MY LIFE IS

LIKE AN OPEN
DIARY (Mini Biography)
By Sweta Leena Panda


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U cant hide Truth, My life is like a open book even I dont
fear to tell truth . I believe U CANT HIDE THE TRUTH ,
U CANT MODIFY THE TRUTH , AS TRUTH IS ONE &
UNIQUE . U CANT DO ANYTHING WITH IT . If you wanna
know my life read my all articles fully. I hope u can get
whole idea about my life, my style. Everything about me.
ANYONE CAN SPREAD FAKE NEWS BUT NO ONE CANT
HIDE TRUTH. Anyone can frighten you through false issues
but no one can frighten you through truth. SO MY LIFE
MY PRINCIPLE IS LIVE LIFE LIKE DECENT WAY
WITHOUT FEAR

Please read whole article hope u all understand my life. My actual life
started from here. As I spend my important period here J please read
FULLY


Hello friends,
Now I gonna share my whole hostel career,
what are my mistakes & how I faced problems in my life, everything
I have written here. How I turn into matured girl form a fool &
stupid girl. I feel I have learnt many things from my life <Frankly
speaking >. The 5years is sufficient to learn what I could not learn
from my childhood days. But before blaming others I gonna tell what
are my faults. Because no one is perfect even if I also. So now I
gonna tell my faults then Ill tell about others & I have marked
people love to connect my name with everyone & blame me without
any reason. But sorry till now I have no boy friend or any love issue.
if you wanna know then read the whole article , hope u all
understand meneither in my school life nor in my present life but I
always fall in the controversy , I dont know why ? Why people love
to spread rumors about my name.? yeah, I am over serious about
my career & dream as I know very well in this world, if you have no
good name or no name in society then nobody will come to help you
even if nobody understand you what you want & what you can do. I
dont need anyone to make me famous, I need little support, I have
power to do everything by own but I need mental support. A little
support does not mean I use them for my self-propose. So how can
you take my every case in negative sense? I wanna get success but it
does not mean I LOVE TO USE OTHERS OR I WANNA SHOW MY
FAKE EMOTIONS LIKE LOVEsorry, I am not that kind of girl.
yeah, I love to make friendship even if I love to know about everyone
but it doesnt mean I can love everyoneI AM VERY SERIOUS
ABOUT THIS LOVE ISSUE & I CANT FALL IN LOVE SO EASILY.
YEAH, SOMETIMES I TAKE IT AS FUN PROPOSES BUT I DONT
TAKE IT GRANTED EVERY TIME LOVE IS A GREAT MEAN TO ME
& I RESPECT IT & BELIEVE IT SO MUCH

MY FAULTS

1) I talk very less
2) Most of the time I live alone
3) I give more importance to my dream & career then any
relation like friendship
4) Something which always hurts me like my childhood dream to
become a doctor. It makes me mentally weak. I cant forget my
failure & anything which hurt me a lot easily.
5) I always silent whatever the situation comes thats the
reason nobody can feel whats going inside me, I never clarify
anything.
6) Little bit jealous about my career.


So these are my faults . But I wanna rectify some of my nature,
as these things act as a hill in front of my success. I have no
problems with my family or with any of my family members , I love
to stay united & Big family , but I have problems with my friends,
but why ? Sometimes I ask this question to me, whats wrong with
me, why my relationship with my friends is not perfect. Yeah, its
true in todays world if you will be complicated & double face then
you will surely win this life race. Which I cant do, neither I can be
complicated nor double faced. Because I have seen the people who are
double face they have many friends with very good relations. It
astonished me, as I always make friendship truly, but I always fail to
keep. What comes in my heart I always tell, yeah, sometimes it also
rough type but I never like to tell lie or act as their well wiser. I
dont like show up. But for this I always lose my friends.
Sometimes I wanna change my nature & to follow that worst path
to get friends. But my heart says, its better to live with your
principle, if someone truly know you then they will stay with you.




NOW I GONNA START MY LIFE
STORY FROM THE BEGINNING



1991-2006


I born in 1991 in baripada in Orissa. That was a
stormy night, mean I born in the mind night 2o
clock, when the rain was raining heavily & no current
was there. I born in the tragedy time means rain was
raining heavily & even a stormy night. I have not
experienced: D what my parents & RELATIVES
describe me. Thats the reason People call me in
many names related to storm & rain blew :P I have
not one name I have 1000s of name if anyone go to
my village even in my family everyone call me in
different name. as I was the only girl child at that
time , so everyone love me even I also love everyone
Even my nick name is MAMUNI thats not given
by my parents yeah my parents call me MAMA,
MAMUNI name was given by our owner of the
house where my papa & mama were living in 1991 ,
the couple have 5 sons & no daughter , they want a
daughter as I was kid & even I was looking cute so
that also take me as their daughter & gave me a new
name MAMUNI & request my mom to keep this
name for life long , thats the reason now also my
nick name is MAMUNI , at that time my papa was
working in entrepreneur development job at first 1991
. That was a beautiful job but alas that company
forced to shut down due to some reason, my papa
was also a very well educated person. He was PASSED
IN MATHEMATICS HONORS in Banivihar
Bhubaneswar. He was the handsome hunk in his time.
He has participated many dramas,

MY PAPA WAS ACTING AS HERO IN HIS TIME - DRAMA IN PROTECT CHILD MARRIAGE
(BANIVIHAR - MATH HONORS TIME)

even I have the pics also and even he was in many
well positions in his college career. At that time
lectures have no demands even he didnt want to do
job under state government so he didnt join in
lecture jobs. he wanna do something different , he
had a different aim , he wanted to do MCA &
wanted to see himself in a good position .even he had
done the computer course , I am talking about 1988-
89 case , he was a brilliant student but
unfortunately he missed To join MCA so he bounded
to join in entrepreneur job , even at the age of 24+
he entered into responsibility life means he married
my mom , my mom married in my age 22 :P my
mom also well educated she was a ARTS student ,
she wanted to join in teacher job but due to family
pressure she couldnt as in our family married women
were not allowed to go outside for job. At that time
our family was conservative family. Specially my
grandpapa , as he was a landlord at that time. His
respect was greater for him. But after my birth 1991
after 5-6 months my papa got a job in central
government job means in Railway. at first he think
about give up but he joined for me, at first he had
no interest still he joined as in railway you will get
better payment even central government job even
many facilities are there thats the reason even he
didnt want he still join, he wanted I should get
better education, Even he has many expectations on
me. He wanted to see me a good person as well as a
well educated person. Thats the reason he tried his
best to give me good education, he can compromise
with his dress & his food but not with our (me &
my brother) education or dress or food. He sacrificed
many things for us. Which hurt me most of the time
what I gave him?

