. #here was only one thing ever worried her and that was the idea o! getting old o! illness o! dying in her bed. ,he has said to me a s"ore o! times =1hen I go 9anny I want to go *ui"$ly li$e the snu!!ing out o! a "andle.= #hat used to be the only thing that "onsoled me a!ter she died. #hey say drowning is painless don.t they;. ,he loo$ed sear"hingly at 7olonel /ulyan. 2e did not answer. 2e hesitated tugging at his mousta"he. I saw him throw another glan"e at Ma0im. .1hat the hell.s the use o! all this;. said Favell "oming !orward. .1e.re strea$ing away !rom the point the whole bloody time. 1ho "ares about this Ba$er !ellow; 1hat.s he got to do with it; It was probably some damn mer"hant who sold sto"$ings or !a"e%"ream. I! he had been anyone important 9anny here would $now him. 6ebe""a had no se"rets !rom 9anny.. But I was wat"hing Mrs 9anvers. ,he had the boo$ in her hands and was turning the leaves. ,uddenly she gave an e0"lamation. .#here.s something here . she said .right at the ba"$ among the telephone numbers. Ba$er. (nd there.s a number beside it: LC88. But there is no e0"hange..

.Brilliant 9anny . said Favell: .be"oming *uite a sleuth in your old age aren.t you; But you.re +ust twelve months too late. I! you.d done this a year ago there might have been some use in it.. .#hat.s his number all right . said 7olonel /ulyan .LC88 and the name Ba$er beside it. 1hy didn.t she put the e0"hange;. .#ry every e0"hange in London . +eered Favell. .It will ta$e you through the night but we don.t mind. Ma0 doesn.t "are i! his telephone bill is a hundred pounds do you Ma0; <ou want to play !or time and so should I i! I were in your shoes.. .#here is a mar$ beside the number but it might mean anything . said 7olonel /ulyan' .ta$e a loo$ at it Mrs 9anvers. 7ould it possibly be an M;. Mrs 9anvers too$ the diary in her hands again. .It might be . she said doubt!ully. .It.s not li$e her usual M but she may have s"ribbled it in a hurry. <es it might be M.. .May!air LC88 . said Favell' .what a genius what a brainB. .1ell;. said Ma0im lighting his !irst "igarette .something had better be done about it. Fran$; Go through and as$ the e0"hange !or May!air LC88.. #he nagging pain was strong beneath my heart. I stood *uite still my hands by my side. Ma0im did not loo$ at me. .Go on Fran$ . he said. .1hat are you waiting !or;. Fran$ went through to the little room beyond. 1e waited while he "alled the e0"hange. In a moment he was ba"$ again. =#hey.re going to ring me . he said *uietly. 7olonel /ulyan "lasped his hands behind his ba"$ and began wal$ing up and down the room. &o one said anything. (!ter about !our minutes the telephone rang shrill and insistent that irritating monotonous note o! a long%distan"e "all. Fran$ went through to answer it. .Is that May!air LC88;. he said. .7an you tell me i! anyone o! the name o! Ba$er lives there; -h I see. I.m so sorry. <es I must have got the wrong number. #han$ you very mu"h.. #he little "li"$ as he repla"ed the re"eiver. #hen he "ame ba"$ into the room. .,omeone "alled Lady 5astleigh lives at May!air LC88. It.s an address in Grosvenor ,treet. #hey.ve never heard o! Ba$er.. Favell gave a great "a"$le o! laughter. =#he but"her the ba$er the "andlesti"$%ma$er they all +umped out o! a rotten potato . he said. .7arry on dete"tive &umber -ne what.s the ne0t e0"hange on the list;. .#ry Museum . said Mrs 9anvers. Fran$ glan"ed at Ma0im. .Go ahead . said Ma0im. #he !ar"e was repeated all over again. 7olonel /ulyan repeated his wal$ up and down the room. (nother !ive minutes went by and the

telephone rang again. Fran$ went to answer it. 2e le!t the door wide open I "ould see him lean down to the table where the telephone stood and bend to the mouth%pie"e. .2ullo; Is that Museum LC88; 7an you tell me i! anyone o! the name o! Ba$er lives there; -h' who is that spea$ing; ( night porter. <es. <es I understand. &ot o!!i"es. &o no o! "ourse. 7an you give me the address; <es it.s rather important.. 2e paused. 2e "alled to us over his shoulder. .I thin$ we.ve got him . he said. -h God don.t let it be true. 9on.t let Ba$er be !ound. 8lease God ma$e Ba$er be dead. I $new who Ba$er was. I had $nown all along. I wat"hed Fran$ through the door I wat"hed him lean !orward suddenly rea"h !or a pen"il and a pie"e o! paper. .2ullo; <es I.m still here. 7ould you spell it; #han$ you. #han$ you very mu"h. Good night.. 2e "ame ba"$ into the room the pie"e o! paper in his hands. Fran$ who loved Ma0im who did not $now that the pie"e o! paper he held was the one shred o! eviden"e that was worth a damn in the whole nightmare o! our evening and that by produ"ing it he "ould destroy Ma0im as well and truly as though he had a dagger in his hand and stabbed him in the ba"$. .It was the night porter !rom an address in Bloomsbury . he said. .#here are no residents there at all. #he pla"e is used during the day as a do"tor.s "onsulting rooms. (pparently Ba$er.s given up pra"ti"e and le!t si0 months ago. But we "an get hold o! him all right. #he night porter gave me his address. I wrote it down on this pie"e o! paper..

Chapter twenty-five

It was then that Ma0im loo$ed at me. 2e loo$ed at me !or the !irst time that evening. (nd in his eyes I read a message o! !arewell. It was as though he leant against the side o! a ship and I stood below him on the *uay. #here would be other people tou"hing his shoulder and tou"hing mine but we would not see them. &or would we spea$ or "all to one another !or the wind and the distan"e would "arry away the sound o! our voi"es. But I should see his eyes and he would see mine be!ore the ship drew away !rom the side o! the *uay. Favell Mrs 9anvers 7olonel /ulyan Fran$ with the slip o! paper in his hands they were all !orgotten at this moment. It was ours inviolate a !ra"tion o! time suspended between two se"onds. (nd then he turned away and held out his hand to Fran$. .1ell done . he said. .1hat.s the address;. .,omewhere near Barnet north o! London . said Fran$ giving him the paper. .But it.s not on the telephone. 1e "an.t ring him up.. .,atis!a"tory wor$ 7rawley . said 7olonel /ulyan .and !rom you too Mrs 9anvers. 7an you throw any light on the matter now;. Mrs 9anvers shoo$ her head. .Mrs de 1inter never needed a do"tor. Li$e all strong people she despised them. 1e only had 9o"tor 8hillips !rom Aerrith here on"e that time she sprained her wrist. I.ve never heard her spea$ o! this 9o"tor Ba$er she never mentioned his name to me.. .I tell you the !ellow was a !a"e%"ream mi0er . said Favell. .1hat the hell does it matter who he was; I! there was anything to it 9anny would $now. I tell you it.s some !ool !ellow who had dis"overed a new way o! blea"hing the hair or whitening the s$in and 6ebe""a had probably got the address !rom her hairdresser that morning and went along a!ter lun"h out o! "uriosity.. .&o . said Fran$. .I thin$ you.re wrong there. Ba$er wasn.t a *ua"$. #he night porter at Museum LC88 told me he was a very well%$nown woman.s spe"ialist.. .2.m . said 7olonel /ulyan pulling at his mousta"he .there must have been something wrong with her a!ter all. It seems very "urious that she did not say a word to anybody not even to you Mrs 9anvers.. .,he was too thin . said Favell. .I told her about it but she only laughed. ,aid it suited her. Banting I suppose li$e all these women. 8erhaps she went to this "hap Ba$er !or a diet sheet.. .9o you thin$ that.s possible Mrs 9anvers;. as$ed 7olonel /ulyan. Mrs 9anvers shoo$ her head slowly. ,he seemed da)ed bewildered by this sudden news about Ba$er. .I "an.t understand it . she said. .I don.t

$now what it means. Ba$er. ( 9o"tor Ba$er. 1hy didn.t she tell me; 1hy did she $eep it !rom me; ,he told me everything.. .8erhaps she didn.t want to worry you . said 7olonel /ulyan. .&o doubt she made an appointment with him and saw him and then when she "ame down that night she was going to have told you all about it.. .(nd the note to Mr /a"$ . said Mrs 9anvers suddenly. .#hat note to Mr /a"$ =I have something to tell you. I must see you=' she was going to tell him too;. .#hat.s true . said Favell slowly. .1e were !orgetting the note.. -n"e more he pulled it out o! his po"$et and read it to us aloud.. =I.ve got something to tell you and I want to see you as soon as possible. 6ebe""a.= . .-! "ourse there.s no doubt about it . said 7olonel /ulyan turning to Ma0im. .I wouldn.t mind betting a thousand pounds on it. ,he was going to tell Favell the result o! that interview with this 9o"tor Ba$er.. .I believe you.re right a!ter all . said Favell. =#he note and that appointment seem to hang together. But what the hell was it all about that.s what I want to $now; 1hat was the matter with her;. #he truth s"reamed in their !a"es and they did not see. #hey all stood there staring at one another and they did not understand. I dared not loo$ at them. I dared not move lest I betray my $nowledge. Ma0im said nothing. 2e had gone ba"$ to the window and was loo$ing out into the garden that was hushed and dar$ and still. #he rain had "eased at last but the spots !ell !rom the dripping leaves and !rom the gutter above the window. .It ought to be *uite easy to veri!y . said Fran$. .2ere is the do"tor.s present address. I "an write him a letter and as$ him i! he remembers an appointment last year with Mrs de 1inter.. .I don.t $now i! he would ta$e any noti"e o! it . said 7olonel /ulyan .there is so mu"h o! this eti*uette in the medi"al pro!ession. 5very "ase is "on!idential you $now. #he only way to get anything out o! him would be to get de 1inter to see him privately and e0plain the "ir"umstan"es. 1hat do you say de 1inter;. Ma0im turned round !rom the window. .I.m ready to do whatever you "are to suggest . he said *uietly. .(nything !or time eh;. said Favell' .a lot "an be done in twenty%!our hours "an.t it; #rains "an be "aught ships "an sail aeroplanes "an !ly.. I saw Mrs 9anvers loo$ sharply !rom Favell to Ma0im and I realised then !or the !irst time that Mrs 9anvers had not $nown about Favell.s a""usation. (t last she was beginning to understand. I "ould tell !rom the e0pression on her !a"e. #here was doubt written on it then wonder and hatred mi0ed and then "onvi"tion. -n"e again those lean long hands o! hers

