1

THE ARCHERS
SCRIPT AS BROADCAST
WEEK 2


EPISODE NO: 17180

WRITER: ADRIAN FLYNN

EDITOR: JULIE BECKETT

DIRECTOR: KIM GREENGRASS




REH/REC: SUNDAY 29
TH
SEPTEMBER 2013
READ THRU: 1445

TAPE NO: PBM339/13MD7180
OMNI NO: PBM339/13MZ2257

TX DATE: THURSDAY OCTOBER 24
TH
2013
TX WEEK: 43




SCENE: 1. ALISTAIR DARRELL

2. MIKE ED

3. DARRELL ALISTAIR

4. HELEN TOM

5. ED ALISTAIR MIKE

6. TOM HELEN




ANNOUNCER: Will Alistair wait, in The Archers?
2
1.INT. THE STABLES. SPARE ROOM. 8.15 A.M. 1
(DARRELL IS STRETCHING IN BED, TRYING TO SUMMON 2
ENOUGH ENTHUSIASM TO GET UP. ALISTAIRS OUTSIDE ON 3
LANDING.) 4
ALISTAIR (KNOCKS ON EXT DOOR) Darrell? 5
DARRELL Er.. Yeah? 6
ALISTAIR How are you getting on? 7
DARRELL Oh.. fine. 8
ALISTAIR What times your appointment with the Job Advisor? 9
DARRELL (PROPS SELF UP ON ELBOW) Um.. half nine. 10
ALISTAIR You need to be quick if you want a lift. Im 11
leaving in about twenty minutes. 12
DARRELL No worries, Alistair. Im almost ready. Im just 13
getting dressed. 14
15
2. INT. GRANGE FARM. BOTTLING PLANT. 8.20 A.M. 16
(OFF: BOTTLE WASHER OPERATING IN BACKGROUND 17
THROUGHOUT. ON: MIKE LIFTS A CRATE OF EMPTY BOTTLES 18
ONTO A WORK SURFACE. MIKE IS DELIBERATELY STAYING 19
CALM. ED IS ALSO RELATIVELY UPBEAT HES GOT SOME 20
GOOD NEWS) 21
ED (OFF: COMING IN THROUGH OPEN DOORWAY) Milks going 22
to come in late, Mike. 23
MIKE Yeah? (LIFTS AN EMPTY BOTTLE FROM CRATE) 24
ED (APP) Im just getting started now. 25
3
MIKE Right.. (HOLDS OUT BOTTLE/ MILDLY ANNOYANCE) Look 1
at that. 2
ED (NOT PARTICULARLY INTERESTED) Hmm. 3
MIKE (DROPS BOTTLE IN BIN) I dont know why so many 4
bottles get chipped in Darrington. 5
ED Ive been running late all morning. 6
MIKE (SUDDEN THOUGHT) Here it int the tractor, Ed? 7
ED No. Thats running sweet as a nut. 8
MIKE I was going to say. (PUSHES CRATE OVER METAL 9
ROLLERS INTO WASHER) We done a good job. 10
ED Its cos I was up half the night. Another calf. 11
MIKE (THIS IS SERIOUS) Oh. 12
ED I thought it was going to be tricky, so I came down 13
about midnight. 14
MIKE How did it go? 15
ED She presented really badly. I had to use chains. 16
But shes a perfect little heifer. 17
MIKE Alive and well then? 18
ED Oh yeah. 19
MIKE Thank heavens for that. 20
ED Only I was so shattered afterwards, I slept through 21
the alarm. 22
MIKE (LIFTS NEXT CRATE OF EMPTIES ONTO WORK SURFACE) 23
Worth it, if we didnt lose her. 24
ED Too right. I thought youd want to know.. 25
4
MIKE (QUICK LOOK AT BOTTLES UNDER:) Course I do. 1
ED .. and in case youre wondering why nothings in 2
the tank yet. 3
MIKE (PUSHES CRATE OVER METAL ROLLERS) I hadnt even 4
checked. And it wouldnt bother me if I had. 5
ED (SURPRISED) No? 6
MIKE Ive been getting too stressed lately. But all that 7
stops now. 8
ED Lets hope. 9
MIKE Im serious. (LIFTS NEXT CRATE OF EMPTIES ONTO WORK 10
SURFACE) I had a long chat with Vick about it last 11
night. 12
ED Yeah? 13
MIKE I hadnt realised - Ive been taking too many 14
worries home. 15
ED Its hard not to. 16
MIKE Its not fair on her. When Im restless, she cant 17