When I born some people also there who hated me at
that time as I was a girl child , of course that was
1991 time at that time also there was a difference
between boy child & girl child. But after I grow up
everyone started loving me due to my behavior &
personality. Even till my grand mamas death I even
never scolded by my parents as I was the soul of my
grandmamma, she loved me more than anyone else in
my family. Of course I was the only child at that
time in my family. Our family was a very small family
even one son generation family means my papa,
grandpapa & even his papa are the only son of their
parents. Even I proud that my family is a well
educated family. My grandpapa (My papas papa) was
an agriculture officer & my grandpapa (My mamas
papa) was a mathematic lecture. So in our family
education is the first priority .Thats the reason
when my grandparents saw my good performance in
my school they felt proud for me & having a
granddaughter first.

My school days performance were very good, even every teachers
loved me at that time.
MY PAST GOOD ACHIEVEMENTS - SOME I HV , SOME I BURNT !
https://www.facebook.com/sweta.panda/media_set?set
=a.483215735100658.1073741836.100002367085
874&type=3



I cant remind when I stood second in my class as
throughout my school life I stood first. My
performance was good throughout my school life, if
anyone wants ask anyone my parents or my relatives
or my past school teachers they can explain you
better than me Dont ask My friends please :P But
I am a super unlucky girl, I never go for any tuition,
my papa & mama was my teacher through out my
school career they guided me every time. If I got
success if I am fundamentally clear in my school life
due to my parents & their guidance. But tragedy
always occurs in the last moment & important
moment in my life. Nearly at the mid time in
10
th
board my grand papa falls in paralysis. actually he
had gone for 4 DHAMA -THIRTHA YATRA, due to
his heart attack he admitted in DELHI HOSPITAL &
After his treatment my papa came home with my
grandpapa who was a paralysis patient, it indirectly
harm my study as one side my relatives were coming
to see my grandpapa every time another side my
parents were busy in his service. I appeared my
10
th
board in too much disturbance. Finally I got 80%
in 10
th
that was real tragedy for me. As I my dream
was to secure more & even I have a dream college
where I actually wanna study. Due to so much
disturbance my papa decided to send me to hostel so
that I can read well there , I could study in
government but my papa send me to a privet college
as there I can get good education + good hostel with
all kinds of facilities even it will help me to become
self independent & become mature . KIIT is purely
secure for girls but sorry, not good for education
purpose. But he did not know my condition will be
worst there. I am responsible for my worst condition
, as that was my first hostel life so I take everyone
as my own , even I am very serious for my education
, I take everyone as my family that was my greatest
mistake I ever done at that time.

