THE HAIR A. J.

Alan
I'm going to give you an account of certain occurrences. I shan't attempt to explain them because
they're quite beyon me. !hen you've hear all the facts" some of you may be able to offer
suggestions. #ou must forgive me for going into a certain amount of etail. !hen you on't
unerstan $hat you're tal%ing about it's so ifficult to %no$ $hat to leave out.
This business began in the ar% ages" before there $as any broacasting. In fact" in &'(&.
I' been staying the $ee%)en $ith a frien of mine $ho lives about fifteen miles out of *ristol.
There $as another man stopping there" too" $ho live at +a$lish. !ell" on the ,onay morning
our host rove us into *ristol in time for the +a$lish man to catch his train" $hich left a goo eal
earlier than the -onon one. .f course" if ol Einstein ha one his /ob properly" $e coul both
have gone by the same train. As it $as" I ha over half an hour to $ait. Tal%ing of Einstein" $ouln't
it be almost $orth $hile ying young so as to hear $hat Eucli says to him $hen they meet0
$herever it is1
There $as a funny little ol sort of curiosity shop in one of the streets I $ent o$n" an I stoppe to
loo% in the $ino$. Right at the bac%" on a shelf" $as a roun brass box" not unli%e a po$er)box in
shape" an it rather too% my fancy. I on't %no$ $hy0perhaps it $as because I' never seen
anything quite li%e it before. That must be $hy some $omen buy some hats.
Any$ay" the shop $ino$ $as so irty that you coul harly see through it" so I $ent insie to
have a closer loo%. An increibly ol man came out of the bac% regions an tol me all he %ne$
about the box" $hich $asn't very much. It $as fairly heavy" mae of brass" roun" four inches high"
an about three inches in iameter. There $as something insie it" $hich $e coul hear $hen $e
shoo% it" but no one ha ever been able to get the li off. He' bought it from a sailor some years
before" but couln't say in the least $hat part of the $orl it came from.
2!hat about fifteen bob12
I offere him ten" an he too% it very quic%ly" an then I ha to sprint bac% to the station to catch my
train. !hen I got home I too% the box up into my $or%shop an ha a proper loo% at it. It $as
extremely primitive as regars $or%" an ha eviently been mae by han" an not on a lathe.
Also" there ha been something engrave on the li" but it ha been ta%en off $ith a file. 3ext /ob
$as to get the li off $ithout oing any amage to it. It $as a goo eal more than han tight" an
no orinary methos $ere any goo. I stoo it li o$n$ars for a $ee% in a ish of glycerine as a
start" an then mae t$o brass collars" one for the box an one for the li. At the)en of the $ee% I
bolte the collars on" fixe the box in the vice an trie tapping the li roun $ith a hammer0but it
$ouln't start. Then" I trie it the other $ay an it $ent at once. That explaine $hy no one ha
ever been able to unscre$ it0it ha a left)hane threa on it. Rather a irty tric%0especially to go
an o it all those years before.
!ell" here it $as" unscre$ing very s$eetly" an I began to feel quite li%e Ho$ar 4arter" $onering
$hat I $as going to fin. It might go off bang" or /ump out an hit me in the face. Ho$ever" nothing
exciting happene $hen the li came off. In fact" the box only seeme to be half)full of ust" but at
the bottom $as a curle)up plait of hair. !hen straightene out" it $as about nine inches long an
nearly as thic% as a pencil. I unplaite a short length" an foun it consiste of some hunres of
very fine hairs" but in such a filthy state 5I shove them uner the microscope6 that there $as
nothing much to be seen. 7o I thought I' clean them. #ou may as $ell %no$ the process0first of
all a bath of ilute hyrochloric aci to get the grease off" then a solution of $ashing soa to remove
the aci. Then a $ashing in istille $ater" then a bath of alcohol to get ri of any traces of $ater"
an a final rinsing in ether to top off $ith.
Just as I too% it out of the ether they calle me o$n to the telephone" so I shove it o$n on the
first clean thing $hich came hany" namely" a piece of $hite carboar" an $ent o$nstairs. !hen
I examine the plait later on" the only thing of interest that came to light $as the fact that the hairs
ha all apparently belonge to several ifferent $omen. The colours range from /et)blac%" through
bro$n" re" an gol" right up to pure $hite. 3one of the hair $as ye" $hich prove ho$ very ol
it $as. I sho$e it to one or t$o people" but they in't seem very enthusiastic" so I put it" an its
box" in a little corner cupboar $e have" an forgot all about it.