"lut"hed "onvulsively at her dress and she passed her tongue over her lips. ,he went on staring at Ma0im. ,he never too$ her eyes away !rom Ma0im. It.s too late I thought she "an.t do anything to us now the harm is done. It does not matter what she says to us now or what she does. #he harm is done. ,he "an.t hurt us any more. Ma0im did not noti"e her or i! he did he gave no sign. 2e was tal$ing to 7olonel /ulyan. .1hat do you suggest;. he said. .,hall I go up in the morning drive to this address at Barnet; I "an wire Ba$er to e0pe"t me.. .2e.s not going alone . said Favell with a short laugh. .I have a right to insist on that haven.t I; ,end him up with Inspe"tor 1el"h and I won.t ob+e"t.. I! only Mrs 9anvers would ta$e her eyes away !rom Ma0im. Fran$ had seen her now. 2e was wat"hing her pu))led an0ious. I saw him glan"e on"e more at the slip o! paper in his hands on whi"h he had written 9o"tor Ba$er.s address. #hen he too glan"ed at Ma0im. I believe then that%some !aint idea o! the truth began to !or"e itsel! to his "ons"ien"e !or he went very white and put the paper down on the table. # don.t thin$ there is any ne"essity to bring Inspe"tor 1el"h into the a!!air % yet . said 7olonel /ulyan. 2is voi"e was di!!erent harder. I did not li$e the way he used the word .yet.. 1hy must he use it at all; I did not li$e it. .I! I go with de 1inter and stay with him the whole time and bring him ba"$ will that satis!y you;. he said. Favell loo$ed at Ma0im and then at 7olonel /ulyan. #he e0pression on his !a"e was ugly "al"ulating and there was something o! triumph too in his light blue eyes. .<es . he said slowly .yes I suppose so. But !or sa!ety.s sa$e do you mind i! I "ome with you too;. .&o . said 7olonel /ulyan .un!ortunately I thin$ you have the right to as$ that. But i! you do "ome I have the right to insist on your being sober.. .<ou needn.t worry about that . said Favell beginning to smile' .I.ll be sober all right. ,ober as the +udge will be when he senten"es Ma0 in three months. time. I rather thin$ this 9o"tor Ba$er is going to prove my "ase a!ter all.. 2e loo$ed around at ea"h one o! us and began to laugh. I thin$ he too had understood at last the signi!i"an"e o! that visit to the do"tor. .1ell . he said .what time are we going to start in the morning;. 7olonel /ulyan loo$ed at Ma0im. .2ow early "an you be ready;. .(ny time you say . said Ma0im. .&ine o."lo"$;. .&ine o."lo"$ . said Ma0im.

.2ow do we $now he won.t do a bolt in the night;. said Favell. .2e.s only to "ut round to the garage and get his "ar.. .Is my word enough !or you;. said Ma0im turning to 7olonel /ulyan. (nd !or the !irst time 7olonel /ulyan hesitated. I saw him glan"e at Fran$. (nd a !lush "ame over Ma0im.s !a"e. I saw the little pulse beating on his !orehead. .Mrs 9anvers . he said slowly .when Mrs de 1inter and I go to bed tonight will you "ome up yoursel! and lo"$ the door on the outside; (nd "all us yoursel! at seven in the morning;. .<es sir . said Mrs 9anvers. ,till she $ept her eyes on him still her hands "lut"hed at her dress. .3ery well then . said 7olonel /ulyan brus*uely. .I don.t thin$ there is anything else we need dis"uss tonight. I shall be here sharp at nine in the morning. <ou will have room !or me in your "ar de 1inter;. .<es . said Ma0im. .(nd Favell will !ollow us in his;. .6ight on your tail my dear !ellow right on your tail . said Favell. 7olonel /ulyan "ame up to me and too$ my hand. .Good night . he said. .<ou $now how I !eel !or you in all this there.s no need !or me to tell you. Get your husband to bed early i! you "an. It.s going to be a long day.. 2e held my hand a minute and then he turned away. It was "urious how he avoided my eye. 2e loo$ed at my "hin. Fran$ held the door !or him as he went out. Favell leant !orward and !illed his "ase with "igarettes !rom the bo0 on the table. .I suppose I.m not going to be as$ed to stop to dinner;. he said. &obody answered. 2e lit one o! the "igarettes and blew a "loud o! smo$e into the air. .It means a *uiet evening at the pub on the highroad then . he said .and the barmaid has a s*uint. 1hat a hell o! a night I.m going to spendB &ever mind I.m loo$ing !orward to tomorrow. Good night 9anny old lady don.t !orget to turn the $ey on Mr de 1inter will you;. 2e "ame over to me and held out his hand. Li$e a !oolish "hild I put my hands behind my ba"$. 2e laughed and bowed. .It.s +ust too bad isn.t it;. he said. .( nasty man li$e me "oming and spoiling all your !un. 9on.t worry it will be a great thrill !or you when the yellow 8ress gets going with your li!e story and you see the headlines =From Monte 7arlo to Manderley. 50perien"es o! murderer.s girl%bride = written a"ross the top. Better lu"$ ne0t time.. 2e strolled a"ross the room to the door waving his hand to Ma0im by the window. .,o long old man . he said .pleasant dreams. Ma$e the most o!

your night behind that lo"$ed door.. 2e turned and laughed at me and then he went out o! the room. Mrs 9anvers !ollowed him. Ma0im and I were alone. 2e went on standing by the window. 2e did not "ome to me. /asper "ame trotting in !rom the hall. 2e had been shut outside all the evening. 2e "ame !ussing up to me biting the edge o! my s$irt. .I.m "oming with you in the morning . I said to Ma0im. .I.m "oming up to London with you in the "ar.. 2e did not answer !or a moment. 2e went on loo$ing out o! the window. #hen .<es . he said his voi"e without e0pression. .<es we must go on being together.. Fran$ "ame ba"$ into the room. 2e stood in the entran"e his hand on the door. .#hey.ve gone . he said .Favell and 7olonel /ulyan I wat"hed them go.. .(ll right Fran$ . said Ma0im. .Is there anything I "an do;. said Fran$ .anything at all; 1ire to anyone arrange anything; I.ll stay up all night i! only there.s anything I "an do. I.ll get that wire o!! to Ba$er o! "ourse.. .9on.t worry . said Ma0im .there.s nothing !or you to do %yet. #here may be plenty % a!ter tomorrow. 1e "an go into all that when the time "omes. #onight we want to be together. <ou understand don.t you;. .<es . said Fran$. .<es o! "ourse.. 2e waited a moment his hand on the door. .Good night . he said. .Good night . said Ma0im. 1hen he had gone and shut the door behind him Ma0im "ame over to me where I was standing by the !irepla"e. I held out my arms to him and he "ame to me li$e a "hild. I put my arms round him and held him. 1e did not say anything !or a long time. I held him and "om!orted him as though he were /asper. (s though /asper had hurt himsel! in some way and he had "ome to me to ta$e his pain away. .1e "an sit together . he said .driving up in the "ar.. .<es . I said. ./ulyan won.t mind . he said. .&o . I said. .1e shall have tomorrow night too . he said. .#hey won.t do anything at on"e not !or twenty%!our hours perhaps.. .&o . I said. .#hey aren.t so stri"t now . he said. =#hey let one see people. (nd it all ta$es su"h a long time. I! I "an I shall try and get hold o! 2astings. 2e.s the best. 2astings or Bir$ett. 2astings used to $now my !ather.. .<es . I said.

.I shall have to tell him the truth . he said. .It ma$es it easier !or them. #hey $now where they are.. .<es . I said. #he door opened and Frith "ame into the room. I pushed Ma0im away I stood up straight and "onventional patting my hair into pla"e. .1ill you be "hanging Madam or shall I serve dinner at on"e;. .&o Frith we won.t be "hanging not tonight . I said. .3ery good Madam . he said. 2e le!t the door open. 6obert "ame in and began drawing the "urtains. 2e arranged the "ushions straightened the so!a tidied the boo$s and papers on the table. 2e too$ away the whis$y and soda and the dirty ashtrays. I had seen him do these things as a ritual every evening I had spent at Manderley but tonight they seemed to ta$e on a spe"ial signi!i"an"e as though the memory o! them would last !or ever and I would say long a!ter in some other time .I remember this moment.. #hen Frith "ame in and told us that dinner was served. I remember every detail o! that evening. I remember the i"e%"old "onsommE in the "ups and the !illets o! sole and the hot shoulder o! lamb. I remember the burnt sugar sweet the sharp savoury that !ollowed. 1e had new "andles in the silver "andlesti"$s they loo$ed white and slim and very tall. #he "urtains had been drawn here too against the dull grey evening. It seemed strange to be sitting in the dining%room and not loo$ out on to the lawns. It was li$e the beginning o! autumn. It was while we were drin$ing our "o!!ee in the library that the telephone rang. #his time it was I who answered it. I heard Beatri"e spea$ing at the other end. .Is that you;. she said .I.ve been trying to get through all the evening. #wi"e it was engaged.. .I.m so sorry . I said .so very sorry.. .1e had the evening papers about two hours ago.. she said .and the verdi"t was a !right!ul sho"$ to both Giles and mysel!. 1hat does Ma0im say about it;. .I thin$ it was a sho"$ to everybody . I said. .But my dear the thing is preposterous. 1hy on earth should 6ebe""a have "ommitted sui"ide; #he most unli$ely person in the world. #here must have been a blunder somewhere.. .I don.t $now . I said. .1hat does Ma0im say; 1here is he;. she said. .8eople have been here . I said % .7olonel /ulyan and others. Ma0im is very tired. 1e.re going up to London tomorrow.. .1hat on earth !or;.