My hostel life is from
2007 2014



2006-2008

MY 12
th
COLLEGE LIFE:-


I was so much excited to stay in hostel, as I felt boring in my home.
Actually in my home & even if in our colony no one was in my age,
so most of time I felt boring. When I heard I am going to hostel I
planned many thing how Ill spend my hostel life, as there will be no
parents who will judge your works , so you can do anything. No one
will be there to scold you or beat you. I was so happy. After
reaching at hostel I made friendship with everyone, no doubt I was
little bit shy nature but I too love to make friendship & talk with
everyone. No doubt I choose one single room for myself, as from the
beginning I cant read in the crowd or where many people are
reading, so I choose a single room for study propose. every parents
came & they become astonished , how I chose to stay in a single
room , they also asked me many questions about this single room
means - why choose to stay here , you dont fear to stay alone ???
But I found one uncle was there who became so happy after looking
at me, he told me what you will do at night if you will fear or any
ghost will come <IN JOCK>, I think you are a brave girl. its good u
choose a single room , even if I also love to read in a single room ,
so in my PG TIME I CHOSE TO STAY IN A SINGLE ROOM &
AFTER THAT I GOT IAS so try your best to fulfill your dream. My
blessing is with you. his kind words brought tear in my eyes, as I
also came there with lots of hope & dream. I thanked him. Then my
time passed away, but I was very close with my side room, they
were like my roommate. most of the time I spend there , thats
why many times our lady attendance scold me a lot as during study
time I disturb my friends. At that time I was so curious to make
friendship & to know everything about them. Even if my friends are
also very co-operative. they also helped me a lot.nearly one yaer
passed . First year final exam time there was a girl in my section
,who was my bench mate , we always sit together, one day she told
me I couldnt stay with my roommates . She is disturbing me, can
I stay with you at least in exam time. Then I allowed her, as exam
time is very vital & how much I give importance to my exam that
much importance I give to others also. I believe her blindly & I
allowed to stay with me till exam end. She was a good student but
poor in mathematics & chemistry. My Prime work was to teach her
math & chemistry everyday. At least I gave my 3- 4 hours to teach
her & I also too love to teach others. In home also I teach my
brother & my younger brothers & sisters. I too love to teach
others. Days passed & at last my one year completed, after coming
from vacation we came to know that we have to change our hostel.
Actually at first we were staying outside hostel, after one year in
our campus our hostel work completed, our superintendent told us
to choose your room mate. at that time my bench mate told me ,
she wanna stay with me, as we are from one section even if I was
studious & she also , so she also need a girl like me & her roommate
also tortured her a lot. So I allow her & another girl was there
whom I loved so much, as she was very innocent. I love to talk with
her, so I chose her as my room mate. We were so happy in our new
hostel. According to their demand I gave that bed to stay, as I
know we have to stay one year together, so I was trying to manage
my room in a good way. My room was odd type, means sunlight was
not passing properly & I cant stay a room without sun light.
Seriously telling, as I was like a patient at that time. After coming
hostel means KIIT I could nt care my health , as it was my first
hostel life & I didnt know how to do my own work also, so I fall ill
most of the time & I was my own doctor. My papa had given me some
medicine to take when necessary, but I took as I want. So my
condition was very bad & second- light was not passing properly, my
bad luck. Alas, at least we have to spend one year there, so we try to
manage. My condition was totally worst; in day time also we have to
switch on the light because of me as no light was coming to my bad.
Still I managed. We were happy, but one day one case brook my heart.
one night one of my roommate whom I love so much , her condition
became so bad , she was vomiting so much & high fever , but when I
begged help to my other roommate she told me please dont call me
otherwise Ill vomited , so I clean the whole surface . no doubt it was
a painful experience because I also cant bear any kind of bad smell ,
but I had to as her condition was very bad & she was not in the
position to talk . so my whole night became sleepless , but in the next
morning when I was in bathroom she told my ill roommate that I
didnt call her, if I called her , then she could help her .so sorry for
that , I couldnt help you yesterday night even if I didnt know. But
my other roommate knew me very well as she was staying in my block
& I also loved her so much. So she didnt belive her words at first. No
doubt I didnt know about this matter, but one day I came to know
about all these cases. Days also passed, my condition became worst day
by day, finally I felt if Ill not tell my parents about my condition then
Ill die. As I was took medicine whenever I felt like fever & one time
came no medicine worked properly , at that time my condition was
really very worst I could nt sit properly & every time I was sleeping.
No doubt outside I was looking like healthy but inside i was dying. My
exam was also over my head, after coming to new hostel my health
became very worst, I couldnt concentrate on my study. Because most
of the time I was in sleeping condition. I usually sleep 6 hours but at
that time I nearly slept 10-11 hours. It really hurt me a lot, one side
my final BOARD EXAM & another side my MEDICAL ENTRANCE preparation. I was
trying to read but my condition was very bad , at first I could nt
understand what is going but after two month I felt , I am sleeping
due to my disease, which I didnt know. So I informed about this to
my parents, after coming from medical I was severely scolded by my
papa, as my condition was so bad & I didnt inform him. MY BLOOD-
PRESSURE WAS LOW & IT WAS THE PRELIMINARY STAGE OF ASTHMA & JAUNDICE,
AT A TIME BOTH. so my parents & my uncle didnt allow me to go
hostel, there for I stayed at my uncles home for 7 days but I had to
go hostel because of my monthly test & attendance . My main
problem was if Ill not attend the class then how I can understand
those. one side high power medicine & another side busy routine ( 7
AM 5 PM ) But I had no problem , I also slept in my class room,
no doubt I always sit in the first bench but when I felt sleepy I went
to the last branch & slept there. It was not my mistake, my high
power medicine side effect. One monthly test finish but I secured very
poor mark in every subject, especially math, where I never secured less
than 25 out of 30. in that monthly test I secured only 8 , I
remembered , how my mam scold me , even if she told me to leave
the class for this kind of number. as 1-2 times I had got the highest
mark in my class , mam though I am not reading properly , thats
why I got this kind of result , she also loved me lot. but it hurt me
a lot so I told her everything about my health , she also promised me
to teach me further. But all teachers were not like her. One side my
poor performance another side my bad health. Every day I woke up at
morning 6.30-45 & I went to my bad 8- 9so i didnt get time for
self study. But I always astonished one thing I didnt know who always
switch off my alarm, as to wake up early I set my alarm timing to 4
oclock AM . Even if I also told my roommate if anyone listen my
alarm bell please wake me, as I had to read. But everyday same
condition. My condition was totally terrible 2-3 months left for my
final board exam & I didnt touch most of the chapters of many
subjects . My condition became so poor; finally I decided not to take
medicine. As for that I sleep a lot. But one day one case further broke
my heart. It was nearly 4 oclock, I wake up. but I didnt want to
read as I felt sleepy & my eyes were closed , suddenly I felly someone
stood besides my bad , when I opened my eyes, I couldnt believe my
roommate whom I helped a lot , she changed my alarm timing & made
it 6oclock then switch off it. No words came from my mouth, I was
totally aback. Tear fall from my eyes, as I always felt I always switch
off my alarm in sleepy condition. Even if I also asked my roommates
about this matter they also told me you might have done this. As you
are always in sleeping mood. So I ways in this illustration that I switch
off my alarm everyday. But I was wrong. In that night I cried a lot. As
I couldnt tolerate cheating, this may be the first case of my life. I
woke up early nearly 6 oclock. It was new to my roommates, who
switch off the alarm she told me in a sweet tone how could you
woke up so early, OH MY SLEEPING BEAUTY . She told me in
Avery sweet voice, I couldnt believe how she talk with me in a very
sweet voice& how can she do like this with me. At first I fear to ask
her, as I dont wanna lose my friendship. But I had to, as it was
cheating, I can tolerate everything but NO CHEATING. So when I
asked her- she simply refused me. She told me I became mad, even she
told the same thing to my other roommate & others also. It hurt me
a lot, first of all she did the mistakes & telling before everyone- I
became mad. To save herself, she blamed me. I couldnt bear this. So
from day I decided to live alone, so I cover my bad with a screen so
that she couldnt see me even if disturb me, as she was very cleaver
she talked with me in study time, when I slept she started her
reading. I did this for many reasons-
1) She couldnt disturb me in study hour
2) She couldnt switch off my alarm.
As I cant change the room even if every time I couldnt quarrel for
one matter, so I decided its the best me to avoid the all problems.
But it hurt her a lot. She requests me many times, but once I cheated
from someone I could nt do the same mistake again. After one month
I went my home for study proposes then BOTH HOMEOPATHIC &
AYURVEDIC CURED MY DISEASE. Seriously telling
which allopathic could nt solve that homeopathic & ayurvedic could
solve. From that day I believe a lot in homeopathic, I choose these two
rather than allopathic medicine my one year completed, I hardly
read 1-2 month for my final board exam. It was my first terrific
situation, as I lose my health at that time. But thanks God, after
that day I never fall ill like that. Yeah, sometimes I fall in fever, its
normal. At least now my health condition is better than my previous
life.I left my college with many beautiful & worst memories. But I
had many beautiful memories I had a best friend & I had a sweet
roommate whom I really love so much. Yeah, competition was there,
but she was good. At least she did nt harm me, she also loved me a
lot, we both spend most of the time. I could nt forget her words
& the way she talk . Many good friends also there many funny
memories also there like one memory I wanna share here during my
first year I participated in comedy & Science exhibition. but
unfortunately which chemical was required for my science exhibition
that was very costly , very poison & no one wanna to give me even if
my partner also afraid , so she refused me to participate , but I was
very suborn , I told her by hook or crook Ill do this. So, I do it alone.
I was very tensed. As at that time everyone started for work for their
exhibition but I was in tensed how can I do this alone, even if that was
so costly? Finally I requested my chemistry lab sir to help me. He
helped me also at that time one girl was also there whose condition
was also like me, means her partner refused her to participate but she
wanted to participate. I felt god helped me, so we both stated work,
no doubt it was too last still we felt enjoy. Within one night we
arranged everything & next morning I had to perform in the stage &
science exhibition. No doubt I participate but when actually people came
to see my exhibition I was on the stage. It was a funny experience
also. As most of my friends prayed god when I went to stage to
perform, as they fear if I world started crying there <in fun, actually I
usually cry in a small matter. if anyone will laughed at me , Ill stop
there> but my performance was quite good, those people who
thought I couldnt speak , I speak in front of them. It was a good
experience.