sleep properly... (DROPS CHIPPED BOTTLE INTO BIN) 18
..And shes already wearing herself out about 19
Bethany. 20
ED Nothings wrong, is it? 21
22
5
MIKE No. (PUSHES CRATE OVER STEEL ROLLERS INTO WASHER) 1
Beths all right. But, like I said, Vick gets in a 2
spin about her. Cos.. well, everythings a little 3
bit later. Sitting up. Things like that. 4
ED Doesnt matter. Kids are all different. 5
MIKE I know. Thats just how it is with Downs. But Vick 6
seems to reckon some of its her fault. 7
ED Tch. 8
MIKE And Ive got to do my bit, as well. Switch off when 9
I get home. (LIFTS NEXT CRATE OF EMPTIES ONTO WORK 10
SURFACE) Make sure we all relax. 11
ED I havent exactly been Mr Smiley Face myself 12
lately. 13
MIKE (QUICK LOOK AT BOTTLES UNDER:) Im not saying its 14
easy. 15
ED There was losing the two last week.. The engine. 16
MIKE (PUSHES CRATE OVER ROLLERS INTO WASHER) Which is 17
fixed now. 18
ED George and Keira always needing something. 19
MIKE (WITH FEELING) Oh, yeah. 20
ED And if me and Em ever do get five minutes together, 21
her flipping phone goes off. 22
MIKE Tell her to turn it off. 23
ED (IRONIC) No chance. It could be another recipe. 24
MIKE Eh? (LIFTS NEXT CRATE OF EMPTIES ONTO WORK SURFACE) 25
6
ED Shes panicking she wont get enough for her fund- 1
raising book. 2
MIKE Oh - the church thing. (CHECKS BOTTLES UNDER:) 3
ED So then shes talking about ..(TRYING TO REMEMBER) 4
cherry zabaglione or ginger scones or whatever 5
MIKE (DROPS CHIPPED EMPTY IN BIN) Dont let it get to 6
you, Ed. Lifes too short. 7
ED Yeah. I know. Right.. (GOING) Ill get back to the 8
bail. 9
MIKE Thats it. (PUSHES EMPTY CRATE OVER STEEL ROLLERS/ 10
TEASING) Get some work done, you slacker. 11
12
3. INT. THE STABLES. SPARE ROOM. 8.40 A.M. 13
(DARRELL IS HALF-DRESSED, SITTING ON THE EDGE OF 14
THE BED, STARING INTO SPACE. ALISTAIR IS OUTSIDE 15
THE CLOSED INT DOOR.) 16
ALISTAIR (CALLS) Darrell? (BEAT) Darrell? (KNOCKS ON DOOR) 17
Can I come in? 18
DARRELL (IN A WORLD OF HIS OWN) Hmm. 19
ALISTAIR (OPENING INT DOOR) We need to get going. (SEES 20
DARRELL/ TRIES TO CONTAIN EXASPERATION) Ohh. 21
DARRELL Youre off already? 22
ALISTAIR I told you we were in a hurry. I thought you were 23
dressed. 24
7
DARRELL I was getting dressed and then.. I got side- 1
tracked. 2
ALISTAIR Ive hung on as long as I can. 3
DARRELL (TRIES TO THINK OF EXCUSE) Sorry. I was..running 4
though what sort of questions they were going to 5
ask. 6
ALISTAIR I cant wait, while you get washed and dressed. 7
DARRELL Its OK. 8
ALISTAIR Ive got appointments all morning. 9
DARRELL You get off then. 10
ALISTAIR How are you going to get there? Shulas out, 11
leading a hack. 12
DARRELL Yes. I heard her go off. 13
ALISTAIR Well, youre not going to make it to the Job Centre 14
then, are you? 15
DARRELL Its all right. Ill go in later. Or ring them and 16
fix up a new appointment. 17
ALISTAIR Can you do that? 18
DARRELL They dont care. It happens all the time. 19
ALISTAIR Really? 20
DARRELL Everyone does it. Ill say sorry. Its fine. You 21
get going Alistair. 22
23
8