.,omething to do with the verdi"t. I "an.t very well e0plain.. .<ou ought to get it *uashed . she said. .It.s ridi"ulous *uite ridi"ulous. (nd so bad !or Ma0im all this !right!ul publi"ity. It.s going to re!le"t on him.. .<es . I said. .,urely 7olonel /ulyan "an do something;. she said. .2e.s a magistrate. 1hat are magistrates !or; -ld 2orridge !rom Lanyon must have been o!! his head. 1hat was her motive supposed to be; It.s the most idioti" thing I.ve ever heard in my li!e. ,omeone ought to get hold o! #abb. 2ow "an he tell whether those holes in the boat were made deliberately or not; Giles said o! "ourse it must have been the ro"$s.. =#hey seemed to thin$ not . I said. .I! only I "ould have been there . she said. .I should have insisted on spea$ing. &o one seems to have made any e!!ort. Is Ma0im very upset;. .2e.s tired . I said .more tired than anything else.. .I wish I "ould "ome up to London and +oin you . she said .but I don.t see how I "an. 6oger has a temperature o! 1L3 poor old boy and the nurse we.ve got in is a per!e"t idiot he loathes her. I "an.t possibly leave him.. .-! "ourse not . I said. .<ou mustn.t attempt it.. .1hereabouts in London will you be;. .I don.t $now . I said. .It.s all rather vague.. .#ell Ma0im he must try and do something to get that verdi"t altered. It.s so bad !or the !amily. I.m telling everybody here it.s absolutely wi"$ed. 6ebe""a would never have $illed hersel! she wasn.t the type. I.ve got a good mind to write to the 7oroner mysel!.. .It.s too late . I said. .Mu"h better leave it. It won.t do any good.. =#he stupidity o! it gets my goat . she said. .Giles and I thin$ it mu"h more li$ely that i! those holes weren.t done by the ro"$s they were done deliberately by some tramp or other. ( 7ommunist perhaps. #here are heaps o! them about. /ust the sort o! thing a 7ommunist would do.. Ma0im "alled to me !rom the library. .7an.t you get rid o! her; 1hat on earth is she tal$ing about;. .Beatri"e . I said desperately .I.ll try and ring you up !rom London.. .Is it any good my ta"$ling 9i"$ Godolphin;. she said. .2e.s your M8. I $now him very well mu"h better than Ma0im does. 2e was at -0!ord with Giles. (s$ Ma0im whether he would li$e me to telephone 9i"$ and see i! he "an do anything to *uash the verdi"t; (s$ Ma0im what he thin$s o! this 7ommunist idea.. .It.s no use . I said. .It "an.t do any good. 8lease Beatri"e don.t try and do anything. It will ma$e it worse mu"h worse. 6ebe""a may have had

some motive we don.t $now anything about. (nd I don.t thin$ 7ommunists go ramming holes in boats what would be the use; 8lease Beatri"e leave it alone.. -h than$ God she had not been with us today. #han$ God !or that at least. ,omething was bu))ing in the telephone. I heard Beatri"e shouting .2ullo hullo don.t "ut us o!! e0"hange . and then there was a "li"$ and silen"e. I went ba"$ into the library limp and e0hausted. In a !ew minutes the telephone began ringing again. I did not do anything. I let it ring. I went and sat down at Ma0im.s !eet. It went on ringing. I did not move. 8resently it stopped as though "ut suddenly in e0asperation. #he "lo"$ on the mantelpie"e stru"$ ten o."lo"$. Ma0im put his arms round me and li!ted me against him. 1e began to $iss one another !everishly desperately li$e guilty lovers who have not $issed be!ore.

Chapter twenty-six

1hen I awo$e the ne0t morning +ust a!ter si0 o."lo"$ and got up and went to the window there was a !oggy dew upon the grass li$e !rost and the trees were shrouded in a white mist. #here was a "hill in the air and a little !resh wind and the "old *uiet smell o! autumn. (s I $nelt by the window loo$ing down on to the rose% garden where the !lowers themselves drooped upon their stal$s the petals brown and dragging a!ter last night.s rain the happenings o! the day be!ore seemed remote and unreal. 2ere at Manderley a new day was starting the things o! the garden were not "on"erned with our troubles. ( bla"$bird ran a"ross the rose%garden to the lawns in swi!t short rushes stopping now and again to stab at the earth with his yellow bea$. ( thrush too went about his business and two stout little wagtails !ollowing one another and a little "luster o! twittering sparrows. ( gull poised himsel! high in the air silent and alone and then spread his wings wide and swooped beyond the lawns to the woods and the 2appy 3alley. #hese things "ontinued our worries and an0ieties had no power to alter them. ,oon the gardeners would be astir brushing the !irst leaves !rom the lawns and the paths ra$ing the gravel in the drive. 8ails would "lan$ in the "ourtyard behind the house the hose would be turned on the "ar the little s"ullery maid would begin to "hatter through the open door to the men in the yard. #here would be the "risp hot smell o! ba"on. #he housemaids would open up the house throw wide the windows draw ba"$ the "urtains. #he dogs would "rawl !rom their bas$ets yawn and stret"h themselves wander out on to the terra"e and blin$ at the !irst struggles o! the pale sun "oming through the mist. 6obert would lay the table !or brea$!ast bring in those piping s"ones the "lut"h o! eggs the glass dishes o! honey +am and marmalade the bowl o! pea"hes the "luster o! purple grapes with the bloom upon them still hot !rom the greenhouses. Maids sweeping in the morning%room the drawing%room the !resh "lean air pouring into the long open windows. ,mo$e "urling !rom the "himneys and little by little the autumn mist !ading away and the trees and the ban$s and the woods ta$ing shape the glimmer o! the sea showing with the sun upon it below the valley the bea"on standing tall and straight upon the headland. #he pea"e o! Manderley. #he *uietude and the gra"e. 1hoever lived within its walls whatever trouble there was and stri!e however mu"h uneasiness and pain no matter what tears were shed what sorrows borne the pea"e o! Manderley "ould not be bro$en or the loveliness destroyed. #he

!lowers that died would bloom again another year the same birds build their nests the same trees blossom. #he old *uiet moss smell would linger in the air and bees would "ome and "ri"$ets and herons build their nests in the deep dar$ woods. #he butter!lies would dan"e their merry +ig a"ross the lawns and spiders spin !oggy webs and small startled rabbits who had no business to "ome trespassing po$e their !a"es through the "rowded shrubs. #here would be lila" and honeysu"$le still and the white magnolia buds un!olding slow and tight beneath the dining%room window. &o one would ever hurt Manderley. It would lie always in a hollow li$e an en"hanted thing guarded by the woods sa!e se"ure while the sea bro$e and ran and "ame again in the little shingle bays below. Ma0im slept on and I did not wa$e him. #he day ahead o! us would be a weary thing and long. 2igh roads and telegraph poles and the monotony o! passing tra!!i" the slow "rawl into London. 1e did not $now what we should !ind at the end o! our +ourney. #he !uture was un$nown. ,omewhere to the north o! London lived a man "alled Ba$er who had never heard o! us but he held our !uture in the hollow o! his hand. ,oon he too would be wa$ing stret"hing yawning going about the business o! his day. I got up and went into the bathroom and began to run my bath. #hese a"tions held !or me the same signi!i"an"e as 6obert and his "learing o! the library had the night be!ore. I had done these things be!ore me"hani"ally but now I was aware as I dropped my sponge into the water as I spread my towel on the "hair !rom the hot rail as I lay ba"$ and let the water run over my body. 5very moment was a pre"ious thing having in it the essen"e o! !inality. 1hen I went ba"$ to the bedroom and began to dress I heard a so!t !ootstep "ome and pause outside the door and the $ey turn *uietly in the lo"$. #here was silen"e a moment and then the !ootsteps went away. It was Mrs 9anvers. ,he had not !orgotten. I had heard the same sound the night be!ore a!ter we had "ome up !rom the library. ,he had not $no"$ed upon the door she had not made hersel! $nown' there was +ust the sound o! !ootsteps and the turning o! the $ey in the lo"$. It brought me to reality and the !a"ing o! the immediate !uture. I !inished dressing and went and turned on Ma0im.s bath. 8resently 7lari"e "ame with our tea. I wo$e Ma0im. 2e stared at me at !irst li$e a pu))led "hild and then he held out his arms. 1e dran$ our tea. 2e got up and went to his bath and I began putting things methodi"ally in my suit"ase. It might be that we should have to stay in London. I pa"$ed the brushes Ma0im had given me a nightdress my dressing% gown and slippers and another dress too and a pair o! shoes. My dressing%