2008 2010

This period is quit tough period for me as I cant get medical in first
chance, I have secured 5000 rank in MEDICAL & 12,000 engineering
in OJEE. So I decided to join in general education like +3 taking
ZOOLOGY HONORS , I took coaching + continuing my college , I cant
give much time for my college studies , 1
st
year entrance exam time I
got good rank near about 2000 but still its not enough as for
getting medical you need rank within 300 , due to reservation
system (ST +SC+OBC+HC) even I dont wanna be
dentist, I have two options either medical or zoology honors I never
think about engineering , seriously telling thats why I didnt have
any idea about future related to my career, so I faced lots of
problem at first in engineering. But its my bad psychology that I
dont like general education, so I tried for next time. but cant get
good marks in my college performance , I joined +3 but it just for
name , truth is I never show my interest there . 2
nd
time when I
gave medical I got good rank even got chance to read private medical
like HI-TECH , even call latter also came in my home but I was not
interested in join private college as its cost is very high near about
20 lakh whole 5 years ,even no guaranty whether I could be a good
doctor or not but can join in dental as many of my friends also
joined there but I dont wanna be dentist , I know its importance
but I wanna do something which will help me in future broad way ,
so for my future I gave me dental line too , now also I have my all
rank card , I can show u too . but another side I got good rank in
engineering , I got these marks based on Physics & chemistry , I got
5300 rank , actually I sit in math exam but couldnt solve as I fear if
Ill get rank in engineering then my papa will send me engineering
college which I didnt want even I was fully confident that Ill get
medical , even for the first time I did cheating in medical entrance
exam means I asked my bench partner ,which was my greatest
mistake, I ADMIT IT, I told all answer what I solved but what she
told all were wrong . But I wanna get medical by hook or by crook
so I choose this line without thinking any 2
nd
thought. But this is
the most stupid mistake I did ever in my life; believe a stranger in
entrance exam. My negative marking ruin my life, I got 1000 volt
shock at that time when I saw that. So from that day I never
believe anyone in exam time even I never ask any single question even
in monthly test too. True, even you can ask any of my friends. I
tell but I never ask. even I got good rank in OUAT ,I can be
veterinary doctor but not my choice , but some choices I missed by
chance like I got BIO TECH & BIO MEDICAL IN VIT & SRM but cant go as I waited
for my OJEE medical , I hope that at least I can get last rank. Alas
couldnt. But Bio technology was not my papas choice actually some
of our relatives advice him not to join in these branches as there is
no scope in India. Even we have no broad idea about engineering as I
am eldest one but my papa has knowledge in computer & IT sector.
So when I got result I already ruined my 2 years +3 career even
cant achieve well so I was not in the state to take any decision so
my papa took my whole decisions even I have faith on him. He also
forced me to join private medical but I didnt want because I didnt
know about my future in that field & huge money , if Ill invest all
money what my little brother will read . even I have no interest in
+3 at that time as I was fed off BIOLOGY CAREER , so I told my
papa to take right decision for me as I couldnt unable to take any
decision at that time, at that particular moment actually but in my
core I actually love biology I felt it after joining engineering . So I
joined in engineering after 2 years, my toughest time ever. But I
papa want I should join as I have got good college IIIT as it has name
in ALL INDIA BASIS (1
ST
IIT THEN NIT THEN IIIT )

I never told my engineering friends about +3 matter as I did nt want
my friends will laugh at me even that was a simple private college in
ROURKELA having no name , so I hide it among all . I HAVE
MY CERTIFICATE ALSO CONTINUING CERTIFICATE TOO.

THESE ARE NOT LIE , ALL ARE FACT EVEN I HAVE ALL RANK CARDS WITH ME TILL NOW TOO EXCEPT
SOME , WHICH I THROW .YOU CAN ASK ANYONE ALSO , BY THE WAY MY CERTIFICATE IS MY BETS
PROOF .


2010 - 2014

1ST YEAR ENGINEERING PIC


MY ENGINEERING CAREER

sometimes I feel my life is like a struggling path where I lost my
precious time to fulfill my dream , I lost my smile with in that, I
forget that in this world happy & enjoy like two
words exist. but alas , I cant getsometimes I ask my God , why
he has given me such kind of life where every time I face problems &
tolerate pain I always get one answer; it will make you a person
you always wish for BTW I WANNA GIVE A BIG THANKS TO MY
LORD FOR GIVING EVERYTHING WHAT I WANTED MAY BE
INDIRECTLY BUT HE HAD GIVEN ME
I entered in to engineering career with no hope, no doubt I entered
as I got a chance to read in government college & that also a good
college but I had no interest <frankly speaking > but it doesnt mean
my parents forced me to come here, it was my decision to come
here. My situation & my heart said to take this painful decision &
give up medical for forever. no doubt I gave up, but every time I
felt I missed something in my life, thats my inner pleasure / peace
what ever you can say . I wanna smile form my heart. As I was
tired, I couldnt cry more. I wanna be happy & wanna live a life as I
wish. sometimes I control my emotions & tell myself now I have one
way thats my present, I cant go to my past & cant repaired my
future further. thats why I have to concentrate, but I had another
problem I didnt like my branch <at first> , as I didnt have any
knowledge in computer . Yeah, I only knew how to play game except
this I didnt knew anything. I was purely a medical oriented student.
But unfortunately I didnt get.

1
ST
SEM

It was a new place , new hostel & new friends. I came late to my
hostel; it was nearly 5-6 oclock. I remembered, when I entered my
two roomies already came & they already finished their all work,
thanks god my aunt was there with me, she helped me to keep my
important assets in the right place. Night came I was so excited to
make friends as I was absent in the interaction time & I came late
also, after talking with my two roommate, I became so happy &
then I came to know that one of my roommate is from our area,
means not exact same place but it will take 2-3 hours in train. So
We planned to go home together, as I very much afraid to go home
alone. So I got a partner. Then we promised we will live together &
never quarrel, if there would be any confusion then tell directly,
dont hide anything, be open. We always try to manage everything.
But I was little close to one of my roommate who was from our
locality, as she also from Computer science branch, so I thought she
can help me in study. our days passed away , at that time I love
to make friendship with everyone & even if I also talked with
everyone in a very nice way, but sometimes I also offended by my
friends due to this medical reason. Some of my friends also criticize
me in a diff. way, as I didnt get medical. I have also tolerated many
mocking kind of words, still I was silent & I had friendship with
everyone. Even if most of the night our branch mates gather one of
my friends room that was our meeting place. where we share our
crazy memories , most of the time I share my ideas about biology,
no doubt I didnt get but I too love ZOOLOGY & EVEN IF I GOT HIGHEST MARK IN
THAT CHEPTER.. So I share my ideas that were a very fun time. Seriously
telling, I cant forget. Sometimes I wanna go back & repair my
mistakes but the bitter truth is no one can go back & its very
difficult to forget everything what was happened with me. I wanna
to start my friendship again but my heart says no!!!. I cant
tolerate more, I cant tolerate fake friendship. My heart always cries
but it doesnt sound.
Now I gonna start further where I ended, I was so happy at that
time. No doubt my career tension was always there, which hurt me
every time but it was manageable & another side slowly slowly my
friendship became deeper with my one roommate who was from my
area, even if I always took her as a sister, I also loved her so much
& I helped her a lot, but at that time my two roomies always
quarrel. They quarreled for stupid reasons. Actually one of my
roommates was not adjective & compromising nature, as it was her
first hostel life. I understand her, so they always quarrel in a small
matter & I became the mediator at that time. Whenever they
started quarrel I scold any one of them. My motto was maintaining
peace in my room & even if I want we should live like as we lived at
the first. I also tried my best, but my only fault was I neglect one
of my roommate, that was my biggest fault, as I was so close with
one of my roommate & forget about her, but I never hurt her
knowingly or unknowingly , even if her words were so rough , so I
didnt like to talk with her at first. My friendship was good with my
roommates, even if they <My two roommates> didnt talk with each
other at that time. I didnt know whats the problems arise /
happened? Whole scenario changed. Days passed, slowly we make a
gang, all are CSE & I WAS ONLY IT and I love my gang. It was
small Gang consists of 7 members including me at that time. We
share everything with each other. but one day there was disturbance
create between me & one of my friend <in that gang , with whom
my roommate was very close> , our friendship had no problem, it
was diff. problem which I too hate , she told me to do that. It was
the starting phase of misunderstanding between me & my friends,
but I had no mistakes. I refused her as I didnt want to spoil my
life; I know whats good & bad. They might be take it easy but how
can I take that, while that thing related to my life. How can I take
any decision blindly? Thats why my roommate also little bit angry
upon me. But Its TRUE in my life I give so much importance to
friendship but it doesnt mean I agree with their words or listen
their all words. From the beginning I cant believe anyone blindly
except my parents. That was the starting problem with my
roommate & one of my friends who was close to my roommate &
was her bench mate. Then time passed, still I tried to keep my
friendship & wanna try to solve one problem. But its my general
problem, while solving one problem I always create another problem. I
did the mistakes, for which now also I am suffering. To keep my
friendship I made a plan how to overcome the problem, I told lie
before everyone that I love someone & made a different story before
that, so that they will not convince me about any boy matter. As I
too hate any love story at that time. But I didnt know my one lie
can created so many problems. I took one of my friend names, I
knew he was very good, so I told his name before everyone & I was
sure that he has a girl friend. So at first to show my friends I keep
my friendship with him through social media like FACEBOOK, but I
didnt know he had no girl friend, actually he told me lie at that
time, but after few days I came to know the whole story. So I stop
my whole drama there, even if I was very offended at that time.
Which I cant forget.