Then the first strange coincience happene.
About ten ays later a pal of mine calle ,atthe$s came into the club $ith a banage across his
forehea. 8eople naturally as%e him $hat $as the matter" an he sai he in't %no$" an $hat's
more the octor in't %no$. He' suenly floppe o$n on his ra$ing)room floor" in the mile
of tea" an lain li%e a log. His $ife $as in a fearful ste$" of course" an telephone for the octor.
Ho$ever" ,atthe$s came roun at the en of about five minutes" an sat up an as%e $hat ha hit
him. !hen the octor ble$ in a fe$ minutes later he $as pretty $ell all right again except for a
goo eal of pain in his forehea. The octor couln't fin anything the matter except a re mar%
$hich $as beginning to sho$ on the s%in /ust $here the pain $as.
!ell" this mar% got clearer an clearer" until it loo%e /ust li%e a blo$ from a stic%. 3ext ay it $as
about the same" except that a big bruise ha come up all roun the mar%. After that it got graually
better. ,atthe$s too% the banage off an sho$e it me at the club" an there $as nothing much
more than a bruise $ith a curve re line o$n the mile of it" li%e the trac% of a re)hot $orm.
They' ecie that he' ha an attac% of giiness an must someho$ have bumpe his hea in
falling. An that $as that.
About a month later" my $ife sai to me9 2!e really must tiy your $or%shop:2 An I sai9 2,ust
$e12 An she sai9 2#es" it's a isgrace.2 7o up $e $ent.
Tiying my $or%shop consists of putting the tools bac% in their rac%s" an of my $ife $anting to
thro$ a$ay things she fins on the floor" an me saying9 2.h" no" I coul use that for so an so.2
The first thing $e came across $as the piece of $hite carboar I' use to put the plait of hair on
$hile I' run to the telephone that ay.
!hen $e came to loo% at the other sie $e foun it $as a flashlight photograph of a inner I' been
at. #ou %no$ $hat happens. Just before the speeches a lot of blighters come in $ith a camera an
some poles $ith tin trays on the top" an someone says9 2!ill the chairman please stan12 an he's
helpe to his feet. Then there's a blining flash an the room's full of smo%e" an the blighters go
out again. -ater on a man comes roun $ith proofs" an if you are very $ea%0or near the chairman
0you orer one print.
!ell" this inner ha been the $orshipful company of s%ate)fasteners or something" an I' gone as
the guest of the same blo%e ,atthe$s I've alreay been telling you about" an $e' sat 2sie by
each"2 as the saying is. ,y $ife $as loo%ing at the photograph" an she sai9 2!hat's that mar% on
,r. ,atthe$s's forehea12 An I loo%e0an there" sure enough" $as the exact mar% that he'
come into the club $ith a month before. The curious part being" of course" that the photograph ha
been ta%en at least six months before he' ha the funny attac% $hich cause the mar%. 3o$" then0
on the bac% of the photograph" $hen $e examine it" $as a faint bro$n line. This $as eviently left
by the plait of hair $hen I' pinne it out to ry" an it ha soa%e through an cause the mar% on
,atthe$s's face. I chec%e it by shoving a neele right through the carboar. .f course" this
loo%e li%e a very strange coincience" on the face of it. I on't %no$ $hat your experience of
coinciences is0but mine is that they usually aren't. Any$ay" I too% the trouble to trace out the
times" an I finally establishe" beyon a shao$ of a oubt" that I ha pinne the hair out on the
photograph bet$een four an a quarter)past on a particular ay" an that ,atthe$s ha ha his
funny attac% on the same ay at about a quarter)past four. That $as something li%e a coincience.
3ext" the iea came to me to try it again. 3ot on poor ol ,atthe$s" obviously0he' alreay ha
some0an" besies" he $as a frien of mine. I %no$ perfectly $ell that $e are tol to be %in to
our enemies" an so on0in fact" I o quite a lot of that0but $hen it comes to trying an experiment
of this %in0even if the chances are a million to one against it being a success" I mean having any
result0one naturally chooses an enemy rather than a frien. I loo%e roun for a suitable0victim
0someone $ho $ouln't be misse much in case there happene to be another coincience. The
iniviual on $hom my choice fell $as the nurse next oor.