"ase loo$ed un!amiliar as I dragged it !rom the ba"$ o! a wardrobe. It seemed so long sin"e I had used it and yet it was only !our months ago. It still had the 7ustoms mar$ upon it they had "hal$ed at 7alais. In one o! the po"$ets was a "on"ert ti"$et !rom the "asino in Monte 7arlo. I "rumpled it and threw it into the waste%paper bas$et. It might have belonged to another age another world. My bedroom began to ta$e on the appearan"e o! all rooms when the owner goes away. #he dressing%table was bare without my brushes. #here was tissue%paper lying on the !loor and an old label. #he beds where we had slept had a terrible emptiness about them. #he towels lay "rumpled on the bathroom !loor. #he wardrobe doors gaped open. I put on my hat so that I should not have to "ome up again and I too$ my bag and my gloves and my suit"ase. I glan"ed round the room to see i! there was anything I had !orgotten. #he mist was brea$ing the sun was !or"ing its way through and throwing patterns on the "arpet. 1hen I was hal!way down the passage I had a "urious ine0pli"able !eeling that I must go ba"$ and loo$ in my room again. I went without reason and stood a moment loo$ing at the gaping wardrobe and the empty bed and the tray o! tea upon the table. I stared at them impressing them !or ever on my mind wondering why they had the power to tou"h me to sadden me as though they were "hildren that did not want me to go away. #hen I turned and went downstairs to brea$!ast. It was "old in the dining%room the sun not yet on the windows and I was grate!ul !or the s"alding bitter "o!!ee and heartening ba"on. Ma0im and I ate in silen"e. &ow and again he glan"ed at the "lo"$. I heard 6obert put the suit"ases in the hall with the rug and presently there was the sound o! the "ar being brought to the door. I went out and stood on the terra"e. #he rain had "leared the air and the grass smelt !resh and sweet. 1hen the sun was higher it would be a lovely day. I thought how we might have wandered in the valley be!ore lun"h and then sat out a!terwards under the "hestnut tree with boo$s and papers. I "losed my eyes a minute and !elt the warmth o! the sun on my !a"e and on my hands. I heard Ma0im "alling to me !rom the house. I went ba"$ and Frith helped me into my "oat. I heard the sound o! another "ar. It was Fran$. .7olonel /ulyan is waiting at the lodge gates . he said. .2e did not thin$ it worth while to drive up to the house.. .&o . said Ma0im. .I.ll stand by in the o!!i"e all day and wait !or you to telephone . said Fran$. .(!ter you.ve seen Ba$er you may !ind you want me up in London.. .<es . said Ma0im. .<es perhaps..

.It.s +ust nine now . said Fran$. .<ou.re up to time. It.s going to be !ine too. <ou should have a good run.. .<es.. .I hope you won.t get over%tired Mrs de 1inter . he said to me. .It.s going to be a long day !or you.. .I shall be all right . I said. I loo$ed at /asper who was standing by my !eet with ears drooping and sad reproa"h!ul eyes. .#a$e /asper ba"$ with you to the o!!i"e . I said. .2e loo$s so miserable.. .<es . he said. .<es I will.. .1e.d better be o!! . said Ma0im. .-ld /ulyan will be getting impatient. (ll right Fran$.. I "limbed in the "ar beside Ma0im. Fran$ slammed the door. .<ou will telephone won.t you;. he said. .<es o! "ourse . said Ma0im. I loo$ed ba"$ at the house. Frith was standing at the top o! the steps and 6obert +ust behind. My eyes !illed with tears !or no reason. I turned away and groped with my bag on the !loor o! the "ar so that nobody should see. #hen Ma0im started up the "ar and we swept round and into the drive and the house was hidden. 1e stopped at the lodge%gates and pi"$ed up 7olonel /ulyan. 2e got in at the ba"$. 2e loo$ed doubt!ul when he saw me. .It.s going to be a long day . he said. .I don.t thin$ you should have attempted it. I would have ta$en "are o! your husband you $now.. .I wanted to "ome . I said. 2e did not say any more about it. 2e settled himsel! in the "orner. .It.s !ine that.s one thing . he said. .<es . said Ma0im. =#hat !ellow Favell said he would pi"$ us up at the "rossroads. I! heGs not there don.t attempt to wait we.d do mu"h better without him. I hope the damned !ellow has overslept himsel!.. 1hen we "ame to the "rossroads though I saw the long green body o! his "ar and my heart san$. I had thought he might not be on time. Favell was sitting at the wheel hatless a "igarette in his mouth. 2e grinned when he saw us and waved us on. I settled down in my seat !or the +ourney ahead one hand on Ma0im.s $nee. #he hours passed and the miles were "overed. I wat"hed the road ahead in a $ind o! stupor. 7olonel /ulyan slept at the ba"$ !rom time to time. I turned o""asionally and saw his head loll against the "ushions and his mouth open. #he green "ar $ept "lose beside us. ,ometimes it shot ahead sometimes it dropped behind. But we never lost it.

(t one we stopped !or lun"h at one o! those inevitable old%!ashioned hotels in the main street o! a "ounty town. 7olonel /ulyan waded through the whole set lun"h starting with soup and !ish and going on to roast bee! and <or$shire pudding. Ma0im and I had "old ham and "o!!ee. I hal! e0pe"ted Favell to wander into the dining%room and +oin us but when we "ame out to the "ar again I saw his "ar had been drawn up outside a "a!e on the opposite side o! the road. 2e must have seen us !rom the window !or three minutes a!ter we had started he was on our tail again. 1e "ame to the suburbs o! London about three o."lo"$. It was then that I began to !eel tired the noise and the tra!!i" blo"$s started a humming in my head. It was warm in London too. #he streets had that worn dusty loo$ o! (ugust and the leaves hung listless on dull trees. -ur storm must have been lo"al there had been no rain here. 8eople were wal$ing about in "otton !ro"$s and the men were hatless. #here was a smell o! waste%paper and orange%peel and !eet and burnt dried grass. Buses lumbered slowly and ta0is "rawled. I !elt as though my "oat and s$irt were sti"$ing to me and my sto"$ings pri"$ed my s$in. 7olonel /ulyan sat up and loo$ed out through his window. .#hey.ve had no rain here . he said. .&o . said Ma0im. .Loo$s as though the pla"e needed it too.. .<es.. .1e haven.t su""eeded in sha$ing Favell o!!. 2e.s still on our tail.. .<es.. ,hopping "entres on the outs$irts seemed "ongested. #ired women with "rying babies in prams stared into windows haw$ers shouted small boys hung on to the ba"$s o! lorries. #here were too many people too mu"h noise. #he very air was irritable and e0hausted and spent. #he drive through London seemed endless and by the time we had drawn "lear again and were out beyond 2ampstead there was a sound in my head li$e the beating o! a drum and my eyes were burning. I wondered how tired Ma0im was. 2e was pale and there were shadows under his eyes but he did not say anything. 7olonel /ulyan $ept yawning at the ba"$. 2e opened his mouth very wide and yawned aloud sighing heavily a!terwards. 2e would do this every !ew minutes. I !elt a senseless stupid irritation "ome over me and I did not $now how to prevent mysel! !rom turning round and s"reaming to him to stop. -n"e we had passed 2ampstead he drew out a large%s"ale map !rom his "oat%po"$et and began dire"ting Ma0im to Barnet. #he way was "lear and there were sign%posts to tell us but he $ept pointing out every turn and

twist in the road and i! there was any hesitation on Ma0im.s part 7olonel /ulyan would turn down the window and "all !or in!ormation !rom a passer% by. 1hen we "ame to Barnet itsel! he made Ma0im stop every !ew minutes. .7an you tell us where a house "alled 6oselands is; It belongs to a 9o"tor Ba$er who.s retired and "ome to live there lately . and the passer%by would stand !rowning a moment obviously at sea ignoran"e written plain upon his !a"e. .9o"tor Ba$er; I don.t $now a 9o"tor Ba$er. #here used to be a house "alled 6ose 7ottage near the "hur"h but a Mrs 1ilson lives there.. .&o it.s 6oselands we want 9o"tor Ba$er.s house . said 7olonel /ulyan and then we would go on and stop again in !ront o! a nurse and a pram. .7an you tell us where 6oselands is;. .I.m sorry. I.m a!raid I.ve only +ust "ome to live here.. .<ou don.t $now a 9o"tor Ba$er;. .9o"tor 9avidson. I $now 9o"tor 9avidson.. .&o it.s 9o"tor Ba$er we want.. I glan"ed up at Ma0im. 2e was loo$ing very tired. 2is mouth was set hard. Behind us "rawled Favell his green "ar "overed in dust. It was a postman who pointed out the house in the end. ( s*uare house ivy "overed with no name on the gate whi"h we had already passed twi"e. Me"hani"ally I rea"hed !or my bag and dabbed my !a"e with the end o! the powder pu!!. Ma0im drew up outside at the side o! the road. 2e did not ta$e the "ar into the short drive. 1e sat silently !or a !ew minutes. .1ell here we are . said 7olonel /ulyan .and it.s e0a"tly twelve minutes past !ive. 1e shall "at"h them in the middle o! their tea. Better wait !or a bit.. Ma0im lit a "igarette and then stret"hed out his hand to me. 2e did not spea$. I heard 7olonel /ulyan "rin$ling his map. .1e "ould have "ome right a"ross without tou"hing London . he said .saved us !orty minutes I dare say. 1e made good time the !irst two hundred miles. It was !rom 7hiswi"$ on we too$ the time.. (n errand%boy passed us whistling on his bi"y"le. ( motor"oa"h stopped at the "orner and two women got out. ,omewhere a "hur"h "lo"$ "himed the *uarter. I "ould see Favell leaning ba"$ in his "ar behind us and smo$ing a "igarette. I seemed to have no !eeling in me at all. I +ust sat and wat"hed the little things that did not matter. #he two women !rom the bus wal$ along the road. #he errand%boy disappears round the "orner. ( sparrow hops about in the middle o! the road pe"$ing at dirt.