2
nd
SEM

Then my life passed. I love one of my roommate ,so I couldnt see if
anyone insult her & I couldnt keep anything inside me , so one day I
asked one of my friends , why she insult my roommate which hurt
me a lot, thats why I stop talking with her. I told her not to
behave like rudely. She told this thing to my roommate, but I didnt
know what she listen or what she thought but after listening this
from her she stared scolding me without any reason. Actually I also
couldnt understand why she was scolding me; I was also upset at
that day as my math performance was poor & my teacher also scold
me for that. I also didnt control my anger I also scold her, as she
was scolding me unnecessarily. I requested my friend not to behave
with her rudely, whats wrong I had done. I dont think so, I had
done anything wrong. What I think right, I did that. That day her
words, touched my heart, as for her I had tolerate a lot, even if I
neglect one of my roommate. As she felt alone, I gave me company.
Finally she scold me without any reason. That was the staring
breaking point of our friendship. This is true that she is more
jealous. Its the true, I had marked. one case hurt me a lot in my
first semester exam time I couldnt understand a small chapter of a
subject & I requested her to clarify my small doubts. She knew but
she refused me, which hurt me a lot. I felt whom I helped & why.
She was so ----- , I had no words when she refuses me & that also
before that exam day. That day, I could realize my biggest mistake
why I gave her much importance in my life. Why I helped her &
loved her as sister. I could realize my all mistakes. But after that
also we keep our friendship, it was not like before. As she already
got a friend from her branch, she was in our block & our gang. She
also from her area & she also very helping nature girl. I really love
her as I knew she really know how to maintain the friendship, no
doubt my friendship broke because of some misunderstanding & that
also for a stupid reason . She knew me very well. I love her , but
alas our friendship broke, For which I wanna slap on my face now ,
because problem was created by me ,as I always love to make fun &
I didnt take anything serious at that time. But my roommate is
not that much trusted worthy. How much I know, no doubt she talk
very nicely & even if she always want everyone should love her & she
maintain a very good image before everyone. But she is totally
complicated because now my condition is because for her . How can I
forget my all memories? I dont wanna remember that once
again. No doubt it was my roommate case, still it manageable but
my real my problematic life started from second semester, actually it
also due to my stupidity & my own fault.

My great fault was I made friendship with and a guy who really
dont deserve, who spoiled my half career. It was not a love issue,
he was my friend. Making friendship with him was my great mistake,
for which now also I am suffering. No doubt at first I REALLY TOO
HATE HIM. Whenever I online in Face book, he always
send HI message, so every time I offline him. One day I became so
angry & told my roommate that he is from your branch, right???
Then talk with him. Every time he is ending HI, but I cant replay
him. Seriously telling, I too hate such kind of guy, WHO LOVE TO
SHOW UP. AS HE WAS VERY FAMOUS IN OUR COLLEGE FOR
HIS BRAND SHOW UP, HE SHOW UP THAT HE WAS FROM A
VERY RICH FAMILY. HA! I really too hate such kind of guys, then
my roommate laughed & told dont worry, talk with him, he is not
a bad guy, yaar. He love to show up & little bit proudly but he is
good & helping nature. He is not a bad guy, you can talk. Then I
send him HELLO. Then we started our talking, but after talking
with him. I felt he is good, he was very funny. Then whenever I
came face book we chart, it was just general. What u ate in
canteen, how much??? He also elaborate how much he had eaten, it
was just like a friendship. Then one day he told me you know boys
are laughing at you & called you crazy, he told me the reason & told
me to rectify that nature. I also keep his words & tried to rectify.
He was very open & good. So I never felt anything wrong, he always
told me my all bad nature, whenever he heard anything wrong about
me in hostel. He told me first & always suggested me to rectify, he
was just like my guide. No doubt he may bad for others but he was
very good for me as he always tried to rectify my nature. but some
of my gang mates told me not to make deep friendship with him ,
but I didnt know why , I also asked them but they told me
whatever they are telling , thats good for me. They dont want to
see me in problem & sad, thats why they are telling. But I couldnt
understand. I didnt listen & ignore their words, I told them we are
just friends in social media, so dont worry. No bout we were staying
in one campus but we never talked with each other front to front,
our conversation was through social media. Its funny but true. I
LIKE HIS ONE QUALITY MOST- he was a very good writer, he had
a blog where he had described the beauty of his lover, whom he
loved so much, she was from our college. How he met & everything.
When I read, I became speechless; he was a very good writer. I also
comment there to write more & our next IIIT - chetan bhagat . HIS
BLOG NAME WAS MY LIFE MY WAY where he had written all
things about his love life whom he loved so much, she was from our
college & his branch. It also inspired me to write in blog, no doubt I
also wrote & I too love to write also, but I wrote in my diary, I
didnt know about blog & website. But from him I came to know
how to write in blog, it also inspired me. He become my inspiration
not my competitor, I only follow him, but my motto was not to do
any kind of competition with him. Seriously telling. He was my
friend, not a competitor. But I didnt know this friendship will take
my friends & career. I just make simple friendship, how a girl make
friendship with a boy but it became a big issue in my case. I didnt
know whats wrong with me, why my friends behave so rudelymy
actual problematic life started here.