4. INT. AMBRIDGE ORGANICS. SHOP. 10.45 A.M. 1
(EXT DOOR OPENS AS TOM COMES THROUGH, CARRYING 2
CRATE OF TURNIPS. HELENS BEHIND COUNTER, ON) 3
HELEN Oh, Tom, thats brilliant. 4
TOM (APP/ WITH CRATE) Youre lucky. You rang just 5
before I set off. 6
HELEN Im so sorry. Its careless of me. 7
TOM (PUTS CRATE ON COUNTER) Its no trouble, Helen. 8
HELEN I thought I checked what extra veg we needed last 9
night. 10
TOM No harm done. Im dropping a whole stack of leeks 11
off in Perivale anyway. 12
HELEN Then Ive dragged you right out of the way. 13
TOM The longer Im out delivering, the less time I have 14
to spend back at Sawyers. 15
HELEN Ah. Away from Maurice? 16
TOM Ah-ha. 17
HELEN Have you had a row? 18
TOM He wont stop moaning about Lynda. 19
HELEN (UNDERSTANDS) Oh. 20
TOM She rang him last night. Shes no longer 21
considering him for Robin Hood. 22
HELEN And he took it badly? 23
TOM No. Thats the point. He never wanted to do it. 24
HELEN Thats what I thought. 25
9
TOM He said it couldnt have been clearer if the Red 1
Arrows had spelled it out in skywriting. But then 2
she has the cheek to make out shes turning him 3
down. 4
HELEN Good old Lynda. 5
TOM (LIGHTLY) So where do you want these emergency 6
root vegetables? 7
8
5. EXT. GRANGE FARM. YARD. 10.47 A.M. 9
(OFF: WOODPIGEON CALLING. ED IS TRYING TO ABSORB 10
WHAT ALISTAIRS JUST TOLD HIM.) 11
ED Caused both abortions? 12
ALISTAIR Yes. 13
ED And you got the results just now? 14
ALISTAIR To the follow-up tests? Yes. 15
ED (STUNNED) Blimey. 16
ALISTAIR Im sorry its not better news. 17
MIKE (APP) Got your text Ed. What do I need to hear? 18
(REGISTERING THEIR EXPRESSIONS) Ah. I take it, it 19
int good. 20
ED No. Neospora.. 21
MIKE (OVER) Ohh. 22
ED ..thats why they aborted. 23
MIKE Oh no. 24
10
ALISTAIR Im sorry Mike. I came over as soon as I heard from 1
the lab. 2
ED I was sure it was B.V.D. Once we got past that, I 3
thought great. 4
ALISTAIR We had to check for parasites. 5
MIKE Ive read about neospora. But I dont know no one 6
round here whos had it.. 7
ED Never crossed my mind it could be that. 8
MIKE Hows it happened? 9
ALISTAIR There are various ways it couldve come into the 10
herd. 11
ED Yeah? 12
ALISTAIR If you bought an infected cow, it can pass down 13
from mother to calf. But it can also be transmitted 14
by ingesting contaminated feed or water. 15
ED Wheres it come from? 16
MIKE Isnt it dog muck? 17
ALISTAIR Thats the most direct source. But You may need to 18
look at rodent control as well. 19
MIKE (OVER) Tch.. 20
ALISTAIR And whats their water source? 21
ED From the mains or a bowser. 22
ALISTAIR Good. Theyre best kept away from stagnant water. 23
ED But the mothers look fine.. 24
ALISTAIR (OVER) I know. 25
11
ED .. And we had another calf last night.. 1
MIKE Perfectly healthy.. 2
ED I can show you, if you like. 3
ALISTAIR Thats one of the complications. It can build up 4
unseen. It only becomes activated during pregnancy. 5
ED (PENSIVE) Both the infected ones.. Theyre some of 6
the ones that Vicky paid for. 7
MIKE (THINKING OF VICKYS REACTION) Yeah. 8
ED Maybe the rest are all right. 9