=#his !ellow Ba$er "an.t be mu"h o! a gardener . said 7olonel /ulyan. .Loo$ at those shrubs tumbling over his wall. #hey ought to have been pruned right ba"$.. 2e !olded up the map and put it ba"$ in his po"$et. .Funny sort o! pla"e to "hoose to retire in . he said. .7lose to the main road and overloo$ed by other houses. ,houldn.t "are about it mysel!. I dare say it was *uite pretty on"e be!ore they started building. &o doubt there is a good gol!%"ourse somewhere handy.. 2e was silent !or a while then he opened the door and stood out in the road. .1ell de 1inter . he said .what do you thin$ about it;. .I.m ready . said Ma0im. 1e got out o! the "ar. Favell strolled up to meet us. .1hat were you all waiting !or "old !eet;. he said. &obody answered him. 1e wal$ed up the drive to the !ront door a strange in"ongruous little party. I "aught sight o! a tennis lawn beyond the house and I heard the thud o! balls. ( boy.s voi"e shouted .Forty%!i!teen not thirty all. 9on.t you remember hitting it out you silly ass;. =#hey must have !inished tea . said 7olonel /ulyan. 2e hesitated a moment glan"ing at Ma0im. #hen he rang the bell. It tin$led somewhere in the ba"$ premises. #here was a long pause. ( very young maid opened the door to us. ,he loo$ed startled at the sight o! so many o! us. .9o"tor Ba$er;. said 7olonel /ulyan. .<es sir will you "ome in;. ,he opened the door on the le!t o! the hall as we went in. It would be the drawing%room not used mu"h in the summer. #here was a portrait o! a very plain dar$ woman on the wall. I wondered i! it was Mrs Ba$er. #he "hint) "overs on the "hairs and on the so!a were new and shiny. -n the mantelpie"e were photographs o! two s"hoolboys with round smiling !a"es. #here was a very large wireless in the "orner o! the room by the window. 7ords trailed !rom it and bits o! aerial. Favell e0amined the portrait on the wall. 7olonel /uly an went and stood by the empty !irepla"e. Ma0im and I loo$ed out o! the window. I "ould see a de"$%"hair under a tree and the ba"$ o! a woman.s head. #he tennis "ourt must be round the "orner. I "ould hear the boys shouting to ea"h other. ( very old ,"ot"h terrier was s"rat"hing himsel! in the middle o! the path. 1e waited there !or about !ive minutes. It was as though I was living the li!e o! some other person and had "ome to this house to "all !or a subs"ription to a "harity. It was unli$e anything I had ever $nown. I had no !eeling no pain.

#hen the door opened and a man "ame into the room. 2e was medium height rather long in the !a"e with a $een "hin. 2is hair was sandy turning grey. 2e wore !lannels and a dar$ blue bla)er. .Forgive me !or $eeping you waiting . he said loo$ing a little surprised as the maid had done to see so many o! us. .I had to run up and wash. I was playing tennis when the bell rang. 1on.t you sit down;. 2e turned to me. I sat down in the nearest "hair and waited. .<ou must thin$ this a very unorthodo0 invasion 9o"tor Ba$er . said 7olonel /ulyan .and I apologise very humbly !or disturbing you li$e this. My name is /ulyan. #his is Mr de 1inter Mrs de 1inter and Mr Favell. <ou may have seen Mr de 1inter.s name in the papers re"ently.. .-h . said 9o"tor Ba$er .yes yes I suppose I have. ,ome in*uest or other wasn.t it; My wi!e was reading all about it.. .#he +ury brought in a verdi"t o! sui"ide . said Favell "oming !orward .whi"h I say is absolutely out o! the *uestion. Mrs de 1inter was my "ousin I $new her intimately. ,he would never have done su"h a thing and what.s more she had no motive. 1hat we want to $now is what the devil she "ame to see you about the very day she died;. .<ou had better leave this to /ulyan and mysel! . said Ma0im *uietly. .9o"tor Ba$er has not the !aintest idea what you are driving at.. 2e turned to the do"tor who was standing between them with a line between his brows and his !irst polite smile !ro)en on his lips. .My late wi!e.s "ousin is not satis!ied with the verdi"t . said Ma0im .and we.ve driven up to see you today be"ause we !ound your name and the telephone number o! your old "onsulting%rooms in my wi!e.s engagement diary. ,he seems to have made an appointment with you and $ept it at two o."lo"$ on the last day she ever spent in London. 7ould you possibly veri!y this !or us;. 9o"tor Ba$er was listening with great interest but when Ma0im had !inished he shoo$ his head. .I.m most aw!ully sorry . he said .but I thin$ you.ve made a mista$e. I should have remembered the name de 1inter. I.ve never attended a Mrs de 1inter in my li!e.. 7olonel /ulyan brought out his note "ase and gave him the page he had torn !rom the engagement diary. .2ere it is written down . he said .Ba$er two o."lo"$. (nd a big "ross beside it to show that the appointment was $ept. (nd here is the telephone address. Museum LC88.. 9o"tor Ba$er stared at the pie"e o! paper. =#hat.s very odd very odd indeed. <es the number is *uite "orre"t as you say.. .7ould she have "ome to see you and given a !alse name;. said 7olonel /ulyan.

.1hy yes that.s possible. ,he may have done that. It.s rather unusual o! "ourse. I.ve never en"ouraged that sort o! thing. It doesn.t do us any good in the pro!ession i! people thin$ they "an treat us li$e that.. .1ould you have any re"ord o! the visit in your !iles;. said 7olonel /ulyan. .I $now it.s not eti*uette to as$ but the "ir"umstan"es are very unusual. 1e do !eel her appointment with you must have some bearing on the "ase and her subse*uent % sui"ide.. .Murder . said Favell. 9o"tor Ba$er raised his eyebrows and loo$ed in*uiringly at Ma0im. .I.d no idea there was any *uestion o! that . he said *uietly. .-! "ourse I understand and I.ll do anything in my power to help you. I! you will e0"use me a !ew minutes I will go and loo$ up my !iles. #here should be a re"ord o! every appointment boo$ed throughout the year and a des"ription o! the "ase. 8lease help yoursel! to "igarettes. It.s too early to o!!er you sherry I suppose;. 7olonel /ulyan and Ma0im shoo$ their heads. I thought Favell was going to say something but 9o"tor Ba$er had le!t the room be!ore he had a "han"e. .,eems a de"ent sort o! !ellow . said 7olonel /ulyan. .1hy didn.t he o!!er us whis$y and soda;. said Favell. .Aeeps it lo"$ed up I suppose. I didn.t thin$ mu"h o! him. I don.t believe he.s going to help us now.. Ma0im did not say anything. I "ould hear the sound o! the tennis balls !rom the "ourt. #he ,"ot"h terrier was bar$ing. ( woman.s voi"e shouted to him to be *uiet. #he summer holidays. Ba$er playing with his boys. 1e had interrupted their routine. ( high%pit"hed gold "lo"$ in a glass "ase ti"$ed very !ast on the mantelpie"e. #here was a post"ard o! the La$e o! Geneva leaning against it. #he Ba$ers had !riends in ,wit)erland. 9o"tor Ba$er "ame ba"$ into the room with a large boo$ and a !ile% "ase in his hands. 2e "arried them over to the table. I.ve brought the "olle"tion !or last year . he said. .I haven.t been through them yet sin"e we moved. I only gave up pra"ti"e si0 months ago you $now.. 2e opened the boo$ and began turning the pages. I wat"hed him !as"inated. 2e would !ind it o! "ourse. It was only a *uestion o! moments now o! se"onds. .#he seventh eighth tenth . he murmured .nothing here. #he twel!th did you say; (t two o."lo"$; (hB. 1e none o! us moved. 1e all wat"hed his !a"e. .I saw a Mrs 9anvers on the twel!th at two o."lo"$ . he said. .9anny; 1hat on earth...= began Favell but Ma0im "ut him short.

.,he gave a wrong name o! "ourse . he said. =#hat was obvious !rom the !irst. 9o you remember the visit now 9o"tor Ba$er;. But 9o"tor Ba$er was already sear"hing his !iles. I saw his !ingers delve into the po"$et mar$ed with 9. 2e !ound it almost at on"e. 2e glan"ed down rapidly at his handwriting. .<es . he said slowly. .<es Mrs 9anvers. I remember now.. .#all slim dar$ very handsome;. said 7olonel /ulyan *uietly. .<es . said 9o"tor Ba$er. .<es.. 2e read through the !iles and then repla"ed them in the "ase. .-! "ourse . he said glan"ing at Ma0im .this is unpro!essional you $now; 1e treat patients as though they were in the "on!essional. But your wi!e is dead and I *uite understand the "ir"umstan"es are e0"eptional. <ou want to $now i! I "an suggest any motive why your wi!e should have ta$en her li!e; I thin$ I "an. #he woman who "alled hersel! Mrs 9anvers was very seriously ill.. 2e paused. 2e loo$ed at every one o! us in turn. .I remember her per!e"tly well . he said and he turned ba"$ to the !iles again. .,he "ame to me !or the !irst time a wee$ previously to the date you mentioned. ,he "omplained o! "ertain symptoms and I too$ some M%rays o! her. #he se"ond visit was to !ind out the result o! those M%rays. #he photographs are not here but I have the details written down. I remember her standing in my "onsulting%room and holding out her hand !or the photographs. =I want to $now the truth = she said' =I don.t want so!t words and a bedside manner. I! I.m !or it you "an tell me right away.= . 2e paused he glan"ed down at the !iles on"e again. I waited waited. 1hy "ouldn.t he get done with it and !inish and let us go; 1hy must we sit there waiting our eyes upon his !a"e. .1ell . he said .she as$ed !or the truth and I let her have it. ,ome patients are better !or it. ,hir$ing the point does them no good. #his Mrs 9anvers or Mrs de 1inter rather was not the type to a""ept a lie. <ou must have $nown that. ,he stood it very well. ,he did not !lin"h. ,he said she had suspe"ted it !or some time. #hen she paid my !ee and went out. I never saw her again.. 2e shut up the bo0 with a snap and "losed the boo$. .#he pain was slight as yet but the growth was deep%rooted . he said .and in three or !our months. time she would have been under morphia. (n operation would have been no earthly use at all. I told her that. #he thing had got too !irm a hold. #here is nothing anyone "an do in a "ase li$e that e0"ept give morphia and wait.. &o one said a word. #he little "lo"$ ti"$ed on the mantelpie"e and the boys played tennis in the garden. (n aeroplane hummed overhead.