His lover & her girlfriend gang is the main culprit. Actually they
spoiled my name, I just made a friendship with him but they spread
like I am his girl friend. Even if they behave so rudely with me, I
lost my maximum friends even if my character, but it astonished me
WHOM HE PROPOSED & FOR WHOM MY FRIEND WAS CRAZY THAT GIRL HAD A BOY FRIEND THATS
THE REASON SHE REFUSED HIM. BUT WHEN I MAKE FRIENDSHIP, SHE BECAME SO
JEALOUS. I really couldnt understand the chemistry. Whats going
here? I lost many of my friends for that guy, but we have no deep
friendship in real life ! We had friendship in social media. But we
never ever talked with each other in real life. But it made me angry
when they spoiled my character; they spread many kinds of rumors
about me. At that time I realize why my friends were telling me to
break friendship with him. One time came when I had no friends, as
they had a large gang & before them I am nothing. So everyone
behave me as I am a prisoner. I had done a crime. But what was my
fault. It made me cry, without any fault I suffered a lot. One side
my study , my dream & another side this stupid things. Which made
me crazy & I had also no friends. I couldnt understand whats wrong
with me. Even if one time came I felt its unbearable I thought to
break my friendship with him. still , they didnt stop their mouth,
one side my career , I wanna be A 9 POINTER , AS I HAD TO
CHANGE MY BARNCH , EVEN IF I ALSO TOLD MY TAECHER
ABOUT THIS. But in this situation it was impossible to study.
Seriously telling, sometimes I felt its so stupid reason. But this stupid
reason took my friends & my career. no doubt I didnt perform well in
my first sem as I took time to set up my mind for engineering &
many times I tried to forget my past but some of my friends
criticizing words make me worry further. my second sem performance
became too bad , FURTHER MY DREAM BECAME LIKE DREAM , I WANNA CHANGE MY BRANCH ,
ALAS. I COULDNT BUT ONE THING HURT ME A LOT WHEN THE RESULT DECLARED MY FRIENDS
LOVER & HER FRIENDS SPREAD ALL KIND RUMORS & TRIED TO SPOIL MY CHARACTER .. SHE UPDATE ONE
STATUS 1
ST
IMPRESSION IS NOT ALWAYS THE LAST IMPRESSION , AT THAT TIME I CAME TO KNOW
THAT IT WAS JUST LIKE A SOLID PLAN, AS SHE HAD A BOY FRIEND , SO WHY SHE FELT JEALOUS ,
EVEN IF I NEVER HURT HER. IT ALSO JUST A FRIENDSHIP MATTER NO LOVE ISSUE I HAD NEVER
DONE ANY KIND OF WRONG THING, EVEN IF I NEVER HURT ANYONE. STILL THEN THEY HURT ME &
SCOLDING ME. I TRIED FROM MY SIDE TO CONVINCE THEM THAT WE ARE JUST FRIENDS. NOW I FELT
IT WAS MY MISTAKES I TAKE THEIR WORDS IN MY HEART & SPOILED MY PRECIOUS TIME IN
WORRYING. NO DOUBT WHEN I REALIZED THEIR PLAN SUCCESS AT THAT TIME NOTHING WAS IN MY
HAND. I WAS SPOILED. I ALSO REQUESTED MY FRIENDS <THAT BOY> TO TELL HIS FRIENDS THAT
WHAT THEY ARE THINKING & TELLING ALL ARE WRONG. I ALSO REQUESTED HIM A LOT. BUT I GOT ONE
ANSWER EVERY TIME YOU CRAZY GIRL, JUST GET OUT I BECOME ASTONISHED I BEGGED HELP TO
CLARIFY HIS FRIENDS DOUBT, AS THEY ARE SCOLDING ME & BECAME MY GREAT ENEMY. IT HURT ME
A LOT. WHEN I BEGGED HELP NO ONE WAS THERE TO HELP ME , EVEN IF MY THAT FRIEND FOR WHOM
I FACED SO MUCH PROBLEM I REALIZED MY ALL MISTAKES WITH WHOM I MADE MY FRIENDSHIP
THIS ISSUE SPREAD ALL OVER MY COLLEGE BUT ALL WERE FALSE. Even if they also
hacked my one face book account & mobile . When I begged help no
one helped me, as I had no knowledge in computer & that also on
hacking. At that time I promised to myself one day Ill show that
what I can do , where they refused me to help. These words may
seems like nothing or funny , but how & what I suffered I know &
how much it was painful ?? Can u imagine when nobody talk with
you or scold you or behave you rudely for a stupid reason? How you
feel at that time, when your became your great enemy, try to spoil
your career, till now also I cant understand what was my fault or
they had done this just for fun or I was their entertainment
particle . HOW A PERSON CAN TOLERATE THIS, BUT
I TOLERATE WITHOUT HAVING ANY FAULT

After that, I decided not to talk with anyone, as without any
reason they became my enemy . At that time my condition became
so worst, not only in my room but in college everywhere I heard
badly comments. It may give them pleasure but no one could
understand my mental condition. one side I was so depressed for my
dream , another side these bad issues , where I had no fault & third
I fail to fulfill my another dreamI became like a stone, but it gave
them too pleasure to mock me, whatever I wear , whatever I do , in
everything they started to comments me. No doubt at that time I
broke my friendship, still they never left me alone to live a peaceful
life. Every time I was in painful state my life was become just like
hell, even if they knew my weak points. I WAS VERY SERIOUS FOR MY STUDY,
EVEN IF THEY KNEW HOW MUCH TIME I WAS GIVING TO MY STUDY, WHEN I ENTERED INTO MY
ENGINEERING. I LABOR HARD TO GET GOOD MARKS & WANNA CHANGE MY BRANCH. BUT I FAILED
BECAUSE THESE STUPID CASES, WHERE I HAD NO FAULT. ONE AFTER ONE I FAILED TO FULFILL MY
DREAM. IT BROKE ME INSIDE after 2
nd
semester I was just like deaf &
mute... I stop talking with everyone, as I knew I couldnt change my
branch & what Ill give answers to my parents. How Ill tell, what
situations here I am facing & I always hurting them. one side I
didnt get medical another side my performance was so bad here.
how can I face my family members , what answer I will give
them???. It hurt me inside & 2
nd
roommate issue. No doubt I was
silent but my roommate whom I neglect she got a golden
opportunity to comments me & in my block all are belongs to her
branch. From my branch very few girls were there. No one was there
to support me. Neither I got ny kind of support from my block, nor
roommate / college. Every time I felt like I am dying, I couldnt
tolerate their words, it hurt me inside. no doubt it made me weak
inside, but I didnt wanna spoil my life for them , so I changed my
mind & wanna change my life further. So I stopped talking with
everyone & concentrate on my future. At that time no one was
there with me to talk so, I gave maximum time in social media to
get friends & I started writing. Whatever comes in my mind & all
sorts of frustrations, I shared in my blog in the form of poem. For
that reason, I started my writing & now it became my love, now I
am very much habituated with this. I cant think my life without
writing, as it was my best friend when I had no one. So I love my
writing. I create group for STOP CHILD LABOR. I just wanna change
my life further & wanna forget everything. I felt like a prison, I had
a very few friends nearly 2-3 friends. That previous gang who
suggest me not make deep friendship with him. I felt now
everything over, no doubt another side my friend was trying his best
to spoil my name , as I cut off my friendship I REALLY TOO HATE HIM NOT
BECAUSE HE DIDNT HELP ME IN MY WORST TIME; I HATE HIM AS HE WAS ALSO INVOLVED IN ALL
THESE MATTER. HE ALSO DESTROY MY CHARACTER, IT ASTONISHED ME. IT HURT ME MORE WHEN HE
RELATES MY CHARACTER WITH A BAD MOVIE WITH A BAD CHARACTER. HE KNEW
MY GREAT WEAKNESS IS MY CHARACTER. EVEN IF HE KNOW EVERYTHING, HE DID THAT WHAT
IRRITATES ME . WHICH NOT ONLY MADE ME ANGRY BUT ALSO CREATED HATE-NESS FOR HIM.