!e can see into their garen from our bathroom $ino$0an $e' often notice the rotten $ay
she treate the chil she ha charge of $hen she thought no one $as loo%ing. 3othing one coul
efinitely complain about0you %no$ $hat a than%less /ob it is to butt into your neighbour's affairs
0but she $as systematically un%in" an $e hate the sight of her. Another thing0$hen she first
came she use to lean over the garen $all an snea% our roses0at least" she in't even o that0
she use to pull them off their stal%s an let them rop0I soon stoppe that. I fitte up some little
arrangements of fish)hoo%s roun some of the most accessible roses an anchore them to the
groun $ith $ires. There $as Hell)an)Tommy the next morning" an she ha her han one up in
banages for a $ee%.
Altogether she $as /ust the person for my experiment. The first thing $as to get a photograph of
her" so the next sunny morning" $hen she $as in the garen" I mae a noise li%e an aeroplane out of
the bathroom $ino$ to ma%e her loo% up" an got her nicely. As soon as the first print $as ry"
about eleven o'cloc% the same night" I fastene the plait of hair across the forehea $ith t$o pins0
feeling extremely foolish" as one $oul" of course" oing an iiotic thing li%e that0an put it a$ay
in a ra$er in my $or%shop. The evening of the next ay" $hen I got home" my $ife met me an
sai9 2!hat o you thin%0the nurse next oor $as foun ea in be this morning.2 An she $ent
on to say that the people $ere quite upset about it" an there $as going to be an inquest" an all the
rest of it. I tell you" you coul have %noc%e me o$n $ith a bric%. I sai9 23o" not really; $hat i
she ie of12 #ou must unerstan that my lay $ife in't %no$ anything about the experiment.
7he' never have let me try it. 7he's rather superstitious0in spite of living $ith me. As soon as I
coul I snea%e up to the $or%shop ra$er an got out the photograph" an0I %no$ you $on't
believe me" but it oesn't ma%e any ifference0$hen I unpinne the plait of hair an too% it off
there $as a clearly)mar%e bro$n stain right across the nurse's forehea. I tell you" that i ma%e
me sit up" if you li%e0because that mae t$ice0first ,atthe$s an no$0no$.
It $as rather isturbing" an I %no$ it souns silly" but I couln't help feeling to blame in some
vague $ay.
!ell" the next thing $as the inquest0I attene that" naturally" to %no$ $hat the poor unfortunate
$oman ha ie of. .f course" they brought it in as 2eath from natural causes"2 namely" several
burst bloovessels in the brain; but $hat pu<<le the octors $as $hat ha cause the 2natural
causes20also" she ha the same sort of mar% on her forehea as ,atthe$s ha ha. They ha gone
very thoroughly into the theory that she might have been expose to =)rays0it i loo% a bit li%e
that0but it $as more or less prove that she couln't have been" so they fran%ly gave it up. .f
course" it $as all very interesting an entertaining" an I quite en/oye it" as far as one can en/oy an
inquest" but they han't cleare up the vexe question0i she fall or $as she pu0$ell" ha she
snuffe it on account of the plait of hair" or ha she not1 .bviously the matter couln't be allo$e
to rest there0it $as much too thrilling. 7o I loo%e about for someone else to try it on an ecie
that a man $ho live in the house opposite $oul o beautifully. He $asn't as ba as the nurse
because he $asn't cruel0at least" not intentionally0he playe the file0so I ecie not to %ill
him more than I coul help.
The photograph $as rather a bother" because he in't go out much. #ou've no iea ho$ ifficult it
is to get a ecent full)face photograph of a man $ho %no$s you by sight $ithout him %no$ing.
Ho$ever" I manage to get one after a fortnight or so. It $as rather small an I ha to enlarge it" but
it $asn't ba consiering. He use to spen most of his evenings up in a top room practising" ouble
stopping an $hat)not0so after inner I $ent up to my $or%shop $ino$" $hich overloo%s his"
an $aite for him to begin. Then" $hen he' really $arme up to his /ob" I /ust touche the plait
across the photograph0not har" but0$ell" li%e you o $hen you are testing a bit of t$in flex to
fin out $hich $ire is $hich" you touch the ens across an accumulator or an H.T. battery. >uite
inefensible in theory" but invariably one in practice. 58ersonally" I al$ays use the electric light
mains0the require information is so instantly forthcoming.6 !ell" that's ho$ I touche the
photograph $ith the plait. The first time I i it my blo%e playe a $rong note. That $as nothing" of
course" so I i it again more slo$ly. This time there $as no oubt about it. He hastily put o$n his
file an hung out of the $ino$" gasping li%e a fish for about five minutes. I tell you" I $as so
surprise that I felt li%e oing the same.