.-utwardly o! "ourse she was a per!e"tly healthy woman . he said % .rather too thin I remember rather pale' but then that.s the !ashion nowadays pity though it is. It.s nothing to go upon with a patient. &o the pain would in"rease wee$ by wee$ and as I told you in !our or !ive months. time she would have had to be $ept under morphia. #he M%rays showed a "ertain mal!ormation o! the uterus I remember whi"h meant she "ould never have had a "hild' but that was *uite apart it had nothing to do with the disease.. I remember hearing 7olonel /uly an spea$ saying something about 9o"tor Ba$er being very $ind to have ta$en so mu"h trouble. .<ou have told us all we want to $now . he said .and i! we "ould possibly have a "opy o! the memoranda in your !ile it might be very use!ul.. .-! "ourse . said 9o"tor Ba$er. .-! "ourse.. 5veryone was standing up. I got up !rom my "hair too I shoo$ hands with 9o"tor Ba$er. 1e all shoo$ hands with him. 1e !ollowed him out into the hall. ( woman loo$ed out o! the room on the other side o! the hall and darted ba"$ when she saw us. ,omeone was running a bath upstairs the water ran loudly. #he ,"ot"h terrier "ame in !rom the garden and began sni!!ing at my heels. .,hall I send the report to you or to Mr de 1inter;. said 9o"tor Ba$er. .1e may not need it at all . said 7olonel /ulyan. .I rather thin$ it won.t be ne"essary. 5ither de 1inter or I will write. 2ere is my "ard.. .I.m so glad to have been o! use . said 9o"tor Ba$er' .it never entered my head !or a moment that Mrs de 1inter and Mrs 9anvers "ould be the same person.. .&o naturally . said 7olonel /ulyan. .<ou.ll be returning to London I suppose;. .<es. <es I imagine so.. .<our best way then is to turn sharp le!t by that pillar%bo0 and then right by the "hur"h. (!ter that it.s a straight road.. .#han$ you. #han$ you very mu"h.. 1e "ame out on to the drive and went towards the "ars. 9o"tor Ba$er pulled the ,"ot"h terrier inside the house. I heard the door shut. ( man with one leg and a barrel%organ began playing .6oses in 8i"ardy. at the end o! the road.

Chapter twenty-seven

1e went and stood by the "ar. &o one said anything !or a !ew minutes. 7olonel /ulyan handed round his "igarette "ase. Favell loo$ed grey rather sha$en. I noti"ed his hands were trembling as he held the mat"h. #he man with the barrel%organ "eased playing !or a moment and hobbled towards us his "ap in his hand. Ma0im gave him two shillings. #hen he went ba"$ to the barrel%organ and started another tune. #he "hur"h "lo"$ stru"$ si0 o."lo"$. Favell. began to spea$. 2is voi"e was di!!ident "areless but his !a"e was still grey. 2e did not loo$ at any o! us he $ept glan"ing down at his "igarette and turning it over in his !ingers. =#his "an"er business . he said' .does anybody $now i! it.s "ontagious;. &o one answered him. 7olonel /ulyan shrugged his shoulders. .I never had the remotest idea . said Favell +er$ily. .,he $ept it a se"ret !rom everyone even 9anny. 1hat a God%damned appalling thing eh; &ot the sort o! thing one would ever "onne"t with 6ebe""a. 9o you !ellows !eel li$e a drin$; I.m all out over this and I don.t mind admitting it. 7an"erB -h my GodB. 2e leant up against the side o! the "ar and shaded his eyes with his hands. .#ell that bloody !ellow with the barrel%organ to "lear out . he said. .I "an.t stand that God%damned row.. .1ouldn.t it be simpler i! we went ourselves;. said Ma0im. .7an you manage your own "ar or do you want /ulyan to drive it !or you;. .Give me a minute . muttered Favell. .I.ll be all right. <ou don.t understand. #his thing has been a damned unholy sho"$ to me.. .8ull yoursel! together man !or heaven.s sa$e . said 7olonel /ulyan. .I! you want a drin$ go ba"$ to the house and as$ Ba$er. 2e $nows how to treat !or sho"$ I dare say. 9on.t ma$e an e0hibition o! yoursel! in the street.. .-h you.re all right you.re !ine . said Favell standing straight and loo$ing at 7olonel /ulyan and Ma0im. .<ou.ve got nothing to worry about any more. Ma0 is on a good wi"$et now isn.t he; <ou.ve got your motive and Ba$er will supply it in bla"$ and white !ree o! "ost whenever you send the word. <ou "an dine at Manderley on"e a wee$ on the strength o! it and !eel proud o! yoursel!. &o doubt Ma0 will as$ you to be god!ather to his !irst "hild.. .,hall we get into the "ar and go;. said 7olonel /ulyan to Ma0im. .1e "an ma$e our plans going along..

Ma0im held open the door o! the "ar and 7olonel /ulyan "limbed in. I sat down in my seat in the !ront. Favell still leant against the "ar and did not move. .I should advise you to get straight ba"$ to your !lat and go to bed . said 7olonel /ulyan shortly .and drive slowly or you will !ind yoursel! in +ail !or manslaughter. I may as well warn you now as I shall not be seeing you again that as a magistrate I have "ertain powers that will prove e!!e"tive i! you ever turn up in Aerrith or the distri"t. Bla"$mail is not mu"h o! a pro!ession Mr Favell. (nd we $now how to deal with it in our part o! the world strange though it may seem to you.. Favell was wat"hing Ma0im. 2e had lost the grey "olour now and the old unpleasant smile was !orming on his lips. .<es it.s been a stro$e o! lu"$ !or you Ma0 hasn.t it;. he said slowly' .you thin$ you.ve won don.t you; #he law "an get you yet and so "an I in a di!!erent way Ma0im swit"hed on the engine. .2ave you anything else you want to say;. he said' .be"ause i! you have you had better say it now.. .&o . said Favell. .&o I won.t $eep you. <ou "an go.. 2e stepped ba"$ on to the pavement the smile still on his lips. #he "ar slid !orward. (s we turned the "orner I loo$ed ba"$ and saw him standing there wat"hing us and he waved his hand and he was laughing. 1e drove on !or a while in silen"e. #hen 7olonel /ulyan spo$e. .2e "an.t do anything . he said. .#hat smile and that wave were part o! his blu!!. #hey.re all ali$e those !ellows. 2e hasn.t a thread o! a "ase to bring now. Ba$er.s eviden"e would s*uash it.. Ma0im did not answer. I glan"ed sideways at his !a"e but it told me nothing. .I always !elt the solution would lie in Ba$er . said 7olonel /ulyan' .the !urtive business o! that appointment and the way she never even told Mrs 9anvers. ,he had her suspi"ions you see. ,he $new something was wrong. ( dread!ul thing o! "ourse. 3ery dread!ul. 5nough to send a young and lovely woman right o!! her head.. 1e drove on along the straight main road. #elegraph poles motor "oa"hes open sports "ars little semi%deta"hed villas with new gardens they !lashed past ma$ing patterns in my mind I should always remember. .I suppose you never had any idea o! this de 1inter;. said 7olonel /ulyan. .&o . said Ma0im. .&o.. .-! "ourse some people have a morbid dread o! it . said 7olonel /ulyan. .1omen espe"ially. #hat must have been the "ase with your wi!e. ,he had "ourage !or every other thing but that. ,he "ould not !a"e pain. 1ell she was spared that at any rate.. .<es . said Ma0im.

.I don.t thin$ it would do any harm i! I *uietly let it be $nown down in Aerrith and in the "ounty that a London do"tor has supplied us with a motive . said 7olonel /ulyan. ./ust in "ase there should be any gossip. <ou never "an tell you $now. 8eople are odd sometimes. I! they $new about Mrs de 1inter it might ma$e it a lot easier !or you.. .<es . said Ma0im .yes I understand.. .It.s "urious and very irritating . said 7olonel /ulyan slowly .how long stories spread in "ountry distri"ts. I never $now why they should but un!ortunately they do. &ot that I anti"ipate any trouble over this but it.s as well to be prepared. 8eople are in"lined to say the wildest things i! they are given hal! a "han"e.. .<es . said Ma0im. .<ou and 7rawley o! "ourse "an s*uash any nonsense in Manderley or the estate and I "an deal with it e!!e"tively in Aerrith. I shall say a word to my girl too. ,he sees a lot o! the younger people who very o!ten are the worst o!!enders in story%telling. I don.t suppose the newspapers will worry you any more that.s one good thing. <ou.ll !ind they will drop the whole a!!air in a day or two.. .<es . said Ma0im. 1e drove on through the northern suburbs and "ame on"e more to Fin"hley and 2ampstead. .2al! past si0 . said 7olonel /ulyan' .what do you propose doing; I.ve got a sister living in ,t /ohn.s 1ood and !eel in"lined to ta$e her unawares and as$ !or dinner and then "at"h the last train !rom 8addington. I $now she doesn.t go away !or another wee$. I.m sure she would be delighted to see you both as well.. Ma0im hesitated and glan"ed at me. .It.s very $ind o! you . he said .but I thin$ we had better be independent. I must ring up Fran$ and one thing and another. I dare say we shall have a *uiet meal somewhere and start o!! again a!terwards spending the night at a pub on the way I rather thin$ that.s what we shall do.. .-! "ourse . said 7olonel /ulyan .I *uite understand. 7ould you throw me out at my sister.s; It.s one o! those turnings o!! the (venue 6oad.. 1hen we "ame to the house Ma0im drew up a little way ahead o! the gate. .It.s impossible to than$ you . he said .!or all you.ve done today. <ou $now what I !eel about it without my telling you.. .My dear !ellow . said 7olonel /ulyan .I.ve been only too glad. I! only we.d $nown what Ba$er $new o! "ourse there would have been none o! this at all. 2owever never mind about that now. <ou must put the whole thing behind you as a very unpleasant and un!ortunate episode. I.m pretty sure you