My 3
rd
SEM

this is very important time for me , as I knew I cant change my
branch so I have to stay with it & I have to do better here . I
knew its quite difficult for me as I had no knowledge in computer
even if I didnt like that, but I have to. One side my study another
side I had no friends. Felling so alone, at that time my social media
became my friend. I started writing; at first I had no blog so I
wrote poems in face book & my pages. This time I started my
group STOP CHILD LABOR & even if its page also. I worked actively
there. As from the beginning my motto was to do something for
others. I choose small children as I too love them. So I always post
related child labor & other good cause. Slowly I make some outsider
friends. I feel little bit better as I got some friends through this,
even if mentally I felt relax. Social media not only helped me to get
some friends but also helped to show my inner strength &
knowledge. After some days through face book I met two people who
are FOUNDER OF ----... I really wanna make friendship with them as
they are doing for a good cause. They were from IITS & even if they
are very good people. I tried to help them how much I can, there
was an online voting for their works and I tried to convenience my
friends to vote them. I helped them for no reason, as I know they
are doing good things. They wanna change some lives. So I always
help them unconditionally .when I feel it can help many people, I
help how much I can, I am not a big celebrity / any great
personality or I have no such man power, still I always give my hands
to them who need me. No matter how hard it is , I always help
how much I can. so I wanna make friendship with them as my motto
was I also wanna do something for my society , so I need some good
people for this & their advices . but these things my friends could
not tolerate as they knew very well if Ill proceed my friendship &
if Ill success there then they will feel shame & their all plans will
be failed to see me down. They couldnt tolerate me thats the
main reason, thats why they further started their new planning how
to break me further. Here my friend for whom these all cases
happened with mehe played a great role & his gang peoples not
only they but also some of our seniors & some of my close friends
also. They created such situations & conditions which forced me to
stop making friendship with them. I knew they are very high
positions & I am nothing before them, still I hope for the best. I
hope I can get some help from them in my future life, as I wanna
do something for my society , so they can advice me or help me in
this matter. As my motto was to do something for my society. As
they were also doing for their society. But this time also I failed to
to do something good. My friends spoiled my one semester & spoiled
my character totally. Even if they didnt know how much it hurt
me. They spread false rumors everywhere. Even if I lost some of my
good friends from my school life & college life. But this case helped
me to know who really loves me & who is not. Whom I take as my
best friend & as a sister. she also broke her friendship with me. I
didnt know , what she heard about me. But she didnt ask me once
before breaking her friendship. I also astonished why she cut off our
friendship. Means no doubt we didnt quarrel but her all activities
showed that its just like no relations between us. I took her as a
sister, even if she also beat me & scold me in my12th college life. I
tolerated everything as I love her too much. But when she left me,
it hurt me a lot. Not only she but also many of my friends. I
couldnt understand whats my fault, what I have done & WHO IS
CREATING SUCH CONDITION. WHO IS TRYING TO SEPARATE ME FROM MY FRIENDS? Everyone
was busy in blaming me & everyone blaming me for a stupid reason.
They were believing those people who really wanna spoiled me. He
<my friend> also told me in message he will ruin my life. I couldnt
forget his words, but what was my fault, no doubt I broke it. I
think I had done well but it was too late. I learn one thing from my
life, before making any friend think twice, at least dont make such
kind of friend who knowingly separate your all friends & make you
alone. I too hate to live alone but now I am habituated with this
life. Now I really dont need any friends. My worst time told me
that I had no friends. If they were my friends then they would ask
me what had happened. At least before listing others they at least
ask me is it true? Sorry, no one asked me, which hurt me a lot. I
was just like stone. At last I decided to cut off my friendship with
all boys neither in college or any social media friends. I became silent
& concentrate on my study & writing.

My 4
th
SEM

I tried to concentrate on my study & show my every frustration
through my writings. Whatever I wanna say I wrote in my blog. Btw
I had no friends with whom I can talk & share my feelings. Even if I
too hate to make friendship with anyone or I couldnt believe
anyone. As I tolerate a lot. One side my roommate problems &
another side my own problem. Everyone just behave like I was a
beggar. Slowly I became too alone. I felt this is a better life. as
they already ruined my 3 semester , but this time I didnt want to
ruin , so I tried to forget all friendship & all cases . As these
things always hurt me, break me inside. I really started my study
from my 4
th
sem. because from 1
nd
sem end to 3
rd
sem end , my
time was so bad , I couldnt concentrate on my study. I always tried
to engage myself either in writing or in study or in social media. But
this time I cut my friendship with all. Even if I didnt chart with
anyone in social media also. Seriously telling I may come face book or
any social media but I never chart, yeah, I message. But now I really
fear to make friendship with anyone, as I dont wanna spoil my name
& career.

But still people believe that rumor that I love my friend or he love
me. Truth is I wanna take revenge but he spoiled me btw he had a
girl friend & even if he also love another girl. I have proof also, so
how can he love me. Whom he took as his best friend her really a
very good girl. I really like her & I know she is the only girl who can
change his all bad nature. She also likes him. So why I come between
them, but I know very well he will ruin my life. But till now I
couldnt understand what was my mistakes. yeah , I had done only
one mistake that is I told his secrets & scold his friends <GIRL FRIENDS ,
INCLUDING HIS LOVER , SORRY DONT BE CONFUSE BETWEEN HIS LOVER & BEST FRIEND , HIS BEST
FRIEND IS BEST GIRL NOT HIS LOVER , AS SHE ALSO INVOLVED IN THIS MATTER. SHE ALSO RUINED
MY LIFE. BUT HIS BEST FRIEND NEVER TOLD ME ANYTHING.SHE MAYNT TALK WITH ME BUT NEVER
TOLD ANYTHING BAD ABOUT ME OR NOT INVOLVED IN THIS MATTER. SO HOW CAN I TELL HER, SHE IS
BAD>. So how can I leave him? But I didnt know for this I had not
suffered a lot & for this I lost my all friends. Till now also my
friends join his name with me. It really irritated me, either he or
my friend. Who is a good guy, but one sentence break our friendship.
Even if I have decide not to make further friendship with him, as he
told me one lie. I couldnt forgive him. But this is true he is a good
guy, he never spoiled my name or he never told anything lie about
me. So I heartily want he should get a girl whom he wanted, his life
will be beautiful like before. But I dont wanna make friendship
further. But I cant forgive those who ruined my career & character
without any reason.