ALISTAIR The only way to be sure is by taking bloods. 10
ED From the whole herd? 11
MIKE Has to be, doesnt it? 12
ED Thats going to cost, innit. 13
MIKE Am I right, Alistair - there aint no treatment? 14
ALISTAIR Theyre working on a vaccine. But at the moment, 15
the only certain way to stop it building up is to 16
cull the infected animals. 17
ED (STUNNED) So thats at least two were losing? 18
ALISTAIR Do you need time to think about the bloods? 19
ED (BEAT) No.. If weve got to do it, weve got to do 20
it. 21
ALISTAIR I cant take them now. Im on my way to Penny 22
Hassett. 23
ED Thats all right. 24
ALISTAIR But Ill come back this afternoon, if you like. 25
12
ED Um.. yeah. 1
MIKE Vickys going to be in bits. 2
ALISTAIR Ill ring when Im on my way. 3
ED Thanks Alistair. 4
MIKE Yeah. Ta. 5
ALISTAIR Ill see you later. (GOING) Im sorry its such 6
disappointing news. 7
ED See you. 8
MIKE Bye. 9
ED (BEAT/ SIGHS) Can you believe it? 10
(OFF: ALISTAIR OPENS DOOR OF HIS 4x4) 11
MIKE It wouldnt be so bad if we got something back. 12
ED Yeah but we dont, do we. Two definites already. 13
MIKE Me and Vick are taking the hit on them. 14
ED But if its spread to my ones.. 15
MIKE (OVER) I know. 16
ED ..and I have to start culling them. 17
(OFF: DRIVERS DOOR CLOSES) 18
MIKE (CUTS IN) We dont know thats going to happen. 19
(OFF: 4x4 ENGINE STARTS UP) 20
ED I cant afford it, Mike. 21
MIKE Well, it int a picnic for us neither. 22
(OFF: 4x4 DRIVES OFF UNDER) 23
ED No. I know.. Even if it is just two, the yields 24
going to drop. 25
13
MIKE And the margins are tight enough as it is. Your 1
side and mine. 2
ED If a lot of thems infected, itll finish us off. 3
MIKE Dont think like that. He hasnt even taken the 4
bloods yet. 5
ED (AGREEING) No. 6
MIKE Weve just got to hold tight. Wait and see. 7
8
6. INT. AMBRIDGE ORGANICS. OFFICE. 10.56 A.M. 9
(HELEN IS USING A KEYBOARD TO ENTER FIGURES ON 10
COMPUTER. INT. DOOR PUSHED OPEN.) 11
TOM (IN DOORWAY) Ah. This is where youre hiding. 12
HELEN (USING KEYBOARD) Trying to make a start on the 13
quarterlies. 14
TOM Ive left Anya putting out a mountain of swedes. 15
HELEN (USING KEYBOARD) Thanks again, Tom. 16
TOM No problem. Next stop Perivale. Enjoy your 17
spreadsheet. 18
HELEN (USING KEYBOARD) Thanks. 19
TOM (SUDDEN THOUGHT) Oh, before I go did I tell you a 20
kitchens off the agenda again? 21
HELEN (USING KEYBOARD/ NOT FULLY ATTENDING) Sorry? 22
TOM (APP) Ive definitely ruled out having my own 23
kitchen at Sawyers. At least for the time being. 24
HELEN (USING KEYBOARD) You gave that up months ago. 25
14
TOM I nearly did a U-turn this week. Didnt Dad tell 1
you? 2
HELEN No. 3
TOM I almost got talked into it. 4
HELEN Ah-ha? (USES KEYBOARD) 5
TOM After a huge discussion about the way itd solve 6
transport problems. And make it easier to 7
demonstrate due diligence. But in the end I said 8
its not quite the right time. 9
HELEN (USING KEYBOARD) This was with Dad? 10
TOM No. With Rob. After he got back from the funeral. 11
(HELEN STOPS USING KEYBOARD) Hes sure I should 12