won.t have any more trouble !rom Favell. I! you do I "ount on you to tell me at on"e. I shall $now how to deal with him.. 2e "limbed out o! the "ar "olle"ting his "oat and his map. .I should !eel in"lined . he said not loo$ing dire"tly at us .to get away !or a bit. #a$e a short holiday. Go abroad perhaps.. 1e did not say anything. 7olonel /ulyan was !umbling with his map. .,wit)erland is very ni"e this time o! year . he said. .I remember we went on"e !or the girl.s holidays and thoroughly en+oyed ourselves. #he wal$s are delight!ul.. 2e hesitated "leared his throat. .It is +ust !aintly possible "ertain little di!!i"ulties might arise . he said .not !rom Favell but !rom one or two people in the distri"t. -ne never $nows *uite what #abb has been saying and repeating and so on. (bsurd o! "ourse. But you $now the old saying; -ut o! sight out o! mind. I! people aren.t there to be tal$ed about the tal$ dies. It.s the way o! the world.. 2e stood !or a moment "ounting his belongings. .I.ve got everything I thin$. Map glasses sti"$ "oat. 5verything "omplete. 1ell goodbye both o! you. 9on.t get over%tired. It.s been a long day.. 2e turned in at the gate and went up the steps. I saw a woman "ome to the window and smile and wave her hand. 1e drove away down the road and turned the "orner. I leant ba"$ in my seat and "losed my eyes. &ow that we were alone again and the strain was over the sensation was one o! almost unbearable relie!. It was li$e the bursting o! an abs"ess. Ma0im did not spea$. I !elt his hand "over mine. 1e drove on through the tra!!i" and I saw none o! it. I heard the rumble o! the buses the hooting o! ta0is that inevitable tireless London roar but I was not part o! it. I rested in some other pla"e that was "ool and *uiet and still. &othing "ould tou"h us any more. 1e had "ome through our "risis. 1hen Ma0im stopped the "ar I opened my eyes and sat up. 1e were opposite one o! those numerous little restaurants in a narrow street in ,oho. I loo$ed about me da)ed and stupid. .<ou.re tired . said Ma0im brie!ly. .5mpty and tired and !it !or nothing. <ou.ll be better when you.ve had something to eat. ,o shall I. 1e.ll go in here and order dinner right away. I "an telephone to Fran$ too.. 1e got out o! the "ar. #here was no one in the restaurant but the maitre d.hotel and a waiter and a girl behind a des$. It was dar$ and "ool. 1e went to a table right in the "orner. Ma0im began ordering the !ood. .Favell was right about wanting a drin$ . he said. .I want one too and so do you. <ou.re going to have some brandy..

#he maitre d.hotel was !at and smiling. 2e produ"ed long thin rolls in paper envelopes. #hey were very hard very "risp. I began to eat one ravenously. My brandy and soda was so!t warming "uriously "om!orting. .1hen we.ve had dinner we.ll drive slowly very *uietly . said Ma0im. .It will be "ool too in the evening. 1e.ll !ind somewhere on the road we "an put up !or the night. #hen we "an get along to Manderley in the morning.. .<es . I said. .<ou didn.t want to dine with /ulyan.s sister and go down by the late train;. .&o.. Ma0im !inished his drin$. 2is eyes loo$ed large and they were ringed with the shadows. #hey seemed very dar$ against the pallor o! his !a"e. .2ow mu"h o! the truth. he said .do you thin$ /uly an guessed;. I wat"hed him over the rim o! my glass. I did not say anything. .2e $new . said Ma0im slowly: .o! "ourse he $new.. .I! he did . I said .he will never say anything. &ever never.. .&o . said Ma0im. .&o.. 2e ordered another drin$ !rom the maitre d.hotel. 1e sat silent and pea"e!ul in our dar$ "orner. .I believe. said Ma0im .that 6ebe""a lied to me on purpose. #he last supreme blu!!. ,he wanted me to $ill her. ,he !oresaw the whole thing. #hat.s why she laughed. #hat.s why she stood there laughing when she died.. I did not say anything. I went on drin$ing my brandy and soda. It was all over. It was all settled. It did not matter any more. #here was no need !or Ma0im to loo$ white and troubled. .It was her last pra"ti"al +o$e . said Ma0im .the best o! them all. (nd I.m not sure i! she hasn.t won even now.. .1hat do you mean; 2ow "an she have won;. I said. .I don.t $now . he said. .I don.t $now.. 2e swallowed his se"ond drin$. #hen he got up !rom the table. .I.m going to nag up Fran$ . he said. I sat there in my "orner and presently the waiter brought me my !ish. It was lobster. 3ery hot and good. I had another brandy and soda too. It was pleasant and "om!ortable sitting there and nothing mattered very mu"h. I smiled at the waiter. I as$ed !or some more bread in Fren"h !or no reason. It was *uiet and happy and !riendly in the restaurant. Ma0im and I were together. 5verything was over. 5verything was settled. 6ebe""a was dead. 6ebe""a "ould not hurt us. ,he had played her last +o$e as Ma0im had said. ,he "ould do no more to us now. In ten minutes Ma0im "ame ba"$ again. .1ell . I said my own voi"e sounding !ar away .how was Fran$;.

.Fran$ was all right . said Ma0im. .2e was at the o!!i"e been waiting there !or me to telephone him ever sin"e !our o."lo"$. I told him what had happened. 2e sounded glad relieved.. .<es . I said. .,omething rather odd though . said Ma0im slowly a line between his brows. .2e thin$s Mrs 9anvers has "leared out. ,he.s gone disappeared. ,he said nothing to anyone but apparently she.d been pa"$ing up all day stripping her room o! things and the !ellow !rom the station "ame !or her bo0es at about !our o."lo"$. Frith telephoned down to Fran$ about it and Fran$ told Frith to as$ Mrs 9anvers to "ome down to him at the o!!i"e. 2e waited and she never "ame. (bout ten minutes be!ore I rang up Frith telephoned to Fran$ again and said there had been a long%distan"e "all !or Mrs 9anvers whi"h he had swit"hed through to her room and she had answered. #his must have been about ten past si0. (t a *uarter to seven he $no"$ed on the door and !ound her room empty. 2er bedroom too. #hey loo$ed !or her and "ould not !ind her. #hey thin$ she.s gone. ,he must have gone straight out o! the house and through the woods. ,he never passed the lodge%gates.. .Isn.t it a good thing;. I said. .It saves us a lot o! trouble. 1e should have had to send her away anyway. I believe she guessed too. #here was an e0pression on her !a"e last night. I $ept thin$ing o! it "oming up in the "ar.. .I don.t li$e it . said Ma0im. .I don.t li$e it.. .,he "an. t do anything . I argued.. I! she. s gone so mu"h the better. It was Favell who telephoned o! "ourse. 2e must have told her about Ba$er. 2e would tell her what 7olonel /ulyan said. 7olonel /ulyan said i! there was any attempt at bla"$mail we were to tell him. #hey won.t dare do it. #hey "an.t. It.s too dangerous.. .I.m not thin$ing o! bla"$mail . said Ma0im. .1hat else "an they do;. I said. .1e.ve got to do what 7olonel /ulyan said. 1e.ve got to !orget it. 1e must not thin$ about it any more. It.s all over darling it.s !inished. 1e ought to go down on our $nees and than$ God that it.s !inished.. Ma0im did not answer. 2e was staring in !ront o! him at nothing. .<our lobster will be "old . I said' .eat it darling. It will do you good you want something inside you. <ou.re tired.. I was using the words he had used to me. I !elt better and stronger. It was I now who was ta$ing "are o! him. 2e was tired pale. I had got over my wea$ness and !atigue and now he was the one to su!!er !rom rea"tion. It was +ust be"ause he was empty be"ause he was tired. #here was nothing to worry about at all. Mrs 9anvers