MY 5
th
SEM

I was totally changed, I didnt like before. I was silent. At that time
further room shift. But my roommate didnt want to stay with me
so they told me to choose a new roommate but where I can go. So I
told mama that where she will give I am ready to stay there. But
when they didnt get any 3
rd
roommate they further told me to
stay with them. I also agree as I stayed 2 years with them. Yeah,
we had problems but I never behave them wrongly, but how can a
person tolerate everything; seriously I couldnt tolerate their
comments. Which hurt me inside every time? It killed me. So
sometimes I showed my frustration but it doesnt mean I
unnecessarily scold them or behave them rudely. I never did such kind
of things. Frankly speaking. But during room change time they told
me they have decided to stay middle bad, but this time I refused
them. As I cant agree with their all words. Even if they also
capture my bad last 2 years but I never told anything to anyone.
While I choose middle bad this time they told me to chose another.
So I didnt listen but I didnt know for this I have to pay a lot.
Before shifting night they forced to change the room, but at that
time all room wren allotted, where I can go. I request them a lot
also. But they didnt listen they told me they couldnt see my face
even if they couldnt live with me. They didnt know where Ill go
but I cant stay with them. Even if they told me I can stay with
juniors as I love my juniors. They scold me a lot. No doubt that
night I cried a lot. May be the first time I torture a lot as a
roommate. Next day I didnt think anything I changed my room &
stayed in the middle bad, as I tolerate a lot their words &
behaviors. This time I became just like stone & stubborn. I was in
angry mood. As without any fault all are trying to show their
dominating power over me. so I changed my respective room but
that day I heard such kind of words which I never heard from my
parents or any of my friends till now. But I was silent. I act as I
slept & I couldnt hear anything. She didnt wanna stay in that side
as one side the electric board was break & another side the wall was
dirty & I already cleaned my side. From that day I decide Ill not
afraid anyone, as my fear is their great strength. So I make myself
strong & I do my work. I didnt fear & concentrate my study. But
this time I also didnt fear & I had no everyones weak point so if
anyone tell me anyone bad, I also indirectly hurt them using their
secret. As this time I thought if Ill be silent then Ill die one day.
As they had no heart. Then in social media I meet with SIR CORY
BOOKER...his inspiring thoughts & words inspired me a lot. He is the
first person who helped me a lot through his wisdom words. So I
always took him as a great mentor. He was & will be. After that I
meet with other people but he was the first person whose inspiring
words helped me a lot. Then my changed a lot & now I feel I am
not that previous sweat Lena panda, who fear everything & even if
no voice. Now I dont fear to anyone & has power to fulfill my
dream. Now also I am so much emotional like before. I have a dream
& I have to fulfill its & I dont care what other people are telling
about me.

Even if my friends also hacked my mobile, whatever I talk with my
parents or anyone, they hear everything. So I have also no privacy,
thats the reason why I fear to tell anything to my parents. If I
cant tell anything to my parents or friends. At last what I can do,
I can do only one thing. Ill write everything & post it in public. So
here I have no fault, its the fault of my friends they forced to
write everything in public. As I cant store my anger, I wanna flush
out. So I flush out through my writings.

So here I have written everything about me. So hope you all get the
root of rumors, hope you all believe me. Even if I had not any love
issue from my childhood days, yeah, I need people to help me. Even
if I love to make friendship with everyone. But when I seriously fall
in love Ill surely tell before the world. I promise. Because when Ill
tell at that time I have proof also. Because I cant believe anyone &
their words blindly. I believe everything when there is any proof. So
if you have any doubt, you can ask any of my 12
th
class college
friends about my 12
th
class college life, hope you all can truth from
them. Even if, if u ask my engineering friends hope you can get some
information. But I dont think you can get all information. As all are
like my enemy & no one is my good friend here. No one can tolerate
me. I am not a brilliant student but I am not so poor also. I can do
well if I can get better environment for read or if I can get peace.
My friends have problem is that they want if I am writing I should
nt concentrate on study. They could nt tolerate this. This is the
bitter truth, thats the reason they always depress my mind before
exam. If I get bad marks they laugh at me. But they dont know
they are the main reason behind my failure. I have aloe seen many of
my friends whom I take as my good friends how they behave me, no
one is perfect in friendship here. Everyone is busy to down you,
everyone is busy to spoil your name & character. How can
you believe anyone here. Sorry, now its a very difficult task
to believe anyone blindly. Seriously telling. As I suffered a lot &
cheated a lot.

MY 7th & 8th SEM life is little better than other semestars as i left my block
& stayed at Junior block . There got little mental peace than before but
there also my i tortured by few of my juniors ,as they take advantage of my
bad life .

BUT I WONDER IT'S OK , IF MY FRIENDS FEEL JEALOUS WHAT'S THE REASON
WHY MY JUNIORS FEEL JEALOUS ???

IT'S ALWAYS QUESTION MARK IN MY LIFE?
WHY WITH ME?
AM I UNIQUE?

I WANNA SHOW MY GRATITUDE TOWARDS MY COLLEGE & MY ALL TEACHERS
FOR THEIR SUPPORT , MY COLLEGE IS NOT INCLUDE FOR MY PAINFUL &
FAILURE LIFE. SO PLEASE DON'T BLAME MY COLLEGE . I LOVE MY COLLEGE BUT
NOT MY FRIENDS WHO ARE THE SPOILER OF MY LIFE.

HOPE U ALL UNDERSTANDS ME &
THE REASON BEHIND MY CHANGE.

HOPE U ALL HAVE PATIENCE TO READ SUCH A LONG STORY...THANKS A LOT FOR READING THIS...IF YOU
WANNA KNOW ABOUT ME THEN READ IT COMPLETELY ...AS MAJOR PART OF MY LIFE SPEND HERE - 7
YEARS HOSTEL LIFE ... SO HOPE U ALL UNDERSTAND ME & MY PERSONALITY .

I HAVE WRITTEN THIS AS MANY PEOPLE TAKE ME IN A WRONG WAY DUE TO MANY RUMORS IN MY NAME ,
SO I FORCED TO WRITE THIS . I WANT PEOPLE SHOULD HATE AFTER KNOWING THE ACTUAL TRUTH NOT
BUT FALSE ... I CAN'T TOLERATE THE FALSE RUMORS ABOUT ME . HATE ME AFTER KNOWING MY TRUTH , I
CAN TOLERATE THAT !