grow the business. 13
HELEN (CANT DISGUISE DISBELIEF) He was talking to you 14
about kitchens? 15
TOM (PUZZLED) Yes. 16
HELEN (TRYING TO COVER UP) Oh.. Right. 17
TOM Why shouldnt he? (LIGHT SLOWLY DAWNS UNDER:) 18
HELEN No reason. If thats all hes got to think about.. 19
(COVERING UP) Youre probably right.. um.. not 20
taking it on now. 21
TOM (STUNNED)I am such an idiot. 22
HELEN I really must get on, Tom.. 23
TOM (PUTTING THE PIECES TOGETHER) When you walked off 24
on Sunday, what were we talking about..? 25
15
HELEN (OVER/ NOT NOW) Tom.. 1
TOM Now I just have to mention his name.. 2
HELEN Seriously, Im busy. 3
TOM Thats it, isnt it? Theres something going on 4
between you? 5
HELEN No! 6
TOM (SIMPLY) Helen? 7
HELEN There isnt. (BEAT/ QUIETLY) But there was. For a 8
little while. 9
TOM (SOFTLY) I dont believe it. 10
HELEN Dont get on your high horse.. 11
TOM Im not going to. 12
HELEN Its over now. Completely. Hes decided to stay 13
with Jess. 14
TOM (SURPRISED) He was going to break up with her? 15
HELEN I dont know. Maybe. But he isnt now. 16
TOM No wonder youve been so unhappy. 17
HELEN Has it been that obvious? 18
TOM Just a bit. 19
HELEN (ANXIOUS) Have mum and dad said anything? 20
TOM Not to me. 21
HELEN You wont tell them, will you? 22
TOM No, of course not. 23
HELEN Dont. Please. Theyd be so upset. 24
TOM He finished it? 25
16
HELEN Yes. 1
TOM Oh Helen. (MOVES CLOSER) 2
HELEN Please. Dont hug me. Youll make me cry. 3
TOM Well lets take the risk. (HUGS HER) 4
HELEN (BEAT/ CRIES QUIETLY) 5
TOM (QUIETLY) I hate seeing you upset. 6
HELEN (WRY, TEARFUL) Im not so keen myself. (BEAT/ PULLS 7
AWAY) There. Im all right now. 8
TOM Yeah? 9
HELEN Yes. 10
TOM (GENTLY) Look. Dont take this wrong way. But what 11
on earth were you thinking? 12
HELEN We just get on.. got on.. so well. 13
TOM I mean, whats he playing at? Hes married. He 14
should know better. 15
HELEN Its not his fault, Tom. We went into it together.. 16
I knew what I was letting myself in for. 17
TOM Did you? 18
HELEN (BREAKING UP AGAIN) Yes.. I just got in too far.. 19
too fast. 20
TOM (TAKES TISSUE FROM POCKET) Oh. Here. Is this any 21
good to you? 22
[HELEN Ive got my own tissues somewhere. 23
TOM Its perfectly clean.] 24
17
HELEN Thanks. (TAKES IT. WIPES EYES AND BLOWS NOSE 1
UNDER:) 2
TOM And its definitely over? 3
HELEN Yes. 4
TOM Well, I suppose.. 5
HELEN (CUTS IN) Dont say its for the best, Tom, because 6
believe me it doesnt feel that way. 7
TOM No.. I only meant, in this kind of situation, 8
someones bound to get hurt. I just wish it wasnt 9
you. 10
HELEN You and me both. 11
TOM He had no right to.. to(SWALLOWS ANGER) Well, I 12
never guessed. 13
HELEN We were very careful.. I hated lying to everyone. 14
And of course, there was Henry... 15
TOM Did that put him off? You having a child. 16
HELEN No. He wants to be a father.. Hed be such a good 17
one. (LITTLE WOBBLE) 18
TOM (SYMPATHETIC) Oh, Helen.. 19
HELEN Dont start me off again.. Its bad enough as it 20
is. Some days I dont know how to keep putting one 21
foot in front of the other. 22
23
(MUSIC) 24