had gone. 1e should praise God !or that too. 5verything had been made so easy !or us so very easy. .5at up your !ish . I said. It was going to be very di!!erent in the !uture. I was not going to be nervous and shy with the servants any more. 1ith Mrs 9anvers gone I should learn bit by bit to "ontrol the house. I would go and interview the "oo$ in the $it"hen. #hey would li$e me respe"t me. ,oon it would be as though Mrs 9anvers had never had "ommand. I would learn more about the estate too. I should as$ Fran$ to e0plain things to me. I was sure Fran$ li$ed me. I li$ed him too. I would go into things and learn how they were managed. 1hat they did at the !arm. 2ow the wor$ in the grounds was planned. I might ta$e to gardening mysel! and in time have one or two things altered. #hat little s*uare lawn outside the morning%room with the statue o! the satyr. I did not li$e it. 1e would give the satyr away. #here were heaps o! things that I "ould do little by little. 8eople would "ome and stay and I should not mind. #here would be the interest o! seeing to their rooms having !lowers and boo$s put arranging the !ood. 1e would have "hildren. ,urely we would have "hildren. .2ave you !inished;. said Ma0im suddenly. .I don.t thin$ I want any more. -nly "o!!ee. Bla"$ very strong please and the bill . he added to the mattre d.hotel. I wondered why we must go so soon. It was "om!ortable in the restaurant and there was nothing to ta$e us away. I li$ed sitting there with my head against the so!a ba"$ planning the !uture idly in a ha)y pleasant way. I "ould have gone on sitting there !or a long while. I !ollowed Ma0im out o! the restaurant stumbling a little and yawning. .Listen . he said when we were on the pavement .do you thin$ you "ould sleep in the "ar i! I wrapped you up with the rug and tu"$ed you down in the ba"$. #here.s the "ushion there and my "oat as well.. .I thought we were going to put up somewhere !or the night;. I said blan$ly. .-ne o! those hotels one passes on the road.. .I $now . he said .but I have this !eeling I must get down tonight. 7an.t you possibly sleep in the ba"$ o! the "ar;. .<es . I said doubt!ully. .<es I suppose so.. .I! we start now it.s a *uarter to eight we ought to be there by hal! past two . he said. .#here won.t be mu"h tra!!i" on the road.. .<ou.ll be so tired . I said. .,o terribly tired.. .&o . he shoo$ his head. .I shall be all right. I want to get home. ,omething.s wrong. I $now it is. I want to get home.. 2is !a"e was an0ious strange. 2e pulled open the door and began arranging the rugs and the "ushion at the ba"$ o! the "ar.

.1hat "an be wrong;. I said. .It seems so odd to worry now when everything.s over. I "an.t understand you.. 2e did not answer. I "limbed into the ba"$ o! the "ar and lay down with my legs tu"$ed under me. 2e "overed me with the rug. It was very "om!ortable. Mu"h better than I imagined. I settled the pillow under my head. .(re you all right;. he said' .are you sure you don.t mind;. .&o . I said smiling. .I.m all right. I shall sleep. I don.t want to stay anywhere on the road. It.s mu"h better to do this and get home. 1e.ll be at Manderley long be!ore sunrise.. 2e got in !ront and swit"hed on the engine. I shut my eyes. #he "ar drew away and I !elt the slight +olting o! the springs under my body. I pressed my !a"e against the "ushion. #he motion o! the "ar was rhythmi" steady and the pulse o! my mind beat with it. ( hundred images "ame to me when I "losed my eyes things seen things $nown and things !orgotten. #hey were +umbled together in a senseless pattern. #he *uill o! Mrs 3an 2opper.s hat the hard straight%ba"$ed "hairs in Fran$.s dining%room the wide window in the west wing at Manderley the salmon%"oloured !ro"$ o! the smiling lady at the !an"y dress ball a peasant girl in a road near Monte 7arlo. ,ometimes I saw /asper "hasing butter!lies a"ross the lawns' sometimes I saw 9o"tor Ba$er.s ,"ot"h terrier s"rat"hing his ear beside a de"$%"hair. #here was the postman who had pointed out the house to us today and there was 7lari"e.s mother wiping a "hair !or me in the ba"$ parlour. Ben smiled at me holding win$les in his hands and the bishop.s wi!e as$ed me i! I would stay to tea. I "ould !eel the "old "om!ort o! my sheets in my own bed and the gritty shingle in the "ove. I "ould smell the bra"$en in the woods the wet moss and the dead a)alea petals. I !ell into a strange bro$en sleep wa$ing now and again to the reality o! my narrow "ramped position and the sight o! Ma0im.s ba"$ in !ront o! me. #he dus$ had turned to dar$ness. #here were the lights o! passing "ars upon the road. #here were villages with drawn "urtains and little lights behind them. (nd I would move and turn upon my ba"$ and sleep again. I saw the stair"ase at Manderley and Mrs 9anvers standing at the top in her bla"$ dress waiting !or me to go to her. (s I "limbed the stairs she ba"$ed under the ar"hway and disappeared. I loo$ed !or her and I "ould not !ind her. #hen her !a"e loo$ed at me through a hollow door and I "ried out and she had gone again. .1hat.s the time;. I "alled. .1hat.s the time;.

Ma0im turned round to me his !a"e pale and ghostly in the dar$ness o! the "ar. .It.s hal! past eleven . he said. 1e re over hal!%way already. #ry and sleep again.. .I.m thirsty . I said. 2e stopped at the ne0t town. #he man at the garage said his wi!e had not gone to bed and she would ma$e us some tea. 1e got out o! the "ar and stood inside the garage. I stamped up and down to bring the blood ba"$ to my hands and !eet. Ma0im smo$ed a "igarette. It was "old. ( bitter wind blew in through the open garage door and rattled the "orrugated roo!. I shivered and buttoned up my "oat. .<es it.s nippy tonight . said the garage man as he wound the petrol pump. =#he weather seemed to brea$ this a!ternoon. It.s the last o! the heat waves !or this summer. 1e shall be thin$ing o! !ires soon.. .It was hot in London . I said. .1as it;. he said. .1ell they always have the e0tremes up there don.t they; 1e get the !irst o! the bad weather down here. It will blow hard on the "oast be!ore morning.. 2is wi!e brought us the tea. It tasted o! bitter wood but it was hot. I dran$ it greedily than$!ully. (lready Ma0im was glan"ing at his wat"h. .1e ought to be going . he said. .It.s ten minutes to twelve.. I le!t the shelter o! the garage relu"tantly. #he "old wind blew in my !a"e. #he stars ra"ed a"ross the s$y. #here were threads o! "loud too. .<es . said the garage man .summer.s over !or this year.. 1e "limbed ba"$ into the "ar. I settled mysel! on"e more under the rug. #he "ar went on. I shut my eyes. #here was the man with the wooden leg winding his barrel%organ and the tune o! .6oses in 8i"ardy. hummed in my head against the +olting o! the "ar. Frith and 6obert "arried the tea into the library. #he woman at the lodge nodded to me abruptly and "alled her "hild into the house. I saw the model boats in the "ottage in the "ove. and the !eathery dust. I saw the "obwebs stret"hing !rom the little masts. I heard the rain upon the roo! and the sound o! the sea. I wanted to get to the 2appy 3alley and it was not there. #here were woods about me there was no 2appy 3alley. -nly the dar$ trees and the young bra"$en. #he owls hooted. #he Moon was shining in the windows o! Manderley. #here were nettles in the garden ten !oot twenty !oot high. .Ma0imB. I "ried. .Ma0imB. .<es . he said. .It.s all right I.m here.. .I had a dream . I said. .( dream.. .1hat was it;. he said. .I don.t $now. I don.t $now..

Ba"$ again into the moving un*uiet depths. I was writing letters in the morning%room. I was sending out invitations. I wrote them all mysel! with a thi"$ bla"$ pen. But when I loo$ed down to see what I had written it was not my small s*uare handwriting at all it was long and slanting with "urious pointed stro$es. I pushed the "ards away !rom the blotter and hid them. I got up and went to the loo$ing%glass. ( !a"e stared ba"$ at me that was not my own. It was very pale very lovely !ramed in a "loud o! dar$ hair. #he eyes narrowed and smiled. #he lips parted. #he !a"e in the glass stared ba"$ at me and laughed. (nd I saw then that she was sitting on a "hair be!ore the dressing%table in her bedroom and Ma0im was brushing her hair. 2e held her hair in his hands and as he brushed it he wound it slowly into a thi"$ rope. It twisted li$e a sna$e and he too$ hold o! it with both hands and smiled at 6ebe""a and put it round his ne"$. .&o . I s"reamed. .&o no. 1e must go to ,wit)erland. 7olonel /ulyan said we must go to ,wit)erland.. I !elt Ma0im.s hand upon my !a"e. .1hat is it;. he said. .1hat.s the matter;. I sat up and pushed my hair away !rom my !a"e. .I "an.t sleep . I said. .It.s no use.. .<ou.ve been sleeping . he said. .<ou.ve slept !or two hours. It.s *uarter past two. 1e.re !our miles the other side o! Lanyon.. It was even "older than be!ore. I shuddered in the dar$ness o! the "ar. .I.ll "ome beside you . I said. .1e shall be ba"$ by three.. I "limbed over and sat beside him staring in !ront o! me through the wind%s"reen. I put my hand on his $nee. My teeth were "hattering. .<ou.re "old . he said. .<es . I said. #he hills rose in !ront o! us and dipped and rose again. It was *uite dar$. #he stars had gone. .1hat time did you say it was;. I as$ed. .#wenty past two . he said. .It.s !unny . I said. .It loo$s almost as though the dawn was brea$ing over there beyond those hills. It "an.t be though it.s too early.. .It.s the wrong dire"tion . he said .you.re loo$ing west.. .I $now . I said. .It.s !unny isn.t it;. 2e did not answer and I went on wat"hing the s$y. It seemed to get lighter even as I stared. Li$e the !irst red strea$ o! sunrise. Little by little it spread a"ross the s$y. .It.s in winter you see the northern lights isn.t it;. I said. .&ot in summer;.

=#hat.s not the northern lights . he said. =#hat.s Manderley.. I glan"ed at him and saw his !a"e. I saw his eyes. .Ma0im . I said. .Ma0im what is it;. 2e drove !aster mu"h !aster. 1e topped the hill be!ore us and saw Lanyon lying in a hollow at our !eet. #here to the le!t o! us was the silver strea$ o! the river widening to the estuary at Aerrith si0 miles away. #he road to Manderley lay ahead. #here was no moon. #he s$y above our heads was in$y bla"$. But the s$y on the hori)on was not dar$ at all. It was shot with "rimson li$e a splash o! blood. (nd the ashes blew towards us with the salt wind !rom the sea.

The End