Ho$ever" I pulle myself together" an $onere $hether one ought to burn the a0er0plait or
not. *ut there seeme too many possibilities in it for that0so I ecie to learn ho$ to use it
instea. It $oul ta%e too long to tell you all about my experiments. They laste for several months"
an I reuce the thing to such an exact science that I coul o anything from giving a gnat a
heaache to %illing a man. All this" min you" at the cost of one man" one $oman" lots of $oo)lice"
an a conscientious ob/ector. #ou must amit that that's pretty moerate" consiering $hat fun one
coul have ha $ith a iscovery of that %in.
!ell" it seeme to me that" no$ the control of my absent treatment ha been brought to such a
egree of accuracy" it $oul be rather a pity not to employ it in some practical $ay. In other $ors"
to ma%e a fortune quic%ly $ithout unue loss of life.
.ne coul" of course" $or% steaily through the people one isli%e" but it $ouln't bring in
anything for some time.
I mean" even if you insure them first you've got to $ait a year before they ie" or the company $on't
pay" an in any case it begins to loo% fishy after you've one it a fe$ times. Then I ha my great
iea9 !hy shouln't my process be applie to horse)racing1 All one ha to o $as to pic% some
outsier in a race0bac% it for all you $ere $orth at about &?? to &" an then see that it in't get
beaten.
The actual operation $oul be quite simple. .ne $oul only have to have a piece of car)boar
$ith photographs of all the runners stuc% on it0except the one that $as to $in" of course0an then
ta%e up a position giving a goo vie$ of the race.
I $asn't proposing to hurt any of the horses in the least. They $ere only going to get the lightest of
touches" /ust enough to give them a tire feeling" soon after the start. Then" if my horse in't seem
to have the race $ell in han near the finish" I coul give one more light treatment to any horse
$hich still loo%e angerous.
It stoo to reason that great care $oul have to be ta%en not to upset the tunning too much. @or
instance" if all the horses except one fell o$n" or even stoppe an began to gra<e" there $oul be
a chance of the race being eclare voi.
7o I ha t$o or three rehearsals. They $or%e perfectly. The last one harly $as a rehearsal because
I ha a tenner on at AA to &" /ust for luc%0an" of course" it came off.
Ho$ever" it $asn't as luc%y as it souns. Just outsie the entrance to the granstan there $as rather
a squash an" as I came a$ay I got surroune by four or five men $ho seeme to be pushing me
about a bit" but it in't stri%e me $hat the game $as until one of them got his han into the breast)
poc%et of my coat.
Then I naturally mae a grab at him an got him /ust above the elbo$ $ith both hans" an rove
his han still further into my poc%et. That naturally pushe the poc%et" $ith his han insie it" uner
my right arm" an I squee<e it against my ribs for all I $as $orth.
3o$" there $as nothing in that poc%et but the test tube $ith the plait of hair in it" an the moment I
starte squee<ing it $ent $ith a crunch. I'm a bit ha<y about the next minute because my light)
fingere frien trie to get free" an t$o of his pals helpe him by bashing me over the hea. They
$ere quite rough. In fact" they entere so heartily into the spirit of the thing that they $ent on oing
it until the police came up an collare them.
#ou shoul have seen that han $hen it i come out of my poc%et. 4ut to pieces" an bits of
bro%en glass stic%ing out all over it0li%e a crimson tipsy ca%e. He $as so ba that $e mae a call
at a octor's on the $ay to the police station for him to have a small artery tie up. There $as a cut
on the bac% of my hea that $ante a bit of attention" too. >uite a nice chap" the octor" but he $as
my unoing. He $as" $ithout oubt" the balest octor I've ever seen" though I once sa$ a baler
alerman.
!hen he' painte me $ith ioine" I retrieve the rest of the bro%en glass an the hair from the
bottom of my poc%et an as%e him if he coul give me an empty bottle to put it in. He sai9
24ertainly"2 an prouce one" an $e cor%e the hair up in it. !hen I got home" eventually" I
loo%e in the bottle" but apart from a little muy substance at the bottom it $as empty0the plait of
hair ha melte a$ay. Then I loo%e at the label on the bottle" an foun the name of a much)
avertise hair restorer.